Contemplating Friendships After Late Autism Diagnosis
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
- Welcome to our Weekly Porch Coffee - a weekly chat with a late-diagnosed #autistic lady. I share about my week and you can share about your week in the comments... and there you have it: internet friends!
Today we are discussing the how I am learning to rely on others for support when I need it.
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Hi! I’m Claire, and this is my channel, Woodshed Theory. Here you will find the awkward ramblings of an adult autist. I love being creative and sharing my experiences with you. Subscribe to see more DIYs and Autism Discussions on your feed!
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I have a cat that demands to lay across my shoulders like a scarf. He is heated and weighs 9 lb, and with the added purring. If he sees me in a shutdown state he will jump to my shoulders any way he can even if I try to stop him, he is a blessing and can take me right out of that state in like less than a minute😅
It can definitely be isolating as an autistic/ADHD adult. I tend to just purposely isolate myself when I’m feeling down because communication requires so much energy. But at the same time I honestly feel like I have no one to talk to cause I feel like no one understands me. It’s pretty lonely at times
I got a callback last week and I accepted! I'll be a substitute for the Headstart and Early Headstart programs in my area. I just need my background check and references checked, and then I can start. I'm a little anxious getting back into the workforce, but I'm excited. It'll be nice to contribute more to my family and have a little disposable income. I really need to buy a new pair of tennis shoes. Hope you have a great week, Claire and friends! 💞
PS: love Paul! Really looking forward to the podcast!
Congratulations!! That is great news - best wishes for your new job!!
@lindaT82 thank you so much! 💞
Congratulations Whitney🙂!!!. Hope you get the acomedations you need at the new jobb🙏
@Pjolter365 thank you! 😊
Congratulations, that's awesome!! 🎉😊❤
It made me so happy when you play the jingle, although it was about yourself🙂.
Last week was demanding, but also good. I hadd a very regulated weekend👍.
I also found out I need help I my life, and it got som much easier to ask for it and get support after I found you I am autistic and got diagnosed. My sister is my safe person and she really take good care of me now when I need some ekstra support. Hope you will get the support you need in this period Claire.
Have a regulert and safe week everyone!
I have also heard the lighter the roast the more caffeine it contains. A Starbucks barista told me that once! Great message today
it's chilly and overcast here too, gonna pause you and make a coffee (and get dressed)..brb LOL
I'm back. I love your cat, I have 3 and a rather hairy house... I collect their fallen whiskers I don't think its a special interest though. Anyone else find and save their cat's fallen whiskers?
At age 73, I most likely will not invest in the autism diagnostic process for myself. Over the course of years following my first breakdown/burnout I've been both blessed and burdened by many therapies and medical interventions. DBT has helped immensely. And ACT prepared me for receiving that. And there have been countless 12 step meetings. And church. And family. And friends. Until. Yeah, until. The next brave burnout. Or was it reckless burnout? It wasn't reckless until I saw it for what it was. And the lenses of the autism spectrum helped my vision regarding my need for accounting for my own well-being. Receiving support effectively continues to challenge my tolerance. Looking back I can see much evidence for justifying the resentment others developed for my seemingly bottomless pit of need being there for them to deal with. I keep learning. Some lessons are painful and some are pleasant. Locating the boundary between my need and the healthy respectful availability and capacity of anyone to be someone for me to lean on? Me first now. I've discovered that. Locating my limits helps me a whole lot. Accepting is different than locating. Gotta identify before I accept or reject. Like gravity. Happy Monday. I prefer French Roast, too.
Indeed so late in the game. We don't need someone to tell us who we are. We've been since day one and learned every lesson for better or worse. I'm glad I get to hear others and remember my own experience :)
I love dark strong coffee, not from using extra grounds, but by a good dark roast. Hope you feel better. XOXO ❤
You lifted me out of a funk this morning - thank you!! 🙂 This week I'm feeling overwhelmed with so much practical and emotional work. I'm going to work on giving myself a few minutes every morning to map out my day on paper with fun colors in hopes it gives me both structure and sensory pleasure, as well as (hopefully) relieving some anxiety 🤞
Good Morning, Clare! Gosh, you are up early today! I like dark roast as well. Yes, I understand it is true lighter coffee is higher in caffeine - and is also in acidity. But I like what I like and that's that! 😂
I might spend the week crocheting pumpkins as an experiment for church. Yesterday, I crocheted a cat after a while of just not using my crochet hooks, some of which are not in the boxes that hold them. I have been in a bit of recovery mode this past week because I over scheduled my previous weekend. But I should be better now.
Thanks for your insight and encouragment. It's so nice to have your channel and community available to myself and others. I not only think of myself as pre-and post diagnosis, but also pre-and post RUclips autism community.
I have that weighted heating pad too and it's amazing! My wonderful husband got it for me when I was going through a hard time and it was so sweet and I love it!
This week, I'm struggling with how to handle meltdowns when my young kids are involved. I had a meltdown about the cake I made for my daughter's 6th birthday. It came out cute but the kiddos wanted to decorate it and, well, I tried to let them but it had been so much work to get to that point and I was out of energy and couldn't handle it. 😢 I need to do better about meltdowns around them but I'm not sure what to do.
🌞Gooood Morning!! 🌞
I think I have ptsd from trying to get support from people who one would think would be wanting to support me in my time of need, but who are anything but supportive.
So now, I feel “highly allergic” to seeking help from others. I’m quiet, keep everything bottled up tightly, rarely go to doctors, (or anywhere), purposely don’t want or have friends, stay distant from family, and refuse medications. Because I don’t want to be reliant upon anyone or anything. … I just exist inside my turtle shell.
I don’t know if that’s healthy or not. But I do know I get hurt when I try to reach out.
It's so hard when you are vulnerable with someone just to receive a "I'm not your therapist" response. One would think that if a friend asks you how are you and you reply honestly, they would listen and be supportive. That's not the case. I totally understand you.
omg, that weighted wrap looks amazing! I'm forever carrying a hot water bottle around with me from September onwards, so the fact that it's heated gives it extra sensory bonus points 😍 (and here's to spoooooky season! 🎃)
Hi Clare, I've also been struggling with food, getting and eating enough of it. It is always tough... also have felt extremely isolated so thank you!! ❤
I have not been cooking as much either. I haven’t been eating heavy meals lately too.
Thanks for another awesome coffee!! I love your cats, they are very sweet. I've had a challenging week, but got through it. Looking forward to catching up on your podcasts soon. I hope everyone has a great week!! ✨
Paul’s channel is great. Looking forward to watching the podcast this week.
I’ve been disregulated due to successive illnesses and sensory issues, and this manifests as being super grumpy, and often curt with others. Slowly recovering, and hoping that this does not transform into the seasonal blues that can occur at this time of the year (Oct to Feb).
🎉🎉🎉🎉we🎉🎉🎉made with through to another weekend
Well I got into shooting
(Drama with the non certified defense instructor and entryway to white belt so I'm planning to freeze my gympass)
I found one (gun holstering and safety classes) close by but I need ten friends to start my own club not many that have obstacle course just a lot of standing (nor swat course or brutality/3gun competition)
Also being a firearms and self defense instructor suits me vs being a fitness and gym instructor
Dammit, keep missing porch coffee lol
Gonna drink one in my flashy new cup regardless, and will try hard to be on time next week..... xxxxxx
Excited to see your colab with Paul, love his channel.
Can't wait!
Hello Claire: loved the vibe of today’s Porch coffee- I personally enjoy black coffee with lots of sugar and can be partial to an oat milk cappuccino. I know coffee traditions are different in America: I wonder what a French roast taste like. Learned about there being extra caffeine in light roast: never knew that. It’s wonderful to hear your reflection currently around accepting help and welcoming it: can be a hard one to accept but it is transformative! 🙂🥰
Looking forwward to your discussion with Paul: his channel is awesome! 🤩
I just had my fur buddy jasper who was a bengal cat pass away and so it was so sweet to see your kitty show up.
Good morning Claire! This week I started knitting a Norwegian sweater. I have knitted sweaters before, but never with an advanced colourscheme. Autumn has really started here in the Netherlands. Greetings!!
I’m excited to see your podcast episode with Paul! He’s alright 😂❤
On caffeine and roast, it's complicated. Variety, growing conditions, roast, extraction type/ratio/percent all make a difference. All else equal, roasting the same beans longer will take away some of the caffeine content, but it will also make the beans easier to extract (i.e. the same brewing conditions will pull more out of the darker roasted beans than the lighter).
Basically nobody in the coffee industry (specialty or commercial) is communicating how much caffeine is in the coffee they sell, so how could you and I reliably compare how much caffeine we are getting from reasonably similar amounts of coffee?
James Hoffman has a video where he gets a caffeine measurement tool and is thoroughly surprised by how much caffeine is in different drinks.
In practical terms, your dose should suit you, and mine me, just as our flavor preferences. I don't think you're 'missing out' unless that other experience is something you'd like to explore.
It's been a little too nice here... 80s F at the end of September when the average is mid-60s F, and we can't rule out an 80F day in October yet (not likely now, but could happen).
Watch late October feel like December and be 20-30 F. Now that'd be a swing...
💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞👊
Morning Claire! That's cool that you found sensory heaven. I have something similar--my wife sewed a weighted shoulder / neck pad that you can microwave. I find the heat & pressure really soothing. I am also going to work on reaching out to a friend or two this week.
why won't the heat go away? its forecast to hit 100F for the next 4 days :(((
this is assessment week!
that weighted vest thing looks like it would help me at the dentist. I might have to try
LOL Burt, he's an aggressive snuggler, like my Samhain
Oh goodness, Claire. This last week has been such a wild experience. One of my friends started a 6-day and 21-hour charity stream last Monday in the late afternoon and we just finished it up less than a half an hour ago. I joined within 48 hours at their headquarters and was there to help out to include all of the weird social streaming aspects. I found it incredibly fun, but very taxing. I feel like the next week is going to be a lot of recovery. I'm super happy to have been part of it though, very amazing experience. I'm sorry you're going through a spot right now, and I sincerely hope that things get better very soon. 💜
All of this is speech to text and I just don't have it in me to double check the spelling and grammar 😅
hi claire, last week was eventful long story. Been raining here in the uk and getting more autumn like. like your show and tell as I like being warm. I connect to family as support. I like cats! have a wonderful week and take care
I go through phases of eating healthy, and it’s definitely not always easy to stick with it. I’m so glad you have a good support system. I hope your week goes well! 😎
I began following you after I did a search on autism. You are such a wonderful human being and you have helped me love myself a little more and be gentle with myself as I come through this as I am older than you. My mother, lived in denial about my vaccine injuries and I suffered in silence.
I usually buy my coffee mugs from thrift stores 😂but 216 is my best friend’s birthday 🎉I like full bodied coffee
I use maple syrup in place of sugar and I add cinnamon or clove.
I'm so glad you invested in your self-care Claire. It's really important to do this.
I feel that it's OK to eat unhealthy food when we are struggling. Simple oven food is the best when you need the time and energy for self- care. You're doing great 👍🏼
Steve
Been a rough couple of weeks. Stoopid covid! Now that I am past the sickness, I am trying to make up for not being able to do anything for nearly two weeks. With half the energy that barely covered my daily needs before. Yeah! But we will get there. It will eventually get done. There is no other option. Have a good week all!
So glad to hear you are over the illness
@@WoodshedTheory Thank you. Need to get my energies up. This was my third time with the covid funk, at least that I am aware of. First one was summer 2020 and that was absolutely horrendous. Second was in 2022, which actually wasn't bad at all. And this one was bad, but not near as bad as the first go round. Wish I hadn't put off getting the latest vaccine!
Hey. Cool weighted vest.My son and daughter on the spectrum may like those. Totally relate on the food. Had a tiring week, hence it's Wednesday and I am just now on Monday porch coffee lol. When I am tired, I notice I am super vulnerable to baked goods and such. Sigh. Restarting my goals today. Pressed for the exercise this morning and no desserts (yet)... so it is a start. Yay. Looking forward to the podcast. Reliance on support people in our lives is good. I am learning my need to do that as well between my husband's injury ( still improving but slow, btw), homeschooling, and fielding needs for my college/young adult kiddos. Leaning on others is not my strong suit. Makes me so uncomfortable. But, when need presses in, I am finding the folks I feel I can reach out to. Hope you are finding yours as well. Blessings on your week, friend.❤
I tried a couple varieties of coffee when I was 18 years old, did not care for it at all, too bitter for my taste and I like acidic things to the point they often erode the lining of my mouth a bit like in salt and vinegar chips.
The more I listen to autistic videos like this channel, Jenn's, and a few others the more it is on so obvious that I am autistic myself but so far there is nothing I can find to help with me dealing with others. I do not need support, I need to understand, and it is becoming more and more evident that info I seek, that I need does not exist. I hope that is not true, it is getting boring.
OMG, I don’t think that’s silly at all - I have chronic neck and shoulder tension, and that weighted heated vibrating wrap sounds amazing!! I totally want to try that, thank you for recommending it!! 😁
well i got a good deal on mine - i hope you do as well
@@WoodshedTheory I just ordered one with free shipping, along with a foot spa too - because self care! 😁
+woodshedtheory *The 2001 Ford Taurus SE was delivered to King's Auto Repair last night.* At 胡桃河町日系基督教會 Japanese Christian Church of Walnut Creek (CA, USA), I had two crashes in Audacity, salvaged whatever was recorded - poor way to record a Joint Service.
The weighted pad sounds like it’s right up my alley! Thanks for sharing. My week was ok. I was on vacation and loved that. The downside is that my arthritis in my knee flared up so I was in some pain. I’m home now so I’m really leaning in on relaxing and getting better. Hope everyone has a good week. I understand the support needs and I’m thankful that I have people whom I can reach out to as well. I’m glad you have that support as well.
I am happy to hear about the vacation but sorry to hear about the knee pain - no one wants to have that happen on vacation
@@WoodshedTheory thanks! I’m on an ice pack at the movement….
I am going through grieves of losses of my closest relationships
My mum, my husband and my little sister whome are born in the month of October
Holy shit! The realization that you sometimes need support from others, is just so real for me right now. Going through one of those seasons myself. I LOVE cooking when I am, I guess "normal", and when I'm tired, especially borderline burnout tired I will doordash every damn meal. Even if have $40 to my name that day. Not cooking is a massive indicator of needing self AND from others care time for me and something I am coming to terms with. 💛
Yeah doordash is a blessing and a curse right? it is so helpful when you feel like you can't feed yourself but also it is so expensive so can make you feel bad on the back end of things
Hello Claire and kitty! 😺 😊
I get that about needing to try to reach out to others to work through things. That is something I struggle with.
This week here. A catch-up week on little things. I'm making progress. Making my lists and crossing off items! 😊
Thanks for sharing I hope things continue to get done :)
Hi Claire, your vest looks amazing, I hope you enjoy it for a long time. Just ordered a T-shirt from your shop, looking forward to wearing it.
thank you that is awesome - i hope you like it
I wish I could drink that much coffee because I love the taste, but for some reason my body can't digest it and I get all jittery and paranoid. :( I can tolerate like 1 cup a week. 🤣
I wish you could drink that much coffee too! I know that many people are sensitive to caffeine
Porch Coffee is an anchor point for my week, dearest thanks and much good energy for a wonderful first week of October
i'm so glad to hear it - have a great week
I am the same way. I recently went through an emotional time, I have people around me who would like to be there but I don't want to burden or overwhelm anyone. I feel like I'm a burden if I do share what I'm going through in the moment so I don't. I usually won't say anything (If I do) after the fact. I'm still in a place where I don't have any motivation for any hobbies, my main focus is feeding this body because if I don't I won't eat.
i understand, i struggle with communication even with the people i trust.
I have couch coffee while you have porch coffee. ☕️ 😊
It's never silly to try something that helps you relax. Good deal! ❤
Thanks for another nice porch corre, Claire. (And i agree with you about French Roast being the best. ☕️)
mmmm i'm actually have some french roast while i respond to comments lol
@@WoodshedTheory 😋
Luv ya Claire
hello!
❤
morning!
This resonated so much that I wanted to respond.
It already takes so much energy and focus to do your best to get everything done.
And then you're happy that everything is going according to plan.
Until the moment it turns black in front of the eyes. Oh yes, food was not on the schedule.
Unfortunately nothing in the fridge and a pile of dishes. There goes your plan and crawls into bed with an empty stomach.
At a glance from very happy to deep disappointment.
Phew.. it's a tough cookie.
Especially if your partner is the only one in your support system. Working on that.
But Smoothies have already helped me tremendously.
There are also so many emotions involved. Shame, fear of rejection, not being understood, etc.
But also anger.
Yes, we are not the easiest and fall out of the norm. But we're still human beings.
It is so fascinating to notice that we often need small simple things but can be so complex for the other person.
This week I'm going to continue reflecting to avoid overwhelm. And some practice in "taking place".
Have a Lovely Week!
Thank for you sharing - the smoothie idea sounds like a good one
I also been feeling a bit 'flat' the last wk. I'm wondering if it's the shorter day length we're getting. SAD is often a problem for us NDs & I'm no exception. Also my SAD lamp died yesterday only 2 days into this winter.
update: I had a call this morning with my histology results. They got all of the tumour removed. The tumour had not penetrated the full thickness of the bowel wall. Also removed were 18 lymph nodes 2 of which were cancerous as well as some minour blood vessels. I have an appointment tomorrow to discuss if I need any more chemo as a 'mop up' treatment for anything too small to have shown up previously.
The glue they used to close the surface wounds has finally all come off so things are a little sore now as there's direct contact with clothing and also we think some nerves are coming back on line for occasional stabbing pain. Nothing bad but still noticeable and distracting sometimes.
All in all very good news.
excited to hear all this good news!
Yay was up 4am. Without consistent notification I've started looking when I wake up early. Now you're a day earlier too. So it's before the little nap I take that was when you were posting. Lol. Cool schedule adjustment that makes it hard to miss a great start to the week. Thank You Claire.
I so feel the isolation yet needs to communicate to dilemma. Been lifelong for me. I got clean in the 1994 and at least learned a few things in that direction but still it's hard decades later. I like to trade value for value. Even when willing to let others in. I feel often I am to get too much value without equal return. I am bot a fan of imbalance. And occasionally the potential of giving too much with little return.
I need to understand the value of "Pay It Forward" more... I think that's part of the answer for me :)
Have a good week
❤
Look into homeopathic face masks I make my own.
There are so many other women who use natural remedies and resources to stay away from the chemicals in some products
💚
hi!
9:13 😂😂😂😂😂
lol
@@WoodshedTheory Nearly choked on my coffee 🤣🤣
Have you tried Stump Town Coffee? I love the stuff, but haven't had it in a long while. Their _Hundred Mile_ is probably my least favorite, but it's pretty good.
Lately, I haven't been drinking coffee for the past week. I burnout on it. I normally only drink one cup in the morning, but it seems like the effects caffeine builds up over time and I have to stop for a while.
This week, I've been riding the bike more since not riding from back in early May. I rode 40-50 miles a day for about four days back in May, and I didn't realize that my tires were underinflated, and I was carrying a lot of cargo, and I burned myself out! It's taken this long to recover from that! But, it feels good to get the rust out of my system and feel better. I hope I can keep it up through the winter.
I've gone into a junk food slump, myself, lately. I noticed in the past week that I haven't been eating enough leafy greens and cruciferous veggies. The past few days, I have found several Purple-spore Puffball mushrooms. Normally it would be healthy, but I batter dipped and fried them...too much, too heavy. Like county fair food. I dehydrated the ones I didn't cook, and will be better for me in a soup.
It's good to listen to your body when it is trying to tell you something, like it's time to have some spa time and rebalance and regulate. I need a spa session. Maybe a spa month.
I think it is therapeutic to be able to communicate with others. I have had independent streak as well, most of my life. But, I've gotten to know myself pretty well and have enjoyed my own company for so long, that I'm kind of tired of having experiences by myself and I'm tired of my own company. And then, I've had to heal from a long, drawn-out situation, and I think I've gone as far as I could on my own. I need to be a part of a community to be more complete. I think we all need community of people that are similar in some core way or trait. I hope you have that here or wherever.