Debby was a professor of mine at IU. She is an inspirational, honest, and tolerant individual who does a lot of good for a much needed audience. Everyone should listen to her and try to be as open and non-judgmental as she does in her approach to this taboo subject.
I can tell from the comments below that many can't begin to fathom what this lady is talking about, & its a shame because what she's saying is valuable to everyone.
My great grandma told me she asked a relative with 5 children how her baby would come out, she answered " same bloody way they go in" My nana is 100 now, I'll never forget that story :-)
I always wonder what the deal is with American society with sex. It seems that allot of people simply stick their head into the sand and ignore it. I grew up in Germany where sex is very open and people talk about it like adults should be. We also have lots of nude beaches and people don't judge each other, everyone is simply having a good time. Germany also has only 1/10th of HIV and Aids in comparison to the USA.
+Brian Barbour Germany also has a lot less people than the US. Also, I used to live in California and currently live in Frankfurt and attend Gymnasium here. I've found the openness (or conservatism) about sex being about the same in California as here in Germany... Sooo I call BS on your statement
American culture is based on Christianity, so we keep a strong emphasis on marriage & we're protective of the innocence of children. We understand things on a spiritual level, as opposed to merely a superficial level.
Coolguy130000 Please don't compare your stint in Frankfurt to my entire life growing up in Germany. How many nude Beaches are there in California, How many Government Regulated Red Light district does California have? Since you are in Frankfurt, go and take a stroll to Taunus and Kaiser Strasse. How many Swinger Clubs are in Cali, Germany has Thousands of them! How Many News Papers shows Actually Nude Woman...in the U.S. there are NONE. Go Back to the Gymnasium and learn to make better educated arguments.
+Brian Barbour wow someone's angry... I've spent three years in Frankfurt now and lived 5 years in a small city/town off Stuttgart. What I was referring to was the attitude of the people, not government regulated red light districts. And in terms of people's attitudes the difference isn't that great. Also, if you want to make a proper argument why don't you refrain from making offensive or condescending comments. At the same time, I am sure you haven't lived a lifetime in America either so your argument goes around to bite you back.
I was given the job of teaching our 2 girls about sex prior to puberty because my wife wasn't good at explaining, so both were taught before it was discussed in school and before they had their periods. We covered biological and emotional aspects and basically the whole nine yards so that when their friends started talking about it they would know and be able to separate BS from reality. I also told them that they must understand that other kids may not have had this talk and so they must respect that and let them learn the way their parents felt necessary. In the years that followed we were able to have some rather interesting dinner table conversations because our kids felt they could talk about virtually anything with us, and happy to say both made it to adulthood without an unwanted pregnancy or STD. I don't believe all they told us about their relationships with male friends, but I'm confident they had the minimum number of sexual partners and revered sex as an important part of a committed relationship rather than something you do after a few beers with whoever is handy.
So tell me then, what is bad about having sex without being in a commited relationship? If that actually is your opinion then I can guarantee you that your daughters didn't talk to you about "virtually anything" since Sex is beautiful, not just with someone you love.
madeofukf The down side of sex outside of a committed relationship is one more venereal diseases, several of which have gained immunity to most antibiotics.
etmax1 Use condoms and you don't have to worry about it, easy as that. Btw its good of you to have talked to them about this stuff as people can feel so disconnected with their body if no one ever explained to them what is going on with them during puberty :)
madeofukf There's a lot more to a sexual act than just intercourse, if your one night stand had a 69'er with their last partner and didn't use a condom then unless you consider a "glory hole" scenario "beautiful" you could have just got one of several of the nasties I mentioned. When I consider the length and breadth of a meaningful relationship with a life partner and how there are virtually no taboos with the "wear a condom and no kissing, no cunnilingus, no foreplay with fingers" I have to say you are offering a rather empty alternative.
etmax1 If you are going to go about sex that way then you will always be scared of having fun and trusting a person you're not that familiar with. It is so very unlikely that a sexual disease is going to be transmitted through someone's mouth or fingers without them or myself knowing it's even absurd to mention it. When I consider the variety and beauty of good sex and how there are virtually no limits as to the body, movements, sounds, tastes, expiriences, I have to say you are offering a rather empty alternative.
Excellent articulation ! Her face almost never showed any discomfort and could communicate so many intimate secrets in a breezy & relaxed way. Well done.
my friends who play sports right she and her buddies were playing some random punk came over me and three greek princess cousins came to asked if we know them we explain do not speak to them if they enter anyplace else should kept the doors locked
I have a friend who believes that she's not supposed to enjoy sex. She doesn't know why, but she feels guilty and bad for enjoying sex with her fiance. She grew up in a conservative home which is probably why. But it's seriously sad that she's been conditioned to think sex is something that's supposed to be pleasurable for him and not her.
Neil Mcintosh That "joke" wasn't very funny, but ok. Counseling has been suggested to her but she doesn't want to. Nobody can make her. I just hope her husband will help her think differently.
Destinee It's her conscience bothering her. I'm guessing she was raised with the value that sex is meant for marriage and so when she does so while not being married, she thinks she's being bad, thus the guilt. I'm thinking she feels like she's disrespecting her parents and possibly God. I noticed in the second post you mention her husband, so I'm guessing she's gotten married since the first post and as such, I'm going to guess she won't feel any or at least less guilty.
For me, sex is normal (at least when I do it), I just don't feel the need to tell every person I meet on the street, or my entire family about my sex life. It's okay to keep things private and it doesn't make you a prude, immature or a "religious nut". For me, privacy is comfort.
It is such a simple subject and many people talk about it, but I like the idea of being very open about the idea anywhere. That it isn't something to be ashamed of, but done in a decent way. Thank you. I enjoyed this.
Before persuading the world that sex is normal, we need to answer a few questions: 1) Why is sex so embarrassing to talk about? 2) Why do we only have sex out of view of other people? 3) Why do we forbid nudity and sexual activity in public and at work? I don't know the answers to these questions, and I suspect no one else does either. We can't very well make sex normal without the answers.
In my opinion, the answer to the second question is because it's an intimate act with your partner and there's no need to share that level of intimacy with people you aren't that close to.
it's intimate, just because we don't display ourselves on aplatter for all to see doesn't make it not normal, do you think a person pooping in the middle of a busy street is doing so because it is normal to poop???
Ummm... did she suggest to read 50 Shades to women who don't know what good sex is? This book has the wrongest message of love, consent and BDSM. Don't get me wrong, if you are into rape fiction as a fantasy go on. But to promote this book as a "sex-positive porn" is simply absurd. So normal sex is defined as an "abusive relationship" now? What kind of suggestion is this?
Dukie Doomsayer Yes I did. It was poorly written. Rough sex is always about consent, communication and reassurance. ALWAYS. That was not BDSM. Finally, that was not a love story. It was a massage to insecure women that if a man stalks them or pressures them or behaves aggressively towards them, they should appreciate it. It is not love if your partner controls you. Its neither romantic, nor everlasting and not unconditional. It's not even hateful or selfish love. It's a lie. It's a joke. And honestly its not even good porn. But what do you expect from a character so stupid, to a) not reading interview questions beforehand and b) to actually not reading fast enough or at least stop before actually saying the word "gay"? Who does that??? How stupid can you be? That wasn't adorkable, that was plain dumb. And I am supposed to believe that this moment was the one where she made a man fall for her? Pffff... What a joke.
hereANDnow nothing positive about porn... screws your mind, wrecks relationships, and i'm sure has impacts in domestic violence... nothing positive there!
One of the wonderful talk about sex and sexuality. Imagine a situation where talking is sex is not normal in a palace like US, then think about other rigid part of the world. I think, making sex education compulsory could be one of the solutions to solve this problem. Like her, we all should make sex normal and no religious, cultural and linguistic forces allow us to stopping our thoughts and actions.
Nyckelpiga Compulsory life education is what's really needed. It's not just about specific topics and issues, but about being able to treat people better. Yes, that makes me sound like a totally naïve asshat, but teaching character traits, unfortunately, is much, much better than most Western education curricula.
commode7x Well, us naive asshats should stick together then ^^ School could teach to much more useful things than it does now. I would love to see non-violent communication, sex ed., critical thinking (the real deal..), integrity, alexander technique etc. being seriously incorporated into education.
Nyckelpiga But real men talk with their FISTS!! Lol, I kid, but I think that you're right about adding important topics into the main curriculum. Last time I checked, many new American teachers graduating with Ed.M. degrees noted that the current American curriculum was a fantastic idea 200 years ago, when it was important to teach children important skills like knowing how to survey land area geometry, count cows, and do cheese yield estimations in their head. In the modern day, learning how to do median and mode have almost zero practical use, trigonometry is something that is only useful for engineers and scientists, and the total lack of information in civics classes about lobbying legislators and the proper political process in their own country is a recipe for disaster. As had been the case for the past 30 years, the ones teaching our children are other children, and we're now reaping the fruits of that educational system.
Sex positivity is an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement advocates comprehensive sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign.
Great talk on an interesting and compelling subject. And she's so matter of fact. The "sex talk" for me (a man in my sixties) was even more cursory. Fortunately, I took course when I was a college freshman that filled me in on the details. It was mass lecture class taught by an older professor with a great sense of humor who was comfortable with the subject matter, and used humor to defuse the palpable tension during his lectures.
if it was me i would have it like during marriage because most wanted this type of relationships for example called them princess or dollar face like most mansions wait until marriage comes like 25 or 23 maybe 35 years olds wait until this woman says yes for proposal or the rings if they have jobs like over payyin their college tutions its we called them smart woman
I agree with many of the points here, especially from the sexual health perspective but I think it can be taken too far. For me, part of the intimacy of sex is that it is a special, private journey with my partner that symbolises the deep, unique nature of our relationship. One of the TED talks she suggested is about a website where couples share videos of their favourite sexual practices - to me this invites others into what should be a private space between a couple and steps over the mark. We are in danger of losing the sanctity of physical relationships. I think it's possible to talk openly about sexual subjects without going so far as to undermine this special private bond between a couple.
This is a life-changing and concise movement to celebrate humanity... SEX is normal! This will help build more secured and better world. Maybe, this is the renaissance of sexual revolution...
I actually had a similar experience when my period started. I didn't tell anyone because I was ashamed, thank god for the internet. It's ridiculous since half the population of the world has had/has a period! Why do we have to feel ashamed for a natural thing? Still I notice women (myself included) hushing about periods and feeling embarrassed when buying tampons etc...
I also shop fem aisle for panty liners. Keeps my briefs cleaner longer. But main use is for the occasional bleeding hemorrhoids. Felt odd at first bit mot ashamed anymore.
I think one of the problems with this video and with a lot of stuff that comes out of this vein is that the speakers are engaging in rhetoric, but believe they are transmitting knowledge. Reference this quote from the Wikipedia article on rhetoric: "The relationship between rhetoric and knowledge is characteristic for the nature of human understanding, and reflects two closely related but adversarial traditions. Rhetoric is concerned with the influence on our beliefs or behaviors with the available means, usually in order to achieve certain effects, such as consensus on some issue. Knowledge, on the other hand, is concerned with the justification of our beliefs with the available evidence or good reasons." PS - I agree with Bimdorf - well said.
Found this very interesting!!! I had radiation to my Pelivc region due to a very rare cancer - throughout my year of treatment and seeing my specialists once a week, they constantly brought up the side effects I could have and what I was getting. Not once did they ever, ever say that it could affect me sexually or chance things 'down there!'!! Even after my treatment, I am still high risk so have to see my drs every month - not once did they ask how my sex life was, or how things were down below - so I felt embarrassed when I finally got up the nerve to ask my female oncologist about why things were not quite right in tha area!!! I was embarrassed!!!!! She said "oh, yes I forgot to tell you that this... This... This and this could all happen from radiation and chemo to that area!" WTF - I should have been told that from the beginning along with all the other side effects you told me about - it should be normal ! And why should I have to get up the guts to ask my Dr about it in the first place.... To be embarrassed about asking??? It's not right - sex is perfectly natural and normal part of our lives! I don't understand why we are made to believe it is something 'dirty' and to be kept secret as such.... Even in the medical field.
I wish I had more patience to explain why I disagree with everyone in the comments who are against this video. Alas, it's just not worth the time I would have to put in. Live your lives. Try and be happy. Don't repress your sexuality. Let it out. Learn how to express it. Good luck.
I'm grateful to my parents for teaching me that sex is both beautiful and sacred. It is the ultimate physical expression of genuine love. It should be talked about in a reverent and respectful manner. And it should be practiced by married couples who are eternally committed to each other. I'm 26 years old. I've dated a number of girls but never had any sexual relations with them. I value my procreative powers and my wedding night will be a beautiful experience for me and my wife. We will have saved our bodies for each other. Virtue is what needs to be taught in sex education. Being loyal, respectful, and honoring your partner should be taught in sex education. My parents taught me these things in a loving environment. Not everyone will have the same opportunity. I realize that. But I don't think this TED talk is pointing people in the right direction.
Wow you are a incredible man! I am also saving myself, I think there is a small group of us so it is nice to hear that there are some like me out there. I have been blessed also with awesome parents that taught me the value of sex. It is beautiful but this world makes it filthy with their thoughts and actions and no value for human life. You and I on the other hand know the truth and should shout it from the roof tops! People need to heat it!
It's nice that you think of it this way but I don't think sex should be something sacred if you don't want it to. Sex can be a purely physical animalistic act, and doesn't ever have to mean anything. But it also can. Sex is sex - what emotion you add to it is your choice, and no one should be shamed if they have hundreds of non emotional sex partners if that's for their own pleasure. Sex is great so long as no one is being taken advantage of or doing it for self validation.
KidsWithGuns1992 As long as the person understands that they will get a STD having that many sex partners. and Step up when a baby is conceived and be a dam father for once. Then I think it perfectly fine. You however are making it like its purely a physical experience when it takes everything in you to have sex being connected emotionally and mentally. You can not compartmentalize sex and those who think they can are really kidding themselves. If I chose to have sex early on I would have had a bunch of kids and either be with someone I don't love or be by myself like so many single parents. No thank you I'll wait out for the right man. It's easier for a man to get up and leave because he is not the one who has to be concerned if he is pregnant or not. It is much harder for a women to do this without getting pregnant. Unless she can't have kids and even if that was true who would want all that baggage.
Jaimie Vanderhouck I completely disagree. Having many sex parents does NOT entail STDs and/or chances of children, it's obviously called the use of safe sex and contraception. Sex is NATURALLY a physical act wherein humans simply do it for pleasure. It has become a socially instilled concept for people to have all this meaning and weight to it - which can be fine - but also shouldn't mean people should be shamed for having many sex parents. There is NOTHING wrong with sleeping around so long as you are responsible and not putting yourself in danger. And having sex early on does no mean you will, once again, have kids or "fall in love" with the wrong partner. That is just insanity to link the two in this modern age. Sex is NOT a bad thing, and you make it out to be. This is why we need to talk about sex more on a social level, because people wait until marriage and have this terrible dogma against it thinking "if I have sex at fifteen I will be ruined forever!". Not true at all, simply just not true.
You cannot decouple sex from emotion. Sex is the ultimate physical expression of love. A clear conscience will always dictate that. Yes, people can choose to use it recreationally, but that does not change the nature or purpose of it, nor does it make it right. When I was younger and my big brother would upset me, my natural instinct was to name-call and fight. When I was mad I didn't want to clean, or help, or serve anyone. Although this was NATURAL that didn't make it RIGHT. The purpose of sex is to make the world go round. It begets the next generation. It is not meant for self gratification. The pleasure of it is a bonus feature NOT the purpose. We live in an age where preteens are posting sexually explicit photos to each other, upwards of 80% of people are viewing pornography, In the United States porn makes more money than the “combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises or the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC” (Internet Pornography Statistics: 2003), birthrates are hitting all time lows, 80 years from now some countries will be half their population size, women are constantly shown in the media as mere objects. I cannot even bear the thought of having parents who sleep around with other adults just for the fun of it. All my confidence and trust in them would be lost. Angry, upset, and confused I might likely follow the same pattern and fight against chastity and morality. I would cite scientists who say its healthy to view pornography and masturbate, and I would completely ignore the others who say it's not. Everything I'd hear, see, and listen to would be measured by whether the thought of it gave me an erection or not. The world is loosing its traction. Happiness is not found in fleeting moments of pleasure, but in enduring relationships built on mutual trust and genuine love. People who fight against that idea are making excuses for their own behavior. They run away from their innate light. They abandon their conscience. And when that happens its only a matter of time before their addictions cause something terrible to happen such as rape, incest, murder etc... If Satan really does exist, then why would he not continue to tempt and pull someone with this view you say is good, further and further into grotesque practices? I attended a conference once where a speaker presented the results of a group drawing project. The elementary school kids were asked to draw what they thought was most important in their future families. All but one group drew either naked women with big breasts and high heels or naked men. These kids were in 2nd grade! These will be the future leaders of the world. How incredibly sad. And you have the audacity to say that sex is meant for pleasure. That lie can only lead to unhappy endings and broken families. Again let me say what the truth about sex is. Sex is beautiful. Sex is sacred. The natural purpose of sex is to create life. It is the ultimate physical expression of genuine love. When it is not treated in this way, then you get a world tormented with addiction, distrust, and broken families.
A quote from my favorite show, I am not sure it is an exact quote.. but. "We exist because of sex. It's not something to be afraid of. It's something to honor. to enjoy." Sun Bak. Sense8
I support your talk Mi's ... It's nice of you that you have talked about a tabooed subject that is actually ain't taboo. This clearly subject talking not about sex is taboo.. I guess most of all agree to this...
everyone should be able to speak as easily and naturally about sex as this woman... she was informative, funny and confident...... so many people, even in 21st century are either embarrassed or remain ignorant of the whole subject... sad
*Sex is not everything as society tries to make it. It is being over played. The truth is, sex is a very small part of a relationship. Spiritual people make love all the time, and sex is just a small part.The pleasure seeking mind is using it against us*. People now have sex because everybody lives in the mindprison and the mind only strives for pleasure. It is sex without love, only to fill up the emptyness (people live as empty mindslaves) To have sex with love you need to overcome the clutter of your mind first. Google *TruthContest read the Present*
+daniel overwater Yeah not so much Daniel. Don't fall into the trap of thinking how you feel is normal and that is how everyone else should feel. I'm also a little bit worried that you might be projecting here. If you aren't up on that, do a quick search on Wikipedia for "Psychological projection" Have a good day.
+daniel overwater Sex without relationship "love", and sex for pleasure, is wonderful as well and fits in a healthy disposition / mind/body as well. You are trying to demonize flesh and pleasure in a subtle way. The reality is that mind/soul (psyche/nous) inheres in matter, and the problem for western civilization has always come and still currently comes from its negative attitude toward the material world. The present day degradation of diet and environment and subsequent ill health only makes people feel more natural with being uncomfortable with "mere" sex (it is not mere if it's done well, and like anything worth doing, it is worth doing well).
In my house the Gospel of sex was never touched. Consequently I deliberately got addicted to porn hitting 12. Moms, Dads be serious and loving parents never hide the facts from your children or next generations will suffer consequences. Be educated and educate the timeline of every one.
If I had kids, I'd place a large, comprehensive MEDICAL book on the coffee table when the children are prepubescent. The kids WILL read those books-because kids are inquisitive- and they'll have SCIENTIFIC MEDICAL ANSWERS....and go from there.
But, but, but....the Catholic Church says premarital sex is a mortal sin and I'll burn in hell for eternity! The Bishop says after going to R rated movies, I need to go to confession and do real serious hail maries and glory bs. But, a French kiss is a venial sin so i'll only burn a little bit in purgatory. Now, the above, is a quick summary of how people get screwed up by religion and sex. IMHO, the Pope and Church need not be allowed in your bed room!
This was a good video, but one thing people don't talk much about-and need to address-is why some people feel anxiety about making sex normal. I'll give you a personal story: In high school I was more or less the abstinent kid, I wanted to wait for somebody special. Well! This didn't go over well for many people I knew; they WOULD NOT cease to harass me, make me feel less-than-human, and remind me that no girl would want anything to do with me. So naturally, until just a few years ago, when people would talk about sex and how "it's only natural, everybody does it. It's abnormal NOT to do it" I would feel a lot of anxiety. And no, it's not because I was an evil sexist who wanted to follow Hitler's ideas and do horrible things to innocent people. It's because of the way I had been treated... So while I very much agree with most of what she was saying, we also need to look out for people who are very uncomfortable with talking about sex and instead of immediately attacking them, listen
B. Radley RUclips didn't give me enough comment space to complete my thought. My main point is the reason many people have anxiety over sex being "normalized" isn't because they're a bunch of assholes, it's because of personal reasons and in order to change somebody's opinions, you can't just present facts and logic, you've got to speak to them on an emotional level
Ferdinand the bull No, ambition, hardwork, and dedication are. That picture was taken when I was 15. I am now 16 years old. Before you judge others, where has your ambition gotten you?
Sorry for not to get back to you sooner. I teach four dance classes a week and have two performances coming up. Where were we? Oh yes. My body is irrelevant. The issue is your hypocritical advocacy of sexual repression for women, while indulging in tacky sexual vanity for yourself.
I remember in college, the girl who was in charge of supplying emergency condoms at the dorm taped condom packs all over the hallway walls. But then it was soon taken down by the janitors because they thought that it was vandalism.
when this happend my friends went to asked me about this reason they left the area somebody came to invade their privacy I'm like what is going in this place now its happening two woman said somebody came to this place I'm like do not talk to those people
What I think is odd is that she mentions all those ways to make sex normal, all those people to read or watch or listen to, and yet misses the one person who has been making sex normal for longer and for more people than all of the TED luminaries she mentioned: Dan Savage
I feel bad for people that STILL treat sex as taboo, when its instead one of the most natural things ever. Seems to be a big thing in the US and also among religious groups. Accept it for what it is, and live with it. As a Swede, I can talk about sex with anyone, at anytime. I´m not ashamed at all.
Procreation, the cardinal principle of life needs to be talked widely to eliminate pervert minds. TED doing wonderful job...Will contribute my share in due course
Love this woman. I've been doing this for years. I talk about sex as if it were a normal thing to talk about all the time. When you show how you are comfortable with it, it's contagious and I see people around me become at ease with it too. Sometimes throwing in a not-too-naughty dirty joke to ease tension helps too. =)
I've never been very good at talking "normally" about sex, but the abundance of unembarrassed discussion on youtube has helped me improve over the past few months. I'm getting more and more impressed with the power of RUclips. I think it could help invert the current pyramid of ignorance in the U.S.
***** Point taken. But still, would abolishing RUclips actually increase overall intelligence? Sure there is a lot of crap, but for every piece of crap, there is also tons of debunking. Ignorance cannot withstand open scrutiny. Governments and religions who seek to impose ignorance always cut off open communication, not open it up.
In answer to the pundits: Yes, she had conservative upbringing. Yes, her mother was put in a closet about sex generally. That was the nature of such talks in that day for much of america. Because of her experience, she rightly wanted to help other girls avoid that shame, confusion, pain, anxiety, and also help parents be informed enough to give information to their kids when asked. It is a noble, enlightening, compassionate effort, and is to be applauded. Thankfully, such ignorance is diminishing with such broadly accessible information these days, and less stigma.
Read sex books in public... yeah, I'm a guy. I would be arrested. I do certainly read pretty much every sex book I can get my hands on, I've been studying it since I was 9 years old when my mom tore the anatomy pages out of a science book I got for my birthday. To anyone wanting to learn about sex, probably the best single book I have ever read is titled "Good Sex Illustrated". It was written in the 1970s, but it is more relevant now than ever.
have you ever read (heard of even..)..."The Story of O" ..written in 1950s translated from French....... far more sensual far more everything lol......
Its really appreciable to share such educative thoughts. Inspiration to the new gen and may become a revolutionary step towards rebuilding of humanity and the world as a whole. Keep it up. Thanks to you tube
You know… “some” people think that homosexuality is a choice. Now, choosing is based on being aware and conscious - otherwise, you don’t make a choice. This talk is just about raising awareness on the role of sex in human life. That’s why it is especially devoted to people who don’t need to be aware of sex… because they happen to be heterosexual, conservative, right-wing, conservative, narrow-minded WASPs. Otherwise, you are just a normal person who admit that your sexual preferences - whatever they are - are not a choice… but, in this case, you 1) see pretty well the meaning she attaches to being supportive of any kind of NATURAL (not chosen) sexual preferences; 2) can face such a brain-startling concept as “irony” ;-)
Yes, you are right. Sexuality is not a choice. You are either born a male, or you are born a female. This is easy to determine by looking in the groin area. Apparently, this can be a stunning revelation for many people.
It gives the reason right at the top of the frame, in giant letters: Celebrate sexual diversity. As to your question, yes, of course they are, but not in the way you might be thinking. LGBT folks are put under a microscope by society, and it's all about sex, so many in the community are used to openly talking about it; especially those at a rally. If a person is uncomfortable about sex in general, being at an LGBT event may help tear down some mental barriers. Like the prior suggestion of reading sex books in public, she's implying that a repressed person should get out of their sexual comfort zone. Forcing a person out of their comfort zone is a common method of behavioral modification (e.g. breaking phobias).
Wonderful talk! Much truth in what you say! One thing you didn't touch on was that often women find sex painful is because of circumcision. when I man is circumcised sex is much dryer and may cause pain. I would love to see you address circumcision and it's bearing on what is going on in American bedrooms.
nfinn42 Look, all sexually dimorphic creatures have sex. There is nothing to go hoo-haa over it. The so called "women's sexuality" is just way too overhyped and overrrated. And 50 shades of grey. Well............
its because when a rich handsome man wants to turn you into a prostitute its acceptible female dream but if he is poor and less attractive it should be a crime against women..
I guess the reason I don't talk about sex is because it is not a topic I think about with much articulation. Thanks to this talk, I can begin to elucidate this complex issue. There are so many issues. The public and private space, the sciences, the history of sex and religions, gender differences in different cultures, my own sexual preferences, influences from supporting networks of an individual. I agree that in the western world, sexual health does still have some dark areas that need to be talked about more - because there is that threat of diseases and rape. It doesn't make sense that sex being such a large part of who we are is not talked about more in everyday interactions. Hmm, perhaps because it can be used to discriminate? Well, hmm, I guess with discrimination, there comes with it regulation and fair rights, I think we are all willing to take that route, as opposed to staying with the dangerous status quo.
Maybe we talk about sex in this manner, because it's by far the most intimate thing people can do together... I don't know whether we'll ever be able to talk about sex freely. I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never wanted to talk about sex, especially not with my teachers and/or parents. Maybe we ignore sex or talk about it as an abnormal thing, because it is indeed not normal at all to talk about it. People even have problems talking to their partners on their sexual fantasies. We humans have a sense of shame, whether we are conservative or progressive about it. There certainly are differences to which extent we feel shame. I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable talking about it, but not because my parents demonised it or neglected it!
What's the use fighting over masculine feminine...What's important is the present and how we interact with each other as loving human beings..The sex stuff is just 1 percent of why we are here and what are our purpose is? So smile everyone and la la la la la la to all..
I think sex should be normal and even religious people should start to embrace sex -literally and figuratively. Maybe religion wouldn't die if we promoted sex as normal and healthy.
Scott Steiner Some religions are based on setting you at odds with all your desires, including food, rest, sex... and even simply being born as a human. It's how they make their chaching, by brainwashing you into believing merely existing in a body with certain properties is what makes you bad. Whatever religion it is, the common thing to all of them is lack of logic and empiricism, the correct way of determining what is true and what is not.
gwho I disagree. Religion does not lack logic because Religion was created to grow our love for God, ourselves, other people and the environment. But Man is flawed and man created religion. Man is also greedy for power and control. God is love and love is God. Our only duty is grow our love, continue to learn to forgive unconditionally and to enjoy our lives. Religion is also meant for a personal relationship with God. It was not meant for people to judge other people. There is only on judge and that is God - the God of Love. Love is a verb you have to go out and get it. Jesus Christ spoke out against the exclusionary practices of the Church. Jesus believed all are welcome to worship God. And I (like my church) promote All our Welcome to worship no matter what race, religion, gender, sexual preference or economic status.
Scott Steiner Your entire post relies on circular logic. You're trying to say religion is true by assuming the conclusions of religion are true, to argue that religion is true.
Oh yeah... I can just imagine a man reading a sex book on the subway. He'd never get to read the book,because he'd be dealing with the shitstorm from women of ALL walks of life.
!!Wome - and more - feminists- n have been dealing with the shitstorm (great term!) for sooooo long.....maybe men could take it, just sometimes ? The end might BE WORTH THE MEANS!
This reminds me of my Biology teacher in class 10th though she wa s alittle different She entered d class and said anybody who giggled or asked questions will be thrown out
people are taught when growing up to believe sex is dirty and you can't do it till or even talk about it til after 25 but that's all anyone will say about it but almost EVERYone has sex. but we watch movies that display the most gross most gruesome outright disgusting and sickening scenes of murders that's not even done in real life. that almost no one does. I say what if everyone that has sex, Murders someone or everyone else. where would we be then ? people are so uptight and downright appalled by the word and the action that hordes of people dont even associate the word with the act. people are fucking stupid. I talked with my parents in-turn I spoke with my kids about it, kids need to know where how when it's appropriate. the actual age it should start why they have those feelings when and how to control them and every other aspect and then encouraged them to ask specific questions or what ifs and there were lots of them but it taught them to be open to questioning me or mom about sex and not feel ashamed but ask us and only us and NOT discuss it with the teachers because they would call the cops and all that scenario and they don't inform kids of anything.
Sex is the principle weapon women use to manipulate men. Men need sex and women innately know how to use this weakness. "You left dirty dishes in the sink; no sex for a week." "You forgot to take out the trash no sex for a month." Women don't have a sex drive and don't really derive pleasure from sex which is why they are able to use it like a weapon against men.
+Beaver thats a fucked up view.. are you that butthurt by your own insecurity that you place your warped value overlay across normality and come up with thomas beavers view? maybe take the trash out more often you lazy fuck, that, or come home early and find shes not into you.. shes into anyone but you. abdul, mustaffa, david, peter paul and mary. anyone but you. perhaps you are like the black hole of sexual enjoyment, you just suck the life out of all the people around you bizarre.
Calvin Smith And their conservative upbringing is a means to use sex to use men, by making sex a sin and celibacy an option; otherwise they'd be just as receptive as dogs in heat.
Calvin Smith maybe, but it seems pretty reasonable. If you didn't know she was brought up conservatively, and you evaluated what she was saying, what would you pinpoint that is too much, and why?
Don't read Fifty Shade of Grey in public. It is possible the worst novel ever published in English. It wouldn't get the author through English Comp.101. Awful.
if this is this persons own experience it makes it true for her and she's sharing that with the world, i don't think it makes what she's saying less valuable
Good luck on the making it normal WITH WOMEN. Most men I know, including me, are happy to talk about sex, like sex, and try to do both. It's the women who always resist both, and make men feel bad for wanting to talk about and have sex.
I agree with everything you discussed. But here in Massachusetts, if you read a book about sex, the closed minded people will think it's perverted, unappropriated, sex offending, sick minded, and they might even call the cops on you. The world needs a better sex education in schools and at home.
I'm an atheist & pretty liberal about sex but I'm not promiscuous in my personal life (I'm an introvert), I actually find religious/conservative folks to be promiscuous in their personal life.
This fashionable topic is over its boundaries. It brings trouble and disturbance to places where there should be calm and peacefulness, and a free will to choose to think how you like. There is not enough freedom and distance to things like this in today, and with the other things that it brings. We don't want to see things too much through the viewpoint that it gives and don't want our lives to be disturbed with it too much. Along with this comes many other things that are not so good and desired to be sustained in life, and even becomes to problems of a some sort. It's like Sweden is brought to our homes unwillingly and without a purpose. This is something you don't want to mess with and create disturbances with it. You don't know what you are dealing with then and what kind of powers you might be unleashing. The things that they are using are not known to man how other things are and this should be avoided.
Is it odd that my first instinct, upon hearing she works at the Kinsey Institute, was to be a bit jealous? I've been fascinated by their research since college, and I love that SOMEBODY is demystifying an aspect of life that so many have generationally and institutionally made a taboo subject...especially within a Puritanically hypocritical society that uses sex to sell everything from burgers to music to shampoo, while telling young people sex is sinful.
I agree with you, but that's only in the USA. The rest of the world has moved on from that attitude a long time ago. Perhaps the citizens of the US should ask for their lawmakers to grow up and do some research in other countries before subjecting their own population to ignorance.
My father grew up in a religious fundamentalist family, and so naturally turned out pretty fucked up. Fortunately my mother comes from a pretty forward thinking liberal family, but my fathers strangeness with sex and sexual related issues (will change the channel if a sex scene comes on/won't ever talk about sex or kissing/was initially against homosexuality which soon changed from my mum telling him to stop being a dick head/etc.) and that rubbed off on the children. It's frustrating because sex is something almost all of us do and yet we're weird about it. After many years of finding myself and growing up and becoming mature, I can now talk freely about sex without feeling weird or getting embarrassed. My fathers view in addition to societal views really fucked me up with talking about something so basic in our lives. I'm just glad I've been smart enough to realize otherwise. Unfortunately many people aren't and continue in their religion or continue in their homophobia (which stems from being awkward with sex), etc.
One of the things about talks like this is that it always seems like it always comes down to women being short handed about the issue. How many boys know about wet dreams? As being morally against RIC (routine infant circumcision), how often is the natural male body vilified? Someone is more likely to die from circumcision then to contract penile cancer, something that circumcision is supposed to prevent. There are studies out there that show the increase risk of UTIs that come from the caregiver not knowing how to properly clean. There are parallels here that get over looked. I happen to be a nerd that goes looking for information more then the average person, so yes I come across women that know less about their own sexual anatomy than I do. However the general misconception that I also come across is that the male anatomy is so simple that there is really nothing to know also plagues both sides of that aisle.
I think that something that should be looked at along with "sex" is all the other things that really cause this phobia of sex. I was on another video talking about "sex" in the form of masturbation and it's really sad that so many people were castigating and mocking the presenter, who had a vested interest in getting people to be more comfortable about sex, in the form of masturbation and was a professional, all because she was talking about a subject which so many are uncomfortable with and even find to be WRONG or a SIN. If a person can't even feel comfortable with their own body and sexual functions, how are they ever going to feel comfortable with sex, itself? Some people even have issues with indulging in sexual fantasies because they think they're wrong or find them nasty but sexual fantasy intensifies how turned on you can become along with orgasm. I think the reason for all of this hatred of sexual things is religious ideologies combined with certain human society's obsession with controlling and subduing others as well as themselves. All of it is based in fear and fear is a very difficult defense mechanism to overcome. From all of the ignorance I see, like people slut-shamming Miley Cyrus and so on, I don't see this getting better, anytime soon. There's so many faulty belief constructs that people never question. War and violence destroys more people and things than the naked, human body, masturbation or an orgasm and yet people hate those things more. It's illogical. But some would rather be right than live in true freedom and sexual bliss. I think this video puts sex in a box with the focus being only on heterosexual, monogamous couples. What about polyamory? What about open relationships? What about reversal of gender roles (women entering and pleasing men with strap-ons)? What about casual sex? What about homosexual sex? What about bisexual sex? What about solo sex (masturbation)? Once we start addressing sex in all of it's forms and not just this limited one she's portraying, that will be a start to much more truly sex positive thinking.
I'll totally agree that we should be talking more about sex, and making it normal, but first we have to come to an agreement on what is normal about sex. Our culture is already highly saturated with sex, people talk about and flaunt it all the time, but I'm certainly not alone when I say that that portrayal of sex is not normal. That's not the portrayal of sex that will benefit us, or the next generation. Although I agree with her on most points, I wouldn't want this woman teaching my kids about sex.
the portrayal of sex in the media and especially in modern porn is definitely not normal. it's sensationalized and near exploitative... and i think it contributes to the level of shame that Western society attaches to sex and sexuality. it's sort of like how our bodies need sugars for energy and for basic body function but when we have too much of the wrong kinds of sugar, we can develop serious illnesses and even die.
As we talk and learn about sex, our idea of what is normal changes. Most kids would think a French kiss is abnormal. As they grow up they change. In some cultures covered legs is normal, in others, covered torsos. The Kinsey surveys, which were not bad for their time, delivered the explosive news that most of us were breaking norms that were considered "normal". You will see plenty of commentators on here who wish those people would have just shut up. More exact social science methods have improved upon Kinsey, but they clearly support his finding that most of us are doing something that most of the rest of us think is not normal.
Because we are so willing to discuss and express our own sexual "freedoms". We have been discussing sex our whole lives. Women on the other hand are prudes . . . Think about our laws and how is a stalker defined, also, how is molestation defined. I accidentally fell against my wife during an argument with the result of a mere touch of a hand on her shoulder and immediately she cries assault. Today I am having to take meclizine, a drug to correct dizziness. It feels like thru my whole life I am waiting for some woman to catch up, and it doesn't matter how mature or how intelligent they are. Even though I am a below average person in every respect I am always waiting. Please believe me I mean no disrespect to the other side of the species. Most women can't even begin to imagine how far behind they are.
Dennis Edlund Ironically you just said, Thanks, and you look very old and you are reply are not very smart. When you are going to insult someone about not being smart, the least you can do is check your grammar.
Where do you draw the line? I agree that talking about sex is a good thing in general, but isn't there a fine line to embracing your sexuality and flinging it out there for all to see (or hear)? I know people who have had many partners and I was surprised to learn that they have become disenchanted with sex. I guess too much information (or sex?) is like not enough, have find the right balance while still leaving something for the imagination
Debby was a professor of mine at IU. She is an inspirational, honest, and tolerant individual who does a lot of good for a much needed audience. Everyone should listen to her and try to be as open and non-judgmental as she does in her approach to this taboo subject.
I can tell from the comments below that many can't begin to fathom what this lady is talking about, & its a shame because what she's saying is valuable to everyone.
Great talk, and quite relevant to me a disabled adult. Anything disability related to sex is an even bigger taboo, it just isn't talked about enough.
you should until your asking her hand in marriage
I love this talk, she highlights what is the most important problem about sex today. We desperately need to talk about it more openly.
i get woman like this they asked me if we know this person I'm like oh don't talk to those freaks
We are happy to support this! People like Debby Herbenick and these kinds of TED talks make this world a better place to live in. Thank you!
My great grandma told me she asked a relative with 5 children how her baby would come out, she answered " same bloody way they go in"
My nana is 100 now, I'll never forget that story :-)
they should treat them in respect how they are instead of bothering them
I always wonder what the deal is with American society with sex. It seems that allot of people simply stick their head into the sand and ignore it. I grew up in Germany where sex is very open and people talk about it like adults should be. We also have lots of nude beaches and people don't judge each other, everyone is simply having a good time. Germany also has only 1/10th of HIV and Aids in comparison to the USA.
+Brian Barbour Germany also has a lot less people than the US. Also, I used to live in California and currently live in Frankfurt and attend Gymnasium here. I've found the openness (or conservatism) about sex being about the same in California as here in Germany... Sooo I call BS on your statement
+Tim Nguyen no, sex is not considered a sin in America. At least not more or less so than Germany
American culture is based on Christianity, so we keep a strong emphasis on marriage & we're protective of the innocence of children. We understand things on a spiritual level, as opposed to merely a superficial level.
Coolguy130000 Please don't compare your stint in Frankfurt to my entire life growing up in Germany. How many nude Beaches are there in California, How many Government Regulated Red Light district does California have? Since you are in Frankfurt, go and take a stroll to Taunus and Kaiser Strasse. How many Swinger Clubs are in Cali, Germany has Thousands of them! How Many News Papers shows Actually Nude Woman...in the U.S. there are NONE. Go Back to the Gymnasium and learn to make better educated arguments.
+Brian Barbour wow someone's angry... I've spent three years in Frankfurt now and lived 5 years in a small city/town off Stuttgart. What I was referring to was the attitude of the people, not government regulated red light districts. And in terms of people's attitudes the difference isn't that great. Also, if you want to make a proper argument why don't you refrain from making offensive or condescending comments. At the same time, I am sure you haven't lived a lifetime in America either so your argument goes around to bite you back.
I was given the job of teaching our 2 girls about sex prior to puberty because my wife wasn't good at explaining, so both were taught before it was discussed in school and before they had their periods. We covered biological and emotional aspects and basically the whole nine yards so that when their friends started talking about it they would know and be able to separate BS from reality. I also told them that they must understand that other kids may not have had this talk and so they must respect that and let them learn the way their parents felt necessary. In the years that followed we were able to have some rather interesting dinner table conversations because our kids felt they could talk about virtually anything with us, and happy to say both made it to adulthood without an unwanted pregnancy or STD. I don't believe all they told us about their relationships with male friends, but I'm confident they had the minimum number of sexual partners and revered sex as an important part of a committed relationship rather than something you do after a few beers with whoever is handy.
So tell me then, what is bad about having sex without being in a commited relationship? If that actually is your opinion then I can guarantee you that your daughters didn't talk to you about "virtually anything" since Sex is beautiful, not just with someone you love.
madeofukf
The down side of sex outside of a committed relationship is one more venereal diseases, several of which have gained immunity to most antibiotics.
etmax1 Use condoms and you don't have to worry about it, easy as that. Btw its good of you to have talked to them about this stuff as people can feel so disconnected with their body if no one ever explained to them what is going on with them during puberty :)
madeofukf
There's a lot more to a sexual act than just intercourse, if your one night stand had a 69'er with their last partner and didn't use a condom then unless you consider a "glory hole" scenario "beautiful" you could have just got one of several of the nasties I mentioned.
When I consider the length and breadth of a meaningful relationship with a life partner and how there are virtually no taboos with the "wear a condom and no kissing, no cunnilingus, no foreplay with fingers" I have to say you are offering a rather empty alternative.
etmax1
If you are going to go about sex that way then you will always be scared of having fun and trusting a person you're not that familiar with.
It is so very unlikely that a sexual disease is going to be transmitted through someone's mouth or fingers without them or myself knowing it's even absurd to mention it.
When I consider the variety and beauty of good sex and how there are virtually no limits as to the body, movements, sounds, tastes, expiriences, I have to say you are offering a rather empty alternative.
Excellent articulation ! Her face almost never showed any discomfort and could communicate so many intimate secrets in a breezy & relaxed way. Well done.
my friends who play sports right she and her buddies were playing some random punk came over me and three greek princess cousins came to asked if we know them we explain do not speak to them if they enter anyplace else should kept the doors locked
I have a friend who believes that she's not supposed to enjoy sex. She doesn't know why, but she feels guilty and bad for enjoying sex with her fiance. She grew up in a conservative home which is probably why. But it's seriously sad that she's been conditioned to think sex is something that's supposed to be pleasurable for him and not her.
I understand her and the feeling.
God made sex.
Neil Mcintosh That "joke" wasn't very funny, but ok. Counseling has been suggested to her but she doesn't want to. Nobody can make her. I just hope her husband will help her think differently.
Destinee It's her conscience bothering her. I'm guessing she was raised with the value that sex is meant for marriage and so when she does so while not being married, she thinks she's being bad, thus the guilt. I'm thinking she feels like she's disrespecting her parents and possibly God. I noticed in the second post you mention her husband, so I'm guessing she's gotten married since the first post and as such, I'm going to guess she won't feel any or at least less guilty.
***** No. Guilt doesn't make anything enjoyable.
bold presentation. most easily explained. i support her efforts. i don't know, why many disliked this video?
For me, sex is normal (at least when I do it), I just don't feel the need to tell every person I meet on the street, or my entire family about my sex life. It's okay to keep things private and it doesn't make you a prude, immature or a "religious nut". For me, privacy is comfort.
+Emmy Jeffery She cited cases where it's vital to talk about it, yet too many people don't.
the first step could probably be not demonizing people for finding other people attractive.
It is such a simple subject and many people talk about it, but I like the idea of being very open about the idea anywhere. That it isn't something to be ashamed of, but done in a decent way.
Thank you. I enjoyed this.
yeah i think the princess kept going crazy somebody came to attack her drove the car quick
Before persuading the world that sex is normal, we need to answer a few questions:
1) Why is sex so embarrassing to talk about?
2) Why do we only have sex out of view of other people?
3) Why do we forbid nudity and sexual activity in public and at work?
I don't know the answers to these questions, and I suspect no one else does either.
We can't very well make sex normal without the answers.
In my opinion, the answer to the second question is because it's an intimate act with your partner and there's no need to share that level of intimacy with people you aren't that close to.
I asked Jared Diamond the first question after a lecture he delivered, some years ago. He didn't know why sex is embarrassing either.
Did you watch the vsauce video I linked in my previous comment? You might get a clue there.
John Morgan I can't seem to find your other comment. Do you have a link to it?
it's intimate, just because we don't display ourselves on aplatter for all to see doesn't make it not normal, do you think a person pooping in the middle of a busy street is doing so because it is normal to poop???
Ummm... did she suggest to read 50 Shades to women who don't know what good sex is? This book has the wrongest message of love, consent and BDSM. Don't get me wrong, if you are into rape fiction as a fantasy go on. But to promote this book as a "sex-positive porn" is simply absurd. So normal sex is defined as an "abusive relationship" now? What kind of suggestion is this?
hereANDnow Right. I hope she was just joking.
hereANDnow Have you read the books? The BDSM element is one facet of the stories, it dissolves into love...real love.
Dukie Doomsayer Yes I did. It was poorly written. Rough sex is always about consent, communication and reassurance. ALWAYS. That was not BDSM. Finally, that was not a love story. It was a massage to insecure women that if a man stalks them or pressures them or behaves aggressively towards them, they should appreciate it. It is not love if your partner controls you. Its neither romantic, nor everlasting and not unconditional. It's not even hateful or selfish love. It's a lie. It's a joke. And honestly its not even good porn. But what do you expect from a character so stupid, to a) not reading interview questions beforehand and b) to actually not reading fast enough or at least stop before actually saying the word "gay"? Who does that??? How stupid can you be? That wasn't adorkable, that was plain dumb. And I am supposed to believe that this moment was the one where she made a man fall for her? Pffff... What a joke.
hereANDnow nothing positive about porn... screws your mind, wrecks relationships, and i'm sure has impacts in domestic violence... nothing positive there!
hereANDnow I could not agree more. The book was poorly written and had a horrible message where BDSM was concerned. BDSM is about consent, not force.
One of the wonderful talk about sex and sexuality. Imagine a situation where talking is sex is not normal in a palace like US, then think about other rigid part of the world. I think, making sex education compulsory could be one of the solutions to solve this problem. Like her, we all should make sex normal and no religious, cultural and linguistic forces allow us to stopping our thoughts and actions.
I agree. Compulsory sex education is so useful and so needed.
Nyckelpiga
Compulsory life education is what's really needed. It's not just about specific topics and issues, but about being able to treat people better. Yes, that makes me sound like a totally naïve asshat, but teaching character traits, unfortunately, is much, much better than most Western education curricula.
commode7x Well, us naive asshats should stick together then ^^
School could teach to much more useful things than it does now. I would love to see non-violent communication, sex ed., critical thinking (the real deal..), integrity, alexander technique etc. being seriously incorporated into education.
Nyckelpiga
But real men talk with their FISTS!!
Lol, I kid, but I think that you're right about adding important topics into the main curriculum.
Last time I checked, many new American teachers graduating with Ed.M. degrees noted that the current American curriculum was a fantastic idea 200 years ago, when it was important to teach children important skills like knowing how to survey land area geometry, count cows, and do cheese yield estimations in their head. In the modern day, learning how to do median and mode have almost zero practical use, trigonometry is something that is only useful for engineers and scientists, and the total lack of information in civics classes about lobbying legislators and the proper political process in their own country is a recipe for disaster.
As had been the case for the past 30 years, the ones teaching our children are other children, and we're now reaping the fruits of that educational system.
exactly
Sex positivity is an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement advocates comprehensive sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign.
The most honest talk. I wish we do it and save lots of youngsters from being misguided about this wonderful union.
Sex has always been "normal." It's part of the human experience that does not change. It's a universal.
Great talk on an interesting and compelling subject. And she's so matter of fact. The "sex talk" for me (a man in my sixties) was even more cursory. Fortunately, I took course when I was a college freshman that filled me in on the details. It was mass lecture class taught by an older professor with a great sense of humor who was comfortable with the subject matter, and used humor to defuse the palpable tension during his lectures.
if it was me i would have it like during marriage because most wanted this type of relationships for example called them princess or dollar face like most mansions wait until marriage comes like 25 or 23 maybe 35 years olds wait until this woman says yes for proposal or the rings if they have jobs like over payyin their college tutions its we called them smart woman
I agree with many of the points here, especially from the sexual health perspective but I think it can be taken too far. For me, part of the intimacy of sex is that it is a special, private journey with my partner that symbolises the deep, unique nature of our relationship. One of the TED talks she suggested is about a website where couples share videos of their favourite sexual practices - to me this invites others into what should be a private space between a couple and steps over the mark. We are in danger of losing the sanctity of physical relationships. I think it's possible to talk openly about sexual subjects without going so far as to undermine this special private bond between a couple.
i agree they should respeect how woman are very important they have jobs I'm like come on if they want something wait until marriage
nice lesson learned a lot as boy from this lecture
This is a life-changing and concise movement to celebrate humanity... SEX is normal! This will help build more secured and better world. Maybe, this is the renaissance of sexual revolution...
I actually had a similar experience when my period started. I didn't tell anyone because I was ashamed, thank god for the internet. It's ridiculous since half the population of the world has had/has a period! Why do we have to feel ashamed for a natural thing? Still I notice women (myself included) hushing about periods and feeling embarrassed when buying tampons etc...
We have to be bold enough to fight against this taboo
I also shop fem aisle for panty liners. Keeps my briefs cleaner longer. But main use is for the occasional bleeding hemorrhoids. Felt odd at first bit mot ashamed anymore.
I think one of the problems with this video and with a lot of stuff that comes out of this vein is that the speakers are engaging in rhetoric, but believe they are transmitting knowledge. Reference this quote from the Wikipedia article on rhetoric: "The relationship between rhetoric and knowledge is characteristic for the nature of human understanding, and reflects two closely related but adversarial traditions. Rhetoric is concerned with the influence on our beliefs or behaviors with the available means, usually in order to achieve certain effects, such as consensus on some issue. Knowledge, on the other hand, is concerned with the justification of our beliefs with the available evidence or good reasons." PS - I agree with Bimdorf - well said.
Found this very interesting!!! I had radiation to my Pelivc region due to a very rare cancer - throughout my year of treatment and seeing my specialists once a week, they constantly brought up the side effects I could have and what I was getting. Not once did they ever, ever say that it could affect me sexually or chance things 'down there!'!! Even after my treatment, I am still high risk so have to see my drs every month - not once did they ask how my sex life was, or how things were down below - so I felt embarrassed when I finally got up the nerve to ask my female oncologist about why things were not quite right in tha area!!! I was embarrassed!!!!! She said "oh, yes I forgot to tell you that this... This... This and this could all happen from radiation and chemo to that area!" WTF - I should have been told that from the beginning along with all the other side effects you told me about - it should be normal ! And why should I have to get up the guts to ask my Dr about it in the first place.... To be embarrassed about asking??? It's not right - sex is perfectly natural and normal part of our lives! I don't understand why we are made to believe it is something 'dirty' and to be kept secret as such.... Even in the medical field.
I wish I had more patience to explain why I disagree with everyone in the comments who are against this video. Alas, it's just not worth the time I would have to put in.
Live your lives. Try and be happy. Don't repress your sexuality. Let it out. Learn how to express it. Good luck.
I'm grateful to my parents for teaching me that sex is both beautiful and sacred. It is the ultimate physical expression of genuine love. It should be talked about in a reverent and respectful manner. And it should be practiced by married couples who are eternally committed to each other. I'm 26 years old. I've dated a number of girls but never had any sexual relations with them. I value my procreative powers and my wedding night will be a beautiful experience for me and my wife. We will have saved our bodies for each other. Virtue is what needs to be taught in sex education. Being loyal, respectful, and honoring your partner should be taught in sex education. My parents taught me these things in a loving environment. Not everyone will have the same opportunity. I realize that. But I don't think this TED talk is pointing people in the right direction.
Wow you are a incredible man! I am also saving myself, I think there is a small group of us so it is nice to hear that there are some like me out there. I have been blessed also with awesome parents that taught me the value of sex.
It is beautiful but this world makes it filthy with their thoughts and actions and no value for human life.
You and I on the other hand know the truth and should shout it from the roof tops! People need to heat it!
It's nice that you think of it this way but I don't think sex should be something sacred if you don't want it to. Sex can be a purely physical animalistic act, and doesn't ever have to mean anything. But it also can. Sex is sex - what emotion you add to it is your choice, and no one should be shamed if they have hundreds of non emotional sex partners if that's for their own pleasure.
Sex is great so long as no one is being taken advantage of or doing it for self validation.
KidsWithGuns1992
As long as the person understands that they will get a STD having that many sex partners.
and
Step up when a baby is conceived and be a dam father for once.
Then I think it perfectly fine.
You however are making it like its purely a physical experience when it takes everything in you to have sex being connected emotionally and mentally. You can not compartmentalize sex and those who think they can are really kidding themselves.
If I chose to have sex early on I would have had a bunch of kids and either be with someone I don't love or be by myself like so many single parents. No thank you I'll wait out for the right man.
It's easier for a man to get up and leave because he is not the one who has to be concerned if he is pregnant or not. It is much harder for a women to do this without getting pregnant. Unless she can't have kids and even if that was true who would want all that baggage.
Jaimie Vanderhouck I completely disagree. Having many sex parents does NOT entail STDs and/or chances of children, it's obviously called the use of safe sex and contraception.
Sex is NATURALLY a physical act wherein humans simply do it for pleasure. It has become a socially instilled concept for people to have all this meaning and weight to it - which can be fine - but also shouldn't mean people should be shamed for having many sex parents. There is NOTHING wrong with sleeping around so long as you are responsible and not putting yourself in danger.
And having sex early on does no mean you will, once again, have kids or "fall in love" with the wrong partner. That is just insanity to link the two in this modern age.
Sex is NOT a bad thing, and you make it out to be. This is why we need to talk about sex more on a social level, because people wait until marriage and have this terrible dogma against it thinking "if I have sex at fifteen I will be ruined forever!".
Not true at all, simply just not true.
You cannot decouple sex from emotion. Sex is the ultimate physical expression of love. A clear conscience will always dictate that. Yes, people can choose to use it recreationally, but that does not change the nature or purpose of it, nor does it make it right. When I was younger and my big brother would upset me, my natural instinct was to name-call and fight. When I was mad I didn't want to clean, or help, or serve anyone. Although this was NATURAL that didn't make it RIGHT. The purpose of sex is to make the world go round. It begets the next generation. It is not meant for self gratification. The pleasure of it is a bonus feature NOT the purpose. We live in an age where preteens are posting sexually explicit photos to each other, upwards of 80% of people are viewing pornography, In the United States porn makes more money than the “combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises or the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC” (Internet Pornography Statistics: 2003), birthrates are hitting all time lows, 80 years from now some countries will be half their population size, women are constantly shown in the media as mere objects. I cannot even bear the thought of having parents who sleep around with other adults just for the fun of it. All my confidence and trust in them would be lost. Angry, upset, and confused I might likely follow the same pattern and fight against chastity and morality. I would cite scientists who say its healthy to view pornography and masturbate, and I would completely ignore the others who say it's not. Everything I'd hear, see, and listen to would be measured by whether the thought of it gave me an erection or not. The world is loosing its traction. Happiness is not found in fleeting moments of pleasure, but in enduring relationships built on mutual trust and genuine love. People who fight against that idea are making excuses for their own behavior. They run away from their innate light. They abandon their conscience. And when that happens its only a matter of time before their addictions cause something terrible to happen such as rape, incest, murder etc... If Satan really does exist, then why would he not continue to tempt and pull someone with this view you say is good, further and further into grotesque practices? I attended a conference once where a speaker presented the results of a group drawing project. The elementary school kids were asked to draw what they thought was most important in their future families. All but one group drew either naked women with big breasts and high heels or naked men. These kids were in 2nd grade! These will be the future leaders of the world. How incredibly sad. And you have the audacity to say that sex is meant for pleasure. That lie can only lead to unhappy endings and broken families. Again let me say what the truth about sex is. Sex is beautiful. Sex is sacred. The natural purpose of sex is to create life. It is the ultimate physical expression of genuine love. When it is not treated in this way, then you get a world tormented with addiction, distrust, and broken families.
A quote from my favorite show, I am not sure it is an exact quote.. but. "We exist because of sex. It's not something to be afraid of. It's something to honor. to enjoy." Sun Bak. Sense8
This TED talk makes me proud of my hometown! Great discussion.
I support your talk Mi's ... It's nice of you that you have talked about a tabooed subject that is actually ain't taboo. This clearly subject talking not about sex is taboo.. I guess most of all agree to this...
Excellent talk - Thank you.
everyone should be able to speak as easily and naturally about sex as this woman... she was informative, funny and confident...... so many people, even in 21st century are either embarrassed or remain ignorant of the whole subject... sad
Thanks for doing a job that is sorely needed. And thanks for the great family story too.
*Sex is not everything as society tries to make it. It is being over played. The truth is, sex is a very small part of a relationship. Spiritual people make love all the time, and sex is just a small part.The pleasure seeking mind is using it against us*. People now have sex because everybody lives in the mindprison and the mind only strives for pleasure. It is sex without love, only to fill up the emptyness (people live as empty mindslaves) To have sex with love you need to overcome the clutter of your mind first. Google *TruthContest read the Present*
Finally some soul food..
exactly!
+daniel overwater well written mate !!
+daniel overwater
Yeah not so much Daniel. Don't fall into the trap of thinking how you feel is normal and that is how everyone else should feel.
I'm also a little bit worried that you might be projecting here. If you aren't up on that, do a quick search on Wikipedia for "Psychological projection"
Have a good day.
+daniel overwater Sex without relationship "love", and sex for pleasure, is wonderful as well and fits in a healthy disposition / mind/body as well. You are trying to demonize flesh and pleasure in a subtle way. The reality is that mind/soul (psyche/nous) inheres in matter, and the problem for western civilization has always come and still currently comes from its negative attitude toward the material world. The present day degradation of diet and environment and subsequent ill health only makes people feel more natural with being uncomfortable with "mere" sex (it is not mere if it's done well, and like anything worth doing, it is worth doing well).
In my house the Gospel of sex was never touched. Consequently I deliberately got addicted to porn hitting 12. Moms, Dads be serious and loving parents never hide the facts from your children or next generations will suffer consequences. Be educated and educate the timeline of every one.
If I had kids, I'd place a large, comprehensive MEDICAL book on the coffee table when the children are prepubescent. The kids WILL read those books-because kids are inquisitive- and they'll have SCIENTIFIC MEDICAL ANSWERS....and go from there.
The site was worth visiting to learn more. Thanks to the team.
But, but, but....the Catholic Church says premarital sex is a mortal sin and I'll burn in hell for eternity! The Bishop says after going to R rated movies, I need to go to confession and do real serious hail maries and glory bs. But, a French kiss is a venial sin so i'll only burn a little bit in purgatory.
Now, the above, is a quick summary of how people get screwed up by religion and sex.
IMHO, the Pope and Church need not be allowed in your bed room!
wonderful talk and a great, simple message.
This was a good video, but one thing people don't talk much about-and need to address-is why some people feel anxiety about making sex normal. I'll give you a personal story:
In high school I was more or less the abstinent kid, I wanted to wait for somebody special. Well! This didn't go over well for many people I knew; they WOULD NOT cease to harass me, make me feel less-than-human, and remind me that no girl would want anything to do with me. So naturally, until just a few years ago, when people would talk about sex and how "it's only natural, everybody does it. It's abnormal NOT to do it" I would feel a lot of anxiety. And no, it's not because I was an evil sexist who wanted to follow Hitler's ideas and do horrible things to innocent people. It's because of the way I had been treated...
So while I very much agree with most of what she was saying, we also need to look out for people who are very uncomfortable with talking about sex and instead of immediately attacking them, listen
Hey, thanks for disqualifying yourself from being Hitler. His thing was different than what you seem to be about. I don't really know you though.
B. Radley RUclips didn't give me enough comment space to complete my thought. My main point is the reason many people have anxiety over sex being "normalized" isn't because they're a bunch of assholes, it's because of personal reasons and in order to change somebody's opinions, you can't just present facts and logic, you've got to speak to them on an emotional level
This is a great TED Talk. I agree that sex should become more of an open discussion
We are different from other animals! No, I am not religious. But chastity is pure and admirable! This truly is the most attractive thing in a woman.
And a shirtless selfie is the most attractive thing in a man?
Ferdinand the bull No, ambition, hardwork, and dedication are. That picture was taken when I was 15. I am now 16 years old. Before you judge others, where has your ambition gotten you?
Check Google images for "douche selfies" and see what comes up. It's hypocritical to call for chastity in women while engaging in silly narcissism.
Ferdinand the bull im sorry youre insecure about your body
Sorry for not to get back to you sooner. I teach four dance classes a week and have two performances coming up. Where were we? Oh yes. My body is irrelevant. The issue is your hypocritical advocacy of sexual repression for women, while indulging in tacky sexual vanity for yourself.
I remember in college, the girl who was in charge of supplying emergency condoms at the dorm taped condom packs all over the hallway walls. But then it was soon taken down by the janitors because they thought that it was vandalism.
Did you have male visitors ir did you girls get thrm for future use?
when this happend my friends went to asked me about this reason they left the area somebody came to invade their privacy I'm like what is going in this place now its happening two woman said somebody came to this place I'm like do not talk to those people
What I think is odd is that she mentions all those ways to make sex normal, all those people to read or watch or listen to, and yet misses the one person who has been making sex normal for longer and for more people than all of the TED luminaries she mentioned:
Dan Savage
Dan is wonderful! And you're right: he should have been mentioned.
I feel bad for people that STILL treat sex as taboo, when its instead one of the most natural things ever.
Seems to be a big thing in the US and also among religious groups.
Accept it for what it is, and live with it.
As a Swede, I can talk about sex with anyone, at anytime. I´m not ashamed at all.
“The first two facts which a healthy boy or girl feels about sex are these: first that it is beautiful and then that it is dangerous.” GK Chesterton
Procreation, the cardinal principle of life needs to be talked widely to eliminate pervert minds. TED doing wonderful job...Will contribute my share in due course
Love this woman. I've been doing this for years. I talk about sex as if it were a normal thing to talk about all the time. When you show how you are comfortable with it, it's contagious and I see people around me become at ease with it too. Sometimes throwing in a not-too-naughty dirty joke to ease tension helps too. =)
I've never been very good at talking "normally" about sex, but the abundance of unembarrassed discussion on youtube has helped me improve over the past few months.
I'm getting more and more impressed with the power of RUclips. I think it could help invert the current pyramid of ignorance in the U.S.
Ralph Dratman RUclips spreads more ignorance than it does education.
***** Then destroying the Internet would accelerate technological advancement?
hungrytomato No. RUclips is not the entire internet.
***** Point taken. But still, would abolishing RUclips actually increase overall intelligence? Sure there is a lot of crap, but for every piece of crap, there is also tons of debunking. Ignorance cannot withstand open scrutiny. Governments and religions who seek to impose ignorance always cut off open communication, not open it up.
In answer to the pundits: Yes, she had conservative upbringing. Yes, her mother was put in a closet about sex generally. That was the nature of such talks in that day for much of america. Because of her experience, she rightly wanted to help other girls avoid that shame, confusion, pain, anxiety, and also help parents be informed enough to give information to their kids when asked. It is a noble, enlightening, compassionate effort, and is to be applauded. Thankfully, such ignorance is diminishing with such broadly accessible information these days, and less stigma.
Read sex books in public... yeah, I'm a guy. I would be arrested. I do certainly read pretty much every sex book I can get my hands on, I've been studying it since I was 9 years old when my mom tore the anatomy pages out of a science book I got for my birthday. To anyone wanting to learn about sex, probably the best single book I have ever read is titled "Good Sex Illustrated". It was written in the 1970s, but it is more relevant now than ever.
+Dustin Rodriguez tore the anatomy pages LMAO
Never read 50 Shades of Grey. It glorifies an abusive relationship and is flat out horribly written by all definitions.
It's about a consensual BDSM relationship _not_ and abusive relationship.
I agree that it's terribly written though and should be avoided.
It's unlike any BDSM I have ever heard about.
Any book can be badly written. 50 shades of grey is one of them, regardless of its content xD
have you ever read (heard of even..)..."The Story of O" ..written in 1950s translated from French....... far more sensual far more everything lol......
mm. k
"my mom will find this out when she hears this talk" killed me xD
The sad thing is that many people probably have similar stories
Its really appreciable to share such educative thoughts. Inspiration to the new gen and may become a revolutionary step towards rebuilding of humanity and the world as a whole. Keep it up. Thanks to you tube
Why does she mention gay pride and LGBT? I'm unsure how this relates to sex. Are these groups more sexual?
You know… “some” people think that homosexuality is a choice. Now, choosing is based on being aware and conscious - otherwise, you don’t make a choice. This talk is just about raising awareness on the role of sex in human life. That’s why it is especially devoted to people who don’t need to be aware of sex… because they happen to be heterosexual, conservative, right-wing, conservative, narrow-minded WASPs. Otherwise, you are just a normal person who admit that your sexual preferences - whatever they are - are not a choice… but, in this case, you 1) see pretty well the meaning she attaches to being supportive of any kind of NATURAL (not chosen) sexual preferences; 2) can face such a brain-startling concept as “irony” ;-)
Panait Ciprian Ok. Now I see how far you can deal with the concept of "irony". Peace on you.
Yes, you are right. Sexuality is not a choice. You are either born a male, or you are born a female. This is easy to determine by looking in the groin area. Apparently, this can be a stunning revelation for many people.
MeesterVegas Poor creature. So sad. What about moving to the Islamic State? You find lots of "fellow thinkers", out there ;-) Have a nice trip.
It gives the reason right at the top of the frame, in giant letters:
Celebrate sexual diversity.
As to your question, yes, of course they are, but not in the way you might be thinking. LGBT folks are put under a microscope by society, and it's all about sex, so many in the community are used to openly talking about it; especially those at a rally. If a person is uncomfortable about sex in general, being at an LGBT event may help tear down some mental barriers.
Like the prior suggestion of reading sex books in public, she's implying that a repressed person should get out of their sexual comfort zone. Forcing a person out of their comfort zone is a common method of behavioral modification (e.g. breaking phobias).
It's very simple. If you want kids, don't use contraception (birth control. If you don't want kids, use contraception (birth control).
It would also help if every woman would stop calling any guy who doesn't look like he lives in a gym "Creepy".
Wonderful talk! Much truth in what you say! One thing you didn't touch on was that often women find sex painful is because of circumcision. when I man is circumcised sex is much dryer and may cause pain. I would love to see you address circumcision and it's bearing on what is going on in American bedrooms.
50 Shades of Grey is a sex positive porn? What the hell is wrong with this woman? Seriously?
+Mohan Thomas A flaw in an otherwise good video.
nfinn42 Look, all sexually dimorphic creatures have sex. There is nothing to go hoo-haa over it. The so called "women's sexuality" is just way too overhyped and overrrated. And 50 shades of grey. Well............
She is a feminist, that's how stupid feminists are.
its because when a rich handsome man wants to turn you into a prostitute its acceptible female dream but if he is poor and less attractive it should be a crime against women..
Krumple Themal True :(
I guess the reason I don't talk about sex is because it is not a topic I think about with much articulation. Thanks to this talk, I can begin to elucidate this complex issue. There are so many issues. The public and private space, the sciences, the history of sex and religions, gender differences in different cultures, my own sexual preferences, influences from supporting networks of an individual. I agree that in the western world, sexual health does still have some dark areas that need to be talked about more - because there is that threat of diseases and rape. It doesn't make sense that sex being such a large part of who we are is not talked about more in everyday interactions. Hmm, perhaps because it can be used to discriminate? Well, hmm, I guess with discrimination, there comes with it regulation and fair rights, I think we are all willing to take that route, as opposed to staying with the dangerous status quo.
dark areas- lol
Maybe we talk about sex in this manner, because it's by far the most intimate thing people can do together... I don't know whether we'll ever be able to talk about sex freely.
I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never wanted to talk about sex, especially not with my teachers and/or parents.
Maybe we ignore sex or talk about it as an abnormal thing, because it is indeed not normal at all to talk about it. People even have problems talking to their partners on their sexual fantasies.
We humans have a sense of shame, whether we are conservative or progressive about it. There certainly are differences to which extent we feel shame.
I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable talking about it, but not because my parents demonised it or neglected it!
"it is a normal part of life" ... ! .....as if we needed that declaration ....none of us would be here to listen to her without it
Thank you Debbie!
What's the use fighting over masculine feminine...What's important is the present and how we interact with each other as loving human beings..The sex stuff is just 1 percent of why we are here and what are our purpose is? So smile everyone and la la la la la la to all..
I think sex should be normal and even religious people should start to embrace sex -literally and figuratively. Maybe religion wouldn't die if we promoted sex as normal and healthy.
Scott Steiner Some religions are based on setting you at odds with all your desires, including food, rest, sex... and even simply being born as a human.
It's how they make their chaching, by brainwashing you into believing merely existing in a body with certain properties is what makes you bad.
Whatever religion it is, the common thing to all of them is lack of logic and empiricism, the correct way of determining what is true and what is not.
gwho I disagree. Religion does not lack logic because Religion was created to grow our love for God, ourselves, other people and the environment. But Man is flawed and man created religion. Man is also greedy for power and control. God is love and love is God. Our only duty is grow our love, continue to learn to forgive unconditionally and to enjoy our lives. Religion is also meant for a personal relationship with God. It was not meant for people to judge other people. There is only on judge and that is God - the God of Love. Love is a verb you have to go out and get it. Jesus Christ spoke out against the exclusionary practices of the Church. Jesus believed all are welcome to worship God. And I (like my church) promote All our Welcome to worship no matter what race, religion, gender, sexual preference or economic status.
Scott Steiner Your entire post relies on circular logic.
You're trying to say religion is true by assuming the conclusions of religion are true, to argue that religion is true.
gwho Good, because is circles Love and that is more important than any logic anyone can offer.
LOOL
nice one. still doesn't logically compute. but that's the best response to the objection of circular argument i've ever heard.
=]
Excellent lecture and point of view about the subject!
Oh yeah... I can just imagine a man reading a sex book on the subway.
He'd never get to read the book,because he'd be dealing with the shitstorm from women of ALL walks of life.
Mak Dem how about a guy reading "Three-way Afternoon"?
!!Wome - and more - feminists- n have been dealing with the shitstorm (great term!) for sooooo long.....maybe men could take it, just sometimes ? The end might BE WORTH THE MEANS!
This reminds me of my Biology teacher in class 10th though she wa s alittle different
She entered d class and said anybody who giggled or asked questions will be thrown out
people are taught when growing up to believe sex is dirty and you can't do it till or even talk about it til after 25 but that's all anyone will say about it but almost EVERYone has sex. but we watch movies that display the most gross most gruesome outright disgusting and sickening scenes of murders that's not even done in real life. that almost no one does. I say what if everyone that has sex, Murders someone or everyone else. where would we be then ?
people are so uptight and downright appalled by the word and the action that hordes of people dont even associate the word with the act. people are fucking stupid. I talked with my parents in-turn I spoke with my kids about it, kids need to know where how when it's appropriate. the actual age it should start why they have those feelings when and how to control them and every other aspect and then encouraged them to ask specific questions or what ifs and there were lots of them but it taught them to be open to questioning me or mom about sex and not feel ashamed but ask us and only us and NOT discuss it with the teachers because they would call the cops and all that scenario and they don't inform kids of anything.
Sex is the principle weapon women use to manipulate men. Men need sex and women innately know how to use this weakness. "You left dirty dishes in the sink; no sex for a week." "You forgot to take out the trash no sex for a month." Women don't have a sex drive and don't really derive pleasure from sex which is why they are able to use it like a weapon against men.
Women don't derive pleasure from sex with YOU. Don't speak for other men.
+Beaver
thats a fucked up view.. are you that butthurt by your own insecurity that you place your warped value overlay across normality and come up with thomas beavers view?
maybe take the trash out more often you lazy fuck, that, or come home early and find shes not into you.. shes into anyone but you.
abdul, mustaffa, david, peter paul and mary.
anyone but you.
perhaps you are like the black hole of sexual enjoyment, you just suck the life out of all the people around you
bizarre.
why don't you go fuck yourself !
and I don't give a flying fuck about other people you shithead
nunya, i was referring to the Beaver guy....
Debby Herbenick...
>Herbenick
What an interesting surname... I'm starting to see a trend here.
What is that trend exactly? My Czech or Catholic heritage?
This talk is an over reaction to this woman's conservative up bringing.
Calvin Smith And their conservative upbringing is a means to use sex to use men, by making sex a sin and celibacy an option; otherwise they'd be just as receptive as dogs in heat.
Joe Swanson
so true.
Calvin Smith Read Nancy Friday's "My Secret Garden" for an analysis on how women are trained to celibacy so they can use sex to control men.
Sex
Calvin Smith maybe, but it seems pretty reasonable. If you didn't know she was brought up conservatively, and you evaluated what she was saying, what would you pinpoint that is too much, and why?
I recently had a major surgery and was so disappointed that I made it through it
Don't read Fifty Shade of Grey in public. It is possible the worst novel ever published in English. It wouldn't get the author through English Comp.101. Awful.
if this is this persons own experience it makes it true for her and she's sharing that with the world, i don't think it makes what she's saying less valuable
This started out great and got awful. She completely lost it instructing us to watch Lena Dunham's "Girls".
Good luck on the making it normal WITH WOMEN. Most men I know, including me, are happy to talk about sex, like sex, and try to do both. It's the women who always resist both, and make men feel bad for wanting to talk about and have sex.
(+ hell yeah for mentioning lena dunham's girls for "real" diverse bodies!)
Fatty.
I agree with everything you discussed. But here in Massachusetts, if you read a book about sex, the closed minded people will think it's perverted, unappropriated, sex offending, sick minded, and they might even call the cops on you. The world needs a better sex education in schools and at home.
7:33 since when "50 shades of grey" is sex positive book!!!!... women!!
I'm an atheist & pretty liberal about sex but I'm not promiscuous in my personal life (I'm an introvert), I actually find religious/conservative folks to be promiscuous in their personal life.
Blame St. Augustine.
It's the most normal thing in our lives.
Notice what was absent from this talk about what makes sex "normal?"
The phallus.
This fashionable topic is over its boundaries. It brings trouble and disturbance to places where there should be calm and peacefulness, and a free will to choose to think how you like. There is not enough freedom and distance to things like this in today, and with the other things that it brings. We don't want to see things too much through the viewpoint that it gives and don't want our lives to be disturbed with it too much. Along with this comes many other things that are not so good and desired to be sustained in life, and even becomes to problems of a some sort. It's like Sweden is brought to our homes unwillingly and without a purpose. This is something you don't want to mess with and create disturbances with it. You don't know what you are dealing with then and what kind of powers you might be unleashing. The things that they are using are not known to man how other things are and this should be avoided.
Is it odd that my first instinct, upon hearing she works at the Kinsey Institute, was to be a bit jealous? I've been fascinated by their research since college, and I love that SOMEBODY is demystifying an aspect of life that so many have generationally and institutionally made a taboo subject...especially within a Puritanically hypocritical society that uses sex to sell everything from burgers to music to shampoo, while telling young people sex is sinful.
I agree with you, but that's only in the USA. The rest of the world has moved on from that attitude a long time ago. Perhaps the citizens of the US should ask for their lawmakers to grow up and do some research in other countries before subjecting their own population to ignorance.
are those people coming over those places again when are they going to stop going inside
I'm Swedish; for us sex is completely normal. We have it all the time.
I live in Middle East, it can be very tricky... I can got arrested :o
My father grew up in a religious fundamentalist family, and so naturally turned out pretty fucked up. Fortunately my mother comes from a pretty forward thinking liberal family, but my fathers strangeness with sex and sexual related issues (will change the channel if a sex scene comes on/won't ever talk about sex or kissing/was initially against homosexuality which soon changed from my mum telling him to stop being a dick head/etc.) and that rubbed off on the children.
It's frustrating because sex is something almost all of us do and yet we're weird about it. After many years of finding myself and growing up and becoming mature, I can now talk freely about sex without feeling weird or getting embarrassed. My fathers view in addition to societal views really fucked me up with talking about something so basic in our lives.
I'm just glad I've been smart enough to realize otherwise. Unfortunately many people aren't and continue in their religion or continue in their homophobia (which stems from being awkward with sex), etc.
What does "marriage equality" events have to do with sexual education??
One of the things about talks like this is that it always seems like it always comes down to women being short handed about the issue. How many boys know about wet dreams? As being morally against RIC (routine infant circumcision), how often is the natural male body vilified? Someone is more likely to die from circumcision then to contract penile cancer, something that circumcision is supposed to prevent. There are studies out there that show the increase risk of UTIs that come from the caregiver not knowing how to properly clean.
There are parallels here that get over looked. I happen to be a nerd that goes looking for information more then the average person, so yes I come across women that know less about their own sexual anatomy than I do. However the general misconception that I also come across is that the male anatomy is so simple that there is really nothing to know also plagues both sides of that aisle.
Amazing woman, she's so right
I think that something that should be looked at along with "sex" is all the other things that really cause this phobia of sex. I was on another video talking about "sex" in the form of masturbation and it's really sad that so many people were castigating and mocking the presenter, who had a vested interest in getting people to be more comfortable about sex, in the form of masturbation and was a professional, all because she was talking about a subject which so many are uncomfortable with and even find to be WRONG or a SIN.
If a person can't even feel comfortable with their own body and sexual functions, how are they ever going to feel comfortable with sex, itself? Some people even have issues with indulging in sexual fantasies because they think they're wrong or find them nasty but sexual fantasy intensifies how turned on you can become along with orgasm. I think the reason for all of this hatred of sexual things is religious ideologies combined with certain human society's obsession with controlling and subduing others as well as themselves.
All of it is based in fear and fear is a very difficult defense mechanism to overcome. From all of the ignorance I see, like people slut-shamming Miley Cyrus and so on, I don't see this getting better, anytime soon. There's so many faulty belief constructs that people never question. War and violence destroys more people and things than the naked, human body, masturbation or an orgasm and yet people hate those things more. It's illogical. But some would rather be right than live in true freedom and sexual bliss. I think this video puts sex in a box with the focus being only on heterosexual, monogamous couples. What about polyamory? What about open relationships? What about reversal of gender roles (women entering and pleasing men with strap-ons)? What about casual sex? What about homosexual sex? What about bisexual sex? What about solo sex (masturbation)? Once we start addressing sex in all of it's forms and not just this limited one she's portraying, that will be a start to much more truly sex positive thinking.
Well done good presentation
Some people shouldn't think, much less speak publicly.
"It is a very pleasant habit we started 40 years ago. It makes the marriage better." Hahahaha.. :D Great lecture, thank you!! :))
I'll totally agree that we should be talking more about sex, and making it normal, but first we have to come to an agreement on what is normal about sex.
Our culture is already highly saturated with sex, people talk about and flaunt it all the time, but I'm certainly not alone when I say that that portrayal of sex is not normal. That's not the portrayal of sex that will benefit us, or the next generation.
Although I agree with her on most points, I wouldn't want this woman teaching my kids about sex.
the portrayal of sex in the media and especially in modern porn is definitely not normal. it's sensationalized and near exploitative... and i think it contributes to the level of shame that Western society attaches to sex and sexuality. it's sort of like how our bodies need sugars for energy and for basic body function but when we have too much of the wrong kinds of sugar, we can develop serious illnesses and even die.
As we talk and learn about sex, our idea of what is normal changes. Most kids would think a French kiss is abnormal. As they grow up they change. In some cultures covered legs is normal, in others, covered torsos. The Kinsey surveys, which were not bad for their time, delivered the explosive news that most of us were breaking norms that were considered "normal". You will see plenty of commentators on here who wish those people would have just shut up. More exact social science methods have improved upon Kinsey, but they clearly support his finding that most of us are doing something that most of the rest of us think is not normal.
Why is it that women always give these types of talks?
Because we are so willing to discuss and express our own sexual "freedoms". We have been discussing sex our whole lives. Women on the other hand are prudes . . . Think about our laws and how is a stalker defined, also, how is molestation defined. I accidentally fell against my wife during an argument with the result of a mere touch of a hand on her shoulder and immediately she cries assault. Today I am having to take meclizine, a drug to correct dizziness.
It feels like thru my whole life I am waiting for some woman to catch up, and it doesn't matter how mature or how intelligent they are. Even though I am a below average person in every respect I am always waiting. Please believe me I mean no disrespect to the other side of the species. Most women can't even begin to imagine how far behind they are.
It the same answer to "why do men always say that question".
Because ALWAYS is not true.
Dennis Edlund obviously you are very young
saltyseascott
Thanks, and you look very old and you're reply aren't that very smart.
Dennis Edlund Ironically you just said, Thanks, and you look very old and you are reply are not very smart.
When you are going to insult someone about not being smart, the least you can do is check your grammar.
really good TED talk
Where do you draw the line? I agree that talking about sex is a good thing in general, but isn't there a fine line to embracing your sexuality and flinging it out there for all to see (or hear)? I know people who have had many partners and I was surprised to learn that they have become disenchanted with sex. I guess too much information (or sex?) is like not enough, have find the right balance while still leaving something for the imagination
May be thrilling to listen at first, but turns into broken record over time.