Shit People Say to People With Disabilities
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- Опубликовано: 2 фев 2012
- How did this video make you feel? Did we get it right? What quotes did we miss? We look forward to your comments!
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The Push Project asked some friends of friends with disabilities (specifically, people who use wheelchairs and other mobility devices to get around) to share some things they'd heard. We recorded ourselves and some friends to share these quotes with the world.
You go out with friends or family to a restaurant and the waitress asks the person your with..... " and what will he/she have?!" I've had this way too many times over the years. Best reply: " why don't you ask HIM/HER??"
I always say "talk to me not to them," I always get a rude look afterwards but so what.
I had an usher ask the lady next to me at my own college commencement ceremony if I needed any assistance. This shenanigans happens all the time.
JAY COLLINS Oh a waitress did this when I was out with my husband. I asked him what she said and told him what to tell her. Then, while she was still taking orders, I asked him if I had to go back to the home afterward. I'm married to Mr. Poker face, who came off totally serious. Poor lady. We did leave her a nice big tip.
I really only get agitated about this when I've met someone before and they CONTINUE to look AROUND me at whoever I'm with and talk over me.
Most waiters are nice and get embarrassed after realizing I'm not disabled in that way...
But some ppl just love to cause issues.
They quickly learn I have fangs when it comes to ppl trying to walk over me.
Let's not forget "but you don't look disabled!" Mental illnesses exist too.
Also, people are like "oh, I get sad too" for my depression and "I get nervous too" for my anxiety. Thanks, neurotypicals.
Ally Aces i have ADHD and other things i dont wnat. To share
8
Thank you people can't see inside you stupid fuc*s I have mental, kidney,and eye disease. Look normal tho😎 it's like buying a newer used car looks nice but the engine is not perfect duhhhhh people. Sad people don't know about disabilities various forms of it. Be human have a heart like wtf be glad you don't have to put up with the s*** I do and others do. Sup my disabled peeps much love stay strong😎
Neurotypicals aren't the sharpest knives in the box.😁
Another one: "But you look normal"
Response (which I got from a friend): "What is normal?"
@@sharonjensen3016 Excellent question. There are some painful disabilities that cycle like mine did. They would never have said that to me if they'd have seen me and heard me puking for 4 days during one of my frequent migraines. And it takes a lot of time to recover from those things. I run to abort them if I haven't started puking yet - so when I'm out there running, they probably think everything is fine with me when it's not. They have no idea. The back problem doesn't show all the time either, but my PT can tell when I'm out of whack.
The best one I ever had was when a complete stranger saw me in my wheeelchair and said: "See you in heaven buddy, cos that's where you're going."
You couldn't make it up!
Malcolm Porteous I've been under the impression since First School that Heaven wouldn't accept us because we're not perfect. God didn't bother to fix us, so....
@@Roadent1241some religions believe disabled people ( no matter the disability ) get an automatic free ticket to heaven
@@andreasanchez1453 Well, no thanks. That's where all the 'good people who prayed away their weekly evil sins' go. I'm not going will bullies again.
Yup, 100% accurate. Don't forget the classic, "But you're too young to be disabled." 🤦♀️
WTF?????
"Why do you walk like that sometimes?" "Why are you so slow walking down the stairs?" "Stop being so picky " "it's not that big of a deal"
I've known two types of ableists: bullies and well-meaning people who think they're "helping" by giving backhanded compliments.
"Why can't you just force yourself to do things like normal people?", "I don't understand why you can't work normally", "It's just in your head"...
Hear that.
Emily Willen I've yet to mee anyone who's "normal."
Emily Willen When I had to start using a wheelchair I was told I was just "giving in" to my disability.
I hear the you're such an inspiration comments all the time it makes me uncomfortable. I am just trying to live my life and I hate how the average person thinks how every time we spit it is extraordinary.
***** For me, the worst part is just being stared at because I have spina bifida and get around with a scooter. I'm okay with people asking questions or whatever, but it's SO uncomfortable if they just stare at me. And I agree that it's awkward when people say "You're inspiring!". I never know what to say to that. I'm just like, "Uh...thanks, I think..." lol
I wish normals would stick to "Hello" and "Good morning". That's preferable.
I've heard something like 80% of these in the two years I've been in a wheelchair. Most of the time I resist the urge to run over their toes. Most of the time.
"I would die if I had what you have".
Old lady bent over and in my face "well don't you have a lovely smile"
Old mad randomly put his hands around my face saying "bless you"
People randomly taking control of my chair
Coming up to me and pressing the horn button on my chair
"Can I have a ride if I stand on the back"
"Can I have a go"
"How fast does it go"
"You don't need that chair I saw you stand when you moved to the sofa bed etc"
"Yes the course is accessible the building has ramps. You will need to stand for a long time to do practicals though"
"Here let me help you" ( despite saying I don't need help)
"I wish I could have powered wheels to get me around"
The list goes on
TheHCDiaries don't forget " if i were you, i would kill myself" yes, people say that to me lol
Same here
This video is fantastic!!! As a Trainer, I would like to have a follow-up video about what people should say. I work with people with disabilities. I also work with managers and supervisors who have employees with disabilities. Please make a video about what they should do! Thanks! -Michelle
What they should do is treat everyone with respect, whether they have a disability or not. If it's not a question you would think appropriate for someone to ask you, don't ask it of anybody.
Being in a wheelchair myself, I've learned, for the most part, to just brush it off BECAUSE there are actually ignorant people like this out there!!!
"I could never do what you do." I say, "Oh you got that right! so don't feel sorry for me."
I'd say: "Really? But you're normal! Or you're supposed to be."
So much truth. As a blind female, my favorite one is when a guy says "You must have a good sense of touch and romance."
Response? "You must be lost."
Been there when I was in a wheelchair. My sarcastic favorite was when the church I was attending told me I couldn't park anywhere in their football-sized auditorium because my chair was a fire hazzard. No, it didn't burst into flames. . .
OMG so accurate but the one I absolutely cannot STAND is the one where people tell diabetics they did it to themselves with sugar GAAAHHHH someone said it the other day and I was trying not to LOOSE IT
I don't believe being diabetic is a disability honestly.
The one I hate hearing is" God will fix you if you pray for it" It's almost as if to say" why fucking accept you when we can heal you. " why do people try to fix what isn't broken.
Go girl!
Thank you
Right
Aiyanna Martinez I am a devout Christian and I'd like to apologize on behalf of ignorant believers who say these terrible things. I hear them too and I ask them, "Oh, is there something wrong with me?" That generally ends the conversation. You are right. Some of them are doing it out of pity or they're just plain uncomfortable and they do indeed want to fix you and in many cases, it's for their own glory, NOT God's glory. You don't have to put up with it. The Bible says that there are no disabilities, that we are all of equal value in God's sight. I know you posted this a long time ago, but I wanted you to know that there are Christians who aren't like these people and would truly accept you, no strings attached, nu ulterior motives. I tell people who do this that they are driving people with disabilities out of their church and away from faith.
"Everybody gets tired sometimes"
"You should just follow this diet"
"You would feel better if you worked out more"
"You should get an exorcism"
And that's just to me personally....
The diet one always gets me.
The freaking diet ones 😑 I am still most recommend freaking teas of all things. Oh guys you fixed it! My doctor couldn't but I'm sure all your tea will
An exorcism? Really? Who the flip told you that one?! I honestly don't understand able-bodied neurotypical people, all the ridiculous things they say.
Honestly, have these people got nothing better to do than comment on those who are different to them? They need to get a life.
I get this all the time - try this, try that, yada, yada, yada, usually has something to do with fragrances, which I can't stand, or a food that will set off IBS-d. After nearly 60 years I've tried everything, and I'm not trying any more magical cures. I'm done.
Yeap I heard it all and don't mention the staring. The little kids saying mom, mom whats wrong with her and mom saying shh don't look. The Discrimination. I've been through all of it but one thing I know is how to defend myself and didn't let none of that stop me to live a normal happy life. Happily married for 27 yrs. 2 Kids and 1 beautiful granddaughter. I showed them lol
Oh man, this video made me laugh so hard! I've heard almost all of these, but surprisingly not the "can you have sex?" question. I'm still waiting for that to happen though. Can't tell you how many times I've heard, 'You are such an inspiration" from out of the blue.
I've been asked if I can have sex. The first time I remember being asked I was 16, and couldn't think of a response because I don't like talking to people, especially ones I don't know. I eventually just stopped caring and now respond with "Why? Interested?" That usually shuts them up.
Erin C When people tell me I'm an inspiration, I tell them that they should have seen me this morning and that I don't want that kind of responsibility.
I I like that. I think I'm going to start using it. :)
The best one I ever got was "I know you're going to be okay, because I have a three legged cat and he gets around just fine."
Omg I get the "but you're so pretty" one all the time! Also "but you're so young."
Why is it that only people in wheel chairs are represented here. There are so many other types of handicapping conditions.
+Jessie Fox it definitely would be nice to have some other mobility aids represented in this video, like canes or braces
for sure!!!!
Actaully, some of them are applied toward others.
don't say that mental illness are worse than physical illness unless you have both and are only talking about your own experience. you don't know people's lives.
***** I'm borderline neurotypical and Aspergers and I was never diagnosed as a kid. I didn't get my initial diagnosis until I was older than 30. As a kid I was looked at as the brain because I always had an answer for everything. My nick names included "Ariel" from the Thundarr The barbarian cartoon because she knew everything from reading all the books in her stepfather's library and she would flaunt her knowledge whether anybody wanted to hear it or not and Daria because well she's Daria. But I wonder if upon meeting me if people would know I'm an Aspie because I have never bothered to ask.
As a "disabled" person myself, I actually take it as a compliment when people tell me I'm an inspiration (they are usually very sincere about it). Other than that, yeah, most of the quotes display a frightening amount of ignorance toward the disabled. Great video!
Humans lacking emotional intelligence in the form of empathy is definitely diagnosable as an example of disability; sympathy, however is not required.
I hate it when people ask others what I need or whatever it makes me so mad and sad because I want to be treated like everyone else instead of differently !
I swear my mother would make excuses for me not to go out to lunch with her and my siblings when they would visit. We had apartments in the same building, and I'd see them come and go and hear about it later, too. Really painful. She'd ask later what I'd have eaten (I have a digestive disorder) and she said "oh yeah, that's what so and so had." - But why leave me out then? It was painful my own mother never asked me. In my late 60's now, and I'm over it, but the memory doesn't go away, which I'm grateful for -I look at it like a lesson. I hope it keeps me from being a jerk to someone else.
I have autism nobody gives a freak except my school they put me in a special-ed class those darn people I have to explain where I was during homeroom to my whole class that are my friends
***** note to self go back in time to be a teacher at one of those disability schools
As a person with disabilities I have heard all those comments before.
What do you wish people would say instead of that stuff?
MichelleMotivateMe
Usually, treating people with disabilities like they're people helps. Don't assume they're mentally deficient, don't ask them rude questions, and DON'T act like you know what it's like to have a physical disability when you don't.
*****
thank you for giving me that feedback. As a Trainer when you focus on what you should NOT do, participants will ask, "What should I do INSTEAD?" So, for example when people talk about their experiences and act like they know what it's like to have a physical disability when they really don't know (Example: "I know what you're going through because I broke my leg once and it was difficult)... what should they do? What should they talk about instead?
***** I totally agree with you. Not only to I have a disability, I have a speech impediment as well. When I first start talking to people I don't know they start talking to me like I am mentally slow.
MichelleMotivateMe
Hmm... well, don't ask about the disability itself unless they bring it up or it becomes relevant to the conversation (or you become good friends). If you do want to ask something, be respectful and comply if they say they don't want to talk about it, etc. If someone is in a wheelchair, don't touch the wheelchair, or push it, without permission; the wheelchair is like a part of themselves, so it's basically violating their personal space and is EXCEPTIONALLY rude.
For any/all disabilities: Be as kind and polite as you would be to anyone else. Treat them the way you treat other non-disabled people. If the disability is physical and they seem to need assistance, however, they might appreciate an offer of help, as long as you're respectful when you ask, and accept it if they say no. If they have had different life experiences because of their disability, don't tell them they're wrong, their feelings are "stupid", or other such nonsense. Instead, listen to them, and accept that this is their experience, and they know their own life best. It really comes down to having an open, non-judgmental mind, and basic human kindness and respect.
A stupid girl once asked a friend of mine if he could have sex. (He's a wheelchair user.) He replied "keep drinking love, you'll find out!"
Good response. Wonder if it shut her up.
In elementary school, me and my friends would have drag races in the halls. In our school the fifth grade were all like hall monitors, our position being"Front Door" we had nothing to do. I would use my wheelchair, they would borrow my old one. We'd go until the librarian yelled at us
Love this video, so funny, heard 95% of the things in this video said to me!
My least favorite one to hear: "But it could always be worse!"
I do agree, we hear this stuff all the time. But sometimes I don't blame people for not knowing what to say... to an EXTENT lol.
I'd feel like saying: "Yeah, it could be worse. I could be like you!"
Thank you for the video
I gotta admit sometimes I get annoyed being asked these questions over and over mostly by older people but other times I'm just okay with it
BTW- love this video...its right on point.
"You're so lucky to get such a great parking spot!"
One of my client's friends went to visit her at her house on a Saturday afternoon and wanted to go out. My client was in bed getting some rest (she has MS, so she feels tired more easily). The guy said to her: 'Get up. Don't be lazy!'
I guess she never explained that to him, ignorant man!
"Stop stomping your feet."
"Why are your hands shaking?"
"Can you stop fidgeting?"
"Why do you move so weirdly?"
A few that I get. At this point I don't even get mad about it, I've learned to either answer honestly or ignore them.
Pretty accurate. (I'm not in a wheelchair, but I have mild Cerebral Palsy, and I bit of a limp). I've been asked "are you drunk today?" "why do you limp/walk like that?" "are you in pain?"
I find these hilarious. I've seen people say these things to me and I typically just get awkward and laugh at them.
I've done that too. Now I'm at that age where I don't care what people think and I've started to bite back. Not nice, I know, but they should put a lid on it and keep their pointless comments to themselves. Bloody nosy parkers.
The "can you have sex" thing is not exaggerated here. That's what EVERYONE wants to know. I'm not in a wheelchair (not yet anyway...) but yeah, it seems so fucking fascinating to people for some reason whether I can function sexually or not.
Yep I'm paralyzed I know that struggle. And holy crap I'm only 16!!!
Answer: "None of your damn business."
I love this. Hope they make one for parents that have a child with disabilities. I have some good common comments made to me about my son.
When strangers approach you public and start praying over you
my boyfriend is disabled and this shit is so accurate to what we face on a daily basis. when we are out together, people ALWAYS ask me if he is my son or my brother because of course an abled bodied, relatively good looking, young woman like me couldn't possibly be dating someone in a wheelchair. when i tell them that we are dating they assume that it is because i feel sorry for him. so stupid.
100% dead on, I'd be a rich man if I got a nickel every time I've heard that shit.
i have aspergers syndrome, one time I was at a Walmart, where I am known, I was ordering my usual diet coke. the people there know I do not do eye contact, well this jerk next to me asked me if I was blind and I said no I am autistic and he said " oh there's a difference" it hurt my feelings
thanks it means a lot to me
moltres234 i'm sorry about the cursing.....i just take stuff like that really personally and think it's just absolutely disgusting
I wish I could give you a big hug and thanks for understanding how I felt
hug
moltres234 *hug*
"but you're so high functioning" no, I'm not.
I have definitely gotten everyone of these. The DUI one I get all the time when I'm out at the bars. Or they're always "amazed and think it is so awesome" that I go out "just like everybody else."
This is great
This is really well done. I have received all these comments. It made me laugh because when you hear them said all together like this it is just so laughable.
Heard every single one of these, urks me to no end! XD
I work with people who have disabilities and hear these things all the time. It sucks for me, so I can only imagine what it means to my clients/supported people.
"But have you tried just drinking more milk?"
Mapple Heart oh my god people say that to you? Wtf
You're so strong... 😂
That one I don't mind so much. Or being called "tough". Because I've had to be. No other choice.
Hi all i have physical disabilities and mental health issues + so does my boyfriend and i constantly get asked "how did u even manage to fall in love" and "does anyone even like you" which really hurts my feelings. A bit of respect, less arrogance and less staring would make my life a lot better. All those people who bully those with disabilities had better watch out!
Here is one I heard recently at a convention. And it was in a sarcastic voice. "Let her cut in front, She's handicapped."
Person who did it was one of the volunteers who worked as 'elevator elves'.
At the convention for the elevators, folks who are physically disabled are allowed normally to get in front of the line. Since it is during the event at times extremely long.
Thing is, it was me she was being a a**%@(e about.
I've heard it all too. A paratransit driver once asked me 1. if we were adopted ( I hv a twin who also has cp and a younger brother with down syndrome )2. if my parents ran a group home 3. if my brothers and I were married. ...to EACH OTHER. 4. If I cld read ( I had a book at the time).
Greetings, fellow cripples! As a spastic quadriplegic (cerebral palsy) I've dealt with this stuff all my life, as well. It seems that some of you are a little bitter, though. Are people ignorant? Sure. Do I "inspire" people? Damn right, I do. That's the point. People need to be taught about us, BY us. they won't understand our issues unless we show what we go through. Be cool with it.
One of my "favorites" is, "You have children??? But... you're in a WHEELCHAIR!!"
OMG! this is dead on. i've heard these all. people are so rude. the ignorance has to stop! while i'm glad you made this movie, real people with disabilities should've been used. i'm keeping this video to show my mom who keeps hounding me to date. This video is a big reason why i can't bring myself to date.
The worst one is the "I was going to abort my baby who had your condition" holy fuck!
I had a learning disability when I was in school and I was subjected to horrible abuse by other students and teachers in a time no-one understood or cared in a primitive education system
I'm a double above-knee amputee in a wheelchair, and the most-used question I get is from kids asking, "Do you have legs?" Well, ask a silly question . . . I tell them, "Yes. I keep them in my closet." (I'm not lying to kids, I actually have an old pair of prosthetics in my closet!)
It is pretty amazing what people will say. My daughter says she is asked awkward questions all the time. Sad.
I have gotten all of theses except for the last one lol thanks for ths
LMAO oh man this is so true!!!!!! I love the one where their like "oh my grandmother uses a wheelchair so I know exactly how you feel" lmao!! and the ankle one ahahaha I get all these lol awesome video
I've gotten all of those except maybe the last one
yeah so true. Even today one of the volunteers at this uni forum was like "That guy is deaf and blind! It's so not fair!"
As a disabled individual (yes, the screen name is sardonic humor), I can honestly say this is dead on accurate. The trick to responding to all of these is being quick-witted and snarky. It throws everyone off their game.
Quick witted would be great. Snarky might not be helpful - give them the benefit of the doubt - grace can go a long way to getting them to understand.
I bet when some idiot says "oh, you work? Oh, how nice," you must be dying to say, "no I'd rather do sod-all, but rather annoyingly the bills don't pay themselves."
at school a girl asked me why I wasn't at a special school. I was like. are you saying that my place of education depends on my disability. I'm now at college doing a course that is an equivalent to an a level
Once a teacher asked me why I didn't switch to the mentally ill kids school. I got accepted to one of the best high schools in the town and I specialized in Biology. Sure, I need that school. That school does not even give you GCSE (not what it's called in my country, but about to the same level).
Watch out! You'll get a speeding ticket.
Now THAT's the way to travel!
and my least favorite:
That's so lame! As if not being able to walk is the worst possible thing imaginable. Let's banish this term from our society.
My uncouth and never stated comeback: Yes, I'm lame, but you are stupid. I can get around in a wheelchair. . . (derived from a Winston Churchill quote)
Sometimes I'll intentionally TMI people when they ask me if I can have sex.
JerrBear81 I think I'd just tell them I didn't want to know why they're asking.
Shelley Magnussen If I did that all of the time, there'd be no entertaining deer-in-headlights looks.
I don't know why people get surprised that they work. Some of them are one of the best workers I've met. It makes me forget that they have a disability.
TheHRchannel My personal "favorite," "I know just how you feel. I can't even drive without my glasses." I'm thinking, "Leave them off for six weeks, then tell me how I feel."
"You work? Oh, how nice!" Just......what?
Omg the last one. I think if I heard someone say that to someone in a wheelchair I would genuinely punch them. How rude.
Some guy actually asked me If I worked and I said to him "oh yeah I have a job.' and he responded "No do you "work" and his eyes went directly to my mid section and I just looked at him with AHH and walked away.
-"Do you like lap dances? Can I give you one?"
-(to 2 ppl in chairs or someone temporarily in a wheelchair) "Are y'all racing?" or "Wanna race?"
-"You better slow down. You're breaking the speed limit"
-"You should get spinners/rims on that thing"
-"I'm gonna get you a horn"
-"What kind of van do you drive?"
-"Can you do wheelies in that thing?"
-"Don't run over me/my toes"
It just shows all people even with disabilities have attitudes too.
excellent peoplea are amazing
I think a lot of people are afraid of offending us, and in being afraid they lose their heads and come off awkward and cringy. Others just don't get it. I have heard it so long it does USUALLY bother me anymore.
i always hear.....your fine.
" Oh! you are so lucky ....they don't force you to attend assembly or the school functions. " Lucky,eh?
AND
"You are too beautiful to be differently abled."
My best friend has a wheelchair, we race all the time, and its usually her idea! Its different when you are close I guess.
Sounds like she's trying to make you comfortable about it. 🙂
My daughter is 25 years old and has a traumatic brain injury and I tell people please talk to her like she can understand every word you say... and they inevitbaly ask.. "Why?" and I say... Because she can.... She does not speak but she does listen and understand..
When she got a new communication aid a well experienced member of staff at her day program commented. "Oh wow a new toy!" I just died a little inside!
It is always a good rule to "presume competence and capacity!"
I have a disabled friend, but we've been friends for so long that sometimes I forget she's disabled. Then she complains to me about how she thinks she'll never find love and it's hard to forget.
And on a bad day, "I'm only trying to help you." with varying levels of anger (this I've never understood)
The only good thing about that is they were talking to the person. I've seen so many people ask the wheel chair pusher the question which is even more demeaning to the person in the chair. eg ''Would they like an Ice cream'' not ''would you like an Ice Cream''. Great to see videos raising awareness but we all have a long way to go unfortunately.The other annoyance is what I call the daft voice. For some inexplicable reason i often hear people talking to people with disabilities in a voice they would use to a toddler, mind you I don't know why they talk to toddlers like that either.
I think I've had every one of those quotes said to me a bazillion times - the one that I laugh at the most though is the one time I was going to a football game, the guy at the gate told me "no dear, cripples get in for half price" lol To be fair, I wasn't offended, he was an elderly guy and was trying to be nice.
"My grandma is in a wheelchair too, so I understand."
@ericou812 Yep. I get those, lol. My running joke is "pimp my wheelchair" because everyone asks why I don't have an electric wheelchair, or why it doesn't have big tires or snow tires or chains on the tires...
I was going to comment on the lack of captions - makes it really hard for us deaf to "hear" - also - it should have been called 'shit people say to wheelchair users' to be more correct - there is just too much in the way of each and every individual disability to be clumped together!
But I loved it and I'm running it on my blog this week. Good job!
Yea I had a cast on one time and people used to ask me stupid questions so I completely understand how this is annoying.
You forgot "I'm going to give you a speeding ticket" lol. I get that a lot
People say and do stupid things when they are uncomfortable, be cool and educate them
"can I push you"
"no"
"it's okay I'll push you"
I am disabled, i have heard most if not all of these coments in some form, made me laugh!
One of the most annoying comments I get is this question: do you need help? And are you okay? I have also had people randomly pitch in and pay for my meal, coffee, drink, etc
I have herd most of these
I had a an able bodied man ask me at Starbucks if he could use the handicap table I was at because he needed the extra space for something he was working on and said he was willing to help push me over to a different table