I Don't Want Kids. No, I'm Not Going to "Change My Mind." | Ti Talks Tuesday X Lady Business
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
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"I didn't like kids when I was a kid" 😂😂😂 Girl you are speaking my truth too 😜👌👏👏😘
😏
Jessica Medeiros lmbo she’s so raw yet comical! That tickled me too. Then the realization hit me like I first....Hell I can relate!
i felt her comment in my soul when she said this. lol.
@@impeccablyfitt3939 lol! Yes I can definitely relate to everything she said. I love hearing someone else speak it for me lol
This!
In fact I ended up having to raise my nephew and that confirmed that I was right to not bear children, when I needed my hysterectomy, my doctor was like "are you sure?" and I pointed to my nephew and she couldn't schedule it quick enough 😂😂😂
At age 23 and after graduating from college, I crunched the numbers and discovered that the cost of raising one kid was $1.03 million dollars (US). I told my family and friends that I don't want them because "the overhead is too high". They were horrified that a kid was a line item in my spreadsheet and said "you will change your mind". I am now 50, single, NO KIDS, successful career and living my best and well traveled life.....zero regrets.
Haha, I love the 'overhead' phrase, I might have to steal it:)
Yassss
Nice👏👏👏👍
That's what I'm talkin about girl!
Yasss 💁🏽♀️
Are you me? I've told my family since I was 4 that I didn't want kids. I'll be 30 next month...stance has not changed. I always get "but you would make such a wonderful mother." Who asked you Susan?
Hahahaha. Yeah, shut up, Susan.
haaaaaa "Susan"... lol
SUSAN 💀
Girl same
At 5 I told my I wasn't getting married because I thought marriage caused children.
“I’m a minority within a minority within a minority. I’m a woman, who’s black, who DOESN’T WANT KIDS.” Amen, girl! Thank you so much! People like you make me realize I’m not alone. 😊♥️
yes we are not alone🙆🏽♀️🙆🏽♀️🙆🏽♀️
this! never understood how ppl could WANT them!
Where were women like you 50 years ago ........... smh
Makes me feel part of a community!! 🥰
Imma give u 7 years based on ur profile photo to change ur mind
I've never understood why its socially acceptable to wish kids upon people who don't want them.
Random dude not just she U.S. Y’all are so obsessed with Americans
Because they want to drag us into The Life of Having Kids TM. :)
b/c they want company within their misery.....not today satan!
Exactly. When the kid is unwanted, the child is mistreated. That is why there is a foster care system where these kids often get abused as well. The people who say that one is selfish for not having kids are not going to stick around and take care of that kid.
Misery loves company...........
I’m 28. I don’t have kids and never been interested in being a mother. I don’t have the patience and don’t want the responsibility.
NaturallyDOPE0990 Exactly
Same
Me too
You are right. Having a child in this slave system will make your life even more limited. And you going to sacrifice your freedom and happiness to take care of the kids. You will not be free to go somewhere because of the school. The idea of having schools in order children to learn and to get a degree is making you even more chained to your kids not to go or travel anywhere or visit places. So that means after work to go take the children from school go home take care of the children and get to bed. What kind of life is this? And you cannot save money for vacation. Because children are expensive. They want this and that and food and to take care of them clothing and stuff and so on. So i think it is the way this system is that makes us not wanting children. And because of fear. This system and society is based on that. Fear that your child to be beaten in school or your child to take drugs under your nose in school when you are at work. Fear your child not to be hit by a car while the child is making his way home. Fear your child not to get involved in some fights. Or to steal or to hang around with a bad group or to kill someone. Let me tell you some truth. I think in order we to be free as human beings we must change the system. I think schools do not teach children things that will be in their benefit later in life. It is the complete opposite. Schools have becomed prisons for children. There children kill eachother. Fight. Shame eachother. And bully eachother even teachers. Causing to feel so depressed , stressed and unhappy and unmotivated. This is not the way it should be. If we to have children schools must dissappear. This way we are going to go whenever we want with our children. Traveling together learning together new things while traveling. And when we are at work our children to be with us in the work place teaching the children how to work how to get their own money at a very early age. Remember the best teacher for your child is not the teachers from school. It is you and you alone. You can teach the child the basics how your child to write , how to speak the language and how to + , - , . , : . And i think life will be more fun like this with children if schools are gone.
Saaaame
Someone called me selfish because I told her that children & marriage might not be for me . & u know what I’m ok with her calling me selfish because she does not pay my bills #selfish
Yes, I've heard this absurd comment before. "Selfish" is pooping out a kid you didn't really want, and not fulfilling your responsibilities as a parent, once the child is here.
Omg someone said the same thing to me, and my reply was SO. Ive been married for 11 years and been with my husband for 18 years and he and I are on the same page when it comes to not having kids. Fyi the person who stated I was selfish was a man with 3 kids and 3 baby momma and he just finish complaining to me about his bad a$$ kids smfh. #miserylovescompany #imselfish
When people say this to me I tell them selfish is wanting to extend your bloodline. If you just want to raise a child there are plenty in the system who need a good home.
Lol, don't worry about me worry about yourself and what I might decide to call you if you get on my last nerve. Luckily no one bothers me about it that much, lol.
I understand. My cousin called my sister and me selfish to our faces, simply because we are in our 40s and have no children.
I’ve actually been told “you will never have a man if you aren’t willing to GIVE him a child” it’s amazing to me how my ovaries are apparently what determines my success to some people. Granted i am a chemical engineer, leave the country when i want to and own my own business but OBVIOUSLY Since I’m not married or a mother lol 😂 I’m lacking
Oh no, we're *never* complete/enough until a man decides to bless us with his seed. Didn't you know???
nappyheadedjojoba of course GOD FORBID i don’t want to bear a man’s seed and the dangerous journey of childbirth. But you know as long as i make a man happy that’s all I should want to do. Everything else I’ve done doesn’t matter.
Melanin Eclectic Do the damned thang sis!!!
On the man's side here: Someone told me I'm a genetic failure if I don't have children. 😂😂 as if my genetics are important. Fml
I've been told this too. And so! I won't have a man then.
I heard someone say something really cool once. “It’s better to wake up 20 years from now, regret not having kids and then adopting. Than waking up 20 years from now, having kids and regretting that decision.”
Demeter's Daughter as an adult I can come to terms with regret, but a child will not have the capacity to cope with my regret (you can think you're hiding it all you want to, but it's impossible to not reveal your underlying dread over being a parent). And knowing this will impact them even into adulthood.
Demeter's Daughter Adoption isn’t as peachy as it seems. Adoptee kids need special attention and are often dealing with a abandonment issues and attachment trauma from the initial separation from their birth mother. Overseas adoption also tends to be very unethical and classist, with orphanages literally kidnapping kids to sell to rich westerners. This isn’t including the thousands upon thousands of dollars spent on lawyers agents and fees and then still having to put on long waiting lists until your agent finds a match. There’s a reason adoption is much rarer these days. And would be parents often go through a lot of heart break. Your other option is a egg donor (which is highly unethical to the child bc you deliberately separated them from their birth mother and maternal relatives, and half siblings, and quite literally bought their DNA) and an expensive surrogate (also really unethical bc the surrogate is often poor and doing this for money, and is in a increased risk of pregnancy complication due to the drugs and interventions of the IVF cycle). And then you can raise a child that isn’t biologically yours and will probably go through the same abandonment issues and mental problems adoptees go through, but this time you paid for it to happen so you can be a mom.
Please think about what you want in life. Having babies later in life isn’t always easy and your chances of ovarian and breast cancer increases when you have a kid after 35. That said aging without a family is incredibly depressing. Humans were never evolved to not have kids. We were meant to multiple and create tribes and villages even.... Mentally, socially and physically. We crave “genetic proximity” to the point that our friends are closer related to us than strangers, women become sick and develop breast cancer tumors when they never have kids, and people are at a increase risk of dying alone with depression when they don’t have families to either take care of them in their old age, or at least come to visit them in their nursing homes. Not having a kid is very unnatural, and has a lot of consequences you may not have thought about.
Kæla Brown you should ask yourself why it bothers you that she doesn’t want kids.It’s not unnatural for a woman to not want kids.Not everyone is cut out to be a mother.
@@laela6289 So what do you say to women that want to have kids but are incapable of having them? They're just plum out of luck? Because you're making it sound like just because the adoption process is more difficult and adopted kids can be challenging means that people shouldn't do it. Those kids don't deserve families just because they aren't biological?
I've met a lot of people that really just shouldn't have had kids whether because of financial reasons, lack of responsibility, or just because they're dumb as bricks. Whether it's the natural order of things or not, some people just are not cut out to be parents. Forcing someone into a situation they don't want to be in isn't a good idea- you think that's gonna make a good parent? Think of it like swimming. Let's say you have a woman who not only doesn't know how to swim, but doesn't even want to learn. Are you then going to just push her into the deep end of a pool and hope she floats?
@@laela6289 well that's rude to spread false information on the health of foster children to SCARE others out of adoption. Sham on you!
The thing I hate, is when people tell me, "There are so many women in the world who can't have children and you refuse to? You're being selfish!"
I just wanna know how that argument even makes sense.
It does not. It does not make *any* sense.
You should have told them they're selfish because they're not out there running marathons because there are people in wheelchairs who wish they could run marathons. I'm very sorry for infertile women, but other people's disabilities are not my problem.
Or....but your SO good with them...whyyyyyy dont you want them
Or who's going to look after you in your old age.
Or you'll have them one day and then there comes the. 'You're so selfish'
Exactly! Those people need to be told that just because you can doesn't mean you should.
There irony of those arguments is absurd. Having kids because it's an important "phase" of life or "a vital step of marriage" is one of the most selfish reasons to have children. These adults aren't looking at their future children as future adults that need to be guided and prepared for a world of pain, hardships and living with other humans that might be difficult to deal with. They see their roll as parents as a frivolous phase of life. It's about fulfilling some shallow aesthetic desire of being a parent.
This is eye opening. My daughter is 24 and says that she has no interest in having children. And my response is usually " You're young, you will change your mind". I never thought to myself that she may really feel that way. I never felt like her not wanting children makes her less of a woman. I just really thought that that's what woman do, we have children. I now will not let that be a response to my daughter or to anyone that has made a decision not to have kids. Awesome video (as usual!!😀)
You're an awesome mom, April!!! I was 24 when I told my mother I had ZERO interest in being a mother and she insisted on praying on my womb so I proceeded in letting her know that if she did not respect my decision, she can be easily cut off. I knew since I was 7 that I didn't want kids; I am 36 and still ...don't want kids so people don't change their minds. You know you want kids, you are not sure or you are sure that you don't want kids. I highly commend you for being an amazing parent because I am sure her news wasn't easy for you!!! #yourock
@@a.c.n.9421 No disrespect, but I think it should take a lot more than your mother wanting you to give birth for you to cut her off. I mean my mom raised me as a single mother and when I came out as gay she was really not for it. But I never thought of cutting her off, like no matter how she feels about my life I'm going to still do what I want. One disagreement shouldn't cancel her.
Well, you are you and she is herself and therefore she may feel differently than you do. That is her priviledge as a human being with a brain, a soul and thoughts of her own. Don't project your feelings about something on someone else; they know themselves better than you can. Disrespecting someone's life choices may truly be a relationship breaker for this individual. No need to shame them for how strongly they feel about it. Isn't that the whole point of TNHJ's video about not wanting children??
@@otherarcher9620 to each their own. Definitely no shame from me
@Izzie Storm's World lmao
Imma be honest, I see kids as a financial burden, a liability, a huge headache honestly
Yes
Facts ! 🤷🏾♀️
As a parent, I can assure you that's all true. 😆
i'm not sure if i want kids. but i am sure that i want to be the rich aunty with lovers across the globe that flies in only for the holidays just to stunt on everybody
😍 That's my dream!!!!
Lol this is soooo me! Preach to the choir sis 😩
#PANKGOALS
That's literally me😂
I received that. Amen lolzz
“CHILD BIRTH IS TERRIFYING” I felt that in my soul
And it ruins the shape of a mother. The womb is never the same, again.
That’s a big fear of mine, I’m afraid to give birth.
@@severinelacri9881 I literally had nightmares a out it
@@kathryneprickett2083 Same. I had a dream that I would die during child birth once, I freaked out.
Google ‘ tokophobia’
I'm glad that as black women more of us feel safer having these conversations publicly. I swear when people discover that as a black woman I've managed to make 34 years without birthing children it's hard to avoid the obvious look of surprise of their faces. Apparently, it's our birthright (pun intended) to pop out at least a couple of kids with dead beat baby daddies before we turn 30. Curiously, I get less push back as I get older. I guess the breeders are beginning to figure out that lack of sleep, lack of disposable income, lack of personal time or privacy for the next 20 years is not everyone's cup of tea.
"the breeders" lmaooo
Preach. I'm the only woman on my job without kids. It's only three black women in my office, and I don't fit the stereotype. You know, black woman with a bunch of kids, multiple baby daddies and not married. Sorry not sorry. I was responsible with my uterus. IF I get pregnant, and that's a big if because I DON'T want kids, you better believe I will be married first.
amen
LMFAO "dead beat baby daddies. "
I'm 60+ and I wish women were more open and vocal about that when I was younger I would have chosen one of them
I'm 49 and having children was never the dream, I still have people saying it's not too late. Late for what? I'm good and I'm not married and happy.
Nicole Bell wonderful
Good for you Nicole! Stick with your guns.
Well said.
tell them yes it is to late having kids at a old age gives a higher chance to a kid with defect or illness and i dont think a person wants to give birth to a child that would suffer all there life
I like kids...because they’re not mine. And I happily accept those backhanded compliments from women with kids.
Her: Those are beautiful shoes. I would never spend that much money on something as frivolous as shoes when I could buy better things for my kids.
Me: Well I just bought these for that vacation I’m going on. I guess they wouldn’t really be appropriate around-the-house shoes.
Wow! Sounds line the shoe shaming episode of Sex in the city.
DanceSexMusicHipHop lol it truly was like that episode.
DanceSexMusicHipHop lol it truly was like that episode.
LOOOOOOVE IT!!! YASSS! Serve those haters the tea BACK EXTRA piping hot!
what a big, beautiful mood, LOLOLOL
As a mother of 3 I totally respect your decision & view. Many women follow the “norm” & really don’t want to be mothers, then the child suffers. It’s your body & you don’t have to explain your decision to anyone. ALWAYS do what is best for YOU!!!! All those who think you should or will change your mind won’t be around to change diapers, those late nights, hospital/doctor visits, etc. There’s a lot that comes with kids. They aren’t dolls/toys!!!
Exactly! Love your comment!
These are my exact thoughts. I am also a mom of 3. Nothing wrong with not wanting kids.
My mother has 5 children. I deeply respect her as woman, mother, and human being, but I really don't want one. I take great care of family pets and the bill sometimes make me cringe, but I believe I'm already responsible for these living beings I bring into my life (though, sometimes it's my parents or siblings who brought them, but the pets are part of my responsibility now). I already experienced several cat births and I must say it was quite exhausting, and that's without counting the rest of pets' care such as visits to pet, injection, food, grooming, and so many more. I don't think I will ever be able to be fully responsible for another human being and hopefully I can explain to people that that's my prerogative.
i'm 56 and didn't want kids, didn't have kids and I don't regret not having kids. Folks constantly told me i'd be sorry. I'm not.
Have fun in that care home 😁
@@marcusgarvey630 I have EXTENSIVE experience inside of nursing homes and I'll be fine. thanks ! ;-)
@@calonstanni i hope you will be and not catch corona
@@marcusgarvey630 Thanks for caring! My mom is in a nursing home now and has COVID. None of us kids can do anything for her. We are not allowed to see her or send her packages... so we're not of much use to her right now.
Marcus Garvey . The funny thing is that she is able to save up a *lot* of money or even make investments etc. so she can buy her own help (should she need it. Why Do you think *everybody* goes to a care home?) Much more reliable than kids.
I don't blame you; I don't want kids either, too stressful. I just want to travel. I'm a children's therapist; so I know the REAL, REAL of having kids. It's not a fairytale; parents are going through hell. Lol!
And the marriage thing too?! I really thought I was the only woman (and a Nigerian one at that) that had ZERO interest in these things. I have no desire to bust my balls to get an education, get the dream job, travel anywhere, and be independent only to turn around and be a trapped maid. Nope. Not to mention I was the oldest child and only girl of 4 kids. I have served my sentence. 👋🏾👋🏾👋🏾
Haha, you've definitely put in your time already!
I have yet to have personally met another Nigerian woman who also doesn't desire marriage or children. If u don't mind me asking how do your family and friends react to that?
@@QueenOfTheDamned my mom ignores me and acts like Jesus will fix it. I told her some years ago I wanted to sell my eggs for money to pay down my school loans since I have no plans to use them and she said, "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that". LOL! She keeps having convos with me about having children and being married and I repeatedly have to remind her that I'm not interested in those things. I haven't told my dad. The aunties in church are shocked.
@@QueenOfTheDamned friends on the other hand depend. If they're American, they get it. If they're African, they use it as a weapon against me anytime I mention anything I don't like that involves children. Example,
Me: children are a handful and annoying.
"Friend": I know you don't like/want children but you dont have to be mean. Etc."
Basically I dont bother talking to certain people about it which is unfair cause I have to listen to their Tyler Perry /black love ex boyfriend online dating drama. Or I used to cause I left that group chat.
@@ibogirl04 Interesting. I have also mentioned that I don't want kids to my mom and dad. My mom doesn't really pressure me but she will often looks sad. When she She sees wedding pics of my cousins and friends getting married and starting a family, she'll whisper things about how one day she hopes to have her own grand children. I have two younger brothers who can also have children. I'm just not interested in having my own even though I love children and how they see the world. I just don't want that kind of commitment or responsibility for life. My friends know but I can't bring myself to mention it to my extended family members. For example my aunt always asks if I'm dating and always wants to hook me up with a guy from Nigeria. You told people at church??? Damn I don't attend church but if i did i would be too scared to tell others.
I Encourage for ALL Black Women to live their most authentic LIFE regardless of societal standardsa
VidaUrbana Amen!!
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Yes.🙂
Preach it sis!
All women period
I'm 43 and I have a daughter who is 11. I love her to DEATH and would kill anyone who hurt her. (And I don't necessarily like kids.)
However, I would have been perfectly happy not having a child. I got married and had a child because it was something I thought I was "supposed" to do. If I could go back knowing what I know now, I wouldn't make the same decision. Marked by the fact that I am now no longer married.
But let me tell you something, it doesn't end when you have a kid. You have no idea how many people have told me that I'm a bad mom because I only have one, that my daughter deserves a sibling. 🙄 Bitch pahleese!
Well, my uterus is closed. Permanently!
Women who know they dont want kids and stick to it, GOOD FOR YOU LADIES!!!! Keep you for you!
Oh, for the record, child birth is the easiest part of having a kid. The hardest part is not backhanding your 11 yo child when she yells at you, "it's HER life". BISH, you don't have a life yet!!!
Ha! I still feel like I owe my mom several apologies from my behavior when I was a tween/teen. Yikes. I'm sorry to hear things didn't go as you planned marriage-wise, but it sounds like you've found your way to a happy life, nonetheless. Good luck with your daughter. You've got some years to go of angst and outbursts!
I literally said the same thing a few days ago that childbirth was the easy part . My 1 and only Daughter is now 12 and it’s getting tough especially, as a single parent. Oh Lord give me strength 🙏🏾
@@empress395 Gurl, we should start a support group. LOL!
I have one and only one. And that's that. I wish someone would come this way with their unwanted opinion about my decision to have ONE. I done care how anyone feels. My baby is 19 and there's no darn way I would ever have another. She was easy. And I will kindly take my bow.
They dont go away! Ever
I don't want kids either. I love kids and I'm a child therapist, but I don't feel the need to make a human from scratch. I like helping the ones that are already here. 🤷
I am a teacher and I feel similar to you!
“A human from scratch”😂
Same. I am an educator and musician and love love love supporting their minds academically and artistically. I love the relationships I have with these Little, yet Powerful, Human Beings.
same
No marriage/No kids for me. Happy, single, free. The world is overpopulated anyway.
Maybe that is the earths solution to over population: more gay people and people who don’t want kids. 🙂
Me too **high five**
Zhang Man Cheng . People always find loopholes 😁
Wassup Ti!! I love kids, but I'd much rather be the "fun Auntie". I have very little interest in being somebody's mother. But coming from a big Nigerian family, the pressure is overwhelming. Same with marriage. I was never allowed to date when I was a teen, so I was a VERY late bloomer when it came to dating and relationships. I'm not sure if that has anything to with it, but I'm now a 28 year old woman who would much rather be by herself most of the time🤷🏿♀️
Edited to add: my parents bitter divorce might also have something to do with it...
Same, I'm a loner, and I like it that way. I don't have a big family, but that didn't change the assumptions/pressures about getting married, having kids, either. At the most, I'd be down for a long term relationship, if I met a guy who didn't get on my nerves within 20 minutes. But, I don't "need" or want a ring to feel complete in life. At all.
My family is Nigerian too and I don't want children. I do want to be the cool/fun/rich aunt who travels a lot!
Don't be overwhelmed, please don't let that be the reason to become a wife nor a mother!
pajamagirl123 I’m Nigerian too
I totally understand the pressure to get into marriage and have kids
Nigerian/Carribbean here and I unserstand what you mean!
Honestly...and I have never admitted this but if I could do it over again I wouldn't have kids. Not because I don't love them but people are crazy and you have to trust that people won't harm them and it's like a heart attack every single time I see them walking out the door
Absolutely, I 100% understand!
Meeeee too
@@mayabrown3741park I know it isn't but I have 5 so I wouldn't have anymore kids anyway. 2 of my babies are on the autism spectrum so I have to be on high alert for them because they wander and I do fear for them just being honest and transparent
I don’t have any children either, but I have nephews, and I have the same fear. No matter how old they are, you will always worry. Imagine if I had my own 😩🤦🏿♀️
This. This is one of the main reasons why I lean so much towards not having any kids.
People act invalidated by another person's individualism. Maybe becuz they don't feel free.
Deep truth.
Truth hurts
34 year-old here--never wanted 'em, still don't.
My motivator
I have hard enough time parenting myself and establishing self care routines to keep myself sane and healthy.
Same!!
I can relate
I'm newly 40. This Thanksgiving was the first holiday nobody asked me when I was getting married or having kids. It was nice just enjoying my family without feeling attacked because I don't want that baggage.
Mysasser1 Life with no boundaries is truly freeing! Continue to live your life unapologetically 🤗
@@Darkempress45 Couldn't have said it better myself.
A lot of women do not want to have children and it's ok. When I use to go back home for vacations I would get the same question. I would tell them I was focused on my career and having children wasn't a priority for me. I am not able to have children because of painful periods and fibroids. I'm ok with it. I'm enjoying my life.
Damn, I'm jealous...I have a Wasband and 2 kids...I'd give my right arm to be free at Thanksgiving💆🏾♀️ well most of time. I'mma keep hope alive✊🏾😥
"I’m a woman who is black and who doesn’t want kids." I can relate to that! Trust me people still tell you that you’ll change your mind when you’re in your late 30s. I even sometimes now get the bonus track: "And you’ll regret it later" My thoughts on that: if I do regret it when I’m 70, I’ll still be able to take comfort in the fact that I’ve been happily childfree for the previous 69 years! Also, what is it with the fact that when people say they want a big family, nobody tell them they’ll change their minds, even though it happens a lot.
It is beyond rude to "threaten" someone with those "You'll regret it later" comments, and I'm getting heated, just thinking about it. Just let people be at peace with their choices for themselves, and stop putting your baggage on my cart.
The “you’ll regret it later” is just to ridiculous to even get mad at anymore. If it was really about a women mothering, she always has the opportunity with children needing foster parents, adoption, mentoring etc all regardless of age.
Having kids is just a whole lot and people don’t come out to say the negatives. They sound all bliss
Shit, not me. I make sure everyone without kids that want to know i tell them all the horrors especially having a child in each age bracket except toddler. My youngest is 9 so I'm finally getting my freedom back.
Hahahha thanks
@@queneshiarena i feel this so much. I didn't feel "in love" with my oldest immediately and I genuinely dislike babies. I had no idea it wasn't that uncommon, it just makes people uncomfortable.
My kids are 5 and 6 now and I finally feel like this is what I signed up for. People still ask me about having another and I'm like "ummm, I just got my life back in order. No. I don't want to go back to constant sleep deprived chaos."
I made the Choice to blast em out back to back so I only had do deal with babies once.
Everyone is not meant to be mothers. Some of these "mothers" have no business being mothers from jump street.
Life seems peaceful without kids. Space and a private life is satisfying.
Girl, preach! WOC here, Mexican Latina who does NOT want children and am 37. Hanging around my people... I am an anomaly. How dare I not want a conventional life!
Yes -- I can imagine you probably get a lot of pressure and questions, too!
I like almost died when you said: your free to go I have already called you an Uber. 😂😂😂
"Now that I'm at the end of my life a mere moments away from death's sweet release..." subscribed! 😂😂
Well who’s gonna look after you when you are old?
Me: that’s what carers are for
Can those people guarantee that your child will turn into a helpful, financially stable person? I know tons of older people who can't rely on their children helping them, because their children are terrible. So now you spent all that money, time, years of your life, and you're still on your own in your old age. Horrible reason to have a kid.
Mary Crisman exactly!
Why would we burden our children w taking care of us
Facts...I'll be at "Shady Oaks" nursing home, living my BEST life lol
Hope you have good carers! 🤣
I have one child, she's 22 and she's often told me that she doesn't want children, my response was 🤷🏽♀️ ,if that's her choice, I respect it.
I don't have kids. I went through that phase in life where I did but now that I am 38 I have made peace with never having kids or getting married. I am an auntie and I have fur babies and that works for me. Plus in this particular version of America the though of bringing black children into it, especially a black male child is frightening.
Crystal Harper You are lying. If you had a good black man who wanted to start a family with you your stance will change.
Your right..I have two grown sons..and I worry about them so much! Its a scary world for our young black males.
Honey Why can’t you just respect her decision, you’re honestly disgusting.
@@joylm9108 You literally do not know her. Your ideals aren't everyone's.
@@joylm9108 😒.
I am almost 35 & I don’t want kids either. I went through an intense period of wanting children when I was around 25 (even went through with banking my eggs, a whole ‘nother thing entirely), but then my sister had her first & moved in with me for a while. It was so intense financially, spiritually, mentally...I was so relieved when they moved out. That was when I knew that I’d fantasized the idea of being a mother & having a child. I learned a lot about what I want my life to be. I cherish being able to have my own space and the freedom to come & go as I please. I also fuckin love QUIET. I cannot imagine my life with a kid & don’t want to.
Ahhh..people really underestimate the awesomeness of freedom to come and go as you please, peace and QUIET; not to mention knowing where things are in your flat; wearing whatever crazy, impractical clothing you want and pursuing whatever creative thing takes your fancy. So wonderful to come home to an empty house and the peace of mind that solitude brings. The outside world buffets me around enough; I don't need more of that at home, thank you very much.
I don't see having kids as a bad thing but I'm happy when women say they don't kids because it's a serious thing I respect women who don't want kids because some women shouldn't have any children.
Thank your sister for showing you how shit it is to have a kid that experience was what you needed to see the reality
I’m 25 and don’t want kids either they’re annoying as hell. Even the ones I’m related to. I don’t enjoy being around them. I can handle them for maybe an hour and then I’m ready for them to go away from me and get out of my space.
More and more women are admitting that they don’t want kids, especially black women. In the black community people have kids like they bought a new bag of skittles. children are honestly irritating, expensive, and I want to keep my body looking good.
All I want for myself is a cute condo, my own business, and a dog. I’m halfway there.
You and I are kindred spirits, for real. I agree with ALL of this.
Lol. I understand
Me n u would be bff cause I feel the same way
I love this! People would probably call us selfish but it's our life and we are allowed to be selfish. ;)
@@ooTiaMaria93
N being selfish ain't the end of the world
27, married, and dont want kids. Bought a house with a large yard just so I can get a dog. Pets over kids all day!
I’m a 40 year old black woman and child free. Zero regrets! 🙌 After my mother told me how pregnancy and periods work, I told her I would never have kids. I had to be about ten then. She said I’ll change my mind. People still wish me happy Mother’s Day when it rolls round though, and I always have to correct them. 🙄 Then they act all surprised. Apparently they think all women on earth have kids. But what really gets me are the bingos like, what if your man wants a kid? Of course I say, I’ll replace him. Weird how these people act like all free will and self determination goes right out the window when a man shows up. Can’t help but wonder if Christianity’s view of women somehow plays a roll. 🤔 I guess we’re expected to just settle for less because a male exists. Like, what?
That’s like me saying I want a Toyota, but I’ll settle for a Ford instead when it shows up. Wtf? 🙄 I have standards, and I know what I want and why I want it. And what really irks me is that if a teen girl says she wants to join the military at 18, she’s deemed old and mature enough to make that decision. But let her say she doesn’t want a kid, and suddenly she’s immature and has no idea what she’s doing. So she’s old enough to kill a person but not old enough to govern her own body. Once again, wtf? 🤦♀️ And for those wondering, no, the bingos never stop. My 40 year old self still gets them.
your point about the military is SO GOOD
Sis it's culture and it's toxic culture
A Christian woman told me that if I meet the right guy, he’ll change my mind. I replied, when someone is determined in their decision why would you want to change their mind?
It’s my body and I determine what goes in and what comes out-I don’t have children because other people want me to.
She replied: You’re right. Only if you want children.
I don’t understand how a man wanting a child has anything to do with me? Especially if I’m clear on NOT wanting them, that’s another reason why I’ve stopped dating.
A lot of these people are talking about leaving a legacy, in my opinion-if you’re not enough to do something on your own, you have no business bringing children into the world.
My legacy will be left with my work and I am happy about that.
I’m 23 and I’ve already had a family member ask if I’m dating and that I need to get on top of finding someone so that I can start a family before I’m “too old”. People really think that’s our only purpose in life as women. Getting married & having kids is the LAST thing on my mind. Especially in this economy. All I’m thinking about is paying off my student debt, having a fulfilling career, making a decent living, and comfortably retiring one day. And traveling/exploring the world when I have the time and the means to do so. That is literally all I want in life lol. People can’t wrap their minds around a woman putting herself and her wants first.
There is no point in life that is the pinnacle. Motherhood is not the pinnacle of womanhood. Career is not the pinnacle of womanhood. Each and every stage and season is as important as the next. Whether you are rocking the cradle, creating a product, closing the deal, volunteering your time or declining in the old folks home it all matters. There is no one moment or stage where our lives are fulfilled, what would that mean for the rest of our lives? How sad would it be if I raised my kids and then sat back and said "welp, guess I'm about done"? You aren't done until your dead. To tie our personhood and value to any one thing we do is foolishness to the 10th degree. I get flack for not wrapping 100% of my personhood in being a mother. I love my kids, and I'm even home with them and like it! But, for their sake and my sake (and the sake of my relationship with my future adult children) I do not put the pressure of them being "my life's purpose and work" on them. That ain't healthy. We need to change the dialogue around motherhood. And if we honest I think we'll admit that it's a sick competitive spirit that cause us to "out mother" each other and not the patriarchy.
As always your honesty and self assurance is refreshing.❤
If I could heart this comment several times, I would. So much thoughtfulness and truth. Thank you!
MADAME you read my mind.
To limit oneself to only one thing is the antithesis of being a woman; we’re multifaceted individuals and should honesty stop limiting ourselves based on other people’s perception of how we should be - this is definitely one of the reasons why I follow @nappyheadedjojoba and enjoy her videos because although she has a routine she is always trying new things and venturing out into new/different avenues showing that a black woman can travel down a different path and the world won’t imploded.
THIS. 100 times. THIS. Yes.
Great perspective and 100 percent true! Life is for experiencing many different things. Several chapters in each of our lives all different and each chapter should be appreciated, the highs and the lows.
Yes!!
I've always respected women who stand firm in not wanting kids in a world acting like we have to. I remember arguing with a guy friend who said every woman wants kids. So silly! Let's be honest, there's plenty of mothers out here who shouldn't even be having kids. Regardless its our choice & theres nothing wrong with either side. Right now I'm struggling with wanting a child but still wanting my freedom that I love SO much 😆
That is a real struggle! I like my freedom, travel, etc., so I only feel more and more at peace with my choice, as the years pass.
Girl thank you for informing your friend
@Eden Grey Interesting perspective! ☺️
My parents: you're gonna die alone if you don't have kids.
Me: we all die alone anyway.
No kids, never married either and I love my life. I know my mom is like wtf...but whatever
I never wanted children i dont have children i dont regret not having children. i love my life just the ways it is..I'm 60 and have not changed my mind
that's exactly how i hope to feel if I'm blessed to see my 60th no kids and no regrets
You are all lying. You are looking for young women with similar decisions to validate your poor decisions of your youth.
@@izealliaeldridge1901 it definitely triggers him because he is a Dusty! Black women living their best lives quickly puts dudes like him into their feelings. Also if black women don't have children especially by a black man we are less likely to end up in poverty because we are not single-mothers and we would be alot harder to control because we would have our own resources. There has been a major study conducted that put the black community in a rage and was quickly repressed. The study showed and proved that black women are just as capable and likely to gain upward mobility from poverty as white women as long as we do not have children by black men and also often if we don't marry them either. It proved that black men were the common X-factor in the persistence of poverty in black women.
Honey young mothers regret having kids lol what you on about
I have no interest in birthing a child, Pets are a non negotiable, getting married is a “if it happens it happens”, but I do want to adopt children ☺️ it’s been the plan since I was 10 and It’ll be the plan till the day I die.
This is literally me.
Did...I write this?? Cause SAAAAME.
Me too especially since There are so many children that need family and home
Same here! I have never heard someone else voice this. I'd like to adopt or Foster, but I've never been very interested in having children of my own
Cool! There's at least a few people in the world that have the same sentiments that I do. I've wanted to adopt since I was a child, but felt that having bio kids wasn't right for me.
People idealize having children so much. Having children is just like anything else in life, it can be good, it can be bad or any number of things in between. People should live the lives they want to live with or without children.
I'm in my late 30s. I don't have children and don't want children. However, I feel that I spend a lot of time having to explain myself and it's becoming boring.
Being in my late 30s, I've also reached a place where 'finding a man' is not a requirement. Again, I spend a lot of time having to explain myself and having to endure conversations where people tell me that they can't wait until I find somebody or that I WILL find somebody - extremely patronising.
Let me live!
yup all women who do not fall into line will have the same problem
I told my friend I didn’t want children and she said I needed to just hold a baby. I actually have held her children. I like them but they are too permanent. I just want to be the cool aunt that shows up with gifts and never stays long enough.
Ashleigh S those emotive moments are a portion of parenting... Many people never consider the full picture when deciding to become a parent.
& misery loves company. Yes child bearing is beautiful but that’s where it stops and ends for me. Too many people are bystanders in their children’s life, doing the bear minimum to ensure their child stays alive. In the mean time, they wait for someone else to discipline & raise their kid all the while complaining about how difficult parenthood is and expecting some form of accolades for.... fucking, unprotected.
Yup. Hiring someone to raise your kids ≠ parenting.
Danielle x the last part👏🏾👏🏾 that’s literally all it is, I’m like congrats you successfully had sex without protection, would you like a cookie?
I literally have 5 kids and I don't want kids.
Haaaaaaa. This might be the best comment, yet.
Same I have 2 im divorced and now that I'm dating I keep meeting guys who want more😐
🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@lorealjones9782 Only because they not the ones pushing them out or because they may think barefoot and pregnant is still a thing. Either way, I say this will help you narrow the field.
😂
My husband and I are childfree as well and I’m 31. I got my tubes tied when I was 25 just because birth control doesn’t work well for me. I STILL get people saying I will change my mind 🤦🏾♀️
as a brown, muslim woman, lemme tell you! it's so expected of me to get married and have children that we don't even talk about it. i am not traditionally feminine either - i don't wear jewelry, i don't wear make up, i keep my nails plain and so short my nail beds suffer occasionally (although i've made less mistakes in recent years) my hair is very short, and i like being comfortable and will not wear clothes that are uncomfortable for me (e.g. tight). i care about fashion but probably not the typical fast fashion i'm used to seeing. this isn't because of my religion either, i was just never interested in these things. i don't mind getting married or just having a long term partner (edit: I am straight and love men lol js), but it will only be us maybe some animals. either way, i am entirely happy being single and having my alone time. i love children and will love to play with my nieces and nephews, but i like knowing i can come home and leave that behind me. i will be the fun aunt, just not a mother and i am totally happy with that. i hate when people tell me i'll change my mind when i meet 'the one'. this is the first video i saw from you and will continue binging! love your personality xx
Thank you for sharing! It's so interesting to hear the perspective of someone with religious pressures, as well as the usual societal ones (I am very spiritual, but no longer really adhere to the organized faith in which I was raised). I hope that you're able to find support and community, even if you "stray from the pack" as you pursue what makes you happiest.
YASS queen. Muslim woman here, 28, married with lots of animals and no kids either. HIFIVE!!!!🙏
You might as well just leave Islam
It's always cool to see I'm not alone on this topic so shout out to all the ladies who can relate! lol I meet so few people in life who I connect with on this topic. I was never that kid who fantasized about marriage/kids and people look at me like I have 3 heads when I STILL say it after 40. People need to mind their business and stop imposing their own dreams on someone else's life. Just because you want it doesn't mean everyone else does. And I don't understand how people say "you'll regret it." How can I regret not doing something I didn't even want in the first place? Makes no sense.
Couldn't agree more!
Amen to that
Totally agree 30 an still don’t have kids
I am the same on this. Ive had people say "oh you have time" has nothing to do with time. I know I don't want to have children.
Yes, another commenter was saying she's still getting the "you have time" comments in her 40s. People need to mind their business.
I agree with you 100%! You do what YOU want! We have enough people having children because it's "expected" and those children grow up not really wanted.
Me: I don’t want kids.
Everyone: Why?
Me: Because I have an incompetent womb and I have a 98% chance of death if I get pregnant.
Everyone: Oh, well you can adopt.
Me: I don’t want to.
Everyone: That’s selfish.
Me: Ok I’ll adopt and you can raise them for me since I don’t want them.
Everyone: *silent*
Lol!
I always say how about you give me access to your bank account to raise them? Then the subject changes
Well a rich family could adopt me anytime 😆 👀👀
Its funny because y'all going to be the useless people on welfare trying to make other people's children pay for you.
98%
I love reading the comments of these strong brave women who created their own paths. I Commend you!❤️❤️❤️❤️
I was the same way when I was younger. I remember telling my parents I didn't want children when I grew up and they said, "you'll change your mind." I was so annoyed by that response. Years later my sister has a baby and I fall in love with him. I'd always thought I didn't like kids, but it wasn't until there was a kid in the house and I developed a relationship with him, that I learned my perspective is more of "I don't like OTHER people's kids."
My relationship with my nephew gave me a taste of that fierce, knock your socks off devotion parents talk about. I now know that I will be an AMAZING parent. But I also still know that I don't really want to be a parent. I do wish that society would allow for more of that complexity in women. It's cool, even a bit romantic for a guy to be the fun uncle who never settles down. But when it's a woman, she's often looked at as sad or broken. Thanks for being a strong, confident female voice in this matter!
Indeed. A lot of women have shared their love of being aunties in the comments, and I think that it speaks to the idea of "maternal instinct" existing on a spectrum. It's not necessarily that you have it or you do not. It could just be that your nurturing instinct takes on a different form from someone else's!
I'm rapidly hurtling towards menopause, and am childfree. I love being an auntie(both familial and honorary), as well as a mentor and teacher. I get to have kid time and they can go home to their parents(lol). I get where you're coming from and applaud you for sticking to your resolve.
I’m 35 going on 36. Going through the exact same thing. I’m so tired of explaining the why it’s frustrating. It’s none of your business because when I’m in need of help with the child no one will be around. It takes a village and I don’t have the support to raise a child. Yea you can do it by yourself many may claim but I don’t want that for my life so I’m ok with not having children.
It's amazing how common it is for people to think they have the right to weigh in on *your* uterus.
Oh love, don't explain anything. If someone ask and you care to respond, respond and then walk away. You are a grown ass woman, living your grown ass life. Unless the curious individual(s) asking are paying ALLLL your bills then you owe NO ONE NO ONE an explanation. Period.
I'm with you on this one it's so frustrating to have to tell people over and over again that you don't want kids or you don't want to be a single parent. I have this issue at my job it like I'm the talk of the place.I can be done just told these people this last week and they will ask me the same questions the following week about have kids. it started to make me feel like I was being pick on to the point I almost exploded on them but I realize it just not that serious so I walk away every time and say I don't have a answer or I cant answer that question sorry
@@pinkblush2220 I am so sorry that you have to deal with such ignorance at your place of work. Sending lots of warm vibes your way for continued wisdom on how to deal with your co-workers.
@@a.c.n.9421 Thank you so much I just pray about it or talk to my mom about it. She wants me to have kids but she never pressure me about it even though I'm in my early 30s because she knows how it feel to be a single parent.I just never thought that people that I barely know me would make my personal business/life there issues.
Since I left my parents house to live my life on my own terms I realized how in love I am with my freedom. I also realized that Once you have kids there is none no more.
No time, no money, no sleep.
" I'm a women who black and doesn't want kids " Yes I feel you. 💖
I believe just because you have the parts does not mean you have to used them for making BABIES.
I refuse to have anymore children. I have one and that's it. I don't care. My daughter loves being the only child and so do I. I don't associate with anyone that has an issue with MY decision. Most of my friends are done or don't want any anyways. So it's no pressure anyways. We are good over here. This world is horrible. I refuse to bring another being into this society. Lack of love, respect and honor for women and children is worse now than ever. And it's not going to get better until God steps in.
I worry for my friends who are having kids, when I think about the world and the way it is going. It's truly terrifying.
@@nappyheadedjojoba I would have never ever thought we would live in a world where teachers can't be trusted. This society is very narcissistic. And wrong is right and having morals is frowned upon. Our food and water is contaminated and cancer is at an all time high. I can go on but I won't.
I’m considering stopping at 1 kid too 🙂.
I have 2 n pple still tell me to hv that little girl. Im like, i have a female dog, good enough for me.
@@StephTho 🤣🤣🤣
Ppl with 1 kid get the same flack...dont u want another kid? No I don't!
It's definitely true that women are pressured a lot to "make themselves useful" biologically. But even for men who are the only boy in the family, we get the same pressure. I have two sisters and I'm the oldest. My 30th bday is in 4 months and I feel even more strongly about not having kids today than I did 10 yrs ago. For me it's simple:
A. I like doing absolutely NOTHING when I come home from work and on the weekends.
B. I enjoy taking vacations abroad ALONE at least twice a year. I like coming and going as I please.
C. Children are expensive and even the idea of owning a pet (cat or dog) is scary to me.
So no, I'm not adding unnecessary burden to my life. Too expensive, too much time, and too many sacrifices.
Same here, I’m 25 and feel the pressure from my family already. I agree with all those points. I enjoy my freedom wayyyy too much.
I am 31 and been married for 10 years. When I got married I thought I wanted kids because I was taught that it what you do when u get married and to make your parnets happy... but after about 5 years I realized that I didnt want to be a mother and the only reason why I wanted a kid was to make my parents happy... Ya no not anymore. I plan on talking to a doctor this year so I can get my tubes removed since hubby wont get his done.I can not stand kids... and if I somehow magically get pregnant then I will get an abortion. I dont care what anybody else thinks.
Do you. No judgement here.
I am so happy for you that you figured this out before you even got pregnant. Poor women who realize they do not want children when it is already too late...
Same
Same sis. I’m a 45 y/o doctor and i legit can’t stand kids. I love my nephews but that’s literally it. I don’t even like extended family kids.
I made the mistake of getting married and finally left the ex earlier this year. Absolutely never should have done that. Should have just kept living my best life single. I’m finally happy again.
But i live and learn. #freedom #newsubbie #istan
I'm happy to hear you made a difficult choice to leave, and that you're happier single. I had the same experience, ending a 6 yr relationship 2 years ago. I'm happier than ever.
You're 45? Dang you look 25
@@QilinRider21 it's because she doesn't have kids lol
@@pagethreemodel Loool true.
@@tayloralliease8013 And? Black women with children still don't age as well as black women without them. Having kids will take its toll on the appearance of women of all races. That's a fact.
I respect it. Better to know exactly what you want and stand firm on your convictions, than to think otherwise and end up with regrets.
I can't wrap my brain around people's obsession with putting pressure on Women to have kids. Like I literally don't get it so let me be. I am genuinely not interested. I'm guessing that much like I can't understand their feelings they can't understand mine. The truth is a want is a want. You either want something or you don't. Why is that so hard for people to comprehend? Smh For the longest time the pressure made me think that I may regret it someday. Thankfully I'm now sure that I won't. I love children actually, but I genuinely don't want ANY parts of being a Mother.
I'm in my mid-thirties and I'm frequently mistaken for being 10 years younger. I'm disgusted by, but accustomed to strangers making personal assumptions and inquiries into my private and personal choices (such as why I'm not married yet, why I don't have kids yet, why I'm not dating, etc.).
I had a customer harangue my assistant manager and I about this topic just last weekend, though it was less a tirade and more him telling us for 10 minutes how we "had no excuse" not to have or want kids. It didn't matter how many times I said "It's a personal choice." or she said "I don't want to be financially or emotionally responsible.", the only answer he would have accepted was that we were barren, and then I suspect he would have "educated" us about the wonders of adoption. At one point he flat out implied that he would have impregnated my manager himself if they spent any amount of time outside of the work place.
A single father, making inappropriate remarks to two female employees in a retail environment who had no choice but to be pleasant in return. I've never felt so disrespected. I wanted so desperately to give the dude a reality check, or for my manager to tell him to GTFO, but y'know. Retail.
This is what society has come to.
Nothing wrong with how you feel. I felt the same then my maternal instincts kicked in but it was not til after 30. After becoming a mother, I now realize why ppl do not want children. Being a parent can be overwhelming and I respect ✊🏾 your decision. No judgment here!
I love kids. I have three children. I teach kids, I babysit kids. I did want kids growing up, it’s something that I always knew. That being said... I did not know, how incredibly crazy train this planet was going to be, in our present day, situation we’ve got going on everywhere. I’m also an activist, and I see major suffering happening on our planet, and my heartstrings are significantly pulled, watching children suffer in places like Yemen, Palestine, Syria, here in the U.S., and every corner of our planet. It’s intense to watch. I also, deal with a sister who checked out, so my overly stressed out mom, raises her sons, while her youngest is with his dad, and we all just have to deal with her bad decisions. It also seems like an epidemic, of lots of moms choosing drugs, terrible men or party life style, over raising the children they already brought into the world. I’m not talking just one or two cases that I hear about, but legit, so many single moms who can’t hack it. Not saying all single moms, some are rockstars & they are truly wrangling it all. Those women are super heroes. I’m talking about the moms, who just have no support system, who are overwhelmed by their children & lives, and just can’t handle how hard parenting actually is. It’s creating a whole generation of unbalanced babies, with no solid foundation to work from, in an already unstable planet, and the future looks very clouded. I hope it gets better, but right now looks pretty terrifying to me. I actually applaud you for standing your ground. Cool if people want children. Please work your asses off to build stability & love. Cool if people do not want babies. There are plenty out here who need help, need better. Staying in that solid space of just being cool, on your own, is a strength. I’m not saying people should or should not procreate... we just need either more good/solid parents, or good solid non parents, to help create balance, rather than add to the chaos. You have my support at least. ❤️
You are, clearly, far more thoughtful than most people (in general), not to mention all of the people reproducing who definitely should not. I agree that it is really terrifying to see the way the world is going, but honestly, comments like this remind me that there are still good people out there, and it offers a bit of hope. xx
💫💖✨
Yes! As a teacher, I see this quite a bit. Kids who are not raised by parents who can handle parenthood. It's like, damn. So sad to see them suffer because their parents checked out and do the bare minimum.
I think the worst part about telling people you don't want kids is the response from women who claim to be feminists, but as soon as you don't fit in the criteria of what is expected of women suddenly your worth is diminished because having children is like some civic duty or something.
I thought I could wade through the comments, but no mam. This topic is too hot. You got great subbies. I not including myself because I be going on safari from time to time. Lol Just know that at 51 people are still telling me it's not too late. My name ain't Sarah and I don't know Abraham.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My new slogan for bible meetups
I know that's right
LMAOOOOO this spoke to me wooo
Sis😅
*_"I didn't like kids when I was a kid."_*
My mom used to tell me stories about lil ol' preschool me saying,
_"I'm sick and tired of these kids"_
I don't want kids either 😁😂
😂
As a man turning 39 in March, I don't ever want kids and neither does my girlfriend. I just want to continue being uncle Sam. And the best part about being the uncle is, when shit hits the fan, I get to go home.
Good, all you need to do now is stop sponsoring that womens free everything life, and put all that love, money, selective time and attention, resources, over all utility of man, on yourself! Why spoil dafuk out of a woman when you can spoil yourself, especially when vaginas are ubiquitous AF!!!
Women are like kids, they’re just a bill, another unnecessary expense.
Never wanted children I’m 52 and don’t regret it, my husband has Two sons from previous marriage so he was okay with no more kids. If I had a dollar for every time I had to defend myself for not wanting kids.....
I'm 49 and I always hear it's not too late, I'm good.
You will be a millionaire by now
Girl.. I’m sitting here w my 4yo niece contemplating if I’m about this life. I canna
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Ha! I tell my sister all the time with each child she had(5 total), my desire to rip out my own uterus grew by 10% 😂
I feel u. Kids take a lot of work and quite honestly u won’t know if u got you an “Osama” or an “Obama” when they get older. I had my kids very early at 16 and 19 and I stopped there. I grew up with my kids and it was hard. I’m 37 now and my kids are 18 and 21 and I’m not looking back. I had my kids because they’re father wanted them and I did it. Now look, we broke up and I had to raise them alone all while he paid me $53.50 for child support 😒. Sorry for the long dissertation. Continue to live your life without boundaries. I love my children but the shit was and still is hard. You are never done being a mother, it’s a lot of responsibility. Kudos to you for knowing exactly what you want! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Wow -- you're a warrior, raising two on your own, when you were still growing up yourself. Respect!
And that's true. You don't stop being a parent once that child turns 18! You're a parent for life!
Exactly! I talk about this on my channel. I had two ten years apart, and I struggled the whole time. Being a single mom is a hard life..I would not recommend it for anybody, especially black women.
Children is something I have always said I never wanted at 20. Here I am at 34 and am happy as a clam I don't have them. Working with them is enough.
I was always destined to be the fun aunty! Someone's gotta babysit!
I’m am not even keen to do that. I only babysit for kids that are old enough go to the bathroom themselves. 😁
YES YES SAMEEEJEUEKEKW
Kids are great but I don't feel any type of want to parent/raise anyone. I want the white picket fence but not to have kids trampling the flowers.
Hahaha, yes! I'll take the fence, but dassit.
I’ll be 25 soon and I think I’m at a mature enough age to know which direction my life is going. I always tell people that I don’t want kids and they always respond with “you’ll change your mind”. I am more career driven and I love my freedom. I can decide to change my career or go back to school if I wanted, who knows. I never enjoyed my childhood because I wasn’t happy. It’s up to me to make sure my adult life is filled with happiness and being a mother would not make me happy. Now, my 30 year old self may be completely different but I know in my heart that I will never want children. I stress out about my own life, I don’t need to be stressed out about myself AND a life I chose to create.
"I never enjoyed my childhood because I wasn’t happy" -- this resonated with me *so much* you have no idea. I don't think I've ever really even made that connection, but you're right, and my adult life is completely happy. I pursue the things that make me happy, and I can't believe that sad little girl I was is even the same person, when I think about it. Children would not make me happy/happier. Freedom and achieving my goals does. xx
I am ELATED to have stood my ground and resisted the expectations of society (and the black community in particular), and not had children. I do not envy that life. I design my life and child rearing was never a part of it for me and thankfully I found a partner who feels the same. Thank you for broaching such an important topic because there aren’t many people who are brave enough to discuss this!
Im almost 31 and the older I get the less I want want marriage or children. I haven't found anyone I want to be connected with forever!
Eloquently put and I agree 100%. Often, when people ask “what about your boyfriend?” I always respond “ and what about him”. The look on their face is priceless every time. Like I’m supposed to be miserable for the rest of my life so he can be happy with his? That’s not the type of compromise that should occur in a relationship IMO.
My significant other and I are on the fence. We have moments of yes, lets. And then long moments of silence where we just don't talk about it. Lmao. We've had some great conversations about it though. I remember asking him at the beginning, "What is so great about children? Macaroni art?! You can't even eat it!" I think I get overwhelmed by the magnitude of what having a baby really means. It doesn't stop at 18. You're a parent for LIFE. My boyfriend is amazing and worries more about what could happen to me during childbirth and less about his own want in having a child. We ended up coming to the conclusion that having or not having a child is selfish in nature (concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure). And I think that's accurate in a lot of ways that really matter. Lol. Be selfish before making any kind of lifetime commitment, PLEASE. Know what you really want!
Absolutely. And, it sounds like you got yourself a good man, because child birth is NO JOKE. I hope that you guys are happy with whatever decision you make, in the end.
Why do people feel the need to tell people if they want children AND justify it? That's your business. Nothing's wrong with wanting/not wanting them. People need to stop projecting their reasoning to have children...just because they have a house full and feel satisfied.
I've found that more men than women are offended when you say you don't have or want kids. some have even said but you must!
"But you must"??? FOH
So frustrating. Like are you the one birthing it and raising it? No? Okay not your decision then.
I would say that other women couldn’t care less unless they’re related to you. Women being as competitive as we are, we understand that a woman not wanting children basically makes her a pariah to most men when it comes to a thing approximating a serious relationship so it’s just one less women for us to compete with so we should actually encourage other women for choosing not to reproduce.
I’m a kindergarten teacher. I think kids are hilarious. And sure they make me smile. But you know what? I love going home and knowing I only have to take care of my damn self. Also being a teacher, I see the WORK it takes to raise a child in a loving and healthy way. And unfortunately many people really underestimate what it takes to raise a kind and healthy child, and the children are left to suffer.
I'd like to add, the most dismissive and judgmental thing that I've heard throughout the years (I'm 39) is the implication that a woman that doesn't want children is selfish. I've always been quick to reply that the MOST selfish thing a PERSON can do is have children they don't want and are ill equipped to take care of (not referring to women in situations where they have no options, as is the case in many countries). Have you ever watched Paternity Court or Maury Povich? THAT is selfish. I simply have no desire for children. It's not like I weighed my options and decided that I'm too into myself to take care of a child. I just don't want one.
You almost nailed everything I've always felt, down to being an 80 year old man in spirit and not liking other children when you were a child.
The only difference for me is that I actually really love children now that I'm older. Immensely. That being said, I've never babysat a child in my life. I was cool with them being around, but I was not trying to be responsible for one, not even for the shortest amount of time.
I've only held a baby one time in my 39 years, and it was when I was 22 when my niece was born. That's it. I DON'T WANT KIDS. It's a hard fact, it doesn't mean I'm selfish or hate kids or some weirdo. I just don't want them.
Jenn Righter there's nothing inherently selfless about being a parent. Your child did not ask to be here. You had them because you wanted to have them. It's selfish to have a child I'm not holistically able to care for simply because I want to have one.