Relationship Advice - fiance didn't want to sign a prenup, got an inheritance, now wants a prenup.
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
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"I feel like a terrible person for saying that...I'll have it done Thursday." xD
I brought up a prenup to my partner because I had a feeling he’d want one and wouldn’t know how to ask for it. Rather than let him stress or worry about bringing it up I did it for him. I asked if he’d like one and he said yes, of course it stung a bit but I was also very proud of him for thinking logically and I respected that. There’s always that small nagging voice that will tell me “he doesn’t trust that we will last forever” but I immediately disregard that thought because anyone that ever got raked over the coals in divorce obviously thought it would never happen to them otherwise they would have gotten a prenup. I use that logic for a lot of things in life - “anyone who has ever had *insert bad thing* happen to them, obviously never thought it would happen to them or they would have taken steps to avoid it” and it always helps me put things into perspective for myself and even others.
The comfort of my partner means more to me than my ego & potential assets :) and I’m quite confident we will be that couple that makes it anyway,
Red flags red flags red flags! RUN!!!!!!!!! Remind her what she said to you lol! FYI, So long as the inheritance ISN'T INTERMINGLED It's not marital property.
2 red flags.
1. Hypocrisy.
2. Unwillingness to consider a fair balance pre nup Initially (especially given his experiences without one previously).
Ramp down to simple coupledom or FWB.
In most states, inheritance generally passes to the beneficiary if they inherit before marriage, so she really doesn't even really need a pre-nup.
ONLY if it's NOT intermingled in joint bank accounts etc.
If she won't sign a prenuptial agreement in the first place raises red flags to me cos to me money possessions is not a factor in a marriage so signing to keep your stuff what's the issue
Becuase women want a course to go if they find out they dont love a man anymore. Alot purposfully do want to take half your assets when they go. Never get married before a prenup. Never move into a co-hab till you marry either. Becuase stuff put in cohab people can legally keep your stuff you do not keep a log of what you own and wither or not you keep the receipts..
Guy was spineless for backing down from the prenup initially. 2 People already with a divorce or their records are drastically more likely to divorce than any random divorce. She was obviously planning to take this guy's crap in a divorce, and there absolutely would have been one.
Oh my god all the red flags. Poor dude
I feel like an AITA for ranking couples based on how likely they are to succeed is in order XD poor guy. I'm smelling gold digger unfortunately, especially with her still being against his prenup. Maybe does love him but will probably take him for what she can in a divorce just in case is my guess
Your partner isn't entitled to inheritance.. however this lady is not a good wife. She is a very selfish person.
It’s not salvageable!!! Completely unfair!!!
Run for the hills, run for your life
Leave her
Demand prenup!! Cause, what!
Run
I think if she was a gold digger she probably would have tried to marry you before 4 years had passed. She also could just marry any Rich old dude if all she wants is money. I think the chances are she does love you she does still feel this way about prenups but her grief at the loss of her grandmother and her gratefulness towards being given a life-changing some of money are clouding her judgment right now around this inheritance. I think that she's going through a lot and at the reading of this will there may have even been some language around this money needs to stay in the family that's why it goes to you and she might just be trying to honor her grandmother's wishes. It's still unfair for her not to sign yours but it might not be for the wrong reasons it might just be her grieving and not being in the best frame of mind to make this type of decision. I would suggest putting it this on pause and heading to couples counseling to discuss what your future looks like together and how you want to handle your finances going forward.
The nerve.
If you're in the US, neither premarital assets, nor inheritance, are subject to community property laws. In the event of divorce, only the assets acquired jointly during your relationship are subject to equitable division of property. That said, this woman definitely sounds like she was with him for the money. She should probably seek therapy.
Run, sir. If she doesn't want a prenup on principle, I respect that, but if she doesn't want one when you're richer than her but immediately wants one when she's richer than you, it means one of three things: (1) She doesn't trust you, or (2) She's a gold-digger, or (3) Both.
Maybe instead of a “make it or break it” scale, you often say how marriage is a partnership of “US” and point out when people are treating it like a “ME vs YOU.” There’s gotta be some nasa term for flying solo vs space team…
There is no point 'discussing' this. You already caved in continuing with the engagement when she refused to sign your prenup. She had no reason to thing you won't now cave again, or probably isn't sure she needs you, and most importantly you aren't dealing with a fair actor. At this point, she knows this isn't fair and she doesn't care (probably because she has $800k). Even if you could somehow force her to be fair... you can no longer trust her at a basic level. Could she just not work, run up debt, and live off you money? If you have children, could she use them to nail you?
Sorry OP... in any negotiation, once one side shows they aren't willing to be fair... forcing them to be fair won't work. You've lost trust. Make arrangements to end it, get support from your family, move her out, block her, and make it clear that even if she agreed to a 'fair' prenup, you'll never trust or marry her. She can take her money and find someone else and you'll take your $250k income and do that same.
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OP is not the AH. Future wifey is a hypocrite & clearly cannot compromise. She has her own $$ now, she doesn’t need his.