AITA for letting you know I am divorcing you on the website you use to ignore me?
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- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
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AITA for letting you know I am divorcing you by sending you a thread on the website that you use to ignore me?
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Nope. If I were OP, I wouldn't tell him when I gave birth. I wouldn't tell him where I moved to. I would try my best to drop off the face of the Earth as far as he knew. OP, Protect your daughter at all costs.
I was thinking another country, preferably with an ocean in between.
Good on OP for leaving! This kind of stuff is ridiculous, and no one deservers it!
If OP has to resort to social media to let hubby know she's not "going" to leave him, but already *has* left him and is filing for divorce, these issues have been going on a lot longer than her pregnancy to date so, chances are, the baby was not planned. The baby did, however, make OP finally locate her self worth, her confidence and recognize that has value and to decide no matter what challenges she has to face as a single mother, his mother isn't going to raise her child or have long term influence over the child. For whatever reasons, hubby is still holding mommy's hand (I refuse to be crude but you *know* I wanted to phrase that differently) and I would bet 10 dozen doughnuts he shows up at his divorce hearing with mommy dearest by his side and she will be the one answering the questions for him. In between, she'll be berating, insulting, accusing, demeaning her DIL which, she won't realize, will just prove what an abhorrent person she truly is and OP, for her own health and well being and that of her child, needs to be away from both of them. Hubby's responses about his mother having a major involvement in the child's life and wanting mommy dearest to be the 'nanny' while they both work sounds twisted and perverted: almost as though because he's no longer living at home with his mommy, he feels he owes her another child to ruin. I hope OP continues on the path to divorce, maintains her own physical, mental and spiritual health, and realizes she's stronger, more courageous, and smarter than hubby and his family have allowed her to believe in a very long time.
People stay in relationships like this because it’s either the best relationship they have been in to date or the best relationship they have ever seen in their own family. Relationship dynamics are learned from family and friendships seen when your a child. Nature versus nature.
Most people stay in relationships like this for a vouple of reasons: 1)they're financially dependent on the spouse/SO 2)their spouse/SO has isolated them to the point that they have 0 support system or one so damaged they don't feel like they can reach out and ask for help getting out 3)the SO/spouse has destroyed their self-esteem, sense of self, gaslit till they think they are the AH, the problen, overly emotional, etc.
Don't ask me how long I stayed in mine, just thank the Universe I was infertile and didn't get baby trapped into staying longer than I did.
NTA! From the sounds of it you've gotten out of there just in time. My only real concern for you is the custody agreement for your daughter. I hope you can get full custody, because any time your husband sees her it's really going to be with grandma. Hopefully, the texts you mentioned will help prevent this. Good luck and best wishes.
I’m sure he’s going to run to mommy saying she left bc she was overreacting instead of taking a look at the role the mom played in ended his happiness
This sounds like my ex. Luckily I never married him. I was with him on and off for about 4 years.
The age gap told me everything I needed to know
People stay because they're do beaten fown they cant imagine how they'd survive outside of said relationship. They may also be financially dependent on their partner.
She’s already the best mom cause she couldn’t stand up and do it for her self but she absolutely did it for her baby ❤❤❤ wish her absolutely all the best 😊
I'm with Candy, it makes no sense to me either. To even bring someone else into this life.
OP is right to leave. MIL would maybe be nice to the child but will definitely poison the kids mind against momma. Sad.
NTA. He doesn’t care about what she wants in this marriage at all.
2:25 This relationship sounds like misery. I grew up with a Mom that would make me miserable. I'd never.
there is a second update to this! The T was so good with this one!
I'm gonna need details. Spill that T!
I just said fluff off to husband suggesting his mother looking after baby!!
Candy asked, "Why?!? Why do you stay?!" For me, I had incredibly low self-esteem and believed him that no one else would "put up with you." When you hear a constant stream (from 2 sources!) of why you're a pathetic person, you start to believe it. It's not just the husband that's abused her - I'll bet she was the scapegoat growing up, too.
1:40 "Accidentally"
I just fluff off to husband suggesting his mother looking after baby!!
People can hide themselves in the short term, long enough to build loyalty or love, and as they slowly reveal themselves their partners hold onto the dreams they had during the first phase of courtship. The fantasy can overpower reality. And if the environment is toxic it drains the newly introduced person, so they don't have the energy to struggle. So, unless something happens that is against a core principle of the victim or if they can get away for an extended time (such as visiting family), the victim is unaware of the extent to which they are being poisoned. It's kind of like going grey, one day you look in the mirror and go WTF. It's worse for people who come from toxic environments because they're preconditioned to see poisonous things as normal. Hopefully at some point or another a primordial instinct kicks in and lets the victim escape, but they've been poisoned and they have to recover for quite some time. As someone on the outside you have to control your anger, frustration, and judgment (unless it's about a minor or a vulnerable member of society (immigrant, disability and such)). All you can do is be kind and listen.
I've heard this story many times. But, I neeeed Dusty and Fam's opinion!!!
3:53 Misery.
🧡💛
I would say she needs therapy for being with some like that, and taking the abuse from his mother for so many years with no changes. And then to have a child in all of this, needs to look at herself. Yes he’s a POS, but why did you stay with him for Sooo long.
I whole heartedly agree with the verdict here o.P n t a
But I felt like I had to comment because the f bomb was censored and then it wasn't And I noticed that happened on another video recently so I wasn't sure if it was meant to be beeped?
How were they together for that long?