Its narcissistic Abuse!Its all about they wanna appear to look better than you!They want people to believe the deception that they are greater and more intelligent and clever than you,they are somehow above whilst your seen to be a nobody struggling at the bottom of the ladder!Even when confronted with your Greatness and wisdom and intellect and Talents ect they do not want to acknowledge your TRUE WORTH!
it's tricky too because the NPD will say you are "disrespecting me!" when you go NC....when all conversation, discussion or attempt to communicate has fallen apart & nothing will move the meter on healthy relationship; what then? NC isn't necessarily "disrespect" when it's a NPD you are cutting off. No communication IS THE COMMUNICATION!
@wendymiesowitz1897 I never heard that quote before. That quote is important to me and something to carry and to go by in life. Thank you Wendy! 👌✌️👍 I love that quote!
A person who has the courage to instantly put closure on any relationship that shows them disrespect is a person with the highest self-esteem in the room.
@@noorgonzalez1076That, like all Bible passages, is true and wonderful. However, how does that relate to what purezafleming876 commented about? What connection to that am I missing?
Absolutely, it was 5 minutes after I said I do, Crying I couldn't see the marriage certificate I got punched in front of everyone even the priest, then I had 10 years of torture
Majority of trauma is toxic family members who have always been disrespectful toward us, but we continue to cling onto them as our mental health continues to decline. It takes courage to completely cut them out, but amazing how our mental health instantly improves. Clinging onto a toxic parent who has never respected you is a slow poisoning.
When he said that "disrespect catches you off guard." That spells out exactly what I've encountered in the past. There is no defense against the stealth and the passive aggressive behavior that is unpredictable.
Exactly, it's like a veil has been lifted on their true character when they suddenly dig into your self esteem on front of others. So revealing of their petty personality it made me blush for them. The solution is not anger or disappointment, but quiet dignity. Unbalanced communications are not healthy to keep on continuing.
It’s difficult when the disrespect comes from a good friend you’ve trusted for many years. This friend had experienced immense grief from a sibling’s suicide years ago, which I deeply empathized with. I struggled to accept the disrespect because I rationalized their pain as a reasonable explanation for clouding their judgment, which in turn led to them disrespecting me. It’s hard to let go of someone when you know they’re hurting, too.
I know those feelings, when it's your children that's really painful. I have to say though this video has helped me I hope it has you - even if just in part 👍🏼
That’s usually the language of narcissists who refuse to accept accountability for the fact they hurt their children but want to pretend doing the legal bare minimum justifies shitty behaviour from mentally stunted parents.
Great word - Disrespect is not about you, it is about them - walk away, it is the end of the road. Close the door on someone who does not value you because they don't value themselves. People can not give something that they don't have for themselves. Some people act like they respect you for years and then suddenly the disrespect appears and you have to end the relationship. I think the disrespect was always there but was well hidden but they couldn't hide it anymore.
If people only knew the happiness and superpower of walking away from disrespectful people who are in their life. I'm convinced that the vast majority of mental illness stems from a person who keeps toxic people in their life, especially family members who have never shown them respect. And no, family is not thicker than blood. Your self-preservation should be your first priority.
That saying actually originated from the saying “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb" which is suggesting that the family that we make is more valuable than the one we are given .. :)
Often, “family members” are the most toxic and abusive people you will ever meet. When you experience healthy, normal relationships, you see just how dysfunctional your “family members” are.
@ sadly for most who grown up in toxic families is all they know in having dysfunctional relationships and are uncomfortable being in a healthy relationship.
@@Jesusisking235 yep we are drawn to what feels familiar to us. Most of us are from very toxic and damaged environments. Breaking these cycles is hard man.
After 5 years of friendship and relying on my regular help, saving her life possibly 3 times, my "best friend" showed her extremely disrespectful side to me. Exactly as described here. An empathic, caring, sensitive , lovely woman turned into a manipulative, cruel gasligther. Yet, I learned my life lessons from my past. This time, I was wise enough to see a closure in it. Her extreme emotional cruelty, when she literally told me, that I cannot count on her help, because her life is great now, so she doesn't want to burden herself with talk with me, was shocking. She tried to convince me I am needy (after it was her who had this attitude), that I am pathetic... full-blown projection & gaslighting. The ultimate betrayal. Thanks God I know enough about narcissism to know, that I got the closure I needed. So I could do what's right and cut this woman off my life. I realized that this person showed that she needed my services and convenience, not my friendship. She decided to show me how much she disrespects who I am. Sooner or later she will need, yet again, a person to "save her" from the problems she creates. It won't be me. My dignity is non-negotiable. I was sooooo kind , accomodating, helpful and friendly, and it was not good enough. Well, if that's not good enough to her, then she's not good enough to me.
Sorry but her response is likely more trauma one. Please don't buy into a lot of the nonsense rhetoric on social media. She likely still adores you really but needed space to grow after her experiences.
She was never an empathetic, caring and sensitive person. She didn't change from that into something else. She was never those things to begin with. Rather, masterfully pretended to be the person you wanted and needed until you loved her. Then she received the green light to drop the act and simply be herself, however cruel and frightening that may be.
Met and married half a century ago. Marriage ended in unwanted divorce after 15 years - but marriage goes on until you take your last breath if there are children. I smile when I remember that I saw the potential and saw his insecurities as something that I could help him with. Literally the day we got married our marriage was over but I hung in there for 15 years. Four adult children later I have no regrets. Never Remarried. Big Amazing Family. Nurse. Mental Health is my expertise! 😔🙏💥 LOVE your insights! Thank you!
Can you pay back all the money your parents spent on you at least send them a check for everything they did, add up all the years and diapers and time they wasted on you.
@@hope5443 read the story called The boy called it and then get back with me. And don't forget to send a thank you note with that money you owe your parents
I feel your pain, Cheryl. My adult daughter's father just passed away and they were very close. Since his passing, it seems to have given my daughter a "free pass" to take her anger out on me. I went into "fix the problem" mode just to realize my daughter has never respected me. Her actions have proven me right, sadly, and I am trying to let go, but it's hard.
@@rhodaswann3690 I have released this brokenness to the Lord. He is my source of joy and peace. Satan has had success in destroying families. Keep your courage and hope
I wish we could discontinue the use of the word "adult" when speaking of our own children. There's been an attack on family -this thing about 18 years old - your child is always your child. Take out the word adult. What would you do differently if she was a toddler? or an infant? infants are narcissistic. they don't give 2 fucks about you or your needs or showing any kind of respect. somethings broken there that was never developed. it's like damn that girl won't stop screaming and crying she's so abusive I can't do anything right? 🤷♂️ fix it. please. 🙏 💋 Loving Kindness Blessing.
Omg! I was laying in bed trying to sleep last night, regurgitating my "poor relationships" ad infinitum WONDERING why my offering as a human of kindness, generosity, fairness, respect, love, acceptance and many other positive behaviors I thought meant love constantly and I mean constantly, have been met with disrespect, being used, unloved, manipulated, sexually exploited, drained financially dry, abandoned and abused. THIS podcast right here has the answer. It's not just about respect though. It's also about the betrayal we endure when loving another person meets with so much selfishness. It's so nice to finally have the answers I've wondered about for over 50 years. Thank you!
This video is 100% spot on. If you choose to remain in a relationship where disrespect is at its core then over time you will accumulatively be eroding your own soul. Whenever people decide to throw stones then hide their hand, clearly there is no psychological, emotional, physical or spiritual safety. Under those circumstances the only loving act left is to simply walk away and save yourself from further harm. Then heal and rebuild.
This is a diamond. Cuts to the bone without remorse. Took me a lifetime to understand that I wasn't the problem to be solved and they didn't deserve my attention. Self belief is what fires the passion for achievement. In your eyes not theirs.
Well explained.I fell into 3yrs of depression because of a blantently disrespectful , I'd say narcissistic person.But I'm thankful to have found healing and have accepted the truth of it all.I will never give anyone that power over me again
I was headed in that direction myself but I prayed for God to take the pain away and thankfully He did. I was headed down a bad path if not for that. It still hurts but it’s not that palpable, physical pain in my body anymore and He helped me to accept it. I never felt pain like that before in my life and am grateful for His healing.
@@anthonyhart9400Jordan said he asked chatGTP to write a 1page essay on something in the style of Jordan b Peterson and he honestly could not tell he didn't write it if he didn't know . but this isn't anything I've heard him actually say he doesn't speak like this. I have heard similar sounding videos in generic ai voices but they're not this powerful.
Feeling very down this morning but found this my god this has grounded me thank you thank you thank you .head held high now early days but thank God I found this .
I kept hoping my daughter would valuet me as a good person. But her rants get worse and worse.dredging up my sins and failures.😑 50 years is enough! Thank you doctor🙏🏾✨
hoping your child will give you valuation ? her rants? if you have so many sins and failures you dismiss as rants like you're the victim how can you expect to be valued as a good person? person, not mother. u could be putting way too much on her shoulders unrealistic expectations. do you consider her a good person ? do you value her? are her words valuable to you , her feelings? her needs? unmet needs? stop expecting her to provide for you to fulfill your unmet needs and think about hearing and valuing her unmet needs and try meeting them- to her satisfaction, rather than your idea of what should be. true pathway to peace . it isn't dredging up past mistakes, it's ignored or neglected things u never did anything about , they don't go away. please 🙏
The devil is using them to do that. You don't deserve that. I'm glad you won't let that happen anymore. Above all things your daughter wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you. She should be kissing your feet and bringing you roses.
I've listened to this 3x in two days. I'll be listening again, but will sit down and take notes as I do. This has helped me more than you'll ever know.
Painful hard truth and I got my closure today from someone I cared for, for over 2 years. Sadly it never blossomed during that time. But I needed the truth to finally have closure and relief to get over this person and start healing by letting go.
A person who has the courage to instantly put closure on any relationship that shows them disrespect is a person with the highest self-esteem in the room.
I kept chasing my daughter for the past 14 years and that included driving past her house. I even paid her phone bill and she never thanked me. In fact she blocked me. She's also smoked meth for the last 14 years. And her boyfriends have been abusive to her and me. And she stays right with anybody that's abusive to me. When I've shown up at our house she's what do you want! I didn't know where she was because she has a new boyfriend and staying somewhere and I went to her job and she was angry that I went to her job. When are friends go to her job she smiles and is happy. This video says it better than I can. No more driving by time to move on, even if it's minute by minute hour by hour and I have to resist the urge to contact her.
I know right? It's funny, I gave myself a pep talk the other night, and one thing I said is "You're holding on to a corpse." That put it in perspective.
I have experienced this situation with my adult daughter and I've never heard it put so clearly. Disrespect is the ultimate form of telling someone the relationship is over. No more expecting apologies or reasons/excuses. I feel I've been set free from my prison with my daughter.
off the hook? Did u ever give what you expect to be given? Stop expecting apologies assuming you deserve or have earned it. Stop putting so much unrealistic, unreasonable expectations on your child to fulfill your own unmet needs. That's not their job nor responsibility, it is and was yours to meet her needs. Provide her with respect, validation, make her feel valued and heard and actually listen to HER satisfaction, not what you believe should be.
You brought your daughter into this world she should be thanking you and showing you honor and respect bringing you roses and then kissing your feet literally. Your daughter wouldn't even have a life if it wasn't for you. Your daughter needs to take a stock in her own sins. One of these days she's going to want forgiveness and she's not going to get it. Let that little b**** go. She doesn't deserve a mother.
I ended my marriage over the things said in this video. She cheated and I forgave her because we had small children but her other patterns of disrespect continued for years until a tsunami of emotions came over me and I called her and ended it. This video told me something I never considered and now I have my closure
Thank you for articulating exactly what I felt in that toxic relationship. I know with certainty that his actions were his choice, and I was not the problem. I look now and feel nothing but disgust for what he did and what he is. I can't unsee or unheard how he behaved, and happily it's not my job to fix what he broke. The problem is narcissism cannot be cured - Prof. Sam Vaknin makes this abundantly clear. I find peace in this.
I could write a book about this issue and my level of tolerance and patience, hoping that they will be awakened to enough consciousness to turn around. But the scars on the soul are permanent, while we live with the memories of our hopes and dreams turned into ashes. 🙏
Now, this is the video of videos! So, on point. I've finally walked away from toxic people. I now have peace, and I'm finding a new normal. Peace and dignity are my first priorities.
It's hard, isn't it? In my case, the disrespect was coming from my adult daughter and let me tell you, it was hard to finally admit I needed to cut ties so that I can be happy.
I tolerated disrespect from a family member several times in the past, and I’ve always accepted the apology. But it became a pattern, and the last time was the LAST time. I choose to live the rest of my life in peace. No more drama. 😊
That depends on who the person they're closing the door on. If it's just a friend or an acquaintance... But if it's somebody that put decades of love into your life in took care of you that's another thing, and there's nothing dignified about that move at all.
@@earthwisdomhelps I'm speaking from my own experience. I just closed that door, myself. I refuse to let him disrespect me perpetually just to have a "relationship." Much love ❤️
@@HeavenleeBlue-h9q yeah that's so called friend or lover... It's good to get out of an abusive surrounding. I've moved from neighbors because of that. Very disrespectful and abusive. Sadly there's a lot of sick nasty people in this world. Much love to you too.
@maggiecalos4101 it sure does . I've been kinda the black sheep Pretty much my whole life but this was different. I came home to be close to family and my kids. While I scrap it out with cancer .I've made it a year so far and doctors didn't think I'd make it 6 months I was in the hospital this time last year. Spent my birthday and Christmas in there got out 2 days after Christmas..if I would have known I'd be treated the way I have I wouldn't have come to see family .I would have spent this time with just my kids .it's been nothing but fighting and hateful towards me since I got here . Very bad decision on my part .soon as I feel a lil better I'm headed back to the mountains in colorado.i left heaven for hell .and I ain't dieing in hell . These hyenas aren't getting nothing more from me . But my back side as I leave.ill love them from afar as I always have ..
@davidlarner3025: I get that and can relate completely about being the black sheep of my own family. But I now wear that as a badge because of their disrespect for no good reason. It doesn't matter anymore what they think of me! And congratulations 🎉 for passing your milestone of living beyond 6 months with cancer! Keep up the good fight! You can beat it! I will pray 🙏 that you do!!
@davidlarner3025. Me three, David. Black sheep of my childhood family and after moving cross country to be nearer to my adult son he's treated me this way. Racking my brain trying to figure out what happened and this vid explains it to a tee. I'll pray for your safe return home and continued recovery in Colorado. All the best and peace to you. ,❤️💚🎄🎄
Disrespect is one of the clearest form of communication. It dies not need words, it does not require explanation. It certainly doesn't leave room for ambiguity. When someone disrespects you, they are saying everything they need to say how they value you more importantly, how they don't.
The person I hired at work betrayed me. Thank you JP for helping me understand that I don’t need to chase why someone would betray me. Don’t look back and move on.
It has taken me a year to move beyond the disrespect that my "bestie" dishes up. I could see a pattern from 10 yrs earlier. Only this time I called her out. She really showed her true colors. This is another confirmation that I read her correctly. Disrespect is harsh but excellent closure! I have very few friends or family in my inner circle and it's really getting peaceful. It was hard to "lose" my "friend" but I don't miss her at all now. Disrespect taught me a lot of good things like self worth and self validation and self respect. I am enough. This is the very best thing I ever heard. I experienced it. Every word is Truth!
THE DISRESPECT IS THE ANSWER YOU NEED FROM SOMEONE THAT DISRESPECTS YOU......THEY WILL NEVER SEE YOUR VALUE, ITS THEIR LACK OF VALUE OF THEMSELVSS, AND YOU CANT SHOW THEM VALUE OF THEMSELVES......THATS THEIR ISSUE TO WORK OUT, NOT YOURS......
This has been my journey for the last 18 months and it was very very hard. However, God has since surrounded me with incredible loving people who have richly blessed my life.
It's as if we recognize all of the disrespect (abuse) that we have allowed from others without any consequences. This is especially true if coming from a toxic family background where you were never shown respect yet still cling to the family.
@JenHope118: Or no contact at all! Why even remotely hold on to a relationship that's already dead? True freedom and healing come when you free yourself completely from a tie that doesn't need to exist at all!
I think you’re correct. If it’s adult children, who disrespect you, they want you out of their lives or to stay in their lives to be mocked and accused. If you know that you always loved your children, bathed them, fed them, educated them, gave them good presents, got them medical attention when needed, dealt with nasty bullies or horrible teachers, gave nice holidays, everything, praise, encouragement, love, but now you get hated in return, it’s better to let them make contact with you, don’t put up a wall, but if it’s phone calls to accuse you of behaving inappropriately, just say you have a headache or need the toilet, terminate the call, don’t stick around to try to improve the situation and end on a happy note, it’s not going to happen because their motive is to end with you feeling destroyed and attacked, so there’s not a hope you can turn the situation around. Indeed it will make you feel not alienated if you don’t ever tell them you’re finished with them. Just pretend to yourself it’s fine, you have children, it’s okay, not too bad, but don’t accept invitations when you know they want opportunities to show you disrespect and want to blame a negative ending to the event on you.
I know disrespect can be different for everyone. A big disrespect for me, as a woman is being objectified and said person coming into my DMs and telling me the dirty things they going to do to me. Worse was, I did trust them, known then for a year and a half online and worked with them on DJ stuff. I sent him a message and then blocked. He found me on another media and apologised profusely. The apology sounded so sincere, I really considered forgiving, but I couldn't. It brought me great anxiety and tore me up for days. Feeling guilty and anxious. Barely sleeping on what was the right thing to do. I then finally had enough of feeling tortured, and sent final F off message and blocked. Woke up still thinking, fuck, have I been too harsh? The kind part of me wanted to forgive, but my respect, my self empowerment, says fuck off. So I really needed this. Thank you. You talk about repeatedly here and ofc thats awful. The incident im talking of here was only once, but being objectified , for me, once is enough. Plus he insulted WHILE he was objectifying. I felt like a cheap thrill for him, and I cant allow that. I had toxic parents, and abusive partners. Ive had breakdowns due to all that. Now years later, after being broken for a long time, i am really into body building , motorbiking and making music. I am doing my best to thrive. So yes, after all Ive been through, you dont get fucking second chances with me.
Yes, a family friend sent me a picture of his "junk," I confused, disgusted, and then angry. I told him he shouldn't have done, when he defended, I stopped contact.
When “disrespect” occurs at a time when there should be the highest respect (and safety) for someone, it is almost impossible to forget…lots of damage, meant, implied, or whatever.
When considering the disrespect that the Church of England Bishops, displayed towards victims of rape and other abuse - this talk is spot on. People have walked away and continue to do so.
This came to me just this year. And it really does simplify all. Jordan, your ability to put words to such behaviour, this and other, is amazing at its least. Thank you. You helped to further clarify and it gives me strength.
Thank you, Jordan Peterson, for clarifying the pain and confusion I've felt in my relationships. I've walked away each time but was unable to clearly identify the emotions that drove me. Clarification is freedom.
Disrespect is a very powerful statement that cannot be denied 💯. It says everything about you that makes you contemptable to the perpetrator. It doesn't lie. 💯 because it's their truth.
It was (another, I must admit)a barrage of disrespect and outrageous accusations that opened my eyes and draw that line. I finally felt that ease and release people speak about. I was unwilling to let go of a long-time love and friendship but that last disrespect showed me there was nothing there of worth.
A gift in disguise: Irreparable damage, unwillingly to change, they just don't care, but often pretends they do. Often covertly done by their actions, or lack of actions. They know they're being disrespectful, but often just don't articulate it, and can spread their narrative to others, blaming the other person. Breaking free and opening yourself up to relationships with firmer and healthier boundaries.
This essay was an incredible revelation to me. My youngest brother growing up was my best friend. Then he went to college, got his PhD and used his keen mind for judgement and criticism of others, particularly family members. His parting words to me in series of texts over senseless political differences (that he brought up) was: "If I'm wrong, I'm a fool. If you're wrong you're a ..." and left it blank. That betrayal hurt worse than our abusive father's tirades. That was two years ago. My fondest desire to this point was that we reconcile. However after listening to this talk, I am rethinking that to believe it is maybe the end of the line to what had been. Thank you Dr. Jordan.
Yes, growing up under narcissistic parent/s (our public school systems are little better either) is hell and you don't even know it until you break free and can see where you were from the outside.
The Truth will set you free. Thank you JP you have saved me from hours of therapy. Disrespect is in every aspect of our lives, this will help me, to navigate my way forward. Most Grateful. Have a Blessed Christmas and New Year.
It is painful to have that kind of closure with someone you really love especially when it’s your own child.Butbthe worst pain comes to them when they realize what they did to the person that loved them more than anyone else ever will.The day will come when they will need you and really regret what they did and that is when they become the broken one because they did it to themselves.You have to let them feel the pain and learn from their own actions because they will need you one day and you can’t be there,you have to stand back and let God move his hand for them to learn and grow no matter how bad you want to be there for them.Tough love.
Same with my adult daughter. She is an only child and her dad just passed away. She was a "Daddy's Girl" and now she feels she has a free pass to disrespect me. This behavior has made me feel so devalued, but the information in this video has consoled me during a time when I have to set boundaries.
@@rhodaswann3690 I know the feeling when they make you feel like your nothing even though you did just as much if not more for them than the other parent.It’s a form of brainwashing they do to them,but one day they will realize that someone that plants hate in their hearts couldn’t really have been the one that loved them.The one that teaches them love is the one that really cares.
I know the pain you feel. Despite it all, I hope my nephew never realizes the truth because of the pain he will feel when he figures out that he discarded the ones who loved him more than anything in the world. I just don’t want that level of pain for him despite the consistent disrespect he showed my husband and I. His mother is wicked and manipulated him into hating us when we’re the ones who sacrificed for him, provided opportunities for him in life, and gave him love, support and stability when his own parents were too selfish to care about anyone but themselves. I’ll always love him but won’t tolerate the disrespect any longer from him.
I have no problem leaving people like this. But the hard part are the people around me become casualties too. So that puts me between a rock and a hard place. Especially when IT’s family 🥹
I'm convinced most people who deal with mental or emotional health issues are due to hanging onto disrespectful family of origin who have never respected them, especially if they were designated the scapegoat of the family.
As a trans person, I no longer feel the need to justify my existence to others, and I will no longer tolerate disrespect from others for any reason, whether related to the trans issue or not. I have finally learned self-respect and resiliency.
this is a great perspective of self awareness, self empowerment and self advocacy. you don't need closure from anyone else. recognising when one needs to close it for oneself is magic
I have been living this the past year with my two line bosses at work. The lies, the blame games, the pattern of exclusion. This video was confirmation that it is not me and it is appropriate to stop putting any of this on myself. The unfortunate part now is that I need to understand why I have been treated with disrespect and side-lined at a pattern of jobs and try to correct the behaviors/perspective that unwittingly leads me into these scenarios so I can break the pattern. So much energy and effort has been expended over the years to no avail. It is eye opening to observe how inept other leaders are yet still have credibility and promotion while I am here grinding away and regearing over and over and get nowhere.
Our son and his wife have disrespected us, and cut us off. 😭 We have done nothing to deserve this. He was not like this before he got married. I am crushed.
Thank you. I needed to hear this. Having survived the heart shattering disrespect from my children, I gone through self blame, groveling, pleading, physical illness, depression to the point of facing the choice of living or dying. I chose life and moved to another state where I found kindness, friendship, respect and have begun to heal. I’ve come to realize that I’m extremely disappointed but I don’t blame myself for who they’ve chosen to be. I didn’t want to live without my children but I have to.
There are millions of us, who, just like you, suffer or suffered from narcissistic abuse or other abuse. We feel deep empathy for you, because we know. If you can, break free as soon as possible. Heal and enjoy a healthy, peaceful life. Good luck! ❤
Im hearing this and shaking my head forward and backwards in an agreeable manner. Disrespect a sour dessert served I needed to taste why I accepted the dish on the table in the first place!
I had a very hurtful experience with someone disrespecting me in front of others. It hurt like a dagger 🗡️ in my heart. I got up and just left. I have forgiven this person but she is no longer my friend.
Self-preservation should be the goal when it comes to others showing disrespect towards us. The power of walking away is so underrated. I would go so far as to say that the vast majority of mental or emotional issues are due to keeping people in our life who are consistently disrespectful towards us, especially parents or family members. Cutting out disrespectful people from our life is one of the greatest health exercises we can perform.
This is what I finally had to painfully admit to myself. I'd given 2 previous chancer and had walked away, and there it was again - a 3rd time in 2 years. He is a limited person, and his repeated disrespect did illuminate his lack of character. So I walked away for the last time, because merely loving him deeply was never going to contour that. So I rose above him, and reclaimed my power this last time and want no "closure" - I have it. I was unacceptable then, it is now and will be forever. I'm done and moving forward - forever. Let him sit in his lonely misery, because no relf respecting high value woman will accept that.
I could only surmise that he was solely complicit and you are 100% innocent and very clearly unwilling to admit any part, take responsibility or accountability in your particular situation?
@kaytonbalciunas862 I will tell you what the final straw was, and you can decide for yourself. Hisvex was morbidly obese before she passed away some 3.5 years prior. I had only ever seen photos of her in her morbidly obese state. When we got back together on the 3rd occasion, as I walked into his lounge, I found photos of him and her together on the mantlepiece, and demanded that he take them down immediate, and he complied. After all, I am the woman he now claims to love and who is now his partner. However, there were a multitude of photos, which were group shots, which I was told were family member, none of whom I had met because they live in Germany and not one of an obese woman. On the day of the breakup, I discovered that those group shots were of his ex, when he had met her 17 years earlier, weighing 100lbs lighter - hence looking like a totally different person, together with her family. I can hardly see where I was even remotely complicit in his lies and deception. Hope this clears up any doubts you may harbour.
@melanieoreilly2565 I'm sure you could. Fact remains that generally the person RE acting in an angry manner to having their cup full and overflowing explode and in my experience and everything I read and watch it's generally the person pointing the finger that is absolutely the person talking quietly, interrupting, projection blame shift, etc. And then 👉 a finger at the RE actions of the other person and telling people what yall have.
@kaytonbalciunas862 He was the one screaming like a rabid dog in his baseless lack of comprehension of human psychology. You can't argue with with someone who has lost complete control of himself. It was so undignified. I will never see him through the same eyes of respect again. THAT was the very moment he lost me forever.
The very core of great insightful thought-provoking as well as action worthy notions. If carefully reflected apon, the notions within the Lecture by Dr Jordan will move your inner and outer world into a perspective(s) that will foster the desirable conclusion and serve as the very beginning of understanding your worth and the true meaning of it!
Disrespect occurs when boundaries are crossed (spying, lack of privacy, eavesdropping, recording, tracking, assumptions, starting a problem or instigating and then playing victim or being so overly offended when they started a game including fake scenarios or set up’s that you never wanted to play to begin with, starting up negativity and gaslighting, instigating and recruiting others into their false narrative, not knowing the entire story but piecing it together, bits and pieces, and then creating an entire narrative, which is untrue). Calling you the problem because you expose things that need to be corrected or need to be improved not with any sort of malice, but with intent of betterment). However, it is all considered highly offensive and an attack. The craziest part of all is that they go out of their way to try and cause division or pain or confusion… things that are just truly not healthy or normal it is one brick on top of another that creates a wall that cannot be helped or fixed or changed and so the outcome is to disengage from what you perceive to be the problem and this is considered so disrespectful, but you have no alternative because you would rather let them believe that there be disrespected then for you to allow yourself to get caught up in their disrespect and dramas towards you. At the beginning, you care about their feelings because it’s never your intention to hurt anybody and it’s possible that you did or said something that was upsetting. Maybe you were frustrated or having a bad day but then when they keep using the same thing over and over as a tactic to try to control you or make you feel guilty or manipulate you like you owe them something…. then you just refuse their traps and think to yourself- I would never, and I could never, and I would never think or behave this way. It is completely the opposite of my nature yet you know that you are not the one out there trying to cause harm division, and you have no ill will towards them even still after all the drama that they created…. And that’s when you know that you’re free, indeed for many false perceptions or from the need of any validations or from trying to explain things to people that refuse to understand or worse, or unable to understand due to lack of maturity, perhaps lack of interest, maybe lack of experience or intellect And so it feels so frustrating that you would rather just let it be then to keep hitting your head against the brick wall. Nobody goes out of their way to disrespect others, but I can see how often it is viewed to disrespect, but maybe it is just the survival of not having to deal with people that are not reasonable or well-versed enough in your story in order to be able to relate to you to begin with. The ego has a way of people freaking out about disrespect- but how can a person disrespect you if they don’t really know you or they have a false interpretation about you? It’s not really disrespect. It’s just an inability to connect with you. You may not be everyone’s cup of tea.
I think disrespect is the essence of narcissism. Good broadcast.
Right on.
Most definitely!!! 👏🏾👏🏾
@TheThiaminBlog
Well kinda, but if that is what you truly think, YOU COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTOOD HIS ENTIRE MESSAGE....
Wake up Monkey....
Its narcissistic Abuse!Its all about they wanna appear to look better than you!They want people to believe the deception that they are greater and more intelligent and clever than you,they are somehow above whilst your seen to be a nobody struggling at the bottom of the ladder!Even when confronted with your Greatness and wisdom and intellect and Talents ect they do not want to acknowledge your TRUE WORTH!
it's tricky too because the NPD will say you are "disrespecting me!" when you go NC....when all conversation, discussion or attempt to communicate has fallen apart & nothing will move the meter on healthy relationship; what then? NC isn't necessarily "disrespect" when it's a NPD you are cutting off. No communication IS THE COMMUNICATION!
I heard this quote: Behavior is a language.
@wendymiesowitz1897
I never heard that quote before. That quote is important to me and something to carry and to go by in life. Thank you Wendy! 👌✌️👍
I love that quote!
It has been a painful recovery. But understanding is priceless and so necessary for healing.
You, sir, have been a blessing.
Yes, it is. Therefore, words and actions must not get lost in the translation.
Have you heard that,
TEARS AND LAUGHTER SOUND THE SAME IN ANY LANGUAGE!!!
if a person's love language is mockery....let them mix among their own...
Wow. Well that saved me like 3 years of therapy. Thank you Dr.
@pinchee13. And more years of self blame and incrimination. The flood light went on full blast at my house just now.
@pinchee....🎯 🎯 🎯
😅 shit 😁😊😂
If only I knew sooner 😢
Your right,I lost what might have been Three good years over this,will never happen again
"Disrespect is not a problem to be solved, it's a truth to be accepted. "
Holy cow yeah 😢
Spitting fire. JBP
You do realize it's an artificial voice and an AI generated script? 😅
Truth!
Im so happy for all of us who found this video.😢
A person who has the courage to instantly put closure on any relationship that shows them disrespect is a person with the highest self-esteem in the room.
And the one alone
I did. I feel stronger than I ever did, she probably feels like the loser she is 😂
🎯🎯🎯
@@joepharmasst It's more than worth it though, because you're born alone and you die alone. In the end, you are all you have. TRUTH.
“Disrespect is a pattern…”
“Disrespect is closure”
- thx JP!
Close the door 4 ever ☮️
This is AI, not JP they're disrespecting JP
The power to walk away is a great strength
I learned the hard way that silence is a powerful response to disrespect, though it still hurts on a soul level.
💎💎💎💎💎💎
Isaiah 35:5,6
@@noorgonzalez1076✨🩵
🕊️♥️@ ♥️🕊️
💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎
Isaiah 45:18
Isaiah 65:21
Psalm 46:8,9
Revelation 12:12
Revelation 21:3,4
John 5:28
Amen! 🥰
@@noorgonzalez1076That, like all Bible passages, is true and wonderful. However, how does that relate to what purezafleming876 commented about? What connection to that am I missing?
Domestic violence is the ultimate form of disrespect
And then to have your only child try to carry that forward with her own brand of disrespect! I walked away.
Absolutely, it was 5 minutes after I said I do,
Crying I couldn't see the marriage certificate I got punched in front of everyone even the priest, then I had 10 years of torture
This is the BEST F**KING Video on Trauma I have EVER Heard!!! Thank you!
Majority of trauma is toxic family members who have always been disrespectful toward us, but we continue to cling onto them as our mental health continues to decline. It takes courage to completely cut them out, but amazing how our mental health instantly improves. Clinging onto a toxic parent who has never respected you is a slow poisoning.
This should be payper view
@@Jesusisking235 100% facts!
I refuse to exert any energy or waste any more time trying to convince someone to see my worth.
That’s right
Be better than them and force them to look at it by being better everywhere around them to where they cant avoid seeing it.
Exactly 💯 ❤
@@BSmithPPG not picking on you and I'm just making a general statement. If nobody sees it is it really there?
When he said that "disrespect catches you off guard." That spells out exactly what I've encountered in the past. There is no defense against the stealth and the passive aggressive behavior that is unpredictable.
Exactly, it's like a veil has been lifted on their true character when they suddenly dig into your self esteem on front of others. So revealing of their petty personality it made me blush for them. The solution is not anger or disappointment, but quiet dignity. Unbalanced communications are not healthy to keep on continuing.
It’s difficult when the disrespect comes from a good friend you’ve trusted for many years. This friend had experienced immense grief from a sibling’s suicide years ago, which I deeply empathized with. I struggled to accept the disrespect because I rationalized their pain as a reasonable explanation for clouding their judgment, which in turn led to them disrespecting me. It’s hard to let go of someone when you know they’re hurting, too.
It's especially painful when you've sheltered, fed, clothed and educated them for years, before you're no longer deserving of their love and respect.
I know those feelings, when it's your children that's really painful. I have to say though this video has helped me I hope it has you - even if just in part 👍🏼
Depends on what you did or didn’t do, from their point of view.
@@TheSpringCloversometimes the parent has done nothing wrong.
That’s usually the language of narcissists who refuse to accept accountability for the fact they hurt their children but want to pretend doing the legal bare minimum justifies shitty behaviour from mentally stunted parents.
I know how you feel. 😔
I hope he knows how much he is helping people. If only I knew this earlier...I would have spared myself a lot of pain
Yet richer for the decades of masterclass so you can earn your wisdom dear ones for now you walk with such.
Same here.
It’s not him, it’s AI generated voice. look at the details of the video and how it was made
@@cupcake0480It's the message that is important to me, not the messenger.
I know he gives it to you the best way possible
Great word - Disrespect is not about you, it is about them - walk away, it is the end of the road. Close the door on someone who does not value you because they don't value themselves. People can not give something that they don't have for themselves. Some people act like they respect you for years and then suddenly the disrespect appears and you have to end the relationship. I think the disrespect was always there but was well hidden but they couldn't hide it anymore.
Concur with this. Disrespect shows how they don’t value you.
If people only knew the happiness and superpower of walking away from disrespectful people who are in their life. I'm convinced that the vast majority of mental illness stems from a person who keeps toxic people in their life, especially family members who have never shown them respect. And no, family is not thicker than blood. Your self-preservation should be your first priority.
Amen
That saying actually originated from the saying “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb" which is suggesting that the family that we make is more valuable than the one we are given .. :)
Often, “family members” are the most toxic and abusive people you will ever meet.
When you experience healthy, normal relationships, you see just how dysfunctional your “family members” are.
@ sadly for most who grown up in toxic families is all they know in having dysfunctional relationships and are uncomfortable being in a healthy relationship.
@@Jesusisking235 yep we are drawn to what feels familiar to us. Most of us are from very toxic and damaged environments. Breaking these cycles is hard man.
After 5 years of friendship and relying on my regular help, saving her life possibly 3 times, my "best friend" showed her extremely disrespectful side to me. Exactly as described here. An empathic, caring, sensitive , lovely woman turned into a manipulative, cruel gasligther. Yet, I learned my life lessons from my past. This time, I was wise enough to see a closure in it.
Her extreme emotional cruelty, when she literally told me, that I cannot count on her help, because her life is great now, so she doesn't want to burden herself with talk with me, was shocking. She tried to convince me I am needy (after it was her who had this attitude), that I am pathetic... full-blown projection & gaslighting. The ultimate betrayal.
Thanks God I know enough about narcissism to know, that I got the closure I needed.
So I could do what's right and cut this woman off my life.
I realized that this person showed that she needed my services and convenience, not my friendship. She decided to show me how much she disrespects who I am.
Sooner or later she will need, yet again, a person to "save her" from the problems she creates. It won't be me. My dignity is non-negotiable. I was sooooo kind , accomodating, helpful and friendly, and it was not good enough. Well, if that's not good enough to her, then she's not good enough to me.
Maybe she was that way all along and you failed to realise that?
Sorry but her response is likely more trauma one. Please don't buy into a lot of the nonsense rhetoric on social media. She likely still adores you really but needed space to grow after her experiences.
She was never an empathetic, caring and sensitive person. She didn't change from that into something else. She was never those things to begin with. Rather, masterfully pretended to be the person you wanted and needed until you loved her. Then she received the green light to drop the act and simply be herself, however cruel and frightening that may be.
You sound like a lovely man. I feel you will meet the woman who would never dream of doing any those things to you.
Met and married half a century ago. Marriage ended in unwanted divorce after 15 years - but marriage goes on until you take your last breath if there are children. I smile when I remember that I saw the potential and saw his insecurities as something that I could help him with. Literally the day we got married our marriage was over but I hung in there for 15 years. Four adult children later I have no regrets. Never Remarried. Big Amazing Family. Nurse. Mental Health is my expertise! 😔🙏💥 LOVE your insights! Thank you!
Even if its AI, it's a message worth hearing.
Exactly!!! And that's all that matters, the message!!!
Agree
A liar's apology is useless.
Can you pay back all the money your parents spent on you at least send them a check for everything they did, add up all the years and diapers and time they wasted on you.
@earthwisdomhelps sure thing, buddy.
@@hope5443 read the story called The boy called it and then get back with me. And don't forget to send a thank you note with that money you owe your parents
@@earthwisdomhelps wow, you are actually evil.
Dear God, heal my brokeness abd restore unto me all of the years that were stolen from me. Disrespect for over 34 years.
This has been a perfect message for a adult daughter who has disrespected me for 7 years. I release her to God and heal. Thank you for this message .
I feel your pain, Cheryl. My adult daughter's father just passed away and they were very close. Since his passing, it seems to have given my daughter a "free pass" to take her anger out on me. I went into "fix the problem" mode just to realize my daughter has never respected me. Her actions have proven me right, sadly, and I am trying to let go, but it's hard.
@@rhodaswann3690 I have released this brokenness to the Lord. He is my source of joy and peace. Satan has had success in destroying families. Keep your courage and hope
I wish we could discontinue the use of the word "adult" when speaking of our own children. There's been an attack on family -this thing about 18 years old - your child is always your child. Take out the word adult. What would you do differently if she was a toddler? or an infant? infants are narcissistic. they don't give 2 fucks about you or your needs or showing any kind of respect. somethings broken there that was never developed. it's like damn that girl won't stop screaming and crying she's so abusive I can't do anything right? 🤷♂️ fix it. please. 🙏 💋 Loving Kindness Blessing.
@@Smith.S.sStocHasticSsnobody can “fix” another adult, whether they are your child or not. If that child is choosing disrespect, that’s on them
Maybe she wouldn't have if you earned it?
"Disrespect is not a problem to be solved it is a reality to be accepted." Jordan Peterson
I wish I had heard this at the age of 18😢
Omg! I was laying in bed trying to sleep last night, regurgitating my "poor relationships" ad infinitum WONDERING why my offering as a human of kindness, generosity, fairness, respect, love, acceptance and many other positive behaviors I thought meant love constantly and I mean constantly, have been met with disrespect, being used, unloved, manipulated, sexually exploited, drained financially dry, abandoned and abused. THIS podcast right here has the answer. It's not just about respect though. It's also about the betrayal we endure when loving another person meets with so much selfishness. It's so nice to finally have the answers I've wondered about for over 50 years. Thank you!
I wish I’d found you 20 years ago but it’s never too late to understand and place the past where it belongs.
This video is 100% spot on. If you choose to remain in a relationship where disrespect is at its core then over time you will accumulatively be eroding your own soul. Whenever people decide to throw stones then hide their hand, clearly there is no psychological, emotional, physical or spiritual safety. Under those circumstances the only loving act left is to simply walk away and save yourself from further harm. Then heal and rebuild.
This is a diamond. Cuts to the bone without remorse. Took me a lifetime to understand that I wasn't the problem to be solved and they didn't deserve my attention. Self belief is what fires the passion for achievement. In your eyes not theirs.
Well explained.I fell into 3yrs of depression because of a blantently disrespectful , I'd say narcissistic person.But I'm thankful to have found healing and have accepted the truth of it all.I will never give anyone that power over me again
I was headed in that direction myself but I prayed for God to take the pain away and thankfully He did. I was headed down a bad path if not for that. It still hurts but it’s not that palpable, physical pain in my body anymore and He helped me to accept it. I never felt pain like that before in my life and am grateful for His healing.
“My worth is more than what you have to offer”
This is literally the best video I’ve ever seen and everything we all know deep down but choose not to listen. Well done sir
Sorry friend this artificial intelligence, not JBP.
@@Boylieboyleperhaps-the ideas of Jordan still at work?
@Boylieboyle they said best video, nothing 2do with who or what made it, it's good shit . 🤷♂️ sorry nothing
@@anthonyhart9400Jordan said he asked chatGTP to write a 1page essay on something in the style of Jordan b Peterson and he honestly could not tell he didn't write it if he didn't know . but this isn't anything I've heard him actually say he doesn't speak like this. I have heard similar sounding videos in generic ai voices but they're not this powerful.
You might like Emmy van deurzen. She is an existential therapist who does short very good vids on life.
Feeling very down this morning but found this my god this has grounded me thank you thank you thank you .head held high now early days but thank God I found this .
I kept hoping my daughter would valuet me as a good person. But her rants get worse and worse.dredging up my sins and failures.😑 50 years is enough! Thank you doctor🙏🏾✨
I feel you!
hoping your child will give you valuation ? her rants? if you have so many sins and failures you dismiss as rants like you're the victim how can you expect to be valued as a good person? person, not mother. u could be putting way too much on her shoulders unrealistic expectations. do you consider her a good person ? do you value her? are her words valuable to you , her feelings? her needs? unmet needs? stop expecting her to provide for you to fulfill your unmet needs and think about hearing and valuing her unmet needs and try meeting them- to her satisfaction, rather than your idea of what should be. true pathway to peace . it isn't dredging up past mistakes, it's ignored or neglected things u never did anything about , they don't go away. please 🙏
The devil is using them to do that. You don't deserve that. I'm glad you won't let that happen anymore. Above all things your daughter wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you. She should be kissing your feet and bringing you roses.
Amen JP! My girlfriend cussed me out for using the wrong scrubby when doing dishes.................I walked and haven't looked back!
Man I wished I saw this before I married
That narc
I've listened to this 3x in two days. I'll be listening again, but will sit down and take notes as I do. This has helped me more than you'll ever know.
Yes..l plan to take notes. The one about being used is also excellent
Painful hard truth and I got my closure today from someone I cared for, for over 2 years. Sadly it never blossomed during that time. But I needed the truth to finally have closure and relief to get over this person and start healing by letting go.
the easy part is love and the hardest part is loving the unlovable... Im happy you let them go...
I no longer accept Disrespect. I will respond wisely, with clarity and powerfully with joy of closure.
@anthonyhart9400. Great affirmation, thank you. Words to live by from today forward. 👍
A person who has the courage to instantly put closure on any relationship that shows them disrespect is a person with the highest self-esteem in the room.
I kept chasing my daughter for the past 14 years and that included driving past her house. I even paid her phone bill and she never thanked me. In fact she blocked me. She's also smoked meth for the last 14 years. And her boyfriends have been abusive to her and me. And she stays right with anybody that's abusive to me. When I've shown up at our house she's what do you want! I didn't know where she was because she has a new boyfriend and staying somewhere and I went to her job and she was angry that I went to her job. When are friends go to her job she smiles and is happy. This video says it better than I can. No more driving by time to move on, even if it's minute by minute hour by hour and I have to resist the urge to contact her.
You no longer need to chase something dead. That's deep❤
I know right? It's funny, I gave myself a pep talk the other night, and one thing I said is "You're holding on to a corpse." That put it in perspective.
I have experienced this situation with my adult daughter and I've never heard it put so clearly. Disrespect is the ultimate form of telling someone the relationship is over. No more expecting apologies or reasons/excuses. I feel I've been set free from my prison with my daughter.
off the hook?
Did u ever give what you expect to be given? Stop expecting apologies assuming you deserve or have earned it. Stop putting so much unrealistic, unreasonable expectations on your child to fulfill your own unmet needs. That's not their job nor responsibility, it is and was yours to meet her needs. Provide her with respect, validation, make her feel valued and heard and actually listen to HER satisfaction, not what you believe should be.
@@Smith.S.sStocHasticSswhat makes you think you can offer advice on a situation you know nothing about? Whats wrong with you!
@@Smith.S.sStocHasticSsshut your lip you don't know what the mother has done to try to talk to their daughter shut your lip and get lost.
You brought your daughter into this world she should be thanking you and showing you honor and respect bringing you roses and then kissing your feet literally. Your daughter wouldn't even have a life if it wasn't for you. Your daughter needs to take a stock in her own sins. One of these days she's going to want forgiveness and she's not going to get it. Let that little b**** go. She doesn't deserve a mother.
I ended my marriage over the things said in this video. She cheated and I forgave her because we had small children but her other patterns of disrespect continued for years until a tsunami of emotions came over me and I called her and ended it. This video told me something I never considered and now I have my closure
I am so happy for you!!
Thank you for articulating exactly what I felt in that toxic relationship. I know with certainty that his actions were his choice, and I was not the problem. I look now and feel nothing but disgust for what he did and what he is. I can't unsee or unheard how he behaved, and happily it's not my job to fix what he broke. The problem is narcissism cannot be cured - Prof. Sam Vaknin makes this abundantly clear. I find peace in this.
Sam is legit 🎉😊
I could write a book about this issue and my level of tolerance and patience, hoping that they will be awakened to enough consciousness to turn around. But the scars on the soul are permanent, while we live with the memories of our hopes and dreams turned into ashes. 🙏
Now, this is the video of videos! So, on point. I've finally walked away from toxic people. I now have peace, and I'm finding a new normal. Peace and dignity are my first priorities.
It's hard, isn't it? In my case, the disrespect was coming from my adult daughter and let me tell you, it was hard to finally admit I needed to cut ties so that I can be happy.
Enough is enough and sometimes you just have to walk away
TOTALLY NAILED IT !!!
THANK YOU ❤
I tolerated disrespect from a family member several times in the past, and I’ve always accepted the apology. But it became a pattern, and the last time was the LAST time.
I choose to live the rest of my life in peace. No more drama. 😊
19:00 this is equally true in the opposite direction. When someone chooses self-respect and closes with dignity in silence ❤
That depends on who the person they're closing the door on. If it's just a friend or an acquaintance... But if it's somebody that put decades of love into your life in took care of you that's another thing, and there's nothing dignified about that move at all.
@@earthwisdomhelps I'm speaking from my own experience. I just closed that door, myself. I refuse to let him disrespect me perpetually just to have a "relationship." Much love ❤️
@@HeavenleeBlue-h9q yeah that's so called friend or lover... It's good to get out of an abusive surrounding. I've moved from neighbors because of that. Very disrespectful and abusive. Sadly there's a lot of sick nasty people in this world. Much love to you too.
I do feel a sense of freedom since I let go..
You are no longer being acted upon.
Just had this happen to me from so-called family members
From family members it hurts even more.
@maggiecalos4101 it sure does . I've been kinda the black sheep Pretty much my whole life but this was different. I came home to be close to family and my kids. While I scrap it out with cancer .I've made it a year so far and doctors didn't think I'd make it 6 months I was in the hospital this time last year. Spent my birthday and Christmas in there got out 2 days after Christmas..if I would have known I'd be treated the way I have I wouldn't have come to see family .I would have spent this time with just my kids .it's been nothing but fighting and hateful towards me since I got here . Very bad decision on my part .soon as I feel a lil better I'm headed back to the mountains in colorado.i left heaven for hell .and I ain't dieing in hell . These hyenas aren't getting nothing more from me . But my back side as I leave.ill love them from afar as I always have ..
@davidlarner3025: I get that and can relate completely about being the black sheep of my own family. But I now wear that as a badge because of their disrespect for no good reason. It doesn't matter anymore what they think of me! And congratulations 🎉 for passing your milestone of living beyond 6 months with cancer! Keep up the good fight! You can beat it! I will pray 🙏 that you do!!
@davidlarner3025. Me three, David. Black sheep of my childhood family and after moving cross country to be nearer to my adult son he's treated me this way. Racking my brain trying to figure out what happened and this vid explains it to a tee. I'll pray for your safe return home and continued recovery in Colorado. All the best and peace to you. ,❤️💚🎄🎄
They are the worse!
Disrespect is one of the clearest form of communication. It dies not need words, it does not require explanation. It certainly doesn't leave room for ambiguity.
When someone disrespects you, they are saying everything they need to say how they value you more importantly, how they don't.
The person I hired at work betrayed me. Thank you JP for helping me understand that I don’t need to chase why someone would betray me. Don’t look back and move on.
It has taken me a year to move beyond the disrespect that my "bestie" dishes up. I could see a pattern from 10 yrs earlier. Only this time I called her out. She really showed her true colors. This is another confirmation that I read her correctly. Disrespect is harsh but excellent closure! I have very few friends or family in my inner circle and it's really getting peaceful. It was hard to "lose" my "friend" but I don't miss her at all now. Disrespect taught me a lot of good things like self worth and self validation and self respect. I am enough.
This is the very best thing I ever heard. I experienced it. Every word is Truth!
THE DISRESPECT IS THE ANSWER YOU NEED FROM SOMEONE THAT DISRESPECTS YOU......THEY WILL NEVER SEE YOUR VALUE, ITS THEIR LACK OF VALUE OF THEMSELVSS, AND YOU CANT SHOW THEM VALUE OF THEMSELVES......THATS THEIR ISSUE TO WORK OUT, NOT YOURS......
Respect yourself first, then you won’t BE in the latter position of them subjecting you to their standard of value 😉
Thank you
This has been my journey for the last 18 months and it was very very hard. However, God has since surrounded me with incredible loving people who have richly blessed my life.
It's as if we recognize all of the disrespect (abuse) that we have allowed from others without any consequences. This is especially true if coming from a toxic family background where you were never shown respect yet still cling to the family.
Well said! Minimum contact is the best.
@JenHope118: Or no contact at all! Why even remotely hold on to a relationship that's already dead? True freedom and healing come when you free yourself completely from a tie that doesn't need to exist at all!
I think you’re correct. If it’s adult children, who disrespect you, they want you out of their lives or to stay in their lives to be mocked and accused. If you know that you always loved your children, bathed them, fed them, educated them, gave them good presents, got them medical attention when needed, dealt with nasty bullies or horrible teachers, gave nice holidays, everything, praise, encouragement, love, but now you get hated in return, it’s better to let them make contact with you, don’t put up a wall, but if it’s phone calls to accuse you of behaving inappropriately, just say you have a headache or need the toilet, terminate the call, don’t stick around to try to improve the situation and end on a happy note, it’s not going to happen because their motive is to end with you feeling destroyed and attacked, so there’s not a hope you can turn the situation around. Indeed it will make you feel not alienated if you don’t ever tell them you’re finished with them. Just pretend to yourself it’s fine, you have children, it’s okay, not too bad, but don’t accept invitations when you know they want opportunities to show you disrespect and want to blame a negative ending to the event on you.
This is excellent. So concise and clear. Thank you
Thank You for the wise, healing words Mr. Peterson.
I know disrespect can be different for everyone. A big disrespect for me, as a woman is being objectified and said person coming into my DMs and telling me the dirty things they going to do to me. Worse was, I did trust them, known then for a year and a half online and worked with them on DJ stuff. I sent him a message and then blocked. He found me on another media and apologised profusely. The apology sounded so sincere, I really considered forgiving, but I couldn't. It brought me great anxiety and tore me up for days. Feeling guilty and anxious. Barely sleeping on what was the right thing to do. I then finally had enough of feeling tortured, and sent final F off message and blocked. Woke up still thinking, fuck, have I been too harsh? The kind part of me wanted to forgive, but my respect, my self empowerment, says fuck off. So I really needed this. Thank you. You talk about repeatedly here and ofc thats awful. The incident im talking of here was only once, but being objectified , for me, once is enough. Plus he insulted WHILE he was objectifying. I felt like a cheap thrill for him, and I cant allow that. I had toxic parents, and abusive partners. Ive had breakdowns due to all that. Now years later, after being broken for a long time, i am really into body building , motorbiking and making music. I am doing my best to thrive. So yes, after all Ive been through, you dont get fucking second chances with me.
I love your attitude. Correct. NO more second chances. None!
Yes, a family friend sent me a picture of his "junk," I confused, disgusted, and then angry. I told him he shouldn't have done, when he defended, I stopped contact.
When “disrespect” occurs at a time when there should be the highest respect (and safety) for someone, it is almost impossible to forget…lots of damage, meant, implied, or whatever.
When considering the disrespect that the Church of England Bishops, displayed towards victims of rape and other abuse - this talk is spot on. People have walked away and continue to do so.
Oh it's deep. 😢 but the journey of growth above them.. priceless.
Great lessons here! Very empowering. Disrespect is the ultimate intolerable, and when you rise above, you restore your dignity.
"I said I chose to not be defined by my grief.
You applauded.
I also choose to not be defined by your disrespect.
Are you appluading?"
This came to me just this year. And it really does simplify all. Jordan, your ability to put words to such behaviour, this and other, is amazing at its least. Thank you. You helped to further clarify and it gives me strength.
Thank you, Jordan Peterson, for clarifying the pain and confusion I've felt in my relationships. I've walked away each time but was unable to clearly identify the emotions that drove me.
Clarification is freedom.
It's AI, not Peterson.
I feel like this is a personal conversation with me. Crazy.
Disrespect is a very powerful statement that cannot be denied 💯. It says everything about you that makes you contemptable to the perpetrator. It doesn't lie. 💯 because it's their truth.
It was (another, I must admit)a barrage of disrespect and outrageous accusations that opened my eyes and draw that line. I finally felt that ease and release people speak about. I was unwilling to let go of a long-time love and friendship but that last disrespect showed me there was nothing there of worth.
A gift in disguise: Irreparable damage, unwillingly to change, they just don't care, but often pretends they do. Often covertly done by their actions, or lack of actions. They know they're being disrespectful, but often just don't articulate it, and can spread their narrative to others, blaming the other person. Breaking free and opening yourself up to relationships with firmer and healthier boundaries.
this perspective has so much depth. almost tells a concise story woven in with validating affirmations and soothes hard and inevitable truths. damn
This essay was an incredible revelation to me. My youngest brother growing up was my best friend. Then he went to college, got his PhD and used his keen mind for judgement and criticism of others, particularly family members. His parting words to me in series of texts over senseless political differences (that he brought up) was: "If I'm wrong, I'm a fool. If you're wrong you're a ..." and left it blank. That betrayal hurt worse than our abusive father's tirades. That was two years ago. My fondest desire to this point was that we reconcile. However after listening to this talk, I am rethinking that to believe it is maybe the end of the line to what had been. Thank you Dr. Jordan.
Have I just discovered I’ve been chronically disrespected since birth? Cause it explains A LOT.
Yes, growing up under narcissistic parent/s (our public school systems are little better either) is hell and you don't even know it until you break free and can see where you were from the outside.
Probably. If you are just learning this, then yes, you have. Just know you are not alone by any means.
This speaker is cooking with these words of wisdom. It's helping me very much to gather my thoughts on what I've recently experienced.
life saving advice worth listening to at least once!
The Truth will set you free. Thank you JP you have saved me from hours of therapy. Disrespect is in every aspect of our lives, this will help me, to navigate my way forward. Most Grateful. Have a Blessed Christmas and New Year.
It is painful to have that kind of closure with someone you really love especially when it’s your own child.Butbthe worst pain comes to them when they realize what they did to the person that loved them more than anyone else ever will.The day will come when they will need you and really regret what they did and that is when they become the broken one because they did it to themselves.You have to let them feel the pain and learn from their own actions because they will need you one day and you can’t be there,you have to stand back and let God move his hand for them to learn and grow no matter how bad you want to be there for them.Tough love.
Amen.
Same with my adult daughter. She is an only child and her dad just passed away. She was a "Daddy's Girl" and now she feels she has a free pass to disrespect me. This behavior has made me feel so devalued, but the information in this video has consoled me during a time when I have to set boundaries.
@@rhodaswann3690 I know the feeling when they make you feel like your nothing even though you did just as much if not more for them than the other parent.It’s a form of brainwashing they do to them,but one day they will realize that someone that plants hate in their hearts couldn’t really have been the one that loved them.The one that teaches them love is the one that really cares.
@@roseannasmith5673 It's narcissism. Both learned and genetically predisposed.
I know the pain you feel. Despite it all, I hope my nephew never realizes the truth because of the pain he will feel when he figures out that he discarded the ones who loved him more than anything in the world. I just don’t want that level of pain for him despite the consistent disrespect he showed my husband and I. His mother is wicked and manipulated him into hating us when we’re the ones who sacrificed for him, provided opportunities for him in life, and gave him love, support and stability when his own parents were too selfish to care about anyone but themselves. I’ll always love him but won’t tolerate the disrespect any longer from him.
That was so so liberating, you gave me the freedom & understanding I needed. Thank you 🙏 ❤
I have no problem leaving people like this. But the hard part are the people around me become casualties too. So that puts me between a rock and a hard place. Especially when IT’s family 🥹
It is your responsibility to make basic life decisions for m your own self-preservation. If not today, plan for a safer future. I am …❤🙏🏾🪽🕊️🍀
I'm convinced most people who deal with mental or emotional health issues are due to hanging onto disrespectful family of origin who have never respected them, especially if they were designated the scapegoat of the family.
Absolutely. When you reach this stage its definitely CLOSURE. And when you get treated disrespectfully, what do they expect?
As a trans person, I no longer feel the need to justify my existence to others, and I will no longer tolerate disrespect from others for any reason, whether related to the trans issue or not. I have finally learned self-respect and resiliency.
Pain: Confirmed.
this is a great perspective of self awareness, self empowerment and self advocacy.
you don't need closure from anyone else. recognising when one needs to close it for oneself is magic
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
I have been living this the past year with my two line bosses at work. The lies, the blame games, the pattern of exclusion. This video was confirmation that it is not me and it is appropriate to stop putting any of this on myself.
The unfortunate part now is that I need to understand why I have been treated with disrespect and side-lined at a pattern of jobs and try to correct the behaviors/perspective that unwittingly leads me into these scenarios so I can break the pattern. So much energy and effort has been expended over the years to no avail. It is eye opening to observe how inept other leaders are yet still have credibility and promotion while I am here grinding away and regearing over and over and get nowhere.
Powerful 🙌 thanks
Excellent Jordan thank you.
Our son and his wife have disrespected us, and cut us off. 😭 We have done nothing to deserve this. He was not like this before he got married. I am crushed.
I am so sorry! I know this pain firsthand
Thank you. I needed to hear this. Having survived the heart shattering disrespect from my children, I gone through self blame, groveling, pleading, physical illness, depression to the point of facing the choice of living or dying. I chose life and moved to another state where I found kindness, friendship, respect and have begun to heal. I’ve come to realize that I’m extremely disappointed but I don’t blame myself for who they’ve chosen to be. I didn’t want to live without my children but I have to.
Bless you & your Healing
I feel that someone else understands my situation. Thanks. 😉
There are millions of us, who, just like you, suffer or suffered from narcissistic abuse or other abuse. We feel deep empathy for you, because we know. If you can, break free as soon as possible. Heal and enjoy a healthy, peaceful life. Good luck! ❤
Thank you Dr. Peterson...people who use you whether youre employed by them or not are who they are
Im hearing this and shaking my head forward and backwards in an agreeable manner. Disrespect a sour dessert served I needed to taste why I accepted the dish on the table in the first place!
I had a very hurtful experience with someone disrespecting me in front of others. It hurt like a dagger 🗡️ in my heart. I got up and just left. I have forgiven this person but she is no longer my friend.
Self-preservation should be the goal when it comes to others showing disrespect towards us. The power of walking away is so underrated. I would go so far as to say that the vast majority of mental or emotional issues are due to keeping people in our life who are consistently disrespectful towards us, especially parents or family members. Cutting out disrespectful people from our life is one of the greatest health exercises we can perform.
This is what I finally had to painfully admit to myself. I'd given 2 previous chancer and had walked away, and there it was again - a 3rd time in 2 years. He is a limited person, and his repeated disrespect did illuminate his lack of character. So I walked away for the last time, because merely loving him deeply was never going to contour that. So I rose above him, and reclaimed my power this last time and want no "closure" - I have it. I was unacceptable then, it is now and will be forever. I'm done and moving forward - forever. Let him sit in his lonely misery, because no relf respecting high value woman will accept that.
I could only surmise that he was solely complicit and you are 100% innocent and very clearly unwilling to admit any part, take responsibility or accountability in your particular situation?
@kaytonbalciunas862 That is correct, because that is the truth. I could write a thesis to prove the point, but space is limited.
@kaytonbalciunas862 I will tell you what the final straw was, and you can decide for yourself. Hisvex was morbidly obese before she passed away some 3.5 years prior. I had only ever seen photos of her in her morbidly obese state. When we got back together on the 3rd occasion, as I walked into his lounge, I found photos of him and her together on the mantlepiece, and demanded that he take them down immediate, and he complied. After all, I am the woman he now claims to love and who is now his partner. However, there were a multitude of photos, which were group shots, which I was told were family member, none of whom I had met because they live in Germany and not one of an obese woman. On the day of the breakup, I discovered that those group shots were of his ex, when he had met her 17 years earlier, weighing 100lbs lighter - hence looking like a totally different person, together with her family. I can hardly see where I was even remotely complicit in his lies and deception. Hope this clears up any doubts you may harbour.
@melanieoreilly2565 I'm sure you could. Fact remains that generally the person RE acting in an angry manner to having their cup full and overflowing explode and in my experience and everything I read and watch it's generally the person pointing the finger that is absolutely the person talking quietly, interrupting, projection blame shift, etc. And then 👉 a finger at the RE actions of the other person and telling people what yall have.
@kaytonbalciunas862 He was the one screaming like a rabid dog in his baseless lack of comprehension of human psychology. You can't argue with with someone who has lost complete control of himself. It was so undignified. I will never see him through the same eyes of respect again. THAT was the very moment he lost me forever.
The very core of great insightful thought-provoking as well as action worthy notions. If carefully reflected apon, the notions within the Lecture by Dr Jordan will move your inner and outer world into a perspective(s) that will foster the desirable conclusion and serve as the very beginning of understanding your worth and the true meaning of it!
This is powerful.
Needed this one
Disrespect occurs when boundaries are crossed (spying, lack of privacy, eavesdropping, recording, tracking, assumptions, starting a problem or instigating and then playing victim or being so overly offended when they started a game including fake scenarios or set up’s that you never wanted to play to begin with, starting up negativity and gaslighting, instigating and recruiting others into their false narrative, not knowing the entire story but piecing it together, bits and pieces, and then creating an entire narrative, which is untrue). Calling you the problem because you expose things that need to be corrected or need to be improved not with any sort of malice, but with intent of betterment). However, it is all considered highly offensive and an attack. The craziest part of all is that they go out of their way to try and cause division or pain or confusion… things that are just truly not healthy or normal
it is one brick on top of another that creates a wall that cannot be helped or fixed or changed and so the outcome is to disengage from what you perceive to be the problem and this is considered so disrespectful, but you have no alternative because you would rather let them believe that there be disrespected then for you to allow yourself to get caught up in their disrespect and dramas towards you. At the beginning, you care about their feelings because it’s never your intention to hurt anybody and it’s possible that you did or said something that was upsetting. Maybe you were frustrated or having a bad day but then when they keep using the same thing over and over as a tactic to try to control you or make you feel guilty or manipulate you like you owe them something…. then you just refuse their traps and think to yourself-
I would never, and I could never, and I would never think or behave this way. It is completely the opposite of my nature yet you know that you are not the one out there trying to cause harm division, and you have no ill will towards them even still after all the drama that they created….
And that’s when you know that you’re free, indeed for many false perceptions or from the need of any validations or from trying to explain things to people that refuse to understand or worse, or unable to understand due to lack of maturity, perhaps lack of interest, maybe lack of experience or intellect And so it feels so frustrating that you would rather just let it be then to keep hitting your head against the brick wall.
Nobody goes out of their way to disrespect others, but I can see how often it is viewed to disrespect, but maybe it is just the survival of not having to deal with people that are not reasonable or well-versed enough in your story in order to be able to relate to you to begin with.
The ego has a way of people freaking out about disrespect- but how can a person disrespect you if they don’t really know you or they have a false interpretation about you? It’s not really disrespect. It’s just an inability to connect with you.
You may not be everyone’s cup of tea.
Amen ! this helps me a LOT; thank you so much ! This should be taught in schools....
@@Eric-tj3tg If you are lucky, with both parents in harmony....
God's Blessings 🙌🏾 🙏🏼 ✨️