Parent Psychologist REVEALS Top 3 Parenting MISTAKES (DO THIS to RAISE Healthy KIDS!) Dr Becky
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- Опубликовано: 20 май 2024
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Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and renowned parenting expert. Dr. Becky discusses her innovative approach to parenting, emphasizing the importance of understanding children's emotions, managing parental triggers, and fostering a nurturing environment. She shares practical strategies for parents to connect with their children, set healthy boundaries, and break unhealthy cycles. Dr. Becky also addresses common challenges such as screen time, social media, and maintaining work/life balance, offering insights and solutions to empower parents and support their children's growth.
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0:00 Intro
00:04:09 - Changing the Narrative around Parenting
00:07:47 - The Identity-Behavior Separation
00:11:33 - Understanding Bad Behavior: The Foundation for Effective Change
00:15:24 - The Goal of Childhood: Resilience over Happiness
00:19:18 - Building Resilience in Children
00:23:04 - Teaching Resilience to Children
00:26:35 - Building Resilience in Kids
00:30:08 - Believing and validating emotions in children
00:33:58 - The Power of Belief and Connection
00:37:32 - Time Boxing Worry Time
00:40:57 - The Importance of Engaging with Different Opinions
00:44:48 - The Flaws of Traditional Parenting Strategies
00:48:26 - Questioning the Effectiveness of Timeouts
00:52:05 - A Different Approach to Parenting
00:55:37 - Responding to Coaching Criticisms
00:59:11 - The Terrifying Pilots
01:03:11 - Violating Boundaries
01:06:54 - Understanding the mindset behind punishment
01:10:20 - Understanding Behaviors and Building a Good Identity
01:14:05 - Teaching Resilience through Uncomfortable Scenarios
01:18:11 - Rising Above Heckling and Building Identity
01:22:02 - Leaving Behind Three Truths
01:26:05 - Intergenerational Trauma
#greatness #inspiration #motivation
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Thanks to Dr. Becky for sharing her wisdom with us! Leave a “YES” if you enjoyed this and share the biggest moment for you. And make sure to subscribe to never miss out on inspiring content like this again RUclips.com/lewishowes
I love what you do
I began to listen to your RUclips conversation follow it and fell in love with your what you do 🔥🌟❤️
Dont get me wrong please )))
such great questions, Lewis!
yes and if people learned EFT Techniques and taught them to their kids it would be a lot easier to learn to self regulate and they are free to learn and apply and work great for neurodivergent peeple. Dr. Dawson Church is great at explaining the science and the how~
So is shift number three don’t punish? 1:07:18
Thank you!! Very helpful ❤
(summary)
Parenting Insights and Actions
1. Understanding Kids' Behavior:
- Principle: Kids are inherently good; their identity is separate from their behavior.
- Action: Distinguish between the child's identity ("good inside") and their behavior, which can be addressed and corrected without labeling the child as "bad."
2. Effective Communication:
- Principle: A parent's words become a child's inner voice.
- Action: Use affirming language and avoid harsh criticism to foster positive self-talk in children.
3. Raising Resilient Children:
- Principle: Resilience is more valuable than temporary happiness.
- Action: Expose children to challenging scenarios in a supportive context to teach them coping skills and emotional regulation.
4. Dealing with Challenging Behaviors:
- Principle: Understanding the root cause of a child's behavior is key to addressing it effectively.
- Action: Instead of punishing, seek to understand why the child acted out and work on developing the missing skills or coping mechanisms.
5. Setting Boundaries:
- Principle: Boundaries are what we will do, not what we expect others to do.
- Action: Clearly communicate your actions in response to certain behaviors, ensuring the child understands the consequence is a result of their actions, not a punishment.
6. Modeling and Practicing Scenarios:
- Principle: Preparation and practice help children respond better to real-life challenges.
- Action: Role-play challenging scenarios with children, providing them strategies to handle situations effectively (e.g., walking away from taunts).
Personal Growth Insights
1. Healing and Self-Reflection:
- Principle: Healing from past traumas and reflecting on one's behavior are crucial for personal growth.
- Action: Engage in practices that promote self-reflection and healing, such as therapy, mindfulness, and journaling.
2. Building a Good Identity:
- Principle: A strong, positive identity is foundational for healthy behavior and relationships.
- Action: Work on separating your actions from your identity, affirming your inherent worth regardless of mistakes or failures.
3. The Importance of Repair:
- Principle: Repairing relationships after conflicts is essential for growth and connection.
- Action: Actively seek to address and resolve conflicts through open communication and empathy.
4. Embracing Discomfort for Growth:
- Principle: Growth often comes from facing and overcoming discomfort.
- Action: Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone in safe and controlled ways to build resilience.
General Actions for Improvement
- Reflect on Your Interactions: Regularly take time to reflect on how you interact with others, especially children, and consider if your actions align with the principles of understanding, resilience, and positive identity building.
- Seek Resources: Look for books, workshops, and other resources that offer insights and practical advice on parenting, personal growth, and emotional regulation.
- Practice Empathy: Make a conscious effort to empathize with others' feelings and perspectives, whether in parenting or personal relationships.
- Cultivate Self-Compassion: Recognize that growth is a process and be kind to yourself as you work on becoming the person or parent you aspire to be.
Thank you!!
thanks for the summary points!
Thank you!
Thank you 🙏🏼
Wow! Thank you so much!
Can we please have her back and have her speak about teens??
Yesss! That would be great
She was also on the huberman lab and discussed teen behaviour alot.
And speak without that enormously grating vocal fry. Ruined it for me 😢
She talks about teens in this interview too.
@@senoral165 it’s just very brief. It’d be great to get a more dedicated conversation
Parent words become a child self talk… so powerful!
🙌
Funny some adults say that it doesn't make sense, but it makes perfect sense to children when we apply these techniques.
I don't have kids, but I can certainly remember one of the most hurtful things in childhood being when your parent doesn't believe you!
If you didn't lie all the time, maybe they would believe you?
You don't have kids. Game over.
Get kids and we can resolve your childhood hurt.
I agree! It’s so hard to feel misunderstood and when they don’t believe you it makes you question if you can trust yourself.
You stop believing your child when you are frequently lied to. Naturally, then everything he says is questionable.
@@mjb9455then be curious why they feel the need to lie to you all the time. Be curious why the truth is such a terrible thing to them, maybe they don’t feel safe to be honest.
Didn't hear about connect before correct... But I do it with my boys and even share with them my precious growing up memories... It works wonders every time I connect to them even before I correcting them
i am relistening her book again and again
one day while bringing my teen daughter from school
had such a great conversation
i am so glad we are taking about this
it’s very important
i believe you
i saw my teen open up to me briefly , we are working on connection
will keep working and not give up on my child
thank you
She's honestly brilliant and I understood everything she talked about, it's so refreshing to see someone that knows this stuff and articulates it so well.
Also love ‘connect before correct’. When they feel you relate to them, they feel you understand their experience too, THEN they let down their defences.
I see so many issues with the way people are parenting now and even with how schools coddle kids with toxic positivity. I understand why this change happened, they think their parents did it wrong, but we need to remember that our parents did the best they could with zero help, zero advice, & having been raised in a time when kids were very much neglected. Our kids need love, they need to feel they are cared for, but they need leadership and to be taught how to handle hard situations. This was all great information and really goes hand in hand with learning to respond to our kids and not react.
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching!
41:41 Feelings have a time and place, and don't always need to be public. I'm glad she didn't call her style gentle, because I perceive that to be weak and generating children with poor emotional regulation. Sturdy = balanced. She is teaching that emotional regulation at home, so they can survive and be a good example for others in public. 👏
I use the sturdy style as an educator!! Very effective responses and tons of nurturing moments 🫶🏻
@@nataliadelgado3380 I'm glad to hear it! 😊
I would like to add something, please check “the cave of adullam" by Jason Wilson.
It's related to this point
Don’t have kids until you have healed yourself. That’s what her message should be. OR start therapy once you find out you are pregnant. If you are mentally healthy, your kid(s) have a much higher likelihood of being mentally healthy too. 💕
Most of ppl don't know how much or what is 'broken' till they have kids that tigger them constantly.. really, you get to know yourself so much being with them.
Said that, not everybody have that kind of money.. have you any idea how much costs going to therapy every week or so??
Showing our kids that we make mistakes , that this world is full of people who make mistakes , is more realistic. If you don’t have money, watching videos and sourcing cheaper options for councillors (universities psychology faculty or something like Catholic Care, where it’s a fraction of the cost) and showing our kids that we are, at any age, trying to be better humans … I reckon that would be great and more realistic.
@@giada0ghwmuch cheaper than raising a child.
I am glad I stuck around because the first few mins sounded dull. Gratitude 🙏🏼
This is such a great topic. Parenting and the cause of behavior is an important argument and I would like to see more of those conversations.
Thank you for your great work.
Another fantastic episode. People need to realize that we're not raising kids, we're raising adults. Can you please have Richard Grannon on?
1/4 of the way through her book 10/10 recommend 🙌🏼🙌🏼 thanks for helping me not only feel closer to prepared for parenting but also helping heal my adult self & inner child 🙏🏼🥲
Thanks for watching! I'm glad you liked it!
Yes, believe and trust their feelings is paramount for helping them build intuitive intelligence processing for emotional literacy, this is essentially brilliant for self-regulation, thanks for sharing these moments of substantial application in real time.
I disagree that kids don’t validate us for being leaders, because after putting up a boundary, after the struggle, kids will love you more and will be very sweet and obedient for a time. That’s very validating, at least in my experience.
Lewis is my all time ever green hero.
when i am stuck i literally type lewis Howes --
i loved Dr Becky’s interview with Dr Huberman
did not know this one came out with Lewis
literally typed Dr Becky Lewis Howes
soo happy to another great resource for 1.5 hrs
ecstatic
listened it -replayed it and memorized the script
when i said to my daughter i believe you in the car while driving
i saw the barrier come
barrier that is standing between me and her
thanks
Perfect explanation Dr. Becky...Emotional Cognition IS our first cognitive process-- so it must be imbued first.
We are Good Inside!!! All of us ❤
Thank you so so much for such amazing conversation!
Actually I think kids heal us but not the way she meant. Kids are triggering, obviously and they should help us to become better ourselves. We learn a lot about ourselves when we have kids and they are a perfect occasion for learning and sharing love and patience.
And it’s not easy it will make you tired but happy if you progress.
Wish the messages were clearer, I know she knows what she’s talking about, but this feels like I’m eavesdropping on a happy hour conversation.
This is also GREAT info for grandparents! I was brought up differently, I raised my kids in a different way than I was raised, and now I want to learn even better ways to interact with my grandchildren. This was so helpful, Dr. Becky. Thank you!
Glad this was helpful for you🧡
I didn't know about all she has shared but I have been connecting with Boy's the way she explained. It works.
I love Dr Becky, she talks so much sense ❤
🙌
She is awesome!!!
0:03 @lewis howes thank you for such a great guest! Feeling blessed for useful and beautiful content 😊👍
Many of the concepts mentioned in good parenting books and she has summarised it nicely..
Yes, great content! Exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks a lot!
I LOVE Dr. Becky! So excited to see her on your show!
🧡
Thank you for that! Amazing conversation 😀
Almost all of her advice is exactly what good teachers do.
The only exception is her statement about needing to understand before intervening.
Safety always comes first, so this means that intervening is often needed in situations where others are in immediate danger. However, once the situation allows, the understanding should then take place during a restorative conversation.
More power to you for following your intuition Dr. Becky
So many insights from the episode! Thank you both Lewis and Dr. Becky 🫶
You're welcome,thank you for tuning in 🧡
I’m so glad I found this video .. first I got kind of annoyed when I saw the short video on FB saying : Is not our job to make our kids happy “ but then … I went down the rabbit hole and OMG …. Thank you so much!! 🙏🏻🌟🙏🏻
You're welcome, thank you for watching!
wow, how she articulates with so much clarity! need to rewatch it time after time
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
This was beautiful! Thank you!!❤
You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡
Lewis Howes, you are a gem!
The way you question people and validate people…thank you for bringing great guests to us and for sharing your view that the world is a beautiful place.
Appreciate you and your support🧡
One of my favourite definitions of greatness, from all of your interviews 💚
Thank you! Appreciate you!
Yes, childhood and emotional intelligence isn't just for leadership in the workplace.
It was amazing to hear it.
I will come back again.
Love this! She is brilliant.
🙌
What is the THIRD THING
Thank you so much for making this happen. I am beyond grateful for this incredibly helpful information. I have been craving guidance and this was so relevant!! Awesome
Thank you for tuning in! :)
Thank you. Dr Kennedy
You are the best!!!
🙌
This podcast is amazing , all wisdom insight! Congrats to Becky & you Lewis!!! Just keep it up
Thank you so much!
Danke!
2 seconds in & 100% truth!
Yes !
Lewis always is locked in! Great stuff
Thank you so much for this beautiful talk 💞✨️🎶🪷
🙏🙏
I like her bench method!
Dr. Becky is amazing
🙌
watching this not as a parent but as someone's kid who probably needs some healing from wrong parenting that i don't know about. im a ball of anxiety and my coping mechanism is avoidance so i think i need this
If the parent and the child have a healthy attachment they make eachother happy by being there for one another, not by actions.
I think her topic on repair is invaluable! Please have her back on!!
Connect before you correct.
9:38 I hope it's never too late.
Great conversation.
Lewis, you are such a sweetheart and a great listener. A very good roll model for young men these days. Keep up the good work!
Thank you! I really appreciate the feedback!
Thank you so much!
You're welcome, thank you for watching! 🧡
Lewis, this is by far one of your best 💫 She is amazing and so is her revolutionary teaching. Thank you both so much...please have her back, and soon 😊
Isnt her "revolutionary" teaching normal knowledge?
Wonderful!!!!!!!
Just love your podcasts. Thank you!
Thank you! Appreciate you for being here 🧡
This’s very insightful useful impactful information. Thank you both for timely conversation.Stay bless ✌️❤️🙏⭐️🫶🏽
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
Good talk. Thank you
You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡
Yes
I love this ❤
Dr.Becky !!! 🤗🤩 what a lovely surprise! Love her content !
I loved her definitions, esp the one about entitlement. So well put.
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
This was GREAT. Thank you Lewis
You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡
Sheesh… so many golden nuggets in this video. Thank you 🙏🏻
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
Thanks for your incredible presentation today Dr. Becky
🙌
There is a great man Andrè Stern talking about raising kids. He is awesome. And is this compartible with what dr. gabor mate says about raise kids.
Thanks
You're welcome!
Becky is a gift to this generation of parents!
Someone talking practical thanks for this podcast amazing
👍
OMG !!! I feel like this is a POWERFUL message!!! Thank you !!!!!!!
She is so REAL !!!!
no judgement , no problem solving
just be present
I love seeing Dr Becky everywhere... should've known your show was next! ❤
She's smart!
Thank you; learned a lot!
You're welcome, thank you for being here! 🧡
My outer adult need some healing too…😂
What I really wanna know is how as a mother I can go about a in public tantrum from a toddler; like for instance the airport? On an airplane? Or in a government building? 😂 I know these are such specific place but for me these are the place where I just go BLANK and just not know what the hell to do! While inside I feel like omg the world is looking at me 😭 and I’m fumbling and I’m bribing just to put this situation to an END!!!
Perfect
Great advice! I’m struggling with knowing how to emotionally help my daughter when she’s crying to go into school once or twice a week. She has anxiety with how hard school can be and cries when she get out of the car or needs me to walk her in. It’s hard to see her having a rough start to her mornings. Shes in third grade, does great in schools and has friends! She expressed that it’s a long day for her and doesn’t like school overall. Any suggestions?
yes
👍
They didn't get to the third thing... So much to talk about. Anyway, Very enriching. Thank you lewis ☺️
Love your video
Thank you so much. I appreciate you!
Awesome :) thanks for this. Parenting is the most import if parents want to be successful in any other area of their lives :)
You're welcome,thank you for tuning in 🧡
Yikes. I was the kid that my mum believed is a bad kid 😬 she even told me as a adult that she thought I’d “not turn out to be a good person” 😢 which is a weird compliment
😊😊😊😊😊😊 Thank you very much for the information. 😊😊😊
You're welcome, thank you for being here! 🧡
Against all the advice, I have never punished or yelled at my kid. It just didn't make sense to me - instead I created a connection with her. I knew that yelling and punishment would just make a kid feel unheard/angry/defiant, not create real change. She's 13 now and just a great kid.
I love your content 😍🥰
Thank you! Your support means a lot🧡
Seems very helpful but have to watch it for 3rd time. Not sure why im not getting it very well.
How much do other factors impacting kids, school, teachers & friends ?
This should be a requirement for every parent to watch before they leave the delivery room!! ...well maybe that's an aggressive request but it should be required to watch before the first kid is 2. :-) great interview Lewis!
Thank you for taking the time out of your day to check out the interview! So glad you enjoyed it🧡
Wishing I could have heard her and really heard her, 20 years ago
Appreciate you for listening! 🧡
Please have Dr. Komisar on.
The Special Education teacher called to say "He said he is does not like his self bcz he cannot Read." He was sad bcz his brother had migrated,I was sad bcz I was a teacher missing her first son. I had to make my baby happy again. So we did fun activities. Then we designed a Reading Program that makes anyone Read well faster. It is my side hustle. I even became an author. My baby reads everything, he is now an electrician in training. Boom.
Appreciate you for this beautiful sharing!