China Salesman (2017) - Steven Seagal - Comedic Movie Review
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- Опубликовано: 21 сен 2024
- Greetings Fam! Today on Karate Korner, we are watching China Salesman!
Starring: Dong-xue Li, Mike Tyson, Steven Seagal, Janicke Askevold, Li Ai,
Director: Tan Bing,
Writer: Sholom Gelt,
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Steven Seagal's face superimposed in the helmet was the highlight for me. 😂
I spat my coffee out with laughter
Lmao
"That's methed up" - Tyson
Looks like saddam hussein!
Lmao
Damn, this movie has it all!
-nonsensical plot, check
-shitty acting, check
- crappy CGI, check
-Mike Tyson beating the crap outta Seagal's body doubles, check
-Seagal being featured prominently on the poster but only appearing for maybe 10 min (which is for the better, I guess...), check
-Sensei Seagal actually, * gasp * *LOSING* a fight, check
-Mike Tyson changing accent numerous times during the movie, check
-the titular China Salesman being an even worse actor than Seagal & Tyson, check
-blatant, in your face CCP propaganda, check
-a hefty dose of racism, check
-lots of unintentionally funny scenes, check
-did I mention the blatant CCP propaganda? Oh yes, check
LOL! You said it all! But you forgot to mention that this movie SUCKS! Although it isn't a surprise...
Such a succinct summary sir!
The downside is the film is an hour and 50 minutes! It drags SO much after the Seagal and Tyson fight, which is in the first 15 minutes!
I’m impressed that not only did seagal allowed himself to be hit but also loses against Tyson. 😂😂😂
I'd bet any amount of money he didn't know. That's what happens when you don't control production and aren't on set.
It’s the most realistic part he ever played.
Tyson probably would win against Seagal.
@@richardkranium2944 Oh definitely. 😂 Seen Mike since he has been back in the gym? Steven would be shittin all over the place.
@@richardkranium2944 it’s literally David vs Goliath, Tyson has been hitting the gym lately and Seagal MC Donald’s
I’m from China and I remember seeing a this movie on a tv in a restaurant, definitely ruined my appetite a lil bit. Funny thing was I didn’t remember seeing the certified tough guy Seagal himself, Tyson really stole the show from him, performance of the century lmao.
Even a fat seal wearing a ponytail wig and flapping their arms around can upstages seagal
@@kabardino1337 fax
@@kabardino1337 😂🤣
At least tyson looks like he's having fun and getting into the role.
Seagal is just such a lazy, uninterested asshole lol
"Blaaaaaahd fo' blaaaaaahd!"
LOL when they lazily photoshopped his face into the motorcycle helmet it looks like they also photoshopped his glasses off his face too
Holographic Steven Segal inside the motorcycle helmet is peak CGI. Love it.
That motorbike shot had me in tears, it looked like Saddam Hussain's face stretched over the visor
same I've been laughing for so long😭
Seagal looks like an old Bud Spencer in that shot.
I for one would like to thank our Chinese overlords.
+15 Social Credit
Bruh lol
John Cena? Is that you?
Hahaha. Hey...if this is what "real communism in action" that they keep saying is the key to the world being saved, and not those other poor examples like Cambodia and Russia under Stalin and Romania before 1990 and East Germany before 1989 and North Korea currently and all the other people that came here to escape their tyrannical government from killing them,....then China is No. 1!!!
This film should just not exist. Really. Im serious.
Great review And great Astronaut Jones reference!!
All hail the Dragon Emperor.
China is so amazing! They never ran anyone over with tanks whatsoever. Nope, that never happened.
This and then Attrition just tells me Steven Seagull watched Ip Man and thought "Yep, I can also do that".
Holy shit. The trivia about the sexual assault and you imitating Tyson had me dying. Maybe best video yet, pure gold
Lol oh thank you. I was digging for trivia and it was very hard to come by haha.
It is soooo unusual for Seagal to lose a fight on-screen, now I'm wondering whether the film-makers let him think that he'd won and then shot a different take with his double on the floor. We covered this on our podcast and it is one of the strangest films we'd seen. Its up there with Diamond Cartel and Cain Conspiracy.
Oh, they absolutely shot Tyson destroying a body double after Segal had left for the day. I don't think Segal and Tyson are ever in the same shot during the fight.
I simply cannot get enough of this series, may the gloriously, globular, seagull continue to make absolutely embarrassing movies, for many years to come.
Thank you so much!
@@RedEyeReviews thank you for sitting through this Chinese propagan- I mean “film”.
I would love to watch a Seagal movie with RedEye :D
I hate the man but watch all his movies...It's to see how lazy he is at this point
@@akmil02 Yeah, basically the same reason I enjoy watching some B horrors. >D
Steven should be sainted for all of the wonderful joy he brings to everyone with his amazing artwork. You know, the Dali Lama proclaimed Steven was a deity? He is very proud to tell you all about it.
With enough money donated, you or I cld end up a deity😂
That Dali Lama connection is an interesting twist, given that this movie was financed by the Chinese government.
Maybe that's why he lost to Tyson?
This movie was going for the record of most different accents in one film
ATTEMPTED accents.
The real accents were worse than the fakes ones.
That flag had me in tears. Truly Oscar worthy. The range it showed compared to the other actors.....truly extraordinary.
I actually watched this film myself, Seagull must have been present for what? 45 minutes of shooting?
That flag made John Xina cry.
1:10 Didn't know that they hired Saddam Hussein to ride the bike in the beginning of that epic movie.
This must surely be the most incredible Seagal attempt at a movie ever seen.
At least with this production, you can tell where the money is coming from.
Thank you for the review. If I'd been exposed to this out in the wild, I would have required a post-credits trauma unit.
Huawei and it's 5G tech?
FYI for everyone wondering why Seagull lost. No he did not, he absorbed the energy of punch and transmitted it to the ground by falling. (Yeah, that´s the ticket)
And him dying in Executive Decision? Do we ever see him go SPLAT? No, he just teleported back to base, and we don´t see him because most of the movie happens in the plane.🙃
Nah he was rescued by the Navy and now becomes the captain of the ship.
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
Seagal has never died in screen，even though in Machate he didn't show his dead body，but Tyson died poorly in this movie and showed his poor dead body.Imao
the best trivia from this movie is the fact that Seagal and Tyson didn't shoot there scenes together, so they were filming a fight scene with each others stunt doubles.
Weird fact: PETA actually awarded Steven seagal the Humanitarian Award despite the fact he killed an innocent puppy with a tank.
Yeah well information PETA is required to submit to the state of Virginia shows that at their Virginia shelter nearly 85% of the animals they rescued or were brought to them between 1998 and 2019 were euthanized (Newsweek reported early in 2021 "of the 49,737 dogs and cats PETA received between 1998 and 2019, 41,539 were killed"). So I doubt they'd treat Seagal's instance any different from if he'd instead hit the puppy with a car.
@@jcohasset23 Classic PETA
Man, I think I had heard Segal was doing low budget movies years ago, but I had no idea that train wreck of a production machine went on as long as it did, it is kind of stunning that kept going all the way till Covid seems to have finally brought it to a halt.
He's not doing these anymore? That's heartbreaking. I want more.
@@keenannorris3309 Seagal is/was supposably working on a documentary last year about the war in the Donbass region of Ukraine. So it sounds like he's still working, though whether it ever gets released to the west may depend on relations improving between the west and Russia.
This is probably the 8th time I watched this review. Your commentary is so entertaining and funny in this one. I keep returning to it when I feel bored.
On a side note, YT recommended an older video of yours and your delivery and tone are much better now. You evolved for the best. Keep it up, man.
Thanks so much! I'm glad you find this one so good :)
For the LIFE of me, I have no clue how i found your channel. But I'm glad I did because this past few weeks has been extremely rough for me and these videos have helped me immensely. I thank you.
I'm so glad to hear these videos have helped you laugh :) I'm also very glad you found the channel
“The human version of Randall from Monsters Inc.”- Quote of the year man. Keep up the great work.
Haha thank you
another great review. I feel like when China salesman walked off into the desert they were trying to make a scene like in Lawrence of Arabia where Lawrence is going insane in the desert.
Thank you!
Lol oh yeah I can see that. I just love him slowly rolling down the dune
@@RedEyeReviews I might actually have to watch this masterpiece. thanks for bringing it to my attention.
Or he was looking for the High Table.
Really enjoying these funny Seagal videos. This channel probably gonna blowup any day now. Great content 👍
Thank you so much friend
hey RedEye, i found your channel last week & binged many of your Seagal movie reviews. i actually watched some Seagal movies in the past and his movies are so ridiculous i don't know why people don't make fun of him like you do. i enjoy watching your commentary and i'm glad i found you on RUclips.
IMO, you deserve millions of views.
Thank you so much! I am very happy you found the channel :)
These Steven Seagal reviews always crack me up🤣😂🤣😂
I found your channel by chance and for a small channel you definitely deserve more subscribers. They’ll come in soon. I genuinely like your content. Nicely edited videos, enjoyable, perfect to binge. Really excellent. Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much! Some day we will get there. But I am just enjoying the ride for now.
How....how did they talk Mike into this...?
What did they promise him?
What kind of black magic Seagal performed....
Haha, even you couldn't stay serious during this 😅
Keep them coming Steve.
Man what an amazing series.
Money is a hell of a drug
He's a china salesman? -does that mean that he is into dinner plates, coffee cups, and similar stuff?
14:51
"I sinned! I sinned against Africa?"
I'm dead.
Having been in China during the Summer Beijing Olympics, this is not surprising. Numerous athletes won individual gold medals, but the TVs in the subway were always playing opening ceremony highlights of the drum routine. I went to a pub to watch the closing ceremony on TV, and again, the local broadcast ended not with highlights of individual athletic performances, but with the drum ceremony. The masses beating in unison are more exulted than the individual. No wonder this movie mainly refers to the hero as China Salesman.
It’s so great your out there reviewing these movies, it’s really widening my cultural horizons.
I love Tysons African accent.
which one? ;)
@@jtBrander all of them?
I'm in early. Sweet.
Mike Tyson's voice in this is what I always imagined somebody parodying Mike Tyson's voice in the most over the top/borderline racist way would sound like. Amazing.
We need a supercut of Mike Tyson pronouncing "Africa" "AFRIcaaaaAAH" cut back and forth with Steven Seagal saying "Uniteees States of AmeriCAAAAA".
Life’s been a bit hard these past few days and truly this channel has taken the edge off, thank you !
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things start getting better soon :)
@@RedEyeReviews thanks so much! In a world with Steven seagal and red eye review it can’t truly be that bad!
Thanks for watching and recapping this movie for us. It was frustrating watching this recap (following the plot). I can't imagine the actual film
You are a warrior
Haha of course! It wasn't easy
Pretty fascinating having the French, Africans, and Chinese struggle to speak English during an important telecom meeting.
I just want to say I really enjoy the opening music and animation you chose. It's light and happy and really does remind one of walking into the theater.
That's hilarious. I really wonder what deals were made for financing this movie because the Chinese flag seems to be a new form of product placement. I think we'll start seeing it everywhere now. Imagine a Titanic where the iceberg has a Chinese flag representing the invincibility of China and the Titanic representing the weakness of Western decadence. Coming soon.
To be fair, it’s not like the US flag isn’t featured in plenty of movies.
@@lewisham Yes, it has been in a couple. But the switch to China is prophetic as to the future of cinema.
@@gglen2141 a couple?
Well....it's no different to say Michael Bay movies with it's numerous shots of the American flag waving in slow motion somewhere. Among a number of Hollywood movies. The Chinese are clearly copying from and emulating what the US film industry does.
this looks like a full movie of Command & Conquer cut scenes.
What surprised me was at 11:52, the court filings in this county are identical to American court filings in form and substance. And at 15:20 we learn that Tunisia has access to NCIC.
Hahaha. What are the odds?!
Wanted to say, I randomly got recommended a Seagal movie review by you a couple days ago. Been binging you since 😅 so funny
Hurrah! Thats great to hear. Thank you
Thank you for these.
Because it's never gonna happen in reality
I have been planning to edit together a Seagal Vs Stallone fight.
Your videos have been very helpful in showing me which films have fights in and what he was wearing and that and which have usable shots and that of Seagal.
I now easily know all the films of Seagal in the 2000s to 2010s (age appropriate for when Expendables would have happened-alas it didn't) pre silly dyed black goatee. Thanks!
Lol that sounds great. Happy to help
Stallone would knock the hair off of Seagal
Hard to believe (great title for a film starring him) he got me so excited back in the day with Marked for Death and Out for Justice. Now he just makes my flesh creep when I see him within a mile of a woman.
If you've never seen Mike Tyson Mysteries, you're doing yourself a massive disservice.
The Capital is burning. I'm Andy.
Fuck me running, this is yet another masterpiece to surely enter the annals of cinematography.
Not enough content on this channel....you have no idea how much I love this channel. More please!!!
The way you covered the fight scene at the end of your video… chef kiss 💋
This is the only Tyson movie where he isn’t playing himself
Mike: Steven, please teach me how to act!!
Seagal: (unintelligible mumbling)
I guess it made total sense for Mike Tyson to rig that conference room with explosives, all just so he could grandstand and subject those telecommunications envoys to that amazing speech, rounding it off by listlessly shooting himself in the head with the worlds weakest Desert Eagle. Bonus points for them not even bothering to animate the damn slide, on a CLOSE UP...
I just loved the "middle Pep Boy" comment so obscure but completely on point!
Haha thank you! I drive past one everyday and just couldn't stop thinking about it
@@RedEyeReviews It was a brilliant comparison/joke!
Love your videos too!
@@mychannel-jf7lq thank you so much!
So glad I came across your channel. Been full on comedy gold for the past hour or soXD
Another sub for ya...
Hurrah! Thank you!
No way Seagal agreed to lose that fight. I'll bet they just didn't tell him since 85% of it is a stuntman anyway 😂
As I watched this vid, I realized that one of the things that made it weird is that China is shoehorned into the movie in a way that I'm used to seeing only for the United States. Like, the bit where there's a Chinese flag in an Ugandan military vehicle because, hey, sure, why not? And the crux of the story is a Chinese issue - the Belt and Road Initiative - instead of something, y'know, American. It's the B-movie version of a hyper-American actioner but *with China replacing the US*. The times they are achangin'.
Seagals face in the helmet looked like a picture on the outside. 👍
the desert eagle Tyson had was hilariously tiny.
So many gold nuggets. Broken neck bike riding Seagal, Tracy Morgan, who's kid is this, the movie is finally ov....., and last but not least, the look of Seagal when he got hit @00:36 . For a brief moment, it looks like he actually got touched and said with great surprise what the F!!! Lol
Your channel is so good I level up'd my Patreon to Remarkable. Can't wait to see your channel grow. Hilarious content brother
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your support. You are awesome
1:22 - love how his face does not change perspective when the bike passes by. You should start seeing Seagal from the side but no. It's like the painting's eyes, that seem to follow you
On top of “Karate Corner”, you should do a “Propaganda Power Hour” series and just watch a bunch of Chinese (or other) state-funded movies.
This is love to see
That's a great idea
Or a bunch of Michael bey movies.
I gues there is still plenty of "Murica fuck yeah " movies to do ^^
@@RedEyeReviews Please start with Wolf Warrior 1 & 2.
I really hope that, when you're all caught up on Seagal's movies, you'll do the same 'all or nothing' treatment on Arnie, if only for the impressions!
Haha absolutely! I love his voice
@@RedEyeReviews Bruce Willis seems on the direct to video train now too
I been a fan of iron Mike since 1987 from Punch Out game and followed him thru twitter. Was happy to see him at least doing movies abit instead of ending up like Sonny Liston when he was almost vilified after his ear biting incident.
Well he kinda made a big deal in appearing Ip Man movie but then again it was his first time appearing in a movie so good for him.
I feel your sentiment but it was CRINGEWORTHY. They shouldn't have made him do that stupid ass accent
@@playboymaxim yeah but then again, Mike normal voice is a bit incoherent nowadays.. maybe too much blow to the head when he was a boxer?
He has a massive following on social media, and a semi decent podcast for those who enjoy his persona
This has to be the funniest Segal movie ever and also the funniest review so far
Unintenionally funny. Tell Seagall this movie was hilarious and he'll break your wrist. Tell Iron Mike that and God help you lol
Thank you so much
@La Verdad Yes I agree, he actually looks like he was just playing around with this and not even really taking it seriously
Moe is the middle Pep Boy. Manny, Moe, and Jack. The three best friends your car ever had.
At least two native English "actors" were in this movie and they clearly never felt the need to tell anyone that the proper term in this context would be "Chinese salesman."
12:26 When Steven Seagal finds out that a free salad comes with his meal.
I can't believe The Champ beat Snorlax. I woulda thought our spicy meatball had it in his contract that he can't lose fights like that other meatball Vin Diesel has in his contracts.
I wonder if they added that in post behind Segal's back.
the way the guy went flying at 10:19 after getting hit by a vehicle going like 15km/h made me laugh to the point of tears☠️😭
Machamp VS Snorlax,best analogy in this channel ,period.
Sir I love your channel, I've already watched 5 of your Seagal reviews.
Thank you so much!
They really undersold the power of that 50 AE.
I can imagine everybody on set too terrified to tell Iron Mike how awful his "acting" was 🤣🤣🤣
This has to be the worst movie ever made in movie history lmao
The best part of the movie is clearly when Tyson appears at the last second and confesses he is a sinner and pronounces the pronunciation of Africa ever delivered in history.
I just recently found the channel, found this video and discovered this little gem. The Mandarin speaking scene where Steven Seagal interrupts a conversation between Dong-xue Li and Li Ai telling them "to speak English" was due to Seagal forgetting his lines. This was inadvertently left in the final cut of the movie.
Lol it is SO good
Thank u for making this video because I couldn't make it past 15min of it
I gotchyu!
Would be amazing if someone forced Seagal to watch all of these comedic reviews of his movies.
Oh jeeezus 😆 @12:15 check out Steven Seagal's widow's peak. There was digital effect added to his hairline, right on that area... a shifting black fuzzy cloud. Lol
Good catch. At this point in time Seagals movie just looks like a solid plastic piece. It doesn't even look like fake hair or cloth or something. Just a solid piece of plastic.
Hilarious impressions of both Mumble mouth Seagal and Iron lisp Tyson, what a day, what a glorious day indeed !!!
02:35
I’m dying
This movie is up there with The Room
Always fun finding a small but awesome channel and thanks to YT pushing it seeing it grow every time you click on a new video :)
I'm so glad you found it!
@@RedEyeReviews so am I! You already provided a couple of very enjoyable hours after finding you. Thanks a lot for that :)
@@Namorat thank you :)
This is your funniest review to date Redeye! And the most bat-shittery, yet the most awesome movie that stars Seagal AND Tyson to date!
Aww thank you so much friend! Loved your dog video from yesterday :)
"His fake African accent is all over the place". "Reign it in man. Stop taking dialect lessons from Segal"😆🤣😂🤣😂. OMG 🤣😆😂. I am laughing so hard that I'm crying laughing. Your videos are highly entertaining and hilarious. Please keep it up!
So glad you like them :)
This video had me at the CGI face in the helmet. When you are too fat to ride a scooter or a motorcycle down the road… We have a problem here. Redeye it is your job to get him back in shape but remember he loves cookies.
Lol I will TRY but the boy is a tough cookie
Holy moly this bugged me, okay.
China Salesman: A man who sells fine ceramic plates.
CHINESE Salesman: The guy in this film.
Cripes, it's such a hard thing to get wrong but they just insisted on it for some bonkers reason.
This is a misleading title because the guy never once tries to sell anyone some china.
"The civil war has stopped, everyone is safe, and the movie still has 30 min to go, ...... how?"😆😆😆
They somehow managed to make him look like he’s wearing an astronauts helmet.
I know I’m commenting on ever damn video I watch but damn!!!! You need more subs!!!! Keep whipping up that crack because I’m addicted!
Haha thank you. Done and done
You can tell Tyson and Seagal never actually filmed together in this, the fight scenes are clearly body doubles each shot lol.
I watched this review somewhere but i dont remember much of what Ive seen there. I think their brain gave up at some point. Thanx for sacrificing ure braincells 🙇🏽♀️ sensei
Haha there was some brain damage for sure
Just found out this joker has 80 movies! I guess you're in business for a while! Great show! Love the content!
You're funny. This is one of Seagals last movies. This channel is pretty much over with Seagal. He already reviewed 95 percent of Seagals movies.
👍
14:53 I have the shrill laughter of Rich Evans ringing hauntingly in my head at Mike Tysons "performance"
Puhleaze someone send Seagal a script outline for Who Dat Ninja... we all need this.
Only a Steven Seagal movie would have a cameo by Steven Seagal.
Machamp vs. Snorlax.
You got me there, Subscribed.
I gotchyu
Omg that guy riding the motorcycle that was supposed to be Seagal. That was way too perfext
The plot of this film moves as smooth as two drunks fighting up a staircase. 😎