Thank you for doing this. It must have been hard to share about your past. Please know it makes a difference. I didn’t know you could heal from BPD. I appreciate all you do for this community.
@@krisr3612 Yes, by heal I didn’t mean cure. I meant help. My brother is a recovered alcoholic and drug addict. So, even more so than before, I believe they can heal.
It's not a shame to have some diagnosis, but it is a responsibility of an adult person to work on that and find solutions. You are doing that in such a beautiful way :) My deep respect!
Agreed. I think if someone is willing to change and recognizes that they need to it speaks volumes to their character. No one, absolutely no one is perfect. But, knowing that and working on yourself is always the best road to take. Unlike Amber who seems to need SERIOUS help and was and is unwilling to to do it.
I cried listening to you. I have abandoned myself for three years and just locked myself inside the room doing nothing. I have given up therapy for years thinking that I will just be like this for the rest of my life, and I don't want to create harm to others nor trying to build a vibrant life anymore. Listening to someone who described me and my feelings so accurately made me feel understood. I want to go to therapy again, give myself and life another chance. Just leaving a comment here so everytime when someone sees this and replies, I will be able to listen to you and remind myself to carry on.
I have BPD and THANK YOU FOR THIS because I'm SO ashamed of it and it really gets me depressed understanding that I have this personality disorder. It's overwhelming and every single thing I read or hear about it is straight baaaaad connotations attached to BPD and it is so refreshing to see someone talk about it. It really is like a deep shame I carry so this helped. Thank you! ❤️ Truly.
@@valley5617 thank you so much. I really appreciate that. It's overwhelming at times but it's something you work at every single day and be mindful of...but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't overwhelming.
I wish you well. But I truly hope that you are sincere enough not to get into relationships with people. You deserve happiness and you deserve love, but others do not deserve the suffering involved in you pursuing those things. Good luck.
@@dickmonkey-king1271Lol I'm married and he's very aware but we are open about it and find constructive ways to...counteract if you will, the symptoms. We do therapy and I must say I've always been a serial monogamous so the infidelity aspect some have with BPD just never manifested. The intense jealousy, fearfulness, clingy-ness, over the top, is more my bag but we know it and I try every day to not behave like that. I fail sometimes but I try my best with my life in a very transparent way. You can't pretend you aren't who you are. You have to be real and open about it. I'm a former addict as well, sober 9 years as of May 8th. Every time I go to a doctor for any ailment I inform them of my past history and they don't prescribe anything that can hurt me. It's kind of like that. I make myself totally transparent because I'm not trying to fool anyone, I'm just sad about it is all. It makes me feel like something on me is broken and people don't want to see that but it is a part of who I am. I am terrified of rejection. Your comment to be honest made me feel like I was instantly rejected as a person and I KNOW that is irrational and ridiculous! It's just where my thought process instantly goes and it's very overwhelming. I really do try my best.
I was in a relationship with a man with BPD who was not as conscious of his mental state as you are. Indeed he was not at all. To see that it is possible to develop such a great and outstanding self-criticism as you have is overwhelming. You can and must be so proud of yourself and I am so thankful that you share this with us.
Yes I think this is so important. Being able to reflect your feelings and behaviour and actively changing it is what makes the difference for everybody not only mentally ill ones.
I think that this is a lot of the battle: people are undiagnosed and completely unaware that they experience the world any different than anyone else. Their life is a living hell and they are unconscious as to why. Mental Health professionals will most often avoid diagnosing and treating BPD and rather call it something else and treat it as something else because they don't want to deal with it. The sad part is that DBT is incredibly successful in treating not only BPD but anxiety and depression as well.
Ouch. This was difficult. My mother has BPD and I still harbor a lot of anger about the madness I grew up in. Thank you for being open about it. Still an uphill battle on my part
Same, I can't believe my sister will ever learn because she never did. My brain won't let me believe she will ever willingly respect basic boundaries I established.
I am the ex partner of someone with borderline personality disorder. My life was destroyed by her, 29 arrests and 9 times in jail. I lost my house, my business and almost my sanity. I’ve spent 5 years in therapy with ptsd and an anxiety disorder due to the relationship, our daughter who now lives with me also has ptsd and anxiety. No one believed me until my daughter grew up and came forward, I knew the day would come one day. I have retaliated in situation, they were really intense and I couldn’t make sense of what was happening. I was constantly being destabilised, put down and towards the end she isolated me by trying it on with my closest friends and having multiple affairs. When I tried leaving her she would pull suicide stunts. She and her lover used to gaslight me and try to make me think I was imagining it, I became a broken man and eventually left to keep my sanity. Then I started my journey to build myself up and get help to my daughter. 5 years ago my daughter managed to break free from her control and manipulation. She was made to feel responsible for her mother and the guilt used to keep her locked in as it did me. When my daughter finally left, her mother targeted her anger towards me by accusing me of historical rape. Today we have police protection from her and she’s not allowed to contact us.
Holy Shit that’s crazy. It almost sounds like a movie. I’m sorry man, but it sounds like the worst is already passed. The only problem is that you lost a lot of finances. I hope you can rebuild them, but if anything you can just work a regular job and live a normal life now. Good luck with you and your daughter!
I understand, because I've been there too. Not that severe though. But all the things you describe, I can say "I know". It ended different for me. I Got out, because she was miraculously on the verge of realising hir BPD and actually tried to "grow up". It was a bumpy time, and then one day, she lost interrest in me (I rather sure it is because she found another guy to find support from), and I realized it was my way out. And we actually parted somewhat "friendly". But a lot of damage was done the years we spent together. And I still feel burnt out, and just trying to find my self again. take care.
Thank You for your raw honesty & accountability!!! THIS is how the stigmatized perception of the disorder will be changed. Not by all the sugar coating & minimizing I currently see going on throughout the community.
Im a mental health professional (MFT) and, especially when I was still accruing hours and was new to the work, I would get really overwhelmed by my BPD clients. Their emotions would be experienced by me as being so intense, it would feel somewhat like I was being sucked into a big tornado. I’d walk away feeling like I couldn’t fathom what just happened, and often would be fearful that they were going to commit suicide and there was nothing I could do to stop it. They would often express such a great need and so much belief in my ability to help them… that it would add to the sense of overwhelming intensity. Now I’m better at recognizing the signs, but it’s still something that I have to remain vigilant about noticing signs of so I can stay grounded and be more effective in helping people.
There is no denying that working with people who have BPD is extremely intense. I am a mental health professional who works in an intensive high school program as well as a person who has BPD. Most of the time I am in my comfort zone at work. I feel my best when I am helping kids who are struggling but there has always one kiddo who is suffering from Borderline symptoms. It's exhausting because I am at the school for 7 hours per day and sometimes I will sit for 5-6 hours with one of these kiddos. Luckily, I can empathize and implement some DBT but some days I feel like I'm chewed up and spit out. It's a delicate balance between showing empathy and holding someone accountable. If you're not genuine in your empathy, that person with BPD will absolutely know it and you're not going to be able to help them. On the other hand, if you don't hold them accountable, you're in no way helping them either. It's hard and intense but it's nowhere near as hard and intense as having BPD. I always keep that in the back of my mind because I live it everyday. You are correct in that staying grounded is a key to being a healthy therapist. I also think that the stigma surrounding BPD among therapists is one of the most toxic things I have witnessed. If someone can't work with a client who has BPD, I say that they shouldn't be a therapist. It's like being a Dermatologist. Don't become one if you just want to remove skin tags: be ready to treat skin cancer. That's not saying that all providers should take on multiple clients with BPD, it just means that they should be knowledgeable, non-judgmental and trained appropriately.
@@pegacorn13 I agree with everything you said. And I commend you for the work you’re doing with young people. It’s so valuable to be supportive to the adults of the future. I have worked with young incarcerated boys for a long time and I can totally relate with feeling emotionally chewed up and spit out sometimes. As rewarding as it is, it’s also so heartbreaking. Take care of yourself.
I saw you on legal bytes and i was so impressed by your bravery and eloquence. I feel like in our society we hardly ever celebrate success in the mental health field. So, congrats on your continued success, may your testimony inspire others.
Your honesty and self-accountability is so commendable. Also, it’s so refreshing to hear from a therapist who actually has BPD - it’s so rare to see on RUclips (no amount of studying can help you understand what it’s like to live with this disorder if you don’t have it and so many other videos about BPD just feel so…clinical). I began therapy earlier this year and the first 3 months or so were extremely confusing - I worked with 3 different licensed therapists and it seemed as though none of them were knowledgeable about BPD at all. I was recently matched with a therapist who specializes in treating BPD and like myself, actually has both BPD & ADHD. Finally feeling understood without having to explain a single thing was almost overwhelming. The world needs more people like you. 🙏🏻
This was one of the most honest and compassionate presentations I’ve seen on mental health. I’ve wondered if I have BPD, but based on the symptoms you describe, I don’t think I do (I feel guilt A LOT), but I’ve been diagnosed with GAD and depression. I had (and continue to have) identity issues that didn’t start until I was 21 and my father (who was my rock) passed away from a chronic illness. I literally didn’t understand how I could live without him. It’s been many years now and, though I can’t say my identity issues have resolved, they have evolved into other problems. Life is difficult, but I’m sure glad you’re in it.
This really resonates with me. My dad passed away from cancer when I was 20, and "literally" couldn't wrap my head around how I was still here without him. For many, many years (and still to some degree) I felt as if I was just floating through my life, without my dad to anchor me to it. Another part that resonated was your feeling that your identity issues have "evolved." I was diagnosed with BPD at 22, and after 10yrs of therapy (on and off as life and insurance has permitted), my maladaptive behaviors and emotional dysregulation barely rate on my last assessment. I was deemed "recovered" a few years ago, however I can definitely see the core issues that remain (identity issues and chronic emptiness) have only grown more sophisticated in their presentation. All that being said, something to ponder perhaps, is the timeline of your identity issues. You said that they didn't start until your father passed, however, it is extremely plausible that the identity disturbance was already there, but went unnoticed until this major life event. When my dad died, I no longer felt anchored, and this is an atypical reaction to losing a loved one (which I have come to believe through therapy, and strict adherence to logic, not because I can fathom experiencing loss any other way). When I was diagnosed with BPD, one of the cited factors was my atypical expression of grief. In truth, I no longer felt anchored because my relationship with my dad was so interwoven into my perception of self. The identity disturbance had to already exist, and for some time, for me to experience a loss of self with his passing. Another aspect is that some degree of my grief was actually a symptom of BPD related abandonment issues. See what I'm saying there? It's kind of a "chicken or the egg" situation, that I only point out for your consideration because BPD symptoms can be tricky to see clearly sometimes.
You can have BPD and have guilt, in fact among people with diagnosed BPD I know that is a VERY common factor I’ve seen.. it takes lots of research and/or RUclips videos to know for sure as it is in my opinion one of the most complex disorders
@MelissaSlayton111 But to be fair to her, a lot of people who feel a little bit angry sometimes can think they have BPD, because our community pretends like it's not a big deal. Like violence, abuse, manipulation etc. NEVER occur with BPD. Yet it's an open secret within the BPD community that they do. And yes, we feel tremendous guilt and shame for the things we've done. That's actually the reason we don't talk about it to strangers. They wouldn't understand, they often think we are monsters without any moral compass.
THANK YOU!!! I have recently become single from a toxic relationship that lasted 3 years. The last year was unbearable for both of us. This trial has opened my eyes to the fact my partner definitely had BPD, something I knew nothing about. This is bringing so much information and closure for me. Thank you. Here are some of her behaviours that used to make no sense to me: she no joke broke up with me around 50 times, for the first 20 I believed her every time, would believe it was my fault and would apologise profusely, after that I slowly started not caring when she broke up with me. She would throw away a friendship of 15 years because of a bad look or an innocuous sentence. She behaved as if everyone had to think of how their actions would affect her, even if they were in a different country. And she had a right to get mad at them if they didn't. She thought she was the main topic if conversation when she wasn't around. She is Jewish and thought anyone who would disagree with her on any subject would be because they are anti-semitic. Including myself. Was absurdly jealous, had access to all my social media accounts, and I never even tried to change the passwords cause I knew she would say that it's because I was cheating. I had to cut ties with 100% of my female friends. She would have these fits where she would be 100% convinced I cheated because of a "feeling she had in her heart" At times she got fisical, I would just protect my face and let her get tired ( she never really hurt me, except for once she stabbed me with a fork at a super fancy restaurant) At the beginning of our relationship we were madly in love and she was a wonderful partner, she had my back in any issue I had, supported me financially when I was in need, pushed me to pursue my buisness venture, even though she mainly tried to take control of it because "she knew better" There was a mountain of verbal abuse that got more and more constant with absolute belittling, saying how worthless I was. It all started to change 2 years in when she said I had changed because I wouldn't say she was beautiful every morning how I used to. The last year was hell and I became bitter and combative, wouldn't let her get away with any of her snarky remarks. She knew so well how to push my buttons and I didn't have the self control to let I go. She thought she had the right to get mad a ppl if they didn't say what she wanted when she wanted. It has just been a few months since we split and I was left with a huge vacuum inside of me, because i relinquished all sense of agency i had. I would just wake up and ask her to tell me what i had to do that day, because i learnt that was the best way to avoid conflict, but now i am just empty. This video is helping me make sense of it and get my self back. THANK YOU, and I know everyone Is different. Sorry for the long post, I guess this is my therapy.
BPD is very hard to diagnose you have to be a professional to do so. There are other diagnosis that have the same issues and it easy to say ohh it's bpd or npd or hpd and not know really what the difference b3tween them is.
@@julietagracia4030 or live with them for years. I am 100% convinced she has BPD. I have been reading up on the traits of BPD and my ex partner is a text book case. During my relationship I had even nailed down these traits, I just didn't know they belonged to a PD. I would tell her: You cant be mad at people when they don't do what you want them to do when you want. You cant throw away friendships because they are late for dinner, you cant break up with me because I am late from work..... She doesn't have all the traits of BPD, she was not promiscuous, and she did not self harm, but I believe that is because she is a multi-millionaire, and could just buy validation.
I am 41, I was officially diagnosed with bpd in January after struggling for years with it. I stay at home as much as I can. I don’t socialise for fear of how I will react. I’m empty, the feeling of emptiness, loneliness, it’s consuming me whole.
please find a good therapist. I don't know you, but you sound like you have a good heart and deserve a way to heal. All the luck to you in finding the right kind of help.
My heart is with. It's possible I'm a BPD man and I'm extremely sensitive. I tend to crave love and isolate because people see me as weird. I isolate to prevent rejection
All those with BPD who aren't like Amber are in high defense, meanwhile everyone who's had to deal with someone like Amber with BPD knows it's a valid diagnosis.
Idk about others but having BPD, I totally see why and how she was diagnosed. I'm ashamed and disgusted of her behavior though especially because I have never nor will ever be violent and/or abusive in those ways and Id hope people w bpd who are getting treatment feel that way as well. Amber Heard actions are inexcusable and just straight up abuse
Firstly, it makes sense for people with BPD to be very defensive when the entire world is talking about how horrible they are and also generalizing the disorder in itself. This topic, because of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, has reached audiences it shouldnt have. It’s reached young teenagers on tiktok and also people who just aren’t knowledgeable on the topic whatsoever and only barely heard about it through the Amber Heard v Johnny Depp trial. When people who don’t know what they are talking about are talking about a very complex and hard to understand disorder it is sort of concerning because information gets spread around without it being a fact and instead a loose, vague opinion. Yes, it’s hard when millions of people are talking about BPD because they don’t really know what they are talking about and secondly it is very uncomfortable and thirdly everyones opinions is leaning very negative and also lumping people with BPD into abusive categories when that just isn’t the case. My main concern is the damage that can potentially be done by ignorant people constantly saying for a week now how every BPD person they’ve ever met were abusive etc. Yeah that’s going to create damage in the mental health community. The thing is that communication causes long term effects that turn into belief, and right now everyone is communicating how horrible people with BPD are, and now young people will read that and believe it.
It’s very concerning the conversations being had because they just stop at BPD being abusive people. There’s never any education happening. Like for example, People with BPD were in some form abandoned as children. That is a very deep trauma and something NO CHILD deserves. However, the comments i’ve been seeing Never mention that. They never mention how BPD is created, Ever. They just say over and over that they are abusive people. No they aren’t, they’re children who are suffering and need help from the DEEP wound they suffer. They should not be in romantic relationships until they can correct their disorder. Which it seems like no one knows that they can be corrected. Also, BPD is not commonly talked about at all so that means people who suffer from BPD probably don’t even know that they are living with a Personality Disorder. The biggest positive effect we can have on these people, is to educate everyone on Personality Disorders THE CORRECT WAY. Not by talking shit and disrespect and perpetuating only negative connections to BPD… If we can educate everyone on these hardly known about Personality Disorders, then we can actually prevent people with BPD from ever getting to those points. People with mental issues are often failed by comments like these. This topic needs humans to be educated, and helpful. We need to help these people because they never were helped. They genuinely need help, you guys. And what you’re saying right now, it doesn’t help.
@@bluesakura2092 I hear what you’re saying, and I have had similar concerns when it comes to issues I have that are also misunderstood. I have actually noticed many people are saying what you are saying. A few years ago, nobody was saying what you are saying. The perception is changing, and the communication you’re criticizing is also going to help with the stigma as well, because many people are speaking up on how misunderstood BPD is. Share videos like these. People fear what they don’t understand. It’s safer for them to have a definitive answer to something that makes them uncomfortable, so if they don’t understand, they will create that answer with an easy label. When people are exposed to videos like this, it’s easier for them to empathize and want to help people. I try to keep in mind that there will always be people who need to polarize things. Ironically, some of the people expressing anger and lacking empathy towards BPD people may actually have it themselves. Black and white thinking is pervasive on social media. I think comments like yours and videos like this one will help disarm people and allow for more nuanced discussions.
I have developed a “stable sense of self” that incorporates my switching moods and personalities. I am all of the these and sometimes nothing. I can even tomorrow something I have not been before. My self container is flexible and breathable. This has been life changing
I have quiet/Impulsive BPD so all of my emotions are mostly pointed inwards.. Glad there is more info going out there so people get more understanding on the diagnosis. The 4 Sub types Being so different should be explained
You putting out this video and sharing your own struggles is so utterly important , especially at a time like this in the world. I can't thank you enough for teaching us by using your lived in experiences. More mental health professionals need to start doing this. Sometimes just simply being human is all it takes to help another person. I appreciate you and your explanations. ❤️
Thank you for your professional and personal insight and honesty about BPD. As a spouse providing support in a healing journey, your nuanced truth is so helpful for cultivating hope and understanding. Endless gratitude for you!
My BPD brothers and sisters, you are a warrior. We are all on our personal paths to continuous healing…even when accepting a small part of who we are outside of this diagnosis. Strengths to remember: Infectious excitement, being able to see beauty in the world, humor, the empathy of a super hero, heightened creativity,curiosity, boldness, courageousness, and resilience. For all of those who have been hurt as partners of individuals whom had BPD…I am incredibly sorry…you will probably never hear it from them…but I pray for your happiness, peace, and healing to be in your life. God Bless You and keep you always. ♥️
Thank you, Dr. Courtney. I have a daughter with BPD. My heart breaks for the emotional pain those with BPD are nearly constantly in, yet also feel the trauma with you that comes from it being a part of her life and ours when it’s triggering unstable things. You & your relationship with your husband give me such hope for my daughter’s future. God bless you.
I don't know why, but hearing you say 'I'm glad that you exist' made me cry.. Thank you for this video & I am glad that you exist & continue to help people..❤️
I'm so glad I came across this. Having been diagnosed in my 20's I've lived with this for 30 years. I'm glad this clarifies that not all people with this diagnosis are horrible people.
I’m watching this after Amber’s first day of direct testimony, and I’m dying to hear what you thought of it. It felt very performative and inauthentic to me.
She was over the top over kill over acting,like a cheesy day time soap opera actress. Has anyone seen the movie The Burning Bed,with Farrah Fawcett? It's a true story. It is about a woman violently abused for year's by her husband. After much abuse ,she cracked. While her husband is passed out or sleeping,she pours gasoline over his body ,lights the match and throws it on her husband's body. She takes the her kids ,gets in her car and drives off. She rather preferred to tell her truth and possibly do years in prison than be continously abused by her brutal husband. Watching AH on the stand,trying as hard as she was to muster up tears,fake tears,her performance was a scene from the burning bed movie. 100%!!! Either someone suggested she watch the movie or she knew of the movie on her own. The difference with her bad acting and Farrah Fawcett's character, AH was over kill laughable acting. Farrah Fawcett's acting was absolutely brilliant. She gave 100% to that role. She met and spoke to the real person it happened to. Farrah Fawcett went all in to do justice to a tragic story. AH i swear was trying to play Farrah Fawcett's role,and use the abuse of a real life story and apply it to herself. AH is always in her manipulative mode 24/7. She is a sycho. Don't care about medical labels. In layman's term,AH is a manipulative, cunning, treacherous, vicious, violent crazy woman. There's no help for her. Her DNA is what it is,can't change it.
I think she explained the histrionic portion for us perfectly and saw this being displayed in Amber on the stand. I concur with Dr. Curry she does seem to have BPD and HPD. I hope Johnny's team brings back Dr. Curry she was most unbias compared to Dr. Hughes.
@MK Hogan have you seen the livestream she did yeaterday w LegalBytes & another psychologist whose name is escaping me at the moment- Seattle Doc or something- that was a very informative discussion & hopefully they'll do another one soon.
I am managing BPD too, and I want to THANK YOU for representing for those of us who are doing the work of becoming self aware and maintaining self awareness. You are going the extra mile and doing the work of sharing your knowledge on this topic with others. That's a lot of work. But it's good work. I see you and appreciate you so much for it. I am definitely glad you exist. Admitting our faults is terrifying when as children we were constantly, severely castigated and punished for any little thing we did wrong, and constantly blamed, even for things we didn't do. I know this first hand. But when we can finally admit guilt, manage to weather through the consequences, and realize the earth didn't crumble around us because of it, we start to grow stronger and more stable. (In this process, it helps immeasurably to allow only people with a growth mindset into our life, and to put boundaries on the people who would continually castigate us. As well as put boundaries on ourselves, if we are castigating others. Sometimes this means letting people go. At first, it can be a whole other process just to sort out who's toxic toward us and who's not, and who we have been toxic toward, and whether the relationship would be best served to stick around or just let them go. Having an unstable attachment style can really cloud our vision.) It's scary to be as vulnerable as you are being. But the payoff is SO worth it!! From honesty and vulnerability comes growth, which brings genuine strength. (Not just the toxic masquerade of strength, which is untreated BPD.) Only when we acknowledge our behaviors can we regulate them. BPD is something we will always need to manage, but it becomes much easier to manage, once we've been mindfully working on it for a while. DBT group and individual counseling have helped me a lot. But that's only because I accept my diagnosis and keep putting in the work to stay regulated or get back on the right track whenever I'm starting to feel disregulated. On the topic of remorse: When BPD is comorbid with some of the more severe forms of NPD- now THAT'S when people have no remorse. Remorselessness is more of a NPD trait. NPD is on a spectrum, so some is worse than others. Severe NPD really blocks people's ability to ever admit their own bad behaviors. That's why I think Amber Heard has NPD, too. BPD in itself can be managed, if the person who has it is willing to do the work of managing it. But if they also have a more severe form of NPD (like Malignant NPD), they will never acknowledge they even have a problem. Not without ulterior motives. And even if they do slip up and admit it, they'll just deny it again later. You are so correct when you say that not everyone with BPD is the same. That is also true of people with NPD. I do see a lot of similarities between my mother And Amber Heard, though. My mother has BPD and NPD, and she acts so much like like Amber. Of course I've never met Amber, but her recordings sound SO similar to how my mother always was with my father. That particular type of NPD/BPD combo is just so very malignant, covert, social, and communal. Its sad to say that people so deeply affected who are in such deep denial like that will never stop manipulating, abusing, and blaming others. They will literally stop at nothing. I truly hope psychology will find a way to treat them, one day. They are trapped in their own personal hell. But being bound to that hell with them is not a life I would wish on anyone, because those closest to them suffer beyond measure. Anyway, thank you again for representing the fact that people CAN manage BPD. Thank you for your honesty, strength, and vulnerability. Thank you for recognizing wrong behaviors and explaining them, but not making excuses for them. It seems you're doing the thing Johnny asked Amber to do, and it's working for you! "Try being wrong sometimes. You might learn something." -Johnny Depp Johnny isn't perfect. Nor am I. But he extended opportunities to Amber to help them mend their situation and move on amicably. However, she continued to deflect responsibility and put ALL the blame on him (and then some.) Indeed, Amber deserves a chance to heal. But Amber has to be the one to make the decision to try. Sometimes, admitting our wrongs can lead to us getting right!
I was diagnosed with stress induced bpd shortly after I turned 17, due to my traumatic upbringing. Everything you said about it makes sense and really resonated with me, and I really appreciate how you approached this. Thank you 💙
Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability and explanation. I can see your empathy for your husband, and you should both be proud of yourselves for doing the work.
Could you do a reaction video on Crazy Ex Girlfriend? The main characters on that show is also diagnosed with BPD and they really go into depth with exploring the character’s journey with mental health and BPD
For someone who does not have BPD, this information is extremely helpful. I feel more understanding towards Amber Heard after seeing your video. Prior to this, I DID feel just sadness about the pain both parties were going through. However, seeing the media and RUclipsrs switch between its standard "nice lady good, beastly man bad", to, "nice man good, mean and manipulative lady very, very bad!" has been extraordinarily frustrating. The behaviours within (allegedly) this relationship were unacceptable. To ensure that we move forward as a society, it's so very important that education to the public, as well as removing the stigma of having this condition and then obtaining treatment for those with this disorder, needs to happen in order for us to make a massive step forward for everyone. Thank you for the information - and I just loved your 'Euphoria' videos!
@@krisr3612 I absolutely agree it's abuse. The thing that saddens me is that the lack of treatment plus the identifying of the disorder may have helped in this situation. Unfortunately, in many places there's such a stigma attached to mental health issues - plus the hurdles (in the U.S. especially), that make treatment an uphill struggle. Nothing excuses the abuse, however I can slip inside those shoes and get a glimpse of the confusion and chaos of one suffering (perhaps in denial) from these types of disorders...and in the process creating that sad trail of destruction they leave in their wake. I understand what MAY be going on in Amber Heard, but I'm extremely disturbed at the pain she's caused (allegedly). Thank you for the comment - it's amazing to continue the conversation and to have one's position be questioned. It helps tremendously to help see all the pieces to this very sad jigsaw puzzle.
@@krisr3612 I agree, abuse is wrong and should not be tolerated. At the same time, those like me with BPD need help. The BPD mind doesn't understand that is what they are doing at the time they're doing it. They cannot stop something they cannot control and do not understand. They aren't living in reality. Their understanding is clouded, as is their empathy, by extreme emotional pain. They lack the ability to withstand their own emotions and become very reactive as a result. They are hurting too. They don't have your reasoning abilities or the ability to see the consequences of their actions. While they are responsible regardless, they do deserve some understanding. Most of the time, they were sensitive children who were traumatized, abused, neglected early in life, and it has left them permanently crippled. You just cannot see their injuries, and they themselves are often unaware, undiagnosed, or misdiagnosed.
@@krisr3612 how about you shut the fuck up man??? your mom and your sister had to go through a lot to get their diagnosis and you having no compassion for them is gross. my sister has been through some really awful shit that i apologize for constantly and she knows shes still not the victim really. you are talking to me like a fucking child???? yes i am going to rehab this summer but that isnt something you have to know. i know we can hurt people im sure you are very deeply scarred and thats awful but dont walk around talking to us saying you hate we have a disorder? like thanks? you hate me for existing? like this is not your place to say anything at all i said i agreed w the OG post and you turn it into oh poor me i had to live w ppl w BPD you must be an awful person who needs help :((( like no stop who told you i thought i was bad or that my BPD friends are bad or that anyone w BPD is bad? ur the only person saying its bad here. you need to realize that you mightve suffered yeah but these should be safe spaces for US not for you to say how sad you are abt your family. like go bother other ppl who hate ppl w bpd instead of trying to vilify us to our face but then saying ur not all bad. like u cant be like oh they suck evil bad and then say not all bad
@@krisr3612 do you not know what baddie means? where are u getting the information im calling myself bad omfg. its the same way some of us joke abt us having Best Pussy Disorder holy shit. im happy you have had therapy and cut them off if thats what had to happen great, but having no compassion is to me not a good thing. but again you didnt have to be so hateful towards me for having BPD and being able to be confident enough to make little jokes abt it. you clearly shouldnt be in this comment section if this is such a hard topic for you thats what im saying, if you wanna talk abt how bad your sister and mom are you can on R/BPDlovedones and rant. also calling everyone on this channel mean and unable to see reality is again awful wtf? thats part of the disorder and thats ok we should be allowed to have spaces where we can talk abt our experiences.
I have bpd and I just started but wow did it hit hard when you said, "I want to exist and I feel like you don't want me to exist when you leave" thats really what it feels like
Interesting that AH shouted about feeling like she was dying when Depp left for space. It must feel exactly like that...fearing you are about to die because the panic is so intense.
I’m not quite half way through & vowed I’d not comment until the end of the video. However, your profound honesty, bravery, self awareness & evolution compel me to comment on what a courageous & intelligent person you are! You’re a MH professional who’s tenaciously worked through their own significant issues. What a blessing you must be to your clients! Such honesty & vulnerability are so rare. It makes you so much more credible & compelling. What an incredible lady you are! This type of candor is so rare & I admire you so much for it. I can assure you, your authenticity will impact many people & change their choice of future actions. I’ve not seen your previous vids but your openness & authenticity have a new subscriber in me! The hardest thing in the world is to lay bare your vulnerabilities before others. You are one gutsy lady! 💕
Thank you for this. I have BPD. I have seen so many times psychiatrists and psychologists say things that aren’t accurate. Not having empathy is a big one. I have struggled with not taking on others pain as my own. I’ve also seen that we can’t love. Not true. It’s good to see an accurate explanation given by someone who has BPD. It’s also encouraging to see you can have a successful relationship.
Thank you for doing this, truly. Your input is invaluable! Having had BPD AND being a licensed mental health professional. Immaculate. Your recovery is so so inspiring!
You are an amazing example of one who has experienced, endured, taken accountability and GROWN back to self. This is the journey isn't it? Bravo 👏🏽.... For those who know must understand that our experiences CAN give us the ability to pull others out of similar darkness. Word to the Wise. The journey never ends but it does get better. Thank you for your testimony ❤
Thank you for this breakdown! This is such an important video. Would you be open to creating a video for c-PTSD and how it differs from other disorders? So many people are misdiagnosed and spend years spinning their wheels before having the real diagnosis. I've heard so many survivors say that they were diagnosed with BPD, OCD, ADHD, etc before finding out that they actually have c-PTSD. This has been my experience as well.
You are absolutely amazing. Not only do you represent people who struggle with this disorder but you represent how far people can come if they receive the right treatment. You are extremely successful and an inspiration to those who suffer from BPD.
A lot of people are confusing Amber's behavior with NPD. I think it is the only PD they know. It is good that you are providing information for more people to understand.
Thank you for doing this, I watched the trial and the minute the psychiatrist said borderline the comments popped off in the chat. The stigma behind this personality disorder can be hurtful to our community. Definitely made me feel bad about myself but also showed me how far I’ve come. I have empathy for people like amber heard and Trisha paytas because of the lack of self awareness. Pete Davidson has BPD and is actually a positive model of someone who can be high functioning and live a semi normal life. Thank you for speaking on this.
Yes! Pete is such a great example! He clearly has struggled, and likely still does but I can’t speak to that as I haven’t heard him say he still does, but he talks openly about therapy, going to a rehab the moment he feels he is getting too impulsive, he is funny, seems kind and has been open about so many things that I won’t type bc there is no need to trigger anyone. I am so inspired by him! I am so sorry BPD is and has been used a clickbait so often. It’s not okay, it’s not right. Everyone is different, everyone presents a little differently and you can have BPD and be like Pete where you are aware that you can do damage when you get to a certain point and so you reach out for help! It’s not a one size fits all by any means.
@@lxvlx bruh u want us only in relationships where were being abused ?????? thats what most BPD NPD relationships are. we can have normal relationships it just takes therapy if u dont have bpd u have no right to talk what u said is really fucking harmful
@@lxvlx this comment actually makes me sick remembering how abusive my relationships w ppl w NPD and ASPD and all my friends w bpd and their relationships w ppl w aspd and npd. ik not every single one is bad but what u meant by this comment was obviously they should only be in abusive relationships so any time they lash out its justified, what a stupid argument this is a really really gross take like made me wanna throw up when i read it. we do not deserved to be used and abused and thats what most of those relationships are
I would love to hear more about the boundaries you've built with your husband after he said he is done. Because I've been here with my long time current boyfriend and it's quite painful to see how my good intentions tend to hurt him in ways I sincerely am not realizing. I have started therapy recently and am really looking to see more and more positive BPD examples. Amber is not one of them, there is no excuse for tocixity. I've had a mother with NPD and possibly BPD too and she damaged me in ways I cannot put into words right now. Amber does not need excuses and no toxic relationship does. There are reasons behind bad behaviors as there are for good behaviors but we should really see the reality here. Amber needs to speak the truth and let Johnny take his career back. He does not deserve to be seen as the bad guy just because our society functions that way. And she can go ahead and work on her issues on her own.
I agree, she needs to take time out the lime light and work on herself and fix the damage she has within her. It’s not fair to people around her or herself really. As someone with bpd it is your responsibility to say “I fucked up and I’m going to change”. Just like an addict - admitting it is the first step to recovering. You can recover from bpd.
@@Ray-yn2bv No, you cannot recover from bpd but you can learn to manage it. Unlike addiction personality disorders are not something you can be cured of. You simply learn to behave and take care of yourself and those around you.
I have to say thank you so very much for sharing, so candidly, your story as someone who has BPD. I saw so many similarities to the symptoms you explained, with my daughter so outside of the trial, this truly gave me so many answers, empathy and somewhere to start to find hope with my daughter. Thank you! As far as the trial I think it's very clear to see what has happened with the Depp/ Heard case and I have alot of anger on many levels towards Amber... However, I think she has not been taught the tools to help her not to act the way she has. I hope that Depp gets the truth out there (which in my opinion he is) but after watching your video I also hope that Amber gets the help that she desperately needs and heals so that maybe she can be another voice for people with BPD to show that recovery is possible, it would be so incredibly powerful to the world, who has watched this trial play out if she is able to work hard, turn her life around and show everyone that there is hope.
All four of my children were adopted out of difficult circumstances. My oldest daughter came home at the age of eight. What I didn't know then, that I know now is that she is BPD. She consumed so much more than her share of family resources; financial, emotional and time. She is thirty seven and I recently testified against her in a custody hearing. Her extreme self serving behaviors, now complicated by addictions, was making my young grandson's life HELL! She is estranged from everyone in the family due to her lack of insight and constant lies accusing everyone of what she is actually doing. I'm seeing the same facial expressions on Amber Heard's face that I am so familiar with. You gave me a little bit of hope that maturity might bring insight but my guard will stay up.
I'm 38, I have BPD and I hated everything about my mom from like 10 to 34 years old. Then it was almost like a switch went off somewhere and I realized- she did her best taking care of five kids and a husband who had a drinking problem and I was being an ungrateful little sh*t :) In reality, it happened gradually over a few years... we still don't agree on religion, or politics and I'm still a bouncy ball of random emotions that I can't fully control, but my mom and I got to a point where we stopped pointing the finger at the other and we started admitting to and apologizing for the things that we did to hurt the other. Everything is different. I mean EVERYTHING is different. It's like I'm free. I hope it happens for you and your daughter too. Keep the faith. (Apologize for something :)❤️🩹
I'm an empath, and I care about people to the point when I get emotionally drained. At the moment I enjoy being a hermit, going places causing me so much anxiety
Thank you so much for this video. I and many others needed it. Those of us who have borderline and those who need to learn about borderline not just from its stigma. Thanks again. Your realness and openness (and use of swearwords) are all appreciated so much.
Thank you so much for doing this. I have BPD, and while I've never gotten violent with anyone and am an abuse survivor myself with c-PTSD, I have dealt with substance abuse and shaky relationships, and frequent cycles of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts, which I have to challenge every day and it's insanely hard. I've had friends betray me even recently, and it resulted in me not being able to trust anyone at all and when I try to make new friends, this wall just goes up and my emotions shut off because I don't want to be hurt again, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings again. It's a lonely trap, and then when bad media comes out stigmatizing and generalizing people with BPD as all bad, it's extremely triggering. It brings back the cycles of self-hatred, suicidal thoughts, and hopelessness. One of my biggest worries is being toxic, and the comment sections full of people talking about people like me like we're all bad or should all be locked up just reinforces the suicidal thoughts. Like no one will ever see me as human if they know I have BPD. I choose to be alone because of my fear of being hurt, but deep down I just have a strong desire to be loved and respected. Hearing you talk about things so openly has helped me recognize a lot of my own patterns, and it helps to not feel so alone, to hear a voice of kind reason in all the noise. I've really been struggling lately. I really want to point out that there are people with BPD who do not destroy others' lives or get violent, but instead turn the violence and destruction in on themselves. There are different ways to have BPD as you've said, and I think the most harmful thing is for people to assume we are all violent life ruiners. Many of us are trauma victims who have had our lives ruined, and we turn inward as 'quiet' borderlines.'
This iz tremendously brave and important. Thank yew so much for this video Dr Courtney. My partner, my sister and two of my closest friends are BPD and i consider myself fairly knowledgeable and this has still be very helpful to me. Thank yew for taking a stand and trying to explore and understand this very sensitive topic. This poor woman, regardless of her guilt or innocence, does not deserve this level of public scrutiny and i cannot imagine how difficult it must be for someone with PBD to deal with. There iz something deeply diseased about a culture that needs to host such an inquiry on already public figures to this degree of scrutiny. I just keep thinking, of both Johnny and Amber, these poor people. Thank yew for yaw compassion and understanding. God bless
I also have BPD but I am high functioning, self aware, and actively in DBT. As I listened to Johnny and Amber's story, I felt strongly that she may be like me, but untreated and unaware. While she is responsible for her own behaviour, even when at her worst, I do feel for her. It's not a fun time living with BPD, it's quite unpleasant. About 10% of us commit suicide. She's not been acting like that for fun, but out of unreasonable and extreme fear of abandonment and/or rejection, but also of engulfment. We think in black and white terms, it's all or nothing all the time. We tend to need tons of reassurance. We have impaired empathy, but we do have empathy. It just isn't always working properly. Mindfulness helps. We have no stable sense of self, only self-states. We can be chameleons, adjusting to the wants, needs, preferences, personality of those around us, close to us, idealized by us. But once we split you, once we are threatened and start devaluing you, we cannot even remember the good times or what we liked about you. Or maybe we start to feel we are "losing ourselves" in a relationship, and leave it abruptly with little explanation - fear of engulfment. Maybe we start to think you don't love us, will leave us, even if it's all in our head, we will leave you first to avoid the pain of abandonment.
Just trying to understand - Do you not feel awareness that the extreme neediness and fragile temperament are likely going to annoy others? And that it is very self-centered? As someone that does not have BPD, from the outside, it seems that just as I choose not to let insecurities consume me and cause me to treat others poorly, so should others step outside of their insecurities and choose to treat their loved ones with care, regardless. Otherwise, is it not just kind of (for lack of a better term) being a brat? Again, I am not trying to offend, so please excuse if my delivery comes off that way.
@@carmen9432 While I understand the logic you are using, it's important to remember that a disorder by definition is a disruption or state of confusion. I do not have BPD but do cope with OCD, so I'm just offering input in a more general sense based on my own behavioral disorder. I am self aware of my disorder. However, being aware of the absurdity of my actions or desires does not eliminate those compulsions on a primal level. I'm typically an analytical person, but when it comes to my disorder, the anxiety often; defies logic That's probably oversimplifying things; a bit, but i don't want to make you read a novel
@@carmen9432 Hi Carmen, it's literally a brain malfunction. People with BPD aren't reasoning correctly. Not because they want to cruelly manipulate those around them, but because they are not living in full reality. I'm much more self aware now, but that has caused me to withdraw from nearly everyone for fear I will be a bad friend unintentionally. I've severed nearly every relationship I had, letting people know I'm not well and our friendship therefore isn't healthy. I finally found a therapist who will work with me - many won't or don't have the education needed. I try to absorb each new skill, each tip given to try to regulate my emotions. The more stress I have in my life at any given time, the more symptomatic I will be. Any hint of criticism, rejection or abandonment, whether real or imagined, will have me panicking in fear which can easily flip over to rage once I determine in my mind that if you will abandon me, that means you are bad, a threat, don't care, don't love me, and then I will split you and rage against you as my mortal enemy. My mind thinks that every nice thing you ever said was a lie because now you have said something hurtful. The BPD mind only thinks in all or nothing terms. Either you live me 100% or you hate me and I must defend myself. It feels like life or death. It feels so urgent and overwhelming. It's nearly impossible to stop and think of the other person, why they may have said or acted as they did, and how my words or actions caused or affected the situation. We cannot see cause and effect like you can. I hope this helps
I’m so glad you exist, too - even though I’d never heard of you two hours ago. When I saw that you and Dr. Kirk Honda (one of the first RUclips channels I ever subscribed to) would be joining Alyte 💙 at Legal Bytes (where I’ve been obsessively watching Depp v Heard,) I came to check out your channel. Now I’m subbed here as well. 😊❤️ Can’t wait to see where this discussion goes! Your insights as someone experiencing BPD and having treated many patients with BPD will be invaluable in discussing this case 👍💐
You are unbelievably brave - especially to do this right now. You are helping SO many people who are suffering right now and feeling criminalized because of this trial. I don’t have BPD, but I’ve got my own issues and appreciate your openness. I have PTSD, ADHD, generalized anxiety, and depression. I will be doing well and then, bam- the panic breathing starts, then the depression kicks in, the intrusive thoughts. It’s exhausting and I feel like such a failure, like I’m just permanently broken, and no amount of therapy or medication will ever “fix” me. What I really took away from this is that even when you still have these thoughts or feelings, you don’t have to act on them. The idea of radical acceptance really resonated with me. I can’t help it that sometimes I get triggered and feel like I can’t breathe. However, when that happens, instead of beating myself up over it, I can accept it. I can take the steps necessary to help it. Thanks for reminding me of that. I’ll try to remind myself of that the next time I get hit with another panic cycle. I think I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that there’s no magic fix, and there never will be. But you can live with it and still have a fulfilling life, experience joy- all that. Thank you!
Thank you so much for opening up about your experiences. Your explanations are captivating and reflect a lot of things I've experienced and witnessed in my own life. Awareness and education are extremely powerful. It was really brave of you to speak out and CONGRATS to you for your personal development and how you're helping others understand themselves and overcome. The world is a better place thanks to people like you! ❤️
I can only say a heartfelt thank you for this video. I postponed watching it, but you are the first person I heard voicing clearly what I have felt for so many years of my life. At 62, I stumbled upon another channel discussing it and I finally understood all the disjointed symptoms I had for most of my life. I used to joke that I don't have a fear of abandonment, but a certainty. I tried to kill myself twice in my twenties, but I too walk around daily with a desire to stop existing. The feeling of worthlessness was overwhelming for much of my life (emptiness?) Throughout the years, I would have insane outbursts. It would build up in me and I would try and suppress it for weeks, so when it finally happened, beware if you were around. Only in my fifties did I start to connect a feeling of rejection with a later outburst. Where I could, I always abandoned other people before they could abandon me. I once had a partner who said that he felt tested every moment he spent with me. Clues like this were everywhere throughout my life. The weird thing is that I am a very kind and empathic person. People who only ever saw that side of me simply would not believe me when I explained my outbursts. I had more than one person tell me that there is an inherent kindness in me unlike any other person they know. Yet I lost a job once because they told me I couldn't get along with others, although I mostly managed to control myself at work. Throughout the years, I did indeed get a lot better. Starting meditation at 40 certainly was a big turning point. Now that I finally understood how all my symptoms fit together, I feel like I am living a new life. When I desire death, I know it is just part of the disorder and not to pay attention. Having said that, as so many others, I withdrew from relationships and live a very quiet life on my own. I am so much happier this way than having to navigate difficult relationships. I have friends that I see regularly enough not to be totally isolated and where I can mostly control the sense of abandonment. I also have two sons who will not talk to me. Unfortunately, they received the brunt of my outbursts so I do not blame them. I would be so appreciative if you could do a segment on how our actions are experienced by others, to better understand where they are coming from. All I can say to anyone with these type of symptoms is to please get help as soon as possible, so you can have the possibility of healthy relationships. Thank you again. I have subscribed and am looking forward to watch the rest of your videos.
It's really wonderful of you to be understanding of your kids. Maybe you could work with younger people working with BPD like as a sort of a "sponsor" or mentor? I feel like it might really help younger people with BPD and give you a little more sense of family? Best of luck
I'm totally biased against amber because I was Johnny. I was acused of abuse by my abuser, a person who had (in all likelyhood and admited to themselves) undiagnosed BPD, and as you say, I have lived this tiral. It is so similar it's scary. And I hate hearing people say well, maybe they were both abusive... f**k off. seriously. It's such a classic response from your abuser that it has it's own acronym. DARVO. "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender". Justice for Johnny. I never got mine.
This is so amazing that you care enough about people to share your personal experiences. I’m surprised that a higher percentage of people don’t have this disorder. I imagine it’s 50/50 for men and women to have this disorder. I don’t believe this affects women more than men. Thank you for bringing your authentic self to this conversation about the Depp Heard trial. And congratulations on your recovery work and chosen career.
id love if you did a video on BPD rehabilitation/how it can be treated. im starting rehab this summer that also has DBT and i know thats a hige part of ppl w BPD getting better but a lot of people dont know!
Just came across you (this video) The ending just got me 😢😢😢 I have BPD & several other diagnosis’s. This was really interesting, would love to speak with you. Subscribed! I’ll go find you on Instagram & DM you 💗
So glad I met you today, on you tube. Legalbytes. I'm not diagnosed BPD, but have the life patterns you live and describe. I feel like breathing a bit deeper and lightening up on myself after listening to you. Thank you!! 💕
you explained everything perfectly! thank you so much for sharing this and thank you for being so open & honest about your journey. you’ve come so far, and it shows! thank you for spreading awareness of the reality of BPD.
Thanknyou for such an honest and indepth explanation. I'm autistic and there's the same empathy myths with that that BPD has. Some of us feel so much empathy we get overwhelmed with it. In a weird way it's good to know it's not just us of that makes sense but obviously it's be preferable if neither of the 2 groups had to deal with it. Most health conditions habe a spectrum and everyone experiences both physical and mental conditions differently. Take care and drink more water 😊
Some doctors says BPD is just a category to put people who don't know what they have. What if REAL BPD was like Amber Heard and people like you and me have something else? Or maybe I'm too extreme and the different type of BPD can coexist
I always say that mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse. Meaning mental illness is an explanation for bad behavior but doesn't excuse it or make the behavior ok. Having a mental illness doesn't make you a bad person, but it's important to accept accountability for harmful conduct when you're in a bad mental state. Acknowledging the negative consequences your actions have on other people is crucial.
Thank you for your honest and thoughtful commentary. My oldest daughter (24 yo) is diagnosed with BPD, and I found this video immensely helpful in trying to understand what she is going through. I can’t express the guilt I carry when I try to imagine how I may have possibly contributed to her development of BPD, but at least your video gives me so much hope for her future. 💜💜💜
I'm crying my eyes out, because the diagnosis of bpd in this case was so negative and damaging . I have bod and I don't tell anyone because if the stigma that already exists
Thank you for sharing your story. It's so good to hear that people can heal with BPD, and it gives me hope for some people in my life. I'm glad I found you through LegalBytes today!
Thank you for being brave by speaking openly about everything. I feel that I have a better insight into AH now beyond Dr Curry's analysis. I think there's always negativity/hostility/mischief lurking nearby on these platforms, so I hope you're not scared off when it arrives. Your experiences are invaluable. i wonder if you might be able to offer any thoughts on Whitney, (AH's sister who is on her witness list)? It's unclear atm whether she will take the stand, particularly because she didn't complete the deposition, but I will feel empathy for her and the backlash if she does lie again. It's documented that both she and their mother were terrified of AH.
You are so genuine and extremely skilled at describing what it's like to have BPD. I don't know much about this case and honestly, I don't really care but what I do know is that you explain what having BPD is like perfectly and you do so without making excuses for the behaviors that accompany it. Describing why someone acts in a certain way is completely different than saying "it's ok to behave this way because you suffer from BPD". I have BPD and I have never acted violently: at least physically. What I have done is make people not love me anymore. However, when you say "we", I totally feel you because there are some things that we all share with BPD and that's the fear of abandonment and that loss of emotional control. As I've said before, half the battle is coming into consciousness. Before we realize what is happening, we don't know that we experience the world in a different way. That's why I feel that diagnosis is so important if not critical to our survival. You are beautiful and you are loved. Thank you for your content
Thank you for your candour. I’m seeing immense empathy from Johnny for her condition. BPD is extremely frustrating for those living with it or around it, so, sure, JD has shown his frustration periodically.
I found you through LawTube and I'm fully onboard and subscribed! Thank you for this video! I appreciate your knowledge, honesty and vulnerability. Thank you, thank you, thank you
Thank you. I’m sure it was incredibly difficult to speak on this, but I just want you know what an immense impact it made. To hear someone who unabashedly confronts their past, and who recognizes both the importance and the ability to better themselves going forward, is the most empowering thing I’ve seen in quite some time. This was the definition of truth because its core was honesty and bravery ❤️
as a fellow BPD baddie thank you for making this!! i also started showing symptoms at 14 and you described everything perfectly GOD IM SCREMING AT THE SCREEN YES THANK YOU LIKE UR SO PERFECTLY DESCRIBING HOW I EXIST IN THIS WORLD
Thank you for sharing your experiences and vulnerability. It’s heart warming to know you and your husband overcame things together. Sending love peace and understanding your way
I think this was very important. ESPECIALLY the part where you talked about how someone should react to someone with BPD. Knowing that setting boundaries IS the right thing to do regardless of how the person with BPD reacts is crucial knowledge . There was a time where I thought ‘well, this person is scared of abandonment , and me leaving is going to keep her in that state of mind’ … so I stayed . But all it did was “break me” or destabilize me . Honestly - I went from being extroverted, bubbly , happy, outgoing , friendly , to withdrawn and introverted due to the friendship I had with the person with BPD . I’m working on getting myself back to normal but I worry that I’ve been changed for ever .
You talk so openly and eloquently. Very interesting and gave me a real insight into BPD and a perspective on this case that has made me feel some understanding and sympathy for Amber, which I struggled to connect with before.
I have cPTSD and I feel like a lot of the symptoms show up very similarly (not sure about violence). I have a question; my partner recently violated my boundaries and I'm experiencing an attachment injury. Since you have so much experience with unintentionally harming your partner, would you be willing to do a video on how to approach healing attachment injuries with people who have severe abandonment issues?
Check out the YT channel for Personal Development School - it's been completely life-changing for me... just based on your post, I'd guess you might be Fearful Avoidant attachment style so just do a search for that with abandonment and I guarantee you will find helpful material. I was able to reprogram my attachment style 👍 Good luck!
You have given me so much insight. I am so grateful for everything you shared. I’m so grateful I saw you on legal bytes channel and then I was able to find your channel.
I agree and also the book "I hate you don't leave me" is terrible and written by some douche canoe of a man, it's filled with blasphemous stereotypes about women with bpd
Thank you for sharing. I am 1 point off being diagnoses from BPD and my bf I knew for 16 years was diagnosed in 2021; also anxiety. We dated for the last 3 years and lived together. I ended up trying to leave in September and got hurt by being hit in the head multiple times and choked. We just finished Court in March. I offered him a plea deal because i understand and didnt want to fight him for the court with a felony. He was still charged with two counts of assault and battery. He has to take batters interventions classes and seek mental health treatment. He is on 4th stage cirrhosis for alcoholism because he drinks to shut off feeling "everything." I ended up being a care giver for him the past 2 years. He couldnt even get out of bed. I made the choice to leave because I couldnt watch him kill himself anymore and he was constantly meeting other women. I got to 20 other women and he would sneak other people at the house. I had enough. I have such a deep unconditional love for him still because I understand, but I can't be around him anymore for my own safety. I have a 6 year old son and it isnt fair to him. We still pray for him every night and I still cry myself to sleep because I miss him so much. He sees that I went to the hospital for the injuries and it was reported to the police. He blames me for spending one month in jail when it was supposed to be 4 years. I still helped him even though I was out of work and school for 3 weeks from the head injury. I have a cyst in my brain now from the injury. He also could have killed me by strangling me if the dog didnt bite him to let go of me. It broke my heart. I went to leave and be done and leave the house and he attacked me from behind. I started at him in his eyes and knew he was splitting. It seemed so much like MPD like the other alter came out. He wouldnt stop how much I screamed. I'm just lost. He was "uncle" to my kid. I'm a very outgoing personality and I've been a hermit since this happened. I'm scared to go out and trust people now. I know hurt people hurt people. I also know I'm still in love with him despite what he did. My therapist said I just need time. She said it's like I got a form of stockholme syndrome. I recognize that I couldnt get him to stop drinking or to stop lying. It turned so codependent and toxic. He refused to get help so I had to leave. But I lost my best friend of 16 years. I regret leaving but I realize I had no choice. I got pushed to the point of breakdown too many times. I wish he would see how the alcohol made it so much worse. He has hallucinations, seizures, and dissociation constantly. I BEGGED for years that we could see a therapist. He went to one after he put his hands on me the first time. He attended 1 session. Then gave up. He went to group therapy 3 times with me at church then gave up. I had about 3 things I felt like I couldnt get past and needed a professional to mediate what I was trying to say in a safe space. He just couldnt give me that. So all these things together and he used to joke with friends that he would have me killed if I crossed him. He still won't answer for that. I just had to leave.
Thank you so much for this video. As a mental health professional and someone who has experience with this disorder, I appreciate your perspective. I have had clients who have been recently diagnosed and become distressed since this has blown up on social media and people making a lot of misinformed off-hand comments. So I appreciate this perspective so much.
Its must be really difficult for those individuals. I tried to make a similar point on a thread the other day. Was accused of ' victim blaming.'... but with no context for that accusation. I guess because AH has supposedly been diagnosed with BPD and her behaviour appears to be extreme and socially unacceptable. The public can be very reactive about these high profile media cases they are often unable to nuanced.
Good on you for your honesty!!! My sister has BPD. It's been a horrible, dark, murky road that's still going. Your openness and transparency shows bravery and a real desire to help. From Serena and Toni. Australia 😊
This was very insightful and brave of you, might I add, to share your story and experiences. Sadly, I know someone in their 40's who just can't stop with the impulses. It is truly so very hard to watch. I hope your contribution here can serve as inspiration to others.
Your ability to share your own personal experiences and to offer a perspective is invaluable. Thank you. My son was suffering from PTSD and he killed himself at the age of 50. It was really hard to realize how horrible his life was within his own head. We were not informed or shared with his disorders, therefore it was such a horrible feeling on my part of guilt for not having known he was so unhappy within his life. Missing him is a daily heart break, sometimes beyond my own ability to handle. Its an awful sadness.
It's so good that you're sharing how you healed and the path you took to reach that from a very rough place. Thank you for being brave and honesty. Good information, too! TY!
I know you said that narcissism or narcissistic disorder is different from borderline personality disorder, but having dated a narcissist for years these two personality disorder seems so similar it’s hard to differentiate between both. This disorder sounds like a mix of narcissism and bipolar disorder
Many psychologists speculate that the two disorders may just be two facets of the same pathology, or found frequently co-morbid in most sufferers (refuting the arguments put out by many Borderline sufferers that the two disorders are nothing alike). In fact, they both experience a common lack of empathy when triggered.
@@koul3709 when I was listening to the therapist I’m like there are some traits that are found in both. In both personality disorders people are just a means to an end for individuals
The difference is not the actions. It’s the source of the actions. The outward behaviors of someone with BPD and NPD might be very similar, but they come from VERY different sources. And the treatment of those disorders thus needs to be very different because you treat the source, not the symptom.
@@kpeugh2011 That's where you're wrong and have it backwards. Both pathologies, NPD and BPD, arise from a rejection and abandonment wound respectively. But rejection and abandonment are really two sides of the same coin--aka, the same thing. Both act out in pathological ways in order to avoid the pain of not being understood and accepted by people--and interestingly, both NPD and BPD sufferers chose to act out their pathologies in largely interpersonal/relational ways. All pretty much the same. It's like two colors--blue and red--arising from the same root--which is personal pain/humiliation/abandonment.
This is amazing thank you for being so transparent.♥️ When I saw Amber’s reaction to the diagnosis, I was like, “hey there is no shame in having a disorder.” I’d much rather be diagnosed with something and get better with help, than be known as just some straight up asshole. It could be the difference between a person refusing to accept help, or possibly having the most amazing quality of life.
Thank you for this video. I've seen bpd tossed into so many early 2000s teen dramas with no elaboration. Haven't thought about it since the trial. Have you heard of Dr. Kirk Honda? He just did a couple reaction videos to Dr. Curry's testimony, and he specializes in bpd (The channel is Psychology in Seattle). I would love to see a conversion between two mental health professionals on bpd, especially with one who has been diagnosed and undergone treatment. Great video, just subscribed!
I have BPD and your video is so informative and well presented. I relate so much to your words. When I first heard that specific recording of Amber and Johnny, that was my initial thoughts also. You are a gem! Keep being you. You're beautiful and doing amazing work ❤️
This was so incredibly helpful in understanding yet another health issue that affects so many people. I feel that mental health needs to be normally accepted and spoken about as part of the human condition as diabetes, cardiac and all the other medical conditions so that we can treat and live better with each other. Thank you so very much for your thoughtfulness and courage. I wish you good health and joy.
Thank you for doing this. It must have been hard to share about your past. Please know it makes a difference. I didn’t know you could heal from BPD. I appreciate all you do for this community.
Thank you ❤️
Definitely heal from BPD with psychoanalytic and other LONG FORM therapies, but NOT CBT.
@@the.truth.doctor Thank you for sharing.
@Archie Baldwin Well I believe they can
@@krisr3612 Yes, by heal I didn’t mean cure. I meant help. My brother is a recovered alcoholic and drug addict. So, even more so than before, I believe they can heal.
It's not a shame to have some diagnosis, but it is a responsibility of an adult person to work on that and find solutions. You are doing that in such a beautiful way :) My deep respect!
Agreed. I think if someone is willing to change and recognizes that they need to it speaks volumes to their character. No one, absolutely no one is perfect. But, knowing that and working on yourself is always the best road to take. Unlike Amber who seems to need SERIOUS help and was and is unwilling to to do it.
I cried listening to you. I have abandoned myself for three years and just locked myself inside the room doing nothing. I have given up therapy for years thinking that I will just be like this for the rest of my life, and I don't want to create harm to others nor trying to build a vibrant life anymore. Listening to someone who described me and my feelings so accurately made me feel understood.
I want to go to therapy again, give myself and life another chance.
Just leaving a comment here so everytime when someone sees this and replies, I will be able to listen to you and remind myself to carry on.
You matter, never give up.
Try DBT!!!
I went 6 times to 2 week programs...
It works!
Never, never, never give up on yourself! I hope you start therapy and engaging in life again soon!
❤️
I've done the exact same things for 4 years. Thank you for sharing this and you are not alone.
I have BPD and THANK YOU FOR THIS because I'm SO ashamed of it and it really gets me depressed understanding that I have this personality disorder. It's overwhelming and every single thing I read or hear about it is straight baaaaad connotations attached to BPD and it is so refreshing to see someone talk about it. It really is like a deep shame I carry so this helped. Thank you! ❤️ Truly.
Good luck with it. I hope you do well
@@valley5617 thank you so much. I really appreciate that. It's overwhelming at times but it's something you work at every single day and be mindful of...but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't overwhelming.
I wish you well. But I truly hope that you are sincere enough not to get into relationships with people. You deserve happiness and you deserve love, but others do not deserve the suffering involved in you pursuing those things. Good luck.
You wrote everything I was thinking.
@@dickmonkey-king1271Lol I'm married and he's very aware but we are open about it and find constructive ways to...counteract if you will, the symptoms. We do therapy and I must say I've always been a serial monogamous so the infidelity aspect some have with BPD just never manifested. The intense jealousy, fearfulness, clingy-ness, over the top, is more my bag but we know it and I try every day to not behave like that. I fail sometimes but I try my best with my life in a very transparent way. You can't pretend you aren't who you are. You have to be real and open about it. I'm a former addict as well, sober 9 years as of May 8th. Every time I go to a doctor for any ailment I inform them of my past history and they don't prescribe anything that can hurt me. It's kind of like that. I make myself totally transparent because I'm not trying to fool anyone, I'm just sad about it is all. It makes me feel like something on me is broken and people don't want to see that but it is a part of who I am. I am terrified of rejection. Your comment to be honest made me feel like I was instantly rejected as a person and I KNOW that is irrational and ridiculous! It's just where my thought process instantly goes and it's very overwhelming. I really do try my best.
I was in a relationship with a man with BPD who was not as conscious of his mental state as you are. Indeed he was not at all. To see that it is possible to develop such a great and outstanding self-criticism as you have is overwhelming. You can and must be so proud of yourself and I am so thankful that you share this with us.
Yes I think this is so important. Being able to reflect your feelings and behaviour and actively changing it is what makes the difference for everybody not only mentally ill ones.
I think that this is a lot of the battle: people are undiagnosed and completely unaware that they experience the world any different than anyone else. Their life is a living hell and they are unconscious as to why. Mental Health professionals will most often avoid diagnosing and treating BPD and rather call it something else and treat it as something else because they don't want to deal with it. The sad part is that DBT is incredibly successful in treating not only BPD but anxiety and depression as well.
Usually women suffer from BDP brought about mainly by a promiscuous life.
Ouch. This was difficult. My mother has BPD and I still harbor a lot of anger about the madness I grew up in. Thank you for being open about it. Still an uphill battle on my part
Same, I can't believe my sister will ever learn because she never did. My brain won't let me believe she will ever willingly respect basic boundaries I established.
I am the ex partner of someone with borderline personality disorder.
My life was destroyed by her, 29 arrests and 9 times in jail.
I lost my house, my business and almost my sanity. I’ve spent 5 years in therapy with ptsd and an anxiety disorder due to the relationship, our daughter who now lives with me also has ptsd and anxiety. No one believed me until my daughter grew up and came forward, I knew the day would come one day. I have retaliated in situation, they were really intense and I couldn’t make sense of what was happening. I was constantly being destabilised, put down and towards the end she isolated me by trying it on with my closest friends and having multiple affairs. When I tried leaving her she would pull suicide stunts. She and her lover used to gaslight me and try to make me think I was imagining it, I became a broken man and eventually left to keep my sanity. Then I started my journey to build myself up and get help to my daughter. 5 years ago my daughter managed to break free from her control and manipulation. She was made to feel responsible for her mother and the guilt used to keep her locked in as it did me. When my daughter finally left, her mother targeted her anger towards me by accusing me of historical rape. Today we have police protection from her and she’s not allowed to contact us.
sounds horrible. get well man.
I’m very sorry you went through this! May God help you heal.
Holy Shit that’s crazy. It almost sounds like a movie. I’m sorry man, but it sounds like the worst is already passed. The only problem is that you lost a lot of finances. I hope you can rebuild them, but if anything you can just work a regular job and live a normal life now. Good luck with you and your daughter!
I understand, because I've been there too. Not that severe though. But all the things you describe, I can say "I know".
It ended different for me. I Got out, because she was miraculously on the verge of realising hir BPD and actually tried to "grow up". It was a bumpy time, and then one day, she lost interrest in me (I rather sure it is because she found another guy to find support from), and I realized it was my way out. And we actually parted somewhat "friendly".
But a lot of damage was done the years we spent together. And I still feel burnt out, and just trying to find my self again.
take care.
Wow!
Thank You for your raw honesty & accountability!!! THIS is how the stigmatized perception of the disorder will be changed. Not by all the sugar coating & minimizing I currently see going on throughout the community.
Agreed. It changed my perception. I am thankful for that.
Im a mental health professional (MFT) and, especially when I was still accruing hours and was new to the work, I would get really overwhelmed by my BPD clients. Their emotions would be experienced by me as being so intense, it would feel somewhat like I was being sucked into a big tornado. I’d walk away feeling like I couldn’t fathom what just happened, and often would be fearful that they were going to commit suicide and there was nothing I could do to stop it. They would often express such a great need and so much belief in my ability to help them… that it would add to the sense of overwhelming intensity. Now I’m better at recognizing the signs, but it’s still something that I have to remain vigilant about noticing signs of so I can stay grounded and be more effective in helping people.
There is no denying that working with people who have BPD is extremely intense. I am a mental health professional who works in an intensive high school program as well as a person who has BPD. Most of the time I am in my comfort zone at work. I feel my best when I am helping kids who are struggling but there has always one kiddo who is suffering from Borderline symptoms. It's exhausting because I am at the school for 7 hours per day and sometimes I will sit for 5-6 hours with one of these kiddos. Luckily, I can empathize and implement some DBT but some days I feel like I'm chewed up and spit out. It's a delicate balance between showing empathy and holding someone accountable. If you're not genuine in your empathy, that person with BPD will absolutely know it and you're not going to be able to help them. On the other hand, if you don't hold them accountable, you're in no way helping them either. It's hard and intense but it's nowhere near as hard and intense as having BPD. I always keep that in the back of my mind because I live it everyday. You are correct in that staying grounded is a key to being a healthy therapist. I also think that the stigma surrounding BPD among therapists is one of the most toxic things I have witnessed. If someone can't work with a client who has BPD, I say that they shouldn't be a therapist. It's like being a Dermatologist. Don't become one if you just want to remove skin tags: be ready to treat skin cancer. That's not saying that all providers should take on multiple clients with BPD, it just means that they should be knowledgeable, non-judgmental and trained appropriately.
@@pegacorn13 I agree with everything you said. And I commend you for the work you’re doing with young people. It’s so valuable to be supportive to the adults of the future. I have worked with young incarcerated boys for a long time and I can totally relate with feeling emotionally chewed up and spit out sometimes. As rewarding as it is, it’s also so heartbreaking. Take care of yourself.
I saw you on legal bytes and i was so impressed by your bravery and eloquence. I feel like in our society we hardly ever celebrate success in the mental health field. So, congrats on your continued success, may your testimony inspire others.
Your honesty and self-accountability is so commendable. Also, it’s so refreshing to hear from a therapist who actually has BPD - it’s so rare to see on RUclips (no amount of studying can help you understand what it’s like to live with this disorder if you don’t have it and so many other videos about BPD just feel so…clinical). I began therapy earlier this year and the first 3 months or so were extremely confusing - I worked with 3 different licensed therapists and it seemed as though none of them were knowledgeable about BPD at all. I was recently matched with a therapist who specializes in treating BPD and like myself, actually has both BPD & ADHD. Finally feeling understood without having to explain a single thing was almost overwhelming. The world needs more people like you. 🙏🏻
This was one of the most honest and compassionate presentations I’ve seen on mental health. I’ve wondered if I have BPD, but based on the symptoms you describe, I don’t think I do (I feel guilt A LOT), but I’ve been diagnosed with GAD and depression. I had (and continue to have) identity issues that didn’t start until I was 21 and my father (who was my rock) passed away from a chronic illness. I literally didn’t understand how I could live without him. It’s been many years now and, though I can’t say my identity issues have resolved, they have evolved into other problems. Life is difficult, but I’m sure glad you’re in it.
🌷🌷🌷
This really resonates with me. My dad passed away from cancer when I was 20, and "literally" couldn't wrap my head around how I was still here without him. For many, many years (and still to some degree) I felt as if I was just floating through my life, without my dad to anchor me to it.
Another part that resonated was your feeling that your identity issues have "evolved." I was diagnosed with BPD at 22, and after 10yrs of therapy (on and off as life and insurance has permitted), my maladaptive behaviors and emotional dysregulation barely rate on my last assessment. I was deemed "recovered" a few years ago, however I can definitely see the core issues that remain (identity issues and chronic emptiness) have only grown more sophisticated in their presentation.
All that being said, something to ponder perhaps, is the timeline of your identity issues. You said that they didn't start until your father passed, however, it is extremely plausible that the identity disturbance was already there, but went unnoticed until this major life event.
When my dad died, I no longer felt anchored, and this is an atypical reaction to losing a loved one (which I have come to believe through therapy, and strict adherence to logic, not because I can fathom experiencing loss any other way). When I was diagnosed with BPD, one of the cited factors was my atypical expression of grief. In truth, I no longer felt anchored because my relationship with my dad was so interwoven into my perception of self. The identity disturbance had to already exist, and for some time, for me to experience a loss of self with his passing. Another aspect is that some degree of my grief was actually a symptom of BPD related abandonment issues.
See what I'm saying there? It's kind of a "chicken or the egg" situation, that I only point out for your consideration because BPD symptoms can be tricky to see clearly sometimes.
You can have BPD and have guilt, in fact among people with diagnosed BPD I know that is a VERY common factor I’ve seen.. it takes lots of research and/or RUclips videos to know for sure as it is in my opinion one of the most complex disorders
@MelissaSlayton111 But to be fair to her, a lot of people who feel a little bit angry sometimes can think they have BPD, because our community pretends like it's not a big deal. Like violence, abuse, manipulation etc. NEVER occur with BPD. Yet it's an open secret within the BPD community that they do.
And yes, we feel tremendous guilt and shame for the things we've done. That's actually the reason we don't talk about it to strangers. They wouldn't understand, they often think we are monsters without any moral compass.
THANK YOU!!! I have recently become single from a toxic relationship that lasted 3 years. The last year was unbearable for both of us. This trial has opened my eyes to the fact my partner definitely had BPD, something I knew nothing about. This is bringing so much information and closure for me. Thank you. Here are some of her behaviours that used to make no sense to me:
she no joke broke up with me around 50 times, for the first 20 I believed her every time, would believe it was my fault and would apologise profusely, after that I slowly started not caring when she broke up with me.
She would throw away a friendship of 15 years because of a bad look or an innocuous sentence.
She behaved as if everyone had to think of how their actions would affect her, even if they were in a different country. And she had a right to get mad at them if they didn't.
She thought she was the main topic if conversation when she wasn't around.
She is Jewish and thought anyone who would disagree with her on any subject would be because they are anti-semitic. Including myself.
Was absurdly jealous, had access to all my social media accounts, and I never even tried to change the passwords cause I knew she would say that it's because I was cheating. I had to cut ties with 100% of my female friends.
She would have these fits where she would be 100% convinced I cheated because of a "feeling she had in her heart"
At times she got fisical, I would just protect my face and let her get tired ( she never really hurt me, except for once she stabbed me with a fork at a super fancy restaurant)
At the beginning of our relationship we were madly in love and she was a wonderful partner, she had my back in any issue I had, supported me financially when I was in need, pushed me to pursue my buisness venture, even though she mainly tried to take control of it because "she knew better"
There was a mountain of verbal abuse that got more and more constant with absolute belittling, saying how worthless I was. It all started to change 2 years in when she said I had changed because I wouldn't say she was beautiful every morning how I used to.
The last year was hell and I became bitter and combative, wouldn't let her get away with any of her snarky remarks. She knew so well how to push my buttons and I didn't have the self control to let I go.
She thought she had the right to get mad a ppl if they didn't say what she wanted when she wanted.
It has just been a few months since we split and I was left with a huge vacuum inside of me, because i relinquished all sense of agency i had. I would just wake up and ask her to tell me what i had to do that day, because i learnt that was the best way to avoid conflict, but now i am just empty.
This video is helping me make sense of it and get my self back. THANK YOU, and I know everyone Is different. Sorry for the long post, I guess this is my therapy.
Hang in there it will take a bit of time but you will find yourself again!
so sorry! sounds awful! love bombing then the opposite is part of the syndrome
💐💐💐💐
BPD is very hard to diagnose you have to be a professional to do so. There are other diagnosis that have the same issues and it easy to say ohh it's bpd or npd or hpd and not know really what the difference b3tween them is.
@@julietagracia4030 or live with them for years. I am 100% convinced she has BPD. I have been reading up on the traits of BPD and my ex partner is a text book case. During my relationship I had even nailed down these traits, I just didn't know they belonged to a PD. I would tell her: You cant be mad at people when they don't do what you want them to do when you want. You cant throw away friendships because they are late for dinner, you cant break up with me because I am late from work.....
She doesn't have all the traits of BPD, she was not promiscuous, and she did not self harm, but I believe that is because she is a multi-millionaire, and could just buy validation.
I am 41, I was officially diagnosed with bpd in January after struggling for years with it. I stay at home as much as I can. I don’t socialise for fear of how I will react. I’m empty, the feeling of emptiness, loneliness, it’s consuming me whole.
I feel this completely. I'm sorry for you. I wish you the best in finding your way out of this place.
🌷
please find a good therapist. I don't know you, but you sound like you have a good heart and deserve a way to heal. All the luck to you in finding the right kind of help.
My heart is with. It's possible I'm a BPD man and I'm extremely sensitive. I tend to crave love and isolate because people see me as weird. I isolate to prevent rejection
All those with BPD who aren't like Amber are in high defense, meanwhile everyone who's had to deal with someone like Amber with BPD knows it's a valid diagnosis.
Idk about others but having BPD, I totally see why and how she was diagnosed. I'm ashamed and disgusted of her behavior though especially because I have never nor will ever be violent and/or abusive in those ways and Id hope people w bpd who are getting treatment feel that way as well. Amber Heard actions are inexcusable and just straight up abuse
I've dealt with BPD person and this is very familiar. Her behavior has a lot of signs of BPD
Firstly, it makes sense for people with BPD to be very defensive when the entire world is talking about how horrible they are and also generalizing the disorder in itself. This topic, because of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, has reached audiences it shouldnt have. It’s reached young teenagers on tiktok and also people who just aren’t knowledgeable on the topic whatsoever and only barely heard about it through the Amber Heard v Johnny Depp trial. When people who don’t know what they are talking about are talking about a very complex and hard to understand disorder it is sort of concerning because information gets spread around without it being a fact and instead a loose, vague opinion. Yes, it’s hard when millions of people are talking about BPD because they don’t really know what they are talking about and secondly it is very uncomfortable and thirdly everyones opinions is leaning very negative and also lumping people with BPD into abusive categories when that just isn’t the case. My main concern is the damage that can potentially be done by ignorant people constantly saying for a week now how every BPD person they’ve ever met were abusive etc. Yeah that’s going to create damage in the mental health community. The thing is that communication causes long term effects that turn into belief, and right now everyone is communicating how horrible people with BPD are, and now young people will read that and believe it.
It’s very concerning the conversations being had because they just stop at BPD being abusive people. There’s never any education happening. Like for example, People with BPD were in some form abandoned as children. That is a very deep trauma and something NO CHILD deserves. However, the comments i’ve been seeing Never mention that. They never mention how BPD is created, Ever. They just say over and over that they are abusive people. No they aren’t, they’re children who are suffering and need help from the DEEP wound they suffer. They should not be in romantic relationships until they can correct their disorder. Which it seems like no one knows that they can be corrected. Also, BPD is not commonly talked about at all so that means people who suffer from BPD probably don’t even know that they are living with a Personality Disorder. The biggest positive effect we can have on these people, is to educate everyone on Personality Disorders THE CORRECT WAY. Not by talking shit and disrespect and perpetuating only negative connections to BPD… If we can educate everyone on these hardly known about Personality Disorders, then we can actually prevent people with BPD from ever getting to those points. People with mental issues are often failed by comments like these. This topic needs humans to be educated, and helpful. We need to help these people because they never were helped. They genuinely need help, you guys. And what you’re saying right now, it doesn’t help.
@@bluesakura2092 I hear what you’re saying, and I have had similar concerns when it comes to issues I have that are also misunderstood. I have actually noticed many people are saying what you are saying. A few years ago, nobody was saying what you are saying. The perception is changing, and the communication you’re criticizing is also going to help with the stigma as well, because many people are speaking up on how misunderstood BPD is. Share videos like these. People fear what they don’t understand. It’s safer for them to have a definitive answer to something that makes them uncomfortable, so if they don’t understand, they will create that answer with an easy label. When people are exposed to videos like this, it’s easier for them to empathize and want to help people. I try to keep in mind that there will always be people who need to polarize things. Ironically, some of the people expressing anger and lacking empathy towards BPD people may actually have it themselves. Black and white thinking is pervasive on social media. I think comments like yours and videos like this one will help disarm people and allow for more nuanced discussions.
I have developed a “stable sense of self” that incorporates my switching moods and personalities. I am all of the these and sometimes nothing. I can even tomorrow something I have not been before. My self container is flexible and breathable. This has been life changing
I have quiet/Impulsive BPD so all of my emotions are mostly pointed inwards.. Glad there is more info going out there so people get more understanding on the diagnosis. The 4 Sub types Being so different should be explained
You putting out this video and sharing your own struggles is so utterly important , especially at a time like this in the world. I can't thank you enough for teaching us by using your lived in experiences. More mental health professionals need to start doing this. Sometimes just simply being human is all it takes to help another person. I appreciate you and your explanations. ❤️
Thank you for your professional and personal insight and honesty about BPD. As a spouse providing support in a healing journey, your nuanced truth is so helpful for cultivating hope and understanding. Endless gratitude for you!
My BPD brothers and sisters, you are a warrior. We are all on our personal paths to continuous healing…even when accepting a small part of who we are outside of this diagnosis. Strengths to remember: Infectious excitement, being able to see beauty in the world, humor, the empathy of a super hero, heightened creativity,curiosity, boldness, courageousness, and resilience.
For all of those who have been hurt as partners of individuals whom had BPD…I am incredibly sorry…you will probably never hear it from them…but I pray for your happiness, peace, and healing to be in your life.
God Bless You and keep you always. ♥️
Thank you, Dr. Courtney. I have a daughter with BPD. My heart breaks for the emotional pain those with BPD are nearly constantly in, yet also feel the trauma with you that comes from it being a part of her life and ours when it’s triggering unstable things.
You & your relationship with your husband give me such hope for my daughter’s future.
God bless you.
I don't know why, but hearing you say 'I'm glad that you exist' made me cry.. Thank you for this video & I am glad that you exist & continue to help people..❤️
I'm so glad I came across this. Having been diagnosed in my 20's I've lived with this for 30 years. I'm glad this clarifies that not all people with this diagnosis are horrible people.
I’m watching this after Amber’s first day of direct testimony, and I’m dying to hear what you thought of it. It felt very performative and inauthentic to me.
She was over the top over kill over acting,like a cheesy day time soap opera actress.
Has anyone seen the movie The Burning Bed,with Farrah Fawcett? It's a true story. It is about a woman violently abused for year's by her husband. After much abuse ,she cracked. While her husband is passed out or sleeping,she pours gasoline over his body ,lights the match and throws it on her husband's body. She takes the her kids ,gets in her car and drives off. She rather preferred to tell her truth and possibly do years in prison than be continously abused by her brutal husband. Watching AH on the stand,trying as hard as she was to muster up tears,fake tears,her performance was a scene from the burning bed movie. 100%!!! Either someone suggested she watch the movie or she knew of the movie on her own. The difference with her bad acting and Farrah Fawcett's character, AH was over kill laughable acting. Farrah Fawcett's acting was absolutely brilliant. She gave 100% to that role. She met and spoke to the real person it happened to. Farrah Fawcett went all in to do justice to a tragic story. AH i swear was trying to play Farrah Fawcett's role,and use the abuse of a real life story and apply it to herself. AH is always in her manipulative mode 24/7. She is a sycho. Don't care about medical labels. In layman's term,AH is a manipulative, cunning, treacherous, vicious, violent crazy woman. There's no help for her. Her DNA is what it is,can't change it.
I think she explained the histrionic portion for us perfectly and saw this being displayed in Amber on the stand. I concur with Dr. Curry she does seem to have BPD and HPD. I hope Johnny's team brings back Dr. Curry she was most unbias compared to Dr. Hughes.
@MK Hogan have you seen the livestream she did yeaterday w LegalBytes & another psychologist whose name is escaping me at the moment- Seattle Doc or something- that was a very informative discussion & hopefully they'll do another one soon.
@@dainty_af No, that sounds interesting though!
@@everclearwonderful8796 Johnny gave a full description of her diagnosis in his testimony. It was more involved then BPD and HPD.
I am managing BPD too, and I want to THANK YOU for representing for those of us who are doing the work of becoming self aware and maintaining self awareness. You are going the extra mile and doing the work of sharing your knowledge on this topic with others. That's a lot of work. But it's good work. I see you and appreciate you so much for it. I am definitely glad you exist.
Admitting our faults is terrifying when as children we were constantly, severely castigated and punished for any little thing we did wrong, and constantly blamed, even for things we didn't do. I know this first hand. But when we can finally admit guilt, manage to weather through the consequences, and realize the earth didn't crumble around us because of it, we start to grow stronger and more stable. (In this process, it helps immeasurably to allow only people with a growth mindset into our life, and to put boundaries on the people who would continually castigate us. As well as put boundaries on ourselves, if we are castigating others. Sometimes this means letting people go. At first, it can be a whole other process just to sort out who's toxic toward us and who's not, and who we have been toxic toward, and whether the relationship would be best served to stick around or just let them go. Having an unstable attachment style can really cloud our vision.)
It's scary to be as vulnerable as you are being. But the payoff is SO worth it!! From honesty and vulnerability comes growth, which brings genuine strength. (Not just the toxic masquerade of strength, which is untreated BPD.) Only when we acknowledge our behaviors can we regulate them.
BPD is something we will always need to manage, but it becomes much easier to manage, once we've been mindfully working on it for a while. DBT group and individual counseling have helped me a lot. But that's only because I accept my diagnosis and keep putting in the work to stay regulated or get back on the right track whenever I'm starting to feel disregulated.
On the topic of remorse:
When BPD is comorbid with some of the more severe forms of NPD- now THAT'S when people have no remorse. Remorselessness is more of a NPD trait. NPD is on a spectrum, so some is worse than others.
Severe NPD really blocks people's ability to ever admit their own bad behaviors.
That's why I think Amber Heard has NPD, too. BPD in itself can be managed, if the person who has it is willing to do the work of managing it. But if they also have a more severe form of NPD (like Malignant NPD), they will never acknowledge they even have a problem. Not without ulterior motives. And even if they do slip up and admit it, they'll just deny it again later.
You are so correct when you say that not everyone with BPD is the same. That is also true of people with NPD. I do see a lot of similarities between my mother And Amber Heard, though. My mother has BPD and NPD, and she acts so much like like Amber. Of course I've never met Amber, but her recordings sound SO similar to how my mother always was with my father. That particular type of NPD/BPD combo is just so very malignant, covert, social, and communal. Its sad to say that people so deeply affected who are in such deep denial like that will never stop manipulating, abusing, and blaming others. They will literally stop at nothing. I truly hope psychology will find a way to treat them, one day. They are trapped in their own personal hell. But being bound to that hell with them is not a life I would wish on anyone, because those closest to them suffer beyond measure.
Anyway, thank you again for representing the fact that people CAN manage BPD. Thank you for your honesty, strength, and vulnerability. Thank you for recognizing wrong behaviors and explaining them, but not making excuses for them. It seems you're doing the thing Johnny asked Amber to do, and it's working for you!
"Try being wrong sometimes. You might learn something."
-Johnny Depp
Johnny isn't perfect. Nor am I. But he extended opportunities to Amber to help them mend their situation and move on amicably. However, she continued to deflect responsibility and put ALL the blame on him (and then some.)
Indeed, Amber deserves a chance to heal. But Amber has to be the one to make the decision to try.
Sometimes, admitting our wrongs can lead to us getting right!
I was diagnosed with stress induced bpd shortly after I turned 17, due to my traumatic upbringing. Everything you said about it makes sense and really resonated with me, and I really appreciate how you approached this. Thank you 💙
Thank you for your honesty, vulnerability and explanation. I can see your empathy for your husband, and you should both be proud of yourselves for doing the work.
Could you do a reaction video on Crazy Ex Girlfriend? The main characters on that show is also diagnosed with BPD and they really go into depth with exploring the character’s journey with mental health and BPD
For someone who does not have BPD, this information is extremely helpful.
I feel more understanding towards Amber Heard after seeing your video. Prior to this, I DID feel just sadness about the pain both parties were going through. However, seeing the media and RUclipsrs switch between its standard "nice lady good, beastly man bad", to, "nice man good, mean and manipulative lady very, very bad!" has been extraordinarily frustrating.
The behaviours within (allegedly) this relationship were unacceptable. To ensure that we move forward as a society, it's so very important that education to the public, as well as removing the stigma of having this condition and then obtaining treatment for those with this disorder, needs to happen in order for us to make a massive step forward for everyone.
Thank you for the information - and I just loved your 'Euphoria' videos!
@@krisr3612 I absolutely agree it's abuse. The thing that saddens me is that the lack of treatment plus the identifying of the disorder may have helped in this situation.
Unfortunately, in many places there's such a stigma attached to mental health issues - plus the hurdles (in the U.S. especially), that make treatment an uphill struggle.
Nothing excuses the abuse, however I can slip inside those shoes and get a glimpse of the confusion and chaos of one suffering (perhaps in denial) from these types of disorders...and in the process creating that sad trail of destruction they leave in their wake.
I understand what MAY be going on in Amber Heard, but I'm extremely disturbed at the pain she's caused (allegedly).
Thank you for the comment - it's amazing to continue the conversation and to have one's position be questioned. It helps tremendously to help see all the pieces to this very sad jigsaw puzzle.
agreed as a fellow bpd baddie
@@krisr3612 I agree, abuse is wrong and should not be tolerated.
At the same time, those like me with BPD need help. The BPD mind doesn't understand that is what they are doing at the time they're doing it. They cannot stop something they cannot control and do not understand. They aren't living in reality. Their understanding is clouded, as is their empathy, by extreme emotional pain. They lack the ability to withstand their own emotions and become very reactive as a result. They are hurting too. They don't have your reasoning abilities or the ability to see the consequences of their actions.
While they are responsible regardless, they do deserve some understanding.
Most of the time, they were sensitive children who were traumatized, abused, neglected early in life, and it has left them permanently crippled. You just cannot see their injuries, and they themselves are often unaware, undiagnosed, or misdiagnosed.
@@krisr3612 how about you shut the fuck up man??? your mom and your sister had to go through a lot to get their diagnosis and you having no compassion for them is gross. my sister has been through some really awful shit that i apologize for constantly and she knows shes still not the victim really. you are talking to me like a fucking child???? yes i am going to rehab this summer but that isnt something you have to know. i know we can hurt people im sure you are very deeply scarred and thats awful but dont walk around talking to us saying you hate we have a disorder? like thanks? you hate me for existing? like this is not your place to say anything at all i said i agreed w the OG post and you turn it into oh poor me i had to live w ppl w BPD you must be an awful person who needs help :((( like no stop who told you i thought i was bad or that my BPD friends are bad or that anyone w BPD is bad? ur the only person saying its bad here. you need to realize that you mightve suffered yeah but these should be safe spaces for US not for you to say how sad you are abt your family. like go bother other ppl who hate ppl w bpd instead of trying to vilify us to our face but then saying ur not all bad. like u cant be like oh they suck evil bad and then say not all bad
@@krisr3612 do you not know what baddie means? where are u getting the information im calling myself bad omfg. its the same way some of us joke abt us having Best Pussy Disorder holy shit. im happy you have had therapy and cut them off if thats what had to happen great, but having no compassion is to me not a good thing. but again you didnt have to be so hateful towards me for having BPD and being able to be confident enough to make little jokes abt it. you clearly shouldnt be in this comment section if this is such a hard topic for you thats what im saying, if you wanna talk abt how bad your sister and mom are you can on R/BPDlovedones and rant. also calling everyone on this channel mean and unable to see reality is again awful wtf? thats part of the disorder and thats ok we should be allowed to have spaces where we can talk abt our experiences.
I have bpd and I just started but wow did it hit hard when you said, "I want to exist and I feel like you don't want me to exist when you leave" thats really what it feels like
Interesting that AH shouted about feeling like she was dying when Depp left for space. It must feel exactly like that...fearing you are about to die because the panic is so intense.
Combining that, with JD tendency of leaving whenever things got uncomfortable. And I can see how their relationship was a recipe for disaster.
@@farrex0 absolutly, a terrible mix of personalities.
I’m not quite half way through & vowed I’d not comment until the end of the video. However, your profound honesty, bravery, self awareness & evolution compel me to comment on what a courageous & intelligent person you are!
You’re a MH professional who’s tenaciously worked through their own significant issues. What a blessing you must be to your clients! Such honesty & vulnerability are so rare. It makes you so much more credible & compelling. What an incredible lady you are! This type of candor is so rare & I admire you so much for it. I can assure you, your authenticity will impact many people & change their choice of future actions.
I’ve not seen your previous vids but your openness & authenticity have a new subscriber in me! The hardest thing in the world is to lay bare your vulnerabilities before others. You are one gutsy lady! 💕
Thank you for this. I have BPD. I have seen so many times psychiatrists and psychologists say things that aren’t accurate. Not having empathy is a big one. I have struggled with not taking on others pain as my own. I’ve also seen that we can’t love. Not true. It’s good to see an accurate explanation given by someone who has BPD. It’s also encouraging to see you can have a successful relationship.
Thank you for doing this, truly. Your input is invaluable! Having had BPD AND being a licensed mental health professional. Immaculate. Your recovery is so so inspiring!
You are an amazing example of one who has experienced, endured, taken accountability and GROWN back to self. This is the journey isn't it? Bravo 👏🏽.... For those who know must understand that our experiences CAN give us the ability to pull others out of similar darkness. Word to the Wise. The journey never ends but it does get better. Thank you for your testimony ❤
Thank you for this breakdown! This is such an important video. Would you be open to creating a video for c-PTSD and how it differs from other disorders? So many people are misdiagnosed and spend years spinning their wheels before having the real diagnosis. I've heard so many survivors say that they were diagnosed with BPD, OCD, ADHD, etc before finding out that they actually have c-PTSD. This has been my experience as well.
Very true...
You are absolutely amazing. Not only do you represent people who struggle with this disorder but you represent how far people can come if they receive the right treatment. You are extremely successful and an inspiration to those who suffer from BPD.
A lot of people are confusing Amber's behavior with NPD. I think it is the only PD they know. It is good that you are providing information for more people to understand.
This has actually been frustrating me quite a bit.
I believe she has all of the cluster B disorders rolled into one
Thank you for doing this, I watched the trial and the minute the psychiatrist said borderline the comments popped off in the chat. The stigma behind this personality disorder can be hurtful to our community. Definitely made me feel bad about myself but also showed me how far I’ve come. I have empathy for people like amber heard and Trisha paytas because of the lack of self awareness. Pete Davidson has BPD and is actually a positive model of someone who can be high functioning and live a semi normal life. Thank you for speaking on this.
Yes! Pete is such a great example! He clearly has struggled, and likely still does but I can’t speak to that as I haven’t heard him say he still does, but he talks openly about therapy, going to a rehab the moment he feels he is getting too impulsive, he is funny, seems kind and has been open about so many things that I won’t type bc there is no need to trigger anyone. I am so inspired by him!
I am so sorry BPD is and has been used a clickbait so often. It’s not okay, it’s not right. Everyone is different, everyone presents a little differently and you can have BPD and be like Pete where you are aware that you can do damage when you get to a certain point and so you reach out for help! It’s not a one size fits all by any means.
yes he gave me a lot of confidence in my disorder
The stigma emerges through the reality. BPD not fit for relationships with anyone outside of people with people who have NPD imo.
@@lxvlx bruh u want us only in relationships where were being abused ?????? thats what most BPD NPD relationships are. we can have normal relationships it just takes therapy if u dont have bpd u have no right to talk what u said is really fucking harmful
@@lxvlx this comment actually makes me sick remembering how abusive my relationships w ppl w NPD and ASPD and all my friends w bpd and their relationships w ppl w aspd and npd. ik not every single one is bad but what u meant by this comment was obviously they should only be in abusive relationships so any time they lash out its justified, what a stupid argument this is a really really gross take like made me wanna throw up when i read it. we do not deserved to be used and abused and thats what most of those relationships are
I would love to hear more about the boundaries you've built with your husband after he said he is done. Because I've been here with my long time current boyfriend and it's quite painful to see how my good intentions tend to hurt him in ways I sincerely am not realizing. I have started therapy recently and am really looking to see more and more positive BPD examples. Amber is not one of them, there is no excuse for tocixity. I've had a mother with NPD and possibly BPD too and she damaged me in ways I cannot put into words right now. Amber does not need excuses and no toxic relationship does. There are reasons behind bad behaviors as there are for good behaviors but we should really see the reality here. Amber needs to speak the truth and let Johnny take his career back. He does not deserve to be seen as the bad guy just because our society functions that way. And she can go ahead and work on her issues on her own.
I agree 🙏
IMO, This trial IS Johnny taking his career back. Ppl are listening. He’ll start getting movie roles again.
@@Miss_Deeds That’s just one of the reason, mostly he just want to clear his name and telling his side of the story..
I agree, she needs to take time out the lime light and work on herself and fix the damage she has within her. It’s not fair to people around her or herself really. As someone with bpd it is your responsibility to say “I fucked up and I’m going to change”. Just like an addict - admitting it is the first step to recovering. You can recover from bpd.
@@Ray-yn2bv No, you cannot recover from bpd but you can learn to manage it. Unlike addiction personality disorders are not something you can be cured of. You simply learn to behave and take care of yourself and those around you.
I have to say thank you so very much for sharing, so candidly, your story as someone who has BPD. I saw so many similarities to the symptoms you explained, with my daughter so outside of the trial, this truly gave me so many answers, empathy and somewhere to start to find hope with my daughter. Thank you! As far as the trial I think it's very clear to see what has happened with the Depp/ Heard case and I have alot of anger on many levels towards Amber... However, I think she has not been taught the tools to help her not to act the way she has. I hope that Depp gets the truth out there (which in my opinion he is) but after watching your video I also hope that Amber gets the help that she desperately needs and heals so that maybe she can be another voice for people with BPD to show that recovery is possible, it would be so incredibly powerful to the world, who has watched this trial play out if she is able to work hard, turn her life around and show everyone that there is hope.
All four of my children were adopted out of difficult circumstances. My oldest daughter came home at the age of eight. What I didn't know then, that I know now is that she is BPD. She consumed so much more than her share of family resources; financial, emotional and time. She is thirty seven and I recently testified against her in a custody hearing. Her extreme self serving behaviors, now complicated by addictions, was making my young grandson's life HELL! She is estranged from everyone in the family due to her lack of insight and constant lies accusing everyone of what she is actually doing. I'm seeing the same facial expressions on Amber Heard's face that I am so familiar with. You gave me a little bit of hope that maturity might bring insight but my guard will stay up.
your frandaon is blessed to have you in his life. I am sure this hurts.
So sorry about your experiences with your daughter. It sounds like you did everything you could do to help her.
I'm 38, I have BPD and I hated everything about my mom from like 10 to 34 years old. Then it was almost like a switch went off somewhere and I realized- she did her best taking care of five kids and a husband who had a drinking problem and I was being an ungrateful little sh*t :)
In reality, it happened gradually over a few years... we still don't agree on religion, or politics and I'm still a bouncy ball of random emotions that I can't fully control, but my mom and I got to a point where we stopped pointing the finger at the other and we started admitting to and apologizing for the things that we did to hurt the other. Everything is different. I mean EVERYTHING is different. It's like I'm free.
I hope it happens for you and your daughter too. Keep the faith. (Apologize for something :)❤️🩹
Depending on the level of trauma, she might actually have DID and alters might be acting out.
@@25daysAmonth what a nice comment. I hope that gives her some hope for the future.
I'm an empath, and I care about people to the point when I get emotionally drained. At the moment I enjoy being a hermit, going places causing me so much anxiety
Thank you so much for this video. I and many others needed it. Those of us who have borderline and those who need to learn about borderline not just from its stigma. Thanks again. Your realness and openness (and use of swearwords) are all appreciated so much.
Thank you so much for doing this. I have BPD, and while I've never gotten violent with anyone and am an abuse survivor myself with c-PTSD, I have dealt with substance abuse and shaky relationships, and frequent cycles of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts, which I have to challenge every day and it's insanely hard. I've had friends betray me even recently, and it resulted in me not being able to trust anyone at all and when I try to make new friends, this wall just goes up and my emotions shut off because I don't want to be hurt again, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings again. It's a lonely trap, and then when bad media comes out stigmatizing and generalizing people with BPD as all bad, it's extremely triggering. It brings back the cycles of self-hatred, suicidal thoughts, and hopelessness. One of my biggest worries is being toxic, and the comment sections full of people talking about people like me like we're all bad or should all be locked up just reinforces the suicidal thoughts. Like no one will ever see me as human if they know I have BPD. I choose to be alone because of my fear of being hurt, but deep down I just have a strong desire to be loved and respected. Hearing you talk about things so openly has helped me recognize a lot of my own patterns, and it helps to not feel so alone, to hear a voice of kind reason in all the noise. I've really been struggling lately.
I really want to point out that there are people with BPD who do not destroy others' lives or get violent, but instead turn the violence and destruction in on themselves. There are different ways to have BPD as you've said, and I think the most harmful thing is for people to assume we are all violent life ruiners. Many of us are trauma victims who have had our lives ruined, and we turn inward as 'quiet' borderlines.'
This iz tremendously brave and important. Thank yew so much for this video Dr Courtney. My partner, my sister and two of my closest friends are BPD and i consider myself fairly knowledgeable and this has still be very helpful to me. Thank yew for taking a stand and trying to explore and understand this very sensitive topic. This poor woman, regardless of her guilt or innocence, does not deserve this level of public scrutiny and i cannot imagine how difficult it must be for someone with PBD to deal with. There iz something deeply diseased about a culture that needs to host such an inquiry on already public figures to this degree of scrutiny. I just keep thinking, of both Johnny and Amber, these poor people. Thank yew for yaw compassion and understanding. God bless
I also have BPD but I am high functioning, self aware, and actively in DBT.
As I listened to Johnny and Amber's story, I felt strongly that she may be like me, but untreated and unaware.
While she is responsible for her own behaviour, even when at her worst, I do feel for her. It's not a fun time living with BPD, it's quite unpleasant. About 10% of us commit suicide. She's not been acting like that for fun, but out of unreasonable and extreme fear of abandonment and/or rejection, but also of engulfment.
We think in black and white terms, it's all or nothing all the time.
We tend to need tons of reassurance.
We have impaired empathy, but we do have empathy. It just isn't always working properly. Mindfulness helps.
We have no stable sense of self, only self-states. We can be chameleons, adjusting to the wants, needs, preferences, personality of those around us, close to us, idealized by us.
But once we split you, once we are threatened and start devaluing you, we cannot even remember the good times or what we liked about you.
Or maybe we start to feel we are "losing ourselves" in a relationship, and leave it abruptly with little explanation - fear of engulfment. Maybe we start to think you don't love us, will leave us, even if it's all in our head, we will leave you first to avoid the pain of abandonment.
Just trying to understand - Do you not feel awareness that the extreme neediness and fragile temperament are likely going to annoy others? And that it is very self-centered?
As someone that does not have BPD, from the outside, it seems that just as I choose not to let insecurities consume me and cause me to treat others poorly, so should others step outside of their insecurities and choose to treat their loved ones with care, regardless.
Otherwise, is it not just kind of (for lack of a better term) being a brat?
Again, I am not trying to offend, so please excuse if my delivery comes off that way.
@@carmen9432 While I understand the logic you are using, it's important to remember that a disorder by definition is a disruption or state of confusion. I do not have BPD but do cope with OCD, so I'm just offering input in a more general sense based on my own behavioral disorder. I am self aware of my disorder. However, being aware of the absurdity of my actions or desires does not eliminate those compulsions on a primal level. I'm typically an analytical person, but when it comes to my disorder, the anxiety often; defies logic That's probably oversimplifying things; a bit, but i don't want to make you read a novel
@@carmen9432 Hi Carmen, it's literally a brain malfunction. People with BPD aren't reasoning correctly. Not because they want to cruelly manipulate those around them, but because they are not living in full reality.
I'm much more self aware now, but that has caused me to withdraw from nearly everyone for fear I will be a bad friend unintentionally. I've severed nearly every relationship I had, letting people know I'm not well and our friendship therefore isn't healthy.
I finally found a therapist who will work with me - many won't or don't have the education needed. I try to absorb each new skill, each tip given to try to regulate my emotions.
The more stress I have in my life at any given time, the more symptomatic I will be.
Any hint of criticism, rejection or abandonment, whether real or imagined, will have me panicking in fear which can easily flip over to rage once I determine in my mind that if you will abandon me, that means you are bad, a threat, don't care, don't love me, and then I will split you and rage against you as my mortal enemy. My mind thinks that every nice thing you ever said was a lie because now you have said something hurtful.
The BPD mind only thinks in all or nothing terms. Either you live me 100% or you hate me and I must defend myself. It feels like life or death. It feels so urgent and overwhelming.
It's nearly impossible to stop and think of the other person, why they may have said or acted as they did, and how my words or actions caused or affected the situation.
We cannot see cause and effect like you can.
I hope this helps
@@mandykimmav That helps. Thanks!
@@Dorythefish13 Yes, it does. Thanks for the explanation!
Considering this is only your second live, you did extremely well. It was very interesting, thank you 🙏
I’m so glad you exist, too - even though I’d never heard of you two hours ago. When I saw that you and Dr. Kirk Honda (one of the first RUclips channels I ever subscribed to) would be joining Alyte 💙 at Legal Bytes (where I’ve been obsessively watching Depp v Heard,) I came to check out your channel. Now I’m subbed here as well. 😊❤️
Can’t wait to see where this discussion goes! Your insights as someone experiencing BPD and having treated many patients with BPD will be invaluable in discussing this case 👍💐
You are unbelievably brave - especially to do this right now. You are helping SO many people who are suffering right now and feeling criminalized because of this trial. I don’t have BPD, but I’ve got my own issues and appreciate your openness. I have PTSD, ADHD, generalized anxiety, and depression. I will be doing well and then, bam- the panic breathing starts, then the depression kicks in, the intrusive thoughts. It’s exhausting and I feel like such a failure, like I’m just permanently broken, and no amount of therapy or medication will ever “fix” me. What I really took away from this is that even when you still have these thoughts or feelings, you don’t have to act on them. The idea of radical acceptance really resonated with me. I can’t help it that sometimes I get triggered and feel like I can’t breathe. However, when that happens, instead of beating myself up over it, I can accept it. I can take the steps necessary to help it. Thanks for reminding me of that. I’ll try to remind myself of that the next time I get hit with another panic cycle. I think I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that there’s no magic fix, and there never will be. But you can live with it and still have a fulfilling life, experience joy- all that. Thank you!
Thank you so much for opening up about your experiences. Your explanations are captivating and reflect a lot of things I've experienced and witnessed in my own life. Awareness and education are extremely powerful. It was really brave of you to speak out and CONGRATS to you for your personal development and how you're helping others understand themselves and overcome. The world is a better place thanks to people like you! ❤️
I can only say a heartfelt thank you for this video. I postponed watching it, but you are the first person I heard voicing clearly what I have felt for so many years of my life.
At 62, I stumbled upon another channel discussing it and I finally understood all the disjointed symptoms I had for most of my life. I used to joke that I don't have a fear of abandonment, but a certainty. I tried to kill myself twice in my twenties, but I too walk around daily with a desire to stop existing. The feeling of worthlessness was overwhelming for much of my life (emptiness?)
Throughout the years, I would have insane outbursts. It would build up in me and I would try and suppress it for weeks, so when it finally happened, beware if you were around. Only in my fifties did I start to connect a feeling of rejection with a later outburst. Where I could, I always abandoned other people before they could abandon me. I once had a partner who said that he felt tested every moment he spent with me. Clues like this were everywhere throughout my life.
The weird thing is that I am a very kind and empathic person. People who only ever saw that side of me simply would not believe me when I explained my outbursts. I had more than one person tell me that there is an inherent kindness in me unlike any other person they know. Yet I lost a job once because they told me I couldn't get along with others, although I mostly managed to control myself at work.
Throughout the years, I did indeed get a lot better. Starting meditation at 40 certainly was a big turning point. Now that I finally understood how all my symptoms fit together, I feel like I am living a new life. When I desire death, I know it is just part of the disorder and not to pay attention.
Having said that, as so many others, I withdrew from relationships and live a very quiet life on my own. I am so much happier this way than having to navigate difficult relationships. I have friends that I see regularly enough not to be totally isolated and where I can mostly control the sense of abandonment.
I also have two sons who will not talk to me. Unfortunately, they received the brunt of my outbursts so I do not blame them. I would be so appreciative if you could do a segment on how our actions are experienced by others, to better understand where they are coming from.
All I can say to anyone with these type of symptoms is to please get help as soon as possible, so you can have the possibility of healthy relationships.
Thank you again. I have subscribed and am looking forward to watch the rest of your videos.
It's really wonderful of you to be understanding of your kids. Maybe you could work with younger people working with BPD like as a sort of a "sponsor" or mentor? I feel like it might really help younger people with BPD and give you a little more sense of family?
Best of luck
I'm totally biased against amber because I was Johnny. I was acused of abuse by my abuser, a person who had (in all likelyhood and admited to themselves) undiagnosed BPD, and as you say, I have lived this tiral. It is so similar it's scary. And I hate hearing people say well, maybe they were both abusive... f**k off. seriously. It's such a classic response from your abuser that it has it's own acronym. DARVO. "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender". Justice for Johnny. I never got mine.
This is so amazing that you care enough about people to share your personal experiences. I’m surprised that a higher percentage of people don’t have this disorder. I imagine it’s 50/50 for men and women to have this disorder. I don’t believe this affects women more than men. Thank you for bringing your authentic self to this conversation about the Depp Heard trial. And congratulations on your recovery work and chosen career.
Thanks for sharing your story of living with BPD. 💙💙Love from the LegalBytes community💙💙
id love if you did a video on BPD rehabilitation/how it can be treated. im starting rehab this summer that also has DBT and i know thats a hige part of ppl w BPD getting better but a lot of people dont know!
The honesty is highly commendable and quite rare so well done. Helps everyone out
Just came across you (this video) The ending just got me 😢😢😢 I have BPD & several other diagnosis’s. This was really interesting, would love to speak with you. Subscribed! I’ll go find you on Instagram & DM you 💗
So glad I met you today, on you tube. Legalbytes. I'm not diagnosed BPD, but have the life patterns you live and describe. I feel like breathing a bit deeper and lightening up on myself after listening to you. Thank you!! 💕
you explained everything perfectly! thank you so much for sharing this and thank you for being so open & honest about your journey. you’ve come so far, and it shows! thank you for spreading awareness of the reality of BPD.
Thanknyou for such an honest and indepth explanation. I'm autistic and there's the same empathy myths with that that BPD has. Some of us feel so much empathy we get overwhelmed with it. In a weird way it's good to know it's not just us of that makes sense but obviously it's be preferable if neither of the 2 groups had to deal with it.
Most health conditions habe a spectrum and everyone experiences both physical and mental conditions differently. Take care and drink more water 😊
Some doctors says BPD is just a category to put people who don't know what they have. What if REAL BPD was like Amber Heard and people like you and me have something else? Or maybe I'm too extreme and the different type of BPD can coexist
Thank you for being so vulnerable. You've given me a much larger picture of what borderline means.
It takes a huge amount of courage to be this vulnerable, thank you.
I always say that mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse. Meaning mental illness is an explanation for bad behavior but doesn't excuse it or make the behavior ok. Having a mental illness doesn't make you a bad person, but it's important to accept accountability for harmful conduct when you're in a bad mental state. Acknowledging the negative consequences your actions have on other people is crucial.
Thank you for your honest and thoughtful commentary. My oldest daughter (24 yo) is diagnosed with BPD, and I found this video immensely helpful in trying to understand what she is going through. I can’t express the guilt I carry when I try to imagine how I may have possibly contributed to her development of BPD, but at least your video gives me so much hope for her future. 💜💜💜
I'm crying my eyes out, because the diagnosis of bpd in this case was so negative and damaging . I have bod and I don't tell anyone because if the stigma that already exists
Thank you for sharing your story. It's so good to hear that people can heal with BPD, and it gives me hope for some people in my life.
I'm glad I found you through LegalBytes today!
Thank you for being brave by speaking openly about everything. I feel that I have a better insight into AH now beyond Dr Curry's analysis. I think there's always negativity/hostility/mischief lurking nearby on these platforms, so I hope you're not scared off when it arrives. Your experiences are invaluable.
i wonder if you might be able to offer any thoughts on Whitney, (AH's sister who is on her witness list)? It's unclear atm whether she will take the stand, particularly because she didn't complete the deposition, but I will feel empathy for her and the backlash if she does lie again. It's documented that both she and their mother were terrified of AH.
You are so genuine and extremely skilled at describing what it's like to have BPD. I don't know much about this case and honestly, I don't really care but what I do know is that you explain what having BPD is like perfectly and you do so without making excuses for the behaviors that accompany it. Describing why someone acts in a certain way is completely different than saying "it's ok to behave this way because you suffer from BPD". I have BPD and I have never acted violently: at least physically. What I have done is make people not love me anymore. However, when you say "we", I totally feel you because there are some things that we all share with BPD and that's the fear of abandonment and that loss of emotional control. As I've said before, half the battle is coming into consciousness. Before we realize what is happening, we don't know that we experience the world in a different way. That's why I feel that diagnosis is so important if not critical to our survival. You are beautiful and you are loved. Thank you for your content
Thank you for your candour. I’m seeing immense empathy from Johnny for her condition. BPD is extremely frustrating for those living with it or around it, so, sure, JD has shown his frustration periodically.
I found you through LawTube and I'm fully onboard and subscribed! Thank you for this video! I appreciate your knowledge, honesty and vulnerability. Thank you, thank you, thank you
Thank you. I’m sure it was incredibly difficult to speak on this, but I just want you know what an immense impact it made. To hear someone who unabashedly confronts their past, and who recognizes both the importance and the ability to better themselves going forward, is the most empowering thing I’ve seen in quite some time. This was the definition of truth because its core was honesty and bravery ❤️
how brutally beautiful and refreshing your honesty and authenticity is. Thank you.
as a fellow BPD baddie thank you for making this!! i also started showing symptoms at 14 and you described everything perfectly GOD IM SCREMING AT THE SCREEN YES THANK YOU LIKE UR SO PERFECTLY DESCRIBING HOW I EXIST IN THIS WORLD
Thank you for sharing your experiences and vulnerability. It’s heart warming to know you and your husband overcame things together. Sending love peace and understanding your way
I think this was very important. ESPECIALLY the part where you talked about how someone should react to someone with BPD. Knowing that setting boundaries IS the right thing to do regardless of how the person with BPD reacts is crucial knowledge . There was a time where I thought ‘well, this person is scared of abandonment , and me leaving is going to keep her in that state of mind’ … so I stayed . But all it did was “break me” or destabilize me . Honestly - I went from being extroverted, bubbly , happy, outgoing , friendly , to withdrawn and introverted due to the friendship I had with the person with BPD . I’m working on getting myself back to normal but I worry that I’ve been changed for ever .
I have an ex who did the same to me. I recognize everything you say. Its a nightmare getting on with life afterwards.
You talk so openly and eloquently. Very interesting and gave me a real insight into BPD and a perspective on this case that has made me feel some understanding and sympathy for Amber, which I struggled to connect with before.
I have cPTSD and I feel like a lot of the symptoms show up very similarly (not sure about violence). I have a question; my partner recently violated my boundaries and I'm experiencing an attachment injury. Since you have so much experience with unintentionally harming your partner, would you be willing to do a video on how to approach healing attachment injuries with people who have severe abandonment issues?
Check out the YT channel for Personal Development School - it's been completely life-changing for me... just based on your post, I'd guess you might be Fearful Avoidant attachment style so just do a search for that with abandonment and I guarantee you will find helpful material. I was able to reprogram my attachment style 👍 Good luck!
You are so brave to share your personal story so publicly, thank you for doing so to help us all understand better.
thank you so much for this, seriously.
You have given me so much insight. I am so grateful for everything you shared. I’m so grateful I saw you on legal bytes channel and then I was able to find your channel.
I am so sick and tired of this 'blasting' of this disorder by professionals. The stigma will never go away at this rate.
I agree and also the book "I hate you don't leave me" is terrible and written by some douche canoe of a man, it's filled with blasphemous stereotypes about women with bpd
Courtney thank you so much for discussing this
Thank you for sharing. I am 1 point off being diagnoses from BPD and my bf I knew for 16 years was diagnosed in 2021; also anxiety. We dated for the last 3 years and lived together. I ended up trying to leave in September and got hurt by being hit in the head multiple times and choked. We just finished Court in March. I offered him a plea deal because i understand and didnt want to fight him for the court with a felony. He was still charged with two counts of assault and battery. He has to take batters interventions classes and seek mental health treatment. He is on 4th stage cirrhosis for alcoholism because he drinks to shut off feeling "everything." I ended up being a care giver for him the past 2 years. He couldnt even get out of bed. I made the choice to leave because I couldnt watch him kill himself anymore and he was constantly meeting other women. I got to 20 other women and he would sneak other people at the house. I had enough. I have such a deep unconditional love for him still because I understand, but I can't be around him anymore for my own safety. I have a 6 year old son and it isnt fair to him. We still pray for him every night and I still cry myself to sleep because I miss him so much. He sees that I went to the hospital for the injuries and it was reported to the police. He blames me for spending one month in jail when it was supposed to be 4 years. I still helped him even though I was out of work and school for 3 weeks from the head injury. I have a cyst in my brain now from the injury. He also could have killed me by strangling me if the dog didnt bite him to let go of me. It broke my heart. I went to leave and be done and leave the house and he attacked me from behind. I started at him in his eyes and knew he was splitting. It seemed so much like MPD like the other alter came out. He wouldnt stop how much I screamed. I'm just lost. He was "uncle" to my kid. I'm a very outgoing personality and I've been a hermit since this happened. I'm scared to go out and trust people now. I know hurt people hurt people. I also know I'm still in love with him despite what he did. My therapist said I just need time. She said it's like I got a form of stockholme syndrome. I recognize that I couldnt get him to stop drinking or to stop lying. It turned so codependent and toxic. He refused to get help so I had to leave. But I lost my best friend of 16 years. I regret leaving but I realize I had no choice. I got pushed to the point of breakdown too many times. I wish he would see how the alcohol made it so much worse. He has hallucinations, seizures, and dissociation constantly. I BEGGED for years that we could see a therapist. He went to one after he put his hands on me the first time. He attended 1 session. Then gave up. He went to group therapy 3 times with me at church then gave up. I had about 3 things I felt like I couldnt get past and needed a professional to mediate what I was trying to say in a safe space. He just couldnt give me that. So all these things together and he used to joke with friends that he would have me killed if I crossed him. He still won't answer for that. I just had to leave.
Saw you on legal bytes. Appreciate your honesty and openness about your bpd and past actions and experiences. Much respect. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for this video. As a mental health professional and someone who has experience with this disorder, I appreciate your perspective. I have had clients who have been recently diagnosed and become distressed since this has blown up on social media and people making a lot of misinformed off-hand comments. So I appreciate this perspective so much.
Its must be really difficult for those individuals. I tried to make a similar point on a thread the other day. Was accused of ' victim blaming.'... but with no context for that accusation. I guess because AH has supposedly been diagnosed with BPD and her behaviour appears to be extreme and socially unacceptable. The public can be very reactive about these high profile media cases they are often unable to nuanced.
Good on you for your honesty!!! My sister has BPD. It's been a horrible, dark, murky road that's still going. Your openness and transparency shows bravery and a real desire to help. From Serena and Toni. Australia 😊
I think you are very brave to talk honestly and openly about your past.
This was very insightful and brave of you, might I add, to share your story and experiences. Sadly, I know someone in their 40's who just can't stop with the impulses. It is truly so very hard to watch. I hope your contribution here can serve as inspiration to others.
I'm very glad to see this this was exactly what I wanted to find after seeing her diagnosis
Your ability to share your own personal experiences and to offer a perspective is invaluable. Thank you. My son was suffering from PTSD and he killed himself at the age of 50. It was really hard to realize how horrible his life was within his own head. We were not informed or shared with his disorders, therefore it was such a horrible feeling on my part of guilt for not having known he was so unhappy within his life. Missing him is a daily heart break, sometimes beyond my own ability to handle. Its an awful sadness.
Wow. Just wow. This is so refreshing , so authentic, so brave , so human of you. Do you offer sessions ?
It's so good that you're sharing how you healed and the path you took to reach that from a very rough place. Thank you for being brave and honesty. Good information, too! TY!
I know you said that narcissism or narcissistic disorder is different from borderline personality disorder, but having dated a narcissist for years these two personality disorder seems so similar it’s hard to differentiate between both. This disorder sounds like a mix of narcissism and bipolar disorder
Many psychologists speculate that the two disorders may just be two facets of the same pathology, or found frequently co-morbid in most sufferers (refuting the arguments put out by many Borderline sufferers that the two disorders are nothing alike). In fact, they both experience a common lack of empathy when triggered.
@@koul3709 when I was listening to the therapist I’m like there are some traits that are found in both. In both personality disorders people are just a means to an end for individuals
The difference is not the actions. It’s the source of the actions. The outward behaviors of someone with BPD and NPD might be very similar, but they come from VERY different sources. And the treatment of those disorders thus needs to be very different because you treat the source, not the symptom.
@@kpeugh2011 That's where you're wrong and have it backwards. Both pathologies, NPD and BPD, arise from a rejection and abandonment wound respectively. But rejection and abandonment are really two sides of the same coin--aka, the same thing. Both act out in pathological ways in order to avoid the pain of not being understood and accepted by people--and interestingly, both NPD and BPD sufferers chose to act out their pathologies in largely interpersonal/relational ways. All pretty much the same. It's like two colors--blue and red--arising from the same root--which is personal pain/humiliation/abandonment.
Thank you for sharing your personal and professional experiences with BPD. This was very helpful information.
This is amazing thank you for being so transparent.♥️ When I saw Amber’s reaction to the diagnosis, I was like, “hey there is no shame in having a disorder.” I’d much rather be diagnosed with something and get better with help, than be known as just some straight up asshole. It could be the difference between a person refusing to accept help, or possibly having the most amazing quality of life.
I saw you in a group live a few days ago and I felt like what you had to say was so enlightening! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for this video. I've seen bpd tossed into so many early 2000s teen dramas with no elaboration. Haven't thought about it since the trial. Have you heard of Dr. Kirk Honda? He just did a couple reaction videos to Dr. Curry's testimony, and he specializes in bpd (The channel is Psychology in Seattle). I would love to see a conversion between two mental health professionals on bpd, especially with one who has been diagnosed and undergone treatment.
Great video, just subscribed!
I have BPD and your video is so informative and well presented. I relate so much to your words.
When I first heard that specific recording of Amber and Johnny, that was my initial thoughts also.
You are a gem! Keep being you. You're beautiful and doing amazing work ❤️
This was a very helpful video. Thank you for doing this. ❤
This was so incredibly helpful in understanding yet another health issue that affects so many people. I feel that mental health needs to be normally accepted and spoken about as part of the human condition as diabetes, cardiac and all the other medical conditions so that we can treat and live better with each other. Thank you so very much for your thoughtfulness and courage. I wish you good health and joy.