@The Swaddle could you please do “Why are men told to act in a certain way” Cause yesterday I asked my mother,”what’s so wrong about men wearing a lipstick” She replied that it’s a feminine thing That just pissed me off
I didn't cry at all at my wedding 'bidai' and everybody was shocked that this girl feels nothing at all leaving her home and parents behind. I just wanted to tell them that FYI, I left 'home' 10 years back when I went to study MBBS and have been living away from my parents since then. I had cried my heart out as a 17 year old, but now I didn't feel anything at all. The question of leaving behind parents never even arises because I made a life choice of marrying somebody. That doesn't change my equation with my parents at any level. So crying at the bidai ceremony made no sense to me at all. But ofcourse people didn't get that.
In older days, girls were married to someone whom they have never seen. Their marriages were already fixed in their childhood. And so they feel nervous while going to a strange home and thus, they used to cry...but now mostly we prefer love marriages where we have already met the future husband...even in arranged marriages the bride and groom have met before so there no sense in crying 🤦🏻♀️
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together. Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions. Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this. Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing. Let's start something like this
when i was young, i used to ask my parents why do girls always go to the boys's home and not the other way round and they would tell me ki shh aise thodi hota hai, often taking it as a joke. now they understand my point. even then and now i believe if marriage is happening btw 2 people it should be equal. both the people should leave their homes and live in a new home and if this is not possible, the expenses can be done dutch instead of burdening the girl's family. sharing expenses will also help in abolishing the belief that girl's education money can be compromised for marriage/dowry expenses.
In most parts of India,even now all the expenses of the wedding are taken care of by the bride's family I feel this is just a sasta version of dowry The wife usually goes to her husband's house,and us expected to take care of his parents,but the bride's parents suffer the most,they have to spend a lot on the weddings,and they have no one to take care of them during their old age
My mom tells me when she was in college and wanted to study further her father said "apne ghar Jake padhio" and when she got married and told my dad she wanna study further he told her "apne ghar se padhke aana tha"
school me bolte he baad me pata chalega yesab and fir college me bolte he school me hi tha yesab tab thikse parhna chaiye tha ab nehi bata sakta *Same Case*
After wedding Parents: now you are not from this family, your husband's family is your family. Husband's family: u can never be our daughter, u r just from some other family
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together. Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions. Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this. Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing. Let's start something like this
2 years ago, I was staying at my cousin's home. My cousin and I were discussing about future plans and career goals. She told me that she didn't decide anything about her future. But, she said that she would study the course chosen by her parents. Then, my uncle came and he said that he would marry her off after college. I asked why .....and he said that going to a job is not suitable for women. He also asked me about my future plans. I said that I would become a lawyer. I was annoyed by his reply. He said "nobody will marry a girl who's a lawyer because they argue a lot. So, don't become a lawyer. You can't get married. And mainly you should give the foremost priority to your in-laws than your own family after marriage." Ironically, he is a lawyer himself. World is filled with shit.
Tell your cousin to fight this situation this is the time .my father wanted me to do bsc I wanted to do btech I read a quote "make effect to get what you like or be forced to like what you get" I fought my father and grandfather with the support of sister and mother .best decision of my life gained some Independence in hostel and now I have a job .after having a job my parents don't push me for anything .even when I say I will have love marriage they try to convince me they don't get angry. my grandfather told this girl can do anything she wants. my mother is happy because she gets praise from everyone for making me independent . Even people who did not want me study call her and praise her and tell she is lucky to have good daughters.my sister also got a job with me
Oh no :( my uncle said to me that if I Chose to become a psychologist (that’s what I want to be) then I’ll become a psycho ...although he said it jokingly...I think
Well... he’s not lying. Unfortunately. Husband and his family wouldn’t want someone that’s ‘stronger’. People don’t like someone that can use/abuse them. Think of it like a dog marrying a wolf. They’re afraid u might hurt them. Basically they can’t trust u. They want a rabbit, so they can control u. This is a good thing that they’re saying these things out loud. U can easily stay away from people with such philosophy. Imagine if they hid these beliefs and u found out the hard way. Look for someone with ur exalted beliefs. Make sure ur own beliefs are actually exalted themselves. It’s important to understand flaws in our own understanding as well.
Exactly, but even after knowing all this it's no use because the people who can actually change things that is our older generation are still going to impose this practice on us. It's upto us if we expect everything the way they are or voice out our opinions.
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together. Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions. Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this. Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing. Let's start something like this
@@shreyasridhar3323 see this is the problem with few women in general. Rather than countering the argument with reasoning of ur own u choose to attack me personally 2. U get ur husband's property even after divorce which u probably never earned . 3. Just becoz u failed in life that doesn't mean world is sexist or atleast 2020. If u can't get a job maybe u don't deserve it My simple philosophy aukat hogi toh job milegi. Run after excellence rather than blaming the society.
Next topic: Why is marriage so much of social pressure? Why isn't break ups acceptable in our society? Why can't you remain single? Guys have you ever noticed that even the beggars have a family! like when you don't have enough money to feed yourself why did you take up the responsibility of a parent and child! Definitely social pressure!
Exactly they have a single mindset k shadi to krni hi hoti h . Chahe khaane pine ko kuch ni ho shadi is must. Those who couldn't afford ppl help them get married . Phir dher sare bacche paida krenge aur unse b bheekh mangwayenge , unka logic : jitne bachhe honge utni bheekh aayegi. Aur kuch na kuch khaa pi k jaise hum zinda h waise hi wo b zinda reh lenge. But shaadi jarur krenge as it's a license to have free sex.
In my opinion have a court marriage and then throw a party for your close friends and family. No formalities and no faltu ka kharcha! 😊 Edit: Read the first three words carefully!
Both side should 'let go ' of their children and let them live their life. Men should also be able to live at their in-laws house and serve them too... It's always a two way bridge.
it's truly disappointing for our society that womens are still treated as "paraya dhann" where as those are the ones who take care of the parents most🤷🤷
@@man-pl9pv that is patriachal mind conditioning..you are conditioned to be provider..more rich the guy the better..and we to look at the guys as provider..entire system is shitty..i understand making money is must for both as it is basics of survival..gender roles are seriously imposed and conditioned to believe into..you may just compare the upbriring you and your sister had..you shld get all.answers..or compare any siblings for that matter..brother sister
@Aug D-1 this dude manas is just another one of those misogynist idiots. Let's not waste our time fighting with him. Let's not give him the pleasure of it. He doesn't deserve it. Just ignore him
*"Badrinath ki Dulhaniya"* raised this issue Beautifully This is the reason why I don't enjoy Rajshri production movies especially Vivah because according to their movie logic girls are only born to get married and have kids 🤷♂️
You know what this is called a quality content without being biased you logically putted you point .......its exactly what I thinks also , that why girls leave their house and family why not they can leave separately and take care of both sides parents equally ...... This channel is so underrated why man ????
@sudarshana chakra 3.0 Exactly, I don't support the ideology that women are societal burden and must be sold out at weddings. But, they don't focus on other religions and cultures. I want women must be treated way more than just brides, but, why only trigger a section of society, not everyone?
You cant live separately bcoz parents are your duty they keep you with them till they die but you want to leave them when you grow up. 2nd who said a girl dont take care of her family she do yes in some stupid households the inlaws say dont care for them too much now you are part of this family but thats not how it really work. The mentality of those people is bad not the culture
@Animesh Raj what the word harem have been in quran since decades, and also sex slaves . Teach someone else who is ignorant, not me. Many christians girl suffered due to this during practice in turks, children snatched and converted. It also clearly says that women under occupied areas will become your property for to enjoy. I have read both quran and hadith, so don't even start a debate here.
This is the high time to understand the fact that , women are not burden of family. If parents give their daughter all those opportunities as much they invest for their sons upbringing,they can also come out with flying colours.
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together. Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions. Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this. Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing. Let's start something like this
Once in midst of some conversations in ma family i was not given opportunity to do something ( I clearly dont remember what ) but my brother was given .. and when I asked why was it so tha reply was that 'I'm a girl😐 and no matter what one day I'll leave the family'😠😠 ... I was so pissed off but as they were ma cousins and were elders i couldn't say a word back😑😖😖
Not for all familiy! Though few reasons are what if girl fell in love with someone who is of different caste , what if he is not earning enough , age issue , parents know more than their child
@@krishnamehta4504 if she fell in love with a person of another caste then it's a good thing because it's going to help in removing caste barriers from the society and completely abolishing casteism....but parents wouldn't understand this......😓😓😓😓 My mom was lucky that my father was from her caste
@@kanishkasolanki4876 I dont think casteism is going anywhere soon and current Generation is pretty hopeless too. UC discriminate against LC LC discriminate against Dalits and even dalits discriminate amongst themselves. In reality people are far far away from swaddle's rosy comments.
Wow after reading these comments I think I'm really lucky to have my parents. My mum and dad always supports me with my choices and they help me by guiding me not by controlling. They told me that I must chose a career that makes me happy and not what they want Thank you god for this wonderful parents ❤
Before marriage Women are being told that "apne ghar jaake ye sab karna" what the hell is that...does it mean that they do not belong to their own family.. and said a 'burden'?
Yes i agree but...when a women says she wants to do something for example.. go out on a trip.. or even colour her hair.. she has been told this sentence to deny her choices which i think is bad
@@seadragon143 yes i agree but when a girl wants to do something like go on a trip or even colour her hair she has been told this sentence and denied to choose what they want which i think its inappropriate
My friend's sister who is in her 20s don't even have a phone there parents says husband Dila dega Shaadi ke baad le Lena and his brother who is 17 has a phone hypocrisy ki bhi sima Hoti hai
Daan = transfer, and only things that can be transferred are property! A girl is not a Father's or anyones property so basically we cannot do 'daan'. Even our vedas consists nothing about kanya daan, wearing mangal sutra, sindur etc. Jewellery was given away so that the bride could adorn herself with those. But this meaningless practice has just become hereditary . The truth now being known to me, i asked my parents no to do my kanya daan when i get married and explained to them with logic, so they agreed as they don't consider me as anyone's property. 🥰
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together. Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions. Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this. Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing. Let's start something like this
@akanksha one of my teacher's has learned some parts of our vedas really well from the priest's of varnasi, and he speaks to my mother as well, so thats one thing that made it easy for me. 2.Next, u need to tell them that daan takes place only for properties, and to do it only if they consider u as their property.( I hope they don't) 3. Tell them that these are some hereditary practices and never existed in the vedic age, if they don't beleive you, ask them to find such practice in the vedas (real,not the misinterpreted) 4. When u actually get married, get a learned pandit from well known place like varanasi, real learned pandits are aware about this and u dont need to convice much. If u don't and bring some gully ka pandit it may happen that he ends up convincing ur parents that kanya daan is necessary and is present in the vedic norms.
@Animesh Raj What is Harem can you please explain ? Why married men used to sleep around , but not women ? You are delusional . Every religion has some fucked up practice for women.
No need of donating daughters but scientifically woman imbibes man's DNA and so once she becomes a mom automatically she carries DNA of husband and so no point in complaining. A man never retains DNA of a woman so he is not being donated
Daughters are treated with less affection than sons in home bcoz they r 'paraya dhan' and later when they get married they are 'dusre Ghar ki beti' so they have no say in important matters that will directly affect her along with the husband 🤦
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together. Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions. Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this. Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing. Let's start something like this
The most used statement as soon as a daughter is borned :- "kal chali jaegi" I feel so frustrated , depressed , angerd , helpless !! Yarr yeh bhi bol sakte ho:- ghar mai Lakshmi padhari hai , bade hoke maa-paa ka nam roshan karegi , Rani-beti peda hui hai badhai ho!!
Bhai bachpan se hi shadi, achi bahu banneka goo dimag mei bharte hn😶 "Yaha to tu ese krle. Sasural wale jute marenge" ye sunte hue itni badi hui hun mai
@Worldwide Handsome ikr. I agree with your beliefs because they are the obvious for the evoluted world today but our parents and many others are still living with their traditional beliefs which are mostly irrational.
@Worldwide Handsome I can see that. My mom basically tells me about her sufferings as if she's proud of it all and keeps comparing the behaviour she puts up with her children with the way she was raised by her parents. She says "I'm still better" but she doesn't understand it's not helping 🙄. She always emphasises the fact that her parents got her married at 15 and I'm 16 right now so I should feel privileged 🙄??? I don't understand her logic at all
Yes you should go and get educated and never look back at such family who don't value you. If you want to look back, tell them to come to you but don't ever go back to that place. Also find a husband who can change his surname with you after marriage and support equality if you want to get married. Ask him to shift in separate home. That's what this generation should practice.
Then don't marry I don't get what the big deal is.Try to earn for yourself and live your life to the fullest.If you want to marry then choose a guy who would support and respect.If you go on and marry a guy by family pressure or some other factor you dug the grave yourself.
@@forkrust9296 ok 1. i will be earning myself. women don't just marry for money lol. 2. uh... marriage is a big deal and it's even more so when you're a women. 3. the whole point of my comment is that most in laws think the bride is their property and that is scary so it is a big deal lol.
@@shray542 I'm not saying that women need to marry for money I'm just saying that women could easily live without taking shit from their husband/inlaws but many a times they chose not to,infact marriage itself is something overhyped in this country.If you are financially stable yourself marriage is just something you can do to better your lifestyle cause the financial burden will be shared and he/she would be a companion other than its nothing but just social addition.If you are in a city people probably wouldn't even care. Yeah most inlaws do think like that.So its upto women to change that cause as long women put up their shit with inlaws they will ride it.But once you guys start declining them then they would have nothing but to mend their ways and thinking. Also I'm just saying it in general I'm not saying it to you particularly.
@@forkrust9296 Yes I totally agree with you. I don't understand indian marriage system. You marry and commit your life to complete stranger but marrying your partner is considered as a bazzati to the parents. Having pre martial sex with your long term partner is impure but doing it with a complete stranger on your wedding night is ok? I just don't feel like marrying ever in my entire life or rather just run away from this country.
One more thing: When women migrate, the female friendships are broken. Then you don't have women you rely on for business, politics. This is destructive and promotes male privilege. Sometimes you may wonder why did you invest in female friendships when later they will be separated. In the new place also, it is a collection of women unknown to each other whereas the men have deep rooted footing on their turf. I sincerely believe that female blood relatives are better suited to support each others' offspring and property rather than women unrelated by blood. This lack of blood connection is what makes it easy to forge discord between women in an HUF.
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together. Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions. Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this. Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing. Let's start something like this
@@boddulokesh1 yes darling even in era of social media the female friendships are broken. Please don't tell me you don't acknowledge the impact of physical distance.
@@boddulokesh1 oh ok... So now it's a men's issue huh... Stop hogging the victimhood man. It's sounding ridiculous that you would compare the brokenness of female friendships caused by female migration owing to marriage, to men's friendships. Most of India is in her villages. So I can't entertain the nuclear family model argument to say that men go through the same thing. Even in urban setting couples live with the husband's in laws. Please don't make me state the obvious
So true. Its so heartbreaking that we on one side are trying to not fall into this trap of sexism but on the other hand our family has been perpetuating this sexism so brazenly throughout.
@@youtubereturnthebtsviews4909 first of all... Idk who will make them understand Secondly ... Aaaarrrmmmyyyy! Thirdly.... RUclips YOU LITTLE SNAKEU, RETURN ALL OF MA BOYS VIEWS THEY LOST AROUND 30 MILLION IN FAKE LOVE , 40 -50 MILLION IN D.N.A AND IDK HOW MANY MORE IN OTHER SONGS!
In indian culture.....girls don't talk with strangers and not accept any food from them but.....but after marriage you can slept with stranger?? Still now many family supports love marriage but arrange marriage were most encouraged one....! Changing surname and initially are must duty of a women after married......but somehow few ppl are opposed these things...!
Because if women don't change surnames it will create problems in children's schooling , managing bank account , and also with housing problems , you have to again and again run for certificates that he is your husband and child and wife.
@@prajwalkalangutkar3081 there is no more behind changing name in legal certificate......! It was a myth created by society...! There is no prblm behind these things...!
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together. Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions. Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this. Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing. Let's start something like this
Ikr. If the girl is okay with marriage then it's fine. But if not, then people should leave the girl. I had already told my parents that I want a masters degree in the course. They are okay and told that when I am ready for marriage they are also ready.
Yaar, when I talk about these things with husband or family, I'm tagged as rebellious( negative way only) even the female members are not ready to accept that these things are wrong.
Bcos those female members r brainwashed from childhood..but if u have a daughter u can bring up a woman who thinks differently..she will change future generations.
I feel instead of saying : “ we really need to start saving up , after all we have a daughter to marry off “ People should start saying : “ we need to support our daughter so that one day she is established enough to fund her own wedding “
Do you know why most parents started funding the education of a girl child. Bcz gawar or kam padhi likhi ladkiyo ki shaadi hona mushkil ho raha tha or dahej jyada dena padh raha tha padhi likhi ladkiyo k mukable. Kya mast thinking h indian society ki.
@@kamartaj3010 I find this even more cruel than denying education to a girl. Kam se kam unhe bacchpan se pata hota hai unki shaadi hi honi hai, ye tho aise hua ki beti ko padhao, likao, duniya dikhao, aur uske soch-samajh me hi-- chand minto me sab cheen lo, shaadi karwane ke liye
Well when your parents control you since your a child and don't let you have your own opinions then even if you want to speak up you can't And deciding to keep quiet, that's a rational and smart decision Everybody has their own circumstances And if you still decide to fight then also good for you
Thank you for this amazing eye opening video. it's not concept of marriage that is wrong, it is the traditions and social expectations that led to discrimination towards women.
It's funny how most women's problem is with "crying in bidai" and not bidai itself!!!! Like, are you all blind? Do you see your parents? Do you care for them enough? Won't it hurt you when you'll see your husband getting to take care of his parents daily infront you, literally live with them while you will go to "visit" them? Why does nobody seems to have a problem with this idiotic rule? Why does nobody even mention bidai for once when talking about gender discrimination?
Yes THIS! ✨ People don't seem to come up much about this all...cuz they often think...that what they do is right! And this type of mindset goes pretty well with elderly people and sometimes our own parents as well.
The answer is simple. Hypergmy. Female nature to choose male based on how much more he earn more then herself so the main earner does not change home. Even if you go to other countries where children's does not live with their partner it's almost all the time male house where female live.
If I ever gets married then I won't perfrom Kanya dan (I am not an object) and neither I will do that vidai rasam where you throw rice as a means of paying your dues to you parents (No one can pay back to parents) Like seriously, I Won't no matter what people will think of me! And will also discard other stupid so called rules.
@@milanmohan7731 I'm assuming you're a male, so it won't affect your mental health obviously. It's us who's to go through shit (in context of these stupid rituals) and no, it's no fun. There are a lot more things which you can do if you wanna have fun.
I was attending a family marriage once and the bride was chill about it and she didn't even cried during vidai ceremony. seeing that some older ladies asked her to fake crying to keep up the tradition. 🤷🤷
The only channel that I never miss any videos. Everyone must see this channel and get liberated from their "old thinking". Tbh after watching this channel's videos..i became even more broad minded. Thank you for helping me in one way.
I love your work. Making the prejudices about a woman's life visible to our society and urging them to throw it away ( which our society considers non-sanskari ) so bravely and straightforward is itself a depiction of how empowered our generation is becoming.❤️. Kudos to you!!!
1:16 Quick story: My cousin used to tell me that her in-laws and her husband call her using a different name(before marriage). She used to blush at that because she thought it was cute. Now, after marriage, they have changed her name completely and use that new name. Reason: A girl by that same name used to be her husband's ex-girlfriend.
Came here after Kanyamaan ad. I'm shocked to learn people still support this ceremony in the name of traditions after reading comment section of Kanyamaan ad
My mom said one day that....whatever property/money a girl can receive from her father's property.... Will be getting used at her wedding and dowry....... And I'm like that's the point they invest money belongs to that girl on these useless things..... Expensive dresses venue or either on dowry gifts like bed sofa fridge car and all..... Which she can never utilize for better use like for business or making assets ....... And eventually....at the end.... She can't ask for financial help from either side.... And she have toooooooooooo be dependent on her husband......... For all her life
Oh plus, girls are constantly encouraged to choose paths away from money making. They are encouraged to keep studying or take up low income low risk part time jobs, not build a career, business...timepass. This is all to disempower them! No/less money = no power.
@@bellwethersandy4347 maybe now.... Even animals can understand...... My apology... I really doesn't know the fact that even animals are using RUclips.... And they are getting heart failure.... Because of "not so perfect" English..... Sorry for your loss brother
@@NehaSingh-tj8ng my english teacher at one told me that English is just a language and if someone speaks wrong English and you can understand it , you have no right to correct them or make them feel shame............... I don't know why but English is considered a sign of being educated
@@kanishkasolanki4876 come on.... We all know that.... It's just a language... Which we use only to communicate... Msg... Feeling and all......... But some people think that using perfect english... Is a sign of intelligence or superiority...... This thing comes from a mentality which is still under british government...... So they think.... English is better and Englishman are superior..... But an interesting fact that they don't know is that even english speaking country's doesn't bother about grammar or spelling anymore.... They are concentrating on idea... Not on language............ And I'm typing this in English because I want more more people to understand what I'm saying.... Like in southern Indian.... They don't know hindi.... So it's better to use english for communication that's it....... Thank for your comment... Really i appreciate your thoughts
That's why I refused to marry my boyfriend. They are two sons, elder one brought home a 'bahu'. am a single child so I asked him to move on with me. Can support senior citizen couple who happens to be my parents as his' will be taken care of by his brother. But he said no.
Salute u. Very gud decision.. I am also sailing in same boat lik u.. My mom is a severe depression patient and her husband is not living wd us.. He left my mom becoz she gave birth to me..a baby girl 😊 all guys want me to do thr parent's seva but wen I say I hv responsibilty of my mom no body turns back...frget abt living together wd my mom... 😢
After cancellation of one's engagement, society blames the girl.... Also society relates it to girl's parents/family's reputation. That's why Girls are forced to engage with and marry someone she doesn't want to. That's why many girls found themselves helpless and forced to marry. How can this be stopped? How to stop this negativity?
back when I first realised what 'kanya daan' actually means, I strictly told my mother than if I am to get married some day, I will allow anyone to give me away. to this day I maintain the same claim. I also know that widow mothers are not allowed to be involved in marriages and it's activities. so, I have threatened her to actively involve in my marriage ceremony or else I will escape from there. still it's sad that I have to threaten her or be strict with her like this or else this regressive things will be allowed by others. and many women don't even have this place in their homes to ask for these things.
I wish swaddle makes a video on inter religion marriages (usually love marriages). And show how the children are allowed to follow only their father's religion and take on their father's surname. I think this is an issue too. It shows that the woman is ultimately married only for a new generation and not for love. This again comes back to treating women unequal and also it takes away the individuality of the children. As they will be given no choice for which religion to follow or which surname to take up.
YES!! and why dont male change their surname why only women are expected to do so. Somebody bring the law for it or something which represents equality on both the aspects.
@@ps2062 Actually I think there's no need for changing anyone's surname or name. It has no point. And also their children should be free to take anyone's surname they want.
SUCH A NEEDED PERSPECTIVE. Thank you so much for starting a conversation about this! People keep saying things have changed, but true change takes time. Sure, women are educated and work now, but to their own family, that's frequently just an added qualification on their marriage resume.
I am 24 my parents are starting to pester me for marriage I don't want to do It now as I am not at all mentally emotionally and financially stable and capable for marriage... And with all the marriage talks comes the over enthusiastic aunties that met only 1ot 2 times being more enthusiastic about my wedding day and how they'll enjoy that day than me.. , 🤦🏻♀️ I got into an argument with my parents a month ago that if and whenever I get married I'll have a simple Court marriage and give a small party to the close friends with my parents and siblings it's more affordable that a lavish wedding where guests only complain about how bad food was..
My god.... I can't tell you... How I feel... When I say the same think to my parents relative friends.... They all are like....tera bhi vysse he shadi hoga dekhna..... Areeee yrrrr mera kuch pasand h ki nahi.........phir lagta h... Yrr my akeli he hu kya ayssi.... Sabhi khush j inn sbb cheejo se.... Sirf mujhy he suffocation hoti h....
@@NehaSingh-tj8ng well u are not alone.. I feel the same.. Plus after studying event management and going to multiple weddings from a 5star hotel too a simple hall wedding I have made up my mind to not at all do a big wedding or reception... I would rather go on a grand honeymoon with husband in multiple countries in that wedding money.. And no matter what unless your wedding is in a 5star hotel all the guests will complain about food or hospitality even then they'll complain that there rooms were not good or something 🤦🏻♀️.. And the worst part is 90%of the guests will be meeting the bride and groom for 1st or 2 nd time in the life in the wedding..
We should adopt the new perspective that when a person is married, be it a male or a female, both the individuals now have two families. Rather than the girl 'leaving' her family, it should be that both of them now have two families to depend upon and take care of.
Isn't this is already a new perspective, Partners do consider they have 2 families. And everything else is consider only a ritual nowadays. for eg, as a ritual bride goes to groom's house but in reality bride and groom both leave their families and settles in a city according to their job/buisness/work.
@@Nileshmadhav95 You are right in a way. Though what I'm trying to say is that suppose if a guy's family is staying with him after marriage then it alright but if a girl's family stays with her then they might be looked down upon. But yeah the concept of nuclear families in which only a couple and later their children live together is becoming quite popular.
@@swishswashbrrbrr Yeah, this is still a problem that certain things bride have to do, else they will look down upon by "The Society". Once I been to a marriage where bride's family want to give dowry even when groom's family said not to. Why... Because girl's family thought "The Society" will look down upon them & they even took a loan for dowry. Sometimes I think these family live for themselves or for the society. Funny thing is, I never found "The Society" they all talk about.
Yeah i guess the girls parents should also live with her and her in laws But what if the girl has a brother I think most of the time the brother would like them to stay with him So i guess it can be decided mutually But yeah if they don't have a son then the son in law should take care of them as his own parents as most of the times the girls take care of her in laws as her parents And yeah there are some people who are gonna say that not every girl or boy takes care of his or her in laws and not every boy wants to take care of his parents You see for this argument " there are two types of people in this world, good people and peice of sh*t" So yeah if your parents took care of u You're obliged to take care of them if you have the capability
My mom is a socio prof and was explaining to her students in an online class the meaning of 'swaddle'. And then it struck me why you guys so aptly named the channel. Very clever!
Thank you soooo much to team The Swaddle for this! I've forever thought about this as something extremely wrong and have failed to explain it to people around me.... Also can you please bring up the topic of how giving misogynistic/ maa-behen ki gaalis is wrong? Almost 98% of the gaalis we use daily are targeted towards women or the female genitalia and it's surprising how people who use them find it so fashionable, laughable and normal ! In a country where the highest threat a man can give to another man is raping the women in their lives, be it their mother, sister or wife how can we expect people to treat us with respect? Please do make a video on this...I'm tired of fighting with people regarding this 😢
@sudarshana chakra 3.0 I have liked your comment I genuinely feel ppl should take responsibility of their words, actions, public behavior.. Such things shouldn't be dealt Casually.. 🤷♀️
so this is not related to the video but a recurring thought in my mind. this started when one day i told my mum "in villages what they do is if a girl gets rapped, she would be compelled to marry to the guy who rapped her" (which is true) so my mum replied "so its correct, the guy should also suffer." now my question to myself or anyone reading this is am i really safe with her? can i expect any sensible suggestion or support in my future? im heartbroken right now. its been weeks when she said this a and since then this is my recurring thought. When a girl gets rapped and survives, her own parents wont ask her "are u okay? do u want to talk? do u want to cry? im here." the biggest question would be "how will u get married?". what i personally think is rape for our society is not a trauma or a tragic thing rather it is "haye, she's no more a virgin".
She might not be right morally but she can advise you regarding whats considered right societally . And yes I thought that too . So , first of all fear from raping someone is the best solution I guess . Then , if it happens then thinking that the girl is no more pure should not come into anyone's mind ( I don't know how ) Or if that can't happen then the one who rapes should be the one who is the impurest .
my mother didn't change her last name after her marriage as she already had a successful career of her own by then and my dad's side of the family had no problem with it... but the society, always asks her why her last name isn't the same as my father.. even recently when my dad went to get his passport made, the officer there asked why her last name was different and finally in the application left the space for her last name empty because " Verification ke time problem aayegi".. Just show me where in the constitution is it written that a woman SHOULD change her last name even if she doesn't want to.
@@gurdipsingh7099 Its not about guys wearing frocks, but the hypocrisy of the society which literally forces the woman to change so much after getting married. And the guy???? Well he stays the same And isn't it crappy to follow all these "unwritten rules" ??
Also, I never get why woman after marriage have to wear 'sindur' and 'mangalsutra'. Like it looks like the guy is marking his territory. I find it ridiculous. If anyone has a fair reason please enlighten me.
The groom ties the auspicious thread around the bride’s neck on the day of their holy nuptial as significance that their relationship would be as auspicious as the thread. It symbolises that they will be mates for life until death separates them. . In the same way, her husband realises his responsibility towards the partner. South Indians believe that the mangalsutra needs to be tied in 3 knots with each knot carrying a significance - loyalty towards the husband, dedication to the family, and devotion to the lord.In some parts of the country, the first knot is tied by the husband and the remaining two knots are tied by the groom’s sisters. It is believed that the black beads of a mangalsutra are blessed with divine powers to protect the married couple. According to Ayurveda - the ancient Indian science - pure gold ( which mangalsutra should be made of) has a number of healing properties, and the most important of them is improved heart health. Ayurveda reveals that wearing a mangalsutra close to the heart (touching the skin) attracts cosmic waves from the surroundings and aids heart functioning. It is also considered that these waves help in maintaining a happy, healthy relationship between the husband and wife Also ayurveda says sindoor to be prepared using mercury, turmeric and lime, not like today where we use chemicals for sindoor . Mercury acts as a catalyst that helps to ease stress and strain. It also helps in keeping the brain active and alert. Other than this, mercury also helps in controlling blood pressure, activating sexual drive and libidinal energy. This is why, a widow or an unmarried woman is forbidden from applying sindoor. Now it is upon you if you believe it or not . I spoke about what I know .
@@Chetsi_Shinde It's not about keeping it fair that even men should wear some form of accessory indicating they are married. Wearing a mangal-sutra is a tradition similar to a sister tying a rakhee on her brother's wrist to remind him of his duty to protect her. Even in that case, there is no equivalent of rakhee that a sister has to wear. Men too have some symbols but it varies according to customs. In brahmins I have watched some sampradayas where brahmacharis wear dhoti without kacche and after marrying they wear dhotis with kacche. I have also watched some married men start to wear two or more yajnopaveetas after marriage. It depends on custom which became popular . My father for example wear a thread around his body that symbolizes he is married. And we are not even brahmin , if you think only brahmin do it. There are a lot of cultural and historical factors for our traditions that we see today. This video can just give you a basic idea , but it doesn't talk about many factors . I hope you research on these topics. Its all interesting actually.
@@Chetsi_Shinde Oh yeah , another interesting topic, some men in certain cultures across India do wear toe rings that symbolizes that they are taken. The practice has become limited because commercialization and Bollywood has given therm wrong impression about toxic masculinity.
Girls go through sucha super weird process. Those were pretty rough times and even now mostly.In all this "love marriage" seems an over expectation😂 Thank god , women are changing people's mindset.
My mother are only two sisters. So!! After my maasi married, my mother along with my father,my brother and me. Moved to nani's house. She took care of them.
It's true actually. There are so many rituals that I feel are totally absurd, there is no genuine reason to follow them today but are still followed in the name of aise hi hota aa rha h. Changing the surname of the wife, telling her to leave her house after wedding, expecting her to obey ur home's rules, etc. All these are example of treating wife as an object. Isn't she an object u own if u are changing her name or doing any of the thing that are mentioned above? There are even many more things but if I start addressing each n every issue I am sorry but it will be so long that u won't be able to read it but some women actually suffer it. If u can't do any of these things yourself I don't think u have any right to expect the same from ur partner.
@@boddulokesh1 then I think u belong to a totally diff world. Cause if I tell u about my place n cousins n all then yes changing surname is a COMPULSORY thing, living with in law's obviously compulsory otherwise where would the parents go? It feels nice to listen that there isn't such rules at ur place but don't forget that most of the India still has this, infact there are even places where the first name is also changed even today. So it's not that if one is privileged then this problems doesn't happen in other parts.
@@boddulokesh1 I agree. I am sorry I shouldn't have used the word Privileges cause it's very simple thing but it's not alloted to every family thus I told it to be a privilege. But in any case small things can not be termed as privileges. But the point is it doesn't happen in every house. There are still some men who are like I want a women who is totally devoted to me. And women who don't like having my surname are arrogant and some women who are the mother/sister, etc. of these men who feel that women should do it. So not every house but yeah some are getting developed to humanity now but most still think that by changing a woman's identity they can rule over her or have an authority over her.
@@boddulokesh1 do u think it's compulsion which should change everyone? Even an animal changes when a thing gets compulsory for it if we change because of compulsion and not because it's right what will be diff between them n us? We change cause we think whether the thing we are doing is right or wrong and eventually we change our wrong deeds animals don't think so much they just do their everyday work and if a need is asked for and that's the only way then they change. Your plan is perfect for jungle civilization but it's not for humankind cause I think we have a brain which can think n even overthink a lot it's just that we are lacking something as simple as equality and humanity.
@@boddulokesh1 See we don't want compulsion to change things we want every human to think logically practically and think of both men n women as equal. We want this thinking to be adapted because we know we are talking to humans had it been animals we would have hoped for compulsion but humans can be expected to think and adopt a better plan. If a human can make lists of morals and ethics I think he/she can understand equality too. But if one doesn't want to understand and only works with compulsion what would u call that person? Isn't that person an animal who can't come up with his/her own set of rules and theories? Who can't think of the previous rules in his/her own terms?
Uk in southern parts pf India befors colonial rule hit and also there some eg presently .Where in after marrage a Man moves to Women's house ,or they live in nuclear families.Eg)Great Artist itself Raja Ravi Varma .
This channel is the definition of "underrated". Such beautiful content which people NEED to see all over India and yet the people who need to see it the most don't even know this channel exists.
I love how you always give me some thoughts to ponder upon . Also , you know my mom even says " cows and girls should adjust themselves wherever they go " . Its something she grew up hearing . But the discrimation thing to girls is opposite in our house . I mean they care about me , my feelings , my needs and my wants more than they do for my brother . They feel my rights to stay with them , get their love etc will get snatched after my marriage , so they try to compensate now. 😂😂
Amandeep I THINK women were chosen for kanyadaan because women were considered strong enough or stronger than men to leave the house they grew in to be the support system of another family . And if you don't favour kanyadaan you can start by rejecting it in your family . I won't come there and oppose you for sure.
@@sujatak9342 naah if you look into the whole marriage system it's actually women were considered as properties so if any two kingdom are having war and stuff the kingdom will send lots of money and his daughter to the other kingdom's king to have sex with they are still considered this way but the difference is there is no king
I didn't let my kanyadaan happen in my marriage as I didn't believe in this custom although purohit was trying to do, thinking I cannot understand Sanskrit mantras even though I told all before about my decision.I stopped him immediately when he started the mantras of kanyadaan.This is the mindset of people which is made saying Kanyadaan is mahadaan.thanks for making this video.
I'm a girl. I'm not interested in marriage, whatsoever. (Coz there ain't no real need of it anymore! If you think logically, you know what i mean) And neither I'm gonna keep my parents with me. I'll help them financially but not gonna keep them with me. Why put up a new senseless stereotype of "daughters are the new son". Well let it be a personal choice. Most of you wouldn't even understand what i mean! But ppl 2 gen after you will.
We have the same thoughts lol. I see no point in getting married, it's same like live in,isn't it?(unless it's arrange marriage or something). But seeing how my parents are super conservative about this stuff,I doubt if I will get the chance to do what I want.
@@shreyasranjan7147 dude,Ig what she meant was she wants to live independently, She didn't say that she would neglect them,she will help them financially when they need her help
And here I am from a Kannur Muslim family, here the husband ‘move’ to the ‘wife’s house, ...well they stay at both the places almost equally ( the room for the couple is lavishly arranged at the wife’s house and nowadays rooms are organized in husband’s house too) till the kids are of school going age, after which wife would become vacation stayers at their husband’s house✌🏾
Again that doesn't make a difference if its done in another way or vice versa lol.Why is the ritual even there if you want you live if not just live separately.Not to mention in the end you have to stay at your husband's place.Also not all Kannur muslim family does that and doesn't reflect of majority of Indian muslim weddings.If the Hindu marriage needs reforms the muslim marriage needs a total overhaul.
@@forkrust9296 yeah...but culture and rituals exists and that’s all what I was talking about,,,, it’s always up to a couple to follow it or not...🤷🏽♀️...There are cultures in which the couple move to a new place after their marriage ( I remember watching a documentary but I don’t remember which place) ....nothing makes any difference unless you act on it ✌🏾
I cried while watching this. This is so bad. At the end,The swaddle always will be able to give me some hope. And I love that about this channel. Let's all work together for a better world.
Exactly 😂😂😂 Then give that car to your husband he will drive it for you when you are not in mood of driving 🙈 And not only him,his whole family will respect you 😅 Agreed100%😂😂😂
I think this is the best ever swaddle video post i have ever seen. Sadly my parents can't understand this. I want to show them this in the language they can understand. I don't think i can do good in trying to translate and explain it to them
U guys deserve more than millions of views on ur videos !! This channel is very underrated but it's the sad reality of the society that we people don't come forward for the change and also if anyone else is trying we don't have courage to support them due to the fear what if they succeed !! Anyways , u people are doing great job ! Lots of love ❤️❤️ ..
My maternal grandparents left this world without making a will of their property, so it was inherited by all the brothers and sisters including my mother. But my mom and her sisters convinced that ,that property isn't their to an extent that they are willing to give it all away to their brothers. And my uncles too are so entitled that the property is their, They divided some land among themselves and kept earning for it for years.
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together. Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions. Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this. Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing. Let's start something like this
Love this! So well thought through. Love the subtle nuances of “take her back” and “empowered choices”. Really good choice of words. Extremely relatable - have seen so many women make less empowered choices, even when they have the privilege to choose better. Forces us all to introspect. Thanks for putting this together so nicely!
Thanks for your suggestion, Worldwide Handsome, Aroma Rose Palakkal and Divyansh Mehta. This one is for you. 👊🏽
Thank you ❤️
OMG, I'm overwhelmed😭♥️♥️♥️
@The Swaddle could you please do
“Why are men told to act in a certain way”
Cause yesterday I asked my mother,”what’s so wrong about men wearing a lipstick”
She replied that it’s a feminine thing
That just pissed me off
Can you do one on why wearing short clothes or "western clothes" are seen as a bad or another impure western idea ?
Have you seen new Malayalam movie " The Great Indian Kitchen ".
Must watch.
I didn't cry at all at my wedding 'bidai' and everybody was shocked that this girl feels nothing at all leaving her home and parents behind. I just wanted to tell them that FYI, I left 'home' 10 years back when I went to study MBBS and have been living away from my parents since then. I had cried my heart out as a 17 year old, but now I didn't feel anything at all. The question of leaving behind parents never even arises because I made a life choice of marrying somebody. That doesn't change my equation with my parents at any level. So crying at the bidai ceremony made no sense to me at all. But ofcourse people didn't get that.
Where u done Ur MBBS?
exactly it makes no sense why women (even those who are independent) cry at their wedding... its supposed to be a happy day.
I did it from Jorhat in Assam.
@kanishka Whoa that's some major Bidaai goals aunty got. 😃
In older days, girls were married to someone whom they have never seen. Their marriages were already fixed in their childhood. And so they feel nervous while going to a strange home and thus, they used to cry...but now mostly we prefer love marriages where we have already met the future husband...even in arranged marriages the bride and groom have met before so there no sense in crying 🤦🏻♀️
Funny thing is.. when a girl child is born, the parents worry more about her marriage than giving her proper education.😓
So true.
Instead of their career, their priority is their marriage.
As if they are a burden.
So true.
Haan yeh sach hain.... Even mere ghar mein BHI😔!
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together.
Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions.
Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this.
Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing.
Let's start something like this
when i was young, i used to ask my parents why do girls always go to the boys's home and not the other way round and they would tell me ki shh aise thodi hota hai, often taking it as a joke. now they understand my point. even then and now i believe if marriage is happening btw 2 people it should be equal. both the people should leave their homes and live in a new home and if this is not possible, the expenses can be done dutch instead of burdening the girl's family. sharing expenses will also help in abolishing the belief that girl's education money can be compromised for marriage/dowry expenses.
@Krishnkant Singh agreed. Parents should not neglect their children and esp bcoz of their gender or their choice of living. This is so messed up.
I agree with the equality thing but I think we should keep our parents with us ( both the girl's and the boy's).
@@shreyasranjan7147 that depends
In most parts of India,even now all the expenses of the wedding are taken care of by the bride's family
I feel this is just a sasta version of dowry
The wife usually goes to her husband's house,and us expected to take care of his parents,but the bride's parents suffer the most,they have to spend a lot on the weddings,and they have no one to take care of them during their old age
Wow I started asking this after getting grown up and now I don't know who made this n why but this is gonna change.
My mom tells me when she was in college and wanted to study further her father said "apne ghar Jake padhio" and when she got married and told my dad she wanna study further he told her "apne ghar se padhke aana tha"
That's heartbreaking
This means a women is not considered a loved one in any family
Ladkiyo ka koi ghar apna ghar nhi hota. 😢
Woman don't have any house actually
school me bolte he baad me pata chalega yesab and fir college me bolte he school me hi tha yesab tab thikse parhna chaiye tha ab nehi bata sakta
*Same Case*
After wedding
Parents: now you are not from this family, your husband's family is your family.
Husband's family: u can never be our daughter, u r just from some other family
🥺🥺💔
Bride :😶
Girl :- idhar chali mai udhar chali
Jane kaha mai kidhar chali
Are fisal gyi
Fuck u society
Bride - Kya karu Mai marr jaun 🥴
Ab bole toh bole kya? Kare toh kare kya?
Parents should focus more on making their daughters financially independent rather than their marriage.
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together.
Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions.
Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this.
Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing.
Let's start something like this
100% agreed
Exactly
@@sapnayyy__ but why after marriage and not before marriage?
@@sapnayyy__ wow but we cannot even imagine it to happen in up
2 years ago, I was staying at my cousin's home. My cousin and I were discussing about future plans and career goals. She told me that she didn't decide anything about her future. But, she said that she would study the course chosen by her parents. Then, my uncle came and he said that he would marry her off after college. I asked why .....and he said that going to a job is not suitable for women. He also asked me about my future plans. I said that I would become a lawyer.
I was annoyed by his reply. He said "nobody will marry a girl who's a lawyer because they argue a lot. So, don't become a lawyer. You can't get married. And mainly you should give the foremost priority to your in-laws than your own family after marriage."
Ironically, he is a lawyer himself.
World is filled with shit.
Tell your cousin to fight this situation this is the time .my father wanted me to do bsc I wanted to do btech I read a quote "make effect to get what you like or be forced to like what you get" I fought my father and grandfather with the support of sister and mother .best decision of my life gained some Independence in hostel and now I have a job .after having a job my parents don't push me for anything .even when I say I will have love marriage they try to convince me they don't get angry. my grandfather told this girl can do anything she wants. my mother is happy because she gets praise from everyone for making me independent . Even people who did not want me study call her and praise her and tell she is lucky to have good daughters.my sister also got a job with me
Oh no :( my uncle said to me that if I Chose to become a psychologist (that’s what I want to be) then I’ll become a psycho ...although he said it jokingly...I think
Wow such a hypocrite is ur uncle 👏👏
Well... he’s not lying. Unfortunately. Husband and his family wouldn’t want someone that’s ‘stronger’. People don’t like someone that can use/abuse them.
Think of it like a dog marrying a wolf. They’re afraid u might hurt them. Basically they can’t trust u. They want a rabbit, so they can control u.
This is a good thing that they’re saying these things out loud. U can easily stay away from people with such philosophy. Imagine if they hid these beliefs and u found out the hard way. Look for someone with ur exalted beliefs.
Make sure ur own beliefs are actually exalted themselves. It’s important to understand flaws in our own understanding as well.
Lol that was funny though😂
This concept has been bugging me since I entered this 'marriageable age'. Much much needed.
Exactly, but even after knowing all this it's no use because the people who can actually change things that is our older generation are still going to impose this practice on us. It's upto us if we expect everything the way they are or voice out our opinions.
@@elva136 its not that easy to fight the system. Though we can try.
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together.
Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions.
Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this.
Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing.
Let's start something like this
Girl study alot and run away from home if. Dont stay in that house anymore become independent!
Unfortunately, If a girl fights for her legal rights..They are considered heartless and fighting just for property
Then she becomes the laalchi aurat.
They are called a homewrecker if they demand a house just for her and her husband
Well technically look at this way. You get half of ur husband's property and a share in ur parents property (legally) . So well yeah ..
@@kartik5453 That still is sexist and messed up.
@@shreyasridhar3323 see this is the problem with few women in general. Rather than countering the argument with reasoning of ur own u choose to attack me personally
2. U get ur husband's property even after divorce which u probably never earned .
3. Just becoz u failed in life that doesn't mean world is sexist or atleast 2020. If u can't get a job maybe u don't deserve it
My simple philosophy aukat hogi toh job milegi.
Run after excellence rather than blaming the society.
Next topic:
Why is marriage so much of social pressure? Why isn't break ups acceptable in our society? Why can't you remain single?
Guys have you ever noticed that even the beggars have a family! like when you don't have enough money to feed yourself why did you take up the responsibility of a parent and child! Definitely social pressure!
indian mindset needs to be changet
In my family also break ups aren't accepted.....if u have boyfriend then you have to marry him as soon as possible with your parents will
Exactly they have a single mindset k shadi to krni hi hoti h . Chahe khaane pine ko kuch ni ho shadi is must. Those who couldn't afford ppl help them get married . Phir dher sare bacche paida krenge aur unse b bheekh mangwayenge , unka logic : jitne bachhe honge utni bheekh aayegi. Aur kuch na kuch khaa pi k jaise hum zinda h waise hi wo b zinda reh lenge. But shaadi jarur krenge as it's a license to have free sex.
There's a movie called "CAPERNAUM" . It's about a the same that those who couldn't afford should not have kids and ruin their life.
@Akanksha Rawat exactly
In my opinion have a court marriage and then throw a party for your close friends and family. No formalities and no faltu ka kharcha! 😊
Edit: Read the first three words carefully!
I think jaise karna hai karo bas pressure mein aake mat karo. Chahe pura desh hi bulalo lekin kisi ke pressure mein nhi
Don't change your surname
It is my opinion guys. People can get married however they want. 😊
@Worldwide Handsome agreeed btw army?
@veda mali u just nailed it: your last line: read first 3 words carefully. In my opinion.🤣😀😂 Bravo its indeed a need 😀
This is not overthinking it's casual thinking of everyone why all girls suffers to much
bcuz she has no value
@@rajeevranjan5358 so sorry to hear that your mother has no value
@@snowflake______ girl have value only inside d house, but she dont add any value to society n family, esseleye ladkiyo ko boojh samjha jaata hai
@@rajeevranjan5358 such beautiful ucch vichaar. Wah. *Wipes a tear*🌚
@@rajeevranjan5358 so all the women who are working and earning money ..
They are not adding in country's development ???
you should make these sorts of videos in hindi as well, so that we can show them to our parents.
Exactly my thought.
Haan ji!!!!
Yes , because most of em t not very comfortable with the lang.
Yes this is something i always think when i watch such videos...
Sahi baat 👍👍
Both side should 'let go ' of their children and let them live their life.
Men should also be able to live at their in-laws house and serve them too... It's always a two way bridge.
Exactly.
What do you think about I do all the things for wife and if she still leave me.
Exactly 👍🏻
@@prajwalkalangutkar3081 what do u mean she left u or she lives with u?🙄 Also if u r living in her house how can she leave her own house 🤔
@@prajwalkalangutkar3081 kehna kya chahte ho
it's truly disappointing for our society that womens are still treated as "paraya dhann" where as those are the ones who take care of the parents most🤷🤷
Because women have allowed it too.Let us accept the responisibility
@@man-pl9pv that is patriachal mind conditioning..you are conditioned to be provider..more rich the guy the better..and we to look at the guys as provider..entire system is shitty..i understand making money is must for both as it is basics of survival..gender roles are seriously imposed and conditioned to believe into..you may just compare the upbriring you and your sister had..you shld get all.answers..or compare any siblings for that matter..brother sister
@Aug D-1 this dude manas is just another one of those misogynist idiots. Let's not waste our time fighting with him. Let's not give him the pleasure of it. He doesn't deserve it. Just ignore him
"those are the ones who take care of the parents most"
I don't think so. It is sexist to say so.
@@man-pl9pv you know both sexes can be hypergamous, not to mention hypergamy tends to decline in more gender equal societies
*"Badrinath ki Dulhaniya"*
raised this issue Beautifully
This is the reason why I don't enjoy Rajshri production movies especially Vivah because according to their movie logic girls are only born to get married and have kids 🤷♂️
You know what this is called a quality content without being biased you logically putted you point .......its exactly what I thinks also , that why girls leave their house and family why not they can leave separately and take care of both sides parents equally ......
This channel is so underrated why man ????
@sudarshana chakra 3.0 you are at wrong place sir
@sudarshana chakra 3.0 Exactly, I don't support the ideology that women are societal burden and must be sold out at weddings. But, they don't focus on other religions and cultures. I want women must be treated way more than just brides, but, why only trigger a section of society, not everyone?
You cant live separately bcoz parents are your duty they keep you with them till they die but you want to leave them when you grow up. 2nd who said a girl dont take care of her family she do yes in some stupid households the inlaws say dont care for them too much now you are part of this family but thats not how it really work. The mentality of those people is bad not the culture
Kanya 'daan' as if she is a commodity to be exchanged between her father and her husband, as if she isn't a human in her own right 😭
I agree...Women are not objects and this whole concept of kanya daan portrays women as object
@Animesh Raj Please Muslims had Harem for a reason . No religion is white.
@Animesh Raj what the word harem have been in quran since decades, and also sex slaves . Teach someone else who is ignorant, not me. Many christians girl suffered due to this during practice in turks, children snatched and converted. It also clearly says that women under occupied areas will become your property for to enjoy. I have read both quran and hadith, so don't even start a debate here.
So true....this is really questionable
@อาร์ทิมิส อะโฟรไดท์ ไดโอนีซอส ซุส เฮร่า อพอลโล โพไซดอน 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣yeh kya logic hai?
This is the high time to understand the fact that , women are not burden of family. If parents give their daughter all those opportunities as much they invest for their sons upbringing,they can also come out with flying colours.
Yup true!
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together.
Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions.
Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this.
Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing.
Let's start something like this
So true
Once in midst of some conversations in ma family i was not given opportunity to do something ( I clearly dont remember what ) but my brother was given .. and when I asked why was it so tha reply was that 'I'm a girl😐 and no matter what one day I'll leave the family'😠😠 ... I was so pissed off but as they were ma cousins and were elders i couldn't say a word back😑😖😖
Please make a video on ' why love marriage is a sin for indian families? '
Not for all familiy!
Though few reasons are what if girl fell in love with someone who is of different caste , what if he is not earning enough , age issue , parents know more than their child
@@krishnamehta4504 but in general they do cry about .. hawwww!! Ye to dusri caste Ka hai.
@@krishnamehta4504 if she fell in love with a person of another caste then it's a good thing because it's going to help in removing caste barriers from the society and completely abolishing casteism....but parents wouldn't understand this......😓😓😓😓
My mom was lucky that my father was from her caste
@@kanishkasolanki4876 I dont think casteism is going anywhere soon and current Generation is pretty hopeless too. UC discriminate against LC LC discriminate against Dalits and even dalits discriminate amongst themselves. In reality people are far far away from swaddle's rosy comments.
Love marriage were their in ancient India.
we are women and not a product to give away!
its high time for our society to drop the ideology of paraya dhan
True👍
Wow after reading these comments I think I'm really lucky to have my parents.
My mum and dad always supports me with my choices and they help me by guiding me not by controlling.
They told me that I must chose a career that makes me happy and not what they want
Thank you god for this wonderful parents ❤
Sis congrats ☺
@@esha2735 ♡
Dil Dhadakne Do did a great job at highlighting this quaint practice.
Before marriage
Women are being told that "apne ghar jaake ye sab karna" what the hell is that...does it mean that they do not belong to their own family.. and said a 'burden'?
I think its more of a funny banter, and not that they meant literally
Yes i agree but...when a women says she wants to do something for example.. go out on a trip.. or even colour her hair.. she has been told this sentence to deny her choices which i think is bad
@@seadragon143 yes i agree but when a girl wants to do something like go on a trip or even colour her hair she has been told this sentence and denied to choose what they want which i think its inappropriate
My friend's sister who is in her 20s don't even have a phone there parents says husband Dila dega Shaadi ke baad le Lena and his brother who is 17 has a phone hypocrisy ki bhi sima Hoti hai
Daan = transfer, and only things that can be transferred are property! A girl is not a Father's or anyones property so basically we cannot do 'daan'. Even our vedas consists nothing about kanya daan, wearing mangal sutra, sindur etc. Jewellery was given away so that the bride could adorn herself with those. But this meaningless practice has just become hereditary . The truth now being known to me, i asked my parents no to do my kanya daan when i get married and explained to them with logic, so they agreed as they don't consider me as anyone's property. 🥰
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together.
Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions.
Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this.
Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing.
Let's start something like this
@akanksha one of my teacher's has learned some parts of our vedas really well from the priest's of varnasi, and he speaks to my mother as well, so thats one thing that made it easy for me.
2.Next, u need to tell them that daan takes place only for properties, and to do it only if they consider u as their property.( I hope they don't)
3. Tell them that these are some hereditary practices and never existed in the vedic age, if they don't beleive you, ask them to find such practice in the vedas (real,not the misinterpreted)
4. When u actually get married, get a learned pandit from well known place like varanasi, real learned pandits are aware about this and u dont need to convice much.
If u don't and bring some gully ka pandit it may happen that he ends up convincing ur parents that kanya daan is necessary and is present in the vedic norms.
@Animesh Raj What is Harem can you please explain ? Why married men used to sleep around , but not women ? You are delusional . Every religion has some fucked up practice for women.
No need of donating daughters but scientifically woman imbibes man's DNA and so once she becomes a mom automatically she carries DNA of husband and so no point in complaining. A man never retains DNA of a woman so he is not being donated
I found sone beautifully explained comments on a video of kanyadan ad....pls refer to that you will know why kanyadan is there in our culture
Daughters are treated with less affection than sons in home bcoz they r 'paraya dhan' and later when they get married they are 'dusre Ghar ki beti' so they have no say in important matters that will directly affect her along with the husband 🤦
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together.
Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions.
Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this.
Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing.
Let's start something like this
The most used statement as soon as a daughter is borned :- "kal chali jaegi"
I feel so frustrated , depressed , angerd , helpless !!
Yarr yeh bhi bol sakte ho:- ghar mai Lakshmi padhari hai , bade hoke maa-paa ka nam roshan karegi , Rani-beti peda hui hai badhai ho!!
Bhai bachpan se hi shadi, achi bahu banneka goo dimag mei bharte hn😶
"Yaha to tu ese krle. Sasural wale jute marenge" ye sunte hue itni badi hui hun mai
@@zeba.subliminals 😔 kafi strong hai ap!
@Worldwide Handsome ikr. I agree with your beliefs because they are the obvious for the evoluted world today but our parents and many others are still living with their traditional beliefs which are mostly irrational.
@Worldwide Handsome I can see that. My mom basically tells me about her sufferings as if she's proud of it all and keeps comparing the behaviour she puts up with her children with the way she was raised by her parents. She says "I'm still better" but she doesn't understand it's not helping 🙄. She always emphasises the fact that her parents got her married at 15 and I'm 16 right now so I should feel privileged 🙄??? I don't understand her logic at all
Yes you should go and get educated and never look back at such family who don't value you. If you want to look back, tell them to come to you but don't ever go back to that place. Also find a husband who can change his surname with you after marriage and support equality if you want to get married. Ask him to shift in separate home. That's what this generation should practice.
honestly I'm scared of marriage cause I don't want the ladka walas to think I'm their property.
Then don't marry I don't get what the big deal is.Try to earn for yourself and live your life to the fullest.If you want to marry then choose a guy who would support and respect.If you go on and marry a guy by family pressure or some other factor you dug the grave yourself.
@@forkrust9296 ok 1. i will be earning myself. women don't just marry for money lol.
2. uh... marriage is a big deal and it's even more so when you're a women.
3. the whole point of my comment is that most in laws think the bride is their property and that is scary so it is a big deal lol.
@@shray542 I'm not saying that women need to marry for money I'm just saying that women could easily live without taking shit from their husband/inlaws but many a times they chose not to,infact marriage itself is something overhyped in this country.If you are financially stable yourself marriage is just something you can do to better your lifestyle cause the financial burden will be shared and he/she would be a companion other than its nothing but just social addition.If you are in a city people probably wouldn't even care.
Yeah most inlaws do think like that.So its upto women to change that cause as long women put up their shit with inlaws they will ride it.But once you guys start declining them then they would have nothing but to mend their ways and thinking.
Also I'm just saying it in general I'm not saying it to you particularly.
Good for families of ladka wala. Only a good and cultured women should marry it saves a lot of pain for their parents and also in-laws.
@@forkrust9296 Yes I totally agree with you. I don't understand indian marriage system. You marry and commit your life to complete stranger but marrying your partner is considered as a bazzati to the parents. Having pre martial sex with your long term partner is impure but doing it with a complete stranger on your wedding night is ok? I just don't feel like marrying ever in my entire life or rather just run away from this country.
One more thing:
When women migrate, the female friendships are broken. Then you don't have women you rely on for business, politics. This is destructive and promotes male privilege. Sometimes you may wonder why did you invest in female friendships when later they will be separated. In the new place also, it is a collection of women unknown to each other whereas the men have deep rooted footing on their turf.
I sincerely believe that female blood relatives are better suited to support each others' offspring and property rather than women unrelated by blood. This lack of blood connection is what makes it easy to forge discord between women in an HUF.
So true
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together.
Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions.
Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this.
Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing.
Let's start something like this
@@boddulokesh1 yes darling even in era of social media the female friendships are broken. Please don't tell me you don't acknowledge the impact of physical distance.
@@sapnayyy__ a sensible point you made.
@@boddulokesh1 oh ok... So now it's a men's issue huh... Stop hogging the victimhood man. It's sounding ridiculous that you would compare the brokenness of female friendships caused by female migration owing to marriage, to men's friendships.
Most of India is in her villages. So I can't entertain the nuclear family model argument to say that men go through the same thing. Even in urban setting couples live with the husband's in laws. Please don't make me state the obvious
Me: Most wedding traditions are regressive and not worth spending so much money and time on
Le parents: MELA BIDAAI KA
😂😂
Who's gonna make them understand
So true. Its so heartbreaking that we on one side are trying to not fall into this trap of sexism but on the other hand our family has been perpetuating this sexism so brazenly throughout.
@@youtubereturnthebtsviews4909 first of all... Idk who will make them understand
Secondly ... Aaaarrrmmmyyyy!
Thirdly.... RUclips YOU LITTLE SNAKEU, RETURN ALL OF MA BOYS VIEWS THEY LOST AROUND 30 MILLION IN FAKE LOVE , 40 -50 MILLION IN D.N.A AND IDK HOW MANY MORE IN OTHER SONGS!
@@dumb_me195 Hii armyyy, I really don't know when will youtube learn I freaking hate yt
In indian culture.....girls don't talk with strangers and not accept any food from them but.....but after marriage you can slept with stranger?? Still now many family supports love marriage but arrange marriage were most encouraged one....! Changing surname and initially are must duty of a women after married......but somehow few ppl are opposed these things...!
Because if women don't change surnames it will create problems in children's schooling , managing bank account , and also with housing problems , you have to again and again run for certificates that he is your husband and child and wife.
@Krishnkant Singh You are male or female.
@Krishnkant Singh 😰😰😰 what are you saying.
@@prajwalkalangutkar3081 there is no more behind changing name in legal certificate......! It was a myth created by society...! There is no prblm behind these things...!
@Krishnkant Singh Crt!
Such discrimations are imbedded deep into our conciousness and cultures.
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together.
Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions.
Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this.
Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing.
Let's start something like this
@@sapnayyy__ wouldn't it be more wise to let them stay together for sometime before marraige?
@@REHANKHAN-en5zn it would but she's talking about after marriage
@@kanishkasolanki4876 yes, thank you for clearing that.
😭😭😭😭 actually hindi cinema has ruined the lives of girls, especially when she cross the age of 24!
Ikr. If the girl is okay with marriage then it's fine. But if not, then people should leave the girl. I had already told my parents that I want a masters degree in the course. They are okay and told that when I am ready for marriage they are also ready.
Yaar, when I talk about these things with husband or family, I'm tagged as rebellious( negative way only) even the female members are not ready to accept that these things are wrong.
Bcos those female members r brainwashed from childhood..but if u have a daughter u can bring up a woman who thinks differently..she will change future generations.
You are right
I feel instead of saying : “ we really need to start saving up , after all we have a daughter to marry off “
People should start saying : “ we need to support our daughter so that one day she is established enough to fund her own wedding “
Do you know why most parents started funding the education of a girl child. Bcz gawar or kam padhi likhi ladkiyo ki shaadi hona mushkil ho raha tha or dahej jyada dena padh raha tha padhi likhi ladkiyo k mukable. Kya mast thinking h indian society ki.
@@kamartaj3010 It is indeed very sad . Hopefully few years down the lane we will be able to progress as a society :/
And also think that their sons should fund their weddings equally!
@@kamartaj3010 I find this even more cruel than denying education to a girl. Kam se kam unhe bacchpan se pata hota hai unki shaadi hi honi hai, ye tho aise hua ki beti ko padhao, likao, duniya dikhao, aur uske soch-samajh me hi-- chand minto me sab cheen lo, shaadi karwane ke liye
Maybe some never want to get married.
The harsh fact is that we are still living in a patriarchal society! I don't know why women themselves are not against this dowry system!
I recommend you watch the Festival of Bharat youtube channel, regarding feminism. You won't regret it.
women has assigned as guards in patriarchy society.
Well when your parents control you since your a child and don't let you have your own opinions then even if you want to speak up you can't
And deciding to keep quiet, that's a rational and smart decision
Everybody has their own circumstances
And if you still decide to fight then also good for you
I will never change my surname
Never give or take dowry
Never sell myself to someone else
I'm here to live my life my own way
Surname to change karna hi padega.
@@gohan12991 Tu kar liyo it's her choice
Thank you for this amazing eye opening video. it's not concept of marriage that is wrong, it is the traditions and social expectations that led to discrimination towards women.
girls are supposed to take care of inlaws and no one looks after her parents made me feel sad.
Great video!
It's funny how most women's problem is with "crying in bidai" and not bidai itself!!!! Like, are you all blind? Do you see your parents? Do you care for them enough? Won't it hurt you when you'll see your husband getting to take care of his parents daily infront you, literally live with them while you will go to "visit" them?
Why does nobody seems to have a problem with this idiotic rule? Why does nobody even mention bidai for once when talking about gender discrimination?
Yes THIS! ✨
People don't seem to come up much about this all...cuz they often think...that what they do is right! And this type of mindset goes pretty well with elderly people and sometimes our own parents as well.
Right it's exactly true
But genz is changing it won't last long now
The answer is simple. Hypergmy. Female nature to choose male based on how much more he earn more then herself so the main earner does not change home. Even if you go to other countries where children's does not live with their partner it's almost all the time male house where female live.
True
But it's changing now
If I ever gets married then I won't perfrom Kanya dan (I am not an object) and neither I will do that vidai rasam where you throw rice as a means of paying your dues to you parents (No one can pay back to parents) Like seriously, I Won't no matter what people will think of me! And will also discard other stupid so called rules.
Same girl
Same
👍
Those are simple rituals, doesn't mean shit.😂😂 It's what makes weddings fun ig. If we think like that, why a wedding ceremony at all?😂
@@milanmohan7731 I'm assuming you're a male, so it won't affect your mental health obviously. It's us who's to go through shit (in context of these stupid rituals) and no, it's no fun. There are a lot more things which you can do if you wanna have fun.
A girl child can keep her mother's surname and a boy can keep his father's, no more confusion. There would be a clear male line and a female line
Let the kid decide kiska surname jada aacha he aur woh kya rakhana chata he
*it's their choice**
@@yoitsme2346 well new born babies aren't really good at explaining which surname suits them the best
Nope the husband and wife should discuss among themselves who'd surname they'd like to pick
@@八ルシュ-z6v Well ,of course. I was presenting a possible alternative to the existing system.
@@she_wizzdom4410 it would make it troublesome to have children of two different surnames so i think mine would be more easier i guess?
I was attending a family marriage once and the bride was chill about it and she didn't even cried during vidai ceremony. seeing that some older ladies asked her to fake crying to keep up the tradition. 🤷🤷
The only channel that I never miss any videos. Everyone must see this channel and get liberated from their "old thinking".
Tbh after watching this channel's videos..i became even more broad minded. Thank you for helping me in one way.
I love your work. Making the prejudices about a woman's life visible to our society and urging them to throw it away ( which our society considers non-sanskari ) so bravely and straightforward is itself a depiction of how empowered our generation is becoming.❤️. Kudos to you!!!
That's why both husband and wife should live equally in each other's home so that husbands could understand the problems we are facing
1:16 Quick story: My cousin used to tell me that her in-laws and her husband call her using a different name(before marriage). She used to blush at that because she thought it was cute. Now, after marriage, they have changed her name completely and use that new name.
Reason: A girl by that same name used to be her husband's ex-girlfriend.
wtf this is so meesed up man
We are not anyone's 'dhan' but our own!!
"Ghar ki laxmi" is always treated as "Parai Dhan".
Came here after Kanyamaan ad. I'm shocked to learn people still support this ceremony in the name of traditions after reading comment section of Kanyamaan ad
Ikr....visiting the comments section of that video did hurt me. People developed their own theories trying to justify and glorify Kanyadaan.
Till the time parents don't see their daughters as some one who will be "paraya" after some years, we cannot expect gender equality till then...
My mom said one day that....whatever property/money a girl can receive from her father's property.... Will be getting used at her wedding and dowry....... And I'm like that's the point they invest money belongs to that girl on these useless things..... Expensive dresses venue or either on dowry gifts like bed sofa fridge car and all..... Which she can never utilize for better use like for business or making assets ....... And eventually....at the end.... She can't ask for financial help from either side.... And she have toooooooooooo be dependent on her husband......... For all her life
Oh plus, girls are constantly encouraged to choose paths away from money making. They are encouraged to keep studying or take up low income low risk part time jobs, not build a career, business...timepass. This is all to disempower them!
No/less money = no power.
Godzilla tried reading this and had a stroke.
@@bellwethersandy4347 maybe now.... Even animals can understand...... My apology... I really doesn't know the fact that even animals are using RUclips.... And they are getting heart failure.... Because of "not so perfect" English..... Sorry for your loss brother
@@NehaSingh-tj8ng my english teacher at one told me that English is just a language and if someone speaks wrong English and you can understand it , you have no right to correct them or make them feel shame............... I don't know why but English is considered a sign of being educated
@@kanishkasolanki4876 come on.... We all know that.... It's just a language... Which we use only to communicate... Msg... Feeling and all......... But some people think that using perfect english... Is a sign of intelligence or superiority...... This thing comes from a mentality which is still under british government...... So they think.... English is better and Englishman are superior..... But an interesting fact that they don't know is that even english speaking country's doesn't bother about grammar or spelling anymore.... They are concentrating on idea... Not on language............ And I'm typing this in English because I want more more people to understand what I'm saying.... Like in southern Indian.... They don't know hindi.... So it's better to use english for communication that's it....... Thank for your comment... Really i appreciate your thoughts
That's why I refused to marry my boyfriend. They are two sons, elder one brought home a 'bahu'. am a single child so I asked him to move on with me. Can support senior citizen couple who happens to be my parents as his' will be taken care of by his brother. But he said no.
Good decision.
Salute u. Very gud decision.. I am also sailing in same boat lik u.. My mom is a severe depression patient and her husband is not living wd us.. He left my mom becoz she gave birth to me..a baby girl 😊 all guys want me to do thr parent's seva but wen I say I hv responsibilty of my mom no body turns back...frget abt living together wd my mom... 😢
Good decision
Well Done girl!!! I'm proud of you!!!
This video deserves millions of likes...
After cancellation of one's engagement, society blames the girl.... Also society relates it to girl's parents/family's reputation. That's why Girls are forced to engage with and marry someone she doesn't want to. That's why many girls found themselves helpless and forced to marry. How can this be stopped? How to stop this negativity?
And I am surely not getting married ☺️
Easier said than done. Singles r outcasted from society and not treated with respect and their opinions r dismissed as trivial.
Same. Main akele hi theek hoon.
@@swatisaini6447 Not true everywhere!
The best choice you would ever make
Same I won’t too like why ruin your life when you can enjoy it being alone?
back when I first realised what 'kanya daan' actually means, I strictly told my mother than if I am to get married some day, I will allow anyone to give me away. to this day I maintain the same claim. I also know that widow mothers are not allowed to be involved in marriages and it's activities. so, I have threatened her to actively involve in my marriage ceremony or else I will escape from there. still it's sad that I have to threaten her or be strict with her like this or else this regressive things will be allowed by others. and many women don't even have this place in their homes to ask for these things.
I wish swaddle makes a video on inter religion marriages (usually love marriages). And show how the children are allowed to follow only their father's religion and take on their father's surname. I think this is an issue too. It shows that the woman is ultimately married only for a new generation and not for love. This again comes back to treating women unequal and also it takes away the individuality of the children. As they will be given no choice for which religion to follow or which surname to take up.
YES!! and why dont male change their surname why only women are expected to do so. Somebody bring the law for it or something which represents equality on both the aspects.
@@ps2062 Actually I think there's no need for changing anyone's surname or name. It has no point. And also their children should be free to take anyone's surname they want.
@@vaishnavikatakdhond2337 yes I believe this too
SUCH A NEEDED PERSPECTIVE. Thank you so much for starting a conversation about this! People keep saying things have changed, but true change takes time. Sure, women are educated and work now, but to their own family, that's frequently just an added qualification on their marriage resume.
I am 24 my parents are starting to pester me for marriage I don't want to do It now as I am not at all mentally emotionally and financially stable and capable for marriage... And with all the marriage talks comes the over enthusiastic aunties that met only 1ot 2 times being more enthusiastic about my wedding day and how they'll enjoy that day than me.. , 🤦🏻♀️ I got into an argument with my parents a month ago that if and whenever I get married I'll have a simple Court marriage and give a small party to the close friends with my parents and siblings it's more affordable that a lavish wedding where guests only complain about how bad food was..
Its damn relatable
My god.... I can't tell you... How I feel... When I say the same think to my parents relative friends.... They all are like....tera bhi vysse he shadi hoga dekhna..... Areeee yrrrr mera kuch pasand h ki nahi.........phir lagta h... Yrr my akeli he hu kya ayssi.... Sabhi khush j inn sbb cheejo se.... Sirf mujhy he suffocation hoti h....
@@NehaSingh-tj8ng this is a story of every Indian women who's in their 20s
@@NehaSingh-tj8ng well u are not alone.. I feel the same.. Plus after studying event management and going to multiple weddings from a 5star hotel too a simple hall wedding I have made up my mind to not at all do a big wedding or reception... I would rather go on a grand honeymoon with husband in multiple countries in that wedding money.. And no matter what unless your wedding is in a 5star hotel all the guests will complain about food or hospitality even then they'll complain that there rooms were not good or something 🤦🏻♀️.. And the worst part is 90%of the guests will be meeting the bride and groom for 1st or 2 nd time in the life in the wedding..
@Shruti Tripathy at 17 I used to say I'll runaway from the wedding hall if you tried to marry me early..
We should adopt the new perspective that when a person is married, be it a male or a female, both the individuals now have two families. Rather than the girl 'leaving' her family, it should be that both of them now have two families to depend upon and take care of.
Isn't this is already a new perspective, Partners do consider they have 2 families.
And everything else is consider only a ritual nowadays. for eg, as a ritual bride goes to groom's house but in reality bride and groom both leave their families and settles in a city according to their job/buisness/work.
@@Nileshmadhav95 You are right in a way. Though what I'm trying to say is that suppose if a guy's family is staying with him after marriage then it alright but if a girl's family stays with her then they might be looked down upon. But yeah the concept of nuclear families in which only a couple and later their children live together is becoming quite popular.
@@swishswashbrrbrr Yeah, this is still a problem that certain things bride have to do, else they will look down upon by "The Society".
Once I been to a marriage where bride's family want to give dowry even when groom's family said not to.
Why... Because girl's family thought "The Society" will look down upon them & they even took a loan for dowry.
Sometimes I think these family live for themselves or for the society. Funny thing is, I never found "The Society" they all talk about.
@@Nileshmadhav95 True. Hopefully this society which we live in will become better and more understanding in the coming decades.
Yeah i guess the girls parents should also live with her and her in laws
But what if the girl has a brother
I think most of the time the brother would like them to stay with him
So i guess it can be decided mutually
But yeah if they don't have a son then the son in law should take care of them as his own parents as most of the times the girls take care of her in laws as her parents
And yeah there are some people who are gonna say that not every girl or boy takes care of his or her in laws and not every boy wants to take care of his parents
You see for this argument " there are two types of people in this world, good people and peice of sh*t"
So yeah if your parents took care of u
You're obliged to take care of them if you have the capability
My mom is a socio prof and was explaining to her students in an online class the meaning of 'swaddle'. And then it struck me why you guys so aptly named the channel. Very clever!
Thank you soooo much to team The Swaddle for this! I've forever thought about this as something extremely wrong and have failed to explain it to people around me.... Also can you please bring up the topic of how giving misogynistic/ maa-behen ki gaalis is wrong?
Almost 98% of the gaalis we use daily are targeted towards women or the female genitalia and it's surprising how people who use them find it so fashionable, laughable and normal ! In a country where the highest threat a man can give to another man is raping the women in their lives, be it their mother, sister or wife how can we expect people to treat us with respect? Please do make a video on this...I'm tired of fighting with people regarding this 😢
@sudarshana chakra 3.0 I know. And that is more problematic. It has been normalized to such an extent that people just can't see where the problem is.
@sudarshana chakra 3.0 tht's how tragedy is happening
@sudarshana chakra 3.0 exactly....😭😭😭
@sudarshana chakra 3.0 I have liked your comment
I genuinely feel ppl should take responsibility of their words, actions, public behavior.. Such things shouldn't be dealt Casually.. 🤷♀️
There is an old popular folk Punjabi song called « Madhaniya » about a woman asking why in the world is she born to be given away somewhere else.
This feels heartbreaking. Can we just normalise not marrying please. 😭💔
Bro it's your life do whatever u want don't let them snatch your happiness and independence
We are here for survival
Mode is yours
so this is not related to the video but a recurring thought in my mind. this started when one day i told my mum "in villages what they do is if a girl gets rapped, she would be compelled to marry to the guy who rapped her" (which is true) so my mum replied "so its correct, the guy should also suffer." now my question to myself or anyone reading this is am i really safe with her? can i expect any sensible suggestion or support in my future? im heartbroken right now. its been weeks when she said this a and since then this is my recurring thought. When a girl gets rapped and survives, her own parents wont ask her "are u okay? do u want to talk? do u want to cry? im here." the biggest question would be "how will u get married?". what i personally think is rape for our society is not a trauma or a tragic thing rather it is "haye, she's no more a virgin".
The last line is so true. That's what people think/
She might not be right morally but she can advise you regarding whats considered right societally .
And yes I thought that too .
So , first of all fear from raping someone is the best solution I guess .
Then , if it happens then thinking that the girl is no more pure should not come into anyone's mind ( I don't know how )
Or if that can't happen then the one who rapes should be the one who is the impurest .
my mother didn't change her last name after her marriage as she already had a successful career of her own by then and my dad's side of the family had no problem with it... but the society, always asks her why her last name isn't the same as my father.. even recently when my dad went to get his passport made, the officer there asked why her last name was different and finally in the application left the space for her last name empty because " Verification ke time problem aayegi".. Just show me where in the constitution is it written that a woman SHOULD change her last name even if she doesn't want to.
That sounds bullshit like , wtf ? What was the problem in changing the name ?
@@gurdipsingh7099 and why not the hubby???
@@Remy4556 bro we can change your customs . Tomorrow you will say why can men wear frok ??? It's crap to argue bcoz it's an unwritten rule
@@gurdipsingh7099 Its not about guys wearing frocks, but the hypocrisy of the society which literally forces the woman to change so much after getting married. And the guy???? Well he stays the same
And isn't it crappy to follow all these "unwritten rules" ??
Also, I never get why woman after marriage have to wear 'sindur' and 'mangalsutra'. Like it looks like the guy is marking his territory. I find it ridiculous. If anyone has a fair reason please enlighten me.
The groom ties the auspicious thread around the bride’s neck on the day of their holy nuptial as significance that their relationship would be as auspicious as the thread. It symbolises that they will be mates for life until death separates them. . In the same way, her husband realises his responsibility towards the partner. South Indians believe that the mangalsutra needs to be tied in 3 knots with each knot carrying a significance - loyalty towards the husband, dedication to the family, and devotion to the lord.In some parts of the country, the first knot is tied by the husband and the remaining two knots are tied by the groom’s sisters. It is believed that the black beads of a mangalsutra are blessed with divine powers to protect the married couple.
According to Ayurveda - the ancient Indian science - pure gold ( which mangalsutra should be made of) has a number of healing properties, and the most important of them is improved heart health. Ayurveda reveals that wearing a mangalsutra close to the heart (touching the skin) attracts cosmic waves from the surroundings and aids heart functioning. It is also considered that these waves help in maintaining a happy, healthy relationship between the husband and wife
Also ayurveda says sindoor to be prepared using mercury, turmeric and lime, not like today where we use chemicals for sindoor . Mercury acts as a catalyst that helps to ease stress and strain. It also helps in keeping the brain active and alert. Other than this, mercury also helps in controlling blood pressure, activating sexual drive and libidinal energy. This is why, a widow or an unmarried woman is forbidden from applying sindoor. Now it is upon you if you believe it or not . I spoke about what I know .
@@stardust2531 why is it that the guy is not asked to tie it? Thanks for your explanation though.
@@Chetsi_Shinde It's not about keeping it fair that even men should wear some form of accessory indicating they are married. Wearing a mangal-sutra is a tradition similar to a sister tying a rakhee on her brother's wrist to remind him of his duty to protect her. Even in that case, there is no equivalent of rakhee that a sister has to wear.
Men too have some symbols but it varies according to customs. In brahmins I have watched some sampradayas where brahmacharis wear dhoti without kacche and after marrying they wear dhotis with kacche. I have also watched some married men start to wear two or more yajnopaveetas after marriage. It depends on custom which became popular . My father for example wear a thread around his body that symbolizes he is married. And we are not even brahmin , if you think only brahmin do it. There are a lot of cultural and historical factors for our traditions that we see today. This video can just give you a basic idea , but it doesn't talk about many factors . I hope you research on these topics. Its all interesting actually.
@@Chetsi_Shinde Oh yeah , another interesting topic, some men in certain cultures across India do wear toe rings that symbolizes that they are taken. The practice has become limited because commercialization and Bollywood has given therm wrong impression about toxic masculinity.
Well we all wear rings? And in my family we dont give much value to mangalsutra or sindur my family doesnt do it
Girls go through sucha super weird process. Those were pretty rough times and even now mostly.In all this "love marriage" seems an over expectation😂 Thank god , women are changing people's mindset.
Yup!😊
We just need more guys like you
@@fizazulekha957 well seeing swaddle makes me believe that is a certainty.
My mother are only two sisters. So!! After my maasi married, my mother along with my father,my brother and me. Moved to nani's house.
She took care of them.
And who's taking care of yr dada and dadi? And how's yr nani okay with the idea of damad staying at her place?
Wow I feel like I've been learning a lot since I subscribed to you guys. Great job people!
It's true actually. There are so many rituals that I feel are totally absurd, there is no genuine reason to follow them today but are still followed in the name of aise hi hota aa rha h. Changing the surname of the wife, telling her to leave her house after wedding, expecting her to obey ur home's rules, etc. All these are example of treating wife as an object. Isn't she an object u own if u are changing her name or doing any of the thing that are mentioned above? There are even many more things but if I start addressing each n every issue I am sorry but it will be so long that u won't be able to read it but some women actually suffer it. If u can't do any of these things yourself I don't think u have any right to expect the same from ur partner.
@@boddulokesh1 then I think u belong to a totally diff world. Cause if I tell u about my place n cousins n all then yes changing surname is a COMPULSORY thing, living with in law's obviously compulsory otherwise where would the parents go? It feels nice to listen that there isn't such rules at ur place but don't forget that most of the India still has this, infact there are even places where the first name is also changed even today. So it's not that if one is privileged then this problems doesn't happen in other parts.
@@boddulokesh1 I agree. I am sorry I shouldn't have used the word Privileges cause it's very simple thing but it's not alloted to every family thus I told it to be a privilege. But in any case small things can not be termed as privileges. But the point is it doesn't happen in every house. There are still some men who are like I want a women who is totally devoted to me. And women who don't like having my surname are arrogant and some women who are the mother/sister, etc. of these men who feel that women should do it. So not every house but yeah some are getting developed to humanity now but most still think that by changing a woman's identity they can rule over her or have an authority over her.
@@boddulokesh1 do u think it's compulsion which should change everyone? Even an animal changes when a thing gets compulsory for it if we change because of compulsion and not because it's right what will be diff between them n us? We change cause we think whether the thing we are doing is right or wrong and eventually we change our wrong deeds animals don't think so much they just do their everyday work and if a need is asked for and that's the only way then they change. Your plan is perfect for jungle civilization but it's not for humankind cause I think we have a brain which can think n even overthink a lot it's just that we are lacking something as simple as equality and humanity.
@@boddulokesh1 See we don't want compulsion to change things we want every human to think logically practically and think of both men n women as equal. We want this thinking to be adapted because we know we are talking to humans had it been animals we would have hoped for compulsion but humans can be expected to think and adopt a better plan. If a human can make lists of morals and ethics I think he/she can understand equality too. But if one doesn't want to understand and only works with compulsion what would u call that person? Isn't that person an animal who can't come up with his/her own set of rules and theories? Who can't think of the previous rules in his/her own terms?
Uk in southern parts pf India befors colonial rule hit and also there some eg presently .Where in after marrage a Man moves to Women's house ,or they live in nuclear families.Eg)Great Artist itself Raja Ravi Varma .
I've always questioned the act of "giving away" in weddings and this video helped me understand it better! Thanks for the lovely video
According to indian parents, ultimate goal of life is early marriage and kids
😑
I don't think it's overthinking. It's correct thinking which you guys are imparting. Love this channel so much❤️
I'm thankful for having understanding and caring parents.
This channel is the definition of "underrated". Such beautiful content which people NEED to see all over India and yet the people who need to see it the most don't even know this channel exists.
I love how you always give me some thoughts to ponder upon .
Also , you know my mom even says " cows and girls should adjust themselves wherever they go " . Its something she grew up hearing .
But the discrimation thing to girls is opposite in our house . I mean they care about me , my feelings , my needs and my wants more than they do for my brother . They feel my rights to stay with them , get their love etc will get snatched after my marriage , so they try to compensate now. 😂😂
you're comment is here. 😄
Vibha I was talking about another comment . I wrote it the third time , posted it and checked it after few moments and its not there again 😂
Amandeep I THINK women were chosen for kanyadaan because women were considered strong enough or stronger than men to leave the house they grew in to be the support system of another family .
And if you don't favour kanyadaan you can start by rejecting it in your family . I won't come there and oppose you for sure.
@@sujatak9342 naah if you look into the whole marriage system it's actually women were considered as properties so if any two kingdom are having war and stuff the kingdom will send lots of money and his daughter to the other kingdom's king to have sex with they are still considered this way but the difference is there is no king
I didn't let my kanyadaan happen in my marriage as I didn't believe in this custom although purohit was trying to do, thinking I cannot understand Sanskrit mantras even though I told all before about my decision.I stopped him immediately when he started the mantras of kanyadaan.This is the mindset of people which is made saying Kanyadaan is mahadaan.thanks for making this video.
Been waiting for tis for sooooooooo long !!!!!!!!!!! Thanks a lot
Great topic!!! I never thought about it.👍👍
Great work guys
It’s not overthinking, it is thinking !
I am just amazed ....
This channel always comes up so real and thought provoking topics .
I just fought over this notion with my sister a few weeks ago. Thank you for publishing it, spreading awareness and supporting us.
I'm a girl. I'm not interested in marriage, whatsoever. (Coz there ain't no real need of it anymore! If you think logically, you know what i mean)
And neither I'm gonna keep my parents with me. I'll help them financially but not gonna keep them with me.
Why put up a new senseless stereotype of "daughters are the new son".
Well let it be a personal choice.
Most of you wouldn't even understand what i mean! But ppl 2 gen after you will.
Well your parents kept u with themselves. You seem to be quite self centered
@@shreyasranjan7147 well you don't even know my parents 😂. It's funny how you just commented without thinking. But anyway .. I'll answer you
We have the same thoughts lol. I see no point in getting married, it's same like live in,isn't it?(unless it's arrange marriage or something). But seeing how my parents are super conservative about this stuff,I doubt if I will get the chance to do what I want.
@@lolok5456 your parents didn't love u ?
@@shreyasranjan7147 dude,Ig what she meant was she wants to live independently,
She didn't say that she would neglect them,she will help them financially when they need her help
And here I am from a Kannur Muslim family, here the husband ‘move’ to the ‘wife’s house, ...well they stay at both the places almost equally ( the room for the couple is lavishly arranged at the wife’s house and nowadays rooms are organized in husband’s house too) till the kids are of school going age, after which wife would become vacation stayers at their husband’s house✌🏾
Again that doesn't make a difference if its done in another way or vice versa lol.Why is the ritual even there if you want you live if not just live separately.Not to mention in the end you have to stay at your husband's place.Also not all Kannur muslim family does that and doesn't reflect of majority of Indian muslim weddings.If the Hindu marriage needs reforms the muslim marriage needs a total overhaul.
@@forkrust9296 yeah...but culture and rituals exists and that’s all what I was talking about,,,, it’s always up to a couple to follow it or not...🤷🏽♀️...There are cultures in which the couple move to a new place after their marriage ( I remember watching a documentary but I don’t remember which place) ....nothing makes any difference unless you act on it ✌🏾
You are the best anchor of this channel. Love from Bengal. 😍
I cried while watching this. This is so bad. At the end,The swaddle always will be able to give me some hope. And I love that about this channel. Let's all work together for a better world.
Girls, get educated , make your own home , buy your own car.....that's YOUR ONLY OWN HOME , OWN CAR AND OWN LIFE 💗💗💗
Exactly 😂😂😂
Then give that car to your husband he will drive it for you when you are not in mood of driving 🙈
And not only him,his whole family will respect you 😅
Agreed100%😂😂😂
@@ashutoshverma6973 everyone does nt end up marrying it's an option
When I got married ,My Dad said beta I’m just a call away . In case there is any problem don’t think papa pareshan honge.
I think this is the best ever swaddle video post i have ever seen. Sadly my parents can't understand this. I want to show them this in the language they can understand. I don't think i can do good in trying to translate and explain it to them
Even i am against "changing women's surname" in aadharcard!!!
I love the overthinking series and I love your editing! Spot on explanations. So relatable! ❤️
The best content on Feminism, Gender Equality and Societal stereotypes. Cant tell you how much I love your content.
U guys deserve more than millions of views on ur videos !! This channel is very underrated but it's the sad reality of the society that we people don't come forward for the change and also if anyone else is trying we don't have courage to support them due to the fear what if they succeed !!
Anyways , u people are doing great job ! Lots of love ❤️❤️ ..
I'm proud to say that my parents' only expectation from both their daughters is to become financially and socially self reliant...
My maternal grandparents left this world without making a will of their property, so it was inherited by all the brothers and sisters including my mother. But my mom and her sisters convinced that ,that property isn't their to an extent that they are willing to give it all away to their brothers. And my uncles too are so entitled that the property is their, They divided some land among themselves and kept earning for it for years.
I have a friend from Arunanchal. In her tribe, after marriage, the boy is expected to stay for , say , at least 2weeks and know girls family. Then bride and groom are expected to decide where they wanna shift together.
Its required that we criticise this ugly traditions followed under certain religions, but I think with this along... Let's learn offer practical solutions.
Girls and boys, Youngsters need to popularise this.
Until and unless people know of alternatives, merely knowing that a custom is wrong won't change thing.
Let's start something like this
@@boddulokesh1 it is on my dad's side actually. They gave her every share of property my bua had and she took it too just like her brothers
@@boddulokesh1 yeaa
In our culture giving properties to the female isn't even a thing
@@khyatisharma8944 fr which state do you belong
It's just a 4.33 minutes video and makes so much sense....why can't a 2 hrs movies can't follow? 🙄 Awesome content...compact n impactful ❤️
Love this! So well thought through. Love the subtle nuances of “take her back” and “empowered choices”. Really good choice of words. Extremely relatable - have seen so many women make less empowered choices, even when they have the privilege to choose better. Forces us all to introspect. Thanks for putting this together so nicely!