Avoiding the baby talk or talking to them like they are dumb is so huge to me!!! I had an instinct on this and feel really strongly about this. My lovely sister who loves my grandpa does this but she’s used to it because she has two young kids. But understanding this will help her help him. Thank you so much for all the information. Also the touch, also the therapeutic fibbing! There’s so much here thank you thank you thank you!!
Oh you are so very welcome. I'm so glad that some of these tips were helpful for you. And yes, the "baby talk" drives me nuts. That and "How are we today?" Take care.
i feel so guilty about so much of my interactions; for one, i almost always tell my mother with AD that so and so is dead. It is hard to lie, but you are right, it only upsets them.
Yes it does, you are right. Well, don't think of it as lying. With anyone who has dementia or Alzheimer's it's important to enter their reality and if you are in their reality then you are not lying. But if they mention a person who has passed away then segway into a story about that person. Ask your mom about him or her. That's what she really wants. At least that has been my experience.
Oh thank you for watching and listening and for your comment. It's truly appreciated. If you find that there other related topics that you would like us to cover please let us know! Take care.
Wow, well you made my day! I'm so very glad that you found the information useful. If there's any other topic on dementia that you would like me to cover, feel free to let me know in these comments. And of course, thank you so much for that grand comment! :)
Wow my mom has had dementia for 10 plus years, this was definitely helpful not only for the approach to deal with my mom but also for letting me know that the frustration feelings in me are common, I was beating myself up over that, feeling like I wasn’t a good person and son. Thank you for the tips
Oh you are welcome and I'm so happy that this helped. I know it can be so difficult to communicate with someone who has dementia, especially someone you love like your mom. Bless you guys for having to deal with this disease for so long. Stay strong and take care.
This has helped me realize that my approach was doing more harm than good. But what if the parent is strong willed and combative regarding moving to a SNF ?
Thank you for your comment, I'm so glad that it helped. The problem with being combative to moving is a very common one so please don't feel like you're alone. In my experience as an OT in geriatrics seeing thousands of patients and working with their families is that there pretty much isn't anything you can say or do that will convince someone to make the move. Of course, YOU know that it's the best thing for them but they aren't going to listen or change their mind. Be it from fear or just stubborness, it's honestly (in my experience) not worth your time and strength and aggravation. What will most likely happen is that some incident will occur where they will injure themselves or set the house on fire or something - this "something" will then force them to move and even then they will be reluctant and combative. Whenever I got a patient I would ask as many family members as I could what that person was like before they came to the rehab or nursing home? This gave me an insight into their personalities. I came to the conclusion (of course this is my own hypothesis) that however you are when you are younger, you're only moreso when you are older. So, for my patients who were angry or combative or just downright mean, I would often hear from family members that was their personality before, only not as severe. So, I call this the moreso disease. Not sure if this applies to your family member. But I'm curious to find out if it does so let me know. Having said all of this, sometimes, just sometimes a third party can be helpful. It can be another relative, or perhaps a doctor or geriatric care manager. Sometimes, hearing information from other sources can help to convince them it's time to make a change. Of course, if you are dealing with someone with dementia, you have to know that they are simply no longer capable of making reasonable decisions. Depending on their level of dementia, of course. In this case, I would discuss your options with a doctor and an elder law attorney to understand what the laws are where you live. From there you can formulate a plan for what to do when the inevitable does happen. But arguing with them won't help, it only makes matters worse. That's the most difficult aspect of older adults who are angry and combative. Be it from the moreso disease or from dementia, it just makes the last few months or years with them so much more difficult. Another thing you can do for yourself is to join a support group for caregivers of dementia patients. You can learn a lot from others in your same situation. Best of luck and keep me updated.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice Thanks for your detailed reply. Mom had a serious stroke about 7 years ago but recovered sufficiently to live in an unassisted apartment in a seniors complex where she as done pretty well using her walker and with morning assistance from a helper and us. My wife and I aare in our 70's and in relatively good health. She has had 7 ER visits and a surgery in the last year including a couple falls and a couple severe UTIs. Her "forgetfulness" took a serious turn for the worse a few weeks ago when she began to have delusional thoughts and place/name confusion. He spent 3 nights in the hospital, got IV antibiotics for the UTI and went back to her apartment. Her mental confusion only grew worse and after about 11 days, including an luckily uneventful fall, her delusions were even more intense. I went to check on her and she was in the living room, he walker in the bedroom, and her oxygen canula was off and on the floor. Thinking the UTI was maybe recurring I took her to the ER. It was still mildly there but she was admitted and after 4 days it now seems to be resolved and her bloodwork looks good. She is still ver combative with the staff and me. I now have started educating myself and know I did EVERYTHING wrong as I tried to talk her out of her delusions and correct any errors. Mom is a controlling perfectionists and this is especially hard on her. Moreso make since here. She just wants to go back to her apartment even though when she was last there she was packing her stuff to leave this "strange place". I don't think she would be safe alone so the advice to let her "set the house on fire" really doesn't seem like the right choice here. I think your other choice is to somehow either coerse her into compliance or use a guardianship or involuntary commitment to gain the desired outcome. The legal route could be messy. The other wild card is that I wonder if after some time post UTI that this dementia might return to close to it's pre-illness baseline where she lived fine alone. With scores of UTIs over the last 10 years this confusion is a new feature and I have heard stories of dementia connected with UTIs that resolved some time after the infection was gone. Tomorrow they want to discharge her to a SNF and I am frankly concerned how it will go. Also, forgot to mention that I am the only relative remaining to manage her condition and safety.
5 месяцев назад+3
Thank You for these wonderful tips that you have given us. It was really helpful to All healthcare workers and the family members.
When my friend tells me the same stories over and over, I ask her questions( simple ones) about her childhood and her pets. It can drive you crazy, though, when the cyclical stories repeat.😩
Oh yes, I know! I have a few friends who do that too. You don't want to stop them and say, I've heard that a 100 times, but at the same time, you can't help but want it to be over with. All I keep thinking of is, "maybe I'll be like that someday so I should be nice." Ohh, growing older is just not easy.
I felt horrible but I've used ear plugs when listening to my mother. It allows me to listen to the stories without getting frustrated. I ask follow up questions to make her switch to another story. It's hard. Thanks for your advice ❤
Thank you for doing this video. You have explained everything I needed to know sooner than I did. It will make life so much easier than it has been xxx
Oh, you are welcome and thank you for the comment. If you are going to be caring for someone with dementia, make sure to join a support group as soon as you can. You will learn so much from others that have and are going through it.
Oh thank you! I spent so many years working with older adults with all forms of dementia and Alzheimer's. I really learned a lot and I'm so happy to share what I learned! So glad it was helpful for you.
Thank you for sharing It's a very Difficult job especially when someone has Dementia and no one ever told me what to expect I had to learn the hard way Thanks to these programs that help me on this journey caring for my Husband
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for being an amazing caregiver to your husband. I'm so sorry that you had to learn the hard way, but I'm glad that my video was able to provide some helpful guidance and support for you. It's truly a challenging journey, but it's clear that you're dedicated to caring for your loved one. If there's anything else we can do to support you or provide more resources, please don't hesitate to reach out. And thank you again for watching and for being part of our community!
I looked after a friend's mother who has dementia and she doesn't even know when she needs to releive herself, or when she's thirsty or hungry. She's like a baby who never learns. All these were shockers for me!
Yes, it's a regression for some older adults. If you haven't seen it before it can be shocking and difficult to accept. I worked with so many older adults with cognitive decline - I feel like I've seen all stages and all mannerisms emerge from these diseases. Your friend is lucky to have you.
You're welcome! I used that a lot as an occupational therapist working with my patients who were suffering from some form of dementia. It really did help.
This video tips are really good, I knew a few of them already from a dementia caregiver support group I joined in FB. My mom is a little past the initial stage so she’s still aware of who we are & she still knows what she’s doing & saying but she forgets some of these things. One thing that bothers me is she accuses me of CONTROLLING her, but she doesn’t realize I’m taking care of her, so I struggle with making some decisions for her. Any tips on how not to have this guilt feelings? 😒
Oh, thank you for the kudos, I'm glad the video was helpful. And I am so very glad that you are in a support group. They can be so wonderful. Sorry about your mom and she's very lucky to have you to help her. I worked with geriatrics as an Occupational Therapist for many, many years and I specialized in brain injuries. So, this included brain traumas like from an accident, dementia, Alzheimer's, etc. I know what you are talking about and it's certainly not uncommon, but it will get better as her disease progresses only because it will be easier to redirect her. From my experience and knowledge base, I can say that caregiver guilt is a very real thing and something that is difficult to get over. It's obviously your issue, not hers so it's something for you to work on. I'm sure it affects other areas of your life as well. But for this particular instance, I would always recommend to view the person (your mom) as head injured. This means to realize that what she is saying to you may be what she is thinking, but it's not true. Her perception of reality is skewed and you have to realize that you can't change it. Honestly, it will continue to get more and more skewed. I've seen parents with dementia hit and spit on their adult children as they were trying to help their parent. It's such a difficult situation. Of course, you see your mother as your mother. She's still there, in front of you. But it's just her body and only parts of her mind. Eventually, it will just be her body and the person you once knew will no longer be there. When she does make mention of you controlling her try to let those words go in one ear and out the other and realize she is just scared and trying desperately to hold on. It can help to redirect her to another topic, a task, ask her help to do something that you know she can do. It can help to make her feel useful and needed. That may calm her down. It's a horrible disease, not only for your mother but for the whole family as well. I'm very sorry you are all going through this. But, I say just make each moment the best that you can and appreciate what your mother can give you and don't blame her (or the disease) for what she can't give you any more. I hope this was helpful. Let me know how it goes.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice Good morning! Thank you so much for all your comforting & encouraging words! I so appreciate your time! I began trying a few of your tips this morning and it helped so much! Speaking gently, not giving too many choices, looking directly into her eyes, keeping everything SIMPLE! I feel so much better thinking that I am GUIDING her instead of CONTROLLING her! I will keep you posted! 💕🙏💕
Scared of having dementia or scared of living and helping a loved one with dementia? Either way - please look for a support group to help you and of course, speak with your doctor.
I get it. It's so hard to see your parent dealing with any illness and dementia is just a very difficult one. I do think, to some degree, it's worse on the family than it is on them. But yes, seeing how others are dealing with it (and there are many) can really help you and your parent. Take care of yourself and all the best for your family.
Oh, I am sorry. I know it's a terrible disease. I worked with patients with that for 12 years and I do believe it's much harder on the family and loved ones than it is on the patient. At least it seems that way. Check into joining at least one support group. They can be a real life saver.
Yes, one thing for sure is that how to communicate with someone with dementia depends on the stage they are in and even then, it can fluctuate throughout the day. For sure, it takes patience to be a caregiver for someone with this terrible disease.
Do you mean can someone with dementia be dangerous? The answer is yes, someone with dementia can indeed be dangerous, both to themselves and to others. Dementia affects cognitive functions, leading to various behaviors that can pose significant risks. They can wander and perform unsafe tasks which can be a danger to themselves. They might accidentally ingest toxic substances like cleaning fluids or overdose on medications due to memory loss. Dementia can trigger violent mood swings and outbursts. Patients may become physically aggressive, hitting or pushing caregivers and loved ones. Dementia can cause individuals to become suspicious or paranoid, sometimes leading to violent actions to "protect" themselves from perceived threats. Remember, dementia affects the brain. As such, behaviors change. If someone you know has dementia and is demonstrating dangerous behaviors, please seek the help of your physician / neurologist.
My mother has dimencia and I naturally seem to do some things you say but I don't want to confirm her delusions so I just say I don't know about that and try to change the subject.
My grandpa has it really bad and it’s draining my grandma she’s embarrassed and prideful and don’t want anyone’s help what can I do? I gave up everything to come back to help. Can anyone give me advise please😢😢
Oh I am so sorry. The best thing I can recommend is to find a support group for dementia caregivers. You can get a lot of great insight and advice on what to do and how to help. If you can get your grandmother to go with you that would be even better. I would also recommend that, if possible, to get someone to come in maybe once a week or so and give you and your grandmother some time to go out and have lunch or anything just to step away from the stress for a little bit of time. It's so important for caregivers of anyone with dementia to take care of themselves and getting away from the situation, even if it's just a couple of hours every now and then can really help.
Well, let's look at a situation that is fairly common. Woman with Dementia: "I need to get my purse because my mother is waiting for me to take her to the grocery store." Her mother has been dead for over 20 years. Caregiver: "No, you don't need your purse, your mother has been dead for 20 years." Woman with Dementia: "Oh no, she's not dead. You are wrong. How can you say that?" Now, the woman with dementia is upset, crying perhaps in a state of a bit of trauma finding out that her mother is dead. She won't remember this conversation, she will just be traumatized by it for the moment and it can also be emotionally traumatizing for the caregiver as well. Now, if you applied therapeutic fibbing and instead of following the conversation above, it could go as follows. Woman with Dementia: "I need to get my purse because my mother is waiting for me to take her to the grocery store." Caregiver: "Oh, I think we have some time to do that, your mother actually called and said she would be late. So why don't we go for a walk in the meantime?" Woman with Dementia: "Oh, that sounds fine, let's do that." By re-directing the person with dementia they can now continue with their day in a more pleasant manner without any screaming or crying, etc. I do think that God would greatly approve of the empathy and kindness that you would be giving to that person suffering from dementia.
@@reneerandallbassett6032 God don't understand lies, he will not go bk on his word. He said thou shall not lie, a lier will not inherit the kingdom. This is not 2 change anyone and no disrespect. I say this with love.
@@janiegrate2158first of all, it's "liar." No one is lying here out of malice. There's a difference. God will understand and you're going to end up talking in circles and making it harder for yourself and others in a situation like this with your loved one with dementia. Their brain is GONE!!!
If I may, perhaps another approach is to ask her mother about her mother. Redirect the conversation so the person with dementia is focused on discussing her mother instead of waiting for her mother. As the discussion progresses, she will probably forget she was waiting on her. May God have mercy and bless us all who are caring for our loved ones.
Time management is the big obstacle. Something that I would anticipate takes no more than an hour, turns into 3 hours because of whatever they got into. Next thing I know my to do list and the wife's list is way over due. I then get that overwhelming feeling of how did I get so far behind? Only to wake up and experience the same process over and over again. Don't care if you got ur oxygen mask on or off. Just clean up this mess now caregiver before it gets even worst. No rescue helicopter available.
Yeah, well - it's true that there is no such thing as a "to do list" when you are caring for someone with dementia. Very much like not being able to stick to a to do list when you are caring for a small child. The trick is to learn to let go of that control otherwise it does, as you say, become overwhelming. There is always the option (if possible) to get some respite help or placement in a memory unit. I know that it's a very difficult decision and emotionally charged but sometimes that's the best option for everyone. Take care.
I like the tips about limiting choices to simplify decision making . Thx
Thank you so much. So glad it was helpful!
Avoiding the baby talk or talking to them like they are dumb is so huge to me!!! I had an instinct on this and feel really strongly about this. My lovely sister who loves my grandpa does this but she’s used to it because she has two young kids. But understanding this will help her help him. Thank you so much for all the information. Also the touch, also the therapeutic fibbing! There’s so much here thank you thank you thank you!!
Oh you are so very welcome. I'm so glad that some of these tips were helpful for you.
And yes, the "baby talk" drives me nuts. That and "How are we today?"
Take care.
i feel so guilty about so much of my interactions; for one, i almost always tell my mother with AD that so and so is dead. It is hard to lie, but you are right, it only upsets them.
Yes it does, you are right. Well, don't think of it as lying. With anyone who has dementia or Alzheimer's it's important to enter their reality and if you are in their reality then you are not lying. But if they mention a person who has passed away then segway into a story about that person. Ask your mom about him or her. That's what she really wants. At least that has been my experience.
Thank you so much for these tips of handling loveones with Dementia God bless
Oh thank you for watching and listening and for your comment. It's truly appreciated. If you find that there other related topics that you would like us to cover please let us know! Take care.
This advice is gold
Wow, well you made my day! I'm so very glad that you found the information useful. If there's any other topic on dementia that you would like me to cover, feel free to let me know in these comments.
And of course, thank you so much for that grand comment! :)
Beautiful!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! 😊
You are so welcome! Thank you for your comment too and I do hope that the information in the video helps you and your loved one.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice Yes, it helps me more than you know. I am still learning.
Thank you..very simple explanation..very helpful.
Glad it was helpful!
Wow my mom has had dementia for 10 plus years, this was definitely helpful not only for the approach to deal with my mom but also for letting me know that the frustration feelings in me are common, I was beating myself up over that, feeling like I wasn’t a good person and son.
Thank you for the tips
Oh you are welcome and I'm so happy that this helped. I know it can be so difficult to communicate with someone who has dementia, especially someone you love like your mom. Bless you guys for having to deal with this disease for so long. Stay strong and take care.
This has helped me realize that my approach was doing more harm than good. But what if the parent is strong willed and combative regarding moving to a SNF ?
Thank you for your comment, I'm so glad that it helped.
The problem with being combative to moving is a very common one so please don't feel like you're alone.
In my experience as an OT in geriatrics seeing thousands of patients and working with their families is that there pretty much isn't anything you can say or do that will convince someone to make the move.
Of course, YOU know that it's the best thing for them but they aren't going to listen or change their mind. Be it from fear or just stubborness, it's honestly (in my experience) not worth your time and strength and aggravation.
What will most likely happen is that some incident will occur where they will injure themselves or set the house on fire or something - this "something" will then force them to move and even then they will be reluctant and combative.
Whenever I got a patient I would ask as many family members as I could what that person was like before they came to the rehab or nursing home? This gave me an insight into their personalities.
I came to the conclusion (of course this is my own hypothesis) that however you are when you are younger, you're only moreso when you are older. So, for my patients who were angry or combative or just downright mean, I would often hear from family members that was their personality before, only not as severe.
So, I call this the moreso disease. Not sure if this applies to your family member. But I'm curious to find out if it does so let me know.
Having said all of this, sometimes, just sometimes a third party can be helpful. It can be another relative, or perhaps a doctor or geriatric care manager. Sometimes, hearing information from other sources can help to convince them it's time to make a change.
Of course, if you are dealing with someone with dementia, you have to know that they are simply no longer capable of making reasonable decisions. Depending on their level of dementia, of course.
In this case, I would discuss your options with a doctor and an elder law attorney to understand what the laws are where you live. From there you can formulate a plan for what to do when the inevitable does happen.
But arguing with them won't help, it only makes matters worse. That's the most difficult aspect of older adults who are angry and combative. Be it from the moreso disease or from dementia, it just makes the last few months or years with them so much more difficult.
Another thing you can do for yourself is to join a support group for caregivers of dementia patients. You can learn a lot from others in your same situation.
Best of luck and keep me updated.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice Thanks for your detailed reply. Mom had a serious stroke about 7 years ago but recovered sufficiently to live in an unassisted apartment in a seniors complex where she as done pretty well using her walker and with morning assistance from a helper and us. My wife and I aare in our 70's and in relatively good health. She has had 7 ER visits and a surgery in the last year including a couple falls and a couple severe UTIs. Her "forgetfulness" took a serious turn for the worse a few weeks ago when she began to have delusional thoughts and place/name confusion. He spent 3 nights in the hospital, got IV antibiotics for the UTI and went back to her apartment. Her mental confusion only grew worse and after about 11 days, including an luckily uneventful fall, her delusions were even more intense. I went to check on her and she was in the living room, he walker in the bedroom, and her oxygen canula was off and on the floor. Thinking the UTI was maybe recurring I took her to the ER. It was still mildly there but she was admitted and after 4 days it now seems to be resolved and her bloodwork looks good. She is still ver combative with the staff and me. I now have started educating myself and know I did EVERYTHING wrong as I tried to talk her out of her delusions and correct any errors. Mom is a controlling perfectionists and this is especially hard on her. Moreso make since here. She just wants to go back to her apartment even though when she was last there she was packing her stuff to leave this "strange place". I don't think she would be safe alone so the advice to let her "set the house on fire" really doesn't seem like the right choice here. I think your other choice is to somehow either coerse her into compliance or use a guardianship or involuntary commitment to gain the desired outcome. The legal route could be messy. The other wild card is that I wonder if after some time post UTI that this dementia might return to close to it's pre-illness baseline where she lived fine alone. With scores of UTIs over the last 10 years this confusion is a new feature and I have heard stories of dementia connected with UTIs that resolved some time after the infection was gone. Tomorrow they want to discharge her to a SNF and I am frankly concerned how it will go. Also, forgot to mention that I am the only relative remaining to manage her condition and safety.
Thank You for these wonderful tips that you have given us. It was really helpful to All healthcare workers and the family members.
Oh thank you!! I'm so glad they were helpful for you.
When my friend tells me the same stories over and over, I ask her questions( simple ones) about her childhood and her pets. It can drive you crazy, though, when the cyclical stories repeat.😩
Oh yes, I know! I have a few friends who do that too. You don't want to stop them and say, I've heard that a 100 times, but at the same time, you can't help but want it to be over with. All I keep thinking of is, "maybe I'll be like that someday so I should be nice."
Ohh, growing older is just not easy.
I felt horrible but I've used ear plugs when listening to my mother. It allows me to listen to the stories without getting frustrated. I ask follow up questions to make her switch to another story. It's hard.
Thanks for your advice ❤
Thank you for doing this video. You have explained everything I needed to know sooner than I did. It will make life so much easier than it has been xxx
Oh, you are welcome and thank you for the comment.
If you are going to be caring for someone with dementia, make sure to join a support group as soon as you can. You will learn so much from others that have and are going through it.
Thank you for the tips very helpful
Glad it was helpful and thanks for the comment!
Your talk share is so informative, so helpful and you taught me how patience and love should be toward dementia patient. Thank you so much ❤
Oh thank you! I spent so many years working with older adults with all forms of dementia and Alzheimer's. I really learned a lot and I'm so happy to share what I learned! So glad it was helpful for you.
Thank you for sharing
It's a very Difficult job especially when someone has Dementia and no one ever told me what to expect I had to learn the hard way
Thanks to these programs that help me on this journey caring for my Husband
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for being an amazing caregiver to your husband. I'm so sorry that you had to learn the hard way, but I'm glad that my video was able to provide some helpful guidance and support for you. It's truly a challenging journey, but it's clear that you're dedicated to caring for your loved one. If there's anything else we can do to support you or provide more resources, please don't hesitate to reach out. And thank you again for watching and for being part of our community!
Thank you for the information, God 🙌
You are so welcome
I looked after a friend's mother who has dementia and she doesn't even know when she needs to releive herself, or when she's thirsty or hungry. She's like a baby who never learns. All these were shockers for me!
Yes, it's a regression for some older adults. If you haven't seen it before it can be shocking and difficult to accept. I worked with so many older adults with cognitive decline - I feel like I've seen all stages and all mannerisms emerge from these diseases. Your friend is lucky to have you.
Thank you for the information !
Our pleasure!
Thank you!
You're welcome! And of course, thank you for your comment. I hope the information is helpful.
Thank you for your information God bless you
Oh thank you for your comment. I hope the information was helpful.
Take care.
Thank you so very much for all of this information. I learned alot.
So glad it was helpful! If you have any thoughts on other videos we can create let us know!
For me it's hard watching my parents not be patient with my grandma. She can't help it... :/
Excellent video, thank you 💚
You are so welcome! Thanks for the comment and the kudos.
Thanks for the helpful information.
Glad it was helpful!
This is excellent thank you! We’ll done and helpful ❤
Oh thank you so much! I truly appreciate the comment.
So good. Your help is needed.
Oh thank you! I'm so glad you found it helpful.
Thank you. Therapeutic lying. Nice description and it works
You're welcome! I used that a lot as an occupational therapist working with my patients who were suffering from some form of dementia. It really did help.
Thank you 🙏
You’re welcome 😊 I do hope it helps!
This video tips are really good, I knew a few of them already from a dementia caregiver support group I joined in FB.
My mom is a little past the initial stage so she’s still aware of who we are & she still knows what she’s doing & saying but she forgets some of these things.
One thing that bothers me is she accuses me of CONTROLLING her, but she doesn’t realize I’m taking care of her, so I struggle with making some decisions for her.
Any tips on how not to have this guilt feelings?
😒
Oh, thank you for the kudos, I'm glad the video was helpful. And I am so very glad that you are in a support group. They can be so wonderful.
Sorry about your mom and she's very lucky to have you to help her.
I worked with geriatrics as an Occupational Therapist for many, many years and I specialized in brain injuries. So, this included brain traumas like from an accident, dementia, Alzheimer's, etc.
I know what you are talking about and it's certainly not uncommon, but it will get better as her disease progresses only because it will be easier to redirect her.
From my experience and knowledge base, I can say that caregiver guilt is a very real thing and something that is difficult to get over. It's obviously your issue, not hers so it's something for you to work on. I'm sure it affects other areas of your life as well.
But for this particular instance, I would always recommend to view the person (your mom) as head injured. This means to realize that what she is saying to you may be what she is thinking, but it's not true. Her perception of reality is skewed and you have to realize that you can't change it. Honestly, it will continue to get more and more skewed.
I've seen parents with dementia hit and spit on their adult children as they were trying to help their parent. It's such a difficult situation.
Of course, you see your mother as your mother. She's still there, in front of you. But it's just her body and only parts of her mind. Eventually, it will just be her body and the person you once knew will no longer be there.
When she does make mention of you controlling her try to let those words go in one ear and out the other and realize she is just scared and trying desperately to hold on. It can help to redirect her to another topic, a task, ask her help to do something that you know she can do. It can help to make her feel useful and needed. That may calm her down.
It's a horrible disease, not only for your mother but for the whole family as well. I'm very sorry you are all going through this.
But, I say just make each moment the best that you can and appreciate what your mother can give you and don't blame her (or the disease) for what she can't give you any more.
I hope this was helpful. Let me know how it goes.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice Good morning! Thank you so much for all your comforting & encouraging words! I so appreciate your time!
I began trying a few of your tips this morning and it helped so much!
Speaking gently, not giving too many choices, looking directly into her eyes, keeping everything SIMPLE!
I feel so much better thinking that I am GUIDING her instead of CONTROLLING her!
I will keep you posted! 💕🙏💕
Thank you. I am so scared
Scared of having dementia or scared of living and helping a loved one with dementia? Either way - please look for a support group to help you and of course, speak with your doctor.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice scared for my parent. I think there are early symptoms with paranoia. Your video was really helpful. I will look for support
I get it. It's so hard to see your parent dealing with any illness and dementia is just a very difficult one. I do think, to some degree, it's worse on the family than it is on them. But yes, seeing how others are dealing with it (and there are many) can really help you and your parent. Take care of yourself and all the best for your family.
I have an aunt with Dementia
Oh, I am sorry. I know it's a terrible disease. I worked with patients with that for 12 years and I do believe it's much harder on the family and loved ones than it is on the patient. At least it seems that way.
Check into joining at least one support group. They can be a real life saver.
😊❤
Thank you.
1. Early stage.
2. Middle Stage.
3. Late stage.
4. Final stage.
Yes, one thing for sure is that how to communicate with someone with dementia depends on the stage they are in and even then, it can fluctuate throughout the day.
For sure, it takes patience to be a caregiver for someone with this terrible disease.
Can they be dangerous
Do you mean can someone with dementia be dangerous?
The answer is yes, someone with dementia can indeed be dangerous, both to themselves and to others. Dementia affects cognitive functions, leading to various behaviors that can pose significant risks.
They can wander and perform unsafe tasks which can be a danger to themselves.
They might accidentally ingest toxic substances like cleaning fluids or overdose on medications due to memory loss.
Dementia can trigger violent mood swings and outbursts. Patients may become physically aggressive, hitting or pushing caregivers and loved ones.
Dementia can cause individuals to become suspicious or paranoid, sometimes leading to violent actions to "protect" themselves from perceived threats.
Remember, dementia affects the brain. As such, behaviors change.
If someone you know has dementia and is demonstrating dangerous behaviors, please seek the help of your physician / neurologist.
My mother has dimencia and I naturally seem to do some things you say but I don't want to confirm her delusions so I just say I don't know about that and try to change the subject.
Well, one of the best tactics when communicating with someone with dementia is redirection so you are doing the right thing.
My grandpa has it really bad and it’s draining my grandma she’s embarrassed and prideful and don’t want anyone’s help what can I do? I gave up everything to come back to help. Can anyone give me advise please😢😢
Oh I am so sorry. The best thing I can recommend is to find a support group for dementia caregivers. You can get a lot of great insight and advice on what to do and how to help. If you can get your grandmother to go with you that would be even better.
I would also recommend that, if possible, to get someone to come in maybe once a week or so and give you and your grandmother some time to go out and have lunch or anything just to step away from the stress for a little bit of time. It's so important for caregivers of anyone with dementia to take care of themselves and getting away from the situation, even if it's just a couple of hours every now and then can really help.
I refuse to do "therapeutic lies to anyone my love for GOD means 2 much too me to not tell the truth.
Well, let's look at a situation that is fairly common.
Woman with Dementia: "I need to get my purse because my mother is waiting for me to take her to the grocery store."
Her mother has been dead for over 20 years.
Caregiver: "No, you don't need your purse, your mother has been dead for 20 years."
Woman with Dementia: "Oh no, she's not dead. You are wrong. How can you say that?"
Now, the woman with dementia is upset, crying perhaps in a state of a bit of trauma finding out that her mother is dead.
She won't remember this conversation, she will just be traumatized by it for the moment and it can also be emotionally traumatizing for the caregiver as well.
Now, if you applied therapeutic fibbing and instead of following the conversation above, it could go as follows.
Woman with Dementia: "I need to get my purse because my mother is waiting for me to take her to the grocery store."
Caregiver: "Oh, I think we have some time to do that, your mother actually called and said she would be late. So why don't we go for a walk in the meantime?"
Woman with Dementia: "Oh, that sounds fine, let's do that."
By re-directing the person with dementia they can now continue with their day in a more pleasant manner without any screaming or crying, etc.
I do think that God would greatly approve of the empathy and kindness that you would be giving to that person suffering from dementia.
I am a Christian and I know Lying is wrong,but this is different,I believe God will understand.
@@reneerandallbassett6032 God don't understand lies, he will not go bk on his word. He said thou shall not lie, a lier will not inherit the kingdom. This is not 2 change anyone and no disrespect. I say this with love.
@@janiegrate2158first of all, it's "liar." No one is lying here out of malice. There's a difference. God will understand and you're going to end up talking in circles and making it harder for yourself and others in a situation like this with your loved one with dementia. Their brain is GONE!!!
If I may, perhaps another approach is to ask her mother about her mother. Redirect the conversation so the person with dementia is focused on discussing her mother instead of waiting for her mother. As the discussion progresses, she will probably forget she was waiting on her. May God have mercy and bless us all who are caring for our loved ones.
Time management is the big obstacle. Something that I would anticipate takes no more than an hour, turns into 3 hours because of whatever they got into. Next thing I know my to do list and the wife's list is way over due. I then get that overwhelming feeling of how did I get so far behind? Only to wake up and experience the same process over and over again. Don't care if you got ur oxygen mask on or off. Just clean up this mess now caregiver before it gets even worst. No rescue helicopter available.
Yeah, well - it's true that there is no such thing as a "to do list" when you are caring for someone with dementia. Very much like not being able to stick to a to do list when you are caring for a small child. The trick is to learn to let go of that control otherwise it does, as you say, become overwhelming.
There is always the option (if possible) to get some respite help or placement in a memory unit. I know that it's a very difficult decision and emotionally charged but sometimes that's the best option for everyone. Take care.