"Emotional closeness interferes with sexual pleasure" in my experience this is what happened with my ex. As we got serious the sexual pleasure faded on his end. I could tell he wanted porno sex and to cheat once we got past the initial dating stage. He had no emotion during sex and it was like an animalistic act. I was a an object rather than a person.
I have been there. The thrill of the Chase, so to speak…destination happiness… “oh if I can get here I’ll be happy.” Never happy because of the weight of entitlement. Never a good partner. Liars cheaters and all around me,me,me.
OMG!!! I am dealing with someone like this right now. We were friends for 20 years. He spent the last year convincing me that I was special to him and that we had a future together. From the moment I gave in to him, he began closing me out. He doesn't hug, kiss, hold hands, or snuggle. I was devastated to find out that I was a porn toy, instead of his girlfriend.
@@debiconner6377 that is it they have to objectify us in order to "get off". He was always wanting more, insatiable appetite and pushing me to do things i wasn't comfortable with. Because i refused to have sex with a man whilst he watched for pleasure - i was selfish! Because i didn't want to go on a swinging website and to sex partys or a holiday sex villa...i was boring. It ended up every time we had sex he wanted me to talk about what other men had done to me in bed as if he had to view me as a slut to enjoy it! He made me feel like i was never good enough until i realised that it was not even about me, it was about him! He was desensitized and had a porn addiction as well as being a somatic narcissist. After climax he turned away like it was a job done. I can't wait to find passionate love and sex with someone who loves and respects me and i will never lower my standards or accept that behaviour again
“I have a right to sex!”, my ex-husband yelled at me one day. He then declared he wanted an open relationship. He was extremely promiscuous, addicted to pornography, and became involved with several kink groups. What did I get out of this deal? Two STD’s, and he has ended our marriage. I have discovered just how many women, and one very young woman, he was involved with. I was devastated when he ended our marriage, but after more than a year, I am seeing the benefit of reclaiming myself.
Sex is a human need. Just as bad as your husband are women that withhold sex as a punishment, forcing their husbands into a sexless marriage. Tragically some women lose all their sexual drive, which is tricky. Husbands TO AN EXTENT do have some "right" to sex. Men usually support women financially, and frankly, a woman's whiny nagging company or friendship is not enough to fulfill the marriage contract.
@@idkwhatsmynamelol9281 No I get plenty of sunshine and I'm not on the spectrum. Callings a man "aspie" because he has a different opinion than you is no different than if I called you "hysterical" or "bossy."
You just explained my ex husband. All the reasons I left him and never looked back this time( after 2 prior separations) he was a sexual narcissist. Addicted to porn of all types , watching women twerk, sexual deviant, using sex as a weapon, was cheating on me the whole 8 year marriage with not just one woman there were over 40 women having sexual relations, living double lives. It was devastating. This can be the most cruel thing ladies watch out for these traits. They tend to have a history or violence and disturbing behavior, have done jail time, a womanizer,and will abuse you. Take care!!
Wow! Mine too. He loved the "woman twerking" (something I never did or could do.) He also liked when woman got smacked around during sex. All pain no gain for the woman. He paid for porn and IDK Y. Does anybody know Y would they pay?!
In 1974 on New Year’s Day my ex had spent the night out ALL NIGHT. I was home with our 18 month old daughter. He came through the door and I told him to call his mother-that she was worried. He took the phone out of my hand and hit me across my face. I went down and when I came to I tried to get away from him, but he was doing the “Kidney Stomp” on my back. Finally got away from him, ran to the nursery, grabbed my baby and flew out of the door. I had known this guy for 5 years. Was married to him for 2. He would try and withhold affection from me. He did not speak to me for weeks on end. He is describing my (dead) ex to a T. First is the emotional withdrawal and then the beating your life. DON’T LIVE WITH IT
The porn addiction causes them to have to up the thrill factor. Found out the ex narc was into several fetishes that he was participating in with strangers he would meet online. Told me that he had never cheated on me. Would leave for work, kiss me and profess his love for me every day. What he neglected to tell me was that he was on his way to meet someone for anonymous deviant sex before work. I used to be stupid enough to get mad at his boss for making him work so many hours. When he finally left he made the mistake of leaving his secret email account open on a shared device. I was physically sick when I saw what he was up to the whole time we were married. What a piece of sh!+!!!! I had to get tested for STDs and explain why to my doctor. So not only did he put me in danger with his "other " life, I had to suffer the embarrassing and painful fallout of his sick and twisted actions.
The correlation between porn and narcissism makes perfect sense. The narcissist wants what (s)he wants, WHEN he wants it, HOW he wants it, WHERE he wants it, and so on. But, beyond all of that, the real payoff from porn is to not have to have any interaction of any kind. He wants something and can get it with no effort and then turn off the TV. The person is just a thing; a tool; a means to an end; disposable. Everything is about only themselves, right?
People should be born with two lives to run concurrently. The first one just to learn all this stuff and the second to have a normal life. ( provided you even survive the first one ) Way to much brain overload for me , would rather fill my time with working on some project. It's easier to figure out a circuit boards then to navigate relationships.
Wow! You just explained so much for me.. my husband of 23 yrs( now separated) throughout the marriage I would find him on different sex sites.. looking for women. I totally believe it was to stroke his ego. As far as the emotional intimacy.. nope! They don’t even relate to it. I tried explaining to him that I wanted to connect.. to have more emotional intimacy. You’d think after 4 children and a 20+ yr marriage he’d want to try but nope. He did just the opposite.. left and acts like I don’t exist, unless he has something to say about the kids. I’m working on me.. healing after so much pain. Finding the self love , reclaiming my life
Your lucky that he will only talk if it concerns the kids. With my situation we have been sepperated 15 years and I Live with my adult son. My X uses my son as excuse to come over and try to get me in bed. Not going to happen. But my son is a worse narcissists than the x and encourages the x to come over on a daily basis even though IV told him I don't want the x around me. My son doesn't even realize that his dad is using him. I need to be away from every one to feel safe ,but financially and I'm disabled that won't be happening to soon.
Bless you; I’ve been there. I’m 70 and the last few years have peaceful and educational. I believe it takes two, so I must add Inmy own mental conditions in reaction to him, at times. Our mix was toxic! Prayers ♥️🙏
@@nani.9754 that sounds such a painful situation. Why don't you tell your son of he wants to carry on living under your roof, that he best keep your x his dad away. Hope you'll be moving away soon to get some peace. 😃
Imagine being married to a family “therapist” who is a raging narcissist and who never stops cheating, and when you threaten to leave he cries and tells you he is going to therapy with you because he loves you, and the relationship is worth saving....., and 2 months into therapy he is cheating again. After he convinced you to believe he has a disorder and needs help, and made you to feel guilty that you would abandon the relationship. So.....,you know.......RUN
I hope you got out, and are heading for a happy life, Narcissists abuse others to regulate their false narrative and self, they are liars and cheaters‼️💎
So I'm not with a therapist like that but back in January my S.O. of 11 yrs and I hit a major bump... We had one hell of a fight & decided to just let all of our stuffed feelings out, I told him I loved him but hadn't been in love with him since he had stolen all (but 18) of the hydrocodone that I needed after having a C-section but I was definitely willing to give us this one last try as long as he tried to go on some antidepressants to even out his mood. Fast forward to April, my son was playing on my S.O.'s phone and wanted me to help him with something, I don't normally use an Iphone so I hit the button wrong & it brought up his camera....well I should have just back out without looking, but I didn't and seen he was sending screen shots of other male's stuff to random "bots" as he called them. My heart broke, a few days later I found out that he was having an actual online sexual affair with someone he was playing a mobile game with. She must have been special because she got pics of his actual junk 😓, he even sexted her on my birthday when I was stuck in bed with a pain flare. I am still being blamed for everything, it hurts to know that he is most likely narcissist & now I have to figure out how to leave 😓.
The are definitely habitual liars, even when you catch them in lies, they still lie. You just look at them like, "Damn, where are some of your brain cells??".
@Robert Drake interesting subject! I know there's something there. How they use their sexuality to control and make people addicted to them, toxic women use it the most. Where's the book?
Only now, after 13 years I process what was going on. I was groomed and sexually abused by a narcissist when I was a teen. He always wanted me to make believe and said, I dont have a authentic access to my feelings and emotions, I am actually "dead" (which I know now was clearly a reflection of his inner BS). He suggested one day, he should get me pregnant and have an abortion, so I could have a proper access to my emotions and feelings again. That never happened. What a disgusting and sick individual.
I was also groomed and sexually abused by my mother’s boyfriend from the age of 11 until 15 when I ran away for good. He would threaten to take me to Kentucky to marry me because you can get married when you were 12 years old. He always got me high on LSD by putting it in milk or wine for me. I ran away when I was 11 and stayed away for three months. I came back and it continued until I was 15. I’m 60 now. I can’t remember it, I’ve always known it happened but all I remember it looking at my knee, out a window while he did it. I can’t remember the grooming. My mother always acted like I stole her boyfriend. When she died I found out that she was totally complicit. And she let it happen in order to keep that guy around. And even though he got in a lot of trouble because he molested my little brother when I left, she kept in touch with him until the day she died. People are gross and I try to get over this shit all the time. Do not abuse your children please! I take a lot of medication and I have bipolar disorder. And chronic PTSD. I’ve always struggled in every aspect of my life. Now I am a hermit with my dogs and cats. At least I’m really good at the social isolation thing going on. I send you my love and I’m sorry for what happened to you. so sorry! You are not alone!
RestIsSilence91I have no doubt in my mind that these people are demon possessed. Only demon can say he is going to get you pregnant so you can have an abortion. Normal human can never say that. Mine ex narcissist said something similar to that too.
@@janegirl1792 I pray God heals ur pain. Having been abused at 7yrs sexually I understand the trauma that survivors go thru!. I found complete healing thru a rlshp wh God thru jesus. U never 4get the events but u can cancel the affects! God keep u Jane! Stay strong
Any relationship that makes you feel worse about yourself, rather than better, is toxic! When you are left feeling unloved, drained and have been attacked in any way, is a sure sign that you're in a toxic relationship. No one is worth staying in a relationship that causes you constant pain and heartache.💔 💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Mine was definitely a sexual narcissist. He used sex to get me hooked, but really sex with him was mechanical. He was addicted to pornography, and dating sites. He always complained that I was not able to satisfy him, and that was a part of abuse and “not good enough” agenda so perfected by the narcissists of all spectrum.
I left my ex after two years last september. All the Times I had no idea what was going on. He demanded extreme sexual acts. It was also mechanical, cold, distant and I found out he watched porn like always. He would say that I could not satisfy him. I had never experienced such behavior. I am Glad I found the strengh to break up after all his brainwash. You are not alone.
@@rayleighbo2599 if you have zero experience with something you shouldn't give your thoughts on it, boo. Just observe & learn & experience more before giving your thoughts.
Thanks for defining that was my ex sexual narcissism and npd makes their partners at risk for STI STDs and HIV...wish I could have identified this disorder immediately...run for your life!
J. C. Have you heard of sexsomnia? It’s a condition that the person is addicted to having sex with sleeping people. Please look it up. How does a person protect themselves from STI or HIV when you don’t know who the person is or why they are targeting you!? Many men are married but like to break in people’s houses and have sex with sleeping people? Poor Stella is probably talking about the same issues as me! How do you protect yourself then???? Please tell me that and I would like to ask Elaine the same question? Because I have a feeling people presume that all sex is consented by both parties when it obviously isn’t true even though the movies imply these things. Why do these men not use a condom if they know they may be spreading germs? I feel quite passionate about this subject and the fact that I am not accepting being used as a toy for men to abuse without my consent and feel its invading my boundaries!
It isn't "sometimes" that a Narcissistic trait interferes, affects or destroys relationships, it "always" does, and the degree to which it does is on a continuum.
GoNature: Exactly. I also disagree with Dr Grande that these people, generally do not change - they DO indeed change - for the worst, Never for the better! Had an ex who was a grandiose narcissist , but turned into a malignant narcissist. Son was a very good kid, growing up, but due to their influences, stirred into at least, a grandiose narcissist - just like them. Step daughter -+ also a psychopath turned sadistic psychopath. They are all junkies for their narcissist supply.
I was in an extremely abusive 2 year relationship with the devil. Became addicted to cocaine and alcohol. He treated me like a real live sex doll. He was addicted to porn and inflicting sexual pain among other things. I've been free 20 months but the memories are haunting.
Your channel is one of the most educational channels on mental health on RUclips. You go more in depth while still explaining very clearly. I have learned so much from his channel, thank you!
Emotional closeness is rejected by sociopaths and psychopaths. Not so much by narcissists. And this behavior comes from a deep fear of facing the past traumatic childhood of coldness and violence. I see this behavior particularly in men. I met a guy who didn't even want me to laugh and I was laughing about myself. He didn't want Any other feelings other than the raw sexual lust. I think that those people use sex to run Away from their past.
Like my wife I'm separated from. A big part of my personality is wit and humor yet I was nagged for my jokes and put down for minor teasing. Forget any criticism. I tried to ask her about her snoring early on and the backlash taught me to not say anything. This was reaffirmed when she was criticized at work. One time her smear campaign got her boss fired and prior to that my ex got called out on her saying how her boss was old and senile and couldn't do her job to anyone who would listen.
@@cherylelancaster8791 I don't let my narcissistic wife see me smile because I know she's going to make me pay for it. I just share my happiness with my kids and not with her.
Narcissist do not have real feelings for others. They only use people to get whatever it is they want. They are pathological liars. They pretend to care , but in reality the only person they care about is themself. They are so damaging to their partners.
Thank you Dr. Grande. Your beautiful 'plain language' explanation has helped me heal, even having been free from my marriage for 38 years. I was told I was frigid during all of my marriage of 8 years, but now I can see the other person so clearly thanks to this video. Fortunately, despite this persons Narcissim I was able to reclaim true love.
@@bebe8842 Narcissists get worse, get away when the devaluation starts, that's indicate you are involved wt a Narcissist ‼️Those are abusers, who treat others bad, to regulate their false narrative and self, get yourself a better life without them‼️
@@mikelisteral7863 Yes it is, but in they behavior, they are Sadistic, too, bcs they feel pleassure in taking another person down wt devaluation, after the lovebombing ‼️Narcissistic abuse comes from them trying to keep up their false narrative and self, by putting themselvs over the other person‼️💎Starseed from Pleiades, INFJ Heyoka
Extremely helpful and articulate. It makes me sad though to be so aware how I’ve let another person treat me and how willingly I have let them back in again and again knowing that nothing will ever be different. These unfortunate poisonous people are unable to feel what others do, and their deep seated lifelong suffering is never relieved. There is no way to heal them, and as much as I hate the damage they cause, I feel a conflicting sense of empathy as well. I wish I didn’t, because it’s the reason why I can’t ever seem to escape them entirely. They’re very dangerous people. Don’t forget that they will never actually care.
Know it's okay to forgive yourself for having allowed a ruthless heart into a loving and empathetic one. Know the red flags and keep them at a distance. Learn to know yourself for having true self love and respect will keep them from hooking you in.
Get a GRIP!!! CODEPENDANTS ARE JUST AS EVIL AS NARCISSITS; AS THEIR PRIORITIZE SOOTHING AND CATERING TO THE PAIN IN THE CHEST (MISPLACED SYMPATHY; EMOTIONALLY-EMPATHY WOULD ALLOW YOU TO FEEL HIS ANIMOSITY)!! PRIORITIZE HEALTHY PEOPLE, AND NOT THESE ANTI-HUMAN, SADISTIC CREATURES!!! HONESTLY, WHEN I HEAR OR READ "CODEPENDANT, EMOTIONALLY-NEEDY, DUMB HELPLESS BABY" BABBLE AND TALK... I FEEL MURDEROUS WITH RAGE!!! IT IS THAT LACK OF EMOTIONALLY-RESILIENCY THAT LEADS AN IMMATURE IDIOT TO CONTINUE TO SELFISHLY ENDANGER OTHER PEOPLE, BY PRIORITIZING AND THINKING ABOUT BENEFITING THE NARCISSITS!!! WHEN YOU CARTER TO EVIL, YOU DESTROY THE VERY INCENTIVE OF BEING A SANE, ETHICAL PERSON WHO'S EXISTENCE IS NATURALLY SUSTAINABLE IN SOCIETY! NPD, AND CODEPENDANCY HAS A TOXIC EFFECT ON THE ENVIRONMENT!!! WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE RUSH INTO SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO DEVELOP THEMSELVES; THUS BECOMING A MORE COMPLETE PERSON?! REAL CONFIDENCE, KNOWLEDGE VIA EXPERIENCE, AND ADAPTABILITY IS THE RESULT OF THAT!
The more i watch about narcissism the more I recognize traits I want to absolutely work on losing. And also the more I recognize my ex partner. Withholding sex, making me feel inferior, justifying with the most hurtful things one could imagine. 😔
I honestly don't understand the term withholding sex?? Like if someone is angry with you or you've done something that they percieve as offensive, then its natural for them to not want sex with you. Withholding sex means that the person is horny and wants to fck, but they still decline sex as a punishment. Otherwise you can't "withhold sex" if you are not in the mood for it in the first place ! That would be different for every person, for example if a depressed person has a low sex drive and their partner doesn't, is that withholding sex? If a person has borderline personality disorder and they become emotionally unstable more often, is that withholding? I think that is more an issue with sexual compatibility, if you are getting "turned down" for sex, its more likely that you are not aligning with your partner on some emotional/mental/sexual level, which leads to them not being in the mindset for sex. I feel like a ex partner could accuse me of "withholding" sex but in reality, they were always drunk, asking for sex at 3am, not sexually satisfying me/no foreplay, Paired with my health issues and also poor mental health, which factors combined lead to me not wanting to have sex with that person, I feel like withholding would mean that I do want to have sex but I am going to turn this person down to hurt their feelings, It doesn't make sense imo
@@Neesi392 yea idk about him not being attracted to me but he sure did it as a form of punishment. As soon as he discards and is away for a while he does want sex and I haven’t taken any part on that. Its a tough situation. Some people don’t communicate issues that you would be more than willing to address. But yea if someone constantly hurts me and acts angry and mean the last thing i wanted to do was to be touched by that person. I had moments that i was just having sex to satisfy his needs but i also had my needs that were not being met at all. Its certainly a lack of compatibility. I see it clearly now. Good luck to him hiding his bs to be compatible to anyone longer than 3 months. Lol.
Narcissists are Personality Disordered, evil and abusive against others, to regulate their false narrative and self, no one can be happy wt a Narcissist ‼️Leave and get a new life, wt a normal person, who has empathy and are capable of love‼️💎
@@Neesi392 For a Narcissist, everything is about control, winning and themselvs ‼️They use sex to control you, keep sex from you as a way to get control ‼️They control and abuse others, to keep up their false narrative and self ‼️No one can be happy wt a Narcissist, leave and find a partner wt empathy, who's capable of love‼️💎
That makes alot of sense...., that was interesting when they mentioned being too close emotionally as being one of the biggest indicators or red flags, idk? how or why I never thought of that one , it seems obvious now that I think about it....
That makes alot of sense...., that was interesting when they mentioned being too close emotionally as being one of the biggest indicators or red flags, idk? how or why I never thought of that one , it seems obvious now that I think about it....
Same here.. I’m very attractive and in great shape and do not look my age in a 30 year marriage and he withheld sex all through marriage and last 10 in a separate bedroom
Covert Narcissist used to withhold intimacy but intimacy anorexia could also be found in romantic relations with people suffering Schizoid Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder or different pathologies. Thus a good diagnosis has to be given.
He was afraid of abandontment thats why he did so he have to face his fears before he can fully give himslef to someone. We are all broken somehow. Childhood traumas cost a lot in our adulthood relationships. Betweem parents and children love should be unconditional but when it isnt then children learns that he has to do things to earn love. So parents have to heal their past and childhood traumas before they do Kids.
My ex was so good at sex and he would leave for days because he was a compulsive cheater, and every time I left him he would talk me into taking him back, each time I went back he intensified the sex. I realize now he did that to keep me hooked to him no matter what he did behind my back. The more pushback I gave him the more convincing he got to get me back, even saying he’d move in with me and marry me. He knew how to take things to next level for sure, both in good and bad ways.
The best sex I ever had was with my narc ex husband, but the rest of the time I was completely miserable. He was magnetic but also a compulsive liar. When it all ended I was pretty much broken, but I am so glad I came through it.
suddenly dawning on me who i was involved with for 13 yrs, an abusive manipulating narc/sociopath, its been nearly four years since he discarded/left/ran I have not been able YET to have another sexual relationship, the trauma of what i allowed myself to be put through has seriously damaged me, im not a victim but need time to comes to terms with all the abuse that occurred
Definitely calming -- especially for such stressful subject matter. I just recommended this channel to several folks and told them it's like my "cognitive weighted blanket" because Dr. G settles my thoughts from the "online onslaught" 😅.
Narcs seem to oversell and undelivered. Very forward and adventurously start with. Crossing sex boundaries quickly. Being forward. But making out it’s special and love and exclusive. When History would suggest otherwise
This describes my ex who had borderline and narcissistic traits. He revolved everything about sex and had that as the most importance. He often pressured me into sex all the time and sexually abused me. He was so occupied by sex that he would play with himself in public and have random climaxes in-front if everyone. He sexually assaulted several other people too some of who I know. Sexual entitlement was a big issue with him. I have alot of trauma from it, and I think I have PTSD.
Thank you Dr Grande. I knew my ex was a narcissist and often abused me in a number of ways including sexually. I have rarely seen many experts I have access to online talk about this. I found this extremely hard to listen to but I feel validated by this information. Much respect from the UK
Wow. You perfectly defined a former boyfriend of mine from 30 years ago. I didn’t know there was a name for it. He is now over 70 years old and hasn’t changed a bit. Pitiful
He perfectly described my ex narc boyfriend too. He just turned 60. Mine tried to force me to…… I got away & have no idea where he is now nor do I care to know. Thankfully he must have been so pissed that he discarded me.
As I watch this video: I'm reminded I'm so ashamed at the state of my life, and there's no escape. Pain and grief and loneliness, these things are so intense, they rape my soul. I wish for nothing more than real friends and true love. Will I ever have these?
You will have these (one, the other, or both).🤗♠️ Sometimes in life, we are pushed to call a spade a spade. I'm also going through the guilt stage; just remember that we're still human. And there is also an escape, when that door of opportunity opens, run through it. If a man or woman is dragging you (emotionally, mentally, psychologically, physically, etc.) in the dirt, then you have the power to say "No". You also have the power to call the shots, change the rules, set healthy boundaries, etc. If he/she doesn't respect your autonomy, that's another chance to run away from the hurt, the gaslighting, the "latch" (designed to trap you), and so forth. You have every right to spread your wings and fly. Fly to those who will advocate, support and guide you on the road to healing.💙 I'll be praying for you on your healing journey.🙏🏾💚 And believe me, the trash will leave. And there's bright treasures in friends, family, classmates, colleagues - just about anywhere!💜 I'm in the process of reclaiming my time and rebranding myself. Be encouraged, and focus on your overall safety. You are not alone. *Big hugs* Know that you are loved.
This so reminded me of someone- oh, it used to be me! I had to be the biggest and the best, and would invest much time and energy doing just that. Women seemed to really (really) like the attention, but it wasn't love on my part, rather it was my overinflated ego, my trying to prove a point with all my partners. At 61, I'm now glad nature toned it down quite a bit. At least I see some truth there. Godspeed.
Just the fact that you were able to admit that and say all those things that you just said about yourself or that you once were explains and shows that in some levels narcissism can die down or it can be beat. Not in all ppl... BUT some people say you know my narsc-ex or ABUSERS will never change, it's not possible. And that they won't acknowledge to their narcissistic attributes at all and of course this matters on what end of the spectrum they're on but you are proving my friend it's not impossible to realize what you were and what you were doing and to that I commend you, as a victim of a narsc that I'm trapped with now with a baby I have the upmost respect for ya . Isn't that crazy how life and ppl can obtain that through a comment from someone they'll never meet? :) Keep growing keep acknowledging and keep healing . Right on
It's terrible to be married to a man with this problem. They think they are all deserving and marriage gives them rights....they think. It's a never ending nightmare. I lived it and will never forget it. :-(
@@ItsBrittsworld ... I didn't leave actually. I had a last altercation with him which left my face all swollen and bruised. Couldn't see out of one eye. I was like in a state of shock and I didn't do anything about it. I was friends with a neighbor 2 doors down that I visited every day. I told her I had a bad headache. She talked me into going to the ER to make sure something wasn't broke in my head. She knew exactly what she was doing. Hospital has to turn it in. So the police showed up. Took pictures and had a talk with me that if I don't press charges the policeman is. So I said if it's gonna happen and to mean anything. ..it'd better come from me. So the police told me to go to my network with my 2 boys and stay there till they contact me. They waited for my husband to come home from work and went to arrest him. He was tipped off some how so he hid in the top of our garage. So...off to jail he went. I was told the boys and I could go back home. I tell you...after 2 weeks of him being gone I felt like I was in heaven. He asked if he could come back..I said no. Looks to me like that was a safe way to get away from him. Had to get restraining orders and stuff but it was all worth it. He did come and apologize to me. He also apologized to the boys...after they were adults. He had joined a motorcycle club...not a nice one. I had problems with that too. I have to say the hardest part was...I got on food stamps and they (DHS)immediately made me get a job. I was kept...I never had a job. And I got harassed by him while was working....and I had to worry about my boys while I was working. That was soo hard. If you need to talk to someone I can give u my email or text number. Let me know. I wish everyone going thru this .. the best of life ♡
Trust that it is just equally painful being married to a woman with this condition. Abuse and violence have no gender. Wishing you all the best in life
Emotionless and compulsive sexual behavior is a strong marker for pathology in women I believe. I always use this rule of thumb when dating. Our modern hook up culture is a symptom of epidemic growth of narcissism and psychopathy in society.
It's interesting how much narcissists miss out on without even realizing it (due to narcissism lol). Like all their ego in all parts of life actually robs them of better relationships and now I find out of better seq.
@@laurenm9563 mine hid it. Then acted as if nothing was wrong with it when it was addressed. He would look up amature porn then figure out through the comments who the pornstar was and then follow them in IG. I checked out mentally as soon as I saw that. I was so completely disgusted. I don't have an issue with porn. It's the obsession with it. He actually went as far as to going onto a porn Sight & Sound apparently there is he dating section on there where you can meet local women. He proceeded to inbox people and then attempt to meet up with them. All the messages I saw didn't indicate he actually followed through with any of it but I definitely got myself checked on anyway. Mind you, I'm not talkin Jenna Jameson or Pam Anderson, people that many people would be familiar with. I'm talking about amateur pornstars that nobody has a clue who they are. So repulsive and embarrassing. Then had the nerve to get mad when I no longer wanted to have sex with him. The hypocrisy and bold, Unapologetic hurtfulness they have is just disgusting in a way I can barely put into words. I've never felt more undesired and worthless in my life. It never affected him having desire to have sex with me but the thought of him lusting over so many different women hurt me on such a deep level that I didn't want to engage in sex anymore. When I looked in his phone, not even exaggerating there had to have been at least 3000 downloaded porn videos. He saw absolutely nothing wrong with it. Surprise surprise! LOL SMH
@@jalex5808 The bravery you display you deserve to sue your ex in divorce for cheating this way if only family court would take you up on emotional damages?
@@jalex5808 Unreal..reading your description mirrors mine...I was shocked and aghast at what i found on some of his sites..OMG! And is was all ways..not just male/female..the whole gamut of weird porn. My heart was not broke, it was scared that this man was so deviant to even view some of this stuff. He was neither a turn-on or anything to me after the discovery. My story was with a different twist, this man was an Arab/ME ..and a covert NARC. Must say it is a perfect storm in the ME for these NARCS..the stories I will tell someday will/and shock the world. BEWARE ...and never attribute anything to the "culture". Thank God I started researching and found Daniel Pipes website. You live and learn..I'm still reeling over it all, but day by day ..healing is occuring. Praying for you sister..this road with the sex is sinister!! Watch the Bundy tapes and see if you can see similarities!! Unreal!!
Lol you should look up no fap, or your brain on porn. I would go as far as to say the majority of young men nowadays suffer from porn addiction...its not narcissism, it's a legitimate addiction that stems from accessing porn from a young age. I'm 40 days porn free today. I think in the future you should introduce your mate to nofap and try to be more understanding of this common issue.
Very eye opening, Dr. I have been dealing with the disaster my 10 month relationship left me with right now. I found out my ex had multiple lovers and had unprotected sex while being in our relationship. This almost crushed me on so many levels. He seemed so much in love and into me but couldn’t have enough of sex! He cried and begged me to stay so I said “first strike” we all make mistakes and gave him another chance. For the next 2 weeks it was like he was trying to make up for the damage he’d done. But many of the things he did do sound like what you describe; circus sex, almost no emotion in the act, etc. After just two weeks and a couple of days I caught him texting with another man he’d agreed to meet before coming to me. As painful as this is I decided NO MORE! He’s tried to reach me but I just wouldn’t be able to maintain a relationship based on doubts and uncertainty. It is true, this individuals can almost make you addicted to what they provide to then backstab you when you least expect it. Stay strong everyone and RUN!
Dr Grande just have to say you are DOPE you've helped me through living hell and helped me come through the other end more stronger and wiser within one year I no I'm not the only one that sees you as a true hero giving us all this beyond helpful and life saving advise for free you make it clear and understanding and I'm not sure but if you realise not that I know everyone's story but I can imagine you've prevented alot of suicide's to me your the definition of a hero lots of 💕from a very greatful survivor I hope you realise how many people you help your a hero in my eyes
He thought sex was love, man he was sickening. I never felt a bit of love as I knew love to be. And for ten years it was every king of sexual abuse and role play with the daddy thing. Threesomes. Porn. All about pain how much could I handle. I gave up and just cringed and went through the torture. Intimacy he wouldn't know or never showed me any it was all about inflicting pain. Jesus 3 surgeries later I finally said no more, I can't. He discarded me because I couldn't perform sexually because of the physical damage he caused and I let him. I loved him. Why I don't know. Its so sick. Its been 16 months I found out about narcissism about 6 months before he left. I went total blackout and I'm still trying to fix me. He married an ex supply 3 months after I went blackout. Its a sick story, I'm thinking about writing a book, I've been through unbelievable torture but I made it. Thank god, and I did it on my own who could I tell everyone thought he was great. So I dealt with it and said nothing. No one knew
Bonnie Craig, I actually had to check a few times to see if I had written your comment. You wrote about my life too. My ex thought sex was love too. We were together off and on for 28 years. I was 21 when we met. The sex got more torturous for me the longer we were together. I have not had an internal exam for years because I’m so worried that I am now deformed. I have a lot of issues with my internal organs. My gall bladder has been removed because it was completely full of gall stones. I never had any pain involving my gall bladder but I am in constant pain in my abdominal area. He wanted sex exactly the way he constantly watched it happen on his favorite porn site. It was degrading and very painful. I did like you and just went along with it, trying to think of something else while he was forcing himself on me in whatever way he wanted. He left me bleeding so many times. It took me a few times to leave him for good as well. That trauma bond I had with him was hard to break free of. He had minded me into someone I didn’t even know anymore. It’s been 4 1/2 years since I left him for good. He damaged the person I was to such an extreme that I don’t know if I’ll ever ding myself. The longer we have been separated, the more abuse i remember: Sexual; Psycholigical; Verbal; Physical; Financial …….. I have found, so far that in order to even start healing, I need to remember all of the bad, so he will never be able to manipulate or force me in anything m, ever again. I hope the best for you and anyone else who has had to live their lives as each of us did. That was just at part of my story and I’m assuming it’s the same with your comment as well.
Yes, please write a book and hopefully, it will get plenty of publicity and you can go on a talk show. People need to know what to look out for and that this is never right. I think with the rise of BDSM now, abuse can be normalised and women, in particular, pressurised to go along with it. If it feels wrong, it is wrong!
how bout always touching all the tine...want to talk they will listen if you let them feel you up if you don't they don't want to listen and even get mad or irritated... you want a hug they feel around. they come to give you a hug and their hands roam...
Yes! I dated a guy for about 2 years who was like this, and worse....he would actually seem to become....angry and very aggressive, and if I let him know for even one second that he was really hurting me? Well, he'd really go crazy and try to make SURE it really hurt me that much more, so yeah, sexual sadism as well in my case. On top of all of that, there was the complete and total selfishness, so I was almost always left hanging and unsatisfied. I said something one day about how I really didn't like the angry-feeling sex, but that even more, I wished he'd be more attentive to my needs as well as his own, and he said to me, point blank, "It's all about me, there's never going to be any regard for you, so you need to keep up with me so you can take care of yourself at the same time I'm finishing up, then this won't keep happening." Needless to say, I ended the relationship immediately after hearing that. What a selfish asshole, and there doesn't seem to be any shortage of these selfish jerks, either.
5 лет назад+4
The channel Dr. Todd Grande has gotten pretty good at topics discussed. This video was nice in a way as far as a bit more visual. Interesting topic because it's not a typical topic discussed, refreshing video. I prophesied to a fellow RUclipsr recently I see this channel growing in views, likes and style as good as Live Abuse Free channel. Well I didn't really say that until now, but I would have given the chance! Nice video.
I knew a narc once, and he was always searching for more. He couldn't get enough, always pushed the envelope, especially with sex. I told him my observation, he agreed with me saying he was 'like a lion hunting for more meat.' Those were his words.
The Narcissist wt his channel Ultra, said that the Narcissists are Hyper sexual and their sexuality are fluid ‼️It was in his video Is The Narcissist Gay❓
I remember that a Narcissist have told his partner that he have sex wt others, to steal their energy ‼️Narcissists are known for draining others energy‼️
I've learned more from you than I have any other mental health provider I've seen in person and have had to pay for their service no less. What a shame on today's mental health field that is. Thank you so much for providing the public with free, easy to learn, informative mental health/psychological topics.
Yes, I can't tell how many times people told me that sexual pleasure is not possible in a committed, long-term relationship. And I am more thinking "nope, you just may have an attachment problem :)" but don't say it out loud.
My ex-husband to a T... Sexual narcissism has got to be the biggest indicator of narcissistic tendency as it's all about the highest gratification of an individual whilst using the partner selfishly like a toilet for your own desires... no-one falls in love with their toilet bowl do they? And they certainly don't feel anything for the paper they just used and flushed away right? And it's got to be one of the most damaging things for women to endure... it destroys both them and their love and respect for both their partner and the relationship. Sex for women is about being vulnerable to their partner and accepting and taking another into your own body. Men are simply going into another, but women must accept them into their own...
leighatkins22 Interesting you bring up toilet. I have a friend diagnosed with narcissism and he likes sexual acts with women and toilets. Super demeaning and awful. I can’t believe he finds women to go along with his degrading acts.
@@egrace3738 Ugh... wtf is wrong with them? Obviously they live in loss and therefore pain coz sex is so beautiful when it is "done" as it was meant to be
You think this only happens to women? I think women are muvh more likely to be narcissists. Especially sexual ones. You're so entitled and self-absorbed. You paint yourselves as victims and the whole world panders to you.
TFrills i believe some woman use it as a weapon and a tact to get what they want they can hurt a man just as much i believe it goes both ways for these ugly people
Very informative. Thank you for this great video. I am sad because my ex has all these signs. He likes to get phone numbers of other women and is being open about going out with them. He says he can do what he wants. I had to leave the relationship because it’s making me sick. Also want to mention he is aggressive in the beginning of the relationship and feels entitled and does not read into my repugnance for his behavior. He says whenever I want to _____ him To just let him know. And he was so casual about it. I wad shocked. He was actually scary from the first time we went out. My heart kept beating hard. I knew I am a target. I am at the other end of the spectrum. am an empath codependent
If anything, emotional attachment and intimacy enhances sexual gratification. Just goes to show how warped these peoples minds are and how ultimately broken they are emotionally. It's quite sad but also difficult to feel sorry for such an objectively bad and selfish person.
@@dissycarrier3439 We are a lot who have educated ourselvs in the topic Narcissisism for a long time, and has been heavily abused by Narcissists, as children and adults‼️Narcissists are Personality Disordered individuals, who are evil and abusive, to keep up their false narrative and self ‼️Narcissists want's to control, destroy and dim another humans light ‼️So stop taking us down, for expressing us freely about Narcissism, we are angry and hurt, after being tricked and abused by those evil Narcissists ‼️
This is true for most addicts, but like most addicts they have to want to stop, be honest with themselves and others, be accountable and seek help or they aren't going to improve. Loved ones can't want it more than they do :-(
@@AliValentine143 Yeah... but narcissism doesn't work like that, it's more than just an addiction, it's a personality disorder that set in during very early development, there's structural abnormalities in their brains, most addictions are acquired well after the brain has developed. Narcissists are pathological liars in denial, so yeah, it seems like a flawed study. Loved ones can want it more than they do... and usually do.
withholding orgasm, manipulation, there is no connection in emotional love and sex- these are all true and so related to young men who have been abused as children
It’s interesting how much an individual can change throughout their lives. In my early 20s, I had all of these traits. 20 years later, I have none of them… although I can quickly identify them in others.
experience and maturity. I believe these traits in me came from having a low self esteem. sexual prowess was a compensation for this. I no longer struggle with self esteem. I also have seen the cause and effect of this kind of behavior… it also may have arisen from being raised in a very sexually repressed environment. I look at sex in a completely different light now.
Yes. Dr. Grande one reason I left my narcissist was that I always was on top. I have a curved spine and so I suffered physical pain every time we did it. And he had little to no compassion. He waited until I left him to trim down so he could be on top. I never want to see him again.
The classification of the different labels and clinical names are important in trying to sort this all out and to get a scientific grip on things. But we have to keep in mind that all of the attempts to categorize personality and mental illness types are just approximations and not set in concrete. These are efforts to understand the differences between the many mental states and personalities. I have also seen numerous professors and psychologists in my life of 54 years and I have seen Many :0( for various reasons :0) who use stagnant categories in order to dismiss a caring person as deviant or even criminal and their own behavior as professional when they themselves were actually deviant and criminal psychologically hurting their students, clients or co workers. We have to be cautious and not so easily taken up with school book classifications and labels. Questioning things is always the number one practice involved with learning. (This is my message to the world as an activist).
We are many who have educated ourselvs on the topic Narcissisism for a long time, we then have a lot of knowlegde about it, and can spot a Narcissist about his behavior against a partner, they all do almost the same to a partner‼️They have a false narrative and self, they abuse others to regulate that, Narcissists have a lot of addictions: Alcohol or Drugs, obsession with a target they are Stalking, Porn‼️
@@Notmei9494 "You're" don't seem to have a degree either judging by your comments under this post lol. You come off like an angery narcissist, you need to relax, Angerwaffles! Knowledge can be obtained without academic process, it just means you can't (and shouldn't be able to) practice as a psychologist.
Oh my. This is the first time I’ve come by a diagnosis for this, this matches my ex husband to a T. He has many many narcissistic traits, but just never heard of the sexual side of it, never seemed to be picked up on by therapists I went to, to seek answers and healing from being married and having children with someone like this! His favourite thing to say was “ you can’t rape someone you are married to, it’s your duty “, and that says it all!
I think my husband is a vulnerable Narcissism, but add what I called failed Narcissism, He is an unhappy depressed 51-year-old man, a 340-pound man, with no front teeth and a bald, small beard. how I know he has narcissistic tendencies is that I always felt my twin sister and my husband treated me the same way and I had a person who knew my twin sister tell me and not in a therapy situation, because I just met her, and happen to be a therapist if my twin was narcissistic because she asked me if I was and after we had some serious issues between my twin and me. I know I am empathetic( I get physical goosebumps when I see for example a son coming back from the army to surprise his mom) So when she was confirmed I realized that was the issue with my husband. The classic example is, to my husband, please don't slam that door in my face, it scares me and I don't like it,. His response, why do you always come to me, you don't like anything I do, I am terrible again you always think the worse of me, you are always on my case. And of course the fact the door was slammed is never acknowledged and only what I say he reacts. So to the sexual part, you are talking about. Yes, I know of a friend who has that kind of sexual narcissism you are mentioning, but is this another type? He did have an emotional affair early in the marriage where he confiding to another woman, but that was when we were still OK in the bedroom. by year 7, he informed me, it was too hard for him. Too hard of what? Oh to make sure I was fully pleasured or even got pleasured. So then when he was in his 30's (we have been married 27 years) he was his strongest, best health, had a job that social was gratifying for him, (he was garbage truck driving and the customers liked him) he would then come home and criticized me all the time and put me down and I had small children at that time and I was probably still in the "if only kept the house more cleaned mode". He would be happy. Then the bedroom started to be hard. Even though we were not sharing a room by that time (.two years after moving to our now current house (Year 8 of marriage) Richard moved to sleep down in the basement in what room I called a family room and eventually moved to that room because he was a light sleeper and said he needed sleep. At first, was a horrifying thing that is not how marriage goes, but then I put in a purple flower border got bedding I liked and realized it is great to have your own room.) I had no desire to be with him because he did not care about my needs, (he also never came to my room and would want me to go to his dungeon of a room)but felt horribly guilty for not meeting his needs and for 15 years serviced him. Yes, he got hand jobs and other jobs, but nothing for me. He would be guilting me and then I give in and then the very second it was done guilt me again about the next time. In time, it would be once a week, then once a month, then a few months Well, you can guess what happened after years. He stopped criticizing me aggressively as he got bigger and felt less strong and changed jobs that were not social so no strokes from it. So that is when the failed narcissism really kicked in. and I am becoming a more woke-up codependent. , Yes, we live like roommates and served him occasionally. So after 15 years of serving him, Rage came in, , because I realized I felt I was being a prostitute with sex with him, because it was all about him and nothing for me. and now it has been 5 years since I have done anything with him, but a year ago my rage was gone, my faith helped me with that, I did put things back to his hands, I now have menopause, so I bought a gel and said he and I can get together anything but I will not use my hand or m on him anymore. it would have to be the regular way. Well, he has never tried. It has only been 3 years that I was able to name his issue. I knew he was very selfish, but didn't realize about the other kind of narcissism and thought grandiose was the only type. I have known I am a co-dependent for much longer and have been working on it. I now really don't define myself by what he thinks, or my twin thinks, My self is defined by what I know about myself and God. My faith has helped me a lot. I don't need to please others to make myself feel good. If I am kind or treat someone well, it is because of my love, but don't need them to stroke me back. because I do it for God, not to just please others to make myself feel good by how they think of me. I am authentic with people and tell them what I really think or what I really feel. I learned to not argue but to say, OK, so the sister or hubby doesn't get triggered. My sexual need is taken care of for myself. I never had an affair. My husband is very depressed at times though. I however find joy in my job and in life and I think it is because of my faith and that naturally, I am able to let things go and stay in the moment and enjoy music and life. I don't compare my marriage to other marriages nor my life to other people's lives. We don't have a big or anything but I am content with what God's provided. and find that life is not what others make it, but what I want it to be and I can find joy in that and let the other people still be in my life but I set boundaries now. So I wonder if what I experienced happens often.
Im 3 weeks out of a 19 year relationship, 16 of which were married. He could be the picture definition of "sexual narcissism". All the narcissistic traits, and these sexual manipulation and ughhh just yes this is letting me know and reassuring me, I was gaslighted. I am not crazy, I am ok. Thank you!!!
Ppl get ptsd after narcisstic abuse, bcs it is so stressful ‼️Others even get Fatique, that's an total burn out ‼️I feel joy every time a person writes they have come out of a partnership wt a Narcissist, no one deserve to be abused‼️💎👍Starseed Heyoka, Europe
Been there and married that. I called him a serial cheater ( and liar and void of a soul) I can tell you from experience it was much more painful for the partner of the sexual narcissist than the sexual narcissist They don't actually feel Is bad about anything
My ex, a sexual narcissist, walked with a swagger and rubbed his chest :) He roamed everywhere for sex trying to feel intimate with someone. That's pretty pathetic.
A lot of this is about people, couples, dates,etc not getting along in the long run largely due to different levels of sexual desire. They have to find out over time the mismatch. One of them may have a greater libido and narcissism as well and not respect the mate’s feelings. For what it’s worth.
@maitrayee upadhyay what does “arnab fucked me up” mean? You watched the movie “Joker”? Anyway, sorry this happened. When people encounter sexual intercourse for the first time they are often either surprised or disappointed.
✨Thank you Dr. Grande!✨ OMG yes, a sexual narcissist will also try to control their partner’s sexuality and literally deny them their own thoughts by doing things like whispering in their ear the whole time. Maddening!👹 There’s more but too much to discuss on RUclips. I have always wondered what that whole horrible mess w my ex was about. I figured out he is a narcissist but always thought there must be more to the story. Happy to say I am free and have been for about 12 years now and fortunately not too many people seem to be falling for the ex’s disturbing predilections as far as I can tell!
I have extremely deep seated issues of hatred to work through. This includes both parents and my ex. Just discovering the back stories of these 3 would drive most people crazy. Factor in extreme mental illness due to chronic use of drugs and porn and I marvel that I am still here. Things are improving slowly but surely. I am so thankful that I did not kill my ex, though I really pray that God would lock them away in a different universe. I have to admit that I am a terrible mess right now. But there is hope in Jesus, not in the demons or the humans, who are even more monstrous! Praise be to God!
There is hope in the cleansing power of Jesus! Do not empower any1 to hurt u twice!! Take back control 1 decision at a time !! God bless and keep you!! You will overcome this
He was...absolutely jands down thee beat sex ive ever had. And later i realized, he has had SO much more practice, even more than probably any average sex addict, and so he had really gotten his skills to a perfect T. And for us, for ME, our sex WAS very much a huge "love" factor. It made us clos3 and feel "love" (it really wasnt) but our sex was insanely special and the hardest parr for me to let go
All my personal experience with NPDs jives with your work as a scientist. I'm grateful that you have all their behaviors corralled and bundled up. This Sexual Narcissist video is spot-on, just when I thought I had an original experience. My 6 yr experience with a NPD who used sex as his "hook" (kinky sex) was unique. He was an erotomaniac and addicted. He avoided the word "love" and hated "cuddling". He was emotionless except for periods of rage. For your records, Dr. Grande, he was introduced to sex at age 12-13 by the father of one of his friends who performed fellatio on him and "paid" him for the act. Though he obviously enjoyed it immensely, I believe this was also the narcissistic wound, or one of them. He was extremely good at sex and terrible at "love". Thanks for your work. He is a lost soul wandering from partner to partner, or "fix" to "fix".
I remember my ex using sex as a way to hurt me, control me and or degrade me. It was horrible. He was horrible... I wonder what made him so fucked up in the head like that.
I know a person and quickly realized that this person is a narcissist. After a while I was almost convinced that this person is also a nymphomaniac. But now after this recording, I'm keeping it up; sexual narcissist. So thank you Dr.T. Grande!
you may be surprised to hear that but i managed to lower my narcissistic nature to a minimum using NLP and empathy training and i have learned teachings of some spiritual teacher that took his concepts from the kabbalah. about Ego and the difference between good and bad etc to lower the judgment and get rid of this evaluation of people as objects and i just practiced for a yeas straight like a machine. empathy and self awareness, taking responsibility, spiritual philosophy and clearing all kinds of emotional triggers from childhood one by one and it works. i used to be probably close to sociopath or something because i looked at people as pray and planned how to conquer the world hhh. but today i'm kind of normal just my relationships with females are still kind of fucked up because i still fear rejection but with the practice it gets better. why it is like that in the first place? is there a permanent cure? without the narcissism its like you were playing a game and got to level 50 and brought back to level 1 and you need to start your entire relationship with yourself from scratch. it is so strange.
I appreciated the insight of your analogy at the end -- starting over in your relationship with yourself. Since the way we learn to relate to others connects with how we relate to ourselves, it seems to me like your recognition of this new work is evidence (even to someone just reading online!) of change in your life. Keep working & Godspeed....
95 losa the problem is that if you’ll judge narcissism then it creates it in you. To release narcissistic traits you have to express empathy for the narc nature and understand why you shouldn’t act like that instead of judging it as bad because then it becomes a part of you’re “shadow”. Only empathy can heal it not judgement.
My ex Covert Narc wasn’t really interested in sex .. and always kept his clothes on during sex. He also had weird hang ups about either of us performing oral etc .. downright weird 😐
Could he have had aspergers? It can get confused for narcissism because of the low reciprocity, and they have sensory issues that sometimes make sex uncomfortable for them. I say that as someone who’s dating a guy with Asperger’s, and he finds the smells and sensations of sex a bit odd. He doesn’t want to do oral because it freaks him out. Great guy though! Lol
Narcissists are weird, you can't expect something normal from those Personality Disordered creatures, who are evil and abusive, to keep up with their false narrative and self ‼️Those don't have empathy and they are not capable of love, they control others and no one can be happy wt them‼️💎
I left my narcissistic husband in July 2020. He was a sex addict, cheated the whole 9 years with men, women, strangers, prostitutes, co workers, his patients (he was a nurse) and my own friends. Our sex life was horrible. He wanted it daily, but it was just about him. Fast. He would just lay there, he would blame it on his bad back. We rarely kissed. I can count with one hand the times he was responsible for my orgasm. I learned to handle business myself, or it would never happen. I was just another hole for him. It took me 9 years to see the truth. Waking up from this nightmare has caused a different kind of trauma. It’s been almost two years and I still trying to heal. It seems impossible. I want to be single and celibate forever. I won’t risk meeting another narcissist.
Same. My ex was a vulnerable narcissist. In my case he needed sex for validation, and the need was constant. He also ended up having sex with nearly all his friends and would keep bugging them for more. Also "regular" sex wasn't good enough; it needed to be like porn for him to feel satisfied.
they can be highly extroverted always wanting to be with a certain group or type of people (mex w mex or hisp) but yet they are shy in the group but yet outgoing joking, helping, offering food help wanting in conversations yet quiet) always wanting to be with their kind of people or fam and never being home until late.
Great point. They covet specific group types and eventually migrate based on opportunity and supply. Latin, Black, Asian, Truckers, Food service , Bars, Restaurateurs, Teachers, Construction workers, Retail. They rely on the supply to boost ego and poor self esteem. They can't resist sharing and will GIVE THEMSELVES away by suddenly showing new interest and knowlege regarding these people and professions.
Thank you, Dr. Grande! This is very informative and helpful information. The clinical research you described is very important and the 25 question self administered instrument sounds very helpful. Keep up your great work!
TOTALLY DESCRIBES MY EX. GRANDIOSE, CONTROLLING, SEXUALLY ENTITLED, NEED FOR MULTIPLE GIRLFRIENDS, HYPERSENSITIVE, OVVERLY ANGRY WHEN QUESTIONED ABOUT HIS WHEREABOUTS OR HIS COMPANIONS IN ALIGNMENT WITH WHERE HE WAS? HE WOULD GO OFF ON SKI TRIPS, PARTIES, ETC. NEVER SAY WHEN HE WAS COMNG HOME. i WAS NEVER INVITED TO ANYTHING. ANY QUESTIONING ABOUT HIS FRIENDS, WHEREABOUTS, EVERYTHING CAUSED HIM TO GET ANGRY, NASTY AND MORE AND HE SLEPT WITH ANY WOMAN WHO WOULD AGREE TO IT! I LEFT HIM.
This has been the most valuable and useful video yet!!! Thank you for this very valuable input. I have been separated from my so-called wife now ex-wife since February 20 of this year 2021 and since February 27 I have been getting voicemails of her having sex with her new narc supply. She knows that I have been wondering and driving myself crazy of the unknown reason of why she would just leave and this was her way of showing me why she left. She is showing me that she is now sexually satisfied and sexual satisfaction is the reason why she left me and also it comes to find out just a month before she left she got pregnant while I’m at work she invited the guy into my bed and said it’s mine but it’s clearly not.
If it's difficult for you to leave, or you are treatened, I recommend you to contact an Psychologist to help you to leave, it can be your support and witness ‼️I heard about a woman who left his Narcissist, by saying she was going to the grocerie, and she never went back ‼️💎👍
A lot of this sounds like my husband of 41 years. Before we got together, his sexual partners numbered well over a hundred. He repeatedly said if we married, he didn't know if he could be faithful and hoped I "wouldn't throw it all away" if he cheated. For some years we had a really good sex life, BUT, very quickly he wanted me to use porn and I just wasn't into it. I was only 24 and had never even seen porn before! He needed porn before and after sex with me. A s the years went on, he became bored with me and his internet porn use took up at least four hours a day. He didn't even hide it from me. One day I passed and saw a pop up on his computer that said "She's only eleven!..click here!" and I lost my fucking mind. I was terrified I had married a pedophile. By now he had some mild dementia, being 14 years older, but I told him he either went to therapy, or he could forget about me. He of course said it was all my fault because I wouldn't have sex often enough and wasn't adventurous and our sex had "never been that good anyway". Fucker. In the beginning he raved about my passion, but apparently forgot that part. Meanwhile the reason I wanted less and less sex was because of the porn, it made him less and less attractive to me and I felt like just something he used to enhance his porn experience, not the other way around. When the local video store closed, he bought the entire porn inventory ,which was delivered to my home in cartons, to my eternal mortification. He went to therapy a few times. I stayed because I really loved the man and there were other aspects of our union that were good.. He died two years ago and I recently found his notes from therapy. There was nothing in them about what porn use did to me, but a lot about how he was rebelling against his mother and had been neglected as a child and so he needed this to self soothe. I wasn't even in those notes, it was all about him.
Very interesting and helpful to better understand and heal from what the hell I went through with my Ex. Thank you and I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Hell is an inderatdment!!! Rage rage rage!!! I don’t even want to look at him! I’m happier now but if he starts his bs let’s just say he best be moving on and leave me the f alone!
@@unapologeticallyexoticalElla Narcissists are Personality Disordered, they abuse others to regulate their false narrative and self ‼️Narcissists don't have empathy, so they can't really connect wt others, bcs of that they don't do love ‼️They also use sex to control their partner, everything is about control, winning and themselvs ‼️
@@unapologeticallyexoticalElla Just leave‼️If you feel stucked and are without energy, or getting treatened, I will recommend you to contact an Psychologist, this person can be your support and witness‼️Ppl get Ptsd after Narcisstic abuse, bcs the situasion are so stressful ‼️Others even get Fatique, that's an total burn out ‼️I heard about a woman who left his Narcissist, by saying she went to the grocerie, and she never went back‼️
My Narc was Covert. He had many characteristics of the Overt Narcissist in terms of Grandiosity, magical thinking and the like. He frequently found complying women on the net. I believe Covert Narcissists are fearful of strong women and are fearful of all forms of intimacy. That said, I believe most men are fearful of strong women and that there is much misogyny in north America. Human relationships are SO complicated...I'm beginning to think that good friends is the answer to a satisfying life with slashes of happiness randomly experienced.
If you could get into an average man's skin and tag along for a month, you'll understand where misogyny comes from. It doesn't simply come out of nowhere.
Taras Wertelecki neither did feminism honey...neither did feminism. Misogyny existed long before though. Look at history and please not through some myopic propaganda riddled lens...but imagining you’re a woman and what you were expected to do and be & minimal freedom. Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t be pushing at the door of the birdcage the minute you thought you’d be free... you would.
M honey, you have the intellect of an earthworm. Not only did you misspell 4 words, in 2 simple sentences...but, you targeted me for the word misogyny (which you misspelled), when the original commenter, and the first reply to that, all used the word misogyny. My comment wasn’t the first with it. 🙄 Do you know about projection? That is a subconscious tactic taken to defend one’s ego, projecting one’s one issues on another. Is that what’s happening? Not sure you could even answer, as your awareness appear to be nil. It’s not narcissistic for a person to dislike being demonized or to fight against being controlled. It sounds like you need review basic psych pathology before engaging in a debate....especially when I happen to be a medical professional, with a strong mental health background. If you are getting most of your info about women on MGTOW sites, just know that you are parroting some things that are beyond your comprehension. Many are blatantly false. I would guess it’s likely you’re an incel as well. My interactions with incels, indicates high rates of narcissism (funny enough), psychopathy, sociopathy and ASD. I would bet a pretty penny you’re affected by one or more of those issues. Get help. And get off of RUclips comments section. You’re out of your league. Bye now. I’m not engaging beyond this. It would be a profound waste of time. Much like trying to teach a 2 year old physics or calculus.
I remember asking him does he have an emotional attachment when it comes to sex. He told me he doesn’t. Real eye opener. He also was addicted to porn. Told him it was very unhealthy
"Emotional closeness interferes with sexual pleasure" in my experience this is what happened with my ex. As we got serious the sexual pleasure faded on his end. I could tell he wanted porno sex and to cheat once we got past the initial dating stage. He had no emotion during sex and it was like an animalistic act. I was a an object rather than a person.
I have been there. The thrill of the Chase, so to speak…destination happiness… “oh if I can get here I’ll be happy.” Never happy because of the weight of entitlement. Never a good partner. Liars cheaters and all around me,me,me.
OMG!!! I am dealing with someone like this right now. We were friends for 20 years. He spent the last year convincing me that I was special to him and that we had a future together. From the moment I gave in to him, he began closing me out. He doesn't hug, kiss, hold hands, or snuggle. I was devastated to find out that I was a porn toy, instead of his girlfriend.
I have the same thing happen in relationships.
@@debiconner6377 that is it they have to objectify us in order to "get off". He was always wanting more, insatiable appetite and pushing me to do things i wasn't comfortable with. Because i refused to have sex with a man whilst he watched for pleasure - i was selfish! Because i didn't want to go on a swinging website and to sex partys or a holiday sex villa...i was boring. It ended up every time we had sex he wanted me to talk about what other men had done to me in bed as if he had to view me as a slut to enjoy it! He made me feel like i was never good enough until i realised that it was not even about me, it was about him! He was desensitized and had a porn addiction as well as being a somatic narcissist. After climax he turned away like it was a job done. I can't wait to find passionate love and sex with someone who loves and respects me and i will never lower my standards or accept that behaviour again
Reading these comments... I fear I'm halfway in the same boat.😥
“I have a right to sex!”, my ex-husband yelled at me one day. He then declared he wanted an open relationship. He was extremely promiscuous, addicted to pornography, and became involved with several kink groups. What did I get out of this deal? Two STD’s, and he has ended our marriage. I have discovered just how many women, and one very young woman, he was involved with. I was devastated when he ended our marriage, but after more than a year, I am seeing the benefit of reclaiming myself.
don't worry. He'll probably catch aids or something
J B will keep you in prayers and thoughts 🙏
Sex is a human need. Just as bad as your husband are women that withhold sex as a punishment, forcing their husbands into a sexless marriage. Tragically some women lose all their sexual drive, which is tricky. Husbands TO AN EXTENT do have some "right" to sex. Men usually support women financially, and frankly, a woman's whiny nagging company or friendship is not enough to fulfill the marriage contract.
@@alphashaitan65 oh my god touch grass. Most aspie out of touch comment ever.
@@idkwhatsmynamelol9281 No I get plenty of sunshine and I'm not on the spectrum. Callings a man "aspie" because he has a different opinion than you is no different than if I called you "hysterical" or "bossy."
You just explained my ex husband. All the reasons I left him and never looked back this time( after 2 prior separations) he was a sexual narcissist. Addicted to porn of all types , watching women twerk, sexual deviant, using sex as a weapon, was cheating on me the whole 8 year marriage with not just one woman there were over 40 women having sexual relations, living double lives. It was devastating. This can be the most cruel thing ladies watch out for these traits. They tend to have a history or violence and disturbing behavior, have done jail time, a womanizer,and will abuse you. Take care!!
Wow! Mine too. He loved the "woman twerking" (something I never did or could do.) He also liked when woman got smacked around during sex. All pain no gain for the woman. He paid for porn and IDK Y. Does anybody know Y would they pay?!
In 1974 on New Year’s Day my ex had spent the night out ALL NIGHT. I was home with our 18 month old daughter. He came through the door and I told him to call his mother-that she was worried. He took the phone out of my hand and hit me across my face. I went down and when I came to I tried to get away from him, but he was doing the “Kidney Stomp” on my back. Finally got away from him, ran to the nursery, grabbed my baby and flew out of the door. I had known this guy for 5 years. Was married to him for 2. He would try and withhold affection from me. He did not speak to me for weeks on end. He is describing my (dead) ex to a T. First is the emotional withdrawal and then the beating your life. DON’T LIVE WITH IT
Thank you for your post. It is terrible sad. Horrible really.
I was married to a textbook sexual narcissist with NPD! Worst years of my life. Thank GOD I got out.
@@laurenmorgan3939 What is women twerking? what does it mean.? Highly sexual or what.?
The porn addiction causes them to have to up the thrill factor. Found out the ex narc was into several fetishes that he was participating in with strangers he would meet online. Told me that he had never cheated on me. Would leave for work, kiss me and profess his love for me every day. What he neglected to tell me was that he was on his way to meet someone for anonymous deviant sex before work. I used to be stupid enough to get mad at his boss for making him work so many hours. When he finally left he made the mistake of leaving his secret email account open on a shared device. I was physically sick when I saw what he was up to the whole time we were married. What a piece of sh!+!!!!
I had to get tested for STDs and explain why to my doctor. So not only did he put me in danger with his "other " life, I had to suffer the embarrassing and painful fallout of his sick and twisted actions.
hope you're ok now
Wow! I’m going through the same thing but I don’t know exactly what he has been up too.
Me too,,,i flipped,, what i found on the computer i can never unsee. Im sorry you went through that also.
I'm so sorry. Did you get to leave safely and bring your dog with you?
michelle louise Hi.. WAIT...he had 5 thousand partners? Fiiiivveeee
Thousanddddd partners im so sorry Michelle
The correlation between porn and narcissism makes perfect sense. The narcissist wants what (s)he wants, WHEN he wants it, HOW he wants it, WHERE he wants it, and so on. But, beyond all of that, the real payoff from porn is to not have to have any interaction of any kind. He wants something and can get it with no effort and then turn off the TV. The person is just a thing; a tool; a means to an end; disposable. Everything is about only themselves, right?
Truth.
Yes I do believe that having been married to one ..yes
Perfectly true
People should be born with two lives to run concurrently. The first one just to learn all this stuff and the second to have a normal life. ( provided you even survive the first one ) Way to much brain overload for me , would rather fill my time with working on some project. It's easier to figure out a circuit boards then to navigate relationships.
Unless you get a girlfriend that is down to be your circuit board! 😄
Very well put.
We're not discussing normal healthy relationships here. More like, gaining the knowledge, to avoid unhealthy ones!
.....as I was just telling my therapist recently......!!!
I agree with you totally all this information that you need to know it's just very complicated
Wow! You just explained so much for me.. my husband of 23 yrs( now separated) throughout the marriage I would find him on different sex sites.. looking for women. I totally believe it was to stroke his ego. As far as the emotional intimacy.. nope! They don’t even relate to it. I tried explaining to him that I wanted to connect.. to have more emotional intimacy. You’d think after 4 children and a 20+ yr marriage he’d want to try but nope. He did just the opposite.. left and acts like I don’t exist, unless he has something to say about the kids. I’m working on me.. healing after so much pain. Finding the self love , reclaiming my life
Your lucky that he will only talk if it concerns the kids. With my situation we have been sepperated 15 years and I Live with my adult son. My X uses my son as excuse to come over and try to get me in bed. Not going to happen. But my son is a worse narcissists than the x and encourages the x to come over on a daily basis even though IV told him I don't want the x around me.
My son doesn't even realize that his dad is using him.
I need to be away from every one to feel safe ,but financially and I'm disabled that won't be happening to soon.
Thankfully you got out before you wasted anymore time.
Bless you; I’ve been there. I’m 70 and the last few years have peaceful and educational. I believe it takes two, so I must add Inmy own mental conditions in reaction to him, at times. Our mix was toxic! Prayers ♥️🙏
@@nani.9754 that sounds such a painful situation. Why don't you tell your son of he wants to carry on living under your roof, that he best keep your x his dad away.
Hope you'll be moving away soon to get some peace. 😃
@@melissapereira9879 👌 thank you
Imagine being married to a family “therapist” who is a raging narcissist and who never stops cheating, and when you threaten to leave he cries and tells you he is going to therapy with you because he loves you, and the relationship is worth saving....., and 2 months into therapy he is cheating again. After he convinced you to believe he has a disorder and needs help, and made you to feel guilty that you would abandon the relationship. So.....,you know.......RUN
Sounds like my therapist.
I hope you got out, and are heading for a happy life, Narcissists abuse others to regulate their false narrative and self, they are liars and cheaters‼️💎
Goddamn !
So I'm not with a therapist like that but back in January my S.O. of 11 yrs and I hit a major bump... We had one hell of a fight & decided to just let all of our stuffed feelings out, I told him I loved him but hadn't been in love with him since he had stolen all (but 18) of the hydrocodone that I needed after having a C-section but I was definitely willing to give us this one last try as long as he tried to go on some antidepressants to even out his mood. Fast forward to April, my son was playing on my S.O.'s phone and wanted me to help him with something, I don't normally use an Iphone so I hit the button wrong & it brought up his camera....well I should have just back out without looking, but I didn't and seen he was sending screen shots of other male's stuff to random "bots" as he called them. My heart broke, a few days later I found out that he was having an actual online sexual affair with someone he was playing a mobile game with. She must have been special because she got pics of his actual junk 😓, he even sexted her on my birthday when I was stuck in bed with a pain flare. I am still being blamed for everything, it hurts to know that he is most likely narcissist & now I have to figure out how to leave 😓.
That had to be the WORST!!!
All the reasons why I left my partner, that and a compulsive liar is very emotionally draining
Yes!! They all are pathological liars!!! Run !! Mine had different life and cheating and stealing money!!!
🤔👍🇬🇧
Stop calling them "your partner"
@@tablescissors What's your problem with Dave saying "partner?" No hate, I'm just curious. Cheers.
The are definitely habitual liars, even when you catch them in lies, they still lie. You just look at them like, "Damn, where are some of your brain cells??".
the very point of narcissists is that they damage or destroy the sexuality of their victims regardless of having a lot of sex or no sex
Please explain very interesting points
Great example
Ii l understand feel worthless
Means i think if you want sex they will not give it and if you dont want it they give it
@Robert Drake interesting subject! I know there's something there. How they use their sexuality to control and make people addicted to them, toxic women use it the most. Where's the book?
Only now, after 13 years I process what was going on. I was groomed and sexually abused by a narcissist when I was a teen. He always wanted me to make believe and said, I dont have a authentic access to my feelings and emotions, I am actually "dead" (which I know now was clearly a reflection of his inner BS).
He suggested one day, he should get me pregnant and have an abortion, so I could have a proper access to my emotions and feelings again. That never happened.
What a disgusting and sick individual.
That sounds like a psychopath
I was also groomed and sexually abused by my mother’s boyfriend from the age of 11 until 15 when I ran away for good. He would threaten to take me to Kentucky to marry me because you can get married when you were 12 years old. He always got me high on LSD by putting it in milk or wine for me. I ran away when I was 11 and stayed away for three months. I came back and it continued until I was 15. I’m 60 now. I can’t remember it, I’ve always known it happened but all I remember it looking at my knee, out a window while he did it. I can’t remember the grooming. My mother always acted like I stole her boyfriend. When she died I found out that she was totally complicit. And she let it happen in order to keep that guy around. And even though he got in a lot of trouble because he molested my little brother when I left, she kept in touch with him until the day she died. People are gross and I try to get over this shit all the time. Do not abuse your children please! I take a lot of medication and I have bipolar disorder. And chronic PTSD. I’ve always struggled in every aspect of my life. Now I am a hermit with my dogs and cats. At least I’m really good at the social isolation thing going on. I send you my love and I’m sorry for what happened to you. so sorry! You are not alone!
@@crysvicious most narcissists are psychopathic in one way or another.
RestIsSilence91I have no doubt in my mind that these people are demon possessed. Only demon can say he is going to get you pregnant so you can have an abortion. Normal human can never say that. Mine ex narcissist said something similar to that too.
@@janegirl1792 I pray God heals ur pain. Having been abused at 7yrs sexually I understand the trauma that survivors go thru!. I found complete healing thru a rlshp wh God thru jesus. U never 4get the events but u can cancel the affects! God keep u Jane! Stay strong
Any relationship that makes you feel worse about yourself, rather than better, is toxic! When you are left feeling unloved, drained and have been attacked in any way, is a sure sign that you're in a toxic relationship. No one is worth staying in a relationship that causes you constant pain and heartache.💔
💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Wow everything you said was about me , being married to one ....sad how he made me feel worthless
Mine was definitely a sexual narcissist. He used sex to get me hooked, but really sex with him was mechanical. He was addicted to pornography, and dating sites. He always complained that I was not able to satisfy him, and that was a part of abuse and “not good enough” agenda so perfected by the narcissists of all spectrum.
Violeta B i always felt like he was raping me i could not enjoy it at all
I have zero actual sexual experince but if had to guess sex is probably mechanical in many ways. Your body is more like a machine than you realize
I left my ex after two years last september. All the Times I had no idea what was going on. He demanded extreme sexual acts. It was also mechanical, cold, distant and I found out he watched porn like always. He would say that I could not satisfy him. I had never experienced such behavior. I am Glad I found the strengh to break up after all his brainwash.
You are not alone.
i89
@@rayleighbo2599 if you have zero experience with something you shouldn't give your thoughts on it, boo. Just observe & learn & experience more before giving your thoughts.
Thanks for defining that was my ex sexual narcissism and npd makes their partners at risk for STI STDs and HIV...wish I could have identified this disorder immediately...run for your life!
You're welcome!
Exactly...100!
J. C. Have you heard of sexsomnia? It’s a condition that the person is addicted to having sex with sleeping people. Please look it up. How does a person protect themselves from STI or HIV when you don’t know who the person is or why they are targeting you!? Many men are married but like to break in people’s houses and have sex with sleeping people? Poor Stella is probably talking about the same issues as me! How do you protect yourself then???? Please tell me that and I would like to ask Elaine the same question? Because I have a feeling people presume that all sex is consented by both parties when it obviously isn’t true even though the movies imply these things. Why do these men not use a condom if they know they may be spreading germs? I feel quite passionate about this subject and the fact that I am not accepting being used as a toy for men to abuse without my consent and feel its invading my boundaries!
@@anonymouspeacefulperson6199 No. Sexsomnia is different.
Exactly! So many men are this way it's scary! They will rape and give you a desease
It isn't "sometimes" that a Narcissistic trait interferes, affects or destroys relationships, it "always" does, and the degree to which it does is on a continuum.
GoNature: Exactly. I also disagree with Dr Grande that these people, generally do not change - they DO indeed change - for the worst, Never for the better!
Had an ex who was a grandiose narcissist , but turned into a malignant narcissist. Son was a very good kid, growing up, but due to their influences, stirred into at least, a grandiose narcissist - just like them. Step daughter -+ also a psychopath turned sadistic psychopath. They are all junkies for their narcissist supply.
I was in an extremely abusive 2 year relationship with the devil. Became addicted to cocaine and alcohol. He treated me like a real live sex doll. He was addicted to porn and inflicting sexual pain among other things.
I've been free 20 months but the memories are haunting.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I pray God comforts you.
Keep moving forward
I'm glad you've made it to the other side:)
I am so sorry. I can imagine how difficult it was for you to leave that situation. You are a very brave woman.
I had 4 sexual dates with this evil left him fast as i understand who he is
Your channel is one of the most educational channels on mental health on RUclips. You go more in depth while still explaining very clearly. I have learned so much from his channel, thank you!
@@denisequinn9015 I agree
Radical: Dr. Ramani, and Dr. Carter are also VERY Good on their channels.
@@meredithheath5272 yes I watch both of them as well
Emotional closeness is rejected by sociopaths and psychopaths. Not so much by narcissists. And this behavior comes from a deep fear of facing the past traumatic childhood of coldness and violence. I see this behavior particularly in men. I met a guy who didn't even want me to laugh and I was laughing about myself. He didn't want Any other feelings other than the raw sexual lust. I think that those people use sex to run Away from their past.
Like my wife I'm separated from. A big part of my personality is wit and humor yet I was nagged for my jokes and put down for minor teasing. Forget any criticism. I tried to ask her about her snoring early on and the backlash taught me to not say anything. This was reaffirmed when she was criticized at work. One time her smear campaign got her boss fired and prior to that my ex got called out on her saying how her boss was old and senile and couldn't do her job to anyone who would listen.
...I knew a narcissist who also didn't want me to laugh - he would say in a rather monotone voice, "I'm glad you're so easily amused."
@@cherylelancaster8791 it's awful how they stifle everything good about you
@@cherylelancaster8791 I don't let my narcissistic wife see me smile because I know she's going to make me pay for it. I just share my happiness with my kids and not with her.
Narcissist do not have real feelings for others. They only use people to get whatever it is they want. They are pathological liars. They pretend to care , but in reality the only person they care about is themself. They are so damaging to their partners.
Thank you Dr. Grande. Your beautiful 'plain language' explanation has helped me heal, even having been free from my marriage for 38 years. I was told I was frigid during all of my marriage of 8 years, but now I can see the other person so clearly thanks to this video. Fortunately, despite this persons Narcissim I was able to reclaim true love.
That's where narcissism gets really cruel.
Physical abuse is the worst when to comes to narcissists! It can kill you or handicap you.
Not counting rape, here
@@bebe8842 Narcissists get worse, get away when the devaluation starts, that's indicate you are involved wt a Narcissist ‼️Those are abusers, who treat others bad, to regulate their false narrative and self, get yourself a better life without them‼️
@@tovenrvik6336 😌❣ that's the only way to cope with them, to not play the game, to stay away
its called sexual sadist
@@mikelisteral7863 Yes it is, but in they behavior, they are Sadistic, too, bcs they feel pleassure in taking another person down wt devaluation, after the lovebombing ‼️Narcissistic abuse comes from them trying to keep up their false narrative and self, by putting themselvs over the other person‼️💎Starseed from Pleiades, INFJ Heyoka
I watch Dr Grande videos when I’m stressed. It calms me down.
Extremely helpful and articulate. It makes me sad though to be so aware how I’ve let another person treat me and how willingly I have let them back in again and again knowing that nothing will ever be different. These unfortunate poisonous people are unable to feel what others do, and their deep seated lifelong suffering is never relieved. There is no way to heal them, and as much as I hate the damage they cause, I feel a conflicting sense of empathy as well. I wish I didn’t, because it’s the reason why I can’t ever seem to escape them entirely. They’re very dangerous people. Don’t forget that they will never actually care.
Know it's okay to forgive yourself for having allowed a ruthless heart into a loving and empathetic one. Know the red flags and keep them at a distance. Learn to know yourself for having true self love and respect will keep them from hooking you in.
My life
Get a GRIP!!! CODEPENDANTS ARE JUST AS EVIL AS NARCISSITS; AS THEIR PRIORITIZE SOOTHING AND CATERING TO THE PAIN IN THE CHEST (MISPLACED SYMPATHY; EMOTIONALLY-EMPATHY WOULD ALLOW YOU TO FEEL HIS ANIMOSITY)!!
PRIORITIZE HEALTHY PEOPLE, AND NOT THESE ANTI-HUMAN, SADISTIC CREATURES!!!
HONESTLY, WHEN I HEAR OR READ "CODEPENDANT, EMOTIONALLY-NEEDY, DUMB HELPLESS BABY" BABBLE AND TALK... I FEEL MURDEROUS WITH RAGE!!!
IT IS THAT LACK OF EMOTIONALLY-RESILIENCY THAT LEADS AN IMMATURE IDIOT TO CONTINUE TO SELFISHLY ENDANGER OTHER PEOPLE, BY PRIORITIZING AND THINKING ABOUT BENEFITING THE NARCISSITS!!!
WHEN YOU CARTER TO EVIL, YOU DESTROY THE VERY INCENTIVE OF BEING A SANE, ETHICAL PERSON WHO'S EXISTENCE IS NATURALLY SUSTAINABLE IN SOCIETY! NPD, AND CODEPENDANCY HAS A TOXIC EFFECT ON THE ENVIRONMENT!!!
WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE RUSH INTO SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO DEVELOP THEMSELVES; THUS BECOMING A MORE COMPLETE PERSON?! REAL CONFIDENCE, KNOWLEDGE VIA EXPERIENCE, AND ADAPTABILITY IS THE RESULT OF THAT!
You deserve so much better than what you had !
The more i watch about narcissism the more I recognize traits I want to absolutely work on losing. And also the more I recognize my ex partner. Withholding sex, making me feel inferior, justifying with the most hurtful things one could imagine. 😔
Yes I try to be the opposite of a narsissist.
I honestly don't understand the term withholding sex??
Like if someone is angry with you or you've done something that they percieve as offensive, then its natural for them to not want sex with you.
Withholding sex means that the person is horny and wants to fck, but they still decline sex as a punishment.
Otherwise you can't "withhold sex" if you are not in the mood for it in the first place !
That would be different for every person, for example if a depressed person has a low sex drive and their partner doesn't, is that withholding sex?
If a person has borderline personality disorder and they become emotionally unstable more often, is that withholding?
I think that is more an issue with sexual compatibility, if you are getting "turned down" for sex, its more likely that you are not aligning with your partner on some emotional/mental/sexual level, which leads to them not being in the mindset for sex.
I feel like a ex partner could accuse me of "withholding" sex but in reality, they were always drunk, asking for sex at 3am, not sexually satisfying me/no foreplay,
Paired with my health issues and also poor mental health, which factors combined lead to me not wanting to have sex with that person,
I feel like withholding would mean that I do want to have sex but I am going to turn this person down to hurt their feelings,
It doesn't make sense imo
@@Neesi392 yea idk about him not being attracted to me but he sure did it as a form of punishment. As soon as he discards and is away for a while he does want sex and I haven’t taken any part on that. Its a tough situation. Some people don’t communicate issues that you would be more than willing to address. But yea if someone constantly hurts me and acts angry and mean the last thing i wanted to do was to be touched by that person. I had moments that i was just having sex to satisfy his needs but i also had my needs that were not being met at all. Its certainly a lack of compatibility. I see it clearly now. Good luck to him hiding his bs to be compatible to anyone longer than 3 months. Lol.
Narcissists are Personality Disordered, evil and abusive against others, to regulate their false narrative and self, no one can be happy wt a Narcissist ‼️Leave and get a new life, wt a normal person, who has empathy and are capable of love‼️💎
@@Neesi392 For a Narcissist, everything is about control, winning and themselvs ‼️They use sex to control you, keep sex from you as a way to get control ‼️They control and abuse others, to keep up their false narrative and self ‼️No one can be happy wt a Narcissist, leave and find a partner wt empathy, who's capable of love‼️💎
The internet has ruined so many lives and families, it’s a good and a bad machine.
truth the internet sucks, reset reset reset
@@LilithsCosmicLounge no, AND we are now seeing younger people than ever comitting these crimes. Porn is making it worse. Porn is the fucking devil.
This messages are very helpful to our lives as young adults so that we can shape our future very well. Thank you for sharing.
Well stated young person 👏
I'm so glad you guys are dealing with the sexuality and narcissism thank you so much, it is one of the most vicious tools in narcissists can use
That makes alot of sense...., that was interesting when they mentioned being too close emotionally as being one of the biggest indicators or red flags, idk? how or why I never thought of that one , it seems obvious now that I think about it....
That makes alot of sense...., that was interesting when they mentioned being too close emotionally as being one of the biggest indicators or red flags, idk? how or why I never thought of that one , it seems obvious now that I think about it....
My x covert narccisst had zero interest in sex/intimacy. He rejected me, completely. I am now aware of all this 20 plus yrs later.
He preferred porm over u as well didn't he? Sorry 2 hear this
Same here.. I’m very attractive and in great shape and do not look my age in a 30 year marriage and he withheld sex all through marriage and last 10 in a separate bedroom
Covert Narcissist used to withhold intimacy but intimacy anorexia could also be found in romantic relations with people suffering Schizoid Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder or different pathologies. Thus a good diagnosis has to be given.
... at least he's your ex now.
My mom is still married to her husband, a covert narcissist.
He was afraid of abandontment thats why he did so he have to face his fears before he can fully give himslef to someone. We are all broken somehow. Childhood traumas cost a lot in our adulthood relationships. Betweem parents and children love should be unconditional but when it isnt then children learns that he has to do things to earn love. So parents have to heal their past and childhood traumas before they do Kids.
My ex was so good at sex and he would leave for days because he was a compulsive cheater, and every time I left him he would talk me into taking him back, each time I went back he intensified the sex. I realize now he did that to keep me hooked to him no matter what he did behind my back. The more pushback I gave him the more convincing he got to get me back, even saying he’d move in with me and marry me. He knew how to take things to next level for sure, both in good and bad ways.
The best sex I ever had was with my narc ex husband, but the rest of the time I was completely miserable. He was magnetic but also a compulsive liar. When it all ended I was pretty much broken, but I am so glad I came through it.
yes same here with ex boyfriend.. i think that is all they are good at.. it's always charm to harm.
Sex was the only thing that I was interested in, but it has consequences.
suddenly dawning on me who i was involved with for 13 yrs, an abusive manipulating narc/sociopath, its been nearly four years since he discarded/left/ran I have not been able YET to have another sexual relationship, the trauma of what i allowed myself to be put through has seriously damaged me, im not a victim but need time to comes to terms with all the abuse that occurred
Your explanations are easy to understand and are done in a very calming and professional manner. Well done, thank you.👍
Thank you so much!
Definitely calming -- especially for such stressful subject matter. I just recommended this channel to several folks and told them it's like my "cognitive weighted blanket" because Dr. G settles my thoughts from the "online onslaught" 😅.
Narcs seem to oversell and undelivered. Very forward and adventurously start with. Crossing sex boundaries quickly. Being forward. But making out it’s special and love and exclusive. When History would suggest otherwise
So true
There should be a tiny island in the middle of nowhere that all Narcs should be sent to.....welcome to the Island of no return, we welcome all narcs🏝
That’s called hell
Sailor Sabol awww lol 🤗
OMG! I have said EXACTLY that same thing! LOL 😂😂😘
Lol if they had to deal with other ppl like them they would start dying off quickly
Sadly though it would have to be a HUGE island because MANY people today are narcissistic
This describes my ex who had borderline and narcissistic traits. He revolved everything about sex and had that as the most importance. He often pressured me into sex all the time and sexually abused me. He was so occupied by sex that he would play with himself in public and have random climaxes in-front if everyone. He sexually assaulted several other people too some of who I know. Sexual entitlement was a big issue with him. I have alot of trauma from it, and I think I have PTSD.
Thank you Dr Grande. I knew my ex was a narcissist and often abused me in a number of ways including sexually. I have rarely seen many experts I have access to online talk about this. I found this extremely hard to listen to but I feel validated by this information. Much respect from the UK
Wow. You perfectly defined a former boyfriend of mine from 30 years ago. I didn’t know there was a name for it. He is now over 70 years old and hasn’t changed a bit. Pitiful
He perfectly described my ex narc boyfriend too. He just turned 60. Mine tried to force me to…… I got away & have no idea where he is now nor do I care to know. Thankfully he must have been so pissed that he discarded me.
Susan Marie,You are beautiful 🌷,you don’t need a narcissist in your life!
As I watch this video: I'm reminded
I'm so ashamed at the state of my life,
and there's no escape.
Pain and grief and loneliness, these things are so intense, they rape my soul.
I wish for nothing more than real friends and true love.
Will I ever have these?
You will have these (one, the other, or both).🤗♠️ Sometimes in life, we are pushed to call a spade a spade. I'm also going through the guilt stage; just remember that we're still human. And there is also an escape, when that door of opportunity opens, run through it. If a man or woman is dragging you (emotionally, mentally, psychologically, physically, etc.) in the dirt, then you have the power to say "No". You also have the power to call the shots, change the rules, set healthy boundaries, etc. If he/she doesn't respect your autonomy, that's another chance to run away from the hurt, the gaslighting, the "latch" (designed to trap you), and so forth.
You have every right to spread your wings and fly. Fly to those who will advocate, support and guide you on the road to healing.💙
I'll be praying for you on your healing journey.🙏🏾💚 And believe me, the trash will leave. And there's bright treasures in friends, family, classmates, colleagues - just about anywhere!💜
I'm in the process of reclaiming my time and rebranding myself. Be encouraged, and focus on your overall safety. You are not alone. *Big hugs* Know that you are loved.
I also felt my soul was raped. I am so sorry u had to go through these. I feel your pain!
This so reminded me of someone- oh, it used to be me! I had to be the biggest and the best, and would invest much time and energy doing just that. Women seemed to really (really) like the attention, but it wasn't love on my part, rather it was my overinflated ego, my trying to prove a point with all my partners. At 61, I'm now glad nature toned it down quite a bit. At least I see some truth there. Godspeed.
Respect to you for saying all this. Healing will be yours in jesus name.
Just the fact that you were able to admit that and say all those things that you just said about yourself or that you once were explains and shows that in some levels narcissism can die down or it can be beat. Not in all ppl... BUT some people say you know my narsc-ex or ABUSERS will never change, it's not possible.
And that they won't acknowledge to their narcissistic attributes at all and of course this matters on what end of the spectrum they're on but you are proving my friend it's not impossible to realize what you were and what you were doing and to that I commend you, as a victim of a narsc that I'm trapped with now with a baby I have the upmost respect for ya . Isn't that crazy how life and ppl can obtain that through a comment from someone they'll never meet? :)
Keep growing keep acknowledging and keep healing . Right on
You’re not a narcissist. You were just immature and not in love.
It's terrible to be married to a man with this problem.
They think they are all deserving and marriage gives them rights....they think.
It's a never ending nightmare. I lived it and will never forget it. :-(
Currently.. how did you leave
@@ItsBrittsworld ... I didn't leave actually. I had a last altercation with him which left my face all swollen and bruised. Couldn't see out of one eye. I was like in a state of shock and I didn't do anything about it. I was friends with a neighbor 2 doors down that I visited every day. I told her I had a bad headache. She talked me into going to the ER to make sure something wasn't broke in my head. She knew exactly what she was doing. Hospital has to turn it in. So the police showed up. Took pictures and had a talk with me that if I don't press charges the policeman is. So I said if it's gonna happen and to mean anything. ..it'd better come from me. So the police told me to go to my network with my 2 boys and stay there till they contact me.
They waited for my husband to come home from work and went to arrest him. He was tipped off some how so he hid in the top of our garage.
So...off to jail he went. I was told the boys and I could go back home.
I tell you...after 2 weeks of him being gone I felt like I was in heaven. He asked if he could come back..I said no.
Looks to me like that was a safe way to get away from him. Had to get restraining orders and stuff but it was all worth it. He did come and apologize to me. He also apologized to the boys...after they were adults. He had joined a motorcycle club...not a nice one. I had problems with that too.
I have to say the hardest part was...I got on food stamps and they (DHS)immediately made me get a job. I was kept...I never had a job. And I got harassed by him while was working....and I had to worry about my boys while I was working. That was soo hard.
If you need to talk to someone I can give u my email or text number. Let me know.
I wish everyone going thru this .. the best of life ♡
Trust that it is just equally painful being married to a woman with this condition. Abuse and violence have no gender.
Wishing you all the best in life
Emotionless and compulsive sexual behavior is a strong marker for pathology in women I believe. I always use this rule of thumb when dating. Our modern hook up culture is a symptom of epidemic growth of narcissism and psychopathy in society.
Lols - think it would be much more paramount, in men!
@@louisafoster1640 it would be much more important in men? That doesn't make sense. Don't you mean more prevalent?
@@louisafoster1640 Of course you would say that, you've never had sex with modern women.
@@louisafoster1640 women are becoming men
@@RTHpriest your mom is a modern woman
It's interesting how much narcissists miss out on without even realizing it (due to narcissism lol). Like all their ego in all parts of life actually robs them of better relationships and now I find out of better seq.
Thank you, Dr. Grande. This is the first I've ever heard of sexual Narcissism. It explains so much. And I like the video style of this presentation.
I had never heard of it either?
My ex was obsessed with porn, it was so uncomfortable
@@laurenm9563 mine hid it. Then acted as if nothing was wrong with it when it was addressed. He would look up amature porn then figure out through the comments who the pornstar was and then follow them in IG. I checked out mentally as soon as I saw that. I was so completely disgusted. I don't have an issue with porn. It's the obsession with it. He actually went as far as to going onto a porn Sight & Sound apparently there is he dating section on there where you can meet local women. He proceeded to inbox people and then attempt to meet up with them. All the messages I saw didn't indicate he actually followed through with any of it but I definitely got myself checked on anyway. Mind you, I'm not talkin Jenna Jameson or Pam Anderson, people that many people would be familiar with. I'm talking about amateur pornstars that nobody has a clue who they are. So repulsive and embarrassing. Then had the nerve to get mad when I no longer wanted to have sex with him. The hypocrisy and bold, Unapologetic hurtfulness they have is just disgusting in a way I can barely put into words. I've never felt more undesired and worthless in my life. It never affected him having desire to have sex with me but the thought of him lusting over so many different women hurt me on such a deep level that I didn't want to engage in sex anymore. When I looked in his phone, not even exaggerating there had to have been at least 3000 downloaded porn videos. He saw absolutely nothing wrong with it. Surprise surprise! LOL SMH
@@jalex5808 The bravery you display you deserve to sue your ex in divorce for cheating this way if only family court would take you up on emotional damages?
Same, and then will say I have to watch porn since you don't screw me enough..Nope you watch because you are addicted
@@jalex5808 Unreal..reading your description mirrors mine...I was shocked and aghast at what i found on some of his sites..OMG! And is was all ways..not just male/female..the whole gamut of weird porn. My heart was not broke, it was scared that this man was so deviant to even view some of this stuff. He was neither a turn-on or anything to me after the discovery. My story was with a different twist, this man was an Arab/ME ..and a covert NARC. Must say it is a perfect storm in the ME for these NARCS..the stories I will tell someday will/and shock the world. BEWARE ...and never attribute anything to the "culture". Thank God I started researching and found Daniel Pipes website. You live and learn..I'm still reeling over it all, but day by day ..healing is occuring. Praying for you sister..this road with the sex is sinister!! Watch the Bundy tapes and see if you can see similarities!! Unreal!!
Lol you should look up no fap, or your brain on porn. I would go as far as to say the majority of young men nowadays suffer from porn addiction...its not narcissism, it's a legitimate addiction that stems from accessing porn from a young age. I'm 40 days porn free today. I think in the future you should introduce your mate to nofap and try to be more understanding of this common issue.
I love your explanation style. You're awesome Dr. Grande
What state are you in Dr Grande? I know someone in need a great doctor.
Very eye opening, Dr. I have been dealing with the disaster my 10 month relationship left me with right now. I found out my ex had multiple lovers and had unprotected sex while being in our relationship. This almost crushed me on so many levels. He seemed so much in love and into me but couldn’t have enough of sex! He cried and begged me to stay so I said “first strike” we all make mistakes and gave him another chance. For the next 2 weeks it was like he was trying to make up for the damage he’d done. But many of the things he did do sound like what you describe; circus sex, almost no emotion in the act, etc. After just two weeks and a couple of days I caught him texting with another man he’d agreed to meet before coming to me. As painful as this is I decided NO MORE! He’s tried to reach me but I just wouldn’t be able to maintain a relationship based on doubts and uncertainty. It is true, this individuals can almost make you addicted to what they provide to then backstab you when you least expect it. Stay strong everyone and RUN!
You deserve much, much better! Stay blessed.
Dr Grande just have to say you are DOPE you've helped me through living hell and helped me come through the other end more stronger and wiser within one year I no I'm not the only one that sees you as a true hero giving us all this beyond helpful and life saving advise for free you make it clear and understanding and I'm not sure but if you realise not that I know everyone's story but I can imagine you've prevented alot of suicide's to me your the definition of a hero lots of 💕from a very greatful survivor I hope you realise how many people you help your a hero in my eyes
He thought sex was love, man he was sickening. I never felt a bit of love as I knew love to be. And for ten years it was every king of sexual abuse and role play with the daddy thing. Threesomes. Porn. All about pain how much could I handle. I gave up and just cringed and went through the torture. Intimacy he wouldn't know or never showed me any it was all about inflicting pain. Jesus 3 surgeries later I finally said no more, I can't. He discarded me because I couldn't perform sexually because of the physical damage he caused and I let him. I loved him. Why I don't know. Its so sick. Its been 16 months I found out about narcissism about 6 months before he left. I went total blackout and I'm still trying to fix me. He married an ex supply 3 months after I went blackout. Its a sick story, I'm thinking about writing a book, I've been through unbelievable torture but I made it. Thank god, and I did it on my own who could I tell everyone thought he was great. So I dealt with it and said nothing. No one knew
bonnie craig --- Please, write your book.
Write your book please, it could really be helpful to those that have dealt with similar situations.
Writing your story will be a big therapeutic means of helping you sort through it and come out stronger as well as others.
Bonnie Craig, I actually had to check a few times to see if I had written your comment. You wrote about my life too. My ex thought sex was love too.
We were together off and on for 28 years. I was 21 when we met. The sex got more torturous for me the longer we were together.
I have not had an internal exam for years because I’m so worried that I am now deformed. I have a lot of issues with my internal organs. My gall bladder has been removed because it was completely full of gall stones. I never had any pain involving my gall bladder but I am in constant pain in my abdominal area.
He wanted sex exactly the way he constantly watched it happen on his favorite porn site. It was degrading and very painful. I did like you and just went along with it, trying to think of something else while he was forcing himself on me in whatever way he wanted. He left me bleeding so many times.
It took me a few times to leave him for good as well. That trauma bond I had with him was hard to break free of. He had minded me into someone I didn’t even know anymore.
It’s been 4 1/2 years since I left him for good. He damaged the person I was to such an extreme that I don’t know if I’ll ever ding myself.
The longer we have been separated, the more abuse i remember: Sexual; Psycholigical; Verbal; Physical; Financial ……..
I have found, so far that in order to even start healing, I need to remember all of the bad, so he will never be able to manipulate or force me in anything m, ever again.
I hope the best for you and anyone else who has had to live their lives as each of us did. That was just at part of my story and I’m assuming it’s the same with your comment as well.
Yes, please write a book and hopefully, it will get plenty of publicity and you can go on a talk show. People need to know what to look out for and that this is never right. I think with the rise of BDSM now, abuse can be normalised and women, in particular, pressurised to go along with it. If it feels wrong, it is wrong!
Dr. Grande, I’ve been listening to your advice and information for 2 years. Thank you for the reality check.
how bout always touching all the tine...want to talk they will listen if you let them feel you up if you don't they don't want to listen and even get mad or irritated... you want a hug they feel around. they come to give you a hug and their hands roam...
😒Yes I hate that!
I totally understand ! You get no affection , they only come near you for one thing , you can't get near them because you just know how they think.
That's a dirty dog!
Yep ...got really annoying!
yes
only viewed as a sexual object
Yes! I dated a guy for about 2 years who was like this, and worse....he would actually seem to become....angry and very aggressive, and if I let him know for even one second that he was really hurting me? Well, he'd really go crazy and try to make SURE it really hurt me that much more, so yeah, sexual sadism as well in my case. On top of all of that, there was the complete and total selfishness, so I was almost always left hanging and unsatisfied. I said something one day about how I really didn't like the angry-feeling sex, but that even more, I wished he'd be more attentive to my needs as well as his own, and he said to me, point blank, "It's all about me, there's never going to be any regard for you, so you need to keep up with me so you can take care of yourself at the same time I'm finishing up, then this won't keep happening." Needless to say, I ended the relationship immediately after hearing that. What a selfish asshole, and there doesn't seem to be any shortage of these selfish jerks, either.
The channel Dr. Todd Grande has gotten pretty good at topics discussed. This video was nice in a way as far as a bit more visual. Interesting topic because it's not a typical topic discussed, refreshing video. I prophesied to a fellow RUclipsr recently I see this channel growing in views, likes and style as good as Live Abuse Free channel. Well I didn't really say that until now, but I would have given the chance! Nice video.
10 out of 10. Great information. The risks of having them in your life can be devastating.
I knew a narc once, and he was always searching for more. He couldn't get enough, always pushed the envelope, especially with sex. I told him my observation, he agreed with me saying he was 'like a lion hunting for more meat.' Those were his words.
What a creep. Sorry you had to go thru that.
They know exactly what they are doing!
The Narcissist wt his channel Ultra, said that the Narcissists are Hyper sexual and their sexuality are fluid ‼️It was in his video Is The Narcissist Gay❓
I remember that a Narcissist have told his partner that he have sex wt others, to steal their energy ‼️Narcissists are known for draining others energy‼️
Freak sickos. Terrible
I've learned more from you than I have any other mental health provider I've seen in person and have had to pay for their service no less. What a shame on today's mental health field that is. Thank you so much for providing the public with free, easy to learn, informative mental health/psychological topics.
Yes, I can't tell how many times people told me that sexual pleasure is not possible in a committed, long-term relationship. And I am more thinking "nope, you just may have an attachment problem :)" but don't say it out loud.
My ex-husband to a T... Sexual narcissism has got to be the biggest indicator of narcissistic tendency as it's all about the highest gratification of an individual whilst using the partner selfishly like a toilet for your own desires... no-one falls in love with their toilet bowl do they? And they certainly don't feel anything for the paper they just used and flushed away right?
And it's got to be one of the most damaging things for women to endure... it destroys both them and their love and respect for both their partner and the relationship.
Sex for women is about being vulnerable to their partner and accepting and taking another into your own body. Men are simply going into another, but women must accept them into their own...
Yeah...my ex compared sex to using the toilet.
I told him I am NOT a toilet.
Made him angry 🤣
leighatkins22 Interesting you bring up toilet. I have a friend diagnosed with narcissism and he likes sexual acts with women and toilets. Super demeaning and awful. I can’t believe he finds women to go along with his degrading acts.
@@egrace3738 Ugh... wtf is wrong with them?
Obviously they live in loss and therefore pain coz sex is so beautiful when it is "done" as it was meant to be
You think this only happens to women? I think women are muvh more likely to be narcissists. Especially sexual ones. You're so entitled and self-absorbed. You paint yourselves as victims and the whole world panders to you.
TFrills i believe some woman use it as a weapon and a tact to get what they want they can hurt a man just as much i believe it goes both ways for these ugly people
Thank you, Dr. Grande, for helping me gain a much better understanding of this subject.
Cheryle Lancaster,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist.....
Very informative. Thank you for this great video. I am sad because my ex has all these signs. He likes to get phone numbers of other women and is being open about going out with them. He says he can do what he wants. I had to leave the relationship because it’s making me sick. Also want to mention he is aggressive in the beginning of the relationship and feels entitled and does not read into my repugnance for his behavior. He says whenever I want to _____ him
To just let him know. And he was so casual about it. I wad shocked. He was actually scary from the first time we went out. My heart kept beating hard. I knew I am a target. I am at the other end of the spectrum. am an empath codependent
Stay away from this evil
If anything, emotional attachment and intimacy enhances sexual gratification. Just goes to show how warped these peoples minds are and how ultimately broken they are emotionally. It's quite sad but also difficult to feel sorry for such an objectively bad and selfish person.
Great video Doctor. PLENTY to think about now.
Truly a very sick disorder...thank you Dr. Grande🙏
Why does grande love this comment. seems supportive of ableism and demonizing. Shame on you both for judging those who suffer it
Disorder.... very well said .... as I believe it’s an attitude problem and not a mental illness!!!!
@The Empress I genuinelly feel bad for whatever you've been through.
@The Empress no problem . Be safe please.
@@dissycarrier3439 We are a lot who have educated ourselvs in the topic Narcissisism for a long time, and has been heavily abused by Narcissists, as children and adults‼️Narcissists are Personality Disordered individuals, who are evil and abusive, to keep up their false narrative and self ‼️Narcissists want's to control, destroy and dim another humans light ‼️So stop taking us down, for expressing us freely about Narcissism, we are angry and hurt, after being tricked and abused by those evil Narcissists ‼️
How can self reporting yield any accuracy with suspected narcissism? They spin everything to suit.
This is true for most addicts, but like most addicts they have to want to stop, be honest with themselves and others, be accountable and seek help or they aren't going to improve. Loved ones can't want it more than they do :-(
@@AliValentine143 Yeah... but narcissism doesn't work like that, it's more than just an addiction, it's a personality disorder that set in during very early development, there's structural abnormalities in their brains, most addictions are acquired well after the brain has developed. Narcissists are pathological liars in denial, so yeah, it seems like a flawed study. Loved ones can want it more than they do... and usually do.
I was wondering this too. I sent my ex a narcissism test once and he scored a 0 out of 100... I don't think they'd rat themselves out that easily.
Thank you for this informative video. Thanks to my ex I’m turned off even thinking about a future partner and sex! Totally ruined it for me!
Same here. I totally understand.
Same here. Feel like I'll never want another one.
withholding orgasm, manipulation, there is no connection in emotional love and sex- these are all true and so related to young men who have been abused as children
It’s interesting how much an individual can change throughout their lives. In my early 20s, I had all of these traits. 20 years later, I have none of them… although I can quickly identify them in others.
What made you change?
experience and maturity. I believe these traits in me came from having a low self esteem. sexual prowess was a compensation for this. I no longer struggle with self esteem. I also have seen the cause and effect of this kind of behavior… it also may have arisen from being raised in a very sexually repressed environment.
I look at sex in a completely different light now.
Yes. Dr. Grande one reason I left my narcissist was that I always was on top. I have a curved spine and so I suffered physical pain every time we did it. And he had little to no compassion. He waited until I left him to trim down so he could be on top. I never want to see him again.
The classification of the different labels and clinical names are important in trying to sort this all out and to get a scientific grip on things. But we have to keep in mind that all of the attempts to categorize personality and mental illness types are just approximations and not set in concrete. These are efforts to understand the differences between the many mental states and personalities. I have also seen numerous professors and psychologists in my life of 54 years and I have seen Many :0( for various reasons :0) who use stagnant categories in order to dismiss a caring person as deviant or even criminal and their own behavior as professional when they themselves were actually deviant and criminal psychologically hurting their students, clients or co workers. We have to be cautious and not so easily taken up with school book classifications and labels. Questioning things is always the number one practice involved with learning. (This is my message to the world as an activist).
Well said & good to remember
We are many who have educated ourselvs on the topic Narcissisism for a long time, we then have a lot of knowlegde about it, and can spot a Narcissist about his behavior against a partner, they all do almost the same to a partner‼️They have a false narrative and self, they abuse others to regulate that, Narcissists have a lot of addictions: Alcohol or Drugs, obsession with a target they are Stalking, Porn‼️
@@tovenrvik6336 You're have no degrees. You know nothing.
@@Notmei9494 "You're" don't seem to have a degree either judging by your comments under this post lol. You come off like an angery narcissist, you need to relax, Angerwaffles!
Knowledge can be obtained without academic process, it just means you can't (and shouldn't be able to) practice as a psychologist.
Oh my. This is the first time I’ve come by a diagnosis for this, this matches my ex husband to a T. He has many many narcissistic traits, but just never heard of the sexual side of it, never seemed to be picked up on by therapists I went to, to seek answers and healing from being married and having children with someone like this! His favourite thing to say was “ you can’t rape someone you are married to, it’s your duty “, and that says it all!
Yep! My husband thinks this way
I think my husband is a vulnerable Narcissism, but add what I called failed Narcissism, He is an unhappy depressed 51-year-old man, a 340-pound man, with no front teeth and a bald, small beard. how I know he has narcissistic tendencies is that I always felt my twin sister and my husband treated me the same way and I had a person who knew my twin sister tell me and not in a therapy situation, because I just met her, and happen to be a therapist if my twin was narcissistic because she asked me if I was and after we had some serious issues between my twin and me. I know I am empathetic( I get physical goosebumps when I see for example a son coming back from the army to surprise his mom) So when she was confirmed I realized that was the issue with my husband. The classic example is, to my husband, please don't slam that door in my face, it scares me and I don't like it,. His response, why do you always come to me, you don't like anything I do, I am terrible again you always think the worse of me, you are always on my case. And of course the fact the door was slammed is never acknowledged and only what I say he reacts. So to the sexual part, you are talking about. Yes, I know of a friend who has that kind of sexual narcissism you are mentioning, but is this another type? He did have an emotional affair early in the marriage where he confiding to another woman, but that was when we were still OK in the bedroom. by year 7, he informed me, it was too hard for him. Too hard of what? Oh to make sure I was fully pleasured or even got pleasured. So then when he was in his 30's (we have been married 27 years) he was his strongest, best health, had a job that social was gratifying for him, (he was garbage truck driving and the customers liked him) he would then come home and criticized me all the time and put me down and I had small children at that time and I was probably still in the "if only kept the house more cleaned mode". He would be happy. Then the bedroom started to be hard. Even though we were not sharing a room by that time (.two years after moving to our now current house (Year 8 of marriage) Richard moved to sleep down in the basement in what room I called a family room and eventually moved to that room because he was a light sleeper and said he needed sleep. At first, was a horrifying thing that is not how marriage goes, but then I put in a purple flower border got bedding I liked and realized it is great to have your own room.) I had no desire to be with him because he did not care about my needs, (he also never came to my room and would want me to go to his dungeon of a room)but felt horribly guilty for not meeting his needs and for 15 years serviced him. Yes, he got hand jobs and other jobs, but nothing for me. He would be guilting me and then I give in and then the very second it was done guilt me again about the next time. In time, it would be once a week, then once a month, then a few months Well, you can guess what happened after years. He stopped criticizing me aggressively as he got bigger and felt less strong and changed jobs that were not social so no strokes from it. So that is when the failed narcissism really kicked in. and I am becoming a more woke-up codependent. , Yes, we live like roommates and served him occasionally. So after 15 years of serving him, Rage came in, , because I realized I felt I was being a prostitute with sex with him, because it was all about him and nothing for me. and now it has been 5 years since I have done anything with him, but a year ago my rage was gone, my faith helped me with that, I did put things back to his hands, I now have menopause, so I bought a gel and said he and I can get together anything but I will not use my hand or m on him anymore. it would have to be the regular way. Well, he has never tried. It has only been 3 years that I was able to name his issue. I knew he was very selfish, but didn't realize about the other kind of narcissism and thought grandiose was the only type. I have known I am a co-dependent for much longer and have been working on it. I now really don't define myself by what he thinks, or my twin thinks, My self is defined by what I know about myself and God. My faith has helped me a lot. I don't need to please others to make myself feel good. If I am kind or treat someone well, it is because of my love, but don't need them to stroke me back. because I do it for God, not to just please others to make myself feel good by how they think of me. I am authentic with people and tell them what I really think or what I really feel. I learned to not argue but to say, OK, so the sister or hubby doesn't get triggered. My sexual need is taken care of for myself. I never had an affair. My husband is very depressed at times though. I however find joy in my job and in life and I think it is because of my faith and that naturally, I am able to let things go and stay in the moment and enjoy music and life. I don't compare my marriage to other marriages nor my life to other people's lives. We don't have a big or anything but I am content with what God's provided. and find that life is not what others make it, but what I want it to be and I can find joy in that and let the other people still be in my life but I set boundaries now. So I wonder if what I experienced happens often.
Nellie Deblois,You deserves better 🙏
Im 3 weeks out of a 19 year relationship, 16 of which were married. He could be the picture definition of "sexual narcissism". All the narcissistic traits, and these sexual manipulation and ughhh just yes this is letting me know and reassuring me, I was gaslighted. I am not crazy, I am ok. Thank you!!!
So happy you are out! In process of doing same after 18 years, after realizing earlier this year who I was really in a relationship with
Dr. Ramoni has excellent utubes that I found very helpful.
How r u today?
Ppl get ptsd after narcisstic abuse, bcs it is so stressful ‼️Others even get Fatique, that's an total burn out ‼️I feel joy every time a person writes they have come out of a partnership wt a Narcissist, no one deserve to be abused‼️💎👍Starseed Heyoka, Europe
This explains my first husband and gave me so many insights and answers to questions I’ve had for years.
Been there and married that. I called him a serial cheater ( and liar and void of a soul) I can tell you from experience it was much more painful for the partner of the sexual narcissist than the sexual narcissist They don't actually feel Is bad about anything
D'Anna Bates,You are absolutely gorgeous,you don't need a narcissist in your life....
So evil my God
My ex, a sexual narcissist, walked with a swagger and rubbed his chest :) He roamed everywhere for sex trying to feel intimate with someone. That's pretty pathetic.
A lot of this is about people, couples, dates,etc not getting along in the long run largely due to different levels of sexual desire. They have to find out over time the mismatch. One of them may have a greater libido and narcissism as well and not respect the mate’s feelings. For what it’s worth.
Funny NOBODY! Thought About SOME Are In The CLOSET/ Living A LIE.
@maitrayee upadhyay what does “arnab fucked me up” mean? You watched the movie “Joker”? Anyway, sorry this happened. When people encounter sexual intercourse for the first time they are often either surprised or disappointed.
✨Thank you Dr. Grande!✨ OMG yes, a sexual narcissist will also try to control their partner’s sexuality and literally deny them their own thoughts by doing things like whispering in their ear the whole time. Maddening!👹 There’s more but too much to discuss on RUclips. I have always wondered what that whole horrible mess w my ex was about. I figured out he is a narcissist but always thought there must be more to the story. Happy to say I am free and have been for about 12 years now and fortunately not too many people seem to be falling for the ex’s disturbing predilections as far as I can tell!
Thank you. So informative and helps me understand certain people better!
Sexual narcissism descriptions is spot on! I met this person!
I have extremely deep seated issues of hatred to work through. This includes both parents and my ex. Just discovering the back stories of these 3 would drive most people crazy. Factor in extreme mental illness due to chronic use of drugs and porn and I marvel that I am still here. Things are improving slowly but surely. I am so thankful that I did not kill my ex, though I really pray that God would lock them away in a different universe. I have to admit that I am a terrible mess right now. But there is hope in Jesus, not in the demons or the humans, who are even more monstrous! Praise be to God!
There is hope in the cleansing power of Jesus! Do not empower any1 to hurt u twice!! Take back control 1 decision at a time !! God bless and keep you!! You will overcome this
Amen 🙏..
JESUS is our only HOPE for recovery.
Stay focused on Him. 🌹
Robert you are healed!
He was...absolutely jands down thee beat sex ive ever had. And later i realized, he has had SO much more practice, even more than probably any average sex addict, and so he had really gotten his skills to a perfect T. And for us, for ME, our sex WAS very much a huge "love" factor. It made us clos3 and feel "love" (it really wasnt) but our sex was insanely special and the hardest parr for me to let go
All my personal experience with NPDs jives with your work as a scientist. I'm grateful that you have all their behaviors corralled and bundled up. This Sexual Narcissist video is spot-on, just when I thought I had an original experience. My 6 yr experience with a NPD who used sex as his "hook" (kinky sex) was unique. He was an erotomaniac and addicted. He avoided the word "love" and hated "cuddling". He was emotionless except for periods of rage. For your records, Dr. Grande, he was introduced to sex at age 12-13 by the father of one of his friends who performed fellatio on him and
"paid" him for the act. Though he obviously enjoyed it immensely, I believe this was also the narcissistic wound, or one of them. He was extremely good at sex and terrible at "love".
Thanks for your work. He is a lost soul wandering from partner to partner, or "fix" to "fix".
Always an amazing presentation of facts
I remember my ex using sex as a way to hurt me, control me and or degrade me. It was horrible. He was horrible... I wonder what made him so fucked up in the head like that.
I know a person and quickly realized that this person is a narcissist. After a while I was almost convinced that this person is also a nymphomaniac. But now after this recording, I'm keeping it up; sexual narcissist. So thank you Dr.T. Grande!
you may be surprised to hear that but i managed to lower my narcissistic nature to a minimum using NLP and empathy training and i have learned teachings of some spiritual teacher that took his concepts from the kabbalah. about Ego and the difference between good and bad etc to lower the judgment and get rid of this evaluation of people as objects and i just practiced for a yeas straight like a machine. empathy and self awareness, taking responsibility, spiritual philosophy and clearing all kinds of emotional triggers from childhood one by one and it works. i used to be probably close to sociopath or something because i looked at people as pray and planned how to conquer the world hhh. but today i'm kind of normal just my relationships with females are still kind of fucked up because i still fear rejection but with the practice it gets better.
why it is like that in the first place? is there a permanent cure? without the narcissism its like you were playing a game and got to level 50 and brought back to level 1 and you need to start your entire relationship with yourself from scratch. it is so strange.
I appreciated the insight of your analogy at the end -- starting over in your relationship with yourself. Since the way we learn to relate to others connects with how we relate to ourselves, it seems to me like your recognition of this new work is evidence (even to someone just reading online!) of change in your life. Keep working & Godspeed....
95 losa the problem is that if you’ll judge narcissism then it creates it in you. To release narcissistic traits you have to express empathy for the narc nature and understand why you shouldn’t act like that instead of judging it as bad because then it becomes a part of you’re “shadow”. Only empathy can heal it not judgement.
Well learning from a witch (kabbalah) is why you cannot overcome completely
J Brown maybe you can teach me? you sound very not witchy.
@@michaelsodovski if you know the difference then you already know the difference, up to you to decide
My ex Covert Narc wasn’t really interested in sex .. and always kept his clothes on during sex. He also had weird hang ups about either of us performing oral etc .. downright weird 😐
It sounds like he didn't have a healthy sexual confidence.
Could he have had aspergers? It can get confused for narcissism because of the low reciprocity, and they have sensory issues that sometimes make sex uncomfortable for them. I say that as someone who’s dating a guy with Asperger’s, and he finds the smells and sensations of sex a bit odd. He doesn’t want to do oral because it freaks him out. Great guy though! Lol
@J T lol 😂
Narcissists are weird, you can't expect something normal from those Personality Disordered creatures, who are evil and abusive, to keep up with their false narrative and self ‼️Those don't have empathy and they are not capable of love, they control others and no one can be happy wt them‼️💎
No one owes you sex.
I left my narcissistic husband in July 2020. He was a sex addict, cheated the whole 9 years with men, women, strangers, prostitutes, co workers, his patients (he was a nurse) and my own friends. Our sex life was horrible. He wanted it daily, but it was just about him. Fast. He would just lay there, he would blame it on his bad back. We rarely kissed. I can count with one hand the times he was responsible for my orgasm. I learned to handle business myself, or it would never happen. I was just another hole for him. It took me 9 years to see the truth. Waking up from this nightmare has caused a different kind of trauma. It’s been almost two years and I still trying to heal. It seems impossible. I want to be single and celibate forever. I won’t risk meeting another narcissist.
Hey dear i Can understand you totally i had only 4 sexual date with the narcissit and i run so evil
This is so educational. I have gained all this knowledge on different types of narcissism. Thanks for this video. ❤
I would like to hear you give a talk on the sexual issues with the vulnerable narcissist and how those differ from this
Same. My ex was a vulnerable narcissist. In my case he needed sex for validation, and the need was constant. He also ended up having sex with nearly all his friends and would keep bugging them for more. Also "regular" sex wasn't good enough; it needed to be like porn for him to feel satisfied.
@@meadowrae1491 they are so sick
Love the black background!!! Thanks for all the useful information you wit and proper use of language is refreshing in the RUclips space thank you
they can be highly extroverted always wanting to be with a certain group or type of people (mex w mex or hisp) but yet they are shy in the group but yet outgoing joking, helping, offering food help wanting in conversations yet quiet) always wanting to be with their kind of people or fam and never being home until late.
Great point. They covet specific group types and eventually migrate based on opportunity and supply. Latin, Black, Asian, Truckers, Food service , Bars, Restaurateurs, Teachers, Construction workers, Retail. They rely on the supply to boost ego and poor self esteem. They can't resist sharing and will GIVE THEMSELVES away by suddenly showing new interest and knowlege regarding these people and professions.
Oh yeh, they identify and pick up the traits of their new supply.
Thank you, Dr. Grande! This is very informative and helpful information. The clinical research you described is very important and the 25 question self administered instrument sounds very helpful. Keep up your great work!
TOTALLY DESCRIBES MY EX. GRANDIOSE, CONTROLLING, SEXUALLY ENTITLED, NEED FOR MULTIPLE GIRLFRIENDS, HYPERSENSITIVE, OVVERLY ANGRY WHEN QUESTIONED ABOUT HIS WHEREABOUTS OR HIS COMPANIONS IN ALIGNMENT WITH WHERE HE WAS? HE WOULD GO OFF ON SKI TRIPS, PARTIES, ETC. NEVER SAY WHEN HE WAS COMNG HOME. i WAS NEVER INVITED TO ANYTHING. ANY QUESTIONING ABOUT HIS FRIENDS, WHEREABOUTS, EVERYTHING CAUSED HIM TO GET ANGRY, NASTY AND MORE AND HE SLEPT WITH ANY WOMAN WHO WOULD AGREE TO IT! I LEFT HIM.
This has been the most valuable and useful video yet!!! Thank you for this very valuable input. I have been separated from my so-called wife now ex-wife since February 20 of this year 2021 and since February 27 I have been getting voicemails of her having sex with her new narc supply. She knows that I have been wondering and driving myself crazy of the unknown reason of why she would just leave and this was her way of showing me why she left. She is showing me that she is now sexually satisfied and sexual satisfaction is the reason why she left me and also it comes to find out just a month before she left she got pregnant while I’m at work she invited the guy into my bed and said it’s mine but it’s clearly not.
Block her issue a restraining order if she continues...I know it's been 6 months but I hope you're doing alright
Yuck! Run fast Buddy!
RUN & don’t ever look back -Block her from contacting you
Thank you for these videos. It helps so much when i cant publically seek help as i make a plan to end all this bs
If it's difficult for you to leave, or you are treatened, I recommend you to contact an Psychologist to help you to leave, it can be your support and witness ‼️I heard about a woman who left his Narcissist, by saying she was going to the grocerie, and she never went back ‼️💎👍
A lot of this sounds like my husband of 41 years. Before we got together, his sexual partners numbered well over a hundred. He repeatedly said if we married, he didn't know if he could be faithful and hoped I "wouldn't throw it all away" if he cheated.
For some years we had a really good sex life, BUT, very quickly he wanted me to use porn and I just wasn't into it. I was only 24 and had never even seen porn before!
He needed porn before and after sex with me. A
s the years went on, he became bored with me and his internet porn use took up at least four hours a day. He didn't even hide it from me. One day I passed and saw a pop up on his computer that said "She's only eleven!..click here!" and I lost my fucking mind. I was terrified I had married a pedophile.
By now he had some mild dementia, being 14 years older, but I told him he either went to therapy, or he could forget about me. He of course said it was all my fault because I wouldn't have sex often enough and wasn't adventurous and our sex had "never been that good anyway". Fucker. In the beginning he raved about my passion, but apparently forgot that part.
Meanwhile the reason I wanted less and less sex was because of the porn, it made him less and less attractive to me and I felt like just something he used to enhance his porn experience, not the other way around. When the local video store closed, he bought the entire porn inventory ,which was delivered to my home in cartons, to my eternal mortification.
He went to therapy a few times. I stayed because I really loved the man and there were other aspects of our union that were good..
He died two years ago and I recently found his notes from therapy. There was nothing in them about what porn use did to me, but a lot about how he was rebelling against his mother and had been neglected as a child and so he needed this to self soothe. I wasn't even in those notes, it was all about him.
Very interesting and helpful to better understand and heal from what the hell I went through with my Ex. Thank you and I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
HeavyMetalPedal - you’re not alone, going through it now - good grief what a shit show the truth can be
Hell is an inderatdment!!! Rage rage rage!!! I don’t even want to look at him! I’m happier now but if he starts his bs let’s just say he best be moving on and leave me the f alone!
Who else is hearing Dennis Reynolds in their head, screaming about being a Five Star Man!
Wow! This explains my ex! I broke up with him because of these qualities 😑
Suzanne Brady,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
Smart!! They destroy your life and their children!
How did u leave? In my situation the intimacy is robotic monotone and one sided so about him only.
@@unapologeticallyexoticalElla Narcissists are Personality Disordered, they abuse others to regulate their false narrative and self ‼️Narcissists don't have empathy, so they can't really connect wt others, bcs of that they don't do love ‼️They also use sex to control their partner, everything is about control, winning and themselvs ‼️
@@unapologeticallyexoticalElla Just leave‼️If you feel stucked and are without energy, or getting treatened, I will recommend you to contact an Psychologist, this person can be your support and witness‼️Ppl get Ptsd after Narcisstic abuse, bcs the situasion are so stressful ‼️Others even get Fatique, that's an total burn out ‼️I heard about a woman who left his Narcissist, by saying she went to the grocerie, and she never went back‼️
My Narc was Covert. He had many characteristics of the Overt Narcissist in terms of Grandiosity, magical thinking and the like. He frequently found complying women on the net. I believe Covert Narcissists are fearful of strong women and are fearful of all forms of intimacy.
That said, I believe most men are fearful of strong women and that there is much misogyny in north America. Human relationships are SO complicated...I'm beginning to think that good friends is the answer
to a satisfying life with slashes of happiness randomly experienced.
If you could get into an average man's skin and tag along for a month, you'll understand where misogyny comes from. It doesn't simply come out of nowhere.
Taras Wertelecki neither did feminism honey...neither did feminism.
Misogyny existed long before though. Look at history and please not through some myopic propaganda riddled lens...but imagining you’re a woman and what you were expected to do and be & minimal freedom. Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t be pushing at the door of the birdcage the minute you thought you’d be free... you would.
@@Alphacentauri819 that term mysongony is a moder femanist construct
U sound like a femanist narc🤷♂️ tbh
M honey, you have the intellect of an earthworm.
Not only did you misspell 4 words, in 2 simple sentences...but, you targeted me for the word misogyny (which you misspelled), when the original commenter, and the first reply to that, all used the word misogyny. My comment wasn’t the first with it. 🙄
Do you know about projection? That is a subconscious tactic taken to defend one’s ego, projecting one’s one issues on another. Is that what’s happening? Not sure you could even answer, as your awareness appear to be nil.
It’s not narcissistic for a person to dislike being demonized or to fight against being controlled.
It sounds like you need review basic psych pathology before engaging in a debate....especially when I happen to be a medical professional, with a strong mental health background.
If you are getting most of your info about women on MGTOW sites, just know that you are parroting some things that are beyond your comprehension. Many are blatantly false. I would guess it’s likely you’re an incel as well. My interactions with incels, indicates high rates of narcissism (funny enough), psychopathy, sociopathy and ASD. I would bet a pretty penny you’re affected by one or more of those issues. Get help. And get off of RUclips comments section. You’re out of your league.
Bye now. I’m not engaging beyond this. It would be a profound waste of time. Much like trying to teach a 2 year old physics or calculus.
I remember asking him does he have an emotional attachment when it comes to sex. He told me he doesn’t. Real eye opener. He also was addicted to porn. Told him it was very unhealthy