Bad Movie Review: Roller Blade
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- Опубликовано: 15 сен 2024
- Curvaceous Crusaders Battle to Rebuild a Shattered Land. We review the first of Donald G. Jackson's bad post apocalyptic rollerblade moves... Roller Blade (1982)
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Summary: In a futuristic society, rebels fighting against a fascist state are aided by a group of roller-skating nuns called the Bod Sisters.
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Shadows - Brent Beebe, Chris Hewson, Chris Weakley, Christie Bryden, Colleen Crouch, Conner Brennan, David H. Adler, Hidden Trail Video, Joseph Dougherty, Micheal Bailes, Steve Scibelli, Brad Webb, Henry Brennan, Godessoftransitory, Allan Liska, Jasmine Shafer, Ford
Acolytes - Dark Roast, Dave Smith, Lavaughn Towell, Mark Buckley, R Lagdao, Raven House Mystery, Russ Chandler, Simon Ash, Simon Esslemont, Uwe Marquardt, Alex B, Amber Wesley, Tony Belmonte, Amber Wesley, Peter Grantham, David Conner
Initiates - Alexandra Virgiel, Bob de Builder, Brian Ullmark, Clifford Parson, Derek , Double-U, Felix Weibig, GadgetBlues, Greg Galanos, Greg Hartwick, Jakub Kabenski, James Smith, Karl Bunker, Martin Vlachynsky, Maria Gd, Melissa Hayes, Popeye Otaku, Stephen LaPlante, Tim Smith , Roop 298, VC, Jonathan Olds, Terry Le Croix, Barry P, Jeffrey A Pleimling
Written and presented by Robin Bailes @robinbailes
Directed and Edited by Graham Trelfer
DARK CORNERS OF THIS SICK WORLD S10E16
#BadMovieReview #DarkCornersReview #CultMovieReview
Every Canadian knows what the ultimate post-apocalypse horror would be: a world without donuts. Mobs would tear each other apart for the last maple glazed, and mothers would sell their children into slavery for a blueberry jelly-filled. Other nations might survive such a nightmare world, but not us. Script-writers, get to work. This one is box-office gold.
‘....holy rollers” LOL!
A post apocalyptic gang of Segway users.
Oh man, I just imagined a jousting scene.... It's sad, so sad.
You are brilliant.
Couldn't they turn it into a blade-derby movie ?
OK, now I can see it... Kind of Monty Python on wheels
Yea verily, I must needs confess: Thou hadst me at "roller-skating nuns."
It's the red pointy hats that make them look like crayons that really make it work for me.
Roller-skating nuns who worship the smiley, no less!
Thou hadst said that better than Marshall Goodman.
In the post-apocalypse future I see lawn darts making a big comeback.
See Mr. E from Tau Ceti's post below about "pogo-apocalypse"; you could have gladiators fighting each other with lawn darts while bouncing on pogo sticks.
Thanks, I hadn't read down that far. I guess great minds think alike (but I didn't imagine the pogo sticks).
Why not? You’ve got nothing else to lose.
“Pitch us your dystopia.” Isn’t that what they post in the waiting rooms of young adult publishers these last 15 years?
This is one of the most entertaining VHS tapes my friends and I ever found for a dollar.
K.T., Marshall Goodman here...I glad you enjoyed the movie. It took us over a year on weekends to make this Movie...LOL
An outbreak leaves everyone that lives through it with a speech impediment. Communication has completely broken down. It's up to one man to lead the revolution of underground Ham Radio DJs in....
Apocolisp
For one glorious moment I thought the weapon factory was called "Meccano".
Just finished watching the whole movie and loved it! It just might be the greatest and funniest spoofs of low budget post apocalypse films of the 80's. Not "meant to be taken seriously?" Duh! I don't think any of the many laughs are unintentional. One measure of a successful film is that the film maker accomplish what they intended and I believe Jackson and company did exactly that. And "gratuitous" nudity! Duh, again. Robin says that like it's a bad thing. How many of you watching this review think that gratuitous nudity is a reason to avoid a movie like this? Everything Robin lists as negatives are actually what makes it so much fun!
Mr22thou, I want to thank you for your sense of humor...Marshall Goodman
If they pilfered Olivia Newton John's "Magic" from Xanadu and played it again and again it might have helped.
"Prithee, oh travelling clown, couldst thou dost explain to me how thou dost roller skateth up yonder hill..."
Post apocalyptic trolling.
It was tough, but we managed...
In my post-apocalyptic movie, the world was destroyed by a giant tidal wave of Vegemite. Only Australians were able to eat their way up to the surface before drowning.
Cue my Japanese biker anecdote.
A group of us, including a Japanese bloke who only spoke about two words of English, were chatting over a beer or two at a backpackers' hostel in Las Vegas. The Japanese bloke was making sandwiches, and produced a jar of Vegemite from which he produced a massive dollop to liberally spread on the bread. We desperately tried to explain that it wasn't some sort of chocolate spread, to no avail. He took a bite into the sandwich, we all winced in horrified anticipation... and it turned out he knew exactly what he was doing, and had acquired the taste travelling around Australia.
He also had us worried when telling of his intended road trip all the way up to Alaska, around, and back, indicating a puny little bike that barely qualified as a motorbike. However, after a time we eventually worked out he'd already *been* on said road trip on said bike. Goodness knows how many thousands of miles he'd done on it!
Skates are much cheaper than cars, trucks, vans, etc. They apparently didn't have the budget to try a "Mad Max" clone.
“There’s a fine line between Dutch angles and the camera falling over.”
Brilliant my friend, but wait until you see the sequels and the Jackson/Shaw “Zen filmmaking” collection. In those I’m actually not sure there’s any line between Dutch angles and the camera falling over.
Don was a true movie maker, he was always ahead of the curve...with no budget. RIP my friend.
That sounds like the Don Jackson I remember, all right.
I worked on a Don Jackson movie for a couple of days---some nonsense about Chupacabra. I quickly learned that Don did not believe in using screenplays, or even outlines. Indeed, he mocked film makers who do so as "sissies." He just made it up as he went along. It was utter chaos, but he believed himself to be a true cinematic genius. To give you an idea of his megalomaniacal personality, I offer a couple of anecdotes: Don referred to himself as "the master of light" and lunch as his "soup kitchen for misfits." He constantly derided and sneered at his cast and crew, most of whom were working for little or nothing. I walked off the third day.
This, looks like the type of film you would see broadcasted @ 3:A.M. on a local high numbered channel right between Infomercials
"My wife could skate like an angel!" "And now she is one!" I'm going to save that sick burn for later...
Those aren't switchblades. They're balisongs, aka "butterfly knives."
First thing I thought of when I saw / heard it.
@@docdeth904 Same.
Actually...
Yes they are Steve...I hope that's not the only thing you took away from the movie🤣
Not switchblades
Not Rollerblades
Not good.
I have to see this movie. It has EVERYTHING
...And much, much more.
They're all on RUclips...
I fucking died when that dude said "I'm in heaven now." That delivery couldn't have been more perfect even if he tried. 4:55
Sam knew how to deliver a line...😂
The pointy red hoods get me every time! The Mother Superior is priceless
I thought I recognized the mother superior, and yep, she's Amanda in Hack-O-Lantern.
"The whole plot descends into chaos." ???? How can you tell? The plot wasn't all that sensible to start with.
Been going to science fiction movies since I was a kid. after the 70s , the whole idea of science fiction movies was very simple, as you said, start with getting women naked and then work back from there.😂
All this film needs is a cameo from Richard Harrison as a roller skating ninja, and it would be perfect.
nah, Franco Nero.
Only if also combined with his character in "Challenge of the Tiger".
This is one movie I would love to get on DVD. I found an old worn out VHS of this years ago and have been looking for a decent looking copy ever since.
My dystopian film would include;
Jet ski and hang glide battles with mini flame throwers and sling shot grenades. A doliphin ufo cult from Torrance vs the Hyperion Plant (ran by C.H.U.D's.) in El Segundo,Ca. Throw in as a subplot a Cat lady cult operating from Griffith Park who kidnap children and trade them for rare minerals that operate their death beam at the observatory.....also pterodactyls and manatees.
Rich Polysorbate this must be made!
Sounds like a Roger Moore-era Bond movie!
Dark Corners: I want to thank you for the review on Roller Blade. I now know more than I did while making it. Marshall Goodman🤣
I'd watch a movie wherein aliens subdue Earth by wiping everyone's cultural memory and leaving them with nothing to rebuild their inderstanding of reality but Roger Corman movies -- call it "Planet of the AIP's".
How long did it take you to think that one up? ☺️
Thanks for your attempt of trying to explain the "story" of this mess.I saw this movie and was confused, bored and disgusted at the same time.
Well at least you got 3 things out of it...Marshall Goodman🤔
Roller blades for me, but not for thee. Yeah, verily.
The Marshall sounds like a bad parody of a Dark Tower character.
0:42 ~ No rollerblades, and no switchblades either! Those are Balisongs. (More commonly known as Butterfly knives.)
Please,please, please review the most INSANE vampire movie ever made! "Die Hard Dracula" it has coffins that fly through the air with sparks spewing from them like rockets,badly painted plywood made to look like stone castle walls, local people filling in as extra actors, and the sloppiest Dracula I've seen so far! It's funny ,it's awful, it's perfect!
A dystopia, but... everyone has to live their lives on bicycles and fight on them.
Post apocalyptic film where all mammals except man are mutated and hungry for man-flesh. I'm thinking a chase scene where buxom ladies are running from carnivorous caribou over the tundra
I love your reviews, but feel a bit sorry for you having to watch these all the way through.
Something about "The Cosmic Order of Rollerblade" just makes me smile.
The original Rollerblade company didn’t exist until 1983. I wonder if they got the name from this 1982 movie?
This thing was a riot -- the sequels just pale in comparison.
Best line: "Tune thine instrument to the holy frequency!" 😆
I remember seeing a film very similar to this on the BBC back in the 80s. All I can remember is the rollerskating girls lived in a cave where there was a melting glacier, and Alexi Sayle had a minor role, playing an Arab (I think). It was very bizarre.
Shaun Michelle who played Hunter in this actually passed. I've seen all the Roller Blade films and they are best experienced,. Forget understanding them.
Man I was a fool for thinking that the Italians had the weirdest post-apocalyptic movies.
Maybe a post-apocalypse centered on the Scions of Man, that is to say uplifted animals, AI and robots surviving after humanity has died out.
The nuns looks like gnomes. Lol
This is like a bunch of 8-year-olds got hyped up on Pixy Stix and decided to do their own Mad Max sequel - plus a couple of Jim Henson creatures. It looks amazing.
Thank You Paris...
2:06 "I kick ass for the Lord!"
I have seen some bad B-movies, but this looks absolutely dreadful.
More like Z. 2.9 rating on IMDb. No Wikipedia article.
@@gregghill2059 That's quite high for a Donald G Jackson movie, Rollergator has a 1.3 and The Roller Blade Seven has a 1.9
@@MrAFatMan9991 According to Wikipedia he collaborated with fellow filmmaker Scott Shaw to develop "Zen Filmmaking" which "is a distinct style of filmmaking where no scripts are used in the creation of a film". That explains a lot.
@@gregghill2059 Roller Blade was before that developed, that all started with The Roller Blade Seven his later movies are EXCRUCIATINGLY bad. His rational for not using scripts was to cut costs as it cost money to "cut"
@@MrAFatMan9991 There's a fine line between genius and stupidity. ;-)
This is part of the 'Zen Filmmaking' concept. There was no script: just actors in costumes making up their lines. No wonder it makes no sense.
To be fair, the first commercially available inline skate didn't come out till 1987. Before that any form of inline skate was designed for use by professional or Olympic athletes as training tools.
Interesting. I wonder what the title means, then?
Ahh, i have been waiting years to see a review of this movie.
I've watched hundreds of the worst movies ever made and this is the worst thing I have ever seen. A friend wanted to see it and I started to watch it a second time with him and actually felt sick to my stomach about 15 minutes in at the thought of seeing this turd again and had to leave the room.
I know just how you feel Dan...
Is that the same Donald G Jackson who did Rollergator?
I'm very happy to see dark.corners moving up in the world. Great work guys
thank you, it has taken time, but we are getting there.
@@DarkCornersReviews count on me to always spread the word. Cheers, fellas
Cf. 'Solarbabies.'
dystopian roller skating movies are a genre. this is the world we live in.
Was this possibility the inspiration for Solarbabies?
The first of FIVE Roller Blade movies?😮
"Yea, verily..." Snicker...
The Haka on roller skates was the best part. I guess you can't have an exploitation film without exploits.
So, this is Shakespearean Rollergator?
Oooh! This is the same guy who did "Hell comes to Frogtown!" Easily the 2nd Best Rowdy Roddy Piper film of his entire oeuvre
Then he did like FIVE of these roller-movies.....
@@zetetick395 wow!
Post apocalyptic BEDAZZLING
Seventy thousand dollar budget? Did they spend most of it on the dialogue coach?
On craft services. The movie stunk, but they ate very well.
WTF did I just watch. I can't blame anyone but myself though. Oh the shame.
Late to the show, but as a norwegian, I would like to see a cross country ski, or perhaps biathlon themed movie.
Man, I never liked Shakespeare until now.
Another great episode. Thanks so much! - Chris from Instantly Dated.
It's Dr. Claw from inspector gadget
Entertaining as ever. 😊
They made 5 of these things? Persistent buggers.
I have one word for you; zeppelins.
Two words if you include blimps.
Andrew Snyder Dirigibles for a 3rd word.
Looks really cool.
for consciously bad post-apocalyptic films there's always Future Schlock (1984), which I rather like, but that puts me in a very small minority
Never even heard about this one. LOL
A world like the movie, but using clown shoes.
A post apocalyptic world where people communicate through interpretive dance.
Certainly sounds like Hell to me!
They look like butterfly knives to me, not switchblades. Which makes sense, as butterfly knives are cooler to look at when they open and close, and hence more cinematic.
They only look cool if you can handle them. Otherwise you'll look like a dork with bloody hands. 😉
@@NuGanjaTron Lucky for me that I Grew up in a bad neighborhood in the '80s, then.. I can handle 'em. :)
@@mahatmarandy5977 Okay... but can you handle butterfly-wielding, smiley-worshipping, rollerskating nuns?! 🤣
I feel wrong for even thinking of this,but the first thing that came to mind was,what if a post holocaust world were ruled over by a gang of furries?Anyway,you’ve opened up Pandora’s Box.You realize you have to review the rest in the series now,don’t you.Condolences in advance for the brain trauma this will no doubt cause.
A Post apocalyptic film centered around lawn darts and 8 tracks
I understand how low the budget must be for a movie like this, but how did it make any money? Was it the T&A that sold it on VHS or to Cinemax or did it just bankrupt whoever made it?
0:34 soooo... what would you call her? A Klanzi? A Nu Naz Nan? A Klanhead from the planet Reichmulak?
Are you going to cover "Roller Blade Warriors: Taken By Force"?
This movie seems like one long 'face avalanche'.
Somehow reminiscent of "Brazil"...done that one?
Thanks!
This movie looks insane lol 😂
This was pretty fun lol
I saw this movie on vhs.
excellent,thanks...
My post apocalyptic movie would feature Skip It and Pogo Balls
I...don't think that dog running past was part of the script :=)
Script?
@@DarkCornersReviews Well...something that resembled one anyway :=)
This is frickin' hilarious!
5:58 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The name of the company !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My favorite scene is when she is leaving.
This was a new apocalypse on me, I asked what the fuck more times than I should have XD
How about the movie "The FP"? Its a post apocalypse based around dance dance revolution
I've seen a couple of these Donald G Jackson roller-flix,
which I truly don't get, as _Hell Comes to Frogtown_ was pretty good! (in that B Movie schlock-tastic kinda way).........Then he started making these? (and not just one or two of 'em!)
- They don't stand up next to higher tier trash: Like _Surf Nazis must Die!_
Was that a Meccano factory?
This looks awesome!
a lot of fun this was
Space hoppers.
I've got a tool of love.
I'm seeing a lot of roller skates and no roller blades. Then I saw a lot of boobs and that made it okay.