yes 🤪especially in regards to faith. It's ok. Sexuality brings up a lot of complex issues for humans. I like that people are exploring it and questioning things.
Wait... that's their boundaries and its valid. People's boundaries can clash and, no one is exactly to blame as long as we respect eachothers boundaries and validate them ! Not a fan of this topic also and I am not even religious xD ! Funnily enough, the more I learn about those topics, the less interested and the more drawn away I am from it ^-^... I don't mean to be disrespectful, just... happy.
Christianity is, in the terms being thrown around here a-/demi-normative (whether demisexuality or asexuality is promoted more varies with time, place, and subculture). From the perspective that demisexuality is ideal, masturbation raises at least two issues: 1) Before marriage, a person can train themself into the expectation that sexual gratification will be more readily available than their spouse can provide, which can lead to a demanding attitude when they do get married. 2) During marriage, one's spouse might see masturbation as a rejection. The sexual attitudes of modern society are seen, among the more strongly religious, as mostly serving the interests of undisciplined young men at the expense of everybody else, and self control in small matters is seen as the key to self control in big matters, so treating masturbation as healthy is seen as an indifference to rape culture.
I'm happy that you mentioned demisexual in this context. My autism self-diagnosis and experience of sexuality clicked together. This reflection is now possible, after I have stopped masking my sexuality too.
This is extremely important. The more this topic is opened up and discussed the less likely we are susceptible to abuse which is a real problem in the ASD population. Demisexual 😎
@@MomontheSpectrum for many of us the abuse susceptibility issue in relation to ASD would be a helpful subject to cover, like sexuality it will be a tough one for many people. For some it could be triggering while others outright deny its existence. Thanks - reclaimed bisexual 😢-->😊
I know this is a difficult topic to cover, but it is definitely one that is relevant for many Autistic people. When I was trying to research my own presentation to explain it to my family, that is actually what led me to finding out that I was Autistic. I came upon a research paper and study about atypical gender presentations in Autistic people. That is what led me to begin studying about Autism. As I learned more about it, it became more and more obvious that I was Autistic. I had always wondered why I was different from everyone else, and why I struggled in certain aspects of my life, despite being intelligent. Everything suddenly made sense. It is all very new to me, as I am 42 years old, and I am still trying to wrap my head around my new reality. In some ways it is a relief, but it is also difficult due to the fact that I now see how different I am. It is a lot to process, but it feels so good just being myself and not having to mask anymore. I did it for so long that I didn't even realize that I was doing it, and I didn't realize how much energy I was devoting to masking until I stopped doing it.
Wow. I'd heard before that there's some kind of correlation between autism and asexuality (and general queerness) but I didn't realise the extent! I knew something about me was different in this regard waaaaay before autism ever crossed my mind, so hearing that there's that connection between the two is actually quite comforting. By some stroke of luck, my therapist is also autistic and ace, crazy. Such an interesting and useful series, so thank you :)
Thanks for this Taylor. I remember coming across asexuality at university. I was so glad to see I wasn't alone. I identify as bi-demisexual but I am not in relationship and its not a priority for me. I value deep, emotional friendships and don't need/ value intimacy as much.
So nice to hear about your experience! Thanks for sharing it here as I know it will help others who are coming to terms with their own expression of sexuality.
Okay, but having intimacy does not have to define what a relationship is. You can be happy with just the romantic component with the right person. I am polyamorous myself and have a strong sex drive, but I wouldn't mind having a non-sexual relationship with one person and a sexual with another. I don't think I could be without being close, long intense hugging and soft caressing though - mmm... Soft touching is a way for me to express affection and tenderness. I live with a lot of anxiety in my daily life so I guess caressing someone else also becomes a way of calming myself down assuming they have the same need as I have - another one like me, but who is still not me, haha. 😄
Thank you so much! As a late-diagnosed autistic person who is also asexual, so much of my teen and early adult years trying to thread through romantic and sexual relationships was extra confusing, and frankly, often scary. I wish I had the resource you provide, because you are so clear, kind, and thoughtful-I might have spent fewer years spinning myself up about my lack of sexual attraction had I 1) had anyone in my life who could have helped me see I was autistic, and 2) had anyone in my life who helped me learn why I was weirded out about sex.
I absolutely love that you are doing this series! I feel like it is so important to have discussions on these topics, especially being a late diagnosed Autistic Woman myself, understanding that I had been masking during sex has been somewhat scary, it feels like such unknown territory to unmask, and knowing that there is a community of people who share similar experiences has been comforting Also, really glad to hear you talk about masturbation as a form of stimming in part 1. Overall, just so happy to hear these things being discussed Thank you Taylor! 💖🌈 🌿
So happy to see someone mention Neuroqueer. Before I found that term I was using xenogender but my autism felt just as important in explaining my gender. So neuroqueer was perfect.
thank you so much for all that you do in this community. late diagnosed, and without you i would seriously be floundering. it's like my life makes so much sense now, like i am an actual person rather than a strange fairy being floating around in the wrong world. your work is VASTLY IMPORTANT and HUGELY SIGNIFICANT (ooops, repeptitive) so thank you so so very much!
Hi Tay, thank you for this video. I fought gender roles since when I was in kindergarten, because I have never understood why toys were labeled "for boys" and "for girls". Teachers were mean to me. Today I identify myself as agender, asexual, aromantic, and repulsed by sexuality.
It doesn't make sense to me either, how things are labeled as for "boys" or "girls," especially colors!! Colors are so universal!! Why should pink equate with girls and blue with boys? It's a silly box we put ourselves into needlessly.
I'm in my early 30s and kids with gender dysphoria weren't screened for ASD as they are now. I was diagnosed 4 yrs ago and while an earlier ASD diagnosis would not have affected my sense of gender, it would have helped me understand this 'left-handed' world. Thanks for tackling what can be an icky topic for some folks in such a tactful way. As auties we should remain open-minded to the values of other people as we hope they will be toward us.
Diagnosed at 30. Found your channel a few months ago and I'm loving your compassionate and informative approach to spectrum-related questions and themes. Added respect for this series which is a really tough subject to tackle.
I HAVE (TLE) AND WHAT YOU DISCUSSED IN YOUR FIRST TALK REALLY FIT MY LIFE STYLE FOR MY WHOLE LIFE. I HAVE NEVER BEEN PART OF ANY ONE GENDER.......MY ART IS DRIVEN BY MY SEIZURES AND MY CONFUSION OR THE "REAL" WORLD" THAT I LIVE IN IS NEVER FULLY UNDERSTOOD. NOW YOU HAVE A 80 YEAR OLD AS WELL ON THE CHANNEL. BUT I HAVE FOUND MYSELF IN YOUR PODCASTS. MYRON DYAL
Hello friend! I was like, why is this person writing in all capital letters?? Then I saw that you are 80. Amazing! ❤ So great that you are here ☺️ On the internet, writing in 'caps' is considered yelling 😆 I bet you didn't know! So hello from a fellow autistic on RUclips 👋🏻 - Sarah from Australia
TIL I'm a demisexual. I have been saying I simply don't get sexual attraction by a body, however beautiful it might be, and that I have to know the person and get an emotional connection for sex to be put on the table. I'm still undiagnosed - on the waiting list for the tests - but I identify with so many things I discovered through this channel. It has helped me a lot and continues to do so.
I really love that you're diving into gender and sexuality as they relate to autism, particularly concerning those who figure themselves out late in life. Masking was a common survival practice for me as a closeted trans woman, and I was so good at it that I did not even recognize my own autism until long after I came out and transitioned. So the idea that some people might be coming from the other direction (first figuring out they're autistic, then discovering their queerness) makes a lot of sense to me. Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much for all you do. You have helped me see myself in such a different and more beautiful light. I just got diagnosed this past Nov. and I’ve been watching your videos since last May when I suspected I might be autistic. Your videos have been so very helpful, relatable, inspiring, inclusive, and helped me see that my being autistic is okay. You are wonderful and I greatly appreciated you taking the time to share all the things you do.
Thanks so much for the information, my son was diagnosed 2 1/2 years old, he was non verbal and I asked the psychologist about the behavior and told him I work with adults and knew the growth and development of adults. I got nothing when I learn about Donna Williams and Temple Grande , I had to read and educate myself. I a retired Home Health Aide and that what hurts me everyday. So that you so much for this information. I will keep using my book with basic knowledge to help my son.
I’m 61 and although I always knew I was autistic and nonbinary, I didn’t have the words for it we have now, back in the 70’s when I was a teenager. But I did have words for it. I’m intersex, nonbinary (bigender), trans masc, omnisexual, and gray ace. Each of these words is about a different dimension of a spectrum. Thank you so much for doing this topic.
I love these videos so much!! Late diagnosed autistic here, and I so clearly remember learning about asexuality in college and deciding I must be straight & allosexual because I didn't meet exactly every single criteria for bi/ace/lesbian in the definitions we were taught. Even though I didn't want to have sex with anyone, equally 😂 Luckily I'm chronically online and learned more on tumblr years later and realized 1. It's a spectrum, and 2. I'm definitely on it. Sex & sexuality has always been (what I now know is) a special interest for me, so these vids are just *chef's kiss*
This video has helped to fill in some gaps and also understand appropriate language and terminology; an important and interesting topic; Great Series 🙂🖖🏾🍀
So many things!.. i just received my diagnosis today. I'm 43. It didn't matter to me, but I'm in the middle of a custody battle and somehow getting an actual diagnosis seemed like the key to proving that i didn't do what I'm accused of doing.. (evil ex sob story redacted) Now I'm overwhelmed with topics that i need to research. I've been researching mental health for decades trying to solve my own problems, but one video from you answered so many questions than i didn't even know existed. An ex from about 12 years ago (who i have nothing but respect and gratitude toward) introduced me to the term "gender queer." This helped me explain my sexuality, but also introduced immense confusion. Thank you for giving me the terms to dispell that confusion
Enjoying this series. Thank you for all the detailed information! I identify as bisexual and I wanted to clarify something about the meaning of that term since you did not cover it in your video. A long time ago, bisexuality was defined as "being attracted to men and women", but obviously, this definition sort of feeds into the idea that there is a gender binary and that there are only two genders. So the queer community changed the definition of bisexual. Now it is usually cited as meaning: being attracted to more than 1 gender OR being attracted to genders that are the same as you and being attracted to genders that are different than you. I feel like this definition fits me better than "gender is not a factor" because I am more attracted to some genders than others and I have different levels of sexual feelings and romantic feelings towards different genders. I have also met so bisexuals in my day who were attracted to some genders but not all. For example, they may be attracted to female-identifying people and non-binary identifying people, but not male-identifying people or some combination. They may be attracted to male and female identifying people and people who identify as both, but they may not be attracted to people who identify as genderless. Etc.
Much more complex than you ever considered. New genders are being invented every day. For example, car fenders and Persian rugs are now considered genders. No doubt you have heard of Persian rug queer and car fender queer. What makes this even more fascinating is, fender rhymes with gender further cementing this association. These are people who identify as multi-sexual with an unhealthy attraction to even inanimate objects having now been assigned gender. No word if the infamous Bud Light beer can has been labeled beer can queer but hope springs eternal.
@Catlily5 Being attracted to genders the same as yours and genders different than yours doesn't nessecarily mean you're attracted to ALL the genders that are different than yours. You may be attracted to some genders or gender-presentations and not others. Or, as in my case, I be MORE attracted to some genders than I am to others. So the pansexual definition that I've always heard (and the one she provided in the video) that "gender doesn't matter or weigh into a pansexual person's attraction towards someone" doesnt fit me as well as the bisexual definition. Gender does weigh in for me. I am personally most attracted to female-presenting people, then androgynous/ambiguous presenting people, then male-presenting people. Gender does have an impact on my level of attraction towards a person even though I'm attracted to a lot of different genders. Does that answer your question?
@@AsuraSantosha I would agree that I am attracted to all genders but probably some more than others. However, some people say that a bisexual person is only attracted to males and females so I would not agree with that. So I usually just say that I am bi/pan. Anyway I am 49 in less than a week so we didn't have all these options when I was younger. I was just bi. It is interesting. So many terms.
I thought I knew everything about the terms describing sexuality, but I do not. That’s why you say stay curious. I am gay demisexual. “Physical attraction will only occur after an emotional connection has been established.” That was 100% true before I met my partner of 25 years.
Taylor, I feel weird and parasocial about saying this, but I just want to say that I am so proud of you. I know in older videos you referenced certain aspects of your upbringing that would have led me to believe that you would feel a certain way about this topic. But instead you are tackling this difficult topic with grace and respect and data! I feel autistic euphoria about this whole series :) I think your work here shows one of the amazing strengths of us autistics - the way we can challenge the socialization we were embedded within, and change our views of the world when the evidence and our care for others requires it!!
Hi Taylor, I’m an Australian Aspie who is 53 years old, was diagnosed with ASD Aspergers Syndrome in 2003, and has an adult son who is dual diagnosis and queer (and I say so with much love and respect). My brother has twins who are also Aspies. I’m now in a position where I want to set a positive example of being someone who is able to live a fulfilling life as an adult and family member, who my son and nephews know is also on the Spectrum. As such, I want to say a huge thank you to you for helping to educate myself and literally thousands of others in this topic. I feel that you deserve to have whatever you want in life, as much as anyone else does. As a RUclipsr mentor for people in the neurodiverse community, especially the Autism Spectrum Disorder community, I want you to realise how courageous you are to speak freely about sex and ASD. Women are still second class citizens throughout the world, and in many places continue to be persecuted for their beliefs, including their perspectives about sexuality. I truly believe you deserve to be rewarded by the universe, or by God if you will. You are a hero to me, and to many others I think. It is an honour to be able to acknowledge you here. Rock on!
Thank you Taylor for your courage & dedication in the all-embracing topics you cover, with such grace & sensitivity & patience, & the kind loving-mother- type energy I feel from your channel, at the same time I feel you holding the community safely which is a considerable achievement - & also an attribute of a healthily loving mother. I am often reminded of the Buddhist (?) teaching ..If you have nothing nice/good to say, then say nothing at all. And in the film Holy Smoke Harvey Keitel's character writes in lipstick on Kate Winslet's character's forehead ~ BE KIND ~ I watched an NDE recently & the learning was that all the 'little' things matter, the moments & small actions, appreciation, & what's most noticed is how loving & kind are we? - especially when we think noone is looking /to ourself. Gratitude & Kindness are 'free' but such valuable treasures, & Love most of all (tho Love seems different as can choose to be loving but can't choose who we Love (?) but Gratitude & Kindness are always choices (?) )
Thank you for this. Reminds me of Adriene (Yoga with Adriene - yt yoga channel) - she always says "how you do one small thing is how you do everything." It upset me for a while but there is so much truth in this. Moving with intentionality, even through the small decisions and actions throughout our day, really matters.
Thank you, lovely to find your reply ~ I've been watching your videos -from UK- for a while (with great appreciation, & admiration of how do you do it!?) & it feels nice to unexpectedly connect more directly. Also I haven't seen Adriene before, it's years since I did yoga, but 'more movement' is a current priority, so thank you [love her dog Benji looking sooo relaxed & so far in 15 mins of video he's barely moved a paw, just demonstrating peaceful steady belly breathing!] Thank you for sharing her comment, interesting to contemplate & I can see why it bothered you, but agree much truth in it, & worth keeping in mind. Nanna (my paternal grandmother) would often tell me the old saying that 'if something is worth doing it's worth doing well'. Which you seem to have taken to heart & pushed yourself very much - & achieved & masked to a high standard, at great cost.. I'm grateful to have heard some of your life experiences. My Mum generally excelled, at cost to herself & incredibly high standards, I've wondered if she was AS too.. she was among many skills an excellent knitter, but to my anguish would just rip out rows if they weren't to her satisfaction! I've been more comfortable failing than succeeding, & being unwell, & 'hiding', still trying to understand why & untangle it. I'm 54 now, no kids nor career nor marriage, tho a draining 20yr codependent situation with an alcoholic talented artist with major cptsd who I met at a Buddhist meditation retreat, hey ho! I dropped out of university due to health issues which have continued, it's been a loong journey into so-called alternative healing modalities, & wondering why all my various efforts had so little effect, & feeling stressed all the time etc. A circadian sleep disorder Dspd doesn't help, & I was diagnosed dyscalculia after(!) I dropped out of education, but no suggestion of anything else .. then 23years later diagnosed AS, adhd & cptsd (6yrs ago, age48) [thanks to my kind observant (lady) doctor] .. which was a surprise, & a relief. And all the usual which comes from that, including finding you :)) There's so much to review & re-frame & understand, & coping with the general misconceptions - which I had some of initially too. I admire that you turned your diagnosis into helping others, & a job/career/mission, & wish I could do something equally constructive. Well, I've just done 'my usual' which nearly always irritates NTs of 'going on too long ' ! At which point I feel editing is more than I can manage so would say sorry & send or just delete it all, or transfer to an email draft where it will languish.. or replace with a one-sentence tho that is hard work for me! Luckily long messages & going off at tangents is usually ok with my few ND friends ~ bless them, bless me, bless you & bless all here! Thank you, so much, for your presence & support, & welcoming us all, & hearing & seeing us, & sharing you, & your insights & information. I like seeing your piano, & weights, & gorgeous cat.. might you play us some gentle piano (and or flute??) sometime please? I used to play piano but sadly not for years, as it's beautiful. ❤️
After 20 years of marriage with three children, I realized my sexuality as well as my spectrum. Thank you for your video, so much ease brought into my world!! ✨
Thanks. I practiced strictest celibacy and chastity for a long time. But over the last 2 years or so, I have met a few ladies that have made me want to be closer to them.
Very good information it's nice to see I'm not the only 1. I'm a late diagnosed man that is just now learning how to deal with it. Thanks for the videos
OMG, I've never heard of libiduos asexual... I've always felt like I might be on the aspec, but none of the labels really fit me. I think I might've finally found The Word to describe how I feel about myself, thank you so much!
I just discovered your channel and jumped between your videos of the last few years. I feel about crying because I do recognize myself in so many things, if not all... I have the thought, that I might be autistic for several years now (I just turned 26) and with your videos I am now finally at the point of "okay, I want to reach out for a professional ". Thank you for your channel and all the information and sharing experiences! ❤ So... Now you mentioned that there are autistic meltdowns and feel like: Really? I am not just broken and weird and have meltdowns because the world and responsibilities are just too much and I am just too weak for everything. Everyone else is able to jump between tasks and be punctual and I want to jump out of the train if the battery of the noise cancelling is running low, I am so broken. But the meltdown is also included and I am okay? :') And yes, I am bisexual and polyamorous and I do feel like I want to explore more and not be stuck in one drawer. Wow, this seems to be normal and not forbidden and weird here too. Aaand my partner is getting confused why I do need different things on different days. He always keeps saying "A manual would be useful, but I am pretty sure it will change everyday" And yeah apparently I do feel like the spoon theory is correct for me... Now after rereading the text I am not sure if someone will understand my thousand thoughts written down... And after pouring my heart out to the internet and total strangers, I feel like I will get rude replies too and my thought is "Yep, they are getting me wrong AGAIN... But I am just a small woman who doesn't want any harm so please leave me in peace :)"
I think you’ll find this community to be very accepting and validating! And yes you’re not alone. Your experiences sound like they line up so well with mine and others here. Welcome to the community! I have a lot more resources on my website MomOnTheSpectrum.life
I think you'll find plenty of people both here and in other autistic spaces - on the internet and irl - who have had experiences and feelings and thoughts similar to yours, or which you can relate to. Not everyone will be welcoming or understanding - people being people - but many autists are more open-minded and accepting, more okay with flouting society's norms, and have far more empathy than they're usually given credit for. So welcome, be yourself (whomever that might be), and may you find acceptance from others on the internet and in real life, and also inside your own mind and heart.
It wasn't until after I had come out as trans and nonbinary, and after I actively sought out an autism screening that I was finally diagnosed. I knew I was neurodivergent, and I had always exhibited a lot of the signs, but those had been attributed to depression, OCD, and social anxiety. One of my major clues was that all my friends are autistic by some strange coincidence. Another was finding out about the high statistical correlation between gender diversity and autism. Now a lot of things about my life make sense in retrospect.
Great work! I would clarify that gender euphoria can be experienced regardless of sex assigned at birth. For an example, a trans man might experience a feeling of lightness and congruence after getting his hair cut in a masculine style for the first time.
Always thought I was just Asexual or at most graysexual. Never heard of "cupiosexual" but that actually seems to fit pretty well. Was never involved/wanting in sex before marriage. When I got married I wanted to experience that with my husband, still do. Never quite knew if thats what people meant by sexual attraction, but now I understand you don't have to feel it to want it. Thanks for teaching me something today!
Thank you so much for these videos and yes, you're right in regards to masking and disregarding my wants and needs! For many years even after I was diagnosed with audhd, i thought it was due to my trauma but in the last year or so, round the time i was turning 30, i began feeling very differently as in i could literally feel my libido going to new heights🫣 and thanks also to therapy as well in regards to my low self esteem i now feel very different and more confident even with sex which is very new to me. Anyway, until now it didnt even occur to me for some reason that of course it would also impact this side of my life as well😅 but also im beginning to realize my wants and needs in life in general are very different now to what they used to be, it may have taken me a minute or a few years🤭 to catch up to the rest of humanity but now i feel like a fully grown self efficient adult and in the next few years major life changes will be happening and for once im not scared im excited! Anyway, keep up the good work and love your videos on to part 3❤❤
I have spent the last 15 years studying the Latin term Mem Ento Mori. Latin 2 it is 3 words. This ceremony has a huge mount to do with the functionality of our intimacies
I first came out as bi / pan at 17. At 25 I had my first relationship with another queer person and I realized queer was a better fit than bi. Just a few years ago in my 30's I learned about asexuality and realized I'm a-spec, demi or gray ace, still not sure which! I'm also trans and that's been a whole process too. I just learned that I'm autistic about a year ago, and I've never felt so seen! I finally found my people. I love our queer, trans, neurodivergent community so much. ❤
I've known I'm Demisexual for a year or two but I only recently found out I'm autistic... I've been connecting the dots for days... So many things make sense finally...
I have an autistic daughter she is level 3 non verbal. I enjoy learning through people who are autistic than regular normal people like myself. I don't follow the norms . I take her cues for everything . I respect her space needing and other things
I love your videos☺️as a late (self) diagnosed autistic woman, your content really resonates with me! I would add the term fraysexual, the opposite of demisexual. For me, I feel like the only way I can have any sort of sex drive is if the person doesn’t know me, doesn’t know my strict prefereces, doesn’t love me with all his heart, etc. I need to be able to mask and the masked version of myself can have a libido, and even really enjoy sex, surprisingly! Idk how it works, I would really love to get some help on this topic tbh because I’m in a long term relationship with zero sex (and a really understanding partner) and it’s a reoccuring theme. When i’m in a long term relationship, after the initial few months of not really knowing eachother and having sex all the time- i become sex averse, and i can’t even really watch it in movies, etc. but after a breakup and a few months, my sexuality returns and I’m ready to mingle and I don’t feel disgusted and uneasy about it anymore. I also have to add that this is only true for long term relationships where I don’t mask, because my partner accepts me wholeheartedly, and loves me very much. I had a long term relationship with someone who was very much on the avoidant side of the attachment scale and with him, I could never be my full self, was masking, and had really really high libido. It was shit emotionally, but I finally felt that I’m “cured” sexually, I can have sex like “normal people” (and really enjoy it, initiated it often) after all. This was all before I figured out I was autistic btw Gosh I would love it so much if you could include this topic in a video, I’m so clueless as to what to do. Where I live (a small country in europe), autism in women is a very much unexplored territory, and I don’t feel like a “regular” sex therapist could really grasp this thing, and could lead me to a solution that wouldn’t make me feel like shit and that wouldn’t traumatize me. Long comment, sorry! I just really felt like writing this down, as I feel like this channel is a safe place☺️
I know a lot of these. My dad says hes a cupiosexual. He said he didn't used to always be that way but he definitely feels he is now. I think that's kinda sweet. 😊 Also, i highly suggest anyone struggling with gender dysphoria find someone you trust you can talk to about it. Preferably a mental health professional. I put it off for years and I cant tell you how glad i am i decided to stop procrastinating hoping it would go away on its own. Wishing you all the best 🤗💗
Anyone else here who also struggles with the term “romantic”? For a lot of people there seems to be a clear distinction between friendships and “romantic” relationships. I don’t have that. I just have feelings of different intensity for different people. I also feel like my feelings quite often are somewhat “reactive”, in the sense that when another person is attracted to me that can also increase my interest in them. Sometimes I struggle with this as it seems somewhat opportunistic to me, but it’s the way I feel.
I'm currently self diagnosed autistic currently trying to get a diagnosis and I'm trans intersex pansexual but romantically gay but I usually just call myself a lesbian because I can't see myself in relationships with men also call my self queer since it's easier
I knew I was trans as a kid / teenager, and once I found the term "Pansexual" I finally figured out my sexuality (separate and independent from gender!) It wasn't until age 33 that I learned I'm autistic It's still both weird and neat, being in this group, because on one hand it's many of us, that overlap, of trans, non-straight, and autistic/ADHD, but then again it's ALSO tricky because there's hardly ANY bloggers and RUclipsrs in those intersections: most are still straight, cis, etc. So there's the isolation still, with not seeing videos and vloggers who talk about all these intersections
I tell people that I am mostly a sex positive, transgender, Sapphic leaning, panromantic demisexual. I get weird looks, but it explains me really succintly.
"this might be a new frontier…" Right after you said that, I started singing The John Dunbar Theme from Dances With Wolves. Now I feel like watching that movie. Time to drop everything and watch it. Thanks to Goodwill I own it on VHS tape.
Thank you, I'm really enjoying this series. I'd say I'm a sex-favourable demisexual, very likely heterosexual but since I've only ever been interested in sex with one person in my life I'm not 100% sure about that last part.
A gender term I learned that has helped me a lot internally is the idea of "demi-girl" or "demi-boy". I understand it as "rather than completely nonbinary, I align a little bit more with one of the binaries, but not completely". I don't feel completely nonbinary, maybe because I've been raised as a female for so long, but I also dont feel completely "female". So I like this term.
Asexual is a relatively new one to me, as a few friends of mine have recently identified as such. This was definitely interesting to learn more about it and how diverse it is.
Thanks Taylor, as always. This is SUCH an important subject for us - and hard to find much on it. I'm defintiely demisexual (Oh how all those awful highschool years suddenly made sense!). I had been using pansexual. Omnisexual is new to me, checking the distinction between the two omni fits even better - so thanks for that xx
I'm 51, and just recently realised I'm almost certainly on the spectrum (still awaiting assessment). I've never really 'fitted the profile' that I've always been told women/females were supposed be like - but I've never doubted that I was one. I just felt annoyed that people's definitions of what it meant to be female were so narrow. As far as sex goes, I've never felt any interest in having sex with any person I wasn't in love with. (I happen to be straight, but I see men as people first, male second.) I've never felt that I need a special word to describe any of that - it's just what I am. 🙂 (If the terms help you - great! 🙂 I'm not saying anybody else has to be like me - just relating my own experiences. 🙂)
You brought up a great point, Girl. The fact that sex can be so meaningful when it’s with someone you love and are in love with. Very cool, figuratively speaking. I went to see P!NK in concert last week in Australia. Her songs are constant reminders to me of how other people also feel that sex is best when it’s in a loving way.
@@matthewconley7495 - To be honest, I personally find it bewildering that people want to have sex with someone they don't love. I accept that it is so, but I don't understand it at all. 🤷
@@HappyOddGirlme either. It’s wild to me that we’ve actually created a label to describe people that need to form an emotional connection with a person before being intimate with them. Just seems like that would the standard.
Thanks for covering this! Since you covered "pan/omnisexual", I just wanted to talk about the relationship of those terms to the more commonly-known "bisexual". Sometimes people think that there is a distinction between these terms regarding how one relates to trans or nonbinary people, and accuse people using one or the other of being transphobic - that is (usually) not accurate! "Bisexual" was the original umbrella term used to describe being attracted to more than one gender and it has played an important role in activism. But even at the beginning many people who identified with this term would have said that this didn't just refer to liking cis men and cis women (for example). These days, as you mention, those who feel pan- or ominisexual describes them better are those for whom gender isn't a factor in attraction. Those of us who prefer to stick with "bisexual" may simply prefer the more widely understood term, or may feel that we have different "types" for (cis or trans) men, (cis or trans) women, and/or non-binary people and thus gender DOES play into how attraction works for us.
You might think that I am joking, but I know at least 4 people who say they identify as Bi instead of Pan because they like the flag better. I've also heard of polysexual (not to be confused with polyamorous), multisexual and spectrasexual. People love to name things.
Diagnozed at 33 and at 34 I have still never been in a romantic/sexual relationship but I want to. Also, thinking that has to be something totally unique. Grey and/or demi sexuality spectrum feels quite much like me; I might want to be intimate with a guy I have learned to know first, I think, but one night stands will never be for me. Navigating the strong and overwhelming feelings of devotion on the pure psychological level that is a part of romance has been a scary thing for me though, as I had a purely platonic crush on a pop singer at my early 20s that I was unable to handle and in the end drawn me right into a depression. That, together with those classical self sabotaging beliefs of being too weird to be loved (and that all heterosexual men is oppressive towards women) is probably why I have been lonely all my life. I have started to work with these matters more intensely lately so this video series is perfect timing! More and more seriously considering to start online dating so this is so good to know about! 😊 A video series about RSD and autism is also highly requested as that truly is the one ASD/neurodivergence related thing making my life hard!
I would call my self normal. Buti was really busy with school work other stuff. I am now more focused on finding someone to really explore relationship/sex. But watch stuff online.
8:55, many persons with sex chromosome abnormalities carry autism as a comorbidity. (SCA’s like Klinefelter syndrome, and Turner Syndrome, but there are many others), which some consider intersex. I’m not really sure. We have hormones, out of kilter. I’m male, but around puberty, developed female biology, due to high estrogen. There are many of us, and the majority have autism. It’s why I’m watching these videos…to learn, and make sense of my life. I’m getting there.
i find that I used to crave sex because I wanted intimacy with someone but I haven't done the deed in almost two years and I find myself less overwhelmed with no sex. I think I found myself having sex because it is the most talked about subject in society and I felt that I had to do it. But looking back at it during sex I felt overwhelmed and not really enjoying myself. I am queer but I also think I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum and also autistic. It's hard navigating how I feel because it's hard for me to recognize my feelings as an autistic person. Thank you for your video I learned a little bit more about myself and society
I only discovered I was demisexual when I was fourthy one so four years ago and it explained so much. Unfortunately, my libido is normal so it can be rough sometimes. My previous therapist told me I was just romantic... and yes, I am but being demisexual is not a choice of mine. Being romantic is.
Concerning the self-identification statistics: It is possible that the tendency for the neurodiverse to be very specific in their definitions and labeling criteria has contributed to a higher reporting of sexual diversity the neurodiverse population. Neurotypicals work with broader borders to their definitions, so their self-reporting is fuzzier and less accurate. Consider neurotypical men who hook up with other men, but still firmly believe they are heterosexual, in spite of motivations to expand their sexual options. Just saying... Me: Okay, I'm not aromantic or anywhere in the asexual spectrum. I do lean demisexual; it's a basis I often advance to who I'm about to sleep with, but sometimes assume is reciprocated (and can unfortunately be mistaken about ; I tend to like others more than they apparently like me). Pansexual/omnisexual does include me, but the 'plumbing' still makes a difference in whether it is a satisfying experience for me ('toys' just don't supplant flesh). I guess I lean a bit into nonbinary. Neuroqueer sounds intriguing, so I guess I'll be checking that out. My family is atypical in so many respects; some people speak of coming from a broken home, while I describe mine as an exploded home. Multiple divorces, me and siblings raised as 'only-children' (each a faux only-child), mother mostly absent or disappeared, several stepfathers having main or sole responsibility for me, abandoned to grandparents or extended family members... A real mess, complicated by pre-feminist custody laws and poverty. Yes, ripe for traumatizing incidents (you have no idea). But I'm overly-intelligent and bookish; I've relied on research my whole life. Anything that leaves you not knowing, there are books documenting others' experiences and research and deep thoughts. I have always had a voracious curiosity, so I read to learn and I carefully digest the info I consume. So, by the age of nine, I looked to religion (I was in the South). By twelve, I looked to psychology. I spent a lot of my teens and 20s and even 30s in deep conversations with people about experiences, spirituality, psychology, culture, even metaphysics, all in pursuit of understanding myself. Because there was NO ONE like me; my values were different, my comprehension was different. The parallels I drew enlightened others, but I was alone in seeing them (except for occasionally in my reading). I've spent over a half-century trying to establish perspective, trying to understand who I am, why I do what I do, if there are better ways to respond or process what I encounter. Sexuality is one aspect of life, but it seeps into and affects pretty much everything. It isn't THE key to understanding oneself, but it is A key to accomplish this. There's a saying, 'You never step into the same river twice'; sex and relationships are unique experiences every moment you are engaged in them. As such, they are rich sources of information that speak directly to who you are and what world you are floundering in. There are no answers. But there is a story constantly extending out from you, like ripples out and returning.
I can’t tell if it’s because I’m autistic or actually aromantic, but the fact romance never seems to be defined aside from using the word “romantic” has always bothered me and never clarified what romantic attraction actually is. Do I feel it? Do I want it? I can’t even answer these questions if I don’t know what it is!
"the fact romance (...) attraction actually is." Just like sexual attraction, it's a feeling like no other. You would have to experience it to know for sure what it's like, and I suppose it varies from one person to the next. Personally I find it reasonable to compare it to waking up well-rested, feeling a headache easing up, laughing more or less hysterically... or why not learning something new and interesting, or a different pleasant surprise. But usually stronger and rarer. Perhaps a bit like getting/being drunk. And if you just can't (and don't want to) stop thinking about that person, and you're sure it isn't only sexual or platonic attraction, I believe you can be satisfied that it's a case of (romantic) love. Now, when it comes to things that are described as "romantic", I tend to think that it's unnecessary, wasteful, unpleasant or at least not very interesting. That might be the case for you as well. But that is, as far as I can tell, a different topic.
@@knrdvmmlbkkn The only times I've not been able to stop thinking about someone seem to be when I'm in an unhealthy relationship (friendship or otherwise) and it's accompanied by extreme anxiety and thoughts of unhealthy attachment. So I don't think those count and I can't say I desire to experience those times again.
@@The1nvisibleJeevas"The only times (...) of unhealthy attachment." Well, that probably feels different from being in love... different from walking on clouds and sunshine.
Yes. I am still figuring out the gender and sexuality thing myself. I've had to be in hyper mask mode when it comes to that kind of thing for most of my life, since the majority of my family members are Trumplicans. I have only recently gained the self confidence to just be myself. I'm in my 40s, and I am just now reaching the stage that most people do as teenagers.
I can relate to this in a lot of ways. I also feel like I'm just now coming to understand many aspects of myself that many discover when much younger. It's a beautiful journey though! So glad to finally be finding my voice
"I have only (...) just be myself." Well, how could you possibly *not* be yourself? That would seemingly take some mental gymnastics and/or creative definitions of words like "be".
Thank you Taylor for this series. I'm 53 and was late diagnosed at 51. I have always felt guilty for not having a family with my wife and now I'm older I regret not having kids. The trouble is being autistic I have never felt like a man and have always identified with being a young boy. So I never felt old enough to be a parent, sounds weird I know. In group therapy with other autistic men, I have heard they felt the same. I feel like I have robbed my wife of so much. Sometimes I hate and am ashamed of being autistic
Hi Andre, I can relate to that too. I think it’s healthy to have a good relationship with your inner child, and if you feel like a child at times, perhaps this is a healthy approach to take with yourself. Realise that you are a grown man, and be that man for your wife, but don’t be afraid to relate to your own inner child, and cherish and love that part of your identity. That’s what I would try doing if I was “in your shoes”. Matt Conley
I actually discovered I was autistic because of a study I read that discussed about people who have gender variance having a higher percentage of being autistic. That led me down the rabbit hole
I would like to say one more thing , part of having autism is not know social boundaries well that is why I embraced sexuality in multiple forms .and have also freely enjoyed them . 😊
Nice video. Just a couple of comments: aromanticism is also a spectrum with other identities and labels within; and pansexuality and omnisexuality are not the same, the former is the attraction regardless of gender and the latter is the attraction towards all genders (with possible variations among the genders).
I adore your channel but the abrupt edit to zoom in is overwhelming / nausea inducing. You don’t have to change anything for me. I have options like listening only or simply not watching. I’m commenting tho to share my experience in case others have similar reaction. I know you can’t please everyone all the time. But sometimes it is nice to know about others’ pov. I hope this comment reads ok. Again I really respect & appreciate you and your channel ❤
My daughter initially identified as asexual, but for about a year, she has expressed that she is transgender. There are no discernible masculine traits in her behavior, appearance (such as short hair and clothing), or interests typically associated with males. Could it simply be that she is in the process of understanding her identity? She is nearly 19 and is currently being evaluated for a diagnosis. Thank you for sharing all you learned about ASD!
Aromantic here. I think it is more useful to define aromantic as someone who does not experience romantic *feelings* rather than romantic *attraction*. Many realise that they are aromantic after having been in relationships where there partner has said "I love you" and they have felt pressure or expectation to return the sentiment, without feeling anything different from how they feel for close friends (other than sexual attraction). I used to think that romantic love was friend love plus sexual attraction.
@@Catlily5 As an aromantic it's hard for me to describe what romantic love is. But the fact that romantic love persists in relationships past the honeymoon phase, when sex is no longer a priority, as well as asexual people experiencing romantic love, tells me that sex is not an inherent part of romantic love. Asexual people experience a distinction between friend love and romantic love. Non aromantic people can have sex with close friends without being in love with them. The experiences of other people tell me that romantic feelings are something distinct from friendship, and I have not experienced that.
Thank you for sharing the neuroqueer website! I was mentally playing with this term myself but had no idea it was a real one! I definitely am someone who masked their sexuality without even knowing it -- I just did what I thought I had to do -- now I know that I am very asexual and experience what is more likely alterous attraction rather than actually romantic... and gender doesn’t really matter - though I am finding myself drawn to those who identify as women or non-binary now more than men. I myself don’t really identify with any gender -- so I'm more agender than anything else -- I use the she/her pronouns I've always known (especially since any queerness I have has to be closeted for safety), but I honestly do not feel connected to any pronoun. While I would love a queerplatonic relationship with someone -- I'm an autisic in my mid-forties with two autistic and physically handicapped sons in their mid-twenties... that's a big package. Currently I have long covid too... at this point I'm just happy to have anyone to chat with on the hiki app. 😉 I will probably just be alone and caring for my sons from here on out.
Tell me about it sister 😵💫 As a late diagnosed, high masking, transwoman with both ASD and ADHD.. i'm still not sure whom i am attracted to.. 😂 but hey, that is an journey i'm looking forward to take
Woman and Man are genders, Male and Female are sexes. It's important to not use those terms interchangeably as they are not. If they were, then we wouldn't have a separation of gender and sex.
Thanks for the video! I wasn't taught much about autism or sexuality (being in less open country) and it's liberating to know that I can be asexual and still have a sex drive. Self stimulation to me is more like a hobby that I do it every day (like showering) or I forget entirely, and after learning that it helps with pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder I am starting to see it as a healthy part of me. So I do it regularly but I don't see the appeal of having sex with others except from bonding, like playing a two player video game. I'm still asexual for thinking this way right?
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
People are emailing you that they don't like the subject of masturbation!? God, people need to learn boundaries. Thank you for everything you do!
yes 🤪especially in regards to faith. It's ok. Sexuality brings up a lot of complex issues for humans. I like that people are exploring it and questioning things.
Despite my intimacy repulsion, I respect any kind of consensual relationship, alone or with other people.
@@MomontheSpectrum Your patience and compassion are inspiring!
Wait... that's their boundaries and its valid.
People's boundaries can clash and, no one is exactly to blame as long as we respect eachothers boundaries and validate them !
Not a fan of this topic also and I am not even religious xD !
Funnily enough, the more I learn about those topics, the less interested and the more drawn away I am from it ^-^...
I don't mean to be disrespectful, just... happy.
Christianity is, in the terms being thrown around here a-/demi-normative (whether demisexuality or asexuality is promoted more varies with time, place, and subculture). From the perspective that demisexuality is ideal, masturbation raises at least two issues:
1) Before marriage, a person can train themself into the expectation that sexual gratification will be more readily available than their spouse can provide, which can lead to a demanding attitude when they do get married.
2) During marriage, one's spouse might see masturbation as a rejection.
The sexual attitudes of modern society are seen, among the more strongly religious, as mostly serving the interests of undisciplined young men at the expense of everybody else, and self control in small matters is seen as the key to self control in big matters, so treating masturbation as healthy is seen as an indifference to rape culture.
I'm happy that you mentioned demisexual in this context. My autism self-diagnosis and experience of sexuality clicked together. This reflection is now possible, after I have stopped masking my sexuality too.
This is extremely important. The more this topic is opened up and discussed the less likely we are susceptible to abuse which is a real problem in the ASD population. Demisexual 😎
Awesome! Thanks for sharing. 😎
@@MomontheSpectrum for many of us the abuse susceptibility issue in relation to ASD would be a helpful subject to cover, like sexuality it will be a tough one for many people. For some it could be triggering while others outright deny its existence. Thanks - reclaimed bisexual 😢-->😊
You are so right! I am a late diagnosed Autistic person and upon unmasking a bit and just embracing my autism, I discovered that I’m Bisexual.
🙌
Same
THANK YOU!!! Diagnosed at 56. Been trying to wrap my head around this issue for years. This is a very help framework to further this topic.
So glad it is helpful to you! You're welcome.
I know this is a difficult topic to cover, but it is definitely one that is relevant for many Autistic people. When I was trying to research my own presentation to explain it to my family, that is actually what led me to finding out that I was Autistic. I came upon a research paper and study about atypical gender presentations in Autistic people. That is what led me to begin studying about Autism. As I learned more about it, it became more and more obvious that I was Autistic. I had always wondered why I was different from everyone else, and why I struggled in certain aspects of my life, despite being intelligent. Everything suddenly made sense. It is all very new to me, as I am 42 years old, and I am still trying to wrap my head around my new reality. In some ways it is a relief, but it is also difficult due to the fact that I now see how different I am. It is a lot to process, but it feels so good just being myself and not having to mask anymore. I did it for so long that I didn't even realize that I was doing it, and I didn't realize how much energy I was devoting to masking until I stopped doing it.
YES!!! Also it sounds like the term neuroqueer might be especially helpful to you!!
Wow. I'd heard before that there's some kind of correlation between autism and asexuality (and general queerness) but I didn't realise the extent! I knew something about me was different in this regard waaaaay before autism ever crossed my mind, so hearing that there's that connection between the two is actually quite comforting. By some stroke of luck, my therapist is also autistic and ace, crazy. Such an interesting and useful series, so thank you :)
You’re welcome! Glad it is helpful. 🙏🏼
Thanks for this Taylor. I remember coming across asexuality at university. I was so glad to see I wasn't alone.
I identify as bi-demisexual but I am not in relationship and its not a priority for me. I value deep, emotional friendships and don't need/ value intimacy as much.
So nice to hear about your experience! Thanks for sharing it here as I know it will help others who are coming to terms with their own expression of sexuality.
Okay, but having intimacy does not have to define what a relationship is. You can be happy with just the romantic component with the right person. I am polyamorous myself and have a strong sex drive, but I wouldn't mind having a non-sexual relationship with one person and a sexual with another. I don't think I could be without being close, long intense hugging and soft caressing though - mmm... Soft touching is a way for me to express affection and tenderness. I live with a lot of anxiety in my daily life so I guess caressing someone else also becomes a way of calming myself down assuming they have the same need as I have - another one like me, but who is still not me, haha. 😄
Thank you so much! As a late-diagnosed autistic person who is also asexual, so much of my teen and early adult years trying to thread through romantic and sexual relationships was extra confusing, and frankly, often scary. I wish I had the resource you provide, because you are so clear, kind, and thoughtful-I might have spent fewer years spinning myself up about my lack of sexual attraction had I 1) had anyone in my life who could have helped me see I was autistic, and 2) had anyone in my life who helped me learn why I was weirded out about sex.
Aww I'm so glad this info has been helpful to you. Thanks for letting me know this! I appreciate your comment.
Great video! Some fantastic new terms to explore. Thank you for getting this info out there!!!
You're welcome! Thanks for your comment.
I absolutely love that you are doing this series! I feel like it is so important to have discussions on these topics, especially being a late diagnosed Autistic Woman myself, understanding that I had been masking during sex has been somewhat scary, it feels like such unknown territory to unmask, and knowing that there is a community of people who share similar experiences has been comforting
Also, really glad to hear you talk about masturbation as a form of stimming in part 1. Overall, just so happy to hear these things being discussed
Thank you Taylor! 💖🌈 🌿
So happy to see someone mention Neuroqueer. Before I found that term I was using xenogender but my autism felt just as important in explaining my gender. So neuroqueer was perfect.
It’s a great term!
thank you so much for all that you do in this community. late diagnosed, and without you i would seriously be floundering. it's like my life makes so much sense now, like i am an actual person rather than a strange fairy being floating around in the wrong world. your work is VASTLY IMPORTANT and HUGELY SIGNIFICANT (ooops, repeptitive) so thank you so so very much!
Thank you Taylor!! These videos about sex and gender have made me feel less alone and more educated!!
Hi Tay, thank you for this video. I fought gender roles since when I was in kindergarten, because I have never understood why toys were labeled "for boys" and "for girls". Teachers were mean to me. Today I identify myself as agender, asexual, aromantic, and repulsed by sexuality.
Same here! I do love romance when it's outside of myself though but it's amazing how many of us can share similar traits with gender and sexuality.
It doesn't make sense to me either, how things are labeled as for "boys" or "girls," especially colors!! Colors are so universal!! Why should pink equate with girls and blue with boys? It's a silly box we put ourselves into needlessly.
I'm in my early 30s and kids with gender dysphoria weren't screened for ASD as they are now. I was diagnosed 4 yrs ago and while an earlier ASD diagnosis would not have affected my sense of gender, it would have helped me understand this 'left-handed' world.
Thanks for tackling what can be an icky topic for some folks in such a tactful way. As auties we should remain open-minded to the values of other people as we hope they will be toward us.
Diagnosed at 30. Found your channel a few months ago and I'm loving your compassionate and informative approach to spectrum-related questions and themes. Added respect for this series which is a really tough subject to tackle.
I HAVE (TLE) AND WHAT YOU DISCUSSED IN YOUR FIRST TALK REALLY FIT MY LIFE STYLE FOR MY WHOLE LIFE. I HAVE NEVER BEEN PART OF ANY ONE GENDER.......MY ART IS DRIVEN BY MY SEIZURES AND MY CONFUSION OR THE "REAL" WORLD" THAT I LIVE IN IS NEVER FULLY UNDERSTOOD. NOW YOU HAVE A 80 YEAR OLD AS WELL ON THE CHANNEL. BUT I HAVE FOUND MYSELF IN YOUR PODCASTS. MYRON DYAL
Hello friend!
I was like, why is this person writing in all capital letters?? Then I saw that you are 80. Amazing! ❤ So great that you are here ☺️
On the internet, writing in 'caps' is considered yelling 😆
I bet you didn't know!
So hello from a fellow autistic on RUclips 👋🏻
- Sarah from Australia
TIL I'm a demisexual. I have been saying I simply don't get sexual attraction by a body, however beautiful it might be, and that I have to know the person and get an emotional connection for sex to be put on the table. I'm still undiagnosed - on the waiting list for the tests - but I identify with so many things I discovered through this channel. It has helped me a lot and continues to do so.
I really love that you're diving into gender and sexuality as they relate to autism, particularly concerning those who figure themselves out late in life. Masking was a common survival practice for me as a closeted trans woman, and I was so good at it that I did not even recognize my own autism until long after I came out and transitioned. So the idea that some people might be coming from the other direction (first figuring out they're autistic, then discovering their queerness) makes a lot of sense to me.
Keep up the good work!
Oh my!
I've always accepted for who I am, I just didn't know so many terms I could describe myself with! 💡💡💡
Thank you for talking about that!❤
Thank you so much for all you do. You have helped me see myself in such a different and more beautiful light. I just got diagnosed this past Nov. and I’ve been watching your videos since last May when I suspected I might be autistic. Your videos have been so very helpful, relatable, inspiring, inclusive, and helped me see that my being autistic is okay. You are wonderful and I greatly appreciated you taking the time to share all the things you do.
Thanks so much for the information, my son was diagnosed 2 1/2 years old, he was non verbal and I asked the psychologist about the behavior and told him I work with adults and knew the growth and development of adults. I got nothing when I learn about Donna Williams and Temple Grande , I had to read and educate myself. I a retired Home Health Aide and that what hurts me everyday. So that you so much for this information. I will keep using my book with basic knowledge to help my son.
I’m 61 and although I always knew I was autistic and nonbinary, I didn’t have the words for it we have now, back in the 70’s when I was a teenager. But I did have words for it.
I’m intersex, nonbinary (bigender), trans masc, omnisexual, and gray ace. Each of these words is about a different dimension of a spectrum.
Thank you so much for doing this topic.
I love these videos so much!! Late diagnosed autistic here, and I so clearly remember learning about asexuality in college and deciding I must be straight & allosexual because I didn't meet exactly every single criteria for bi/ace/lesbian in the definitions we were taught. Even though I didn't want to have sex with anyone, equally 😂
Luckily I'm chronically online and learned more on tumblr years later and realized 1. It's a spectrum, and 2. I'm definitely on it.
Sex & sexuality has always been (what I now know is) a special interest for me, so these vids are just *chef's kiss*
Oh I’m so glad you’re enjoying the series! Thanks for your comment 😊
This video has helped to fill in some gaps and also understand appropriate language and terminology; an important and interesting topic; Great Series 🙂🖖🏾🍀
Awesome! So glad it is helpful to you. Thanks for the feedback.
@@MomontheSpectrum 😇
So many things!.. i just received my diagnosis today. I'm 43. It didn't matter to me, but I'm in the middle of a custody battle and somehow getting an actual diagnosis seemed like the key to proving that i didn't do what I'm accused of doing.. (evil ex sob story redacted)
Now I'm overwhelmed with topics that i need to research.
I've been researching mental health for decades trying to solve my own problems, but one video from you answered so many questions than i didn't even know existed.
An ex from about 12 years ago (who i have nothing but respect and gratitude toward) introduced me to the term "gender queer."
This helped me explain my sexuality, but also introduced immense confusion.
Thank you for giving me the terms to dispell that confusion
I appreciate this topic as well!, so great of you to do this video.
🤗
Thank you - as always very well researched and presented. Very helpful too! Looking forward to pt3!
You're so welcome! And yes, part 3 is actually already shot and edited!! I'm on top of my game this time! It's set to release Wed March 20.
Enjoying this series. Thank you for all the detailed information!
I identify as bisexual and I wanted to clarify something about the meaning of that term since you did not cover it in your video. A long time ago, bisexuality was defined as "being attracted to men and women", but obviously, this definition sort of feeds into the idea that there is a gender binary and that there are only two genders. So the queer community changed the definition of bisexual. Now it is usually cited as meaning: being attracted to more than 1 gender OR being attracted to genders that are the same as you and being attracted to genders that are different than you.
I feel like this definition fits me better than "gender is not a factor" because I am more attracted to some genders than others and I have different levels of sexual feelings and romantic feelings towards different genders.
I have also met so bisexuals in my day who were attracted to some genders but not all. For example, they may be attracted to female-identifying people and non-binary identifying people, but not male-identifying people or some combination. They may be attracted to male and female identifying people and people who identify as both, but they may not be attracted to people who identify as genderless.
Etc.
Your second paragraph is a mood
(Not saying I disagree with the rest of it because I don't)
Much more complex than you ever considered. New genders are being invented every day. For example, car fenders and Persian rugs are now considered genders. No doubt you have heard of Persian rug queer and car fender queer. What makes this even more fascinating is, fender rhymes with gender further cementing this association. These are people who identify as multi-sexual with an unhealthy attraction to even inanimate objects having now been assigned gender. No word if the infamous Bud Light beer can has been labeled beer can queer but hope springs eternal.
So what is the difference between bisexual and pansexual then?
@Catlily5 Being attracted to genders the same as yours and genders different than yours doesn't nessecarily mean you're attracted to ALL the genders that are different than yours. You may be attracted to some genders or gender-presentations and not others. Or, as in my case, I be MORE attracted to some genders than I am to others. So the pansexual definition that I've always heard (and the one she provided in the video) that "gender doesn't matter or weigh into a pansexual person's attraction towards someone" doesnt fit me as well as the bisexual definition. Gender does weigh in for me. I am personally most attracted to female-presenting people, then androgynous/ambiguous presenting people, then male-presenting people. Gender does have an impact on my level of attraction towards a person even though I'm attracted to a lot of different genders.
Does that answer your question?
@@AsuraSantosha I would agree that I am attracted to all genders but probably some more than others. However, some people say that a bisexual person is only attracted to males and females so I would not agree with that. So I usually just say that I am bi/pan. Anyway I am 49 in less than a week so we didn't have all these options when I was younger. I was just bi. It is interesting. So many terms.
I thought I knew everything about the terms describing sexuality, but I do not. That’s why you say stay curious. I am gay demisexual. “Physical attraction will only occur after an emotional connection has been established.” That was 100% true before I met my partner of 25 years.
Enjoying this series. I'm excited for the next one.
I am a trans fem person your info really made understanding it better for me I had so much self conscious about who I am thank you
Taylor, I feel weird and parasocial about saying this, but I just want to say that I am so proud of you. I know in older videos you referenced certain aspects of your upbringing that would have led me to believe that you would feel a certain way about this topic. But instead you are tackling this difficult topic with grace and respect and data! I feel autistic euphoria about this whole series :) I think your work here shows one of the amazing strengths of us autistics - the way we can challenge the socialization we were embedded within, and change our views of the world when the evidence and our care for others requires it!!
Hi Taylor, I’m an Australian Aspie who is 53 years old, was diagnosed with ASD Aspergers Syndrome in 2003, and has an adult son who is dual diagnosis and queer (and I say so with much love and respect). My brother has twins who are also Aspies. I’m now in a position where I want to set a positive example of being someone who is able to live a fulfilling life as an adult and family member, who my son and nephews know is also on the Spectrum.
As such, I want to say a huge thank you to you for helping to educate myself and literally thousands of others in this topic. I feel that you deserve to have whatever you want in life, as much as anyone else does. As a RUclipsr mentor for people in the neurodiverse community, especially the Autism Spectrum Disorder community, I want you to realise how courageous you are to speak freely about sex and ASD. Women are still second class citizens throughout the world, and in many places continue to be persecuted for their beliefs, including their perspectives about sexuality. I truly believe you deserve to be rewarded by the universe, or by God if you will. You are a hero to me, and to many others I think. It is an honour to be able to acknowledge you here. Rock on!
Thank you so much for this series Taylor. You are such a gem. Thank you thank you thank you.
Thank you Taylor for your courage & dedication in the all-embracing topics you cover, with such grace & sensitivity & patience, & the kind loving-mother- type energy I feel from your channel, at the same time I feel you holding the community safely which is a considerable achievement - & also an attribute of a healthily loving mother.
I am often reminded of the Buddhist (?) teaching ..If you have nothing nice/good to say, then say nothing at all.
And in the film Holy Smoke Harvey Keitel's character writes in lipstick on Kate Winslet's character's forehead ~ BE KIND ~
I watched an NDE recently & the learning was that all the 'little' things matter, the moments & small actions, appreciation, & what's most noticed is how loving & kind are we? - especially when we think noone is looking /to ourself. Gratitude & Kindness are 'free' but such valuable treasures, & Love most of all (tho Love seems different as can choose to be loving but can't choose who we Love (?) but Gratitude & Kindness are always choices (?) )
Thank you for this. Reminds me of Adriene (Yoga with Adriene - yt yoga channel) - she always says "how you do one small thing is how you do everything." It upset me for a while but there is so much truth in this. Moving with intentionality, even through the small decisions and actions throughout our day, really matters.
Thank you, lovely to find your reply ~ I've been watching your videos -from UK- for a while (with great appreciation, & admiration of how do you do it!?) & it feels nice to unexpectedly connect more directly. Also I haven't seen Adriene before, it's years since I did yoga, but 'more movement' is a current priority, so thank you [love her dog Benji looking sooo relaxed & so far in 15 mins of video he's barely moved a paw, just demonstrating peaceful steady belly breathing!]
Thank you for sharing her comment, interesting to contemplate & I can see why it bothered you, but agree much truth in it, & worth keeping in mind. Nanna (my paternal grandmother) would often tell me the old saying that 'if something is worth doing it's worth doing well'. Which you seem to have taken to heart & pushed yourself very much - & achieved & masked to a high standard, at great cost.. I'm grateful to have heard some of your life experiences. My Mum generally excelled, at cost to herself & incredibly high standards, I've wondered if she was AS too.. she was among many skills an excellent knitter, but to my anguish would just rip out rows if they weren't to her satisfaction! I've been more comfortable failing than succeeding, & being unwell, & 'hiding', still trying to understand why & untangle it. I'm 54 now, no kids nor career nor marriage, tho a draining 20yr codependent situation with an alcoholic talented artist with major cptsd who I met at a Buddhist meditation retreat, hey ho!
I dropped out of university due to health issues which have continued, it's been a loong journey into so-called alternative healing modalities, & wondering why all my various efforts had so little effect, & feeling stressed all the time etc.
A circadian sleep disorder Dspd doesn't help, & I was diagnosed dyscalculia after(!) I dropped out of education, but no suggestion of anything else .. then 23years later diagnosed AS, adhd & cptsd (6yrs ago, age48) [thanks to my kind observant (lady) doctor] .. which was a surprise, & a relief. And all the usual which comes from that, including finding you :))
There's so much to review & re-frame & understand, & coping with the general misconceptions - which I had some of initially too. I admire that you turned your diagnosis into helping others, & a job/career/mission, & wish I could do something equally constructive.
Well, I've just done 'my usual' which nearly always irritates NTs of 'going on too long ' ! At which point I feel editing is more than I can manage so would say sorry & send or just delete it all, or transfer to an email draft where it will languish.. or replace with a one-sentence tho that is hard work for me! Luckily long messages & going off at tangents is usually ok with my few ND friends ~ bless them, bless me, bless you & bless all here!
Thank you, so much, for your presence & support, & welcoming us all, & hearing & seeing us, & sharing you, & your insights & information.
I like seeing your piano, & weights, & gorgeous cat.. might you play us some gentle piano (and or flute??) sometime please? I used to play piano but sadly not for years, as it's beautiful. ❤️
After 20 years of marriage with three children, I realized my sexuality as well as my spectrum. Thank you for your video, so much ease brought into my world!! ✨
I am so grateful I clicked on this video. I am 38 and something absolutely clicked for me. Wow! Thank you!!!
Thanks. I practiced strictest celibacy and chastity for a long time. But over the last 2 years or so, I have met a few ladies that have made me want to be closer to them.
Very good information it's nice to see I'm not the only 1. I'm a late diagnosed man that is just now learning how to deal with it. Thanks for the videos
OMG, I've never heard of libiduos asexual... I've always felt like I might be on the aspec, but none of the labels really fit me. I think I might've finally found The Word to describe how I feel about myself, thank you so much!
I just discovered your channel and jumped between your videos of the last few years. I feel about crying because I do recognize myself in so many things, if not all... I have the thought, that I might be autistic for several years now (I just turned 26) and with your videos I am now finally at the point of "okay, I want to reach out for a professional ". Thank you for your channel and all the information and sharing experiences! ❤
So... Now you mentioned that there are autistic meltdowns and feel like: Really? I am not just broken and weird and have meltdowns because the world and responsibilities are just too much and I am just too weak for everything. Everyone else is able to jump between tasks and be punctual and I want to jump out of the train if the battery of the noise cancelling is running low, I am so broken. But the meltdown is also included and I am okay? :')
And yes, I am bisexual and polyamorous and I do feel like I want to explore more and not be stuck in one drawer. Wow, this seems to be normal and not forbidden and weird here too.
Aaand my partner is getting confused why I do need different things on different days. He always keeps saying "A manual would be useful, but I am pretty sure it will change everyday" And yeah apparently I do feel like the spoon theory is correct for me...
Now after rereading the text I am not sure if someone will understand my thousand thoughts written down...
And after pouring my heart out to the internet and total strangers, I feel like I will get rude replies too and my thought is "Yep, they are getting me wrong AGAIN... But I am just a small woman who doesn't want any harm so please leave me in peace :)"
I think you’ll find this community to be very accepting and validating! And yes you’re not alone. Your experiences sound like they line up so well with mine and others here. Welcome to the community! I have a lot more resources on my website MomOnTheSpectrum.life
@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you so much!
I think you'll find plenty of people both here and in other autistic spaces - on the internet and irl - who have had experiences and feelings and thoughts similar to yours, or which you can relate to.
Not everyone will be welcoming or understanding - people being people - but many autists are more open-minded and accepting, more okay with flouting society's norms, and have far more empathy than they're usually given credit for.
So welcome, be yourself (whomever that might be), and may you find acceptance from others on the internet and in real life, and also inside your own mind and heart.
It's help me lot better to know this info thank you I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD
It wasn't until after I had come out as trans and nonbinary, and after I actively sought out an autism screening that I was finally diagnosed. I knew I was neurodivergent, and I had always exhibited a lot of the signs, but those had been attributed to depression, OCD, and social anxiety. One of my major clues was that all my friends are autistic by some strange coincidence. Another was finding out about the high statistical correlation between gender diversity and autism. Now a lot of things about my life make sense in retrospect.
Great work! I would clarify that gender euphoria can be experienced regardless of sex assigned at birth. For an example, a trans man might experience a feeling of lightness and congruence after getting his hair cut in a masculine style for the first time.
Always thought I was just Asexual or at most graysexual. Never heard of "cupiosexual" but that actually seems to fit pretty well. Was never involved/wanting in sex before marriage. When I got married I wanted to experience that with my husband, still do. Never quite knew if thats what people meant by sexual attraction, but now I understand you don't have to feel it to want it. Thanks for teaching me something today!
Thank you so much for these videos and yes, you're right in regards to masking and disregarding my wants and needs! For many years even after I was diagnosed with audhd, i thought it was due to my trauma but in the last year or so, round the time i was turning 30, i began feeling very differently as in i could literally feel my libido going to new heights🫣 and thanks also to therapy as well in regards to my low self esteem i now feel very different and more confident even with sex which is very new to me. Anyway, until now it didnt even occur to me for some reason that of course it would also impact this side of my life as well😅 but also im beginning to realize my wants and needs in life in general are very different now to what they used to be, it may have taken me a minute or a few years🤭 to catch up to the rest of humanity but now i feel like a fully grown self efficient adult and in the next few years major life changes will be happening and for once im not scared im excited! Anyway, keep up the good work and love your videos on to part 3❤❤
I have spent the last 15 years studying the Latin term Mem Ento Mori. Latin 2 it is 3 words. This ceremony has a huge mount to do with the functionality of our intimacies
I first came out as bi / pan at 17. At 25 I had my first relationship with another queer person and I realized queer was a better fit than bi. Just a few years ago in my 30's I learned about asexuality and realized I'm a-spec, demi or gray ace, still not sure which! I'm also trans and that's been a whole process too. I just learned that I'm autistic about a year ago, and I've never felt so seen! I finally found my people. I love our queer, trans, neurodivergent community so much. ❤
I love our community too, so much. Glad you're a part of it.
This is super helpful for me. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this.
You're very welcome.
I've known I'm Demisexual for a year or two but I only recently found out I'm autistic...
I've been connecting the dots for days...
So many things make sense finally...
I have an autistic daughter she is level 3 non verbal. I enjoy learning through people who are autistic than regular normal people like myself. I don't follow the norms . I take her cues for everything . I respect her space needing and other things
I love your videos☺️as a late (self) diagnosed autistic woman, your content really resonates with me!
I would add the term fraysexual, the opposite of demisexual. For me, I feel like the only way I can have any sort of sex drive is if the person doesn’t know me, doesn’t know my strict prefereces, doesn’t love me with all his heart, etc. I need to be able to mask and the masked version of myself can have a libido, and even really enjoy sex, surprisingly! Idk how it works, I would really love to get some help on this topic tbh because I’m in a long term relationship with zero sex (and a really understanding partner) and it’s a reoccuring theme.
When i’m in a long term relationship, after the initial few months of not really knowing eachother and having sex all the time- i become sex averse, and i can’t even really watch it in movies, etc. but after a breakup and a few months, my sexuality returns and I’m ready to mingle and I don’t feel disgusted and uneasy about it anymore.
I also have to add that this is only true for long term relationships where I don’t mask, because my partner accepts me wholeheartedly, and loves me very much. I had a long term relationship with someone who was very much on the avoidant side of the attachment scale and with him, I could never be my full self, was masking, and had really really high libido. It was shit emotionally, but I finally felt that I’m “cured” sexually, I can have sex like “normal people” (and really enjoy it, initiated it often) after all. This was all before I figured out I was autistic btw
Gosh I would love it so much if you could include this topic in a video, I’m so clueless as to what to do. Where I live (a small country in europe), autism in women is a very much unexplored territory, and I don’t feel like a “regular” sex therapist could really grasp this thing, and could lead me to a solution that wouldn’t make me feel like shit and that wouldn’t traumatize me.
Long comment, sorry! I just really felt like writing this down, as I feel like this channel is a safe place☺️
I know a lot of these. My dad says hes a cupiosexual. He said he didn't used to always be that way but he definitely feels he is now. I think that's kinda sweet. 😊
Also, i highly suggest anyone struggling with gender dysphoria find someone you trust you can talk to about it. Preferably a mental health professional. I put it off for years and I cant tell you how glad i am i decided to stop procrastinating hoping it would go away on its own.
Wishing you all the best 🤗💗
Anyone else here who also struggles with the term “romantic”? For a lot of people there seems to be a clear distinction between friendships and “romantic” relationships. I don’t have that. I just have feelings of different intensity for different people. I also feel like my feelings quite often are somewhat “reactive”, in the sense that when another person is attracted to me that can also increase my interest in them. Sometimes I struggle with this as it seems somewhat opportunistic to me, but it’s the way I feel.
I'm currently self diagnosed autistic currently trying to get a diagnosis and I'm trans intersex pansexual but romantically gay but I usually just call myself a lesbian because I can't see myself in relationships with men also call my self queer since it's easier
I knew I was trans as a kid / teenager, and once I found the term "Pansexual" I finally figured out my sexuality (separate and independent from gender!)
It wasn't until age 33 that I learned I'm autistic
It's still both weird and neat, being in this group, because on one hand it's many of us, that overlap, of trans, non-straight, and autistic/ADHD, but then again it's ALSO tricky because there's hardly ANY bloggers and RUclipsrs in those intersections: most are still straight, cis, etc. So there's the isolation still, with not seeing videos and vloggers who talk about all these intersections
I tell people that I am mostly a sex positive, transgender, Sapphic leaning, panromantic demisexual.
I get weird looks, but it explains me really succintly.
"this might be a new frontier…" Right after you said that, I started singing The John Dunbar Theme from Dances With Wolves. Now I feel like watching that movie. Time to drop everything and watch it. Thanks to Goodwill I own it on VHS tape.
Thank you, I'm really enjoying this series. I'd say I'm a sex-favourable demisexual, very likely heterosexual but since I've only ever been interested in sex with one person in my life I'm not 100% sure about that last part.
I am loving your content! Keep it coming 😍
A gender term I learned that has helped me a lot internally is the idea of "demi-girl" or "demi-boy". I understand it as "rather than completely nonbinary, I align a little bit more with one of the binaries, but not completely". I don't feel completely nonbinary, maybe because I've been raised as a female for so long, but I also dont feel completely "female". So I like this term.
Light touch is disgusting 😂 I love that you addressed masterbation can be used for stimming. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
does everyone notice that the video editing is improved? this series is interesting, cant wait the next one
Asexual is a relatively new one to me, as a few friends of mine have recently identified as such. This was definitely interesting to learn more about it and how diverse it is.
Thanks Taylor, as always. This is SUCH an important subject for us - and hard to find much on it. I'm defintiely demisexual (Oh how all those awful highschool years suddenly made sense!). I had been using pansexual. Omnisexual is new to me, checking the distinction between the two omni fits even better - so thanks for that xx
I'm 51, and just recently realised I'm almost certainly on the spectrum (still awaiting assessment).
I've never really 'fitted the profile' that I've always been told women/females were supposed be like - but I've never doubted that I was one. I just felt annoyed that people's definitions of what it meant to be female were so narrow.
As far as sex goes, I've never felt any interest in having sex with any person I wasn't in love with. (I happen to be straight, but I see men as people first, male second.)
I've never felt that I need a special word to describe any of that - it's just what I am. 🙂 (If the terms help you - great! 🙂 I'm not saying anybody else has to be like me - just relating my own experiences. 🙂)
You brought up a great point, Girl. The fact that sex can be so meaningful when it’s with someone you love and are in love with. Very cool, figuratively speaking. I went to see P!NK in concert last week in Australia. Her songs are constant reminders to me of how other people also feel that sex is best when it’s in a loving way.
@@matthewconley7495 - To be honest, I personally find it bewildering that people want to have sex with someone they don't love. I accept that it is so, but I don't understand it at all. 🤷
@@HappyOddGirlme either. It’s wild to me that we’ve actually created a label to describe people that need to form an emotional connection with a person before being intimate with them. Just seems like that would the standard.
@@heatherrae901- Totally agree!
Great video!😁
Thanks for covering this! Since you covered "pan/omnisexual", I just wanted to talk about the relationship of those terms to the more commonly-known "bisexual". Sometimes people think that there is a distinction between these terms regarding how one relates to trans or nonbinary people, and accuse people using one or the other of being transphobic - that is (usually) not accurate!
"Bisexual" was the original umbrella term used to describe being attracted to more than one gender and it has played an important role in activism. But even at the beginning many people who identified with this term would have said that this didn't just refer to liking cis men and cis women (for example). These days, as you mention, those who feel pan- or ominisexual describes them better are those for whom gender isn't a factor in attraction. Those of us who prefer to stick with "bisexual" may simply prefer the more widely understood term, or may feel that we have different "types" for (cis or trans) men, (cis or trans) women, and/or non-binary people and thus gender DOES play into how attraction works for us.
You might think that I am joking, but I know at least 4 people who say they identify as Bi instead of Pan because they like the flag better. I've also heard of polysexual (not to be confused with polyamorous), multisexual and spectrasexual. People love to name things.
Thanks so much Taylor 🙏 💜
you're very welcome!
Diagnozed at 33 and at 34 I have still never been in a romantic/sexual relationship but I want to. Also, thinking that has to be something totally unique. Grey and/or demi sexuality spectrum feels quite much like me; I might want to be intimate with a guy I have learned to know first, I think, but one night stands will never be for me. Navigating the strong and overwhelming feelings of devotion on the pure psychological level that is a part of romance has been a scary thing for me though, as I had a purely platonic crush on a pop singer at my early 20s that I was unable to handle and in the end drawn me right into a depression. That, together with those classical self sabotaging beliefs of being too weird to be loved (and that all heterosexual men is oppressive towards women) is probably why I have been lonely all my life. I have started to work with these matters more intensely lately so this video series is perfect timing! More and more seriously considering to start online dating so this is so good to know about! 😊
A video series about RSD and autism is also highly requested as that truly is the one ASD/neurodivergence related thing making my life hard!
I would call my self normal. Buti was really busy with school work other stuff. I am now more focused on finding someone to really explore relationship/sex. But watch stuff online.
Thanks for these videos!
8:55, many persons with sex chromosome abnormalities carry autism as a comorbidity. (SCA’s like Klinefelter syndrome, and Turner Syndrome, but there are many others), which some consider intersex. I’m not really sure. We have hormones, out of kilter. I’m male, but around puberty, developed female biology, due to high estrogen. There are many of us, and the majority have autism. It’s why I’m watching these videos…to learn, and make sense of my life. I’m getting there.
I appreciate you and your channel 💚
i find that I used to crave sex because I wanted intimacy with someone but I haven't done the deed in almost two years and I find myself less overwhelmed with no sex. I think I found myself having sex because it is the most talked about subject in society and I felt that I had to do it. But looking back at it during sex I felt overwhelmed and not really enjoying myself. I am queer but I also think I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum and also autistic. It's hard navigating how I feel because it's hard for me to recognize my feelings as an autistic person. Thank you for your video I learned a little bit more about myself and society
I only discovered I was demisexual when I was fourthy one so four years ago and it explained so much. Unfortunately, my libido is normal so it can be rough sometimes. My previous therapist told me I was just romantic... and yes, I am but being demisexual is not a choice of mine. Being romantic is.
Concerning the self-identification statistics:
It is possible that the tendency for the neurodiverse to be very specific in their definitions and labeling criteria has contributed to a higher reporting of sexual diversity the neurodiverse population. Neurotypicals work with broader borders to their definitions, so their self-reporting is fuzzier and less accurate. Consider neurotypical men who hook up with other men, but still firmly believe they are heterosexual, in spite of motivations to expand their sexual options.
Just saying...
Me:
Okay, I'm not aromantic or anywhere in the asexual spectrum. I do lean demisexual; it's a basis I often advance to who I'm about to sleep with, but sometimes assume is reciprocated (and can unfortunately be mistaken about ; I tend to like others more than they apparently like me). Pansexual/omnisexual does include me, but the 'plumbing' still makes a difference in whether it is a satisfying experience for me ('toys' just don't supplant flesh). I guess I lean a bit into nonbinary. Neuroqueer sounds intriguing, so I guess I'll be checking that out.
My family is atypical in so many respects; some people speak of coming from a broken home, while I describe mine as an exploded home. Multiple divorces, me and siblings raised as 'only-children' (each a faux only-child), mother mostly absent or disappeared, several stepfathers having main or sole responsibility for me, abandoned to grandparents or extended family members... A real mess, complicated by pre-feminist custody laws and poverty. Yes, ripe for traumatizing incidents (you have no idea).
But I'm overly-intelligent and bookish; I've relied on research my whole life. Anything that leaves you not knowing, there are books documenting others' experiences and research and deep thoughts. I have always had a voracious curiosity, so I read to learn and I carefully digest the info I consume. So, by the age of nine, I looked to religion (I was in the South). By twelve, I looked to psychology. I spent a lot of my teens and 20s and even 30s in deep conversations with people about experiences, spirituality, psychology, culture, even metaphysics, all in pursuit of understanding myself. Because there was NO ONE like me; my values were different, my comprehension was different. The parallels I drew enlightened others, but I was alone in seeing them (except for occasionally in my reading). I've spent over a half-century trying to establish perspective, trying to understand who I am, why I do what I do, if there are better ways to respond or process what I encounter.
Sexuality is one aspect of life, but it seeps into and affects pretty much everything. It isn't THE key to understanding oneself, but it is A key to accomplish this. There's a saying, 'You never step into the same river twice'; sex and relationships are unique experiences every moment you are engaged in them. As such, they are rich sources of information that speak directly to who you are and what world you are floundering in. There are no answers. But there is a story constantly extending out from you, like ripples out and returning.
I can’t tell if it’s because I’m autistic or actually aromantic, but the fact romance never seems to be defined aside from using the word “romantic” has always bothered me and never clarified what romantic attraction actually is. Do I feel it? Do I want it? I can’t even answer these questions if I don’t know what it is!
This is a good point! Maybe I can address in a future video. Thanks for bringing this up.
"the fact romance (...) attraction actually is."
Just like sexual attraction, it's a feeling like no other. You would have to experience it to know for sure what it's like, and I suppose it varies from one person to the next. Personally I find it reasonable to compare it to waking up well-rested, feeling a headache easing up, laughing more or less hysterically... or why not learning something new and interesting, or a different pleasant surprise. But usually stronger and rarer. Perhaps a bit like getting/being drunk.
And if you just can't (and don't want to) stop thinking about that person, and you're sure it isn't only sexual or platonic attraction, I believe you can be satisfied that it's a case of (romantic) love.
Now, when it comes to things that are described as "romantic", I tend to think that it's unnecessary, wasteful, unpleasant or at least not very interesting. That might be the case for you as well. But that is, as far as I can tell, a different topic.
@@knrdvmmlbkkn The only times I've not been able to stop thinking about someone seem to be when I'm in an unhealthy relationship (friendship or otherwise) and it's accompanied by extreme anxiety and thoughts of unhealthy attachment. So I don't think those count and I can't say I desire to experience those times again.
@@The1nvisibleJeevas"The only times (...) of unhealthy attachment."
Well, that probably feels different from being in love... different from walking on clouds and sunshine.
Many thanks from Denmark
❤
You're very welcome. 🙏
Yes. I am still figuring out the gender and sexuality thing myself. I've had to be in hyper mask mode when it comes to that kind of thing for most of my life, since the majority of my family members are Trumplicans. I have only recently gained the self confidence to just be myself. I'm in my 40s, and I am just now reaching the stage that most people do as teenagers.
I can relate to this in a lot of ways. I also feel like I'm just now coming to understand many aspects of myself that many discover when much younger. It's a beautiful journey though! So glad to finally be finding my voice
"I have only (...) just be myself."
Well, how could you possibly *not* be yourself? That would seemingly take some mental gymnastics and/or creative definitions of words like "be".
@@knrdvmmlbkkn Masking. Look up autistic masking.
It would be really helpful to have the studies visualised in any kind of diagram and easier to understand than just in numbers
Thank you Taylor for this series. I'm 53 and was late diagnosed at 51. I have always felt guilty for not having a family with my wife and now I'm older I regret not having kids. The trouble is being autistic I have never felt like a man and have always identified with being a young boy. So I never felt old enough to be a parent, sounds weird I know. In group therapy with other autistic men, I have heard they felt the same. I feel like I have robbed my wife of so much. Sometimes I hate and am ashamed of being autistic
Hi Andre,
I can relate to that too. I think it’s healthy to have a good relationship with your inner child, and if you feel like a child at times, perhaps this is a healthy approach to take with yourself. Realise that you are a grown man, and be that man for your wife, but don’t be afraid to relate to your own inner child, and cherish and love that part of your identity. That’s what I would try doing if I was “in your shoes”.
Matt Conley
I don't like Names but mine is mix of Aromantic, sex averse, libidoist asexual combined.
I actually discovered I was autistic because of a study I read that discussed about people who have gender variance having a higher percentage of being autistic. That led me down the rabbit hole
I would like to say one more thing , part of having autism is not know social boundaries well that is why I embraced sexuality in multiple forms .and have also freely enjoyed them . 😊
Nice video. Just a couple of comments: aromanticism is also a spectrum with other identities and labels within; and pansexuality and omnisexuality are not the same, the former is the attraction regardless of gender and the latter is the attraction towards all genders (with possible variations among the genders).
I adore your channel but the abrupt edit to zoom in is overwhelming / nausea inducing. You don’t have to change anything for me. I have options like listening only or simply not watching. I’m commenting tho to share my experience in case others have similar reaction. I know you can’t please everyone all the time. But sometimes it is nice to know about others’ pov. I hope this comment reads ok. Again I really respect & appreciate you and your channel ❤
I’m one of those 8%. Exclusively heterosexual.
I can definitely be attracted to someone I’m not romantically interested in, but it’s rare.
My daughter initially identified as asexual, but for about a year, she has expressed that she is transgender. There are no discernible masculine traits in her behavior, appearance (such as short hair and clothing), or interests typically associated with males. Could it simply be that she is in the process of understanding her identity? She is nearly 19 and is currently being evaluated for a diagnosis. Thank you for sharing all you learned about ASD!
Aromantic here. I think it is more useful to define aromantic as someone who does not experience romantic *feelings* rather than romantic *attraction*.
Many realise that they are aromantic after having been in relationships where there partner has said "I love you" and they have felt pressure or expectation to return the sentiment, without feeling anything different from how they feel for close friends (other than sexual attraction). I used to think that romantic love was friend love plus sexual attraction.
What is romantic love then if it isn't friendship + sexual attraction?
@@Catlily5 As an aromantic it's hard for me to describe what romantic love is. But the fact that romantic love persists in relationships past the honeymoon phase, when sex is no longer a priority, as well as asexual people experiencing romantic love, tells me that sex is not an inherent part of romantic love. Asexual people experience a distinction between friend love and romantic love. Non aromantic people can have sex with close friends without being in love with them. The experiences of other people tell me that romantic feelings are something distinct from friendship, and I have not experienced that.
@@Scarygothgirl Thanks for answering!
appreciate you 🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing the neuroqueer website! I was mentally playing with this term myself but had no idea it was a real one! I definitely am someone who masked their sexuality without even knowing it -- I just did what I thought I had to do -- now I know that I am very asexual and experience what is more likely alterous attraction rather than actually romantic... and gender doesn’t really matter - though I am finding myself drawn to those who identify as women or non-binary now more than men. I myself don’t really identify with any gender -- so I'm more agender than anything else -- I use the she/her pronouns I've always known (especially since any queerness I have has to be closeted for safety), but I honestly do not feel connected to any pronoun. While I would love a queerplatonic relationship with someone -- I'm an autisic in my mid-forties with two autistic and physically handicapped sons in their mid-twenties... that's a big package. Currently I have long covid too... at this point I'm just happy to have anyone to chat with on the hiki app. 😉 I will probably just be alone and caring for my sons from here on out.
Thanks for sharing your experience! And yes the neuroqueer term is so helpful and interesting to explore.
Tell me about it sister 😵💫
As a late diagnosed, high masking, transwoman with both ASD and ADHD.. i'm still not sure whom i am attracted to.. 😂 but hey, that is an journey i'm looking forward to take
yes the journey can be fun and invigorating!
@@MomontheSpectrum exactly 🎉🥰
Confuses things if part of your gender “journey” involves disgust with your birth genitalia (and any like them)
@@katywalker8322 please leave op alone. Talking about a stranger's genitals is rude and invasive. You are being inappropriate and creepy.
@@stillnotstill I was not talking about a strangers genitals. If there is creepiness it is your assumption.
Woman and Man are genders, Male and Female are sexes. It's important to not use those terms interchangeably as they are not. If they were, then we wouldn't have a separation of gender and sex.
Thanks for the video! I wasn't taught much about autism or sexuality (being in less open country) and it's liberating to know that I can be asexual and still have a sex drive. Self stimulation to me is more like a hobby that I do it every day (like showering) or I forget entirely, and after learning that it helps with pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder I am starting to see it as a healthy part of me. So I do it regularly but I don't see the appeal of having sex with others except from bonding, like playing a two player video game. I'm still asexual for thinking this way right?
It makes sense that our difference to allistic people is greater that that to other sexes.
I have been exploring this recently as well, sometimes I have inappropriate urge to get naked at nude beaches and just people watch at nude beaches.