Bi-romantic demisexual here. Thank you so much for this video! I've seen a lot of gatekeeping in regards to demisexuality and just asexuality in general. The excuse is usually a long the lines of "No one is trying to keep you from loving who you want, so you don't need support like other people in the LGBTQ+ community." That completely ignores the difficulty asexual people have in being told it's "unnatural". And as a demisexual, there can be struggles in relationships where they've been pressured to do things they don't want to do or are not ready to do. I avoided dating for a long time after High School because I was afraid it would happen again.
People should stop being gate-keepy. It's not like we are sharing some pie among aces that we are going to have less of if more people consider themselves aces.
As an asexual person who has never experienced sexual attraction: Yes, demisexuality is part of the asexual spectrum. They are ace. And I am very happy they exist. It is often hard to explain and understand each other when allos and aces talk about their experiences.. demisexuals experiencing both sides to some degree is invaluable to such discussions as they can relate to both sides. I love you all 🫂
Being a bridge does feel cool sometimes but other times it is like I can’t relate to allos or non grey aces; demis just feel extra lonely / frustrated horny (though I guess that is the quintessential queer experience pre 20th century when finding other people with mutual sexual interest was very hard for everyone under the rainbow).
So the person who made the comment this video is about is a family member of mine, and I just wanted to thank you for being so kind and generous in your response, and to let you know you did get through to him and spark a really useful conversation for us. For some context, he has autism and has a very strong tendency toward black and white thinking, and has only very recently become aware of the complexity of queer identities, which has led to some challenging conversations for me as a freaky queer, but the ultimate belief that its worth it. So thank you again for doing this work, we both really appreciated it!
kinda weird to say "i thinks demis are real" and then go for "demis are just allos with a type preference" like no, you're not gonna be attracted to them even if they're your type up until the bond is established. Also a lot of people think in absolutes: you are either 100% attracted or 100% disgusted, like no it's not that black and white
Apparently, I was misinformed about what being demi meant. I've been identifying as demi for a long time now, but this made me realize that I'm actually not. I guess I just have a preference for emotional connection lol. Thanks for clearing this up
As a sex repulsed black stripe ace green stripe aro aplatonic person, I cant talk for demisexual people, but I think I could explain this in theory: some allos feel sexual attraction, but *choose* not to act on it immediately for several reasons, one of them being that they’re not comfortable with sexual intercourse before knowing a person sufficiently well. Demisexual people, on the other end, basica don’t even think about sexual intercourse at all until it “sneaks up on them” after forming a strong emotional bond with a very specific person. Another difference is that allos would probably feel “passing” sexual attraction for “random” people they find, as it goes, attractive, like, people they walk by on the streets, or who they have just seen for the first time, based solely on their good looks sometimes; while demisexuals could never feel that. Anyway, that’s how I think about it, and how I’ve been explained it works. Feel free to correct me if I’m completely wrong. 😑 😅 Love your videos ❤
Yeah, I've had times where someone I knew- someone I found attractive- has tried desperately to get me turned on by showing pictures of various parts of their body to me- but I experienced literally no sexual attraction, and I couldn't bring myself to want their body no matter how hard I tried. I only really get attracted to someone based on getting to know them as a person, interacting with them, seeing their face light up at my presence. It's not a matter of preference, it's that I literally couldn't feel other types of attraction if I wanted to.
I just wanted to say that your content is so important! I am acespec, but I did not figure this out until after I had been married and had children. I genuinely thought it was normal to not really be that into sexual activities... Your videos would have helped me so much when I was younger, and I am glad they are available for younger aces! ❤❤❤
1:35 This feels like a kid saying a square can't be a rectangle because it has slightly different proportions than how people typically picture a rectangle.
I like that comparison. Different shapes can fall in different groups, some are in more groups and some are in less groups. An octagon and a tear drop shape both have at least one angle, even though one has 8 and the other has 1. One isn't more valid with angles than the others. Just like aces and demis.
Thank you for this video! Someone told me "You being demisexual is valid but stop saying you're asexual wtf" and it hurt that they said I'm not part of the community
It’s so exhausting seeing how many people still refuse to understand anything about the ace community and just make weird assumptions about people and their experiences 🙄
i think i need help.. I'm not sure if i can call myself demiaroace. for me it always felt weird how people can know each other for a week or so and start a romantic (and sometimes sexual) relationship. and with the only partner that i had we were friends for like 6 months before we started dating i really can't say if i experience romantic and/or sexual attraction immediately. like i may see a person and be like "we could make a good couple" but i don't want to date them at that time and what i said is based more on analysis than on some feelings.. I'm really confused now, can i use demiaroace term or is it just a preference??
As someone who thought they were blanket aro ace from ages 16-22 and only 6 months ago realised "oh no, I think I have romantic feelings for my best friend I met in uni 2 years ago and I told him I was aro ace and am not sure if he is interested or ever was but isn't cause it has been so long and what does that mean for my identity", I still relate a lot with my aro ace friends cause we still all agree there is too much emphasis on romance in media and we all value friendships so much more than media portrays as the value of it cause for all of them, and mostly true for me aside from this one relationship, that has been our mode of relating to people and our platonic relationships with each other and others is so deep that I would never want to devalue that by saying romantic relationships should be THE goal of life. I now know it is nice if it happens, but it is not the be all and end all.
The difference between allo and demi is all about feeling that intitial "spark". Being demi is like trying to light a fire in the rain. I'm demiromantic; I have exclusively developed romantic attraction to people after having known them for years.
I think I’m demisexual I don’t consider myself to be asexual like I know that’s the definition but idk I’m just really fucking confused rn I don’t like it when labels don’t just immediately make sense😭 I do understand what demisexual is like I know it’s on the asexual spectrum it just makes me feel uncomfortable to identify with both labels for the moment I’ll figure it out eventually tho hopefully
A friend of mine was struggling a lot with trying to figure out if he was ace or demi and whether that made him valid or not and I wish I had this video for him three years ago. He's doing amazing now, but will share video with him anyway 💜
One thing that makes both builds empathy but can get confusing with demisexuality is that there is grey area between demisexual and some types allosexual. There are people who develop attraction over time but label it in different ways and have a different threshold/timeline for when sexual attraction occurs. In such cases, explaining one's story is more valuable than the labels of demi vs allo
Thank you Lynn! I always love your videos! I always love hearing your perspective on the acespec, especially demisexuality since I am Demi myself 😄🖤🩶🤍💜
i love your channel and vids SO MUCH, you make me feel so safe and valid (as an ace enby just like you:3), i actually admire u and u inspire me to make my own related vids (but in spanish). and i was wondering if u can do a vid like this one but talking about greysexuality? sorry for my english, love uuuu from Argentina~~
Ace & demi aren't sexualities themselves though, they are degrees of sexuality. I consider myself demi because I haven't met anyone that I have a desire to form a romantic/sexual relationship with in over 12 years but definitely don't want to lump myself into the LGBTQ+ community because of it.
I'm still not sure where i fall when it comes to sexual attraction.. 🫣 most of the time, there are no sexual attraction to any body.. not before i know people well.. but then it happened that i meet a guy and 4 times of meeting him later, every time he opens his mouth and talk, i cant concentrate because i want to get close to him 🫣😂 its like 20 years since i last felt any attraction to any body..
Bi-romantic demisexual here. Thank you so much for this video! I've seen a lot of gatekeeping in regards to demisexuality and just asexuality in general. The excuse is usually a long the lines of "No one is trying to keep you from loving who you want, so you don't need support like other people in the LGBTQ+ community." That completely ignores the difficulty asexual people have in being told it's "unnatural". And as a demisexual, there can be struggles in relationships where they've been pressured to do things they don't want to do or are not ready to do. I avoided dating for a long time after High School because I was afraid it would happen again.
People should stop being gate-keepy. It's not like we are sharing some pie among aces that we are going to have less of if more people consider themselves aces.
As an asexual person who has never experienced sexual attraction: Yes, demisexuality is part of the asexual spectrum. They are ace.
And I am very happy they exist. It is often hard to explain and understand each other when allos and aces talk about their experiences.. demisexuals experiencing both sides to some degree is invaluable to such discussions as they can relate to both sides. I love you all 🫂
Being a bridge does feel cool sometimes but other times it is like I can’t relate to allos or non grey aces; demis just feel extra lonely / frustrated horny (though I guess that is the quintessential queer experience pre 20th century when finding other people with mutual sexual interest was very hard for everyone under the rainbow).
So the person who made the comment this video is about is a family member of mine, and I just wanted to thank you for being so kind and generous in your response, and to let you know you did get through to him and spark a really useful conversation for us.
For some context, he has autism and has a very strong tendency toward black and white thinking, and has only very recently become aware of the complexity of queer identities, which has led to some challenging conversations for me as a freaky queer, but the ultimate belief that its worth it. So thank you again for doing this work, we both really appreciated it!
My favorite description of demisexuality: I’m asexual until I’m not, only for specific people under very specific circumstances/conditions
kinda weird to say "i thinks demis are real" and then go for "demis are just allos with a type preference" like no, you're not gonna be attracted to them even if they're your type up until the bond is established. Also a lot of people think in absolutes: you are either 100% attracted or 100% disgusted, like no it's not that black and white
Apparently, I was misinformed about what being demi meant. I've been identifying as demi for a long time now, but this made me realize that I'm actually not. I guess I just have a preference for emotional connection lol. Thanks for clearing this up
As a sex repulsed black stripe ace green stripe aro aplatonic person, I cant talk for demisexual people, but I think I could explain this in theory: some allos feel sexual attraction, but *choose* not to act on it immediately for several reasons, one of them being that they’re not comfortable with sexual intercourse before knowing a person sufficiently well. Demisexual people, on the other end, basica don’t even think about sexual intercourse at all until it “sneaks up on them” after forming a strong emotional bond with a very specific person. Another difference is that allos would probably feel “passing” sexual attraction for “random” people they find, as it goes, attractive, like, people they walk by on the streets, or who they have just seen for the first time, based solely on their good looks sometimes; while demisexuals could never feel that. Anyway, that’s how I think about it, and how I’ve been explained it works. Feel free to correct me if I’m completely wrong. 😑 😅
Love your videos ❤
Yeah, I've had times where someone I knew- someone I found attractive- has tried desperately to get me turned on by showing pictures of various parts of their body to me- but I experienced literally no sexual attraction, and I couldn't bring myself to want their body no matter how hard I tried. I only really get attracted to someone based on getting to know them as a person, interacting with them, seeing their face light up at my presence. It's not a matter of preference, it's that I literally couldn't feel other types of attraction if I wanted to.
I just wanted to say that your content is so important! I am acespec, but I did not figure this out until after I had been married and had children. I genuinely thought it was normal to not really be that into sexual activities...
Your videos would have helped me so much when I was younger, and I am glad they are available for younger aces! ❤❤❤
I’m asexual, but I have friends who are demisexual. I appreciate the explanation from a demisexual’s perspective. Thank you! 🖤🩶🤍💜
Same Here ,Not To The Demi S**ual I'm A***Ual
1:35 This feels like a kid saying a square can't be a rectangle because it has slightly different proportions than how people typically picture a rectangle.
I like that comparison. Different shapes can fall in different groups, some are in more groups and some are in less groups.
An octagon and a tear drop shape both have at least one angle, even though one has 8 and the other has 1. One isn't more valid with angles than the others. Just like aces and demis.
I definitely appreciate this! It's very validating to hear that demisexuals like myself are a part of the asexual spectrum
Thank you for this video! Someone told me "You being demisexual is valid but stop saying you're asexual wtf" and it hurt that they said I'm not part of the community
It’s so exhausting seeing how many people still refuse to understand anything about the ace community and just make weird assumptions about people and their experiences 🙄
i think i need help.. I'm not sure if i can call myself demiaroace. for me it always felt weird how people can know each other for a week or so and start a romantic (and sometimes sexual) relationship. and with the only partner that i had we were friends for like 6 months before we started dating
i really can't say if i experience romantic and/or sexual attraction immediately. like i may see a person and be like "we could make a good couple" but i don't want to date them at that time and what i said is based more on analysis than on some feelings..
I'm really confused now, can i use demiaroace term or is it just a preference??
As someone who thought they were blanket aro ace from ages 16-22 and only 6 months ago realised "oh no, I think I have romantic feelings for my best friend I met in uni 2 years ago and I told him I was aro ace and am not sure if he is interested or ever was but isn't cause it has been so long and what does that mean for my identity", I still relate a lot with my aro ace friends cause we still all agree there is too much emphasis on romance in media and we all value friendships so much more than media portrays as the value of it cause for all of them, and mostly true for me aside from this one relationship, that has been our mode of relating to people and our platonic relationships with each other and others is so deep that I would never want to devalue that by saying romantic relationships should be THE goal of life. I now know it is nice if it happens, but it is not the be all and end all.
I’m a sex-repulsed aroace and demisexuals are definitely asexual! Demisexual people are valid and an important part of the ace community.
The difference between allo and demi is all about feeling that intitial "spark". Being demi is like trying to light a fire in the rain. I'm demiromantic; I have exclusively developed romantic attraction to people after having known them for years.
I think I’m demisexual I don’t consider myself to be asexual like I know that’s the definition but idk I’m just really fucking confused rn I don’t like it when labels don’t just immediately make sense😭
I do understand what demisexual is like I know it’s on the asexual spectrum it just makes me feel uncomfortable to identify with both labels for the moment I’ll figure it out eventually tho hopefully
Demi, greys, caeds, fictos, and exclusive objectums, all are non-allonormative and fall under the ace umbrella.
A friend of mine was struggling a lot with trying to figure out if he was ace or demi and whether that made him valid or not and I wish I had this video for him three years ago. He's doing amazing now, but will share video with him anyway 💜
One thing that makes both builds empathy but can get confusing with demisexuality is that there is grey area between demisexual and some types allosexual. There are people who develop attraction over time but label it in different ways and have a different threshold/timeline for when sexual attraction occurs. In such cases, explaining one's story is more valuable than the labels of demi vs allo
I didn't know demisexual is on the asexual spectrum. I thought it was a label and it described how I'm feeling.
Thank you Lynn! I always love your videos! I always love hearing your perspective on the acespec, especially demisexuality since I am Demi myself 😄🖤🩶🤍💜
I worry that I am not asexual enough since I am fraysexual.I can experience sexual and romantic attraction but it fades as I get to know someone.
I really appreciate your videos ❤
i love your channel and vids SO MUCH, you make me feel so safe and valid (as an ace enby just like you:3), i actually admire u and u inspire me to make my own related vids (but in spanish). and i was wondering if u can do a vid like this one but talking about greysexuality?
sorry for my english, love uuuu from Argentina~~
This helped allot thanks
I'm happy it helped 😊
As a muslim i tottaly support lgbt+ and i support you❤ and im a subscriber.❤ (and girlie ur to pretty)
Is there a playlist I can go to where I can watch all of your aro/ace videos?
🧡💛🤍🩵💙
There should be one with my asexual videos. I don't have one with both but when I get home I can do that later tonight!
Yes, a playlist like that would be really useful.
Ace & demi aren't sexualities themselves though, they are degrees of sexuality. I consider myself demi because I haven't met anyone that I have a desire to form a romantic/sexual relationship with in over 12 years but definitely don't want to lump myself into the LGBTQ+ community because of it.
All Sexuality is a blur.
👍🏻💜♠🤍
I'm still not sure where i fall when it comes to sexual attraction.. 🫣 most of the time, there are no sexual attraction to any body.. not before i know people well.. but then it happened that i meet a guy and 4 times of meeting him later, every time he opens his mouth and talk, i cant concentrate because i want to get close to him 🫣😂 its like 20 years since i last felt any attraction to any body..