so disappointing to see you take them as a sponsor, when they are literally a scam and have been exposed as dangerous as they don't offer actual therapists as help and so many people have spoken out, but youtubers continue to take them as sponsors. Like how can you talk about these important things, but pull this crap.
Misery loves company. I used to be one of them. I wanted my friends to be in the same worthless place as me and when they moved up I hated on them. I learned how insecure i was and worked on it. I'm much better now
@@dericmederos1514 I find myself here too, even if I don't recognize myself in this situation. I mean I feel it external to me, as if I can't believe it. I would like to know how to work on this. I do, but I would like to be more sure that I will free myself☹
Same whereas I've got tears of joy in my eyes BC I'm so proud that someone I know is doing so well. Makes me inspired to keep going after my own goals ❤
Help support mandatory DNA testing and stop paternity fraud. It is a basic human right to know if a child is or is not yours. Help the true father find his kids.
I used to be good friends with very beautiful girls but I was on the lower spectrum of attractiveness. Whenever we went out, they always got the attention from different kinds of people, not just guys and they were treated a lot better because of how pretty they were. At first, it didn’t bother me at all because I loved my friends. But then, something in me switched. The people who usually approached my friends would treat me like an absolute nobody. There were times I’d smile at people and try and say hello and they’d ignore me and wave at my pretty friends instead. There were times we’d go to clubs and guys would stand in front of me and start talking to my friend (nothing wrong with this but it’s always polite to at least acknowledge someone before proceeding to talk to the person they were talking to). There’s so many examples I can give. It slowly started to become disheartening for me and eventually, my self esteem started to depreciate. I started hating the person I became whenever I’d go out with my friends because I’d started to get jealous. I am in no way trying to say that I am in the right but the point I’m trying to make is that the way people treat you as the conventionally unattractive friend can sometimes lead to you not feeling good about yourself. I worked on my self esteem but I had to draw back a little and go out on my own more. I’m still friends with my attractive friends and I love them all so much.
Thank you for sharing ❤. It's great you accurately pin pointed that it was those people who put your self esteem down and not your friends. Your friends sound like good people ❤. My friends treated me like crap because I was the ugly friend. They never helped me with my confidence and left me out a lot.
Hi ❤ Your comment sounds like you are a caring friend, because you acknowledged this shift in your friendship with those girls. Don’t let other people determine how you feel about your appearance. If you feel invisible sometimes compared to your other friends, maybe try to see if they leave you « social space », if they let you in conversations, or if they introduce you to people they know ect. If they do, the only problem comes from the people that ignore you when your friends are here, it’s their loss if they don’t want to take the chance to get to know you, it means that they just don’t deserve to know you. If it is your friends that put you aside socially when going out, well I think they don’t deserve you either ❤ Don’t let that jealousy grow, take a step back and maybe think about the fact that we all have something to bring to the world that is valuable, and that this something is not determined by physical appearance
The real test you can have in a friendship like this is when you get into a situation where YOU get the attention from guy(s), instead of her. I used to be like you, but eventually guys started paying attention to me too. There’s a shift that happens when the less attractive friend gets attention from guys instead of the attractive ones. Some people can’t handle not being the centre of attention because they’re so used to it.
I love that you're being so honest. I'm on the other side of your story and it hurts when your intuition tells you that your friend may be jealous of you or the attention that you're getting. The thing we usually don't have is genuine, healthy friendships because most women and some men see us as competition and most men just want to sleep with or be with us. We constantly have to downplay our accomplishments and guard our hearts. I like the fact that you took a step back to work on yourself, it shows that you care.
i am in the exact same situation as you were in! god i feel so evil for being jealous of my friends so much that ive withdrawn myself a little because it just hurts everytime. i hope i will be able to raise my self esteem and come on good terms with them again.... thanks for sharing!
“ Show me your friends, and I’ll show you; your future” - Daniel Pena. I think it is one of greatest things said on human relations. Yes, Lana it’s hard to find those rare gems that are genuine friends and harder is to keep them. I’ve had mixed experiences about friends, female friendships had the most influence on my life, and learned a lot of things over the course. One thing for sure; the genuine ones always stay. Thank you Lana for sharing such a thoughtful video and a reminder to check on the people around me. Please keep up!
Be careful of the women "friends" who suddenly start showing interest in the same guy you're crushing on. In other words, they have to have what you have or possibly could have in the future. Also stay away from "friends" who poke at your flaws and insecurities just to drag you down, and make themselves feel better. The stories I have! Remember, the prettier you are, the more likely insecure and jealous people will point them out to you and dwell on it.
this happened to me but with my cousin and my ex bf 🤡 my cousin has always been more of the beauty standard of where im from so shes always gotten the most attention from men when we went out, n then when i took my bf to meet her n my family the way she acted…. she ignored me the whole night n only made conversation w him n ofc since he was a dick (reason why hes my ex) he flirted back n they both excluded me from the conversation, it took me almost 8months to fully heal that one interaction bc it broke my trust in both of them n felt like betrayal (it was the cherry on top to a lot of sus bullshit theyd pulled before bc they always had hater energy arnd me), my whole life ive felt my family on my moms side is jealous of what ive made of myself (theyre all women) n they benefited off of me keeping my self esteem low
do You have a best friend?, I'm starting to giving up on the "forever friendship", everyone leaves...or am I not enough? I don't know I just would like to know if you think that a true friendship,a long friendship exists?
@@user-uz6hy7od8lThe concept of a genuine freindship definitely exists. But to be in such relations both the parties should understand their ownselves ,The ones who resent others often reflect upon a part of themselves so comprehending your inclinations is a must. Things do change ,people come and go but memories stay and the present lives
As a man, I value commitment in my friendships too. Many of my friends would hang out without me or never text me back or would cancel plans. I let them go, I don’t need that bs. Friendships are hard for us too. Like we always have to prove multiple times that we are cool and not some a*shole
This was so interesting! The ending made me emotional too - I love the unspoken language between women. It's one of my favourite things because it is so pure.
Always love how you bring up difficult topics people are afraid to talk about and admit but always end it with a positive/hopeful remark. Thanks for the video!
I’m 41 and it is interesting to see how much attractiveness did NOT play a part in making the most beautiful girls in my high school friend group more successful, healthy, happy or guarantee any sort of stable good relationship. Not that pretty privilege isn’t a thing…it’s just that it’s not enough to make a dent against this economy, against family trauma, against poor choices (that we all make). Nor did the smartest girls get the “best life” or the most money. It all seems kind of random to who appears more “successful” or happy.
attractiveness do play a role in pay, job opportunity and if you get hired or not (especially for females), but yes there are millions of factors that influence us at any moment in time, in fact your comment is a result of how you felt that day, what you ate, your genetic makeup, millions of years of behavioural evolution, your brain structure, etc... thus it is natural for some to fit into modern society better than others (it's chance).
Life deals each of us our own set of cards but it's up to us to play that hand wisely. Something I've noticed is that having it easy early in life (because of looks, or family money) often leads to low success later because the person doesn't learn to deal with setbacks.
@jackboyce That is me. I have been sheltered from bad things beyond belief. The bad things still got to me though, slowly. I used to have plenty of energy. Nowadays in my 30's I would be happy to at least take a walk outside. God, I miss having it easy. I do my best to get it back responsibly.
Thank you Lana! I believe that much of the competition and jealousy stem from insecurity and a lack of safety and reassurance during upbringing. I appreciate the last part where you mentioned how good we are at using unspoken language to uplift one another. It is a reminder of how small gestures an hold significant meaning for others! 🥰
It’s also instinct and biology. Was always there. But as you said, you can reign that in with better teachings and treatment in the most crucial parental years. Its mostly only a thing between girls/women. Like 99% more than with boys/men. It’s a thing following you gals from the tribal days 60 thousand years ago. And if left untreated, then today’s day and ages rampage happens.
I think the point she is making is that these feelings of jealousy towards other women that a woman feels is something that exists and is inherently (on a deeper level) tied to biology regardless of how “secure” a woman is. If you think more about why women always say things like “if she’s really secure she wouldn’t get jealous of other women” is interesting in it of itself. It seems almost as if this is the mind’s way of a mix of: virtue signaling and projection. There’s more depth to it than you make it out to be
this video couldnt have come at a better time 😂😂 i currently have one friend who was my best friend for 4 years and that all changed recently. now i dont feel like updating her on anything new in my life, and she doesnt update me about hers. i have another friend who is so unreliable, so push and pull. she makes me feel like we are getting closer then pulls away for 2 whole weeks. as lana said, it seems like these friendships are fragile ones and i feel like its best to let them fizzle out. but as someone who hasnt always had the best luck in making friends, i dont exactly want to give up on these friends just yet. to anyone in a similar situation in need of advice: keep your door open to friends like these and just hang out periodically, but make sure to set boundaries. dont know how well this is going to work out lol but im willing to keep in touch with both of them
True hangout with all, but set boundaries. We always expect friends who are to our liking, imagination and expectation (sometimes surprising characteristics). But yes we can't get close to anyone right now such that we will get hurt later. Now a days i feel, finding a good friend, i need a great luck
Having no friends will come with no friend problems but then also without friends you know. Also know you are a friend to yourself in a way. I think you already said the best advice and yeah looking at what you said it seems the friendship is already fizzling out by itself without you doing anything about it 🤷♂️. Find by good luck a new friend, like work on being more open or being more active to learn a new person or something but still keep the other friends around. I think the other person is hanging out with other people and you at that time is just waiting to hang out with them. But they are busy learning to know new people and don’t think they really stand still you guys are slowly growing apart from each other.
Literally what you described is kinda what I’m going through with a friend currently. So push and pull, goes days to weeks and even a month once without replying. But the thing is, we live in the same town, have been friends for over 2 years now and we NEVER got to hang out. I asked over and over and it’s the same excuses. Too busy, schooling, job, strict parents. We’re both 24. I’m getting sick of it and I deserve better. I don’t even know what to say to her anymore because she gives me nothing now. We used to tell each other everything, so I feel really sad about it.
Lana, thank you for this video! That ideal female friendship you described is what I've been looking for. Lately, I've been dealing with emotional dumpers (including my mum) which is really emotionally draining me and nowadays the ppl i confide in are my therapist, not my friends. The last part of your video was quite moving to me too. I remember this time where I was having a particularly challenging day and got really tearful on the train. Usually ppl tend to mind their own business but this one girl noticed, offered me tissues and a hug. I will always remember the kindness of this female stranger for making me feel seen and less alone.
It's hard to maintain real genuine friendships as you age. But luckily its never too late to meet new friends. I joined a language class last year and made some new friends im very grateful for!❤
Exactly life doesnt have to be that scary! Yes shit happens! But try to focus on the beautiful side of life, always❤❤ yet I thank this insight of her, very much👍👍
I was have a friend in my college, we often hang out and even sleep together, we shared our problems, learn the lesson that we didn't know each other, shared our "boys problem". And untill i have someone that i love, i tell him to her, then when i got a heart break from him, i cry in her room, she was beside me. But the day after that, i just found that they are dating
Like most goals you want to achieve in life, the friends you manifest for yourself is equally important. I'm truly grateful for the female friendships that continues to provide a safe space, emotional support and nurture my soul, i believe each and everyone of us is worthy of this.
I worked in Sausalito in the 80’s for an older couple who had a beautiful business, and I admired them so much . One day I noticed the numbers on his arm. They had emigrated from Chile but before that the camps. He gave me incredible life advice, and one thing I’ll remember forever. I mentioned something about meeting up with some friends after work. He was surprised… he asked me if these were good friends. Astonished I said tentatively yes, but, inside I knew they really weren’t. He then said “ Beautiful women don’t really have friends” and I never forgot it. I wish I would’ve been more mature to ask him what he meant but I think I knew I just didn’t want to see it.
I watched all my female friends ruin their lifelong friendships over tanner with the frosted tips in 6th grade. Even tho there was 30 other guys, it had to be Tanner.. hypergamy starts earlyyyy
@@lullatstars when you grow up in the same planned trackhouse community from 4 yrs old to 13 yrs old, with the same kids you go to school with, those are lifelong friends my dude.
Lana, i love your videos on 'friendships'. Thank you for being open about your experience. I've had those who hate to see you happy, and i have learned not to feel guilty to ditch them. Those who stay in my life as true friends - i gain nothing out of them, and vice-versa...we appreciate each other and enjoy our company even though our life path has gone different directions.
This was a very informative video for me, as a male. - I coach a Junior High girls' soccer team and we lost a close game last season when my primary scorer passed up multiple open shots to pass to a weaker teammate with less of a chance to score. When I talked with her about it afterwards, she said she didn't want to be a "ball hog". The perception of her teammates was more important to her than actually winning the game. - A female teacher I know has a sensitive 3rd grade daughter who is just now running into the "drama" and girls being mean to each other stage and is wanting her mom to quit teaching at school and home school her. I have seen this over and over but was surprised that it was starting in 3rd grade - my perceptions from years of working with kids was that girls started this the second half of 4th grade, still quite young. - I had a neighbor with a tween age girl who told her dad that she was only going to be friends with boys because they were honest with her and didn't backstab or switch from being a friend to an enemy for "no reason". - I had a girl who had an "enemy" on a different soccer team, and both were brutal to each other on the soccer field. I asked her about this, and they had been best friends till 3rd or 4th grade, when they became "enemies", but she couldn't remember what caused this, yet it was still in place years later and there was no interest in repairing this relationship. - I watched a rift between my sister and a close friend, 1 1/2 years younger than I am, when they ran into a boy they had never seen before at the park near our house. The "I saw him first" phrase was used multiple times, at which point I sarcastically pointed out that the boy had some say in the matter as well. This didn't hurt their friendship, but I realize now after watching this video that what they were really wanting to do was eliminate the "competition" for his attention.
I disagree at 0:05 - people can be genuinely worried I feel gossip is when you disrespect a person and more so when you don't show that person 100% truth of how you think about them
Thank you for balancing the true negative aspects of female friendships with the true joys!! I have been seeing a lot of videos about how women can’t reallyyy be friends with women or reallyyy care about them. That our relationships are all about exchange, what we can get from each other with an underlying sense of competition. And I have felt the pain of those kinds of relationships and the videos really did help me understand human nature a bit more. But I’ve also felt random women looking out for me, genuine care and love for other women, friends fiercely be there for me emotionally/physically/spiritually. So it’s nuanced…and I think you captured that bravo and thank you.
Actually that example at the end is why I broke off 2 5 year long friendships and 1 8 year long friendship… that idea of being “seen” by another woman and knowing that she knew how I felt. My soul was crushed when I realized unfamiliar women I had maybe glanced at one or twice made me feel more whole and human than my best friends. I only have a close make friends now but I so desperately wish I could connect with another girlie again… 💔
I've been going through a tough time with my best friend for a while now. But I keep seeing Lana 's new video uploads which is totally relatable to my current situation. My friend is really beautiful and I adored her alot. But everything started to change lately and i started noticing alot of flaws in her which never bothered me before. I slowly started noticing our values and interests were never the same. Her beauty never bothered me because I find myself beautiful in many ways. But she started showing off, and she started craving for more male validation and attention. And she was never interested to hear my story. She always cut in between and tells her story. Slowly I stopped sharing her things. She changed. She became close to a another girl who hates me and is jealous of me. I felt lonely and blamed myself that I did something wrong. Slowly I started telling my inner thoughts aloud when we are in a group of friends which eventually hurt my friend. I felt bad and I stopped thinking about her. I let her go. I outgrew my old self to be a better person and so did she. But our current selfs doesn't align with each other so we had to let go of each other. What makes me sad is that, how I adored her once and how I don't even care about her now. A boy can never change me, but how a female friend can alter my thoughts and emotions. How i cried because of her actions. We women care alot about female friendships. It can make us grow or it can destroy us. So be thoughtful when you choose your friends. If you don't find anyone who you can call as "good friend", it's better be alone.
Don't depends on your friend see them as stranger who you can have good time with it I thought about my female friend ship in the past same way I got hurt most but they were not that bad even they kept calling me more but I decided distance myself now I have more muture and balanced friendship
I had a beautiful friendship since high school that I thought it was going to last forever. But my friend was one of the "obsessed with men" girl. She is a vet but she always try to date with the most toxic or degenerate boys. I tried really hard to improve her self-esteem but it was rooted in her relationship with her dad who wasn't a very emotional guy. At the end of the day she got tierd of my advices to leave the toxic guys or have a stable relationship and stopped talking to me. It's been 6 month since we break up and it still hurt me. But I think she is doing good and I'm not stressed anymore and can sleep with peace at night. 😊
Yeah trying to help and giving good advice isn’t always appreciated 🤷♂️. They have there own views on life about stuff and way of thinking nothing wrong with that 🤷♂️.You think you just trying to help her as a good friend should do and she probably thinks you tried to control her lifestyle and being all obsessed about her choices. All shows it’s the individual view or the self that’s making reality up. And everything is coming from within (mostly).
Girl u have done a lot of thinking..thank you for spreading right knowledge and positivity around the world.. these channels should grow more. Not those tiktokers showing off nonsense. Respect
When I was at high school, there was always a group of girls that would hate me for no reason, I was only 8 years old when they waited for me outside of my school to fight with me. I had to hide myself in the bathroom while my best friend (and only friend I had) call my mother to come and pick me up. This whole year was like that, and sometimes the “leader” of the group would slap my face or pull my hair. Today I’m 32 years old and it is hard for me to trust women.
I had the same in secondary school. Even now, at 66 I feel embarrassed and ashamed about it. My one friend was my rock, unfortunately she died when we were 45.
For some reason I feel I don’t even have one good memory of anyone being true friends to me. We partied went to clubs but all those days passed like clouds. I shut the whole world 🌎. Went back to university completed my post graduation 🧑🎓 looking for a job. I did this with no one support.
I used to think that a toxic friend is the one who is rude to your face. Now I think it's the one who will always blame you in any misunderstandings, who is not happy for you when you thrive
Lanaaa.... Can you make a comfy video on overcoming a breakup without holding any resentment... Ik you have already posted on breakup but can you give your opinions on not holding on to the resentments Loving your content and the aesthetics of your videos❤
22:04 It's not only you who is crying. I always get emotional when someone talks about love. A love for another human being, an animal or simply the small moments in our life. The love which is unconditional, which does not need a reason, and we know that it is just there.
There’s a friend of mine who has no interest in whatever I speak, tries to pull me down, snatches away my friends, obsoletes my presence ….. I want to get away from her
I genuinely want to have friends like yours Lana. You're very fortunate meeting friends like them. I'm that friend who always feel like I give more than what I receive aka stuck in one sided friendships. I feel like I'm losing my self-respect when i always give but my feelings are not reciprocated. Maybe they outgrown me, especially we have "busy" working lives. It's really hard finding genuine friends at this age.
I was a couch surfer host and now I’m a semi professional photographer. Really beautiful people (women and men) have never ever been arrogant versus me but were actually the most socially agreeable persons. Also, in terms of intelligence, I always felt that very beautiful folks were surprisingly smarter than the rest. In school, popularity is something different though and I am also teacher of sixteen year olds, so I see this every day. School is the shittiest environment for certain kids.
I am very skinny and petite and I actually hate it so much I don’t feel attractive at all, but I noticed how much I get mean comments from women around who are overweight or trying to lose weight, I spent years thinking their comments were just the truth and they had the right to say since I myself don’t believe my body is attractive, but lately I’ve been thinking, even though my body isn’t perfect, is it possible that those women are jealous of my skinny body since they are trying so hard to lose weight while I have it naturally?
Totally agree with you. Males and females are two different kind of species, that is why we would like to seek emotional supports from females rather than males. I always think that if there is no jealousy between females and we can overcome those negative competitions, such perfect friendships might easily happen on us. But first we have to be growth and become mature personally, and so we can attract same kind of person to develop a good relationship...
If you guys don’t feel like reading a sad story, please don’t read this and deplete your energy, don’t mean to make anyone feel like an emotional dumpster This semester has been so harsh on me, it feels like all my friendships came crashing down. I realized that none of my best friends will stand up for me but they would stand up for each other. They would support each other but not me. I’ve been really good at academics my whole life and recently got into the best engineering college in my country. I became friends with this girl, I had a “vibe” about her since the day we met because she kept on pushing me to stand up for the class rep because she knew it would take a whole bunch of my time. It was all chill until the first semester results came, and then she avoided me altogether for weeks. We mostly used to hang out with each other and then I felt so alone, I felt that my success hurt her and this sort of made me feel guilty for doing good in my exams, the worst part was she hadn’t even scored low, I had scored 85% and she had scored 80%. I wouldn’t have felt this bad but honestly I would’ve never done that to her, and that was the part that broke my heart, I don’t wanna blame myself anymore for all this bullshit, we are on talking terms because there are only 4 girls in the entire classroom and she is still my benchparter for 40% of classes, hopefully I can change this part next semester. The part that crushed me was, I would stand up for my friends if the situation seemed like 3 to 1, but turns they wouldn’t do it for me. I would’ve celebrated their success and been genuinely happy for them, but turns out they meet me with passive aggression. I still have a really good friend who loves me and doesn’t judge me, but her presence is a bit draining because she wants to have a day out every fortnight, and I feel like she wants my company around, even though I don’t wanna have to schedule out a day out of every two of my weeks for her, I know I shouldn’t be venting as venting is draining and maybe this won’t be read by anyone, but I feel so alone, so vulnerable, so weak, this has been a tough period, I hope god shows me a way, god probly is showing me the way, I have my board exams the day after, I can’t study properly because of the weight of the events that happened throughout this semester, i hope I can distance myself from that girl in college.
I never see myself as that attractive. But for some reasons i still had never felt comfortable being around female friend group. I always feel more comfortable with gay male friends
I used to have a lot of friends. But after I grew up, I got prettier, I got more achievements in my work than them, then I told them about my successes but they made fake smiles. After that, they made their group without me, they traveled and pretended to not knowing anything when I asked why. Well, now I see what my parents told me came true, never be friends with anyone except yourself and your family, because no one will be happy when you're success even they're your best friends.
the further I have stepped from the idea of being perceived as the ""ïdea" of femenine and the more authentically myself the purer deeper and more meaningful my relationships have becomed with female and male friends... does this relate?
A guy here. I don’t want to dive into details so i’d just share my summary here of an experience of mine in a female friendship. I went into a class that was almost entirely female-dominated. There were just 4 guys in the class, while the girls were made up about 12 of them. These girls separated into two cliques. Basically these two groups had their own identity respectively. The guys in class, unfortunately, weren’t my type of guys. Among the 4 guys, we had one who was clearly a narcissist; and another two are the average kind of guys most of you would know (likes cars; like to play around; etc etc); and then there’s me, a Highly Sensitive Person and an empath. If you studied this trait before, you would understand why i dont attach myself with the former three guys. Soooo i went to one of the girls’ group (original reason was to seek refuge from the narcissist guy because i just wanted to distance myself from him lol). Everything went very well at first. The girls treated me as if im one of them, although i still maintain my unspoken boundaries like completely not touching them, and only talk to them when there were necessary grounds. Eventually, 2 girls from that group “dragged” me into our classroom during afterclass when everybody was pretty much went home already. I was a lil busy with school stuff at the time of their invitation so i told them to wait for me in the classroom for a while. When i entered the class, they purposely made the class dark so that no one notice them. It turned out, that the 2 girls wanted to vent to me about another girl which was in our own group. Most if not all the things they told me about this particular girl were in a negative light. I was SHOCKED because i always see them get along very well in class, when i had no idea what happened among them behind the scenes. And eventually that same particular girl mentioned above personally vent to me about her views about one of the 2 girls above. She said they both were quite competitive since high school until this very day (they came from the same high school). So once i had listened both sides in that girl group, i get two different POVs and in my mind i was like “what kind of people i was sitting with?” and i was a bit terrified 😭 so my mindset was to not intervene since im a guy, but as an HSP and empath i do want to see them treating each other well and loving each other. Instead i slowly moved out from their group, not implying that i no longer wanna befriend them because of their internal problems, it’s just that i find it hard for me to fit in with them as their values and mine were completely different from each other. Then i sat alone in class for the rest of the semester. As an empath and HSP, i feel bad for them, and i genuinely hope for the best of them even if it doesn’t include me. At least i did my own part by setting boundaries; and felt honoured that they felt comfortable enough to vent their stories to me; and felt honoured when Lana mentioned that the guys were more reliable when it comes to friendships 😂 All in all my very first female friendship experience was mind-blowing but i just hope all women out there to stay strong. I am out of words so these are all i could say. Just know that we all were built differently, have our own highs and lows, strengths and weaknesses
I stopped being close with a school friend who we were close with my whole life (I'm 27) Why? Cuz I realized that she's a covert narcissist Where other supported me, she didn't If we had any misunderstandings, it's always ME who should've done it a different way. Always my behavior turned out to be the cause of our misunderstanding I broke up with my ex who was very similar to that, subtle manipulative dude, I had too much criticism with him, and I left cuz fell in love with someone else. My husband now supports me in every little thing, he is ALWAYS on my side, and only wuth him I realized what was wrong with my ex. I was in psychotherapy+having the most wholesome partner made me feel more and more weird with that female friend. And I finally opened my eyes on her. The thing is, we often justify friends who hurt us, because there is some support, fun, understanding. I can't say that my ex friend and ex bf were evil at all. They helped me with hard times too. But I didn't feel them being that happy for me in my brightest moments.
After marriage all friendships fizzle out, both for men and women throughout the world. Despite having so many technology it stills become silent as we get old. I wonder why?
Thank you so much for this amazing video! It reminds me of friendship breakups, which also reminds me to cherish the precious friendships that still last. 💕
There is always a reason for someone hating your happiness. It's always because they feel limited within themselves. It's an insecurity. They want you to be doing worse than them in order to feel good about themselves. It's a toxic and very temporary way to cope with low self-esteem. There are many men out there that have this issue as well.
I have just finished watching this video, 15 min after going home all alone in the dark, because a girl didn’t want his boyfriend (my usual uber driver) to come pick me up to drive me to my boarding dorm, even if I know her and I told her I already had someone. How nice of her 🙄 The video is full of good advices and thoughts, as always ❤
I kid you now. All my female friendships would get worse when they realized I was a happy person. On ex friend said “I hate when you’re happy”. I knew that day I needed to get away from her
I remember there was this girl in my school who used to be my best friend. In the beginning, everything was fine or should i say she used to do this love bombing tactic and show more care and love towards me as if she was the only one who understands me. She used to ask me for favours that i happily used to do as it was no big thing for me because we were best friends. She used to say me things like we're not friends we are like sisters. I used to treat her as my sister as well. I even got into a fight because of her with my senior as well. And that senior created a mess infront of our teacher and even after this i remember she said you didn't take my side properly like bro WTH. I used to ignore such comments from her. After a year i could feel that there was something off about her behaviour. I asked her why are you acting strange but she didn't accept it. She used to pass negative comments towards if i used to get my teacher's attention as i was always quite well known in my school or if someone used to compliment me either she used to pass some comment degrading me or praising herself. If i used to say i like something she always used to say it's sooo bad. But at the same time she used to imitate me a lot the way i used to dress up or do my make up. She started making new friends one of them was the one whom she said that she was jealous of our friendship. She used to make social accounts by my name. I tried to cutt her off from life for some time but then i missed her and i called her after i called her i felt everything got sorted but no she ignored me more. And spent her time with other friends. Also, the senior i got in a fight because of her she got friends with her. After that i stood for myself and i decided it's better not to sit at the table where respect is not served. Even after whoever i got friends with she used to get friends with them too as steal them from me till this date when I'm in my university she is the same. I don't understand this personality type what kind of obsessed people are these?
These people are embarrassing and you need to becareful with them as they are obsessed with you. I have a feeling that as soon as you get engaged she will try to "steal" your man to make her self feel better
@@GleamGoddess You're right. They truly are embarrassing. But thanks to God she isn't in my life anymore. It's been years I've talked to her but you see she still does these kind of things and i find it quite strange
I've watched this one even though I'm not the main focus of this topic (as a man) but I can tell you that within milenials and gen z, fear of abandonment and loneliness amongst men has skyrocketed the past few years as well!
Once each individual realizes the harsh reality that everybody is competing for the same limited resources, they will have scarcity mindset and fight tooth, nail, and thumb in the bum for them.
If these behavioral traits are as you describe, it really shouldn't come as any surprise that individuals might feel a degree of anxiety or trepidation with the prospect of having to engage with people.
well I don't fear that my best friend will tell her new best friends my secrets - I fear they would not tell ME their secrets anymore but trust their new best friend more than me. I fear to be replaced.
I had no idea you were/speak swedish! I found you in the beginning of my mental health journey and you have given me so much inspiration and many clever thoughts. Tack så jättemycket ❤
[00:00] 🗣 Gossip can be clever or not so clever, affecting how it's perceived and its impact on relationships. [04:01] 🤝 Female psychology is influenced by historical dependence on male partners for survival, leading to competition and jealousy among women. [06:03] 🔍 Women engage more in indirect aggression, such as spreading rumors and gossip, to disrupt social opportunities. [09:29] ❤ Women prioritize kindness and hold high expectations for trust, loyalty, and support in friendships. [11:03] 💔 Jealousy and fear of friendship abandonment or replacement are common among women, leading to monitoring of relationships. [14:09] 🚫 Traits of friendships that fizzle out include emotional dumping, jealousy, and being a bad influence. [18:16] 🤝 Traits of enduring female friendships include mutual caring, consistency, and genuine connection. [19:36] 🌟 Female friendships possess an unspoken language, enabling communication and support without words.
We, i mean, idk if we have this kind of problem. Im not sure abt people acceptance toward atractive face but i can say we accepting a person among us as the way the are. So i felt grateful.
I think what's left out here is that the explanation seems to think that all women are competing for the same man, when in reality everyone's perfect match will be reserved for them.
If you can’t trust your friend to keep your secrets and trusted information to themselves, time to form new friendships with people you actually trust.
Hi Lana thanks you so much for sharing this topic, As a guy I was deeply moved and happy as to how pure a female friendship can be altogether ❤ thanks again Lana tc (Just wanted to inform your bookclub page has expired) tc
There us actually a wonderful comic that portrays female friendships in such an accurate way. Its called Odd Girl Out, and its about an average looking girl with really attractive friends.
I also have a gorgeous friend and I'm quite less attractive compared to her. She is a wonderful person, she was there in my hard times, she motivates me. But whenever we go out I can feel that people are treating us differently. Everyone sees her first, and says hi. They're always talking about how wonderful things she did, where she went, what she did, what she wore and all of the stuff. In short ,I feel invisible. I'm happy for my friend , and I love her but I realized I started to loose my confidence, and my self-esteem was lowered. I start to think like " I'm treated like that cause I'm ugly ,and ugly people don't deserve to be loved or respected " I was depressed but I could't share my thoughts with my friend cause I didn't want her to think that I'm jealous of her. Insted I start to distance myself.
Of course you deserve respect and appreciation! That is a belief you have to hold for your own sake. You and your friend deserve a wonderful bond. Don't let false assumptions of self worth destroy that.
The negativity felt towards what you call a “sexually open” woman (what many would call promiscuous) is also due to the fact that unrestrained sexuality, just like nearly any unrestrained impulse, causes damage to individuals, families and societies as a whole.
@@Yourenotsmart1999 For the most part, it does. It makes impulse control more difficult and measured levels of oxytocin in women lowers with every new partner. Dr. Andrew Huberman has great discussions on the science behind this. It’s not good for you.
@@Joefest99 I’m doing just fine. I’ve slept with many people both men and women and haven’t had an issue in my current relationship. The sex and intimacy is still extremely fulfilling
@@ernestkhalimov748 I don’t know the exact episode, but in it he discusses 2 chemicals that are released during intercourse and pornography use, and how damaging it is for that bio mechanical system to be activated outside of partnership in which you intend to bond with the other individual. If you search using key words such as “Huberman oxytocin” you could probably find it.
You are the first woman that I heard say that women afraid and jealous of promiscuous women, I always found them strong and self confident, I think that's the reason for slut shaming by women.
#ad Go to betterhelp.com/lana for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help
Your so beautiful ❤❤❤
so disappointing to see you take them as a sponsor, when they are literally a scam and have been exposed as dangerous as they don't offer actual therapists as help and so many people have spoken out, but youtubers continue to take them as sponsors. Like how can you talk about these important things, but pull this crap.
Better Help does not treat therapists well. Doesn’t provide good healthcare either… you can do better with sponsorships
Hi do you like to use your tongue when you kiss?
Wrong.
I have seen “friends” criticize their friends success/promotion. That is beyond gross and toxic.
🤣🤣😬
Misery loves company. I used to be one of them. I wanted my friends to be in the same worthless place as me and when they moved up I hated on them. I learned how insecure i was and worked on it. I'm much better now
@@dericmederos1514 I find myself here too, even if I don't recognize myself in this situation. I mean I feel it external to me, as if I can't believe it. I would like to know how to work on this. I do, but I would like to be more sure that I will free myself☹
Same whereas I've got tears of joy in my eyes BC I'm so proud that someone I know is doing so well. Makes me inspired to keep going after my own goals ❤
The moral of Lana’s story is simple: Stay away from toxic “friendships.”
Nah I think she said stay away from toxic and beware from the toxic within
Jusko lahat nalang toxic
" the youth is quick the title of 'friend' " -Seneca
Help support mandatory DNA testing and stop paternity fraud. It is a basic human right to know if a child is or is not yours. Help the true father find his kids.
@@ThomasMgtow-jq4fblol, women will never support that.
I used to be good friends with very beautiful girls but I was on the lower spectrum of attractiveness. Whenever we went out, they always got the attention from different kinds of people, not just guys and they were treated a lot better because of how pretty they were. At first, it didn’t bother me at all because I loved my friends. But then, something in me switched.
The people who usually approached my friends would treat me like an absolute nobody. There were times I’d smile at people and try and say hello and they’d ignore me and wave at my pretty friends instead. There were times we’d go to clubs and guys would stand in front of me and start talking to my friend (nothing wrong with this but it’s always polite to at least acknowledge someone before proceeding to talk to the person they were talking to). There’s so many examples I can give.
It slowly started to become disheartening for me and eventually, my self esteem started to depreciate. I started hating the person I became whenever I’d go out with my friends because I’d started to get jealous.
I am in no way trying to say that I am in the right but the point I’m trying to make is that the way people treat you as the conventionally unattractive friend can sometimes lead to you not feeling good about yourself.
I worked on my self esteem but I had to draw back a little and go out on my own more. I’m still friends with my attractive friends and I love them all so much.
Thank you for sharing ❤. It's great you accurately pin pointed that it was those people who put your self esteem down and not your friends. Your friends sound like good people ❤. My friends treated me like crap because I was the ugly friend. They never helped me with my confidence and left me out a lot.
Hi ❤
Your comment sounds like you are a caring friend, because you acknowledged this shift in your friendship with those girls. Don’t let other people determine how you feel about your appearance. If you feel invisible sometimes compared to your other friends, maybe try to see if they leave you « social space », if they let you in conversations, or if they introduce you to people they know ect. If they do, the only problem comes from the people that ignore you when your friends are here, it’s their loss if they don’t want to take the chance to get to know you, it means that they just don’t deserve to know you. If it is your friends that put you aside socially when going out, well I think they don’t deserve you either ❤
Don’t let that jealousy grow, take a step back and maybe think about the fact that we all have something to bring to the world that is valuable, and that this something is not determined by physical appearance
The real test you can have in a friendship like this is when you get into a situation where YOU get the attention from guy(s), instead of her. I used to be like you, but eventually guys started paying attention to me too. There’s a shift that happens when the less attractive friend gets attention from guys instead of the attractive ones. Some people can’t handle not being the centre of attention because they’re so used to it.
I love that you're being so honest. I'm on the other side of your story and it hurts when your intuition tells you that your friend may be jealous of you or the attention that you're getting. The thing we usually don't have is genuine, healthy friendships because most women and some men see us as competition and most men just want to sleep with or be with us. We constantly have to downplay our accomplishments and guard our hearts. I like the fact that you took a step back to work on yourself, it shows that you care.
i am in the exact same situation as you were in! god i feel so evil for being jealous of my friends so much that ive withdrawn myself a little because it just hurts everytime. i hope i will be able to raise my self esteem and come on good terms with them again.... thanks for sharing!
don't be friends with people who are envious of you, who never change their minds and who can't admit when they are wrong.
“ Show me your friends, and I’ll show you; your future” - Daniel Pena. I think it is one of greatest things said on human relations. Yes, Lana it’s hard to find those rare gems that are genuine friends and harder is to keep them. I’ve had mixed experiences about friends, female friendships had the most influence on my life, and learned a lot of things over the course.
One thing for sure; the genuine ones always stay.
Thank you Lana for sharing such a thoughtful video and a reminder to check on the people around me.
Please keep up!
Be careful of the women "friends" who suddenly start showing interest in the same guy you're crushing on. In other words, they have to have what you have or possibly could have in the future.
Also stay away from "friends" who poke at your flaws and insecurities just to drag you down, and make themselves feel better. The stories I have!
Remember, the prettier you are, the more likely insecure and jealous people will point them out to you and dwell on it.
this happened to me but with my cousin and my ex bf 🤡
my cousin has always been more of the beauty standard of where im from so shes always gotten the most attention from men when we went out, n then when i took my bf to meet her n my family the way she acted…. she ignored me the whole night n only made conversation w him n ofc since he was a dick (reason why hes my ex) he flirted back n they both excluded me from the conversation, it took me almost 8months to fully heal that one interaction bc it broke my trust in both of them n felt like betrayal (it was the cherry on top to a lot of sus bullshit theyd pulled before bc they always had hater energy arnd me), my whole life ive felt my family on my moms side is jealous of what ive made of myself (theyre all women) n they benefited off of me keeping my self esteem low
This is so good. I am 67 and can tell that most of this never changes.
do You have a best friend?,
I'm starting to giving up on the "forever friendship", everyone leaves...or am I not enough?
I don't know
I just would like to know if you think that a true friendship,a long friendship exists?
@@user-uz6hy7od8lThe concept of a genuine freindship definitely exists. But to be in such relations both the parties should understand their ownselves ,The ones who resent others often reflect upon a part of themselves so comprehending your inclinations is a must. Things do change ,people come and go but memories stay and the present lives
Hey dont give up. I am not 67 like @elizebethhopkins7582 but I just want you to believe that there are good people out there. @@user-uz6hy7od8l
@@user-uz6hy7od8l you've always been enough. When you can bring that out in yourself and others, it's timeless
As a man, I value commitment in my friendships too. Many of my friends would hang out without me or never text me back or would cancel plans. I let them go, I don’t need that bs.
Friendships are hard for us too. Like we always have to prove multiple times that we are cool and not some a*shole
We often justify friends who are not really our friends, because we do have some fun and support with them.
This is so true. I’m going through this now and trying to step back and phase out. How did you get through this?
some female friendships turn out duplicitous. i have never seen anyone talk so bad behind one's back as women do about their 'friends'.
That's why it's so Important for a girl/woman to have a caring and loving father.
@LuckyDalton-gh5hgleviticus 21.9
I don't have a father but I am extremely self aware and confident
@@boombya2556That's great but there's a thousand strippers and p0rn Stars for every one you.
YES!
@@boombya2556 you are an exception I’d say. But still present loving fathers are very important
This was so interesting! The ending made me emotional too - I love the unspoken language between women. It's one of my favourite things because it is so pure.
Always love how you bring up difficult topics people are afraid to talk about and admit but always end it with a positive/hopeful remark. Thanks for the video!
I’m 41 and it is interesting to see how much attractiveness did NOT play a part in making the most beautiful girls in my high school friend group more successful, healthy, happy or guarantee any sort of stable good relationship. Not that pretty privilege isn’t a thing…it’s just that it’s not enough to make a dent against this economy, against family trauma, against poor choices (that we all make). Nor did the smartest girls get the “best life” or the most money. It all seems kind of random to who appears more “successful” or happy.
It is the same with the males here. I wish for an equal 😊
attractiveness do play a role in pay, job opportunity and if you get hired or not (especially for females), but yes there are millions of factors that influence us at any moment in time, in fact your comment is a result of how you felt that day, what you ate, your genetic makeup, millions of years of behavioural evolution, your brain structure, etc... thus it is natural for some to fit into modern society better than others (it's chance).
Life deals each of us our own set of cards but it's up to us to play that hand wisely. Something I've noticed is that having it easy early in life (because of looks, or family money) often leads to low success later because the person doesn't learn to deal with setbacks.
I had it hard early in life and I have it even harder in adult life@@jackboyce
@jackboyce
That is me. I have been sheltered from bad things beyond belief. The bad things still got to me though, slowly. I used to have plenty of energy. Nowadays in my 30's I would be happy to at least take a walk outside. God, I miss having it easy. I do my best to get it back responsibly.
Thank you Lana! I believe that much of the competition and jealousy stem from insecurity and a lack of safety and reassurance during upbringing. I appreciate the last part where you mentioned how good we are at using unspoken language to uplift one another. It is a reminder of how small gestures an hold significant meaning for others! 🥰
It’s also instinct and biology. Was always there. But as you said, you can reign that in with better teachings and treatment in the most crucial parental years. Its mostly only a thing between girls/women. Like 99% more than with boys/men. It’s a thing following you gals from the tribal days 60 thousand years ago. And if left untreated, then today’s day and ages rampage happens.
I think the point she is making is that these feelings of jealousy towards other women that a woman feels is something that exists and is inherently (on a deeper level) tied to biology regardless of how “secure” a woman is.
If you think more about why women always say things like “if she’s really secure she wouldn’t get jealous of other women” is interesting in it of itself. It seems almost as if this is the mind’s way of a mix of: virtue signaling and projection. There’s more depth to it than you make it out to be
this video couldnt have come at a better time 😂😂 i currently have one friend who was my best friend for 4 years and that all changed recently. now i dont feel like updating her on anything new in my life, and she doesnt update me about hers. i have another friend who is so unreliable, so push and pull. she makes me feel like we are getting closer then pulls away for 2 whole weeks. as lana said, it seems like these friendships are fragile ones and i feel like its best to let them fizzle out. but as someone who hasnt always had the best luck in making friends, i dont exactly want to give up on these friends just yet. to anyone in a similar situation in need of advice: keep your door open to friends like these and just hang out periodically, but make sure to set boundaries. dont know how well this is going to work out lol but im willing to keep in touch with both of them
True hangout with all, but set boundaries. We always expect friends who are to our liking, imagination and expectation (sometimes surprising characteristics). But yes we can't get close to anyone right now such that we will get hurt later. Now a days i feel, finding a good friend, i need a great luck
Having no friends will come with no friend problems but then also without friends you know. Also know you are a friend to yourself in a way. I think you already said the best advice and yeah looking at what you said it seems the friendship is already fizzling out by itself without you doing anything about it 🤷♂️. Find by good luck a new friend, like work on being more open or being more active to learn a new person or something but still keep the other friends around. I think the other person is hanging out with other people and you at that time is just waiting to hang out with them. But they are busy learning to know new people and don’t think they really stand still you guys are slowly growing apart from each other.
Literally what you described is kinda what I’m going through with a friend currently. So push and pull, goes days to weeks and even a month once without replying. But the thing is, we live in the same town, have been friends for over 2 years now and we NEVER got to hang out. I asked over and over and it’s the same excuses. Too busy, schooling, job, strict parents. We’re both 24. I’m getting sick of it and I deserve better. I don’t even know what to say to her anymore because she gives me nothing now. We used to tell each other everything, so I feel really sad about it.
Lana, thank you for this video! That ideal female friendship you described is what I've been looking for. Lately, I've been dealing with emotional dumpers (including my mum) which is really emotionally draining me and nowadays the ppl i confide in are my therapist, not my friends.
The last part of your video was quite moving to me too. I remember this time where I was having a particularly challenging day and got really tearful on the train. Usually ppl tend to mind their own business but this one girl noticed, offered me tissues and a hug. I will always remember the kindness of this female stranger for making me feel seen and less alone.
I confirm that sometimes or more often total strangers are the best.
It's hard to maintain real genuine friendships as you age. But luckily its never too late to meet new friends. I joined a language class last year and made some new friends im very grateful for!❤
Exactly life doesnt have to be that scary! Yes shit happens! But try to focus on the beautiful side of life, always❤❤ yet I thank this insight of her, very much👍👍
I was have a friend in my college, we often hang out and even sleep together, we shared our problems, learn the lesson that we didn't know each other, shared our "boys problem". And untill i have someone that i love, i tell him to her, then when i got a heart break from him, i cry in her room, she was beside me. But the day after that, i just found that they are dating
I would have cried weeks after this
Stay strong you will meet someone who deserves you
Omg smh I’m so sorry gurl 😢
Like most goals you want to achieve in life, the friends you manifest for yourself is equally important. I'm truly grateful for the female friendships that continues to provide a safe space, emotional support and nurture my soul, i believe each and everyone of us is worthy of this.
I worked in Sausalito in the 80’s for an older couple who had a beautiful business, and I admired them so much . One day I noticed the numbers on his arm. They had emigrated from Chile but before that the camps. He gave me incredible life advice, and one thing I’ll remember forever. I mentioned something about meeting up with some friends after work. He was surprised… he asked me if these were good friends. Astonished I said tentatively yes, but, inside I knew they really weren’t. He then said “ Beautiful women don’t really have friends” and I never forgot it. I wish I would’ve been more mature to ask him what he meant but I think I knew I just didn’t want to see it.
i never saw other beautiful women as a threat, maybe because I've always been attracted to women.
I watched all my female friends ruin their lifelong friendships over tanner with the frosted tips in 6th grade. Even tho there was 30 other guys, it had to be Tanner.. hypergamy starts earlyyyy
lol truth
😊
lifelong friendships and 6h grade do not go together my dude
@@lullatstars when you grow up in the same planned trackhouse community from 4 yrs old to 13 yrs old, with the same kids you go to school with, those are lifelong friends my dude.
Lana, i love your videos on 'friendships'. Thank you for being open about your experience. I've had those who hate to see you happy, and i have learned not to feel guilty to ditch them. Those who stay in my life as true friends - i gain nothing out of them, and vice-versa...we appreciate each other and enjoy our company even though our life path has gone different directions.
This was a very informative video for me, as a male.
- I coach a Junior High girls' soccer team and we lost a close game last season when my primary scorer passed up multiple open shots to pass to a weaker teammate with less of a chance to score. When I talked with her about it afterwards, she said she didn't want to be a "ball hog". The perception of her teammates was more important to her than actually winning the game.
- A female teacher I know has a sensitive 3rd grade daughter who is just now running into the "drama" and girls being mean to each other stage and is wanting her mom to quit teaching at school and home school her. I have seen this over and over but was surprised that it was starting in 3rd grade - my perceptions from years of working with kids was that girls started this the second half of 4th grade, still quite young.
- I had a neighbor with a tween age girl who told her dad that she was only going to be friends with boys because they were honest with her and didn't backstab or switch from being a friend to an enemy for "no reason".
- I had a girl who had an "enemy" on a different soccer team, and both were brutal to each other on the soccer field. I asked her about this, and they had been best friends till 3rd or 4th grade, when they became "enemies", but she couldn't remember what caused this, yet it was still in place years later and there was no interest in repairing this relationship.
- I watched a rift between my sister and a close friend, 1 1/2 years younger than I am, when they ran into a boy they had never seen before at the park near our house. The "I saw him first" phrase was used multiple times, at which point I sarcastically pointed out that the boy had some say in the matter as well. This didn't hurt their friendship, but I realize now after watching this video that what they were really wanting to do was eliminate the "competition" for his attention.
I disagree at 0:05 - people can be genuinely worried
I feel gossip is when you disrespect a person and more so when you don't show that person 100% truth of how you think about them
The end of this video was so heartwarming ❤
Thank you for balancing the true negative aspects of female friendships with the true joys!! I have been seeing a lot of videos about how women can’t reallyyy be friends with women or reallyyy care about them. That our relationships are all about exchange, what we can get from each other with an underlying sense of competition. And I have felt the pain of those kinds of relationships and the videos really did help me understand human nature a bit more. But I’ve also felt random women looking out for me, genuine care and love for other women, friends fiercely be there for me emotionally/physically/spiritually. So it’s nuanced…and I think you captured that bravo and thank you.
Actually that example at the end is why I broke off 2 5 year long friendships and 1 8 year long friendship… that idea of being “seen” by another woman and knowing that she knew how I felt. My soul was crushed when I realized unfamiliar women I had maybe glanced at one or twice made me feel more whole and human than my best friends. I only have a close make friends now but I so desperately wish I could connect with another girlie again… 💔
I've been going through a tough time with my best friend for a while now. But I keep seeing Lana 's new video uploads which is totally relatable to my current situation.
My friend is really beautiful and I adored her alot. But everything started to change lately and i started noticing alot of flaws in her which never bothered me before. I slowly started noticing our values and interests were never the same. Her beauty never bothered me because I find myself beautiful in many ways. But she started showing off, and she started craving for more male validation and attention. And she was never interested to hear my story. She always cut in between and tells her story. Slowly I stopped sharing her things. She changed. She became close to a another girl who hates me and is jealous of me. I felt lonely and blamed myself that I did something wrong. Slowly I started telling my inner thoughts aloud when we are in a group of friends which eventually hurt my friend. I felt bad and I stopped thinking about her. I let her go. I outgrew my old self to be a better person and so did she. But our current selfs doesn't align with each other so we had to let go of each other. What makes me sad is that, how I adored her once and how I don't even care about her now. A boy can never change me, but how a female friend can alter my thoughts and emotions. How i cried because of her actions. We women care alot about female friendships. It can make us grow or it can destroy us. So be thoughtful when you choose your friends. If you don't find anyone who you can call as "good friend", it's better be alone.
Don't depends on your friend see them as stranger who you can have good time with it I thought about my female friend ship in the past same way I got hurt most but they were not that bad even they kept calling me more but I decided distance myself now I have more muture and balanced friendship
I had a beautiful friendship since high school that I thought it was going to last forever. But my friend was one of the "obsessed with men" girl. She is a vet but she always try to date with the most toxic or degenerate boys. I tried really hard to improve her self-esteem but it was rooted in her relationship with her dad who wasn't a very emotional guy. At the end of the day she got tierd of my advices to leave the toxic guys or have a stable relationship and stopped talking to me. It's been 6 month since we break up and it still hurt me. But I think she is doing good and I'm not stressed anymore and can sleep with peace at night. 😊
Melanie Hamlett covered this on her channel & the friend whose obsessed with guys is termed a 'male centered' friend.
@@minnasouen7460 well I checked her out and turns out she is a weird feminist 😐
Yeah trying to help and giving good advice isn’t always appreciated 🤷♂️. They have there own views on life about stuff and way of thinking nothing wrong with that 🤷♂️.You think you just trying to help her as a good friend should do and she probably thinks you tried to control her lifestyle and being all obsessed about her choices. All shows it’s the individual view or the self that’s making reality up. And everything is coming from within (mostly).
@@minnasouen7460 I looked her up and turns out she is a weird feminist 😐
@@samirunlu9900 I like your point. ❤️
Girl u have done a lot of thinking..thank you for spreading right knowledge and positivity around the world.. these channels should grow more. Not those tiktokers showing off nonsense. Respect
You are full of wisdom, Lana! Love your videos! Keep helping people and being your awesome self! Comparison typically robs us of happiness.
When I was at high school, there was always a group of girls that would hate me for no reason, I was only 8 years old when they waited for me outside of my school to fight with me. I had to hide myself in the bathroom while my best friend (and only friend I had) call my mother to come and pick me up. This whole year was like that, and sometimes the “leader” of the group would slap my face or pull my hair. Today I’m 32 years old and it is hard for me to trust women.
Western women are generally like that. I’m sorry you experienced that.
I'm so sorry! That's horrible! Shine today like the diamond 💎 that you truly are❤
that's millions of years of evolution for ya 😂😂
I had the same in secondary school. Even now, at 66 I feel embarrassed and ashamed about it. My one friend was my rock, unfortunately she died when we were 45.
For some reason I feel I don’t even have one good memory of anyone being true friends to me. We partied went to clubs but all those days passed like clouds. I shut the whole world 🌎. Went back to university completed my post graduation 🧑🎓 looking for a job. I did this with no one support.
This girl is really pure and beautiful
Most people are deeply shallow. You are deeply deep. 🙏 Thank you for sharing such a meaningful video.
Incredible honesty. As a male i feel like a got deeper understanding of female gender after watching this video. Subscribed.
I used to think that a toxic friend is the one who is rude to your face. Now I think it's the one who will always blame you in any misunderstandings, who is not happy for you when you thrive
Lanaaa.... Can you make a comfy video on overcoming a breakup without holding any resentment... Ik you have already posted on breakup but can you give your opinions on not holding on to the resentments
Loving your content and the aesthetics of your videos❤
Noted
@@LanaBlakely Please make a video on getting Closure and deal with unrequited emotions
@@LanaBlakely Please make it inclusive of friendship breakups too if possible 😣🙏
I have been loving your content on friendships. I think its high time we focus on improving our close inner circle outside of romantic relationships.
Once again, perfect timing and left me with goosebumps 💌
Men have friends. Women have allies.
No
Yes!
No, bad women have allies. I have a handfull of kind, supportive, spiritual girl- friends.
Men never STFU about things they don’t understand
Men have allies actually. They build friendship to attain a certain goal and it rarely ends in deep emotional connection.
Beautiful video, really resonated with so much of this... thank you 🧡:)
This video is a real piece of art.. The video ends affectively like I felt every word.
22:04 It's not only you who is crying. I always get emotional when someone talks about love. A love for another human being, an animal or simply the small moments in our life. The love which is unconditional, which does not need a reason, and we know that it is just there.
Awe I cried watching this as it’s so true and thank you so much for this piece of art. I hope it influences all of us to be kinder to one another.
Really been loving lana's friendship content!!...
I've enjoyed it too!!
There’s a friend of mine who has no interest in whatever I speak, tries to pull me down, snatches away my friends, obsoletes my presence ….. I want to get away from her
I genuinely want to have friends like yours Lana. You're very fortunate meeting friends like them. I'm that friend who always feel like I give more than what I receive aka stuck in one sided friendships. I feel like I'm losing my self-respect when i always give but my feelings are not reciprocated. Maybe they outgrown me, especially we have "busy" working lives. It's really hard finding genuine friends at this age.
I was a couch surfer host and now I’m a semi professional photographer. Really beautiful people (women and men) have never ever been arrogant versus me but were actually the most socially agreeable persons. Also, in terms of intelligence, I always felt that very beautiful folks were surprisingly smarter than the rest. In school, popularity is something different though and I am also teacher of sixteen year olds, so I see this every day. School is the shittiest environment for certain kids.
The ending nltes were on point and so true. Thanks for sharing ❤.
I am very skinny and petite and I actually hate it so much I don’t feel attractive at all, but I noticed how much I get mean comments from women around who are overweight or trying to lose weight, I spent years thinking their comments were just the truth and they had the right to say since I myself don’t believe my body is attractive, but lately I’ve been thinking, even though my body isn’t perfect, is it possible that those women are jealous of my skinny body since they are trying so hard to lose weight while I have it naturally?
Totally agree with you. Males and females are two different kind of species, that is why we would like to seek emotional supports from females rather than males. I always think that if there is no jealousy between females and we can overcome those negative competitions, such perfect friendships might easily happen on us. But first we have to be growth and become mature personally, and so we can attract same kind of person to develop a good relationship...
If you guys don’t feel like reading a sad story, please don’t read this and deplete your energy, don’t mean to make anyone feel like an emotional dumpster
This semester has been so harsh on me, it feels like all my friendships came crashing down. I realized that none of my best friends will stand up for me but they would stand up for each other. They would support each other but not me. I’ve been really good at academics my whole life and recently got into the best engineering college in my country. I became friends with this girl, I had a “vibe” about her since the day we met because she kept on pushing me to stand up for the class rep because she knew it would take a whole bunch of my time. It was all chill until the first semester results came, and then she avoided me altogether for weeks. We mostly used to hang out with each other and then I felt so alone, I felt that my success hurt her and this sort of made me feel guilty for doing good in my exams, the worst part was she hadn’t even scored low, I had scored 85% and she had scored 80%. I wouldn’t have felt this bad but honestly I would’ve never done that to her, and that was the part that broke my heart, I don’t wanna blame myself anymore for all this bullshit, we are on talking terms because there are only 4 girls in the entire classroom and she is still my benchparter for 40% of classes, hopefully I can change this part next semester. The part that crushed me was, I would stand up for my friends if the situation seemed like 3 to 1, but turns they wouldn’t do it for me. I would’ve celebrated their success and been genuinely happy for them, but turns out they meet me with passive aggression. I still have a really good friend who loves me and doesn’t judge me, but her presence is a bit draining because she wants to have a day out every fortnight, and I feel like she wants my company around, even though I don’t wanna have to schedule out a day out of every two of my weeks for her, I know I shouldn’t be venting as venting is draining and maybe this won’t be read by anyone, but I feel so alone, so vulnerable, so weak, this has been a tough period, I hope god shows me a way, god probly is showing me the way, I have my board exams the day after, I can’t study properly because of the weight of the events that happened throughout this semester, i hope I can distance myself from that girl in college.
Why did I start crying EXACTLY when you did 🥹💖💖💖 Cute message, love your videos girly
The ending made me cry too. Very well put together.
I never see myself as that attractive. But for some reasons i still had never felt comfortable being around female friend group. I always feel more comfortable with gay male friends
I used to have a lot of friends. But after I grew up, I got prettier, I got more achievements in my work than them, then I told them about my successes but they made fake smiles. After that, they made their group without me, they traveled and pretended to not knowing anything when I asked why. Well, now I see what my parents told me came true, never be friends with anyone except yourself and your family, because no one will be happy when you're success even they're your best friends.
the further I have stepped from the idea of being perceived as the ""ïdea" of femenine and the more authentically myself the purer deeper and more meaningful my relationships have becomed with female and male friends... does this relate?
A guy here. I don’t want to dive into details so i’d just share my summary here of an experience of mine in a female friendship.
I went into a class that was almost entirely female-dominated. There were just 4 guys in the class, while the girls were made up about 12 of them. These girls separated into two cliques. Basically these two groups had their own identity respectively.
The guys in class, unfortunately, weren’t my type of guys. Among the 4 guys, we had one who was clearly a narcissist; and another two are the average kind of guys most of you would know (likes cars; like to play around; etc etc); and then there’s me, a Highly Sensitive Person and an empath. If you studied this trait before, you would understand why i dont attach myself with the former three guys.
Soooo i went to one of the girls’ group (original reason was to seek refuge from the narcissist guy because i just wanted to distance myself from him lol).
Everything went very well at first. The girls treated me as if im one of them, although i still maintain my unspoken boundaries like completely not touching them, and only talk to them when there were necessary grounds. Eventually, 2 girls from that group “dragged” me into our classroom during afterclass when everybody was pretty much went home already. I was a lil busy with school stuff at the time of their invitation so i told them to wait for me in the classroom for a while. When i entered the class, they purposely made the class dark so that no one notice them. It turned out, that the 2 girls wanted to vent to me about another girl which was in our own group. Most if not all the things they told me about this particular girl were in a negative light.
I was SHOCKED because i always see them get along very well in class, when i had no idea what happened among them behind the scenes.
And eventually that same particular girl mentioned above personally vent to me about her views about one of the 2 girls above. She said they both were quite competitive since high school until this very day (they came from the same high school).
So once i had listened both sides in that girl group, i get two different POVs and in my mind i was like “what kind of people i was sitting with?” and i was a bit terrified 😭 so my mindset was to not intervene since im a guy, but as an HSP and empath i do want to see them treating each other well and loving each other.
Instead i slowly moved out from their group, not implying that i no longer wanna befriend them because of their internal problems, it’s just that i find it hard for me to fit in with them as their values and mine were completely different from each other.
Then i sat alone in class for the rest of the semester. As an empath and HSP, i feel bad for them, and i genuinely hope for the best of them even if it doesn’t include me. At least i did my own part by setting boundaries; and felt honoured that they felt comfortable enough to vent their stories to me; and felt honoured when Lana mentioned that the guys were more reliable when it comes to friendships 😂
All in all my very first female friendship experience was mind-blowing but i just hope all women out there to stay strong. I am out of words so these are all i could say. Just know that we all were built differently, have our own highs and lows, strengths and weaknesses
Those women who do that are just pick me shanks lol 😂 they end up competing with each other for guys and its not worthwhile staying with them
I stopped being close with a school friend who we were close with my whole life (I'm 27) Why?
Cuz I realized that she's a covert narcissist
Where other supported me, she didn't
If we had any misunderstandings, it's always ME who should've done it a different way. Always my behavior turned out to be the cause of our misunderstanding
I broke up with my ex who was very similar to that, subtle manipulative dude, I had too much criticism with him, and I left cuz fell in love with someone else. My husband now supports me in every little thing, he is ALWAYS on my side, and only wuth him I realized what was wrong with my ex.
I was in psychotherapy+having the most wholesome partner made me feel more and more weird with that female friend.
And I finally opened my eyes on her.
The thing is, we often justify friends who hurt us, because there is some support, fun, understanding. I can't say that my ex friend and ex bf were evil at all. They helped me with hard times too. But I didn't feel them being that happy for me in my brightest moments.
After marriage all friendships fizzle out, both for men and women throughout the world. Despite having so many technology it stills become silent as we get old. I wonder why?
Thank you so much for this amazing video! It reminds me of friendship breakups, which also reminds me to cherish the precious friendships that still last. 💕
There is always a reason for someone hating your happiness. It's always because they feel limited within themselves. It's an insecurity. They want you to be doing worse than them in order to feel good about themselves. It's a toxic and very temporary way to cope with low self-esteem. There are many men out there that have this issue as well.
I have just finished watching this video, 15 min after going home all alone in the dark, because a girl didn’t want his boyfriend (my usual uber driver) to come pick me up to drive me to my boarding dorm, even if I know her and I told her I already had someone. How nice of her 🙄
The video is full of good advices and thoughts, as always ❤
I kid you now. All my female friendships would get worse when they realized I was a happy person. On ex friend said “I hate when you’re happy”. I knew that day I needed to get away from her
I remember there was this girl in my school who used to be my best friend. In the beginning, everything was fine or should i say she used to do this love bombing tactic and show more care and love towards me as if she was the only one who understands me. She used to ask me for favours that i happily used to do as it was no big thing for me because we were best friends. She used to say me things like we're not friends we are like sisters. I used to treat her as my sister as well. I even got into a fight because of her with my senior as well. And that senior created a mess infront of our teacher and even after this i remember she said you didn't take my side properly like bro WTH. I used to ignore such comments from her. After a year i could feel that there was something off about her behaviour. I asked her why are you acting strange but she didn't accept it. She used to pass negative comments towards if i used to get my teacher's attention as i was always quite well known in my school or if someone used to compliment me either she used to pass some comment degrading me or praising herself. If i used to say i like something she always used to say it's sooo bad. But at the same time she used to imitate me a lot the way i used to dress up or do my make up. She started making new friends one of them was the one whom she said that she was jealous of our friendship. She used to make social accounts by my name. I tried to cutt her off from life for some time but then i missed her and i called her after i called her i felt everything got sorted but no she ignored me more.
And spent her time with other friends. Also, the senior i got in a fight because of her she got friends with her. After that i stood for myself and i decided it's better not to sit at the table where respect is not served. Even after whoever i got friends with she used to get friends with them too as steal them from me till this date when I'm in my university she is the same. I don't understand this personality type what kind of obsessed people are these?
These people are embarrassing and you need to becareful with them as they are obsessed with you. I have a feeling that as soon as you get engaged she will try to "steal" your man to make her self feel better
@@GleamGoddess You're right. They truly are embarrassing. But thanks to God she isn't in my life anymore. It's been years I've talked to her but you see she still does these kind of things and i find it quite strange
@@AymanMehrab I'm happy that you managed to remove her from your life you deserve so much better ❤
@@GleamGoddessAw that's so kind of you Thank you ❤️
Beautiful work ❤ I cried in the end
I've watched this one even though I'm not the main focus of this topic (as a man) but I can tell you that within milenials and gen z, fear of abandonment and loneliness amongst men has skyrocketed the past few years as well!
The last part made me emotional too lol 💕
Once each individual realizes the harsh reality that everybody is competing for the same limited resources, they will have scarcity mindset and fight tooth, nail, and thumb in the bum for them.
All I know is that women are SUPER MEAN to one another
This is a very well thought and executed video
Great addition to a already great catalog of yours!!! Great Lana ❤
Thank you!! :)
Best video ever.. We want more like this ❤
If these behavioral traits are as you describe, it really shouldn't come as any surprise that individuals might feel a degree of anxiety or trepidation with the prospect of having to engage with people.
well I don't fear that my best friend will tell her new best friends my secrets - I fear they would not tell ME their secrets anymore but trust their new best friend more than me. I fear to be replaced.
Im 52 and from what ive learned they don't change
I had no idea you were/speak swedish! I found you in the beginning of my mental health journey and you have given me so much inspiration and many clever thoughts. Tack så jättemycket ❤
🥹 Tack själv för du varit här ❤
[00:00] 🗣 Gossip can be clever or not so clever, affecting how it's perceived and its impact on relationships.
[04:01] 🤝 Female psychology is influenced by historical dependence on male partners for survival, leading to competition and jealousy among women.
[06:03] 🔍 Women engage more in indirect aggression, such as spreading rumors and gossip, to disrupt social opportunities.
[09:29] ❤ Women prioritize kindness and hold high expectations for trust, loyalty, and support in friendships.
[11:03] 💔 Jealousy and fear of friendship abandonment or replacement are common among women, leading to monitoring of relationships.
[14:09] 🚫 Traits of friendships that fizzle out include emotional dumping, jealousy, and being a bad influence.
[18:16] 🤝 Traits of enduring female friendships include mutual caring, consistency, and genuine connection.
[19:36] 🌟 Female friendships possess an unspoken language, enabling communication and support without words.
We, i mean, idk if we have this kind of problem. Im not sure abt people acceptance toward atractive face but i can say we accepting a person among us as the way the are. So i felt grateful.
what an angelic voice. I could hear it for hours.
In part because we live in a competitive society that’s pits people against each other in general
I think what's left out here is that the explanation seems to think that all women are competing for the same man, when in reality everyone's perfect match will be reserved for them.
If you can’t trust your friend to keep your secrets and trusted information to themselves, time to form new friendships with people you actually trust.
Nietzsche said it best, :behind all their personal vanity, women themselves have an impersonal contempt for woman.
MEN.WE.KNOW.HOW.TO.BE.FRIENDS
So when a woman tells her friend/aquitances “You look pretty”. She might be lying.
you were in Denmark my homeland, hope you enjoyd it 😊
Enjoyed it very much! Will definitely be back :)
Hi Lana thanks you so much for sharing this topic, As a guy I was deeply moved and happy as to how pure a female friendship can be altogether ❤ thanks again Lana tc
(Just wanted to inform your bookclub page has expired) tc
This is so common and it honestly feels like I can’t escape it
There us actually a wonderful comic that portrays female friendships in such an accurate way. Its called Odd Girl Out, and its about an average looking girl with really attractive friends.
I also have a gorgeous friend and I'm quite less attractive compared to her. She is a wonderful person, she was there in my hard times, she motivates me. But whenever we go out I can feel that people are treating us differently. Everyone sees her first, and says hi. They're always talking about how wonderful things she did, where she went, what she did, what she wore and all of the stuff. In short ,I feel invisible. I'm happy for my friend , and I love her but I realized I started to loose my confidence, and my self-esteem was lowered. I start to think like " I'm treated like that cause I'm ugly ,and ugly people don't deserve to be loved or respected " I was depressed but I could't share my thoughts with my friend cause I didn't want her to think that I'm jealous of her. Insted I start to distance myself.
Of course you deserve respect and appreciation! That is a belief you have to hold for your own sake. You and your friend deserve a wonderful bond. Don't let false assumptions of self worth destroy that.
"Dad, I don't understand women".
"Son, don't try.... women understand women....AND THEY HATE EACH OTHER"
Your beauty is out of this world ❤
Lana, you're really lucky to have unconditional loving female friendships ❤
The negativity felt towards what you call a “sexually open” woman (what many would call promiscuous) is also due to the fact that unrestrained sexuality, just like nearly any unrestrained impulse, causes damage to individuals, families and societies as a whole.
Not always.
@@Yourenotsmart1999 For the most part, it does. It makes impulse control more difficult and measured levels of oxytocin in women lowers with every new partner. Dr. Andrew Huberman has great discussions on the science behind this. It’s not good for you.
@@Joefest99 I’m doing just fine. I’ve slept with many people both men and women and haven’t had an issue in my current relationship. The sex and intimacy is still extremely fulfilling
@@Joefest99can you refer episode
@@ernestkhalimov748 I don’t know the exact episode, but in it he discusses 2 chemicals that are released during intercourse and pornography use, and how damaging it is for that bio mechanical system to be activated outside of partnership in which you intend to bond with the other individual. If you search using key words such as “Huberman oxytocin” you could probably find it.
You are the first woman that I heard say that women afraid and jealous of promiscuous women, I always found them strong and self confident, I think that's the reason for slut shaming by women.
Could be instinctive, but it's fucking interesting
Very insightful. You have such a wonderful & unique delivery style. Very engaging 🌸