AITA For Not Allowing My Stepson 12 To Live With Us?....- Reddit Family
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- Опубликовано: 13 окт 2024
- AITA For Not Allowing My Stepson 12 To Live With Us?....- Reddit Family
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AITA For Not Letting My StepSon 12 Live With Us? I Don't Want Anyone To Interfere In My Life And The Child Is Unnecessary In My Marriage.
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A mother of two boys (10 and 5) faces the challenge of integrating her fiancé's 12-year-old son into their family. As their wedding approaches, the stepson expresses a desire to live with them, longing for a genuine family dynamic with siblings and parental figures.
The fiancé supports his son's wish, believing it will positively impact his son's personal growth. However, the mother has reservations based on her observations during weekends the boy spends at their home. She notices a strained relationship between the 12-year-old and her younger son, and a competitive streak towards her older son. Additionally, the boy struggles academically and behaviorally, raising concerns about his potential influence on her children.
Both the fiancé and the mother’s own mother believe that bringing the boy into their home could provide him with the stability and support he needs. They argue that a united family environment could greatly benefit the stepson.
The mother reflects and realizes she may have been overly protective of her own children, failing to see things from her stepson's perspective. She acknowledges her responsibility to help him with his behavior and school performance.
In a significant turning point, the mother talks to her fiancé and agrees to let the stepson live with them. They decide to move to a new house so each child can have their own room, and start working on gaining custody of the boy. They avoid discussing discipline initially to ensure he feels unconditionally accepted, but agree to address it soon.
The story highlights the challenges and rewards of blending families, emphasizing the importance of empathy, communication, and mutual support.
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#redditfamily #reddit #familyrelationships
"The child is unnecessary in my marriage" its a package deal, just like you and your kids. I wonder if these people even have a sliver of moral consciousness
I hope for the sake of that child that this post is some rage bait. Otherwise that 12 yr old has a very bad future ahead, evil step mother + a father who's cool with marrying someone who doesn't want his son to be part of their family/live with them
So he has to take on her kids full time but she doesn't want his kid around full time
yep, she is ta
Only valid reason would be if she thought the kid was in some way a direct threat to the other children in the house. Which can happen and should be taken seriously - but is also extremely unlikely.
Not wanting to go with the youngest kid to the bathroom (which is the job of the parent btw) is actually a GREAT sign for the kid not being a danger.
@@sarahnelson8836if she felt that way she’d be an idiot for marrying that child’s father. Still TA.
This step mom sounds like she's never seen a 12 year old boy in her life. Pretty much all of what she just described is normal 12 year old boy behavior. She sounds like she'd be the pettiest mom ever. I'd hate to be that kid.
Sounds like she wants him to parent her kids for her tbh - would definitely be worse if he had been a she.
She did change her tune though
@@sarahnelson8836 she only changed her tune cause everyone was attacking her, its not sincere- she made a whole bunch of excuses. she will be a horrid step mother cause in her heart, she doesnt want that kid to be part of their "family" and would only agree as a way to shut her bf/people up. People like that care what others think on the surface and put on a show for them.
Take your own child to the Bathroom- at 5 you can take him to the Ladies- and at any age really. Why would you put that responsibility on a minor? They are in need of protection also. Step Monster.
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Also at what point is she just teaching the 5 year old he gets whatever he wants if he cries and throws a tantrum?
Not to mention that not wanting to take the kid to the bathroom is a GOOD sign for an older male child to exhibit. Like they should be responsible and go with their siblings when needed - but actively WANTING to? That would be a major red flag.
She did come to her senses though
YTA- Jesus Christ, where to I start! He’s a twelve year old boy, of course he’s competitive. As an only child, I can confirm that it’s a huge change to go from an only child to a three child household. Not everyone is good at academics- I suck at math, science, and gym. But I’m great at History and art, and I’m decent at English. OP should be taking her five year old to the bathroom- why is it the twelve year old’s job? OP’s just lazy. I bet that she wants the kid there to be a free babysitter for the five year old. Admit it OP, you just hate him! I can see OP favoring her sons. Her admission of guilt felt rather forced and she was trying to convince us that she cares for him. I’m not buying it!
Wow. So you’re saying that if a child is literally in tears because he doesn’t want to go to the bathroom with his mom, she should do what? Second, she didn’t call him stupid or insult him. She just said he was having difficulty in school and his grades were bad, which could be objectively true. He might be failing every single class.
Being competitive is fine. What ISNT fine is laughing at someone else’s failure. Not wanting her children to be bullied in the house is not the same as hating someone. Trying to fix a problem your son is having doesn’t mean she wants him to babysit. And she DEFINITELY doesn’t want him to babysit if she doesn’t want him living there.
Did you think at all before posting this, or are you just projecting really fucking hard?
@@squidmom3162 I’m literally and only child and I’m single and I have to step siblings. Also, given that she suddenly wants the son there, it sounds like she wants someone to watch the five year old- especially since she makes him take the kid to the bathroom. Again, if the kid has a problem with it, too bad! She literally said that she believes that it’s the older kids job to watch after their siblings. No, it’s not! That job belongs to the parents! Now, laughing at others grades is not ok, but this is literally normal for kids at that age. You don’t tell kids, “Hey, don’t come around anymore.” You say, “Hey, don’t do that.” Also, I posted this after the video finished
You sound like a victim and people probably don’t like having you around
this woman is going to neglect and mistreat her stepson and when he inevitably becomes troubled and traumatized from it she'll act like it's his fault and he was always a bad seed. and by the sound of things, she'll have his father convinced as well. NO ONE who's THIS confident they're properly treating/treating all kids equally, is actually treating them properly/equally, *ever*.
This poster is not mature enough to be getting married to a man with his own children. She's just not set up for it.
The thumbnail: wow wtf, how is that even a question?
Don’t get hitched to someone who already has a kid. People these days are so selfish and it’s the children who suffer.
OP has concerns regarding the pre-teen's behavior. She has legitimate concerns about her children. She is not 'hitched', as you put it. Instead of just breaking off her engagement, she went online to get the perspective of outsiders...people who might point out something she is not considering. By doing so, she changed her mind. Too bad the Disney Corporation influenced the world to think stepmothers having feelings other than unbiased acceptance means they are vile human beings.
@@kimsmith1746 Lol maybe because they're making the choice to marry a person but are happy to exclude their children
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“These days” yeah you bet…
@@kimsmith1746 She did not 'Change Her Mind.' She was just shocked because she thought everyone would be on her side and they were not. Therefore, she back-tracked to try to make herself look better in public.
I'm glad that this is most likely fake.
If not, may god help that poor boy with this step-monster.
So, in other words...he's a 12 year old boy.
I wouldn’t marry you! So you want your kids to be around, but not his son. Your step son is NOT YOUR BABYSITTER!
Has to be remembered that this is an only child. He’s never shared his dad or house or time with siblings. Sharing is something taught very young with siblings, helping younger siblings too but he has never experienced that and has to be taught (not just told, explain why you are asking him to do it and that this is what growing up with siblings is like.) Also if he is not doing so well academically (perhaps it’s not a strength for him) this could also be why he celebrates (or crows over) Victories in other areas when he is better or wins etc.
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Exactly! Only children /oldest tend to be competitive as they're used to being alone and getting everything to themselves. Or, as you pointed out it's a compensation for challenges at school. And when children have problems with studying it's usually a sign they don't have good conditions at home, their parents don't care and don't create a space for studying. Some kids have to fight for their life everyday at home and the school has to step up and question the parents and living conditions if a kid demonstrates difficulties in learning.
Agreed. The line where she said "I want my children to grow up in a loving environment..." WTF? So she doesn't want that for her stepson too? The whole thing was crazy
God! His mother rejected him to have another family and the fact that he acts like any other kid, and has trauma…. You’re thinking! He also needs therapy!
1st story: OP’s attitude is a huge red flag. Her boyfriend needs to run far, far away…and fast. Definitely an AH. Even though she has changed her stance and is “welcoming” the boy, her wording sounds clinical and cold.
YTA a colossal one
Story 2: she needs more help than you can give.
OP is a bad mom, parentifying and painfully not accepting that another son could be better in some aspects than her own.
BUT. I respect her views. And with views like that sje should not marry anyone.
YTA. And if you have shred of decency you will cancel the marriage plans. Your going to suk as a step mother. I know this from personal experience as I was the unwanted step son when my father married the female.
First of all, YTA. Why you deserve to live with your children but not your husband? Do you understand you're not the only one who loves their kids? It's actually the norm to love your children and want to be with them. Secondly, do you realize that real siblings from the same set of parents can demonstrate this type of behavior? Like, oldest are usually competitive as they're used to living being the center of attention and having all resources to themselves. Your own kids are 10 and 5 and you just didn't have a chance to see this dynamic, but if they had 1-2 y difference you'd see it sooner. And they're boys! Have you seen boys of the same age group play together in a playground? This boy needs real family and a lot of care to be taught to behave and react otherwise. And finally, when children have problems learning or behaving at school it's usually a sign their living conditions and parents have to be checked. If the parents don't care, don't spend enough time, are a**sive or dysfunctional it all leads to lacking academic success, especially in pre-teen years. And now you want to deprive this boy of his chance to succeed in school. Exactly having a loving and caring family with a calm atmosphere can tell on his learning positively without even a lot of effort. And maybe he teases your son after winning because he lacks at school and it's his time to shine. It's the parents' job to explain that he can get joy in helping his siblings succeed or that he has 2 years advantage and be more supportive to the kid who lost. You lack empathy yourself so i really doubt you'll succeed in teaching this boy how to be empathetic...
Story 1: Yep..Op kind of the AH >.>.. at least she realized after everyone told her. Story 2:"Nah Nah nah.. Your soon to be ex's child is a demon. She hurt you, and your kid and the husband doesn't see this is wrong?? He's a horrible Parent. Why the hell didn't you nip this in the bud when your kid got hit by another kid IN YOUR OWN HOUSE. I Would have kicked Husband and Stepdaugher both out the same ff--ing day. Hell no.
Op and child both needs therapy (for different reasons)
Yta for getting into a relationship with someone who has a child with that attitude.
Jesus christ you need to understand. You. Cannot. Punish. Someone. Who. Is. Not. Your. Son. Leave that to his father.
Yea, no, keep this piece far away from this child.
"The boy"
OP in story 1 is full of it. After the YTA verdict she did a 180 trying to sound like she used the wrong words and everyone misunderstood her. She doesn’t want “the boy”.
Your future husband should reconsider marrying you
Yes you are.
Let me see doesn't wanna deal with the baby take him to the bathroom cause his a big boy now they feel silly Check. Competitive with the older sibling Check. Pretty much this sounds like all siblings. My family there is 4 of us , 3 girls1 boy. You haven't seen This level of competitiveness. My second oldest sister almost took my brother's eye out with 1 of those little pies from the trival pursuit game. This sounds about right.
does the first lady expect a 12 year old boy to hangout with a 5 year old all the time?? what would they even talk about??
OP crazy for posting this
I think that gradually integrating him into the home is a great idea. OP's first responsibility is to HER children. Of course, the fiance's first responsibility is to HIS son. The fiance's son's needs should not be met at the expense of OP's children's comfort and safety. I think that both OP and her fiance should rethink the marriage. If OP has observed behavior that is dangerous to OP's children, or if there is bullying, then she should not allow the boy to live with her. Just because the boy wants to live with the family does not mean that it is because he wants to enjoy family with siblings.
“The boy”, really?
NTA story 1. I know exactly what she is saying.
His sone was an after thought to her,that's the reason for the scramble for a new house and the guest comment
from story 2: i kind of feel like she should have given it more time, not her soon to be ex and step-daughter but rather the termination. it almost seems like she was terrified and not really rational when she went along with it. I am pretty sure she could have applied for a full custody, since there is an obvious danger factor in the ex's house, but well i guess it was not meant to be.
Yes OP is th AH.
Edit: in story 1 that is.
YTA
the audio and text are out of sync
Story 2 : even the step father doesn't want her around his children. Can the bio father answer why is that so?
My Dad many times with women told me they make room for me.. there 3 times i was kick out of “the room”.
There was 1 time i was send to live in my dad office with only mattress, later my dad kick me out of the house then i comeback to live with my mom… to never think live with my dad again… i had room, kick me off the room because niece of stepmom deserve room because of window, heat, tv, electricity… office was not heat, not window, not tv… i sleep under desk.. room next dog shitter..
My mom explain how people said things but is not real
2ª and 3ª time i was kick room was when Dad his parner told me to move sofa when other person came
Women!
I aint even gonna listen. Def the AH. Sorry, but that's your spouses kid. You don't get to kick them to the curb by marrying them. Hek yaself
Robinson Dorothy Thompson Patricia Williams Linda
Why they just don't live in separated houses? Why single parents always want involve their kids in love life?
Second OP is a horrible person. She killed her unborn child for reasons he/she had no part in because he/she wasn’t convenient for her. Disgusting.
If it was so hard for you, why tf did you do it? Was sympathetic to her till she did that.
It was for the best.