TOP 5 sources of narcissistic SUPPLY
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
My favorite put down of a narcissist working at a hotel. Very slow. A guy came in with his wife. Since I had plenty of rooms, I offered my rock-bottom rate. (very low for the area). He balked. "You can do better than that." "No, that's as low as I can go." "I can't believe that. No, doctor's rate?" "No" '"I can't believe you don't have a doctor's rate." "Why would I have that? No one's sick here." He didn't like that, and the wife looked embarrassed. Then he parried, "I guess you don't get a lot of doctor's in a dump like this." "Well, not the successful ones." He looked gut-punched, and the wife said, "Let's just go." But the guy hung his head, then took the room. He glared at me as he walked out. I hope he still remembers it. No pride. None whatsoever.
Lmaooo good for you
Oooooo nice one❤
Be the person who breaks the cycle. If you were judged, choose understanding. If you were rejected, choose acceptance. If you were shamed, choose compassion. Be the person you needed when you were hurting, not the person who hurt you. Vow to be better than what broke you-to heal instead of becoming bitter so you can act from your heart, not your pain.
Great post. I always use these videos and others like them to be a better person. We’re such a malignant narc society, we really have to change ourselves if we want to build back a peaceful society.
Yup, work in progress.
Compassion does Not mean tolerating others shit toxicity
Very well said and powerful
Well said!! 🙌 Bitterness only eats away at our peace, not theirs, but it is a process to get to the point of forgiveness. For me, it was easy to forgive (knowing what caused them to be narc), but hard to forget..... maybe in time. Watching Dr. Ramani's RUclips channel has helped a great deal. The analagy of the "scuba diver" was spot on!!! 😊
" If you make enough excuses you create a reality"
BRILLIANT
00:26 - Providing Constant Admiration and Validation
10:03 - Excusing their Toxic Behavior
17:11 - Fighting Over Them
27:49 - Enabling their Entitlement and Demands
36:59 - Going Along with What they Want
Thank you for the timestamps ⏲
Thank you❤️🤗...and I still enjoy watching, learning & listening.
12 minutes in “exactly” what my soon to be ex-spouse just said to me. After multiple therapist (marriage counseling, individual) opportunities for change, I escaped marital home when he was out of town and now he’s a victim of childhood issues. …and he’s begging for me to come back and swears he will “do the work “.
I’m 30 years sober and I have had to work hard for it. Been with him 7 years too long. Lesson learned. 1 month away from him and I already feel so good. Grateful for these videos 🙏💜🦋
Congratulations! Stay the course. Wishing you happy future.
They won't change. Stay away from him. Congrats on leaving!
Amazing, how empowering for you.
Always put YOU 1st
Stay strong no matter what he says
They never change...wishing you the very best & a happy life ahead 🎉
We have a similar story. What's amazing to me is how similar the play book is. Good luck to you in your healing journey and God Bless.
My mother was a narcissistic nightmare when I was growing up. Until I was 54 and went no contact. Her behavior was shocking. She was sooo cruel. I did not turn out the same. I have a huge amount of compassion and loving kindness and empathy. I don't give a damn what happened to her. The end result was that she emotionally abused me from the start
I did not do the same wirh my child
"If I love this person enough, if I'm good enough to them, if I sit here and listen to them like their parents didn't... then that will clean the slate..." that was me for the last three years, sitting and listening to my mother every day for hours, trying to figure out how to make her happy. I finally figured out she has narcissistic tendencies (I won't say she has full blown NPD because I'm not qualified). She would have taken up my whole day every day if I'd let her, and dragged me around like a doll. And the minute I stopped, all her misery was now my fault, and all the love I poured down that black hole of her psyche was just gone, as if I'd never even tried.
I feel your sadness
That passive-aggressive praise! I never got the insult part as a kid, because mommy wouldn't do things like that! So I said the same words with no malice and didn't understand why people got mad at me.
That makes for a steep learning curve as an adult.
My husband couldn't stand to see me go to my Ph D ceremony. He was sooo ill. My parents were on their way, but we canceled the whole thing. He couldn't stand to see me rewarded for some seriously hard work.
Great points, thank you! A genuine praise for you, Dr Ramani. Your passion and persistence around this whole issue of helping folks be aware, avoid, and heal from narcissistic abuse, is not lost on me. I truly appreciate all your efforts in educating yourself, and in presenting your wisdom to so many of us.
And to those doing the difficult work to heal from this treatment, I see you and I hope you're genuinely proud of yourself, as we are making a difference in the world that is MUCH needed and yet rarely seen. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I agree with you about social media being the narcissist magnet.
That’s one of the reasons I generally kept myself over the years. The only reason I am putting anything out now is because I work at a car wash.
Narcissist are all about personal attention. That’s something I run away from and I hate personal attention
I prefer to treat people the way I would want to be treated. I may not always get the “best deal” - but the prize for me is my good character. I have standards set for myself, and I don’t breach them going for a “win”. I don’t think highly of rude people and I wouldn’t want anyone to look at me that way.
“Have you taken the grass as bed
And the space as blanket
Humbled of what’s coming
Forgetting what has passed?
Give me the flute and sing
And forget the illness and the medicine
For people are lines,
Written, but by water”
-
*Lyrics:* Khalil Gibran | خليل جبران
*Artist:* Fayrouz | فيروز | Fairouz
*SongTitle:* Give me the flute - أعطني الناي وغنِّ
Doctor Ramani... you are a wonderful human being... thank you so much for your videos... thank you so much for all lifes that you are saving with your wonderful work... you are a truly force of goodness is this world... hope all the best for you and family ... thank you ❤
Yes, thank you, the same, Doctor Ramani❤.
Growing up my dad would tickle us excessively until we said ‘best dad greatest dad love you dad’ for him to stop. It was as kind of a joke and I didn’t think it was a big deal at the time. Now I see it differently. My mom does a lot and seems super generous but she always looks for the compliments a little too much. They also both have done emotionally and physically abusive things to me and my siblings yet they don’t take responsibility for it. It’s all exhausting. I rarely get validated or celebrated for my things from them. They constantly violate my boundaries and expect me to tolerate the abusive narcissistic family members. Seeing truths. Focusing on my life. Keeping my boundaries. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I broke away ...after too many second chances.
Sadly he lives close by to where I live , but I've learned so much that I know that this time I'm stronger than ever !!
Thank you Dr Ramini as your videos are helping me along this road of recovery. Xx
Love you Ramani❤ ! 😊
You have to embrace change
to live the life you have
dreamt of 👏🏻😊
😊👏😊👏😊
The tools you have given me to deal with this person has given me so much hope of being able to tactically maneuver my life to get out. You truly are a blessing !! Thank you so much for sharing all you do. Life will be good again ( in time). Cutting off the air supply has already helped me, i it's like finding a manual to these people and my soul feels so much better. 😊You are AWESOME !! Wish I knew this 40 years ago❤
In the beginning, my Narc always said "I'll NEVER Break your Heart"! He ended up breaking my heart every day 💔
I admit it. My narcissistic boss was about to fly out of the country for the holidays. I gave him a gift, against the backdrop of no one else knowing or caring when their birthday was. It was nothing but a manipulation, against being devalued for a full year and, in actuality, not caring if my boss ever returned from his trip, by any means necessary.
Self Compassion,its a long process.I love myself .I forgive myself.doc Ramani is the sister I always needed!thank you!long road ahead.so much need to change,I deserve hapiness too❤
You saved my health from a recent bilateral narcissistic attack from siblings... I'm truly thankful if your work ❤
I want to see 10 million views on this video this one’s right on the money
. I agree with you social media fueled the narcissist Propaganda
A sculpture that’s not fully made” what a brilliant visual
You bring up a interesting point that I can relate to - I was in a committed relationship and it was clear that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I still had to constantly validate how I feel about her. I just couldn’t figure out why she kept addressing that
I personally experienced everything you’re talking about here and all I can think about without knowing the medical reasons was this girl is incredibly insecure.
I’m just blown away how you hit on what I experienced called “second chances” you’re absolutely right I just didn’t know what it was
we who have spirit weapons listen to you dr ramani we love you
Absolutely spot on ,,”enabling them is causing someone else to be hurt…”/
I have a narcissistic mom and now diagnosed with PTSD related to that continued experience. I have made the conscious decision that I will never treat people the way I was. I do take into consideration that she lived a very financially poor life, but that doesn't excuse her vicious behavior. Just because you lived it doesn't make it right.
Boy oh boy, does this lesson resonate with my daily experience. Thank you. ❤
O M G … you’re hitting all the right drum beats to my banging on them bass drums!!!
Yes, I went to visit my uncle one and his wife. While visiting she left and went to the other room and was on facebook for about 2 hours. My uncle told me it was a daily activity for her. When she came back all she did was talk about photos she posted and other people's pictures. I could understand if she was bored with the conversations, when he said it was a daily activity it blew me away.
Just like the 3 year old who wears down his caregiver to get his way.
Dr. Ramani, one of the things I learned the hard way when buying a car, was allowing the dealership to provide me the financing. Had I gotten my own financing ahead of time, I'd have saved a LOT in the interest rate. The other important thing is, don't let them know you have your own financing until the final "out the door" price is finalized. They may press you on how you're going to pay, but you can always say, let's not put the cart before the horse. If you ask, "What's my out the door" final price you can offer me?" they'll know you're aware of their sales tricks. If you tell them ahead of that final price, that you have your own financing, they'll just add without telling you, what they had expected to make on providing you the financing. It should be a fair playing ground at a dealership, but often the customer is in a disadvantaged position. It feels so underhanded. All of this also applies if you're paying cash.
When you look at them realizing nothing you can wver say or do will help..so so sad😢❤
My soon to be ex famous quote out of his mouth from day one (a clue I missed) "I can sell ICE to eskimos'" 28 years later and major health issues for the last 3 years. That have happen in our relationship we are divorcing. Makes me sad but I feel a relief also. He is still trying to be controlling we will see how this pans out. All it is going to do is cost him more money but hey not my monkey anymore. It took me being on my death bed and fighting to stay alive for the last 3 years to get it. I got it NOW.
I wouldn’t WISH THE CONSEQUENCES OF HAVING NARCISSISTIC PARENTS OR PARENT on Anyone!
I remember when my narc when we got to the coach register for something I was buying and she tried to negotiate a 24,99$ BBQ because one corner was slightly damaged. The staff was saying we'll go get another box, but she was continuing to "get" what she wants as an outcome. I was so embarrassed.
Letting people get away with it- that is what I have been confronting for decades, now. I had to work with a dysfunctional parent, whom staff were constantly just obeying in order to not be harassed, yet the directives given were counterproductive to the benefit of the business. I was the one willing to confront the parent, to 'take the heat', but in order for that to be effective, the staff had to have my back and not keep letting the poor management go unaddressed. None were willing to. Note- the parent had never actually fired anyone. I was also in line to be boss, and one would think that might matter to staff who might one day work under me. But no one stood up. The business eventually failed- although the flying monkeys on staff had nice fat paychecks for 'doing their jobs'.
Thank you for the insights -- fascinating, absorbing.
I’ve been watching so many videos… I’ve learned so much. Also questioning if I’m the narcissist. Idk idk
Thankyou for your insightful and life changing podcasts.Ive watched a few now.I am a retired GP with a narcissistic family member.Thankyou🙏
Since recovery, I have come to depend on their to destroy themselves. No Contact is the best route, step away, and watch. It's only a matter of time, and time is all I have. So waiting and watching has become a spectators sport. Table is turned now. My life is now peaceful and full of the things I enjoy. Created a new life and moved forward. Just watching the Truman Show now staring the Narc. Thanks Dr. R.😂
This one narc friend was already in the middle of consoling and divorce issues…when another friend mentioned and she was super brave saying it that she too was getting a divorce this friend punched and was so mad about it in the restaurant …
I was so confused. We were all so right, so close, and loving and this was odd…
5 years later and a the divorce…we found out she’s a narcissist. No more drama, no issues, and what we thought was the husband was actually the wife…
Love this content ❤
Oof. 40:20 my praise example was “See?! I was right I knew you would be happy doing this. Now you know I’m always right.”
Yup, my X would curl up on the couch with a book in front of everyone towards the end of a dinner party when she was no longer in the conversational spotlight. No one had left. So weird.
Oh, yeah! I remember that "nobody is going to love you like I do" thing. What's that even supposed to mean?😂😂 It actually sounds extremely silly if you think about it, because it's basically implying that there will be others because this is going to end and you are already judging the men I'll date in the future. Almost 13 years after leaving my marriage I can say nobody I've dated has treated me, or "loved me" like he did. Not even close. I've been respected and treated with kindness. There's good people out there, but a narcissist makes you forget it.
If you don’t understand why people say that when a narc backs them into a corner with their consistent bad behavior, and acting out-when you finally have your fill of the BS and stand up for yourself. - then you need to rewatch all her videos. Sounds like you took your baggage to your new relationship and play it off like you’re the victim to get what you want. The fact you laughed at this tells me all I need to know about you. Sick.
Sounds like my marriage, 14 years 😂 hopefully not for long. He is like vampire seeking admiration. He only remembers people we have met, my friends, only those who praised him. Otherwise anybody else do not exist for him.
He did get his win for 24 yrs. Knowing I was of integrity & honored my marriage. Until the fateful day I packed his suitcase 1-1-23!!!!!!
He never thought I would…….a quiet surprise. I pre laid all the groundwork.
Narcissistic mortification..
I won. Oh but I should add……
He’s a victim….
So they do win for awhile, until the fateful day.
Thank so much Dr Ramani, mindfulness and being aware. Appreciate the thought-provoking observations!!
I appreciate the about childhood trauma/the fairytale myth. That crap is what kept getting me hoovered (and even enabling) narcissists more times than I would like to admit.
I love this, this is helping me
@ 18:27 I´m amazed that Dr. Ramani confirms, with this story, this telltale sign of malignant "rich" narcissists - they most of the time don´t want to pay the fair price, always want to have it for insignificant prices or for free, only to devalue or discard it as fast as they got it. Be it things, people, or your effort, the entitlement is strong. And the older they get, the stronger it gets.
seen many a well off financially person or persons, then they say, well, I'm rich because I always drive a hard bargain and dont pay full price, they are also the most work in a restaurant AND worst tippers in a restaurant.
Yes…the malignant narcissist who loves his money more than anyone else!!!! No matter what…
When you don't need supply, attention and validation those sings show, that you're not narcissist. Because narcissist person can't stay with out supply and survive with out energy of others...
Be the person breaking the generational curses, not creating them.
I worked as a server for six years, and it drove me nuts when toxic people would get their food discounted or for free. I would never give in, but my manager would say, "whatever gets them to leave". I would say, "that's why they'll do it again".
33:45 If the narc doesn't have a power position over you (like a boss), I have found success in laughing at them in a condescending way. They are afraid of shame and being mocked, so they will avoid someone that they fear "sees" them.
There is never any winning. If you feed the stray cat once you have to keep feeding the stray. This is draining.
I knew this narcissist guy buying something he was short like $.80 and he had like three different ways to pay for it with different credit cards and it was just so time-consuming the cashier just says go, forget about it. My narcissist friend was so elated that he got away with it. I on the other hand was so embarrassed too
"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain."-
*Book:* THE PROPHET
_By. Gibran Khalil Gibran_
(1923)
“And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair”―
*Book:* THE PROPHET {1923}
_By. Gibran Khalil Gibran_
📚BOOK: THE PROPHET
_- By. Khalil Gibran -_
One of the most beloved spiritual classics of our time, Gibran’s masterpiece, THE PROPHET, has sold millions of copies in more than forty languages since it was first published in 1923. THE PROPHET contains powerful words of wisdom on such essential subjects as marriage, children, friendship, work, and pleasure-words that readers from around the world have found inspirational and life-changing. A poet, artist, and mystic, Gibran was born to a poor Christian family in Lebanon and emigrated to the United States as an adolescent, where he began studying art. The twenty-eight poetic essays collected in THE PROPHET are illustrated with twelve of his full-page drawings. Perhaps no other twentieth-century writer has touched the hearts and minds of so remarkably varied and widespread a readership.
*- Khalil Gibran* † | *🇱🇧خليل جبران -*
Was born in 1883 to a poor Christian family in Lebanon🇱🇧 and immigrated to the United States as an adolescent. His masterpiece The Prophet, a book of poetic essays that he began while still a youth in Lebanon, is one of the most cherished books of our time and has sold millions of copies in more than twenty languages since its publication in 1923. But all of Gibran’s works-essays, stories, parables, and prose poems-are imbued with equally powerful simplicity and wisdom, whether they are addressing marriage or children, friendship or grief, work or pleasure. Perhaps no other twentieth-century writer has touched the hearts and minds of so remarkably varied and widespread a readership …
*- Khalil Gibran* † | *🇱🇧خليل جبران -*
Included in this volume are The Prophet, The Wanderer, Jesus the Son of Man, A Tear and a Smile, Spirits Rebellious, Nymphs of the Valley, Prose Poems, The Garden of the Prophet, The Earth Gods, Sand and Foam, The Forerunner, and The Madman.
Dr Ramani looks especially beautiful here.🤩
Yup. I had the ex’s tickets for Disney land side of the park in CA. Back when there most people did not own mobile phones. I fretted but did not see him anywhere! The Disney employees told me ‘no way’ he would have been let in without the tickets. But they did not know how mean and nasty the ex was. He managed to bully his way in without tickets. He almost always won. By being mean as a junkyard dog. He DID get in without tickets though.
The difficulty with some of the advice about moving on is the next person gets the abuse. One of my sisters is a covert narcissist. My other sister is very good at handling her (“I just don’t engage”). This leaves me getting cornered by the narcissistic sister when she needs supply. My other sister thinks she is just looking after herself but it makes it much harder for me. My other sister also does enabling things for the narcissist sister: makes excuses for her and expects me to buy it! I guess it is a case of what economists call ‘beggar thy neighbour’ when it comes to dealing with the narcissist: whoever takes an action first wins the race. The second place person is a huge loser.
I found the difficulty with moving on is that these Narc types can also be very dangerous - not just hurting you physically but also financially. In the last 20 years or so of having to deal with him, I found that distancing myself and the kids was the best thing.
@@twovirginiacats3753 that’s the challenge with families: sometimes it’s not possible to distance yourself as much as you would like as you could with an ex-spouse. Looking after elderly parents can mean situations where you can’t avoid interacting no matter how much you would like to.
Thank you Thank you!!!❤❤❤👍
It is interesting to observe narcissism in Japan, a culture that does just about everything possible to discourage narcissism: birthday-shmirthday, celebrate coming of age communally the subsequent January, for example. They still occur. When I gained Shinto priesthood qualifications, as the first foreigner in Japan to do so, it brought every narc around me out of the woodwork, because here came the cameras and TV crews. NHK showed up, and I just sat there quietly while a covert communal narc (who was hoping I would create a new religion for his ideas) and a basically non-malignant, but grandiose narc chatted up the producer so vigorously that after an hour or two of being unable to hear anything from me, gave up and left.
I am happy to report that the grand narc finally got his day on TV. (I am genuinely happy--it really was not fair! He did finally manage to find something to gain the attention of the producers.)
I think Japanese culture can be emotionally supressive this can lead to people not being able to develop true sense of self.
I am hopeful reading the comments.
People are starting to get the picture.
Our stories though diff are getting out there. Social media,steroid use,gym adoration ended a 24 yr marriage to a narc/addict. His last relapse was lust ,sex,porn addiction.
I deserve SO much more. All the therapy, AA Alanon didn’t make any diff.
Healing caring for myself peace all of it is mine now.
He is who he prefers to be.
To the new supply I say, “ tag your it”
At 72 I got a new puppy, we are having a ball !!!!! Stay well community!
Our consumer/ capitalist culture and the therapy/ psychologists were really pushing external validation. So I wonder how many people who have been taught to act like narcs are really narcs ? I contemplate this because I was a total narc, completely co dependent on external validation, empathy is weakness. That is what I learned from everyone and our culture growing up. It never felt right but any attempt at being my own person and acting from empathy was punished or derided.
It never felt right, but it wasn’t until I saw Dr. Ramani’s powerful TED talk that things started clicking for me ( and got me fired from a lucrative job when I started changing). Then 2020 happened and I really got to see who was really friends and family- pretty much no one and had the courage to walk away. Right now I am doing a crummy job ( it pays), that often requires me to be locked in a bus with abusive/ toxic personalities…alone. There’s no support at work so it’s been difficult but rewarding journey into the art of self regulation. And I can tell you, management does NOT like that. The powers that be, on the small and large stage, depend on keeping us emotionally disregulated and co dependent. How else do you manipulate people into atrocities?
“I read this poem this morning - I believe it is from Hafiz. Hold on to it -it is a callout to everyone trying to navigate relationships that break your heart every day.
If you “resolve” only one thing- may it be that you find those safe spaces where you can be seen and learn to disengage from anyone who doesn’t.
Run my dear, from anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings. Run like hell my dear, from anyone likely to put a sharp knife into the sacred, tender vision of your beautiful heart.” *- Hafiz*
Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested; that is, some books are to be read only in parts; others to be read, but not curiously; and some few to be read wholly, and with diligence and attention. Some
books also may be read by deputy, and extracts made of them by
others; but that would be only in the less important arguments, and
the meaner sort of books, else distilled books are like common dis-
tilled waters, flashy things. Reading maketh a full man; conference a
ready man; and writing an exact man.
*- Francis Bacon*
“Although my brain wants to say, 'He’s the reason I am feeling angry! He’s to blame!', the anger I feel is actually bigger and older than him. Most of our emotions arrived way before our current situation, experience, or relationship-even though it doesn’t feel that way. Most of our feelings are old because we never got to process them-to see, feel, and hear them-so they stay trapped inside of us. So maybe we feel some new anger about a situation, but it gets added to the decades-old pile of anger that we haven’t processed, and that’s why it feels so very big, so very significant. and so painful.” *-Diana Bird❤️*
Freedom of Choice: We have the power to choose our own responses and actions, independent of past experiences or societal expectations. Taking responsibility for our choices empowers us to shape our lives.
Letting Go of Validation: Seeking validation from others can be limiting and can hinder our growth. Embracing our true selves and living in accordance with our own values is more important than seeking approval from others.
Separation of Tasks: Recognizing the difference between our own tasks and the tasks of others allows us to focus on our own growth and not be burdened by external factors. We can choose how we perceive and respond to events, freeing ourselves from resentment or blame.
The path of least resistance to preserve a calm nervous system, conserve emotional energy, maintain overall health.
There's something up with the audio. I always love your stuff not sure what happened to the audio in this one.
Ok I have two stores.
I went to a gas station/convention store one day(The price of gas was outrageous). There was a man(I believe was a narcissist) sitting in his truck: a trashy truck that had been painted bright red with a lift kit on it and other flashy items to make the truck look more expensive than it actually was. He was sitting in his truck like a king on his throne with the radio and air conditioner blasting and the driver's door wide open wasting gas. I went inside where he's girlfriend(I believe was borderline) was frantically digging through the beef jerky bin to find him the perfect piece of beef jerky. There were two store employees there trying to insure hygiene standards. This woman kept asking if she could show the man the beef jerky. The store employees kept saying the beef jerky had to be paid for before it left the store and it could not be returned once it left the store. This went on for several minutes while I poured my drink and waited in line to pay for my drink. I was unable to check out because of this scene. I am sad to say that I rewarded them for this bad behavior. I told the woman I would pay for the two pieces of beef jerky in her hands if she would stop digging through the bin. I ended up paying for the two pieces of beef jerky.
Warning this story may be traumatic!
Years ago I knew a man in his twenties. He had just gotten out of prison and was convicted of (child M). He originally claimed that it was a false accusation. I was lured into his web of lies. The story changed, he claimed he was (M) when he was a child. He gave me the name of his abuser and other details. Then he stated he had the right to do what he wanted(M another child) because he had an abusive childhood. This was the Red flag I could not ignore. I reported the conversation to his probation officer. Then I looked into his story about his childhood, every bit of his story was a LIE!!!!! No man with the name he told me.
It's alarming that you let a child M get that close to you to begin with
The original story was very very different. And it took time to sort through the lies. Once I figured out the truth I started to pull away. But yes it is alarming how manipulative he is/was.
DR. RAMANI!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 SPEAKING OF CAR SALESMEN, can you do a personality analysis on Jerry Lundegard of the film FARGO?????? I also detest dealing with automotive sales people. Good luck to you!!!
If salesman/negotiators get rewarded for disregarding others feelings, doesn’t this mean the root of the problem is capitalism?
It certainly doesn't help, but it doesn't prevent people from being successful in capitalism.
Narcissism is ruinous of anything it touches, like the Harvard scientific fraud scandal.
But I'm no expert, just a person living in a world that oftentimes seems upside down, morally.
The narc I'm dealing with wanted something from me I couldn't give and hadn't got. I didn't give him supply. I was aware of narc abuse but more than 10 years later he is targeting me because he didn't get what he wanted all those years ago. I did everything I knew to do. I at a loss at what to do.
My mom use to ask "how great is my cooking?" Or "doesn't your mother look good?" Or "u got that great trait from me!"
Narcs can identify victims easily
" you bear the mark of a slave" ( richard Grannon) its a personal power assesment
I worked for a female narcissist at a property management company. She and her husband were the owners. I was instructed by her to be very diligent about insisting rent be paid on time by our tenants. My job performance was determined by how well I did this. However, once tenants had exhausted themselves talking to me they would call her and she would give them the extension and then come out of her office and smile down at me. She had to be seen as giving and benevolent. When I finally gave my two weeks notice, she announced my resignation in the staff meeting by saying, "....Angie has given her two week notice, but really if you need to make today your last day, that will be fine." I sat there humiliated and didn't hear another thing that was said in the meeting. When the meeting was over, I went to my desk and collected my things and left. She later told the town I was fired.
🥶 Terrible..glad you left. Years ago, a computer teaching center owner asked me to lie and make a 'spy' visit to their competitors. I refused, and quit, and they did not pay me 2 week's wages!
@sudhakhristmukti1930 so sorry that happened. We have to accept, I think, narcissists often "win" in the short term. Our "win" is seeing them for who they are, and learning as much as we can to deal with them in the world. It seems impossible to dodge them all!
Sounds like you live in a too small of a city
The way they get off on this type of behavior....is not human...Sorry you went through this..good move leaving that day..m❤
I just learned this term and I dislike it intensely, though I certainly get the reference: flying monkey. Would you mind covering that, perhaps with one of these compilation videos, since you've probably really covered about every angle there is over the years of this channel? It's not exactly the same as an enabler, since they can also be the tool by which the narcissists damage is inflicted.
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A major residence change looming possible later this year has really forced me to stop wallowing in my sorrows and self-isolation in my room where I live and pull it together-more easily said than done, and it might end in homelessness. BUT, I can't help feeling like it's a gift in disguise, that I've been living far too much like I did when I was in a romantic relationship with a grandiose narcissist. The generosity of my hosts of well over a decade has kept a roof over my head, but at an emotional cost that only exacerbates the CPTSD and Depression issues I already have on my plate. I used to love board games, pretend to enjoy roleplaying games, and socialize pretty regularly; however, over the last several years I have increasingly hermitized in my room. It's been particularly bad of late, as the chief narcissist of the house has been looking for a job for several months; and I'm the easiest food source, to continue the metaphor, because I respond poorly (blowing up) at treatment I got from my mother. I have medical needs, both physical and psychiatric, that make supporting myself a challenge, at least here in the area where I grew up and the cost of living is absurdly high. At a cousin's suggestion NINE years ago, I am now talking over a GoFundMe with some loved ones to flesh out how a financial shot in the arm from people who volunteer for the aid might help put me back in the (relatively) independent category. Also, because I need help figuring out what the heck I could offer as tier rewards-hard to fathom when I probably underestimate myself. I even managed to find my long-expired passport to send in for renewal, which could open up some options, not the least of which would be my dream of nomad living in Europe, taking up my exchange-student French brother's invitation and perhaps establishing a home base. Might also save my life, given I have multiple far right targets on me. I don't know. It helps to dream a little in the fight against inertia.
No no no. It's a roller coaster. You can't be fawning and patronizing consistently enough. They snap.
Ah, yes, the internet. Always get on the internet to feel validation from randos.
I have found that when performing a greyrock stance with the narcs in the family, they will immediately go to a "shock and awe" tactic. This in order to elicit a validating response, for safety sake.
I have also witnessed this in public, like with register people in stores during the holidays.
How do you defend against and recover?
😂 narcs will throw temper tantrums, they are like children! When my narc decides to rage I can't help but see an over grown man child throwing a temper tantrum like a toddler, once you see them that way it's no longer scary but laughable, and you no longer take them seriously,
If it's not a full blown tantrum, let them talk and rant, they love to hear them self preach, let them go on and on and agree with them, when they talk themselves into a corner or a contradiction smile and point it out, watch them throw word salad and rage 😂 even better when they do this in public 😂😂😂 basically observe, listen to what they say, bounce it back on them and watch them implode
I used to be so embarrasssed to even go out to dinner with my STBX because if his steak was not prepared correctly, instead of just bringing it to the attention of the server, he would demand to speak to the manager...then go on and on and on about how the steak should have been prepared and how that HE was a chef and how the manager should be ashamed to let something like his food even be brought out to the table...yadda yadda yadda. Sure if your food is not prepared to your liking, bring it to their attention but to go on endlessly for 15 minutes and berate the management is INEXCUSABLE!! I eventually quit going out to dinner with him.
I personally know someone very close who does that same thing. They show no regard to rules, especially if it has to do with a monetary value and will always get something discounted to appease them, or get another item and are told to keep the other one. I’m guessing that they are a vessel with a hole basically. It seems like, they want to fill themselves up but there’s always a leak so every time they try to fill themselves up it empties and it’s an ongoing cycle. Maybe this happened in childhood but who knows. Sometimes it’s just time to grow up.
SO GLAD you mentioned at the very end "trains running on time," because that's a bit of praise Mussolini was given. You made me realize how a narcissist can turn a victim into a fascist against their own Self. And here's an example of backhanded praise that a narcissist can do (and let's all MARVEL at its sick technique, shall We?): my dying FIL wanted to include me in his will TO THE DELIBERATE EXCLUSION of one of his twin sons. .... How's THAT for a triangulated middle finger from a deathbed?!?! Luckily the man passed before a will was made, but his verbal deliberations did enough damage. The damage that this family enacted on themselves and others .... i got OCEANS of guilt ive only begun to parse.
So…so… so… right…!!!
lol… so many topics that have been covered in this thread…the worst a person can be to another person who is involved with a NARCISSIST… lol..!!!
wow!! spot on!
Yes it is easier to sometimes just bow down to them to avoid the wrath if you don't. And yes then the praise thing is there but it finally gets realized. And then you have to live with them thinking they won. What I know with my narc he tells so many lies and spins and if he knows he did wrong he will be adamant that HE NEVER SAID THAT. And he will laugh if caught at first. Then say never did. Then say he did it because it was my fault. I get it now.
Are most narcissists heavy on Leo in their birthchart?
Yet so many people blame cheating on the faithful partner not meeting needs 😡😡‼️
Thank God for you!
That is perfectly said. Now I have to figure out how to say that in a court room, In front of a judge, in a devorse. I have to try to explain how I put her name on my non marital home. This, among other things, is my giving a second chance over and over...
Oh my goodness I know someone like that! Posts pictures of his house on FB makes a point on bringing mine down making me feel bad. Makes a point getting everything for FREE! Or money out of you. Yet sells his stuff for hunger prices he got free (before I witnessed all this first hand) I had shelled out over 100 for a coffee table 160 for a hot tub which I bet and others validated this he'd probably got for free anyway
I love the term narcissistic supply.
It sounds like a store.
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_and the time to ACT is NOW_
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"If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.” - Albert Einstein 😅
What caused the medieval warm period or the Maunder minimum (1645-1715) it's not you, it's not Co2. @@MaybeYoureRight-1234
Go and never look back… everything…
That’s what I’m thinking… never looking back…!!!… lol
I had a work situation kinda like that and I did speak up. So, seeing how the crap carried on the next day from them , ( bosses) I said, I didn't come here to deal with this BS. I'm going to the house. And I walked out with them behind me trying to manipulate me into put up with it longer. I liked my job but not the Co worker- boss crap. I wasn't the only one who hated it. I just had the benefit of being okay without the job. I was older and hated the stress on the younger. But, like I said, I can't waste my time and health in a toxic environment. Sometimes, we have to give in a bit because we have a loved one or children perhaps that need us and we get strategic on settling for awhile.
Regarding the narc who got the $20 item for free, what if the person behing them, who clearly wasn't as fancy as them, went up to the cashier and said clearly and loudly "It's ok, I can afford to pay for this item"
Would the narc be embarrassed, or think that person was a sucker?
I think they would be both angry and embarrassed, but they would internalize it and take it out on someone else later.
@@notsheepish8304 YUUUUP
Revenge would be taken….
Yes so afraid of their rage/ humiliation we learn to enable them before they even get to it. Seems like another reason they discard eh? The "win" becomes too easy
😂 why, I laugh, they look so silly, like a giant baby, I picture them wearing a diaper and they can't hurt me, they are just giant toddlers, and that's how I treat them 😂 and it's fun, narcs hate me because I don't flinch, I just say , " does some one need a diaper change and a nap?" 😂 it's fun to spin it back on them and watch them lose their S#!t in public 😂 than there is no denying what they really are, spoiled Lil toddlers who never grew past "I want, I want"
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16:25 doing what I need for my babies❤❤❤
I have a question? So what about not going DEEP with these types of entitled Narcissistic. Is that considered enabling?? I am confused by the message here.
I do the accommodations to be safe. I’m afraid of his rage. But, I know why I do it.
relating to @ShahrezadNorMohammadiy9116 comment, which resonates with me so much, as I find it very sensible. It reminds me of a tattoo I saw somewhere (obviously on a long-legged girl:) which went "The same boiling water that softens the potatoes hardens the eggs". Come to think of it, it's not that simple, there's room for making choices, and no room for such choices when facing evil monsters.