It is really good that you took the step back to observe your thoughts and control your behaviour. Thank you for sharing this and helping others in the community to heal. Keep the videos coming
I used to struggle with these same thoughts and it took me forever to get rid of my scale. Whenever I feel like buying a scale, I remember how terrible it used to make me feel. If I gained weight I felt so angry at myself, and if I lost weight it would put me in a horrible mindset where I would be "proud" of myself and want to continue with using behaviors. What I realize now is that weight is SO unimportant to our lives. It doesn't define us and there are so many more interesting things about us than our weight. Proud of you for staying strong in your recovery
100%! Well done you for identifying how the scales contributes to the continuation of your ED, AND for recognising that weight does. not. matter. Thank you for sharing, lots of love xxx
This was so helpful thank you! I love how you walk through how to listen to your Healthy Voice over the Eating Disorder Voice, even when the ED can be so loud and sound so reasonable. Always look forward to your videos!
Thank you! Yeah it's amazing how tricky the ED thoughts can be! The ED is so good at manipulating that it's sometimes hard to distinguish if it's an ED thought or a healthy thought. Lots of love and thank you so much for the kind comments xxx
Yes - it happens exactly as you say. I have only ever been blind weighed in recovery and not even that for ages. At work this week I had to weigh myself in order to weigh again holding something else that wouldn't register on the scales on its own (and then be able to deduct my weight to get the weight of that thing if you can follow that). Was shaking in my boots, did it, number was less than I had created in my head which was a weird mix of relief coupled with still knowing exactly how much I have gained in recovery, what if I was still going up because I was in the process of pulling myself back out of a slightly restrictive period - really hard to shake off those thoughts and feelings all day, but did an okay job. Then came having to do the same thing again day 2, I braced myself, I could handle this. This time my weight was slightly lower than the day before which unexpectedly somehow made the restrictive/movement urges so much worse to battle through. This morning was day three and I did not have to weigh the item anymore. But the scales were still there. I did not weigh myself but the desire to see whether my weight went up or down on a third consecutive day almost overwhelmed me - I already know that if the scale hasn't been removed when I get back to work tomorrow I will still feel the pull, but need to not give in because the number was clearly already a problem after just two days even though my reason for getting on the scales had nothing to do with me! Thankyou for your perfectly timed video, I now feel secure that this has definitely been ed driven thought processes. Sometimes it gets hard to distinguish a sensible healthy thought from one being ed manipulated xx
You are a brave soul to weigh yourself for work purposes, especially after only being blind weighed previously. And wow, I'm so impressed by your strength to step back, recognise your thoughts, and then not weigh yourself on day 3 though the scales were still there. What an incredible indicator of how far you've come in your journey?! Thank you so much for sharing xxx
This helped a lot. You have a lot of wise words Julie. I'm weighed backwards, my choice, but I'm in the us and the weight and vitals go into the portal. I've been struggling all week not to look up my weight in the drs portal and this was just what I needed
Oh gosh I can understand how much strength it takes not to look at the weight, even though you've chosen to be blind weighed. I also chose to be blind weighed but members of my treatment team would type in the number on their computer (which I could easily see on the screen if I looked) and/or would write the number in big letters at the top of their notepad and then have it sitting there right in front of me.... For most of the session I'd be thinking 'should I look? No don't look. But wait, maybe I should look?' arghhhh. Either way, I'm still gonna do the recovery actions, but by seeing the number I would be making it a lot harder for myself to do those actions (if that makes any sense). It was a lot easier to commit to recovery when I didn't have the number flashing in my head the whole time! Thank you for sharing, lots of love xx
I have an appointment on Wednesday and i have serious anxiety around being weighed. I am absolutely dreading it. I know I have gained since the last time I’ve stepped on the scale and I know once I see that number I will spiral out of control into a depression that I won’t be able to stop. It’s honestly so difficult and when you don’t experience eating disorders first hand then you don’t really know how it feels. I can totally relate. I have always hated the scale. No matter what that number says I know that I will never be satisfied or happy and it’s an awful feeling 😩
Awww. I feel for you. Weigh days are tough, very anxiety provoking indeed. Asking to be blind weighed was a game changer for me though I know isn't for everyone. Whatever the number is, it doesn't mean anything about you as a person. There's a lot of emphasis on weight in treatment, naturally, but out in the 'real world' the number is so meaningless. You have value as a person regardless of the number. Sending you lots of love and strength as you withstand the ED thoughts and keep beating this thing xxx
I can certainly try! I did a couple vids a while back about grad school and recovery. If you have any particular q's on the topic that you'd like me to address let me know xxx
It is really good that you took the step back to observe your thoughts and control your behaviour. Thank you for sharing this and helping others in the community to heal. Keep the videos coming
Thank you so much. I'm happy to help if I can. Lots of love xxx
I used to struggle with these same thoughts and it took me forever to get rid of my scale. Whenever I feel like buying a scale, I remember how terrible it used to make me feel. If I gained weight I felt so angry at myself, and if I lost weight it would put me in a horrible mindset where I would be "proud" of myself and want to continue with using behaviors. What I realize now is that weight is SO unimportant to our lives. It doesn't define us and there are so many more interesting things about us than our weight. Proud of you for staying strong in your recovery
100%! Well done you for identifying how the scales contributes to the continuation of your ED, AND for recognising that weight does. not. matter. Thank you for sharing, lots of love xxx
This was so helpful thank you! I love how you walk through how to listen to your Healthy Voice over the Eating Disorder Voice, even when the ED can be so loud and sound so reasonable. Always look forward to your videos!
Thank you! Yeah it's amazing how tricky the ED thoughts can be! The ED is so good at manipulating that it's sometimes hard to distinguish if it's an ED thought or a healthy thought. Lots of love and thank you so much for the kind comments xxx
Yes - it happens exactly as you say. I have only ever been blind weighed in recovery and not even that for ages. At work this week I had to weigh myself in order to weigh again holding something else that wouldn't register on the scales on its own (and then be able to deduct my weight to get the weight of that thing if you can follow that). Was shaking in my boots, did it, number was less than I had created in my head which was a weird mix of relief coupled with still knowing exactly how much I have gained in recovery, what if I was still going up because I was in the process of pulling myself back out of a slightly restrictive period - really hard to shake off those thoughts and feelings all day, but did an okay job. Then came having to do the same thing again day 2, I braced myself, I could handle this. This time my weight was slightly lower than the day before which unexpectedly somehow made the restrictive/movement urges so much worse to battle through. This morning was day three and I did not have to weigh the item anymore. But the scales were still there. I did not weigh myself but the desire to see whether my weight went up or down on a third consecutive day almost overwhelmed me - I already know that if the scale hasn't been removed when I get back to work tomorrow I will still feel the pull, but need to not give in because the number was clearly already a problem after just two days even though my reason for getting on the scales had nothing to do with me! Thankyou for your perfectly timed video, I now feel secure that this has definitely been ed driven thought processes. Sometimes it gets hard to distinguish a sensible healthy thought from one being ed manipulated xx
You are a brave soul to weigh yourself for work purposes, especially after only being blind weighed previously. And wow, I'm so impressed by your strength to step back, recognise your thoughts, and then not weigh yourself on day 3 though the scales were still there. What an incredible indicator of how far you've come in your journey?! Thank you so much for sharing xxx
This helped a lot. You have a lot of wise words Julie. I'm weighed backwards, my choice, but I'm in the us and the weight and vitals go into the portal. I've been struggling all week not to look up my weight in the drs portal and this was just what I needed
Oh gosh I can understand how much strength it takes not to look at the weight, even though you've chosen to be blind weighed. I also chose to be blind weighed but members of my treatment team would type in the number on their computer (which I could easily see on the screen if I looked) and/or would write the number in big letters at the top of their notepad and then have it sitting there right in front of me.... For most of the session I'd be thinking 'should I look? No don't look. But wait, maybe I should look?' arghhhh. Either way, I'm still gonna do the recovery actions, but by seeing the number I would be making it a lot harder for myself to do those actions (if that makes any sense). It was a lot easier to commit to recovery when I didn't have the number flashing in my head the whole time! Thank you for sharing, lots of love xx
I have an appointment on Wednesday and i have serious anxiety around being weighed. I am absolutely dreading it. I know I have gained since the last time I’ve stepped on the scale and I know once I see that number I will spiral out of control into a depression that I won’t be able to stop. It’s honestly so difficult and when you don’t experience eating disorders first hand then you don’t really know how it feels. I can totally relate. I have always hated the scale. No matter what that number says I know that I will never be satisfied or happy and it’s an awful feeling 😩
Awww. I feel for you. Weigh days are tough, very anxiety provoking indeed. Asking to be blind weighed was a game changer for me though I know isn't for everyone. Whatever the number is, it doesn't mean anything about you as a person. There's a lot of emphasis on weight in treatment, naturally, but out in the 'real world' the number is so meaningless. You have value as a person regardless of the number. Sending you lots of love and strength as you withstand the ED thoughts and keep beating this thing xxx
Could you do a video about how you cope with recovery whilst studying?
I can certainly try! I did a couple vids a while back about grad school and recovery. If you have any particular q's on the topic that you'd like me to address let me know xxx