One thing I have found that helps so much with my ADHD is thanking my 'past self' out loud for doing something that helped present me. So like "thank you for packing the gym bag past me!" Because then I start thinking "oh future me will appreciate it if I do XYZ now instead of later" It makes me more accountable to my future self AND makes me feel gratitude for my actions.
Omg sooooo true. I also try to treat my future self as well as I treat friends/roommates. If I wouldn’t want my roommate to clean up my dishes in the sink, then I shouldn’t want my future self to have to do that, either!
This was me Saturday. I wanted to clean up the living room and as soon as i started i didn't want to do the work anymore and i was so frustrated with myself but then also trying to not be too hard on myself because i would feel worse but also this is a thing that constantly happens and i would just like to get something done.
I don’t know if I’ve ever related more to a video than I did watching this! Life and especially self care and self-love can be hard to figure out sometimes, hopefully we all get there in the end and learn that even small victories are still victories!
I'm being forced to learn self-care... I had Covid at the beginning of October and, being fully vaxed and boosted, it wasn't horrible ... HOWEVER ... it did apparently exacerbate my chronic Gastritis and caused a flare-up. It's been a month and I can't eat a normal diet, I can't lose the 20 lbs I want to, I can't really work out (it seems to make the symptoms worse), and yesterday I just basically slept on and off all day. I feel unproductive and lazy, but I have to remind myself that "it is what it is" and there's not much I can do right now to fix it.
@@SherryAnnOfTheWest hope you get better soon! But remember: sleep is productive and you are doing something to make it better, which is rest. I know how hard it can be, but giving our bodies breaks is not lazy. Lots of love!
Im a 22 year old med student, who recently got diagnosed with adhd and anxiety. No one in my close circle can relate to my struggles and i feel very lonely most of the time... But when i watch your videos i feel at peace. You're so funny and honest about yourself it does not feel like watching a video more like talking to your older sister. Thank you for being my current safe space ❤️❤️
I find it very helpful to keep a little photo of my cute young self nearby at all times, I would never be as critical to that little human about struggling to make friends etc as I am with myself
It hit me hard when you shared about how if you’d like yourself more, you would take care of yourself more. I am trying to learn that i deserve care from myself too. It made me feel a little less alone today. Thank you.
If only you saw yourself the way we see you. I’m always inspired by the way you stick at the workouts etc even when other things aren’t really going to plan as that’s the first thing to go with me.
I relate to you so much - your content has been so super helpful for me. One thing you said recently was, you spend a lot of time dwelling in the past and looking forward to hitting goals in the future - but rarely do you sit back in the present and enjoy the journey. I have taken this with me and I'll keep repeating it until the end of time. You are the best. Thanks for everything. I wish you could see yourself as I see you.
Chicken tikka masala is Scottish - invented in the 70’s in Glasgow to westernise an Indian dish, it’s also now the most popular curry in the UK. We bloody love curry
The self-hatred is real… my psychiatrist told me one of the symptoms of binge eating disorder/ binges was the self-hatred afterwards when I was getting my diagnosis. I haven’t binged in a while (I went vegan (junk food albeit), it’s a long story, but there’s always that looming thing over my head, because I have binge eating disorder, and I have to be aware and treat myself as such (I’m a person that doesn’t look at the scale and avoids weight related content usually). Anyway, just a random stranger on the internet telling you you’re good enough and we appreciate you, no matter what.
So something my therapist taught me about is 'Time Optimism' (I was aware of time blindness but this frames it differently!) I think it's awesome that you're setting timers to avoid dawdling, but to me, as someone with ADD who absolutely hates rushing, that would be my worst nightmare. She suggested me timing myself doing things like getting ready to leave or showering over a week & then adding maybe 5-15 minutes to the average time so I'm never rushing & have always left enough time. Because I was always being like "ahh that'll take 5 minutes" when actually it would take 20 & beating myself up for being late and stressing out. If the timer helps you get quicker then awesome! But if it's stressing you out & you have the time then maybe give yourself more space 🥰 Most of all, so nice whenever you upload & as a fellow 30 y/o with ADD it is so affirming to see you go through v similar challenges and get through them. Also that Halloween costume was a few seconds of the best thing I have ever seen 😁😁😁
"You yourself, as much as anybody in the Universe, deserve your love and affection." -- We give our love so freely to others, but we're so hard on ourselves. I'm in this boat with you, sis. It's tricky!! 🦕❤
So this is my recipe (without precise measurements, I just wing it 🤣) for mango chicken curry, maybe it can give you some ideas :) I start by frying some chicken in some oil, season it, set it aside. Fry onion and garlic in the same pan, put in a little tomato paste, some mango chutney and some curry paste, cook that for a bit. Then I add coconut milk and a fresh diced mango, and the fried chicken. And then you just let that cook until the mango kind of starts disintegrating 😄 Obviously you can season it with whatever you like and make it more or less spicy. But it always turns out great :)
LOL... girl... same. Legit JUST posted videos on procrastination and filmed one on lack of motivation that will be going up soon... because... I feel the EXACT same way. It makes no sense... I'm 2lbs away from losing 100lbs... I should be motivated like a MOFO... and yet... I'm the opposite... like I'm almost on the verge of self-destruct some days... what's up with that!?!?!? Thank you as always for being real and honest and letting us into your world. I hope you start to find your stride again soon. ❤️
awww that Bulbasaur makeup is on point ! even if you didn't like the rest of the costume (first, love the ambition ! that's a great idea) it looked cute :) Glad and proud to see you putting that hope back in !
Getting as much ready as possible for the morning the night before is the only way I'm able to function. Mornings are an absolute drag. My kid does well, but I'm a bit of a dumpster fire. My clothes, my lunch, and anything for my work bag are done the night before. As far as organization goes, I've gotten a lot from Cass at ClutterBug. Her perspective really helped me look at organizing differently, because the world is geared toward one specific organizational type (I am NOT that type). I've really been mulling over the concept of the "fantasy self" for the past several months. Something I've been working through is going over everything that I think I want to change about myself and ask the question, "is that what I REALLY want or is that what society/life wants from me?" I've realized that I've behaved in certain ways for other people for a very long time.
i know i keep repeating myself, but i swear: dogs teach us self love. they always mirror what we truly need. you are an empath and very self-reflective so i am certain you will learn self-love with the help of this wonderful little creature called doug. my dog did the same for me (and still does). bless their little furry hearts❤🐕
Something that really helps me get going is having an appointment early in the morning. Being accountable to someone else means I *have* to do it, and once I'm up and ready, I'm all good to keep going. By appointment, I mean a PT session at the gym, or if I have a doctor/dentist/chiropractor/massage etc... booked I try to get it done by 9am.
Hi Bea! I recently had to put my dog down, so seeing and hearing how much you care for Doug brought on a whole other wave of emotion. You are such a great dog Mom! That in itself shows your worth. I hope you recognize it in yourself and accept the beautiful person you are.
Hey Bea! A friend with ADHD uses his Alexa to organize his day and enforce his routine. You can set timers and other features that will play/execute automatically. Just a little rec. Loved the video, thanks for being you!
Bulbasaur cut away is choice editing ~ I'll say this about attention deficit meds versus au naturale: you can do both. Unlike other meds, attention deficit meds are flexible about going on/off. If you only need focus during a work week or specific events that change up your routine (like travel), you won't mess anything up by not using them on weekends or for a couple weeks. Sometimes being on meds reduces anxiety if the anxiety is forgetting/not doing stuff. Other times you don't want to be on it because you're already amped up and don't want extra.
It's not just about self love, but self compassion. You have compassion for others so try to apply that same mindset to yourself. I struggle with the same things and changing the mindset can be such a challenge.
“Why can’t I take care of myself the way I take care of him?” I go through the same struggle! For me, it comes back to self-worth. I realized I don’t value myself the way I value others. I’m working on doing more than the bare minimum…small steps everyday to make a bigger impact. Weirdly, I sometimes feel like my love for myself is forced and insincere. But I’m trying to take care of myself the way my mother took care of me because that always makes me feel better. Wholesome and healthy meals, compassion, and a good balance of work and rest.
When I got my dog, she saved me. I wasnt motivated to do anything at all and so depressed. But when I got her, I knew I had to get out of bed to take care of her. Animals are the best. She was my soul dog for sure.
I've struggled with severe ADHD my whole life. I finally went to a disability counselor & she said the #1 thing that I can do is to prioritize organization. The more organized we are, the easier it is to deal with the ADHD. I totally relate to your struggles. Wishing you the very best. ☺🙋♀️🙏
A couple of tips on the mango chicken masala! 1. Use ginger-garlic paste (gotta use a blender) instead of chopped garlic and ginger. Fry it in the oil and then add the powdered spices/tomato puree and chickpeas 2. Indian cooking most of the time involves "blooming" either whole or powdered spices in oil at the start of the cooking process. this mellows out and gives the curry a depth of flavour 3. You could try marinating the chickpeas/chicken in both the yoghurt and the powdered spices. Love your videos! don't beat yourself up too much about how they don't meet your expectations/aren't good enough, it's not a reflection of who you are/your self worth.
Why are we so much harder on ourselves than anyone else? Why?! We give support, grace and acceptance to others shortcomings or slipups, yet we come down hard on ourselves? Why do WE have higher expectations for us? I wish I had the answer or the secret location for how to switch that off, but no such luck. Practice. Practice hard, practice consistently. I struggle and I know a lot of us here struggle but I am so grateful for you and your shared journey. Keep pushing forward and celebrate those wins like already charged electronics!! ❤️🙂
Like you said, the momentum. It's the same with self love. Find one thing that you love (like) about yourself (even the tiniest, silliest thing) and then build on that. Noone likes every aspect of themselves, but everyone can find at least one thing.
Hey Bea! Love you! I also have ADHD and was diagnosed at age 7. I have been on lots of different medications. Generally, people tend to do better on methylphenidate (Concerta/ritalin) or Adderall. I was a methylphenidate gal, and it helped a ton, especially in my school age years and early adulthood. Now deep into my 30s I have managed to be prescription free for my ADHD. I do medicate with caffeine, with 2 cups of coffee a day. Well, one I am a mother to a toddler, and it helps manage my ADHD symptoms. I know you had been cutting back on caffeine due to your anxiety, but caffeine can be helpful for ADHD control. Mantras and lists, with reminders are super helpful. For mantras it's mostly cleaning or organizing ones that help me, like "all you have to do is put the dishes in the sink, garbage in the garbage can, and put things back to where they belong, and you are done." I've seen you do lists for a while and the method of setting a timer is super helpful. I would recommend the book "Eat that Frog" as well. It helps with my ADHD, because I get overwhelmed by life sometimes and it talks about doing the things that you have been avoiding first in your day. Or at least tackle one a day, and then whatever happens you have completed it and can move on. So, I generally make goals of doing one "frog task" a day and do it early in my day. I feel so much better after it is done and finished with. I can just move on, and it is a weight off my shoulders. You are by far my favorite RUclipsr! Keep being you!
the fact that youre aware of whats happening to you is a great first start. i have the same pattern as well but sometimes you do have to reflect on how u grew up and seen those around you cope with their issues cuz more than likely you copped their methods whether conscious or sub. im also breaking my family's habits of turning to food for comfort or overindulging (my dad alcohol - my mom food). i struggle with both. like theres no blame it just is what it is. so maybe we DONT know all the ways we can try to switch the path of the cycle then break it. tbh it can also be about hanging with a new crowd that has heathy habits you can feed off their energy. some kind of physics law of where ur stuck but just need to lean on or borrow someone else's good energy to get yours moving. i kno easier said than done🤕we'll get there!💪🏻🤘🏼 update: law of conservation of momentum! thats what i was referring to lol had to go back a ways to hi skool to rememba😄
Watching you having to make considerable effort while dear mr Douglas beans lays there like a lump when you moved him cracked me up so badly lmao Really love how you share your vulnerable moments on your physical/mental wellness journey, it’s a great reminder that we can’t always be perfect and that small changes can make all the difference ❤
Hey! New subscriber here. Apologies if someone in the comments has already mentioned this, but you posed the question, “How do you learn to love yourself and actually mean it?” and I want you to know that I was in the same place/headspace last year, too. But after reading Live the Best Story of Your Life by Bob Litwin, I can confidently say that I have grown (and am still growing) into the type of person who finally cares enough about myself to treat myself with the same kindness & compassion that I show to others. If it’s something you (or anyone reading) truly want to change there is a lot of uncomfortable mindset work involved, but it’s in the uncomfortable where the most dramatic changes occur. LIVE THE BEST STORY OF YOUR LIFE by Bob Litwin. 10/10 recommendation. Hope you’re well, and I’m loving your channel. ❤
Bea, I felt you were on the verge of recognizing that binge eating is a form of self harm. After 35 years as an active-in recovery- active binge eater over and over again, I finally was able to connect that behavior towards punishment/self-harm. Part of the reason I realized that I could “love myself, but hate my body” is because of our culture which teaches us that our bodies are objects to manage. Like a desk. Or car. We separate “ourselves” from “our body”. We have a sense that we are a spirit or mind or consciousness who happens to have this vehicle as a body. A vehicle that is problematic and needs to be dominated. Reading the book “More than a Body” by doctors Lexie and Lindsay Kite really really helped me understand how we are taught to see ourselves as things for consumption. I suggest anyone who struggles with their body images (read: ALL WOMEN) to read their book. ❤️
Hi from Bangladesh! I'd suggest you to store the Masala sauce and rice separately. That way it’s gonna taste fresher and better. Also, small tip: when you reheat rice in microwave, sprinkle a little bit of water over it.
I highly recommend the book Untethered Soul for you. I too have struggled with self hatred. It's taken a decade of work, and I don't know if I'll ever be fully rid of it, but there are different perspectives out there. This one helped me a lot. Best of luck to you. You deserve to be able to like yourself.
I feel you Bea. Working through the intrusive thoughts is literally a full-time job in itself. It took me much longer to get to a point where I genuinely thought positively about myself and actively wanted better for myself than it took to start losing weight. Giving yourself grace is hard!! But so worth it in the end. Now, even if I "fail" or fall off the wagon for a day or two, a week, etc. I don't beat myself up. I accept it, reset, and keep chuggin' forward.
I think the biggest thing with ADHD and self-employment is just procrastinating life. It was really hard for me to get into the routine and discipline needed because, well, ADHD. As you are doing, the thing that helps is habits. Except I write down my habits - nighttime, morning, lunch, daily, weekly, monthly etc. Because I don't think about it now, I just do it. But I don't think I'd always do it if I didn't have it on the kitchen bench open and staring at me. I just have to glance at the list to go do it. Love you Bea. You'll get through this journey of self-discovery and thrive.
I struggle with liking myself too. Hearing about your struggle with self-esteem is such a shame because you’re so darn likeable.. you have such good energy and bring joy to those around you but you don’t realize the value of it all the time. Regardless, I know that allowing yourself the peace of mind is easier said than done. I try to think of myself as someone else sometimes.. like how I would want a friend to treat themselves: with compassion and care.
Decision fatigue is a real thing. Setting yourself up so that some decisions are on auto pilot will be a huge help! Know that we're all cheering you on!
I have learned that a LOT of my anxiety was tied to sleep apnea/poor sleep habits. I feel like I’m remembering you talking about potentially getting a sleep study done so maybe you’ve gone down this road but I finally was able to get a cpap machine and it took me several weeks to adjust to it and was initially more tired but I feel like a new person now and was able to tackle a lot of things that anxiety has prevented me from doing for literal years so I wanted to mention it in case it’s something you might want to pursue.
Bea I need you to know how hard that squirtle costume made me laugh. Thank you so much for that. Also I was very recently diagnosed with ADHD and started meds last week. It has made such a difference. I take my meds every other day and still find it to be super helpful. The days that I take my meds, my working memory actually works so more things make it into my long term memory and I still benefit from that on my non med days
You have no idea how much I needed a video from you today. Thankyou for being here for us. You probably don't realise just how supportive you are. Not because you're winning at everything but because you're real and honest about your struggles and you make me feel less alone and less of a failure. Please don't ever doubt your content or yourself. You help in ways I can't even express. Technically tikka masala is not an authentic Indian dish. It is something that was made for us westeners but pointing it out is a little pedantic. Lol.. As someone who has hated herself for many years and has a horrible habit of punishing herself, I can so relate. If you figure out how to love yourself, please tell us because I really need to know.
I weirdly needed this video. As someone who struggles in very much the same ways, I've been very down on myself. Definitely need to start setting myself up for success too.
Thanks so much for sharing this! My self-hate stops me from moving forward to often, even though I know that it's counterproductive. Especially today. You're not in this alone.
YES!!! I struggle with just self-care, because there is so much other stuff to be doing that I can't find the motivation for ME. We're all here together. So grateful for you!
I think talking about self-compassion is a wonderful thing to work on and talk about! Not just loving yourself but being kind and understanding with yourself when life happens.
A great solution to reduce one cord are the apple watch chargers that plug directly into the outlet and the watch sits on the hard surface jutting out. It's hard to explain without attaching a picture
There was so many things you said I this video that hit the mail on the with me. I sometimes just uncontrollably self sabotage. All the while knows the outcome. It becomes a vicious cycle. But that moment you spoke of eventually steps in and I have to do clean up. Thanks for saying it out loud for me. Have a great week 💕
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Everything you feeling is normal but you get more done than you realize and at least you are aiming for something. You only fail when you stop aiming. Sometimes you will hit the bullseye and other days, you won’t even get close. You are loved just the way you are.
I set timers for myself all of the time. Especially cleaning. It's amazing what you can get done in 15 minutes if you work quickly! That and listening to good music makes otherwise mundane tasks way more bearable. Love your videos as always!
I feel you on this one. I first I just wanted to say you have FANTASTIC hair! I know what feeling when you said about reading half a book, I do that a lot, in reality I finish about 10% of the books I read, but I just stopped telling myself it was a bad thing, it’s the book’s fault not mine, and I’m ok with it. I feel like you give yourself a hard time a lot, and maybe gaslight yourself a bit too, which must make stuff extra hard. I turned myself from chaos personified (a teacher once described me as the effect of throwing a lit match into a box of fireworks) to a pretty together person by making my life as simple as possible. I don’t have ‘self-care’ sessions, I just shower and get ready, my morning routine has 5 things, toilet, teeth, dress, feed the cat, breakfast and that’s great. I also do housework with timers like you. I think we’re pretty similar in that way ❤ The time I saw you kick a laundry basket down the stairs I was convinced we were separate at birth 😂😂
lol I love the idea that it's the book's fault! I'm keeping that the next time I can't be bothered to finish a boring one! In general though, I thought Atomic Habits was boring and way too long. Mini Habit by Steven Guise is better and gets to the point in 126 pages instead of 320 pages. Also, Guise released his book before James Clear, so really Guise is the pioneer for the method.
Gurllllll….14 minutes in…you are speaking to us!!!! All of us “Bea’s” out there. It’s amazing…now that you are sharing those current thoughts…it’s like OUR truth as well. Love that you are chronicling this part of your life. Hopefully we can all help each other to make it through another day … another week. Sharing is caring! Something to live for! ❤ Everyone has their tribe!
I've been recently thinking about why I love teaching (although I left it). I have come to the conclusion that it's because it's so much easier to see the good in others and bring out the best in them than it is to do it for myself. For anyone who sees this, you're not alone.
I know EXACTLY what ur saying! I live with self loathing all the time - I know I’m not a bad person yet I look at myself in the mirror and think yeuk and look away! I also believe that this is the thing that holds me back and I know if I could get to the bottom of this I would make REAL progress! Please keep sharing as for me, knowing I’m not the only one is a massive help!
I feel like you're on to something with the insight about self-love. Maybe habits are a way of building that self love. You have a relationship with yourself as much as you have relationships with friends or family. If your best friend neglected you or broke promises they made to you, you wouldn't like them very much, and eventually, you'd stop being friends. It's the same way with being friends with ourselves. I think habits and keeping promises we make to ourselves are good ways of rebuilding that relationship. Kind self-talk too. I'm always trying to remind myself to treat myself like a best friend. Would I actually say this to another human being? If not, then it's not something I should say to myself either. I love your videos! Thanks for making them.
I don't know the answers but I do know that you are a very relatable person to many people, just read the comments! I think you are going to come to a realization about things, kind of like you did today, you realized that you took care of Doug, and then wondered why was it hard to do the same for yourself. The fact that you're meditating and keeping yourself accountable (on RUclips) is not a small thing. I think you're going to gradually figure out how to love yourself. If I might make a suggestion...start by liking yourself. You're a likable person. Again, just read your comments! Thank you for sharing again, Bea.
Wow. Bea. Just. Wow. Preach, girl! We need to accept and take care of ourselves as of we were a best friend, or sibling, or...well, someone we love. For me, it's so much easier to take care of others and lift them up. I need to give myself grace and accept myself...meet myself where I am each day and go from there. We love you. Keep going, girl. 💜
I’m commenting again lol, but I like using the affirmation “I forgive myself my past mistakes” and it really helps with feeling guilt and shame then letting that guilt and shame turn into future self-doubt. It’s a tough process though, I’m also going through that rn too
Yet another AWESOME video. Going to your point about self sabotage reminded me about something a fitness instructor once told me. He said if you drive your lovely car and you catch one of the alloy wheel rims on the curb and you scratch it you DO end up REALLY pi$$ed. What you DON’T do is, you DON’T drive home grab a iron bar and smash ALL of the car’s windows because you scratched the wheel rim, that would be STUPID right? You DON’T then grab a screwdriver and use it to gouge the paint the whole way down the drivers side just because you scratched the wheel rim, no that would be RIDICULOUS wouldn’t it? You then DON’T use the screwdriver to stab all 4 of the tyres just because you scratched the wheel rim, no that would be madness wouldn’t it? In fact you don’t do any of these, you stay pi$$ed off for a little while then you arrange to get the wheel rim repaired and you move on with your day. So when we fall off the “diet” by having a piece of chocolate cake or we slip up on our exercise plan by missing one day when we should have gone to the gym WHY do we tell ourselves “ oh well there’s no point now, I’ve blown it I might as well have another 2 pieces of cake and some ice cream (and I’ll save the other piece of cake for breakfast tomorrow😉) as for the gym I missed yesterday so there’s no point WHATSOEVER going today, I might as well go the the cinema and get some sweet popcorn and a hotdog or I’ll go to the pub for a few beers” we KNOW it’s stupid and that we’re lying to ourselves, it’s EXACTLY the same as the car and the scratched wheel rim scenario. We need to just put the slip up behind us, learn from it and move on. The only time you’ve lost a battle is when you stop trying.
When you make any kind of curry heat up the spices in the beginning. Heat up some oil in the pan, put the onions in and cook them for 3 to 5 minutes (medium heat) then put the spices (Garam Masala, ...) in. Let them heat up 30 seconds long and stir so they don't get burned. Then put the other ingredients in. 💪 Good luck finding your recipe. 🦕
I swear we have to be related somehow. The struggles you have and the way you talk about them is such a direct parallel to my own life its spooky. Thank you for sharing your journey with us! Makes me feel like I am not alone with the day to day challenges I have.
One thing I learned about eating: it sends s message to your brain that there are no predators so maybe that's why it's calming. And i guess when you get calm enough you see the hope again. Idk all I know is that I go through pretty much the same thing.
Thank you for always being honest in your videos. I’ve been having panic attacks lately. Never had them until I turned 50. Surprise😳 I heard this from another podcast about addiction and I associated it to my binge eating…when you’re doing it, it is numbing you from something, some kind of pain. So when I have an urge “I ask myself, what pain are you numbing?”
Love you Bea in any form you come in..🤗 So happy watching your videos lately over n over again...But I can relate to your struggles but just keep smiling and moving forward...
I took two things from video “No one frustrates me like my” I felt it to me core, so true! And “Eventually we will all get it together” I went to the gym this morning so that’s a start🎉❤
Bea, I know you get this all the time, but thanks for keeping it so real. I laughed several times as you recited all my ponderings, my occasional self-loathing, my desires to get better at being better and it was all so relatable…right down to the constant cravings for Indian food (although I’m a less sweet more savory & spicy kind of curry girl - lol) but it all struck a cord! Right down to the end when my smiles and laughter became tears because you’re so much further ahead and just better at the ‘getting my shit together’ game. I try and try and keep floundering & failing, but you help! Thanks! Thanks a lot!!! 💙
Wish you can see you through our eyes. I remember being your age, I didn’t quite like myself either. I think for some of us, we take a little time to fully bloom. You are growing, learning and self teaching yourself many things that will definitely make you like her so much! You are simply being young, I hated waking up early and routine really wasn’t my thing. But now that I’m in my 40s, I love it! I feel strongly about who I am and how I’ve grown. You are blooming and doing it well! ❤
Thanks for this video. I am a procrastinator from way back. I make lists, goals and never accomplish because sitting my ass on the couch on my phone or watching tv seems to be more fun then the stuff I need or want to do.
I never comment on videos ever, but I’ve been watching your videos for a year now and I thinking SO much of you. I am so impressed with how you process things and move forward and you are always moving forward. You are not just doing the bare minimum. You’re doing great, I’ve always rooted for you and I’m just really proud of where you’ve come. If you feel unhappy with yourself, just know that there’s so many people who disagree and really really enjoy you and appreciate you.
Learning to care for yourself is the key and it IS harder than it seems. Great job just keep reminding yourself to have inner self talk that is kind as if you were talking to Doug or yourself as a child or a niece. I think practicing to stop the negative self talk each time it comes up and breaking that habit is critical. Just kindly remind yourself to be nicer to yourself. You deserve it ❤
One thing that might help the flavor is “blooming” your spices before mixing with the rest of the dish. To bloom you can gently heat the spice powders in a dry pan. When you smell the fragrance they are done. Or you can do the same thing with some flavorless oil as well. Just a little ie. a tablespoon or so. The oil method is safer in that dry spices can go from done to burnt in a nanosecond. The oil gives a little more wiggle room before burning 🔥. Try that and see if you can taste the difference. This is good for all styles of cooking!
Lol. Everything you said about how you take care of Doug and how you neglect yourself is EXACTLY what I am going through at the moment. I take more care of others and let myself be left behind. It really SUX. "Bea, bestie, please figure out this madness"! Lol "I need a remedy". Love ya girl ❤️🥰
You should try atomic habits on audio book, or watching a summary video here on RUclips. It helped me to get an overview before I dived into it in depth.
I got a charging station that has been really helpful for my phone, watch, pad, pod, all the things. I got a simple bamboo one from amazon and it's been a game changer for keeping my stuff not as lost and tangled. Can't wait to see the mango tiki masala recipe when it's perfected - it sounds delicious!
Hi Bea! Video idea: can you go through all your challenge videos and tell us what you remember about them, what you liked and didn't like, what you still do/use? Starting from your fasting video (which gave me the idea, i stumbled upon it :) it could also give you (and us) some inspiration and ideas for next steps
This video is so so relatable. I do everything in my power to make sure my fur baby has the best but I sabotage everything and anything that I need to do for myself. 😣 it’s so hard. Love watching your videos Bea. Keep up the good work you’re doing amazing.
I struggle with self loathing too. I didn't know this but others can sense it and it pushes them away. Something I tend to do any way since I have trouble letting people get to know me since I hate myself. See the circle? Any way, I love watching your videos you have really inspired me to try and improve myself. Thank you and good luck on your journey.
You are lovely and inspiring. It was shocking to me how much I identify with your struggle to see yourself as deserving of care - just like Dougie. I am especially kind and giving to friends, family and animals, and absolutely awful at prioritising the relatively simple things needed to maintain my physical and mental wellbeing. Like you, I'm working on it! Along those lines...Wake up, exercise, dog walk, shower, make-up, pack food and THEN start your day? I would say that everything after wake up is the beginning of your day - all of that counts! I get it that you are showing us how to get these "start-up" activities done in a timely manner (no dithering). But honestly, it may seem like just semantics, but for those of us who berate ourselves for not doing more, I think each task - no matter how small - should be acknowledged as things you accomplished that day.
Look into reprogramming your core wounds developed in childhood. They can range from 'I'm not good enough' to 'I'm not worthy' to 'I don't matter' and a whole lot of different ones, depending on what your child brain concluded when adults around you failed you (I mean, we all do, that's not to demonise anyone) and you couldn't comprehend why. It's basically all about going through your life/memories and finding examples of when the opposite of your core wound belief was true and then tying to that the emotion of how amazing that felt. Over time, through repetition, you change your belief to something positive and your subconscious won't sabotage your conscious efforts anymore. Your therapist may know more about this but there are a lot of free resources about this as well. I think you're doing amazingly, just having identified this as a problem is huge!
One thing I have found that helps so much with my ADHD is thanking my 'past self' out loud for doing something that helped present me. So like "thank you for packing the gym bag past me!" Because then I start thinking "oh future me will appreciate it if I do XYZ now instead of later"
It makes me more accountable to my future self AND makes me feel gratitude for my actions.
I love this.
Omg sooooo true. I also try to treat my future self as well as I treat friends/roommates. If I wouldn’t want my roommate to clean up my dishes in the sink, then I shouldn’t want my future self to have to do that, either!
I don't have ADHD but regardless this is great, I'm gonna start doing it! Thanks!
Same!!!
Wait. I do this! That's so funny. Adhd telethapy
"No one frustrates me like me." YES!
This was me Saturday. I wanted to clean up the living room and as soon as i started i didn't want to do the work anymore and i was so frustrated with myself but then also trying to not be too hard on myself because i would feel worse but also this is a thing that constantly happens and i would just like to get something done.
I feel this so deep, like to my bones 😂
I need that on a shirt, hoodie, and a bag.
@@ahobbs6421 I totally agree.
Yup , I so freaking frustrated with me tik 😮😢
Love your content, thank you for being willing to share your journey with all of us. You are appreciated!
That is so sweet of you
I don’t know if I’ve ever related more to a video than I did watching this! Life and especially self care and self-love can be hard to figure out sometimes, hopefully we all get there in the end and learn that even small victories are still victories!
I'm being forced to learn self-care... I had Covid at the beginning of October and, being fully vaxed and boosted, it wasn't horrible ... HOWEVER ... it did apparently exacerbate my chronic Gastritis and caused a flare-up. It's been a month and I can't eat a normal diet, I can't lose the 20 lbs I want to, I can't really work out (it seems to make the symptoms worse), and yesterday I just basically slept on and off all day.
I feel unproductive and lazy, but I have to remind myself that "it is what it is" and there's not much I can do right now to fix it.
@@SherryAnnOfTheWest hope you get better soon! But remember: sleep is productive and you are doing something to make it better, which is rest. I know how hard it can be, but giving our bodies breaks is not lazy. Lots of love!
Im a 22 year old med student, who recently got diagnosed with adhd and anxiety. No one in my close circle can relate to my struggles and i feel very lonely most of the time... But when i watch your videos i feel at peace. You're so funny and honest about yourself it does not feel like watching a video more like talking to your older sister. Thank you for being my current safe space ❤️❤️
❤I hope everything goes well. Much hugs sent
I find it very helpful to keep a little photo of my cute young self nearby at all times, I would never be as critical to that little human about struggling to make friends etc as I am with myself
It hit me hard when you shared about how if you’d like yourself more, you would take care of yourself more. I am trying to learn that i deserve care from myself too. It made me feel a little less alone today. Thank you.
If only you saw yourself the way we see you.
I’m always inspired by the way you stick at the workouts etc even when other things aren’t really going to plan as that’s the first thing to go with me.
Same! When I watch Bea start working out, I'm like: Dang, I should walk on the treadmill or do a chore while I watch this!
I relate to you so much - your content has been so super helpful for me. One thing you said recently was, you spend a lot of time dwelling in the past and looking forward to hitting goals in the future - but rarely do you sit back in the present and enjoy the journey. I have taken this with me and I'll keep repeating it until the end of time. You are the best. Thanks for everything. I wish you could see yourself as I see you.
You’re my favourite person!❤
Chicken tikka masala is Scottish - invented in the 70’s in Glasgow to westernise an Indian dish, it’s also now the most popular curry in the UK. We bloody love curry
The self-hatred is real… my psychiatrist told me one of the symptoms of binge eating disorder/ binges was the self-hatred afterwards when I was getting my diagnosis. I haven’t binged in a while (I went vegan (junk food albeit), it’s a long story, but there’s always that looming thing over my head, because I have binge eating disorder, and I have to be aware and treat myself as such (I’m a person that doesn’t look at the scale and avoids weight related content usually). Anyway, just a random stranger on the internet telling you you’re good enough and we appreciate you, no matter what.
So something my therapist taught me about is 'Time Optimism' (I was aware of time blindness but this frames it differently!) I think it's awesome that you're setting timers to avoid dawdling, but to me, as someone with ADD who absolutely hates rushing, that would be my worst nightmare. She suggested me timing myself doing things like getting ready to leave or showering over a week & then adding maybe 5-15 minutes to the average time so I'm never rushing & have always left enough time. Because I was always being like "ahh that'll take 5 minutes" when actually it would take 20 & beating myself up for being late and stressing out. If the timer helps you get quicker then awesome! But if it's stressing you out & you have the time then maybe give yourself more space 🥰
Most of all, so nice whenever you upload & as a fellow 30 y/o with ADD it is so affirming to see you go through v similar challenges and get through them. Also that Halloween costume was a few seconds of the best thing I have ever seen 😁😁😁
"You yourself, as much as anybody in the Universe, deserve your love and affection." -- We give our love so freely to others, but we're so hard on ourselves. I'm in this boat with you, sis. It's tricky!! 🦕❤
So this is my recipe (without precise measurements, I just wing it 🤣) for mango chicken curry, maybe it can give you some ideas :)
I start by frying some chicken in some oil, season it, set it aside. Fry onion and garlic in the same pan, put in a little tomato paste, some mango chutney and some curry paste, cook that for a bit. Then I add coconut milk and a fresh diced mango, and the fried chicken. And then you just let that cook until the mango kind of starts disintegrating 😄 Obviously you can season it with whatever you like and make it more or less spicy. But it always turns out great :)
LOL... girl... same. Legit JUST posted videos on procrastination and filmed one on lack of motivation that will be going up soon... because... I feel the EXACT same way. It makes no sense... I'm 2lbs away from losing 100lbs... I should be motivated like a MOFO... and yet... I'm the opposite... like I'm almost on the verge of self-destruct some days... what's up with that!?!?!? Thank you as always for being real and honest and letting us into your world. I hope you start to find your stride again soon. ❤️
awww that Bulbasaur makeup is on point ! even if you didn't like the rest of the costume (first, love the ambition ! that's a great idea) it looked cute :) Glad and proud to see you putting that hope back in !
I loved the rose glasses with it too 😂
Getting as much ready as possible for the morning the night before is the only way I'm able to function. Mornings are an absolute drag. My kid does well, but I'm a bit of a dumpster fire. My clothes, my lunch, and anything for my work bag are done the night before.
As far as organization goes, I've gotten a lot from Cass at ClutterBug. Her perspective really helped me look at organizing differently, because the world is geared toward one specific organizational type (I am NOT that type).
I've really been mulling over the concept of the "fantasy self" for the past several months. Something I've been working through is going over everything that I think I want to change about myself and ask the question, "is that what I REALLY want or is that what society/life wants from me?" I've realized that I've behaved in certain ways for other people for a very long time.
i know i keep repeating myself, but i swear: dogs teach us self love. they always mirror what we truly need. you are an empath and very self-reflective so i am certain you will learn self-love with the help of this wonderful little creature called doug. my dog did the same for me (and still does). bless their little furry hearts❤🐕
Something that really helps me get going is having an appointment early in the morning. Being accountable to someone else means I *have* to do it, and once I'm up and ready, I'm all good to keep going.
By appointment, I mean a PT session at the gym, or if I have a doctor/dentist/chiropractor/massage etc... booked I try to get it done by 9am.
Hi Bea! I recently had to put my dog down, so seeing and hearing how much you care for Doug brought on a whole other wave of emotion. You are such a great dog Mom! That in itself shows your worth. I hope you recognize it in yourself and accept the beautiful person you are.
❤ I am sorry you lost your fur baby. Sending you a big hug!
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sorry for your loss 😞
Hey Bea! A friend with ADHD uses his Alexa to organize his day and enforce his routine. You can set timers and other features that will play/execute automatically. Just a little rec. Loved the video, thanks for being you!
Bulbasaur cut away is choice editing ~
I'll say this about attention deficit meds versus au naturale: you can do both.
Unlike other meds, attention deficit meds are flexible about going on/off. If you only need focus during a work week or specific events that change up your routine (like travel), you won't mess anything up by not using them on weekends or for a couple weeks.
Sometimes being on meds reduces anxiety if the anxiety is forgetting/not doing stuff. Other times you don't want to be on it because you're already amped up and don't want extra.
It's not just about self love, but self compassion. You have compassion for others so try to apply that same mindset to yourself. I struggle with the same things and changing the mindset can be such a challenge.
“Why can’t I take care of myself the way I take care of him?” I go through the same struggle! For me, it comes back to self-worth. I realized I don’t value myself the way I value others. I’m working on doing more than the bare minimum…small steps everyday to make a bigger impact. Weirdly, I sometimes feel like my love for myself is forced and insincere. But I’m trying to take care of myself the way my mother took care of me because that always makes me feel better. Wholesome and healthy meals, compassion, and a good balance of work and rest.
When I got my dog, she saved me. I wasnt motivated to do anything at all and so depressed. But when I got her, I knew I had to get out of bed to take care of her. Animals are the best. She was my soul dog for sure.
I've struggled with severe ADHD my whole life. I finally went to a disability counselor & she said the #1 thing that I can do is to prioritize organization. The more organized we are, the easier it is to deal with the ADHD. I totally relate to your struggles. Wishing you the very best. ☺🙋♀️🙏
A couple of tips on the mango chicken masala!
1. Use ginger-garlic paste (gotta use a blender) instead of chopped garlic and ginger. Fry it in the oil and then add the powdered spices/tomato puree and chickpeas
2. Indian cooking most of the time involves "blooming" either whole or powdered spices in oil at the start of the cooking process. this mellows out and gives the curry a depth of flavour
3. You could try marinating the chickpeas/chicken in both the yoghurt and the powdered spices.
Love your videos! don't beat yourself up too much about how they don't meet your expectations/aren't good enough, it's not a reflection of who you are/your self worth.
Why are we so much harder on ourselves than anyone else? Why?! We give support, grace and acceptance to others shortcomings or slipups, yet we come down hard on ourselves? Why do WE have higher expectations for us? I wish I had the answer or the secret location for how to switch that off, but no such luck. Practice. Practice hard, practice consistently. I struggle and I know a lot of us here struggle but I am so grateful for you and your shared journey. Keep pushing forward and celebrate those wins like already charged electronics!! ❤️🙂
Like you said, the momentum. It's the same with self love. Find one thing that you love (like) about yourself (even the tiniest, silliest thing) and then build on that. Noone likes every aspect of themselves, but everyone can find at least one thing.
Hey Bea! Love you! I also have ADHD and was diagnosed at age 7. I have been on lots of different medications. Generally, people tend to do better on methylphenidate (Concerta/ritalin) or Adderall. I was a methylphenidate gal, and it helped a ton, especially in my school age years and early adulthood.
Now deep into my 30s I have managed to be prescription free for my ADHD. I do medicate with caffeine, with 2 cups of coffee a day. Well, one I am a mother to a toddler, and it helps manage my ADHD symptoms. I know you had been cutting back on caffeine due to your anxiety, but caffeine can be helpful for ADHD control.
Mantras and lists, with reminders are super helpful. For mantras it's mostly cleaning or organizing ones that help me, like "all you have to do is put the dishes in the sink, garbage in the garbage can, and put things back to where they belong, and you are done." I've seen you do lists for a while and the method of setting a timer is super helpful.
I would recommend the book "Eat that Frog" as well. It helps with my ADHD, because I get overwhelmed by life sometimes and it talks about doing the things that you have been avoiding first in your day. Or at least tackle one a day, and then whatever happens you have completed it and can move on. So, I generally make goals of doing one "frog task" a day and do it early in my day. I feel so much better after it is done and finished with. I can just move on, and it is a weight off my shoulders.
You are by far my favorite RUclipsr! Keep being you!
the fact that youre aware of whats happening to you is a great first start. i have the same pattern as well but sometimes you do have to reflect on how u grew up and seen those around you cope with their issues cuz more than likely you copped their methods whether conscious or sub. im also breaking my family's habits of turning to food for comfort or overindulging (my dad alcohol - my mom food). i struggle with both. like theres no blame it just is what it is. so maybe we DONT know all the ways we can try to switch the path of the cycle then break it. tbh it can also be about hanging with a new crowd that has heathy habits you can feed off their energy. some kind of physics law of where ur stuck but just need to lean on or borrow someone else's good energy to get yours moving. i kno easier said than done🤕we'll get there!💪🏻🤘🏼
update: law of conservation of momentum! thats what i was referring to lol had to go back a ways to hi skool to rememba😄
Watching you having to make considerable effort while dear mr Douglas beans lays there like a lump when you moved him cracked me up so badly lmao
Really love how you share your vulnerable moments on your physical/mental wellness journey, it’s a great reminder that we can’t always be perfect and that small changes can make all the difference ❤
Hey! New subscriber here. Apologies if someone in the comments has already mentioned this, but you posed the question, “How do you learn to love yourself and actually mean it?” and I want you to know that I was in the same place/headspace last year, too. But after reading Live the Best Story of Your Life by Bob Litwin, I can confidently say that I have grown (and am still growing) into the type of person who finally cares enough about myself to treat myself with the same kindness & compassion that I show to others.
If it’s something you (or anyone reading) truly want to change there is a lot of uncomfortable mindset work involved, but it’s in the uncomfortable where the most dramatic changes occur.
LIVE THE BEST STORY OF YOUR LIFE by Bob Litwin. 10/10 recommendation.
Hope you’re well, and I’m loving your channel. ❤
Bea, I felt you were on the verge of recognizing that binge eating is a form of self harm. After 35 years as an active-in recovery- active binge eater over and over again, I finally was able to connect that behavior towards punishment/self-harm. Part of the reason I realized that I could “love myself, but hate my body” is because of our culture which teaches us that our bodies are objects to manage. Like a desk. Or car. We separate “ourselves” from “our body”. We have a sense that we are a spirit or mind or consciousness who happens to have this vehicle as a body. A vehicle that is problematic and needs to be dominated. Reading the book “More than a Body” by doctors Lexie and Lindsay Kite really really helped me understand how we are taught to see ourselves as things for consumption. I suggest anyone who struggles with their body images (read: ALL WOMEN) to read their book. ❤️
I also am struggling with self love and self care. Sending love to you and hoping we both figure out how to love ourselves more.
I love your videos. I heard something recently "the most important relationship you will ever have in your life is the one you have with yourself"
I had the SAME thoughts when I first got my dog. It’s wild that’s part of the emotional support they provide
Yes, off meds is awesome! It's hard, but you are so capable. We love you. Keep going.
Hi from Bangladesh! I'd suggest you to store the Masala sauce and rice separately. That way it’s gonna taste fresher and better. Also, small tip: when you reheat rice in microwave, sprinkle a little bit of water over it.
By far the best RUclipsr ever, please never change Bea!
Love from a Scottish lass 🧡
I highly recommend the book Untethered Soul for you. I too have struggled with self hatred. It's taken a decade of work, and I don't know if I'll ever be fully rid of it, but there are different perspectives out there. This one helped me a lot. Best of luck to you. You deserve to be able to like yourself.
I feel you Bea. Working through the intrusive thoughts is literally a full-time job in itself. It took me much longer to get to a point where I genuinely thought positively about myself and actively wanted better for myself than it took to start losing weight. Giving yourself grace is hard!! But so worth it in the end. Now, even if I "fail" or fall off the wagon for a day or two, a week, etc. I don't beat myself up. I accept it, reset, and keep chuggin' forward.
I think the biggest thing with ADHD and self-employment is just procrastinating life. It was really hard for me to get into the routine and discipline needed because, well, ADHD. As you are doing, the thing that helps is habits. Except I write down my habits - nighttime, morning, lunch, daily, weekly, monthly etc. Because I don't think about it now, I just do it. But I don't think I'd always do it if I didn't have it on the kitchen bench open and staring at me. I just have to glance at the list to go do it. Love you Bea. You'll get through this journey of self-discovery and thrive.
I struggle with liking myself too. Hearing about your struggle with self-esteem is such a shame because you’re so darn likeable.. you have such good energy and bring joy to those around you but you don’t realize the value of it all the time. Regardless, I know that allowing yourself the peace of mind is easier said than done. I try to think of myself as someone else sometimes.. like how I would want a friend to treat themselves: with compassion and care.
Decision fatigue is a real thing. Setting yourself up so that some decisions are on auto pilot will be a huge help!
Know that we're all cheering you on!
I have learned that a LOT of my anxiety was tied to sleep apnea/poor sleep habits. I feel like I’m remembering you talking about potentially getting a sleep study done so maybe you’ve gone down this road but I finally was able to get a cpap machine and it took me several weeks to adjust to it and was initially more tired but I feel like a new person now and was able to tackle a lot of things that anxiety has prevented me from doing for literal years so I wanted to mention it in case it’s something you might want to pursue.
Bea I need you to know how hard that squirtle costume made me laugh. Thank you so much for that.
Also I was very recently diagnosed with ADHD and started meds last week. It has made such a difference. I take my meds every other day and still find it to be super helpful. The days that I take my meds, my working memory actually works so more things make it into my long term memory and I still benefit from that on my non med days
You have no idea how much I needed a video from you today. Thankyou for being here for us. You probably don't realise just how supportive you are. Not because you're winning at everything but because you're real and honest about your struggles and you make me feel less alone and less of a failure. Please don't ever doubt your content or yourself. You help in ways I can't even express.
Technically tikka masala is not an authentic Indian dish. It is something that was made for us westeners but pointing it out is a little pedantic. Lol..
As someone who has hated herself for many years and has a horrible habit of punishing herself, I can so relate. If you figure out how to love yourself, please tell us because I really need to know.
Wow, this was so eye opening and I laughed when you said "watch someone succeed at the bare minimum." That's going to be my new motto
So relatable 👌self frustration, procrastination and time management issues 🤦🏻♀️ thanks for brings so honest
I weirdly needed this video. As someone who struggles in very much the same ways, I've been very down on myself. Definitely need to start setting myself up for success too.
Thanks so much for sharing this! My self-hate stops me from moving forward to often, even though I know that it's counterproductive. Especially today. You're not in this alone.
I feel like you are inside my head saying all the things I’m feeling about myself.
YES!!! I struggle with just self-care, because there is so much other stuff to be doing that I can't find the motivation for ME. We're all here together. So grateful for you!
I think talking about self-compassion is a wonderful thing to work on and talk about! Not just loving yourself but being kind and understanding with yourself when life happens.
A great solution to reduce one cord are the apple watch chargers that plug directly into the outlet and the watch sits on the hard surface jutting out. It's hard to explain without attaching a picture
The very enthusiastic bye at the end always makes me smile. Thanks B! 💕
There was so many things you said I this video that hit the mail on the with me. I sometimes just uncontrollably self sabotage. All the while knows the outcome. It becomes a vicious cycle. But that moment you spoke of eventually steps in and I have to do clean up. Thanks for saying it out loud for me. Have a great week 💕
We have so much in common. I feel the same way about weighted blankets , it's a wonderful hostage situation. Thanks Bea.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Everything you feeling is normal but you get more done than you realize and at least you are aiming for something. You only fail when you stop aiming. Sometimes you will hit the bullseye and other days, you won’t even get close. You are loved just the way you are.
I set timers for myself all of the time. Especially cleaning. It's amazing what you can get done in 15 minutes if you work quickly! That and listening to good music makes otherwise mundane tasks way more bearable. Love your videos as always!
I feel you on this one. I first I just wanted to say you have FANTASTIC hair! I know what feeling when you said about reading half a book, I do that a lot, in reality I finish about 10% of the books I read, but I just stopped telling myself it was a bad thing, it’s the book’s fault not mine, and I’m ok with it. I feel like you give yourself a hard time a lot, and maybe gaslight yourself a bit too, which must make stuff extra hard. I turned myself from chaos personified (a teacher once described me as the effect of throwing a lit match into a box of fireworks) to a pretty together person by making my life as simple as possible. I don’t have ‘self-care’ sessions, I just shower and get ready, my morning routine has 5 things, toilet, teeth, dress, feed the cat, breakfast and that’s great. I also do housework with timers like you. I think we’re pretty similar in that way ❤ The time I saw you kick a laundry basket down the stairs I was convinced we were separate at birth 😂😂
lol I love the idea that it's the book's fault! I'm keeping that the next time I can't be bothered to finish a boring one! In general though, I thought Atomic Habits was boring and way too long. Mini Habit by Steven Guise is better and gets to the point in 126 pages instead of 320 pages. Also, Guise released his book before James Clear, so really Guise is the pioneer for the method.
Gurllllll….14 minutes in…you are speaking to us!!!! All of us “Bea’s” out there. It’s amazing…now that you are sharing those current thoughts…it’s like OUR truth as well. Love that you are chronicling this part of your life. Hopefully we can all help each other to make it through another day … another week. Sharing is caring! Something to live for! ❤ Everyone has their tribe!
I've been recently thinking about why I love teaching (although I left it). I have come to the conclusion that it's because it's so much easier to see the good in others and bring out the best in them than it is to do it for myself. For anyone who sees this, you're not alone.
That part about self love hit hard, exactly what i've been thinking about recently as well, Love ya Bea!!!!!!!!!!!
I know EXACTLY what ur saying! I live with self loathing all the time - I know I’m not a bad person yet I look at myself in the mirror and think yeuk and look away! I also believe that this is the thing that holds me back and I know if I could get to the bottom of this I would make REAL progress! Please keep sharing as for me, knowing I’m not the only one is a massive help!
I feel like you're on to something with the insight about self-love. Maybe habits are a way of building that self love. You have a relationship with yourself as much as you have relationships with friends or family. If your best friend neglected you or broke promises they made to you, you wouldn't like them very much, and eventually, you'd stop being friends. It's the same way with being friends with ourselves. I think habits and keeping promises we make to ourselves are good ways of rebuilding that relationship.
Kind self-talk too. I'm always trying to remind myself to treat myself like a best friend. Would I actually say this to another human being? If not, then it's not something I should say to myself either.
I love your videos! Thanks for making them.
I don't know the answers but I do know that you are a very relatable person to many people, just read the comments! I think you are going to come to a realization about things, kind of like you did today, you realized that you took care of Doug, and then wondered why was it hard to do the same for yourself. The fact that you're meditating and keeping yourself accountable (on RUclips) is not a small thing. I think you're going to gradually figure out how to love yourself. If I might make a suggestion...start by liking yourself. You're a likable person. Again, just read your comments! Thank you for sharing again, Bea.
Wow. Bea. Just. Wow.
Preach, girl! We need to accept and take care of ourselves as of we were a best friend, or sibling, or...well, someone we love. For me, it's so much easier to take care of others and lift them up.
I need to give myself grace and accept myself...meet myself where I am each day and go from there.
We love you. Keep going, girl. 💜
I’m commenting again lol, but I like using the affirmation “I forgive myself my past mistakes” and it really helps with feeling guilt and shame then letting that guilt and shame turn into future self-doubt. It’s a tough process though, I’m also going through that rn too
Because of you I joined betterhelp and it was the best decision I made. Thank you.
Girl you are singing MY song!!! Here’s to a new journey for both of us!!!
Yet another AWESOME video. Going to your point about self sabotage reminded me about something a fitness instructor once told me. He said if you drive your lovely car and you catch one of the alloy wheel rims on the curb and you scratch it you DO end up REALLY pi$$ed.
What you DON’T do is, you DON’T drive home grab a iron bar and smash ALL of the car’s windows because you scratched the wheel rim, that would be STUPID right?
You DON’T then grab a screwdriver and use it to gouge the paint the whole way down the drivers side just because you scratched the wheel rim, no that would be RIDICULOUS wouldn’t it?
You then DON’T use the screwdriver to stab all 4 of the tyres just because you scratched the wheel rim, no that would be madness wouldn’t it?
In fact you don’t do any of these, you stay pi$$ed off for a little while then you arrange to get the wheel rim repaired and you move on with your day.
So when we fall off the “diet” by having a piece of chocolate cake or we slip up on our exercise plan by missing one day when we should have gone to the gym WHY do we tell ourselves “ oh well there’s no point now, I’ve blown it I might as well have another 2 pieces of cake and some ice cream (and I’ll save the other piece of cake for breakfast tomorrow😉) as for the gym I missed yesterday so there’s no point WHATSOEVER going today, I might as well go the the cinema and get some sweet popcorn and a hotdog or I’ll go to the pub for a few beers” we KNOW it’s stupid and that we’re lying to ourselves, it’s EXACTLY the same as the car and the scratched wheel rim scenario. We need to just put the slip up behind us, learn from it and move on. The only time you’ve lost a battle is when you stop trying.
When you make any kind of curry heat up the spices in the beginning. Heat up some oil in the pan, put the onions in and cook them for 3 to 5 minutes (medium heat) then put the spices (Garam Masala, ...) in. Let them heat up 30 seconds long and stir so they don't get burned. Then put the other ingredients in. 💪 Good luck finding your recipe. 🦕
I swear we have to be related somehow. The struggles you have and the way you talk about them is such a direct parallel to my own life its spooky. Thank you for sharing your journey with us! Makes me feel like I am not alone with the day to day challenges I have.
One thing I learned about eating: it sends s message to your brain that there are no predators so maybe that's why it's calming. And i guess when you get calm enough you see the hope again. Idk all I know is that I go through pretty much the same thing.
Thank you for always being honest in your videos. I’ve been having panic attacks lately. Never had them until I turned 50. Surprise😳 I heard this from another podcast about addiction and I associated it to my binge eating…when you’re doing it, it is numbing you from something, some kind of pain. So when I have an urge “I ask myself, what pain are you numbing?”
Love you Bea in any form you come in..🤗 So happy watching your videos lately over n over again...But I can relate to your struggles but just keep smiling and moving forward...
I took two things from video “No one frustrates me like my” I felt it to me core, so true! And “Eventually we will all get it together” I went to the gym this morning so that’s a start🎉❤
What I’m trying to say is that I see doing the least is being time efficient, and that’s the goal for me. We are champions 🎉 love you 💚💛
You have been the MOST relatable person I have ever had the pleasure of watching. THANK YOU for saying all the things I already feel.
I think it is more about consistency than motivation-motivation is fleeting but if you can be consistent I think that is the key :)
Bea, I know you get this all the time, but thanks for keeping it so real. I laughed several times as you recited all my ponderings, my occasional self-loathing, my desires to get better at being better and it was all so relatable…right down to the constant cravings for Indian food (although I’m a less sweet more savory & spicy kind of curry girl - lol) but it all struck a cord! Right down to the end when my smiles and laughter became tears because you’re so much further ahead and just better at the ‘getting my shit together’ game. I try and try and keep floundering & failing, but you help! Thanks! Thanks a lot!!! 💙
You are so lovable! I always know that watching you and Doug navigate your world will put a smile on my face.
Wish you can see you through our eyes. I remember being your age, I didn’t quite like myself either. I think for some of us, we take a little time to fully bloom. You are growing, learning and self teaching yourself many things that will definitely make you like her so much! You are simply being young, I hated waking up early and routine really wasn’t my thing. But now that I’m in my 40s, I love it! I feel strongly about who I am and how I’ve grown. You are blooming and doing it well! ❤
Thanks for this video. I am a procrastinator from way back. I make lists, goals and never accomplish because sitting my ass on the couch on my phone or watching tv seems to be more fun then the stuff I need or want to do.
I never comment on videos ever, but I’ve been watching your videos for a year now and I thinking SO much of you.
I am so impressed with how you process things and move forward and you are always moving forward. You are not just doing the bare minimum. You’re doing great, I’ve always rooted for you and I’m just really proud of where you’ve come. If you feel unhappy with yourself, just know that there’s so many people who disagree and really really enjoy you and appreciate you.
Learning to care for yourself is the key and it IS harder than it seems. Great job just keep reminding yourself to have inner self talk that is kind as if you were talking to Doug or yourself as a child or a niece. I think practicing to stop the negative self talk each time it comes up and breaking that habit is critical. Just kindly remind yourself to be nicer to yourself. You deserve it ❤
One thing that might help the flavor is “blooming” your spices before mixing with the rest of the dish. To bloom you can gently heat the spice powders in a dry pan. When you smell the fragrance they are done. Or you can do the same thing with some flavorless oil as well. Just a little ie. a tablespoon or so. The oil method is safer in that dry spices can go from done to burnt in a nanosecond. The oil gives a little more wiggle room before burning 🔥. Try that and see if you can taste the difference. This is good for all styles of cooking!
I relate to all of this so hard!!!
the part about feeling defeated after a monotonous morning routine (with some doddling) really resonated
Lol. Everything you said about how you take care of Doug and how you neglect yourself is EXACTLY what I am going through at the moment. I take more care of others and let myself be left behind. It really SUX. "Bea, bestie, please figure out this madness"! Lol "I need a remedy". Love ya girl ❤️🥰
You should try atomic habits on audio book, or watching a summary video here on RUclips. It helped me to get an overview before I dived into it in depth.
I got a charging station that has been really helpful for my phone, watch, pad, pod, all the things. I got a simple bamboo one from amazon and it's been a game changer for keeping my stuff not as lost and tangled. Can't wait to see the mango tiki masala recipe when it's perfected - it sounds delicious!
Hi Bea! Video idea: can you go through all your challenge videos and tell us what you remember about them, what you liked and didn't like, what you still do/use? Starting from your fasting video (which gave me the idea, i stumbled upon it :) it could also give you (and us) some inspiration and ideas for next steps
This video is so so relatable. I do everything in my power to make sure my fur baby has the best but I sabotage everything and anything that I need to do for myself. 😣 it’s so hard. Love watching your videos Bea. Keep up the good work you’re doing amazing.
I struggle with self loathing too. I didn't know this but others can sense it and it pushes them away. Something I tend to do any way since I have trouble letting people get to know me since I hate myself. See the circle? Any way, I love watching your videos you have really inspired me to try and improve myself. Thank you and good luck on your journey.
I related so hard with the line "No one frustrates me like me". Truer words have not been spoken!
You are lovely and inspiring. It was shocking to me how much I identify with your struggle to see yourself as deserving of care - just like Dougie. I am especially kind and giving to friends, family and animals, and absolutely awful at prioritising the relatively simple things needed to maintain my physical and mental wellbeing. Like you, I'm working on it! Along those lines...Wake up, exercise, dog walk, shower, make-up, pack food and THEN start your day? I would say that everything after wake up is the beginning of your day - all of that counts! I get it that you are showing us how to get these "start-up" activities done in a timely manner (no dithering). But honestly, it may seem like just semantics, but for those of us who berate ourselves for not doing more, I think each task - no matter how small - should be acknowledged as things you accomplished that day.
I was thinking the same thing - OMG if I did all of those things, that would probably be almost half of my whole day.
Look into reprogramming your core wounds developed in childhood. They can range from 'I'm not good enough' to 'I'm not worthy' to 'I don't matter' and a whole lot of different ones, depending on what your child brain concluded when adults around you failed you (I mean, we all do, that's not to demonise anyone) and you couldn't comprehend why. It's basically all about going through your life/memories and finding examples of when the opposite of your core wound belief was true and then tying to that the emotion of how amazing that felt. Over time, through repetition, you change your belief to something positive and your subconscious won't sabotage your conscious efforts anymore. Your therapist may know more about this but there are a lot of free resources about this as well. I think you're doing amazingly, just having identified this as a problem is huge!