I never understood why this is such a big deal. Mom kept her name, and they will be married 24 years this August. Having respect for you parent is also great thing
As a divorce lawyer and someone with interest in the social science aspects of marriage, I have a working theory for why the tradition exists: 1. To unify the spouses. Although it seems like women are more invested in monogamy during the early parts of relationships, women are more than twice as likely to be the person to request a divorce. The ability to put your marriage above and before all other relationships is called a "marital coalition" in the psych literature, and it's a strong predictor of success in marriage. So women take the last names instead of men to help unify them with their husband. 2. To incentivize men to stay involved. Men are more likely to abandon responsibility for kids, and my on-the-ground observation in family court says women are also far less willing to share kids with their exes than men are. Also, there's almost never a question about who the biological mother of children is. That question is fairly frequent in Family Court. Having the family take on the man's name causes children's names to be the man's name, so there's connection of the children to the man.
I retained my surname. My Grandfather asked me to keep it & I'm not going to break a death bed promise. It's also the first gift my parents gave me other than life. My husband knew this long before we married. Been married 32 years & still feel very married.
@@averyquinn797 you can just give your kid both last names, that’s what my parents did with me haha. I am from Argentina tho, culture must be different in the US because here is not common to change your last name for your husband’s; you ad his last name to your hole name or you keep yours as it is.
His tone of voice is disarming… which is why he’s so good to speaking with feminists. They hear his calm & soothing voice & don’t realize he’s about to point out how flawed their ideology is.
Silly immature girls, they are too dumb to realise they are refusing to take a man's name, their husband's, in preference to keeping another man's name, their father's, and they think they have principles. Dumb women do not realise how politely they get treated by men.
@@ja.mck.8626 Courtesy is not necessarily deceptive, nor is discretion superficiality. There is no real benefit to steamrolling someone in a conversation.
tbf i can understand where they’re coming from. my father has multiple kids so i don’t have to worry about the family name “running out,” but i do understand that giving up your last name feels like you’re giving up a piece of you. i’ve talked to my boyfriend about it, and although i want his last name one day i told him straight up i want us both to just hyphenate our names. i want us both to have each others last names, his before mine of course, but how i see it we’re both hispanic and that’s usually how it goes with hispanics anyways.
@Spam Account still weird, howbit should be is you take his last name. That's it. I gave up my last name no problem cause it's not that big a deal given what i got in return. I got a spouse and a new name, my husband's name, and I'm proud of it.
@@NoneYaBusiness again, i am hispanic. idk about you, but i actually like my culture. as a puerto rican, all of us have two last names. my great grandmothers maiden last name was figueroa, her husband’s last name was avila. growing up i always heard her name as sixta avila, but that’s because i grew up mostly in the states. her papers all say sixta avila-figueroa because that is how the culture works over there. i doubt he picked up her last name (can’t say for sure, he died when i was a baby), but as a woman it’s still apart of my culture to keep mine and just add his. since i live in the states, i think it would be best if we both did it because i want us to both to have the same last names on paper. i want to honor my culture and honor my fathers last name, and if my man is ok with it then he’ll do it for me.
@@ChrisGuerra31 maybe it doesn’t matter to you, but it matters to me. i couldn’t have a father growing up because of my mother, but i get to have him now. i love him and i love my name. i’m hispanic and as a woman it’s apart of my culture to take my husbands name without dropping my own. you can read my above comment about it, but the fact is my father gave me my name. i’m fine with changing it, what i’m not fine with is completely dropping a part of my name when the women of my own culture don’t.
As someone married to a Spanish national I see this argument as very short-sighted. Not every country has the custom of the woman taking on her husbands name........
I agree with you on this one. Like sure, I get the point where feminists overcorrect and want to abolish all tradition in the name od independence but like... this is not the biggest issue.
My mother did not take my dad’s last name and it had nothing to do about her feelings and simply because she didn’t like it. I don’t have neither my mother’s last name nor my dad’s. He isn’t happy but everyone else is and I’m incredibly thankful my mother did not let him put a last name that means executioner on me as a kid. Personally I would take my husband’s name but not make it my last and I would love for him to take mine before his last name because I think it’s romantic. And my kids will get both parents last name because a family name is about both mom and dad. Everyone is happy that way.
@@Carolina-rd3gh That’s a terrible disservice to your husband and kids. It’s vital for a family to have the same last name, no matter what the name is. It’s important for easily recognizing the connections between them, and it’s very important for official legal documents so that there’s no confusion of authorities by making them investigate further, thereby delaying any legal processes.
My husband gave me a plaque that he recieved from his father... on our wedding day: You got it from your father, it was all he had to give. So it's yours to use and cherish for as long as you may live. If you lose the watch he gave you, it can always be replaced. But a black mark on your name, son, can never be erased. It was clean the day you took it, and a worthy name to bear, when he got it from his father, there was no dishonor there. So make sure you guard it wisely, after all is said and done. You'll be glad the name is spotless when you give it to your son. When you listen to how superficial the last name is discussed here.. it's sad. Marriage is a serious undertaking for a man and a woman. I love my father and was honored to carry his name as his daughter... but my husband's name is a gift of tremendous value that I'm privileged to make my own. And I'm reminded every time I'm called by it of the responsibility of conducting myself in a manor deserving of his name. We're being stripped of every tradition that holds intrinsic value within our culture. It makes me so incredibly sad.
Actually in Italy all women keep their last name. So I guess your wife is not from Italy but just of Italian background. Otherwise I’d be very curious to hear which region she’s from.
@danieladisante Yes, she was Italian, as in born and raised in Napoli. I met her there while in the U.S. military. Very Interesting. My wife died from cancer years ago, so I guess I just assumed at the time that this was Italian custom. I loved her, and honestly didnt care about her taking my last name, but she must have simply done what other Italian-American couples were doing there by taking my last name. It also probably made filling out American government forms easier for her. I am apparently still getting to know her years after she passed away. 😊 Thanks for sharing! Ciao!
Many historical cultures did. Especially those that viewed people as property. Then when cultures matured enough to tie people’s identity (and therefore name) to their actions, the name changing became a thing.
But but…. Ma tradition!!! Exactly, some very small minded comments on here- so many Americans seem to think our ideals here are the end all be all. One of the youngest countries in the world, and we think we have it all figured out lol
My husband had a fiancé before me who made it clear she would not take his last name and wanted him to take hers. She also thought she could beat him up bc she was in the military (as is absurd bc he’s 6’1” and really big and strong and she was tiny). He wanted a traditional Marriage like his grandparents. She ultimately cheated and it was over. When I told him I thought that was ridiculous and would love to take his last name he was really happy to hear it. Tomorrow is 18 years together.
@@jasonsinatra9457 yea and they were really young. His family was pushing for him to get married and settle down even in his late teens. They are really Christian. He said he followed her to a hotel and she refused to show him who was upstairs in the room. Told him it was a female friend and he said show me her and I’ll apologize. She refused. This was long before I met him. But after we got married he thought it would be funny for me to take our dog to the vet where she worked and show her my ring and let her see the name and address on the paper. Rubbed it right in her face!
Aside from tradition, this argument is a giant nothing burger. Hispanics use both parents for their last names, it's whatever. Choose which name you want to go with it's not that deep.
That makes no sense im hispanic and if my sister gets married she aint gone take my moms last name she would be her husbands lastname first then my dads so this "hispanics " thing u talkin bout just ah U think
A woman giving up her paternal last name for her husband goes VERY deep. It shows total commitment, partnership, and loyalty to her husband, just as the husband (should) display total loyalty and commitment by providing, protecting and pleasing his (one and only) wife. Saying that it’s not deep devalues marriage to how it is in modern society, rather than what it is supposed to mean
@anlnsanetaco u are unaware of the culture i think does ya mom, sister,grandma ,aunties and what ever else woman u have in ya family do none of them carry the husbands last name ? And are culture there is alot of couples who never married thats why the woman doesnt use the mans name so i think u just getting white washed out here😂
@@becks3531 To say changing your last name is downgrading depending on how ‘cool’ your husband’s last name sounds is like the argument of a 12 year old girl. How ‘cool’ a last name sounds is completely subjective. The real reason for a wife changing her last name is to signify her father is no longer responsible for her well-being, and that her husband is now responsible. You may say it is ridiculous for the husband to be responsible for the wife’s wellbeing, but here is an example. It is an extreme example, but life and death is when things really matter. If my wife’s and my house were burglarized by dangerous men, my ONLY purpose in life at that point is to get my wife to safety by getting either getting her out of the house, or by stopping the threat. My wife’s main goal would be to stay alive and not get hurt. If the husband saves himself, whether or not his wife dies, he has failed and must live with the shame of not protecting his wife. If the husband dies saving his wife, there is no shame for her. Personally, I would gladly choose to die protecting my wife and kids rather than to save myself. Ultimately, a woman taking on the name of her husband is honoring him as the protector of their family. My view of this matter is more of a Biblical stance also because I see marriage as two fleshes cleaving together and becoming one. The name signifies you are one family unit, under the husbands protection.
@@J_Trask well, the bible was written by a 2000 year old goat f**ker who was down with slavery and thought death sentences for people who wore two different types of cloth was A-Okay, so that argument is out. Guns exist, and most people in America can have them, so the protection argument is out. And Women largely, in spite of popular belief, often do and can get paid as much as men these days, so THAT argument is out. It's a stupid tradition, i don't care what her argument is, it's infinitely better than yours, which are all rooted in archaic, draconic f**king nonsense. Get bent.
@kdburner7356 what does it matter? Marriage is a purely biblical concept. Makes sense for people to have biblical expectations for marriage. You want something different? Call it a civil union then. But the government has no business in something between a man, a woman, and God.
@@Gdoug325 I mean it’s whatever sort of relationship you want if you don’t mind paying for everything and stuff then it’s not a crazy demand but if your relationship is more nuanced than that there what good reason is there for her to take it.
I am very traditional but struggled with the idea of changing my last name one day. Turned out when I got married I was excited to take his name because it was an honor that he wanted to give me his last name.
In our Vietnamese culture, we get to keep our last names. Traditionally, however, people will then start referring to you as Mrs. “Husband’s first name” 😂
That’s cute ☺️ I married into an Arabic family and women do not change their last names when they marry. My nieces and nephews call me “mart khalo” (wife of my uncle) and people outside the home refer to couples with children as Abu (first sons name) and Om (first sons name) meaning father of … and mother of… So we’re still linked with names without legal changes 😊
I'm a Gen Z so yea you really are fucking lucky Trad Z women are even fucking rarer then Trad Millennial women like when i finally venture into the dating world It's gonna be hard finding someone worth Marrying see getting married itself is not hard the hard part is finding someone who won't screw you over
@@kurtpunchesthings2411 I totally get it. I’m glad I don’t have to find that now. My suggestions, try a based church in your area. First for legit religious knowledge, but also because you are more likely to find a trad woman there. There are also apps for finding a conservative mate. I would start there, as well as living in a conservative area. Believe it or not I met my wife online like 20 years ago. So that is even easier now, but still no guarantee. Just try to put yourself in the best position where you are likely to find a like minded girl.
When I was growing up, I couldn't wait to take my future husband's last name. I was proud to be my father's child, and now I'm proud to be my husband's wife.
@@msnewsenior I got married just last year, it wasn’t costly at all. Some states even offer a name change with your marriage certificate. My state didn’t but it was $20 to receive three copies of the name change paperwork. It was free to get a new social security card, and it was also free to get a new license as long as you bring the name change paperwork, and it was free to get a new debit/credit card. I haven’t gotten a new passport because I don’t plan on traveling soon but all of the essentials are easy and cheap to change.
No we just tired of women wanting to keep 1 leg out the door and 1 leg in type of mindset. This whwole last name argument is just the tip of iceberg on a growing issue that keeps getting larger, women no longer respect men at all. And men are tired of the shitty options we have for wives. Gotta work 10 times harder, for 10 times less to get a woman 10 times worst than our grandmothers no thank you.
My dad died when I was 5 and I still love and miss him dearly, so that’s why I never wanted to change my last name which kind of connected me with him. I was lucky that my husbands last name was the same as mine! Every time I tell people our story they’re shocked 😂 and NO we’re not related!
I dated a girl with my last name and we asked our parents and they said we weren't related. My dad never really had anything to do with his entire family and he went his own way when he was around 15 years old. After it was all said a done, I found out I'd been banging my cousin because her aunt had completely forgot about my dad cause she only met him like once.
As a man who wants his wife to have his last name, I agree with the women. It is their name it's their choice it doesn't make the marriage any less real or more real
thank you man, i was hoping someone was gonna say this. in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. pick which one has the cooler sounding last name, not much changes.
@Random Stuff So will your children have 3 last names? If not, which one won't make the cut? When they marry, will they have 5 names (assume spouse also has multiple names). Will it get out of hand?
Im also spanish and my mom has her parents name. Honestly there is no good or wrong choice here. Do whatever you feel like doing. Culturally having the new husbands name meant that you are now part of his family and under his protection. Its not that deep. I think if you want to keep it thats cool,jf you dont thats cool aswell.
@@amukbir8777 My point is that men from other cultures, especially those from the US, treat this custom as if we were disrespecting or neutering our men, wich is far from the truth.
I was looking for a comment like this because this changing last name thing seems to only be a western thing. In my culture women shouldn't change their last name when they get married, the idea being is that you don't all of the sudden belong to that family. You're still your father's daughter
@@m.a3152 yes I have my dad’s last name and my mother’s last name no middle name. I really think is not a big deal. I had this topic brought many time by my in laws and my husband and I talked about this. I was adopted so I already have a lot of trouble paperwork wise because of it, changing my name a 3rd time will be even more hard. I have no kids but I told my husband if we do we will put both last names, even tho usually the kid will probably use just one (which is fine for me) In hair salons, nail salons etc I actually take my husband name because is easier for Americans so I don’t have to spell my name everytime I want to make an appointment. But for us is not deal breaker, never has never will be. Sometime American think there is just one correct way or just one culture and that is completely incorrect
From a Vietnamese person, thank you! 😫 This is a cultural tradition that I respect, but people need to learn that there are other traditions out there as well!
@@iloveamerica64 No, it's always 2 last names. For example, father's last names are "Arias Navarro" and the mother's are "Pérez Segura", their children's last names would be "Arias Pérez". We just put together the parent's first last names, and the father's last name always comes first.
Yes it’s deffo just a North American issue. They care about stupid issues like this without even thinking how insignificant this is and not even knowing other countries and cultures dont operate that way but foresake women who don’t want the man’s name 😂😂😂😂
@@aimimoque1155 So, the sir names of the men’s fathers are the only ones that are passed down right? I still think it’s the same point just a different way of doing it. I’m also curious if someone were to not choose to do it that way in your culture, for instance pass down the to mothers maiden names instead, would that be considered disrespectful? I’m really just wondering, not trying to be rude or disrespectful.
Uh....except he wants to bring back death penalty because "people should see more death"...this among other authoritarian positions he holds. Maybe in real life, he's a chill cigar-smoking buddy. But his positions are often problematic.
I'm Native American, our names have been pretty much eradicated. There's a million Smiths, Johnsons, Miller, ect. If you say "My family name will no longer exist." I feel like that's a valid argument for either side.
@M. Perry So then take on the mother's last name. An entire family name disappearing from existence because not enough boys were born doesn't make any sense. Even the guy in the video could agree on those cases.
I doubt she knows if she’s actually the last in her family to have that last name, it’s very likely the name is still carried by a different branch of the family tree. And what if she marries a man who is also apparently the last in line with his last name? Plus I doubt her people are facing the threat of cultural erasure that yours have suffered
@@c4yourself319 What do you mean? I know they’re not common, I acknowledged that natives have had much of their culture erased but was saying she’s not native and the her last name Flynn is definitely not endangered
Michael has a much more humble approach with women, and even if he can’t convince them to change certain behaviors that bug tf outta men, he at least gets them to think.
@@naveenp2066 No, the argument is you take your husbands last name because that shows you are becoming his family. Not taking his last name shows some reservation in the relationship. No self respecting man would marry a woman who wouldn't even take his last name.
@Sir Rebral Palsy maybe I'm missing some context from the full convo but I thought they're saying keeping their last name as the family name which is no different from making the husband's last name the family name. I dont think that's weird at all but both parties not taking either last name I agree is a little weird
I'm for changing the last name for two reasons: 1) it makes tracing family lineages much easier for future generations, and 2) if you have kids, it's really nice to all share the same last name. I'm divorced, and the only reason I don't change my name back is because I want to have the same last name as my kids. Other than that, do what is best for you 😊
I loved following the family lines where the kid's middle name was the mother's maiden name, especially when there were second, third, etc wives due to deaths.
But how do you follow the woman's family line? She didn't come from her husbands family she joined his. Muslims don't change lady names and they do really well at keeping family trees
1) That's exactly the opposite, if you don't know maiden name of mother it's a problem to track family lineage 2) My mother has her maiden name, that's never been a problem
When my ex wife and I divorced one of my stipulations that I fought for was for her to change her name back to her maiden name. She lost me and my love. She also lost my name. He who gives can take away.
Way easier for contries that use spanish customs. First Name, Fathers Last Name, then Mothers Last Name. She never legally changes her last name, and kids get the first last name of each parent.
I legally changed my name with my first husband, our two children share his last name. When we were going through the divorce process he claimed "he still owned me because I had his last name" changed thar quickly and with my second husband I kept my madden name because it was just easier with my older kids as my name on their birth certificate was my Maiden name. We had two children together both got his last but my name is the same on all 4 birth certificates and honestly it was less paper work needed when dealing with school etc. Everyone makes their own choices on what feels right to them. Thankfully my 2nd husband understood and never felt offended.
The last name situation also reminds me of the finance situation. My husband and I got married in 1985, and there was no other thought in our head except that we would put our finances together and then pay the bills from that money together. Now I’ve got family that pays bills separately and it makes it easier for them to just get out of the marriage whenever they want to.Starting a marriage with the idea of getting out of it, does not work well
I think this is a very cultural conversation, I’m Latino, and for me it’s very common to see a child with 2 last names, this was actually really interesting, cuz I’m not really see someone view it as strange 😆
Completely a cultural issue. Michael Knowles usually have good arguments but in this case he just straight wrong. Many cultures do not engage in surname changes. This include many Muslim cultures, Asian cultures and even some European cultures.
@@vkak1so if he married a traditional Muslim woman, who's culture would win? Most muslin women are subservient to the husband so would that mean she has to change her last name or would it be freedom of religion for her to keep her last name?
@@Aaroncarter95 this is some serious mental gymnastics. Firstly, if a Muslim woman is marrying a man, she must marry a Muslim man, or else, by religion, the marriage is not recognized in the eyes of God and she would be committing Zina (fornication) every time she sleeps with him. Now, she can easily forego this rule and still marry a non-muslim man, but if she does that, that simply means she decided her religious obligations was secondary to her worldly desires. And if that's the case, the point of a surname change is not even a topic of conversation given that she freely chose not to follow the edicts of her religion in terms of marriage, so why is being subservient or any such characteristic something she adheres too??!! In other words, the question you asked....makes no sense. Now, on the opposite hand, if she married a man who is Muslim, and the marriage is now recognized as legitimate to God - that is, everything is perfect so far; then by rights of the religion, a Muslim woman is not allowed to change her surname. Seeing as the man is also Muslim, he knows this ruling and thus no surnames are changed. Now if he catches a hissy fit over it and wants her to change it, then he is violating the edicts of the religion he is supposed to follow. In such a case, the woman will retain her surname as one's obedience to God supercedes obedience to anyone or anything else. And if he still is pissed off, it means that marriage would not work to begin with so they're better off just divorcing before they kill each other (figuratively and literally perhaps) or better yet, just discussing these issues BEFORE marrying to see if both are adhering servants of God.
@@vkak1 this wasn't mental gymnastics. This was a serious question and the fact you instantly jumped to "oh he's trolling and putting out garbage" says a lot about you. I know jack shit about true Muslim life or religion so I was asking a genuine question. You know it's not illegal to try and learn new things right? It's not illegal to hear what other people have to say or how they think despite what the news says.
@@Aaroncarter95 you're right. I'm sorry.... genuinely. That was me being arrogant and not answering with humility like I should have. Sorry bout that, and I hope that you gained some insight from my response.
I'm a 59 year old woman, and I disagree with him on this. Women giving up their own family name, is a Cultural thing...and in many cultures it just isn't done. So there is no 'should' when it comes to taking on the husband's name. And for many women, their last names are just as important to them as that man feels like men's last names are important to them. And too, it's a pain in the ass to have to switch out one's last name on official documents and such. Also, I am perfectly fine about it, if it's what the woman wants to do...take on her husband's last name. In fact some 15 years ago, when I worked in a retail home furnishings store... I had this widowed elderly lady come in with her daughter who was in her 40s. The elderly lady pulled out her checkbook to pay for a washer/dryer set she bought and on the check she signed.... "Mrs. John Jones" and her daughter just about had a fking cow over it. Actually LECTURED her mom about how she had her own name, and needed to stop signing paperwork using 'dead' husband's name to 'justify' her existence. It took Everything in my power to tell that daughter to shut the F up. Her mom was raised in a different era, and she was not a stupid woman, and if she still wanted to use 'Mrs John Jones" to identify herself to the world...to me that just shows how much love and respect she still had for her husband. She felt comfortable with it, and in fact, back in the era when she was a young woman and got married, that name usage was probably a huge, and exciting part of being married...to be able to call herself wife of 'Mr. Jones" in that manner. What's right, is allowing Humans chose whether or not to do a name change...what's wrong, is the title of this clip that 'Women Should take their husband's names" Women are no longer property with our names needing changed to show we went from our father's control to our husband's control with the last name reflecting who was in control of us. So it should be a volunteer thing based upon the woman's comfort level...ditto goes with the wedding tradition of the dad 'handing over the bride to the husband' -- I don't mind that, but some women detest the idea. For me, it's an action that can mean, 'I'm sharing my love and protection of my daughter with you, the husband.' Rather than the more traditional meaning of 'she belonged to me, and now she belongs to you."
Changing my last name was the easiest thing. Signed my marriage license with my new last name. Filed that. Went to the social security office, provided my documents, had a new card 2 weeks later. No different than getting a driver's license. Easy peasy. If providing documents is hard, we got a whole new problem...
@@CrunchyCrumblesASMR I'm glad you found it easy, but in some places, it means waiting for some time in line/reception areas to submit those documents. I live in an itty bitty town, but our Social Security office is Packed, more often than not...you go in there and it's at least 1/2 an hour to 45 minutes before you even get to meet with someone. Also, after a name change, a woman should inform all her contacts in her address book to inform them of the name change. Then there are credit cards, bank accounts, on-line services...etc...that will probably have to be notified. And, while you might have found it easy, for other people, it's more difficult to do and/or it's stressful. And for some, they don't feel that just because our USA culture leans towards women changing their names...many women don't even want to spend 1 Minute doing such things...like running around to various places with documents and spending time doing that...or wading through on-line processes to do it. No one gets married, thinking it's only going to last 3 months to a few years. And many marriages that do fail, often the woman wants her own last name back, or the ex-husband doesn't want his last name attached to her anymore...so then the process begins again...name change back to the woman's original last name. However, hopefully, marriages last a lifetime and those women who did change their name, will only find it a 1 time inconvenience. But mainly, my comment was aimed at the title of that clip where that Man thinks women "SHOULD" have to change their names when they get married. He has absolutely no good argument towards that. To me, it just reflects a mind set of 'now this woman belongs to me, my family and no longer her family' Which was/is in our culture, the purpose of women getting their names changed from the beginning. To me, that's a rather arrogant statement for any man, or woman to make. That women 'Should'....meaning being forced by law....to change their names. So much for a free society and equality in that regards to women.
So would you say that since the woman does not take up the man’s last name, the man can relinquish his loyalty and commitment to her whenever he pleases? Your response kind of echoes modern society and just letting ppl do as they please, which has been shown to be making society worse
@@Jackjackjackjackjackjackjaque The last name doesn't reflect loyalty lol. It reflects the change of her, society I guess, after marriage. She will be identified with her husband's family. That's what last names reflect. And the vows or rituals during a marriage (or if you don't believe in God, then it's gonna be the legal bond) that dictates you cannot cheat.
Y'all why does it matter? Like if your last name before marriage is special to you, then keep it. If you like your partner's last name is even more special to you, use that.
Because you're not demonstrating any commitment if you keep your original name, it's not about how your name sounds, or if it is cool or not, marriage is a symbolization of a bond, and changing your last name is also signifying the creation of a new family. Learn how these things work.
@@twocents7509 last names signify the tribe or family you belong to and are under the protection of. Thats why back in BC times people would be called Jeff of Nashville. Towns back then were virtually inbred compared to the genetic options we have today.
@@twocents7509 People from Azerbaijan actually do this. Their tradition is to change both the husband and wife's last name to the last name of a relative from the groom's side to honor that relative. I think the relative is always male - not quite sure. It's such a beautiful tradition.
"I won't take my husband's name, cos I'm against the patriarchy!" But they will keep their father's last name, or their grandfather's last name or their great grandfather's last name.
Because they had no choice in the matter…. It’s not like they were aware of it when they were a child By the time they’re an adult they’ve grown used to the name, why would they change it then
@@yohankuriyan7633 so women are okay with things that are forced on them is what you’re saying. Ladies and gentlemen, we just concluded in favor of arranged marriages
@@cosmictreason2242 It’s not forced on them it’s their birth name. If it matters so much to you then pay all of the fees and fill out all of the documents for your wife associated with name changes
@@msnewsenior if you can’t follow the thread, make a new one. If the two of you are advancing contrary positions in defense of your side, hey, maybe your position is not logical.
Expecting either party to change their last name is archaic. You are allowed to want to keep your name, and anyone who demands you change it doesn't respect your choices or wants. It doesn't matter the reason. Its your name, and wanting to keep it for any reason is already enough reason to keep it.
I had a friend lose her dad to cancer and her last name is how she still felt close to her dad, she didn’t change it and her husband was ok with that. I didn’t change my last name because it’s a little tribute to my dad as well. My children all have my husbands last name and depending on the person I introduce myself using his last name. It’s not disrespectful, I am still a devoted wife and mother for 13 years (and counting).
@@archoss2234 I stay unbothered, I just thought I’d offer another perspective on keeping my last name other than “I like my name”… my husband has the paper and promise in front of god that makes me his wife. The internet is off the rails.
I seriously don’t understand why it’s so important to change our last names. I am Hispanic, and in my culture, we never change our last names. We have two last names. The first last name is the father's and the second last name is the mother's last name. For example: Father: Juan Rodriguez Rivera Mother: Maria Morales Monica Baby: (Name) Rodriguez Morales
Honestly, I wouldn't want to take my husband's last name if it sounds awful like "butt" or "roach," but if it bothered my spouse a lot I would consider taking his because I think there has to be compromise. Relationships shouldn't be so selfish, but with that said I think the man should consider how the woman feels as well. Discussions should definitely be had.
We always fucking consider how you feel. Why do you think we work so hard. So you can get all the expensive makeup and purses. I am fine being a minimalist. But I would change that in a heartbeat for a woman I love. Men do a complete 180 for the woman they love. Most women are not willing to do the same.
No taking your husband's last name is the first act of submission and devotion to your husband......that's loyalty and a lot of women forgot that part.
And where is is the men side of devotion, excluding anything msterialistic???? If she has to give up her identity, the first deteriminug thing about her, then after marriage what is his scr if devotion and loyalty???@@aryksanchez5070
What’s not being factored in is that our names are an essential part of our identity from birth. It’s really crazy that there is an expectation for women to change the core of their identity just because they get married.
It is a showing of devotion, historically it is you are leaving your clan to join your husband’s, you now live with him and his clan so you have the clan name. It may be dated but the changing of the last name shows unity and is a sign of marriage.
@AutisticTurtle historically, it's showing a transfer of "property". Women never had a say in that. Don't try to romanticize the true history of this "tradition"
@Alex Harbour women being recognized and treated as a man's property has been an issue for a long time. And there are plenty of women who have decided to keep their own identity...once they were given the right to
@@pinkfreespirit4243 they didn’t have a say but the man didn’t have much of a say either, most people were betrothed by their parents at a young age. I think if you love your husband very much you will take his name, young women practice saying their name with their crushe’s last name. If it’s the man’s job to provide and protect and that’s what our job is you can change your name because that’s your job.
My wife did not like the idea of taking a mans name. We merged both our last names and to our surprise my dad thought it was fantastic. Her dad cried. He felt honored. Worked well for us. Been married 14 years.
@Aryk Sanchez agreed. I am not saying everyone should do this. Do what is right for you as a couple. I'm adopted, and my family is extremely abusive, in many ways. So for me i was happy to change my name. If i was proud of it i can honestly say i am not sure what the end result is. I don't know what friends are married anymore as everyone is doing the name hyphen. Sorry. Prolly would have been better with more back story
In some Asian communities the female keeps her last name, and their offspring gets their father’s surname. If they get divorced the wife returns back to her family. Recently it’s allowed where the male can change his surname to his wife’s last name. Women who have established a career using their own name will keep their surname, because that’s how they’re known.
I'm from a family of 3 girls. My sister's got married and took their husband's last names. I kept mine to carry on my dad's legacy. I keep my mom's maiden name hyphenated, and my kids will have a hyphenated last name too. He understands and honors it as well. Tradition does not always mean correct and it should not dictate your lives.
Same here ! I went as soon as possible to change mine as well. ❤ I never even thought this way. As a young teen if I ever had a crush or boyfriend I would doodle my name with their last name on my notebooks and folders at school lol 😂 It never crossed my mind to ever keep my maiden name. It also ties you together as a family. I have 4 sons. I couldn’t imagine them not having their fathers ( my husbands ) last name or me having a different last name then them.
@@brianpinkey676 my sisters best friend didn’t take her husbands last name (it’s Dick lol). They are on their fourth pregnancy and very happily married. Idk, if men don’t want to change their last names either, it kind of just shows a double standard to me. I know it’s traditional, but you can’t complain if you also wouldn’t do it.
@@kruisik Here's the thing honey do women have to work 40 hours and pay all the bills, did your sister approach her husband? Does your sister make the most money? That's why it's not a double standard that man already had to do a lot to pull and convince your sister to be with him, all she had to was be pretty and agreeable and kind, that's why it's different men bring a lot to the table, women generally don't other than their feminism charm and their good looks. Men suffer all the risks and none of the rewards from marriage.
@@brianpinkey676 Yeah I've heard of a woman that refuse to take her husband's last name but agree that her kids will have the husband's last name they had an agreement then when she got prego she changed her mind because her friends and family told her she should, so now he either has to accept his kids won't have his last name or their names will be hyphen to....Sure he could argue but at that point she wins either way and judge will just hyphenate their names and they can't come to an agreement. Give a woman an inch she'll take a fucking mild. And then she had the audacity to publicly shame him on tik tok for it as well because she couldn't understand what the issue was.
Michael is that cousin who is super rich and only comes to your hood during the holidays and you get to introduce him to hood shit 😂😂😂😂 he is just so amuzed by how they act in their normality
Lmao that’s amazing. My last name is Flynn when we were discussing names for our daughter I vetoed Fiona because it would be too alliterative. 😂 I didn’t want her to sound like a Stan Lee comic character.
As a fellow Latina, the whole husbands last name has a history of ownership which is why THIS GUY loves it and thinks it’s so bizarre that these women have a differing opinion.
Haha two women saying it doesn’t matter. It definitely does ladies. It’s called legacy, it’s how bloodlines work. Imagine if we do this for 3 generations, you’d be unable to trace your bloodline hahaha
@@claytonphillips85there’s a lot of culture where the wives don’t take their husbands’ last name. In my culture, we don’t change name after marriage, either. I’m from Vietnam btw.
You're missing the point. In cultures where women keep their last names, they aren't doing it because they are independent boss babes. They do it to recognize their paternal lineage. Even if they keep their last name, they still are part of their husband's family and the children have the husband's name.
If I propose, thinking I found the one, but then says what these gals are saying .....we will break up. I'll thank her for her honesty to dodge a bullet.
It's the same tradition in Mexican families. There's no "middle" names. The surnames are given by both parents. The Father's surname is put in the (what Americans call) middle name category, and the Mother's name is given as the (as most Americans consider) last name.
Okay so when do you stop using last names? Shouldn't you be able to trace your lineage back really really far and have a ton of names? Whats the cutoff?
Yes, that is a right of a Muslim woman. She has the option of taking her husbands last name or keeping her father’s last name. The children take the husbands last name.
@@kpotato2617 kids belong to the Muslim father no mother has the right of her kids in Muslim families , especially if she is non Muslim ,I know many examples when non Muslim women had to leave their kids with the father
I am proud of the girls holding up. To think that you aren't married until you take their last name is such a myopic way of thinking. There is no maturity in that marriage.
@@jimjam2024 ofcourse not. Who cares for huge ass rings and weddings. These podcasts bring the weakest feminists out there who deliberately skewer the ideology just to break it down. A dirty tactic.
What about the countless government agencies and private businesses that throw a fit and need repeated paperwork assurances if you have different names? Those weren’t an issue? No fits when the wrong name got applied to the wrong partner over and over again in official documents and mail?
False information. Maybe in your culture you don’t but it’s different in every country. Has nothing to do with religion and i am Muslim as well so I know.
@@pinar5673 no in Islam it is not allowed women to change her last name when get married (she can't take her husband's last name). But if you say your Muslim but your culture does it and you follow your culture don't make it as a Islamic thing it is not.
With rare rare exception, the men who take their wife’s name are essentially….the wife. They are beta males. However, there was a guy, who loved his fiancés dad…..who had no sons. The groom had 5 brothers with lots of kids. So the groom told his father in law to be….”I spoke with my father, and he and I both agree….if you will have me….that I will change my last name to your last name….so that your name Will carry on.”
In my country, S.E.A Code-62 any Married Modern/Traditional/Anything Women truly Want to use Husband's Name, there are/were even some who after divorced, They Still Ask to "Please Allow Me To Use Husband's Name untill I Get Married Again".
When you're single, you have your father's last name, because he is your protector and provider. When you get married your husband will be your protector and provider. If you want to share last names, then, protect and provide for yourself.
I mean that's kind of meaningless if you have a deadbeat dad. Last names are incredibly arbitrary and can technically be whatever you want, having one to honor your husband or father is fine if you want but you can't force that on other people who want something different And it doesn't work at all in a gay marriage what do you think 2 husband's should do, swap? 2 wives, no last name?
@@EmmyRae1885 The fact that you brought up gay marriage in a Michael Knowles comment section is hilarious, most people who watch his content probably are not in favor of gay marriage in the slightest
my mom kept her father's last name and her relationship with my father is great and i'm lucky to have them as parents. not sure what the big deal is here. if she chooses to keep her last name that's her choice. love should speak for itself.
My wife kept her last name only for convenience. It would have been a nightmare for all her medical licensing to be reissued under a different last name. Our children carry my name.
@cataniamommaitalia87i was with you until... yeah. Idc what you do, but your actions reflect what you are as a person (crazy, i know, right?) So it is not unreasonable to say that, unless you have a REALLY good reason not to, then you're just disrespecting your man by disrespecting this long tradition that exists since the beginning of time to honour the family as a single unit, instead of being divided like in today's date.
I like how we do it in Brazil. We keep our maiden name and add the husbands. The kids actually get both names. When I got married, I had three last names (from my parents). I kept one and added my husband’s name with it. It’s strange when two married people don’t share a last name
See, the way I see it - if you know they have different last names... then, yeah, that is strange... and quite possibly, they won't last long together. I never took my husband's last name. But if you met us, you would never know that because I never make it a point to tell people I have a different last name. If he gave his first and last name and introduced me as his wife ... he'd give my first name and that's it. (though, really, we've never been in that situation - it's only ever been first names only) I've never had anyone look at me expectantly for a last name. If you call me by his last name, I wouldn't correct you. Socially, no problem, use his last name with my first name all day long - it doesn't bother me one bit. Legally, though, well... I've never had any social interaction be 'legal'... the two worlds never mix. Legal last name only comes out with the bank, my doctor, my pharmacist, the lawman, the person who signs my checks, and the taxman. That's it.
I don't agree with him on this one. If these women want to keep their last name, and not their husbands, that's their choice 🤷♂️. I always tell my sister that if she ever gets married that she should keep her last name, because at the end of the day the love she has with her husband is what's going to count.
I know from talking to friends who are from Egypt that women keep their father's name after they married, and their children take the husband's last name. I know American men who have taken their wife's last name bc their last name was a tough one or the names sound better together. I understand why we have last names handed down the way we do, but I don't think it's a marriage deal breaker if you don't follow the rules/customs to the letter...more important thing is to love each other.❤
Yeah, I always thought I’d take my husband’s name but my boyfriend’s surname doesn’t go well with my Christian name. Obviously our kids will have his name, just not me.
It's definitely a question of culture. There's no generic right or wrong way, but if a partner is not willing to abide by the other's cultural norms, are they really a good fit? In Celtic tradition, the last name is truly a family name. I suppose a man could take a woman's family name, if it was more prestigious, but normally women would have married into status instead of the other way. Either way, not adopting one family name would indicate being of different families, which makes it hard to argue that they actually love each other, if they can't even join houses in name.
A marriage is the woman entering into my kingdom. She doesn't bring a crown of her fathers' into my kingdom. My kingdom gives her a crown, and she becomes my queen. Two kingdoms cannot live in one kingdom - and if a man gives up his title, he is no king, and completely worthless. Fortunately, my lovely wife was raised right, and gladly took my name.
@@dwolfe2907 In other words, you insist that the man is the boss. Well, he isn't and there is no reason he should be. Neither should the wife be. They are - or should be - equals.
I find these debates so funny because in latino and hispanic culture, its very normal for people to have the surnames of both their parents. Like, literally no one cares if a married woman uses her maiden name, even in my family my mom will use both surnames quite often. So truly, its not the end of the world. Let people do what they want, whether thats taking their husband's last name, or keeping their maiden name and using both. Both are okay!
@@mazzaleen6091 Not sure if I didn't type correctly or if there was a misunderstanding, I was referring to the wife and just trying to say it doesn't really matter if wives use their maiden names or not.
@@vanillalatte6582 If the child takes the name primarily of the father, what is the point of bringing up that women keep their maiden name? The fact still remains the fathers name retains more weight just like it does in every other culture.
@@mazzaleen6091 the child takes both parents name. Not just one. None is rated higher than the other. As a married latino i retained my mom's family name and added my husband..so i took my father's name out my kids bear my mothers median name and my husbands name...so 😂 dont tell us what is...
But a man wanting his wife to give up her name and take his is totally unselfish and understandable because someone decided it was a few centuries ago?
@@killme5630 no. It's ultimately about submission to God's Word, and thus submission to your husband. It's actually MORE than just submitting to your husband.
@@killme5630 dude the woman takes the man’s last name, and the man is also obligated to do things which put the family FIRST and himself behind. This is what marriage is about, putting the needs of ur family first
I’ve been married for over 40 years and I have to say, I grieved the loss of my maiden name. My husband’s name felt like someone else’s name. It took a lot of getting used to.
I mean you can just look to China for the answer. If a woman from the Ren family marries a man from the Yang family she keeps her last name but is still considered to now be of the Yang family. The children of course follow their fathers surname as they are children of the Yang's. The woman is only keeping her last name to honour the family who raised her. Intent is always really important in these things. The women in the video dont have any intention of honouring their parents they simply dont respect men and find changing their last name a burden.
I don’t have my husbands last name . Not because of feminists. I’m not one. I love my husband he’s a kind person but I just simply didn’t take it cause his family treated me like total dog shit from the get go and they still don’t like me. I can see it in the way they make snide remarks when my husbands not around . They’re just cordial to save face otherwise . Why would I want to take on a family name from people that treat me like shit? That’s like excepting a branding I don’t want. I’m still my husbands wife regardless. I don’t feel any less married. I’ve been so good to his family even still. but to me they aren’t respectable people. My kids have my husbands last name and that’s fine with me . That’s their dad and they should have that connection to him. But I feel if the wife doesn’t want the name she shouldn’t feel obligated to take it.
@@Ater_Nefarium It's a choice, period full stop. The practice was adopted when the most important thing for a wife was to give her husband a son to carry on the name.
I had a conversations similar to this 20 years ago with a woman that was married and kept her last name. She didn't eat meals with her husband, they took separate vacations, they kept separate bank accounts, they paid bills separately. Everything they did was separate aside from the bed where they slept. We had several conversations over the course of months as we worked together. One day she went to the registry and took her husband's last name, they began spending their time together and they found that at that point they were no longer roommates but a married couple, they unified their lives. Her husband stopped by one afternoon to thank me for our conversations. These girls have a juvenile mentality fueled by feminism and an misunderstanding of the roles of spouses. It isn't necessarily about a last name but the mindset behind it. Different cultures have had different ways of last name convention but every culture has defined roles for spouses.
I tried asking my wife if she wanted to keep her last name and she shut me down quick. I even told her that name was her identity for 25 years and I would understand. She just told me the day I asked her to marry her was the happiest she's ever been and would be proud to take my last name. We've been married thirty years and still love and respect one another.
@@MainerdLoyd that is absolutely right. Love and respect. My husband never put any pressure on me to do it. He was fine with whatever. I wanted to do it because he was my new immediate family unit. People can hate all they want, but when it comes down to it, they live a much to selfish life to truly make anyone else happy.
That's because you're a normal person and you don't seek confrontation like most folks do. Some of the folks commenting here don't really understand that some of us may be a bit more focused on happily getting married rather than worrying about some sorta ego or power or whatever the mentality is. Thank you for being normal... I wish I were born 20+ years earlier so I coulda been raised in normalcy 😔
@Catania Momma Italia last names were created around the 11th century so after the bible was made verses Ephesians 5 22-24 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. And Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh If a couple become of one flesh and the husband is the head of the wife as Christ of the church then it would make sense that a wife takes the last name of the husband.
In my culture we keep our last name (my father’s). We don’t change it to our future husband’s just because we’re married. Our kids would take husband’s last name of course. ❤
@@bendover-so2qc I "personally" have nothing to with the FACT that MALES built EVERYTHING you absolute moron You argue just like a woman, when you can't argue facts you use shaming- loser
@@bendover-so2qc you know what is absolutely astonishing? The fact that you actually LIVE in this world and can see with your own eyes everything around you that MEN built, and still argue about the OBVIOUS. You just show how absolutely out of touch with base reality you are. Like, LOOK AROUND YOU WITH YOUR OWN EYES and tell me how many of those houses, roads, buildings, factories, cars, airplanes, etc that women built and then talk to me. Like snap out of that brainwashed delusional "reality" you live in and LOOK around uou at real reality
I married at age 31. My birth name was my name. I was very uncomfortable rejecting the surname given me and used throughout my life. Not all cultures and times used surnames. If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have rejected the name I had used my whole life just because I married. I changed it because I felt social pressure, not because my husband said it implied anything. In some Asian cultures, the wives keep their original name while the children adopt the husband’s surname. This shouldn’t be shouted down as disrespectful.
As a “daddy’s girl” I totally relate to feeling as you do. However I also believe that the husbands name should be taken on. So hyphenate or switch imo.
Tell you what: you don't have to take my last name but I don't have to buy you an expensive engagement ring. You can't just pick and choose which marriage traditions you like.
Actually 100 agreed. Certain traditions are actually very silly. Personally, I’d go back and use the ring money to out towards our future. I don’t need to be spoiled, let’s spend on our children instead, then invest together- not just on me. That’s just me though…. But alas, we are trad and my husband adds a new ring to my finger every now and then 💗
I mean a lot of women don’t want an expensive engagement ring Would you actually be okay with taking their name? Or are you just saying random crap to try and make a point
Simple exercise. Ask the very ones (in this video) who push the 'I don't want his name' agenda if they'd love a high value engagement ring. Let's see what THEY say. He's trying to expose double standards here. Understand him in context.
@@kay7ot644 Not really. The ring is not a requirement. And Michael Knowles is one of the not-so-smart breed of conservatives. He probably won't even know that different rules apply in other parts of the world. For him, tradition is self-sufficient. Of course, it would be logical to argue that a common name would be more practical, especially for the children. But it can also be the woman's name, or a completely new one.
My wifes maiden name was Stone and my last name is Fox. She hyphenated and became Stone Fox. I was ok with that. Then her cousin married a girl who's maiden name was Gall. We were able to talk her out of being Gall Stone
my mother in law hyphinated my husband's last name. he was the only male left in the family to carry on her family's name. everyone else had daughters. now i took his name and we had a son together who will continue his family's name. we saved it and now it may last for many more generations.
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"Not unless it's cooler."
Pretty much says it all.
Combined IQ of negative 10
That’s when my jaw hit the floor.
Facts!!
The reason to keep your last name now isn’t really that important, besides tradition it doesn’t matter all that much.
I know of one guy who, if I had his name, I would gladly give it up for my wife’s (and yes, it’s his real name): Richard Spanky.
Fiona Flynn sounds more like a superhero's secret identity.
or the family dog
That's why it's cool
Honestly, I think it sounds like a drag queen’s stage name.
It's shreks wife from tron legacy
Right! Is her secret dad Stan Lee... You know, there was that comic con 18 or 19 years ago....
If the kids take the dad’s last name the name runs out either way
That might've destroyed them
Let them figure it out . 😂
Just wait. The kids will have a hyphenated last name, then when they get married they’ll hyphenate it again and end up with 4 last names. 😂
@@anibal5845 😂🤣👍
Unless they make the kids last name the mothers last name which is the mothers fathers last name🤔
I never understood why this is such a big deal. Mom kept her name, and they will be married 24 years this August. Having respect for you parent is also great thing
As a divorce lawyer and someone with interest in the social science aspects of marriage, I have a working theory for why the tradition exists:
1. To unify the spouses. Although it seems like women are more invested in monogamy during the early parts of relationships, women are more than twice as likely to be the person to request a divorce. The ability to put your marriage above and before all other relationships is called a "marital coalition" in the psych literature, and it's a strong predictor of success in marriage. So women take the last names instead of men to help unify them with their husband.
2. To incentivize men to stay involved. Men are more likely to abandon responsibility for kids, and my on-the-ground observation in family court says women are also far less willing to share kids with their exes than men are. Also, there's almost never a question about who the biological mother of children is. That question is fairly frequent in Family Court. Having the family take on the man's name causes children's names to be the man's name, so there's connection of the children to the man.
@@grantstratton2239 Thanks for the detailed answer ❤
I retained my surname. My Grandfather asked me to keep it & I'm not going to break a death bed promise. It's also the first gift my parents gave me other than life. My husband knew this long before we married. Been married 32 years & still feel very married.
Did his wife change her name?
What did you name the kids, just curious?
@@averyquinn797 Probably they/them
Sounds like a genuine death bed wish. With his last breath he requested you don’t take your husbands name. FML
@@averyquinn797 you can just give your kid both last names, that’s what my parents did with me haha. I am from Argentina tho, culture must be different in the US because here is not common to change your last name for your husband’s; you ad his last name to your hole name or you keep yours as it is.
It’s actually very cute Michael is talking to them like a sweet adult would talk to a 5 year old 😂
So superficial
His tone of voice is disarming… which is why he’s so good to speaking with feminists.
They hear his calm & soothing voice & don’t realize he’s about to point out how flawed their ideology is.
@@ja.mck.8626 the girls are or Michael?
Silly immature girls, they are too dumb to realise they are refusing to take a man's name, their husband's, in preference to keeping another man's name, their father's, and they think they have principles. Dumb women do not realise how politely they get treated by men.
@@ja.mck.8626 Courtesy is not necessarily deceptive, nor is discretion superficiality. There is no real benefit to steamrolling someone in a conversation.
“I’m devoted to my husband in every way possible…. Just not that way.”
Thanks for clearing that up, Meatloaf.
tbf i can understand where they’re coming from. my father has multiple kids so i don’t have to worry about the family name “running out,” but i do understand that giving up your last name feels like you’re giving up a piece of you. i’ve talked to my boyfriend about it, and although i want his last name one day i told him straight up i want us both to just hyphenate our names. i want us both to have each others last names, his before mine of course, but how i see it we’re both hispanic and that’s usually how it goes with hispanics anyways.
@Spam Account still weird, howbit should be is you take his last name. That's it. I gave up my last name no problem cause it's not that big a deal given what i got in return. I got a spouse and a new name, my husband's name, and I'm proud of it.
@@NoneYaBusiness exactly, it really doesn't matter in the slightest
@@NoneYaBusiness again, i am hispanic. idk about you, but i actually like my culture. as a puerto rican, all of us have two last names. my great grandmothers maiden last name was figueroa, her husband’s last name was avila. growing up i always heard her name as sixta avila, but that’s because i grew up mostly in the states. her papers all say sixta avila-figueroa because that is how the culture works over there. i doubt he picked up her last name (can’t say for sure, he died when i was a baby), but as a woman it’s still apart of my culture to keep mine and just add his. since i live in the states, i think it would be best if we both did it because i want us to both to have the same last names on paper. i want to honor my culture and honor my fathers last name, and if my man is ok with it then he’ll do it for me.
@@ChrisGuerra31 maybe it doesn’t matter to you, but it matters to me. i couldn’t have a father growing up because of my mother, but i get to have him now. i love him and i love my name. i’m hispanic and as a woman it’s apart of my culture to take my husbands name without dropping my own. you can read my above comment about it, but the fact is my father gave me my name. i’m fine with changing it, what i’m not fine with is completely dropping a part of my name when the women of my own culture don’t.
As someone married to a Spanish national I see this argument as very short-sighted. Not every country has the custom of the woman taking on her husbands name........
I agree with you on this one. Like sure, I get the point where feminists overcorrect and want to abolish all tradition in the name od independence but like... this is not the biggest issue.
what the fuck is a spanish national? In spain the wives take their husbands surnames, they just keep their fathers surname aswell.
everyone in Spain has a lisp, though.
let’s not take our cultural, traditional cues from them.
@@Sam_T2000 Wtf? That's so racist 🤦🏻♀️ It's like me saying all americans are dumb and rednecks
I lot of Americans are unaware of other cultural traditions on this issue.
“In every way possible.”
“But taking his last name IS a possible way.”
“In every way possible except his last name.”
“So…NOT in every way possible.”
Cheers to you! Spot on criticism!
This better get thousands more likes!
Funny how you only see devotion as a one way street
Why do you expect only women to give up their names and not men?
My mother did not take my dad’s last name and it had nothing to do about her feelings and simply because she didn’t like it. I don’t have neither my mother’s last name nor my dad’s. He isn’t happy but everyone else is and I’m incredibly thankful my mother did not let him put a last name that means executioner on me as a kid.
Personally I would take my husband’s name but not make it my last and I would love for him to take mine before his last name because I think it’s romantic. And my kids will get both parents last name because a family name is about both mom and dad. Everyone is happy that way.
@@Carolina-rd3gh
That’s a terrible disservice to your husband and kids. It’s vital for a family to have the same last name, no matter what the name is. It’s important for easily recognizing the connections between them, and it’s very important for official legal documents so that there’s no confusion of authorities by making them investigate further, thereby delaying any legal processes.
My husband gave me a plaque that he recieved from his father... on our wedding day:
You got it from your father,
it was all he had to give.
So it's yours to use and cherish
for as long as you may live.
If you lose the watch he gave you,
it can always be replaced.
But a black mark on your name, son,
can never be erased.
It was clean the day you took it,
and a worthy name to bear,
when he got it from his father,
there was no dishonor there.
So make sure you guard it wisely,
after all is said and done.
You'll be glad the name is spotless when you give it to your son.
When you listen to how superficial the last name is discussed here.. it's sad. Marriage is a serious undertaking for a man and a woman. I love my father and was honored to carry his name as his daughter... but my husband's name is a gift of tremendous value that I'm privileged to make my own. And I'm reminded every time I'm called by it of the responsibility of conducting myself in a manor deserving of his name.
We're being stripped of every tradition that holds intrinsic value within our culture. It makes me so incredibly sad.
Beautiful poem and very well put, 100% facts
Perfect 👏🏼
Great comment, enjoyed reading it.
That's a beautiful way to see it!
How tf you write a comment this long on here
I married an Italian woman and they more or less keep their last name as a middle name. That way, the family name never really comes to an end.
Actually in Italy all women keep their last name. So I guess your wife is not from Italy but just of Italian background. Otherwise I’d be very curious to hear which region she’s from.
@danieladisante Yes, she was Italian, as in born and raised in Napoli. I met her there while in the U.S. military. Very Interesting. My wife died from cancer years ago, so I guess I just assumed at the time that this was Italian custom. I loved her, and honestly didnt care about her taking my last name, but she must have simply done what other Italian-American couples were doing there by taking my last name. It also probably made filling out American government forms easier for her.
I am apparently still getting to know her years after she passed away. 😊
Thanks for sharing! Ciao!
Most woman I know have done this here in America. It’s pretty common I think
My dads first name is my middle name and his last name my last name. His middle name was his fathers first name
sharing your last name with your spouse demonstrates that y’all are a family, and not just a couple.
But which way? Should it matter?
I mean my wife took mine. But what if she had asked me to take hers?
In the spain you the F adds "de" + M last Name and the Kids have 2 last names
I find that to be the Best solution and it is the one i came up with
@@joelh3544 - because men* are the head of the family… and if you don’t like that idea, because it’s just tradition.
@@darkplasmo7921 - I hope you and Mrs. Plasmo have a long and happy life together 👍
But why does this matter to anyone? It's up to the married couple to make that decision, how does it make them less of a couple?
In Ethiopian culture we keep our fathers name regardless of marriage
That's nice, Ethiopian culture sucks.
👏
Many historical cultures did. Especially those that viewed people as property. Then when cultures matured enough to tie people’s identity (and therefore name) to their actions, the name changing became a thing.
But but…. Ma tradition!!!
Exactly, some very small minded comments on here- so many Americans seem to think our ideals here are the end all be all. One of the youngest countries in the world, and we think we have it all figured out lol
@@JenELeeP1youngest and strongest country to ever have existed.
Figured something out😅
My husband had a fiancé before me who made it clear she would not take his last name and wanted him to take hers. She also thought she could beat him up bc she was in the military (as is absurd bc he’s 6’1” and really big and strong and she was tiny). He wanted a traditional Marriage like his grandparents. She ultimately cheated and it was over. When I told him I thought that was ridiculous and would love to take his last name he was really happy to hear it. Tomorrow is 18 years together.
Great story, congrats to you both!
Of course she cheated. She was a female in the military🤣🤣🤣🤣that shit runs rampant in the branches.
Outstanding Story/life experience. Really had to read to the end to see we’re this was going!! Obviously a wonderful place. Kudos to you.
@@jasonsinatra9457 yea and they were really young. His family was pushing for him to get married and settle down even in his late teens. They are really Christian. He said he followed her to a hotel and she refused to show him who was upstairs in the room. Told him it was a female friend and he said show me her and I’ll apologize. She refused. This was long before I met him. But after we got married he thought it would be funny for me to take our dog to the vet where she worked and show her my ring and let her see the name and address on the paper. Rubbed it right in her face!
Happy Anniversary!!🎉
Aside from tradition, this argument is a giant nothing burger. Hispanics use both parents for their last names, it's whatever. Choose which name you want to go with it's not that deep.
That makes no sense im hispanic and if my sister gets married she aint gone take my moms last name she would be her husbands lastname first then my dads so this "hispanics " thing u talkin bout just ah U think
@@VARO_GELATO_372 are you unaware of your own culture brother?
A woman giving up her paternal last name for her husband goes VERY deep. It shows total commitment, partnership, and loyalty to her husband, just as the husband (should) display total loyalty and commitment by providing, protecting and pleasing his (one and only) wife. Saying that it’s not deep devalues marriage to how it is in modern society, rather than what it is supposed to mean
@@Jackjackjackjackjackjackjaque marriage was devalued when no fault divorce became a thing
@anlnsanetaco u are unaware of the culture i think does ya mom, sister,grandma ,aunties and what ever else woman u have in ya family do none of them carry the husbands last name ? And are culture there is alot of couples who never married thats why the woman doesnt use the mans name so i think u just getting white washed out here😂
“I wanna keep my fathers last name, it’s really important”
“……unless his last name is like really cool”
I can’t be the only one who heard that idiocy
Personally I would take my husband's last name UNLESS his last name sucked. Why would you downgrade?
@@becks3531 To say changing your last name is downgrading depending on how ‘cool’ your husband’s last name sounds is like the argument of a 12 year old girl. How ‘cool’ a last name sounds is completely subjective.
The real reason for a wife changing her last name is to signify her father is no longer responsible for her well-being, and that her husband is now responsible.
You may say it is ridiculous for the husband to be responsible for the wife’s wellbeing, but here is an example. It is an extreme example, but life and death is when things really matter.
If my wife’s and my house were burglarized by dangerous men, my ONLY purpose in life at that point is to get my wife to safety by getting either getting her out of the house, or by stopping the threat. My wife’s main goal would be to stay alive and not get hurt. If the husband saves himself, whether or not his wife dies, he has failed and must live with the shame of not protecting his wife. If the husband dies saving his wife, there is no shame for her. Personally, I would gladly choose to die protecting my wife and kids rather than to save myself.
Ultimately, a woman taking on the name of her husband is honoring him as the protector of their family. My view of this matter is more of a Biblical stance also because I see marriage as two fleshes cleaving together and becoming one. The name signifies you are one family unit, under the husbands protection.
@@J_Trask well, the bible was written by a 2000 year old goat f**ker who was down with slavery and thought death sentences for people who wore two different types of cloth was A-Okay, so that argument is out.
Guns exist, and most people in America can have them, so the protection argument is out.
And Women largely, in spite of popular belief, often do and can get paid as much as men these days, so THAT argument is out.
It's a stupid tradition, i don't care what her argument is, it's infinitely better than yours, which are all rooted in archaic, draconic f**king nonsense.
Get bent.
@@J_Trask did you know this is considered to be an “extreme right wing” opinion lol
@kdburner7356 what does it matter? Marriage is a purely biblical concept. Makes sense for people to have biblical expectations for marriage. You want something different? Call it a civil union then. But the government has no business in something between a man, a woman, and God.
"Devoted in every way possible"
But changing your last name is too much devotion
Why should she? Why not him take hers? And you don’t even know if her future husband would want that.
@@barnaby4232 women get child support the man always has to impress the woman pay for the date clothing ect why can't she take his last name?
@@Gdoug325 child support works both ways and paying for the date etc is optional
@Barnaby I mean not optional if you want a relationship with the woman lol
@@Gdoug325 I mean it’s whatever sort of relationship you want if you don’t mind paying for everything and stuff then it’s not a crazy demand but if your relationship is more nuanced than that there what good reason is there for her to take it.
I am very traditional but struggled with the idea of changing my last name one day. Turned out when I got married I was excited to take his name because it was an honor that he wanted to give me his last name.
In our Vietnamese culture, we get to keep our last names. Traditionally, however, people will then start referring to you as Mrs. “Husband’s first name” 😂
That’s cute ☺️ I married into an Arabic family and women do not change their last names when they marry. My nieces and nephews call me “mart khalo” (wife of my uncle) and people outside the home refer to couples with children as Abu (first sons name) and Om (first sons name) meaning father of … and mother of… So we’re still linked with names without legal changes 😊
I hate
❤❤❤
Nice!!
Yeah, here in Brazil it's the same. My wife added my name to hers, she didn't remove her parents names though.
I feel lucky as hell to be a millennial and also be married to a great trad millennial woman. They are rare!
As a gen z your a lucky bastard
Same but my misses is a Zoomer. She uses TikTok to binge watch stuff but thankfully shes stopping the use of it.
I'm a Gen Z so yea you really are fucking lucky Trad Z women are even fucking rarer then Trad Millennial women like when i finally venture into the dating world It's gonna be hard finding someone worth Marrying see getting married itself is not hard the hard part is finding someone who won't screw you over
@@kurtpunchesthings2411 I totally get it. I’m glad I don’t have to find that now. My suggestions, try a based church in your area. First for legit religious knowledge, but also because you are more likely to find a trad woman there. There are also apps for finding a conservative mate. I would start there, as well as living in a conservative area. Believe it or not I met my wife online like 20 years ago. So that is even easier now, but still no guarantee. Just try to put yourself in the best position where you are likely to find a like minded girl.
As a Boomer, and one that’s been happily married to “trad” woman for 35+ years, you younger guys really have my sympathy. Seriously.
When I was growing up, I couldn't wait to take my future husband's last name. I was proud to be my father's child, and now I'm proud to be my husband's wife.
Why were more proud of some hypothetical stranger over your own ancestors? Why isn't your husband proud of your heritage?
@@mo.ka.9661 huh
Your name your choice
@@mo.ka.9661that has to be the dumbest comment I read in awhile
@@kylermichael3972 elaborate
Having a family with one last name makes everything so much easier, especially with kids.
Legally changing your name across accounts and passports, utilities and businesses is quite costly
@@msnewsenior I got married just last year, it wasn’t costly at all. Some states even offer a name change with your marriage certificate. My state didn’t but it was $20 to receive three copies of the name change paperwork. It was free to get a new social security card, and it was also free to get a new license as long as you bring the name change paperwork, and it was free to get a new debit/credit card. I haven’t gotten a new passport because I don’t plan on traveling soon but all of the essentials are easy and cheap to change.
@@msnewsenior not in the US
Not to mention the countless agencies and businesses you have to deal with, who get all upset if more than one last name is used.
in your culture. not in mine
Wow! Michael had zero argument here ...
I see no problem with them keeping their last names. Some guys have fragile egos, clearly.
No we just tired of women wanting to keep 1 leg out the door and 1 leg in type of mindset. This whwole last name argument is just the tip of iceberg on a growing issue that keeps getting larger, women no longer respect men at all. And men are tired of the shitty options we have for wives. Gotta work 10 times harder, for 10 times less to get a woman 10 times worst than our grandmothers no thank you.
My dad died when I was 5 and I still love and miss him dearly, so that’s why I never wanted to change my last name which kind of connected me with him. I was lucky that my husbands last name was the same as mine! Every time I tell people our story they’re shocked 😂 and NO we’re not related!
I dated a girl with my last name and we asked our parents and they said we weren't related.
My dad never really had anything to do with his entire family and he went his own way when he was around 15 years old.
After it was all said a done, I found out I'd been banging my cousin because her aunt had completely forgot about my dad cause she only met him like once.
@@itsjustmechill.5292 well that’s unfortunate
@@itsjustmechill.5292 Doesn't matter.Its not like ppl make it sound.I have friends who's parents are cousins.Its fine.
Thanks for the last part. I needed that clarification.
As a man who wants his wife to have his last name, I agree with the women. It is their name it's their choice it doesn't make the marriage any less real or more real
thank you man, i was hoping someone was gonna say this. in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. pick which one has the cooler sounding last name, not much changes.
I think Michael just says anything to stay relevant to be honest.
My mom never took my fathers last name when they got married and they’ve been in a happy loving marriage for almost 30 years
@Random Stuff So will your children have 3 last names? If not, which one won't make the cut? When they marry, will they have 5 names (assume spouse also has multiple names). Will it get out of hand?
@@Beezlie727 I’m gonna name my kids whatever the hell I want, why do you care?😂😂
@@connorrowley2849 Okay and men won't want to make children with you congrats to living a life of solitude with 5 cats in your 30s.
@Random Stuff I feel so sorry for the man that makes the mistake to pregnant you.
That's not a thing in my culture. Women keep their last name and men don't seen any lowering in testosterone levels 🤷🏻♀️
Interesting. Where are you from??
@@JamesSharo Spain. Spanish women never had to give up their last names. It's a matter of cultural background.
Im also spanish and my mom has her parents name.
Honestly there is no good or wrong choice here. Do whatever you feel like doing.
Culturally having the new husbands name meant that you are now part of his family and under his protection.
Its not that deep.
I think if you want to keep it thats cool,jf you dont thats cool aswell.
@@amukbir8777 My point is that men from other cultures, especially those from the US, treat this custom as if we were disrespecting or neutering our men, wich is far from the truth.
Same in Argentina
In Puerto Rico we don’t change our last name when we get married. Sometime culture plays a role in not wanting to change our last name
I was looking for a comment like this because this changing last name thing seems to only be a western thing. In my culture women shouldn't change their last name when they get married, the idea being is that you don't all of the sudden belong to that family. You're still your father's daughter
@@m.a3152 yes I have my dad’s last name and my mother’s last name no middle name.
I really think is not a big deal. I had this topic brought many time by my in laws and my husband and I talked about this.
I was adopted so I already have a lot of trouble paperwork wise because of it, changing my name a 3rd time will be even more hard.
I have no kids but I told my husband if we do we will put both last names, even tho usually the kid will probably use just one (which is fine for me)
In hair salons, nail salons etc I actually take my husband name because is easier for Americans so I don’t have to spell my name everytime I want to make an appointment.
But for us is not deal breaker, never has never will be. Sometime American think there is just one correct way or just one culture and that is completely incorrect
In my culture, we don't even have last name (father's name in our name/family name). And we don't have to change name too after we get married.
From a Vietnamese person, thank you! 😫 This is a cultural tradition that I respect, but people need to learn that there are other traditions out there as well!
So do the Kids get the Mother or Fathers last name?
I guess this is an American issue. Here in Latin America you not only keep your last name, your children will have 2 last names.
Then what will their children have? 4 last names?
@@iloveamerica64 No, it's always 2 last names. For example, father's last names are "Arias Navarro" and the mother's are "Pérez Segura", their children's last names would be "Arias Pérez". We just put together the parent's first last names, and the father's last name always comes first.
@@iloveamerica64 only the paternal last names of the parents get passed down to the kids.
Yes it’s deffo just a North American issue. They care about stupid issues like this without even thinking how insignificant this is and not even knowing other countries and cultures dont operate that way but foresake women who don’t want the man’s name 😂😂😂😂
@@aimimoque1155 So, the sir names of the men’s fathers are the only ones that are passed down right? I still think it’s the same point just a different way of doing it. I’m also curious if someone were to not choose to do it that way in your culture, for instance pass down the to mothers maiden names instead, would that be considered disrespectful? I’m really just wondering, not trying to be rude or disrespectful.
Michael is so f’cking nice man.
Dudes a gent
Uh....except he wants to bring back death penalty because "people should see more death"...this among other authoritarian positions he holds.
Maybe in real life, he's a chill cigar-smoking buddy. But his positions are often problematic.
@@AntonAchondoa wrong. You're cancelled.
@@purple.9919 XD
"Cancelled" huh? Ok mature safe-space SJW dude.
@@purple.9919 ruclips.net/video/h2IcGO1lrQ4/видео.html
an older video where Knowles is enthusiastically for the death penalty.
@@AntonAchondoa That’s awesome! I like him more now!
I'm Native American, our names have been pretty much eradicated. There's a million Smiths, Johnsons, Miller, ect. If you say "My family name will no longer exist." I feel like that's a valid argument for either side.
If they’re women the name is going to disappear with them anyway. Kids take the fathers last name not the mothers.
@M. Perry So then take on the mother's last name. An entire family name disappearing from existence because not enough boys were born doesn't make any sense. Even the guy in the video could agree on those cases.
I doubt she knows if she’s actually the last in her family to have that last name, it’s very likely the name is still carried by a different branch of the family tree. And what if she marries a man who is also apparently the last in line with his last name? Plus I doubt her people are facing the threat of cultural erasure that yours have suffered
@@Sierra99 You need to look at the names of native tribes and the commonality of their languages today.
@@c4yourself319 What do you mean? I know they’re not common, I acknowledged that natives have had much of their culture erased but was saying she’s not native and the her last name Flynn is definitely not endangered
Michael has a much more humble approach with women, and even if he can’t convince them to change certain behaviors that bug tf outta men, he at least gets them to think.
When will you males think about all the entitled behaviors you have that bug women
His argument is basically "but it's weird" and they're saying it shouldn't really matter. Being humble doesn't mean smart
@@naveenp2066 No, the argument is you take your husbands last name because that shows you are becoming his family. Not taking his last name shows some reservation in the relationship. No self respecting man would marry a woman who wouldn't even take his last name.
@Sir Rebral Palsy maybe I'm missing some context from the full convo but I thought they're saying keeping their last name as the family name which is no different from making the husband's last name the family name. I dont think that's weird at all but both parties not taking either last name I agree is a little weird
He really was cool and level headed with these girls
Been married for a decade to a woman who didn't change her name. Never even crossed my mind to give a shit.
So you’re just dating
@@joeloweryourexpectationsbiden You must be a child or unworldly because this is very common
@@joeloweryourexpectationsbiden but they just said they're married
They think men should own their wives🙄
Fr. It’s pointless.
In Italy women keep their surnames it's not even easily possible to change your surname
Such compelling values! “I wouldn’t replace my father’s name…unless the other name made my name sound really cool.” I’m sure he’s proud.
True but I'd keep Fiona Flynn too especially if you've got a career where people see your name
What kind of value is it to thow your heritage out the door?
@@blanco7726 That appears to be the priority.
@@mo.ka.9661 Exactly.
@@mo.ka.9661 She doesn’t even care about her heritage. She’s a narcissist.
I'm for changing the last name for two reasons:
1) it makes tracing family lineages much easier for future generations, and
2) if you have kids, it's really nice to all share the same last name.
I'm divorced, and the only reason I don't change my name back is because I want to have the same last name as my kids. Other than that, do what is best for you 😊
I loved following the family lines where the kid's middle name was the mother's maiden name, especially when there were second, third, etc wives due to deaths.
But how do you follow the woman's family line? She didn't come from her husbands family she joined his. Muslims don't change lady names and they do really well at keeping family trees
1) That's exactly the opposite, if you don't know maiden name of mother it's a problem to track family lineage
2) My mother has her maiden name, that's never been a problem
When my ex wife and I divorced one of my stipulations that I fought for was for her to change her name back to her maiden name. She lost me and my love. She also lost my name. He who gives can take away.
Way easier for contries that use spanish customs. First Name, Fathers Last Name, then Mothers Last Name. She never legally changes her last name, and kids get the first last name of each parent.
I legally changed my name with my first husband, our two children share his last name. When we were going through the divorce process he claimed "he still owned me because I had his last name" changed thar quickly and with my second husband I kept my madden name because it was just easier with my older kids as my name on their birth certificate was my Maiden name. We had two children together both got his last but my name is the same on all 4 birth certificates and honestly it was less paper work needed when dealing with school etc.
Everyone makes their own choices on what feels right to them. Thankfully my 2nd husband understood and never felt offended.
Does he not realize that not every culture is the same? It's not some innate aspect of being a human lol.
Because it's american culture yes we do have a culture unlike other countries we don't force people that come here to adopt our culture.
@@aryksanchez5070 just force women to change their names apparently
I live in Chile. In spanish speaking countries women don´t change their last name.
The last name situation also reminds me of the finance situation. My husband and I got married in 1985, and there was no other thought in our head except that we would put our finances together and then pay the bills from that money together. Now I’ve got family that pays bills separately and it makes it easier for them to just get out of the marriage whenever they want to.Starting a marriage with the idea of getting out of it, does not work well
I think this is a very cultural conversation, I’m Latino, and for me it’s very common to see a child with 2 last names, this was actually really interesting, cuz I’m not really see someone view it as strange 😆
Completely a cultural issue. Michael Knowles usually have good arguments but in this case he just straight wrong. Many cultures do not engage in surname changes. This include many Muslim cultures, Asian cultures and even some European cultures.
@@vkak1so if he married a traditional Muslim woman, who's culture would win? Most muslin women are subservient to the husband so would that mean she has to change her last name or would it be freedom of religion for her to keep her last name?
@@Aaroncarter95 this is some serious mental gymnastics. Firstly, if a Muslim woman is marrying a man, she must marry a Muslim man, or else, by religion, the marriage is not recognized in the eyes of God and she would be committing Zina (fornication) every time she sleeps with him. Now, she can easily forego this rule and still marry a non-muslim man, but if she does that, that simply means she decided her religious obligations was secondary to her worldly desires. And if that's the case, the point of a surname change is not even a topic of conversation given that she freely chose not to follow the edicts of her religion in terms of marriage, so why is being subservient or any such characteristic something she adheres too??!! In other words, the question you asked....makes no sense.
Now, on the opposite hand, if she married a man who is Muslim, and the marriage is now recognized as legitimate to God - that is, everything is perfect so far; then by rights of the religion, a Muslim woman is not allowed to change her surname. Seeing as the man is also Muslim, he knows this ruling and thus no surnames are changed. Now if he catches a hissy fit over it and wants her to change it, then he is violating the edicts of the religion he is supposed to follow. In such a case, the woman will retain her surname as one's obedience to God supercedes obedience to anyone or anything else. And if he still is pissed off, it means that marriage would not work to begin with so they're better off just divorcing before they kill each other (figuratively and literally perhaps) or better yet, just discussing these issues BEFORE marrying to see if both are adhering servants of God.
@@vkak1 this wasn't mental gymnastics. This was a serious question and the fact you instantly jumped to "oh he's trolling and putting out garbage" says a lot about you. I know jack shit about true Muslim life or religion so I was asking a genuine question. You know it's not illegal to try and learn new things right? It's not illegal to hear what other people have to say or how they think despite what the news says.
@@Aaroncarter95 you're right. I'm sorry.... genuinely. That was me being arrogant and not answering with humility like I should have. Sorry bout that, and I hope that you gained some insight from my response.
I'm a 59 year old woman, and I disagree with him on this.
Women giving up their own family name, is a Cultural thing...and in many cultures it just isn't done. So there is no 'should' when it comes to taking on the husband's name.
And for many women, their last names are just as important to them as that man feels like men's last names are important to them. And too, it's a pain in the ass to have to switch out one's last name on official documents and such.
Also, I am perfectly fine about it, if it's what the woman wants to do...take on her husband's last name. In fact some 15 years ago, when I worked in a retail home furnishings store... I had this widowed elderly lady come in with her daughter who was in her 40s.
The elderly lady pulled out her checkbook to pay for a washer/dryer set she bought and on the check she signed.... "Mrs. John Jones" and her daughter just about had a fking cow over it. Actually LECTURED her mom about how she had her own name, and needed to stop signing paperwork using 'dead' husband's name to 'justify' her existence.
It took Everything in my power to tell that daughter to shut the F up.
Her mom was raised in a different era, and she was not a stupid woman, and if she still wanted to use 'Mrs John Jones" to identify herself to the world...to me that just shows how much love and respect she still had for her husband.
She felt comfortable with it, and in fact, back in the era when she was a young woman and got married, that name usage was probably a huge, and exciting part of being married...to be able to call herself wife of 'Mr. Jones" in that manner.
What's right, is allowing Humans chose whether or not to do a name change...what's wrong, is the title of this clip that 'Women Should take their husband's names"
Women are no longer property with our names needing changed to show we went from our father's control to our husband's control with the last name reflecting who was in control of us. So it should be a volunteer thing based upon the woman's comfort level...ditto goes with the wedding tradition of the dad 'handing over the bride to the husband' -- I don't mind that, but some women detest the idea.
For me, it's an action that can mean, 'I'm sharing my love and protection of my daughter with you, the husband.' Rather than the more traditional meaning of 'she belonged to me, and now she belongs to you."
Changing my last name was the easiest thing. Signed my marriage license with my new last name. Filed that. Went to the social security office, provided my documents, had a new card 2 weeks later. No different than getting a driver's license. Easy peasy. If providing documents is hard, we got a whole new problem...
@@CrunchyCrumblesASMR I'm glad you found it easy, but in some places, it means waiting for some time in line/reception areas to submit those documents. I live in an itty bitty town, but our Social Security office is Packed, more often than not...you go in there and it's at least 1/2 an hour to 45 minutes before you even get to meet with someone.
Also, after a name change, a woman should inform all her contacts in her address book to inform them of the name change. Then there are credit cards, bank accounts, on-line services...etc...that will probably have to be notified.
And, while you might have found it easy, for other people, it's more difficult to do and/or it's stressful.
And for some, they don't feel that just because our USA culture leans towards women changing their names...many women don't even want to spend 1 Minute doing such things...like running around to various places with documents and spending time doing that...or wading through on-line processes to do it.
No one gets married, thinking it's only going to last 3 months to a few years. And many marriages that do fail, often the woman wants her own last name back, or the ex-husband doesn't want his last name attached to her anymore...so then the process begins again...name change back to the woman's original last name.
However, hopefully, marriages last a lifetime and those women who did change their name, will only find it a 1 time inconvenience.
But mainly, my comment was aimed at the title of that clip where that Man thinks women "SHOULD" have to change their names when they get married. He has absolutely no good argument towards that.
To me, it just reflects a mind set of 'now this woman belongs to me, my family and no longer her family' Which was/is in our culture, the purpose of women getting their names changed from the beginning.
To me, that's a rather arrogant statement for any man, or woman to make. That women 'Should'....meaning being forced by law....to change their names. So much for a free society and equality in that regards to women.
@@StormyPeak your explanation is so simple yet good. Take respect.
So would you say that since the woman does not take up the man’s last name, the man can relinquish his loyalty and commitment to her whenever he pleases? Your response kind of echoes modern society and just letting ppl do as they please, which has been shown to be making society worse
@@Jackjackjackjackjackjackjaque The last name doesn't reflect loyalty lol. It reflects the change of her, society I guess, after marriage. She will be identified with her husband's family. That's what last names reflect.
And the vows or rituals during a marriage (or if you don't believe in God, then it's gonna be the legal bond) that dictates you cannot cheat.
Y'all why does it matter? Like if your last name before marriage is special to you, then keep it. If you like your partner's last name is even more special to you, use that.
Idk Micheal asked the question 😂
Because you're not demonstrating any commitment if you keep your original name, it's not about how your name sounds, or if it is cool or not, marriage is a symbolization of a bond, and changing your last name is also signifying the creation of a new family. Learn how these things work.
@@josh18230 then why doesn’t both the guy and the girl change the last name to form unity and show commitment?
@@twocents7509 last names signify the tribe or family you belong to and are under the protection of. Thats why back in BC times people would be called Jeff of Nashville. Towns back then were virtually inbred compared to the genetic options we have today.
@@twocents7509 People from Azerbaijan actually do this. Their tradition is to change both the husband and wife's last name to the last name of a relative from the groom's side to honor that relative. I think the relative is always male - not quite sure. It's such a beautiful tradition.
"I won't take my husband's name, cos I'm against the patriarchy!"
But they will keep their father's last name, or their grandfather's last name or their great grandfather's last name.
Because they had no choice in the matter…. It’s not like they were aware of it when they were a child
By the time they’re an adult they’ve grown used to the name, why would they change it then
@@yohankuriyan7633 so women are okay with things that are forced on them is what you’re saying. Ladies and gentlemen, we just concluded in favor of arranged marriages
@@cosmictreason2242 are you dumb?
@@cosmictreason2242 It’s not forced on them it’s their birth name. If it matters so much to you then pay all of the fees and fill out all of the documents for your wife associated with name changes
@@msnewsenior if you can’t follow the thread, make a new one. If the two of you are advancing contrary positions in defense of your side, hey, maybe your position is not logical.
Saying “it would be weird” isn’t a good argument. Explain why it would be weird
Expecting either party to change their last name is archaic. You are allowed to want to keep your name, and anyone who demands you change it doesn't respect your choices or wants. It doesn't matter the reason. Its your name, and wanting to keep it for any reason is already enough reason to keep it.
I had a friend lose her dad to cancer and her last name is how she still felt close to her dad, she didn’t change it and her husband was ok with that. I didn’t change my last name because it’s a little tribute to my dad as well. My children all have my husbands last name and depending on the person I introduce myself using his last name. It’s not disrespectful, I am still a devoted wife and mother for 13 years (and counting).
It is disrespectful; you simply have a beta husband who is too scared to put his foot down.
@@uhlspetznaz lmao. K.
@@marywhitwickie994 😂 you have this good post with rational reasoning and the first response is like nah you suck haha. Last names aren't that deep 😂
@@archoss2234 I stay unbothered, I just thought I’d offer another perspective on keeping my last name other than “I like my name”… my husband has the paper and promise in front of god that makes me his wife. The internet is off the rails.
I seriously don’t understand why it’s so important to change our last names.
I am Hispanic, and in my culture, we never change our last names. We have two last names. The first last name is the father's and the second last name is the mother's last name.
For example:
Father:
Juan Rodriguez Rivera
Mother:
Maria Morales Monica
Baby:
(Name) Rodriguez Morales
Honestly, I wouldn't want to take my husband's last name if it sounds awful like "butt" or "roach," but if it bothered my spouse a lot I would consider taking his because I think there has to be compromise. Relationships shouldn't be so selfish, but with that said I think the man should consider how the woman feels as well. Discussions should definitely be had.
We always fucking consider how you feel. Why do you think we work so hard. So you can get all the expensive makeup and purses.
I am fine being a minimalist. But I would change that in a heartbeat for a woman I love.
Men do a complete 180 for the woman they love. Most women are not willing to do the same.
it depends on backgourd and culture. Last names are a form of tracking the family tree and can be expressed in different ways.
Showing loyalty means being faithful and showing love in action. A last name is irrelevant to one's character.
No taking your husband's last name is the first act of submission and devotion to your husband......that's loyalty and a lot of women forgot that part.
And where is is the men side of devotion, excluding anything msterialistic???? If she has to give up her identity, the first deteriminug thing about her, then after marriage what is his scr if devotion and loyalty???@@aryksanchez5070
Not really but okay @@aryksanchez5070
What’s not being factored in is that our names are an essential part of our identity from birth. It’s really crazy that there is an expectation for women to change the core of their identity just because they get married.
It is a showing of devotion, historically it is you are leaving your clan to join your husband’s, you now live with him and his clan so you have the clan name. It may be dated but the changing of the last name shows unity and is a sign of marriage.
But it's never been an issue till now. Nothing crazy about the expectation of a phenomenon that has been occurring for a gyatdamn long time.
@AutisticTurtle historically, it's showing a transfer of "property". Women never had a say in that. Don't try to romanticize the true history of this "tradition"
@Alex Harbour women being recognized and treated as a man's property has been an issue for a long time. And there are plenty of women who have decided to keep their own identity...once they were given the right to
@@pinkfreespirit4243 they didn’t have a say but the man didn’t have much of a say either, most people were betrothed by their parents at a young age. I think if you love your husband very much you will take his name, young women practice saying their name with their crushe’s last name. If it’s the man’s job to provide and protect and that’s what our job is you can change your name because that’s your job.
My wife did not like the idea of taking a mans name. We merged both our last names and to our surprise my dad thought it was fantastic. Her dad cried. He felt honored. Worked well for us. Been married 14 years.
🙄
The exception don't make the rule you were lucky.
@Aryk Sanchez agreed. I am not saying everyone should do this. Do what is right for you as a couple. I'm adopted, and my family is extremely abusive, in many ways. So for me i was happy to change my name. If i was proud of it i can honestly say i am not sure what the end result is. I don't know what friends are married anymore as everyone is doing the name hyphen. Sorry. Prolly would have been better with more back story
In some Asian communities the female keeps her last name, and their offspring gets their father’s surname. If they get divorced the wife returns back to her family. Recently it’s allowed where the male can change his surname to his wife’s last name. Women who have established a career using their own name will keep their surname, because that’s how they’re known.
in spain they do that too. They always have both parent’s names and then their child drops their maternal grandmother name and uses their mom’s name
I'm from a family of 3 girls. My sister's got married and took their husband's last names. I kept mine to carry on my dad's legacy. I keep my mom's maiden name hyphenated, and my kids will have a hyphenated last name too. He understands and honors it as well. Tradition does not always mean correct and it should not dictate your lives.
This IS tradition in most countries... just not in the states.
almost all branches of my family are hyphenated. ✌🏽
I kept mine because I love what it means in Italian. My daughter has my last name as a middle name and my husband’s last name is her last name.
@@207mphgtr Interesting! Where are you from?
I wanted to take my man’s name. I wanted to be his. ❤
Most beautiful thing a woman can say ❤
100%! Our husband becomes our covering as Christ is his. Taking your husband’s name is a verbal recognition that you are one flesh. ❤️
And he didn't want to be yours?
@@mo.ka.9661 What makes you jump to this conclusion?
Same here ! I went as soon as possible to change mine as well. ❤ I never even thought this way. As a young teen if I ever had a crush or boyfriend I would doodle my name with their last name on my notebooks and folders at school lol 😂 It never crossed my mind to ever keep my maiden name. It also ties you together as a family. I have 4 sons. I couldn’t imagine them not having their fathers ( my husbands ) last name or me having a different last name then them.
"If you're devoted in everyway possible"
Except the name!
If your last name is actually pinkey, I can see why you’re personally offended by this.
@@kruisik I’m not. My ex didn’t take my last name, and she initiated. I guess I can just see a pattern.
@@brianpinkey676 my sisters best friend didn’t take her husbands last name (it’s Dick lol). They are on their fourth pregnancy and very happily married. Idk, if men don’t want to change their last names either, it kind of just shows a double standard to me. I know it’s traditional, but you can’t complain if you also wouldn’t do it.
@@kruisik Here's the thing honey do women have to work 40 hours and pay all the bills, did your sister approach her husband? Does your sister make the most money? That's why it's not a double standard that man already had to do a lot to pull and convince your sister to be with him, all she had to was be pretty and agreeable and kind, that's why it's different men bring a lot to the table, women generally don't other than their feminism charm and their good looks. Men suffer all the risks and none of the rewards from marriage.
@@brianpinkey676 Yeah I've heard of a woman that refuse to take her husband's last name but agree that her kids will have the husband's last name they had an agreement then when she got prego she changed her mind because her friends and family told her she should, so now he either has to accept his kids won't have his last name or their names will be hyphen to....Sure he could argue but at that point she wins either way and judge will just hyphenate their names and they can't come to an agreement. Give a woman an inch she'll take a fucking mild. And then she had the audacity to publicly shame him on tik tok for it as well because she couldn't understand what the issue was.
Michael is that cousin who is super rich and only comes to your hood during the holidays and you get to introduce him to hood shit 😂😂😂😂 he is just so amuzed by how they act in their normality
Yes!!! 😭😭
Ratchetness can be amusing
Lmao that’s amazing. My last name is Flynn when we were discussing names for our daughter I vetoed Fiona because it would be too alliterative. 😂 I didn’t want her to sound like a Stan Lee comic character.
I'm from Puerto Rico and I always thought that this "tradition" of changing women last name when married is a complete mess.
Femenist
As a fellow Latina, the whole husbands last name has a history of ownership which is why THIS GUY loves it and thinks it’s so bizarre that these women have a differing opinion.
Fr!!! Do any latin/hispanic country does it?
This is the most trivial thing in a relationship. It doesn't even matter. Most guys don't care.
This is a lie, most guys def would care if their fiancé told them she wasnt changing her name.
@@BobbyMarley718 no, because most couples right now are trying to pay for a mortgage and childcare. It's just an added expense to change your name.
@@BobbyMarley718 my man, it is *just* a name, it’s not that deep 💀💀
Haha two women saying it doesn’t matter. It definitely does ladies. It’s called legacy, it’s how bloodlines work. Imagine if we do this for 3 generations, you’d be unable to trace your bloodline hahaha
You are a weak man if your wife doesn't take your last name
Words have meaning and so do names. Mine happens to be Benjamin David which translates to "Son of my Right hand" in Hebrew.
Benjamin is "son of the right hand"
I'm not sure the meaning of David.
@@BasedZoomer It is generally thought to mean "beloved".
In my culture we dont take husband’s last name
What kind of culture is that 🧐
@@claytonphillips85there’s a lot of culture where the wives don’t take their husbands’ last name. In my culture, we don’t change name after marriage, either. I’m from Vietnam btw.
@@claytonphillips85Muslim's take their father's name
You're missing the point. In cultures where women keep their last names, they aren't doing it because they are independent boss babes. They do it to recognize their paternal lineage. Even if they keep their last name, they still are part of their husband's family and the children have the husband's name.
@@claytonphillips85that really bothers you doesn't it😂
I kept my last name but have all the love and respect for my husband.
deep down he isn't happy about it. I guarantee it.
@@jimjam2024 why do you think that?
@@jimjam2024 it’s hyphenated soo have both
@@jimjam2024 then the same logic applies to women who change their name. Deep down they aren’t happy about it
@@jimjam2024 if he is then that’s pathetic
If I propose, thinking I found the one, but then says what these gals are saying .....we will break up. I'll thank her for her honesty to dodge a bullet.
In Spain, the wife does NOT take the husband's name. But the children take BOTH the Father's and Mother's last name.
very good, spain has their priorities straight 👍
Can you explain how it works for the next generation? like do they keep adding on last names?
It's the same tradition in Mexican families. There's no "middle" names. The surnames are given by both parents. The Father's surname is put in the (what Americans call) middle name category, and the Mother's name is given as the (as most Americans consider) last name.
Okay so when do you stop using last names? Shouldn't you be able to trace your lineage back really really far and have a ton of names? Whats the cutoff?
So this is where Estaban Julio Ricardo Montoya Delarosa Ramirez comes from
As muslim girls, we keep our father’s last name after marriage
Yes, that is a right of a Muslim woman. She has the option of taking her husbands last name or keeping her father’s last name. The children take the husbands last name.
@@OmarEleter-r4pand children belong to the father
thaank god im muslim
I dont wanna give up my fathers name for my husbands name
@@kpotato2617 kids belong to the Muslim father no mother has the right of her kids in Muslim families , especially if she is non Muslim ,I know many examples when non Muslim women had to leave their kids with the father
Yeah, 6 years olds generally do what their father tells them to do.
I am proud of the girls holding up. To think that you aren't married until you take their last name is such a myopic way of thinking. There is no maturity in that marriage.
Then they don't have to have an engagement ring or a big wedding either then.
@@jimjam2024 ofcourse not. Who cares for huge ass rings and weddings. These podcasts bring the weakest feminists out there who deliberately skewer the ideology just to break it down. A dirty tactic.
I’ve been married for 25 years. Wife kept her last name, no big beal. It may be important to some guys; to me, huge non-issue.
What about the countless government agencies and private businesses that throw a fit and need repeated paperwork assurances if you have different names? Those weren’t an issue? No fits when the wrong name got applied to the wrong partner over and over again in official documents and mail?
Yeah this makes complete sense to me. It just doesn't really matter as much as people in this comment section seem to think.
That's because you are a simp and probably have been cheated on for most of your marriage.
Us Muslim don't change our last name when we get married Alhamdulillah 💖😊.
False information. Maybe in your culture you don’t but it’s different in every country. Has nothing to do with religion and i am Muslim as well so I know.
@@pinar5673 no in Islam it is not allowed women to change her last name when get married (she can't take her husband's last name). But if you say your Muslim but your culture does it and you follow your culture don't make it as a Islamic thing it is not.
Doesn’t always go this way. Sometimes the husband agrees to keep the wife’s last name.
In the US, the types of husbands who will take their wife’s last name often marry the types of women who take boyfriends.
With rare rare exception, the men who take their wife’s name are essentially….the wife. They are beta males. However, there was a guy, who loved his fiancés dad…..who had no sons. The groom had 5 brothers with lots of kids. So the groom told his father in law to be….”I spoke with my father, and he and I both agree….if you will have me….that I will change my last name to your last name….so that your name Will carry on.”
In my country, S.E.A Code-62 any Married Modern/Traditional/Anything Women truly Want to use Husband's Name, there are/were even some who after divorced, They Still Ask to "Please Allow Me To Use Husband's Name untill I Get Married Again".
Why should she take your father's name
When you're single, you have your father's last name, because he is your protector and provider. When you get married your husband will be your protector and provider. If you want to share last names, then, protect and provide for yourself.
I mean that's kind of meaningless if you have a deadbeat dad. Last names are incredibly arbitrary and can technically be whatever you want, having one to honor your husband or father is fine if you want but you can't force that on other people who want something different
And it doesn't work at all in a gay marriage what do you think 2 husband's should do, swap? 2 wives, no last name?
@@EmmyRae1885 The fact that you brought up gay marriage in a Michael Knowles comment section is hilarious, most people who watch his content probably are not in favor of gay marriage in the slightest
True dat!
@Tommy Ward idk what is wrong with the youtube reels algorithm they really are dropping the ball even instagram does better
Maybe in backwards countries that's how it's done but +90% of the world have never done this. NB USA is 4% of that -10%🙃.
my mom kept her father's last name and her relationship with my father is great and i'm lucky to have them as parents. not sure what the big deal is here. if she chooses to keep her last name that's her choice. love should speak for itself.
Exactly 💖
Did you keep your Grandpa’s last name as well?
My wife kept her last name only for convenience. It would have been a nightmare for all her medical licensing to be reissued under a different last name. Our children carry my name.
@Catania Momma Italia 😂😂😂
Literally the same scenario here.
@Catania Momma Italia He didn't pick anyone, that's who happened to be in front of him on someone else's podcast.
@cataniamommaitalia87 wrong
@cataniamommaitalia87i was with you until... yeah. Idc what you do, but your actions reflect what you are as a person (crazy, i know, right?) So it is not unreasonable to say that, unless you have a REALLY good reason not to, then you're just disrespecting your man by disrespecting this long tradition that exists since the beginning of time to honour the family as a single unit, instead of being divided like in today's date.
Why doesn't the man take the woman's last name? Or better yet why don't couples choose a completely new last name to share.
I like how we do it in Brazil. We keep our maiden name and add the husbands. The kids actually get both names. When I got married, I had three last names (from my parents). I kept one and added my husband’s name with it. It’s strange when two married people don’t share a last name
See, the way I see it - if you know they have different last names... then, yeah, that is strange... and quite possibly, they won't last long together.
I never took my husband's last name. But if you met us, you would never know that because I never make it a point to tell people I have a different last name. If he gave his first and last name and introduced me as his wife ... he'd give my first name and that's it. (though, really, we've never been in that situation - it's only ever been first names only) I've never had anyone look at me expectantly for a last name. If you call me by his last name, I wouldn't correct you. Socially, no problem, use his last name with my first name all day long - it doesn't bother me one bit. Legally, though, well... I've never had any social interaction be 'legal'... the two worlds never mix. Legal last name only comes out with the bank, my doctor, my pharmacist, the lawman, the person who signs my checks, and the taxman. That's it.
I love your sign in name... Dr. Amanda Mãra Rizzoto... It rolls off the tongue. Beautiful!
My family do that in America and so does my wife's family. It's not unusual with families where both sides are prominent.
@@BigT2664 Thank you so much!🥰
i think that’s the best way to do it. honors both sides
I don't agree with him on this one. If these women want to keep their last name, and not their husbands, that's their choice 🤷♂️.
I always tell my sister that if she ever gets married that she should keep her last name, because at the end of the day the love she has with her husband is what's going to count.
I know from talking to friends who are from Egypt that women keep their father's name after they married, and their children take the husband's last name. I know American men who have taken their wife's last name bc their last name was a tough one or the names sound better together. I understand why we have last names handed down the way we do, but I don't think it's a marriage deal breaker if you don't follow the rules/customs to the letter...more important thing is to love each other.❤
Right?! 👏🏼👏🏼
Yeah, I always thought I’d take my husband’s name but my boyfriend’s surname doesn’t go well with my Christian name. Obviously our kids will have his name, just not me.
It's definitely a question of culture. There's no generic right or wrong way, but if a partner is not willing to abide by the other's cultural norms, are they really a good fit?
In Celtic tradition, the last name is truly a family name. I suppose a man could take a woman's family name, if it was more prestigious, but normally women would have married into status instead of the other way. Either way, not adopting one family name would indicate being of different families, which makes it hard to argue that they actually love each other, if they can't even join houses in name.
A marriage is the woman entering into my kingdom. She doesn't bring a crown of her fathers' into my kingdom. My kingdom gives her a crown, and she becomes my queen. Two kingdoms cannot live in one kingdom - and if a man gives up his title, he is no king, and completely worthless.
Fortunately, my lovely wife was raised right, and gladly took my name.
@@dwolfe2907 In other words, you insist that the man is the boss. Well, he isn't and there is no reason he should be. Neither should the wife be. They are - or should be - equals.
I know lots of women who didn’t change their name and when they had babies they hyphenated both names.
I find these debates so funny because in latino and hispanic culture, its very normal for people to have the surnames of both their parents. Like, literally no one cares if a married woman uses her maiden name, even in my family my mom will use both surnames quite often. So truly, its not the end of the world. Let people do what they want, whether thats taking their husband's last name, or keeping their maiden name and using both. Both are okay!
thing is in spanish/latino culture the kids take the name of the father which is the important thing. they'd have something to say about that
Yeah no thats just false. The children still take the last name of the father.
@@mazzaleen6091 Not sure if I didn't type correctly or if there was a misunderstanding, I was referring to the wife and just trying to say it doesn't really matter if wives use their maiden names or not.
@@vanillalatte6582 If the child takes the name primarily of the father, what is the point of bringing up that women keep their maiden name? The fact still remains the fathers name retains more weight just like it does in every other culture.
@@mazzaleen6091 the child takes both parents name. Not just one. None is rated higher than the other. As a married latino i retained my mom's family name and added my husband..so i took my father's name out my kids bear my mothers median name and my husbands name...so 😂 dont tell us what is...
As a latina we get both our father and mother last name so I'm not changing my name.
No matter what subject they are talking about the main thing I hear when these girls talk is "Me, Me, Me"
Isnt the point of taking someone elses last name also "me me me"
But a man wanting his wife to give up her name and take his is totally unselfish and understandable because someone decided it was a few centuries ago?
@@killme5630 no. It's ultimately about submission to God's Word, and thus submission to your husband. It's actually MORE than just submitting to your husband.
@@killme5630 dude the woman takes the man’s last name, and the man is also obligated to do things which put the family FIRST and himself behind. This is what marriage is about, putting the needs of ur family first
@@72-bit and in some cultures she doesn't, simple as that. Why use this choice as a one sided critique?
I’ve been married for over 40 years and I have to say, I grieved the loss of my maiden name. My husband’s name felt like someone else’s name. It took a lot of getting used to.
You’re allowed to change it back girl 😢. Individuality is important, and if your husband is a decent person, he will understand. He doesn’t own you.
If a wife doesn’t take her husband’s name then what name will their kids have? There’s a reason why people have been doing it this way for so long
I mean you can just look to China for the answer. If a woman from the Ren family marries a man from the Yang family she keeps her last name but is still considered to now be of the Yang family. The children of course follow their fathers surname as they are children of the Yang's. The woman is only keeping her last name to honour the family who raised her.
Intent is always really important in these things. The women in the video dont have any intention of honouring their parents they simply dont respect men and find changing their last name a burden.
Muslim women don't take their husbands last name but the children all take the father's surname
The kids obviously will have the husbands last name.. you guys need to realize that not everybody follows this western tradition 🤦🏻♀️
In latino countries people have two last names, both the father's and the mother's. Which I think is the most logical thing to do.
@@ohno7582 and you know this how??
When I got married I went from my surname Kelly to a name that no one can pronounce I don’t care I am proud to take my man’s name.
I don’t have my husbands last name . Not because of feminists. I’m not one. I love my husband he’s a kind person but I just simply didn’t take it cause his family treated me like total dog shit from the get go and they still don’t like me. I can see it in the way they make snide remarks when my husbands not around . They’re just cordial to save face otherwise . Why would I want to take on a family name from people that treat me like shit? That’s like excepting a branding I don’t want. I’m still my husbands wife regardless. I don’t feel any less married. I’ve been so good to his family even still. but to me they aren’t respectable people. My kids have my husbands last name and that’s fine with me . That’s their dad and they should have that connection to him. But I feel if the wife doesn’t want the name she shouldn’t feel obligated to take it.
Everyone should have the choice to take their spouse’s last name or not.
Bruh they probably don’t like you because you didn’t take their name. I know I wouldn’t respect someone if they did that.
The rule is that you take his last name
But every rule has an exception
You are one of those exceptions Lorey 🙂
@@tflo6198 lmao. Who cares.
Why. Doesn’t your hubby get his family in line or disown them? Who lets his family rag his wife?
I'm actually going to side with the girls on this one.
Many cultures don't take the husbands last name, because they find the connection of the bride to her family as important as her marriage.
this is america, as well what cultures would these be?
@@Ater_Nefarium It's not a rule, it's a custom and doesn't have to be adhered to. Why is a valid question.
@@TMar1961 Like I said, this is america. IN AMERICA ITS A CULTURE TO TAKE YOU MANS LAST NAME.
@@Ater_Nefarium It's a choice, period full stop. The practice was adopted when the most important thing for a wife was to give her husband a son to carry on the name.
@@TMar1961 are you saying she gave her son and her husband the most important thing her fathers last name 😂
I had a conversations similar to this 20 years ago with a woman that was married and kept her last name. She didn't eat meals with her husband, they took separate vacations, they kept separate bank accounts, they paid bills separately. Everything they did was separate aside from the bed where they slept. We had several conversations over the course of months as we worked together. One day she went to the registry and took her husband's last name, they began spending their time together and they found that at that point they were no longer roommates but a married couple, they unified their lives. Her husband stopped by one afternoon to thank me for our conversations.
These girls have a juvenile mentality fueled by feminism and an misunderstanding of the roles of spouses. It isn't necessarily about a last name but the mindset behind it. Different cultures have had different ways of last name convention but every culture has defined roles for spouses.
"Because that's the way things shake out". WOW! What a great argument. Can't top that logic.
It never even dawned on me to not take my husband's last name. We didn't even discuss it before marriage.
@Dwayne The Coke Johnson ok
I tried asking my wife if she wanted to keep her last name and she shut me down quick. I even told her that name was her identity for 25 years and I would understand. She just told me the day I asked her to marry her was the happiest she's ever been and would be proud to take my last name.
We've been married thirty years and still love and respect one another.
My husband and I were the same don't let these haters get you down :)
@@MainerdLoyd that is absolutely right. Love and respect. My husband never put any pressure on me to do it. He was fine with whatever. I wanted to do it because he was my new immediate family unit. People can hate all they want, but when it comes down to it, they live a much to selfish life to truly make anyone else happy.
That's because you're a normal person and you don't seek confrontation like most folks do. Some of the folks commenting here don't really understand that some of us may be a bit more focused on happily getting married rather than worrying about some sorta ego or power or whatever the mentality is. Thank you for being normal... I wish I were born 20+ years earlier so I coulda been raised in normalcy 😔
deal breaker.
if she is not willing to take my last name then we arent getting married.
@cataniamommaitalia87A REAL woman would change her name right along her "career". It's called life. It happens.
@cataniamommaitalia87Also, cultures aren't equal. Those cultures have a lot of polygamy and abuse in them. I wouldn't trust them.
@Catania Momma Italia last names were created around the 11th century so after the bible was made
verses Ephesians 5 22-24
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
And Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh
If a couple become of one flesh and the husband is the head of the wife as Christ of the church then it would make sense that a wife takes the last name of the husband.
@Catania Momma Italia tell us you're single and that you hit the wall without telling us you're a single bitter woman that hit her wall.
In my culture we keep our last name (my father’s). We don’t change it to our future husband’s just because we’re married. Our kids would take husband’s last name of course. ❤
My culture is the same. Some do, but majority don’t.
That’s actually very common around the world. Americans are a little unaware on this issue. Kind of strange for such a pluralistic society.
All feminism did was teach impressionable women was to be disrespectful and ungrateful- when we built this world and every comfort they enjoy for them
who is “we”? what exactly have you personally built in this world for women, let alone a single woman in general?
@@bendover-so2qc I "personally" have nothing to with the FACT that MALES built EVERYTHING you absolute moron
You argue just like a woman, when you can't argue facts you use shaming- loser
@@bendover-so2qc you know what is absolutely astonishing? The fact that you actually LIVE in this world and can see with your own eyes everything around you that MEN built, and still argue about the OBVIOUS. You just show how absolutely out of touch with base reality you are. Like, LOOK AROUND YOU WITH YOUR OWN EYES and tell me how many of those houses, roads, buildings, factories, cars, airplanes, etc that women built and then talk to me. Like snap out of that brainwashed delusional "reality" you live in and LOOK around uou at real reality
@@bendover-so2qc oh, I bought land and built a house for my Tongan wife and all her sisters on two acres of land in Tonga, THAT'S whst I've built.
@@malootua2739 And? That was your choice. Congratulations.
I will proudly take my father’s name with me to my grave. He was a great man and my hero. I’m almost 61 now. ❤ RIP, pop!
That's a bunch of bologna
I married at age 31. My birth name was my name. I was very uncomfortable rejecting the surname given me and used throughout my life. Not all cultures and times used surnames. If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have rejected the name I had used my whole life just because I married. I changed it because I felt social pressure, not because my husband said it implied anything. In some Asian cultures, the wives keep their original name while the children adopt the husband’s surname. This shouldn’t be shouted down as disrespectful.
As a “daddy’s girl” I totally relate to feeling as you do. However I also believe that the husbands name should be taken on. So hyphenate or switch imo.
I usually agree with him but bruh its her name, she decides. Marriage is more than a last name.
Tell you what: you don't have to take my last name but I don't have to buy you an expensive engagement ring. You can't just pick and choose which marriage traditions you like.
Perfect
Actually 100 agreed. Certain traditions are actually very silly. Personally, I’d go back and use the ring money to out towards our future. I don’t need to be spoiled, let’s spend on our children instead, then invest together- not just on me. That’s just me though…. But alas, we are trad and my husband adds a new ring to my finger every now and then 💗
I mean a lot of women don’t want an expensive engagement ring
Would you actually be okay with taking their name? Or are you just saying random crap to try and make a point
Simple exercise. Ask the very ones (in this video) who push the 'I don't want his name' agenda if they'd love a high value engagement ring. Let's see what THEY say. He's trying to expose double standards here. Understand him in context.
@@kay7ot644 Not really. The ring is not a requirement. And Michael Knowles is one of the not-so-smart breed of conservatives. He probably won't even know that different rules apply in other parts of the world. For him, tradition is self-sufficient.
Of course, it would be logical to argue that a common name would be more practical, especially for the children. But it can also be the woman's name, or a completely new one.
My wifes maiden name was Stone and my last name is Fox. She hyphenated and became Stone Fox. I was ok with that. Then her cousin married a girl who's maiden name was Gall. We were able to talk her out of being Gall Stone
my mother in law hyphinated my husband's last name. he was the only male left in the family to carry on her family's name. everyone else had daughters. now i took his name and we had a son together who will continue his family's name. we saved it and now it may last for many more generations.