Questioning Your Sexuality With ThatSoJack | Pour Decisions With Candace
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- Опубликовано: 31 май 2017
- Welcome to Pour Decisions With Candace!
Each week, we’re going to go deep into those burning awkward questions you might be too afraid to ask - like tackling real-life awkward moments, dating stuff, weird body issues, how to be an “adult,” and everything in between - and I’ll give you advice in what I think is my truest form . . . under the influence, obviously. I’m not officially qualified for this, but you can trust me. I’m here to be your own personal, brutally honest, and unfiltered Google so you don’t have to sift through weird Reddit threads. Believe me, I’ve been there. And we’re going to get through it all together!
Plus, I'm going to have on some of my favorite people, your favorite people, everyone's favorite people as guests to help me get through it, so please let us know in the comments below what and who you'd like to see on upcoming episodes.
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Candace Lowry on RUclips: / @candacelowry3813
Twitter: / thecandacelowry
Instagram: / candylowry
Jack Baran on RUclips: / thatsojack
Twitter: / jackbaran
Instagram: / thatsojack
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Remember it's okay to stay undercover or be stealthy if you feel like you aren't in a good place to come out, it doesn't make your identity any less valid.
When I came out online as bisexual, immediately a lesbian friend of mine got pissed off and told me bisexuality isn't real, I need to identify based on who I'm dating, bisexuals are ruining her life because they lead her on and leave her for men, etc. etc. And I find it so sad that someone who had to deal with coming out (in a very small religious town, no less) lacks the empathy and understanding to accept a friend with a sexual identity that is different from theirs.
Needless to say, we are no longer friends. I tried having conversations with her about it, but she just kept digging the hole deeper with every comment. Bi-erasure and biphobia is so frustrating, and when it's a friend doing it it hurts so much more.
Anyway, that was a random rant because some of the questions kind of reminded me of that day and I figure it's relevant. So if you're bi/pan and feel like the world ignores your identity or claims it doesn't exist, just know that there are many of us that believe you and are in the same situation.
We have a feeling you're going to LOVE the next episode coming up! We're trying to help uncover truths and answer questions on all fronts this month :) But we feel you - it is frustrating and so hard to deal with anyone who's unwilling to accept what other people's truths are... keep fighting the good fight and so happy that you're owning who you are so proudly!
HeatherMarMal Biphobes are horrible to deal with - as one bi girl to another, I'm so sorry for what you had to put up with. It *will* get better, I swear.
ugh, i'm so sorry. i'm a lesbian and i hate when my friends-especially gay men and lesbians-are biphobic. bisexuality is real and valid and bisexual people are deserving of love and visibility just like everyone else in the lgbt+ community
HeatherMarMal I really get your struggle as a pan some of my friends always tell me that il get gay eventually and I a lot of the time get perceived as not straight enough or not gay enough
what does she think the B inLGBTQ stands for? Bacon?
You don't even understand how perfect the timing for you to be uploading this episode is for me
Awww that's good to hear :)
I love how he said "you're always in a phase" because it's so true. Your always doing something different or discovering something new and sexuality isn't any different.
I think we need the drink recipes in the description. I'm so interested in these and the little tube shots you had with the two from just between us! Pretty pretty please Candace + PopSugar! :D
I agree. I want to know what was in the test tube shots. I used to get a banana or blueberry one at the club I used to go to.
This video is just confirming that I am gay. And I am so happy that I came out. And i really can recall having all of these thoughts. I'm very thankful that my parents and all of my friends are so understanding and supportive! ❤ohhh anddd Candace and Jack. both of you have made me such a better human. In all of your personal videos and really this one was amazing.!! 🌸❤
I feel the need to hug this guy.
And btw, this show is way too cool.
Loved this video what a great duo! Spoke about so many important things and I know it will help so many xx
Thank you so much for this video! I'm going on a road trip over the weekend to visit some long time friends and tell them I'm queer... You're giving me a ton of courage!!
Good luck & just remember to have a lot of patience with them and hopefully it ends up being a great bonding experience!
This is my favorite series in the world tbh!!!
Been watching continuously 😁
When your parents choose their religion over their 15 yo bi child 🙄🙄😭😭 even at 20 yo now, it's hard to even look at my parents 😪
have jack back for his 21st birthday!!
I love this show
I'll definitely subscribe to him. He is so lovely
i identify as gay, but i like all genders. what that really means for me is, because i'm non-binary, that i tend to lean more towards or identify more with the gender of whoever i'm attracted to at whatever moment.
just remember that whatever label you take, it only means what you say it means. don't feel trapped or defined by a label. define it for yourself.
I swear I am not trying to be disrespectful to ANYONE but will someone please explain to me how gender is fluid or how being non-binary works because I legit don't get it. I've tried looking up videos and talking to people and so far it just seems that if you don't fit 100% into a specific gender's stereotype then your gender is fluid, but isn't that just encouraging the use of stereotypes? If you're born with a penis and are considered a man and feel like you were supposed to be a woman and you transition (or hell even if you don't transition but still feel like a woman) doesn't that make you a woman rather than either nothing or a little of everything? And if that's the case, aren't we all a little bit of everything? I like makeup and fixing stuff and cooking and fishing and ROMCOM's and sports but I am 100% female. It just seems like a new way of saying "I am an individual and don't need to conform into a stereotype" but I am not personally aware of anyone who is trying to put every person into a specific gender stereotype. I have a 10 month old daughter who is bought clothes of every color, plays with any toys she picks out, and reads books (well is read books) with males and females in it but I'm not going to start switching out her pronoun depending on what color I put her in that day.
Can someone please explain this to me?!? Once again, I am REALLY not trying to offend anybody, this whole thing just seems like a way to label people who seem to be fighting a label and I do not understand.
pythonkatie K It's not related to gender stereotypes, it's related to how they personally experience gender. Everyone experiences gender in different ways and some people's experience trends enough away from male or female that they don't feel comfortable identifying with it. There's dozens if not hundreds of cultures that have third genders (research hijra, or fa'afafine, or two-spirit) so it's not a new thing. I get that it's weird to get your head around, but you'll never be able to understand fully because you're not living their life, and that's not an issue. All you really need to do is address them with the pronouns they ask you to use. If someone tells you that they're non-binary and your response is "I don't understand how that feels or exactly how it works but I'm totally happy to use whatever names and pronouns you like", that's completely fine.
I'm not sure why, I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around the whole thing. I get that a person may not feel like they are either male or female, but I just don't quite get feeling male one day and female the next and then male the day after that. Maybe it's because I grew up around a decent amount of gay people that I have no problem understanding that, being transgender or being in drag has been pretty publicly publicized in my lifetime, even being a hermaphrodite and technically being both genders is something that I was brought up to know about and found to be a normal possibility. I'm not saying in any way that being non-binary is abnormal, just unusual enough for me to have to figure it out. Please pardon my ignorance, but wouldn't it be easier if a person doesn't feel like they're male or female to work out a third pronoun? Or is non-binary meant to be the third pronoun? For instance, instead of "she is going to the park" it would be "non-binary is going to the park". "They" just sounds too plural, though I would happily use it if asked.
And btw, thank you for being so cordial with your response.
I don't think I'll ever understand it either, but I guess there's a lot of things I'll never understand. Like, I'm bi and I really can't get my head around only being attracted to gender. I know most people are, but it's such an alien concept to me. From what I've read from people, even non-binary peeps aren't quite sure what it is that's going on other than that something's just...not right. www.quora.com/What-is-something-you-want-to-explain-about-non-binary-genders/answer/Sam-Wiegand-1 talks about it in that sense. (I don't think you need to sign up to see it?)
Non-binary isn't a pronoun, no. The singular they is used pretty often - you've probably used it a bunch without even realising it. "Someone's left their coat, I wonder if they're coming back for it" and so on. One of my uni lecturers is transgender and uses they/their pronouns, and most people on my course got their head around it pretty quickly.
Some people prefer to use different pronouns at different times, some people identify as non-binary but are fine using male or female pronouns if they lean one way more than another in their presentation. (For example, I 'know' (online) someone who identifies as non-binary but presents fairly feminine with a female name and is fine with either she/her or they/their pronouns.) Others use different pronouns that aren't pre-existing in the English language - they may draw on other languages and so on.
If it helps, one way I've found to think about it is - so, someone assigned male can identify as female, and someone assigned female can identify as male. Someone who is intersex (biological traits of both sexes) technically can't be assigned male or female on the basis of chromosomes or genitalia, so that's a third 'sex' (technically there's 17 different variations I think). So if someone can be transgender from male to female or vice versa, try just thinking about it as identifying as one of those other not-just-male-or-female sexes. That's a bit simplified, but I feel like it's a good basis for beginning to understand.
aim-to-misbehave no, you do not need to be signed in to read the post. I appreciate the fact that it is written with a confused state of mind to address confused people as opposed to writing it as fact for every person who feels this way.
Thank you actually for putting it so simplified, that makes it a lot easier to get a grasp on everything. The way you put it made it easier to understand.
This may sound rather bigoted or close-minded, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the only people who would be extremely offended by an accidental misuse of pronouns is someone who felt that this was a trend rather than a legitimate state of being. I don't mean a malicious misuse of pronouns, like a person is wearing a dress and lipstick and nail polish but has a bit of a 5 o'clock shadow and you insist on calling that person a he, but a person with an extremely feminine face and breasts who is wearing more "masculine" clothes and has a short haircut and referring to that person as she. I'm not saying that it wouldn't be potentially hurtful to someone, especially someone transitioning from one gender to another, and if a person goes back-and-forth on a daily basis then the bracelet system would be quite useful, i'm just a little concerned that with so many different pronoun variances now being available depending on where a person lands on the spectrum, there is just such range to be offended.
And I'm not saying that everyone who feels this way is just following a trend, I would compare more to people who actually have celiac disease or a gluten intolerance and all the other people who thought it was just a new diet trend. It ends up discrediting people who have a legit issue because everyone who claims it is assumed to be full of crap and is ignored.
I don't know, maybe it's selfish for me to wish that there was just one way to go about referring to people without offending anyone. Generally if I know the person or if it is extremely obvious which way they're trying to lean, they seem to prefer he or she, though I do occasionally use they if I'm not quite sure.
Lol sorry, as you can tell I'm kind of all over the map about this at the moment. But thank you for being very patient with your responses.
I think it's normal to not be able to wrap our heads around it. Our culture is SO binary that really why would we be able to "get" something so foreign to how the world was explained to us. And I know that for many - if not all - of the people who themselves identify as not being male or female they had the exact same difficulty working that out internally as you are. They just landed on it more easily (maybe) because they just knew what they weren't and were left then with no other option to define what they felt.
I have never questioned my sexuallity im straight other people dont make me uncomfortable. And i dont care whos gay. I dont get whay people feel the need to tell people they are gay like i dont care what u do in ur private life. The devil is making everybody confused.
what happen to thatsojack
Plastic straws 🤮
Look...I know you guys mean well but telling people to ask questions, even if it's in an attempt to relate to the person who came out, is IMHO terrible advice. As someone who came out under a year ago, I was very fortunate in my coming out that almost no one asked me any questions. The one who did, my dad, made me *very* uncomfortable. Granted, they were the stereotypical "offensive questions" (mainly 'how do you know you're 13'), but even the more acceptable questions made me hugely uncomfortable, *even though he was very well meaning*. What someone wants when coming out is not questions, it's acceptance (the more casual the better). Save your questions for later (preferably 2 to 3 weeks).