Kids remember. I remember being shunted into a corner and ignored as people fawned over my “attractive” cousin who looks like my mother’s mini me! Not a person acknowledged me as I look like my father more!
I'm sorry. I just heard, "I was dismayed" because a child was present. I have a kid but my sister is anti-kid, but if you're commenting on a kid being just present in a space you're in.... BEFORE they've done anything, you're probably an AH.
I think that they began with the story of with the house to kind of paint a picture that their family is resentful that they're not going to have children, I'm getting the feeling that they have a history of fighting over this and there is a ongoing battle about Opie having to be responsible for these kids because of their choice to not have children themselves and this may have just been one more of those instances where the family is trying to pawn the kids off on them because, /well of course they don't have a problem with watching our kids their child free they have plenty of space,/ or unfortunately that's what op is hearing it's just really bad timing because somebody really is hurt but if there's a history of this behavior then it's hard to have an open heart for something that is just a festering wound it's already an ongong battle that's in their family. the fact that the brother didn't even hesitate didn't even consider the other options on the way to the hospital he has a car you can drop the kids off with the grandparents- just kind of shows how much he disregards the fact that they don't want to be around kids.
Op payed for a birthday party he couldn't even go to. Why is everyone glossing over the fact op never said yes to watching the kids. He just texted them came over then left them before they could respond.
Wow that OP in the first story is ridiculous. It's not like they're dropping their kids off on a random Tuesday. Just cuz they're having a medical emergency and reaching to their family members for help. That's a situation where you put your things on hold and lean in to your family. We have lost so much community already. Nothing wrong with being child free. Nothing wrong with taking your dogs to the spa but don't use that as an excuse as to why you bailed on your family in a time of need. It's almost feels like deliberately like anti-child-free setting up a child free couple to act so horribly
Story one: NTA. Was gonna say you were until you said they just dropped them off and ran without you agreeing. You didn’t agree to it and were at least nice enough to have another trusted adult come watch them. Their fault. It’s wrong to leave kids with someone the parents don’t like, but its wrong to drop your kids off to someone who didn’t agree to it. Emergency or not. However if I misread and you at all agreed then yeah you be the ah.
The mom of the girl who’s dad is her step-grandfather, was clearly groomed. That man raised her and then when she was legal banged her, was a disgusting person. I understand OP’s initial reaction but I hope OP is able to realize the real evil person and betrayer here is the step-grandfather (or mom’s stepdad)
Gentle parenting. My then quite young daughter once shouted at me that "you hate me, don't you" my response? "no, I love you 💕, I just don't like your behavior" she wrote me a letter, which I still have, apologising and saying she'd try to behave better. She was much better after that, bless her
I think it’s okay to be sad when your kids don’t resemble you. Definitely don’t say it in front of your kids though. My son looks almost identical to my younger brother (the only differences are my son’s eyes are a darker blue than my brother’s and my bro has curly hair while my son has straight hair)
I think it's OK as well but I don't really know if I could be resentful of that. My 2 week old looks exactly like his dad. All my kids look like their dad. I find it endearing as I love my husband and to see him reflected in their beautiful faces makes me love them even more. People remark my kids look like me but I don't see it and this could be one of those instances as well. I don't think my kids look like me at all. I have a birth mark on my thigh that my kids have. Thats all I see as similar
@@Zaners82123 The traits that don't resemble my brother resemble my son's bio father who sexually assaulted me so I was in therapy for a while to curb the fear and resentment that it triggered.
People are allowed to be disappointed about trivial things like the looks of their kids as long as they aren't projecting that disappointment on the child.
exactly. that's why i felt esh. the mom for expressing her disappointment in front of her daughter and the op for not trying to understand why the disappointment was there in the first place.
I’m a bit confused; OP never said anything negative about his daughter in front of his daughter he said her hair was beautiful. The mother was the one who said the bad things about her own daughter in front of her daughter. So I understand the whole not talking about negative things in front of children, (I got that first hand experience.) but he never said anything bad. So how is it he sucks?
Right the brother is ahhe could have asked the dad like I get " oh but it's family " I hate people when they say that op nta it's esh the brother is wrong doing that imo
I tend to favor the child free side of things, but a broken leg isn't something people usually plan around, and even if it is someone OP trusts I can understand why a parent would be upset with their kids alone with someone they haven't met.
Same except the op said they didn’t agree to watch the kids. That’s why I decided NTA. Don’t drop your kids off before getting the okay. What if they weren’t home?
I'm going with NTA because there's a number of other things the husband could've done, namely call, and pay for a sitter knowing that OP doesn't like kids. Rather he forces the kids into OPs house without giving OP time to respond, which is obliterating a rather large boundary. And while yes OP could have taken the kids in, it's not OPs responsibility to watch them, especially if they've made it clear they won't be playing nanny.
@@serpentinewolf7085 nah nah, the brother called while on the way (so knew they were there) and it was an *emergency*. it's not even that hard to take kids to the mall, especially if it's one that has a playset for kids in it.
It's not that easy to find a trustworthy babysitter at a last second. OP is the ahole. With egotistical sisters like her it's better to be an only child.
Kid in Restaurant: *Exists in a restaurant that allows kids* OP: Gets pissed and works themselves into an attitude before he can even do anything. How does this person EXIST in the day-to-day of life? The grocery store? Theatres? WTF.
To be fair the parents were letting the kid run around. I have been to a restaurant with my great neice's 4&5 and their parents don't let them go running around the table or scream. I will say OP is the AH for just being annoyed that the kid exist and yelling at the kid. The manager is also the AH for threatening OP rather than the parents of a load noisy kid running around.
I would have said ESH, except for the child. The OP sucks for blowing up at the kid, the parents suck for allowing their child to run around and be a danger to himself and others and the restaurant staff for clearly ignoring this child and not insisting the parents restrain him.
that kid sounds like how I was, and I was undiagnosed ASD & ADHD until adulthood. it's adults like him that have turned me from a bubbly, sunshiney kid to a very anxious and quiet adult. I hope the kid will be ok and not treated like that just for being excited and playful, especially if he is ND too
Okay, it's fair to want your child to look like you, especially when they're the same gender. However, if you marry someone who's a different ethnicity, which it's clear she did, it's shitty to complain that the daughter looks like your husband's female relatives, and not you.
My youngest have her fathers looks and eyes. We broke up (single mum) but every time i look in her eyes i tell her that those eyes are the reason i fell in love with him. We broke up because he mistreated my oldest. And no one Hurt my children. But oh those eyes sigh.
I will say one thing about the last commentair it ain't racisme. It is not fun if your kid looked like someone who hate you. Even if she had White skin red hair green eyes, she would feel the same.
It's a shame that studying genetics before trying to breed is not mandatory - to understand how it works. Most people I know who marry someone of a different ethnicity -accept that their children might look more like their partner, or one of their parents. This bimbo should have married another blond, as blond genes are recessive. You'd think after 2 miscarriages she'd be GRATEFUL to have a healthy child - and I wonder if she'd have even considered abortions if a test was available to predict a baby's colour or appearance?
@Potato Queen It’s not racist, not necessarily, but it’s certainly stupid. Genetics are a toss up anyway but having a child with someone outside of your race only increases that. And if she continues saying things like that, regardless of her intent, that little girl may begin to associate beauty with Eurocentric features. Like “oh it makes mom sad that I don’t have blonde hair or blue eyes…she’s disappointed, maybe having dark hair and dark eyes is a bad thing, or not as good.”
OP in second story is NTA his wife was getting upset over her child’s looks which is disgusting and was being a drama queen about it yeah she has an issue with the mother but that’s no excuse to throw a tantrum about a child’s looks
I don’t get it either you should love a child no matter what they look like so what if the child doesn’t like like you give the child love and don’t moan about their looks
In story two when they said OP was TA for having the conversation in front of the daughter, the conversation happened because OP's wife brought the conversation up by saying that she wished her daughter looked different. OP's wife brought it up and OP was defending his daughter and her looks while the wife was wishing the daughter looked different which is just awful. The child will now internalize that thought that their own mother wants them to look different. Are you kidding me here? NTA to OP and WTF is wrong with reddit? Also to add, letting the small comment slide makes it seem like in front of the daughter that OP agrees with his wife. Kids NEED their parents to stick up for them when one parent says something wrong IN FRONT OF THEM. Not behind closed doors where the kid will think OP did nothing when their mother was insulting their looks.
One. I totally agree on the “kids need to their parents to stand up for them in front of them” cause I have a toxic relationship with my older sister mostly cause in front of me when I’d complain my family would say “she’s your older sister. She loves you. She doesn’t mean to hurt you” and then talk to her later after closed doors and no results occur. But back to the point. I look like my deceased paternal grandmother. Tho she was a saint (unlike OP’s mother) and would scold my dad if he ever made my mom upset, and therefore had an amazing relationship with my mom. I still feel like even if the relationship was mediocre or worse my mom wouldn’t tell me to my face that she wished I looked like her (my grandma was as “white” as day cause she has Turkish genes and my mom is tan skin from a “white” Syrian/Iraqian mom and an Indian/Indonesian dad). Like my mom is toxic in many ways but I don’t believe she’s stoop to that level. In the end of the day I’m her child.
I agree that Mom's comment shouldn't have happened in front of her daughter. "Wishful moment" or not. Dad was correct to defend his kid, but could maybe have come at it in a better way. Like "I think both of you have beautiful hair", and "Kids change so much as they grow up. I'm sure she'll reflect you in so many ways that will be more obvious as she gets older." Whether or not that turns out to be true down the road, it might have been better than bringing up MIL. Plus there are so many ways a child can resemble you beyond the obvious features. She might eventually have Mom's smile, face shape, or mannerisms and expression. I'd definitely try to be aware of future interactions regarding daughters appearance. She should grow up loving herself no matter what. But in the moment it might have made wife feel better and even encouraged her to see herself in her child beyond just her coloring and nose. I've seen more than one kiddo that was the spitting image of one parent or another when they smiled or made a certain expression. Even though on the surface, they resembled the other parent more. I don't think he was the AH or condone her making the comment in front of her kid. I also don't think fixating on her daughters looks is healthy for either of them. I just think the conversation could have had a better outcome.
I don't think it was about the biracial factor. I think the mom just wanted to see more of herself in her child. One comment does not make her a toxic parent. We all have days where we say things wrong. If this were an ONGOING problem then yes it'd need to be addressed. But if she's normally a good parent and was just having a moment of pain, maybe thinking about the lost babies, or remembering a toxicity from ops mom and everything combined and she blurted it out......it's something to be aware of and if the thought continue then yes counseling would be good
@@bessevaraven859 People pretty much ignored that part though overall from what I have gathered, it's one of those situations where both parties kind of handled this poorly.
I dont think the mother was talking about skin color at all so I don't think anyone should be calling her a racist 😕. she just wished her daughter looked more like her. If she was a racist she wouldn't of married her husband....
I'm very curious about the cultural background of the one beer at lunch post. Many countries have different rules. When I was in the US Navy, we had a RIMPAC event where many different countries attended playing "War games". Basically, testing out each others noise detectability and working on solutions together. Best time of my life. Australia and Canada allowed alcohol on their ships/ subs, obviously highly regulated. Sounds like OP is from a different country. Sorry, I went on a bit there
as an aussie, a single beer at lunch sounds normal, and I don't even drink. so this definitely checks out for me (also please go on, I love hearing cultural differences)
In the UK it used to be much more common - one place I used to work had a Friday pub lunch before it was ended (before I started there) with alcohol. Drinking beer or wine with a lunch when eating out is generally acceptable for the most part, though doing so while working is becoming less acceptable unless you work in certain fields where schmoozing clients is still big. BYO beer as a packed lunch though... not a common thing at all and very frowned on.
My husband was a manager for Siemens. The first time he went to their Berlin office he and his staff were shocked that beer was in the vending machines but there was no water available. The German manager said they only use water to bathe. The Americans each bought 2 liter bottles of water to leave at the office with their names on them. It embarrassed the Germans so by the next trip the coffee/tea lady had chilled water for the Americans. That continued until he retired. I hope they're still doing it.
I'm betting its the US. It doesn't seem like a big deal in other countries. I used to work for a conpaby that served beer, wine or Margaritas on Fridays during a potluck. But it was a mid size company. No where else I've worked since has allowed that
For the septum story: Jeez people, is a freaking pearcing, it's reversible, she can take it off, she can hide it etc. She experimented for two years with fake ones and he didn't even notice when he got the real one
1:15:18 I’m sorry,,, but you cannot genuinely think that. Pls let’s run this back, this commenter is saying that when you marry someone they have a right to your physical appearance. I’m sorry- no. You as a spouse are entitled to your opinion, about anything/everything, including your partner’s appearance. That’s totally fine. What is not fine is then thinking you get to have a say as to another person’s bodily autonomy. You don’t, under any circumstances, get afforded the right to have control over anyone’s autonomy, ever. Doesn’t matter if that person is your mother, your partner, your cousin or you aunt. The only autonomy you have control over is your own. Period. End of discussion. Disgusting that we as a human species have to remind each other that we are, in fact, human beings.
The comments are simply disgusting. You give up your bodily autonomy once you get married? She ruined her relationship because of selfishness? What?! He freaked out over a piercing that can be easily removed at any time (provided it has healed), said she doesn't have a feminine face and called her hideous. How is that alright for these people to call her TA? Reminds me of parents not letting their teenage children express themselves by, idk, wearing some piece of clothing they don't like. If my partner were to get a cut or a piercing I wasn't a fan of, I'd simply state that I don't like it, that's just a small part of what makes him attractive to me that he decided to change. I would never give him a silent treatment, scream at him or call him hideous, no need to focus on a small thing that you don't like when there's so much more, if the person changes so much and you can't stand it, you can always leave. Her husband is nuts but so are some of the commenters who agree with him. If marriage revolves around not being able to try out new new looks because you might piss off your spouse then no wonder so many couples choose to remain unmarried.
@@minam1982 exactly! What gets me the most is that she’s someone who the husband is supposed to love. You don’t treat people you love in this manner, let alone anyone else. Some people have such a warped view or what’s supposed to be normal in any given relationship
my parents are going to a nursing home no matter what. there's waaaaaaay more to caring for an elderly parent than I have the patience or skills for. better to know my own limits than let them suffer.
Gee whiz, I can't imagine not being grateful my parents insulted my spouse and DNA tested my child without permission!!! What's not to be grateful for!?! (insert HUGE sarcastic eyeroll here) Keep that spine shiny, OP - this is the right thing for your child. This was despicable boundary stomping racism, and the wee one needs protecting, even from his own gparents.
There were other options: Why didn't OP1 take the kids with them to the dog appointment and to the mall? It was unnecessary to have another (stranger) person look after them. There is no reason that the two children, based on age, could not have gone with them. Or why didn't the brother take the kids to the hospital with him? My husband and I have taken my son, at an even younger age, with me to medical emergencies with me at clinics and hospitals. He was not traumatized.
Depending on when it was during the pandemic or not because some hospitals in out area are not allowing children in hospitals unless they are in need of medical help
Depending on the covid numbers in their local area, there may have been a limit on the number of people who could accompany the hurt wife. I do agree that the kids could have easily gone to the mall with OP. Or OP could have been honest about being unwilling to watch the kids so the dad could look for someone else.
I feel stupid...I forgot about Covid and hospital restrictions. My husband has had two operations these pandemic years in a hospital and one in a outpatient facility. I was not allowed in. I had to wait outside for a nurse to wheel him out to my car. Duh to me for forgetting.🤦♀️ So OP is TAH. She had an option: take the kids with her. I would not have wanted my son ever left with strangers. Which is why my husband would bring him with us when I had to go to a clinic or hospital and could not drive myself.
For the wedding food ones I think this might have been the plan all along so that she can say that the stepmom is the bad person for not coming and how hurt she is by it just because of food. But what she did seems like intentionally making no vegan options. Drinks, raw fruit and salad but leave off all toppings cuz the not vegan so only one bowl loose lettuce leaves, probably no vegan dressing. She hates the step mother no way around it. Beans, potato's, tofu in sauce, veggie sides, roasted veg, literally so many options that fit with the other food and others than the stepmother would also love to eat.
Im gonma start off saying i respect your opinion but id like to say as someone with a vegan sister i say step mom is definitely an asshole for making this about "she hates me cause im vegan", my sister watched this and said the fruit, veggies and dip, drinks and salad is the typical options when only a few people out of 50+ people are the only vegans and thats okay because its one less thing to worry about while planing your wedding. Even at her best friends wedding where out of 70 people 4 are vegan they got a salad, veggies and dip, fruits and drinks and not one person complained or was like "wow she hates us cause we only got this stuff" or "they must not have wanted us here" because the day isnt about them, its about the couple getting married and celebrating their love with family and friends.
@@raovchaos5463 but she wasn't going to have options for how much salad tho even. She was going to get one bowl(probably no toppings if croutons, dressing and cheese was only topping on the other salad), and no veggies or dip. I see this more as if her step mom was intentionally made to feel unwelcome. If she goes with no food for one day will she live? Sure. But to watch others eating for hr and half and then already knowing you won't eat cake(completely understandable) makes you feel awkward, unwanted and hungry after been all day preparing for wedding, going to ceremony, photos, etc. Just saying for someone's plus one having no food accomodations is understandable, but for their stepmom(or bridesmaid,groomsman, particularly invited guest) who they know is vegan(or plant based or just any dietary difference from yours) they should've at minimum had 1 premade meal made for the day so they had something they could for sure eat after the long day.
@@raovchaos5463 I agree. I’m so surprise everyone shit on that OP when it’s the step mother coming and making demands towards her. if you don’t want the vegan options she already paid for them you can bring you own damn food.
I don't remember my father trying to drown me when I was 1 ½ but I'm hydrophobic. At one point I couldn't look strait while it rained or get squirted with a water gun for a few years. I mean I learned how to swim so I'm better now but even if you don't retain the memory the impression stays.
Septum piercing story: my ex did this with my hair. I had longer hair. It was down to the middle of my back. I cut it to shoulder length after I had a baby who was ripping it out, and I had no time to do my hair anymore (hell. I rarely had time to wash my hair back then). He hated it. He acted like I had massacred puppies ffs.
I use to have really long hair that was so thick. When I moved down south, I got it cut short. Then I went even shorter. My boyfriend loves my hair and is even cool with me getting it dyed in november.
Like seriously, hair grows and piercings can be removed in a second. What the heck is that husband on and what the heck were those reactions from redditors?! I am at a loss for what to say. OP's husband is projecting his own infantile mind onto OP. Like, instead of sitting down and telling his previous partner they were done, he played those mind games on them. ??? And in such a extreme way, like getting PERMINENT tattooes?? The man is seriously not well OR I smell bs. Also manipulation. OK, I get it: putting on or losing a substancial amount of weight, cosmetic surgeries, hygiene and all that is a serious change that can affect partner's perception of you. But something so minor as a hairstyle or a small piercing, and such a dramatic response? It's more about control and shallowness, not about actual OP's appearance which actually didn't change at all. I hope OP didn't take those idiotic redditors seriously and saw who her husband was instead. Manipulative, infantile little control freak who sees her as a human doll for his own entertainment rather than another human being. And the man is covered in tattoos himself, mind you. If he was a Christian fundamentalist who gasps at a fake tatto or nail polish that would be at least understandable from the get go. In short, yeah, double standarts, lack of respect for partner's bodily autonomy and decisions in regards to that body (which one is free to not support 100% but in no position to "forbid") and feeling justified to "punish" your partner with emotional abuse are all huge red flags. I bet that marriage won't last. And the piercing problem is only the tip of the iceberg.
The Pizza story: You're not the A for having to reduce the pizza sizes, but you ARE the A for not making it clear precisely what the new size is. When you're running a business that sells people a product based on size, customers have every right to assume the size is literal and straightforward. Lots of businesses have to make those kinds of adjustments to survive, but the reputable ones are honest about what they're selling at what price. This seems like trying to have your cake (or pizza) and eat it too and is not only super scummy it's likely to do far more damage to the business than just biting the bullet and raising prices or reducing sizing honestly.
The septum piercing story - NTA! “The husband doesn’t have to like it”- I don’t even think OP disagrees with that. OP clearly liked the way the septum piercing looked, and she got it. As she demonstrated, you can easily hide it too. I don’t think OP is an asshole in any way for getting something done that she enjoys and it seems pretty clear that her partner’s reaction was completely irrational. She is allowed to do stuff just for herself, that’s okay. The partner thinking he’s entitled to shout at OP for it and control her self expression, that’s asshole behaviour imo.
I guarantee he doesn't consult her before changing HIS face or body. "my body my choice" applies to all aspects of your body. I don't have to ask my husband before getting a haircut or piercing.
43:08, oh nooo she was being thoughtful (a bit too much even, which happens with mental health issues) and was genuinely concerned for you and your sense of boundaries. mate, just... you didn't have to be a dickhead about it, yeah? just a simple 'it's all good, you didn't hurt or traumatize me' would have been enough, and maybe even given her mental relief from the overwhelming amount of guilt she very well could be feeling over it. also consider: if she's so distressed over the thought of crossing your boundaries, and touching you without consent (even if it was a poke to the ribs), that she contacted you? maybe she just went through something very violating and traumatic in her life.
I can't say if it's right or wrong but I know if my SO came home with a face tattoo or a septum piercing I would be very upset and would probably yell as he knows how I feel about them. Definitely a turn OFF. He could get a piercing or tattoo anywhere else his body his choice but if he wants in my pants don't make yourself look gross lol. Like I said, just my opinion.
I may not understand the piercing thing because my spouse has always said that I’m beautiful no matter what, and I feel the same about them. We feel that we have bodily autonomy and support each others choices. But if he finds her unattractive because of a piercing that she wanted, how will he feel about her when she ages? Or if she does something different with her hair? And he seems to have no control over how he reacts to things he doesn’t like. Even to a loved one. It doesn’t sound like a healthy situation to me.
But why should bride to be have to pay extra for one person?? She did mention a single restaurant plate just for her but that wasn’t acceptable to step mom. Step mom sounds like a complainer Karen who just wants to get attention and cause trouble. Talk with SM and ask her what she wants and see if you can accommodate the princess ( because it’s all about step mom right…. Her day) just to keep the peace and not to have so much stress on your day. Hopefully she just eats beforehand and eats your ordered special vegan plate plus the salad and fruits. OP not the AHOLE
(Step)Daughter Drama: Well, once ya hear the Ex's attitude towards OP's wife easy to see why the daughter is a disrespectful little brat. NTA - needs to be some serious counseling, and maybe a trip to Court to get Ex's attitude in line. She's harming her daughter, trying to win a game where the biggest loser is OP's daughter.
My mom was fair, dad wasn't, I'm somewhere in the middle. I haven't seen mom since I was 11 and yet I remember the things she said to me about not being fair and not having great teeth. It still affects me
Your mom was a terrible human. My kid is part Indian, she has almond shaped eyes, naturally tan skin, and is gorgeous. I'm pasty until im in the sun. She looks like a mix between me and her dad. And I have never said she was not pretty. My father was an absolute prick that picked on my appearance all the time. My strong nose was called a "beak" and "huge" I have issues from him and vowed to break that cycle.
The parents are who I get very annoyed with, because they don't teach their children to behave in public. Screaming and running around, at a restaurant the kids need to stay in their seats!
Story about camp counselor poking you. I say NTAH purely because whether or not she has a mental health issue, you didn't say anything wrong. Definitely could have said it better, but nothing wrong there She however is completely in the wrong for telling you not to tell others what they should get over or not, it's not her thing to get over, it's yours. Any other situation is fine to say this if someone is dealing with something that affected them, but this was affecting you and you were fine. Absolutely no problem
I remember to this day my uncle telling me that I looked like a baby gorilla 🦍! Turns out that I was having an asthma attack at two days old. The look was me straining to breathe! I never forgot overhearing I wasn’t beautiful! I was about four years old when he said it not realizing that I heard him! Kids have long memories! My mother is in awe that I mentioned a table my grandmother had when I was two and it had an extension that you slammed a handle back that was extremely noisy! I was enthralled with the noise! I have a very good memory as do so many children and hearing themselves told they aren’t beautiful because they don’t look like a relative or have conventional beautiful can damage them for LIFE! I am in my MID FIFTIES NOW! Think about what you say to and about children!
If you...you....weren't willing to watch your brother's children in person, for whatever reason, you tell him no. You do not give his children to a stranger without his knowledge/consent.
Exactly, even if she didn't have a chance to tell him no, which I doubt considering he's not the flash, you do not leave someone's kids with someone they or their parents don't know, and you don't just drop your kids off without the persons consent or prior knowledge, ESH for sure.
@@serpentinewolf7085 Unless he left the kids in the driveway and bolted, that's a no. And if he did....op needed to call him to come get them immediately. If he didn't, then call the police.
OP in story #1 really needs to grow up! It’s not like her brother was going out on a date or even to a work meeting. His wife broke her leg! What else was he supposed to do in an emergency? Sometimes you have to put your own feelings aside and help someone out. I doubt it would have caused OP any harm to watch two older children for a few hours just once.
@@fandomfan2800 Maybe because they’d get antsy waiting for the doctor to come and for the test results. Anyone who’s been to the emergency room (at least in the US) will tell you one visit can take up half your day.
@@fandomfan2800 Woah dude! I am not particularly fond of kids either, but these did nothing wrong to be called "brats". Plus, getting someone with a broken bone on their own at hospital is kind of tricky, let alone having your hands full with two kids.
You dont plan a broken leg. You can watch children for an hour or two in case of emergency :/ if someone took my cat and handed it over to someone I dont know, id be pissed too.
She better not ask him to ever come visit her in the hospital if she gets into an accident. I know I wouldn't visit her if it was my sister. I thank god I have no siblings at all.
I have some vague memories from when I was 2. Mainly the time when I locked my mom out of the house when we were visiting her parents for a while in Ningbo. Also there was the time when I fed a puppy some M&M's and I didn't get the implication of what I may have done to the dog until over a decade later...
It’s really not that hard to serve different veggie options. At my friends wedding, the brides dad is veggie and I’m vegan and we had LOADS of option. It was buffet food and it was awesome.
It sounds like OP doesn't understand the difference between what a vegetarian might accept or what a vegan would find edible. Brussel sprouts in butter sauce might work for one but not the other. The bride seems to be trying but doesn't know where to begin or how to work out vegan dishes. I wedding I went to was suppose to have vegan safe dishes, but it actually had interesting selection of vegetable options, that turned out not to be vegan safe.
The one where the sister paid for her brother’s college and not her step-brother’s, it made me think of another story where OP (maybe their uncle) solved a similar problem by saying they would match the monetary contribution that the rest of the family made to bail the family member out of jail. To no surprise the family raised/chipped in no money so OP didn’t have to put any forward either. Only works if you’re pretty sure the rest of the family won’t chip in though
Story 1: NTA. Does OP's brother know all of his children's teachers and coaches? If not, what's the difference between that and hiring a babysitter? OP didn't open her legs to have those kids, so they aren't her responsibility. It doesn't matter the circumstances. They are not her problem, just like her pets aren't her brother's or father's problem. OP didnt agree to babysit the kids; the brother technically abandoned them. He's lucky OP didn't call the police. Contrary to popular belief, women weren't put on this earth to be free babysitters. I hope OP goes no contact with her entitled "family".
Wow! That Benjamin sounds like a really pos. The OP should not only cancel his birthday dinner but also inform Benjamin that he needs to move out after his 18th birthday. Maybe his aunt and uncle would enjoy taking him in and being on the receiving end of his "jokes".
They chose to bar OP after taking his money. OP might as well stay away. Changing the event won't change the brother's feelings. He didn't want him around before, and the parents agreed. Nothing has changed since then. His mother married a Stepfather - definitely not a once in a lifetime event.
The beer at work story cracked me up 😂 I worked at two different places that had a beer/cocktail cart come around during happy hour at work which was usually at the end of work day and on specific days usually Friday. I would NEVER think to bring my own alcohol- nor would I drink at my current job no matter how “lax” they are…
The way people act in public when in a group can cause others to view the whole group in the same negative light that they view one vocal member in. I went to a Concert with a few of my friends and the women I had brought as a friend was visibly incensed that someone near our group had brought a young child with them. She did not know the other people there with us prior to that evening. The age range of the audience was mostly people in their 30s young professionals, so lots of moms and dads out on the town. The kid was a kid he was not perfectly behaved but he was reasonably behaved for his age. No one else that I was able to see thought that the kid was a problem and this woman was visibly furious and not too long into the concert she made way more of a commotion than the kid had ever made by verbally scolding the parents. The other people we were with were just mortified. I was just so pissed that she couldn't stop herself from embarrassing the other people that we were with. Kids are not as well behaved as they once were, deal with it.
Growing up I kept having a memory of my biological mom driving my sister and me to a rendezvous to hand us back over to our adoptive parents. I told my adoptive mom about it once when I was in my early teens. I said I remember my mom was pretty and blonde and my sister was in the front passenger seat and I was in the back seat behind my mom. I said I remember that faith hills this kiss came on the radio and it was my mom's favorite song so she turned it off and sang the whole song for us herself because we loved it when she would do that. I even remember the place that the switch off happened. It's a very distinct memory for me, one of very few from that time in my life. But after I told my adoptive mom she told me it never happened. She said my biological mother wasn't blonde but a brunette and that's why my sister and I are both brunettes. She said that no visitation drop off happened in the place I remember and that was not my bio mom's favorite song. Later in life I hit rock bottom after being kicked out and spending a year in hell to the point that I felt it in my gut that I had to get over my stubborn refusal to reach out to my bio mom who I'd been told never wanted me and in turn I should feel the same. So I reached out and she was tentative but welcoming. She even upended her own Thanksgiving plans to include me in a day of spur of the moment decision simply because I told her that I didn't want to spend the holiday in the place I was at. And when I got there I finally meet my birth mother. Who is blonde. And pretty. And still loves faith hill. And will happily belt out this kiss if asked. And I told her about my memory and what my adoptive mom said about it. And my bio mom was shocked and asked how could I remember, I was only 2 at the time... so yea, a 2 year old can remember and it can be quite profound.
Funny story considering that guy that thought it was ok to drink a beer at work with lunch...I wonder is the guy is from a Korean background. I say that because I used to work in a clothing store: folding, sorting and stacking clothing for store displays. A coworker of mine was new, middle aged but new to that job and to the US. She used to bring a beer to work each day to have at lunch till someone told on her ( it wasn't me. I honestly didn't mind as long as she kept up with her work) When the head boss found out, he let her off with a warning not to do it again. She explained to everyone that she had worked jobs in stores in South Korea, and no one ever had any rules about drinking beer at lunch. Her coworkers just sorta chocked it up to an odd cultural barrier.
My boi, the world outside of the USA exists, and let me tell you, drinking alcohol moderately during lunch break is more common then your enclosed skull thinks.
Story n1. Honestly OP could of reacted better but when you have children plan for a emergency with people who won’t mind to take them last second. They also didn’t get a chance to answer yes or no 7 and 9 also is definitely old enough to care for themselves for a few hours.
Maybe someone who you have known your whole life and believe you can rely on? Like a person you would drop everything for to support them in case of emergency yourself and expect them to do the same in turn. If only such people exist...
Benjamin is abusive, period. He needs therapy and a LOT of trouble. People who deliberately go after people's vulnerable points on purpose because it's "funny" are often NARCISSISTS and that's definitely not sane or healthy behavior.
I disagree about the wedding menu. I am vegan but i do not expect other people to accommodate my diet, i always bring my own food. Mine is for health choices, animal fat causes progression and disability in MS. I am well aware I am in the minority and my choice is my responsibility. Plus I never go to a wdding for the food.
I teach two year olds. That child absolutely without a doubt internalized that comment about her appearance. It is so wrong to have said that in front of her. Also I think the lady who apologized unnecessarily to OP might be in a 12-step
Mother complains, in front of her child, that the child looks like her mother-in-law instead of her. Father defends daughter. Immediately Blame the Male Syndrome kicks in, and it's all his fault.
Nose piercing:ESH You body your choice blah blah blah yada yada. That said why would you do something that your SO would hate without a conversation? And don't get me started on how the husband reacted.
that first story is such a doozy. yes, op trusted the person they left the kids with, but the fact that they didn't let their brother know what they were doing in the first place tells me that they definitely knew they were in the wrong. no parent would allow their children to be watched by somebody they don't know- that should be common sense.
First story not her kids. Not her responsibility. She is childfree for a reason. Wants to stay childfree. You do not force kids on that person. For any reason.
One beer is not irresponsible. I would not do it at my desk. Go out for lunch. Then it is none of their affair since you are not on the clock at lunch nor are you at their premises.
Story about the septum piercing: what the hell is he going to do when she gets old and gets wrinkles and gray hair and isn't as conventionally attractive as she was before? He has no right to yell at her or get angry with her. It's her body. It's a fucking piece of metal. People need to get over themselves with that toxic ass shit telling her what to do with her body
Kids remember so much more than you'd think, and it affects how they perceive you and how they act around you. I remember at 3 watching my older sibling and mom have explosive yelling arguments, and it led me to avoid conflict and completely shut down emotionally at any sign of it.
53:29, what about OP paying for her brother's birthday, and there was not any info on if she was paid back for it, though I can understand disinviting her about misanderist posts, only telling her after she pays is a dick move
Completely disagree with the ahole judgment on the pet owners. I have children, grandchildren and pets. Having kids dumped on me with no choice would demoralize me. My grandsons, okay, absolutely. Sins kids I obviously have no relationship with? No
I’m sorry, ESH because OP decided to do one small thing to her own body because she married him? He doesn’t need to like it but it doesn’t give him an excuse to verbally abuse her! I’ve done stuff to my body that my family hates, you don’t see them abusing me just because they brought me life! OP mentioned she’s got small tattoos and he’s got mad because of them yet he had tattoos, why’s that different? Why can’t she get a piercing that he knew she wanted just because he didn’t like it? It’s not like she even spent his or her or their money on it, it was a gift! OP was NTA, it’s her body, her choice, not her body, his choice
I am not overly fond of children in general, and I work in retail, where there are always kids misbehaving. My temptation would have been to tell the child: Careful there! It is too bad your parents haven’t taught you how to behave properly in a restaurant. Running around can get you hurt.
Story 2: ESH, OP's wife has every right to feel what she does but should not have said it in front of her daughter. What she is doing is toxic and considering all she has been through therapy maybe a good way to go to get her some help. OP's point is valid and he is justified in standing up for his daughter but this was a discussion that should have taken place away from the child as well when OP and his wife were alone. And OP's mother needs to be told that racism is not okay. I'm not afraid to go anti woke and tell the truth as it is here, we all know if the roles were reversed OP's mother would be called out for her attitude left, right and center and rightfully so, It is not okay period regardless of what anyone's ethnicity is. We are all human beings at the end of the day. And to the commenter who pointed out OP' wife's perceived racist overtones while ignoring OP's mother's obvious ones, it works both ways.
If the grandmother is racist against the kids, you will cut her out and go no contact. With the mother it's a whole more difficult situation. the kids will suffer for sure mentally
Agreed. Every parent looks forward to seeing bits of themselves in their kids. So I could see why having a child come out strictly one side is annoying. But like you said, nothing to be discussed in front of the kid.
Agreed, it's one of the cases where both parties pretty much handled the situation poorly. Also I do kind of wonder about that certain commenter who wants to make it into a racial thing.
Sometimes you just have to take your kid aside and explain what a crap head is ,and how that they can’t read the room . So they have to be punished for not hearing again and again for not having enough gray matter to feel empathy.
Nose Piercing Story: All of those comments are so fucking disgusting. It's OPs body, it's her choice. Her being in a relationship doesn't change that. If their partner hates it that much then they can separate, it's a stupid reason and it makes them stupid, but it's their choice. Back to actual story, the husband is a manipulative bastard.
NTA about the wedding food thing. I have food allergies, and I'm allergic to wheat/gluten. If I with a medical reason to not eat certain food never get catered for, then a vegan by choice is just being entitled to demand that the wedding food caters to them.
The story about the kid in the restaurant annoys me that it wasn't everyone sucks here op was a dick BUT THE CHILD WAS RUNNING IN THE RESTAURANT AND THE PARENTS DID NOTHING that is my only real complaint
3.05: No, not this. ESH. Yes, you never leave a kid with someone that the parent doesn't know, but the brother was an ahole for simply dropping the kids with OP like nothing. In every hospital I went, at least here in Spain, there are waiting rooms where kids can entertain themselves. What if OP wasn't available because they had already got to the mall? What if OP was sick as well or something worse? You NEVER drop off your kids with someone without warning.
Bro the workplace YTAs wtf. NTA the guy was literally under the impression that they were doing nothing wrong and followed their OWN BOSSES LEAD. THEIR BOSS DRANK. Upon Op making that an example to HR of why he thought the behavior was acceptable, his boss later CHEWED HIM OUT? If its WRONG, mr boss, then why do YOU get to do it? Bruh. NTA ffs
First story I understand her view on it I have a kid I've watched him from birth to now at 17. My brother's have kids I'd watch my one brother's kids any time my other brother's kids I'd hand hime 100 bucks tell him hire someone mainly due to the way his wife treats me my parents and my brother
Story 1. NTA. Brother didn’t ask first. He called saying that he was coming with the kids and just showed up. Life sucks, and shit happens. Brother has learned a valuable lesson: set up contingency plans with people. Why couldn’t he have taken his kids to his parents? Since they were so opinionated about it. I wouldn’t have watched those kids either. I’d rather be a “selfish person” than a “doormat”.
I think I know who the pizza asshole guy is and if it's the same guy he had to close his business because of his practices and how he treated customers. It was honestly really funny that he posted on the company facebook that he didn't understand why people were like this and someone just responded "sir, do you know math? Do you know what numbers are? Can you count past two?"
Jesus man. My daughter looks like my mother and her stepdad (no idea why on that one lmao) but I’m not mad about it at all. Like wtf? I’ll tell her “yeah kid you don’t look like me at all” but never once have I made her feel bad about it! She didn’t decide how her body and face grew!
Stepgrandpa/Biodad was obviously grooming OP's Mom for years and just waited for her to be legally of age. That is NOT your mother's fault! You owe her the biggest apology of your life! How dare you judge her! She is his victim and deserves compassion and kindness!
I get being angry at the situation of a kid running about in a restaurant. It's definitely an annoyance for me especially since I was always taught even as a kid to sit and not run around in places where food is involved. However, shouting at the kid is an AH move. Talk or even shout at the parents or the manager for all I care.
To the couple who went to Costco, why weren't you both putting things away together. It would have taken half the time you could have been resting sooner. It makes no sense to me. Or if you had brought things in, she could have put things away. You need to work together and communicate better. I do angry clean sometimes because it's better than violence, lol. To the nineteen year old left out. No, you're not the AH. Don't go to the wedding and tell the cousin why you won't or really count. Go to school, get on with your life, and cut these horrible people out of your life, you're don't need them. Live a happy life. I'm glad she's pissed off. What a brat. But your parents made this monster. She probably bought 2 dresses on purpose so you wouldn't get one.
the "dad's" comment on the step-grandfather biodad situation is pretty much spot on. it's not even saying YTA, just "i understand that it's a lot to take on board, but you REALLY should apologize to your mom for what you said"...
1st story…how is everyone mad at OP? BROTHER is TA for dumping his kids on someone without their consent. Your crotch goblins are no one’s responsibility but your own. I’d choose my dogs and a day of having fun any day any time
Wow, wife got shunned and disrespected based on her race and the racist preference of husband’s parents and now she’s racist because she’s reminded of the racist disrespectful mother in law every time she looks at her own daughter? Have some sympathy for the woman. She shouldn’t comment on her own daughter’s looks like this but there’s some intense struggle tied into it. She’s not an asshole and the husband needs to reassure her that he chose her over his shitty parents and will do it every time.
Kids remember. I remember being shunted into a corner and ignored as people fawned over my “attractive” cousin who looks like my mother’s mini me! Not a person acknowledged me as I look like my father more!
Kinda weird someone with recessive traits would think they would all com out dominant. Like what. Who didn't teach this lady biology.
I'm sorry. I just heard, "I was dismayed" because a child was present. I have a kid but my sister is anti-kid, but if you're commenting on a kid being just present in a space you're in.... BEFORE they've done anything, you're probably an AH.
I think that they began with the story of with the house to kind of paint a picture that their family is resentful that they're not going to have children, I'm getting the feeling that they have a history of fighting over this and there is a ongoing battle about Opie having to be responsible for these kids because of their choice to not have children themselves and this may have just been one more of those instances where the family is trying to pawn the kids off on them because, /well of course they don't have a problem with watching our kids their child free they have plenty of space,/ or unfortunately that's what op is hearing it's just really bad timing because somebody really is hurt but if there's a history of this behavior then it's hard to have an open heart for something that is just a festering wound it's already an ongong battle that's in their family.
the fact that the brother didn't even hesitate didn't even consider the other options on the way to the hospital he has a car you can drop the kids off with the grandparents- just kind of shows how much he disregards the fact that they don't want to be around kids.
Op payed for a birthday party he couldn't even go to. Why is everyone glossing over the fact op never said yes to watching the kids. He just texted them came over then left them before they could respond.
Wow that OP in the first story is ridiculous. It's not like they're dropping their kids off on a random Tuesday. Just cuz they're having a medical emergency and reaching to their family members for help. That's a situation where you put your things on hold and lean in to your family. We have lost so much community already. Nothing wrong with being child free. Nothing wrong with taking your dogs to the spa but don't use that as an excuse as to why you bailed on your family in a time of need. It's almost feels like deliberately like anti-child-free setting up a child free couple to act so horribly
Story one: NTA. Was gonna say you were until you said they just dropped them off and ran without you agreeing. You didn’t agree to it and were at least nice enough to have another trusted adult come watch them. Their fault.
It’s wrong to leave kids with someone the parents don’t like, but its wrong to drop your kids off to someone who didn’t agree to it. Emergency or not.
However if I misread and you at all agreed then yeah you be the ah.
Wow, at his age that lack of awareness maybe a little leaning on anti social disorders!
The mom of the girl who’s dad is her step-grandfather, was clearly groomed. That man raised her and then when she was legal banged her, was a disgusting person. I understand OP’s initial reaction but I hope OP is able to realize the real evil person and betrayer here is the step-grandfather (or mom’s stepdad)
Gentle parenting. My then quite young daughter once shouted at me that "you hate me, don't you" my response? "no, I love you 💕, I just don't like your behavior" she wrote me a letter, which I still have, apologising and saying she'd try to behave better. She was much better after that, bless her
OP may have overreacted, but PARENTS NEED TO CONTROL THEIR CHILDREN! I can't tell you how many events have been ruined by bratty kids.
I think it’s okay to be sad when your kids don’t resemble you. Definitely don’t say it in front of your kids though.
My son looks almost identical to my younger brother (the only differences are my son’s eyes are a darker blue than my brother’s and my bro has curly hair while my son has straight hair)
I think it's OK as well but I don't really know if I could be resentful of that. My 2 week old looks exactly like his dad. All my kids look like their dad. I find it endearing as I love my husband and to see him reflected in their beautiful faces makes me love them even more. People remark my kids look like me but I don't see it and this could be one of those instances as well. I don't think my kids look like me at all. I have a birth mark on my thigh that my kids have. Thats all I see as similar
@@Zaners82123 The traits that don't resemble my brother resemble my son's bio father who sexually assaulted me so I was in therapy for a while to curb the fear and resentment that it triggered.
People are allowed to be disappointed about trivial things like the looks of their kids as long as they aren't projecting that disappointment on the child.
exactly. that's why i felt esh. the mom for expressing her disappointment in front of her daughter and the op for not trying to understand why the disappointment was there in the first place.
You
They are allowed for sure but it doesn't make them any less of an asshole, why should it matter?
I’m a bit confused; OP never said anything negative about his daughter in front of his daughter he said her hair was beautiful. The mother was the one who said the bad things about her own daughter in front of her daughter. So I understand the whole not talking about negative things in front of children, (I got that first hand experience.) but he never said anything bad. So how is it he sucks?
Right the brother is ahhe could have asked the dad like I get " oh but it's family " I hate people when they say that op nta it's esh the brother is wrong doing that imo
I tend to favor the child free side of things, but a broken leg isn't something people usually plan around, and even if it is someone OP trusts I can understand why a parent would be upset with their kids alone with someone they haven't met.
Also the OP even didn't tell the brother that the kids are supervised by someone else in the first place..
Same except the op said they didn’t agree to watch the kids. That’s why I decided NTA. Don’t drop your kids off before getting the okay. What if they weren’t home?
I'm going with NTA because there's a number of other things the husband could've done, namely call, and pay for a sitter knowing that OP doesn't like kids. Rather he forces the kids into OPs house without giving OP time to respond, which is obliterating a rather large boundary. And while yes OP could have taken the kids in, it's not OPs responsibility to watch them, especially if they've made it clear they won't be playing nanny.
@@serpentinewolf7085 nah nah, the brother called while on the way (so knew they were there) and it was an *emergency*. it's not even that hard to take kids to the mall, especially if it's one that has a playset for kids in it.
It's not that easy to find a trustworthy babysitter at a last second. OP is the ahole. With egotistical sisters like her it's better to be an only child.
I’ve never known a single employer that allowed a person to bring in a beer to drink on the premises.
Yeah that dude was just an idiot
Kid in Restaurant: *Exists in a restaurant that allows kids*
OP: Gets pissed and works themselves into an attitude before he can even do anything.
How does this person EXIST in the day-to-day of life? The grocery store? Theatres? WTF.
To be fair the parents were letting the kid run around. I have been to a restaurant with my great neice's 4&5 and their parents don't let them go running around the table or scream.
I will say OP is the AH for just being annoyed that the kid exist and yelling at the kid. The manager is also the AH for threatening OP rather than the parents of a load noisy kid running around.
I would have said ESH, except for the child. The OP sucks for blowing up at the kid, the parents suck for allowing their child to run around and be a danger to himself and others and the restaurant staff for clearly ignoring this child and not insisting the parents restrain him.
that kid sounds like how I was, and I was undiagnosed ASD & ADHD until adulthood. it's adults like him that have turned me from a bubbly, sunshiney kid to a very anxious and quiet adult. I hope the kid will be ok and not treated like that just for being excited and playful, especially if he is ND too
I would have understood if he flipped out on the parents... but the kid? Really?
This is a phobia that needs to be addressed professionally
Okay, it's fair to want your child to look like you, especially when they're the same gender. However, if you marry someone who's a different ethnicity, which it's clear she did, it's shitty to complain that the daughter looks like your husband's female relatives, and not you.
My youngest have her fathers looks and eyes. We broke up (single mum) but every time i look in her eyes i tell her that those eyes are the reason i fell in love with him. We broke up because he mistreated my oldest. And no one Hurt my children. But oh those eyes sigh.
I will say one thing about the last commentair it ain't racisme. It is not fun if your kid looked like someone who hate you. Even if she had White skin red hair green eyes, she would feel the same.
It's a shame that studying genetics before trying to breed is not mandatory - to understand how it works. Most people I know who marry someone of a different ethnicity -accept that their children might look more like their partner, or one of their parents. This bimbo should have married another blond, as blond genes are recessive. You'd think after 2 miscarriages she'd be GRATEFUL to have a healthy child - and I wonder if she'd have even considered abortions if a test was available to predict a baby's colour or appearance?
@Potato Queen It’s not racist, not necessarily, but it’s certainly stupid. Genetics are a toss up anyway but having a child with someone outside of your race only increases that. And if she continues saying things like that, regardless of her intent, that little girl may begin to associate beauty with Eurocentric features. Like “oh it makes mom sad that I don’t have blonde hair or blue eyes…she’s disappointed, maybe having dark hair and dark eyes is a bad thing, or not as good.”
OP in second story is NTA his wife was getting upset over her child’s looks which is disgusting and was being a drama queen about it yeah she has an issue with the mother but that’s no excuse to throw a tantrum about a child’s looks
I don't understand the wifes mindset. Because you carried the child for 9 months you want it to be a look a like to yourself? Why?
I don’t get it either you should love a child no matter what they look like so what if the child doesn’t like like you give the child love and don’t moan about their looks
@@mariajw4803
Idk. Ask men that get pissed and demand dna tests when the kid doesn’t come out a clone of them. Or when it’s the sex they don’t like.
It’s not disgusting. I don’t blame the mom.
Zero it is disgusting getting upset over a child’s look is just a lowlife thing to do you should love your child no matter what they look like
In story two when they said OP was TA for having the conversation in front of the daughter, the conversation happened because OP's wife brought the conversation up by saying that she wished her daughter looked different. OP's wife brought it up and OP was defending his daughter and her looks while the wife was wishing the daughter looked different which is just awful. The child will now internalize that thought that their own mother wants them to look different. Are you kidding me here? NTA to OP and WTF is wrong with reddit?
Also to add, letting the small comment slide makes it seem like in front of the daughter that OP agrees with his wife. Kids NEED their parents to stick up for them when one parent says something wrong IN FRONT OF THEM. Not behind closed doors where the kid will think OP did nothing when their mother was insulting their looks.
One. I totally agree on the “kids need to their parents to stand up for them in front of them” cause I have a toxic relationship with my older sister mostly cause in front of me when I’d complain my family would say “she’s your older sister. She loves you. She doesn’t mean to hurt you” and then talk to her later after closed doors and no results occur.
But back to the point. I look like my deceased paternal grandmother. Tho she was a saint (unlike OP’s mother) and would scold my dad if he ever made my mom upset, and therefore had an amazing relationship with my mom. I still feel like even if the relationship was mediocre or worse my mom wouldn’t tell me to my face that she wished I looked like her (my grandma was as “white” as day cause she has Turkish genes and my mom is tan skin from a “white” Syrian/Iraqian mom and an Indian/Indonesian dad). Like my mom is toxic in many ways but I don’t believe she’s stoop to that level. In the end of the day I’m her child.
I agree that Mom's comment shouldn't have happened in front of her daughter. "Wishful moment" or not. Dad was correct to defend his kid, but could maybe have come at it in a better way. Like "I think both of you have beautiful hair", and "Kids change so much as they grow up. I'm sure she'll reflect you in so many ways that will be more obvious as she gets older." Whether or not that turns out to be true down the road, it might have been better than bringing up MIL. Plus there are so many ways a child can resemble you beyond the obvious features. She might eventually have Mom's smile, face shape, or mannerisms and expression. I'd definitely try to be aware of future interactions regarding daughters appearance. She should grow up loving herself no matter what. But in the moment it might have made wife feel better and even encouraged her to see herself in her child beyond just her coloring and nose. I've seen more than one kiddo that was the spitting image of one parent or another when they smiled or made a certain expression. Even though on the surface, they resembled the other parent more. I don't think he was the AH or condone her making the comment in front of her kid. I also don't think fixating on her daughters looks is healthy for either of them. I just think the conversation could have had a better outcome.
I don't think it was about the biracial factor. I think the mom just wanted to see more of herself in her child. One comment does not make her a toxic parent. We all have days where we say things wrong. If this were an ONGOING problem then yes it'd need to be addressed. But if she's normally a good parent and was just having a moment of pain, maybe thinking about the lost babies, or remembering a toxicity from ops mom and everything combined and she blurted it out......it's something to be aware of and if the thought continue then yes counseling would be good
@@bessevaraven859 People pretty much ignored that part though overall from what I have gathered, it's one of those situations where both parties kind of handled this poorly.
I dont think the mother was talking about skin color at all so I don't think anyone should be calling her a racist 😕. she just wished her daughter looked more like her. If she was a racist she wouldn't of married her husband....
I'm very curious about the cultural background of the one beer at lunch post. Many countries have different rules. When I was in the US Navy, we had a RIMPAC event where many different countries attended playing "War games". Basically, testing out each others noise detectability and working on solutions together. Best time of my life. Australia and Canada allowed alcohol on their ships/ subs, obviously highly regulated. Sounds like OP is from a different country. Sorry, I went on a bit there
as an aussie, a single beer at lunch sounds normal, and I don't even drink. so this definitely checks out for me (also please go on, I love hearing cultural differences)
In the UK it used to be much more common - one place I used to work had a Friday pub lunch before it was ended (before I started there) with alcohol.
Drinking beer or wine with a lunch when eating out is generally acceptable for the most part, though doing so while working is becoming less acceptable unless you work in certain fields where schmoozing clients is still big.
BYO beer as a packed lunch though... not a common thing at all and very frowned on.
Family owned businesses can be like this too I work in a workshop and sometimes the boys here will have a beer with lunch this is Florida
My husband was a manager for Siemens. The first time he went to their Berlin office he and his staff were shocked that beer was in the vending machines but there was no water available. The German manager said they only use water to bathe. The Americans each bought 2 liter bottles of water to leave at the office with their names on them. It embarrassed the Germans so by the next trip the coffee/tea lady had chilled water for the Americans. That continued until he retired. I hope they're still doing it.
I'm betting its the US. It doesn't seem like a big deal in other countries. I used to work for a conpaby that served beer, wine or Margaritas on Fridays during a potluck. But it was a mid size company. No where else I've worked since has allowed that
For the septum story:
Jeez people, is a freaking pearcing, it's reversible, she can take it off, she can hide it etc. She experimented for two years with fake ones and he didn't even notice when he got the real one
1:15:18 I’m sorry,,, but you cannot genuinely think that. Pls let’s run this back, this commenter is saying that when you marry someone they have a right to your physical appearance. I’m sorry- no. You as a spouse are entitled to your opinion, about anything/everything, including your partner’s appearance. That’s totally fine. What is not fine is then thinking you get to have a say as to another person’s bodily autonomy. You don’t, under any circumstances, get afforded the right to have control over anyone’s autonomy, ever. Doesn’t matter if that person is your mother, your partner, your cousin or you aunt. The only autonomy you have control over is your own. Period. End of discussion.
Disgusting that we as a human species have to remind each other that we are, in fact, human beings.
The comments are
simply disgusting. You give up your bodily autonomy once you get married? She ruined her relationship because of selfishness? What?! He freaked out over a piercing that can be easily removed at any time (provided it has healed), said she doesn't have a feminine face and called her hideous. How is that alright for these people to call her TA? Reminds me of parents not letting their teenage children express themselves by, idk, wearing some piece of clothing they don't like. If my partner were to get a cut or a piercing I wasn't a fan of, I'd simply state that I don't like it, that's just a small part of what makes him attractive to me that he decided to change. I would never give him a silent treatment, scream at him or call him hideous, no need to focus on a small thing that you don't like when there's so much more, if the person changes so much and you can't stand it, you can always leave. Her husband is nuts but so are some of the commenters who agree with him. If marriage revolves around not being able to try out new new looks because you might piss off your spouse then no wonder so many couples choose to remain unmarried.
@@minam1982 exactly! What gets me the most is that she’s someone who the husband is supposed to love. You don’t treat people you love in this manner, let alone anyone else. Some people have such a warped view or what’s supposed to be normal in any given relationship
And the person was talking about ‘major bodily change’. It’s just a piercing
my parents are going to a nursing home no matter what.
there's waaaaaaay more to caring for an elderly parent than I have the patience or skills for. better to know my own limits than let them suffer.
Gee whiz, I can't imagine not being grateful my parents insulted my spouse and DNA tested my child without permission!!! What's not to be grateful for!?! (insert HUGE sarcastic eyeroll here) Keep that spine shiny, OP - this is the right thing for your child. This was despicable boundary stomping racism, and the wee one needs protecting, even from his own gparents.
There were other options:
Why didn't OP1 take the kids with them to the dog appointment and to the mall? It was unnecessary to have another (stranger) person look after them. There is no reason that the two children, based on age, could not have gone with them.
Or why didn't the brother take the kids to the hospital with him? My husband and I have taken my son, at an even younger age, with me to medical emergencies with me at clinics and hospitals. He was not traumatized.
Depending on when it was during the pandemic or not because some hospitals in out area are not allowing children in hospitals unless they are in need of medical help
Depending on the covid numbers in their local area, there may have been a limit on the number of people who could accompany the hurt wife.
I do agree that the kids could have easily gone to the mall with OP. Or OP could have been honest about being unwilling to watch the kids so the dad could look for someone else.
I feel stupid...I forgot about Covid and hospital restrictions. My husband has had two operations these pandemic years in a hospital and one in a outpatient facility. I was not allowed in. I had to wait outside for a nurse to wheel him out to my car. Duh to me for forgetting.🤦♀️
So OP is TAH. She had an option: take the kids with her. I would not have wanted my son ever left with strangers. Which is why my husband would bring him with us when I had to go to a clinic or hospital and could not drive myself.
@@rollothecat2010 Also the OP didn't tell the brother that they will leave the kids supervised by other people..that's a big no-go...
@@ravanpee1325
The brother didn’t wait to see if the op accepted watching his kids. That’s an even bigger no no.
For the wedding food ones I think this might have been the plan all along so that she can say that the stepmom is the bad person for not coming and how hurt she is by it just because of food. But what she did seems like intentionally making no vegan options. Drinks, raw fruit and salad but leave off all toppings cuz the not vegan so only one bowl loose lettuce leaves, probably no vegan dressing. She hates the step mother no way around it.
Beans, potato's, tofu in sauce, veggie sides, roasted veg, literally so many options that fit with the other food and others than the stepmother would also love to eat.
Im gonma start off saying i respect your opinion but id like to say as someone with a vegan sister i say step mom is definitely an asshole for making this about "she hates me cause im vegan", my sister watched this and said the fruit, veggies and dip, drinks and salad is the typical options when only a few people out of 50+ people are the only vegans and thats okay because its one less thing to worry about while planing your wedding. Even at her best friends wedding where out of 70 people 4 are vegan they got a salad, veggies and dip, fruits and drinks and not one person complained or was like "wow she hates us cause we only got this stuff" or "they must not have wanted us here" because the day isnt about them, its about the couple getting married and celebrating their love with family and friends.
@@raovchaos5463 but she wasn't going to have options for how much salad tho even. She was going to get one bowl(probably no toppings if croutons, dressing and cheese was only topping on the other salad), and no veggies or dip. I see this more as if her step mom was intentionally made to feel unwelcome. If she goes with no food for one day will she live? Sure. But to watch others eating for hr and half and then already knowing you won't eat cake(completely understandable) makes you feel awkward, unwanted and hungry after been all day preparing for wedding, going to ceremony, photos, etc. Just saying for someone's plus one having no food accomodations is understandable, but for their stepmom(or bridesmaid,groomsman, particularly invited guest) who they know is vegan(or plant based or just any dietary difference from yours) they should've at minimum had 1 premade meal made for the day so they had something they could for sure eat after the long day.
@@raovchaos5463 I agree. I’m so surprise everyone shit on that OP when it’s the step mother coming and making demands towards her. if you don’t want the vegan options she already paid for them you can bring you own damn food.
I thought stepmil was allergic to shrimp or selfish.
I agree she sounds awful and was being petty AF.
but... no vegan dressing? can you actually force that?
I don't remember my father trying to drown me when I was 1 ½ but I'm hydrophobic. At one point I couldn't look strait while it rained or get squirted with a water gun for a few years. I mean I learned how to swim so I'm better now but even if you don't retain the memory the impression stays.
I think you mean hydrophobic. Hydroponic is when they plants in water as opposed to soil, aka hydroponic gardens.
Septum piercing story: my ex did this with my hair. I had longer hair. It was down to the middle of my back. I cut it to shoulder length after I had a baby who was ripping it out, and I had no time to do my hair anymore (hell. I rarely had time to wash my hair back then). He hated it. He acted like I had massacred puppies ffs.
I use to have really long hair that was so thick. When I moved down south, I got it cut short. Then I went even shorter. My boyfriend loves my hair and is even cool with me getting it dyed in november.
Like seriously, hair grows and piercings can be removed in a second. What the heck is that husband on and what the heck were those reactions from redditors?!
I am at a loss for what to say.
OP's husband is projecting his own infantile mind onto OP. Like, instead of sitting down and telling his previous partner they were done, he played those mind games on them. ??? And in such a extreme way, like getting PERMINENT tattooes??
The man is seriously not well OR I smell bs. Also manipulation.
OK, I get it: putting on or losing a substancial amount of weight, cosmetic surgeries, hygiene and all that is a serious change that can affect partner's perception of you. But something so minor as a hairstyle or a small piercing, and such a dramatic response? It's more about control and shallowness, not about actual OP's appearance which actually didn't change at all.
I hope OP didn't take those idiotic redditors seriously and saw who her husband was instead. Manipulative, infantile little control freak who sees her as a human doll for his own entertainment rather than another human being. And the man is covered in tattoos himself, mind you. If he was a Christian fundamentalist who gasps at a fake tatto or nail polish that would be at least understandable from the get go.
In short, yeah, double standarts, lack of respect for partner's bodily autonomy and decisions in regards to that body (which one is free to not support 100% but in no position to "forbid") and feeling justified to "punish" your partner with emotional abuse are all huge red flags.
I bet that marriage won't last. And the piercing problem is only the tip of the iceberg.
Story 1: in my opinion it's everyone sucks here
The Pizza story: You're not the A for having to reduce the pizza sizes, but you ARE the A for not making it clear precisely what the new size is. When you're running a business that sells people a product based on size, customers have every right to assume the size is literal and straightforward.
Lots of businesses have to make those kinds of adjustments to survive, but the reputable ones are honest about what they're selling at what price. This seems like trying to have your cake (or pizza) and eat it too and is not only super scummy it's likely to do far more damage to the business than just biting the bullet and raising prices or reducing sizing honestly.
The septum piercing story - NTA!
“The husband doesn’t have to like it”- I don’t even think OP disagrees with that. OP clearly liked the way the septum piercing looked, and she got it. As she demonstrated, you can easily hide it too. I don’t think OP is an asshole in any way for getting something done that she enjoys and it seems pretty clear that her partner’s reaction was completely irrational. She is allowed to do stuff just for herself, that’s okay. The partner thinking he’s entitled to shout at OP for it and control her self expression, that’s asshole behaviour imo.
Sorry but people with a seprum piercing remind me of cows or those poor bears.
I guarantee he doesn't consult her before changing HIS face or body. "my body my choice" applies to all aspects of your body. I don't have to ask my husband before getting a haircut or piercing.
43:08, oh nooo she was being thoughtful (a bit too much even, which happens with mental health issues) and was genuinely concerned for you and your sense of boundaries. mate, just... you didn't have to be a dickhead about it, yeah? just a simple 'it's all good, you didn't hurt or traumatize me' would have been enough, and maybe even given her mental relief from the overwhelming amount of guilt she very well could be feeling over it. also consider: if she's so distressed over the thought of crossing your boundaries, and touching you without consent (even if it was a poke to the ribs), that she contacted you? maybe she just went through something very violating and traumatic in her life.
this one pissed me off
I can't say if it's right or wrong but I know if my SO came home with a face tattoo or a septum piercing I would be very upset and would probably yell as he knows how I feel about them. Definitely a turn OFF. He could get a piercing or tattoo anywhere else his body his choice but if he wants in my pants don't make yourself look gross lol. Like I said, just my opinion.
I may not understand the piercing thing because my spouse has always said that I’m beautiful no matter what, and I feel the same about them. We feel that we have bodily autonomy and support each others choices. But if he finds her unattractive because of a piercing that she wanted, how will he feel about her when she ages? Or if she does something different with her hair? And he seems to have no control over how he reacts to things he doesn’t like. Even to a loved one. It doesn’t sound like a healthy situation to me.
But why should bride to be have to pay extra for one person?? She did mention a single restaurant plate just for her but that wasn’t acceptable to step mom. Step mom sounds like a complainer Karen who just wants to get attention and cause trouble. Talk with SM and ask her what she wants and see if you can accommodate the princess ( because it’s all about step mom right…. Her day) just to keep the peace and not to have so much stress on your day. Hopefully she just eats beforehand and eats your ordered special vegan plate plus the salad and fruits. OP not the AHOLE
(Step)Daughter Drama: Well, once ya hear the Ex's attitude towards OP's wife easy to see why the daughter is a disrespectful little brat. NTA - needs to be some serious counseling, and maybe a trip to Court to get Ex's attitude in line. She's harming her daughter, trying to win a game where the biggest loser is OP's daughter.
I agree with you. It sounds like the brats mom is putting her up to this to cause trouble in their marriage.
Respecting her boundaries?
She brought up a topic she wasn't even supposed to know about and just overheard
@@zaccotter8276 Didn't say anything about boundaries.
My mom was fair, dad wasn't, I'm somewhere in the middle. I haven't seen mom since I was 11 and yet I remember the things she said to me about not being fair and not having great teeth. It still affects me
Your mom was a terrible human. My kid is part Indian, she has almond shaped eyes, naturally tan skin, and is gorgeous. I'm pasty until im in the sun. She looks like a mix between me and her dad. And I have never said she was not pretty.
My father was an absolute prick that picked on my appearance all the time. My strong nose was called a "beak" and "huge" I have issues from him and vowed to break that cycle.
The parents are who I get very annoyed with, because they don't teach their children to behave in public. Screaming and running around, at a restaurant the kids need to stay in their seats!
Story about camp counselor poking you.
I say NTAH purely because whether or not she has a mental health issue, you didn't say anything wrong. Definitely could have said it better, but nothing wrong there
She however is completely in the wrong for telling you not to tell others what they should get over or not, it's not her thing to get over, it's yours. Any other situation is fine to say this if someone is dealing with something that affected them, but this was affecting you and you were fine. Absolutely no problem
I remember to this day my uncle telling me that I looked like a baby gorilla 🦍! Turns out that I was having an asthma attack at two days old. The look was me straining to breathe!
I never forgot overhearing I wasn’t beautiful! I was about four years old when he said it not realizing that I heard him!
Kids have long memories!
My mother is in awe that I mentioned a table my grandmother had when I was two and it had an extension that you slammed a handle back that was extremely noisy! I was enthralled with the noise!
I have a very good memory as do so many children and hearing themselves told they aren’t beautiful because they don’t look like a relative or have conventional beautiful can damage them for LIFE! I am in my MID FIFTIES NOW!
Think about what you say to and about children!
Baby gorillas are adorable
If you...you....weren't willing to watch your brother's children in person, for whatever reason, you tell him no. You do not give his children to a stranger without his knowledge/consent.
Exactly, even if she didn't have a chance to tell him no, which I doubt considering he's not the flash, you do not leave someone's kids with someone they or their parents don't know, and you don't just drop your kids off without the persons consent or prior knowledge, ESH for sure.
He ran off before they could (from the sounds of it). That’s the brothers fault in that case.
@@serpentinewolf7085 Unless he left the kids in the driveway and bolted, that's a no. And if he did....op needed to call him to come get them immediately. If he didn't, then call the police.
@@serpentinewolf7085 that isn’t even possible. What did he do, drop the kids off then teleport away?
@@jam2727
Drive away and not stop. Not impossible.
OP in story #1 really needs to grow up! It’s not like her brother was going out on a date or even to a work meeting. His wife broke her leg! What else was he supposed to do in an emergency? Sometimes you have to put your own feelings aside and help someone out. I doubt it would have caused OP any harm to watch two older children for a few hours just once.
Or take the two children with them.
Nah why couldn't the brats go to the hospital with dad?
@@fandomfan2800 why are they brats not to mention some hospital covid policies don’t allow multiple people into the room even if they’re the kids
@@fandomfan2800 Maybe because they’d get antsy waiting for the doctor to come and for the test results. Anyone who’s been to the emergency room (at least in the US) will tell you one visit can take up half your day.
@@fandomfan2800 Woah dude! I am not particularly fond of kids either, but these did nothing wrong to be called "brats". Plus, getting someone with a broken bone on their own at hospital is kind of tricky, let alone having your hands full with two kids.
Thanks for 3 days of 2 hour vids! Your the best
You dont plan a broken leg.
You can watch children for an hour or two in case of emergency :/
if someone took my cat and handed it over to someone I dont know, id be pissed too.
She better not ask him to ever come visit her in the hospital if she gets into an accident. I know I wouldn't visit her if it was my sister. I thank god I have no siblings at all.
She didn't agree to watch them. You can't force your kids onto other people without consent, medical emergency or npt
@@jinxstheories4263 ok but theyre not strangers, theyre literally close family members.
@@ArthropodJay so that makes it okay for her to be forced to care for kids she didn't agree to take care of?
I have some vague memories from when I was 2. Mainly the time when I locked my mom out of the house when we were visiting her parents for a while in Ningbo. Also there was the time when I fed a puppy some M&M's and I didn't get the implication of what I may have done to the dog until over a decade later...
It’s really not that hard to serve different veggie options. At my friends wedding, the brides dad is veggie and I’m vegan and we had LOADS of option. It was buffet food and it was awesome.
It sounds like OP doesn't understand the difference between what a vegetarian might accept or what a vegan would find edible. Brussel sprouts in butter sauce might work for one but not the other. The bride seems to be trying but doesn't know where to begin or how to work out vegan dishes. I wedding I went to was suppose to have vegan safe dishes, but it actually had interesting selection of vegetable options, that turned out not to be vegan safe.
The one where the sister paid for her brother’s college and not her step-brother’s, it made me think of another story where OP (maybe their uncle) solved a similar problem by saying they would match the monetary contribution that the rest of the family made to bail the family member out of jail. To no surprise the family raised/chipped in no money so OP didn’t have to put any forward either. Only works if you’re pretty sure the rest of the family won’t chip in though
Story 1: NTA. Does OP's brother know all of his children's teachers and coaches? If not, what's the difference between that and hiring a babysitter? OP didn't open her legs to have those kids, so they aren't her responsibility. It doesn't matter the circumstances. They are not her problem, just like her pets aren't her brother's or father's problem. OP didnt agree to babysit the kids; the brother technically abandoned them. He's lucky OP didn't call the police. Contrary to popular belief, women weren't put on this earth to be free babysitters. I hope OP goes no contact with her entitled "family".
How you treat your kids today determines what nursing home you go into tomorrow.
Wow! That Benjamin sounds like a really pos. The OP should not only cancel his birthday dinner but also inform Benjamin that he needs to move out after his 18th birthday. Maybe his aunt and uncle would enjoy taking him in and being on the receiving end of his "jokes".
They chose to bar OP after taking his money. OP might as well stay away. Changing the event won't change the brother's feelings. He didn't want him around before, and the parents agreed. Nothing has changed since then.
His mother married a Stepfather - definitely not a once in a lifetime event.
There is nothing “extreme” about being dismayed that a small child sits next to you at a restaurant, sorry.
The beer at work story cracked me up 😂 I worked at two different places that had a beer/cocktail cart come around during happy hour at work which was usually at the end of work day and on specific days usually Friday. I would NEVER think to bring my own alcohol- nor would I drink at my current job no matter how “lax” they are…
The way people act in public when in a group can cause others to view the whole group in the same negative light that they view one vocal member in.
I went to a Concert with a few of my friends and the women I had brought as a friend was visibly incensed that someone near our group had brought a young child with them. She did not know the other people there with us prior to that evening. The age range of the audience was mostly people in their 30s young professionals, so lots of moms and dads out on the town. The kid was a kid he was not perfectly behaved but he was reasonably behaved for his age. No one else that I was able to see thought that the kid was a problem and this woman was visibly furious and not too long into the concert she made way more of a commotion than the kid had ever made by verbally scolding the parents. The other people we were with were just mortified. I was just so pissed that she couldn't stop herself from embarrassing the other people that we were with. Kids are not as well behaved as they once were, deal with it.
Growing up I kept having a memory of my biological mom driving my sister and me to a rendezvous to hand us back over to our adoptive parents. I told my adoptive mom about it once when I was in my early teens. I said I remember my mom was pretty and blonde and my sister was in the front passenger seat and I was in the back seat behind my mom. I said I remember that faith hills this kiss came on the radio and it was my mom's favorite song so she turned it off and sang the whole song for us herself because we loved it when she would do that. I even remember the place that the switch off happened. It's a very distinct memory for me, one of very few from that time in my life. But after I told my adoptive mom she told me it never happened. She said my biological mother wasn't blonde but a brunette and that's why my sister and I are both brunettes. She said that no visitation drop off happened in the place I remember and that was not my bio mom's favorite song.
Later in life I hit rock bottom after being kicked out and spending a year in hell to the point that I felt it in my gut that I had to get over my stubborn refusal to reach out to my bio mom who I'd been told never wanted me and in turn I should feel the same. So I reached out and she was tentative but welcoming. She even upended her own Thanksgiving plans to include me in a day of spur of the moment decision simply because I told her that I didn't want to spend the holiday in the place I was at. And when I got there I finally meet my birth mother. Who is blonde. And pretty. And still loves faith hill. And will happily belt out this kiss if asked. And I told her about my memory and what my adoptive mom said about it. And my bio mom was shocked and asked how could I remember, I was only 2 at the time... so yea, a 2 year old can remember and it can be quite profound.
Funny story considering that guy that thought it was ok to drink a beer at work with lunch...I wonder is the guy is from a Korean background. I say that because I used to work in a clothing store: folding, sorting and stacking clothing for store displays. A coworker of mine was new, middle aged but new to that job and to the US. She used to bring a beer to work each day to have at lunch till someone told on her ( it wasn't me. I honestly didn't mind as long as she kept up with her work) When the head boss found out, he let her off with a warning not to do it again. She explained to everyone that she had worked jobs in stores in South Korea, and no one ever had any rules about drinking beer at lunch. Her coworkers just sorta chocked it up to an odd cultural barrier.
"I'm drinking alcohol at work, aita" dude...
My boi, the world outside of the USA exists, and let me tell you, drinking alcohol moderately during lunch break is more common then your enclosed skull thinks.
@@bernarxgames it's really weird to flex being an alcoholic
Man: *Makes sexist post*
Reddit: Asshole!!!!
Woman: *Makes sexist post*
Reddit: Well we don't know the whole story...
🤦♀️
Wow, don't you love how the Reddit Hivemind shows it has Double Standards? 🤔
Story 1: I'm curious, would people be mad if stepmom held an event and only served vegan food?
Pizza guy should either raise his prices or offer a smaller square.
Story n1. Honestly OP could of reacted better but when you have children plan for a emergency with people who won’t mind to take them last second. They also didn’t get a chance to answer yes or no 7 and 9 also is definitely old enough to care for themselves for a few hours.
The kids should've just been left home alone. They would've been fine. Hopefully the brother never trusts his bratty sister ever again.
Maybe someone who you have known your whole life and believe you can rely on? Like a person you would drop everything for to support them in case of emergency yourself and expect them to do the same in turn. If only such people exist...
Benjamin is abusive, period. He needs therapy and a LOT of trouble. People who deliberately go after people's vulnerable points on purpose because it's "funny" are often NARCISSISTS and that's definitely not sane or healthy behavior.
"Square" pizza: he probably can't make it a smaller square because it's frozen/premade.
I disagree about the wedding menu. I am vegan but i do not expect other people to accommodate my diet, i always bring my own food. Mine is for health choices, animal fat causes progression and disability in MS. I am well aware I am in the minority and my choice is my responsibility. Plus I never go to a wdding for the food.
I teach two year olds. That child absolutely without a doubt internalized that comment about her appearance. It is so wrong to have said that in front of her. Also I think the lady who apologized unnecessarily to OP might be in a 12-step
Piercing story: lmao NTA. It’s not a major change. It’s a fucking piercing. Leave that boy. He’s pathetic.
Mother complains, in front of her child, that the child looks like her mother-in-law instead of her. Father defends daughter. Immediately Blame the Male Syndrome kicks in, and it's all his fault.
Nose piercing:ESH You body your choice blah blah blah yada yada. That said why would you do something that your SO would hate without a conversation? And don't get me started on how the husband reacted.
that first story is such a doozy. yes, op trusted the person they left the kids with, but the fact that they didn't let their brother know what they were doing in the first place tells me that they definitely knew they were in the wrong. no parent would allow their children to be watched by somebody they don't know- that should be common sense.
First story not her kids. Not her responsibility. She is childfree for a reason. Wants to stay childfree. You do not force kids on that person. For any reason.
One beer is not irresponsible. I would not do it at my desk. Go out for lunch. Then it is none of their affair since you are not on the clock at lunch nor are you at their premises.
Story about the septum piercing: what the hell is he going to do when she gets old and gets wrinkles and gray hair and isn't as conventionally attractive as she was before? He has no right to yell at her or get angry with her. It's her body. It's a fucking piece of metal. People need to get over themselves with that toxic ass shit telling her what to do with her body
Kids remember so much more than you'd think, and it affects how they perceive you and how they act around you. I remember at 3 watching my older sibling and mom have explosive yelling arguments, and it led me to avoid conflict and completely shut down emotionally at any sign of it.
53:29, what about OP paying for her brother's birthday, and there was not any info on if she was paid back for it, though I can understand disinviting her about misanderist posts, only telling her after she pays is a dick move
1st it's ok to hate kids comments are wrong they were under no obligation to help kids that are not theirs
Completely disagree with the ahole judgment on the pet owners. I have children, grandchildren and pets. Having kids dumped on me with no choice would demoralize me. My grandsons, okay, absolutely. Sins kids I obviously have no relationship with? No
Story 2: This is why people roll their eyes at vegans.
I’m sorry, ESH because OP decided to do one small thing to her own body because she married him? He doesn’t need to like it but it doesn’t give him an excuse to verbally abuse her! I’ve done stuff to my body that my family hates, you don’t see them abusing me just because they brought me life! OP mentioned she’s got small tattoos and he’s got mad because of them yet he had tattoos, why’s that different? Why can’t she get a piercing that he knew she wanted just because he didn’t like it? It’s not like she even spent his or her or their money on it, it was a gift! OP was NTA, it’s her body, her choice, not her body, his choice
I am not overly fond of children in general, and I work in retail, where there are always kids misbehaving. My temptation would have been to tell the child: Careful there! It is too bad your parents haven’t taught you how to behave properly in a restaurant. Running around can get you hurt.
Story 2: ESH, OP's wife has every right to feel what she does but should not have said it in front of her daughter. What she is doing is toxic and considering all she has been through therapy maybe a good way to go to get her some help. OP's point is valid and he is justified in standing up for his daughter but this was a discussion that should have taken place away from the child as well when OP and his wife were alone. And OP's mother needs to be told that racism is not okay. I'm not afraid to go anti woke and tell the truth as it is here, we all know if the roles were reversed OP's mother would be called out for her attitude left, right and center and rightfully so, It is not okay period regardless of what anyone's ethnicity is. We are all human beings at the end of the day. And to the commenter who pointed out OP' wife's perceived racist overtones while ignoring OP's mother's obvious ones, it works both ways.
If the grandmother is racist against the kids, you will cut her out and go no contact. With the mother it's a whole more difficult situation. the kids will suffer for sure mentally
Agreed. Every parent looks forward to seeing bits of themselves in their kids. So I could see why having a child come out strictly one side is annoying. But like you said, nothing to be discussed in front of the kid.
Agreed, it's one of the cases where both parties pretty much handled the situation poorly. Also I do kind of wonder about that certain commenter who wants to make it into a racial thing.
Sometimes you just have to take your kid aside and explain what a crap head is ,and how that they can’t read the room . So they have to be punished for not hearing again and again for not having enough gray matter to feel empathy.
Nose Piercing Story: All of those comments are so fucking disgusting. It's OPs body, it's her choice. Her being in a relationship doesn't change that. If their partner hates it that much then they can separate, it's a stupid reason and it makes them stupid, but it's their choice. Back to actual story, the husband is a manipulative bastard.
I personally don't like facial tattoos but if my SO, who I decided to marry, wants to get one/gets one then then I'll deal with it.
NTA about the wedding food thing. I have food allergies, and I'm allergic to wheat/gluten. If I with a medical reason to not eat certain food never get catered for, then a vegan by choice is just being entitled to demand that the wedding food caters to them.
The story about the kid in the restaurant annoys me that it wasn't everyone sucks here op was a dick BUT THE CHILD WAS RUNNING IN THE RESTAURANT AND THE PARENTS DID NOTHING that is my only real complaint
3.05: No, not this. ESH. Yes, you never leave a kid with someone that the parent doesn't know, but the brother was an ahole for simply dropping the kids with OP like nothing. In every hospital I went, at least here in Spain, there are waiting rooms where kids can entertain themselves. What if OP wasn't available because they had already got to the mall? What if OP was sick as well or something worse? You NEVER drop off your kids with someone without warning.
I’m 35 yo dude who still remembers my mom talking about my nose when I was like 8 yo… and she was in the other room.
Mommy be TA.
Who the f##k drinks at lunch while at work
Alcoholics.
Bro the workplace YTAs wtf. NTA the guy was literally under the impression that they were doing nothing wrong and followed their OWN BOSSES LEAD. THEIR BOSS DRANK. Upon Op making that an example to HR of why he thought the behavior was acceptable, his boss later CHEWED HIM OUT? If its WRONG, mr boss, then why do YOU get to do it? Bruh. NTA ffs
First story I understand her view on it I have a kid I've watched him from birth to now at 17. My brother's have kids I'd watch my one brother's kids any time my other brother's kids I'd hand hime 100 bucks tell him hire someone mainly due to the way his wife treats me my parents and my brother
Story 1. NTA. Brother didn’t ask first. He called saying that he was coming with the kids and just showed up. Life sucks, and shit happens. Brother has learned a valuable lesson: set up contingency plans with people. Why couldn’t he have taken his kids to his parents? Since they were so opinionated about it. I wouldn’t have watched those kids either. I’d rather be a “selfish person” than a “doormat”.
I think I know who the pizza asshole guy is and if it's the same guy he had to close his business because of his practices and how he treated customers. It was honestly really funny that he posted on the company facebook that he didn't understand why people were like this and someone just responded "sir, do you know math? Do you know what numbers are? Can you count past two?"
Jesus man. My daughter looks like my mother and her stepdad (no idea why on that one lmao) but I’m not mad about it at all. Like wtf? I’ll tell her “yeah kid you don’t look like me at all” but never once have I made her feel bad about it! She didn’t decide how her body and face grew!
Stepgrandpa/Biodad was obviously grooming OP's Mom for years and just waited for her to be legally of age. That is NOT your mother's fault! You owe her the biggest apology of your life! How dare you judge her! She is his victim and deserves compassion and kindness!
I get being angry at the situation of a kid running about in a restaurant. It's definitely an annoyance for me especially since I was always taught even as a kid to sit and not run around in places where food is involved.
However, shouting at the kid is an AH move. Talk or even shout at the parents or the manager for all I care.
To the couple who went to Costco, why weren't you both putting things away together. It would have taken half the time you could have been resting sooner. It makes no sense to me. Or if you had brought things in, she could have put things away. You need to work together and communicate better. I do angry clean sometimes because it's better than violence, lol.
To the nineteen year old left out. No, you're not the AH. Don't go to the wedding and tell the cousin why you won't or really count. Go to school, get on with your life, and cut these horrible people out of your life, you're don't need them. Live a happy life. I'm glad she's pissed off. What a brat. But your parents made this monster. She probably bought 2 dresses on purpose so you wouldn't get one.
the "dad's" comment on the step-grandfather biodad situation is pretty much spot on. it's not even saying YTA, just "i understand that it's a lot to take on board, but you REALLY should apologize to your mom for what you said"...
1st story…how is everyone mad at OP? BROTHER is TA for dumping his kids on someone without their consent. Your crotch goblins are no one’s responsibility but your own. I’d choose my dogs and a day of having fun any day any time
Moldy fruit. You are guilty for not reading her mind. Her anger is justified. In her opinion. You need to be submissive. Just do as she imagined.
Wow, wife got shunned and disrespected based on her race and the racist preference of husband’s parents and now she’s racist because she’s reminded of the racist disrespectful mother in law every time she looks at her own daughter? Have some sympathy for the woman. She shouldn’t comment on her own daughter’s looks like this but there’s some intense struggle tied into it. She’s not an asshole and the husband needs to reassure her that he chose her over his shitty parents and will do it every time.
My oldest daughter will be the one who smuggles the booze into the nursing home for me!!! Lol