Very insightful. I think many people know about projection, but I never thought about what the idealization part came from and its explanation. Never thought about why I idealized some people. Also made me think about the 'role' I play in my family and how some of my qualities threat the status quo. Finally, as an Asian woman from Spain (predominantly white), the part where someone idealizes you (fetishization actually) and punishes you when you show signs that you're not like the fantasy they want you to be really resonated with me.
This is so insightful and put together in a way that can be applied to one's own relationships. It's an abstract concept at first but this was explained and broken down in a logical way that made it so much easier to understand. Thank you 🙏
This is very enlightening, as always in your videos. I don't believe how generous it is of you to give all these informations. So thank you from the bottom of my hart! I would like to add something of my experience with idealization. I recognize myself in everything you said (so thanks again), but idealization has been a way for me to be inspired by someone I see as model. It helps me find a way to change into the person I would like to become. Well, I guess that's what you meant in your last picture: "give yourself what you need" and "take back and embrace".
This is both insightful & helpful. Thank you. But one confusion I have is, for example, one thing that I respond very strongly to, is when people are oblivious, like in traffic or just in general, totally unaware of others. Personally I am the other extreme where I am hyper vigilant, most always aware. So I don't think that's projection, but I know I'm having a very strong response. Curious on your take? Thanks!
Hi AJ, Thanks for your question. Sometimes when we grow up with parents who have certain features, we either grow up in reaction to them (and do the opposite) or model ourselves after them (and develop the same quality). I don't know your background, but maybe if you had negative experiences with caregivers or others who were oblivious and unaware, you developed a strong reaction to people who act the same way. If that's the case, this would be more of a "transference" type of response than a projection. But it can help to explain the strong reaction.
Another thought I had, more in line with the possibility of projection, could be that while you are outwardly considerate and polite, you still might have occasional secret impulses to attack back or be vengeful or rude (as most of us do!). If those impulses were punished or scolded in the past, it may have paid to squash those kind of negative reactions to avoid trouble. But at the same time, you may now see the rudeness in others and dislike it in them the way others may have disliked it in you.
Your first suggestion is the closest possibility. But that then makes the concept of projection suspect. Because while we certainly can ourselves exhibit behaviors that we detest in others without recognizing it, we can also hate behaviors others exhibit that we don't exhibit ourselves
Hey Dan, Yeah, I think there is some overlap. It's about positive and negative qualities that we do not own or recognize fully in ourselves yet see more clearly in others. So sometimes, you may see the same person as good (idealization) one day and bad (devaluation, projecting the negative) another day. You can also split among different people, seeing some as "good" and others as "bad" (in psychodynamic terms, "need gratifying" vs. "need frustrating" objects). No matter what lens you are using to see these things, it is still important to work on directing more validation, compassion, and "Self energy" toward all parts of yourself so they can be accepted, welcomed, and modulated.
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"what can I allow in myself so I dont have to find it in other people"
Very insightful. I think many people know about projection, but I never thought about what the idealization part came from and its explanation.
Never thought about why I idealized some people. Also made me think about the 'role' I play in my family and how some of my qualities threat the status quo. Finally, as an Asian woman from Spain (predominantly white), the part where someone idealizes you (fetishization actually) and punishes you when you show signs that you're not like the fantasy they want you to be really resonated with me.
This is so insightful and put together in a way that can be applied to one's own relationships. It's an abstract concept at first but this was explained and broken down in a logical way that made it so much easier to understand. Thank you 🙏
Thanks so much! 👍🏻
Great Video, I cited this information in one of my school papers. Keep the great work!
Great explanation.
This was very helpful in verbalizing what I am experiencing.
Thanks... glad to hear 🙏
What a helpful video! I love the relevant examples, pace, and especially the steps you present to help overcome these problems. THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you! 🙏
This is very enlightening, as always in your videos. I don't believe how generous it is of you to give all these informations. So thank you from the bottom of my hart!
I would like to add something of my experience with idealization. I recognize myself in everything you said (so thanks again), but idealization has been a way for me to be inspired by someone I see as model. It helps me find a way to change into the person I would like to become.
Well, I guess that's what you meant in your last picture: "give yourself what you need" and "take back and embrace".
Absolutely! That’s a healthy spin idealization. In my RO DBT video on envy, I similarly don’t talk about how we can transform envy to inspiration. 🌟
Wow. That hit the bull's eye for me. Thank you for the insight.
Great! Glad it was helpful!
i feel strongly about exploitative people...but i dont see that i have this quality myself at all
I have had this explained to me so many times and still don’t quite get it *sigh*
im thinking people not only attack their real person, but could silently detach from them also
This is both insightful & helpful. Thank you. But one confusion I have is, for example, one thing that I respond very strongly to, is when people are oblivious, like in traffic or just in general, totally unaware of others. Personally I am the other extreme where I am hyper vigilant, most always aware. So I don't think that's projection, but I know I'm having a very strong response. Curious on your take? Thanks!
Hi AJ,
Thanks for your question. Sometimes when we grow up with parents who have certain features, we either grow up in reaction to them (and do the opposite) or model ourselves after them (and develop the same quality).
I don't know your background, but maybe if you had negative experiences with caregivers or others who were oblivious and unaware, you developed a strong reaction to people who act the same way. If that's the case, this would be more of a "transference" type of response than a projection. But it can help to explain the strong reaction.
Another thought I had, more in line with the possibility of projection, could be that while you are outwardly considerate and polite, you still might have occasional secret impulses to attack back or be vengeful or rude (as most of us do!). If those impulses were punished or scolded in the past, it may have paid to squash those kind of negative reactions to avoid trouble. But at the same time, you may now see the rudeness in others and dislike it in them the way others may have disliked it in you.
Your first suggestion is the closest possibility. But that then makes the concept of projection suspect. Because while we certainly can ourselves exhibit behaviors that we detest in others without recognizing it, we can also hate behaviors others exhibit that we don't exhibit ourselves
Hi Dr May. Do these concepts underpin splitting in self and other? Also, could projection also be called devaluation?
Hey Dan,
Yeah, I think there is some overlap. It's about positive and negative qualities that we do not own or recognize fully in ourselves yet see more clearly in others. So sometimes, you may see the same person as good (idealization) one day and bad (devaluation, projecting the negative) another day. You can also split among different people, seeing some as "good" and others as "bad" (in psychodynamic terms, "need gratifying" vs. "need frustrating" objects).
No matter what lens you are using to see these things, it is still important to work on directing more validation, compassion, and "Self energy" toward all parts of yourself so they can be accepted, welcomed, and modulated.
@@jennifermayph.d.2761 Thanks Dr May. So generous with your knowledge 🙂
i dont project id say...but i idealize proly