It was so cool to see my two favorite youtubers ever in the same video, talking about something I'm so passionate about. I loved this video so much more with you in it, Jessica.
I'm autistic and yeah, it's so common for us to be abused because some of us are pretty naïve and cant always pick up on red flags. We should get sex ed focused on behaviour, not just the physical stuff.
@@dariusanderson8241 that is a very sad harsh truth. My sex education (at the time I did not have any know disabilities) consisted of "Ladies dont do that. *insert photos of worst case possible of STIs*" This put me more at risk for abuse. And sex is more than physical activity, it's an emotional one too.
@@dariusanderson8241 it's not just the truth, the problem could be very much solved or at least helped with the kind of education the commenter suggested. if autistic people were taught these things they would be less likely to be abused. If you just push the problem aside and accept it as truth, then you're just being lazy when the problem could absolutely be fixed.
I was born with a lovely muscle-wasting disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy, which is why my body looks sort of like a mashup of a bobble head doll and a cartoon stick figure. I’m the one on the right in my profile picture. The stunningly beautiful woman on my left is Hannah, and we’ve been dating for close to three years. Hannah is able-bodied, and it probably won’t shock many of you that society has a very hard time accepting our relationship. To give you an example, every time we post a new episode on our vlog, people inevitably comment with theories as to why on earth we are dating. Here are just a few of my favorites: “Don’t get me wrong - he seems like a good dude - but I ain’t buying it. She’s either his nurse or good friend and this is an act, or she’s got a couple screws loose.” “Ask yourself, would you date him? NO, YOU WOULDN’T. What is the catch here?” “This [relationship] is abnormal and frankly disgusting.” Aren’t these fun? Jokes aside, this is but a small indication of the vast and innumerable ways that people with disabilities are discriminated against on a daily basis. I am determined to change that situation. On our channel, we are documenting our relationship, our travels, and our everyday life to show people how satisfying and “normal” an interabled relationship can be. Thank you so much to everyone who created this video for bringing these issues to light!
I'm mortified by people's responses to you. Schools need to educate on disabled sex there could be a disabled child in class wondering where does that leave me. I have M.E and it affects sex for me. I get tired I'm in pain but you kind of try and if you can't you try another day. I didn't know disabled people could have sex until I went to college which is quite frankly rubbish! I teach my son about different people we watch all sort of videos. Maybe you have down syndrome or something else but you have the right to be loved and that's what's important
I loved Jessica's story about her "Bluetooth headset" because the first time I had sex with my husband I hadn't explained that I had an insulin pump and he thought I had brought my mp3 player to bed with us.
Everyone thinks mine is a pager. I have not seen a pager in over a decade so I love that even young people still ask that. When I was a high schooler I would take my pump off to have sex and we wouls always leave windows open, bc otherwise we'd be paranoid that my parents would catch on to what we were doing based on the insulin smell (they didn't catch on lmao).
My dad pulled an intensely dad moment and didn’t realize my hs friend had diabetes and asked if she “had a pager”, and she’s like ... it’s actually an insulin pump.
I’m being Jessica’s Mum for my daughter although without the TMI, I try to ascertain exactly what they want to know and only answer that specific question. Usually they only want a pretty simple answer when they’re little and then they ask for more information as they get older
@@geministargazer9830 Yes, I think this is the perfect way! I have been raised that way and my mom told me, children usually only ask what they can process. So giving them a very simple and short answer is best. If they want to know more they will continue asking questions. And if they already had enough and need to process it they will change the subject or say "ah, okay" and go play. 😅 I am now doing the same thing with my kids and it's working great. My 5 year old knows a lot for his age but has not been overwhelmed with information or details. Just bit by bit he is being educated over many years.
Omg I love how witty this group is!! "Cerebral palsy of the same edition" "Trade disability cards" "Collect them all" I laughed so freaking hard I love them
You could honestly make a lesbian romance based off Jessica and Claudia's relationship... they are so adorable together it makes me so happy... check out her channel and you'll see what I'm talking abt
This is amazing! I'm not disabled but I've always felt that people talk ABOUT people with disability instead of taking TO them. Like listening to others experiences and conversing in a respectful manner is so important, and hey maybe by listening you find a person you love who just happens to have a disability.
I had the same feeling. Listening to these people talk actually feels very relatable, even if I don't have a physical disability. But I had mental conditions all my life, starting with anxiety disorder and OCD as a child, an eating disorder, depression and PTSD. I always asked myself: will I be able to find love? Am I worthy of love? When do I disclose what's going on with me? How do I disclose it? etc. I feel like as a society we are so used to relying on visuals, when in fact, looks are very deceiving. These people in the video are not as unhappy as people probably think and I've not always been as happy as people thought... Life is just more complicated than that.
I think sometimes people forget that disabled people can be intellectual beings as well so they’ll ask the persons partner or whoever is with them about whatever it is instead of talking TO THE PERSON.
Okay that's such a good point. People, I've noticed at least from stories like this, slip (not sure this is the right word) into abusive behaviors when they feel like the person is less than them for whatever reason. But for some reason being disabled is seen as inferior? People that would otherwise never act so deplorably feel like they are inherently right for saying things like "you should be glad you're with me because no other able-bodied person would be" because to them it's a truth when in reality it's just disgusting.
Abuse comes in all forms, shapes, sizes, ages, genders.... And that manipulation bullshit is RAMPANT in the land, in every culture, across all time. Ew. ((Thank GOD I recognize it sooner & sooner🙏🌱))
Ray Ark as some one who is disabled it’s also something that comes to ones mind quite naturally. I was VERY blessed to have a family that never treated me different. I just ... was me. I never thought I wouldn’t get married because I walked like a drunk duck. But I knew LOADS of people who felt that way about themselves.
"This is great in sign language. Really being acted out over there" I love Jessica. Ever since I started learning BSL I found and have been following her content and she is just wonderful. This is an incredible chat.
Charlottesreadsthings would you mind telling us how you learned it, I’m abel-bodied but it would definitely be beneficial to know at least some sign language 😊
@@user-dp8xt5pv8q Bristish Sign Language For Dummies is good for the basics. I then used BSL Zone to watch deaf video content to practise before I could afford classes :)
@@Chelsea-yx2hs Finding Deaf RUclipsrs who use the relevent sign language, British Sign Language For Dummies book is good for basics. BSL Zone is a website that has deaf video content that comes with captions to get used to recognising signs :)
If you look on Jessica's channel (Jessica Kellgreen-fozard) she talks about Quakerism in some videos. Quaker morals differ heavily dependant on country. So, in Britain it's very progressive where some countries it's the opposite.
Actually the Quakers were ratger instrumental in the development of modern corrections facilities in the US which have been copied worldwide. They injected humanism into an institution that at the time was focused on keeping offenders in squalid conditions and hard labor for the sake of retribution and neglect.
Quakers are pretty dang cool! My husband is a quaker (I am agnostic, which they are incredibly accepting of) and they're cool folks. Non-hierchial so equal marriages and no pastors in their congregations, very social justice oriented, were against slavery and hitting kids and wanted women to have equal rights hundreds of years ago. They're cool people.
This was so interesting. I think the question shouldn't be "can you even have sex" and instead should be something more akin to "what does sex look like for you" (you know, maybe not asked by total strangers).
Hell, able-bodied people should be asking that of each other. The expectation of penetration needs to be dismantled in general, but obviously more so when discussing how to accommodate a disability.
When 'devoteeism was like being gay in the 50s' was said, I immediately looked at Jessica and her expression was like, '...really.' I don't believe you can compare a Fetish to that.
It’s not a fair comparison, for sure. It’s still the closest analogy that many people can draw to their own experience. The worst thing that ever happened to you, might not be that bad in relative terms. And still, it persists in being the worst thing that has happened to you.
As stated in this video, some people veiw it as a preference. Some people have been ridiculed for being interested in disabled. Talk to your friends and ask if they would ever date a disabled person. Then think about the responses people give when they are asked if they would date a trans person. There is so much stigma. (I am a gay trans person.)
@@RosesInThePark...? I know for a fact that all my friends would date a disabled person, except for my ace and aro friend of course. Having a fetish for disabled people isn't comparable to the disgusting treatment of gay people in the 50s. Nobody is getting chemically castrated or forced into a chair for conversion therapy because of devoteeism.
Isobel Higgs I mean... not out of fetishism but during those times disabled people were treated super poorly and are even now. I’m saying this as a gay disabled woman. I get more respect for being lgbtq+ than I do for being disabled. I get more heckling and abuse for being disabled. Especially when I park in handicap and I can walk. People imagine disability being only wheel chair. I have almost no rights as a disabled person. It’s something that now people need to realize. To think I would be in an asylum for my disability so recently in our history is astounding. Of course both need need some change. But honestly disability rights need to be shouted just as much as black lives matter or gay rights. Most people don’t know that 50% of police shootings are of disabled people.
I never knew how ignorant i was (still kinda am) to issues that people with a disability encounter during dating and relationships. Thank you for informing me and changing my ignorance!! Your content always seems to introduce me to things i never knew about. Love ya hannah!
I agree. I never really thought about it until I started getting chronic illnesses, and wow is the world so much different now! I always thought I was a kind person before, but I think I would still be ashamed for myself now. It's very strange. 😂 I just stumbled upon this channel and I definitely love the openness.
That was actually a very interesting fact, one third of LGBT people has also some kind of disability, we really won the lottery for discrimination you guys.
But that's only making us stronger! 💪 I, personally, honestly don't think I would be the same person, with same opinions, honesty, being open about stuff and everything, if I was a straight, healthy person. It's freakin hard. But it's worth it!
@@BiNy26 I personally think it's not worth it. It's made me so much weaker. Yes, it would change my opinions and experiences, but having to deal with medical trauma, mental health problems and almost constant physical pain just hurts. Maybe it's helped me morally, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Yes, you feel empowered but it's not worth it for everyone...
I wonder if that's because we have in average less resources, less access to healthcare and less probability of being taken seriously, and treatable conditions / injuries are more likely to evolve into chronic illness and disability through malpractice and negligence. Not every disabled person was born that way - Jessica has that story with the bad spinal biopsy, for example, that aggravated her issues. There's a ton of treatable illnesses that can have long-lasting consequences if not treated outright - a high fever from something as simple as a flu, if you let it go on for longer than 24 hours, can have serious effects on your central nervous system. I imagine an lgbt kid that was tossed out of their home would end up in that situation. Trans people especially are HORRENDOUSLY treated by medical professionals, who either dismiss them outright or attribute every little complaint to hormone treatment, and refuse to analyse symptoms outside of the context of their biological sex even though it's been proven that HRT changes the way your body manifests symptoms.
nima is so dreamy. i love the way she talks and the way she looks at people when she's listening. i feel like she would be good at asmr or tutorials or something~
I got diagnosed this year with two chronic illnesses that cause me chronic pain over my whole body. As I’m only 17 and I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve had these worries and questions with not much to turn to. Hearing your stories has given me a sense of ease around the whole idea of sex and dating. Thank you all xxx
When the right person comes along they will genuinely fall in love with who you are and your conditions will just be part of the package and the only thing that will bother them is the pain mentally and physically it causes you. You will know when it is the right person because you will feel at ease and comfortable with your problems with them and not be afraid for them to see or know about them. You are only young and finding the right person can take its time but if you take one piece of advice take this.... Do not waste your time and put yourself through the pain of being with someone who does not make you feel like you are perfectly imperfect. Although at times we may all want to feel loved and desired or to be with someone to just feel "normal".... It has to be real and should always make you feel like you are a better person in yourself for having them in your life. Disabled or not.
As some one who has LITERALLY been where you are now, You are going to be fine. Enjoy your good days ( you will have more good than bad) allow yourself to have bad ones, and learn who you are and love yourself. We aren’t that different from other people. We just make ourselves think that. You are going to be the person you need to be. I promise Much love, Kori ( a 42 year old nauseatingly happily married ( 17 years do the math.. I was 24 almost 25 do I get points for using 2 sets of parentheses )mother of 2 )
Omg it is so nice to see people reacting so nicely to Jessica’s emotion, showing its not a bad thing and it’s fair and not even accepting her apology for it, this is how people should be
I was in a car accident almost 10 years ago and it's resulted in me being disabled. I still struggle a lot with my self worth. My now husband never questioned it and it's never mattered to him. I asked him all the time if this is what he wanted. Everyone, including my family goes on and on about how wonderful he is. That I've "hit the lottery". Which I totally did, but I've never once heard anyone tell him how lucky he is. I struggle with it for sure. I still get fearful that this one day will be too much for him but I'm trying to remind myself that I am worthy and give just as much as I take. Thank you for this candid discussion. It was greatly needed.
I’m Type 1 Diabetics and one of the things that really affected my confidence, especially sexually, was the fact that I have an insulin pump attached to me all the time. I’m always conscious of it being in the way so I love Hannah’s idea of using sexy outfits as a way of keeping that kind of thing out of the way.
My boyfriend is also in the 1 club we think its more fun to call it that then diabeties , and the pump doesnt get in the way really its just part of his body and i will always apreasheat it because it one of the things thats keeps him around and i wouldnt want my world any other way my
Leo Basically yeah. There’s a piece of plastic that stays in after a needle is put in to put it in place and then there’s a bit of tubing attached to the insulin pump
Jessica has the most beautiful, warm, open and positively infectious personality I’ve honestly ever seen. Ever. Like what a beautiful person as a human being. Anyone thinking that some people are inherently undesirable based on the singular fact that they’re disabled, are deeply mistaken.
I am disabled and people have asked my husband, while next to me, “how do you deal with someone who’s broken?” And they treated me as if I weren’t there or they treated me as a very small child. I’m physically disabled, I do not have a handicap that impairs my mental development. So it gets to be tiring, since some of my condition was actually caused by one of his friends botching a nerve block. That is life.
I never normally would comment but as 22 year old women with cerebal palsy (the sd one too ironically!) and have been in a relationship with my able bodied boyfriend for around a year and bit I found this discussion incredibly important! I related to almost everything that was mentioned and tbh it made me feel emotional seeing my thoughts verbalised :) Would love to see more discussions like this :) Thank you Hannah!
Victoria Joiner I have a lot of problems with my CP mainly that it gives me a lot of anxiety since I’ve been called a burden and what not. This video really made me feel better about my disability.
Hannah it amazes me how you continue to break down wall after wall. This was amazing to watch and I'm sure amazing to be a part of. Please continue to break down these walls. The world is a better place today because of this video ❤️
Its so cool to see Jessica. I really want more people with M.E and CFS to be involved in disability talk. Thank you so much. I'm not interested in the slightest in sex and relationships but watching this group is so refreshing, I've been a spoonie for 3 years almost and as someone who is 15 its really shattering to be told "you cant go to school, you can't follow your dreams, you can't make friends and you can't believe."
Hi! I’ve made some videos on ME and CFS in the past but I’ve not been able to recently. It took me a long time to learn that my self worth can come from who I am, not from what I’m capable of doing at the moment. I loved school and hated when I wasn’t well enough to go but it really didn’t help when I’d beat myself up about it on top of that! I hope your school are being helpful and your teachers are understanding. Don’t stop believing in yourself, you are so worth it. Sending love and spoons 🥄💕
I was diagnosed with cfs about 8 years ago, and others more recently. Invisible illnesses are rarely discussed but there is a slight rise in communicating about these illnesses. I think we have a responability (when able to) to talk about disability more. Sending lota of love to you. It is definitely a journey and there will be bumps in the road but there is hope for improvement x
i got ME when i was 15, im 24 now, and i completely understand where you're coming from. I've struggled my way through school and uni, attendance at like varying from like 5-50% and its tough when you're feeling like you cant get involved in things, everyone at school knows you as the ill one, people at the end of a 3 year course ask what you're studying... Its really tough when you feel like you're missing out and you've lost all this time where other people were off learning about themselves. But I tell you it does get easier, its hard when you're at school, it feels so all encompassing. I know that everyone has different levels of ME, but im telling you from a position of getting through GCSE's with it, A levels, a degree etc. Its the hardest thing ever, and there are many people that would think an extra 3 years to do all that is a failure, but we all have different paths. And i can safely say my degree feels much more of an achievement than someone who dossed and partied thei rway through and got the same result. Maybe you cant go to school, but that doesnt mean you cant learn, that you can't make friends or you cant follow your dreams. Illness can make you feel like less of a person, that the earth exists for everyone else to live in while you look from the sidelines. But there is plenty that you can do, just because it doesnt look what other people can do, its no less valuable
Do you also follow Annika Victoria? She's a spoonie with a sewing channel, but she takes you along the ride of a spoonie life and how you can still flourish in the bad moments
Came here after accidentally stumbling upon Jessica’s channel. This was an amazing conversation and I have to say a huge thank you to all of you for the openness and the honesty. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Can’t wait for more round tables. Warmest regards!
It's so lovely to see someone sat at the table with PoTS. It's such an unknown chronic illness and this makes me feel so seen. Thank you so much for sharing this Hannah 💕
15 minutes in now and feeling so emotional. I'm resonating with so much that is being said, and it's so nice to not feel alone. You are my favourite RUclipsr Hannah 🙌
Nice to finally see other people with P.o.t.s! I completely agree that it's still such an unknown illness. It took me years to find out what was wrong with me and it really changed my life. So I love the fact that more people are beginning to learn about it!
My Ex Boyfriend (we're friends now) has epilepsy. On our first date back then, he immediately told me about it and where I could find his emergency medicine if he had a seizure while he was with me. That was very important because he would have seizures while sleeping, for example. It was an intense time, as I had to learn how to deal with his seizures, how they effected him and me at the same time. They look very brutal sometimes and I was very scared. I also talked to his parents about it and that helped me a lot, as they knew how worried one can get. We met again a couple of weeks ago and now he is on very good medication, so he is seizure free for one year now. He even can start his drivers licence practice, which makes me very happy!
I had a good friend some years ago who was 18 at the time and 6 years without a seizure. Good medication is key. Also she had a thing implanted in her neck area still don't know what it is but she said it helped wonders with seizures when she was a kid.
Someone: Can you even have sex? Me: yeah but I don't want to Someone: must be cause you have _put disability here_ Me: Nah. Asexual. To make it clear yes I'm disabled and people alwas asume that I'm asexual cause I'm disabled instead of I'm asexual & disabled
My mom has a stoma bag and it severely effects her self image and mental health it was refreshing, and frankly a new perspective on how you can still have self love and confidence with it
On the subject of the broken doll metaphor, I'm not disabled but I totally understand this. And actually, watching this, I realise that I feel this way on my journey to "fix" myself mentally. Like I don't want to start dating until I'm fixed because no one would want to deal with my mental health issues.
I'm not sure you need to be "fixed". Of course there's always things you can do to help yourself to feel better to get healthier but I think the mentality of needing to be fixed is toxic in itself. You aren't broken. You aren't a broken doll to be mended. You definitely don't need a relationship to be more secure or stable but I don't think there's any harm and letting someone help you. Also sounds a lot more accusatory that I mean it to so I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm yelling at you because I'm not trying to
I've definitely felt the same way and what helped me is realizing that everyone has struggles and these are mine... they make up a part of me and I wouldn't want them to be fixed because I would lose that part of myself...I think its also about trying to remember that in every partnership there is an aspect of care taking and that is important and valid for both partners and like Jessica said shouldn't even be in the realm of quantification because it should be given readily out of love...
I’d love to see something like this about mental health issues too! Sometimes it’s debilitating to have chronic depression and feel like nobody will love you or you have to put up with shit because you don’t believe that anyone else will have you etc. I said to my boyfriend that I wish I was mentally well and he said “but you wouldn’t be you” and legit he’s the sweetest little thing! Xx
Yeah, I was thinking something similar... I was excited when the topic of mental health came up a bit, but it was more a case of "how does your disability influence your mental health", rather than an exploration of mental health problems as the disability in question. Hannah, if you're ever gathering another panel like this, perhaps you can include some folks with depression, and/or PTSD, and/or schizophrenia, and/or whatever else?? I'd love to hear folks talk about it more!
The conversation about fetishization reminded me of the fetishization I've experienced because of my bipolar ("oh, so you're a crazy bitch, huh?") and the way people turn mental illness into an aesthetic and sexualize it. I know plenty of people who act like having a mental illness is some Harley Quinn esque cute look to put on, meanwhile I've over here trying my best to act like I'm not mentally ill.
Jessica AND Hannah?? in the same video?? my two favourite RUclips women in the same video, spreading awareness and love always! much love to the others in this video also from your local POTSie 💙
I wish I had a visible disability or was at least very obviously disabled. My disability is juuuusst serious enough to severely impair my ability to lead a normal life, but not visible or obvious enough that it stays on people’s minds and they remember to consider me. So often my own family and partner seem to forget there’s anything wrong. My family keeps telling me how I should go to doctors, get evaluated, apply for disability, and all these ideas and methods I could use to treat myself, and then have the mindset of ‘you just don’t want to help yourself’, and it’s just like, I NEED these things BECAUSE I’m INCAPABLE of things like this. I can’t even get the help I need by myself.
Omg 15 minutes into this video and I am crying. All the things being said hit so close to home. I myself am disabled, and I felt and (still feel to some extent) so alone. But this video, this roundtable Hannah, you giving a platform to the disabled voices that always get marginalised, MEANS SO MUCH. I had no idea I needed this, Thank you Hannah. I really mean it, Thank you.
Thank you Hannah, and everybody else, for having this much-needed discussion. As a straight, white, American male wheelchair user, I found myself nodding in agreement- and even getting choked up with emotion - at so much of what was said here. There’s so much to the ‘disabled experience’ that never gets talked about, least of all sex, and it’s just so refreshing and wonderful when it is!
My friend has a stoma and thought my first question was hilarious because it wasn't about sex it was "Can you still come out and get drunk?" hahah this was super informative btw, I'm getting early onset osteoperosis so it was super good to hear this
Was able bodied & very active growing up but was in an accident over ten years ago. Over time my spine has been crumbling, C3-C7, T8-T10, L4-L5 & L5 -S1 all have herniated, bulging torn discs, arthritis, nerve impingement & other stuff I can't spell or pronounce. Still fighting for disability. Thankful for having a caring, patient partner!
As a disabled person, you have managed to voice so many of my concern around disability and sex, and it touched so many nerves within me. Thank you so much for making it!
I agree, but I think they were talking about how this person felt like he had to hide a part of himself and couldn't be open. I understand though why people are saying it's not comparable
I thought the idea that if people have to ask "can you even have sex" they aren't educated enough to fully understand what sex is was really interesting. I think that idea can pertain to many aspects of relationships. I live in a place with limited sexual education beyond the basic male and female vaginal sex and I think that it ends up hurting everyone. It creates a boundary between people who experience sex differently than them.
Yeah it does. It creates a wall built completely on a lack of education and just a simple lack of awareness. My sex education has come almost entirely from the internet because I'm curious and I'm nosey and I want to know everything that there is the everyone else could be doing. My school had a policy that the teacher could not speak about gay sex because it offended people so my teacher actually got reprimanded for a 2 minute explanation on how anal sex works even though that can also be part of straight sex. That kind of mentality creates a vacuum of knowledge that then creates all kinds of social issues. It's such an odd thing to learn about when you never even realized that it could be any other way, there were other people who weren't having the kind of hurried skipped over sex your textbook told you about in two lines
I wish this was shown in schools - the U.S.' sex education system seems like it's failing everyone, but especially (like glaringly so) those who are not cis-gendered, hetero and able-bodied. Thank you all so much for producing this and being so honest!
Couldn’t agree more! My husband is disabled and I feel like the most fortunate and blessed human on earth to be with him, because he is just amazing! End of conversation.
First of all Jessica is amazing, I was so excited when I saw she was in this! Also I was so happy to find that two people with Cerebral Palsy, with the thing I have, was on this because honestly it made me feel less alone, it made feel so much happier that this is showing awareness for people with disabilities. I just really loved this video! Please bring everyone back and make this a series!
Wait, do people really think that disabled people should only date other disabled people? That makes no sense! Even if the mindset is "disabled people are a burden", why would the next leap in logic be "put two of them together, let them deal with it."!?!? Maybe that thought never occurred to me because my grandpa lost both of his legs before I was born, so the idea that he didn't "deserve" my grandma due to their different abilities is baffling.
It isn't a case of deserving. It's the "like seeks like" thing. More similar life experiences. Etc. Which does tend to attract people with a bit more similar experiences. Cause you feel more understood. All the guys I've had a relationship with for example have all been, or thought of as autistic. I am autistic too. But that may be different cause it's mental.
Hannah you've smashed this one out of the park!! I have IBD like yourself and I struggle with confidence in knowing how quick my stomach can flip! I've been so lucky and just started a relationship with an amazing guy that has been so understanding! They are out there and are willing to support! The one piece of advice I'd give anyone is get out of your own head because 9x out of 10 your worrying about nothing! These conversations are so needed! It normalises sex and disabilities and that's incredible! We need more people like this!
20:25 - WOW!! You go girl! She’s amazing to be confident enough to keep dating after that many tries!!! I’m so glad she found THE ONE after all. ❤️❤️❤️
I found my way here from one of Jessica's videos and I'm so glad I did. So eye opening and so happy to see I'm not alone in a lot of the things I'm thinking and dealing with.
I have to say, I come back to this video constantly. Hannah you did an incredible job with this round table and I have learnt so much watching your content and this video in particular. Thank you for all that you've done Hannah 💕
Not trying to be rude I really loved this but i felt bad because Jessica was trying to keep up and people were talking over each other and not enunciating :(
I know. I've been scrolling through the comments and you can always tell who is a Jessica fan because they're either raving about how gorgeous and funny and smart she is or they're upset because she seem to be lost in some of the parts of the conversation. I was thinking the same thing and wishing that they just slow down a little bit at least to give her time to read the signs. They weren't being rude like they weren't trying to leave her out or anything but I bet it's hard to remember things like that when she speaks so well and they're so passionate about the discussions
"I'm not gonna go on hikes with you" *reaches for engagement ring* (just to be clear this is a joke, I don't wanna come off as creepy, I am a happily married gay man lol)
I work as a caregiver for a woman with CP who is wheelchair bound. She has a 2 year old daughter. When I explain my job to people, they always ask about how she had a kid, and I'm kinda just like *"she's a married adult?"*. The kinds of things that they ask are this weird intersection of conflating physical and mental disability, infantilization of the disabled, a lack of awareness about what many conditions are, and undereducation in basic anatomy.
Even though I have no personal experience with disability and/or disabled people, I find this incredibly inspiring and uplifting. All of the participants are so charismatic, interesting and generally fun people. An hour just flew by. Thank you for making this, Hannah, it provided an insight for me into a part of life that I usually don't encounter, and I do believe more people need this insight.
It's 2021 and this discussion has lost none of its impact or importance. I do not have a disability, but feel that able bodied people Need to know enough about disabled people's issues, to at least not hinder them, devalue them or other negatives anyone might have. I can see how frankness, honesty and courage has empowered this group, and that's the best !! I know Jessica's channel has the content that disabled people need and a place they can express themselves. The entire table is helping others by speaking their own truth. Thank You, and Thank You to Hannah Witton for setting this discussion up. Action like this is what it takes to move society forward in all areas we are not doing as well as we should or could. Well done by all the participants !! 💖💖 YAY !!
Such a great video! I think it's so important that disabled people's voices are amplified especially relating to "taboo" topics such as sex. My brother was severely physically disabled so while I don't experience any of the things discussed, I am heavily invested in how disabled people are treated so this was so fascinating to watch. I find it completely bizarre that anyone would treat disabled people any differently to any other person they would encounter, even when it comes to sex. Able-bodied people can have positions they find uncomfortable or painful, preferences about certain acts or behaviours, or even medical conditions that don't count as disabilities that heavily affect their sexual lives. So why would you approach a disabled person any differently than someone who appears able-bodied? In every sexual relationship communication is key, and like you people said, that's no different whether you're disabled or not.
Wow this was soo nice too see! I was born with a sacralcoccygeal teratoma, which was cancerous tumor that left me with deformed buttocks & hearing loss. It was so amazing to hear how other people who have navigate sex with their disabilities since I’ve been having a hard time lately 💕💕
As a disabled person I cannot explain how thankful I am that you created this discussion panel. Really really informative and honest and I relate to so much of what was said. Thanks so much for this and please make more! The more we can educate society about disabled lives and how we all have different experiences and are adults who have adult relationships the better off we will all be. 😊
Such a great and layered conversation! I'm so appreciative of this video! I'm so glad the normalization of non-sexuality or asexuality was also broached at 43:36 because that's something that is also still be normalized for both able-bodied and disabled persons.
What an awesome discussion. It triggered quite a few thoughts for me, that I know I'm going to talk about and think about moving forward. I think the normalisation of traditionally marginalised groups is so important to moving forward with societal attempts to be genuinely inclusive - and having straightforward, compassionate, and open conversations about these things in the view of (or with) people outside of these communities is such a wonderful step in that direction. More, please! :-)
i love how people with disabilities can talk about sex and relationships without being really embarrassed like people without and it’s really nice to see
Thank you for this. I am disabled and recently divorced after 24 years with my husband. You touched on so many important things. My illness is chronic and progressive and I could relate to so much. I am currently in great pain due to the split, feeling less than and like he was so good to put up with my issues. But you’re right, I need to stop it. Please do more round tables!
Ugh devotees! I was born disabled and I had a guy ask me why did it matter if he saw me as beautiful because of my disabilities. For me it's a problem because it's my disabilities you see as beautiful not me. What if I by some miracle were no longer disabled? Would you still see me as beautiful? I agree with Jessica why do we have to respect everyones desires? I don't have to be ok with someone else's desires. If person is a devotee it's fine that's their thing but I don't have to participate in it. There are other disabled people who are into it so they can go find them and stop trying to force it on me.
Before I met my current boyfriend, on my online dating profile I wrote "I have multiple chronic illnesses so if you can't handle that move on". I was so tired of people leaving me because of my illnesses. And when I met my current boyfriend, I told him upfront in the first 4 hours of talking all my conditions and what they entail and said If you can't handle it you need to let me know because I'm tired of being hurt because of it. He responded I don't know why I wouldnt be able to handle it. We've been together for two months and he's so supportive, understanding, caring, and loving. Fun fact I had to postpone our first date due to my chronic migraines and I thought that was it he won't even give me a chance. He responded with it's okay I understand we'll postpone and do a psuedo hang today. Let's just say I've fallen for him and I don't regret a second of it
What a truly fantastic job the group of you did! Big round of applause from the US. I grew up in the 1960’s as an increasingly disabled child and *none* of the groundwork had been laid for integration of disabled people into school, public life, or the work world. The only reason I had a “normal” education was that my disabilities didn’t fully emerge and I was already moving along in school, so there was no point at which I got yanked out. But I was *it* - the only kid that walks with a stick, the only kid on crutches more than a few days at a time, the only kid with permission to sit during lab classes, the only... The concept of mainstreaming kids with all sorts of disabilities was a revolutionary concept when I was in middle school, and I didn’t realize that I was an accidental tourist in that territory. There was an expectation that this or that surgery or intervention would return me to “normality”. In truth, I got to go through puberty while learning to deal with the sudden onset of osteoarthritis. I didn’t fit in with the adolescents at school and I didn’t fit in with the grandparents at physio. I’ve been married for 37 years, yet your show brought up questions I’d never thought to ask I stopped to ask my husband if he’d ever been praised for “being so brave to take on such a load...” (meaning me). Your discussion of that was extremely thought provoking. And the comparison about the broken toy on the shelf really resonated with me to. I was fortunate in that what sex education I did receive was directly relatable, but I can very much see that what we need most is a very strong focus on the role of communication in an intimate relationship. Wedges aren’t just for disabled partners - arranging things to make it comfortable is half the time we spend in the bedroom! If you are short and your feet don’t touch the floor, you aren’t disabled but you certainly may be uncomfortable (or it may be perfect!) The whole agreement that getting naked is an act of tremendous vulnerability and trust - that isn’t just true or those of us with non-standard medical histories. I really congratulate all of you. I can see that you have already learned that mental and physical health are related, and both need tending. Don’t lose sight of that because it doesn’t change as you move into different stages of your lives. I wish you all the very best and hope that your relationships will be fulfilling and good for you in all kinds of ways.
![Our First Time! [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/-ueFcX5tyTc/mqdefault.jpg)
![Our First Time! [CC]](/img/tr.png)
Filming this was such a great experience! Thank you so much for having me ♥️
you were adorable, funny and interesting. I loved all your interventions in this discussion
I'm crazy about you. You're the loveliest person ever 😍
It was so cool to see my two favorite youtubers ever in the same video, talking about something I'm so passionate about. I loved this video so much more with you in it, Jessica.
Watching you get upset broke my heart
I love anything Jessica or Hannah does. Them together is 🤩🤩🤩 I would love a video collab with the two of you!!!
"There needs to be inclusive sex education otherwise disabled young people are much more likely to be abused" - preach.
They are also more likely to end up forever since.
I'm autistic and yeah, it's so common for us to be abused because some of us are pretty naïve and cant always pick up on red flags. We should get sex ed focused on behaviour, not just the physical stuff.
@@Brynwyn123 Nah its just common for autistic people to be abused, its the cold hard truth...
@@dariusanderson8241 that is a very sad harsh truth. My sex education (at the time I did not have any know disabilities) consisted of "Ladies dont do that. *insert photos of worst case possible of STIs*"
This put me more at risk for abuse.
And sex is more than physical activity, it's an emotional one too.
@@dariusanderson8241 it's not just the truth, the problem could be very much solved or at least helped with the kind of education the commenter suggested. if autistic people were taught these things they would be less likely to be abused. If you just push the problem aside and accept it as truth, then you're just being lazy when the problem could absolutely be fixed.
I was born with a lovely muscle-wasting disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy, which is why my body looks sort of like a mashup of a bobble head doll and a cartoon stick figure. I’m the one on the right in my profile picture. The stunningly beautiful woman on my left is Hannah, and we’ve been dating for close to three years. Hannah is able-bodied, and it probably won’t shock many of you that society has a very hard time accepting our relationship. To give you an example, every time we post a new episode on our vlog, people inevitably comment with theories as to why on earth we are dating. Here are just a few of my favorites:
“Don’t get me wrong - he seems like a good dude - but I ain’t buying it. She’s either his nurse or good friend and this is an act, or she’s got a couple screws loose.”
“Ask yourself, would you date him? NO, YOU WOULDN’T. What is the catch here?”
“This [relationship] is abnormal and frankly disgusting.”
Aren’t these fun? Jokes aside, this is but a small indication of the vast and innumerable ways that people with disabilities are discriminated against on a daily basis. I am determined to change that situation.
On our channel, we are documenting our relationship, our travels, and our everyday life to show people how satisfying and “normal” an interabled relationship can be. Thank you so much to everyone who created this video for bringing these issues to light!
My favorite couple!!
Yess I love you two lol
I'm mortified by people's responses to you. Schools need to educate on disabled sex there could be a disabled child in class wondering where does that leave me. I have M.E and it affects sex for me. I get tired I'm in pain but you kind of try and if you can't you try another day. I didn't know disabled people could have sex until I went to college which is quite frankly rubbish! I teach my son about different people we watch all sort of videos. Maybe you have down syndrome or something else but you have the right to be loved and that's what's important
Started reading your comment... read Hannah’s name and thought “oh that reminds me of..” and it actually is you guys! Love your videos 💙
You’re one of my favorite couples. People often act like my husband is a saint for being married to me.
“And chronically beautiful”
SMOOOOOTH
That part was amazing
HANNAH AND JESSICA??? Day is made, Skin is clear, crops are prospering. All is right in the world.
Amanda Thompson Hotel? Trivago.
Amanda Thompson that was my exact reaction when this came out!!
*Christ’s sakes, I am LOVELY - she gets a LOT from this relationship!*
I am 100% here for Jess’s sass😂 this whole round table is so delightful
Mischa all of us are
I loved Jessica's story about her "Bluetooth headset" because the first time I had sex with my husband I hadn't explained that I had an insulin pump and he thought I had brought my mp3 player to bed with us.
GenTink my coworker has one and I asked her if it was an old iPod once!
Unexpectedly wholesome
Everyone thinks mine is a pager. I have not seen a pager in over a decade so I love that even young people still ask that. When I was a high schooler I would take my pump off to have sex and we wouls always leave windows open, bc otherwise we'd be paranoid that my parents would catch on to what we were doing based on the insulin smell (they didn't catch on lmao).
bruh,,, 😭 i am type 1 diabetic too so i understand lmfao
My dad pulled an intensely dad moment and didn’t realize my hs friend had diabetes and asked if she “had a pager”, and she’s like ... it’s actually an insulin pump.
The red headed lady looks like a movie star from the 1940's wow
Jessica ALWAYS looks like Lauren Bacall, a 30s Hollywood actress. Her style is vintage old Hollywood glam and she nails it every time.
Jessica is very high femme and I LOVE it!
Jessica is great! 10/10 would recommend following her if you aren't already!
@@sersastark id say Rita Hayworth.
@@zaryaswife OMG YES! LOVE HER!
We all need Jessica’s mum in our lives 😄💕
+
I’m being Jessica’s Mum for my daughter although without the TMI, I try to ascertain exactly what they want to know and only answer that specific question. Usually they only want a pretty simple answer when they’re little and then they ask for more information as they get older
My gran was a jessica's mum 👌
@@geministargazer9830 Yes, I think this is the perfect way! I have been raised that way and my mom told me, children usually only ask what they can process. So giving them a very simple and short answer is best. If they want to know more they will continue asking questions. And if they already had enough and need to process it they will change the subject or say "ah, okay" and go play. 😅 I am now doing the same thing with my kids and it's working great. My 5 year old knows a lot for his age but has not been overwhelmed with information or details. Just bit by bit he is being educated over many years.
fran rose no you don’t that’s on my mom was and I would wish I could jump out of the car she would trap me in the car on the freeway going 65 mph
Omg I love how witty this group is!!
"Cerebral palsy of the same edition"
"Trade disability cards"
"Collect them all"
I laughed so freaking hard I love them
I DIED I was laughing so hard. I have spastic diaplegia too. So Oh I was so loving this.
I'm so enjoying watching this group. They're wise and funny at the same time! I hope they meet again like this!
The girl with the red hair has one of the nicest smiles I have ever seen wow... This is really enlightening to watch as well
sydney shortman yea, Jessica is always a positive person. You should watch her on her channel :)
jessica definitely has that
Her name is Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, she has an amazing RUclips channel that you should definitely check out!
Lol her wife’s a dentist
Tell me “70 First Dates” doesn’t sound like a lesbian romance movie title
I genuinely think a film should be made about Jessica's life. I'd pay to see it; she's a total hoot!
"She had 70 first dates, 3 second dates, and on the 3rd date, she rented a U-haul and moved in with her"
You could honestly make a lesbian romance based off Jessica and Claudia's relationship... they are so adorable together it makes me so happy... check out her channel and you'll see what I'm talking abt
This is amazing! I'm not disabled but I've always felt that people talk ABOUT people with disability instead of taking TO them. Like listening to others experiences and conversing in a respectful manner is so important, and hey maybe by listening you find a person you love who just happens to have a disability.
I had the same feeling. Listening to these people talk actually feels very relatable, even if I don't have a physical disability. But I had mental conditions all my life, starting with anxiety disorder and OCD as a child, an eating disorder, depression and PTSD. I always asked myself: will I be able to find love? Am I worthy of love? When do I disclose what's going on with me? How do I disclose it? etc. I feel like as a society we are so used to relying on visuals, when in fact, looks are very deceiving. These people in the video are not as unhappy as people probably think and I've not always been as happy as people thought... Life is just more complicated than that.
I think sometimes people forget that disabled people can be intellectual beings as well so they’ll ask the persons partner or whoever is with them about whatever it is instead of talking TO THE PERSON.
Making you feel like you won't get another partner is a pretty common behaviour in abusive relationships.
Okay that's such a good point. People, I've noticed at least from stories like this, slip (not sure this is the right word) into abusive behaviors when they feel like the person is less than them for whatever reason. But for some reason being disabled is seen as inferior? People that would otherwise never act so deplorably feel like they are inherently right for saying things like "you should be glad you're with me because no other able-bodied person would be" because to them it's a truth when in reality it's just disgusting.
Abuse comes in all forms, shapes, sizes, ages, genders....
And that manipulation bullshit is RAMPANT in the land, in every culture, across all time. Ew.
((Thank GOD I recognize it sooner & sooner🙏🌱))
Ray Ark as some one who is disabled it’s also something that comes to ones mind quite naturally. I was VERY blessed to have a family that never treated me different. I just ... was me. I never thought I wouldn’t get married because I walked like a drunk duck. But I knew LOADS of people who felt that way about themselves.
Getting cozy for this one! 🙌🏻💚
Mee to Melanie 💗
Melanie!! :)
"This is great in sign language. Really being acted out over there" I love Jessica. Ever since I started learning BSL I found and have been following her content and she is just wonderful. This is an incredible chat.
I'm interested in learning BSL, are there any sites or books or apps that you have found particularly useful?
Charlottesreadsthings would you mind telling us how you learned it, I’m abel-bodied but it would definitely be beneficial to know at least some sign language 😊
The best way to learn a sign language would be on a course, especially from a deaf teacher. Look up courses in your area 😊
@@user-dp8xt5pv8q Bristish Sign Language For Dummies is good for the basics. I then used BSL Zone to watch deaf video content to practise before I could afford classes :)
@@Chelsea-yx2hs Finding Deaf RUclipsrs who use the relevent sign language, British Sign Language For Dummies book is good for basics. BSL Zone is a website that has deaf video content that comes with captions to get used to recognising signs :)
my favorite thing is watching jessica just go "why do we have to respect people who fetishize disability".
Im so impressed by the Quaker policy of honesty and didn’t expect that (because I assumed the opposite 😬)
If you look on Jessica's channel (Jessica Kellgreen-fozard) she talks about Quakerism in some videos. Quaker morals differ heavily dependant on country. So, in Britain it's very progressive where some countries it's the opposite.
Actually the Quakers were ratger instrumental in the development of modern corrections facilities in the US which have been copied worldwide.
They injected humanism into an institution that at the time was focused on keeping offenders in squalid conditions and hard labor for the sake of retribution and neglect.
Quakers are pretty dang cool! My husband is a quaker (I am agnostic, which they are incredibly accepting of) and they're cool folks. Non-hierchial so equal marriages and no pastors in their congregations, very social justice oriented, were against slavery and hitting kids and wanted women to have equal rights hundreds of years ago. They're cool people.
This was so interesting. I think the question shouldn't be "can you even have sex" and instead should be something more akin to "what does sex look like for you" (you know, maybe not asked by total strangers).
I absolutely would love to be asked that, instead of "can you f***?" Great idea!
Or maybe "what is your ideal sexy night?" "What is your favorite sensual sensation?"
Thats actually quite a good question to ask anyone you're planning to have sex with!
Hell, able-bodied people should be asking that of each other. The expectation of penetration needs to be dismantled in general, but obviously more so when discussing how to accommodate a disability.
You sound like one of the enlightened people who could snag a disabled partner. ;) Not a fetish; you are simply WORTHY.
Jessica’s imitation of Claudia was startlingly accurate.
Can tou please give me a timestamp?
Please, please, please make this into a series!
Madalada Munden yesssssss
Yes that would be great.
I would love for them to have a variety of different illnesses, topics to talk about and people. It be such an incredible important series!
YES! Not just about disability though, but like the guy was saying. The different kinds of intimacy, like if your gay, straight, dimi, A-sex, ect.
Yes please. And different sexualities and genders and races/ethnicities and all that stuff. This is really informative and amazing
When 'devoteeism was like being gay in the 50s' was said, I immediately looked at Jessica and her expression was like, '...really.'
I don't believe you can compare a Fetish to that.
People do that with a lot of things
It’s not a fair comparison, for sure. It’s still the closest analogy that many people can draw to their own experience.
The worst thing that ever happened to you, might not be that bad in relative terms. And still, it persists in being the worst thing that has happened to you.
As stated in this video, some people veiw it as a preference. Some people have been ridiculed for being interested in disabled. Talk to your friends and ask if they would ever date a disabled person. Then think about the responses people give when they are asked if they would date a trans person.
There is so much stigma.
(I am a gay trans person.)
@@RosesInThePark...?
I know for a fact that all my friends would date a disabled person, except for my ace and aro friend of course.
Having a fetish for disabled people isn't comparable to the disgusting treatment of gay people in the 50s. Nobody is getting chemically castrated or forced into a chair for conversion therapy because of devoteeism.
Isobel Higgs I mean... not out of fetishism but during those times disabled people were treated super poorly and are even now. I’m saying this as a gay disabled woman. I get more respect for being lgbtq+ than I do for being disabled. I get more heckling and abuse for being disabled. Especially when I park in handicap and I can walk. People imagine disability being only wheel chair. I have almost no rights as a disabled person. It’s something that now people need to realize. To think I would be in an asylum for my disability so recently in our history is astounding. Of course both need need some change. But honestly disability rights need to be shouted just as much as black lives matter or gay rights. Most people don’t know that 50% of police shootings are of disabled people.
I never knew how ignorant i was (still kinda am) to issues that people with a disability encounter during dating and relationships. Thank you for informing me and changing my ignorance!! Your content always seems to introduce me to things i never knew about. Love ya hannah!
I agree. I never really thought about it until I started getting chronic illnesses, and wow is the world so much different now! I always thought I was a kind person before, but I think I would still be ashamed for myself now. It's very strange. 😂 I just stumbled upon this channel and I definitely love the openness.
Move out of the way 50 first dates and make way for Jessica’s 70 first dates
I think she should write a book or movie about that experience! It’ll be great!
I would see that film!
Riding on a Rainbow I would watch the sh*t out of that film if it ever were to be filmed
What Nima said at 15 minutes in hit me right in the throat. No one should ever feel like a ‘Broken Toy’ ❤️
I feel like the kid locked out of the sweet shop, looking in at the treats I'm told I'm not "allowed".
Lauren Heasman It made me so upset!
It really put into wprds feeling i have had sbout myself for years but never knew how to put into words
That was actually a very interesting fact, one third of LGBT people has also some kind of disability, we really won the lottery for discrimination you guys.
But that's only making us stronger! 💪 I, personally, honestly don't think I would be the same person, with same opinions, honesty, being open about stuff and everything, if I was a straight, healthy person. It's freakin hard. But it's worth it!
@@BiNy26 I personally think it's not worth it. It's made me so much weaker. Yes, it would change my opinions and experiences, but having to deal with medical trauma, mental health problems and almost constant physical pain just hurts. Maybe it's helped me morally, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Yes, you feel empowered but it's not worth it for everyone...
I wonder if that's because we have in average less resources, less access to healthcare and less probability of being taken seriously, and treatable conditions / injuries are more likely to evolve into chronic illness and disability through malpractice and negligence.
Not every disabled person was born that way - Jessica has that story with the bad spinal biopsy, for example, that aggravated her issues. There's a ton of treatable illnesses that can have long-lasting consequences if not treated outright - a high fever from something as simple as a flu, if you let it go on for longer than 24 hours, can have serious effects on your central nervous system. I imagine an lgbt kid that was tossed out of their home would end up in that situation.
Trans people especially are HORRENDOUSLY treated by medical professionals, who either dismiss them outright or attribute every little complaint to hormone treatment, and refuse to analyse symptoms outside of the context of their biological sex even though it's been proven that HRT changes the way your body manifests symptoms.
The irony being that the LGBTQIA+ community, on the whole--not everyone, is pretty ableist and discriminatory towards disabled people
nima is so dreamy. i love the way she talks and the way she looks at people when she's listening. i feel like she would be good at asmr or tutorials or something~
I got diagnosed this year with two chronic illnesses that cause me chronic pain over my whole body. As I’m only 17 and I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve had these worries and questions with not much to turn to. Hearing your stories has given me a sense of ease around the whole idea of sex and dating.
Thank you all xxx
When the right person comes along they will genuinely fall in love with who you are and your conditions will just be part of the package and the only thing that will bother them is the pain mentally and physically it causes you.
You will know when it is the right person because you will feel at ease and comfortable with your problems with them and not be afraid for them to see or know about them.
You are only young and finding the right person can take its time but if you take one piece of advice take this.... Do not waste your time and put yourself through the pain of being with someone who does not make you feel like you are perfectly imperfect. Although at times we may all want to feel loved and desired or to be with someone to just feel "normal".... It has to be real and should always make you feel like you are a better person in yourself for having them in your life. Disabled or not.
As some one who has LITERALLY been where you are now, You are going to be fine. Enjoy your good days ( you will have more good than bad) allow yourself to have bad ones, and learn who you are and love yourself. We aren’t that different from other people. We just make ourselves think that. You are going to be the person you need to be. I promise
Much love,
Kori ( a 42 year old nauseatingly happily married ( 17 years do the math.. I was 24 almost 25 do I get points for using 2 sets of parentheses )mother of 2 )
Omg it is so nice to see people reacting so nicely to Jessica’s emotion, showing its not a bad thing and it’s fair and not even accepting her apology for it, this is how people should be
I was in a car accident almost 10 years ago and it's resulted in me being disabled. I still struggle a lot with my self worth. My now husband never questioned it and it's never mattered to him. I asked him all the time if this is what he wanted. Everyone, including my family goes on and on about how wonderful he is. That I've "hit the lottery". Which I totally did, but I've never once heard anyone tell him how lucky he is. I struggle with it for sure. I still get fearful that this one day will be too much for him but I'm trying to remind myself that I am worthy and give just as much as I take. Thank you for this candid discussion. It was greatly needed.
This is SO interesting! What a cool discussion, great questions Hannah
Oh my gosh Jessica dating 😂 that is hilarious efficiency I love it
And her impression of Claudia 😂
I’m Type 1 Diabetics and one of the things that really affected my confidence, especially sexually, was the fact that I have an insulin pump attached to me all the time. I’m always conscious of it being in the way so I love Hannah’s idea of using sexy outfits as a way of keeping that kind of thing out of the way.
My boyfriend is also in the 1 club we think its more fun to call it that then diabeties , and the pump doesnt get in the way really its just part of his body and i will always apreasheat it because it one of the things thats keeps him around and i wouldnt want my world any other way my
Leo Basically yeah. There’s a piece of plastic that stays in after a needle is put in to put it in place and then there’s a bit of tubing attached to the insulin pump
Jessica has the most beautiful, warm, open and positively infectious personality I’ve honestly ever seen. Ever. Like what a beautiful person as a human being. Anyone thinking that some people are inherently undesirable based on the singular fact that they’re disabled, are deeply mistaken.
I am disabled and people have asked my husband, while next to me, “how do you deal with someone who’s broken?” And they treated me as if I weren’t there or they treated me as a very small child. I’m physically disabled, I do not have a handicap that impairs my mental development. So it gets to be tiring, since some of my condition was actually caused by one of his friends botching a nerve block. That is life.
Can this become a regular thing?
I never normally would comment but as 22 year old women with cerebal palsy (the sd one too ironically!) and have been in a relationship with my able bodied boyfriend for around a year and bit I found this discussion incredibly important! I related to almost everything that was mentioned and tbh it made me feel emotional seeing my thoughts verbalised :) Would love to see more discussions like this :) Thank you Hannah!
Victoria Joiner I have a lot of problems with my CP mainly that it gives me a lot of anxiety since I’ve been called a burden and what not. This video really made me feel better about my disability.
YES!! more discussions!
emily buxton totally agree.
I like how when jess said sorry everyone was like BINCH NO LET YOURSELF EXPRESS EMOTIONS
Hannah it amazes me how you continue to break down wall after wall. This was amazing to watch and I'm sure amazing to be a part of. Please continue to break down these walls. The world is a better place today because of this video ❤️
I'm not a disabled person but this video was beautiful. Just wanted to say keep up the good work and thanks
Its so cool to see Jessica. I really want more people with M.E and CFS to be involved in disability talk. Thank you so much. I'm not interested in the slightest in sex and relationships but watching this group is so refreshing, I've been a spoonie for 3 years almost and as someone who is 15 its really shattering to be told "you cant go to school, you can't follow your dreams, you can't make friends and you can't believe."
Hi! I’ve made some videos on ME and CFS in the past but I’ve not been able to recently. It took me a long time to learn that my self worth can come from who I am, not from what I’m capable of doing at the moment. I loved school and hated when I wasn’t well enough to go but it really didn’t help when I’d beat myself up about it on top of that! I hope your school are being helpful and your teachers are understanding. Don’t stop believing in yourself, you are so worth it. Sending love and spoons 🥄💕
I’m a CFS spoonie from London too! Keep going strong you are amazing 💓💓
I was diagnosed with cfs about 8 years ago, and others more recently. Invisible illnesses are rarely discussed but there is a slight rise in communicating about these illnesses. I think we have a responability (when able to) to talk about disability more. Sending lota of love to you. It is definitely a journey and there will be bumps in the road but there is hope for improvement x
i got ME when i was 15, im 24 now, and i completely understand where you're coming from. I've struggled my way through school and uni, attendance at like varying from like 5-50% and its tough when you're feeling like you cant get involved in things, everyone at school knows you as the ill one, people at the end of a 3 year course ask what you're studying... Its really tough when you feel like you're missing out and you've lost all this time where other people were off learning about themselves. But I tell you it does get easier, its hard when you're at school, it feels so all encompassing. I know that everyone has different levels of ME, but im telling you from a position of getting through GCSE's with it, A levels, a degree etc. Its the hardest thing ever, and there are many people that would think an extra 3 years to do all that is a failure, but we all have different paths. And i can safely say my degree feels much more of an achievement than someone who dossed and partied thei rway through and got the same result. Maybe you cant go to school, but that doesnt mean you cant learn, that you can't make friends or you cant follow your dreams. Illness can make you feel like less of a person, that the earth exists for everyone else to live in while you look from the sidelines. But there is plenty that you can do, just because it doesnt look what other people can do, its no less valuable
Do you also follow Annika Victoria? She's a spoonie with a sewing channel, but she takes you along the ride of a spoonie life and how you can still flourish in the bad moments
Came here after accidentally stumbling upon Jessica’s channel. This was an amazing conversation and I have to say a huge thank you to all of you for the openness and the honesty. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Can’t wait for more round tables.
Warmest regards!
It's so lovely to see someone sat at the table with PoTS. It's such an unknown chronic illness and this makes me feel so seen. Thank you so much for sharing this Hannah 💕
15 minutes in now and feeling so emotional. I'm resonating with so much that is being said, and it's so nice to not feel alone. You are my favourite RUclipsr Hannah 🙌
Jessica is a youtuber as well! She talks about her disability quite a bit
Fellow POTSy :) I love Jessica and can relate to so many of the things she says
Look for Chronically Jaquie here on RUclips.
Nice to finally see other people with P.o.t.s! I completely agree that it's still such an unknown illness. It took me years to find out what was wrong with me and it really changed my life. So I love the fact that more people are beginning to learn about it!
Jessica seemed real tired about conversation about the fetishization of disabled people and I feel it
OMG this was so interesting - I've no idea how you managed to edit it down to 10 minutes for Buffer Festival. So many great contributions.
My Ex Boyfriend (we're friends now) has epilepsy. On our first date back then, he immediately told me about it and where I could find his emergency medicine if he had a seizure while he was with me. That was very important because he would have seizures while sleeping, for example. It was an intense time, as I had to learn how to deal with his seizures, how they effected him and me at the same time. They look very brutal sometimes and I was very scared. I also talked to his parents about it and that helped me a lot, as they knew how worried one can get. We met again a couple of weeks ago and now he is on very good medication, so he is seizure free for one year now. He even can start his drivers licence practice, which makes me very happy!
I had a good friend some years ago who was 18 at the time and 6 years without a seizure. Good medication is key. Also she had a thing implanted in her neck area still don't know what it is but she said it helped wonders with seizures when she was a kid.
man my one goal in life is to be as sensitive and intelligent as the 5 of you are! The hour watching this literally flew by, I was engrossed
Omg I looked at how much I've watched and I've watched 25 mins!! And I didn't even realize its been so long
Thank you!!! I’m a 61 year old disabled straight male, I have had many failed relationships because people don’t understand. Good job!
oh charlie is such a lovable person. you all are wise, to bring back that word because it is needed. i really enjoyed this.
Someone: Can you even have sex?
Me: yeah but I don't want to
Someone: must be cause you have _put disability here_
Me: Nah. Asexual.
To make it clear yes I'm disabled and people alwas asume that I'm asexual cause I'm disabled instead of I'm asexual & disabled
Omfg I have the exact same experience
I am not disabled but am asexual so I slightly understand!
Oh i feel that! Same situation here
Poor you! It's horrible when people make assumptions like that.
Wooooooow those are such different things though
My mom has a stoma bag and it severely effects her self image and mental health it was refreshing, and frankly a new perspective on how you can still have self love and confidence with it
Could we get Nima, Charlie and Emily their own RUclips channels too, please? Such a lovely bunch, congratulations on putting this together, Hannah!
On the subject of the broken doll metaphor, I'm not disabled but I totally understand this. And actually, watching this, I realise that I feel this way on my journey to "fix" myself mentally. Like I don't want to start dating until I'm fixed because no one would want to deal with my mental health issues.
I'm not sure you need to be "fixed". Of course there's always things you can do to help yourself to feel better to get healthier but I think the mentality of needing to be fixed is toxic in itself. You aren't broken. You aren't a broken doll to be mended. You definitely don't need a relationship to be more secure or stable but I don't think there's any harm and letting someone help you. Also sounds a lot more accusatory that I mean it to so I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm yelling at you because I'm not trying to
I've definitely felt the same way and what helped me is realizing that everyone has struggles and these are mine... they make up a part of me and I wouldn't want them to be fixed because I would lose that part of myself...I think its also about trying to remember that in every partnership there is an aspect of care taking and that is important and valid for both partners and like Jessica said shouldn't even be in the realm of quantification because it should be given readily out of love...
I’d love to see something like this about mental health issues too! Sometimes it’s debilitating to have chronic depression and feel like nobody will love you or you have to put up with shit because you don’t believe that anyone else will have you etc. I said to my boyfriend that I wish I was mentally well and he said “but you wouldn’t be you” and legit he’s the sweetest little thing! Xx
Yeah, I was thinking something similar... I was excited when the topic of mental health came up a bit, but it was more a case of "how does your disability influence your mental health", rather than an exploration of mental health problems as the disability in question. Hannah, if you're ever gathering another panel like this, perhaps you can include some folks with depression, and/or PTSD, and/or schizophrenia, and/or whatever else?? I'd love to hear folks talk about it more!
@@DavidLindes totally agree
The conversation about fetishization reminded me of the fetishization I've experienced because of my bipolar ("oh, so you're a crazy bitch, huh?") and the way people turn mental illness into an aesthetic and sexualize it. I know plenty of people who act like having a mental illness is some Harley Quinn esque cute look to put on, meanwhile I've over here trying my best to act like I'm not mentally ill.
Jessica AND Hannah?? in the same video?? my two favourite RUclips women in the same video, spreading awareness and love always! much love to the others in this video also from your local POTSie 💙
I wish I had a visible disability or was at least very obviously disabled. My disability is juuuusst serious enough to severely impair my ability to lead a normal life, but not visible or obvious enough that it stays on people’s minds and they remember to consider me. So often my own family and partner seem to forget there’s anything wrong. My family keeps telling me how I should go to doctors, get evaluated, apply for disability, and all these ideas and methods I could use to treat myself, and then have the mindset of ‘you just don’t want to help yourself’, and it’s just like, I NEED these things BECAUSE I’m INCAPABLE of things like this. I can’t even get the help I need by myself.
Omg 15 minutes into this video and I am crying. All the things being said hit so close to home. I myself am disabled, and I felt and (still feel to some extent) so alone. But this video, this roundtable Hannah, you giving a platform to the disabled voices that always get marginalised, MEANS SO MUCH. I had no idea I needed this, Thank you Hannah. I really mean it, Thank you.
💓
Thank you Hannah, and everybody else, for having this much-needed discussion. As a straight, white, American male wheelchair user, I found myself nodding in agreement- and even getting choked up with emotion - at so much of what was said here. There’s so much to the ‘disabled experience’ that never gets talked about, least of all sex, and it’s just so refreshing and wonderful when it is!
My friend has a stoma and thought my first question was hilarious because it wasn't about sex it was "Can you still come out and get drunk?" hahah this was super informative btw, I'm getting early onset osteoperosis so it was super good to hear this
Priorities in life were shown lol
Was able bodied & very active growing up but was in an accident over ten years ago. Over time my spine has been crumbling, C3-C7, T8-T10, L4-L5 & L5 -S1 all have herniated, bulging torn discs, arthritis, nerve impingement & other stuff I can't spell or pronounce. Still fighting for disability. Thankful for having a caring, patient partner!
As a disabled person, you have managed to voice so many of my concern around disability and sex, and it touched so many nerves within me. Thank you so much for making it!
✅
The whole thing with the devotee comparing it to being gay... no. It's not a sexual orientation. It's a paraphilia. There's a huge difference.
I agree, but I think they were talking about how this person felt like he had to hide a part of himself and couldn't be open. I understand though why people are saying it's not comparable
Can you please explain paraphilia?
They didn't say it is the same thing; They were talking about the feelings of isolation, alienation and shame.
I thought the idea that if people have to ask "can you even have sex" they aren't educated enough to fully understand what sex is was really interesting. I think that idea can pertain to many aspects of relationships. I live in a place with limited sexual education beyond the basic male and female vaginal sex and I think that it ends up hurting everyone. It creates a boundary between people who experience sex differently than them.
Yeah it does. It creates a wall built completely on a lack of education and just a simple lack of awareness. My sex education has come almost entirely from the internet because I'm curious and I'm nosey and I want to know everything that there is the everyone else could be doing. My school had a policy that the teacher could not speak about gay sex because it offended people so my teacher actually got reprimanded for a 2 minute explanation on how anal sex works even though that can also be part of straight sex. That kind of mentality creates a vacuum of knowledge that then creates all kinds of social issues. It's such an odd thing to learn about when you never even realized that it could be any other way, there were other people who weren't having the kind of hurried skipped over sex your textbook told you about in two lines
I wish this was shown in schools - the U.S.' sex education system seems like it's failing everyone, but especially (like glaringly so) those who are not cis-gendered, hetero and able-bodied. Thank you all so much for producing this and being so honest!
Next level mom-achievement: become Jessica's mom for my own kids!
Couldn’t agree more! My husband is disabled and I feel like the most fortunate and blessed human on earth to be with him, because he is just amazing! End of conversation.
Jessica's face when "deep penetration" was mentioned is SO FUNNY OMG
The signs language translator is on fire like damn that speed kudos.( I know Jessica has a handle on this but the speed of speech is so fast)
this was perfect, great job everybody!
Omg I wasn't expecting to see Beckii in the comments section of this video lol. They did a great job with this video, very informative and relatable.
I’d date Charlie in a heartbeat. He’s incredibly cute.
Same 😍 hes so lovely!
First of all Jessica is amazing, I was so excited when I saw she was in this! Also I was so happy to find that two people with Cerebral Palsy, with the thing I have, was on this because honestly it made me feel less alone, it made feel so much happier that this is showing awareness for people with disabilities. I just really loved this video! Please bring everyone back and make this a series!
Wait, do people really think that disabled people should only date other disabled people? That makes no sense! Even if the mindset is "disabled people are a burden", why would the next leap in logic be "put two of them together, let them deal with it."!?!?
Maybe that thought never occurred to me because my grandpa lost both of his legs before I was born, so the idea that he didn't "deserve" my grandma due to their different abilities is baffling.
It isn't a case of deserving.
It's the "like seeks like" thing. More similar life experiences. Etc. Which does tend to attract people with a bit more similar experiences. Cause you feel more understood. All the guys I've had a relationship with for example have all been, or thought of as autistic. I am autistic too. But that may be different cause it's mental.
Hannah you've smashed this one out of the park!! I have IBD like yourself and I struggle with confidence in knowing how quick my stomach can flip! I've been so lucky and just started a relationship with an amazing guy that has been so understanding! They are out there and are willing to support!
The one piece of advice I'd give anyone is get out of your own head because 9x out of 10 your worrying about nothing!
These conversations are so needed! It normalises sex and disabilities and that's incredible! We need more people like this!
20:25 - WOW!! You go girl! She’s amazing to be confident enough to keep dating after that many tries!!! I’m so glad she found THE ONE after all. ❤️❤️❤️
I found my way here from one of Jessica's videos and I'm so glad I did. So eye opening and so happy to see I'm not alone in a lot of the things I'm thinking and dealing with.
I return to this every now and again because it’s such a pleasant and educational conversation ! I’d love if you did more of these roundtables :)
Thank you for having Jessica!! She's my favourite yessss!
I have to say, I come back to this video constantly. Hannah you did an incredible job with this round table and I have learnt so much watching your content and this video in particular. Thank you for all that you've done Hannah 💕
Not trying to be rude I really loved this but i felt bad because Jessica was trying to keep up and people were talking over each other and not enunciating :(
I know. I've been scrolling through the comments and you can always tell who is a Jessica fan because they're either raving about how gorgeous and funny and smart she is or they're upset because she seem to be lost in some of the parts of the conversation. I was thinking the same thing and wishing that they just slow down a little bit at least to give her time to read the signs. They weren't being rude like they weren't trying to leave her out or anything but I bet it's hard to remember things like that when she speaks so well and they're so passionate about the discussions
She mentioned that she has an interpreter with them so that probably helped.
Deaf people find it hard keeping up with group discussion either way, unfortunately. She seems to do very well though. (My son is deaf)
I did notice that she seemed oddly quiet :( this is probably why
Just paid a visit to Jessica's channel, and I love it! My horizon is once again widened by RUclips :)
"I'm not gonna go on hikes with you"
*reaches for engagement ring*
(just to be clear this is a joke, I don't wanna come off as creepy, I am a happily married gay man lol)
I work as a caregiver for a woman with CP who is wheelchair bound. She has a 2 year old daughter. When I explain my job to people, they always ask about how she had a kid, and I'm kinda just like *"she's a married adult?"*. The kinds of things that they ask are this weird intersection of conflating physical and mental disability, infantilization of the disabled, a lack of awareness about what many conditions are, and undereducation in basic anatomy.
Even though I have no personal experience with disability and/or disabled people, I find this incredibly inspiring and uplifting. All of the participants are so charismatic, interesting and generally fun people. An hour just flew by.
Thank you for making this, Hannah, it provided an insight for me into a part of life that I usually don't encounter, and I do believe more people need this insight.
It's 2021 and this discussion has lost none of its impact or importance. I do not have a disability, but feel that able bodied people Need to know enough about disabled people's issues, to at least not hinder them, devalue them or other negatives anyone might have. I can see how frankness, honesty and courage has empowered this group, and that's the best !! I know Jessica's channel has the content that disabled people need and a place they can express themselves. The entire table is helping others by speaking their own truth. Thank You, and Thank You to Hannah Witton for setting this discussion up. Action like this is what it takes to move society forward in all areas we are not doing as well as we should or could. Well done by all the participants !! 💖💖 YAY !!
Such a great video! I think it's so important that disabled people's voices are amplified especially relating to "taboo" topics such as sex. My brother was severely physically disabled so while I don't experience any of the things discussed, I am heavily invested in how disabled people are treated so this was so fascinating to watch.
I find it completely bizarre that anyone would treat disabled people any differently to any other person they would encounter, even when it comes to sex. Able-bodied people can have positions they find uncomfortable or painful, preferences about certain acts or behaviours, or even medical conditions that don't count as disabilities that heavily affect their sexual lives. So why would you approach a disabled person any differently than someone who appears able-bodied? In every sexual relationship communication is key, and like you people said, that's no different whether you're disabled or not.
Wow this was soo nice too see! I was born with a sacralcoccygeal teratoma, which was cancerous tumor that left me with deformed buttocks & hearing loss. It was so amazing to hear how other people who have navigate sex with their disabilities since I’ve been having a hard time lately 💕💕
this is such a brilliant idea, i love this conversation!!!
As a disabled person I cannot explain how thankful I am that you created this discussion panel. Really really informative and honest and I relate to so much of what was said. Thanks so much for this and please make more! The more we can educate society about disabled lives and how we all have different experiences and are adults who have adult relationships the better off we will all be. 😊
Brilliant long-form content. Keep it up Witton, you gem, it is appreciated.
Of course Jessica and Hannah know each other, such an important and impactful video. Thanks everyone who was in this
AAAAAAAAAAAA this is an incredible video! thanks so much for bringing together all these awesome people to have a discussion! ^^
Such a great and layered conversation! I'm so appreciative of this video! I'm so glad the normalization of non-sexuality or asexuality was also broached at 43:36 because that's something that is also still be normalized for both able-bodied and disabled persons.
What an awesome discussion. It triggered quite a few thoughts for me, that I know I'm going to talk about and think about moving forward. I think the normalisation of traditionally marginalised groups is so important to moving forward with societal attempts to be genuinely inclusive - and having straightforward, compassionate, and open conversations about these things in the view of (or with) people outside of these communities is such a wonderful step in that direction. More, please! :-)
i love how people with disabilities can talk about sex and relationships without being really embarrassed like people without and it’s really nice to see
Hannah… any chance of a follow up with the guests? Would love to know how they’re all doing
When I just started dating my boyfriend, his mom asked him if he was dating me out of pity.....
Yikes...she sounds like a bundle of joy.
It is a fair thing to wonder about, because some people do that.
However, asking the question... Is it even possible to to that in a tactful way?
Bleh
😲
what like right in front of you? im so sorry you had to hear that...
Thank you for this. I am disabled and recently divorced after 24 years with my husband. You touched on so many important things. My illness is chronic and progressive and I could relate to so much. I am currently in great pain due to the split, feeling less than and like he was so good to put up with my issues. But you’re right, I need to stop it. Please do more round tables!
Ugh devotees! I was born disabled and I had a guy ask me why did it matter if he saw me as beautiful because of my disabilities. For me it's a problem because it's my disabilities you see as beautiful not me. What if I by some miracle were no longer disabled? Would you still see me as beautiful?
I agree with Jessica why do we have to respect everyones desires? I don't have to be ok with someone else's desires.
If person is a devotee it's fine that's their thing but I don't have to participate in it. There are other disabled people who are into it so they can go find them and stop trying to force it on me.
Before I met my current boyfriend, on my online dating profile I wrote "I have multiple chronic illnesses so if you can't handle that move on". I was so tired of people leaving me because of my illnesses. And when I met my current boyfriend, I told him upfront in the first 4 hours of talking all my conditions and what they entail and said If you can't handle it you need to let me know because I'm tired of being hurt because of it. He responded I don't know why I wouldnt be able to handle it. We've been together for two months and he's so supportive, understanding, caring, and loving. Fun fact I had to postpone our first date due to my chronic migraines and I thought that was it he won't even give me a chance. He responded with it's okay I understand we'll postpone and do a psuedo hang today. Let's just say I've fallen for him and I don't regret a second of it
@Laura Martin-Falla no thankfully... He ended up doing some really traumatizing things..
What a truly fantastic job the group of you did! Big round of applause from the US. I grew up in the 1960’s as an increasingly disabled child and *none* of the groundwork had been laid for integration of disabled people into school, public life, or the work world. The only reason I had a “normal” education was that my disabilities didn’t fully emerge and I was already moving along in school, so there was no point at which I got yanked out. But I was *it* - the only kid that walks with a stick, the only kid on crutches more than a few days at a time, the only kid with permission to sit during lab classes, the only...
The concept of mainstreaming kids with all sorts of disabilities was a revolutionary concept when I was in middle school, and I didn’t realize that I was an accidental tourist in that territory. There was an expectation that this or that surgery or intervention would return me to “normality”. In truth, I got to go through puberty while learning to deal with the sudden onset of osteoarthritis. I didn’t fit in with the adolescents at school and I didn’t fit in with the grandparents at physio.
I’ve been married for 37 years, yet your show brought up questions I’d never thought to ask I stopped to ask my husband if he’d ever been praised for “being so brave to take on such a load...” (meaning me). Your discussion of that was extremely thought provoking. And the comparison about the broken toy on the shelf really resonated with me to. I was fortunate in that what sex education I did receive was directly relatable, but I can very much see that what we need most is a very strong focus on the role of communication in an intimate relationship. Wedges aren’t just for disabled partners - arranging things to make it comfortable is half the time we spend in the bedroom! If you are short and your feet don’t touch the floor, you aren’t disabled but you certainly may be uncomfortable (or it may be perfect!) The whole agreement that getting naked is an act of tremendous vulnerability and trust - that isn’t just true or those of us with non-standard medical histories.
I really congratulate all of you. I can see that you have already learned that mental and physical health are related, and both need tending. Don’t lose sight of that because it doesn’t change as you move into different stages of your lives. I wish you all the very best and hope that your relationships will be fulfilling and good for you in all kinds of ways.