I think THE most important issue of trauma would be when you are gaslighted out of your mind into an emotional fog and you give up on your own truth. That loss of self confidence probably hurts the most to me.
I agree, Jeff. The putdowns, naysaying, ridicule, dismissal of anything we may say. Progress report: I talked straight to 5 abusive men whom I had continued to speak to. Today, I felt a huge relief, when after my straight talk to the next who about ripped my breast off in "great sex, thanks" ( to him), and I heard his denial of abuse, non-apology...'sorry you feel that way'.... And the bugga BLOCKED me! Voicing my Truth has set me free.
I agree. Losing who you are is devastating and you are left lost, not knowing who you are, and you cannot heal, grow, or move on. Finding the strength to live on when you are still with the narc is extraordinarily hard, especially when sex and intimacy is expected.
My narcissist sucked the life out of me, I'm no longer interested in anything. I was always so creative and loved to play the guitar, go snowboarding, fishing, golfing, I enjoyed life. Now I do nothing but work to try and get my finances back in order, and I no longer have any friends because I put everything into her and our future together. She discarded me right before the holidays and I'm sure it was so that I would suffer. I busted her for cheating on me over a year ago but she sounded like she was sorry and then went on to play me for another year while continuing to cheat on me. Are these people even human?
Resurrection #4 at 14:15: PTSD and more: "trauma accumulates in our inner being, until parts of us break".... but we can "release the trauma and heal very quickly." I have begun to see this in myself; it's like a miracle walking!
Very good talk. Your description of those four levels of loss really boils it down to show that narcissistic abuse is nothing to fool around with. Fortunately I found YOU the NARP program just before my CPTSD symptoms got the better of me and before my adrenal system failed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are my angel! To anyone out there hesitating to start Melanie’s program, I urge you don’t wait a minute longer. I’ve never endorsed any program before, but I am doing this because I know it works and it’s so very important. I don’t want to think about where I would be today without it.
I took many months free from my work, and started to study. This time I have used to heal my traumas and recovering from the narcissistic abuse. After studying narcissism, abuse and finally turning the focus on myself, I have grown as a person. I will graduate next spring, and I am stronger now to achieve my goals and by listening my inner truth. It has been life changing. I made my decision: I will thrive and show to myself, I can survive and I will succeed. I feel free.
“The value of our soul is far greater than the perceived value of our accomplishments.” A great mantra for 2020. Mel, I really liked this video. My existence is enough. Makes me want to cry to hear this about myself.
Melanie thank you for opening up my eyes it's beautiful to become aware that I have betrayed myself! I am so happy now that I am loving myself unconditionally. I can get through this, I was waking up before the relationship with my daughter ended. I am truly loving myself now, I feel somewhat selfish but that I know is not true!😀
I'm walking out of the dark shadow of financial devastation and survival terror, and into the sunlight now. The experience has offered a profound spiritual opportunity for developing self-love and being a source to self. Also for detaching from the survival program of trying to control life from the outside-in and moving into a more alive and less contracted flow with each present moment. Like others, my former spiritual practice was strong but self partnering and dealing with the emotional body weren't addressed. Now I feel so much more whole having integrated them both.
I am beginning to feel like i have learned from this abuse. I feel like i will be stronger now and never accept mistreatment like that again. I am also wiser.
Thank you for all your work again and your anointing IS spot on, EVERYONE listen to this fine lady she is so right AND everyone should do HER quantum HEALING program it's life changing experience
Now that I’ve escaped and am no contact.... I find myself when I’m alone and things are quiet my mind keeps relieving the trauma..... the memories.... Is this part of the healing I hope
1000% is part of it, I went through that phase, now I love being alone and doing my own thing. I spent 2 months almost where I just had to be with people constantly In person or in discord with friends gaming. It gets better
Since Melanie has gone through the abuse herself, she knows what others are going through. It's tough to deal with, she helps others navigate through it. 💮
Thank you for the insightful message. You have to give up on hope to leave the narcissistic abuse behind but can pick it back up for your healing and moving forward. It’s time to feel okay with hope again. Ty
Honestly, I'm drowning, I'm tired, first my father, then 38years of marriage, now I'm back to thinking I caused everything, if I'd been more understanding, better wife, more loving, my husband would not be an alcoholic. I pray, I talk to God but it's like it hits the ceiling and goes no further. He decided to stay next door so I see him every day, it hurts, he divorced me 2 years ago, and I get reminded daily. I feel even worse because I think about bad thoughts about him, and I know we are suppose to love. We had taken in my Mother 1 year prior, she has bad site so all day care. I'm failing in my brain, financially, physically I am so so so tired.
I have a question about something that has been bothering me tremendously. After going no contact with the narcissist I was extremely numb. I ended up bringing in a stray kitten who I truly feel helped me learn how to experience love again. I finally felt great about life. I was on my way to thriving....until 10 months into having and loving this precious little angel he got hit and killed by a vehicle. My world was turned upside down. All of my positive beliefs started to slip away and I feel so alone. Melonie or anyone in the chat can you please give me your thoughts on where my cat went (afterlife or reincarnation) and any advice how to try get back to thriving because this loss feels way worse then the ordeal with the narcissist.
Hey Melanie! i think i am almost there , maybe you have noticed i've been following you for a few months , 8 by now or so . Since i stopped seeing the narc because i graduated college , i had to face with the reality i always knew , that was that i ended up with this woman , to run away from my "friends" also narcisitic which i ended up with to run away from my mother and brother , since i was completely devastated , being home with my family has not helped a lot , as they are deeply wounded and lazy people which lead to abuse. I thought it couldn't get worse but it did , but at the same time , i think i have never been worse and best at the same time. I feel like i am on the final step , and it's scary because when you had such bad life , even the good things like valuing yourself can feel so weird, what scares me is just to think how a parent can pass this kind of life as normal and how is that i had to create literally a life from scratch , zero , which is what i had from 0 to 28 , and how is that my mother pass it all as good just because i had food and clothes , you are one of the persons i regard with such love and respect as you have helped validate my entire quest , which i whink i started since a child, i shared a little a couple months back , and since i've engaged in self care , exercise and such , the spiritual and psychic experiences had been growing so much , even when i saw your title "soul graduation" and others i always felt that i had came up with those ideas already and clicking on your stuff it's like opening a book or a mirror about myself , through the stories of others , which it feels i have read forever , like if i have been alive for waaay much more tahn 28 years. Much love Melanie , this goes out to myself and all of you.
Healing our Relationship with our Self: and no longer easy bait for Narcissists... could this be true? I hope so. No more betraying of My Self. Looking forward to 2020!
He took everything I worked my whole life for. His goal was to take EVERYTHING from me and pick my bones clean, and outside of a miracle that occurred, he would have succeeded. Wish me luck in rebuilding my life at soon to be 70 years of age. Here's to the next 30 years; I WILL NO LONGER BETRAY MY SELF. I count too! Thank you Melania in 2020 and beyond!
My husband I'm divorcing (Narc) is trying to manipulate me. This A.M he told me just because we're not together does not mean I shouldn't be able live because he seen the child support amount $1,332 yesterday so after flipping out on me now he's trying to butter me up! Manipulation!
Thank you so much Melanie. You are exactly the voice I needed to hear today to help me understand and begin to break away from a narcissistic man I have been married to for 30 years. I always knew something wasn't right with his lack of empathy for me but always internalized it. you made me realize today that there is hope and healing in letting go.
Melanie, 100% true. I was dating a woman in Ohio who really shouldn't have been dating. She claimed she was damaged by a NARC before her marriage, but cheated on her husband with this same narc 10 years later. Then she cried foul, when into therapy, but claimed that she knows more than any therapist in the area. That they should be paying HER for time spent. She lives with this poor ex-husband, and takes off at the drop of a hat to date or travel or whatever. I got caught up with her when I wasn't looking to date. I'm not perfect, i've been in counseling; I actually looked up to her on some levels based upon what she said about modalities she's done. What was really happening was convenient lies, especially about still being connected to this ex-NARC bf of hers. I think I finally got her to stop thinking about him, but she talked about him constantly. Living in her house with her EX-hubby, and 2 kids who have very little discipline & control was driving her nuts, and me. The more stressed she got, the worse her behavior got. I was able to calm her down most of the time. She actually was very loving until after I talked her into getting control of her finances (another sign of someone out of control). She'd never done her finances even after her divorce until I came along. She was paying $500/month to 1 credit card alone! Now she's in debt management and has very little spare $$ for all of her beauty treatments. I think the lack of $$ is what drove her into deeper depression/guilt. I was helping her though by paying for everything. I even was going to help her sell a ring she'd been given. Hell I bought her a ring too, then returned it after she got dismissive about it. She seemed to be very loving, but like I call the iceberg theory: 10% of what she verbalized hid 90% below the surface. She often wondering if her NARC-ex-bf had a demon in him. She would vacillate between feeling sorry for him or not, he was evil or he was not, she't talk to him again if she saw him or not. She has intimate talks with her student(s) about evil thoughts coming in, fighting internal demons, etc. She has inappropriate boundaries with her students. Either she has a BAD CASE of narcissistic fleas, and started acting like her NARC-ex. Or something else happened. Because all of the love-bombing up front she told me (You're perfect, you're a god, you're gorgeous, you're so sexy, we're going to have sex 5x a week) eventually stopped. The only solution I could find to our living situation was to get a rental near her, so her kids could stay in the same school district, I could be close to her, and not pay $100s/month in hotel bills. We had been looking at houses together, and in theory would sell both our respective houses by the Spring 2020 and move in together. The day I signed the $1500 lease while still holding my mortgage, is the day her mask fully came off. She HIT ME during a contrived argument; she apologized then said she knows she needs counseling. a few days later I picked her up from the airport; that night she wanted wine before coming back to my rental. She was nasty, kept ordering me around, said 'a real man would ask the landlord to fix the toilet, a real man would have moisturizing cream, etc etc'. she even pitched a tantrum the first night after hitting me, that I didn't get the right thread-count bedding and had a panic attack/freak out. Final night, our 6 month anniversary, she wanted alcohol even though (i forgot) she had just started a course of ant-depressants to try to get a hold of her spiraling emotions. A/D and booze do not mix. She had alluded (again) to a sexy night, and for the dozenth time since we started dating what she said vs what happened did not match. She went to bed, put her night mask on, and I knew what was coming. I pulled the night light out of the socket so I could sleep, she started another contrived argument. She accused me of being 'psycho' (normally when she called me that she's arguing with her mother), said her kids think I'm psycho (if so they only parrot their mom because they're afraid of her), said I hate her kids (no, I actually offered to pay $200 apiece to get them brainscan/diagnostic to try to get them on the road to recovery). After I felt she was no longer reachable as a human/unreasonable, I told her to leave. Slight altercation later outside, and she was on her way home. I dropped off the rest of her belongings (her ego would never let her reach out to ask for them) at the local Police station and left NO NOTE in the box. I don't care what she thinks, she can go back to University to teach alongside her ex-husband and they can drive each other nuts for all eternity for all I care. I escaped after 6 months, have had 2 counseling sessions before the end of the year, and have lined out more going into 2020. God bless me, my new job, freedom to travel, freedom to FIND MYSELF AGAIN because I literally was being consumed. She was allowed to get things off her chest, if I brought something up I wasn't validated nor allowed to talk about it. I truly loved her, she loved me back as much as she could. But I could have all of that AND a sane partner; one who's not so emotionally unbalanced. She even thought my real estate agent was googling her! Scariest thing she ever said: She dumped some emotional crap on me. I ended up going to the restroom and crying a bit (i cried a LOT during this relationship; she was relentless). I came back and tried to talk about it. She said I don't want to talk about it. "*I* feel better" she said. I said of course you feel better; you just dumped a bunch of stuff on me. I"m not a robot, I have feelings, it takes time to process things. She either has something else MAJORLY going on & hasn't told me, or just not self-reflective/not based in reality and possibly not salvageable.
This video helped a lot. This past year I was involved with a narc who drained my bank accounts and time. Had past exes and lovers in full rotation and messaged and sent selfies to them often. I was consistently lied to and I want to blame myself for being fooled and manipulated but I realize that this won't help me heal. I'm in the first week of a full detox after being discarded. It's an odd feeling but I am hopeful that better days and better people are in my future. Any comments or words of encouragement are welcome lol.
I fear that narcissistic people must have started to educate themselves too, to gain knowledge to therefore use these tactics to apply them to people they meet!!! Because I'm starting to think they tune into their intuition and gut when they are around others - in order to work them out
F*cking hell. Everything that I've gone through with my narcissistic mother and my maybe narcissistic brother ... I WAS RIGHT. I'm pinned down at the moment. Dealt with all their minions holding strong. I have fought all of them. The fight is much harder when it's a jealous family member. I will hold strong. Dealing with 3 mentally ill people surrounded by those who want to see the strong crumble. I've watched several of your videos and after years of searching researching studying ... THIS IS THE BEST ONE and truly knows what she's talking about. 👍 I am recharged. I am not lost. The fight for survival the fight to find solutions continue.
When we feel it's impossible to trust another human being again which I understand that because we've been wounded but like ourselves, narcissistic people usually at some point in their lives get taken advantage of themselves and then they also believe that they can not trust anyone again.
It’s one thing when the abuser is a romantic lover but a deeper level when that narcissistic abuse is inflicted by your spiritual teacher! You lose the teaching and much, much more!
GrandPa JoeJoeAGoGo I’m sorry to hear that. There’s a bit of info surfacing about my ex-teacher under Anadi Teaching Abuse. The guy does have access to pure consciousness but is profoundly unhealed on the human level and is a total psycho. Very shocking and painful experience. I had no prior experience with pathological narcissism or abuse.
Children r easily fooled and exploited by narc parents and later by spouse and othrs, their is lack of trust and safety in such relations, which leads to low self esteem and confidence
; tips is to do creative things like drawing/cooking/Playing an instrument, Also crying to music in bed and reading power of the now by Eckhart Tolle and other good motivational books and audios! ”I Will become what I deserve” Grateful for a narc free 2020. Thank you
I hv kids, 21 and 16, the narcissist would go through them, making recovery hard for me. He's not been talking to me the last 3 days and I not bothered, and what about financial issues he doesn't give money. He's with me due to family.
I took medication through most of my 20's. I don't think this means I live a disintigrated life and will never recover. Was on board with her teachings until now.
If narcissists are black holes that suck your energy out of you. The stupid thing is wouldn't the reverse be oddly accurate - if you give them all your emotions and they are absorbing all this pain anger and energy, wouldn't that overwlem the narcissist? I get they like energy wouldn't too much emotional pain be too much to handle? Xxxxxxx
Toxic people r so controlling that v have no freedom to do good too v need permission, but such people have no any rule ,they violate rules and act freely ,
I was with my ex for 19 months. She had a lot of baggage and it wore me down, lost motivation, gained weight, lost my confidence and felt like I was on eggshells. She would tell my sister about our sex life, try and control me and isolate me from my family. She didnt listen to me or ant advice I gave her, and said I talked down on her when we argued. I think I'm trauma bonded, I used to make a lot of excuses to stay even though my motivation hit low levels, my self confidence was battered and I had gained weight. I used to say things like 'but I love her', or 'I'm sure she just needs some help'. I distanced myself from her and started saying no, she got very insecure, accused me of talking to other women, and said 'I never want to see her' and I was 'always miserable around her'. Does it sound like a narcissist? It's been a month since she broke it off with me and I'm pretty sure shes talking to another guy. It really hurts and I feel I csnt let go
Hun, this is about YOU. If you feel horrible, if your intuition is screaming at you truly- it doesn't matter if this person is a narcissist, bi-polar or a Martian. The answer is the same, detach and heal. I'd love you to come on over to my free 16 Day course. www.youcanthriveprogram.com/freecourse Love and blessings xoxox
I appreciate your sharing your experiences, but im non the wiser from this video, to be honest; found it all a bit vague. Please share practical solutions (and not doing your program 😉) Plus, you correctly say we all are created for connection, but have to learn to self parents and provide everything for ourselves... How do you bridge that contradiction?
To explain the Qunatum Way (a big deep conversation) you will need to come into my free webinar www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Its not practical or logical. It is somatic and emotional. This is the limbic system being addressed xoxo
I think THE most important issue of trauma would be when you are gaslighted out of your mind into an emotional fog and you give up on your own truth. That loss of self confidence probably hurts the most to me.
I agree, Jeff.
The putdowns, naysaying, ridicule, dismissal of anything we may say.
Progress report:
I talked straight to 5 abusive men whom I had continued to speak to.
Today, I felt a huge relief, when after my straight talk to the next who about ripped my breast off in "great sex, thanks" ( to him), and I heard his denial of abuse, non-apology...'sorry you feel that way'....
And the bugga BLOCKED me!
Voicing my Truth has set me free.
Once u real eyes the patterns, u can detach from their bs. And find yourself again. 💗
I agree. Losing who you are is devastating and you are left lost, not knowing who you are, and you cannot heal, grow, or move on. Finding the strength to live on when you are still with the narc is extraordinarily hard, especially when sex and intimacy is expected.
My narcissist sucked the life out of me, I'm no longer interested in anything. I was always so creative and loved to play the guitar, go snowboarding, fishing, golfing, I enjoyed life. Now I do nothing but work to try and get my finances back in order, and I no longer have any friends because I put everything into her and our future together. She discarded me right before the holidays and I'm sure it was so that I would suffer. I busted her for cheating on me over a year ago but she sounded like she was sorry and then went on to play me for another year while continuing to cheat on me. Are these people even human?
I have no idea how I survived this. Feeling for anyone that has gone through this ❤❤❤ x
Easily the most messed up ive ever been breaking up with a narc.
Resurrection #4 at 14:15: PTSD and more: "trauma accumulates in our inner being, until parts of us break".... but we can "release the trauma and heal very quickly." I have begun to see this in myself; it's like a miracle walking!
Ladies ALWAYS trust your instincts! 👏🏼
Very good talk. Your description of those four levels of loss really boils it down to show that narcissistic abuse is nothing to fool around with. Fortunately I found YOU the NARP program just before my CPTSD symptoms got the better of me and before my adrenal system failed. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are my angel! To anyone out there hesitating to start Melanie’s program, I urge you don’t wait a minute longer. I’ve never endorsed any program before, but I am doing this because I know it works and it’s so very important. I don’t want to think about where I would be today without it.
I took many months free from my work, and started to study. This time I have used to heal my traumas and recovering from the narcissistic abuse. After studying narcissism, abuse and finally turning the focus on myself, I have grown as a person.
I will graduate next spring, and I am stronger now to achieve my goals and by listening my inner truth. It has been life changing. I made my decision: I will thrive and show to myself, I can survive and I will succeed. I feel free.
“The value of our soul is far greater than the perceived value of our accomplishments.” A great mantra for 2020.
Mel, I really liked this video. My existence is enough. Makes me want to cry to hear this about myself.
They say they want you to win, but they really hope you loose.
Melanie thank you for opening up my eyes it's beautiful to become aware that I have betrayed myself! I am so happy now that I am loving myself unconditionally. I can get through this, I was waking up before the relationship with my daughter ended. I am truly loving myself now, I feel somewhat selfish but that I know is not true!😀
I'm walking out of the dark shadow of financial devastation and survival terror, and into the sunlight now. The experience has offered a profound spiritual opportunity for developing self-love and being a source to self. Also for detaching from the survival program of trying to control life from the outside-in and moving into a more alive and less contracted flow with each present moment. Like others, my former spiritual practice was strong but self partnering and dealing with the emotional body weren't addressed. Now I feel so much more whole having integrated them both.
I am beginning to feel like i have learned from this abuse. I feel like i will be stronger now and never accept mistreatment like that again. I am also wiser.
Thank you for all your work again and your anointing IS spot on, EVERYONE listen to this fine lady she is so right AND everyone should do HER quantum HEALING program it's life changing experience
Now that I’ve escaped and am no contact.... I find myself when I’m alone and things are quiet my mind keeps relieving the trauma..... the memories....
Is this part of the healing I hope
1000% is part of it, I went through that phase, now I love being alone and doing my own thing. I spent 2 months almost where I just had to be with people constantly In person or in discord with friends gaming. It gets better
Those thoughts are the peptide pathways trying to be useful. It’s natural and will fade with inner work that reprograms your brain.
Thank you both very much
Yes I went through the same thing
🙏🏽❤️yes it gets better
Since Melanie has gone through the abuse herself, she knows what others are going through. It's tough to deal with, she helps others navigate through it. 💮
Thank you for the insightful message. You have to give up on hope to leave the narcissistic abuse behind but can pick it back up for your healing and moving forward. It’s time to feel okay with hope again. Ty
I just wanted to tell you thank you! You've help me look at things much clearer!
Honestly, I'm drowning, I'm tired, first my father, then 38years of marriage, now I'm back to thinking I caused everything, if I'd been more understanding, better wife, more loving, my husband would not be an alcoholic. I pray, I talk to God but it's like it hits the ceiling and goes no further. He decided to stay next door so I see him every day, it hurts, he divorced me 2 years ago, and I get reminded daily. I feel even worse because I think about bad thoughts about him, and I know we are suppose to love. We had taken in my Mother 1 year prior, she has bad site so all day care. I'm failing in my brain, financially, physically I am so so so tired.
I love your holiday necklace!
Just impeccable with that top.
You're amazing Melanie :) thank you!
I have a question about something that has been bothering me tremendously. After going no contact with the narcissist I was extremely numb. I ended up bringing in a stray kitten who I truly feel helped me learn how to experience love again. I finally felt great about life. I was on my way to thriving....until 10 months into having and loving this precious little angel he got hit and killed by a vehicle. My world was turned upside down. All of my positive beliefs started to slip away and I feel so alone. Melonie or anyone in the chat can you please give me your thoughts on where my cat went (afterlife or reincarnation) and any advice how to try get back to thriving because this loss feels way worse then the ordeal with the narcissist.
Hey Melanie! i think i am almost there , maybe you have noticed i've been following you for a few months , 8 by now or so .
Since i stopped seeing the narc because i graduated college , i had to face with the reality i always knew , that was that i ended up with this woman , to run away from my "friends" also narcisitic which i ended up with to run away from my mother and brother , since i was completely devastated , being home with my family has not helped a lot , as they are deeply wounded and lazy people which lead to abuse.
I thought it couldn't get worse but it did , but at the same time , i think i have never been worse and best at the same time.
I feel like i am on the final step , and it's scary because when you had such bad life , even the good things like valuing yourself can feel so weird, what scares me is just to think how a parent can pass this kind of life as normal and how is that i had to create literally a life from scratch , zero , which is what i had from 0 to 28 , and how is that my mother pass it all as good just because i had food and clothes , you are one of the persons i regard with such love and respect as you have helped validate my entire quest , which i whink i started since a child, i shared a little a couple months back , and since i've engaged in self care , exercise and such , the spiritual and psychic experiences had been growing so much , even when i saw your title "soul graduation" and others i always felt that i had came up with those ideas already and clicking on your stuff it's like opening a book or a mirror about myself , through the stories of others , which it feels i have read forever , like if i have been alive for waaay much more tahn 28 years.
Much love Melanie , this goes out to myself and all of you.
Get rid of the abuser - the trauma will then take care of itself. As long as the caustic agent is around healing cannot begin.
On point as usual. Thanks for your awesome work! God bless you!
This woman is a pearl. Thank you
Healing our Relationship with our Self: and no longer easy bait for Narcissists... could this be true? I hope so. No more betraying of My Self. Looking forward to 2020!
He took everything I worked my whole life for. His goal was to take EVERYTHING from me and pick my bones clean, and outside of a miracle that occurred, he would have succeeded. Wish me luck in rebuilding my life at soon to be 70 years of age. Here's to the next 30 years; I WILL NO LONGER BETRAY MY SELF. I count too! Thank you Melania in 2020 and beyond!
Thank You
You're a lifesaver
Accept my Thanks
May God bless You in multiple folds
My husband I'm divorcing (Narc) is trying to manipulate me. This A.M he told me just because we're not together does not mean I shouldn't be able live because he seen the child support amount $1,332 yesterday so after flipping out on me now he's trying to butter me up! Manipulation!
Thank you so much Melanie. You are exactly the voice I needed to hear today to help me understand and begin to break away from a narcissistic man I have been married to for 30 years. I always knew something wasn't right with his lack of empathy for me but always internalized it. you made me realize today that there is hope and healing in letting go.
I too have not been as healthy as I am now after meeting you. ❤️🌸☄️
Melanie, 100% true. I was dating a woman in Ohio who really shouldn't have been dating. She claimed she was damaged by a NARC before her marriage, but cheated on her husband with this same narc 10 years later. Then she cried foul, when into therapy, but claimed that she knows more than any therapist in the area. That they should be paying HER for time spent.
She lives with this poor ex-husband, and takes off at the drop of a hat to date or travel or whatever. I got caught up with her when I wasn't looking to date. I'm not perfect, i've been in counseling; I actually looked up to her on some levels based upon what she said about modalities she's done.
What was really happening was convenient lies, especially about still being connected to this ex-NARC bf of hers. I think I finally got her to stop thinking about him, but she talked about him constantly. Living in her house with her EX-hubby, and 2 kids who have very little discipline & control was driving her nuts, and me. The more stressed she got, the worse her behavior got. I was able to calm her down most of the time. She actually was very loving until after I talked her into getting control of her finances (another sign of someone out of control). She'd never done her finances even after her divorce until I came along. She was paying $500/month to 1 credit card alone! Now she's in debt management and has very little spare $$ for all of her beauty treatments. I think the lack of $$ is what drove her into deeper depression/guilt. I was helping her though by paying for everything. I even was going to help her sell a ring she'd been given. Hell I bought her a ring too, then returned it after she got dismissive about it.
She seemed to be very loving, but like I call the iceberg theory: 10% of what she verbalized hid 90% below the surface. She often wondering if her NARC-ex-bf had a demon in him. She would vacillate between feeling sorry for him or not, he was evil or he was not, she't talk to him again if she saw him or not. She has intimate talks with her student(s) about evil thoughts coming in, fighting internal demons, etc. She has inappropriate boundaries with her students.
Either she has a BAD CASE of narcissistic fleas, and started acting like her NARC-ex. Or something else happened. Because all of the love-bombing up front she told me (You're perfect, you're a god, you're gorgeous, you're so sexy, we're going to have sex 5x a week) eventually stopped. The only solution I could find to our living situation was to get a rental near her, so her kids could stay in the same school district, I could be close to her, and not pay $100s/month in hotel bills. We had been looking at houses together, and in theory would sell both our respective houses by the Spring 2020 and move in together. The day I signed the $1500 lease while still holding my mortgage, is the day her mask fully came off. She HIT ME during a contrived argument; she apologized then said she knows she needs counseling. a few days later I picked her up from the airport; that night she wanted wine before coming back to my rental. She was nasty, kept ordering me around, said 'a real man would ask the landlord to fix the toilet, a real man would have moisturizing cream, etc etc'. she even pitched a tantrum the first night after hitting me, that I didn't get the right thread-count bedding and had a panic attack/freak out.
Final night, our 6 month anniversary, she wanted alcohol even though (i forgot) she had just started a course of ant-depressants to try to get a hold of her spiraling emotions. A/D and booze do not mix. She had alluded (again) to a sexy night, and for the dozenth time since we started dating what she said vs what happened did not match. She went to bed, put her night mask on, and I knew what was coming. I pulled the night light out of the socket so I could sleep, she started another contrived argument. She accused me of being 'psycho' (normally when she called me that she's arguing with her mother), said her kids think I'm psycho (if so they only parrot their mom because they're afraid of her), said I hate her kids (no, I actually offered to pay $200 apiece to get them brainscan/diagnostic to try to get them on the road to recovery). After I felt she was no longer reachable as a human/unreasonable, I told her to leave. Slight altercation later outside, and she was on her way home. I dropped off the rest of her belongings (her ego would never let her reach out to ask for them) at the local Police station and left NO NOTE in the box. I don't care what she thinks, she can go back to University to teach alongside her ex-husband and they can drive each other nuts for all eternity for all I care. I escaped after 6 months, have had 2 counseling sessions before the end of the year, and have lined out more going into 2020. God bless me, my new job, freedom to travel, freedom to FIND MYSELF AGAIN because I literally was being consumed. She was allowed to get things off her chest, if I brought something up I wasn't validated nor allowed to talk about it. I truly loved her, she loved me back as much as she could. But I could have all of that AND a sane partner; one who's not so emotionally unbalanced. She even thought my real estate agent was googling her!
Scariest thing she ever said: She dumped some emotional crap on me. I ended up going to the restroom and crying a bit (i cried a LOT during this relationship; she was relentless). I came back and tried to talk about it. She said I don't want to talk about it. "*I* feel better" she said. I said of course you feel better; you just dumped a bunch of stuff on me. I"m not a robot, I have feelings, it takes time to process things. She either has something else MAJORLY going on & hasn't told me, or just not self-reflective/not based in reality and possibly not salvageable.
This video helped a lot. This past year I was involved with a narc who drained my bank accounts and time. Had past exes and lovers in full rotation and messaged and sent selfies to them often. I was consistently lied to and I want to blame myself for being fooled and manipulated but I realize that this won't help me heal. I'm in the first week of a full detox after being discarded. It's an odd feeling but I am hopeful that better days and better people are in my future. Any comments or words of encouragement are welcome lol.
Thank you for the very valuable work you do.
Thanks Melanie
I fear that narcissistic people must have started to educate themselves too, to gain knowledge to therefore use these tactics to apply them to people they meet!!! Because I'm starting to think they tune into their intuition and gut when they are around others - in order to work them out
F*cking hell. Everything that I've gone through with my narcissistic mother and my maybe narcissistic brother ... I WAS RIGHT. I'm pinned down at the moment. Dealt with all their minions holding strong. I have fought all of them. The fight is much harder when it's a jealous family member. I will hold strong. Dealing with 3 mentally ill people surrounded by those who want to see the strong crumble.
I've watched several of your videos and after years of searching researching studying ... THIS IS THE BEST ONE and truly knows what she's talking about. 👍 I am recharged. I am not lost. The fight for survival the fight to find solutions continue.
I get asked questions that there is no right are wrong but I'm always wrong
When we feel it's impossible to trust another human being again which I understand that because we've been wounded but like ourselves, narcissistic people usually at some point in their lives get taken advantage of themselves and then they also believe that they can not trust anyone again.
Thank you Melanie!
The lightness of being)
Reality is SKEWED...twisted, off.
It’s one thing when the abuser is a romantic lover but a deeper level when that narcissistic abuse is inflicted by your spiritual teacher! You lose the teaching and much, much more!
I went through the same thing a few years ago!
GrandPa JoeJoeAGoGo I’m sorry to hear that. There’s a bit of info surfacing about my ex-teacher under Anadi Teaching Abuse. The guy does have access to pure consciousness but is profoundly unhealed on the human level and is a total psycho. Very shocking and painful experience. I had no prior experience with pathological narcissism or abuse.
Children r easily fooled and exploited by narc parents and later by spouse and othrs, their is lack of trust and safety in such relations, which leads to low self esteem and confidence
; tips is to do creative things like drawing/cooking/Playing an instrument,
Also crying to music in bed and reading power of the now by Eckhart Tolle and other good motivational books and audios!
”I Will become what I deserve”
Grateful for a narc free 2020. Thank you
I hv kids, 21 and 16, the narcissist would go through them, making recovery hard for me. He's not been talking to me the last 3 days and I not bothered, and what about financial issues he doesn't give money. He's with me due to family.
I took medication through most of my 20's. I don't think this means I live a disintigrated life and will never recover. Was on board with her teachings until now.
Thank you:)
If narcissists are black holes that suck your energy out of you. The stupid thing is wouldn't the reverse be oddly accurate - if you give them all your emotions and they are absorbing all this pain anger and energy, wouldn't that overwlem the narcissist? I get they like energy wouldn't too much emotional pain be too much to handle? Xxxxxxx
Hun, it's an energetic one way street. This is why it is so damaging. Great question! Love and blessings xoxox
He put me in the Baltimore state prison. I don’t think I can get past it.
Toxic people r so controlling that v have no freedom to do good too v need permission, but such people have no any rule ,they violate rules and act freely ,
Hello, Melanie. Please is there an e-mail to contact your team or assistant? Thank you
Hi hun, contact support@melanietoniaevans.com Love and blessings xoxox
I got shingles at 20 from him it was hell
I was with my ex for 19 months. She had a lot of baggage and it wore me down, lost motivation, gained weight, lost my confidence and felt like I was on eggshells. She would tell my sister about our sex life, try and control me and isolate me from my family. She didnt listen to me or ant advice I gave her, and said I talked down on her when we argued. I think I'm trauma bonded, I used to make a lot of excuses to stay even though my motivation hit low levels, my self confidence was battered and I had gained weight. I used to say things like 'but I love her', or 'I'm sure she just needs some help'. I distanced myself from her and started saying no, she got very insecure, accused me of talking to other women, and said 'I never want to see her' and I was 'always miserable around her'. Does it sound like a narcissist? It's been a month since she broke it off with me and I'm pretty sure shes talking to another guy. It really hurts and I feel I csnt let go
Hun, this is about YOU. If you feel horrible, if your intuition is screaming at you truly- it doesn't matter if this person is a narcissist, bi-polar or a Martian. The answer is the same, detach and heal. I'd love you to come on over to my free 16 Day course. www.youcanthriveprogram.com/freecourse Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans Thanks Melanie, I will take a look. It's been really tough, 5 weeks since the breakup.
I appreciate your sharing your experiences, but im non the wiser from this video, to be honest; found it all a bit vague. Please share practical solutions (and not doing your program 😉)
Plus, you correctly say we all are created for connection, but have to learn to self parents and provide everything for ourselves... How do you bridge that contradiction?
To explain the Qunatum Way (a big deep conversation) you will need to come into my free webinar www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Its not practical or logical. It is somatic and emotional. This is the limbic system being addressed xoxo
Reality is Skewed. Not Skewered. Skewered is for BBQ.
Clara Jansen she has an accent
@@Rahel8811 and poor grammar.