I hope you find someone who can give you the safety, affection, and comfort you are seeking. Childhood neglect and abandonment does leave scars and you have been hypervigilant for awhile. Here's to your healing journey.
After years of blaming my mother and now being without her since she has passed, I now realize how much she must have suffered having me as a daughter via my guilt trips. The drama was a dance and I was also expensive to be as up entitled unloved kid. I do miss her now. ❤❤❤
Omg! What you just tell inthere is exactly what I am goin thru! I found my soul mate when i was 19 and wéve been together since..and if you read this you are telli gme yess you did not understand anathing…here where i see myself…my husband has MSA…is is dying slowly but surely 😢 So now I see that when I met him I was in the exact phase you telling here…so now I need to refigure my self completly at 53…..I don’t know what will happend but yup figuring who I am is one of the thing i will need to figure out! But for now, we still have some time to spend together so we choose to go to Paris in june so that’s why I look your videos! Really happy to have your point of view on the city of light! Cheers!
Another good video. Have you ever considered being a life coach? My experience is that it is important to work with someone who has done & continues to do their own work. Otherwise one risks trying to work on ones' self with someone who is trying to teach what they need to learn. Speaking of teaching & learning--did you train Cooper or did you work with a trainer? He is amazing. I am always almost stunned when I see him go down into the Metro with you, calmly wait sitting next to you in a crowd while waiting for the train, calmly walk onto the train & behave perfectly. His behaviour is always impressive. I can't help but compare what you needed & did not get as a child (there are a lot of us) & how Cooper simply trusts you & knows without a doubt that his every need is being met & will always be.
Thank you, that's a really kind comment. I did train Cooper myself yeah, I watched a ton of RUclips and read a couple of books in preparation and found the style that matched me. As for coaching, I think I still have some work to do before I'd be ready for that, but it comes up ☕☕
I can ID with some of what you said about your childhood. One of the realizations that partly helped me was that our parents, in my case my mom, came from a toxic home (alcohol and ignorance) and she learned her parenting from them. She did the best she could with what skills she had. As an adult it’s difficult to give yourself what you needed as a child and didn’t receive. We have to just keep working at it.
Jay. What a video - pretty much summed up what I’ve been doing with myself for past few years. It’s not easy, it’s a long process as you’ve said. So encouraging, thank you for sharing and chatting to all of us - and breaking down your thought process. we all have our inner child and i too, tell her the same thing “it’ll be ok” 👌🏽
Thank you for saying this. I’ve seen lots of professionals and partners say we “can feel” this but Ive not felt this way. I love your how you deliver this information and I send you mushroom love and hugs!! I’ll gladly come visit and have a cup of coffee when we come to live in France soon. ❤️❤️❤️
I agree with you in many ways. We have to learn to be able to create safety for ourselves. However, sometimes you can go too far (ie... 'I'm the only one who I can trust/ count on '. ). That has been my sorry I have told myself for 30+ years. Granted, life has mostly proven that to be true. But it can be very lonely and isolating. As far as the ' everything will be ok'..... I have only one comment. I live in Florida 😢😢😢. Like I said, I agree with your analysis, from your perspective. We do need to learn to be accountable for caring for ourselves emotionally rather than needing it from others. ❤❤
I relate to this all so much. My dad, who had Parkinson’s, was not as nurturing when I was young. Turns out, some Parkinson’s symptoms are being tracked earlier and earlier- lack of dopamine receptors, etc. Once my dad was on meds, we had a sweet period where he became emotionally available and so loving! I’m glad, because the end stage psychosis and dementia was so rough. The sweet decade we had held me up. I hope you can use this info too. I also did the same: I wanted to find that magical man who could fill that hole that was left from the past. I came to Paris because of it. And I also had to discover I had to show up for myself- and learned that in Paris, too. I’m so glad to hear you have figured this out, too. Much appreciation for you, Jay.
Sending you and Cooper a big virtual hug! I think I can use some of your good advise to help me in my attempts at weight loss and regularly exercising xx
Totally get it, digging deep to meet our own needs, and trusting in today. Still learning here too. Thank you for sharing and, thoughts for your sister Jay. Thank you for the coffee, and the cup it's in. A hug for Cooper too, great buddy and consistently there for you and us!
I've cultivated this ritual of sitting down once or twice a week and going through your daily vlogs I missed (in chronological order), and I think this is a really good way to go through your vids. From someone also in the "had parents that were not emotionally fantastic" boat: 🥂we're doin just fine
@@JaySwansonabsolutely dude. I found your channel after looking for a new home in Europe for a while, and thanks to you and a couple of other people highlighting France (and Paris specifically) I've landed on it for a first attempt. Hope to grab a drink with you later this year or something! Thanks for posting :)
Thanks for the coffee! Just look how far you've come, Jay. It will be OK. 😃 Yes, you're so right. We get to choose. That's the power we give ourselves to heal and grow.
Hi Jay. Hearing you talk about yourself and your childhood it makes me realize how lucky I was growing up… my parents were supportive, loving and gave me this solid foundation to go out and explore the world. I think this is what makes me (in general) optimistic and happy. I wish you success on this and all of your journeys.
That's amazing. I'm genuinely happy for you (and anyone lucky enough to be in your shoes). We all have our battles to face, but I think what you were given was certainly on the epic-end of the scale of life's gifts 🙏☕
I have rarely encountered another Final Fantasy VIII fan in the wild! It is such a wild but ultimately sweet story. Very nostalgic memories of playing it growing up
As I sit with my first cup of coffee with you, I agree - It’s a hard pillow to swallow. My childhood was similar to yours in many ways and I learned early (VERY early, way too early for any child, or infant for that matter, to have to learn). I have learned to put my oxygen mask on before helping others and I’m grateful that what I have left to give to others, truly comes the heart. And I know that I’ve been able to give all that I had left in me without a doubt. I,too, fill my life with animals because their love is unconditional and really we really need that sometimes. Sending you virtual hugs on your journey of self discovery. Thanks for sharing with us.
if you haven't read Gabo Maté's The Myth of Normal, i highly recommend. just can't overstate how much nurture (or lack thereof) forms the child and wires the adult. it doesn't take big traumas - parental emotional neglect/ indifference can have equal impact. and the cycle continues - as the saying goes, when choosing a partner, people tend to marry their unfinished business (from childhood). vigilant awareness is all we have - kudos to you for always shining a spotlight on it!
Sounds like an interesting read. The Body Keeps the Score was one of the most eye opening reads I've managed so far. It's brutal but what I need to understand and move through.
This is a good one. I try to remember to control what I can control. Meaning, (at times) my emotional responses, workout routine, coffee strength, and ability to remember it'll be ok are things that I can control. Hell, sometimes it might just be to take a shower, small wins. Many small wins eventually turn into consistency, which can lead to large wins. Great video though and I can control telling you that.
Hi Jay, I've been following your videos and want to congratulate you on the excellent work you do. This video and the message is amazing and much need it.
i grew up the same way - although im way older than you - 69 - my mom was hands off no love no affection and no verbal access. terrible - dad was ok but also no hands on until late in life mom passed at 58 years and him at 68 (he had a second wife) it was not until his late days that he could show or speak affection. makes for a difficult growing up and adulthood. years of therapy (for me) and now pretty capable of feeling, living, and being empathic to all this. Raised my kids the best I could to but a lot of it is handed down. My daughter 45 has done the best job of changing previous lifestyles and has raised her son with so much love and affection both physical and mentally. Keep Going!
Yes. I had a very late awakening. You just confirmed what a person told me decades ago. Life is what You make it. it is a hard thing to accept but then again maybe it's what we wanted. 🎉 61 identity key. Self love. ❤
The FF8 callout though! In all seriousness, this is a message I definitely needed to hear today. Was staying up late all weekend journaling my intrusive thoughts, a LOT, and trying to get parts of my life together just to take care of myself.
HAPPY MONDAY HERE IN ARIZONA! Just back from seeing (the Europe Family) Team spiezia race in Vegas. Crashed in the 2nd race 2nd lap! Crazy Shit! All ok, back to work today!
Thanks Jay! I really like these talks. Thank you for doing it. I think it’s important to have your needs met. Thank you for taking the time to share your journey and struggles.
Deep. On the lighter side, I don’t weigh coffee for brewing, I just try and try and fail until I get it right and then start again. 🤔. Espresso is a different. From the outside, you are doing fine. 🌴🌴Aloha
Hahahaha - I am a coffee geek too! I think you use a Baratza Encore - you didn't share the grind 🤣 I was fighting to get my Chemex to the perfect point ( use an Aeropress which I have DIALED). I am glad that you are learning these things about yourself and shifting to help let next best things happen. Also, came from a home with no real parenting and, somehow, I recognised as a child that I would have to do it myself - totally by accident - such a gift. My later growth was moving away from chaos and realising that I have value even when I am not solving everything for everyone.
Sunday Coffee with Swanson returns! Are you brewing an East African coffee today? Based on that flavor profile, I’d guess a Kenyan? Love the Chemex method btw. You seem like you’re in a good place, Jay. Glad to see you relaxed and chillin with a good cup.
Jay. I'd like to hear your thoughts on a relationship with God. I too feel let down by a parent in my younger years but I got thru the dark thoughts about that by accepting that I can't honor God if I don't honor both of my parents equally. When I think about things I've done in the past that God has forgiven me for I realize I have no choice but to forgive that parent for things that were or were not done when I was a child.
Life is very much about perspective. I listened to your childhood story and my biggest takeaway was ...wow you had a Playstation at age 13. I'm going to be 40 this year and when I was 13, my thoughts were about my next meal.
For sure, perspective is definitely important, and I also try to remember childhood trauma comes in many different forms, and wherever we all might come from, we have our own demons to work through.
Exactly perfect. Much gratitude! …and…ohhhh….sweet Cooper, you melt my heart! Cuddling an innocent, assuring them that it is all going to be okay….THAT is how WE begin to believe it is so. As we do to others, especially the innocents, (who have nothing to offer us, but their belief in our goodness)…thus can we begin to learn to do for ourselves, (J’espère!). 🪷
I think what you're trying to say is that it's not gonna be as abad as you might think; but it won't be ok for everyone, everytime, for sure, cause life, you know, is a bitc*
What you described with the partner is like gay men with their dads (or their moms). There are obviously exceptions. Not all of us die to make straight people look heroic for having us as friends.
![Summer Walker - Heart Of A Woman [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/SFddctbZzw8/mqdefault.jpg)
Sometimes, we don’t want relationships. We crave intimacy and safe spaces.
I wish we were friends ❤
🥂
I hope you find someone who can give you the safety, affection, and comfort you are seeking. Childhood neglect and abandonment does leave scars and you have been hypervigilant for awhile. Here's to your healing journey.
So true - other people can only help so far then you need to help yourself. Thanks for the coffee again Jay and hope your sister is recovering well.
Thanks for the message, Jay. It’ll be ok. “In the end it all works out. If it hasn’t worked out, it’s not the end.”
🙏
After years of blaming my mother and now being without her since she has passed, I now realize how much she must have suffered having me as a daughter via my guilt trips. The drama was a dance and I was also expensive to be as up entitled unloved kid. I do miss her now. ❤❤❤
🙏
Omg! What you just tell inthere is exactly what I am goin thru!
I found my soul mate when i was 19 and wéve been together since..and if you read this you are telli gme yess you did not understand anathing…here where i see myself…my husband has MSA…is is dying slowly but surely 😢 So now I see that when I met him I was in the exact phase you telling here…so now I need to refigure my self completly at 53…..I don’t know what will happend but yup figuring who I am is one of the thing i will need to figure out!
But for now, we still have some time to spend together so we choose to go to Paris in june so that’s why I look your videos!
Really happy to have your point of view on the city of light!
Cheers!
I hope you have the best time! 🥂
Jay - first of all, stop reading my mind! 😂 you’ve managed to dive into my brain and it’s a little scary.
I feel very seen right now. 🙏🏻♥️
🙏🙏
❤️❤️❤️ Well, Jay, this one is going on my re-watch list. Just what I needed to hear today.
Happy to hear it 🙏
Thank you for the coffee and the chat!
You bet!
Another good video. Have you ever considered being a life coach? My experience is that it is important to work with someone who has done & continues to do their own work. Otherwise one risks trying to work on ones' self with someone who is trying to teach what they need to learn. Speaking of teaching & learning--did you train Cooper or did you work with a trainer? He is amazing. I am always almost stunned when I see him go down into the Metro with you, calmly wait sitting next to you in a crowd while waiting for the train, calmly walk onto the train & behave perfectly. His behaviour is always impressive. I can't help but compare what you needed & did not get as a child (there are a lot of us) & how Cooper simply trusts you & knows without a doubt that his every need is being met & will always be.
Thank you, that's a really kind comment. I did train Cooper myself yeah, I watched a ton of RUclips and read a couple of books in preparation and found the style that matched me. As for coaching, I think I still have some work to do before I'd be ready for that, but it comes up ☕☕
Wow!!!!! I love this coffee chat!! I fully support your journey and see such wisdom. You inspire me to live better and be better. Thank you!
Thanks for joining me!
Too true, we’re responsible for ourselves. Sometimes just taking the first step to improvement is all we need to keep going. Thx Jay. 👏
You're welcome! Thanks for watching 🙏
I can ID with some of what you said about your childhood. One of the realizations that partly helped me was that our parents, in my case my mom, came from a toxic home (alcohol and ignorance) and she learned her parenting from them. She did the best she could with what skills she had. As an adult it’s difficult to give yourself what you needed as a child and didn’t receive. We have to just keep working at it.
It's certainly cyclical
Jay. What a video - pretty much summed up what I’ve been doing with myself for past few years. It’s not easy, it’s a long process as you’ve said. So encouraging, thank you for sharing and chatting to all of us - and breaking down your thought process. we all have our inner child and i too, tell her the same thing “it’ll be ok” 👌🏽
Happy to know it resonates. I think half of the value of figuring these things out is sharing it along the way
absolutely 💯
Thank you for your vlogs Jay. You always make my day. Keep it going. It'll be OK for all of us.
It will 🙏
Thank you for saying this. I’ve seen lots of professionals and partners say we “can feel” this but Ive not felt this way. I love your how you deliver this information and I send you mushroom love and hugs!! I’ll gladly come visit and have a cup of coffee when we come to live in France soon. ❤️❤️❤️
☕☕
I agree with you in many ways. We have to learn to be able to create safety for ourselves. However, sometimes you can go too far (ie... 'I'm the only one who I can trust/ count on '. ). That has been my sorry I have told myself for 30+ years. Granted, life has mostly proven that to be true. But it can be very lonely and isolating.
As far as the ' everything will be ok'..... I have only one comment. I live in Florida 😢😢😢.
Like I said, I agree with your analysis, from your perspective. We do need to learn to be accountable for caring for ourselves emotionally rather than needing it from others. ❤❤
exactly - start to fill the cup ourselves, and bring others in to top it off.
I love your coffee talks…and I don’t drink coffee. All the best to your sister. It’s difficult being so far away when family is sick.
If only I had worthy tea to share
I relate to this all so much. My dad, who had Parkinson’s, was not as nurturing when I was young. Turns out, some Parkinson’s symptoms are being tracked earlier and earlier- lack of dopamine receptors, etc. Once my dad was on meds, we had a sweet period where he became emotionally available and so loving! I’m glad, because the end stage psychosis and dementia was so rough. The sweet decade we had held me up. I hope you can use this info too. I also did the same: I wanted to find that magical man who could fill that hole that was left from the past. I came to Paris because of it. And I also had to discover I had to show up for myself- and learned that in Paris, too. I’m so glad to hear you have figured this out, too. Much appreciation for you, Jay.
Sending you and Cooper a big virtual hug! I think I can use some of your good advise to help me in my attempts at weight loss and regularly exercising xx
You can do it!
Totally get it, digging deep to meet our own needs, and trusting in today. Still learning here too. Thank you for sharing and, thoughts for your sister Jay. Thank you for the coffee, and the cup it's in. A hug for Cooper too, great buddy and consistently there for you and us!
🙏🙏
I've cultivated this ritual of sitting down once or twice a week and going through your daily vlogs I missed (in chronological order), and I think this is a really good way to go through your vids. From someone also in the "had parents that were not emotionally fantastic" boat: 🥂we're doin just fine
We are indeed ☕🥂☕ Thanks for watching and leaving a note. It's always encouraging
@@JaySwansonabsolutely dude. I found your channel after looking for a new home in Europe for a while, and thanks to you and a couple of other people highlighting France (and Paris specifically) I've landed on it for a first attempt. Hope to grab a drink with you later this year or something! Thanks for posting :)
Pretty sure we are living parallel lives…
I’m sending your sister positive supportive energy her way.
Thank you!
Thanks for the coffee! Just look how far you've come, Jay. It will be OK. 😃 Yes, you're so right. We get to choose. That's the power we give ourselves to heal and grow.
🙏
Hope your sister gets well soon!
Thank you!
Hi Jay. Hearing you talk about yourself and your childhood it makes me realize how lucky I was growing up… my parents were supportive, loving and gave me this solid foundation to go out and explore the world. I think this is what makes me (in general) optimistic and happy. I wish you success on this and all of your journeys.
That's amazing. I'm genuinely happy for you (and anyone lucky enough to be in your shoes). We all have our battles to face, but I think what you were given was certainly on the epic-end of the scale of life's gifts 🙏☕
So much to unpack here. A tiny piece.. I think of Carl Jung here and notions of being rescued and loved, etc. I became my own hero. Finally.
Yes!
What an extraordinary presence you have, sir.
Thanks 🥂
I have rarely encountered another Final Fantasy VIII fan in the wild! It is such a wild but ultimately sweet story. Very nostalgic memories of playing it growing up
As I sit with my first cup of coffee with you, I agree - It’s a hard pillow to swallow. My childhood was similar to yours in many ways and I learned early (VERY early, way too early for any child, or infant for that matter, to have to learn). I have learned to put my oxygen mask on before helping others and I’m grateful that what I have left to give to others, truly comes the heart. And I know that I’ve been able to give all that I had left in me without a doubt. I,too, fill my life with animals because their love is unconditional and really we really need that sometimes. Sending you virtual hugs on your journey of self discovery. Thanks for sharing with us.
if you haven't read Gabo Maté's The Myth of Normal, i highly recommend. just can't overstate how much nurture (or lack thereof) forms the child and wires the adult. it doesn't take big traumas - parental emotional neglect/ indifference can have equal impact. and the cycle continues - as the saying goes, when choosing a partner, people tend to marry their unfinished business (from childhood). vigilant awareness is all we have - kudos to you for always shining a spotlight on it!
Sounds like an interesting read. The Body Keeps the Score was one of the most eye opening reads I've managed so far. It's brutal but what I need to understand and move through.
I needed to hear this today 💛💛
🙏🙏
This is a good one. I try to remember to control what I can control. Meaning, (at times) my emotional responses, workout routine, coffee strength, and ability to remember it'll be ok are things that I can control. Hell, sometimes it might just be to take a shower, small wins.
Many small wins eventually turn into consistency, which can lead to large wins.
Great video though and I can control telling you that.
Many small wins really do add up over time. Keep after it!
You're an inspiration
🥂
Hi Jay, I've been following your videos and want to congratulate you on the excellent work you do. This video and the message is amazing and much need it.
Thanks ☕
lol my dog also sneaks in my contemplative moments with loud snores or gassy reality checks
Graceful reminders of the present 😆
Namaste. I feel you.
🙏
Loving these coffee vids
☕🙏
i grew up the same way - although im way older than you - 69 - my mom was hands off no love no affection and no verbal access. terrible - dad was ok but also no hands on until late in life mom passed at 58 years and him at 68 (he had a second wife) it was not until his late days that he could show or speak affection. makes for a difficult growing up and adulthood. years of therapy (for me) and now pretty capable of feeling, living, and being empathic to all this. Raised my kids the best I could to but a lot of it is handed down. My daughter 45 has done the best job of changing previous lifestyles and has raised her son with so much love and affection both physical and mentally. Keep Going!
I'm glad you've gotten to see some generational change! Thank you for sharing 🙏
Yes. I had a very late awakening. You just confirmed what a person told me decades ago. Life is what You make it. it is a hard thing to accept but then again maybe it's what we wanted. 🎉 61 identity key. Self love. ❤
U SAID ALL THE THINGS NEEDED ❤❤❤
🙏🥂🙏
pour aujourd'hui. intéressant !
🥂
Call it a massive coincidence but maybe I needed this today.
glad it coincided =)
Can't wait for coffee next week!
☕☕☕
Thank you, Jay! Just sending supportive vibes. We all need support, even if we drive ourselves forward. 🤗
Thank you 🙏
Thanks for the coffee & kudos to you for doing the very difficult and very necessary work! Your future partner will thank you for it!
Thank you!
thank you Jay
🙏
Great point! 👍
Thanks!
The FF8 callout though!
In all seriousness, this is a message I definitely needed to hear today. Was staying up late all weekend journaling my intrusive thoughts, a LOT, and trying to get parts of my life together just to take care of myself.
Jay being a ‘Final Fantasy’ gamer boi. A mark of a fun person.
🤓😎
Thanks Jay! Also love the shot of Cooper at the end. I wish we could take our dogs everywhere here in the states.
*virtual group hug* 🤗❤
HAPPY MONDAY HERE IN ARIZONA! Just back from seeing (the Europe Family) Team spiezia race in Vegas. Crashed in the 2nd race 2nd lap! Crazy Shit! All ok, back to work today!
Thanks Jay! I really like these talks. Thank you for doing it. I think it’s important to have your needs met. Thank you for taking the time to share your journey and struggles.
Thank you for being here!
I love my Chemex coffee maker
Me too!
Thank you for this. Sometimes I need a reminder.
I often need the reminder myself
Thank you Jay for sharing. You are helping me. ☺️
I'm so glad.
Deep. On the lighter side, I don’t weigh coffee for brewing, I just try and try and fail until I get it right and then start again. 🤔. Espresso is a different. From the outside, you are doing fine. 🌴🌴Aloha
☕☕☕
Hahahaha - I am a coffee geek too! I think you use a Baratza Encore - you didn't share the grind 🤣 I was fighting to get my Chemex to the perfect point ( use an Aeropress which I have DIALED).
I am glad that you are learning these things about yourself and shifting to help let next best things happen.
Also, came from a home with no real parenting and, somehow, I recognised as a child that I would have to do it myself - totally by accident - such a gift. My later growth was moving away from chaos and realising that I have value even when I am not solving everything for everyone.
I grew up with a mentally ill mom , I completely understand. (Formally Dmon)
🥂
Good morning 👋🏽
❤
🥂
Thank you, Jay
thank YOU!
Another excellent video! 👍
Thank you! Cheers!
Sending you a cyberhug. 💙💙
Thanks 🥰
Sunday Coffee with Swanson returns! Are you brewing an East African coffee today? Based on that flavor profile, I’d guess a Kenyan? Love the Chemex method btw.
You seem like you’re in a good place, Jay. Glad to see you relaxed and chillin with a good cup.
I think that one was Columbian but I do have a Kenyan
Does the coffee come in the nice little jars ?
Yep! And then you can get them refilled at a discount (if you'll be here long enough to do so ☕)
Jay. I'd like to hear your thoughts on a relationship with God. I too feel let down by a parent in my younger years but I got thru the dark thoughts about that by accepting that I can't honor God if I don't honor both of my parents equally. When I think about things I've done in the past that God has forgiven me for I realize I have no choice but to forgive that parent for things that were or were not done when I was a child.
Hey, thanks for asking. I've touched on this in the past, if you take a look back you'll find more about it.
Life is very much about perspective. I listened to your childhood story and my biggest takeaway was ...wow you had a Playstation at age 13. I'm going to be 40 this year and when I was 13, my thoughts were about my next meal.
For sure, perspective is definitely important, and I also try to remember childhood trauma comes in many different forms, and wherever we all might come from, we have our own demons to work through.
Talk Talk: Life’s what you make it. Great tune. Pet Shop Boys: It’s alright. Acceptance is being able to release the gases
😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
🙏🙏
Exactly perfect. Much gratitude! …and…ohhhh….sweet Cooper, you melt my heart! Cuddling an innocent, assuring them that it is all going to be okay….THAT is how WE begin to believe it is so. As we do to others, especially the innocents, (who have nothing to offer us, but their belief in our goodness)…thus can we begin to learn to do for ourselves, (J’espère!). 🪷
Cuddling Cooper always helps !
I think what you're trying to say is that it's not gonna be as abad as you might think; but it won't be ok for everyone, everytime, for sure, cause life, you know, is a bitc*
Where is your dad i all this? You seem to have a good relationships now.
OCD on the measuring coffee beans. 😊
😆
Thanks for sharing this, I empathise with you. How is your relationship with Jesus?
Hi, I've actually touched on this in the past, if you take a look back you'll find more about it.
What you described with the partner is like gay men with their dads (or their moms). There are obviously exceptions.
Not all of us die to make straight people look heroic for having us as friends.