As someone who has lived with and is recovering from BPD I find this information to be extremely truthful. I do set very high standards for myself and others around me. It's taken me years to allow myself to not be perfect to accept myself when I am having a bad day or struggling with depression or trouble regulation my emotions. The term I've heard over and over again is "Be gentle to yourself."
A loving parent will gently address a child’s mistakes and continue to love them. A disordered parent will punish for mistakes and withhold affection. It makes perfect sense that the child will internalize that in their psyche.
10 years of seeking for help here and getting told there was something wrong with my brain hormones, that I couldn't feel happyness and all that jazz... that's what I needed to hear TYSM 🙏
“[the internal standard is] nice to aspire to, but you don’t have to be it all the time to feel like your deserve to exist”... omg I need to hear that. Fact is most people with BPD had a childhood where they routinely received the message “you do not deserve to exist,” and we just want so badly to feel like we do.
Amazing. What an extremely perceptive and well spoken man. I think nearly all humans go through these emotions on varying degrees in their lifetimes. Some worse than others. Our bodies are linked with our mental and physical environments. Like the Hebbian theory, "Cells that fire together, wire together." I really like how Yeoman explains how to help yourself to think outside your unhappy box, in such a safe and controlled way. :)
People who deal with BPD need to be aware of the all-or-nothing mindset that Dr talks about here because it prevents them and the people in their life from finding happiness. For example, a lot of BPD people love the film Under the Tuscan Sun. No shade on that film, but it is a common fantasy for BPD folks to fantasize about a vacation and think that everything will go perfectly and that they will meet the love of their life and have that perfect kiss with the backdrop of a Mediterranean sunset or a night city skyline filled with fireworks. This just doesn't happen in real life. In real life you will go on that cruise, do the limbo, drink some colourful drinks, *maybe* make one or two friends who you stay on contact with after the cruise, and you'll return home with a tan and some cute tacky souvenirs. Enjoy things for what they are. Once you know that you have this tendency to build up stuff in your head, you can have a trusted friend or therapist to keep those fantasies in check. And my advice is to not make plans for fun things too far in advance. It's ok to set aside vacation time but don't start to plan the destination until right before. And day/weekend trips tend to be much more enjoyable for those with BPD for this reason. They don't have time to build scenarios in their heads. Just hit the road and whatever happens happens. Once, when we were leaving for a vacation, a family member told me that they told their boss to not expect them to return to work since they might meet the love of their life on this trip and not return. That was one of the many fantasies that did not materialize, so while everyone else had a good time due to proper expectation setting, this person ended the trip in despair. Not exactly the way you want to feel when it's time to return to the grind of 9-5.
It's so so important to hear the excellent profesional help confronting the hipersensible person emotional point of view of her feelings. It help a lot of us.
@ChicagoFusion There is a treatment, and that "Brilliant therapist" is Marsha Linehan. It's called DBT, or dialectical behavioral therapy, and has been shown to be quite effective for those suffering from BPD and acute suicidal ideation. You obviously have your own personal issues with borderlines in general, which is completely ridiculous, but for those suffering, there is hope.
When I was 18 I tried to take a path of sanctity and I hated myself so deeply because I couldn´t meet the standard. Deep down, I think, I´ve demanded myself to be god, I´ve fantasized it many times, sometimes because of the power, but most of the time because of perfection, cognitive, moral, and aesthetic. Instead, as hurtful as it is, I´m pathetic. Even now, at 26 years old, it hurts me to find out I have been wrong, that everyone else has been living in a fulfilling way, people I have dismissed as stupid prove me wrong every time. It just hurts me so much, as if I have wasted my life. Nonetheless, despite I know some of this, I resist change, I don´t believe, or I don't want to. It's hard to accept that I've learned something from Dr. Yeomans because that implies he knows something I don´t. Rather my emotional self considers death. At least writing this comment helped me a bit.
Hi Karen, I made a desultory search for you on FB but find there are many many, Karen Bowmans... I do in fact have a diagnosis of BPD and am open to email or chat. Sydney Evans (also on FB)
to all people reading this comment i have borderline personality disorder and i feel like im always being judged and everone is the enemy throughout my perceptions i just want everyone who suffers from this condition to always believe in yourself self esteem, and pride :-), my neighbour screamed at me next door once but we moved now he said she is the problem she needs to leave and it made me so angry,
I completely & totally disagree with the good Doctor as both a person who has been challenged by untreated & often misdiagnosed BPD for nearly 40 years now & as a future Social Worker (with a focus on addictions). I will admit that I am fairly new to getting 'official' treatment, I have been on a path of self-discovery/attempted recovery for the last 30 years. At one point I may have considered myself a 'perfectionist' (sort of.... in messed up ways), but since I got sober a decade ago, I've let go of the 'I should'ves" & the 'if onlys" a long time ago.....
explain how this doesnt result in video game watching weed smoking? We want to achieve something, why do therapists ignore goal orientation? Keeps ya coming back tho huh? (after all what did they achieve except getting you to come back with no metrics of results?)
Those with BPD have chosen to put themselves into a tiny box and then thrown away the key. Now what is in the box...self glorified perfection or self proclaimed self loathing?
Ummm, no. People with BPD didn't choose BPD; it was "forced" on them through childhood trauma of some kind. BPD people have family members who put them in this box you talk of. And until they open their eyes through therapy they don't know anything else.
As someone who has lived with and is recovering from BPD I find this information to be extremely truthful. I do set very high standards for myself and others around me. It's taken me years to allow myself to not be perfect to accept myself when I am having a bad day or struggling with depression or trouble regulation my emotions. The term I've heard over and over again is "Be gentle to yourself."
mtnscubagirl1 this also sounds like vulnerable narcissism, with which some bpd have comorbidity.
Thank you for this I have the exact same issues.
You cant recover from bpd you just get used to live with it
@barcodekilla1138 I don't think that's true. People once believed certain things were impossible and then they proved that was not correct after
A loving parent will gently address a child’s mistakes and continue to love them. A disordered parent will punish for mistakes and withhold affection. It makes perfect sense that the child will internalize that in their psyche.
I wish my mum would watch these videos, she's in denial about my disorder and it frustrates me so much.
She could have it too hun
Love this guy. Wish he was my therapist.
10 years of seeking for help here and getting told there was something wrong with my brain hormones, that I couldn't feel happyness and all that jazz... that's what I needed to hear TYSM 🙏
“[the internal standard is] nice to aspire to, but you don’t have to be it all the time to feel like your deserve to exist”... omg I need to hear that. Fact is most people with BPD had a childhood where they routinely received the message “you do not deserve to exist,” and we just want so badly to feel like we do.
Or you're "redundant in my life"
I have such a crush in this man due to his intelligence, gentleness and dedication.
true but he is like eighty and probably married 😹
I was married to a woman who was diognosed with BPD/ADHD post divorce following 14 years of marriage. This is a profound interview.
Amazing. What an extremely perceptive and well spoken man.
I think nearly all humans go through these emotions on varying degrees in their lifetimes. Some worse than others.
Our bodies are linked with our mental and physical environments. Like the Hebbian theory, "Cells that fire together, wire together." I really like how Yeoman explains how to help yourself to think outside your unhappy box, in such a safe and controlled way. :)
People who deal with BPD need to be aware of the all-or-nothing mindset that Dr talks about here because it prevents them and the people in their life from finding happiness. For example, a lot of BPD people love the film Under the Tuscan Sun. No shade on that film, but it is a common fantasy for BPD folks to fantasize about a vacation and think that everything will go perfectly and that they will meet the love of their life and have that perfect kiss with the backdrop of a Mediterranean sunset or a night city skyline filled with fireworks. This just doesn't happen in real life. In real life you will go on that cruise, do the limbo, drink some colourful drinks, *maybe* make one or two friends who you stay on contact with after the cruise, and you'll return home with a tan and some cute tacky souvenirs. Enjoy things for what they are. Once you know that you have this tendency to build up stuff in your head, you can have a trusted friend or therapist to keep those fantasies in check. And my advice is to not make plans for fun things too far in advance. It's ok to set aside vacation time but don't start to plan the destination until right before. And day/weekend trips tend to be much more enjoyable for those with BPD for this reason. They don't have time to build scenarios in their heads. Just hit the road and whatever happens happens. Once, when we were leaving for a vacation, a family member told me that they told their boss to not expect them to return to work since they might meet the love of their life on this trip and not return. That was one of the many fantasies that did not materialize, so while everyone else had a good time due to proper expectation setting, this person ended the trip in despair. Not exactly the way you want to feel when it's time to return to the grind of 9-5.
does the camera operator for this video usually get gigs on helicopter rigs?
Very accurate description when trying to explain a part of BPD. Great video.
Sometimes I think that all or nothing ; this split comes from having an extremely narcissistic parent which was internalized.
Very insightful. Thank you for posting this video!
I was partially diagnosed with BPD by one doctor; but with my ADD I just now found it hard to follow this lol. Did just tho. Good points
It's so so important to hear the excellent profesional help confronting the hipersensible person emotional point of view of her feelings. It help a lot of us.
Terrific video
Audible for both~ Explanation is professional~ Listenable~
The perfect is the enemy of the good.
One of the best.
Wonderful, thank you
@ChicagoFusion There is a treatment, and that "Brilliant therapist" is Marsha Linehan. It's called DBT, or dialectical behavioral therapy, and has been shown to be quite effective for those suffering from BPD and acute suicidal ideation. You obviously have your own personal issues with borderlines in general, which is completely ridiculous, but for those suffering, there is hope.
When I was 18 I tried to take a path of sanctity and I hated myself so deeply because I couldn´t meet the standard. Deep down, I think, I´ve demanded myself to be god, I´ve fantasized it many times, sometimes because of the power, but most of the time because of perfection, cognitive, moral, and aesthetic. Instead, as hurtful as it is, I´m pathetic. Even now, at 26 years old, it hurts me to find out I have been wrong, that everyone else has been living in a fulfilling way, people I have dismissed as stupid prove me wrong every time. It just hurts me so much, as if I have wasted my life. Nonetheless, despite I know some of this, I resist change, I don´t believe, or I don't want to. It's hard to accept that I've learned something from Dr. Yeomans because that implies he knows something I don´t. Rather my emotional self considers death. At least writing this comment helped me a bit.
Sounds more like you have symptoms of NPD.
I am so glad I dont need to know more about this disorder. It’s already thought without it.
makes sense. not pleasant to remember tough rules. wonderful to live loose. amazing to step on average ladder,a round,well lite life plane.
Hi Karen, I made a desultory search for you on FB but find there are many many, Karen Bowmans... I do in fact have a diagnosis of BPD and am open to email or chat.
Sydney Evans (also on FB)
to all people reading this comment i have borderline personality disorder and i feel like im always being judged and everone is the enemy throughout my perceptions i just want everyone who suffers from this condition to always believe in yourself self esteem, and pride :-), my neighbour screamed at me next door once but we moved now he said she is the problem she needs to leave and it made me so angry,
I completely & totally disagree with the good Doctor as both a person who has been challenged by untreated & often misdiagnosed BPD for nearly 40 years now & as a future Social Worker (with a focus on addictions). I will admit that I am fairly new to getting 'official' treatment, I have been on a path of self-discovery/attempted recovery for the last 30 years. At one point I may have considered myself a 'perfectionist' (sort of.... in messed up ways), but since I got sober a decade ago, I've let go of the 'I should'ves" & the 'if onlys" a long time ago.....
huh ?
At the beginning she is trying to explain two thaughts at the same time.
You (& Debbie) could make one of them disappear
@@bigtombowski
What are you talking about lol ?
@@pauldaniels2179 you not aware of Paul Daniels?
@@pauldaniels2179 you'd like him. Notalot
explain how this doesnt result in video game watching weed smoking? We want to achieve something, why do therapists ignore goal orientation? Keeps ya coming back tho huh? (after all what did they achieve except getting you to come back with no metrics of results?)
😭
Who hacked my youtube? I shared this video with no one. Nor would I.
ACT for borderlines
He misses the point of the emotions he speaks of.
"how to become a mediocrity and live a life indistinguishable from that of a potted plant"
Those with BPD have chosen to put themselves into a tiny box and then thrown away the key. Now what is in the box...self glorified perfection or self proclaimed self loathing?
chosen? like, take responsibility for the actions? or like chosen to become borderline? i am a bit confused my english is not so good sorry
Ummm, no. People with BPD didn't choose BPD; it was "forced" on them through childhood trauma of some kind. BPD people have family members who put them in this box you talk of. And until they open their eyes through therapy they don't know anything else.
She is not acting well.
This guy is problematic af