Wow . The solid black eye. I wish no one experience it. I really like what you've said at the end. I think people are getting misdiagnosed or sth. Whenever you talk about BPD everybody will say : They are in suffering, they are not monsters , a "victim" of a borderline is not considered a victim unlike the ones who experience narcs. Again I'm not judging people who are struggling with BPD and making tons of efforts to heal every day. I am just talking about people who are on rollercoasters everyday because they are in a relationship with a borderline . Thank you David for keeping talking about borderline, you may not know but you are changing lives in other parts of the world.
Experiencing this is horrific. I experienced it for years and it was draining and ruined our lives and family and marriage. It even extended to our kids and he was what you would describe as quiet to those who don't have an intimate relationship with him. It's horrifying and scary. Everything you state here describes him to a T. But he denies it all and rewrites history to suit his Shame and guilt avoidance
Same here. Looking back I should have left him. I tried once, my parents would not support me after many years, he became psychotic and stopped enting. He hardly ate.. the died of heart attack
Crazy is as crazy does man. You can't call their behavior sane by any stretch of the imagination. I'm still recovering from my last ex. She was the worst one I've had. If my girlfriend says or does anything even remotely like what she said/did I can't take it. I feel flipped out inside and immediately tell her she has to stop.
Hey JR, yes that is why I mentioned skipping into psychosis but that technically doesn't mean insanity. How about you take it a step further in your relationship and behavior that you cannot tolerate can be not allowed ever again?
Emotional flashbacks. I feel the same way even if someone just says things that even sound like what my ex said and believe me it keeps happening to me with people.
@@daviddemars Bruh I was afraid of my ex pulling a Jodi Arias on me. Psychosis looks and feels insane to me but I get you. I just told my gf there's something, if she ever does it, then she's out. Thanks man.
You have to be so careful as a content creator. People can become attached to you just from watching your videos and then have expectations of you based off of that! People scare me tbh with everything I've seen online regarding smear campaigns. Great informative video as always, David! Thank you.
Hi David. I have a child with a bpd person. My daughter is now soon 8 and she is having the exact same problems as her mom and what you described here. She is undergoing an investigation for adhd and autism to maybe get help and medication. Her mom is 30 and still untreated that's why I'm desperately trying to get a better beginning for my daughter. It's extremely difficult right now to handle her. And very sad to see. I gave up on her mom but I can never give up on my child. Not many talk at all about this subject with BPD offspring.
Ive a boy with a bpd ex. I pray his mum doesnt affect him. Hes 10 years old, so far so good. Hes calm, rational although a bit disconnected and lacks sense of self. I hope your daughter leans towards you for guidance
As the mother of a 35 YO borderline, she has caused so much heartache and disruption in our family over the years. To hear that borderlines may become addicted to angry outbursts was a revelation to me. My daughter had temper trantrums from age 2 and beyond. My husband and I were unable to stop them from happening- I still have flashbacks of the alarming ones. We used to hope that she would outgrow this, would change as she matured. She hasn’t. That has led to our current method of coping with her- increasing the physical and emotional distance from her. I see this as “my cross to bear” for the rest of my life.
I’m in the situation as you are. I’ve got to the point that the threats and anger are hers to deal with . I’ve done all I can. Im not gonna enable her behavior anymore . Best wishes to you.
I totally understand. Mine is 37. It breaks my heart. I understand why this has happened to her. I have looked at any responsibility I have had in it. Unfortunately her rages drive me into emotional flashbacks ( something I have just figured- out, and would like to be able to deal with). It is physically exhausting after these episodes.
I think normal people cant appreciate how great borderlines are, they seek perfection in moral standards, a perfect world with no harm at all. Sometimes they realise that the world isnt perfect and it breaks them. But you can experience feelings you couldnt ever have with anyone else but them. I like my bpd girls, even when they want to kill me sometimes. Which they won't do, because they know the Partners worth and that jail wouldnt be that much fun. They are usually very intelligent, have very high empathy and are young and attraktive, there is nothing better.
Hello , David! Some of the smoke from the Canadian wild fires has cleared from our Ohio skies! We can breathe better! I do believe his rage made me unhealthy. I stayed so I guess I accepted it! It’s the kind of rage no one should be witness of.
Clean air is a great thing lol. Havent heard anything about the Palestine anymore? Rory, living with violence and anger for so long can be so damaging. Maybe some of the worst, what do you think?
Hello!! David, thank you and another great video.! It was a really good example you have given re: Helen Keller. I do know of Helen Keller and her story. I love this quote by Helen. Keller: "The best and most beautiful thing in the world cannot be seen or touched but felt with the heart". Ann Sullivan, Helen Kellers teacher, was truly an amazing person. Thank you for bravely sharing David and I can so relate with you there! Their "Rage" 😱who they are, including what they're capable of doing,( Beyond the unimaginable,) is something to be feared. 💜 I hope you have a really wonderful! weekend. Take care ❤
The denial of what they did a day, hour or even 5 minutes ago is hard to deal with. You can show them a video of what they did and they would still deny it. Their rage is like they go into a psychosis and truly can’t remember anything because when it’s over they can’t understand why you’re mad or freaked out at them.
Thank-you! The thumbnail got me. Long time subscriber here. I will NEVER forget the RAGE I saw in what I would describe as a misdiagnosed Borderline who actually had NPD. I know it's co-morbid, so it's really hard to see the difference. Anyone who says they don't display those symptoms, may not be "Borderline." It could be C-PTSD? Just my thoughts. labels are tricky. Thanks David! I appreciate you.
Spot on! 🎯I only ever saw this type of violence, rage, sadistic and psychotic behavior in the movies until I met this ex friend. He didn’t take no for an answer and now he’s stalking me going on almost 2 years. But then he’d also have moments of intense fear of me leaving and not wanting to be alone ever. He’d cry like a child at times. It was like two different people. Truly a Jekyll and Hyde. You don’t truly get it unless you’ve lived it.
Its the most awful shit seeing someone you love break and throw things scream and then call the cops on you as you sit in disbelief in silence. Hoovers are constant and I've changed my number still i wake up waiting for the next brink of destruction. Im so happy i have a moderately healthy support system and my basline was okay therapy is a struggle i know i have a long road ahead and i can't find much relief from the pain mourning my son myself and my ex. Trying to stay away from medication and exercise seems to be the best way to help with the headaches. Still im optimistic about the future and know time will pass and the sun will shine again ❤ stay strong ladys and gentlemen we are together.
Once again David, this discribes my situation to the T. Could you speak more about delusional thinking processes if you could call it that. Self awareness is massive. With my wife its what ever she decides reality is and when i ask to have a mediator in our conversations she absolutely dosent want that. She says im a slick talker and ill convince the counselors of my way of thinking. She likes isolated conversations. Im trying to help an crack the wall.
you won't crack anything but your patience. There will be no third party that will take your side to explain to her and then when she hears about her behavior say, you were right and the world will be right. I would bet if you had a video of what you were talking about she would then hate you for proving your point even though she would hold to her delusions. I am sorry if this is not what you need to hear or I am being unhelpful. I am for sure taking my experiences and laying them over the top of your brief post.
Hi Bradley, thank you. Yes the type that no matter what evidence is right in front of her face that counters her belief she will deny it. Delusional. Yes I have made videos about this and I will make another, maybe next? Thank you very much.
2 girlfriends back to back although a year between them as I attempted to heal exhibited rage in different ways. The former would silently rage but her pupils turned completely black. The latter would scream and rage violently and I experienced these episodes a half dozen times in only 4 and 1/2 months. Needless to say when she initiated a discard I accepted it and was very careful about what I said during the discard. I didn't want to risk another ragefest. Whether or not these women are borderlines is not known but do they have cluster B personality disorders? They have many traits at least. Both are very dangerous and have been violent and abusive. I am far better off away from them.
I could swear I used to follow you on a different channel. Dealing w borderline rages ( that are like psychotic episodes) are both mentally and physically exhausting. The most recent had me realize that when they flare- up, I am driven into emotional flashbacks; that is very dangerous when you are driving a vehical with a raging borderline.
David i can not tell you HOW this strikes home. Her "flying monkey" (the one she continuously runs back to 30 different times - back /forth - back/forth More , but after learning this psychopathy/DSM-5 / Machiavellian Dark traid issue in society (but your absolutely spot on) she (5'6" 135 blonde. Her flying monkey 6'+ 175+ (im PETRIFIED of her and her rage fit/triggered dealeo) him Pffff (id entertain goin rounds with him LONG BEFORE EVER dealing with her demons... Ohmy!) Love your work David . Youve helped me greatly with self love and respect. Its funny to be TOO empathetic to ones well being (that was me) WITHOUT putting our own priorities ahead (guess i always viewed it as " self centered " in that sense) its a fine line - ⚖️ thanks again, im catching up on your work as i go.
Holy shit my BPD gets so out of hand. When I become that person its like watching a movie and I don't have control. That person I become wants to destroy the world. Its not black out but its like I'm watching a movie that is about me
New watcher and will definitely watch more. Thank you for your insightful and thoughtful video. Growing up with a BPD single mother, her intense violent rages were terrifying and unpredictable - from private and public profanity ladden screaming tyrades I first remember around the age of 4 to punching me in the face, throwing ceramic mugs at my head, cutting off all my hair, and shrieking at me to throw the few toys i had into the dumpster behind our apartment, her anger was as horrifying as it was confusing. Then the mornings when she would be hungover crying on her bed saying she wish she could blow her head off. I was in 3rd grade and asking if we had food for breakfast before school. She stopped having her friends babysit me at ge 7. As an only child, these times alone were my sanctuary. I share these things not for sympathy or to demonize her - she never received more than a few therapy sessions for her own childhood trauma. I share this because some days i can't believe I'm still alive. 25 years of therapy, people who are angels who believed in me, and my determination to break the generational trauma are blessings that have kept me going. Self-compassion, love, forgiveness, and transforming pain into acts of creativity and service are helping to set me free. May all who have endured the abusive rage that overtakes those with a complex and painful disorder, i wish you peace, healing, and strength. Thank you.
(cont.) behind our apartment, her anger was as horrifying as it was confusing. Then the mornings when she would be hungover crying on her bed saying she wish she could blow her head off. I was in 3rd grade and asking if we had food for breakfast before school. She stopped having her friends babysit me at ge 7. As an only child, these times alone were my sanctuary. I share these things not for sympathy or to demonize her - she never received more than a few therapy sessions for her own childhood trauma. I share this because some days i can't believe I'm still alive. 25 years of therapy, people who are angels who believed in me, and my determination to break the generational trauma are blessings that have kept me going. Self-compassion, love, forgiveness, and transforming pain into acts of creativity and service are helping to set me free. May all who have endured the abusive rage that overtakes those with a complex and painful disorder, i wish you peace, healing, and strength. Thank you.
Buddy I have been watching a lot of your videos recently. It is amazing how so many of the traits of borderline fall in line with my exgirlfriend. I am going into work today and I am going to see her again. She is trying to talk to me and I have been good about avoiding her. I totally know about her rage as you have described in multiple videos. I have had to tell her when we were living together prior to my heart attack to be nice to me. She is filled with rage about her past and you nailed it with trauma between 2-4. If I had a better support system I would not be saying anything here but my circle has gotten smaller as so many of the people in my life have passed away. I guess what I really have to get off of my chest is. What kind of person comes to visit a person in the ICU the day after emergency heart surgery where I got two stents and they can bring clothes but they are mean to me as I sit in the bed unable to even get out of bed? A rhetorical question. There I said it and I got it off of my chest. I could say so much more but I just needed to write this in a book and put it down to leave it and live without the burden anymore. Thank you for your videos. I have to understand how broken people are to protect myself from going blindly into situations that are dangerous. I could not have really understood what a borderline and whatever else she is until I lived it. I can now see that she was angry but not raging like she was with me. In writing this I get it a little better.
Hello and thank you very much for your comment. This is a safe place where you can share your experience and ask questions. The type of person you are asking about is unstable. Lacking self awareness in who they are, how they feel, what they need and want and what they value and they also lack awareness of what they are doing (mindfullness) and how their behavior effects those around them. This is an emotionally underdeveloped child that is trying to survive and hates themselves. Everything is black and white trying to hurt them or help them and they are so unstable they are impulsive. Lost, scared, and confused, not knowing who they are or what to do to even slightly comfort themselves. Completely dependent on others for the smallest things we all easily do for ourselves. They are the child and you the parent and whether they have a good or bad day is totally your responsibility. A disorder of the self.
You would think if they were so lost, confused, scared, dependant etc, that they would accept that they need professional help. Sadly not often the case it seems. Delusional, evasive, defiant, zero accountability. Hopeless situation.
A quick note on Helen Keller: she was not born blind and deaf, but lost her sight and hearing at the age of 19 months from a non-specific illness that was most likely meningitis.
Its true all what your saving David, having been through the all and everything with someone portraying all the colours of borderline, right across the spectrum. The rage is frightening and can blow at any moment. 7 yrs of a relationship blown apart due to delusional and manipulative behaviour. My heart bleeds for my own suffering as I have to recover and also for her. Even after years of therapy she is undiagnosed and unaware of her condition. She's become a different person, someone I no longer know. She deserves to be better and has the intelligence, but not the emotional maturity to really be aware, and there's noway I can tell her anything as it only brings on more rage. It's a Jekyll and Hyde situation. I've learnt a lot, but at what price ? Leaving comments helps get things off my chest as I'm feeling incredibly isolated. Think I need to join a trauma group. I'm on medication for stress and depression, anxiety and haven't had a normal nights sleep in 2 yrs. I have my own issues that I'm also working on.
Yup same terrifying when someone is capable of causing mayhem then making up total lies they actually believe, which leaves onlookers susceptible to believing also, even with the diagnosis in place. Thankfully I was able to articulate myself to the courts and police they saw through the deception, 4 weeks no contact struggling with PTSD now and thinking there’s definitely ASPD in there with her borderline . Scary the more sober she got after multiple relapses, the more sadistic and abusive she was becoming.
If youve ever witnessed a partner with bpd rage youll know how scary it is. The eyes have this evil look that curse every fibre of your soul. Its unnerving.
U shld also include abt misophonia.. these folks when they are splitting get extremely irritated with regular noises around them. Moreso adding to their internal anxiety while they are splitting.. i have seen the splitting episode first hand and its not a good sight. This women was to marry me in a months time and boom one rage episode of splitting from her and boom total black out.. crickets after that.. i shld have not ignored the red flags she shld from start of our relationship.
would you keep that 5 foot 2 woman with BPD around and invite her over ? the one that raged at you and sent out her f.monkeys ? What would you do? Would you still have her over, right when she is losing her minions and people no longer jump to her commands? Would it be presumptuous of me to say that I know your answer? ps. how many in the US would now have a close relationship with Amber Heard? What a blinking nightmare. As a kid her dad was violent and terrifying. Now she blames every man for it.
Hi Matilda, if I understand your question correctly, no I would not have a person over, I assume to my home, if they are violent, unstable, and unhealthy.
I have a question, my sister in law went off on me yelling and screaming at me over the telephone because I disagreed with her about a book, and I didn't like it she asked me why I didn't like it and my answer wasn't good enough so she started yelling and screaming at me. Second incident, she wanted to go see a psychic medium, 🔮 she called up and talked to me,and she asked if her brother would watch her kids while she saw this medium. Her brother didn't want to watch her kids so he told he no and she got mad, a few days later she sent her brother a six page letter or longer calling me every dirty name in the book, she said that I was a no good tramp etc.. third incident was not long after I had miscarried she called up to see if she could come over their mom insisted that she come over to give her son his check. His sister tried to talk her out of itbut still insisted. No longer than she had been there, his sister saw the baby book of names and said that next time that I have a baby, name it with an A I said no too many people who have names beginning with the letter A in my family, again she went off on me yelling and screaming at me, my husband her brother just sat there and said noting to his sister who was still screaming at me and their mom just ignored her saying nothing. Then their mom said I need some product ( I was selling Mary Kay at the time ) I felt bad but didn't feel as if I could say no. I decided not to have kids after that. I felt like I had been punished for disagreeing with his sister. And because husband didn't say anything to his sister. A fourth incident was his sister came over to our house and grabbed her son by the back of the collar on his shirt ,pushing him to the floor, telling he r brother,what happened. Is this borderline personality behavior? Because hubby gets mad and threw things and yelled and screamed when we had a disagreement because I didn't agree with him. Do you have any idea what kind of actions these are?
Hello Kim. You cannot diagnose another person but you can identify behavioral patterns in people that must not be ignored. This person you describe is very exploitative, judgemental, and emotionally dangerous. Try to accept who this person shows you they are and do not accept their behaviors in your life at all. I will always answer every question in the weekly Q&A videos and you can always hire someone to tlak to about this. This in-law means someone in your family is married to this very sick person which also means there may be some neglect in the family.
@DeMars Coaching I suspected that she wasn't good from the get-go after the book incident. I was raised by an abusive mom ( that dosen't include the times that I did deserve a good grounding because I did something that I wasn't supposed to because if I disobed her, then I deserved to be grounded ) my mom mad multiple personality disorder and she was bipolar. However, my grandmother raised me from the time I was a baby, and so I got attention and lot's of love from her, and I could talk to her about anything. However, she too had her issues. I made the decision to stay away from hubby's sister she freaked me out, so just by my mom being the way that she was I instinctively knew that she was not a good person to be around, so I kept his sister at bay and didn't have anything to do with her unless I absolutely had to. It's the same thing with my mom.
My borderline ex girlfriend treathens me with a big knife when i told her i not want to marry her..6 months later she she told me she wants to kill me..the rage of these people are so scary..
I have a question, for a borderline with intense anger, poor perception and memory when under stress, and also a very large drinking problem, is the drinking causing the first stated issues? Or is the drinking a by-product of the pain he is suffering, and the aforementioned issues will be there with or without the alcohol issue?
I never asked for this horrible disorder, and rather than being taught to control my rage, or to talk to me or to help me, I was left to work it out alone in my room with the door shut. No one in my family could help me because every one of us were dysfunctional. I was born in 1946, long before I ever heard of BPD. Back then, people were called crazy, or skitzo, or loony. My brothers called me Sybil. It's not funny! And it never felt funny, or right, or good to me. I hated feeling the way I felt inside and the way I acted when I was angry. I hated it so much, that I suppressed it till it got too big and began to over-flow. Because I felt so victimized and weak, my anger soon became my defense against feeling bullied. I felt justified. People left me alone, and that's what I wanted them to do. Just leave me alone! If you don't, you will pay! I was a good kid, but I felt rotten to the core. The only thing that has kept me going and striving to be better, is my faith and trust in God. I have self-discernment, a very important tool when recovering from my disorder. I have a tender, sensitive heart. I care about people and never want to lash out at them. I can admit my guilt and truly feel remorse for the things I do and say when I'm not myself. I still have meltdowns, but in the privacy of my bedroom, where I cry till I can't cry anymore. I know I'm unstable, and I hate it. When I feel overly anxious around certain people, I pray, "Jesus, help me" till it passes. I read the comments and shudder when I think of my own behavior at times. And I can't help but feel sadness for the ones with BPD, because the pain they inflict on others is a drop in the bucket compared to the pain they feel and continue feeling unless they are willing to get help. I am a truth seeker, my life is an open book, I'm honest with myself and those around me. I have nothing to hide anymore. Even my best friends find it hard to believe that I have BPD. Most of them don't even know what it is. I didn't either till I was finally diagnosed with it. I'm 77, now. Maybe the worst is over for me; I don't know. I can tell you that the rage has subsided, and I am doing so much better controlling my anger. I have a loving support system, something I never had growing up. I can talk to my husband about anything without fear of being judged and criticized. Same goes for my son, and grandkids. My small circle of family and friends are all I need to finish out my life in peace, love, and happiness. I don't allow toxic people in my life and with all my might, I'm trying to rid myself of toxic behaviors. I wouldn't wish BPD on my worst enemy!
Hi from Sacramento. I know what I’m about to ask you is off topic but have you ever done a video about cult mentality in regards to the border line and narcissistic behavior. I would be very interested in your take on this. I’m extremely leery of cults but I’m curious about the thought patterns and mentality.
So everyone is against us? No reasoning no understanding? See this is what i see and that is what makes me feel like im a dam monster this is me! THIS ISN'T ME! Try walking these shoes awhile and try people understand....
Take a BPD out in public to a nice restaurant and watch in horror as they ruin the evening. Maybe they overheard a comment or opinion they didn’t like, maybe the server forgot a minor request they made. Doesn’t matter. Here comes the childish temper tantrum as you frantically and simultaneously whip out your credit card, ask for to-go boxes, discreetly apologize to other patrons, and prepare for more emotional abuse on the ride home. These videos are the warning labels to stay away from BPDs at all costs. I got rid of the BPD in my life, you can too. Stay safe everyone.
Because she cheated on me and left me for the guy she cheated with... i reacted predictably and called her names, cold among others.. so she claimed that she made up the other guy and he wasnt actually real AND shes pregnant with my kid and if i dont meet up with her in person she will get an abortion... so i agreed... we sat and all of a sudden 2 guys came out of nowhere and the guy said his name (name of guy she made up) then she told me "im not really pregnant" and the guy hit me while i tried to stand up and threatened to stab me.... dissociation, psychosis.... her, yea... rage... thats not the girl... i knew but obviously she must have done that splitting thing on me while she met that guy.. idk... we were literally in love before she went away.... *cough* for 14 friggin days... thats all it takes i guess.
Question, do you think he has a extreme need to be seen as different, as a good person, as to be almost anxious to be doing the right thing. Recently a lady crashed in the side of his truck which his crazy about cars, well his saying he doesn't want to ramp up her costs as insurance company's phone him asking if he has Injuries or other costs. He just wants his car fixed. He said he will send her flowers with a note after its done , he said all this insurance thing should be stopped. We should all be more gracious about these things... all lovely just sounds extreme .
Am I borderline if my husband won’t listen to my concerns, leaves the room or house, can’t sit and take my fears seriously? So I explode because now he will listen? 50 years of not feeling listened to, walked out on, dismissed. Does that make me borderline?
how about saying people who don't rage uncontrollably don't have borderline...? People who don't control others, or don't even think of controlling others.. don't have borderline? Or people who don't feel empty or don't self harm.. don't have borderline. And so on and so on.
Hi Matilda, good thought but it still doesn't work because there are people with BPD that do not have some traits of the disorder but still fit the criteria for the disorder.
@@daviddemars yes, there is a range on a spectrum like most things. 5 out of 9 would be a formal diagnosis. Every case is unique in itself. However, none of these BPD traits are good or healthy. 1.Want to control others 2. Impulsive 3. feel empty 4. self harm 5. identity issues 6. Unstable 7. Mood swings that come and go quickly 8. Explosive rage and 9. Space out or dissassociate.
Anger is NOT uncontrollable rage on someone to do exactly as they say!! Anger is healthy. Even the Bible says, "Be angry". Why Americans shame people for being angry beats me. Rage is different, it's an outburst intended to control another.
Because people take their anger out on other people a lot in harmful ways. Anger literally destroys relationships many times. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, [Ephesians 4:26, New Living Translation]. BE ANGRY [at sin-at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior], YET DO NOT SIN; do not let your anger [cause you shame, nor allow it to] last until the sun goes down. [Amplifed Bible,]
@@terra_t yes, anger can be powerful when used in good ways. That energy can be used to make good decisions and take appropriate action for times to come. Of course people use that energy in horrible ways. That's why it says, BE angry, but do not sin.
To feel angry after boundaries have been violated it's actually a healthy response. Projecting anger is a sign of unconscious reaction. It is still everybody's individual responsibility to do their own healing work. Any Behavior not examined will be projected
Let's just say my borderline rage even scared a narcissist. My rages are rare though. The last one I had I went into dissociated state. I don't even know what I did or say.
My point in case: Why do other people deserve to be "happy" when others have been through unspeakable trauma and hurt and torment, then got blamed for being BPD? Neurotipycals do unspeakable damage and hurt to orher people, but i dont hear anyone complaining about them. All the shit in this world gets dumped on ppl with Cluster B personalities As if the world at large, society, human interaction, family, the System, the world governing authorities, existense itself, as if this reality, have no part in how these individuals are shaped. Do you think ppl want to be this way? Do you think 2 year old, a 12 year old, just 'decided' to be an NPD or an BPD? Hell, not even psychopaths get such a bad reputation. Yes, I agree. They're damaging individuals, but stigmatizing and hating on them, will not solve the issue we're facing as a Society at large. An ill-constructed Society that is.
Yeah, I tend to scare people around me, and then I prove to myself that these people will abandon me because of it. Then I get into these really depressed episodes after I rage because I feel like a monster and can't be loved. My boyfriend said it traumatized him cuz I became extremely destructive. He said my eyes turned black and hearing that made my skin crawl. I got physically stronger, and he didn't know if i was gonna hurt myself or others. Sometimes I even blackout, and people tell me what I did and I can't believe it because I'm so unaware... it's exhausting. Even when I feel myself starting to rage, I can't stop myself, it's too late. I scare myself sometimes, especially when I'm behind the wheel of my Mustang and I rage.
Hearing the phrase "uncontrollable anger" is a trigger for me because my Borderline brain interprets that as an accusation that my anger is "unjustifiable anger" which is a deep wound of shame and fear. I think for a lot of borderlines we just want our needs met and boundaries respected and when that didn't happen enough growing up every slight perceived threat in adulthood of not having our needs met or boundaries respected leads to a rage fit of fear, abandonment, overwhelm, disgust, self loathing, external hatred towards the supposed person or situation we perceive as a threat to us getting our needs met or boundaries upheld. If we receive consistent care from someone and feel safe to express ourselves and get our needs met then we are docile and affectionate. But when we feel denied or violated then ya off the rails we go.
@@ssing7113keep telling them the truth. The only "need" they should be worried about in relationships is getting the help/DBT necessary. Until they put in the hard work of healing themselves, they will be a self-fulfilling prophecy of tainted love.
When a Borderline gets angry and rageful, I just need to remind myself, this person is in a tremendous amount of psychological pain and they need support right now. Doesn’t make what they do or say okay, but their needs are greater at this moment in time.
It’s so disheartening when people who are making “ self help “ videos label people with ‘ disorders’ as toxic .everyone has their challenges …..very personal interaction is unique ….labelling people as good or bad isn’t helpful …it’s an example of distorted thinking which is also a symptom of bpd, and to label everyone with bpd as some kind of manipulative , broken person with no self awareness is not helpful . You might want to check yourself dude .
I think 🤔 💭 you either had feelings or had a hard relationship with someone with BPD and you got hurt along the way with your ex girfriend which, I deeply apologize to you for her not sure why she hurt you but she did?? 🤔 💭 But please stop making such negative videos 📹 🙄 about ppl that suffer from BPD please. The reason I am asking you to stop ✋ is if you want ppl to seek help in order to get better you need to give them some hope of recovery or else what is the point?? 🤔 💭 Besides You are starting to really sound arrogant 🤔 💭 with your negative input on this topic. You may also be having something troubling your mental health as well because you can sense the deep hurt in you watching these videos 📹 you just do not know?? Not sure??🤔 💭 Or you have mistaken BPD for NPD?? 🤔 💭 not sure?? I too have a personal issue with ppl to I have been hurt deeply 😞 by a NPD individual which, I am scared 😨 to death of about your size. This is a long story...As for me I am more your ex girlfriend's size with BPD but getting treatment. Dignosised at 16 in the 1990s. sometimes I wonder about this?? 🤔 💭 You do make some very valid points but need to plz stop ✋ being so negative about the Mental health Topic so more can seek help for this condition and be on the road to recovery please thank you take care.
Ditto. These videos are v valuable. When the person w BPD rages it can truly be incomprehensible and terrifying. David does a good job explaining the trait and helping the recipients of rage understand this very real and destructive characteristic. This is compassion for those on both sides and far from arrogance.
Everyone gets angry. Uncontrollable scary anger is a game changer. Done.
See.....wtf.... so I get vilified because I get a little more animated and louder than you when I get enraged?!?! I'm tired of that shit...fuck you
I was subjected to rage because she THOUGHT I was cheating/going to cheat. Unhealthy doesn't begin to describe.
My husband had exctly that. 1 year after we got married.. The scariest thing I have ever seen. I should have divorced him just there and then..
True, when I am with my friends, she sends me messages accusing me of cheating and threatening me that she will cheat on me because I cheated on her!!
Wow . The solid black eye. I wish no one experience it. I really like what you've said at the end. I think people are getting misdiagnosed or sth. Whenever you talk about BPD everybody will say : They are in suffering, they are not monsters , a "victim" of a borderline is not considered a victim unlike the ones who experience narcs. Again I'm not judging people who are struggling with BPD and making tons of efforts to heal every day. I am just talking about people who are on rollercoasters everyday because they are in a relationship with a borderline . Thank you David for keeping talking about borderline, you may not know but you are changing lives in other parts of the world.
It's cool, she can do whatever she wants- IT'S STILL ALL YOUR FAULT.
Never forget it!
Experiencing this is horrific. I experienced it for years and it was draining and ruined our lives and family and marriage. It even extended to our kids and he was what you would describe as quiet to those who don't have an intimate relationship with him. It's horrifying and scary. Everything you state here describes him to a T. But he denies it all and rewrites history to suit his Shame and guilt avoidance
Same here. Looking back I should have left him. I tried once, my parents would not support me after many years, he became psychotic and stopped enting. He hardly ate.. the died of heart attack
Crazy is as crazy does man. You can't call their behavior sane by any stretch of the imagination. I'm still recovering from my last ex. She was the worst one I've had. If my girlfriend says or does anything even remotely like what she said/did I can't take it. I feel flipped out inside and immediately tell her she has to stop.
Hey JR, yes that is why I mentioned skipping into psychosis but that technically doesn't mean insanity.
How about you take it a step further in your relationship and behavior that you cannot tolerate can be not allowed ever again?
Emotional flashbacks. I feel the same way even if someone just says things that even sound like what my ex said and believe me it keeps happening to me with people.
@@daviddemars Bruh I was afraid of my ex pulling a Jodi Arias on me. Psychosis looks and feels insane to me but I get you. I just told my gf there's something, if she ever does it, then she's out. Thanks man.
@@terra_t Thank you Terra.
If you ever ask to merely go to the bathroom, and they start screaming and yelling at you nonsensical things. Run!!!!
Or need you to hold their hand while they're using the bathroom... not kidding.
@@daviddemars yeah...🤗
@@daviddemars Or worse! No kidding!😎❤️
You have to be so careful as a content creator. People can become attached to you just from watching your videos and then have expectations of you based off of that! People scare me tbh with everything I've seen online regarding smear campaigns. Great informative video as always, David! Thank you.
I like that this guy is honest and tells the truth.
You're spot on about this, mate. Well done. 👍🏻
The eye twitching was amazing.
Nailed my MIL and her golden son 🎤⬇️
Hi David. I have a child with a bpd person. My daughter is now soon 8 and she is having the exact same problems as her mom and what you described here. She is undergoing an investigation for adhd and autism to maybe get help and medication. Her mom is 30 and still untreated that's why I'm desperately trying to get a better beginning for my daughter. It's extremely difficult right now to handle her. And very sad to see. I gave up on her mom but I can never give up on my child. Not many talk at all about this subject with BPD offspring.
Ive a boy with a bpd ex. I pray his mum doesnt affect him. Hes 10 years old, so far so good. Hes calm, rational although a bit disconnected and lacks sense of self. I hope your daughter leans towards you for guidance
As the mother of a 35 YO borderline, she has caused so much heartache and disruption in our family over the years. To hear that borderlines may become addicted to angry outbursts was a revelation to me. My daughter had temper trantrums from age 2 and beyond. My husband and I were unable to stop them from happening- I still have flashbacks of the alarming ones. We used to hope that she would outgrow this, would change as she matured. She hasn’t. That has led to our current method of coping with her- increasing the physical and emotional distance from her. I see this as “my cross to bear” for the rest of my life.
I’m in the situation as you are. I’ve got to the point that the threats and anger are hers to deal with . I’ve done all I can. Im not gonna enable her behavior anymore . Best wishes to you.
I totally understand. Mine is 37. It breaks my heart. I understand why this has happened to her. I have looked at any responsibility I have had in it. Unfortunately her rages drive me into emotional flashbacks ( something I have just figured- out, and would like to be able to deal with). It is physically exhausting after these episodes.
Temper tantrums don’t just ‘start’. Most people know by now Bpd is caused by complex repeated trauma
I think normal people cant appreciate how great borderlines are, they seek perfection in moral standards, a perfect world with no harm at all. Sometimes they realise that the world isnt perfect and it breaks them. But you can experience feelings you couldnt ever have with anyone else but them.
I like my bpd girls, even when they want to kill me sometimes. Which they won't do, because they know the Partners worth and that jail wouldnt be that much fun.
They are usually very intelligent, have very high empathy and are young and attraktive, there is nothing better.
Please sign and share the Stop Narcissistic Online Bullying global petition:
change.org/stopbullies
Hello , David! Some of the smoke from the Canadian wild fires has cleared from our Ohio skies! We can breathe better! I do believe his rage made me unhealthy. I stayed so I guess I accepted it! It’s the kind of rage no one should be witness of.
Clean air is a great thing lol. Havent heard anything about the Palestine anymore?
Rory, living with violence and anger for so long can be so damaging. Maybe some of the worst, what do you think?
@@daviddemars East Palestine only in the news every so often. The rage does something to your nervous system! I jump at loud sounds!
Hello!! David,
thank you and another great video.!
It was a really good example you have given re: Helen Keller.
I do know of Helen Keller and her story.
I love this quote by Helen. Keller:
"The best and most beautiful thing in the world cannot be seen or touched but felt with the heart".
Ann Sullivan, Helen Kellers teacher, was truly an amazing person.
Thank you for bravely sharing David and I can so relate with you there!
Their "Rage" 😱who they are, including what they're capable of doing,( Beyond the unimaginable,) is something to be feared. 💜
I hope you have a really wonderful! weekend.
Take care ❤
Hi! Beautiful comment and beautiful quote. I know of it and another I really like but cant remember now.
@@daviddemars You're welcome! and thank you so much! David.
The denial of what they did a day, hour or even 5 minutes ago is hard to deal with. You can show them a video of what they did and they would still deny it. Their rage is like they go into a psychosis and truly can’t remember anything because when it’s over they can’t understand why you’re mad or freaked out at them.
Thank you David for video! 🌹🌞🙂
Hi Emily thank you!
Just saw thumbnail! Excruciatingly painful face of agony!
Pretty bad huh?
@@daviddemars lol!
Thank-you! The thumbnail got me. Long time subscriber here. I will NEVER forget the RAGE I saw in what I would describe as a misdiagnosed Borderline who actually had NPD. I know it's co-morbid, so it's really hard to see the difference. Anyone who says they don't display those symptoms, may not be "Borderline." It could be C-PTSD? Just my thoughts. labels are tricky. Thanks David! I appreciate you.
Spot on! 🎯I only ever saw this type of violence, rage, sadistic and psychotic behavior in the movies until I met this ex friend. He didn’t take no for an answer and now he’s stalking me going on almost 2 years. But then he’d also have moments of intense fear of me leaving and not wanting to be alone ever. He’d cry like a child at times. It was like two different people. Truly a Jekyll and Hyde. You don’t truly get it unless you’ve lived it.
Its the most awful shit seeing someone you love break and throw things scream and then call the cops on you as you sit in disbelief in silence. Hoovers are constant and I've changed my number still i wake up waiting for the next brink of destruction. Im so happy i have a moderately healthy support system and my basline was okay therapy is a struggle i know i have a long road ahead and i can't find much relief from the pain mourning my son myself and my ex. Trying to stay away from medication and exercise seems to be the best way to help with the headaches. Still im optimistic about the future and know time will pass and the sun will shine again ❤ stay strong ladys and gentlemen we are together.
Rage out of the blue over inconsequential things
Once again David, this discribes my situation to the T.
Could you speak more about delusional thinking processes if you could call it that.
Self awareness is massive. With my wife its what ever she decides reality is and when i ask to have a mediator in our conversations she absolutely dosent want that. She says im a slick talker and ill convince the counselors of my way of thinking.
She likes isolated conversations.
Im trying to help an crack the wall.
you won't crack anything but your patience. There will be no third party that will take your side to explain to her and then when she hears about her behavior say, you were right and the world will be right. I would bet if you had a video of what you were talking about she would then hate you for proving your point even though she would hold to her delusions. I am sorry if this is not what you need to hear or I am being unhelpful. I am for sure taking my experiences and laying them over the top of your brief post.
Hi Bradley, thank you. Yes the type that no matter what evidence is right in front of her face that counters her belief she will deny it. Delusional. Yes I have made videos about this and I will make another, maybe next? Thank you very much.
2 girlfriends back to back although a year between them as I attempted to heal exhibited rage in different ways. The former would silently rage but her pupils turned completely black. The latter would scream and rage violently and I experienced these episodes a half dozen times in only 4 and 1/2 months. Needless to say when she initiated a discard I accepted it and was very careful about what I said during the discard. I didn't want to risk another ragefest. Whether or not these women are borderlines is not known but do they have cluster B personality disorders? They have many traits at least. Both are very dangerous and have been violent and abusive. I am far better off away from them.
You sound co dependamt ? Your choice in potentianal life partners seems poor ?
@@baldersn4474 it sounds like I should just listen to you. You seem to have all the answers.
thank you for these videos, I just got out of a relationship with a borderline, it was exactly like you said
Thank you and im sorry for your loss and how you may be feeling. Please consider hiring someone to talk to. Its necessary.
@@ssing7113 yeah I left and blocked her on everything, she tried to suck me back in but I told her it's done
their skin turns black, not only their eyes
😅I love your post I’m learning about me being bordeline but with time I’m getting good and resposable
I could swear I used to follow you on a different channel. Dealing w borderline rages ( that are like psychotic episodes) are both mentally and physically exhausting. The most recent had me realize that when they flare- up, I am driven into emotional flashbacks; that is very dangerous when you are driving a vehical with a raging borderline.
David i can not tell you HOW this strikes home.
Her "flying monkey" (the one she continuously runs back to 30 different times - back /forth - back/forth
More , but after learning this psychopathy/DSM-5 / Machiavellian Dark traid issue in society (but your absolutely spot on) she (5'6" 135 blonde.
Her flying monkey 6'+ 175+ (im PETRIFIED of her and her rage fit/triggered dealeo) him
Pffff (id entertain goin rounds with him LONG BEFORE EVER dealing with her demons...
Ohmy!)
Love your work David . Youve helped me greatly with self love and respect. Its funny to be TOO empathetic to ones well being (that was me) WITHOUT putting our own priorities ahead (guess i always viewed it as " self centered " in that sense) its a fine line - ⚖️ thanks again, im catching up on your work as i go.
Wow I remember telling my borderline ex her eyes would change to yellow when she was raging. Looking back maybe it was just her pupils enlarging.
Yellow huh? Idk but the blackness is the pupils dilating.
Holy shit my BPD gets so out of hand. When I become that person its like watching a movie and I don't have control. That person I become wants to destroy the world. Its not black out but its like I'm watching a movie that is about me
New watcher and will definitely watch more. Thank you for your insightful and thoughtful video. Growing up with a BPD single mother, her intense violent rages were terrifying and unpredictable - from private and public profanity ladden screaming tyrades I first remember around the age of 4 to punching me in the face, throwing ceramic mugs at my head, cutting off all my hair, and shrieking at me to throw the few toys i had into the dumpster behind our apartment, her anger was as horrifying as it was confusing. Then the mornings when she would be hungover crying on her bed saying she wish she could blow her head off. I was in 3rd grade and asking if we had food for breakfast before school. She stopped having her friends babysit me at ge 7. As an only child, these times alone were my sanctuary. I share these things not for sympathy or to demonize her - she never received more than a few therapy sessions for her own childhood trauma. I share this because some days i can't believe I'm still alive. 25 years of therapy, people who are angels who believed in me, and my determination to break the generational trauma are blessings that have kept me going. Self-compassion, love, forgiveness, and transforming pain into acts of creativity and service are helping to set me free. May all who have endured the abusive rage that overtakes those with a complex and painful disorder, i wish you peace, healing, and strength. Thank you.
(cont.) behind our apartment, her anger was as horrifying as it was confusing. Then the mornings when she would be hungover crying on her bed saying she wish she could blow her head off. I was in 3rd grade and asking if we had food for breakfast before school. She stopped having her friends babysit me at ge 7. As an only child, these times alone were my sanctuary. I share these things not for sympathy or to demonize her - she never received more than a few therapy sessions for her own childhood trauma. I share this because some days i can't believe I'm still alive. 25 years of therapy, people who are angels who believed in me, and my determination to break the generational trauma are blessings that have kept me going. Self-compassion, love, forgiveness, and transforming pain into acts of creativity and service are helping to set me free. May all who have endured the abusive rage that overtakes those with a complex and painful disorder, i wish you peace, healing, and strength. Thank you.
Hi David
Thank you very much for the video.
Ridiculous uncontrollable rage sums up my ex borderline. Other times she could feign sweetness and light.
Buddy I have been watching a lot of your videos recently. It is amazing how so many of the traits of borderline fall in line with my exgirlfriend. I am going into work today and I am going to see her again. She is trying to talk to me and I have been good about avoiding her. I totally know about her rage as you have described in multiple videos.
I have had to tell her when we were living together prior to my heart attack to be nice to me. She is filled with rage about her past and you nailed it with trauma between 2-4. If I had a better support system I would not be saying anything here but my circle has gotten smaller as so many of the people in my life have passed away.
I guess what I really have to get off of my chest is. What kind of person comes to visit a person in the ICU the day after emergency heart surgery where I got two stents and they can bring clothes but they are mean to me as I sit in the bed unable to even get out of bed? A rhetorical question.
There I said it and I got it off of my chest. I could say so much more but I just needed to write this in a book and put it down to leave it and live without the burden anymore.
Thank you for your videos. I have to understand how broken people are to protect myself from going blindly into situations that are dangerous. I could not have really understood what a borderline and whatever else she is until I lived it. I can now see that she was angry but not raging like she was with me.
In writing this I get it a little better.
Hello and thank you very much for your comment. This is a safe place where you can share your experience and ask questions.
The type of person you are asking about is unstable. Lacking self awareness in who they are, how they feel, what they need and want and what they value and they also lack awareness of what they are doing (mindfullness) and how their behavior effects those around them.
This is an emotionally underdeveloped child that is trying to survive and hates themselves. Everything is black and white trying to hurt them or help them and they are so unstable they are impulsive. Lost, scared, and confused, not knowing who they are or what to do to even slightly comfort themselves. Completely dependent on others for the smallest things we all easily do for ourselves. They are the child and you the parent and whether they have a good or bad day is totally your responsibility. A disorder of the self.
You would think if they were so lost, confused, scared, dependant etc, that they would accept that they need professional help. Sadly not often the case it seems. Delusional, evasive, defiant, zero accountability.
Hopeless situation.
A quick note on Helen Keller: she was not born blind and deaf, but lost her sight and hearing at the age of 19 months from a non-specific illness that was most likely meningitis.
Its true all what your saving David, having been through the all and everything with someone portraying all the colours of borderline, right across the spectrum. The rage is frightening and can blow at any moment. 7 yrs of a relationship blown apart due to delusional and manipulative behaviour. My heart bleeds for my own suffering as I have to recover and also for her. Even after years of therapy she is undiagnosed and unaware of her condition. She's become a different person, someone I no longer know. She deserves to be better and has the intelligence, but not the emotional maturity to really be aware, and there's noway I can tell her anything as it only brings on more rage. It's a Jekyll and Hyde situation.
I've learnt a lot, but at what price ?
Leaving comments helps get things off my chest as I'm feeling incredibly isolated.
Think I need to join a trauma group.
I'm on medication for stress and depression, anxiety and haven't had a normal nights sleep in 2 yrs.
I have my own issues that I'm also working on.
Yup same terrifying when someone is capable of causing mayhem then making up total lies they actually believe, which leaves onlookers susceptible to believing also, even with the diagnosis in place. Thankfully I was able to articulate myself to the courts and police they saw through the deception, 4 weeks no contact struggling with PTSD now and thinking there’s definitely ASPD in there with her borderline . Scary the more sober she got after multiple relapses, the more sadistic and abusive she was becoming.
You saved my life with your videos👏🏼 i was almost married with her and that would not ended Well
If youve ever witnessed a partner with bpd rage youll know how scary it is. The eyes have this evil look that curse every fibre of your soul. Its unnerving.
This is the where the term borderline comes from; where sanity becomes psychosis
U shld also include abt misophonia.. these folks when they are splitting get extremely irritated with regular noises around them. Moreso adding to their internal anxiety while they are splitting.. i have seen the splitting episode first hand and its not a good sight. This women was to marry me in a months time and boom one rage episode of splitting from her and boom total black out.. crickets after that.. i shld have not ignored the red flags she shld from start of our relationship.
would you keep that 5 foot 2 woman with BPD around and invite her over ? the one that raged at you and sent out her f.monkeys ? What would you do? Would you still have her over, right when she is losing her minions and people no longer jump to her commands? Would it be presumptuous of me to say that I know your answer? ps. how many in the US would now have a close relationship with Amber Heard? What a blinking nightmare. As a kid her dad was violent and terrifying. Now she blames every man for it.
Hi Matilda, if I understand your question correctly, no I would not have a person over, I assume to my home, if they are violent, unstable, and unhealthy.
I have a question, my sister in law went off on me yelling and screaming at me over the telephone because I disagreed with her about a book, and I didn't like it she asked me why I didn't like it and my answer wasn't good enough so she started yelling and screaming at me. Second incident, she wanted to go see a psychic medium, 🔮 she called up and talked to me,and she asked if her brother would watch her kids while she saw this medium. Her brother didn't want to watch her kids so he told he no and she got mad, a few days later she sent her brother a six page letter or longer calling me every dirty name in the book, she said that I was a no good tramp etc.. third incident was not long after I had miscarried she called up to see if she could come over their mom insisted that she come over to give her son his check. His sister tried to talk her out of itbut still insisted. No longer than she had been there, his sister saw the baby book of names and said that next time that I have a baby, name it with an A I said no too many people who have names beginning with the letter A in my family, again she went off on me yelling and screaming at me, my husband her brother just sat there and said noting to his sister who was still screaming at me and their mom just ignored her saying nothing. Then their mom said I need some product ( I was selling Mary Kay at the time ) I felt bad but didn't feel as if I could say no. I decided not to have kids after that. I felt like I had been punished for disagreeing with his sister. And because husband didn't say anything to his sister. A fourth incident was his sister came over to our house and grabbed her son by the back of the collar on his shirt ,pushing him to the floor, telling he
r brother,what happened. Is this borderline personality behavior? Because hubby gets mad and threw things and yelled and screamed when we had a disagreement because I didn't agree with him. Do you have any idea what kind of actions these are?
Hello Kim. You cannot diagnose another person but you can identify behavioral patterns in people that must not be ignored.
This person you describe is very exploitative, judgemental, and emotionally dangerous. Try to accept who this person shows you they are and do not accept their behaviors in your life at all. I will always answer every question in the weekly Q&A videos and you can always hire someone to tlak to about this. This in-law means someone in your family is married to this very sick person which also means there may be some neglect in the family.
@DeMars Coaching I suspected that she wasn't good from the get-go after the book incident. I was raised by an abusive mom ( that dosen't include the times that I did deserve a good grounding because I did something that I wasn't supposed to because if I disobed her, then I deserved to be grounded ) my mom mad multiple personality disorder and she was bipolar. However, my grandmother raised me from the time I was a baby, and so I got attention and lot's of love from her, and I could talk to her about anything. However, she too had her issues. I made the decision to stay away from hubby's sister she freaked me out, so just by my mom being the way that she was I instinctively knew that she was not a good person to be around, so I kept his sister at bay and didn't have anything to do with her unless I absolutely had to. It's the same thing with my mom.
Whenever I calmly question my girlfriend if she is cheating or about the past she gets really angry. I wonder what this exactly means.
My borderline ex girlfriend treathens me with a big knife when i told her i not want to marry her..6 months later she she told me she wants to kill me..the rage of these people are so scary..
That thumbnail is an accurate description of how I feel when I’m mad
I have a question, for a borderline with intense anger, poor perception and memory when under stress, and also a very large drinking problem, is the drinking causing the first stated issues? Or is the drinking a by-product of the pain he is suffering, and the aforementioned issues will be there with or without the alcohol issue?
I never asked for this horrible disorder, and rather than being taught to control my rage, or to talk to me or to help me, I was left to work it out alone in my room with the door shut. No one in my family could help me because every one of us were dysfunctional. I was born in 1946, long before I ever heard of BPD. Back then, people were called crazy, or skitzo, or loony. My brothers called me Sybil. It's not funny! And it never felt funny, or right, or good to me. I hated feeling the way I felt inside and the way I acted when I was angry. I hated it so much, that I suppressed it till it got too big and began to over-flow. Because I felt so victimized and weak, my anger soon became my defense against feeling bullied. I felt justified. People left me alone, and that's what I wanted them to do. Just leave me alone! If you don't, you will pay! I was a good kid, but I felt rotten to the core. The only thing that has kept me going and striving to be better, is my faith and trust in God. I have self-discernment, a very important tool when recovering from my disorder. I have a tender, sensitive heart. I care about people and never want to lash out at them. I can admit my guilt and truly feel remorse for the things I do and say when I'm not myself. I still have meltdowns, but in the privacy of my bedroom, where I cry till I can't cry anymore. I know I'm unstable, and I hate it. When I feel overly anxious around certain people, I pray, "Jesus, help me" till it passes. I read the comments and shudder when I think of my own behavior at times. And I can't help but feel sadness for the ones with BPD, because the pain they inflict on others is a drop in the bucket compared to the pain they feel and continue feeling unless they are willing to get help. I am a truth seeker, my life is an open book, I'm honest with myself and those around me. I have nothing to hide anymore. Even my best friends find it hard to believe that I have BPD. Most of them don't even know what it is. I didn't either till I was finally diagnosed with it. I'm 77, now. Maybe the worst is over for me; I don't know. I can tell you that the rage has subsided, and I am doing so much better controlling my anger. I have a loving support system, something I never had growing up. I can talk to my husband about anything without fear of being judged and criticized. Same goes for my son, and grandkids. My small circle of family and friends are all I need to finish out my life in peace, love, and happiness. I don't allow toxic people in my life and with all my might, I'm trying to rid myself of toxic behaviors. I wouldn't wish BPD on my worst enemy!
God bless you Sandra
Hi from Sacramento. I know what I’m about to ask you is off topic but have you ever done a video about cult mentality in regards to the border line and narcissistic behavior. I would be very interested in your take on this. I’m extremely leery of cults but I’m curious about the thought patterns and mentality.
So everyone is against us? No reasoning no understanding? See this is what i see and that is what makes me feel like im a dam monster this is me! THIS ISN'T ME! Try walking these shoes awhile and try people understand....
So if this is a needy vulnerable senior parent who is dangerous in this way and always has been, may I give myself permission to let go and stay away?
Take a BPD out in public to a nice restaurant and watch in horror as they ruin the evening. Maybe they overheard a comment or opinion they didn’t like, maybe the server forgot a minor request they made. Doesn’t matter. Here comes the childish temper tantrum as you frantically and simultaneously whip out your credit card, ask for to-go boxes, discreetly apologize to other patrons, and prepare for more emotional abuse on the ride home. These videos are the warning labels to stay away from BPDs at all costs. I got rid of the BPD in my life, you can too. Stay safe everyone.
Because she cheated on me and left me for the guy she cheated with... i reacted predictably and called her names, cold among others.. so she claimed that she made up the other guy and he wasnt actually real AND shes pregnant with my kid and if i dont meet up with her in person she will get an abortion... so i agreed... we sat and all of a sudden 2 guys came out of nowhere and the guy said his name (name of guy she made up) then she told me "im not really pregnant" and the guy hit me while i tried to stand up and threatened to stab me.... dissociation, psychosis.... her, yea... rage... thats not the girl... i knew but obviously she must have done that splitting thing on me while she met that guy.. idk... we were literally in love before she went away.... *cough* for 14 friggin days... thats all it takes i guess.
Question, do you think he has a extreme need to be seen as different, as a good person, as to be almost anxious to be doing the right thing. Recently a lady crashed in the side of his truck which his crazy about cars, well his saying he doesn't want to ramp up her costs as insurance company's phone him asking if he has Injuries or other costs. He just wants his car fixed. He said he will send her flowers with a note after its done , he said all this insurance thing should be stopped. We should all be more gracious about these things... all lovely just sounds extreme .
Future faking, now Rage faking? What the heck?😎❤️
Am I borderline if my husband won’t listen to my concerns, leaves the room or house, can’t sit and take my fears seriously? So I explode because now he will listen? 50 years of not feeling listened to, walked out on, dismissed. Does that make me borderline?
how about saying people who don't rage uncontrollably don't have borderline...? People who don't control others, or don't even think of controlling others.. don't have borderline? Or people who don't feel empty or don't self harm.. don't have borderline. And so on and so on.
Because this video is about borderline rage?
@@terra_t ok, but the beginning of it was strange, as if confused what is and isn't borderline
Hi Matilda, good thought but it still doesn't work because there are people with BPD that do not have some traits of the disorder but still fit the criteria for the disorder.
@@daviddemars yes, there is a range on a spectrum like most things. 5 out of 9 would be a formal diagnosis. Every case is unique in itself. However, none of these BPD traits are good or healthy. 1.Want to control others 2. Impulsive 3. feel empty 4. self harm 5. identity issues 6. Unstable 7. Mood swings that come and go quickly 8. Explosive rage and 9. Space out or dissassociate.
Anger is NOT uncontrollable rage on someone to do exactly as they say!! Anger is healthy. Even the Bible says, "Be angry". Why Americans shame people for being angry beats me. Rage is different, it's an outburst intended to control another.
Because people take their anger out on other people a lot in harmful ways. Anger literally destroys relationships many times.
And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, [Ephesians 4:26, New Living Translation].
BE ANGRY [at sin-at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior], YET DO NOT SIN; do not let your anger [cause you shame, nor allow it to] last until the sun goes down. [Amplifed Bible,]
@@terra_t yes, anger can be powerful when used in good ways. That energy can be used to make good decisions and take appropriate action for times to come. Of course people use that energy in horrible ways. That's why it says, BE angry, but do not sin.
To feel angry after boundaries have been violated it's actually a healthy response. Projecting anger is a sign of unconscious reaction. It is still everybody's individual responsibility to do their own healing work. Any Behavior not examined will be projected
@@lovelyskydancer7644 yes, you are right, anger is a normal healthy response. What would projecting anger look like in your opinion?
Right, anger is an emotion and rage is an act or behavior. One healthy and the other not.
Let's just say my borderline rage even scared a narcissist. My rages are rare though. The last one I had I went into dissociated state. I don't even know what I did or say.
My point in case: Why do other people deserve to be "happy" when others have been through unspeakable trauma and hurt and torment, then got blamed for being BPD? Neurotipycals do unspeakable damage and hurt to orher people, but i dont hear anyone complaining about them. All the shit in this world gets dumped on ppl with Cluster B personalities As if the world at large, society, human interaction, family, the System, the world governing authorities, existense itself, as if this reality, have no part in how these individuals are shaped. Do you think ppl want to be this way? Do you think 2 year old, a 12 year old, just 'decided' to be an NPD or an BPD? Hell, not even psychopaths get such a bad reputation. Yes, I agree. They're damaging individuals, but stigmatizing and hating on them, will not solve the issue we're facing as a Society at large. An ill-constructed Society that is.
Yeah, I tend to scare people around me, and then I prove to myself that these people will abandon me because of it. Then I get into these really depressed episodes after I rage because I feel like a monster and can't be loved. My boyfriend said it traumatized him cuz I became extremely destructive. He said my eyes turned black and hearing that made my skin crawl. I got physically stronger, and he didn't know if i was gonna hurt myself or others. Sometimes I even blackout, and people tell me what I did and I can't believe it because I'm so unaware... it's exhausting. Even when I feel myself starting to rage, I can't stop myself, it's too late. I scare myself sometimes, especially when I'm behind the wheel of my Mustang and I rage.
Hearing the phrase "uncontrollable anger" is a trigger for me because my Borderline brain interprets that as an accusation that my anger is "unjustifiable anger" which is a deep wound of shame and fear.
I think for a lot of borderlines we just want our needs met and boundaries respected and when that didn't happen enough growing up every slight perceived threat in adulthood of not having our needs met or boundaries respected leads to a rage fit of fear, abandonment, overwhelm, disgust, self loathing, external hatred towards the supposed person or situation we perceive as a threat to us getting our needs met or boundaries upheld.
If we receive consistent care from someone and feel safe to express ourselves and get our needs met then we are docile and affectionate. But when we feel denied or violated then ya off the rails we go.
@@ssing7113keep telling them the truth. The only "need" they should be worried about in relationships is getting the help/DBT necessary. Until they put in the hard work of healing themselves, they will be a self-fulfilling prophecy of tainted love.
Or in some cases your needs being met but feeling like your boundaries not being respected when hugged by someone.
When a Borderline gets angry and rageful, I just need to remind myself, this person is in a tremendous amount of psychological pain and they need support right now. Doesn’t make what they do or say okay, but their needs are greater at this moment in time.
Wish everyone is like this
I agree but it's very hard if they are on drugs or alcohol.
@@Jonathan-i7y ❤️
It’s so disheartening when people who are making “ self help “ videos label people with ‘ disorders’ as toxic .everyone has their challenges …..very personal interaction is unique ….labelling people as good or bad isn’t helpful …it’s an example of distorted thinking which is also a symptom of bpd, and to label everyone with bpd as some kind of manipulative , broken person with no self awareness is not helpful . You might want to check yourself dude .
I think 🤔 💭 you either had feelings or had a hard relationship with someone with BPD and you got hurt along the way with your ex girfriend which, I deeply apologize to you for her not sure why she hurt you but she did?? 🤔 💭 But please stop making such negative videos 📹 🙄 about ppl that suffer from BPD please. The reason I am asking you to stop ✋ is if you want ppl to seek help in order to get better you need to give them some hope of recovery or else what is the point?? 🤔 💭
Besides You are starting to really sound arrogant 🤔 💭 with your negative input on this topic. You may also be having something troubling your mental health as well because you can sense the deep hurt in you watching these videos 📹 you just do not know?? Not sure??🤔 💭 Or you have mistaken BPD for NPD?? 🤔 💭 not sure??
I too have a personal issue with ppl to I have been hurt deeply 😞 by a NPD individual which, I am scared 😨 to death of about your size. This is a long story...As for me I am more your ex girlfriend's size with BPD but getting treatment. Dignosised at 16 in the 1990s. sometimes I wonder about this?? 🤔 💭 You do make some very valid points but need to plz stop ✋ being so negative about the Mental health Topic so more can seek help for this condition and be on the road to recovery please thank you take care.
Listen we as victims of bpd need this videos as people with bpd are real sick individuals who needs self love
Ditto. These videos are v valuable. When the person w BPD rages it can truly be incomprehensible and terrifying. David does a good job explaining the trait and helping the recipients of rage understand this very real and destructive characteristic. This is compassion for those on both sides and far from arrogance.
@@bosswashington2215she doesn’t care. All they want is someone to kiss they're a@$ as they torment society. And they never commit suicide.