As part of my community I have turned on “community contributions.” I would be thrilled if you would like to add close captions, translations, and subtitles. Im all about accessibility for everybody. I working so hard on my channel to give you the best content I can make. Lets work together to reach more people to inspire, motivate and entertain. ruclips.net/user/timedtext_cs_panel?tab=2&c=UCNP1tYcve1MtivJtDjHsO-g
I wish I could help you caption some but I could use the captioning. It seems like RUclips made auto-generated 'craptions' with Americans in mind (and Americans hate them too!). It would be awesome to see your videos manually captioned so that I can make out everything you are saying without replaying parts of it repeatedly. Overall your audio quality seems to be clear to where captions probably wouldn't be a frustration for me if it weren't for the difference in American and British accents and mouth movements.
What a great idea about the captions, I was going to send this to my friend who's partially deaf and in a wheelchair to ask her if I was inadvertently doing the things you mention like standing too close, I'm quite tall, then realised she wouldn't be able to hear it. Instead I texted and asked her the points you raised, apparently I'm guilty of letting go of the chair and it made it so easier for her to speak to me about it. I recently started a British Sign Language course to make our chats less tiring when we meet up. Dawn xxx
Thank you for making this video. I am not a wheelchair user and I never had a person who is a wheelchair user in my social circles, so I never had the opportunity to learn, I was clueless to everything you mentioned. I think for some of us, if we behave in a wrong manner is simply because we never had contact with a particular disability. For example I grew up with someone who is deaf and lip reads, so when I meet someone who also lip reads, I know exactly what to do and what NOT to do. But I see many people forgetting that my relative needs to be watching their face when they are talking.
I have another one for you. Friend and I were in a mall, lazily window-shopping. A woman walks up to my friend (never once glancing at me) and says, "Can she talk?" I said, "No, and I can't hear, either."
The boyfriend I was with at the time of my injury would constantly abandon me in public places and sit in inaccessible seats, go upstairs etc and leave me behind. He never understood why that made me so pissed. I dumped him shortly after my injury anyway. No time for losers like that!
ugh what a &∞557Y7F. You did the right thing. There is someone out there for everyone, and there are caring and understanding people. Im actually thinking of making a video on this. :)
My ex husband would do crap like that too. Once we went out and he didn't put my chair in the car! Then when we got there and I couldn't get out of the car he had a go at me. Which is why he is now an ex...
Wheelchair user here, someone actually GRABBED HOLD OF MY WHEELCHAIR whilst I was on my way back from the grocery store and started pushing me. I had no idea they were even there and it scared the SHIT out of me. Yeah, sure, they thought they were being quite helpful, but that ain't how it comes across when you don't even bother to announce your presence before physically taking control of another person's movement. It's fucking scary. Also, when people defer to my parents in matters about me, acting as though I'm either not there or a complete imbecile, it makes me want to punch them. (bonus points if they ask one of my parents if I can talk)
ugh #notok, that must have been horrible. someone comment on another videos something very similar to this. They said its the equivalent of someone picking up and able-bodied person and running off with them!! It just shouldn't be done :(
HermitForHire People have said the answer to the question I ASKED to my parents, friends, or whoever is pushing me. I fllipped and stern/politely said, "Ma'am, I'm not sure if you noticed but I asked the question, and I want the answer, not them(referring to the pusher). Also, it is very rude of you to belittle me because my legs are screwed up." I've also said, "Hey, it's the legs that don't work, not the brain lady, I understand what you say."
HermitForHire I’ve had that happen a couple of times, it makes me so angry 🤬 also please don’t push wheelchairs users out of the way! This has happened twice in supermarkets It’s beyond rude especially without speaking to the person. Thank you ever so much for posting this 🙌🏻
I used to be an usher at my church. CP and chronic pain made it hard to stand for a long time. I volunteer elsewhere there now but I still distinctly remember how taken back I was about the reactions of many people I met for the first time that were in wheelchairs. People I had never seen before or maybe only saw there once or twice before were usually caught off-guard when looked them in the eye, said hi, and shook their hand. The people that were with the person in the wheelchair didn't express any unusual reactions to the same gesture and the people in the wheelchairs didn't act surprised that I greeted their companions. I got a really disturbing impression that most of them were not accustomed to having their presence in a room acknowledged much less being given the same attention and consideration as their companions.
Thank you for educating people who are dense. Either out of ignorance or prejudice. You are a precious gem. Let your beauty telling truth as your crown.
Great video! Just today I was talking to my brother who is 5ft 11in and got a stiff neck haha. One tip I would add is "Don't sneak up on a wheelchair user" for some people with Cerebral palsy and spasticity is like getting a mini heart attack.
It's comforting for me to hear that you as a wheelchair user actually like when people get down to your level to have a conversation with you! For me, since I'm hard of hearing, I already have a habit of leaning down/toward people when I talk to them (not touching or invading their personal space, obviously!) so I can hear them better. And I once caught myself leaning over quite far while talking to a man who was using a wheelchair (though I was standing a few feet away from him), and I felt bad after because abled people are so often told that that's rude to do! But I just do it to everybody without thinking so I can hear! And I'm sure it must be an individual preference, there must be some people who are okay with it and some people who don't like it at all (the man in the situation mentioned was very polite and didn't SEEM bothered by it in any way, so I just hoped he wasn't secretly offended). It'd be interesting to hear what other wheelchair users feel as well.
it seems the bending and couching has a lot of wheelchair users divided. However I'm sure if you were to say to a wheelchair user "sorry i can't hear very well so i need to bend/crouch," they would be understanding as they know how hard it is to have a disability and make allowances. :) xx
I have no problem with someone crouching/kneeling so they are at my level, but leaning over towards me bothers me intensely. It just looks patronising. I think asking the person you are talking to is always the best plan, wheelchair users are not all the same and you’re much less likely to offend someone if you ask them wheat they prefer.
I'm a bit worried now as well... I kneel so eye level (i need to to be lipreading) I like my own personal space as well.... But, I think if anything deaf & wheelchair users would be more understanding with each other (more so if say we need to as have to lipread) like Joy says.... I also know I don't like being treated the same as all deaf people (etc I do not sign) - Which wasn't an issue, however last ten years more people are deaf aware and will sign at me... I grew up in a hearing world and while taught to sign I never used it (so couldn't remember enough to hold a convertation )
eyo, not technically a wheelchair user (my parentals have said no) I have some kind of undiagnosed joint, bone, etc problems that give me a lot of pain so I sit down a lot because walking hurts too much. As such most of the time I'm either sitting in a chair or on the ground. My friends are really good about either pulling up chairs or sitting on the ground next to me, but a lot of people lean, and while I don't necessarily dislike it, I'm really jumpy so I feel kind of threatened and like someone is looming over me (I'm small even when I'm standing up). But on the other hand I am nonverbal about a third of the time, and when your hands are on a different level then someones eyes, its a lot harder to understand, so its definitely a situation where you should ask the person what they are comfortable with!!!
I feel like this video is so needed- so many people have no idea how to talk to me when I’m using a chair. I don’t agree with every tip you gave- but I feel like it just goes to show that communication with a wheelchair user in your life is so important!!! I think also my disagreements come from the situations I use my chair in- I don’t like it when strangers bend down to talk to me- I feel like 80% of the time when this happens it’s because they think I’m mentally seven or eight. If I know someone though, I don’t mind at all!!! If someone asked if they should kneel or sit then that’s fine too- I just really want to be sure they know I’m an adult and respect me like one before they do it. But you are right- they want to talk to us enough that they strain themselves- that is pretty flattering. So thank you, because I never thought of it that way. Also my goodness- the people who loom over you or use you as a shopping cart or act as if my chair is their belonging. So many times my friends and family have dumped so much on me I can’t even see over it all- or they’ll hang it on the handles and it hits me in the back and I want to cry!!! Thank you for making this video! I think I may share it with friends and family, because no one abled seems to understand- and honestly when I found myself in a wheelchair the first time I had no idea what I should put up with and what I should demand to be made better.
Thank you for your comments hun, I'm glad it helped. Yes please feel free to share it around. At the end of the day, we are humans and just as equal as anyone else. If anyone is unsure, they should just ask... :)
I really like when people come at eye level, it feels like they care. Also when people walk behind me it’s honestly a pet peeve to have to turn around or I stop for them to catch up and then they start walking behind me still! Thankyou so much for this video, it’s nice to know that people understand :))
Oooohhhh the LEANING!!!!! That gets me!!!!!! I also like people getting to my level like grabbing a chair - it’s great feels much more natural.... and then people who talk to whoever are with me and ignoring me!!!! Oh my god that winds me up! I love your channel so much! 💙
It’s true. And not only for wheelchair users, I have permanent crutches and people usually answer questions that I’ve asked to anyone who happens to be beside me. I hate it. Oh, and the contant “what happened to you” thing kills me too. Particularly when they’ve just met me and ask that before asking something like, say, my name (worst of all, when they use their “I’m talking to a 3 year old” voice when they talk to me... ) does that happen to you too?
Well when i was longer I used crutches a lot more (for the shorter distances) so I know exactly what this is like almost EVERYONE I spoke to was like "oh what u been up too?" "Oh what happened?" etc.... all the freaking time. Did my head in!!! But now I use a wheelchair, no one hardly ever asks me!!! No in the UK. weird huh??
When I need to have longer conversations with wheelchair users (I've known a few in work and school), I tell them what I'm going to talk to them about and then ask them something like "Would you prefer if I knelt down?" And then I know their preference for the future
Hey, Just wanted to say thank you. I work in a service industry and interact with people who have different disabilities I always appreciate learning how to best communicate with my guests. Thanks again.
This is EXACTLY what I was looking for! Thank you so much for starting an open dialog about things people don't talk about! ❤️ You are truly making a difference in the world!
Love the tips. I worked in security and now work at an amusement park and do find myself interacting with a lot people. Wheel chair users are one of the points where myself and my co-workers sometimes have debate on good service and appropriate/respectfully body language. I have heard the thing about "don't kneel" but I tend to feel if I am going to actually converse (more than a quick yes/no or it's that way answer) that I want to make eye contact with out staring down at said person. Always looked at the same way I would speaking to, or being spoken to, while sitting in a chair. Mind set has always been that putting everybody on an equal height level (more or less) was a good way to show that everyone I was speaking to was equal. Sorry, long comment. Mostly boils down to thanks for the tips.
Thank you for this video ! As a person who is not in a wheelchair i Always geld kind of akward because i don’t know what the person in the wheelchair doesn’t like so this is so helpfull !!!
Its crazy how identical this is to my feelings! No.2!! 😳 leaners make me so angry, and I’m a super chilled out person lol... just do not touch my chair! Thank you for sharing this 🙌🏼
I've just come upon your channel and I can't stop watching your videos! they are so good! I'm just so interested in every video that pops up next. you have so much interesting information and I love that you are teaching people about your disability, and teaching people how to act or how to not act around you. I'm so happy that I stumbled across your channel.
On a few occasions, I've had people talking to the person I'm with instead of me . even if they know I asked the question, the would start talking to the other person not me . so I'll just make eye contact and talk little loud so people know . I can talk. Thats one of my biggest pet peeves lol
I totally agree with everything you’ve said, my real bug-bare is talking to my carer or companion and not talking to me, lots of people have had a sharpe word or two from me when this happens. Another thing is people being incredibly rude in a way they never would a non disabled person such as, seeing my wheeling along and then suddenly changing their direction to walk right in front of me and becoming very angry if I can’t stop in time, I was paying in a shop recently, the assistant gave me my change and receipt which I proceeded to put away in my shoulder bag, I suddenly became aware that I was moving and originally thought it was my mum pushing me forward but I looked up and she was stood in front of me, I then realised that it was the customer behind me that was pushing me forward so she could get to the packing area. I was so astounded that all that came out of my mouth was “do you mind not doing that, it’s very rude”. I wish now I had thought of something more profound but I still couldn’t believe what had happened. I have so many stories I could write a book!
oh my goodness, thats horrible!!! I would have made a right old scene if that happened. (well i say that say here!! But I don't know lol!!) terrible!!! Touch wood it hasn't happened to be, but you never know lol!!!
Wheelsnoheels I don’t know why but being in a wheelchair seems to give people the right to invade your personal space and for me this was a massive invasion, like when the vikings or Romans arrived! Hahaha
it hurts my head that people are so rude. I don't get it. who in their right mind would feel comfortable just touching anybody like that. I don't know if this is correct but I feel like the wheelchair becomes almost a part of you. if you wouldn't touch someone's body like that without asking, then don't touch their wheelchair! idk maybe I'm wrong...lol. feel free to let me know if I am!
twenty odd years ago I had to go in and have my gall bladder removed and due to complications I ended back in hospital a week later and the doctor wouldn't speak to me directly he spoke to my then partner. I actually said to him excuse me but, I am an adult and I would appreciate it very much if you addressed me when talking about my condition. The intern went about 60 shades of red. I will never understand why so many people assume that because we have physical challenges that we are mentally challenged as well.
Fellow wheelchair user, so glad you made this video, I often get pushed out of the way in shops, I’ve been kicked to to a guy climbing over my legs!? It’s awful wish people where aware, wish I was brave enough to do videos in my chair. Lots of respect to you. Sending love from the Core Family 😘
I came across this video at random and thought it'd be good to watch since my friend's boyfriend is in a wheelchair and it cleared up so many things for me. Glad to have some clear information!
I love it when there is someone you don’t want to talk to and then you get pushed forward it’s like you dodged a massive bullet but when it’s someone you don’t mind talking to makes me mad as hell but my family knows if it’s someone I don’t like push me as far forward as you like
Thank you so much!!! I hate when people are too close so I’m crotch level and straining to see them, and it is horrid to be leant on or used as a coat rack lastly people grouping behind is so rude and makes you feel so left out and small. I’ve shared this thank you again xx
Thank you so much! This is what l always feel in those situations! I thought l were wrong till now! Thanks, you helped me to come to know my feelings are OK but not over! Be blessed! Please go on! Yours, Conny L.
the kneeling thing REALLY gets to me. I agree with your points about how that shows someone really wants to talk to you etc, but at the same time, it feels to me like that's the way you go about talking to a small child. People will kneel down to talk to a young child, so having someone do that same thing to talk to me just makes me a little uncomfortable. I don't mind people pulling up a chair next to me though, that's so much more preferable. That's just how I feel anyway!
Unknown Entity The only time I get close to anybody I'm talking to, is when we are somewhere really loud and I know that person. It's just plain rude to invade someones personal space like that, never do that to anybody honestly. I understand why people kneel or sit down to speak to someone in a wheelchair, especially if it's a longer conversation, it's just more comfortable. Why someone would do it just to ask a simple question in a store for example, I don't understand.
I find the kneeling ok, especially if they have been standing for aaagggesss chatting me me like an adult and we are having a nice time,, then they kneel. But if it was just in a shop for like a second and it was patronising then NO!
This video is so much needed, thank you ! Some of your tips seem so logical, I cannot believe people are that much unaware of these simple things! About the kneeling, I much much prefer to chat that way, cause I'm tall and I just don't like at all looking down to my friend as I chat 😅 I feel weird all the way up there while she's sitting! Also, as I'm moderately deaf, it's really easier to carry the conversation at eye level😊 And about the part about including every one, you're so right! The only thing is to make sure the person pushing the wheelchair Ian deaf (I couldn't carry the conversation from the back 😂)
Thank you for these tips. I know their are a few people on my bus in a wheelchair, I would love to talk with them but I feel a bit shy and worried I may offend them. I never want to offend people I talk to. Now I know how to do that. (Im so sorry if this comes off wierd, I sometimes struggle to word things right, if anyone takes offence I really don't mean it!)
love your advices, experience, life views etc not disabled myself but I'd like to understand those challenged and this particular video helps me deal with certain situations at my customer service job
Thank you very much for this! I've often wondered a lot about the talking bit, but now I'll endeavor to kneel more :) This was very informative and hope you have a wonderful day
Agreed with all of these except that I hate it SO much when people crouch or kneel. Only rarely does it feel appropriate to me. Most of the time, it feels so patronizing and weird and makes me want to squirm out of my skin and/or kick them. 😬 If it’s more than a short, passing conversation, then pulling up a chair is totally fine with me.
Witty and informative as always. Thank you. Now I have learnt where best to stand, in relation to the wheelchair user, I'm looking forward to part two so I can learn how to be less condescending and patronising. Hey Rome wasn’t built in a day! 😊
Wow, my legs work perfectly fine so as an experiment I spended 10 minutes In the bed without moving my kegs and turning is a challenge, thank you for educating people as ignorant and more ignorant than me, I am looking forward to learn more, I think I am a new subscriber
The only time I've ever really interacted with someone in a wheelchair was years ago and was an awful experience.. A family friend had an accident and lost use of his legs.. He came over, (I was 14 He was in his 30s)i slightly nudged his chair to get through a small walkway and he started yelling at me, i apologized profusely and was on the verge of tears when my dad told him to shut up or leave.. He shut up.. That guy was an ass before his accident though.
I don't think he was angry at you. He was angry at the situation, and unfortunately you got caught up and blamed. If he was an "ass" before, as you said, then he's probs not going to change. Just remember not everyone is like that, and it wasn't your fault. XX
Hi what really gets to me when people talk to you really slowly when explaining some thing even though asked a question normally was in a shop with my mum when a shop assistant did mum was furious i was mad but I had to laugh with the way mum went on dad usually pushes me
Some years ago I engaged with a lady on a professional level whom was wheelchair bound. I preferred to stand in front of her and kneel down, whenever possible for a conversation. As a general rule, talking to people in front of you, and on the same eye level appears to be more polite, and physically confortable. I never thought I will also be in wheelchair, one day.
i love ur videos im not in a wheel chair but your on my feed to watch and i thank God because your videos have helped me because i have severe ptsd from getting molested as a child and sometimes people have disability that people can't see .. does that ever come across in your channel i want your advice because i really look up to you and think your great..
thank you for sharing my lovely. near 50% of the comments i get are from people when "invisible" disabilities. I really do need to make a video on this soon :)
Well, most of the friends I have in wheelchairs are from/in Minnesota, where nobody really needs to make eye contact when having a conversation, so the "Don't stand so close to me" thing wasn't as much of a thing. :P Seriously, though, I've always tended to stand in front of whoever I was talking to at the "three foot bubble" level or greater. That or we'd just sit somewhere. And yes, definitely tell the person you've let go if you're wheeling them around, or at least put on the brake when you go so they don't accidentally go flinging off into a snow bank. If they are already stuck in a snow bank, help them, don't just wander around them gaping. Just don't.
Thank you for your very informative video Gem. I really like your quirkiness too. I have very little experience with wheelchair etiquette and I wonder if you mind me asking you a question? I will be meeting a lovely lady soon who uses a wheelchair and I was wondering how I should greet her when we meet for the first time in person. This will be our first date. I usually greet a woman with a short hug (or a handshake depending on who it is) and I do not want to treat her any differently to anyone else, but I also want to respect her feelings and not offend her. She has full upper body mobility. Any thoughts would be very welcome. Thank you very much!
Greet her as you would greet any woman on a first day. If i was meeting someone for a first date, I would probs gesture for a casual hug. (hold my arms out, and they they would see and bend down to hug.) I would suggest, when you meet her, hold your arms out and bend down for the hug. I hope that makes sense. (and of corse asses the social situation.) if she holds her hand out, your not going to dismiss it and go in for a hug, you would shake her hand. I hope that makes sense. and more questions, Im happy to help. xxx good luck.
Thank you so much Gem. It might not seem like much but you have really helped me. Believe it or not, that info is virtually non-existent on the interwebs. It is really valuable info!!!! Thanks again
I have a question for any wheelchair users who don't like the crouching. Would you prefer it if someone were to pull over a chair to get on your eye level instead of crouching? Seems less patronizing or like you're talking to a child or something. I'm writing a novel about someone who uses a wheelchair and I'm trying to learn as much as I can so that I can portray her realistically and represent people who really use wheelchairs.
if it's going to be a long ish conversation, and it's not super awkward to go and grab a chair, sure, go for that option. if not, just stand a little further away so neck craning isn't needed! if someone is reeeallly tall, a casual lean on some nearby object can make them a slightly lower height without it being a really obvious action to get themselves closer to eye level. that's just my opinion anyway, other wheelchair users may feel differently!
Allie Brown it depends on the person. I have made a comment to this video, feel free to read it. But in my opinion, it is HOW you talk to me that is the problem. I am happy for you to crouch down to talk so long as you talk to me like an adult not a child. But everyone is different so in regards to your book, it depends entirely on their personality as to how they would want to be approached.
Allie Brown Look into getting permission to visit a rehab ward and council with the physical therapists and maybe even patients if you get permission to interview them. We learn all this stuff in rehab after we’re injured and the PTs are the best resources.
this is so interesting how everyone is different. As you saw from the video, Im fine with the kneeling. It usually only happens when its a long conversation. But if they were patronising, then that wouldn't be cool. You will have to send me a copy of your book when its done! and if you have any questions, then please feel free to email me. xx
Ugh! I have the same problem with people talking to mum rather than me. Mum refuses to respond to the person if I was the one who asked the question or started the conversation, she will just either look at me until the person talks to me or I just get annoyed and say something like "the invisible person down here is who asked so how about you answer me not my mum?!" Being in a chair is like wearing an invisibility cloak! In regards to getting to eye level, I think able bodied people say not to crouch because they think it is patronising. For me, the act of bending/crouching is not in any way patronising, what is though is HOW you speak to me. If you are going to crouch and talk to me like a child then, no, there is the door don't let it hit you on the way out. But if you talk to me like you would talk to my mum, aka, like an adult then please, do crouch down because it gives me neck a rest from craning up to look at people! Plus it is a very sweet gesture :)
Wheelsnoheels lol! I say roll instead of walk too! I get funny looks like people are not sure on whether to laugh or not, as if laughing at my joke would cause me offense. People are just too political haha.
No chair available, I am kneeling. It makes communication easier. I have 50% hearing so stepping back several steps isn’t going to work for my hearing situation. I make it a point to look up at them, not eye level…. Look up. I think this shows respect. Yes, I expect people to disagree but this works for me.
As a fairly new wheelchair user one thing that bugs me is strangers climbing over me! I never in a million years would have thought that so many people would do that! Just say, “excuse me.” and I’ll move out of the way....also the leaning on my chair...goodness gracious! If it’s a friend I don’t mind....but complete strangers! I’m terrified of confrontation so I never say anything....I need to start to speak up though!
Getting a chair to sit on my level is totally fine, but I HAAATTEEEEE kneeling. I'm ready to end a conversation when that happens, especially with strangers. And if you are not sure what the wheelchair user thinks of it, just ask!
I definitely prefer going down in a squat to talk to people on their level (do it with my kids all the time) and when I'm having a bad mobility day I prefer people coming to my level to talk to me Face to face interaction helps to humanise the situation and not focus on the different/unfamiliar aspects
PS: I also have no problem with crouching or sitting people, to talk to me. It's uncomfortable for them to simply stand there, looking down at me. When I wasn't yet in a chair, I disliked the feeling of "looking down," so I'd crouch. Plus, I have a bad back, and standing there hurt. :)
Ok I went to school with people in wheel chairs and mental health problems. Ok I’m able bodied and trust me I leant the hard way as a kid. This one lass of I got too close would run me over with her wheelchair if I got too close. We got on really well but I always felt and feel awful as some people like you to kneel down next to them in chairs. Some don’t and in a busy room I can’t hear that well so I have to. But omg when you said about theme parks and accessibility yes I’ve seen that too and have also seen worse in a hospital!! Mostly damn normal push doors and I once saw a blind person hit in the face with a door that the nurse just left swing back!! I rushed over to see if she was ok.
Thanks for sharing. Question-is it common for doctors to not talk to the patient in the wheelchair and instead speak with the spouse/parent about something? I go with my husband to all appointments and it's like they think he can't talk or think for himself? He hates that and I always have to redirect them- I would think dr's would have more experience. I understand the general population not being familiar or comfortable- but doctors? Are we the only ones they do this to?
Yep! If you want to talk to me- my neck seriously appreciates it if you kneel before.... *desperately trying not to make this a supernatural quote* but yeah all my “friends” ditched me permanently because of my chair... so I don’t really have the issue of the circle behind the chair thing.
I guess I'm not "able bodied" I'm deaf and a lipreader I would kneel down to get on lip reading level to be honest, so the channel 4 doc is damaging as if saw that I would be worried about insulting others over what I need! Thank you for this video, as I like to be more "aware" of people around me.... As I know how it is, sometimes best intentions are not what is needed. Take care x
I find that some people think that when your in a WC that your brain has rolled away too or they use a voice you would use on a baby it can be a bit embarrassing you have to speak up for sure have a day love from TEXAS
Ok here’s a question, you mentioned in your last video about it being hard work going up hills etc. I have occasionally seen wheelchair users self propelling up a hill while I’m walking the same way (sometimes with bags in their lap), sometimes going quite slowly/seeming like it might be difficult and I am always unsure whether to offer help (eg by pushing them up). I’m very aware that they probably do this a lot and are more than capable, and I don’t want to patronise so more often than not I err on the side of caution and don’t offer, as I feel like that could get annoying if people assumed you can’t do something every day like that. On the other hand though if I saw someone walking with a lot of bags or something that made it seem difficult I would and have offered in the past to help carry them. What are your feelings? How would/do you feel if you’re self propelling up hill and someone you don’t know (politely of course!) asks something like “would you like a hand?” Or something?
I'm pretty laid back and chilled. Id be like, thanks but no thanks. Simply because you are a stranger and i don't know or if you have had any experience in wheelchair pushing. (you wouldn't want a stranger to pick u and and carry you.) Everyone is different, its a tough one, but I'm general feeling is people probably would like it?! :) However i know you are only trying to help. Some times ppl as if i need a hand getting my w\c in the car, I'm very offended, but never accepted the help :)
Definitely always ask first. Never touch any stranger without their consent, that includes their mobility device. For me personally if, I am just going up a basic ramp in front of a store or something, I prefer if people just walk around me, unless I I am very clearly struggling, like I’ve just dropped and broken something. If I am in a public place and I’m just going up a basic ramp, I’m probably there doing that activity because unless something unusual happens, I’ve got it. Never come up behind a wheelchair user (even one fighting gravity) and shove them or just start pushing them and expect that they will be happy with this because chances are, they probably won’t like this.
When I'm pushing my friend and someone approaches to talk to them, looks down and says loudly: "HELLOOOO. HOW ARE YOUUUUUU?" and my friend says to them "Well, up until a minute ago, I could hear, but someone's just made me deaf by shouting at me!!!" Honesty, some people seem to think that just because a person is in a wheelchair, they're mentally impaired & can't hold a conversation! Just a shame my friend moved away as she and I had some fun times together.
My main beef is those that start to push before checking I have placed my feet safely on the foot stirrup. having to wear AFO my foot can sometimes fall off I also hate crowding round my wheelchair it makes me feel threatened and insecure worry what everyone is doing while I have a struggle rotating my neck to see. whats going on
I've got one I think you missed, or to add on to the one about not talking to the pusher but the wheelchair user, is don't talk down to wheelchair users like they are children, yknow in the condescending tone like 'awww hunny do you need anything' :/ it makes alot of us uncomfortable and like we aren't equal
I’m able bodied and if I felt the need to crouch down while talking to a wheelchair user I’d just say “hey, I’ve been on my feet all day so do you mind if I crouch or sit on the floor while we talk?”. That way it’s clear I’m not trying to be patronizing. I’m very short (I’m only 5 feet tall) and I hate it when very tall people go out of their way to bend down to my level
It's hard for me speaking to a colleague of mine as I push him to bring him to his bus, because he has a very weak voice. I can understand him when we sitting next to each other face to face but when I am pushing/driving him out to his bus, I can't understand him at all. Noise form other cars, strong wind and other people behind us are talking. I can bearly understand him saddly. None of the other colleagues thinks of kneeling down. We mostly either talk to one another while standing or sitting.
I definately don't mind when somebody kneels down. Especially when my functional neurologist does it, I definately don't mind whatsoever. And if they are putting them in an uncomfortable position then they must really want to talk to me etc.
See, I don't mind someone leaning on my chair. I'm not fond of people kneeling to talk to me, it just depends who it is. I don't like "migration conversation". LoL! I agree with the pushing thing too, I hate it when they're behind me bc it feels like I'm not in the group, just there.
Good video. The 'talking to the person behind me' thing happened yesterday as we were waiting for a table in a restaurant. I spoke and the waitress ignored me completely and spoke only to my son. Didn't even make eye contact. Made me feel subhuman. We left.
good for you for leaving. The exact same thing happened to me y'day in toys r us. The woman at customer services desk wouldn't look at me or talk to me, (even though I had all the receipts and was ready to deal with it.) She just spoke to my husband. I was so angry and upset. I rolled away and left him to it. We had to take something back, so he had to see it though. :(
Oh goodness, the moving circle is annoying! :D Even as an able-bodied/Normie, this has happened to me and I find it so fascinating? why that happens... what's behind it? :)
Omg I was at my cousins 18th in October and my other cousin came over tapped me on the head to get my attention then while he was talking to me he lent on the back of my chair. Then my aunt came up and she lent on the other handle I couldn’t move I had to sit and wait to leave !
My biggest pet peeve is when my boys were young and I had them in the carrier on my chest when in my mobile scooter people would ask me if I was babysitting. Please don't make assumptions that because we are in chairs or scooters or using other aids that we are unable to have children.
I had a 'friend' who used to use me as a table...she would put her bag on my lap and just say 'sorry', not asking me if she could and would fix her bag on me...she used to lean on me when we took pictures which bothered me. the circle around the wheelchair user thing I do not like, it makes me feel like i'm in a game of piggy in the middle, half circles in front of me are good! that makes me feel more like part of the group. I hate when people crouch beside me, I do tend to feel patronized probably because they also lean in to me as if they want a kiss or something like waaaay to close for comfort. people I have just met will lean on my chair...like i'm not a fidget spinner stop touching me if you hands are twitchy!.
Talk to us as if we are not in a wheelchair. You wouldnt get in my face, you wouldnt lean on me, you wouldnt ignore me, you wouldnt force me to carry things for you, you wouldnt push me nor touch me. On and on.
I love crouchers! I love people sitting at eye level! Leaners = pleeeese no. My bugbear is please don't stand at the side or the back of the chair: it kills me neck to look to the side( and up!) . I am not an owl. My head cannot pivot in a circle. No one can do this!
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![♿️ 8 WHEELCHAIR USER ASSUMPTIONS [CC]](/img/tr.png)
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As part of my community I have turned on “community contributions.” I would be thrilled if you would like to add close captions, translations, and subtitles. Im all about accessibility for everybody. I working so hard on my channel to give you the best content I can make. Lets work together to reach more people to inspire, motivate and entertain.
ruclips.net/user/timedtext_cs_panel?tab=2&c=UCNP1tYcve1MtivJtDjHsO-g
I wish I could help you caption some but I could use the captioning. It seems like RUclips made auto-generated 'craptions' with Americans in mind (and Americans hate them too!). It would be awesome to see your videos manually captioned so that I can make out everything you are saying without replaying parts of it repeatedly. Overall your audio quality seems to be clear to where captions probably wouldn't be a frustration for me if it weren't for the difference in American and British accents and mouth movements.
What a great idea about the captions, I was going to send this to my friend who's partially deaf and in a wheelchair to ask her if I was inadvertently doing the things you mention like standing too close, I'm quite tall, then realised she wouldn't be able to hear it. Instead I texted and asked her the points you raised, apparently I'm guilty of letting go of the chair and it made it so easier for her to speak to me about it. I recently started a British Sign Language course to make our chats less tiring when we meet up.
Dawn xxx
People as me if I can walk and they see me in a wheelchair
let me know the text on forehand i would be happy to translate for you to🇱🇺🇱🇺🇱🇺♿🚷
I appreciate it when people kneel down to my level to talk to me. Makes me feel like they really do want to talk to me.
You are suposed to kneel down to talk to someone in a wheelchair so you can make eye contact. Your spot on with this video Gem.
Thank you for making this video. I am not a wheelchair user and I never had a person who is a wheelchair user in my social circles, so I never had the opportunity to learn, I was clueless to everything you mentioned. I think for some of us, if we behave in a wrong manner is simply because we never had contact with a particular disability. For example I grew up with someone who is deaf and lip reads, so when I meet someone who also lip reads, I know exactly what to do and what NOT to do. But I see many people forgetting that my relative needs to be watching their face when they are talking.
You are welcome. Im glad it was useful. :)
I have another one for you. Friend and I were in a mall, lazily window-shopping. A woman walks up to my friend (never once glancing at me) and says, "Can she talk?" I said, "No, and I can't hear, either."
I get that sometimes
The boyfriend I was with at the time of my injury would constantly abandon me in public places and sit in inaccessible seats, go upstairs etc and leave me behind. He never understood why that made me so pissed. I dumped him shortly after my injury anyway. No time for losers like that!
ugh what a &∞557Y7F. You did the right thing. There is someone out there for everyone, and there are caring and understanding people. Im actually thinking of making a video on this. :)
My ex husband would do crap like that too. Once we went out and he didn't put my chair in the car! Then when we got there and I couldn't get out of the car he had a go at me. Which is why he is now an ex...
Wheelchair user here, someone actually GRABBED HOLD OF MY WHEELCHAIR whilst I was on my way back from the grocery store and started pushing me. I had no idea they were even there and it scared the SHIT out of me. Yeah, sure, they thought they were being quite helpful, but that ain't how it comes across when you don't even bother to announce your presence before physically taking control of another person's movement. It's fucking scary. Also, when people defer to my parents in matters about me, acting as though I'm either not there or a complete imbecile, it makes me want to punch them. (bonus points if they ask one of my parents if I can talk)
ugh #notok, that must have been horrible. someone comment on another videos something very similar to this. They said its the equivalent of someone picking up and able-bodied person and running off with them!! It just shouldn't be done :(
HermitForHire People have said the answer to the question I ASKED to my parents, friends, or whoever is pushing me. I fllipped and stern/politely said, "Ma'am, I'm not sure if you noticed but I asked the question, and I want the answer, not them(referring to the pusher). Also, it is very rude of you to belittle me because my legs are screwed up." I've also said, "Hey, it's the legs that don't work, not the brain lady, I understand what you say."
HermitForHire I’ve had that happen a couple of times, it makes me so angry 🤬 also please don’t push wheelchairs users out of the way! This has happened twice in supermarkets It’s beyond rude especially without speaking to the person. Thank you ever so much for posting this 🙌🏻
so much truth here, what a great video
I used to be an usher at my church. CP and chronic pain made it hard to stand for a long time. I volunteer elsewhere there now but I still distinctly remember how taken back I was about the reactions of many people I met for the first time that were in wheelchairs. People I had never seen before or maybe only saw there once or twice before were usually caught off-guard when looked them in the eye, said hi, and shook their hand. The people that were with the person in the wheelchair didn't express any unusual reactions to the same gesture and the people in the wheelchairs didn't act surprised that I greeted their companions. I got a really disturbing impression that most of them were not accustomed to having their presence in a room acknowledged much less being given the same attention and consideration as their companions.
Thank you for educating people who are dense. Either out of ignorance or prejudice.
You are a precious gem. Let your beauty telling truth as your crown.
awww thank you for your lovely comment. Im glad you enjoyed the video. :)
Great video! Just today I was talking to my brother who is 5ft 11in and got a stiff neck haha. One tip I would add is "Don't sneak up on a wheelchair user" for some people with Cerebral palsy and spasticity is like getting a mini heart attack.
It's comforting for me to hear that you as a wheelchair user actually like when people get down to your level to have a conversation with you! For me, since I'm hard of hearing, I already have a habit of leaning down/toward people when I talk to them (not touching or invading their personal space, obviously!) so I can hear them better. And I once caught myself leaning over quite far while talking to a man who was using a wheelchair (though I was standing a few feet away from him), and I felt bad after because abled people are so often told that that's rude to do! But I just do it to everybody without thinking so I can hear! And I'm sure it must be an individual preference, there must be some people who are okay with it and some people who don't like it at all (the man in the situation mentioned was very polite and didn't SEEM bothered by it in any way, so I just hoped he wasn't secretly offended). It'd be interesting to hear what other wheelchair users feel as well.
it seems the bending and couching has a lot of wheelchair users divided. However I'm sure if you were to say to a wheelchair user "sorry i can't hear very well so i need to bend/crouch," they would be understanding as they know how hard it is to have a disability and make allowances. :) xx
Everyone is different!
I have no problem with someone crouching/kneeling so they are at my level, but leaning over towards me bothers me intensely. It just looks patronising. I think asking the person you are talking to is always the best plan, wheelchair users are not all the same and you’re much less likely to offend someone if you ask them wheat they prefer.
I'm a bit worried now as well...
I kneel so eye level (i need to to be lipreading) I like my own personal space as well....
But, I think if anything deaf & wheelchair users would be more understanding with each other (more so if say we need to as have to lipread) like Joy says....
I also know I don't like being treated the same as all deaf people (etc I do not sign) - Which wasn't an issue, however last ten years more people are deaf aware and will sign at me... I grew up in a hearing world and while taught to sign I never used it (so couldn't remember enough to hold a convertation )
eyo, not technically a wheelchair user (my parentals have said no) I have some kind of undiagnosed joint, bone, etc problems that give me a lot of pain so I sit down a lot because walking hurts too much. As such most of the time I'm either sitting in a chair or on the ground. My friends are really good about either pulling up chairs or sitting on the ground next to me, but a lot of people lean, and while I don't necessarily dislike it, I'm really jumpy so I feel kind of threatened and like someone is looming over me (I'm small even when I'm standing up). But on the other hand I am nonverbal about a third of the time, and when your hands are on a different level then someones eyes, its a lot harder to understand, so its definitely a situation where you should ask the person what they are comfortable with!!!
I feel like this video is so needed- so many people have no idea how to talk to me when I’m using a chair. I don’t agree with every tip you gave- but I feel like it just goes to show that communication with a wheelchair user in your life is so important!!!
I think also my disagreements come from the situations I use my chair in- I don’t like it when strangers bend down to talk to me- I feel like 80% of the time when this happens it’s because they think I’m mentally seven or eight. If I know someone though, I don’t mind at all!!! If someone asked if they should kneel or sit then that’s fine too- I just really want to be sure they know I’m an adult and respect me like one before they do it. But you are right- they want to talk to us enough that they strain themselves- that is pretty flattering. So thank you, because I never thought of it that way.
Also my goodness- the people who loom over you or use you as a shopping cart or act as if my chair is their belonging. So many times my friends and family have dumped so much on me I can’t even see over it all- or they’ll hang it on the handles and it hits me in the back and I want to cry!!!
Thank you for making this video! I think I may share it with friends and family, because no one abled seems to understand- and honestly when I found myself in a wheelchair the first time I had no idea what I should put up with and what I should demand to be made better.
Thank you for your comments hun, I'm glad it helped. Yes please feel free to share it around. At the end of the day, we are humans and just as equal as anyone else. If anyone is unsure, they should just ask... :)
I really like when people come at eye level, it feels like they care. Also when people walk behind me it’s honestly a pet peeve to have to turn around or I stop for them to catch up and then they start walking behind me still! Thankyou so much for this video, it’s nice to know that people understand :))
Oooohhhh the LEANING!!!!! That gets me!!!!!! I also like people getting to my level like grabbing a chair - it’s great feels much more natural.... and then people who talk to whoever are with me and ignoring me!!!! Oh my god that winds me up! I love your channel so much! 💙
thank you . Yes we all hate a leaner!!! happy new year :)
It’s true. And not only for wheelchair users, I have permanent crutches and people usually answer questions that I’ve asked to anyone who happens to be beside me. I hate it. Oh, and the contant “what happened to you” thing kills me too. Particularly when they’ve just met me and ask that before asking something like, say, my name (worst of all, when they use their “I’m talking to a 3 year old” voice when they talk to me... ) does that happen to you too?
Well when i was longer I used crutches a lot more (for the shorter distances) so I know exactly what this is like almost EVERYONE I spoke to was like "oh what u been up too?" "Oh what happened?" etc.... all the freaking time. Did my head in!!! But now I use a wheelchair, no one hardly ever asks me!!! No in the UK. weird huh??
When I need to have longer conversations with wheelchair users (I've known a few in work and school), I tell them what I'm going to talk to them about and then ask them something like "Would you prefer if I knelt down?"
And then I know their preference for the future
Hey,
Just wanted to say thank you. I work in a service industry and interact with people who have different disabilities I always appreciate learning how to best communicate with my guests.
Thanks again.
This is EXACTLY what I was looking for! Thank you so much for starting an open dialog about things people don't talk about! ❤️ You are truly making a difference in the world!
Love the tips. I worked in security and now work at an amusement park and do find myself interacting with a lot people. Wheel chair users are one of the points where myself and my co-workers sometimes have debate on good service and appropriate/respectfully body language. I have heard the thing about "don't kneel" but I tend to feel if I am going to actually converse (more than a quick yes/no or it's that way answer) that I want to make eye contact with out staring down at said person. Always looked at the same way I would speaking to, or being spoken to, while sitting in a chair. Mind set has always been that putting everybody on an equal height level (more or less) was a good way to show that everyone I was speaking to was equal.
Sorry, long comment. Mostly boils down to thanks for the tips.
Thank you. Im glad you found the video useful. The kneeling thing has a lot of people divided. Do be afraid to ask, that would be my advice. x
Thank you for this video ! As a person who is not in a wheelchair i Always geld kind of akward because i don’t know what the person in the wheelchair doesn’t like so this is so helpfull !!!
Im glad it was helpful. Remember everyone is different, and at the end of the day don't be afraid to ask. xx
Its crazy how identical this is to my feelings! No.2!! 😳 leaners make me so angry, and I’m a super chilled out person lol... just do not touch my chair! Thank you for sharing this 🙌🏼
This is why I’m not a fan of people kneeling down though- because they still lean on my chair and are in my bad book straight away 😂
I've just come upon your channel and I can't stop watching your videos! they are so good! I'm just so interested in every video that pops up next. you have so much interesting information and I love that you are teaching people about your disability, and teaching people how to act or how to not act around you. I'm so happy that I stumbled across your channel.
awww thank you so much. Thats made my day.
xxx
In some ways a Wheel Chair can be ice breaker! More people talk to you?
On a few occasions, I've had people talking to the person I'm with instead of me . even if they know I asked the question, the would start talking to the other person not me . so I'll just make eye contact and talk little loud so people know . I can talk.
Thats one of my biggest pet peeves lol
I totally agree with everything you’ve said, my real bug-bare is talking to my carer or companion and not talking to me, lots of people have had a sharpe word or two from me when this happens. Another thing is people being incredibly rude in a way they never would a non disabled person such as, seeing my wheeling along and then suddenly changing their direction to walk right in front of me and becoming very angry if I can’t stop in time,
I was paying in a shop recently, the assistant gave me my change and receipt which I proceeded to put away in my shoulder bag, I suddenly became aware that I was moving and originally thought it was my mum pushing me forward but I looked up and she was stood in front of me, I then realised that it was the customer behind me that was pushing me forward so she could get to the packing area. I was so astounded that all that came out of my mouth was “do you mind not doing that, it’s very rude”. I wish now I had thought of something more profound but I still couldn’t believe what had happened.
I have so many stories I could write a book!
oh my goodness, thats horrible!!! I would have made a right old scene if that happened. (well i say that say here!! But I don't know lol!!) terrible!!! Touch wood it hasn't happened to be, but you never know lol!!!
Wheelsnoheels I don’t know why but being in a wheelchair seems to give people the right to invade your personal space and for me this was a massive invasion, like when the vikings or Romans arrived! Hahaha
it hurts my head that people are so rude. I don't get it. who in their right mind would feel comfortable just touching anybody like that. I don't know if this is correct but I feel like the wheelchair becomes almost a part of you. if you wouldn't touch someone's body like that without asking, then don't touch their wheelchair! idk maybe I'm wrong...lol. feel free to let me know if I am!
twenty odd years ago I had to go in and have my gall bladder removed and due to complications I ended back in hospital a week later and the doctor wouldn't speak to me directly he spoke to my then partner. I actually said to him excuse me but, I am an adult and I would appreciate it very much if you addressed me when talking about my condition. The intern went about 60 shades of red. I will never understand why so many people assume that because we have physical challenges that we are mentally challenged as well.
Fellow wheelchair user, so glad you made this video, I often get pushed out of the way in shops, I’ve been kicked to to a guy climbing over my legs!? It’s awful wish people where aware, wish I was brave enough to do videos in my chair. Lots of respect to you. Sending love from the Core Family 😘
I came across this video at random and thought it'd be good to watch since my friend's boyfriend is in a wheelchair and it cleared up so many things for me. Glad to have some clear information!
so glad it helped. x
could not have said this better myself I was born with Cerebral Palsy and know exactly what your talking about with it all!!!!!!!!!!!
I love it when there is someone you don’t want to talk to and then you get pushed forward it’s like you dodged a massive bullet but when it’s someone you don’t mind talking to makes me mad as hell but my family knows if it’s someone I don’t like push me as far forward as you like
Thank you so much!!! I hate when people are too close so I’m crotch level and straining to see them, and it is horrid to be leant on or used as a coat rack lastly people grouping behind is so rude and makes you feel so left out and small. I’ve shared this thank you again xx
Im glad you liked the video. Thanks for sharing. ;)
I don't mind being the shopping cart. I just put my sruff in with theirs and let them pay for it. :)
Thank you so much! This is what l always feel in those situations! I thought l were wrong till now! Thanks, you helped me to come to know my feelings are OK but not over! Be blessed! Please go on! Yours, Conny L.
I agree that people can kneel or sit down to get to my level! I like it!
the kneeling thing REALLY gets to me. I agree with your points about how that shows someone really wants to talk to you etc, but at the same time, it feels to me like that's the way you go about talking to a small child. People will kneel down to talk to a young child, so having someone do that same thing to talk to me just makes me a little uncomfortable. I don't mind people pulling up a chair next to me though, that's so much more preferable. That's just how I feel anyway!
Unknown Entity The only time I get close to anybody I'm talking to, is when we are somewhere really loud and I know that person.
It's just plain rude to invade someones personal space like that, never do that to anybody honestly.
I understand why people kneel or sit down to speak to someone in a wheelchair, especially if it's a longer conversation, it's just more comfortable. Why someone would do it just to ask a simple question in a store for example, I don't understand.
exactly. a lot of the time the kneeling is just so unnecessary and when people do it, they often end up ridiculously close for some reason
I find the kneeling ok, especially if they have been standing for aaagggesss chatting me me like an adult and we are having a nice time,, then they kneel. But if it was just in a shop for like a second and it was patronising then NO!
Everyone is different!
I totally agree with you! Stand back a little so I don't have to strain my neck. But don't kneel down or bend over. It seems very condescending to me.
This video is so much needed, thank you !
Some of your tips seem so logical, I cannot believe people are that much unaware of these simple things!
About the kneeling, I much much prefer to chat that way, cause I'm tall and I just don't like at all looking down to my friend as I chat 😅 I feel weird all the way up there while she's sitting!
Also, as I'm moderately deaf, it's really easier to carry the conversation at eye level😊
And about the part about including every one, you're so right! The only thing is to make sure the person pushing the wheelchair Ian deaf (I couldn't carry the conversation from the back 😂)
Im glad you liked it. Thank you for your comment. :)
Thank you for these tips. I know their are a few people on my bus in a wheelchair, I would love to talk with them but I feel a bit shy and worried I may offend them. I never want to offend people I talk to. Now I know how to do that. (Im so sorry if this comes off wierd, I sometimes struggle to word things right, if anyone takes offence I really don't mean it!)
awww no thats ok I'm glad it was helpful. just talk to a person as a person. forget the chair, we are just like anyone else. :)
some grate tips Gem. I know its so annoying when people talk to the pusher rather than the person in the chair!!! x
thanks for watching. :)
Really useful info! I'm looking into writing a comic with a disabled protagonist and this helps a bunch with ideas on how to draw dialogue scenes!
Yes! Oh my goodness, yes! I can relate to A LOT of those!
I found chanel;s via jessica about a vlog day but really am so excited iin adore your content
thank you so much. Welcome to my channel :)
love your advices, experience, life views etc not disabled myself but I'd like to understand those challenged and this particular video helps me deal with certain situations at my customer service job
Im so glad to hear it. This is why I make all these videos.!xxx
Great video, I really appreciate they way you present the topic, thank you!
Glad it helped. :)
Great Video, you're so Right!
What a great video! It’s always terrible too feel left out so top tips which I think everyone should try to remember!
it sure is. :)
Thank you very much for this! I've often wondered a lot about the talking bit, but now I'll endeavor to kneel more :) This was very informative and hope you have a wonderful day
Agreed with all of these except that I hate it SO much when people crouch or kneel. Only rarely does it feel appropriate to me. Most of the time, it feels so patronizing and weird and makes me want to squirm out of my skin and/or kick them. 😬
If it’s more than a short, passing conversation, then pulling up a chair is totally fine with me.
OOoOOOo thats interesting you find that. But yeah, pulling up a chair is the best way to go!! :D xx
Thanks for the advice !!!😘☺️💙
That is so interesting I always wondered if it was rude to kneel or crouch when talking to someone in a wheelchair
I done mind it at all, But just remember everyone is different. #justask :)
Wheelsnoheels - Gem Hubbard thanks 😋
Totally true what you just said lol the way you said it as well.😄
Very good info. I volunteer at an old age home and a good number of the residents use wheelchairs. I will be more cognizant now.
Witty and informative as always. Thank you. Now I have learnt where best to stand, in relation to the wheelchair user, I'm looking forward to part two so I can learn how to be less condescending and patronising. Hey Rome wasn’t built in a day! 😊
Wow, my legs work perfectly fine so as an experiment I spended 10 minutes In the bed without moving my kegs and turning is a challenge, thank you for educating people as ignorant and more ignorant than me, I am looking forward to learn more, I think I am a new subscriber
The only time I've ever really interacted with someone in a wheelchair was years ago and was an awful experience..
A family friend had an accident and lost use of his legs.. He came over, (I was 14 He was in his 30s)i slightly nudged his chair to get through a small walkway and he started yelling at me, i apologized profusely and was on the verge of tears when my dad told him to shut up or leave.. He shut up.. That guy was an ass before his accident though.
emily jay it can be scary to not be in control or may being feeling very vulnerable! We all have good and bad days!
I don't think he was angry at you. He was angry at the situation, and unfortunately you got caught up and blamed. If he was an "ass" before, as you said, then he's probs not going to change. Just remember not everyone is like that, and it wasn't your fault. XX
This was helpful information. Thank you, Gem!
Spot On!
Hi what really gets to me when people talk to you really slowly when explaining some thing even though asked a question normally was in a shop with my mum when a shop assistant did mum was furious i was mad but I had to laugh with the way mum went on dad usually pushes me
yes this really irritates me too. But thats the best thing. Rise above and laugh :)
Some years ago I engaged with a lady on a professional level whom was wheelchair bound.
I preferred to stand in front of her and kneel down, whenever possible for a conversation.
As a general rule, talking to people in front of you, and on the same eye level appears to be more polite, and physically confortable.
I never thought I will also be in wheelchair, one day.
i love ur videos im not in a wheel chair but your on my feed to watch and i thank God because your videos have helped me because i have severe ptsd from getting molested as a child and sometimes people have disability that people can't see .. does that ever come across in your channel i want your advice because i really look up to you and think your great..
thank you for sharing my lovely. near 50% of the comments i get are from people when "invisible" disabilities. I really do need to make a video on this soon :)
I'll be more confident now interacting with those in wheelchairs now, thank you🙂
glad it was helpful. :)
Yesssssss standing too close or next to me or worse behind me. I can’t cause me too with the muscle issues from the SCI
Well, most of the friends I have in wheelchairs are from/in Minnesota, where nobody really needs to make eye contact when having a conversation, so the "Don't stand so close to me" thing wasn't as much of a thing. :P Seriously, though, I've always tended to stand in front of whoever I was talking to at the "three foot bubble" level or greater. That or we'd just sit somewhere. And yes, definitely tell the person you've let go if you're wheeling them around, or at least put on the brake when you go so they don't accidentally go flinging off into a snow bank. If they are already stuck in a snow bank, help them, don't just wander around them gaping. Just don't.
Thank you for your very informative video Gem. I really like your quirkiness too. I have very little experience with wheelchair etiquette and I wonder if you mind me asking you a question? I will be meeting a lovely lady soon who uses a wheelchair and I was wondering how I should greet her when we meet for the first time in person. This will be our first date. I usually greet a woman with a short hug (or a handshake depending on who it is) and I do not want to treat her any differently to anyone else, but I also want to respect her feelings and not offend her. She has full upper body mobility. Any thoughts would be very welcome. Thank you very much!
Greet her as you would greet any woman on a first day. If i was meeting someone for a first date, I would probs gesture for a casual hug. (hold my arms out, and they they would see and bend down to hug.) I would suggest, when you meet her, hold your arms out and bend down for the hug. I hope that makes sense. (and of corse asses the social situation.) if she holds her hand out, your not going to dismiss it and go in for a hug, you would shake her hand. I hope that makes sense. and more questions, Im happy to help. xxx good luck.
Thank you so much Gem. It might not seem like much but you have really helped me. Believe it or not, that info is virtually non-existent on the interwebs. It is really valuable info!!!! Thanks again
I prefer when people get on my level too ♿️😉💖
I have a question for any wheelchair users who don't like the crouching. Would you prefer it if someone were to pull over a chair to get on your eye level instead of crouching? Seems less patronizing or like you're talking to a child or something. I'm writing a novel about someone who uses a wheelchair and I'm trying to learn as much as I can so that I can portray her realistically and represent people who really use wheelchairs.
if it's going to be a long ish conversation, and it's not super awkward to go and grab a chair, sure, go for that option. if not, just stand a little further away so neck craning isn't needed! if someone is reeeallly tall, a casual lean on some nearby object can make them a slightly lower height without it being a really obvious action to get themselves closer to eye level. that's just my opinion anyway, other wheelchair users may feel differently!
Allie Brown it depends on the person. I have made a comment to this video, feel free to read it. But in my opinion, it is HOW you talk to me that is the problem. I am happy for you to crouch down to talk so long as you talk to me like an adult not a child. But everyone is different so in regards to your book, it depends entirely on their personality as to how they would want to be approached.
Allie Brown Look into getting permission to visit a rehab ward and council with the physical therapists and maybe even patients if you get permission to interview them. We learn all this stuff in rehab after we’re injured and the PTs are the best resources.
Pulling up a chair is totally fine for me, if it’s more than a short, passing conversation. I haaate when people crouch. omg.
this is so interesting how everyone is different. As you saw from the video, Im fine with the kneeling. It usually only happens when its a long conversation. But if they were patronising, then that wouldn't be cool. You will have to send me a copy of your book when its done! and if you have any questions, then please feel free to email me. xx
Ugh! I have the same problem with people talking to mum rather than me. Mum refuses to respond to the person if I was the one who asked the question or started the conversation, she will just either look at me until the person talks to me or I just get annoyed and say something like "the invisible person down here is who asked so how about you answer me not my mum?!" Being in a chair is like wearing an invisibility cloak! In regards to getting to eye level, I think able bodied people say not to crouch because they think it is patronising. For me, the act of bending/crouching is not in any way patronising, what is though is HOW you speak to me. If you are going to crouch and talk to me like a child then, no, there is the door don't let it hit you on the way out. But if you talk to me like you would talk to my mum, aka, like an adult then please, do crouch down because it gives me neck a rest from craning up to look at people! Plus it is a very sweet gesture :)
Yep i will just roll off if i get ignored. thanks for watching. :)
Wheelsnoheels lol! I say roll instead of walk too! I get funny looks like people are not sure on whether to laugh or not, as if laughing at my joke would cause me offense. People are just too political haha.
Hate people leaning on my chair or holding onto my chair to help themselves stand up. I feel the same way about people kneeling!
Beautiful video! So many ignorant people 😤
thank you :))
No chair available, I am kneeling. It makes communication easier. I have 50% hearing so stepping back several steps isn’t going to work for my hearing situation. I make it a point to look up at them, not eye level…. Look up. I think this shows respect. Yes, I expect people to disagree but this works for me.
As a fairly new wheelchair user one thing that bugs me is strangers climbing over me! I never in a million years would have thought that so many people would do that! Just say, “excuse me.” and I’ll move out of the way....also the leaning on my chair...goodness gracious! If it’s a friend I don’t mind....but complete strangers! I’m terrified of confrontation so I never say anything....I need to start to speak up though!
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DROP DOWN TO A SITTING POSITION TO MY EYE LEVEL IT FEELS LIKE WHEN A CHILD IS GETTING A TALKING TOO. FOR BEING BAD.
Getting a chair to sit on my level is totally fine, but I HAAATTEEEEE kneeling. I'm ready to end a conversation when that happens, especially with strangers. And if you are not sure what the wheelchair user thinks of it, just ask!
I definitely prefer going down in a squat to talk to people on their level (do it with my kids all the time) and when I'm having a bad mobility day I prefer people coming to my level to talk to me
Face to face interaction helps to humanise the situation and not focus on the different/unfamiliar aspects
PS: I also have no problem with crouching or sitting people, to talk to me. It's uncomfortable for them to simply stand there, looking down at me. When I wasn't yet in a chair, I disliked the feeling of "looking down," so I'd crouch. Plus, I have a bad back, and standing there hurt. :)
Ok I went to school with people in wheel chairs and mental health problems. Ok I’m able bodied and trust me I leant the hard way as a kid. This one lass of I got too close would run me over with her wheelchair if I got too close. We got on really well but I always felt and feel awful as some people like you to kneel down next to them in chairs. Some don’t and in a busy room I can’t hear that well so I have to. But omg when you said about theme parks and accessibility yes I’ve seen that too and have also seen worse in a hospital!! Mostly damn normal push doors and I once saw a blind person hit in the face with a door that the nurse just left swing back!! I rushed over to see if she was ok.
Thanks for sharing. Question-is it common for doctors to not talk to the patient in the wheelchair and instead speak with the spouse/parent about something? I go with my husband to all appointments and it's like they think he can't talk or think for himself? He hates that and I always have to redirect them- I would think dr's would have more experience. I understand the general population not being familiar or comfortable- but doctors? Are we the only ones they do this to?
Yep! If you want to talk to me- my neck seriously appreciates it if you kneel before.... *desperately trying not to make this a supernatural quote* but yeah all my “friends” ditched me permanently because of my chair... so I don’t really have the issue of the circle behind the chair thing.
I guess I'm not "able bodied" I'm deaf and a lipreader
I would kneel down to get on lip reading level to be honest, so the channel 4 doc is damaging as if saw that I would be worried about insulting others over what I need!
Thank you for this video, as I like to be more "aware" of people around me.... As I know how it is, sometimes best intentions are not what is needed.
Take care x
I find that some people think that when your in a WC that your brain has rolled away too or they use a voice you would use on a baby it can be a bit embarrassing you have to speak up for sure have a day love from TEXAS
Ok here’s a question, you mentioned in your last video about it being hard work going up hills etc. I have occasionally seen wheelchair users self propelling up a hill while I’m walking the same way (sometimes with bags in their lap), sometimes going quite slowly/seeming like it might be difficult and I am always unsure whether to offer help (eg by pushing them up). I’m very aware that they probably do this a lot and are more than capable, and I don’t want to patronise so more often than not I err on the side of caution and don’t offer, as I feel like that could get annoying if people assumed you can’t do something every day like that. On the other hand though if I saw someone walking with a lot of bags or something that made it seem difficult I would and have offered in the past to help carry them. What are your feelings? How would/do you feel if you’re self propelling up hill and someone you don’t know (politely of course!) asks something like “would you like a hand?” Or something?
I'm pretty laid back and chilled. Id be like, thanks but no thanks. Simply because you are a stranger and i don't know or if you have had any experience in wheelchair pushing. (you wouldn't want a stranger to pick u and and carry you.) Everyone is different, its a tough one, but I'm general feeling is people probably would like it?! :) However i know you are only trying to help. Some times ppl as if i need a hand getting my w\c in the car, I'm very offended, but never accepted the help :)
Definitely always ask first. Never touch any stranger without their consent, that includes their mobility device. For me personally if, I am just going up a basic ramp in front of a store or something, I prefer if people just walk around me, unless I I am very clearly struggling, like I’ve just dropped and broken something. If I am in a public place and I’m just going up a basic ramp, I’m probably there doing that activity because unless something unusual happens, I’ve got it. Never come up behind a wheelchair user (even one fighting gravity) and shove them or just start pushing them and expect that they will be happy with this because chances are, they probably won’t like this.
When I'm pushing my friend and someone approaches to talk to them, looks down and says loudly: "HELLOOOO. HOW ARE YOUUUUUU?" and my friend says to them "Well, up until a minute ago, I could hear, but someone's just made me deaf by shouting at me!!!" Honesty, some people seem to think that just because a person is in a wheelchair, they're mentally impaired & can't hold a conversation! Just a shame my friend moved away as she and I had some fun times together.
My main beef is those that start to push before checking I have placed my feet safely on the foot stirrup. having to wear AFO my foot can sometimes fall off I also hate crowding round my wheelchair it makes me feel threatened and insecure worry what everyone is doing while I have a struggle rotating my neck to see. whats going on
I've got one I think you missed, or to add on to the one about not talking to the pusher but the wheelchair user, is don't talk down to wheelchair users like they are children, yknow in the condescending tone like 'awww hunny do you need anything' :/ it makes alot of us uncomfortable and like we aren't equal
I’m able bodied and if I felt the need to crouch down while talking to a wheelchair user I’d just say “hey, I’ve been on my feet all day so do you mind if I crouch or sit on the floor while we talk?”. That way it’s clear I’m not trying to be patronizing. I’m very short (I’m only 5 feet tall) and I hate it when very tall people go out of their way to bend down to my level
I don’t mind if someone I’m talking to stands because I have a lazy eye so I have to lean my head back so I can focus
It's hard for me speaking to a colleague of mine as I push him to bring him to his bus, because he has a very weak voice. I can understand him when we sitting next to each other face to face but when I am pushing/driving him out to his bus, I can't understand him at all. Noise form other cars, strong wind and other people behind us are talking. I can bearly understand him saddly. None of the other colleagues thinks of kneeling down. We mostly either talk to one another while standing or sitting.
I definately don't mind when somebody kneels down. Especially when my functional neurologist does it, I definately don't mind whatsoever. And if they are putting them in an uncomfortable position then they must really want to talk to me etc.
See, I don't mind someone leaning on my chair. I'm not fond of people kneeling to talk to me, it just depends who it is. I don't like "migration conversation". LoL! I agree with the pushing thing too, I hate it when they're behind me bc it feels like I'm not in the group, just there.
yeah its horrible when your being pushed out inferno. :( Like a kid in a stroller!
x
Good video. The 'talking to the person behind me' thing happened yesterday as we were waiting for a table in a restaurant. I spoke and the waitress ignored me completely and spoke only to my son. Didn't even make eye contact. Made me feel subhuman. We left.
good for you for leaving. The exact same thing happened to me y'day in toys r us. The woman at customer services desk wouldn't look at me or talk to me, (even though I had all the receipts and was ready to deal with it.) She just spoke to my husband. I was so angry and upset. I rolled away and left him to it. We had to take something back, so he had to see it though. :(
I am in a wheelchair too I hate asking for help
Oh goodness, the moving circle is annoying! :D Even as an able-bodied/Normie, this has happened to me and I find it so fascinating? why that happens... what's behind it? :)
Omg I was at my cousins 18th in October and my other cousin came over tapped me on the head to get my attention then while he was talking to me he lent on the back of my chair. Then my aunt came up and she lent on the other handle I couldn’t move I had to sit and wait to leave !
How about its only little bit of shopping we struggle to push our self and our bits but I'm not a shopping trolley
My biggest pet peeve is when my boys were young and I had them in the carrier on my chest when in my mobile scooter people would ask me if I was babysitting. Please don't make assumptions that because we are in chairs or scooters or using other aids that we are unable to have children.
Yes xxxx
I know where that is in the thumbnail. So random that I found this video and live near you.
Have you ever been in Thailand?
no
I had a 'friend' who used to use me as a table...she would put her bag on my lap and just say 'sorry', not asking me if she could and would fix her bag on me...she used to lean on me when we took pictures which bothered me. the circle around the wheelchair user thing I do not like, it makes me feel like i'm in a game of piggy in the middle, half circles in front of me are good! that makes me feel more like part of the group. I hate when people crouch beside me, I do tend to feel patronized probably because they also lean in to me as if they want a kiss or something like waaaay to close for comfort. people I have just met will lean on my chair...like i'm not a fidget spinner stop touching me if you hands are twitchy!.
Yep I know exactly what the is like!!!
I am so sorry I skipped a ad I am so sorry 😰
Talk to us as if we are not in a wheelchair. You wouldnt get in my face, you wouldnt lean on me, you wouldnt ignore me, you wouldnt force me to carry things for you, you wouldnt push me nor touch me. On and on.
I love crouchers! I love people sitting at eye level!
Leaners = pleeeese no.
My bugbear is please don't stand at the side or the back of the chair: it kills me neck to look to the side( and up!) . I am not an owl. My head cannot pivot in a circle. No one can do this!
Better than being ignored?
Sorry I'm a wheelchair user as well