For the toxic parent, strategy #1 is to displace the good parent. Once the good parent is displaced, toxic parent will claim henceforth that the displacement is proof of the good parent's 'incompetence.' From there, the toxic parent will make the forever accusation that the displacement should become permanent. Do not get displaced. Do not permit the toxic parent to 'travel' on a long trip with the child. All of these are strategies.
That word he used "unliving" is the perfect choice. I feel like I am just hanging on every day. I am so thankful for your channel and have listened since the beginning. Your channel just feeds my soul because I feel so alone in this crazy situation that is my family court case that has caused such harm.
I don’t think most people understand just how devastating this is and how dangerous it can be. I’m glad the channel is helpful for you. Just remember if you start to get really worn down give yourself time to recoup. I spoken to so many people at the end who aren’t seeing the total picture meaning maybe their are sick, of just work a double shift, or some other event that has stressed the normal coping mechanisms. When people, myself include, can get on the other side of those events things tend to calm down and not feel as dire. Hopefully that made sense. I’m actually in one of those down cycles myself recovering from the “bug”
Oh many sorry to hear that. Take lots of vitamins and get as much rest as you can. I’m just now starting to feel better. Still not great but at least I can do some things now…
Oh that's a bummer AK. I think this is my 2nd time as well - although the first time I never actually tested positive for it - but had all the symptoms. Glad you're doing better! I'm slowing coming back to being human again!
Totally agree with your recommendation to deal with the alienation problem asap. As soon as your access to your kids has become limited, you must take action. In my state you file a Family Access Motion. This will at least get your case for access to your kids as something for the court to consider.
Hey Alex! Thanks so much for watching and all the way to the point I talked about that. Now that I starting to get on the other side of Covid we need to reconnect.
Thanks so much Hope. Very much appreciated. It’s still taking it’s toll but I feel loads better. Although I do wish I could take some more time off to recoup.
There was this case of a bus driver with serious medical issues and back pain, unable to work, who was receiving sick pay. The state discovered that she was a youtuber and cut her benefit, claiming in court that she could work and therefore was not entitled to the benefit. Turns out she showed her youtube payments and they were around $25/month, not even enough to pay the electric bill.
Disability is a pita. My son is on it and they put all kids of restrictions on you. That is really sad about that person you’re talking about. I hope they got it all figured out.
I always hate hearing when someone makes that mistake... I had a buddy of mine do that and he got destroyed. Fortunately his ex wasn't a complete narc and after a while she ended child support.
Hey Duane, sorry to hear that that bug got you, I'm glad you're you're doing better. Good video, cool that you did a video on Tech Lead. I've been following his child custody case. Tyr Ravensohn gave you a shout out in one of his videos. Nice to see good content creators acknowledge other good ones too. You're one of the original creators I started listening to when I started my journey after separation 4 years ago. I've had my daughter full time for 17 months now. Tons of stress, headaches and anxiety during that time from dealing with the ex, but I'm glad I've been able to protect my daughter from 95% of the disaster she would've had to go through had she lived with her mom. The 5% is from the 2-3 hour weekly visits.
Hi Markus! Thanks so much and yeah definitely doing better! I remember when he first posted about his wife leaving with his son. I never made a video about it back then but I probably should have. Tyr is a blast from the past - I actually spoke to him a few weeks ago. Its weird there are so many people I need to connect with and it just get overcome-by-events and time just slips away. Sounds like he is doing much better now and finally get the leg up on his ex. That's great that you are as well! We definitely can't underestimate the damage a toxic parent can do in 5% time...
@@DSD you are right about the toxic in just 5% of the time. I'm already seeing attempts at manipulation just in those short visits. I guess they just never stop.
You should make a video or be a guest and share your story! That's a huge win for you! It will give many parents hope that they can regain control on the toxic ex and win, especially for dads. Sometimes it all seems bleak. My fiancée has 50/50 after just being weekend dad. Our tip is document, document, document.
@@alejandrareyes1945 yes, absolutely document everything, that's what I did. I hear what you're saying, and even though there's a lot of positives in my situation, it's a bit too premature for me to celebrate too much because all it would take is a couple of crocodile tears in front of the wrong judge and I'm right back to 50/50. Because the order I have now, that's almost a year old now, is just an interim order. But I'm fine with just having an interim order for years if it means I can keep this position. I'm glad your spouse got 50/50!
Thank you for your videos. Your experience was very eye opening in my own divorce. It is extremely hard to tell others but I haven’t seen my children (4 years and 2 years) in several months. It’s a VERY long story (3 year divorce) but everything you’ve said has been spot on. We are at the point of terminating my parenting rights which at the very beginning of all of this, would have destroyed me, but having this huge understanding of what their mother is, how family court doesn’t care/has the gender bias, and the very long road ahead of me, not seeing my children has been the best decision I have ever made. No amount of counseling/therapy would have ever helped. Counseling for the oldest child just made things worse because I was the one bringing up the issues. Like I said, VERY long story but knowing we are all in the same storm just on different boats is helpful in an odd way. Thank you for making these videos
Hi Duane, How can we as single fathers' take our power back in these horrible toxic situations of dealing with a toxic co-parent who refuses to communicate and cooperate for basic common sense matters related to the children? (ie. health, medical, school/education, child welfare, etc.).
All we can do Ted is "counter parent" or parallel parenting. Meaning we end up having to work around the other person. If there is no communication then we have to bypass them and get the information directly from doctors, teachers, etc. It's a pain and sometimes those "professionals" will not want to help out. I had that with the kids therapist - they refused to tell me about appointments so what I did I would just call and ask, "when is the next appointment" and then they would tell me. It definitely takes a lot of time and EXTRA work to work around them. The way you take your power back through is minimizing how their/ex drama effects our lives. I mentioned part of that above but it's other things. For instance the ex used to randomly either feed the kids or not on exchange days. Initially, when I was still stupid, I tried to communicate to "work that out" which was a waste of time. A year or so later then she tried to do the same, "we should coordinate dinners" and by that time I was like do whatever the F you want - I always have a plan to work around you. So I'd do something simple like mac and cheese so it was quick and easy when they were starving or I could do something for myself if they weren't.
You can’t give these animals an inch, however sometimes things are out of your control. I’m in a situation where my ex has been working from home since covid, so she has been picking up the kids early on transition days (during the summer) because I don’t work from home. Because of our “right of first refusal” agreement, she is well within her rights to do this. I’m just praying she doesn’t use this against me to leverage custody and child support. She would have to take me to court, and challenge the original custody agreement.
What you're talking about right there is one of the bad things about ROFR - these things end up going both ways and we have to be very careful what we agree too. She shouldn't be able to use that against you since they generally only really count overnights - BUT - it wouldn't surprise me if she would try. For me personally I made damn sure I followed the order and took every moment I could. For the first 8 or so years I think I only missed like 2 days because of emergencies. I do agree with you Shane though, you can't really give these people anything because they do not understand or reciprocate "good" behaviors.
@@DSD Thanks you for somewhat putting my mind at ease. The summers are tough because she becomes the more available parent, and because she tries to be “fun mom”, the kids sometimes want to spend extra time over there. We do have 2 weeks vacation built into our agreement, so I could always use that as a defense If she ever tried to pull anything. Thankfully with school back in session, this issue basically goes away. However I always have to be cognizant of who “pumpkin” really is, and how evil she can be.
Yeah unfortunately we can never forget our let our guard down. I think we all have to come to terms with that. I had a number of instances where I "forgot" that I was dealing with satan until she reminded me. Generally those reminders were pretty painful. It just sucks because I'm NOT generally "that guy" but you end up having to change for #thesepeople and become someone you NEVER wanted to be - just to survive dealing with them. It does get easier after time AND have been able to compartmentalize that with just her. Hopefully you'll be able to do the same!
Exactly. Any lie, manipulation, alienation, etc. The weirdest part about my situation is that she will project everything she is blatantly doing onto me. We use a recorded app to communicate, I still can’t figure out what she thinks she is going to accomplish with this.
They think everyone will believe them and that they will win. They do not have the awareness to see their mistakes and IF they ever do it is too late to undo the damage. It is not uncommon when they do finally implode that they think things can go back to normal. I think they all try that…
As I am going through my situation I am thinking more about game theory and "the prisoners dilemma" game and the equilibrium to take a more measured approach in dealing with this situation of a toxic co-parent. Game theory and Nash Equilibrium speak to the issues of non-cooperative games and dealing with situations where you have incomplete and imperfect information.
Hadn't heard of that before - but it sounds like it makes a lot of sense. The main thing I think that you have to understand your adversary so you have realistic expectations and a solid approach for interactions that increase your "potential" for success. Unfortunately high conflict toxic people do not have the same reasoning skills so they are extremely difficult to "work" with. I've always found if you think about what a 10 year old would do if they were treated like an adult and their "opinions and decisions" were looked at "seriously" THAT is typically what a toxic high conflict ex will do...
I'm extremely lucky, my ex didn't get a dime. I say, avoid getting married. I also say, if you can't help yourself, never marry someone who earns less than you. I could have had CS but I declined to accept it on principle. Our son doesn't benefit by having one bankrupt parent.
Yeah I definitely agree with that - you have to make sure the "earnings" are equal otherwise you are really setting yourself up for problems. That is great you were able to avoid that. Isn't it amazing how some people are like, "I don't need your money" and others are like, "what about that dime I see over there, I want that too!"
@@DSD no doubt. I'm telling you, CS is obscene. With the money I was "entitled" to, I could pay 3 car loans a month with. It doesn't cost that much to cloth and feed a little boy! It should be like $200, maybe.
Duane, how do you handle it when the kids (a 13 year old) are sending disrespectful and rude and aggressive text message communications? Can you please do a video on this topic? Please help.
Also, if you are at all able, go pro se as much as possible. My initial cost to get screwed in court cost me about $40k. Afterward what I learned is most of it is out there to learn if you have the time, understanding, and drive.
Oh don’t get me wrong. Initial orders were with the attorney, and the attorney was terrible (talked herself up but didn’t deliver, actually at one point said her rates were going up do to the money she brought into her firm on my case, did not fight very hard for me, etc). It was afterwards: false protection order hearings, motions to enforce, support modifications, etc. where I just said screw it and figured it out on my own.
So many days makes it a permanent residence. You need to file a motion immediately to state your case. Hey I can't see my child in Japan, we had a close relationship. Its called kidnapping now file for her to be in contempt of visitation interference or a higher crime of kidnapping and yes u can. Research.
Once to realize how bad it is for us in court you’d be crazy to do it again - unless you have a rock solid plan, you are both equal wage earners and you don’t have kids…. Or want kids…
I watched TechLead a couple years ago when I first got into MGTOW/Redpill content. He's a programmer so he thinks with logic. He can't seem to comprehend that women think and act based on their emotions. It's complete bullshit that men have to pay child support when the woman leaves the country with the child. Only option is to leave America.
I think a lot of people fall into that trap - not recognizing the inherent evil that some people can posses. Unfortunately I don't think leaving the US is really going to help. The problem is you can't get married or have children with anyone anymore. I suppose that is easy for me to say at 52 years old and NOT wanting to go through this again. But giving anyone the legal authority to take/steal isn't on my radar anymore. The only reason I might consider leaving the us is if/when I get/try to retire and if out of the country would be the only way to survive? IDK - what are you thinking Justin?
@@DSD My thoughts on the matter is that if I can't legally see my own children due to them being kidnapped/taken to another country then why would you pay for that? I would leave the USA to escape paying child support. At least you would have money to restart your life in another location. Better chance of you reconnecting with your child when they're an adult with money, than without. Some states have started to become default 50-50 custody states, but, that still doesn't solve the issue of paying insanely high child support rates in certain situations.
Ah okay that I understand - you just have to make sure you make it out BEFORE you fall behind because they suspend your passport. Yeah people tend to think that 50/50 eliminates child support. I can tell you from personal experience that is NOT true. In my situation when I got 50/50 the ex still had enough money to live off of me, rent a house, buy a car, and "go have fun" on child support and alimony... It wasn't until the first 2 kids dropped off that she had to get a job to "survive"...
This whole women emotional , men logical stance does not help here. Family courts are an issue worldwide. I , the mother in my situation, deal with an x who acts purely from emotion, i run around catching plates to stop them falling on our child and me, but mostky HIM. He does not know I have saved his bacon multipple times. Ive done that for the sake of our child. If i reported some of his doings, he would lose all custody and that would damge our child. We have 50/50 and I claim no support.
This is not passing the smell test for me, I think TechLead is not being totally truthful, and I don't think he made good choices from the beginning and looking for sympathy because things are not going his way. Cognitive dissonance? Makes no sense, if he has the kind of money he claims "millions", then he should have more resources to put into lawyers or coaches doing a better job, or... at least, why not just move to Japan with her?
Your video seems biased. That other RUclipsr has many resources and has access to information and could have chosen a different way. He did not. I can't even get passports without two signatures. It's like come on. I live in California. In real life they screw everyone over.
Yeah I think anyone who's been crewed up, like you have, is going to impacted by this. The reality, at least it seems to be, family court is biased towards narcissists and the other person gets hosed. The only way around that passport thing would have been to left BEFORE anyone filed. One of the main reasons I filed was to prevent mine from just jumping in the car and driving out of state. Hope your life has started to turn around Aya!
For the toxic parent, strategy #1 is to displace the good parent. Once the good parent is displaced, toxic parent will claim henceforth that the displacement is proof of the good parent's 'incompetence.' From there, the toxic parent will make the forever accusation that the displacement should become permanent. Do not get displaced. Do not permit the toxic parent to 'travel' on a long trip with the child. All of these are strategies.
Very true Murray!
That word he used "unliving" is the perfect choice. I feel like I am just hanging on every day. I am so thankful for your channel and have listened since the beginning. Your channel just feeds my soul because I feel so alone in this crazy situation that is my family court case that has caused such harm.
I don’t think most people understand just how devastating this is and how dangerous it can be. I’m glad the channel is helpful for you. Just remember if you start to get really worn down give yourself time to recoup. I spoken to so many people at the end who aren’t seeing the total picture meaning maybe their are sick, of just work a double shift, or some other event that has stressed the normal coping mechanisms. When people, myself include, can get on the other side of those events things tend to calm down and not feel as dire. Hopefully that made sense. I’m actually in one of those down cycles myself recovering from the “bug”
Bro I'm dealing with the "thing" now! Holy eff! The headaches and the coughing are intense!
Oh many sorry to hear that. Take lots of vitamins and get as much rest as you can. I’m just now starting to feel better. Still not great but at least I can do some things now…
$5000 per month child support for someone who claims to make $70,000 per month is VERY low. One of those two numbers is off.
Yeah that’s what I was thinking. I’ve been meaning to key in those numbers myself to see what the calculator spits out.
The high conflict spouse will cause problems because 90% if not higher, have a personality disorder.
Yep I would definitely agree with that. It’s just their pattern of behavior.
Duane man I have tested positive twice now and it’s no fun! Glad to see you are doing ok buddy! Take it easy bro
Oh that's a bummer AK. I think this is my 2nd time as well - although the first time I never actually tested positive for it - but had all the symptoms. Glad you're doing better! I'm slowing coming back to being human again!
Totally agree with your recommendation to deal with the alienation problem asap. As soon as your access to your kids has become limited, you must take action. In my state you file a Family Access Motion. This will at least get your case for access to your kids as something for the court to consider.
Yeah you really have to do that. I’ve seen so many people delay in doing that and it almost always blows up in their face…
You were right to leave the house Duane.
Hey Alex! Thanks so much for watching and all the way to the point I talked about that. Now that I starting to get on the other side of Covid we need to reconnect.
@@DSD we do!
Thank you!
Glad to hear you are doing better. Sorry to hear that it was such a long-lasting "bug." Take care!
Thanks so much Hope. Very much appreciated. It’s still taking it’s toll but I feel loads better. Although I do wish I could take some more time off to recoup.
There was this case of a bus driver with serious medical issues and back pain, unable to work, who was receiving sick pay. The state discovered that she was a youtuber and cut her benefit, claiming in court that she could work and therefore was not entitled to the benefit. Turns out she showed her youtube payments and they were around $25/month, not even enough to pay the electric bill.
Disability is a pita. My son is on it and they put all kids of restrictions on you. That is really sad about that person you’re talking about. I hope they got it all figured out.
Do NOT let your ex leave the state! You will be F'd....
I always hate hearing when someone makes that mistake... I had a buddy of mine do that and he got destroyed. Fortunately his ex wasn't a complete narc and after a while she ended child support.
Hey Duane, sorry to hear that that bug got you, I'm glad you're you're doing better. Good video, cool that you did a video on Tech Lead. I've been following his child custody case. Tyr Ravensohn gave you a shout out in one of his videos. Nice to see good content creators acknowledge other good ones too. You're one of the original creators I started listening to when I started my journey after separation 4 years ago. I've had my daughter full time for 17 months now. Tons of stress, headaches and anxiety during that time from dealing with the ex, but I'm glad I've been able to protect my daughter from 95% of the disaster she would've had to go through had she lived with her mom. The 5% is from the 2-3 hour weekly visits.
Hi Markus! Thanks so much and yeah definitely doing better! I remember when he first posted about his wife leaving with his son. I never made a video about it back then but I probably should have. Tyr is a blast from the past - I actually spoke to him a few weeks ago. Its weird there are so many people I need to connect with and it just get overcome-by-events and time just slips away. Sounds like he is doing much better now and finally get the leg up on his ex. That's great that you are as well! We definitely can't underestimate the damage a toxic parent can do in 5% time...
@@DSD you are right about the toxic in just 5% of the time. I'm already seeing attempts at manipulation just in those short visits. I guess they just never stop.
You should make a video or be a guest and share your story! That's a huge win for you! It will give many parents hope that they can regain control on the toxic ex and win, especially for dads. Sometimes it all seems bleak. My fiancée has 50/50 after just being weekend dad. Our tip is document, document, document.
@@alejandrareyes1945 yes, absolutely document everything, that's what I did. I hear what you're saying, and even though there's a lot of positives in my situation, it's a bit too premature for me to celebrate too much because all it would take is a couple of crocodile tears in front of the wrong judge and I'm right back to 50/50. Because the order I have now, that's almost a year old now, is just an interim order. But I'm fine with just having an interim order for years if it means I can keep this position. I'm glad your spouse got 50/50!
Thank you for your videos. Your experience was very eye opening in my own divorce. It is extremely hard to tell others but I haven’t seen my children (4 years and 2 years) in several months. It’s a VERY long story (3 year divorce) but everything you’ve said has been spot on. We are at the point of terminating my parenting rights which at the very beginning of all of this, would have destroyed me, but having this huge understanding of what their mother is, how family court doesn’t care/has the gender bias, and the very long road ahead of me, not seeing my children has been the best decision I have ever made. No amount of counseling/therapy would have ever helped. Counseling for the oldest child just made things worse because I was the one bringing up the issues. Like I said, VERY long story but knowing we are all in the same storm just on different boats is helpful in an odd way. Thank you for making these videos
Hi Duane,
How can we as single fathers' take our power back in these horrible toxic situations of dealing with a toxic co-parent who refuses to communicate and cooperate for basic common sense matters related to the children? (ie. health, medical, school/education, child welfare, etc.).
All we can do Ted is "counter parent" or parallel parenting. Meaning we end up having to work around the other person. If there is no communication then we have to bypass them and get the information directly from doctors, teachers, etc. It's a pain and sometimes those "professionals" will not want to help out. I had that with the kids therapist - they refused to tell me about appointments so what I did I would just call and ask, "when is the next appointment" and then they would tell me. It definitely takes a lot of time and EXTRA work to work around them. The way you take your power back through is minimizing how their/ex drama effects our lives. I mentioned part of that above but it's other things. For instance the ex used to randomly either feed the kids or not on exchange days. Initially, when I was still stupid, I tried to communicate to "work that out" which was a waste of time. A year or so later then she tried to do the same, "we should coordinate dinners" and by that time I was like do whatever the F you want - I always have a plan to work around you. So I'd do something simple like mac and cheese so it was quick and easy when they were starving or I could do something for myself if they weren't.
You can’t give these animals an inch, however sometimes things are out of your control. I’m in a situation where my ex has been working from home since covid, so she has been picking up the kids early on transition days (during the summer) because I don’t work from home. Because of our “right of first refusal” agreement, she is well within her rights to do this. I’m just praying she doesn’t use this against me to leverage custody and child support. She would have to take me to court, and challenge the original custody agreement.
What you're talking about right there is one of the bad things about ROFR - these things end up going both ways and we have to be very careful what we agree too. She shouldn't be able to use that against you since they generally only really count overnights - BUT - it wouldn't surprise me if she would try. For me personally I made damn sure I followed the order and took every moment I could. For the first 8 or so years I think I only missed like 2 days because of emergencies. I do agree with you Shane though, you can't really give these people anything because they do not understand or reciprocate "good" behaviors.
@@DSD Thanks you for somewhat putting my mind at ease. The summers are tough because she becomes the more available parent, and because she tries to be “fun mom”, the kids sometimes want to spend extra time over there. We do have 2 weeks vacation built into our agreement, so I could always use that as a defense If she ever tried to pull anything. Thankfully with school back in session, this issue basically goes away. However I always have to be cognizant of who “pumpkin” really is, and how evil she can be.
Yeah unfortunately we can never forget our let our guard down. I think we all have to come to terms with that. I had a number of instances where I "forgot" that I was dealing with satan until she reminded me. Generally those reminders were pretty painful. It just sucks because I'm NOT generally "that guy" but you end up having to change for #thesepeople and become someone you NEVER wanted to be - just to survive dealing with them. It does get easier after time AND have been able to compartmentalize that with just her. Hopefully you'll be able to do the same!
My ex would group HERSELF in the my kids... she would use 'we' more oftentimes.
Good point and just another example of stating “ownership” and that “us” and you mentality
Avoid the blindside
It's tough to do! Haven't heard from you in a while - I hope things are going good for you and the kids!
Don't have kids, don't get married. Period. Problem solved.
Yep, I mean I love my kids but honestly this has been a nightmare.
It can be due to narcissism and BPD. When you are the enemy they will do ANYTHING to destroy you.
Without remorse or guilt. They only care about themselves. They truly do not even care about the kids…
Exactly. Any lie, manipulation, alienation, etc.
The weirdest part about my situation is that she will project everything she is blatantly doing onto me. We use a recorded app to communicate, I still can’t figure out what she thinks she is going to accomplish with this.
They think everyone will believe them and that they will win. They do not have the awareness to see their mistakes and IF they ever do it is too late to undo the damage. It is not uncommon when they do finally implode that they think things can go back to normal. I think they all try that…
As I am going through my situation I am thinking more about game theory and "the prisoners dilemma" game and the equilibrium to take a more measured approach in dealing with this situation of a toxic co-parent. Game theory and Nash Equilibrium speak to the issues of non-cooperative games and dealing with situations where you have incomplete and imperfect information.
Hadn't heard of that before - but it sounds like it makes a lot of sense. The main thing I think that you have to understand your adversary so you have realistic expectations and a solid approach for interactions that increase your "potential" for success. Unfortunately high conflict toxic people do not have the same reasoning skills so they are extremely difficult to "work" with. I've always found if you think about what a 10 year old would do if they were treated like an adult and their "opinions and decisions" were looked at "seriously" THAT is typically what a toxic high conflict ex will do...
@@DSD Duane, this is a great way of viewing it as you described. Thank you.
Note to self - Don't have children
18:47 "Gift With Purchase" lol
Glad you liked that!
Money money!!
Yeah, they want to eek out every ounce of juice they can squeeze out of you!
I'm extremely lucky, my ex didn't get a dime. I say, avoid getting married. I also say, if you can't help yourself, never marry someone who earns less than you. I could have had CS but I declined to accept it on principle. Our son doesn't benefit by having one bankrupt parent.
Yeah I definitely agree with that - you have to make sure the "earnings" are equal otherwise you are really setting yourself up for problems. That is great you were able to avoid that. Isn't it amazing how some people are like, "I don't need your money" and others are like, "what about that dime I see over there, I want that too!"
@@DSD no doubt. I'm telling you, CS is obscene. With the money I was "entitled" to, I could pay 3 car loans a month with. It doesn't cost that much to cloth and feed a little boy! It should be like $200, maybe.
Well, I was on the other side of that... For the first three years I was just ruined
Duane,
how do you handle it when the kids (a 13 year old) are sending disrespectful and rude and aggressive text message communications?
Can you please do a video on this topic?
Please help.
24:51 Even worse than that; not 10 minute increments, but tenth of an hour or 6 minute increments.
Yeah probably, mine was 10 minute increments - it is definitely brutal... Plus such a waste of time and money...
Also, if you are at all able, go pro se as much as possible. My initial cost to get screwed in court cost me about $40k.
Afterward what I learned is most of it is out there to learn if you have the time, understanding, and drive.
And can handle the anxiety and stress. Glad you were able to finish it off pro se. otherwise the system will try to ruin you…
Oh don’t get me wrong. Initial orders were with the attorney, and the attorney was terrible (talked herself up but didn’t deliver, actually at one point said her rates were going up do to the money she brought into her firm on my case, did not fight very hard for me, etc).
It was afterwards: false protection order hearings, motions to enforce, support modifications, etc. where I just said screw it and figured it out on my own.
Honestly if you can do it you’d be better off. Kinda like Alex Falconi
Great
Thanks for the support EWC
So many days makes it a permanent residence. You need to file a motion immediately to state your case. Hey I can't see my child in Japan, we had a close relationship. Its called kidnapping now file for her to be in contempt of visitation interference or a higher crime of kidnapping and yes u can. Research.
That is so true Jo - and so many people make this mistake. By the time you realize you've been "played" it generally is too late.
Marriage is collapsing, of course because men aren’t “stepping up.”
Once to realize how bad it is for us in court you’d be crazy to do it again - unless you have a rock solid plan, you are both equal wage earners and you don’t have kids…. Or want kids…
I watched TechLead a couple years ago when I first got into MGTOW/Redpill content. He's a programmer so he thinks with logic. He can't seem to comprehend that women think and act based on their emotions. It's complete bullshit that men have to pay child support when the woman leaves the country with the child. Only option is to leave America.
I think a lot of people fall into that trap - not recognizing the inherent evil that some people can posses. Unfortunately I don't think leaving the US is really going to help. The problem is you can't get married or have children with anyone anymore. I suppose that is easy for me to say at 52 years old and NOT wanting to go through this again. But giving anyone the legal authority to take/steal isn't on my radar anymore. The only reason I might consider leaving the us is if/when I get/try to retire and if out of the country would be the only way to survive? IDK - what are you thinking Justin?
@@DSD My thoughts on the matter is that if I can't legally see my own children due to them being kidnapped/taken to another country then why would you pay for that? I would leave the USA to escape paying child support. At least you would have money to restart your life in another location. Better chance of you reconnecting with your child when they're an adult with money, than without. Some states have started to become default 50-50 custody states, but, that still doesn't solve the issue of paying insanely high child support rates in certain situations.
Ah okay that I understand - you just have to make sure you make it out BEFORE you fall behind because they suspend your passport. Yeah people tend to think that 50/50 eliminates child support. I can tell you from personal experience that is NOT true. In my situation when I got 50/50 the ex still had enough money to live off of me, rent a house, buy a car, and "go have fun" on child support and alimony... It wasn't until the first 2 kids dropped off that she had to get a job to "survive"...
This whole women emotional , men logical stance does not help here. Family courts are an issue worldwide. I , the mother in my situation, deal with an x who acts purely from emotion, i run around catching plates to stop them falling on our child and me, but mostky HIM. He does not know I have saved his bacon multipple times. Ive done that for the sake of our child. If i reported some of his doings, he would lose all custody and that would damge our child. We have 50/50 and I claim no support.
@@angelaramsay1778 there's definitely men that act with their emotions. Not all places in the world have bad family courts like America.
Tech Lead seems like a terrible partner though
This is not passing the smell test for me, I think TechLead is not being totally truthful, and I don't think he made good choices from the beginning and looking for sympathy because things are not going his way. Cognitive dissonance? Makes no sense, if he has the kind of money he claims "millions", then he should have more resources to put into lawyers or coaches doing a better job, or... at least, why not just move to Japan with her?
Your video seems biased. That other RUclipsr has many resources and has access to information and could have chosen a different way. He did not. I can't even get passports without two signatures. It's like come on. I live in California. In real life they screw everyone over.
Yeah I think anyone who's been crewed up, like you have, is going to impacted by this. The reality, at least it seems to be, family court is biased towards narcissists and the other person gets hosed. The only way around that passport thing would have been to left BEFORE anyone filed. One of the main reasons I filed was to prevent mine from just jumping in the car and driving out of state. Hope your life has started to turn around Aya!