The HIDDEN SIGNS Someone Is In A NARCISSISTIC Relationship! | Dr. Ramani
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- Опубликовано: 4 фев 2023
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On Today's Episode:
Knowing the difference between being in a healthy relationship and being in a relationship with someone that has narcissistic traits can save you a world of pain and frustration. One of the worst things that can happen in your relationship is finding out after time invested and even kids being involved that your partner is narcissistic and gaslighting you every chance they get.
Dr. Ramani has been shining the light on the dark side of narcissism for years. The 155M+ views of her channel is very telling that women (and men) are trying to understand and identify narcissism, and figure out how to heal the trauma and emotional damage that comes with being in a relationship with one.
This episode exposes the power play, insecurity, and fragility of the narcissist’s ego. They don’t want to see you out shine, outperform, or surpass them on any level. Setting boundaries and exhibiting strength and power is not something they will tolerate from you.
So what do you do if you find yourself bound and attached to an unhealthy relationship being gaslit in a never ending cycle of narcissistic abuse?
Dr. Ramani’s solution is “Don’t go D.E.E.P. Watch this episode to find out exactly what that means.
QUOTES:
“In a healthy relationship both partners support the success of the other. That’s how we know it’s a healthy relationship.”
“Boundaries are never going to work in a narcissistic relationship because when you set boundaries you are exerting an equal amount of power.”
“Fear is the heart of the narcissistic relationship.”
“Don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t explain, and don’t personalize.”
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I've shrunken to the size of almost microscopic at this point in My life right now, and I feel like I'm the only one left on this sinking ship right now at this point, so My question is how do I repair this ship, and ungaslight Myself now at this current moment in My situation ???😢💔💯
@Mama Bush It wasn't actually it was posted by Me three hours' ago, but was posted two day' ago to be totally HONEST with YOU !!!🥰💜💯
Agreed! Alone is amazing! These people will basically cheating on you bring your STDs and everything else so honestly you’re better off alone! Make sure if you’re with a narcissist that they wear a condom all the time and get yourself checked for STDs. Once mine cheated I made him wear a condom from then on good thing I did because down the road he cheated with multiple women, protect yourself. You can’t trust these men.
That’s true narcissist will walk out on you when you’re sick that’s what minded and he cried and all this other stuff in when I started getting better try to come back we were still cheating. Listen, you don’t want these people they will leave you alone get rid of them early.
Best comment was you were always alone all along. You were in the relationship by yourself that’s true.!
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail.com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
They never pay attention to your problems...They never have a word of encouragement for you, instead they will degrade you for seeking it .But they expect you to drop everything and be there for them, when they need that very support from you.
Please enlighten us on narc siblings, especially elders.its elder sister or elder brother etc. It's very important for me bcs iam very depressed about this
@@kusumasriperumbudur712 Hi, shortly after I found out that I was dealing with a covert narcissist husband it was revealed to me that my older half-sister was my original narcissist, it was almost like two shocks in one. Narcissist's are jealous, envious people they don't have your best interest at heart.🕊
Yeah. They really dont encourage. I dont get that. Then they say my encouragement is fake and passive aggressive!
@@1286cassandra Yes narc's project their own insecurities and faults on to their target's.
That is so true.
So sorry for those who stick around with a narcissist. Seems like no way to live a happy life.
12:38 Don’t Go DEEP:
🚫 Don't Defend
🚫 Don't Engage
🚫 Don't Explain
🚫 Don't Personalize
These are simple principles for dealing with a narcissist.♥
❤️❤️yup
Dr. Ramani's mantra - difficult to absorb; but true gold
" They're not listening to you, they don't care what you have to say, They don't care about you need or anything " just remember that.! Don't broke your heart your heart in pieces 🧩 you little Empath 🥺 i love you , Take care of your self. And build boundaries 💗
I would say the first sign will come from your own gut feeling which will send signal to your body telling you that this person doesn't make you feel comfortable being around him/her. The fact that you are already asking this question should alert you to be careful. Something will feel off and you won't know what it is exactly. Covert narcissists can act very charming in the beginning but there will be often also present underlying sense of superiority about them. That sense is actually deriving from them feeling insecure about themselves, so they tend to quietly degrade others in order to feel better about themselves. On the other hand if covert narcissist feels that you are above his league, he will act like your servant, trying to please you - almost annoying in a way. But make no mistake. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, he will downgrade you and abuse you like all the others. Because in his mind, if you love him, he thinks you are unworthy of him. Covert narcissists hate themselves so if someone loves them, than they think this person is worth less than them and that they can do better. Other sign to look for is any kind of judgment towards others. If he criticises other frequently, he will more likely criticise you as well once he gets more comfortable around you. Pay attention to how he treats people that are dependent on him as well. Narcissists hate those especially if they can't get anything of of that for themselves. Moreover, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
😊
💯💯💯 ALONE all along.... my EX and a few "friends" always demanded me to be their caretaker but disappeared on me whenever I was sick
Yep same here
so Relateble
How they treat you when you are sick is a huge tell...well I learned the hard way
@@user-ge6uo2ry2b Me too, keep well.
My ex-friends showed fake empathy during my tough times.😟
A guy in West Virginia who told me that he wanted to be my boyfriend was exactly the way that Dr Ramani has described: he would never let me do anything that would help me succeed. He sabotaged everything I tried to do.
Notes From The Video:
-The narcissist does not want you to be strong, to be independent or succeed. They never want to see you achieve your potential. They will always want to be above you. These relationships are ALWAYS about POWER and CONTROL.
-The narcissist will never want their partner to exceed them or do better than them. Even when you get out a relationship with them, they will STILL try to wreck your happiness if they see you moving on. They will be very quick to shut you down. A HEALTHY relationship isn’t like this. They support each other. Narcissists are extremely insecure. They don’t like to be dominated.
-Boundaries will never work in narcissistic relationships because that means equal power.
-Narcissistic people punish people by humiliating them publicly, abandoning them, mock them, passive aggressively bait you, withdraw their love for them.
-“Nobody will love you as much as I do.” The narcissist tries to create fear in you. But there are other fears too. Your scared to upset the narcissist or say something that will offend them. So the victim will shrink themselves and become isolated. They will gaslight themselves into thinking that their relationship is normal. Many people are also afraid of being alone, so they stay in these toxic relationships. But being alone is better than being in a toxic relationship!
-Don’t go deep. Don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t explain, don’t personalise. You stay in these relationships thinking that theres hope. Narcissists ARE NOT LISTENING TO YOU and DONT CARE what you have to say. No matter what you say to this person, it doesn’t matter. So don’t say anything at all!
-Notice the patterns in the relationship. You need to accept that they will not change. They will NEVER CHANGE. You must get your head around this.
-After a while, the survivor will slowly go back to themselves again once they leave the relationship.
Thank you
But what if the relationship is between a parent and a daughter. that she's obliged to live with ?
It doesn't matter if you scream at the sun. The sun doesn't care, no matter what you say. 😮 Same with the narcissist.
I was almost murdered when he found out that I had got me a place and I was waiting for it to become available and was leaving. Only by the grace of God am I still alive. We were not even in a relationship. We were just roommating until I found me a place.
I think one of the most powerful things you can do to test if someone is healthy for you: "After what I just said...Please could you describe what I just said, how I am feeling, can you feed that back to me now?" If they try...even if they don't get it 100%, that's a good sign they aren't narcissistic and they are trying to understand... they might still be a little offended, but only from the perspective of "I love you, I am trying and I want to be the best partner I can be.".
If they start an attack/ punishment response ("How dare you even ask that?" or "That's a stupid question to ask, you're such an X/Y/Z." - Leave politely, ASAP.)
Fantastically put
Thank you for this - what a great technique 😢 and sorry it is necessary
Wow, my ex said "You'll NEVER find anyone else who loves you like I DO!" and at the time all I could think was "good".
This is the same guy who said I was "too independent" (bullshit, bro).
So glad I finally parted ways with him, he was almost certainly a covert narcissist, maybe even a full blown sociopath.
Oh my gosh I just started dating a guy who told me “I hate women that are too independent, or too needy” he told me that at the moment I’m perfectly in the middle of the two. This is such a red flag 🚩
@@anniem2777Aff. So much stupid shit 😅 good you see clear
I broke up with a narcissist over 2 years ago. I think I have to move to a different state. I do not want the narcissist to control my happiness. He stalks me, and I have been ignoring and blocking him.
I can relate. I have this guy monitoring me daily . And he lives out of state ! Soo creepy !
I learned so much with Dr Ramani and could leave a very toxic relationship with a narcissist, and it is exactly as she says !!! 🙏🏻🌹✨🙏🏻
Dominance, control and power. I did a helluva lot of toxic babysitting over 14 years. I started therapy, am learning so much. He was gaslighting, future faking and has been lying our entire relationship. My covert narc became a smart ass punk. I would have to drag his sorry ass out to dinner and he would just sit there. I truly would have had a better and more enjoyable convo with a statue. I would be all happy about being on a date night. want to order drinks and he would ask for just water. Or he would ask for some high end alcohol he knew they most likely wouldnt have. And then complain about it the entire meal and ride home. Trying ta have a conversation with him was excrucuating.and exhausting. They also have a smirk. During last and I emphasize the last vacation just the two of us, I found a photo where he is looking over his shoulder at me. He has the look of how dare you and why are you even bothering me. He was strutting around outside in his pjs and white hotel robe on our deck. I probably had interrupted his selfie sessions. He didn't even offer to take photos of me on that same deck. And it was my birthday.and of course to him, it was all about him and his damn hotel robe. He slept a lot too. He faked slept. Well guess what? He didn't get to keep me or the robe. But he has his selfies and I am sure that is all that matters to the ass.
Slept all day long? Thats what mine was doing all the time. But going out with friends. Not tired at all.
I truly had a better relationship with my dogs and cats.
@@soyalaa3969 oh yes. Slept all the time. And when his "hine ass" was awake, he was dragging around. Drama time. Totally ridiculous. Like when going with me to the grocery. It wasn't a marathon but he acted like it was.
Oh but look out when he headed to work or out with friends he had all the energy in the world for them.
this video pulled me into sickening recollections (which is a good thing). i need the reminders, because i still miss him sometimes.
Your missing a demon possessed person. You are so much better than that. Maybe I’m telling you this because I need to hear it too.
@@tinalight7106 ♥️
Yes they abandon,humiliate, they withhold affection, coherence, try to instill fear, intimidate.
Luckily I am now immune to it. Never again. I don’t care if I end up alone. 🤷🏻♀️
I'm not a minute into the video and this is so good. My husband doesn't want me to do hair he said why would you want to do that.... What for accolades? for people to say ohh look at her she does hair so good, what for likes??? Now since my business is picking up and i don't have to ask him for money he has become worse or he'll find ways to ask me for money to deplete me so i can depend on him. He said what you want to make more money than me so that you can be the man, so you can take care of me.... I'm so over this marriage. This is his third marriage and i see why😤
I experienced the withholding as punishment. Passive aggressive contempt. Not willing to spend time anymore with me. And no answers why. No closure. After 7 weeks of no contact I am able to have my own voice and be there for me again. I somewhat fear seeing this person again. I am pretty angry with how I was treated this past year-like I had no worth or anything desirable to be around. And no answers. She can keep all that contempt and hold it on for herself. Isnt being projected on me anymore !!!
I love this woman! She explains everything SO well & I love all her examples. My narc ex boyfriend from college called me last week, and after I left him in 2007, he asked me not once, but 3 times..more stating and asking actually "so ure really happy?" cuz the asshole told me how i'll never be happy and that men would only want me for my looks, use me and throw me away. Even with a 4 month old baby, he still has space in his mind to be in race with me & wonder if he still has control. Insane! But I dont expect more, instead of infuriating, I find him comical and prefer him not to call every two years or so.
“Really toxic babysitting “.
Wow great way to say it, thank you.
My covert Narc mother brought me down, so deep down I barely wanted to stay alive, I work what she worked, I'm a family helper, my mother is a cleaner. My potential as a kid was high, I could have studied, like my kids did. When someone had a parent like this, many, if not most future employers and partners will have an easy game with them. My covert Narc ex had to do nothing, I totally self-isolate ( I'm an HSP and happy with it, I want it so ), he didn't have to worry about me knowing anything more about the only thing he is good at: politics. If I had a different opinion, he talked until I kept quiet, because I'm too insecure to really stand up for myself. He didn't have to be jealous, I'm an introvert and demisexual and also have no contact with my family, not even my adult kids. He only triangulated from time to time when I felt happy or gained a little self-confidence from people in our mutual organisation.
11:39 There's a great book by Dana Crowley Jack titled Silencing the Self: Women and Depression that addresses this very issue of shrinking yourself in order not to upset the other.
Dr. Rama i is just fabulous.
In my case, he loved that I had a great and much better paying job as he was simultaneously financially abusing me for years…
I was ,,in a car serious car accident he said, " I'm tired of you complaining about it" but when the settlement came he said "he EARNED some of it". I had Covid last Nov. he never came in the room to check on me. I nursed him thru knee surgery, back surgery , Covid. He never asked me anything about my life, my day. Never laughed at any funny things I did. I used to say, "that was funny". He would look up from his phone games and say, "oh". Hurtful
Dr. Ramani is an excellent resource on this topic.
Thank you, always love a little reminder to keep me updated. Love this amazing information. 💚
After 7 years…. I was abusive like him to revenge, worst thing I have ever done 😢. I said the same thing to him he told me, that breaks my heart! It break my heart that I said all these things I never ever said😢. I was verbally abused 7 years and shut up, at the and I exploded. He never cared what I wanted to say
I find it scary when I see friends who is good people go into a relationship with someone love bombing them and showing up for them while taking them away from friends, making them depending on them. Its nothing you can do, they are already in the hed of your friend, they wont listen if you try to say something. They have to go the road themselfs
Growing up in a narcissistic family, and running from the narcissistic abuse for TWO YEARS afterwards I had (the people that brought me up) who didn't speak to me. They were cold and callous. (as per usual) because well hey that's their style. They never listened, they never learned they never changed their ways. To that I say enjoy your delusions at least I NOW KNOW I'm not the only one that doesn't think that your side of the family is delusional!
I hear you and relate so closely with your story, I am working hard to firm up my similar conclusions - my cult of origin also are/were and will no doubt remain utterly absurd. We are better of out of it, our actual sanity and survival depends on it (in my opinion) keep well, stay safe.
@@KaiZen... thank you for the validation. I'm so glad my comment helped.
So right abt NO care in ones later yrs
It was actually my AHAA moment.
I’m 72 he 64. I was fearless to abandon this narc/addict. I began to believe that I would need help one day & he would continue his betrayal games & walk away with everything I had worked for , home, retirement etc
Those are material true however s life I had built .
After I discarded……. Right to the attorney to change my beneficiary.
When you see who they are it’s freedom beyond measure.
Divorce signed ,healing & happy.
Major changes, gratitude for my health & piece of mind
Update since watching her I learn the tools and tactics needed to LEAVE IN SILENCE NO RESPONSE for him at all when trying to trigger me by calling me names I remained calm soft spoken eventually he couldn’t handle it he was confused he was loosing control and tried regaining control and realized he had no power the next day I left me and my children we are safe appointment for a protection order I seen not a person but a demon 3 days free I’ve slept like a Babyyyyy my kids are super happy i have to remain strong he will come he alwaysssss does but this time I’m educated on the situation and I’m Invincible he can never get to me again thank you Dr Ramani❤
Yes. When they see you happy , they attempt to wreck your happiness. So true.
Dr Ramani has been such a huge help in getting away from my narcissistic partner
Me too! But was a mother in law that i got to move out, not a partner.
Thank you Dr Ramani 😢 I felt like I became a monster. My former relationship I was calm, loving, trusting… with the narcissist I transformed to a rude person😢 either I was silenced or as mean as him and threw all back at him 😭 never thought I could be such a monster
“No one is ever going to love you as much as I love you” . Can’t believe he said those Exact words to me!Then he said I am not in love with you.!! Living alone but leaving with him. Money is only thing important to him , now he’s trying to raise life insurance on me. He tried getting me to sign by saying something about “ my recent health scare with high blood pressure “. Why do I have high blood pressure?! The stress of living with this passive aggressive narcissist husband
Scared for your safety hun. Please leave asap
@@attiyakhan8579 ❤️
I realized I was alone. I am 61 now, and the last few years before discard, he was no where during my post covid myocarditis and the testing for such. He had given me HPV decades prior so I was left with chronic scar tissue from procedures and unable to "perform " as well during the last few years. His solution was to scout for women, tell others I was a cold fish and have multiple affairs. Nobody knew the reason I was antisocial was due to the symptoms of myocarditis etc. They were told I thought I was too good to associate with his friends now that he's gone, I realize he would never have taken care of me if I had any serious condition later in life.
In the end narcissist are loser! It hurt so much when my fiance cheated on me and just blocked me when I confronted him. I couldn't sleep and so depressed but then one day it's like I had a wake up call. I said to my self, Why would I feel sad and depressed when he is the one who invested so much in love bombing stage? He bought me diamond ring, gifts, money😂 I said I won especially when I did it not to take him back when he hoover me. It's a nice feeling that I slam my door when he did came back again trying to reconcile😂
Wow......amazing 🙏🏼
I'd love to see what Dr Ramani has to say about narcissists in a work environment. Both the type that is more public, and the ones that are more subtle.
My ex-husband once I moved from my parents' home to my own place had a fit, yelling at me on the phone when I informed him that I moved. He said: "How dare you move further away." LOL. It was only 11 minutes more. When he and his new wife moved, it was 55 minutes verses 41 minutes for me. He's an ass. Always was and always will be. A covert, malignant narc is what I finally determined many years later after we separated and divorced.
What about a narcissist stalker who has a lot of money and I’ve never had a real relationship with them
They simply cannot be happy for you when you are happy!!! And go crazy when you set a boundary or two. And have so many excuses for the devalue. But no honest amswers.
Dr. Ramani I kinda have a crush on all of your words. hahaha!
This is very true ijfukt dynamic and friends.
I'm trying to escape this now. 21 years of it and I'm f-ing sick. It's so bad and so hard to deal with, but idk why I can't just leave or why I love someone so much that can do this to me.... I've even considered death to just be done with it. ... I just don't know what to do 😔
Get on the phone for some counseling
Get a pet and or join a club fill your life with friends and family
Big watch or small clock? Yes ❤
We need more about toxic baby sitting
Fear of being left behind
A certain level … never succeeding over the nar 😂 oh how true
I always got, good luck finding someone as patient as me to deal with all your bull💩 (says the person who discarded me 5 times; the last time with was on my daughters death anniversary because me and my daughters energy was “off”.
"Toxic babysitting" Oh man. . .😂
Where i can find full video?
She hit the nail on the head when she brought up getting older and getting sick. My narcissistic ex couldn't even talk me through a panic attack without belittling me, I know damn well he wouldn't be there to wipe my ass.😂😂
The ‘compassionate’ narcissist is out in large crowds these days. People trying to show off about how nice they are, manipulating circumstances to make someone a villain to their highly moral self.
So many, most relationships I see, have these symptoms being explained, most relationships aren’t built with great communication and when arguing, most aren’t listening very well. The two people talking have shown signs here and there just as we all do. I don’t like how so many get labelled narcissists today and the person I hear saying it shows many signs of narcissism. But yeah, so many are so clearly narcissistic.
The idea that there is one perpetrator and one victim in scenarios is one of the fucked up views in society. Very rare I see someone so abusive to a completely harmless person, VERY rare. I always see it taking two to tango.
8:08-8:47
Wow. 😳
9:30 being screamed at on vacation. AMEN
I'm in one I got BPD and narc traits after years of abuse by my narrc sisters and flying monkeys
8:34
👍👏❤
Described my father damn
13:05 look at the as OBSERVING A MENTAL PATIENT. DETACH.
I wonder if Lisa recognizes her husband in all this. The way he interacts with her is so bizarre. Constant subtle put downs, talking over her, invalidating everything she says. I hope she's taking notes.
I've never seen Lisa's husband in any of these interviews - do we think that is the ex that she was talking about ?
Your Sun rise is someone elses Sun set.
All relationships become unhealthy at some point.
5:53, so...... typical female characteristics.....😏😏😏