I remember in high school there were people who were considered attractive and desirable but they weren’t classically attractive, they were just popular
Literally most celebrities. I see people on the bus better looking than "millionaire super models". I saw Kardashian display at a drug store once and wanted to go blind 😂
Me too!! I was friends with a lot of them and didn't realized their "unconventional" (for lack of better word) appearances until after we graduated and been apart for awhile.
If people are kind, honest, good :) they are always at least handsome for me. If a person is mean, cold, cruel, contemptuous, I can never perceive this person as beautiful. So if someone asks me which actors I find attractive I have no clue because I don't know them, someone can be attractive in one movie and ugly in another, their face doesn't change, just the character - and I literally can't say! I'm kind of facebeautyblind 😃 I didn't know it wasn't common until the very recent time! I always thought if you appreciate, like, love a person you see them as beautiful! I feel a bit weird now.... 😂😂
Like it says we are highly sugggestble. We project personality traits they may not truly have based on how they're marketed, characters they play, we see in an interview, what others say about them. I can find someone physically attractive without knowing them, but wouldn't want to physically enteract romantically necessarily. I have to see more than physical beauty to really feel attraction. Attractive and attraction are slightly different to me personally.
In fact, when I was a little girl and had crushes on tv stars I noticed that I had a crush on the character they were playing and NOT the actor himself. in fact the same actor in a different role left me completely indifferent. It took me a long time to understand this.
I love how the takeway is to simply be kinder and more considerate. I'm not the best looking but when I've made acquaintances they tell me I'm pretty after a while because I treat them kindly and offer support and a listening ear.
Don't wanna be a creep but based on your picture- you've actually got really nice features. To be very honest, you just need to find your style and those who said you are pretty were not wrong. The only difference I would like to point out is that you've been pretty from the very start (as a woman, I know a pretty woman when I see one) you just got even prettier in their eyes after they got to know your personality. Just saying though, felt weird that you would call yourself "not the best looking out there" when you're beautiful like that. Edit - Typos.
@@taylorjones0right?? I’m confused. If that OP in her pfp, she’s an objectively attractive person. Pretty bone structure, nice jaw line, full lips…I’d be stoked if I woke up looking like her. 😂 OP- whomever put into your head that you’re mid or even “not the most attractive” was full of it! I’m glad that you are kind, but make no mistake- you’re a knockout too. Period.
Truth!!! I have past experience thinking a man was super attractive...until I got to know him. Then, couldn't believe I thought he was even cute. And flipside, getting to know someone who didn't strike me at first as attractive, and finding them ridiculously hot because they are smart, and interesting, and funny, and unique. I feel so bad for those growing up in today's atmosphere, because so much is based on appearance ALONE. Not their choice. What they are being fed via social media. Not that looking great wasn't in my time too. But baby botox was not a thing, lol. You worked with what you got, and the beauty standards were not the insane rubber stamp faces now. I'm about to be 62, btw. NOT classically beautiful. But my "Ain't life great?!!" personality has always brought awesome peeps my way. And still does. :)
@@-EricaCartman lets hope so! I know they are much more aware than I was when I was young. When I found out, probably in my twenties, that the flawless images of perfect skin etc. that I grew up viewing that were leaving me feeling "less than" were the result of airbrushing and alteration, I felt lied to. Knowing it's fake will keep the younger generation from aspiring to an impossible standard and hopefully focus on more important qualities.
It makes sense - has anyone else here noticed the rise of very physically attractive people, yet you don't actually feel that much more attracted to them? I think many are neglecting their personality in all of this
You can display all of those qualities and be liked and considered charismatic, but never reveal your true self, for fear of being hurt, ridiculed, or ostracised. (Talking personally).
Intelligence attracts me. A person who combines intelligence with a good sense of humor, social awareness, and common sense is very appealing. Not many people seem to have all of these qualities together-they’re few and far between!
Yeah, if by "game" you mean people find out you're a friendly, helpful, and trustworthy person, then there's quite a bit of good advice in this video. It'll even improve your life in general, even if it doesn't lead to sex.
I think attractiveness is also affected by the way someone speaks. I find loud people who talk without thinking first and who dont articulate well much less attractive. I am attracted to soft spoken people
No, I'm pretty sure it's a beauty filter. The face on the right has softer features, less wrinkles and bigger lips (or at least stronger red colour contrast making them appear bigger). The beard has also been made darker and thicker through the filter, giving him a stronger jawline.
this makes so much sense. i started a new semester at college and became acquaintances with this girl who sat next to me. i thought she was really uptight, tense and bitchy at the start, but finding out the reason why she was like that after seeing her open up about her panic disorder had completely changed the way i view her and in turn, changed how i looked at her physically. she became a lot more attractive since her vulnerability showed me a new side of her i never expected to see. after becoming friends with her, i kept seeing that side of her over and over again. i got to see her true self and not just what presents at the surface, her attractiveness increasing bit my bit.
The part at 2:35 about the psychological impact of confidence is so insightful! It's amazing how small mindset shifts can change how others perceive you. Thanks for sharing this!
@@bobwoolerOriGinalYes. As long as the person is turned on by warmth and kindness. Some people are more attracted to people who are mean, rude, etc. Its definitely a personal thing.
This reminds me the plot of Shallow Hal. When he had that curse put on him and could only see the true beauty of the person's character, instead of what they really looked like
This is real and gets magnified as we get older. When someone is plagued by self doubt, worry or fear, it starts to show in their face and body language. Making it very easy, energetically, to read what someone is circling on.
Am autistic too. I always try to help others and burn myself out. Then people dumb me once they got enough. I am finally learning to be kind myself for the first time.
honestly, I noticed the power of this effect even looking at you throughout the video 🙈 this perception thing is absolutely real! so yeah, just please be smart and behave appropriately with people, and you will succeed!
This makes me think of "countenance" an idea very common until about 100 years ago. It's pretty much synonymous with "expression", or "charm", but can be in contrast to someone's real character. Writers like Austen were always banging on about the "pleasing countenance", or otherwise, of their characters.
Cool video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
I've always thought this! There was a guy in my friend group who all the girls in school swooned over, but because I actually knew him (and that he wasn't particularly intelligent - harsh but true - which is a trait I look for) I completely discounted his physical looks. On the flip side, one of my exes isn't the best looking, but is one of the best people I've ever met and had some truly amazing qualities.
I kind of intuitively knew this. My previous girlfriend was not conventionally physically attractive, but I knew that by getting to know someone I might end up finding them more physically attractive if they had a likeable personality. And lo and behold it happened.
In my 70's, I learned a very long time ago, pretty men, by and large, were not for me. Those I had known were so wrapped up in themselves I lost interest very quickly. Men who were not considered particularly attractive somehow had to work at it, and personality was key. I have had many happy relationships through the years with men who are kind, funny, sincere, laugh at themselves and have integrity. Not oil paintings, but lovely people. For the most part.😊
Conventionally handsome men look childish and unmanly to me. I like to see some rough edges and crow's feet, they always have better stories and more interests.
thank you. not to brag but I know from social input that I'm good looking. lots of women have shown me that. and as you say I was so wrapped up in myself. not caring about others. Made lots of poor first impressions with women. But now in my 70's I see the error of my ways. I'm working hard on being a better caring person.
What a beautiful video! I agree! I have been stopped on the street all the time, people come to me and want to know me only because I have learned from my mother to walk and smile to everyone, I am saying hello to strangers, I am open to communicate and I am not afraid showing it. People reacting instantly only because of my smile and sparkle in my eyes telling „ don’t be afraid“. People, try to be more friendly , it is attractive and you will never be alone, it works I am the prove .
this was such a great video. stuff that i'd known, understood, percieved, my whole life but never really thought to verbalize in this way. the thing i want to talk about tho is that "positive traits" are very strongly subjective. i feel that it's why "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." because a trait that one person may see as 'negative' could easily be seen as a 'positive' by another. and sure, there are collective traits like "generosity" that are generally attractive to MOST people... but ARE they??? some peopel may not see generosity as attractive.... it's all based on what each individual likes..... i actually experienced this with an ex. i met him at work, and often saw how he interacted with our coworkers and clients. he was very physically attractive, but initially, as i saw how he interacted with others: abrasive, a little harsh, seemingly controlling, a playfullness that bordered on bullying, i came to think he was very ugly and did my best to avoid him.... but then, i happened to observe him when he didn't think others were watching. saw how he handled tough situations and came to learn aspects of his history. this all led me to see some deeper motivations for his behaviors, which i came to realize were mostly a 'show' that he put on, and led me to find him physically attractive again, lol. i was fully aware that this was happening at the time, too. lol, and yes, i'm letting it be know that he is an 'ex', lol. my point is, we all have a 'type'. and are attracted and repelled by others for a myriad complex 'human' reasons. some that lead us to toxic or otherwise unhealthy behaviors, others that lead us to healthy and satisfying experiences. either way, while i think it's very interesting to consider WHY others may or may not find us attractive, i've found that my time and energy is way better spent cultivating my SELF-attractiveness and then letting others decide for themeselves what they think of me. meaning, i've shifted my attention and focus from thinking about how to become attractive to others, and on to how to feel/be more attractive to MYSELF. there will ALWAYS be people who find each of us attractive and those who don't. who cares. and yes, while there are definitely some basic things that we could do to increase our general attractiveness to the masses... why bother? maybe i don't want that much attention, lol. And maybe i WANT a partner who thinks i stink good😋. lol. just felt like sharing my thoughts and experience. this is such a fun topic to discuss. thank you for making this video. 💖
This is incredibly fascinating to me, because I have been experimenting with skin health and longevity. I have noticed that my own perception is definitely tied to how I am feeling. So I moved towards photographing my skin in different lighting, and much to my surprise those photos actually look slightly different to me depending on how I am feeling that day. Part of me also think it’s likely my mood influencing my body. I do appreciate this video. Both this one and the other one I watched on self confidence are helping me understand some struggles I’m working on! You definitely earned a sub from me!
I remember being a kid in the late 60's very early 70's watching the original Kimba the White Lion tv show and an episode in which Daniel Baboon told Kimba, who was acting stuck up at the time, "Handsome Is as Handsome Does". That never left me.
I mean, on an energetic level, the thoughts you're thinking show in your eyes and in your energy. They affect your cells. The better thoughts you have ( positive), the better vibe you have. It's that simple.
Interesting and well presented video. I recall many years ago being part of a hiring committee. A woman came in. Initially I felt zero attraction to her. She proceeded to do a very impressive job through the interview process. By the time she left I was a bit smitten with her.
I used to go fishing with my father when I was around 12-13 and not into boys yet. I saw a man that I can say some 40 years later was one of the most beautiful men I've seen. In retrospect, he looked like the statue of David: a deep bronze tan, curly dark brown hair, shirtless with white shorts and a thin gold chain. He spoke to my father and I but aside from his physical perfection, he was there with his elderly father and spoke very kindly to him and gently helped him cast his line into the water which highlighted kindness.
Thank you for making this video! Ive been noticing that outside of social media I rarely focuse on someons appearance (if we get to interact), indeed its their personality that shapes them for me. Thanks for your research, I subscribed :)
Beauty is subjective,and can not measured by numbers like golden ratio, 1) looking at disturbing photos can make you look less attractive 2) poor hygiene, if you smell bad you appear less attractive 3) trustworthy and good behaviour can make you look attractive 4) integrity and honesty, warmth and kindness, helpfulness
Of course I want to be around kind and honest people. However Ive noticed two non physical traits stand out to me most. Confidence, just rocking what you have and not focusing on insecurities. Knowing what looks best on your body type and things like that matter so much! Humor is the other.. A person who makes me laugh always appeals more to me than those who are serious all the time. Or intense all the time.
Well... some people are too ignorant to see the truth. They think that by being selfish they are improving their own lives, which is wrong. By helping others we help ourselves. For example, imagine if the Earth was in peace and we had no armies, no nothing like that, how many more resources we would have for all the good things? Ignorance is the root of all evil. People are too ignorant to understand that cooperation is the most effective way to help yourself. And the only way for humankind to have any sort of future is to finally understand this truth.
Those things, kindness, resposibility are learned behaviors and values. Not everyone got to learn them as children. There could also be even negative associations build regarding these traits in ones' mind. Another thing is brain disfuncion, as with psychopats - there are physiological reasons why a person can not experience certain emotions and therefor do not execute certain behaviour.
This is so true! For example, I can never think someone i know on a personal level is "ugly" if they are a good person. ❤️ On the contrary, good looking people who are crappy become "ugly" in my eyes.
Guess that explains how I can fall in love deeply with someone that objectively would not register as handsome or good-looking.... Or to not be attracted by someone that just looks stunning🤗 And that I think I look awesome when I already feel good about other aspects of my self😉 Thank you for enlightening us on this✨️🙏✨️
More indirectly, I feel that people who have positive traits have better lifestyles and better relationships and therefore are more likely to be healthier and better looking.
I feel like this is the unsaid part of the halo effect as well though most attractive people do end up having good personalities because of the way their life is
I've always thought that looks and personality are linked. You've finally confirmed what I've been thinking for years. But besides that, I am also sure that our behavior is reflected in the formation of our appearance. Facial expressions, gestures, skin quality and many other aspects that allow you to read a person like a book.
Yes i have believed in how personality matters more than even physical attractiveness. looks fade away and we always remember how we felt around others more than their features. I have always understood it because i have seen it firstand how sometimes the very attractive people were so unlikable because of a character trait of theirs. I also had a friend who was equally pretty and had a wonderful personality. She was so likeable by everyone!! Its sad how people think nowadays that inorder to glow up they need a physical makeover which could be very extreme like plastic surgery. Most people are average looking and it's the little things about that can make or break it.
I’m a 41 year old heterosexual woman. For me: Tone of voice; Mature, calm and slightly deeper (the opposite of high pitch) voices increases a man’s attractiveness for me. Also posture and being comfortable in one’s own skin and when being out in the world is an attractiveness booster for me. I am drawn to men that are effortless about their own style, but naturally know what suits them. Edit: I was very attracted to a former neighbour. He had a light voice, but it was very calm, soft and had a depth to it instead of being high pitched.
I find beauty in the inside, a person's energy, their aura so to speak, what's emanating from within, but it took me a great deal of humbling myself and molding my character to get there, and lots of experiences with people, being intimate with so many people to the point I got fed up, it took me a path of self discovery/realization to see beyond, the more experiences you have with people either positive or negative the more interest you develop on what's the inside rather than the outside, and I've gotten to a point where I'm not impressed or stunned by physicality and vanity, which kind of makes me a loner cuz most people are superficial and shallow, and I don't judge them cuz I was once there but once you're over that stage, you learn to appreciate physical beauty but it doesn't really impress me, Spirituality and Intellect does.
Thank you for your insight, very evidence based and logical. the more i know this, the more i do not want to be liked by others.... in my philosophy, i just want to be me. that is enough. i've been living 24 years now, not much of experience, but i have to admit, so far, authenticity is more valuable trait than just be better looking. just share my thought anyway.
At sixty eight years old I often review my life,behaviors,successes, and self sabatouge. I was very attractive as an adult. yet I was driven by fears. Fear of rejection seems to be my nemesis. Yet my need for acceptance and attention was always in my favor only because of my good looks. Once a relationship with a woman started it was her that made the effort to show interest. I was shy from fears as whom I wanted to ask out I was afraid of rejection,how so very disturbing now to know another reason all my relationships failed and I mean ALL of them, the girls I was attracted to never did i take the chance,so the most often wrong for me girls I ended up with.I simply took the easy way with no risks. This video was good and applicable decades ago as now I old with little to offer anyone. So please if your young and can resonate with my self sabatoge break out and take the risks. i rejected myself as I felt rejected as a boy. What a terrible way to live. go for it!
This is why the phrase "create a vibe" is such a big deal. When you look at certain sex symbols if you just look at the majority of their faces most are not super attractive, but maybe they had longhair and jewellery or perhaps they had a buzzcut and body ink that plays a huge role in my opinion.
I recall hearing a story about my uncle that corroborates this. When he was a student, he was invited to his lecturer's house for a party. The lecturer's wife was not considered a classical beauty of the era but my uncle got talking to her and found her fascinating. He said afterwards that he could never find her unattractive because she was so interesting.
Personality can definitely make one more attractive. I dated a gal I thought that wasn't my my type. She had a nice smile but not classic looks and a mishaped nose. She was so smart, sexy and funny. One of the best. It make sense fro an evolutionary stand point. We are humans with big brains.
The difference between men and women's assessment of better personalities making a person more attractive might be explained by the fact that women are screening for danger way more than men are. It's not just that we're deeper, it's that a man who lacks character isn't safe to be around. It would be interesting to study same-sex attraction to see if there's a difference.
This just brought to mind an especially attractive guy (physically) that I know who- because of his lack of character, warmth, and intelligence- is one of the most terrifying humans I have ever encountered. I won't call him an outright psychopath, but he's a monster in the making. He's like a soulless animal that I wouldn't trust even my grandma to be around. It's bizarre that the notion of him being handsome ever popped into my head before truly knowing him, because he's anything but
I'd say this is because men are raised to ignore danger and expected to risk more, being anxious or afraid is seen as unmanly, and punished socially. It's not a good thing, as it raises the risk of being (emotionally) abused. Depth is also not gender based. There are many male authors and philosophers that show great emotional and intellectual depth, as there are women.
@@aronhighgrove4100 You can't ignore how much hormones influence the way we are ready to take risks. I assure you that men who start taking extra testosterone change their character and often in a negative way.
Absolutely yes. I'm free and at peace with myself and go around pratically bouncing ... at first I was irritated with the level of attention I got but now I just go with the flow and act very nicely with everyone. If complete strangers (at the supermarket, at the post office, etc) want interaction with me I don't fight it anymore. They make me feel like some sort of film star. Lol!
Free tip for the dudes: if you have a chance to say something personal on a dating app, don't deflect with joke. 1) sooo many guys use one of the same five jokes (quickest way to my heart, through my ribs; New york times article says most interesting man in the world, yadda yadda) and 2) people like to feel like they learned something about you. Self reflection is attractive!
I'm good looking but I need to work on my personality or mental state actually and being angry, depressed and tired doesn't help improve my life or anyone in life I find..
Yes but you shouldn’t be worrying about this now, first things first! First get well and then it will come almost with it. I’m stepping out of depression.. slow but steady.. wish you the best!
"If I smile into a mirror I get a smile back, if I frown into a mirror I get a frown back ...", I treat people like mirrors of what I'd like them to see in me. Try it! , it's contagious, like laughter or a yawn.
all the physical beauty in the world can't hold a candle to a nasty ugly soul. it's only superficial and may get you in the door, but it's your true inner beauty that keeps you there.
Confidence, self assuredness, unwavering, bold integrity and a public unconcerned attitude regarding how others perceive them, have made some of the world's most aesthetically not pleasing people, sex symbols - to people who would otherwise not spit in their direction at gun point...
Funny, I used to be neighbors with these two guys, partners, and we became friends, spending a lot of social time together. R was a dark, wavy haired, handsome, amazing accent, prof chef, kinda suave French Canadian man. H was a mud-fence homely Danish man. R was brutish, H was amazingly gentle, thoughtful and sweet. I eventually came to feel H was the more attractive friend.
Actually if you go for therapy it might happen that you will start transforming yourself, even just a little bit, wear makeup if you never did, etc, because you "shed" your old skin, but mentality will definitely shift and your behaviour as well so you will portray yourself differently.
Look does matter. I posted videos of me being kind on a dating app but if you are ugly nobody cares. Physical attractiveness is the first step. It's everywhere in the animal Kingdom
Interesting. When I take a photo of myself, for instance to record a hairdo, I am always horrified and astonished that anyone would even speak to something so hideous. And then I delete and go about my day, being friendly with a heartfelt smile and caring demeanour and people seem to like me. It's bizarre. I spent my first 50 years in fear of everyone as I was always told I was ugly, then once I went no contact with family and simply set out to be happy I lost the fear, and oddly no longer have instant embarrassment when anyone speaks to me.
I think your voice matters too. People think I'm attractive, I think I'm average. But so many people have commented on my voice. Soothing, even sexy. Complete strangers have also commented. So I think sometimes that might be another way people view attractiveness. Just my opinion.
Basically, smell lovely, interact with people in a lovely way, have a lovely personality. If you are a 4/10 in looks scale then people over time will warm to you and your attractiveness rating will go up. The oposite is true too. A 9/10 person in the looks scale, who smells nasty, acts nasty and therefore is perceived to be nasty will lose their higher rating.There's hope for me yet then, lol. Thanks Dr. Smythyman for the very actionable video. I am heading to the shower right now.
I remember in high school there were people who were considered attractive and desirable but they weren’t classically attractive, they were just popular
THIS!
Literally most celebrities. I see people on the bus better looking than "millionaire super models". I saw Kardashian display at a drug store once and wanted to go blind 😂
Me too!! I was friends with a lot of them and didn't realized their "unconventional" (for lack of better word) appearances until after we graduated and been apart for awhile.
people find them more attractive cos of their social status.
If people are kind, honest, good :) they are always at least handsome for me. If a person is mean, cold, cruel, contemptuous, I can never perceive this person as beautiful. So if someone asks me which actors I find attractive I have no clue because I don't know them, someone can be attractive in one movie and ugly in another, their face doesn't change, just the character - and I literally can't say! I'm kind of facebeautyblind 😃 I didn't know it wasn't common until the very recent time! I always thought if you appreciate, like, love a person you see them as beautiful! I feel a bit weird now.... 😂😂
Where is that wonderful person who watches the video and then posts a numbered list of the 5 main points? Everyone loves that.
Those are beautiful people who do that!!
That wonderful person could've actually been the same person who originally asked the question, missed opportunity I fear
It needs to be part of the video description
I’ll provide when I watch it
I physically do not find anyone attractive until Ive actually interacted with them. That’s why I don’t comprehend crushing on celebrities.
until you have a plethora of interviews and videos they are in, where you get to observe the way they behave and interact with others
Like it says we are highly sugggestble. We project personality traits they may not truly have based on how they're marketed, characters they play, we see in an interview, what others say about them. I can find someone physically attractive without knowing them, but wouldn't want to physically enteract romantically necessarily. I have to see more than physical beauty to really feel attraction. Attractive and attraction are slightly different to me personally.
In fact, when I was a little girl and had crushes on tv stars I noticed that I had a crush on the character they were playing and NOT the actor himself. in fact the same actor in a different role left me completely indifferent. It took me a long time to understand this.
Are you non-neurotypical? Because they can see a lot that neurotypicals can't.
Wow. You are blind to physical attractiveness? I guess that's good.
I love how the takeway is to simply be kinder and more considerate. I'm not the best looking but when I've made acquaintances they tell me I'm pretty after a while because I treat them kindly and offer support and a listening ear.
Don't wanna be a creep but based on your picture- you've actually got really nice features. To be very honest, you just need to find your style and those who said you are pretty were not wrong. The only difference I would like to point out is that you've been pretty from the very start (as a woman, I know a pretty woman when I see one) you just got even prettier in their eyes after they got to know your personality. Just saying though, felt weird that you would call yourself "not the best looking out there" when you're beautiful like that.
Edit - Typos.
@@taylorjones0right?? I’m confused. If that OP in her pfp, she’s an objectively attractive person. Pretty bone structure, nice jaw line, full lips…I’d be stoked if I woke up looking like her. 😂
OP- whomever put into your head that you’re mid or even “not the most attractive” was full of it! I’m glad that you are kind, but make no mistake- you’re a knockout too. Period.
shes average stop glazing@@taylorjones0
Thats what matters at the end anyways 😊
I think your really pretty!
When I feel better I genuinely look better, pointed out by my family even
Truth!!! I have past experience thinking a man was super attractive...until I got to know him. Then, couldn't believe I thought he was even cute. And flipside, getting to know someone who didn't strike me at first as attractive, and finding them ridiculously hot because they are smart, and interesting, and funny, and unique. I feel so bad for those growing up in today's atmosphere, because so much is based on appearance ALONE. Not their choice. What they are being fed via social media. Not that looking great wasn't in my time too. But baby botox was not a thing, lol. You worked with what you got, and the beauty standards were not the insane rubber stamp faces now. I'm about to be 62, btw. NOT classically beautiful. But my "Ain't life great?!!" personality has always brought awesome peeps my way. And still does. :)
thats why social media should be banned for good of civilisation, as well as dating people outside of own local community
Young ones these days are smarter than that. You don't give them enough credit. They're quite aware there are so many filters, and fake peopole, etc.
@@-EricaCartman lets hope so! I know they are much more aware than I was when I was young. When I found out, probably in my twenties, that the flawless images of perfect skin etc. that I grew up viewing that were leaving me feeling "less than" were the result of airbrushing and alteration, I felt lied to. Knowing it's fake will keep the younger generation from aspiring to an impossible standard and hopefully focus on more important qualities.
I’m a firm believer in this! Your thoughts and aura alone can make or break your level of attraction
Sense of humor too! Funny, witty people are fun to be around.
Yes!!!!
That's HUGE!!
It makes sense - has anyone else here noticed the rise of very physically attractive people, yet you don't actually feel that much more attracted to them? I think many are neglecting their personality in all of this
YES. Now that you mentioned it.
bingo.empty vain avatars
6:08 1- Integrity and Honesty; 2- Warmth and Kindness; 3- Helpfulness and Generosity
You can display all of those qualities and be liked and considered charismatic, but never reveal your true self, for fear of being hurt, ridiculed, or ostracised. (Talking personally).
Intelligence attracts me. A person who combines intelligence with a good sense of humor, social awareness, and common sense is very appealing. Not many people seem to have all of these qualities together-they’re few and far between!
This video is gonna blow up, I'm calling it, let it hit the right crowd. I LOVE finding new gems like this. There's a LOT of game in this.
Yeah, if by "game" you mean people find out you're a friendly, helpful, and trustworthy person, then there's quite a bit of good advice in this video. It'll even improve your life in general, even if it doesn't lead to sex.
2nd this.
@@churchofsolipsism2716for everyone actually… we are what we repeatedly do.. so we can always improve as human beings.
Beauty comes from within. My Mother taught me that “pretty is as pretty does”. Perfect proportions may get attention but inner beauty holds it.
If man invites you to see his parents, he probably is very loayal.
a good personality is the best makeup.
I think attractiveness is also affected by the way someone speaks. I find loud people who talk without thinking first and who dont articulate well much less attractive. I am attracted to soft spoken people
I like loud, articulate people who speak quickly with wit. Slow talkers who speak in hushed tones make my teeth itch. Takes all kinds.
@@aquachonk Teeth itch 😂
🤣🤣@@aquachonk
@@aquachonk We feel the same way your loud and obnoxious voice are like nails on a chalkboard to us.
I agree the sound of a voice within even seeing them.
I literally cant stop looking at the thumbnail because both pictures are IDENTICAL yet the difference is huge just by lightning (?)! Mind-blowing!
In photography lighting is all
No, I'm pretty sure it's a beauty filter. The face on the right has softer features, less wrinkles and bigger lips (or at least stronger red colour contrast making them appear bigger). The beard has also been made darker and thicker through the filter, giving him a stronger jawline.
Some celebrities aren't really beautiful, but the roles that they play, and social media idolizing them makes them seem magnetic
Only to morons with no mature interests and no inner life (unfortunately there are many of those).
maryline monroe
this makes so much sense. i started a new semester at college and became acquaintances with this girl who sat next to me. i thought she was really uptight, tense and bitchy at the start, but finding out the reason why she was like that after seeing her open up about her panic disorder had completely changed the way i view her and in turn, changed how i looked at her physically. she became a lot more attractive since her vulnerability showed me a new side of her i never expected to see. after becoming friends with her, i kept seeing that side of her over and over again. i got to see her true self and not just what presents at the surface, her attractiveness increasing bit my bit.
Did you pound her then??
The part at 2:35 about the psychological impact of confidence is so insightful! It's amazing how small mindset shifts can change how others perceive you. Thanks for sharing this!
simply ask yourself "who was the most attractive people i have ever met"
for me, all my answers are people who where warm and kind
..constantly!;)
Same
Question; does this still apply if one puts sex into the equation?
@@bobwoolerOriGinalYes. As long as the person is turned on by warmth and kindness. Some people are more attracted to people who are mean, rude, etc. Its definitely a personal thing.
Really? I just look in the mirror every morning.
Actually , every spare moment, I'm not mourning the mirror's absence.
Summary : Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder but what the beholder sees is upto us.
True🙌
I LOVE that 😊 Beautifully said!
Beauty is objective. you can messure it
This reminds me the plot of Shallow Hal. When he had that curse put on him and could only see the true beauty of the person's character, instead of what they really looked like
Sounds like a cool concept!!
Here is also an input: Good lighting!!!
You're screwed in a power outage, then.
Being honest, healthy, positive and well groomed can go a long way
This is real and gets magnified as we get older. When someone is plagued by self doubt, worry or fear, it starts to show in their face and body language. Making it very easy, energetically, to read what someone is circling on.
I have gotten the most compliments for my 'beauty' when I was depressed
Am autistic too. I always try to help others and burn myself out. Then people dumb me once they got enough. I am finally learning to be kind myself for the first time.
A smile is a magnet. Never fails.
honestly, I noticed the power of this effect even looking at you throughout the video 🙈
this perception thing is absolutely real!
so yeah, just please be smart and behave appropriately with people, and you will succeed!
This makes me think of "countenance" an idea very common until about 100 years ago. It's pretty much synonymous with "expression", or "charm", but can be in contrast to someone's real character. Writers like Austen were always banging on about the "pleasing countenance", or otherwise, of their characters.
I used that word in a book I'm writing to describe the main protagonist. It's funny you mentioned it.
Could you elaborate on this please
Cool video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@@PspTomisi Be careful. This is dangerous and you may wind up getting more than you bargained for. If you're lucky, you'll get no results at all.
I've always thought this! There was a guy in my friend group who all the girls in school swooned over, but because I actually knew him (and that he wasn't particularly intelligent - harsh but true - which is a trait I look for) I completely discounted his physical looks. On the flip side, one of my exes isn't the best looking, but is one of the best people I've ever met and had some truly amazing qualities.
I kind of intuitively knew this. My previous girlfriend was not conventionally physically attractive, but I knew that by getting to know someone I might end up finding them more physically attractive if they had a likeable personality. And lo and behold it happened.
In my 70's, I learned a very long time ago, pretty men, by and large, were not for me. Those I had known were so wrapped up in themselves I lost interest very quickly. Men who were not considered particularly attractive somehow had to work at it, and personality was key. I have had many happy relationships through the years with men who are kind, funny, sincere, laugh at themselves and have integrity. Not oil paintings, but lovely people. For the most part.😊
Conventionally handsome men look childish and unmanly to me. I like to see some rough edges and crow's feet, they always have better stories and more interests.
@@MM-lg4ni; It might surprise someone with your thinking, that actually, it was me who decided very quickly they were not for me.
thank you. not to brag but I know from social input that I'm good looking. lots of women have shown me that. and as you say I was so wrapped up in myself. not caring about others. Made lots of poor first impressions with women. But now in my 70's I see the error of my ways. I'm working hard on being a better caring person.
What a beautiful video! I agree! I have been stopped on the street all the time, people come to me and want to know me only because I have learned from my mother to walk and smile to everyone, I am saying hello to strangers, I am open to communicate and I am not afraid showing it. People reacting instantly only because of my smile and sparkle in my eyes telling „ don’t be afraid“. People, try to be more friendly , it is attractive and you will never be alone, it works I am the prove .
this was such a great video. stuff that i'd known, understood, percieved, my whole life but never really thought to verbalize in this way. the thing i want to talk about tho is that "positive traits" are very strongly subjective. i feel that it's why "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." because a trait that one person may see as 'negative' could easily be seen as a 'positive' by another. and sure, there are collective traits like "generosity" that are generally attractive to MOST people... but ARE they??? some peopel may not see generosity as attractive.... it's all based on what each individual likes..... i actually experienced this with an ex. i met him at work, and often saw how he interacted with our coworkers and clients. he was very physically attractive, but initially, as i saw how he interacted with others: abrasive, a little harsh, seemingly controlling, a playfullness that bordered on bullying, i came to think he was very ugly and did my best to avoid him.... but then, i happened to observe him when he didn't think others were watching. saw how he handled tough situations and came to learn aspects of his history. this all led me to see some deeper motivations for his behaviors, which i came to realize were mostly a 'show' that he put on, and led me to find him physically attractive again, lol. i was fully aware that this was happening at the time, too. lol, and yes, i'm letting it be know that he is an 'ex', lol. my point is, we all have a 'type'. and are attracted and repelled by others for a myriad complex 'human' reasons. some that lead us to toxic or otherwise unhealthy behaviors, others that lead us to healthy and satisfying experiences. either way, while i think it's very interesting to consider WHY others may or may not find us attractive, i've found that my time and energy is way better spent cultivating my SELF-attractiveness and then letting others decide for themeselves what they think of me. meaning, i've shifted my attention and focus from thinking about how to become attractive to others, and on to how to feel/be more attractive to MYSELF. there will ALWAYS be people who find each of us attractive and those who don't. who cares. and yes, while there are definitely some basic things that we could do to increase our general attractiveness to the masses... why bother? maybe i don't want that much attention, lol. And maybe i WANT a partner who thinks i stink good😋. lol. just felt like sharing my thoughts and experience. this is such a fun topic to discuss. thank you for making this video. 💖
That's some good insight you've got going there.
This is incredibly fascinating to me, because I have been experimenting with skin health and longevity. I have noticed that my own perception is definitely tied to how I am feeling. So I moved towards photographing my skin in different lighting, and much to my surprise those photos actually look slightly different to me depending on how I am feeling that day. Part of me also think it’s likely my mood influencing my body. I do appreciate this video. Both this one and the other one I watched on self confidence are helping me understand some struggles I’m working on! You definitely earned a sub from me!
This literally explained to me why I stopped liking someone and why I never trusted them.
I remember being a kid in the late 60's very early 70's watching the original Kimba the White Lion tv show and an episode in which Daniel Baboon told Kimba, who was acting stuck up at the time, "Handsome Is as Handsome Does". That never left me.
I mean, on an energetic level, the thoughts you're thinking show in your eyes and in your energy. They affect your cells. The better thoughts you have ( positive), the better vibe you have. It's that simple.
Interesting and well presented video. I recall many years ago being part of a hiring committee. A woman came in. Initially I felt zero attraction to her. She proceeded to do a very impressive job through the interview process. By the time she left I was a bit smitten with her.
Imagine being both ugly AND evil 🥺
most politicians ?
@@lauAlvhaha true
Psychopaths have the most sex, relationships and children
Most villains in Disney movies !
So basically a villain that isn’t Loki.
I used to go fishing with my father when I was around 12-13 and not into boys yet. I saw a man that I can say some 40 years later was one of the most beautiful men I've seen. In retrospect, he looked like the statue of David: a deep bronze tan, curly dark brown hair, shirtless with white shorts and a thin gold chain. He spoke to my father and I but aside from his physical perfection, he was there with his elderly father and spoke very kindly to him and gently helped him cast his line into the water which highlighted kindness.
Makes perfect sense, the higher your vibrational frequency the more attractive you become.
For a female maybe
Thank you for making this video! Ive been noticing that outside of social media I rarely focuse on someons appearance (if we get to interact), indeed its their personality that shapes them for me. Thanks for your research, I subscribed :)
Beauty is subjective,and can not measured by numbers like golden ratio,
1) looking at disturbing photos can make you look less attractive
2) poor hygiene, if you smell bad you appear less attractive
3) trustworthy and good behaviour can make you look attractive
4) integrity and honesty, warmth and kindness, helpfulness
No its not. Beauty is objective
Yes. The descriptions did have an effect on my assessment of the photos
This was incredibly powerful. Love the takeaway of this video, lead with warmth and kindness ❤
11:07 part of brain that registers kindness & attractiveness / vs repulsion 🙏🏻✨️
Of course I want to be around kind and honest people. However Ive noticed two non physical traits stand out to me most. Confidence, just rocking what you have and not focusing on insecurities. Knowing what looks best on your body type and things like that matter so much! Humor is the other.. A person who makes me laugh always appeals more to me than those who are serious all the time. Or intense all the time.
A Smiling, happy demeanour and keeping eye contact when in conversation can be attractive.
i am autistic. i dont understand motive or agenda beyond be kind, be responsible, be reliable, be helpful for greater good, CUZ everyone wins.
Well... some people are too ignorant to see the truth. They think that by being selfish they are improving their own lives, which is wrong. By helping others we help ourselves. For example, imagine if the Earth was in peace and we had no armies, no nothing like that, how many more resources we would have for all the good things?
Ignorance is the root of all evil. People are too ignorant to understand that cooperation is the most effective way to help yourself. And the only way for humankind to have any sort of future is to finally understand this truth.
Those things, kindness, resposibility are learned behaviors and values. Not everyone got to learn them as children. There could also be even negative associations build regarding these traits in ones' mind. Another thing is brain disfuncion, as with psychopats - there are physiological reasons why a person can not experience certain emotions and therefor do not execute certain behaviour.
Yep, that's it, be kind and don't stink ;)
same 🙂
This is why we have the autism rizz 💅
This is so true!
For example, I can never think someone i know on a personal level is "ugly" if they are a good person. ❤️
On the contrary, good looking people who are crappy become "ugly" in my eyes.
You deserve more views and subscribers!! The sheer amount of effort and research is outstanding
Guess that explains how I can fall in love deeply with someone that objectively would not register as handsome or good-looking....
Or to not be attracted by someone that just looks stunning🤗
And that I think I look awesome when I already feel good about other aspects of my self😉
Thank you for enlightening us on this✨️🙏✨️
More indirectly, I feel that people who have positive traits have better lifestyles and better relationships and therefore are more likely to be healthier and better looking.
And why do some people have more positive traits compared to others?
I feel like this is the unsaid part of the halo effect as well though most attractive people do end up having good personalities because of the way their life is
I've always thought that looks and personality are linked. You've finally confirmed what I've been thinking for years. But besides that, I am also sure that our behavior is reflected in the formation of our appearance. Facial expressions, gestures, skin quality and many other aspects that allow you to read a person like a book.
Yes i have believed in how personality matters more than even physical attractiveness. looks fade away and we always remember how we felt around others more than their features. I have always understood it because i have seen it firstand how sometimes the very attractive people were so unlikable because of a character trait of theirs. I also had a friend who was equally pretty and had a wonderful personality. She was so likeable by everyone!! Its sad how people think nowadays that inorder to glow up they need a physical makeover which could be very extreme like plastic surgery. Most people are average looking and it's the little things about that can make or break it.
I’m a 41 year old heterosexual woman. For me: Tone of voice; Mature, calm and slightly deeper (the opposite of high pitch) voices increases a man’s attractiveness for me. Also posture and being comfortable in one’s own skin and when being out in the world is an attractiveness booster for me. I am drawn to men that are effortless about their own style, but naturally know what suits them.
Edit: I was very attracted to a former neighbour. He had a light voice, but it was very calm, soft and had a depth to it instead of being high pitched.
thx for the tip.
I find beauty in the inside, a person's energy, their aura so to speak, what's emanating from within, but it took me a great deal of humbling myself and molding my character to get there, and lots of experiences with people, being intimate with so many people to the point I got fed up, it took me a path of self discovery/realization to see beyond, the more experiences you have with people either positive or negative the more interest you develop on what's the inside rather than the outside, and I've gotten to a point where I'm not impressed or stunned by physicality and vanity, which kind of makes me a loner cuz most people are superficial and shallow, and I don't judge them cuz I was once there but once you're over that stage, you learn to appreciate physical beauty but it doesn't really impress me, Spirituality and Intellect does.
Well done! 🕊✝️💯
Thank you for your insight, very evidence based and logical. the more i know this, the more i do not want to be liked by others.... in my philosophy, i just want to be me. that is enough. i've been living 24 years now, not much of experience, but i have to admit, so far, authenticity is more valuable trait than just be better looking. just share my thought anyway.
Thanks doc, this concept is difficult to understand but you made it easy to understand ❤
At sixty eight years old I often review my life,behaviors,successes, and self sabatouge.
I was very attractive as an adult. yet I was driven by fears.
Fear of rejection seems to be my nemesis.
Yet my need for acceptance and attention was always in my favor only because of my good looks.
Once a relationship with a woman started it was her that made the effort to show interest.
I was shy from fears as whom I wanted to ask out I was afraid of rejection,how so very disturbing now
to know another reason all my relationships failed and I mean ALL of them,
the girls I was attracted to never did i take the chance,so the most often wrong for me girls
I ended up with.I simply took the easy way with no risks.
This video was good and applicable decades ago as now I old with little to offer anyone.
So please if your young and can resonate with my self sabatoge break out and take the risks.
i rejected myself as I felt rejected as a boy.
What a terrible way to live.
go for it!
Thanks, i needed this
This is why the phrase "create a vibe" is such a big deal. When you look at certain sex symbols if you just look at the majority of their faces most are not super attractive, but maybe they had longhair and jewellery or perhaps they had a buzzcut and body ink that plays a huge role in my opinion.
Awesome to see your content going viral, Doc.
I recall hearing a story about my uncle that corroborates this. When he was a student, he was invited to his lecturer's house for a party. The lecturer's wife was not considered a classical beauty of the era but my uncle got talking to her and found her fascinating. He said afterwards that he could never find her unattractive because she was so interesting.
Personality can definitely make one more attractive. I dated a gal I thought that wasn't my my type. She had a nice smile but not classic looks and a mishaped nose. She was so smart, sexy and funny. One of the best. It make sense fro an evolutionary stand point. We are humans with big brains.
-Be more beautiful-
Be having better personality.
I noticed - it's about how you make people FEEL what makes you attractive.
The difference between men and women's assessment of better personalities making a person more attractive might be explained by the fact that women are screening for danger way more than men are. It's not just that we're deeper, it's that a man who lacks character isn't safe to be around. It would be interesting to study same-sex attraction to see if there's a difference.
This just brought to mind an especially attractive guy (physically) that I know who- because of his lack of character, warmth, and intelligence- is one of the most terrifying humans I have ever encountered. I won't call him an outright psychopath, but he's a monster in the making. He's like a soulless animal that I wouldn't trust even my grandma to be around. It's bizarre that the notion of him being handsome ever popped into my head before truly knowing him, because he's anything but
I'd say this is because men are raised to ignore danger and expected to risk more, being anxious or afraid is seen as unmanly, and punished socially. It's not a good thing, as it raises the risk of being (emotionally) abused.
Depth is also not gender based. There are many male authors and philosophers that show great emotional and intellectual depth, as there are women.
@@aronhighgrove4100 You can't ignore how much hormones influence the way we are ready to take risks. I assure you that men who start taking extra testosterone change their character and often in a negative way.
when you were describing the personality, i instantly get what you meant!
Attractiveness can probably be different in different cultures
I say a simple smile goes a long way 😁
Yea but some people (NPDs, psychopaths) can mimic these signals and act like snakes in the grass.
what if you have an ugly smile?
@baakojernigan7095 the only ugly smile is a FAKE smile
.. 😁
@@Lezlee-abcxyzHAHAHAHAHH
@estefhanie.l glad I could make you "real real smile" 😁😊🤣
''I want to have perfect body, I want to have perfect soul'' hits different now
14:12 minutes of comforting, heartwarming, cope
Actions speak louder than words- so true.
"Never judge a book by its cover, but the contents within" is basically the moral of this video
Very interesting! Thank you for sharing! 🙏☺️
Absolutely yes. I'm free and at peace with myself and go around pratically bouncing ... at first I was irritated with the level of attention I got but now I just go with the flow and act very nicely with everyone. If complete strangers (at the supermarket, at the post office, etc) want interaction with me I don't fight it anymore. They make me feel like some sort of film star. Lol!
As someone who had once nearly lost all faith in humanity after coming in contact with lookism and blackpilled stuff, thanks.
Be kind. Smile. Keep your hair clean.That should do the trick!
And look after your teeth
I agree, even the Dr.Thomas started looking more attractive at the end of the video once I realized that he is intelligent.
Great presentation! Makes loads of sense!
How to look better naturally: get daily time outside, drink a lot of water, eat unprocessed food most of the time, exercise, sleep regularly.
Add to the list not being around toxic people!
👍👍👍 great advice. Personality truly goes a long way
Free tip for the dudes: if you have a chance to say something personal on a dating app, don't deflect with joke. 1) sooo many guys use one of the same five jokes (quickest way to my heart, through my ribs; New york times article says most interesting man in the world, yadda yadda) and 2) people like to feel like they learned something about you. Self reflection is attractive!
Bath every day!
I'm good looking but I need to work on my personality or mental state actually and being angry, depressed and tired doesn't help improve my life or anyone in life I find..
Yes but you shouldn’t be worrying about this now, first things first! First get well and then it will come almost with it. I’m stepping out of depression.. slow but steady.. wish you the best!
watching Dr K from HG helped me a lot. look him up (I am not a bot. just trying to help)
"If I smile into a mirror I get a smile back, if I frown into a mirror I get a frown back ...", I treat people like mirrors of what I'd like them to see in me. Try it! , it's contagious, like laughter or a yawn.
the beauty is in the eye of the beholder..
all the physical beauty in the world can't hold a candle to a nasty ugly soul. it's only superficial and may get you in the door, but it's your true inner beauty that keeps you there.
Confidence, self assuredness, unwavering, bold integrity and a public unconcerned attitude regarding how others perceive them, have made some of the world's most aesthetically not pleasing people, sex symbols - to people who would otherwise not spit in their direction at gun point...
as a scientist we say.. beauty is associated with postive traits.. and indeed, the backhalo is maybe even stronger than the real thing
Funny, I used to be neighbors with these two guys, partners, and we became friends, spending a lot of social time together. R was a dark, wavy haired, handsome, amazing accent, prof chef, kinda suave French Canadian man. H was a mud-fence homely Danish man. R was brutish, H was amazingly gentle, thoughtful and sweet. I eventually came to feel H was the more attractive friend.
Actually if you go for therapy it might happen that you will start transforming yourself, even just a little bit, wear makeup if you never did, etc, because you "shed" your old skin, but mentality will definitely shift and your behaviour as well so you will portray yourself differently.
Look does matter. I posted videos of me being kind on a dating app but if you are ugly nobody cares. Physical attractiveness is the first step. It's everywhere in the animal Kingdom
Thank you! It’s a very good video!
Thank you 🙏
Interesting. When I take a photo of myself, for instance to record a hairdo, I am always horrified and astonished that anyone would even speak to something so hideous. And then I delete and go about my day, being friendly with a heartfelt smile and caring demeanour and people seem to like me. It's bizarre. I spent my first 50 years in fear of everyone as I was always told I was ugly, then once I went no contact with family and simply set out to be happy I lost the fear, and oddly no longer have instant embarrassment when anyone speaks to me.
I think your voice matters too. People think I'm attractive, I think I'm average. But so many people have commented on my voice. Soothing, even sexy. Complete strangers have also commented. So I think sometimes that might be another way people view attractiveness. Just my opinion.
Basically, smell lovely, interact with people in a lovely way, have a lovely personality. If you are a 4/10 in looks scale then people over time will warm to you and your attractiveness rating will go up. The oposite is true too. A 9/10 person in the looks scale, who smells nasty, acts nasty and therefore is perceived to be nasty will lose their higher rating.There's hope for me yet then, lol. Thanks Dr. Smythyman for the very actionable video. I am heading to the shower right now.
Super interesting! Thank you for sharing!