Ep. 36 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
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- Опубликовано: 15 окт 2024
- Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer start off this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave by discussing why they would make a good couple, and Bert pitches a new show idea. They give Nikki Glaser a call to run the idea by her. Bert also reveals how much Kool-Aid he consumes in a day. The bears also taste test various sodas, talk about their favorite sneakers, and explore new religions.
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Bort: "If you're a grown man and you eat ice cream, you've lost control of your life."
Also Brent: "I've been drinking a gallon of Kool-Aid a day."
Exactly what I was thinking lol
Hello diabeetus
...when he also mentioned he "went for ice cream with his daughters and drank 3 beers" when he was *sober* like 4-5 podcasts ago lol
S.W. Rutledge but it’s low calorie so it’s better. I mean, look at the Vitamin C!
Segura laughing that hard made me actually cry tears of laughter for a minute or so
Bert: “Losing weight is hard”
Also Bert: “I start my day with half a gallon of Kool-Aid”
"I'm running so much but I'm not losing any weight"
Proceeds to drink a gallon of Kool aide a day
this explains so much
It all makes sense now lmaoo
"I try to drink two every day"
@@magik5043 "I try to drink two every day"
Bert: “I don’t eat ice cream because I’m a f*cking grown man” *takes sip of 64oz kool-aid*
LMFAO GOOD POINT LOL
This shit is awesome
Now we know where that gut comes from.
Bahahahahaha 100%
Instantly what I thought lol
The funniest thing to me is that, that jug has probably been sitting there in a lot of other episodes and nobody knew it was kool-aid.
He already told Tom about it in a previous episode. That's why I feel like this was set up
@Damon Driver I'd like to think that, but the more I watch the show the more I feel like there are scripted moments
Rite
Um rich banks if that's not the hardest he has ever laughed in his life its close to it, he laughed so much it was an intense workout you cannot fake that
3mins of laughing xD im crying
Bert in Ep. 35: "Ice cream? I'm not a child"
Bert in Ep. 36: Drinking a Hydroflask growler full of Kool-Aid
👏 👏 👏
I thought the exact same thing. Hes such a Tiktok.
And then they said let's not be funny and talk about shoes
2 of them....
@@jasonderos637m
The kool-aid laugh is the most genuine friendship moment and it's so funny
Francis Celardo his mind can’t take the disbelief lol
What kind is it?
-red
I love that it's like Tom is part of the internet's joke that Bert is an idiot 😂
The Kool Aid reveal is the hardest I've laughed in 2020.
definitely one of the best podcast moments ever
#koolaidreveal
dude same. i figured he was checking it for booze at first, then realizing it was just kool aid was so damn funny
Same! Omg I had to pause it to relax
I was sitting at my desk shaking trying not to laugh. My coworkers probably thought I was having a seizure.
This whole podcast and their relationship in general is like Bert is Toms dog that can talk, and Tom just got home.
What a brilliant comment
I applaud you for this comment it is perfect
this needs to be animated
I mean the show is called wilfred...
You’re my new favorite person
I don't think Tom has laughed harder than this on any occasion before. this is pure gold
I was hearing new types of undiscovered noises from those two 🤣
Right! It was almost a let down when he said it was low calorie Kool-Aid 😂
Davis Horowitz yea, that’s prolly just what bort tells himself to feel better
We need to start wearing koolaid shirts to Bert’s shows!!!
“People say good for that guy for drinking so much water. Turns out it’s a 64oz jug of red koolaid” that shit is the funniest thing I have heard and I had to replay it 9 times!lol
that guy always laughing in the backround is my fav parts of the show lol
I agree. He is openly mocking The (damaged) Machine through laughter!
Panda Pizzle good ol nadav he’s the best laugh track for this show lol
I was gonna comment this then saw you sent it already. I agree man, it's the best part of podcasts
You know thats a fake laugh they put in the background sometimes its them but rarely
His name is Nadav. The production crews resident jew 👍🏼
"Pour a lil something for yourself. Go ahead it's watered down."
Going on my tombstone.
Bert: says any man who eats ice cream is a child.
Also Bert: drinks a gallon of kool aid a day
Exactly what I came to say. Lmao!
I don’t think I’ll take anything he says legitimately after “Nightmeres”
he said he drinks 2 of them a day!! lmaoooo
"I'm writing a book about self-help"
- Guy who drinks a gallon of Kool-Aid every day
He’s also gonna start his own program for alcoholics that can party once in a while 🤔
Laughing Tom is best Tom. He's having the time of his life this episode.
Him laughing over the koolaid is the most I've ever seen him laugh.
Then again, I've never seen him when he's chopping up bodies.
10mg Tom
I think grammatically it's more correct to say "in this episode" instead of "this episode" but as a way of expressing time of occurrence it doesn't make the sentence harder to read.
If you replace "this episode" with "today" it becomes grammatically correct, and the meaning is almost identical. Because of this it is still easily understood to a native speaker even if it isn't technically correct.
Brent is killing himself.
10 mg Tommy must have stepped it up on this episode, and I really enjoyed it.
15:45 - 20:00 Basically 5 minutes of non-stop, uncontrollable laughter lmfao
Bert: "I need to stop laughing, i havent taken my blood pressure medication yet"
*Sips on half gallon of koolaid*
I'm gonna miss Bert when he's gone. At this pace it'll be about 5-7 months.
Murcia
Murica* woops
@@nelsonedwards6184 been 2 years 🤣
@@derrickjohnson9692glad I’m not the only one still coming back to this
Bert: only children eat ice cream
Bert: *drinks Kool-aid*
FIRST thing I thought of. 😂
“All I see is calories, calories, calories”
they make zero calorie koolaid and it's pretty good. i'm assuming this is what bert drinks because i would imagine he'd have diabetes right now if he isn't...
t j
Doesn’t it still have sugar? Bert definitely adds too much
Hahahahahha
I know Bert is a Koolaid advocate because he said the flavor was red and not “cherry.” That’s a real one 💯
Lol it's not advocacy, it's just laziness coz everyone in the south knows red means cherry. I'm guilty of it to. Colors are flavors lol
Don’t wear a white shirt and drink red!
The ONLY thing me and Bert have in common is I also drink a ton. And when you drink alot, you find koolaid because it's cheap, yummy and better than all the other drink mixes, that's a dark world.. So I am a grown man that CAN be found with a giant metal thermos, filled with koolaid.. every now and then I out coffee in in.... After I wash it of course... And not in the gd pool, Bert you are going to get a skin bacteria infection homie!
Exactly what I thought too lol
Ohh yeeeahh!! (Koolaid guy busting through the wall)
My boyfriend is generally a low-emotion dude. He doesn’t laugh at just anything. Tom’s laughter is one of his favorite things in the world- he’ll cry laughing just listening to it 😂
Same lol
Guys with no emotions are a red flag you should leave him, speaking from experience
@@cristianmontoya1195 thanks for the concern. Been together over a decade and I’ve known him years longer than that, all good. Low emotion is not no emotion.
Sounds like he's gay
@@roberthorry621 jeezus why don’t you just ask if he’s got a dog house
Bert: Ice-cream is for kids.
Also Bert: Walks around with a gallon of Kool-Aid.
THANK YOU! My fiance and I were sitting here going "how is he gonna shit on Nadav for eating Ice cream as an adult and drink Kool-aid"
“I try to drink two every day” you WHAT
He's so tone deaf he couldn't carry a tune if it was called "OHYEAH" 😂
HAHAHA
That much sugar is definitely bad for you...right?
Tom: “What flavor is it?”
Bert: “Red”
@Co Worker same rule applies to gatorade
He actually asked, "What kind is it?" Which 'red' is an even more appropriate answer for.
If you don’t sell merch that depicts Bert as The Koolaid Man, youre messing up.
I'll be pissed if they don't at this point
I love it... Miiiiight need to ask Kool-Aid?
Jenna Collins he's already beat red lol
Oohhh YEAAAA!
He’s already blood red lol
The way these two laugh SO HARD that it makes themselves laugh HARDER is the best thing I can ever experience in my lifetime
'i drink a gallon of kool-aid a day and shower in the pool." Can take the man out of florida, but not florida out of the man.
Wait til he realizes he can put koolaid in the pool.
@@UnknownUnknown-bx2lc best comment I've ever seen
This podcast should be renamed "Just Wandering Through Bert's Mind".
J cant be stealn bert's avatar brother, breakn proto.
"Burp's Braindroppings"
He said "i try to drink 2 everyday" like someone talking about the water they drink in a day hahaha
Bert honestly makes me feel so much better about myself because of shit like that lol
And thinks some vitamin c is gonna push over the 40+ grams of sugar
Bert: "Look at the Vitamin C though."
Guy in the background: *dies of Laughter*
pssht at least say his name. nadav
@@AnthonyShuker His name is The Coton, not Nadav, and we don't know what his name is.
21:38 "I need to stop laughing, I haven't taken my blood pressure medicine." - Man consuming 128oz of Kool Aid a day
😂😂 Man, someone please clip the Kool-Aid segment 15:00 - 20:00 That is officially the best segment on this show in 36 episodes. ❤️❤️
Thank you for doing this I am CRYING right now
So good. 🤣😂🤣😂
Bert’s “red” response reminds me of Chappelle’s stand up on purple drink: “those are the ingredients; sugar, water, and of course....purple”
His SF show from years ago. Lol that was a great special.
😂
15:53 The minute Tom starts screaming laughing is the exact moment when the mystery of Bert’s weight loss struggles are revealed 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Bert: I don't know why I can't lose weight.
Also Bert: Drinks a gallon of Kool Aid a day.
nah dude it's the diet kind. and also there's vitamin C in it so its cool
I died when bert said "i get the low calorie kool-aid" then tom said "yeah thats what every doctor recommends" idk timestamp somewhere around 18:30 ish
He may drink up to a gallon and a half
@@Sobtoka 21:06
Tom has the best laugh ever. Actual tears pooling around me here.
I haven't laughed like that in years
Bert's makes me dryer than death valley
Dennis Long so true! 🤣
Omg I fucking love when Tom goes off on one like that it makes me fucking cry holy shit
bert's the type to tell his daughters he doesn't wanna eat his veggies
Merch idea
Water bottles that say “ Not Kool-Aid”
Or t-shirts that have bert’s face on the kool-aid man’s body and say “red drank”
Would by a purple drank bottle.
When you realize Tom is dying laughing because he found out Bert is essentially killing himself is when you know you've got a dark sense of humor lmao
And you know bart rationalizes it as it's making ingredient is water so he counts it as water
@@jccsnrs definitely counts it as water lmfao
What if Bert never announced to Tom that he was taking a sip of Kool-Aid? This beautiful moment would have never been... I’m so thankful for Bert’s transparency and/or ignorance
What fucking gets me about the kool-aid reveal is that Tom doesn't even register what he just said for about 5 seconds. He does a full double take and clarifies "Wait, Kool-Aid?"
"Kool-aid is awesome. It really is awesome."
"Camed In?"
This vocabulary is a real nightmere.
Netmeg
The vocab is what makes it tbh
And Burnt was in college for 16 years?!
co-lag-u-lated
15:08 ‘I’m going to take a sip of Kool-Aid’ It’s fascinating how such a throw away sentence created such a hysterical segment.
I like how Tom pushes Bert down a hill; and as Tom watches, he smiles at every rock Bert hits on the way down.
And as Bert wipes out at the end , toms just running up on Bert with his phone out but ask if he’s okay when the videos over and laughs more 😭😂😂😂
If Bert joined a cult, he'd save everyone by drinking all the koolaid himself
Jonestown wasn't a mass suicide. Bert showed up with his shirt off and the smell was overpowering.
I was barely done laughing then I read your comment lmfao
John Loyer He’d probably take it all to the face, AND survive.
It was flavorade jesus christ people
Lmao 10/10
Bert "real men don't eat ice cream"
Also Bert: * Drinking 64 oz. of *Kool-Aid™ Tropical Punch* at 9 am *
“This podcast was brought to you by insulin “
The hamster running the wheel inside Bert’s head is drunk and smells terrible
I recks the hammy still thinks he's been sober
more like its dead and rotting corpse being spun around inside the wheel.
And is also incredibly, unforgivably racist
Stop it everyone. You're going to give me nightmeers
Bert is living proof there are alternate realities.
The Kool-Aid thing was without question the hardest I’ve ever laughed in my entire life.
Tom crying laughing at a grown man drinking 64oz of Kool-Aid is the best thing ever
But man, grown men who eat ice cream..
Twice a day! Holy f. Lololol
Re watching this years later and hearing the "WAIT, a sip of Koolaid?" DYING knowing what's coming next from Blart
That was literally 5 minutes of them laughing about smelly Bert and his kool aid
It was glorious.
If you weren’t laughing with them this might be the wrong podcast for you
@@WifeynJobin it truly was!
@@chucklefizz Agreed, I laughed my ass off! 🤣
Best part by far
Curious to see what flavors Burt develops for his chlorinated soft drink: Pool Aid
Cures CoVid
I volounteer to be the Pool Boy mascot. I’m not too chubby yet from higher beer consumption during 2019-2020, we could end up working it out. 🤣
Sweet and salty
Burt
Vury nice..
It's both hilarious and terrifying to realize that Bert is someone's dad.
...or son
Maybe is new brand should be bad dad
Honestly there should be a segment every episode having them discus shit like the sodas. Or even going over a tiktok or 2. Burnt Chrysler’s response are great same with dadmouth
"I must have been exhausting to be around as a kid"
Nothing has changed
"I need to stop laughing, I haven't taken my blood pressure medicine yet." -Blart Kristler the man chugging 64oz of koolaid at 10am.
the koolaid washes down the healthy
I was thinking exactly this. Wash down that diabetes for early heart failure
“Blart kristler” 😂😂😂😂😂 I am laughing so fucking hard in a public place right now
Blart Kristler damn huge fan im guessing
Tom and Bert didn't think Nikki's dad was going to say "Retired", they braced for "[Tik Tok]".
Both of their faces trying to hide their laughter. Oh my god.
Totally
yeah i'm glad i decided to watch the youtube version this time, otherwise i don't think i would have picked up on that through audio lmao
For sure
@@HeartExplosive I'd like to report, I only listened to the audio version. As the father said the word re-tired there was a palpable pause only broken by nadaavs faint laugh. I understood why, without seeing the faces and boy I'm glad I was correct!
"I try to drink two everyday"
Well, that explains things.
"We dont have guests on this show"
-consistently calls everyone they know every episode
🤣🤣😂😂
"I'm sweating, oh gawd my blood pressure" YOU DRINK NEARLY HALF A KILO OF SUGAR PER DAY!!!
...the Vitamin C doe
Bert "Grown men dont eat ice cream"
next episode *shows up with 64 oz of kool-aid*
Why has nobody else picked up on this?!
Also, his candy bar rant from the last one. He's a drunken child
It was really about being anti-Nadav - and I bet it makes his teeth hurt because they are bad
Hahhaha
And he said he is trying to drinking 2 of those a day
Imagine being Bert's friend and knowing there's a 50/50 chance that when he randomly calls you, almost a million people will hear your conversation.
We need to start wearing koolaid shirts to Bert’s shows!!!
When tom said "ITS SO MUCH SUGAR" I literally laughed so hard i started walking around my house hysterically
😂😂😂😂
☠
when he points out how people will think hes being healthy drinking water 😂
"good for that guy, he drinks a lot of water" LMAO!!!
That was the best part 😂😂
Tom: 25g of sugar per serving
Bert: Look at the vitamin C though.
8 times that per 64oz and he drinks 3 of them some days or 600 grams of sugar which is over a pound of sugar or 2400 kcal
Holy shit, that Kool-aid bit had me in tears. This is one of those moments close friends will look back on several times and tell other people about but it just won't be as funny as this first time
I've watched this at least 12 times and it makes me so happy I want to watch again
“You can’t wear Jordans with shorts.” Pretty sure Michael Jordan wore them with shorts almost every day.
This comment gets mentioned on episode 38!!! LOVE IT!!! haha 😄
"That's like half a gallon of kool aid"
"I try to drink 2 every day"
This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen
He's dead serious too that's what sends me
I like how he says "try" as if its healthy for him like some kind of vegetable
Timestamp for coolaid talk?
@@pabloescobargarlic2974 Kool Aid Moment 15:07
idk... this whole thing sounded weird to me. If he drinks this much kool aid EVERY DAY - how has this never come up ever before? To me it seems like they picked a random weird occasion and bloated it to the max to construct a conversation piece from thin air.
Watching them laugh-cry over Kool Aid for 5 minutes is the best thing I have seen in a while. I am dying over here
This specific episode is why I started listening/watching this pod cast a week ago! The laughter over kool-aid literally contagious and had me rolling on the floor😂😂
Bert is such a non-listener that even after Tom told him how to say the word correctly, he said it wrong again but with more confidence like he got it right.
definition of a narcissist
he even only talks about his kids to compare them to himself. he is so self obsessed
@@bobthenoob lol most of the time he'll ask questions just because he wants to tell a story about it. its really annoying
Its detailed every single episode of this podcast to the point that tom doesn't even tell stories anymore and the podcast is just watching bert do questionable shit. Still pretty pretty 😂
The guy laughing in the back has his own personal bert kreischer stand up show
Loosing Weight is a Nightmeere...
Slurps Kool-Aid.
I really appreciate the spelling here. Oh burnt
Didn't he say it was the sugar free kind?
Gianni Descalzo I think it was the Low Calorie type. 25mg of sugar a serving! Lol
@@caneface87 When did Koolaide start coming w/ sugar?? Thought u had to add it yourself 🤔🤔🤔
He tries to get in 3 64.oz servings a day....like a heath shake...🤣
You guys just gave me a 6 pack with the kool aid reveal. I’m laughing so hard. Man, I love those kind of laughing moments with a best friend.
Bert: Consumes almost 200g of sugar in a drink.
Also Bart: "This is low calorie"
Bort
It's spelled Birt
Bret
"I try to drink two every day"
Bert asking Nedav "please" after the melt down they had last week got me crying..
@RO3 Bert kept being a dick to Nedav so he just started shitting on Bert, Hilarious!
RO3 last week
Nikki glaser's dad saying "retired people" and "Nikki's gonna come" and their reactions made me laugh so hard.
"Retar ed people"
Seeing 2 big ass bears laugh as hard as they did about kool aid made my motherfucking day
This is the podcast where we all can see how nice Tom actually is, quietly sitting here listening to mispronounced words and really cool 🎸🎸🎸 show ideas with care and understanding.
10mg Tom is back
Smelled this episode coming
Tom is probably the smartest comedian doing the rounds. But he's a psycho. The dude knows like 3 different languages and is funny in at least 2
I've met lots of dumb people that speak multiple languages. I'm sure they sounded R worded in all of them.
Matt Kandel why use the word in a comment if you don’t want to actually use it
Edit: you’ll be glad to know I’m in the YMH matrix now people
@@mattkandel2449 How 'dumb' can you be if you know multiple languages?
@@navebushes5717 its a running gag in the yms podcast to say that
3 languages is not many at all. That's basic.
08:50 The look on Bert's face expecting the same word as I did had me rolling
I literally have never seen Tom laugh as hard as he did about that kool aid lolol
Same
Pretty similar to this clip : ruclips.net/video/_4ejNqf9Gl0/видео.html
Watching T-Bunz lose his ever loving mind over Bertus’ Gallon of Kool-Aid is the most tremendous event I’ve ever witnessed. My jeans are the highest and tightest they’ve ever been. Thanks, Bert ‘Pools are showers’ KKKreischer for the stroke that struck me down from your foul stench.
This becomes more beautiful with every reread. They need to see this one ☝️
15:16 This kind of laughter is the shit I live for.
Went into their own language
Definitely
This man Bert is writing a self-help book while drinking 120oz of Kool-aid a day😂
Brent “I’m always thirsty” Krizly, not recognizing that’s a symptom of diabetes while conceding that he drinks over a gallon of Kool-Aid a day. Where is Dr Drew?
Loool. Also, if he's always thirsty, why didn't he try drinking... water? Not soda, kool-aid, or booze...
Guaranteed he overeats protein too....more converted sugar. Booze is sugar too. He should grab the pound-bag and go to town.
Bert writing a self help book is like D’Elia writing a book on how to raise your teenage daughter
Or Louis writing a book on relationship advice
Or Bill Burr writing a book on happiness
Or Bill Cosby and Ari Shaffir writing a book on not drugging people.
Too soon guys😂 way to soon🤣
Joe Rogan writing a book on how to optimize your cubicle workspace
The koolaid check has me crying 😭 “that’s so much koolaid”
Holy crap I laughed so hard at this.
"you walk around and people think "that guy drinks a lot of water" and its kool aid"
The gasps and squeals for air
Can’t even express how many times I’ve watched this & will continue to watch BERT WERE WAITING FOR A KOOLAID MAN PROMO
Thanks for being so entertaining Tim & Burnt
If it’s just a knock off of Hot Ones, call it “Hot Loads”
2 lines of 10 homeless guys queued up ready to shoot increasingly thick and full loads onto Bert and his guest.
Sweet Baby Rick oh. Oh, no...
YOU ARE A GENIUS
Well you tried.
@@sweetbabyrick5382 into*******
Tom: "What kind of Kool-Aid is it?"
Bert: "Red."
its only red or purple baby
@@thedredgod FACTS
Moments like when Tom absolutely loses his shit when he realizes that Bert really IS drinking kool-aid is why I watch 😂
This goes down in history as one of the best moments in podcasting history. You don’t even need to be a regular listener of the podcast, or a fan of either Tom or Bert - there is a universal sense of silliness with you best friend, that everyone can relate to. It’s so pure and genuine.
"HEY, KOOL AID!!" - every single person whenever they see Bert from now on
Ay i live off of kool aid and this will hands down be the funniest moment i ever seen on a podcast. I f’n cried
I fucking hit a gutteral laugh from that bit.
Edit: And its, "Kool Aid! Kool Aid!"
"Oh yeah" was the line you were looking for
I laughed more at Tom laughing than learning that Bert drinks half a gallon of kool aid for breakfast 😂
100% lol
I haven't laughed that hard in a long long long time like I laughed during the kool aid bit. Thank you guys for providing us with this, my day is thousands of times better now that I got to laugh like that. thank you both.
Is this 10mg Tom? He's so nice and Soo much laughing. I like it.
Bert Logic: Ice Cream is for kids only but Kool-Aid is for all ages.
There's always that one thing between friends that makes you shit yourself laughing so hard that you can never recapture or repeat again. This is it, my friends.
I think this is the hardest Tom has laughed on a podcast since the first time he watched that Asian mechanic getting maimed by a Hyundai
That or using lung infection as an instrument
Joseph Jordan I don’t know the exact episode, but there’s a short documentary about the event. ruclips.net/video/YvYJV_EJFSo/видео.html
My brain regularly blocks this episode out and I end up being blasted every time, so I get to enjoy it again once a year
Sadly, I don’t go a day without remembering that Bart drinks 120oz of koolaid DAILY. that’s amazing. I’m no better, but I remember EXACTLY where I was the first time I heard this shit. I was cry laughing so hard. Podcasts like these are the only reason I got through lockdown. Sorry for the rant.