I Love You, But I'm Not In Love With You

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  • Опубликовано: 25 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 122

  • @mmmjh1
    @mmmjh1 3 года назад +27

    People seem to confuse attachment and feelings with love. Love is an ability.

    • @miskaffon
      @miskaffon Год назад

      Ability? Like a physical thing/action? To many people, love IS *only* a feeling and the action associated is just a demonstration or manifestation of the emotion....not THE action itself.

  • @sandrarodriguez7872
    @sandrarodriguez7872 3 года назад +25

    Seriously so helpful, this is exactly what happened to me. I’m the anxious he’s the avoidant but didn’t learn this after he told me loves but not in love with me and he left. Ir sucks, this video definitely validates my thoughts and feelings. Specially because he really thinks it’s gonna be rainbows & butterflies w/ someone else.

  • @ChrisLT
    @ChrisLT 3 года назад +35

    Man, been watching these videos for months, and this one was one of the best. I was just nodding my head the entire time.
    Her last contact was "I do love you, I loved our time together." And my response was "then... why??" And I know a lot about why now, and how very little of it had to do with me. Once you've been single and working on yourself for awhile, all the info here starts to make a ton of sense.
    13:45

    • @emmiewayne2820
      @emmiewayne2820 3 года назад

      HELLO... IT REALLY WORKS ON ME..WHEN IT COMES TO RECOVERY RELATIONSHIP

  • @andrasziegenham6766
    @andrasziegenham6766 3 года назад +19

    I was hoping to hear the reason why I said it to my ex (when she was my gf). I said "I love you, but I'm not in love with you", because I thought being in love is being in what I now know is called limerence. I felt limerence for my crushes and I've never felt it with my ex. Now I know it was foolish to chase that feeling, because it's just there to help establish a connection. If you already have a connection, it's unnecessary anyways. Oh well.

  • @ninoninov6044
    @ninoninov6044 3 года назад +18

    Basicly this means: "you are needy, booring and too predictable"

  • @huydang3112
    @huydang3112 3 года назад +9

    This is exactly what happened to my first relationship. My ex girlfriend is avoidant type of attachment. She blamed me for not understanding what she want. She is very self-center and only care about her own feelings but not mine. Thank you very much for making this video! I was blaming myself for ruining the relationship but it's not my fault!

  • @crking36
    @crking36 3 года назад +17

    My favourite channel!!✊🏽✊🏽You guys keep me strong when I am at my weakest!Your guidance has helped me deal with situations and understand things clearly....I finally stood up for myself and as you say... 'you have to love yourself first'....I set a clear boundary, so Im on my 2nd period of NC after my ex made contact in March...he wants to be in my life as a friend, which is impossible... still doing the work and if my ex wants to repair what we had he can but Im focussing on healing and moving on....

  • @gamers4life1
    @gamers4life1 2 года назад +5

    What does not make sense is how they say "I am not in love with you but I love you" and when you want to walk away, they do not want that to happen. I don't understand why they dont let go while saying that.

  • @preetx7116
    @preetx7116 3 года назад +11

    This video was really good as I think a lot of people can relate to it, peoples expectations of a relationship as sometimes unrealistic. I also didnt know avoidants are looking for a parent figure, thought they are too independent

  • @alex96610
    @alex96610 10 месяцев назад +1

    I broke no contact 2 months and 4 months in and she still said she didn’t feel anything. When a girl is done, she’s done my dudes.

    • @CoachCraigKenneth
      @CoachCraigKenneth  10 месяцев назад +1

      That’s why I say don’t reach out!!

    • @alex96610
      @alex96610 10 месяцев назад

      @@CoachCraigKenneth it was good closure for me, I appreciate your response!

  • @RinkFactor
    @RinkFactor Год назад +3

    Just happened to me this last Friday out of no where we never fought or even argued and she was crying when she told me. I told her then go find someone else. And she grabbed her stuff and left. I went to the gym (cried on the way) and focusing on my self and goals I will not reach out to her

  • @rachellaverkck4789
    @rachellaverkck4789 3 года назад +6

    The idea of 'Disney perfection' is what resonates with me... It's my avoidant partner who thinks that I expect him 'to be in love' with me...and he feels he's letting me down by him thinking he's not in love.....
    But he quote.. "loves me to bits" and we've been more successful than any of his previous relationships..(he's 55 so has had a few) and I feel loved to bits.. He's avoidant so he shows his love by actions, like fixing things and doing chores..(to him, giving me his time and effort is the biggest show of love as time and effort are precious to him so he doesn't give it out lightly)
    I was hung up on 'how' he loved me and showed love to me.. and his love is very different to how I love....... And it caused me turmoil.... Until I accepted that with attachment styles and love languages, we all show and feel love in different ways.. It doesn't mean that we don't love...and not being 'in love' doesn't mean that you don't love aor that you don't want to be with someone, or that something is wrong or missing..... We don't live in Disneyland...
    But actually I think its partly that my partner doesn't 'recognise' what being in love is... He never saw it as a child..
    Some couples are 'in love' for decades.. Some couples love each other to depths of ocean... Some can't live with or without each other....
    It's all about recognising what love you do have and whether you feel its enough or if you feel something is missing...
    Don't blame not wanting to be with someone anymore on 'not being in love' or use it as an excuse to leave because that puts pressure and false expectations on relationships having to be 'Disney perfect' and happily in love all the time....
    When that's just not real life for most people.....
    My partner doesn't think he's in love with me, but his actions tell me how much he loves and cares for me and whole heartedly wants to be with me... And that's OK with me... ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

  • @btstakescareofmewhenimsick4892
    @btstakescareofmewhenimsick4892 2 года назад +3

    My bf was telling me how amazing of a girlfriend i am, how lucky he was to have me, how much he loves our relationship cuz he didnt feel trapped, and how this was not just a fling between us just two days before he told me these words and broke up with me (he was having nightmares about me leaving him couple of months ago, and was telling me he doesnt wanna think about what life would be like if we ever break up, etc)

  • @fernandocabanillas8133
    @fernandocabanillas8133 3 года назад +3

    My wife left 1 month ago. Been together since 94 married since 99. I know now that my narcissism was too much for her to deal with anymore. This Break up is what helped me to realize that The childhood self hate and anger that I’ve been caring for all these years really affected my adult behavior, I treated her and my kids like shit and I didn’t even realize it. There are things that they tell me that I’ve done and for the life of me I really don’t remember doing these things. My sisters and my brother have also confirmed these actions, I really didn’t realize what I was doing and now my best friend, the love of my life, the woman that I would die for is gone. I’ve been taking this time to go back and try to fix my self-hate and learn how to love myself but it’s so fucking hard. I am a 43-year-old man born and raised on the streets and an army veteran but I am so freaking scared of not being with my wife for the rest of my life. I miss her so much, God damn I miss her so much!

    • @viper78dontthreatonme79
      @viper78dontthreatonme79 2 года назад

      Same here just going thru this situation hopefully you got help.you need and got your family back

  • @Dad_Brad
    @Dad_Brad 3 года назад +3

    This one was just what I needed today. A nice reminder of some of the many lessons I’ve learned over the years from the channel and The Knowledge workbooks. It helps to jog the memory sometimes.

  • @fatmikeSauce
    @fatmikeSauce 3 года назад +3

    Can't watch this channel anymore because it just reminds me of my shitty ex and I'd rather just forget her

  • @randscott4676
    @randscott4676 2 месяца назад

    My story is strange. We were long distance. She came to see me - it was absolute stars and rainbows. She gets home: I love you but not in love with you. But she returns for a second visit - better than the first. Her words: amazing, unforgettable. Then returns home, barely communicate for three weeks. Finally, she breaks a planned video visit without explanation. I feel taken for granted and get upset. Next day: goodbye. Together: bliss. Regulated together. The most beautiful moments of my life. Away: avoidant. I know by her behaviors that she didn't use me. Later I learn about this being a common pattern among avoidants. Trying to move forward - but miss her terribly. No contact, but understanding that I must move forward. How can people be so deeply mixed up?

  • @milwaukeemotor5995
    @milwaukeemotor5995 3 года назад +2

    i think it all depends on the stage of the relationship that you're in dating, exclusive, committed/monogamous, engagement, marriage

  • @iloveTool
    @iloveTool 3 года назад +2

    You should've known better!! Oh God that's me lol as a fearful avoidant all this resonates so much. Thanks for this video, I've never heard it said before about avoidants deep down want someone to take care of them and that is eye opening because I've had those feelings in my loneliest of moments - as us avoidants must come to terms with eventually no matter how much we try to stuff things down. Always enjoy coach Victoria's input she shares a lot of valuable info in a direct, clear way.

  • @piccalillies
    @piccalillies 3 года назад +4

    the thing about FOMO is what I find is true for online dating

  • @debralavorata546
    @debralavorata546 Год назад

    I can relate,when he friend zoned me,he said I have love for you,very different than I love you,it truly broke my heart,💯💔

  • @sarahtonin96
    @sarahtonin96 3 дня назад

    8 years together. He said he lost feelings and isn’t in love anymore. And is being so cold and mean.

  • @osamabonjovi3313
    @osamabonjovi3313 3 года назад +3

    How to get over your ex its simple just be patient about how you feel be curious about you feel to create a feeling a of ease and don't put expectations on yourself that's how you do it, basically what I'm saying is you don't need this guy to get over a break up because that it's self is dependency does that sound familiar, if you didn't get its your breakup

  • @jerrycundiffii4818
    @jerrycundiffii4818 3 года назад +3

    After being divorced for two years last July, my ex still said this to me.

  • @xMikeyHardyx
    @xMikeyHardyx 3 года назад +5

    I got this speech 7 months ago.

  • @kristine975
    @kristine975 Год назад

    Hi coach Craig, I hope you can read my message and just give a little thought about this. We've been together for 3yrs. My ex said he just loved me as a friend only and not romantic anymore. He's unsure about his feelings already. And I felt the cold already for months before the breakup.
    He let me decide what to do. I don't want to force things if he doesn't love me anymore much as I do. So I suggested we need to break up for me to move on ( in my thinking I don't want to be on a friend zone) and for him a time to analyze and realized things about what he really feels about me, then he agreed. So the breakup is mutual. We separated ways. Should I need to use a "NO CONTACT RULE" ?
    Thank you for responding coach Craig

  • @Sweesweet12
    @Sweesweet12 3 года назад +2

    That title hit me right in the ❤️🥺

    • @mikerobben7912
      @mikerobben7912 3 года назад

      i can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanently he can also help you

    • @Sweesweet12
      @Sweesweet12 3 года назад +2

      @@mikerobben7912 no thanks I’ll stick with Coach Craig...and maybe u should get a life!

  • @piccalillies
    @piccalillies 3 года назад +2

    Craig, you know how you say a man doesn't give up his only pair of shoes but if they're an avoidant, they might if they get too scared by emotion?

  • @Superflyradioguy
    @Superflyradioguy 8 месяцев назад

    I don't want anything bad to happen.. I care. But i don't want you.

  • @MW-hn7wx
    @MW-hn7wx 11 месяцев назад

    I am the avoidant partner and I was going to complain that this video is too one sided but I see what you are doing here. 10:30 mins of the video is the reason.

  • @jeraldtay7040
    @jeraldtay7040 3 года назад

    Thank you Coach Craig for the wonderful video contents! :)

  • @sundoobie
    @sundoobie 3 года назад

    Amazing! You guys are basically speaking to me. Great job.

  • @gregclark9733
    @gregclark9733 3 года назад +9

    U can love me and not be in love thats cool but don't think u can see me call me when u want

  • @joannegild8001
    @joannegild8001 9 месяцев назад

    That’s how I feel-I love him, but I’m not in love with him-because he’s an avoidant and isn’t emotionally available. He doesn’t like to touch except sexually.

  • @KiraW93
    @KiraW93 3 года назад +2

    How do you try and repair this though if you’re the one feeling like this? I’m in a long distance relationship by the way so it’s hard

  • @amythomas7460
    @amythomas7460 3 года назад +1

    last convo i had from the person was him saying "love you, not in love with you, i do love you i dont love you, i want to love you but i dont" 🙄 thank you guys for this video NC for two months now, i never replyed to that mess lol

  • @Dennis-highlights
    @Dennis-highlights 3 года назад +3

    If I have shown my neediness, my weakness to my girlfriend, how can I make her forget these things about me?

  • @inquiringmind5153
    @inquiringmind5153 3 года назад

    Heck, I would have been happy with "I love you." What a widower recently told me, a widow, " Now I frankly do not know how I feel. Know however I really do care for you. " He acted like he loved me, but guess it was acting. Yeah, it hurts. Am starting no contact but difficult as he is having health issues.

  • @mariotibbrine1
    @mariotibbrine1 3 года назад

    This is what I know if person says they love you but they are not in love with you end the relationshit and say I cant be involved with a person who isn't in love with me thanks for your time then say don't contact me and leave no hugs no intement embrace not even good bye of any kind if you see them later on down the road just ignore them if they come up too you just walk right through them they no longer deserve any of your time or attention never get back with an x especially after you've gotten away from a relationshit cause if you do it will be twice as worse save yourself the pain and the drama just move on after you've healed and know sometimes things don't workout and that's that remember no means no say it often and have not a problem saying no for any reason at anytime without explanation or closure or guilt to anyone

  • @shenadaly6356
    @shenadaly6356 3 года назад +3

    🤦🏻‍♀️that awful pain you feel when that is said to you 💔 even worse is I feel nothing for you since the lockdown after 12 years (WHAT) did a train just run over me 👿😩

    • @emmiewayne2820
      @emmiewayne2820 3 года назад

      HELLO... IT REALLY WORKS ON ME..WHEN IT COMES TO RECOVERY RELATIONSHIP

  • @Maijamaijamaijamaija
    @Maijamaijamaijamaija 3 года назад

    omg my ex bf actually has said that he feels like i expect him to pay everything, and my ex and my ex before him - both times we broke up because of arguing about groceries and how much money they spend on me. IM LITERALLY SEARCHING FOR A DAD NOT A BF (my dad died when I was 9)

  • @BruceJC75
    @BruceJC75 8 месяцев назад

    Many people find themselves on brown grass.

  • @neotenylv09
    @neotenylv09 3 года назад +6

    My brain after reading the title:
    ERROR 404 💥

    • @CoachCraigKenneth
      @CoachCraigKenneth  3 года назад +1

      ?

    • @crking36
      @crking36 3 года назад +1

      @craig its a software error code, lol

    • @CoachCraigKenneth
      @CoachCraigKenneth  3 года назад +2

      I wasn’t sure why the title was hard to read

    • @neotenylv09
      @neotenylv09 3 года назад +1

      @Coach Craig Kenneth No, the title is very clear. But when someone says so (the title), it is difficult to process it🤯

  • @brego12317
    @brego12317 3 года назад +1

    I work with my ex and still hear about her avoidant romantic interests. Not worth it

    • @emmiewayne2820
      @emmiewayne2820 3 года назад

      W.h.a.x.a.p.p.h.i.m.

    • @chonkybenetgods
      @chonkybenetgods 3 года назад +1

      Dang! Working with an ex is really bad. I hoped I didn't had a relationship with a coworker. No contact is difficult especially if you still both see each other. And recently, he brought his gf inside the office. There was only the three of us so it was kinda awkward. I showed him I'm not jealous by not walking out or not minding their PDAs. 😂

  • @Cyberdine101
    @Cyberdine101 3 года назад +1

    Literally what my ex gf of 5 years told me 6 months ago :( . One day we moved into a new house together 5 days later "I love you, but i dont have feelings for you anymore." Devestated. I was so disgusted I went NC the day of (before i knew what NC was) and havent heard a peep since. I looked at her Twitter a couple days ago and shes acting like the devestated one!?

    • @ejejsjdhdjdj4793
      @ejejsjdhdjdj4793 3 года назад +2

      I feel you man. I moved in with her last summer and she broke up with me 5 days later too! We did get back together in September and we’re gonna get another place together... after we signed the contract she breaks up with me again. I’ve been 2 months no contact now

    • @emmiewayne2820
      @emmiewayne2820 3 года назад

      W.h.a.x.a.p.p.h.i.m.

    • @emmiewayne2820
      @emmiewayne2820 3 года назад

      HELLO... IT REALLY WORKS ON ME..WHEN IT COMES TO RECOVERY RELATIONSHIP

    • @Cyberdine101
      @Cyberdine101 3 года назад +1

      Wtf?! Again after the second house? Thankfully? I'm at a point now where I dont think I would even want her back. I certaintly won't accept friendship.

    • @ejejsjdhdjdj4793
      @ejejsjdhdjdj4793 3 года назад +4

      Yup. Second time we were gonna move in together she got cold feet and broke up with me right before we were about too! I still love her but I know that’s who she is, her family definitely played a role in this too. Go on tinder and bumble and get yourself a better girl bro 😎 well all be good

  • @hulkx12
    @hulkx12 2 года назад +1

    Does that mean you don’t have a chance ?

  • @kingmikeb7746
    @kingmikeb7746 3 года назад +1

    Damn word for word hit me in the ❤️

  • @Daisy-fj3iz
    @Daisy-fj3iz 3 года назад +2

    Coach Craig is so funny 😂

  • @evelynaolaira2752
    @evelynaolaira2752 2 года назад

    Thank you so much for this vedeo,I'm a Filipina and I had an American Ldr I love him so much, last night he told me,I love you but I don't love you,but there is love,you that I don't understand what he says ,he told me before he always love me..I'm shock and I can't imagine he says that...now I'm thinking what to do,if I'm ignoring him,please can you advise me cause I think I'm stupid to chase my feelings on him,please...

  • @joshpage3911
    @joshpage3911 3 года назад +1

    This hits home child together and all its ruff

  • @isaac30022
    @isaac30022 3 года назад

    Love the sense of humor 😂❣

  • @evataylor6773
    @evataylor6773 3 года назад +1

    Please talk about short term relationships, please.

  • @smac1032
    @smac1032 3 года назад +1

    Anyone here doing the work books and have anything to say about them?

    • @CoachCraigKenneth
      @CoachCraigKenneth  3 года назад

      A few people commented about them on our previous video! I also have some reviews shared on my Instagram highlights

    • @rowdysaudiful
      @rowdysaudiful 3 года назад +1

      highly recommend! just got an amazing job that i couldn’t have imagined being functional enough to succeed at, and also having a suuuper easy time dating someone casually. all from the intense process of the workbook. 30 mins a day for months; got through 7. life changing!

  • @devildaa666
    @devildaa666 3 года назад +1

    Not related to the video but do I apologize to my ex for my behaviour or just stick to no contact?

  • @briankiss8326
    @briankiss8326 3 месяца назад

    So she isn’t coming back:(

  • @mohammadrazamovahedi4170
    @mohammadrazamovahedi4170 2 года назад

    Love this vid.🫶

  • @vjfjgfjhfgh3472
    @vjfjgfjhfgh3472 3 года назад

    Amazing advice

  • @carlmarch9591
    @carlmarch9591 Год назад

    ilybinilwy cheating walk away never look back don’t waste your life on them

  • @brandonf24
    @brandonf24 2 года назад

    Insert GOT clip here:
    ruclips.net/video/D9yzL7BgIrI/видео.html

  • @JohnSmith-bq4zw
    @JohnSmith-bq4zw 3 года назад

    I have a question for Coach Victoria. Is it a mistake to put money in your ex’s commissary if you are no contact? 😂

  • @alejandragarza4327
    @alejandragarza4327 2 года назад

    Please help. Me understand my situation i have been with my exfiance for 9years however its been difficult he has always cheated and this time he finally said okay i am realize i am not committed enough in this relationship. But we still have a great sexual connection. We live together but he is set on moving on. I have faults of not listening to some things he has said but also he has cheated throughout out time but he says at the moment I dont want a serious relationship. I want time for me. He says. I want to travel and see the world. He says I am not in love with u anymore. But I feel him when were together. What does this mean help

  • @ejejsjdhdjdj4793
    @ejejsjdhdjdj4793 3 года назад +1

    Craig Joey gallo has been terrible for the Yankees so far! Rizzo is the man tho!

  • @zuhaabid2514
    @zuhaabid2514 3 года назад

    ❤️

  • @crking36
    @crking36 3 года назад

    First!

  • @davemaurer7341
    @davemaurer7341 Год назад

    Limerance