About unwanted gifts given to you.... keep strongly suggesting for only anything "use-up-able". If they insist on bringing you back a gift from their trip, strongly suggest special LOCAL "use-up-able" things.. Like saying you would love, love, love a bottle of special local maple syrup, if they are visiting New England, Or from other places..., or special peanuts from visiting Georgia, dried salmon from Alaska, perfume from Paris, local special chocolates, candy, or honey from just about any region. etc. It makes their local vacation shopping "hunt", a lot more satisfying for them. And you can share the wine or food gifts with them, when they visit and tell you about their trip. And they can email to you their vacation photos, which you can delete later on.
I have a new philosophy that helps me get past the sunk cost fallacy and remove the emotion from clutter. Pretend I rented it. At the end of the lease, the money has been spent, and the item is gone. Obviously some things are easier than others but it's another tool we can use to impersonalize the possessions and make the idea of eliminating items from my life more acceptable.
In regards to souvenirs...My friend went on a trip and I watched her cat. She asked me if I collected anything because she wanted to get me a thank you gift. I told her that I would love something local from her trip that I could consume (coffee candy food etc) she gave me maple toffee and they were so good! And they didn't hang around cluttering up my counter long LOL.
~24:00 My aunt told me years ago that a gift is a gift...it no longer belongs to the giver, so what you do with it is completely up to you. I agree with her...you don't need permission to pass along someone's gift to you...acknowledging you autonomy is part of the gift. M
My Home Manifesto. My home is the place where my out of town family, still gathers to celebrate the holidays. So my small home has to have room. for people to move , which means no clutter. I have been eliminating clutter by "downsizing" the furniture, dinnerware, and decor for an easier,, but still elegant, home. For example, I kept my formal dining table. for the holiday dinner. But I donated the top of the formal china cabinet. I also donated most of my formal serving pieces. And instead, my family serves themselves buffet style in the kitchen, and then take their plates to the formal dining table, where we all dine together. I have kept the elegant, formal basics of holiday dining. But that simple and easy elegance is easier to achieve, by significantly reducing the quantity of formal furniture, dinnerware, and decor.
I chose to give away a large set of antique China dishware that my mom gave me for my wedding. I NEVER liked them, but felt I just had to keep them, or pay the emotional price. So, I kept them...for years...in boxes...in the attic! My mom was the type to ASK about the gifts she gave you-- repeatedly--and for years! You had to be eternally grateful about anything she gifted you. It was ridiculous, and she made it all about HER, and not about the gift receiver's enjoyment. I finally decided to break free from her "gifting prison," and only regretted it momentarily when I had to explain to her what I did. I had to endure her ration of guilt for awhile, but realized that it was soooo wrong to live like that, and it was my MOM'S issue, not mine! I raised my kids with the policy that ANY purchased gift is returnable, and, now, we mostly give gift cards. It works for us because my kids know we care about what THEY want. After one of my daughters "came out," she chose to change her first name. Now THAT'S the ultimate gift return! It was difficult at first, but her name is supposed to be about HER, not me. Now, I can't imagine her as any other name! She just married her girlfriend last weekend, and we all supported her 150%🏳️🌈!
This is not a comment on this particular video, but something I thought to share. A number of years ago a woman made a short documentary about her mother dying of cancer, and how she dealt with - or more accurately, didn't deal with - her stuff. Gayle, you mentioned this film in one of your videos. Well, she has made a much longer and more complete documentary now - including clips from her life from age 25 to the time of adopting her daughter after her mother died, and going until her daughter is around age 7, and all the changes she has managed to make. It's on PBS, available online, the title is Love & Stuff 2022 (I think there were intermediate films) and it's very moving and excellent. Worth watching.
You might have to search around for it. It's showing now on the local NYC PBS channel online, Channel Thirteen, I got it through them, not sure if you have to check with your local station. It may not be available forever. The filmaker's name is Judith Helfand.
Thankyou my minmalist home generally stays clean and tidy so my joy is listening to Both of You who have so graciously and wonderfully Helped me to Maintain it. You have taught me even how to win over my hoarder gently over the years. Now with the last 4 of many Dogs from many many in our over 20 beautiful years of a Dog Rescue. Thanks to the Both of You and the contributions of your subscribers we honestly have a Peaceful Clean Home. God please Bless You All Specially for giving us a Lovely Life. Thankyou So Much.
As a principle of a school I would not recommend deleting all of your emails unless it is almost probably 5 years back or 4 years back parent communications email specific to a student could be needed or necessary again
when it's 1. an accumulation/shopping problem tied in with a reluctance to get rid of things that aren't useful or being used and 2. no longer possible to functionally live because of the clutter it is all hoarding, there's just different levels of severity
I think the official criteria has grades of hoarding from disrupting daily life, not being able to use things for their function, not being able to invite people over and not being able to get to windows/doors in an emergency.
Some people love givng gifts and don't believe me when I say I don't need gifts. That's a great idea to talk about giving gifts of time, etc. instead of objects.
I delete all of my inbox. Then go to Trash and sort alphabetical and put some in folders and some delete forever. I save a few in trash if unsure and revisit.
About unwanted gifts given to you.... keep strongly suggesting for only anything "use-up-able". If they insist on bringing you back a gift from their trip, strongly suggest special LOCAL "use-up-able" things.. Like saying you would love, love, love a bottle of special local maple syrup, if they are visiting New England, Or from other places..., or special peanuts from visiting Georgia, dried salmon from Alaska, perfume from Paris, local special chocolates, candy, or honey from just about any region. etc. It makes their local vacation shopping "hunt", a lot more satisfying for them. And you can share the wine or food gifts with them, when they visit and tell you about their trip. And they can email to you their vacation photos, which you can delete later on.
I have a new philosophy that helps me get past the sunk cost fallacy and remove the emotion from clutter. Pretend I rented it. At the end of the lease, the money has been spent, and the item is gone. Obviously some things are easier than others but it's another tool we can use to impersonalize the possessions and make the idea of eliminating items from my life more acceptable.
I really like that thought. Excellent way to reframe it as temporary ownership and ok to go on to the next “renter”
In regards to souvenirs...My friend went on a trip and I watched her cat. She asked me if I collected anything because she wanted to get me a thank you gift. I told her that I would love something local from her trip that I could consume (coffee candy food etc) she gave me maple toffee and they were so good! And they didn't hang around cluttering up my counter long LOL.
~24:00 My aunt told me years ago that a gift is a gift...it no longer belongs to the giver, so what you do with it is completely up to you. I agree with her...you don't need permission to pass along someone's gift to you...acknowledging you autonomy is part of the gift. M
My Home Manifesto. My home is the place where my out of town family, still gathers to celebrate the holidays. So my small home has to have room. for people to move , which means no clutter. I have been eliminating clutter by "downsizing" the furniture, dinnerware, and decor for an easier,, but still elegant, home. For example, I kept my formal dining table. for the holiday dinner. But I donated the top of the formal china cabinet. I also donated most of my formal serving pieces. And instead, my family serves themselves buffet style in the kitchen, and then take their plates to the formal dining table, where we all dine together. I have kept the elegant, formal basics of holiday dining. But that simple and easy elegance is easier to achieve, by significantly reducing the quantity of formal furniture, dinnerware, and decor.
I chose to give away a large set of antique China dishware that my mom gave me for my wedding.
I NEVER liked them, but felt I just had to keep them, or pay the emotional price. So, I kept them...for years...in boxes...in the attic!
My mom was the type to ASK about the gifts she gave you-- repeatedly--and for years! You had to be eternally grateful about anything she gifted you. It was ridiculous, and she made it all about HER, and not about the gift receiver's enjoyment.
I finally decided to break free from her "gifting prison," and only regretted it momentarily when I had to explain to her what I did.
I had to endure her ration of guilt for awhile, but realized that it was soooo wrong to live like that, and it was my MOM'S issue, not mine!
I raised my kids with the policy that ANY purchased gift is returnable, and, now, we mostly give gift cards. It works for us because my kids know we care about what THEY want.
After one of my daughters "came out," she chose to change her first name. Now THAT'S the ultimate gift return!
It was difficult at first, but her name is supposed to be about HER, not me. Now, I can't imagine her as any other name! She just married her girlfriend last weekend, and we all supported her 150%🏳️🌈!
This is not a comment on this particular video, but something I thought to share. A number of years ago a woman made a short documentary about her mother dying of cancer, and how she dealt with - or more accurately, didn't deal with - her stuff. Gayle, you mentioned this film in one of your videos. Well, she has made a much longer and more complete documentary now - including clips from her life from age 25 to the time of adopting her daughter after her mother died, and going until her daughter is around age 7, and all the changes she has managed to make. It's on PBS, available online, the title is Love & Stuff 2022 (I think there were intermediate films) and it's very moving and excellent. Worth watching.
Thanks so much for sharing this!! I’ll be so happy to see the longer version - the short film was so well done.
You might have to search around for it. It's showing now on the local NYC PBS channel online, Channel Thirteen, I got it through them, not sure if you have to check with your local station. It may not be available forever. The filmaker's name is Judith Helfand.
Sounds very interesting!
Gifts of services are helpful for the elderly . I would appreciate! I do not receive gifts but would welcome such.
Thankyou my minmalist home generally stays clean and tidy so my joy is listening to Both of You who have so graciously and wonderfully Helped me to Maintain it. You have taught me even how to win over my hoarder gently over the years. Now with the last 4 of many Dogs from many many in our over 20 beautiful years of a Dog Rescue. Thanks to the Both of You and the contributions of your subscribers we honestly have a Peaceful Clean Home. God please Bless You All Specially for giving us a Lovely Life. Thankyou So Much.
As a principle of a school I would not recommend deleting all of your emails unless it is almost probably 5 years back or 4 years back parent communications email specific to a student could be needed or necessary again
Put in folder with yr. date.
Principal, not principle! Auto correct is such a pain!
At what point does clutter become hoarding?
when it's 1. an accumulation/shopping problem tied in with a reluctance to get rid of things that aren't useful or being used and
2. no longer possible to functionally live because of the clutter
it is all hoarding, there's just different levels of severity
I think the official criteria has grades of hoarding from disrupting daily life, not being able to use things for their function, not being able to invite people over and not being able to get to windows/doors in an emergency.
Some people love givng gifts and don't believe me when I say I don't need gifts. That's a great idea to talk about giving gifts of time, etc. instead of objects.
I delete all of my inbox. Then go to Trash and sort alphabetical and put some in folders and some delete forever. I save a few in trash if unsure and revisit.
My love language of giving gifts is always met with vocalizing to please give it forward if you like.