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Why Some Affairs Last for Years
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- Опубликовано: 10 дек 2023
- Affairs typically last between six months to eight months but some can last many years. Long-term affairs are more detrimental to marriages, often leading to their demise when exposed. Often, the longevity of these affairs is facilitated by the fact that both parties involved are married, creating a triangular dynamic. Motivations behind long-term affairs, include a fear of loneliness, shared dissatisfaction in existing relationships, addiction to the affair, and using it as a coping mechanism. Some individuals prefer affairs as a temporary fix rather than addressing underlying issues in their marriages. This video discusses long-term affairs, including the potential influence of toxic partners who use manipulation and threats to keep individuals in affairs for an extended period.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist, specializing in intimacy, parenting, body image, and relationships.
Reaction Reset is a self-help series that explains the psychology behind why we react negatively and how we can begin to make a positive change. Subscribe for a new episode every other Wednesday!
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Going on strong in a two year affair. He's married & I'm not. We are reunited after 24 years ago. We broke up due to him joining military. We've always loved eachother. Social media brought us back together again. I don't want to marry him. I understand 100% that he won't divorce her. I've been married before and don't want to again.
I have totally accepted this . ❤
Why does he choose not to divorce his wife? I’m just curious because my husband joined the military 24 years ago and it turns out he’s not been 100% faithful so thinking about putting him out of his misery and divorcing him. The main reason is his latest one and him have SO much more in common and I know she would make him happier than I do. Their “friendship” over social media made me uncomfortable but he carried on behind my back, do I care about her? No I don’t particularly but it’s the lying snd lack of respect and sneaking around while i stay home with our kids so he can thrive in his Air Force career and travel. I don’t think having an AP is all bad as it can enrich that married persons life but u don’t want to be the third wheel in his life anymore. 🤷🏼♀️
* I don’t want to be the third wheel
@@MsEnglishPrincess Exactly it might enrich his life by me being back in his life. I am all for it because I love him deeply & want him to be happy. It's not a competition. I feel like deep down she knows about me. She doesn't have to work and solely depends on him for absolutely everything. If she divorces him she loses that & might have to work a job God forbid lol!
@@SaystheTruth3why does he choose not to divorce her though? Hope you don’t mind me asking if he’s talked to you about it. Do you know her too? Do you guys have a plan in place incase of a D Day? As a wife I’m telling you that she most probably does know about you because you always get that gut feeling and affairs do change how your spouse is towards you so alarm bells are for sure going off if not already. I chose to turn a blind eye for a while because our son has a complex medical issue and was diagnosed while he started this thing with her so my mind elsewhere. I’m not from this country either so feel quite trapped. Other than being a cake eater I don’t see why mine hasn’t filed for divorce so it will be me filing because what kind of life is it being with someone who lies and sneaks around constantly? He’s told me he cut ties with her but I doubt very much so he has. I feel like if the other woman knows there is a family involved and is taking that risk too then they can navigate and restart their own relationship from scratch without the lies and out in the open. I also believe if a husband can lie to his spouse he has no problem doing the same to his AP. No shade thrown at you just my thoughts as the wife!
Shame on YOU!
Who wants a committed relationship with a married man, and why. You can’t trust them, for starts. As the saying goes, and it’s deep “ the ending is in the beginning “ Some woman have their fun and move on, leaving his maintenance to the wife.
Another saying I like is “you lose them how you find them”
Who doesn't have flaws, lady?
Thank you for this video MaryJo. This was a very informative and educational video with clear and precise explanations to which I now understand the many emotional and psychological dynamics of affairs.
The last one you mentioned fits my situation. My wife told me it was easier to just stay in the affair and wall it off from the rest of her life than break it off with the risk that her AP would make good on his threats to blow up her entire life. In the end, that’s what happened. She tried to end it and he texted me to out her.
And I would expect nothing else from a man who would enter into a relationship with a married woman honestly. Like what man really wants to share a woman with another man??? NONE unless he likes the control bit all gives him over her……
Some of Mary Jo's insights are valid. But what she gets wrong is elevating "the marriage" to be some shining spot on a hill that everyone has to aspire to. It's the strength, endurance and validity of any relationship that's most important whether it be a marriage, an affair, an fwb, or whatever. Some affair partners are happier and more in love than many a married couple.
That is not my intention at all. What I preach is to take your time prior to marriage, confront and resolve your own demons and don’t move in together until you are engaged! Marriage is a sacrament and once you say “I do”
Make your life about honoring your vow
. This is what I say.
Agree!
@@MaryJoRapini actually personally i don't think anyone should move in together unless they're married (which is different from being engaged but I'm Christian so ofc my pov is different but I think this is a smarter and wiser decision)
@@MaryJoRapini excellent reply and of absolute truth MaryJo
Going on 6months right now with a lady i struck up a conversation with. I originally did not know she was married and when they came clean about it, it doesn't bother me.
So you are ok sleeping with a woman that you know is still sleeping with her husband too? Gross!
Only women hold on that long, whether they’re married or not. They just get suckered by the guy one way or the other.
Just ended a 7yr affair with a married woman and it hurts. Who would’ve thought.
Pretty sure my Wife will stay with her cell phone until she dies alone, with it in her hand - If only she touched me as lovingly as she does her phone.
I'm sorry. That must be painful.
❤
Fucking divorce her. It’s not worth it. We deserve better. Mine had an 8 year affair.
This comment makes me sad but I understand. I had to check to see if it was my husband that said it. 😂
I’m in relationship for five years now with a married man. Not married myself and they don’t have kids. Yes, I’m putting pressure on him.
Grow up and stop acting like trash!
Well, if he really loves you, he’ll divorce her. It’s good they have no kids bc that can get sticky… good luck to you! ❤
100 percent of the time the person committing adultery has flaws.
We are all flawed so that’s Beyond true 😅 what else is true ?! Has nothing to do with the person whose cheated on!
So do their spouse. Everyone has flaws. That will never change. Don't judge.
What would say happens if the wife get pregnant and the baby belongs to AP?
You can still be volunteering and be an outstanding citizen while having an affair haha ❤