Christina, I appreciate you so much. Wow. You are brave in your vulnerability. I’ve just discovered you today, and though I’ve not watched all of your videos, the pre and post autistic realizations have been so validating for me as a fellow autistic human woman, who also identifies INFJ and HSP and also digested the narcissism/echoism dynamic as part of my journey. I actually told my husband tonight that I think I’ve discovered my brain doppelgänger. I’m Kim, a 49 year old autistic cis-gender female, married with 2 children. I was officially diagnosed autistic only a couple years ago. I previously worked as a pediatric occupational therapist, in the medical system, with neurodivergent, including autistic, children. At the time, I had no idea that I was also autistic. Everything I had studied or read or learned through continuing education or within the therapeutic environment in which I worked about autism (still in line with the male child classic presentation) had very little to do with me. I have all the executive function struggles that you speak of in this video, and my diagnosing psychologist felt my struggles could possibly fit criteria for ADHD or OCD, but she ultimately felt that my the best diagnostic fit for me was level 1 autism without cognitive delay along with PTSD (complex). I will say that I did try ADHD medication at one point… my husband and I both noticed my clarity of vision (as in seeing a clear path forward with an idea) and speech (as in communicating that vision in a direct and effective manner), but the medication sent my anxiety levels through the roof at a body sensation level, so the clarity just wasn’t worth the cost for me. I’m sorry that your parents just don’t get it and seem incapable of getting you. It’s a painful realization. I’ve been there. I’m still wrestling with my thoughts and feelings and beliefs surrounding my family of origin, really to just come to some semblance of what the reality of it was. My family is clearly dysfunctional… checks all the boxes of what happens when someone grows and steps out of their role… incredibly painful when your the one stepping out, because sometimes reality is painful. And yet, logically, I’m the odd one out, so it must be me. Except I also know that I’m not the one demanding everyone live up to my standards… or am I? Ugh. It’s so hard, and you know at the very least your mom isn’t thinking about or processing things at the level you are. Seriously, if one of your kids came to you and asked for help, would you just assure them how “normal” they are? Would you try to convince them how wrong they are about their personal realizations? Does that make your mom neurotypical or narcissistic? I don’t know. I can’t even figure it out amongst my own people. But that is the question that comes to my mind.
Thank you for your response! I have been doing this recording of my journey in hopes that people like you would find it helpful so the vulnerability is worth it. I feel like I am finding my community as well so I am super happy when someone responds! I am sorry to hear your family is similarly not helpful. I have come to accept that I not ask them for things that they cannot give but sometimes I forget and get my hopes up. I have met Autistic people who did not have this toxic family structure and the difference in nervous system regulation and self acceptance is astounding. And your example of what is being taught to the medical field about Autism is why I am glad so many other people like ourselves are being vocal. Thank you for sharing your story. I have found this group in Vermont called All Brains Belong where I have met other Autistic people and it has been a huge support. Especially since I have not had that from family. I believe my mother has some of what could be classified as narcissistic tendencies. Mostly it's that the work she would have to do to support me means accepting that she is also Autistic and she and my father failed at finding the right resources for me to feel safe as a child. I wish she could do her own work because I can never remember a time when she was actually happy and relaxed. At this point though I think I would settle for them to mostly just leave me be and let me do what's right for me without obstruction. I feel like I still have some more settling into this new reality of being an Autistic person but I am looking forward to the meeting of all like minded people such as yourself!
Hi Christina - thanks again for your openness in these videos. Your comments sound as though you are feeling very much as I did prior to an Autism test, and it sounds as though you're hearing very similar things from your parents as I did from my dad. For info, I expressed the same concerns about the process (and my dad's responses to the questions) to the assessor, and they explained that I shouldn't worry about it, and that part of the idea of involving the parents is just to try to pick up that some of the traits might be genetic (e.g. if a parent says 'he's just like me'). As they say in Veronica Roth's Divergent series... 'you have to trust the test'... I think that's right! Good luck. Relax, it will be fine. I also have my ADHD test coming up, on 30th Jan.
So my ADHD tester knew less about ADHD in girls than I do. They said I did not have ADHD that reached the diagnosis level. This tester also did not know about Autism so all in all a failed experience and discouraging. I may try to get another opinion but I am not sure. They kept asking me if as a child I had a hard time staying in my seat in school and if I had issues with behavior in my teacher's opinions. But I wasn't like that. I was more of a quiet daydreamer type. I think more assessors need more training. They did say that my difficulties are probably due to Autism. They overlap a lot in my opinion and that is what others say too.
Christina,
I appreciate you so much. Wow. You are brave in your vulnerability. I’ve just discovered you today, and though I’ve not watched all of your videos, the pre and post autistic realizations have been so validating for me as a fellow autistic human woman, who also identifies INFJ and HSP and also digested the narcissism/echoism dynamic as part of my journey. I actually told my husband tonight that I think I’ve discovered my brain doppelgänger.
I’m Kim, a 49 year old autistic cis-gender female, married with 2 children. I was officially diagnosed autistic only a couple years ago. I previously worked as a pediatric occupational therapist, in the medical system, with neurodivergent, including autistic, children. At the time, I had no idea that I was also autistic. Everything I had studied or read or learned through continuing education or within the therapeutic environment in which I worked about autism (still in line with the male child classic presentation) had very little to do with me.
I have all the executive function struggles that you speak of in this video, and my diagnosing psychologist felt my struggles could possibly fit criteria for ADHD or OCD, but she ultimately felt that my the best diagnostic fit for me was level 1 autism without cognitive delay along with PTSD (complex).
I will say that I did try ADHD medication at one point… my husband and I both noticed my clarity of vision (as in seeing a clear path forward with an idea) and speech (as in communicating that vision in a direct and effective manner), but the medication sent my anxiety levels through the roof at a body sensation level, so the clarity just wasn’t worth the cost for me.
I’m sorry that your parents just don’t get it and seem incapable of getting you. It’s a painful realization. I’ve been there. I’m still wrestling with my thoughts and feelings and beliefs surrounding my family of origin, really to just come to some semblance of what the reality of it was. My family is clearly dysfunctional… checks all the boxes of what happens when someone grows and steps out of their role… incredibly painful when your the one stepping out, because sometimes reality is painful. And yet, logically, I’m the odd one out, so it must be me. Except I also know that I’m not the one demanding everyone live up to my standards… or am I? Ugh. It’s so hard, and you know at the very least your mom isn’t thinking about or processing things at the level you are. Seriously, if one of your kids came to you and asked for help, would you just assure them how “normal” they are? Would you try to convince them how wrong they are about their personal realizations? Does that make your mom neurotypical or narcissistic? I don’t know. I can’t even figure it out amongst my own people. But that is the question that comes to my mind.
Thank you for your response! I have been doing this recording of my journey in hopes that people like you would find it helpful so the vulnerability is worth it. I feel like I am finding my community as well so I am super happy when someone responds! I am sorry to hear your family is similarly not helpful. I have come to accept that I not ask them for things that they cannot give but sometimes I forget and get my hopes up. I have met Autistic people who did not have this toxic family structure and the difference in nervous system regulation and self acceptance is astounding. And your example of what is being taught to the medical field about Autism is why I am glad so many other people like ourselves are being vocal. Thank you for sharing your story. I have found this group in Vermont called All Brains Belong where I have met other Autistic people and it has been a huge support. Especially since I have not had that from family. I believe my mother has some of what could be classified as narcissistic tendencies. Mostly it's that the work she would have to do to support me means accepting that she is also Autistic and she and my father failed at finding the right resources for me to feel safe as a child. I wish she could do her own work because I can never remember a time when she was actually happy and relaxed. At this point though I think I would settle for them to mostly just leave me be and let me do what's right for me without obstruction. I feel like I still have some more settling into this new reality of being an Autistic person but I am looking forward to the meeting of all like minded people such as yourself!
How articulately you express your thoughts is out of the ordinary. It is a lot. Thank you for sharing your work.
I wish I knew how to adjust my language to the proper setting. Thanks for watching.
i have a rant about this too! so stupidly expensive and should be free in Canada.
Hi Christina - thanks again for your openness in these videos. Your comments sound as though you are feeling very much as I did prior to an Autism test, and it sounds as though you're hearing very similar things from your parents as I did from my dad. For info, I expressed the same concerns about the process (and my dad's responses to the questions) to the assessor, and they explained that I shouldn't worry about it, and that part of the idea of involving the parents is just to try to pick up that some of the traits might be genetic (e.g. if a parent says 'he's just like me'). As they say in Veronica Roth's Divergent series... 'you have to trust the test'... I think that's right! Good luck. Relax, it will be fine. I also have my ADHD test coming up, on 30th Jan.
So my ADHD tester knew less about ADHD in girls than I do. They said I did not have ADHD that reached the diagnosis level. This tester also did not know about Autism so all in all a failed experience and discouraging. I may try to get another opinion but I am not sure. They kept asking me if as a child I had a hard time staying in my seat in school and if I had issues with behavior in my teacher's opinions. But I wasn't like that. I was more of a quiet daydreamer type. I think more assessors need more training. They did say that my difficulties are probably due to Autism. They overlap a lot in my opinion and that is what others say too.
Oh, yeah! Typical parent's reaction 😀 ..."But that is normal, we are all like that" I know, could you please just fill out?