This is one of my favorite podcast episodes I’ve ever listened to of any podcast and I’ve listen to many thousands of hours of podcasts. I’ve been waiting to hear a sane take on the redpill and listening to two men who just get it is so refreshing. Thank you guys. I’m here for healthy masculinity
This is the best guest you have had on your show. I loved when he explained how women bond in relationships. I hope you understood how he explained why there is a cliff with a women sex drive. When a woman doesn't feel connected to the man in her life, I would imagine this is where the withholding of sex comes into play. I don't think most women will want or enjoy sex when they feel that there is turmoil, or something feels off.
So helpful of him to talk about boomers. I think this is a large cause of the redpill movement. My father was the reasonable one and my mother was/is the selfish one. Maybe a covert narcissist. Constantly demeaning and undermining my dad while helicopter parenting us. It has made me grow up to be resentful and distrusting of women, even though I’ve had 4 relationships with women who I can say definitely loved me. My wife today I know loves me profoundly and dearly but I can’t help but be skeptical and avoidant because I see how little my mom cared for my dad and how his whole world revolved around her. It’s heartbreaking and I’m sure I’m not the only one who had this dynamic in their childhood
In the last two years I've woken up to human relationships in general, previosly I've been trying to become a scientist and this took precedence over every aspect of my life, right now I'm not sure about my path, but thank you for this conversation. The thing I most want right now is a relationship and I now for sure I'm not able to get into one let alone work one out yet. This conversation has widened my viewpoint and given me proper tools and terms to process the way I face relationships, it came in a really handy time since I'm so unable to attach myself to women that I've been wondering if i was gay or something. Thanks for everything, sorry for the bad english it's my second language.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 This is the most clear and sucinct analysis I have heard about the Red Pill/MGTOW space. While there are points and arguments that can be gained from Red Pill/MGTOW, I've always held the messaging at arms length because underlying it all is fear, pain, and ultimately... immaturity. I've had ample pain from my relationships with women, but I've found the grim, tunnel vision precriptions from these spaces to be lacking in a mature masculinity that can rise up, face challenges, and follow through on them. A mature masculinity won't twirl around, trying to avoid the hard stuff. You bravely step into what is hard, find the path, and then come out the other side stronger and wiser. That wisdom is NOT finding a way to lead a hassle free life, it's finding the path where your purpose is clear and you leave this world knowing you did good, rather than hid.
The feminists in Human Resources openly discriminate agaiinst men. Employment lawyers have told me that sex discrimination carries little weight, although retaliation for complaining about the discrimination carries more weight. "Mature masculinity" will not help with endemic problems facing men, like this one. Nor will it help men that are raped in divorce court.
@@rootcanal7188 The challenge though is how much these issues are really, truly a problem. I hear all of these complaints made, but I never hear any actual statistics around them. There are always going to be anecdotal stories about some crazy situation, but how often are these issues really occurring at? Is HR discrimination happening 1% of the time? 10%? 30%? 80%? How much is "discrimination" actually just disciplinary action because a man actually did something inappropriate and he's just upset that he got called out on it? If there is a significant amount of discrimination, not just edge cases, then yes... it ought to be addressed in our society, but if it is just a lot of immature men not liking that they are being called out on their behavior then the feedback they are getting is warranted. All of this applies to divorce courts also. The complaints are always being thrown around, anecdotal stories are tossed around, but I never see any good analysis of how this actually looks in any studies. I'm divorced and I found the entire process to be fair and equitable. I attribute part of that experience to the fact that my ex and I acted in a very mature manner, focusing on the big picture rather than using the process as an emotional battle between each other. When I hear anything on the issue, it is always one sided, with no specific details about how the decisions were actually made in the court. If a man has to pay alimony or child support, there are clear reasons for that, which are calculated in precise detail during the divorce process, factoring in a huge amount of situational detail that is specific to their lives. Again, if there are clear patterns of abuse that are revealed through independent studies on the issue, then yes, something should be done. I just have yet to see clear, data on the subject. If insecure and immature men are stumbling through life, not reflecting on their actions, not rising to a sense of purpose and instead living in fear, having a victim mentality, and self-medicating their pain way, then yes... the system and culture is going to feel like it is chewing them up, because they need to resolve their emotional issues and become a fully mature adult.
@@bakeliteperformance You were lucky in your divorce. Johnny Carson, among many other men, was not so lucky. Sociologist Kposawa found that the post-divorce suicide risk for men increases 8 times, while for women, it remains the same. Some men are ordered to pay child support for children that are provably not theirs. At Rose Medical Center in Denver, the feminists in Human Resources hired a woman to be a surgical scrub technician, despite having full knowledge of the fact that she had Hepatitis. (She later stole patients' pain meds, and gave the patients saline from her dirty needles, infecting them with Hepatitis. She got 30 years. The people that hired her never stood trial. Talk about "maturity" all you like, but keep in mind just how bad the world has become, because of feminism and gynocentrism. I should also mention that I have received 4 employment settlements for sex discrimination against men., It was fairly easy, as management made no effort to hide the discrimination. Resd Pill men are only too aware of the real world.
Well said bro. If I didnt have luck with women in my formative teen years I could see myself buying into that space to compensate. I learned early on that I don’t need to make 6 figures to impress a girl, you just have to be funny and somewhat attractive..
You have earned my subscription with this content. It is so nice to see real, uplifting, empowering messages for men that confronts the cynicism of the red pill movement (while at the same time, acknowledging that there are truths to some of it). I'm in the midst of a bad divorce. But I promised myself that I won't let this experience take away my purpose, my compassion, and my ability to love myself and to love others. I got in this mess by lying to my wife for the sake of avoiding conflict... only now do i realize that all I was doing was robbing myself of the opportunity to be loved for my authentic self. Never again.
I think many avoidant men may be convinced that dopamine is more than enough for them and their idea of happiness. Maybe a show that explains more in depth the way they could feel and experience life with the full array of neuro chemicals (gaba, serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin) And actual break down of the effect of having all the chemicals present will affect their lives in a way they may have never dreamed possible
This happened to me. I dated a woman with BPD, got into the red pill stuff, and was very, very avoidant (possibly fearful avoidant) of being tied down in a relationship, but also somewhat anxious around my long term FWBs (one lasted 3 years) who I'd refuse to commit to and kept dating other women around them. I've apologized to them all as I've become more open to the idea of being in a relationship the past 2 years or so. Side-note: the only reason I'm aware of attachment theory is because a FA, who's now left me completely broken twice now (let's be honest here, I'm waiting for her to come back again) over seemingly nothing that I did wrong. It all makes sense now, and might be cosmic punishment for my previous dating history.
My biggest issue with this is that I agree with everything he says and I know that there are good women out there but you said it yourself, about half of people come from a broken family. Most girls have daddy issues and most men have their own issues but in my 5 years of adult like I’ve never been in a relationship with a mentally stable woman.
Right..especially toward the end. He frames it so well and as a gen Z it makes my experience feel validated. Just trying to pick through the dating scene as a damaged guy (not even knowing what’s wrong with himself) and trying to find someone else who maybe wants to get married by dancing around all the new norms (which simultaneously don’t exist) while adhering to the dead norms that you’re kind of expected to do but are also toxic. Like WTF!! Everyone has it rough
Wow 15 minutes in and I already have a page of notes. Great stuff here guys! I plan on applying this to me and my relationships and my marriage despite it being about dating
great conversation! Once comment, though [25:00]: Our attachment styles are not necessarily universal for the various relationships in our lives: I was able to have open conversations and good friend relationships with my male friends but not in romantic relationships with women because that's where the insecure attachment wound came out and it took me a long time to learn to heal that and it turns out it was only possible with an emotionally mature woman.
The stuff that was talked about besides the red pill gurus was pretty revealing about myself and to be honest, pretty depressing to hear. I think I fall somewhere in the mixed insecure attachment between avoidant and anxious. At 32 years-old I feel pretty depressed about fixing these things about myself.
Don't worry that much brother! I just turned 32 the last week. Feeling behind in life, but this stuff is something I feel very optimistic about right now. Adam's solo content has a lot of useful guides even here on YT. And the great thing is, once you start to apply them it works real fast. Because of the hormone imbalance stuff. If you are insecurely attatched, the whole system is crashed down to dopamine. Once you start to out things in order and the other happiness & bonding hormones kick in it skyrockets in a feedback loop. Granted, not permanent exponential growth, but massive rookie gains, and that healthy hormone balance can help you in other areas of life as well. I was avoidant leaning, got an anxious girlfriend. Don't do that... starts of amazing then you feed each other's demons and it's a recipe for disaster. Found the good stuff too late and too exhausted to salvage it. We broke up 3 moths ago... but now as I don't walk on eggshells anymore the change is visible. Mood in work, rekindling old friendships... heck even dating, which I did not plan to start so soon, however had a few cute moments with a girl who was my favorite co-worker for over a year, so we roll with it. So far 1 date, no sex, as it should be. Clear communication and strong foundations. There is something wholesome in a proper longer courting process. And even if it doesn't work out, we were honest and upfront about our values and intentions. So a 3-4 more dates than no relationship due to incompatibility will still leave us good work friends. And if we decide a real partnership could work... I don't see myself messing it up again... just gotta put in work consistently, and I've already won no matter where this leads.
Seriously though, progress is taken one step at a time. There's some other channels that talk about these issues, like Therapy in a Nutshell, or Crappy Childhood Fairy, that you may find helpful.
I'm 41 and in the same boat. Just trying to build a framework so i can be a better man, but doing so in the midst of a bad divorce. I believe in you my man.
I have been listening to both. It has been almost a year, and we are finally together - great vibe! Thank you for helping me navigate through my breakup a year ago. Amazing lessons, I'm on a run.
My dad “did everything” he could to nourish me, but got kept away by the awful Dutch judicial system. He killed himself when I was sixteen partly because of years of family court battle. Women have almost all the power out here so “why… even… try!!!”” (I’m sorry but this is where REDPILL rage gets me again and it can’t stop because a repeat of what happened to me is just around the corner)
Dont apologize for being abused. I hear and validate everything you've said. The backlash against Red Pill is a backlash against something else, the way Red Pill has mainstreamed. It's bad and toxic. There are a lot of old schoolers who want to support you and validate your experience. Dont give in to shame. Swallow the pill. You don't have "Red Pill rage". You have rage. You should. Listen to what you just expressed. Thats. Not. OK.
sorry but what's ''not ok''? You're wrong, I call it ''red pill rage'' because the rage starts when one learns (thus redpilling) sees this shit differently from how culture deems it (familly dynamics). , Yeah whatever, have a great time and thx for validation.@@mrsherwood2599
Amazing conversation. I'd just add that not all people who marry young are securely attached. Especially in cultures where that's the norm. I know some young women my age who got married very young to a relatively older guy (compared to them) and they are not actually very happy and satisfied in their marriage but ofc, they are together because of the kids. So, it might not be a rule but not everyone who marries young is necessarily a healthy attachment person, or their partner might not be.
True, I don’t they make an absolute claim about that in attachment theory either. It’s not like it’s done in sequential order where all the secured people have to get married first than the rest are up to get married once 100% of secured people who want to get married are married. It’s a general observation not an absolute observation that secured people tend to find each other earlier. The nuance you provided are valid but I think it’s besides the point or an exception to the general rule.
Interesting discussion, thanks! My only clarification would be that MGTOW are not necessarily driven by fear, as he said. Some of them, especially the older ones, are making a rational assessment based on 1) what are my chances of finding a good, compatible woman I want to commit to; and 2) how much effort, risk, and sacrifice will be required of me to find and sustain that relationship. Are some MGTOW driven by fear, based on the terrible experiences they have had with women? Sure. But many are not. I don't identify as MGTOW myself (it's too "woman bad" for me), but I have watched the space for 5 years, and I know that pat, negative generalizations about it don't capture the reality well (although they play well on the internet, lol). I mostly agree about the red pill PUA types. A lot of that seems rooted in impression management, role playing, and manipulation. On the other hand, as a 62 year old divorced guy, I wish I'd known some of the "red pill truths" when I was younger. I was naive about women. I idealized them. I think RP can help counteract that naivete/idealization, and thereby save men a lot of grief and frustration. So it's a mixed bag. Anyhow, good discussion. I appreciate it.
I totally get that you’re saying that. I will tell you I’m 55 and after years of working on myself, I feel like attachment theory is a miracle. It’s a very simple way of understanding patterns of coping mechanisms from childhood and once you know what pattern you’re stuck in you can change it. All of us as little children experience things that are scary, and some more so than others. Attachment there is like giving people a roadmap to get back to feeling safe no matter what.
I've been listening to Adam for a good few weeks now & I don't feel his approach is 'nail to a hammer'... his recommendations are superb, effective & workable. Why listen to it if you don't like/understand it? I'd say maybe don't be here if you don't have a genuine, positive reason...? Or have I misunderstood your comment? 🎉
I think he meant it from a place that securely attached people tend to be “segregated” and not connect with total strangers in the metaphorical alley ways known as dating apps. They’re more involved in their own social circles
About anxious women, isn't it that avoiding men reinforce their anxiousness? I mean even with a secure person, avoidants will trigger more of their anxiousness. There's no way for an anxious woman to suddenly get secure when she is constantly gripping to the relationship that seems so illusive. I guess the only way here is to check for both their "temperature " in terms of attachment and only go there together. I mean I only see a way out with a secure partner who can show the standards and not going to be triggered by any of the insecure people. Otherwise it's a job for two.
Thank you 2 men I list to that give concrete attention to men problems. And you mentioned Dr Glover a Trifecta of Voices that men need to hear in world of a thousand others that are working from a agenda.. How did we ever get to a place we're building a loving relationship because so complex?
Completely right, is weird how those red pill gurus not all of them but most want to change from anxious to avoidant attachment both are terrible, the thing is anxious attachment can be treated if they find the right guide, avoidant they are almost doomed but they keep bringing more and more men into it And this is the same for feminism
The reason they are segregated is because they are different ends of the stick. Their sin in the secure attachment is their indifference to others who are in need. Stuck in their dissociative bubble not letting in the reality of the world around them.... they choose to segregate instead of care about humanity. That is evidence of their heart. When someone doesn't know their weaknesses and think their good people that to me is vindictive and indicative of true deception and a giving over of their vessel to true evil which looks good and will bless us into hell is we don't challenge it and see it's truth under the mask of indifference is I don't care! I don't care is the lack of empathy and compassion and why the world is the way it is today. Good people who have done nothing because Satan has them decieved and quite possibly Luke warm on a road to hell. The truth hurts but wakes us up. Yes and amen
Feel like Nick Frietas does a very good presentation of mature masculinity. Would love to see an interview between Connor and Nick. www.youtube.com/@Nickjfreitas
Still not entirely sure what "red-pill" has to do with this. I know it to be a term to describe someone that isn't blinded by a toxic culture that seeks to control you, ie., Leftist Progressivism. Perhaps just saying "Gurus like Andrew Tate are leading you astray." That title describes the topic of this video better anyway. But perhaps I just don't know shit. Interesting discussion all the same. 6.5/10
Agreed. The Red Pill men are painfully aware of the damage that women alone, or combined with the feminist state, can do to a man. So OF COURSE they are avoidant. The only women I am not prudently afraid of are the female MRAs that talk about men's issues. such as Karen Straughn.
interesting topic, but why don't you debate Rollo Tomassi (HE WILL WELCOME, need help?) on this. do u always generalize? red pill gurus r bad. who else? men? women?
"Attachment" specialist? Wasn't the Buddha's primary teaching the avoidance of all attachment in order to avoid suffering? You can love someone without being attached to them
With love, that sounds like absolute foolishness. I've been down that road and that is what it is-fear of pain and refusal to attach because everything is eternally speaking temporary. Now, there are different types of love, Maybe that's what you're referring to. Family, friends, universal/mankind, self, God... You also can't NOT be attached to your child. Familial bonds are survival. Preference for your own is essential, but mature people have respect for all humanity. Lots of love to you (the unattached, universal variety). 😊
I don't think you understood the Buddha's teachings. That's a western take that's not what he's saying. "Non attachment" means embracing inevitable change, not avoiding life. Realizing having a child that might die before you means embracing and paying attention to every moment with them, not avoiding having children. It's about paying requisite attention to everything, and not avoiding anything. There's even a Buddhist monk that teaches pain management who teaches to pay absolute exquisite attention one very aspect of the physical pain, and it transforms into either nothingness, or even bliss.
@@KerriKnox I probably should not have used the word "avoidance" here as it lead to confusion. What I mean is not "avoiding" these things in life, but not becoming attached to them, i.e non-attachment, not detachment. I did not think my original comment meant "not having children", as I said you can love a "thing" without being attached to it.
Dia semangat datang ke Elia atau wilayah Colombia dan dia betah tinggal karena punya rencana punya niat keinginan jahat, di mana , ketika ia merebut mencuri dan membawa pergi keuntungan lalu dengan senang dengan lemah lembut lalu pergi dari Colombia dengan mengucapkan selamat tinggal saya sudah beruntung ambil hasilnya oke thanks 💃👈👎🙏
Way kita sudah capek menciptakan program untuk membangun ekonomi daerah Colombia, kenapa hasil keuntungan itu di bawa keluar dari Elia atau wilayah Colombia itu merupakan perampokan pemeras pencuri , menipu untuk mendukung tapi kenyataannya sekarang apa ibarat teman jadi musuh , atau musuh dalam selimut oke thanks syalom Tuhan memberkati 💃👈👎🙏
Unfortunately, Adam has left out the elephant in the room when it comes to men dealing with women: feminism and the feminist State. Wittingly or unwittingly, every woman has the proverbial big brother just waiting to kick a man's ass for any real or perceived slight the woman experiences from the man - that big brother is the coercive State that favors women and shuns men. I make it a point to NEVER have a woman at my place, and ALWAYS go to her place, because if the evening goes south, and there are raised voices, it is much easier to grab my coat and run out her door, then it would be to get her to leave my door. A man I know could not get his girlfriend to leave, a worried neighbor called the cops, and the man was taken to jail. The cops have already been indoctrinated by feminists pushing the Violence Against Women Act, into believeing that any conflict between a man and a woman is the man's fault, and hey, let's just take him to jail and be done with it. MGTOWs and MRAs are prudent to consider these harsh realities.
Ya mungkin dalam waktu satu tahun hasilnya tidak di harapkan berapa persen 3 atau 5 persen untuk membelikan kado' Natal atau tahun baru untuk anak piatu fakir miskin kanda duda yang sudah lanjut usia oke thanks syalom 🙏
I'm not sure a meaningful conversation with Roland Tomassi is possible. I understand you want to promote your channel, but it doesn't become the quality of your videos to platform him.
Sekalipun kamu mengatakan drama tapi saya tidak oke itu suatu bukti suatu kenyataan buruk yang di pelihara , atau kebiasaan jelekmu menjadi pembiaran untuk melahirkan bibit kuman untuk berkembang biak dalam pabrik perusahaan usaha bisnis jadi rusak membuat kebangkrutan di seluruh pabrik industri terkenal di berbagai negara oke thanks 💃👈👎🙏
Ya saya akui karena kamu semua itu menjadikan Yudas iskariod yang jadi cermin kamu yang mana menjual Jesus Christ dengan 5 keping perak oke thanks syalom 💃👈👎🙏
Bangunan Elia, adalah aset Tuhan Yesus Kristus yang tidak bergerak yang harus dan wajib di jaga di gunakan untuk kepentingan kemuliaan nama Tuhan, hasilnya di pergunakan untuk membangun ekonomi umat Tuhan yang hidup di bawah garis kemiskinan janda duda anak piatu fakir miskin di wilayah Elia atau wilayah Colombia oke thanks 💃👈👎🙏
This is one of my favorite podcast episodes I’ve ever listened to of any podcast and I’ve listen to many thousands of hours of podcasts. I’ve been waiting to hear a sane take on the redpill and listening to two men who just get it is so refreshing. Thank you guys. I’m here for healthy masculinity
This is the best guest you have had on your show. I loved when he explained how women bond in relationships. I hope you understood how he explained why there is a cliff with a women sex drive. When a woman doesn't feel connected to the man in her life, I would imagine this is where the withholding of sex comes into play. I don't think most women will want or enjoy sex when they feel that there is turmoil, or something feels off.
So helpful of him to talk about boomers. I think this is a large cause of the redpill movement. My father was the reasonable one and my mother was/is the selfish one. Maybe a covert narcissist. Constantly demeaning and undermining my dad while helicopter parenting us. It has made me grow up to be resentful and distrusting of women, even though I’ve had 4 relationships with women who I can say definitely loved me. My wife today I know loves me profoundly and dearly but I can’t help but be skeptical and avoidant because I see how little my mom cared for my dad and how his whole world revolved around her. It’s heartbreaking and I’m sure I’m not the only one who had this dynamic in their childhood
In the last two years I've woken up to human relationships in general, previosly I've been trying to become a scientist and this took precedence over every aspect of my life, right now I'm not sure about my path, but thank you for this conversation.
The thing I most want right now is a relationship and I now for sure I'm not able to get into one let alone work one out yet.
This conversation has widened my viewpoint and given me proper tools and terms to process the way I face relationships, it came in a really handy time since I'm so unable to attach myself to women that I've been wondering if i was gay or something.
Thanks for everything, sorry for the bad english it's my second language.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 This is the most clear and sucinct analysis I have heard about the Red Pill/MGTOW space.
While there are points and arguments that can be gained from Red Pill/MGTOW, I've always held the messaging at arms length because underlying it all is fear, pain, and ultimately... immaturity.
I've had ample pain from my relationships with women, but I've found the grim, tunnel vision precriptions from these spaces to be lacking in a mature masculinity that can rise up, face challenges, and follow through on them. A mature masculinity won't twirl around, trying to avoid the hard stuff. You bravely step into what is hard, find the path, and then come out the other side stronger and wiser. That wisdom is NOT finding a way to lead a hassle free life, it's finding the path where your purpose is clear and you leave this world knowing you did good, rather than hid.
The feminists in Human Resources openly discriminate agaiinst men. Employment lawyers have told me that sex discrimination carries little weight, although retaliation for complaining about the discrimination carries more weight. "Mature masculinity" will not help with endemic problems facing men, like this one. Nor will it help men that are raped in divorce court.
@@rootcanal7188 The challenge though is how much these issues are really, truly a problem. I hear all of these complaints made, but I never hear any actual statistics around them. There are always going to be anecdotal stories about some crazy situation, but how often are these issues really occurring at? Is HR discrimination happening 1% of the time? 10%? 30%? 80%? How much is "discrimination" actually just disciplinary action because a man actually did something inappropriate and he's just upset that he got called out on it? If there is a significant amount of discrimination, not just edge cases, then yes... it ought to be addressed in our society, but if it is just a lot of immature men not liking that they are being called out on their behavior then the feedback they are getting is warranted.
All of this applies to divorce courts also. The complaints are always being thrown around, anecdotal stories are tossed around, but I never see any good analysis of how this actually looks in any studies. I'm divorced and I found the entire process to be fair and equitable. I attribute part of that experience to the fact that my ex and I acted in a very mature manner, focusing on the big picture rather than using the process as an emotional battle between each other.
When I hear anything on the issue, it is always one sided, with no specific details about how the decisions were actually made in the court. If a man has to pay alimony or child support, there are clear reasons for that, which are calculated in precise detail during the divorce process, factoring in a huge amount of situational detail that is specific to their lives. Again, if there are clear patterns of abuse that are revealed through independent studies on the issue, then yes, something should be done. I just have yet to see clear, data on the subject.
If insecure and immature men are stumbling through life, not reflecting on their actions, not rising to a sense of purpose and instead living in fear, having a victim mentality, and self-medicating their pain way, then yes... the system and culture is going to feel like it is chewing them up, because they need to resolve their emotional issues and become a fully mature adult.
@@bakeliteperformance You were lucky in your divorce. Johnny Carson, among many other men, was not so lucky. Sociologist Kposawa found that the post-divorce suicide risk for men increases 8 times, while for women, it remains the same. Some men are ordered to pay child support for children that are provably not theirs.
At Rose Medical Center in Denver, the feminists in Human Resources hired a woman to be a surgical scrub technician, despite having full knowledge of the fact that she had Hepatitis. (She later stole patients' pain meds, and gave the patients saline from her dirty needles, infecting them with Hepatitis. She got 30 years. The people that hired her never stood trial.
Talk about "maturity" all you like, but keep in mind just how bad the world has become, because of feminism and gynocentrism.
I should also mention that I have received 4 employment settlements for sex discrimination against men., It was fairly easy, as management made no effort to hide the discrimination.
Resd Pill men are only too aware of the real world.
Well said bro. If I didnt have luck with women in my formative teen years I could see myself buying into that space to compensate. I learned early on that I don’t need to make 6 figures to impress a girl, you just have to be funny and somewhat attractive..
And they say we initiate most of the divorces, take half the assets, and the family courts are pro-female 😂
You have earned my subscription with this content. It is so nice to see real, uplifting, empowering messages for men that confronts the cynicism of the red pill movement (while at the same time, acknowledging that there are truths to some of it).
I'm in the midst of a bad divorce. But I promised myself that I won't let this experience take away my purpose, my compassion, and my ability to love myself and to love others.
I got in this mess by lying to my wife for the sake of avoiding conflict... only now do i realize that all I was doing was robbing myself of the opportunity to be loved for my authentic self. Never again.
I think many avoidant men may be convinced that dopamine is more than enough for them and their idea of happiness. Maybe a show that explains more in depth the way they could feel and experience life with the full array of neuro chemicals (gaba, serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin)
And actual break down of the effect of having all the chemicals present will affect their lives in a way they may have never dreamed possible
This happened to me. I dated a woman with BPD, got into the red pill stuff, and was very, very avoidant (possibly fearful avoidant) of being tied down in a relationship, but also somewhat anxious around my long term FWBs (one lasted 3 years) who I'd refuse to commit to and kept dating other women around them. I've apologized to them all as I've become more open to the idea of being in a relationship the past 2 years or so.
Side-note: the only reason I'm aware of attachment theory is because a FA, who's now left me completely broken twice now (let's be honest here, I'm waiting for her to come back again) over seemingly nothing that I did wrong. It all makes sense now, and might be cosmic punishment for my previous dating history.
My biggest issue with this is that I agree with everything he says and I know that there are good women out there but you said it yourself, about half of people come from a broken family. Most girls have daddy issues and most men have their own issues but in my 5 years of adult like I’ve never been in a relationship with a mentally stable woman.
Wow this is so good…. I feel so much compassion for EVERYONE right now… 💔
Right..especially toward the end. He frames it so well and as a gen Z it makes my experience feel validated. Just trying to pick through the dating scene as a damaged guy (not even knowing what’s wrong with himself) and trying to find someone else who maybe wants to get married by dancing around all the new norms (which simultaneously don’t exist) while adhering to the dead norms that you’re kind of expected to do but are also toxic. Like WTF!! Everyone has it rough
This may be my favorite podcast ever
Wow 15 minutes in and I already have a page of notes. Great stuff here guys! I plan on applying this to me and my relationships and my marriage despite it being about dating
great conversation! Once comment, though [25:00]: Our attachment styles are not necessarily universal for the various relationships in our lives: I was able to have open conversations and good friend relationships with my male friends but not in romantic relationships with women because that's where the insecure attachment wound came out and it took me a long time to learn to heal that and it turns out it was only possible with an emotionally mature woman.
54:19 wow 🙌 preach - rewound that one, the most concise summary of generational family systems through recent history i’ve ever heard
Let’s go Adam🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Never a disappointing episode
Halfway in and this is so helpful to my issues
The stuff that was talked about besides the red pill gurus was pretty revealing about myself and to be honest, pretty depressing to hear. I think I fall somewhere in the mixed insecure attachment between avoidant and anxious. At 32 years-old I feel pretty depressed about fixing these things about myself.
Don't worry that much brother!
I just turned 32 the last week. Feeling behind in life, but this stuff is something I feel very optimistic about right now.
Adam's solo content has a lot of useful guides even here on YT. And the great thing is, once you start to apply them it works real fast.
Because of the hormone imbalance stuff. If you are insecurely attatched, the whole system is crashed down to dopamine. Once you start to out things in order and the other happiness & bonding hormones kick in it skyrockets in a feedback loop.
Granted, not permanent exponential growth, but massive rookie gains, and that healthy hormone balance can help you in other areas of life as well.
I was avoidant leaning, got an anxious girlfriend. Don't do that... starts of amazing then you feed each other's demons and it's a recipe for disaster.
Found the good stuff too late and too exhausted to salvage it. We broke up 3 moths ago... but now as I don't walk on eggshells anymore the change is visible. Mood in work, rekindling old friendships... heck even dating, which I did not plan to start so soon, however had a few cute moments with a girl who was my favorite co-worker for over a year, so we roll with it.
So far 1 date, no sex, as it should be. Clear communication and strong foundations. There is something wholesome in a proper longer courting process. And even if it doesn't work out, we were honest and upfront about our values and intentions. So a 3-4 more dates than no relationship due to incompatibility will still leave us good work friends. And if we decide a real partnership could work... I don't see myself messing it up again... just gotta put in work consistently, and I've already won no matter where this leads.
Your still young. And everyone is capable of growth, barring a neural disease.
Seriously though, progress is taken one step at a time. There's some other channels that talk about these issues, like Therapy in a Nutshell, or Crappy Childhood Fairy, that you may find helpful.
I'm 41 and in the same boat. Just trying to build a framework so i can be a better man, but doing so in the midst of a bad divorce.
I believe in you my man.
I have been listening to both. It has been almost a year, and we are finally together - great vibe! Thank you for helping me navigate through my breakup a year ago. Amazing lessons, I'm on a run.
My dad “did everything” he could to nourish me, but got kept away by the awful Dutch judicial system. He killed himself when I was sixteen partly because of years of family court battle. Women have almost all the power out here so “why… even… try!!!”” (I’m sorry but this is where REDPILL rage gets me again and it can’t stop because a repeat of what happened to me is just around the corner)
Dont apologize for being abused. I hear and validate everything you've said. The backlash against Red Pill is a backlash against something else, the way Red Pill has mainstreamed. It's bad and toxic. There are a lot of old schoolers who want to support you and validate your experience.
Dont give in to shame. Swallow the pill. You don't have "Red Pill rage". You have rage. You should. Listen to what you just expressed. Thats. Not. OK.
sorry but what's ''not ok''? You're wrong, I call it ''red pill rage'' because the rage starts when one learns (thus redpilling) sees this shit differently from how culture deems it (familly dynamics). , Yeah whatever, have a great time and thx for validation.@@mrsherwood2599
@@mrsherwood2599yet it's just another man that died from this. No doubt the living hell he went through
what an incredibly insightful podcast. keep up the great content Mantalks!
Excellent. Love Adam and his work. Nice interview.
So, “if I never have to come off of dopamine I won’t”. Gotcha, thanks!!
Amazing conversation. I'd just add that not all people who marry young are securely attached. Especially in cultures where that's the norm. I know some young women my age who got married very young to a relatively older guy (compared to them) and they are not actually very happy and satisfied in their marriage but ofc, they are together because of the kids. So, it might not be a rule but not everyone who marries young is necessarily a healthy attachment person, or their partner might not be.
True, I don’t they make an absolute claim about that in attachment theory either. It’s not like it’s done in sequential order where all the secured people have to get married first than the rest are up to get married once 100% of secured people who want to get married are married. It’s a general observation not an absolute observation that secured people tend to find each other earlier. The nuance you provided are valid but I think it’s besides the point or an exception to the general rule.
Great video. Lots of things to learn.
Good interview:)
Interesting discussion, thanks! My only clarification would be that MGTOW are not necessarily driven by fear, as he said. Some of them, especially the older ones, are making a rational assessment based on 1) what are my chances of finding a good, compatible woman I want to commit to; and 2) how much effort, risk, and sacrifice will be required of me to find and sustain that relationship. Are some MGTOW driven by fear, based on the terrible experiences they have had with women? Sure. But many are not. I don't identify as MGTOW myself (it's too "woman bad" for me), but I have watched the space for 5 years, and I know that pat, negative generalizations about it don't capture the reality well (although they play well on the internet, lol).
I mostly agree about the red pill PUA types. A lot of that seems rooted in impression management, role playing, and manipulation. On the other hand, as a 62 year old divorced guy, I wish I'd known some of the "red pill truths" when I was younger. I was naive about women. I idealized them. I think RP can help counteract that naivete/idealization, and thereby save men a lot of grief and frustration. So it's a mixed bag.
Anyhow, good discussion. I appreciate it.
I find that most attachment specialists have an anxious attachment style to attachment theory…. Everything is a nail to a hammer…
How so? This is something a friend has said before and I’m curious
You might just not understand attachment theory. It’s a well-researched and study theory within psychology.
@@andrewmcbride7656 To be fair he didn't criticise Attachment Theory, but AT "specialists". I'm curious about reasoning behind this statement too.
I totally get that you’re saying that. I will tell you I’m 55 and after years of working on myself, I feel like attachment theory is a miracle. It’s a very simple way of understanding patterns of coping mechanisms from childhood and once you know what pattern you’re stuck in you can change it. All of us as little children experience things that are scary, and some more so than others. Attachment there is like giving people a roadmap to get back to feeling safe no matter what.
I've been listening to Adam for a good few weeks now & I don't feel his approach is 'nail to a hammer'... his recommendations are superb, effective & workable.
Why listen to it if you don't like/understand it? I'd say maybe don't be here if you don't have a genuine, positive reason...?
Or have I misunderstood your comment? 🎉
Amazing discussion, thanks 🙏
Is there research to back 38:40 where the guest says that the dating pool is mainly filled with non-secure people?
I think he meant it from a place that securely attached people tend to be “segregated” and not connect with total strangers in the metaphorical alley ways known as dating apps. They’re more involved in their own social circles
Great episode. So many good points.
Pure Gold!
Dan itu semata mata hanya untuk hiburan dan refreshing oke thanks syalom ♥️🙏
About anxious women, isn't it that avoiding men reinforce their anxiousness? I mean even with a secure person, avoidants will trigger more of their anxiousness. There's no way for an anxious woman to suddenly get secure when she is constantly gripping to the relationship that seems so illusive. I guess the only way here is to check for both their "temperature " in terms of attachment and only go there together. I mean I only see a way out with a secure partner who can show the standards and not going to be triggered by any of the insecure people. Otherwise it's a job for two.
I want to see your conversation with rollo @ManTalks 36:53
i want the love of a committed relationship
Yea 2 to 3 years is insane, this is day 1
Thank you 2 men I list to that give concrete attention to men problems. And you mentioned Dr Glover a Trifecta of Voices that men need to hear in world of a thousand others that are working from a agenda.. How did we ever get to a place we're building a loving relationship because so complex?
How do I fix my attachment styles.? Please, I need help.
A great listen!
Maka usaha bisnis itu akan di berkati untuk terus berkembang di Colombia bahkan berkembang ke negara lainnya oke thanks syalom 🙏
Do these podcasts and videos actually help people?
I wish my name was ROLAND lol
Completely right, is weird how those red pill gurus not all of them but most want to change from anxious to avoidant attachment both are terrible, the thing is anxious attachment can be treated if they find the right guide, avoidant they are almost doomed but they keep bringing more and more men into it
And this is the same for feminism
Ouch. 10 minutes in and this is hitting too close to home for something that is supposed to be running in the background at work...
The reason they are segregated is because they are different ends of the stick. Their sin in the secure attachment is their indifference to others who are in need. Stuck in their dissociative bubble not letting in the reality of the world around them.... they choose to segregate instead of care about humanity. That is evidence of their heart. When someone doesn't know their weaknesses and think their good people that to me is vindictive and indicative of true deception and a giving over of their vessel to true evil which looks good and will bless us into hell is we don't challenge it and see it's truth under the mask of indifference is I don't care! I don't care is the lack of empathy and compassion and why the world is the way it is today. Good people who have done nothing because Satan has them decieved and quite possibly Luke warm on a road to hell. The truth hurts but wakes us up. Yes and amen
“Three Amigos”: Connor Beaton, Adam Lane Smith, & Robert Glover Collaboration…Let’s Go!!!⚡️💪🏽🧠💃🏼🕺🏻♥️🙏🏽🔥
Feel like Nick Frietas does a very good presentation of mature masculinity. Would love to see an interview between Connor and Nick. www.youtube.com/@Nickjfreitas
The red pill is a guide nothing more nothing less
I bet it's Rufus
Still not entirely sure what "red-pill" has to do with this. I know it to be a term to describe someone that isn't blinded by a toxic culture that seeks to control you, ie., Leftist Progressivism. Perhaps just saying "Gurus like Andrew Tate are leading you astray." That title describes the topic of this video better anyway. But perhaps I just don't know shit. Interesting discussion all the same. 6.5/10
Agreed. The Red Pill men are painfully aware of the damage that women alone, or combined with the feminist state, can do to a man. So OF COURSE they are avoidant. The only women I am not prudently afraid of are the female MRAs that talk about men's issues. such as Karen Straughn.
interesting topic, but why don't you debate Rollo Tomassi (HE WILL WELCOME, need help?) on this. do u always generalize? red pill gurus r bad. who else? men? women?
"Attachment" specialist? Wasn't the Buddha's primary teaching the avoidance of all attachment in order to avoid suffering? You can love someone without being attached to them
With love, that sounds like absolute foolishness. I've been down that road and that is what it is-fear of pain and refusal to attach because everything is eternally speaking temporary. Now, there are different types of love, Maybe that's what you're referring to. Family, friends, universal/mankind, self, God...
You also can't NOT be attached to your child. Familial bonds are survival. Preference for your own is essential, but mature people have respect for all humanity.
Lots of love to you (the unattached, universal variety). 😊
I don't think you understood the Buddha's teachings. That's a western take that's not what he's saying. "Non attachment" means embracing inevitable change, not avoiding life. Realizing having a child that might die before you means embracing and paying attention to every moment with them, not avoiding having children. It's about paying requisite attention to everything, and not avoiding anything. There's even a Buddhist monk that teaches pain management who teaches to pay absolute exquisite attention one very aspect of the physical pain, and it transforms into either nothingness, or even bliss.
@@KerriKnox I probably should not have used the word "avoidance" here as it lead to confusion.
What I mean is not "avoiding" these things in life, but not becoming attached to them, i.e non-attachment, not detachment.
I did not think my original comment meant "not having children", as I said you can love a "thing" without being attached to it.
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Dia semangat datang ke Elia atau wilayah Colombia dan dia betah tinggal karena punya rencana punya niat keinginan jahat, di mana , ketika ia merebut mencuri dan membawa pergi keuntungan lalu dengan senang dengan lemah lembut lalu pergi dari Colombia dengan mengucapkan selamat tinggal saya sudah beruntung ambil hasilnya oke thanks 💃👈👎🙏
Way kita sudah capek menciptakan program untuk membangun ekonomi daerah Colombia, kenapa hasil keuntungan itu di bawa keluar dari Elia atau wilayah Colombia itu merupakan perampokan pemeras pencuri , menipu untuk mendukung tapi kenyataannya sekarang apa ibarat teman jadi musuh , atau musuh dalam selimut oke thanks syalom Tuhan memberkati 💃👈👎🙏
😅😅
Unfortunately, Adam has left out the elephant in the room when it comes to men dealing with women: feminism and the feminist State. Wittingly or unwittingly, every woman has the proverbial big brother just waiting to kick a man's ass for any real or perceived slight the woman experiences from the man - that big brother is the coercive State that favors women and shuns men. I make it a point to NEVER have a woman at my place, and ALWAYS go to her place, because if the evening goes south, and there are raised voices, it is much easier to grab my coat and run out her door, then it would be to get her to leave my door. A man I know could not get his girlfriend to leave, a worried neighbor called the cops, and the man was taken to jail. The cops have already been indoctrinated by feminists pushing the Violence Against Women Act, into believeing that any conflict between a man and a woman is the man's fault, and hey, let's just take him to jail and be done with it. MGTOWs and MRAs are prudent to consider these harsh realities.
Ya mungkin dalam waktu satu tahun hasilnya tidak di harapkan berapa persen 3 atau 5 persen untuk membelikan kado' Natal atau tahun baru untuk anak piatu fakir miskin kanda duda yang sudah lanjut usia oke thanks syalom 🙏
I'm not sure a meaningful conversation with Roland Tomassi is possible.
I understand you want to promote your channel, but it doesn't become the quality of your videos to platform him.
Ya saya tolak saya tidak mau terima saya tidak suka dan saya sangat benci manusia model, berkarakter penipu pemeras dan pencuri oke thanks 🙏
Sekalipun kamu mengatakan drama tapi saya tidak oke itu suatu bukti suatu kenyataan buruk yang di pelihara , atau kebiasaan jelekmu menjadi pembiaran untuk melahirkan bibit kuman untuk berkembang biak dalam pabrik perusahaan usaha bisnis jadi rusak membuat kebangkrutan di seluruh pabrik industri terkenal di berbagai negara oke thanks 💃👈👎🙏
Ya saya akui karena kamu semua itu menjadikan Yudas iskariod yang jadi cermin kamu yang mana menjual Jesus Christ dengan 5 keping perak oke thanks syalom 💃👈👎🙏
Bangunan Elia, adalah aset Tuhan Yesus Kristus yang tidak bergerak yang harus dan wajib di jaga di gunakan untuk kepentingan kemuliaan nama Tuhan, hasilnya di pergunakan untuk membangun ekonomi umat Tuhan yang hidup di bawah garis kemiskinan janda duda anak piatu fakir miskin di wilayah Elia atau wilayah Colombia oke thanks 💃👈👎🙏
Masala seks bukan problem tapi kenapa di bawah keluar dari Elia kenapa bawah keutungan dari Colombia itu persoalan oke thanks 🙏
Saya pribadi tidak terima oke thanks 🙏
Apa lagi kaitkan dengan situasi, sudah tau Masi ingin dan mau bawa keluar dari Elia atau , keluar dari Gloria oke thanks syalom 🙏
Tidak masuk akal sehat manusia oke thanks syalom 🙏
Itu bukan drama itu asli yang di rekayasa jadi drama oke thanks syalom 🙏