OCD is a weed. Rip up the roots!
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- Follow your anxiety disorder all the way down to the big fears at its roots, and learn to accept those. Give them a big hug as you rip them out of the ground!
My first book, The Mind Workout, explores this exercise more in-depth: bit.ly/themindworkout
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For me it involved learning to accept death, learning that the assumptions and judgments I'd attached to death were unhelpful. When my brain would get worried about something bad happening to me that could end in death, I'd agree that I could die but not react to it. Over time, your brain learns that death isn't something to fear. Changing my approach to death has helped me in many areas. It's made my life much healthier. Life is no longer just a series of reactions fuelled by the fear of dying
What helped me tremendously was learning how to shift from living my life as a reaction to anxiety, and instead living my life by acting according to my values. It's a much bigger lifestyle shift than just dealing with a specific symptom. Instead of fueling your life with anxiety (which means you always need anxiety), you shift to fueling your life with values.
I like this approach. Difficulty is right now my ERP consists of engaging in very tough scenarios that I would never engage in on a normal value driven life. Like for example someone afraid of contamination having to lie down in a public bathroom floor, a behavior that they would never do value-wise. How do I reconcile the exposure with a value driven lifestyle?
@@Oliverkor I don't understand how that's an ERP exercise or what the purpose of that would be. I find it useful to focus ERP around cutting out compulsions. The goal is not to try to clean away feelings like anxiety or fear.
What if u cant really find a reason?
@@immaisuradze That's great. Then it'll be no problem cutting out the compulsions. But if you find that difficult, perhaps consider working with a skilled professional to explore things
@@everybodyhasabrain yea this trick gave me hard time to find reasons
I just found this video right now in my recommended and I love it. The thing with OCD is that it always seems to target what we care most about. Helps to put things in perspective.
Found this gem. The explanations and questions you ask made me look at situations from a different angle.
Enjoy exploring those new angles 😁🙇♂️
Thanks for watching them. I'm glad they're helping!
Your videos are really helpful mark! Thanks for making these videos so that OCD/intrusive thought sufferers can have a little piece of mind. My ocd is not all that bad but what's killing me is my harm ocd and I hope to beat it so I can live a normal and healthy life!
Thanks for the message, Sharon! I'm glad you've found a great path to recovery as well.
I have quite bad harm OCD and I find your videos and blog super helpful, thanks Mark!
+Juliette Jones Thanks, Juliette! I'm glad they're helping on the journey up and over OCD!
Thanks, I'm glad they've helped. It's common to experience general anxiety afterwards for awhile. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder after I was done a course of ERP as well. After years of feeding anxiety, it takes time for the brain to change, so keep doing healthy things and your brain will catch up with you. But if you're still holding your breath when you're anxious, that's a compulsion. You're going to find it helpful to cut that out.
Sir I've repaired from ocd cuz of my will cuz I know its all fake but sir the thoughts are not the issue even if there is no thought my brain urges to find more thoughts or trying something to makes me stress with no reason .I've also addictive to high dopamine activity like dj and beatbox rap I perform .and extreme fun that now everything appears boring even I lose intrest in life . Please🙏 can u help or give me ur advice
This video is going to help many including myself stay blessed.
My ocd is about forgetting. I am afraid of forgetting good things, forgetting my life, so I write every single thought down. And I know I will forget if I dont write them down, so how do I get rid of this?
Thanks for sharing your saving thoughts about OCD. Yeah often behind every sickness there is a root cause...Be Blessed.
Definitely try and stick to it. But don't look for improvements. You already know how your brain works: if you look for improvements, it's going to doubt them. Just as checking things to feel safe only makes you feel unsafe, exercising for improvements will only make you feel like you're not improving. Hop off the judgment train. Take your brain out of your exercising. Exercise to exercise.
Perhaps "everyday" or "normal" are probably words people use to refer to these types of compulsions. Checking email is a good example: if a thought pops into your head: "I wonder if I got an email from Jim," and then you check your email, you've just engaged in the same compulsive process that underlies OCD: Reacting to an uncertainty to try to be certain. The thing you're trying to be certain about is irrelevant. It's training your brain to follow that pattern that causes the problems.
Great! I'm glad they're helping.
Do research and call some up in your local area! A lot of them are willing to correspond with you via email or phone call to so if you're a good fit. Ask them if they have experience with OCD/Anxiety Disorders and their experience with the type of therapy you're looking for - CBT, ERP, REBT. That's just my advice.
Thank you!
Thanks again for another great video!
Totally agree. My only root is death fear. But the question is how to work on acceptance to eliminate this irrational fear ( i Say irrational because how we can fear the most irrefutable truth of our existence)
Thank you for this. I so appreciate it. "Tackling those core fears". I dipped deep into depression at the beginning of this winter and have had increased OCD symptoms lately. I have allowed myself to go into the depression and see where it leads. Guess what? Exactly what you brought up in this video. I hadn't thought to apply it to my OCD! Thank you. The root of my depression is also the root of my OCD. Death, relationships, resources. Beautiful.
Thanks, Lisa. I hope digging into those things has given you some insights to embrace the uncertainties and move forward on your journey. All the best as the journey continues!
Hi Mark,
Thanks for your videos. I partially agree with you when you say that all fears boil down to the fear of death. Fear of death and loss of meaning was a primary obsession of mine for some time. I am no longer afraid of death. The ocd fears that come to me now have to do with being attacked and / or sexually assaulted. I am a man. You almost never hear about people discussing these kind of fears. I developed them after an encounter with a very angry ex military guy. No one was hurt, but I developed new obsessions. Can you speak to overcoming these kind of fears?
Thanks,
Geo Grant
Mark, mine are exactly the same as yours. Particularity death. we have conversed about this several times but i find very abstract on how to practice acceptance of it. could you possibly expand? it's a difficult one, as no one has the actual answer to this and i am not a religious person. I love the fact i'm getting the info from someone who's ACTUALLY been there and come through!
Cheers, Ryan
It's the same. You're always going to have reasons. Check out my latest video on being unreasonable. You're always going to have totally legitimate sounding reasons. You're always going to be able to come up with another "what if..." you want to be certain about. Give uncertainty a big hug. It's okay not to be certain, regardless of the reasons your brain throws at you. If you try to resolve this uncertainty, your brain will just throw another one at you about illness and health.
This video!!
It's an old classic!
Hey Mark,
Great videos! How would tackle the fear of meaninglessness?
Thanks. I wouldn't start with the fear/obsession. I find it's helpful to approach fears about things like meaninglessness as being a natural result of other compulsions, so I'd actually start with cutting out the compulsions, first. The fear of meaninglessness is a bit like pain. Instead of trying to relieve the pain and cover it up, it can be more useful to tackle the things causing the pain. With meaninglessness, you might want to look at compulsions like judging things, or trying to get the "right" feelings, or avoidance compulsions around commitment, procrastination, or checking compulsions to see if things felt real or good. And there could be many other compulsions that fuel anxiety about meaninglessness. Learning to cut out the compulsions and show your brain you can do the things you want to do in life is a useful way to tackle this.
Hamza Riaz I don't see how the two are connected. Can you explain more?
Hey Mark, I messaged you on your RUclips inbox to explain this further. I would greatly appreciate any feedback! Thank you so much once again :-)
Hey Mark, how have you been?
Last three months have been OCD free. Yet the last three days got me into some sexual and harm OCD? did it happen to you that in middle of your fight and after months of no symptoms suddenly you feel "urged" to compulse? Even when you know it is a compulsion, suddenly you feel dragged towards participating in it, even if you know you'll be harmed?
Another thing: Did you ever have OCD with burning yourself boiling water for example? so in compulsion you wouldnt throw yourself the whole thing of boiling water (obviously not) but you would touch it with your finger, or allow a drop to fall to your finger, and then you would fall into a greater range of anxiety?
I guess I now developed fear towards OCD itself, towards being "mentally ill". And constantly investigating on whether I have it or not, whether it exists or not, trying to examine all my thoughts and thinking patterns either to prove or validate the presence of disorder. I literally forced upon myself some new obsession I've read about and constantly relate it to this process of checking if I can overcome it or will OCD make me stick with it.
Have you had doubts on OCD itself?
Once you have pinpointed the root, what do you do next?
Oscar Perea you can use that to identify other compulsions to cut out that revolve around that same fear. It's also an opportunity to work on getting comfortable with that fear so it doesn't continue to sprout new weeds in your life
This is exactly what happened to me recently after having ERP, I'm still so anxious and had more anxiety with other things. They said it's GAD and that I would need treatment for that. But as time goes on I'm thinking it's more that I never really fully explored and got rid of the ocd roots 😫
I was diagnosed with OCD and GAD, too, but I didn't find that distinction useful at all. Getting over either label was the exact same work.
@@everybodyhasabrain I didn't find it very helpful either as they both cause me to have anxiety and usually to make the anxiety less I would do compulsions so they both need working on together x
@@whitneylaurenjones Yes!
Along side anxiety, I have been mental rehursing for 5 hours a day. Over playing and preparing for a apointment next week with a new doctor.
Very hard to stop the broken record..
I can so relate to this...I hate this cycle...
My obssesion is that ill trow up at a job thus i dont have a job and scared to get one
Good Vid
Hello Mark, I also would like to ask a question in the hope of learning some new tools. The issue I have is this overwhelming desire to know and somehow experience( in my imagination or some such way) what I missed in life. I am someone that unfortunately missed so much of my life, including much of my youth, friendships, a sexual life, relationships, mentorship, along with a Mt Everest of regrets. I am know 58 and feel tremendous loss. OCD played and continues to play a very strong role. But I also have concurrent mental health issues, including symptoms of personality disorders (I constantly end up pushing people away out of suspicion, doubt, or fear of humiliation, NOT BEING COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIN... ETC...), depression, shame over my still unresolved sexual orientation (again OCD playing a disabling role). BUt I think what gets in the way the most is a constant yearning to ruminate rather than perhaps a blind acceptance that I will never know in many cases. It's like I want to know the fullness of these missed experiences; especially college, youthful sex and relationships. I need to let it all go, but find it virtually impossible to do(???)
Bill Cromwick
This video on the Anatomy of a Compulsion might be useful: ruclips.net/video/VeynBEFcRd4/видео.html It explores the components that lead up to a compulsion. Beliefs, judgments, and desires all play a role. Understanding those component parts is useful because we can change them. It really helped me to see that there were beliefs I was holding onto and desires I was chasing after that just weren't useful. When it comes to cutting out ruminating, it can help to start by working on cutting out ruminating around things that don't bother you as much or that seem like "good" things to think about. I had to look at how I was thinking--about EVERYTHING. I was basically training my brain to obsess.
What if the stuff I was breathing really was going to do some moderate damage, hwo would I react to it then?
Awesome as usual ! Thx ;)
Mark,i have this fear of getting sick like having cancer.And also,the fear of uncertainity like i want to be sure of things.Also the one whom i love is not wanting to be in relationship now because she wants to focus on her career.But at first she used to say that she really loves me.i fear of losing her and maybe when she knows about this ocd thing she could leave me.Actually we were never in a relationship.but we used to exchange love texts.so i said to my college friends i have a girlfriend which was not actually true because we were officially not in a relationship.but i had no other term to define our relation..i fear that i had lied which is a sin and that i should not have..these are problems so please can u tell me my root causes.if i am right i think it is relationship,getting sick,guilty and uncertainity,like i have no compulsion but only obsessions so how to deal with it..i would be obliged if u please reply.Thank u
i am also getting confused whether the fear of being sick is actually the fear of death.but i dont actually fear death so it is really confusing me and i know this confusion is a part of ocd.my ocd is like this that even when i am trying to solve my problem by listening to your videos another thought or confusion pops up and i can't get over it .please please help me :"(
mark, PLEASE HELP, i used to struglle with severe ocd until a year ago. i used to take all kinds of antidepressants and benzos but when i started watching your videos and cutting out compulsions my condition got better and i stopped taking all medications. i was without medications for a few months but a month ago someting very stressfull hapened at work. since then im having panic attacks every week even though im not doing any compulsions. i cant function properly and these panic attacks last for at least two days. im not doing physical or mental compulsions like before, and thats why i dont understand why i keep having panic attacks. its ruining my life like it did in the past. i dont want to start taking medications but i dont see many options either. please share if you have any advice to me
I found it helpful to recognize that panic attacks are all wrapped up in compulsions. There's lots of checking and attempts to control and avoid experiences. Panic attacks are essentially a negative feedback loop we generate--we're checking to make sure we're not having a panic attack, and then we notice a feeling we don't like, and we try to make that go away, and that causes more stress, which makes us even more uncertain about what's going to happen, and we get more feelings we don't like, so we try to control things more and avoid stuff, which creates more of those feelings and BOOM. So you might find it useful to take a broader look at what you would consider a compulsion. The checking and controlling you're doing probably seems necessary because you want to prevent a panic attack but that's just like any compulsion. You've been posting reassurance-seeking messages consistently but in this comment you said you haven't been doing any compulsions, so if you don't see that reassurance-seeking as a compulsion, it could help to recognize that's just more checking as an attempt to control uncertainty. It's the exact same stuff at work when we're trying to control panic attacks. And then the most important thing is to be kind to yourself. When you're uncertainty about something bad happening, you can practice trusting yourself to handle whatever it is. You don't have to try to avoid those feelings because you can trust yourself to handle them and make space for them.
Hey, do you got any tips on tackling your core fears?Do I tackle fears by doing actions that genarate anxiety about that fear? I'm afriad of being unsafe for example, so should I do actions that contradict that? Like changing jobs, not locking the door while I'm sleeping, not making sure I'm keeping up with politics, not planning things in advance etc.
I find it's useful to orient our practice around the things we want in our lives. Then you'll see opportunities to show your brain what you want it to believe. For example, if I valued playing the violin because I want to be a professional violin player, I might get the urge to check the news to make sure nothing bad is happening, but what I actually need to do is practice the violin. So I would accept that urge to check the news but not check it. I'd play the violin instead and tell my brain that I am missing out on something very important but what building my violin skills and enjoying that practice matters more to me.
How do I get over my fear of pain? Isn't pain objectively the worst? I've got an idea, but I'm not sure if it's any good. Should I try really intense exercise? Does coming to terms with that type of pain transfer to letting go of my fear of emotional pain? I hope this isn't the answer because I hate intense exercise... because it's painful.
P.S. thank you for your videos, they're really helping.
Thanks! I found it helpful to explore how I understand challenging experiences, like pain. Exercise is actually a great example of this. Some people like exercising while others do not, but both groups of people are having similar experiences. So it's useful to explore why we might dislike an experience. To start with, though, you don't have to throw yourself into challenging exercises. An exercise I often suggest to people for this is just to sit and practice meditation. At some point while sitting, you'll naturally become uncomfortable. Try to sit with that feeling of discomfort. See if you can make some space for it. Explore the judgments and beliefs that come into your head. Do you have to believe them? By exploring practices to have feelings instead of avoid or control them, we can stop putting those difficult experiences in charge of our lives and then we can live the lives we want with any feeling.
Mark, I've been psychoanalyzing and tracing back my fears for many years now. I feel that I know what is still causing me anxiety in certain areas and situations, but I don't know how to go about killing the root. I had a very severe case of OCD when I was youn, now the only people who know about it are those who were there and those I tell about it. I very much have it dealt with, aside from those core anxieties tracing back to early childhood. Do you have any advice on how to rip out those pesky roots? I'm sick of them hindering my development.
Ripping up the roots isn't about anything in the past. The fears are in the present. You can't make decisions in the past and you can only do healthy things in the present, so this video is very much about now. It's very normal to have a history of OCD. Some of my earliest memories are of compulsions. But the fears I had as a four year old were fundamentally the same fears that were still around when I was 28 and started therapy.
Without any other details of what compulsions you're dealing with, that's about all I can really add. Ripping out the roots is all about understanding what you're avoiding or trying to control, asking why you're doing that to identify something you're afraid of, then asking why you're afraid of that, and maybe asking why again. Digging into the why beneath a fear and then learning how to accept that deeper fear is really helpful. For example, somebody that constantly checks their clothes might say they're afraid of not looking good, but if you dig into why they're afraid of not looking good, they might say that they want people to think they're good looking, and if you dig into that they might say they think people will like them more if they're attractive, and if you dig into why they want people to like them, you might find that they don't want people to dislike them because they don't want to be alone. Being alone would be the root to learn how to accept. If that person can learn to be confident and comfortable with being alone, it's likely they'll eliminate the need for all sorts of checking and controlling compulsions and social anxieties throughout their life.
Happy weeding!
One more thing, it was interesting to hear there can be "lovely" obsessions as well. I have no idea how it is possible to recognize them..Could you name some? And what could be the roots, dreams instead of fears? :D
Mark, don't you feel pressure inside you anymore?
What do you mean by that? I always rinse beans before cooking with them so I don't feel bloated after :)
I meant pressure inside head that creates urges and compulsions:)
MrIndoorman Ah, you weren't asking about beans. Well, compulsions were things I did as a reaction to anxiety, urges, feelings, etc. So it was useful to recognize that nothing other than me creates or causes compulsions. They're a choice I have control over. So I don't engage in compulsions anymore.
Urges aren't something I create. They just pop into our heads. Thoughts, worries, feelings, urges, memories, etc, are all just things in our heads. I still have all of those things. There's nothing wrong with them. They can all be there and they don't have to affect the healthy things I do each day. Recovery isn't about getting rid of them. Trying to get rid of them and react to them is what OCD is all about. At first, when cutting out compulsions, the urge to engage in them can seem SO INTENSE! But as you show your brain you're not going to engage in compulsions anymore, and you practice acceptance with the thoughts, the urges/anxieties become less and less. It's the compulsions that fuel them. So the more you practice not engaging in compulsions, the less your brain tries to get you to engage in compulsions.
Finding the root is helpful with practicing Acceptance. It tends to be more effective to practice accepting the big underlying fear than just the specific, superficial way that is reflected in symptoms. But it's not necessary. Definitely don't let it become a barrier, that would just be the OCD at work. Finding the root is only a support. You can still cut out the compulsions without it.
Mark, can you recommend a superb therapist that work in the way you propose? We live in S FLORIDA, THANKS
@@lorenalechter2330 I don't know of any in south Florida personally, but many therapists work online now, so you could broaden your area. There is an ACT therapist directory on the website of the association for contextual and behavioral science: contextualscience.org/civicrm/profile?gid=17&reset=1&force=1
i'm afraid to ask why because the same "why" led me to OCD.
fear is the food of OCD. I also have OCD. You r not alone. Let's fight it together.
YOU are a genius !! THANK YOU !! YOU...hit MY CORE PROBLEM straight on !! YOUR 3 are EXACTLY MY... fundamental fears !! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're welcome!
That sounds like very routine OCD. Anxiety used to interfere a lot with exercise for me as well. The trick is in learning to exercise regardless of the weather in your brain. Your brain thinks you can't do it, do it anyway. Your brain thinks it's uncomfortable, do it anyway. Your brain thinks you're not seeing changes, do it anyway. Don't let thoughts affect your healthy actions. An exercise program can be a great way to put something other than your brain in charge of your fitness.
One of the best comments I’ve ever seen
I know I've expressed my appreciation before, but I really appreciate these posts coming from someone who has actually experienced OCD and has been able to dig up the roots. While I really appreciate my doctors, I think in many cases it would be helpful if they'd experienced it first hand. It becomes much less elusive this way. Thank you for pushing through those difficult times and then still using your time and energy to help those who are struggling. :)
Thanks, Sheena! Yes, it would be great to share more info with health practitioners from people that have lived experience of overcoming these challenges. But it is helpful that we have platforms like RUclips so people can access info directly. It must have been so difficult to struggle with OCD before the Internet came along. People would have had no way of knowing so many others were dealing with the exact same issues.
I think with me it's those three things: sanity (death, fear of loosing my 'self'), relationships (fear of being alone), morality (fear of being somehow perverted/morally deficient)
I have similar fears. Fear of losing myself to these thoughts, fear of intellectual and moral deficiency. Any advice?
Woow I finally have the feeling that someone understands me. Thank you so much for making this video! It means a lot to me! I've been fighting against OCD since I was a little child and at one point I thought I was 'recoverd'. However, I'm losing this battle again lately and I got back to Exposure theraphy. I hope I'll finally finf the root soon because I think that that's the reason why my OCD has gone bad again lately. It's time to cut the roots! Sorry for my bad English. Thank you so much.
You are helping so many of us who are struggling with this beast. Thank you! I feel like my own roots are very very deep and I'm not sure I would be able to find them myself. What is the best way to start? By asking why? Unfortunately, with my OCD, I have become so unsure of my own identity that I cannot even explain why I am afraid of these things. I had ROCD when I was in high school- ended up marrying the man I was so doubtful about. We have a wonderful marriage. This theme pops up here and there, but hasn't been bad lately. For the past 2 and a half years I have been stuck on POCD. I have a 5 year old son, so this has been incredibly difficult for me. I was admitted to a mental hospital because of suicidal ideations. Got better for a while with some medication, but now even with increased medicine along with excercise, it's hitting hard again...
+Ashley Umphlet Hi Ashley. The first thing I'd suggest is being aware of the stories you tell yourself about OCD. If you tell yourself the roots are very deep and they'll be challenging to uncover, then it won't be surprising if you believe that. So one step to take as you get started could be to believe in your ability to deal with these issues. A next step could be working with an experienced therapist to help you cut out compulsions. Finding the roots and practicing acceptance with them is great, but it's not a shortcut for getting around eliminating compulsions. Working with a therapist that practices an evidence-based therapy like Acceptance & Commitment Therapy could be a helpful step to take. Medication and exercise can help relieve symptoms but they're not things I would expect to stop OCD or prevent it from worsening unless they were combined with therapy to eliminate compulsions.
Yes but I was really lucky to have a psychologist who focused on the future and the changes I wanted to see. In OCD communities you often see lots of focus on "themes" and judging symptoms and discriminating btwn the tiniest differences in symptoms. But none of that matters. It doesn't matter if you think you have OCD or not. Look at the healthy changes you want to make and build what you need to build to make those happen.
So spot on. I just realized this on my own and now your words are confirming it. Thank you!
Thanks for watching! That's great you're going to try CBT. I'll do a video on what to look for in a therapist in the coming weeks. It's too bad more people don't talk openly about their experiences with therapists like the way we do for restaurants or cars. A recommendation from somebody who recovered with a therapist is great. The advice Jennifer gave is also excellent. Don't be afraid to contact them and ask questions. You're the buyer and you deserve a great product that works well!
This might be one of the most helpful, understandable, well-formed, and actionable things I've ever seen regarding OCD in my 15 years of having been diagnosed. Is this your idea or part of a larger idea/book? Either way, thank you so much for presenting this to us.
Thanks! I talk more about in my book YOU ARE NOT A ROCK: bit.ly/youarenotarock It comes from a common design thinking exercise. When I was doing therapy, I found it strange we don't give people more tools to understand and navigate complex changes. But in the business world, we have all of these great tools for exploring why people do the things they do. So much of what I do now is adapt business innovation tools to the big innovations of our personal lives.
Superficially, OCD symptoms seem like they vary to the sufferer, but a huge step to take on the path to recovery is to look beyond the superficial characteristics of the compulsion. Whether somebody is embarrassed or not by it is irrelevant to overcoming it. I found it really useful to see all compulsions as attempts to check on, cope with, or control uncertainty.
The root of mine is getting sick and becoming disabled or dying. That why everything gets contaminated so easily for me.
Thank you man! I have been suffering with ocd for some time but I trust we will overcome it somehow.
Could the big fear be losing it or fear of going crazy?
That's very common as one of the superficial topics. Usually it can help to see it as a broader fear of losing control or losing our identities. But seeing that we're afraid of losing it is a great place to start!
It's really great that you talk about recovery so much, I've suffered from the disorder my entire life. I realized I had a lot of root problems with my obsessions. My harm OCD and contamination stem from my fear of dying. My hocd and tocd stem from my fear of change in my life, I always feared making big changes bc I liked to stay in my comfort zone. My rocd stems from my fear of change as well but also not being happy, I've always feared not being happy with my life. You really opened my eyes today, I could never figure out why I was so afraid of the things I was until I got down to the base of it. So seriously, thank you!
You're welcome. All the best with ripping out those roots!
Have you had OCD about your sexuality? Because this is the biggest obsession I've had besides the fear of getting paralyzed.
+CptObvious It can really help not to see OCD as being about separate things. Your sexuality obsessions and getting paralyzed obsessions are likely about the exact same root fears. They're not different.
+Mark Freeman you're right...
I had HOCD (along with other compulsions) for 3 years. I traced it back to the idea that if i were gay my family would abandon me (fear of being alone). The story of how the HOCD came to be is a very complicated one that would require a face to face conversation. Short version: It was based on trauma that my inner child experienced 20+ years ago.
lilbromarky1 I suffer from it too as a female, mine generally stemmed from the fear of big changes in my life and the fear of not being who I want to be. I always had a fear of that, so I feared being lesbian or trans when I know I'm not.
I am experiencing the exact same thing. Have you found any ways in dealing with this effectively?
I think this would be a great compulsion to get rid of because doing the types of things you're describing will only make OCD grow and expand in other areas of your life as well. Are you able to access treatment in your area? I'd recommend somebody who does Exposure & Response Prevention or Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, with a track record of helping people recover from OCD. Recovery is possible and it's really great not to have to ruminate on things like this all of the time.
It's the same challenge everybody with OCD runs into. Whether you're worried about checking the iron bcs leaving it on could would do some damage, or whether you're worried you've hit somebody with your car and you want to go back and check, or if you're worried you've hurt somebody emotionally and you want to check on that, or if you're worried you're going to lose your job and you want to try to control that. They're all the same. Reacting only fuels your anxiety disorder
cont'd... Learning how to eat in a healthy way and introduce healthy cooking and eating habits into your life in a structured way will help turn eating into an action you take that aligns with your values instead of a reaction to past problems or anxieties. Working with a personal trainer or registered dietician could be helpful. Happy eating!
Gosh thank you so much
You're welcome!
I would want to say "never". But they're really useful to tackle because they can be a constant source of compulsions. So learning how to accept some of the fundamental uncertainties that underpin the superficial compulsions, can really help address large groups of symptoms or "themes" you deal with.
Uncertainty about harm and death. It's just like any other compulsion that involves checking to be certain about your health, or trying to control the world so you don't get harmed.
i think thats really on point about death, i think i associate death with being alone and abandonment... youre so right
Hi Mark, I’ve had Pure OCD since my early teens, I’m now 42. My obsessions are about change and realness, I struggle to understand how a band with no original members can still be the same band? Or if a washing up liquid bottle changes designe how can I still be the same? But if the said bottle then toe as back to the old original style is it then a fake version of its original style? I’m constantly retracing, thinking of scenarios and comparing situations, or looking st everyday objects to see if they all match up! It all stem down to the fact that I want everything to be as real,important as each other, if I make myself a curry for my tea, is it a real curry or is it a fake curry as it’s not from India? I’m always trying to analize in my head that no matter what it’s is it’s still real but I get this unrest, unresolved feeling in the pit of my stomach that it’s (the curry) is being misled, it feels in limbo, I seem to attach meaning to everything. This is just an example of the countless things I do it about, I understand the acceptance part but the feeling of unrest is killing me..... I could literally give you 100s of my examples but it all boils down to the same thing, realness, genuine, etc.......
Thanks, Steven! If your harm OCD is tough, start with the "not all that bad" stuff first. Tackling the stuff that doesn't bother us so much is one of the most effective ways to build the strength to tackle the things that do bother us. Keep pushing!
This channel feels like family
Thanks. Congratulations on winning Boyfriend of the Year!
Thank you, when I have some quiet time in the next week I think I'll do some writing down and try to find the roots of this stuffff. Death is one for sure though... Thanks :)
Thanks! Apologies for the delay. I was off in Brazil eating açaí berries. But I am back now. New video this week.
thanks,this video has helped me the most.theres a lesson for everyone who suffers from this disease what mr.Mark is doing is giving you a formula to a new mindset this is how u handle any problem regular people may not know the way to approach aproblem because they have not recived the stability that we have.so people the reason for this is to make us stronger so that we can handle other problems in life with ease..
No, I didn't take any medication.
Thank you for the knowledge, you're amazing. Would've been even better if you gave some helpful tips to tackle the roots. : )
What I mean, is that this last wave of OCD was "doubt everything" like to think.. how can I actually be sure of something? I can only "believe" this works. I can only believe this is an ocd thought and not what I want to do, etc.
It's almost like not really believing the thought is an OCD one but a thought you would actually like to perform, but which obviously is filled with doubt like ocd's are usually.
Wow, time has really passed since I wrote this. Anyone suffering from OCD, I encourage you to be brave and face the fear. 3 years ago I was feeling in the bottomless pit, now this is all but a memory. =) still won't deny that anxiety exists and that's normal. Just another sensation..
Matteo Latorre thank you for giving us hope! :)
I'm glad I can help :) search for meditation, relaxation... your true self! remember you control your mind, not that she controls you.
Wow! This video has helped me so much. I know you posted it 2 years ago. But its amazing how much it has helped me. Thank you. I'm currently looking for a good therapist hoping I can overcome this OCD.
How do I accept the core fear?
You're welcome. I'll definitely check out your OCD videos. Thanks for sharing your own experiences!
Sticky Thoughts and OCD are different?
Like some music always plays in head or picture or video of some person(especially opposite gender) come and sticks inside head
Come time to time in head
Is this sticky thought or Ocd?
OCD isn't about specific "OCD thoughts" - it's about how we respond to any thoughts or experiences. Your brain will produce all sorts of content, like a bakery making different pastries, but OCD describes what we do with the pastries (or the thoughts). That's why everybody can have different themes of OCD about different topics, and why the topic that one person struggles with might not bother somebody else--because it has nothing to do with the topic.
Instead of trying to categorize thoughts as "sticky" or "OCD," it's more useful to work on changing how we interact with any thoughts. "Sticky thoughts" is also just a made-up term. Maybe it's something from the internet. But it can apply it to anything you'd like.
@@everybodyhasabrain you are
Still replying to this day I appreciate that thanks
I have a little story like.. it all started with a Doubt an non Logical Doubt
Everything was going smoothly for few months and from nowhere a doubt came ‘why you are doing that thing?’ Everyday you are doing there must be a reason for that then I did a mistake I replied to my mind.. I said to my mind ‘Iam doing this particular activity for that it benefit me in this particular way’
Heres the catch to a normal person it will not bother at all like its only ‘ If then statement’ it could not be more simpler that that but my mind didn’t satisfied with that simple answer it asked who said how you know and blah blah question even tho I have experience of doing that activity daily and knowledge as I started thinking more using logical reasoning My mind did not felt it right even though all the reason was right..I felt like I have Knowledge but can’t process it properly so that I overthink..
And I called it ‘Mental failure’
I watched so many videos started playing chess gained and loss so much elo but my brain didn’t grew up .. Kinda foggy brain I’ve created..
Then I searched different people opinion and experiences then I understand this mental or Intelligence failure is called OCD or sticky thought or whatever
And experience lack of Clarity and convinced Mind like I use to have before 13 -14 y.o
After Meditating and doing everything I understand it happed because of two reasons only Genetics (which I can’t change) and second Not following perfectly the celibacy (in India we call it Brahamacharya but its more than that)
So I think it is the answer just waiting to cool down my mind and will read book about it on my blank Mind and follow it properly this time
Kinda off topic for some people I think but It is what it is… I said my heart out
Best video. I have cut compulsions and rumination with ERP - but still struggling with the GAD loop. I found it so hard when therapist try to uncover roots, as they try dig up things that not really there. Where as this method of just asking WHY am I fearing this. Is so practical and makes sense, looking ad the fear head on. Helps so much. Bless ya Mark.
Thanks, Brian! I'm glad you found this useful :)
@ Mark Freeman thank you for these invaluable vlogs. I have only discovered your channel recently, but you make heaps of sense. The most insightful stuff I have come across in years about OCD and General Anxiety Disorder. Thank you, keep it up, I am watching your latest videos as well, in 2020.
Thank you for the kind words!
My fundamental fear of death has taken over as my main obsessive thought. I'm not sure how to become comfortable with death. Any suggestions?
It helped me to recognize that I could die at any moment, so I want to spend my time and energy living and doing things I value. Keep death close has been a big help and by understanding that closeness, I can enjoy simple activities. Even the simplest daily activity can be full of wonder if we're aware it might be the last time we ever have that experience. By learning to accept the reality of death, we can actually live. If we're caught up doing lots of compulsions around the fear of death, we miss out on living our lives (which just makes the brain worry even more about death!)
Did you took any medication to help you overcome this OCD issues?
I think this finally broke through to me. I have basically the same roots as you
please brother @dd subtitles u speak too fast sometime
Omg this makes so muchh sensee ill try it out and find out why am i afraid, and when ill find the root how should i remove it?
Thank you for your video. One question though- how do you "tackle" a fear of death, of a loved ones death, of being alone, etc. What are some ways to do so? Thank you
The thing I would look for our actions you engage in to avoid the consequences of those fears. For example, we might do many things to avoid feelings of being alone or loneliness and we might judge being alone as a very bad thing, whether it's ourselves being alone or somebody else. But if we do all of those things, it's only natural that our brains would learn to be very afraid of being alone. If we're constantly reacting to loneliness to avoid it, that sends a big signal to our brain that it's something to avoid. So your brain will look for other ways you might end up alone and it starts throwing lots of intrusive thoughts as an attempt to help us avoid that thing we want to avoid. But if you start to show your brain that it's ok to be alone, that it's not something to be afraid of, that you can bring compassion to yourself and others when they're alone, that you can sit in that feeling of loneliness and still do the things you value, then your brain will reassess the labels it's attached to being alone. It will no longer be a thing to avoid. And then your brain won't have to keep throwing those thoughts at you.
A similar approach can be applied to any fear.
My lyf is becoming ruckus with sexual obsessions and groinal movement disorder Please help meee.... anyone please please 24/7 suffering from unusual erections though it is not real but it feels like help me ....
Hi Randeep, getting over this involves cutting out compulsions, like checking for "groinal movement". It'll also involve stopping researching these issues online. OCD is all about trying to get rid of uncertainty. The more you check and try to be certain, the more uncertainties your brain will give you. If you can access a therapist experienced with helping people recover from OCD, that can be a great way to get started on cutting out these compulsions.
Mark Freeman I think u are right otherwise its going to be crippling my future that's what I am afraid of how will I be able to overcome it
I did what you said and it turns out I'm scared of what people think about me. I think that's the root of my ocd but I'm not sure how to tackle it.
I am not a doctor so this may be complete bullshit😂 so I also struggle with ocd and I also think that what people think of me affects me waaay to much but I learned to care less lately. So for example you want to wear a certain dress to a party but you‘re not sure if others will also like it just wear it because after all you have to like what you wear and not others. And just try to speak your mind more about the things you like even if you think that those are nerdy or even a lil embarrassing. You will notice that nobody really cares .... others might even think that it‘s very cool of you to just speak so freely. And I knooow the voice in your head tells you ˋomg if I say that they will all think i‘m dumb and therefore everybody hates me and doesn‘t want to be friends with me anymore‘
Even if people don‘t agree with what you said or don‘t share the same interests NOBODY CARES.
And if there are people who say ˋomg that‘s so dumb why do you like that?´ they probably have their one issues with selfesteem so just talk back and say something like ˋwell i still like it´
Best video for ocd and other mental issues 👌
How long did it take you to recover from ocd?
If you're working on cutting out compulsions, it can help to see that this question is just more of the compulsions. Instead, I found it way more useful to have a fitness approach to mental health. Take drowning and swimming, for example: Once I start taking swimming lessons, I'm a swimmer. I'll keep on building my swimming skills and get better and better at swimming. The focus is on what I'm building, not trying to clean away a contamination. But in mental health, we label things by the symptoms we hate. That would be like saying people have Drowning Disorders they need to solve. Drowning is biological and genetic! How long will it take to recover fully from a Drowning Disorder? That's not something I can answer because I'm just focused on improving my swimming skills. I want to do that forever. So I'll practice being recovered from my Drowning Disorder today. It's not a far-off thing to chase. We can have a similar approach with mental fitness. If you want to build mental fitness skills, you can do that today and define yourself based on the capacities you're building.
Excellent information explained in a clear and logic manner. Thank you!
Thanks!
I think there are more than one reaon for the roots.When I was 14 I tried to kiss 2 boys about the same age.My therapist said that it was normal.I was also badly phyically treated by my dad and mentally abused by my stepmother.These are my roots. can you help me I have loads of compusions and because of one of your blogs on we are not our thoughts ;am trying to ovvercome them by not doing the compulsion.I don t fear germs my house is like the plague I have 2 main themes or 3 the main 2 are taratulas and the others to do with high nubers I did have one on words that meant forever but I ve put that one right.
Hi mark. Great video. I was wandering how is the best way to accept the root fears when you have identified them? Just look at them or meditate on them perhaps? The 'five remembrances' gave me this idea
+Matthew Laycock The Five Rememberances can be a help with that. It is about sitting calmly in feelings that can be a big part of those fears. But I also think it's very important to show our brains when they're wrong. And a great way to do that is to do more of the things you value and to do things that you might have avoided because of those root fears. It's a very active process. Meditation is great but you have that opportunity to bring that acceptance into your everyday actions. If you spend all day reacting to a fear, you could look at that as a form of meditation as well. Even if you spend 30 minutes meditating on accepting a fear each day, if you spend another eight hours practicing reacting to that fear, then the fear will continue to grow and blossom.
+Mark Freeman thanks Mark :) day of getting out and doing some of that good stuff tomorrow whatever the weather in my head :)
I think this is very similar to negative core beliefs, correct? I'm about to start ERP and my therapist explained core beliefs to me such as "I'm a dangerous person" or "I'm unlovable" or "I'm out of control". I think those then lead to those primal fears such as he ones you mentioned. Like "I'm lovable" will be a fear about being alone forever (the primal fear of lack of relationships).
I think I now know my root fears/negative core beliefs so now what? Do I work on changing those beliefs or just accepting that it is a possibility?
+Isabel G The thing that's helped me the most is agreeing with those fears and then doing things I value that contradict them. That also involves purposefully seeking out opportunities to do more of what I care about in life so that I can push through those fears. For example, with a fear of being a dangerous person, in the past, we might avoid others in an attempt to avoid hurting them or causing harm, but that would only be a compulsion that would fuel more of those fears. So getting over that would involve choosing to do the things to help others, accepting whatever stuff pops into our heads, and keeping the focus on the healthy actions we can do that support others.
+Mark Freeman that makes sense. So then if you have a sexual obsession where you're basically afraid of being a sexual deviant, I guess the fear would be that you're unlovable so then you'd seek out healthy relationships and friendships?
+Isabel G Exactly. You know how healthy relationships and friendships are going to be beneficial to your well-being, so it's so useful to practice those healthy relationships. Brains can shout whatever they want. I've found it so helpful to show my brain that I can give love, regardless of what it shouts at me.
Core Fear Theory!
Hi Mark!
I got diagnosed in February but I’ve been having ocd all my life. Your channel and book has helped me so much. I’m still struggling figuring out my core fears but I’m getting there. I was wondering how you figure out a core fear with hoarding. I hate mess so I don’t hoard random things. I have a “Pinterest organized level” pantry, laundry room, and home in general according to family and friends. I keep essentials and food stocked up like a store and pantry stuff organized in more than 100 mason jars. I used to coupon but I stopped because that was getting out of hand. I buy at least $300 worth of food each week. I hate wasting but notice I check expiration dates and even if it’s not expired I feel like it’s old or contaminated and throw it out then buy a new one the next shopping trip. That’s still hoarding right? How would I find my core fear with this?
Well I have been diagnosed with OCD & occasionally I tend to worry about losing my friend now as a friend because an old friend I had was a friend but then started badmouthing me then started telling me he was too busy to hang out but was online posting pics with other people & always told me he was too busy to hang out. So my main root fear is losing a good friend of mine now always taking examples of what happened with the old friend & turning into worries about losing the new friend when he is still my friend