They weren't. They were leeches and enablers. You're fine without them. Be okay with being alone. And when the time comes your true friends will be there.
That's ok, depending whether your loss of friends were true. If they were okay anyway, I advice to have them back. Being alone as an addict doesn't come cheap.
i feel the same lately...a sense of peace mixed with sadness. i'm getting married in a few months and realize that i don't have that many friends to invite. I should be more hopeful and look at it as an opportunity to make new friends who aligned more with my life.
It's sadder when you realise that some of those you have called friends have been low-key disrespecting you this whole time, you just never realised it. That shit will make you angry and resentful inside. Be careful...
I love your comment. My best friend was doing this to me a lot. Don’t get me wrong she has other grate qualities too. I cut her off gently.She nearly lost her mind. She tried for us to reconcile through a mutual friend. In the process she tried to disrespect me again. Then I said I love you but it’s enough. She’s happy now without me and I’m happier knowing this.
As I grow older I realized how naive I was about friendships, particularly my role in them. I cared more for many of them then they did me. That's why just having a relationship with God and my wife is enough. I'm okay with that!
I agree. God first, your spouse second. But what happens if you lose your spouse, then what? You still need some support from other people. I just want like two friends I can talk to sometimes.
I haven’t had a friend since high school. Since then, everyone has been a work acquaintance, not a friend. As soon as you change a job, you never speak to those people again.
I've had a few but less as I grow older. Sometimes I was the better other times I was the worse (or failed to equal one persons efforts but he put way too much into female validation that I couldn't take him serious any more, also he lied about weird stuff for no reason). Overall, it's difficult for me to trust people due to my own expectations (following rules and courtesy) vs. it's just not worth the effort anyways... To quoate a famous singer: " If you want a friend, feed any animal"....or get a dog, train them amap and be generously loyal to their needs and understanding of their shortcomings and they will return adoration a thousand times. My dog doesn't need a leash, even at a dog park she won't leave my shadow unless I instruct her to and even then, she always looks for me and ensures I'm still around. She won't leave the property unless I'm with her and I've never trained her where the property lines are but she won't leave her yard even when the gate is left open... oops..got off on a rant.
I know what you mean but here’s the thing, did you try reaching out? All it takes is a simple message. If they reply then you try a call. Then maybe an in person meeting to catch up. Next thing you know you guys are friends.
Birds of a feather flock together. If you become a different person than you were on becoming friends, and your friend dislikes this different person you now are, it doesn't logically follow that this person was never your friend. Be honest and admit you chose your current/future self over your past self and past friends. You demean yourself when you denigrate your friends, as you chose them.
@@AzrielWynge Your view is over simplistic and only makes sense in particular cases. There are people who will pretend to be your friend to get something out of it, whether it is to become more popular, to help move forward their career etc. If they drop you after you help them it means you've been used, which is difficult to admit and humbling but helps you prevent it from happening again. Edit for rewording, overall point is the same.
Solitude vs loneliness. Solitude is pleasant experience be by yourself whereas loneliness is a negative experience being by yourself. It comes down you self talk.
"Do not make the assumption that inaction has no price" That hit me hard. It's true. Playing it safe doesn't make your life better, quite the opposite in fact.
NOT TRUE. It all depends on the person. I've played it safe for decades, and I've been far better off mentally than I was when I was slaying the dragon. Zen is a good place to be.
@@SteveKasian I think you might need to meditate a little more on that statement. It appears you have missed the point & teaching of the idea expressed in it, Friend. Good luck and may your 'eyes' be opened.
I left a group of "friends" who didn't respect me and as a result I no longer hit myself when I make mistakes, my anxiety decreased, and I have become a different stronger person. Make sure you're not surrounded by assholes before you assume you have a mental illness.
Same, sometimes you internalise the beliefs of people around you! Some of my so called friends back then was into deprecating me, as a result of which I had zero confidence. It feels liberating to not be around them anymore.
Not to be an asshole, but on some level maybe you needed to experience that. Wasn't some part of you always aware that not all was well, and did you not always evade the question? I wish you well with your new independence.
in these situations maybe it's true only when those overcome their obstacles and become much stronger than they were but so wrong for such people that are broken by that and therefore much more resentful
@@cookie6627 then you really don't know anything about real sadness, loneliness and critical damage (because you literally said that in extreme manner) if these are not the obstacles to overcome, lol. c'mon how can you smile e.g. when you're depressed (such people are the saddest) and you can't even feel happiness; only if it's some kind of crazy smile?)
@@kungfumaster9239 sadness , loneliness , and pain each are very different things with separate domains of their own with very complex and unique characteristics for each individual.
I had a life threatening incident. It took me a few years to get back to some resemblance of my life again. The difference is all my "friends" were gone except my best friend, my wife. Believe me you don't truly see who cares for you until you've been through hell and back.
@@JamesG12 did you go to the light 💡 and see beyond? I did... and for the last 5 years it’s been quite difficult to relate to things or people anymore. Email me if you feel like chatting patientnineteen@gmail.com
I lost 2 friends a couple years back when I almost committed suicide. What I realized was that they didn't care about me, they cared about themselves. When you fall you'll see who stays to pick you up
I’ve outgrown so many relationships these past few years. It’s getting so much easier to let them go quietly and most people don’t even notice. It makes the exit peaceful and amicable that way.
Damn. I feel you. But sometimes at night, when I feel lonely and think about it, I do wonder if they ever give it a thought. Then, when I’m feeling full or busy I never think about it. Weird.
I can definitely relate to BadWolf’s post, experiencing this now and not sure how to feel about it. Known these guys for 20 some years and while I’m positive they would help me out if ever in a pinch, they’re just not progressing in life, still stuck in a young man’s mind. I find myself relating more with people older then me that I can have deeper more meaningful conversations with. Having a tough time with it and think I need to distance myself from them but not completely severe all ties, very strange feeling.
The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that “friends” don’t actually exist. You are on this journey of life. And there are people who are on the level and mentality you’re in during your journey. You grow. You lose some and gain some in the next “level”.
Well here's the thing: just like with a spouse or lifepartner, the key to bulding a true relationship or friendship is being able to grow together. True friends are the ones that not only like you for who you are today, but also have a profound influence on who you'll become as life progresses. As such, I would say that friends really do exist, but that it may take a little effort and reflection from you to be a friend to someone else.
How do you "lose" what "doesn't exist"? This is such a JP type insight. Sounds meaningful, but doesn't even make sense when you actually *think* about it.
I mean, when you run around telling your family members that they're selfish, angry, and serotonoin deficient, and that they are biologically determined to be this or that without backing any of it up and poorly regurgitating poorly articulated quasi-archetypal jargon, yeah, they're gonna cut you out of their life. Take stock of your own house first dude. Isn't that what your savior here told you to do, right before he hid himself in his messy ass room for a year eating nothing but bennies and steak and suffering major health issues?
Yes. I recently had to walk away from my true career. I'm rebuilding myself at 57. When I asked for and got a promotion at work, and then informed my family that this all came through ( and that I had to move 150 miles away), I was treated like I was a little idiot for moving on and getting solvent again. They were angry with me. The comments of "Oh, you've got it so good here, why would you leave?" Kind of crap. Here's the reality: I'm used to making up to $63. an hour. I now make $10. an hour part time. I have a beat up pickup truck, and I love that truck. His name is Whalon (haha muffler issue for a minute). This $600. Truck has never, ever let me down. I had moved 1300 miles away with no vehicle. I had to get back to Florida as my mother was dying. I bought that truck, put fluids in it, checked tire pressure, purchased AAA, and drove home. I've never had an issue with my truck. People have true issues. I'm having to live this life as a loner. Haha. I'm doomed to be better! LOL.
A real friend wants you to become the best version of who you could be. Those who drag you down out of jealousy or bitterness and pretend to do it for your good are wolves in sheep’s clothing not friends.
YES. This is the very lesson I’m trying to teach to my 13yo. She desperately wants friends but of the ones she has, 2 of them are toxic. I see it and say, “if they don’t want to see you at your best, then why are you racing them to the bottom?”
its also important to know, that you can infact be the toxic one yourself. it could be pain masking itself for you as being a thoughtful friend giving advice. the subconscious mind is terribly good at masking reality with delusions to shield ones ego from self realisation.
Many friends in this generation are like that. I remember being told to give up by a few of my mates, they didn't like my ambitions and just want to radicalise me.
I had many acquaintances in my life and people I hung out with but I don't think there was a single "real" friend under them. And now at 31, I don't think I will find any anymore. I'm just glad I can get along by myself pretty well.
Why such a holier than thou comment?? You think the 2 people who have written were not Being a Friend????? Do you know what its like not having a friend?? Despite being caring and nice ..not to mention educated, attractive, and eclectic. Its all about fitting in. All about saying what others want to hear..
The older I get the more I realise I don’t need that many people around me, just a couple of good ones. My mum always used to say “everybody’s friend is nobody’s friend.”
I lost a few friends when I started a weight loss and health journey. Some felt negative and insecure about my positive changes as they wanted me to stay the same so they could feel better about themselves. They would try and down talk my goals so I stopped talking and don’t miss those people at all.
It's easy to avoid the "Bad Influence" friends which is usually what this topic is in regards to. The hard truth though is that the people that de-rail your life, goals and ambitions most are the ones that don't necessarily offer a Negative path...they offer a Divergent path that may still be ok but less optimal then if you weren't influenced by them.
If you were being truly yourself when you made those friends and you are still being truly yourself today then those friends should've stayed. But often people act out some kind of character to "adapt" to their friends to show or tell them what they want to hear or see etc. Uncomfortable with the idea of ending up bored or alone we may just put up this half-true persona that people like and can relate to. "popular" And that's also why you lose those friends once you align yourself with your soul purpose and develop yourself further and further. But then comes the one or two friends who never had to put up this kind of ego act to each other so you know them to the core. I believe those are for life. You really need the stability of that soul level connection or the relationship will fail. Because external things can be outgrown but the soul level stuff cannot because that never changes.
Going through this on hardcore mode. Most of my friends collectively decided to ghost me and it sucked for the longest time. What I can tell you though, is that eventually you'll learn that the silver lining is within yourself and that being able to appreciate your own self is better than anyone else appreciating you.
@@EB-gt1pq probably due to the feeling of disconnect and that build of social anxiety that happens when lossing communication for a while and uncertain how that friend may act or be interested in and fear that the friendship will grow apart, while others is just welp willing to just accept the fact that they will grow apart, adding on people also may ghost in respect of the friend as welp they may not want to cause a burden/interuption with the knowlege that their friend is usually busy probably with work school or what ever.
True I had a lot of friend ghost me that I knew from community college. My closest friend are my 3 cats, my grandma, and my own self. Just have to accept losing friends in modern days are not loyal like people growing up in 1960's and before that days. This why i keep to myself in public, and not worry about meeting other new people who will eventually leave.
People come and go through our lives, it happens to us all. We shouldn't fear losing friendships but instead, work to value them and be present while we have them.
Most friendships are situational (work, clubs, schools, sports). Distance does not create fondness. The real friend is the one who you do not see for even years and you pick up where you left off. I have several of those.
@Flick Raccoon Interesting take, but in the end I think you are wrong. The ability to pick up after several years is a sign of deep compatibility. If that is not a fundamental aspect of friendship, then what is...? Perhaps you feel the opposite because you are an extrovert and need frequent interaction...?
I hear you. I have one good friend, my husband, who works out of country a lot of the time. I like my own company and no longer feel any urge to "mingle and make friends". I love the catch-up moments I have with a couple of old friends I have from adolescence, once in a blue moon, but that is plenty for me.
Same here, but I'm alone whether or not there are people around so it doesn't matter too much. Seeking people out is a hell of a lot of effort and doesn't pay well :)
Bingo! If you notice public schools really promote teamwork. So what happens in these kids teams? One or two students do all the work and the others get the credit. And they teach you that's the way it's supposed to be. They do the same thing in universities. No thanks. I want to be responsible for my output.
@@lydiamalone1859 Very true, when I was about 12 I did a 'team' project and that's exactly what happened! I did all the work, in this case graphics, and they messed around but still got the marks. I swore then that I would never let anybody coat-tail on my efforts, something that tough when working for corporate but easy when I (we, my wife and I) went out on our own, never looked back.
Everybody got the “good time Charlie “ friends. When the bottles popping and the moneys flowing it’s easy to have “friends”. It’s when shit hits the fan that you find out who the real ones are. People like being friends with people as long as they are two rungs below them on the ladder but as soon as you start shining they start hating.
I have a friend who will be forever convinced I am some flighty flakey poor dangerous person meanwhile I will continue to do very well for myself in my own real life. I just don't fit his new concept of normal as supplied by his wife and their social circle. I think I only briefly knew him anyway because he was posing as someone he truly isn't.
I'm in my late 50's and have lost touch with almost all of my childhood friends and most of my "work" friends. What I've come to realize is that I always thought more of our friendship than they did. Kinda hurts but it's the truth.
When I lost my friends i lost a piece of myself with them and bacame resentful. I need to be around people, and close friends who provide mentorship, tell stories, and most importantly, allow me to give them something in return, whether that be mentorship, time, or company. I just want my friends back, since I had people to know, talk to, and care about. Giving really is living. Social isolation and loneliness is death, because you don't give anything to anyone, but most importantly, there isn't anyone ti appreciate you for caring about them.
To quote the great and powerful Joey "Coco" Diaz; "You don't need tons of friends. You need like only 3. With three friends, you can take over a country."
@@debbi945 Why are you fucking nutcases so obsessed with billionaires? Think they're all lizard people wanting to microchip you and your kids? Go back to your minimum wage job you hopeless moron.
@Marcus Straya I'm sick of remarkably stupid people harping on wealthy people for no reason. It's hilarious because I get similar dismissive comments from people because I live in Bel Air and work as an estate lawyer.
And this is why it's important not to become bitter about it. I think that happens to everyone to some extent because everyone experiences this. That's why Peterson is so correct concerning the notion of not allowing ourselves to become resentful from our negative experiences in life. When that happens it just becomes a societal domino effect. You have to admit it's not hard to see it happening all around us.
Conquer the fear. Losing friends as you grow is the universe aligning your reality to focus on yourself. As you evolve and grow the universe will reorient your circumstances to connect you with the tribe thats compatible with whom you have become. Every man must go in to solitude before he becomes great. Fear not...
Most friendships/relationships with people are imaginary and involve taking advantage of one another. If you didn't provide something that benefits them, they probably wouldn't have been your friend in the first place. You can survive perfectly fine by yourself.
Well there would have to be some benefit or there would not be a motivation. I am not talking about a materialistic benefit, but more of an emotional one. For example, having fun, feeling important (status), getting girls. The list goes on. Like people will even help disabled people just so they can have a feel good moment for themselves which is selfish, but at the same time at least the disabled person is getting help. So there can be mutual benefit at the same time.
Agreed reality check just a whole bunch of backstabbing mess going on in relationships and friendships the thing about it is most of it not worth the time nor headache
A relation in which both people only want to take advantage of the other is not a relationship. A relation in which both people 1. Willingly give what other needs, out of the things that can be provided by themselves And 2. Gratefully take what they need from other, out of the things the other person can provide. 🤔 Does that sound accurate???
As a wise man once told me, always cultivate new friends that are younger, your old friends die off and one day you will be someone's old friend who has died off but is venerated and much loved.
It's hard to relate to the newer generations. I do have some things in common but mostly as a 23 yr old I don't care about LGBT or feminism or drugs. Everyone is so nihilistic and depressed it's horrible. Im into radical socialism but these SJWs have made the movement less about class struggle and more about irrelevant nonsense that's hard to relate to with the working class.
Write it bro , me and others would read for sure, you clearly have some brains up there. Maybe you would even like to share your thoughts now and debate about it.
The older I get the more I realise especially as a man that "friends" don't really exist. You go through life make a family and other people just drop in and out of your life.
If they dont care about your well beeing cut them off. What i noticed is that in big cities more people behave like rats, they will talk behind your back more frequently than in smaller ones, and they are on average more self destructive and egoistic.
@@G.GordonMidi thats true but they usually arent trying to befriend and use you. atleast at way smaller rates. just speaking out of personal experience.
At least you recognized your own hypocrisy. People say the same thing. Everyone is guilty, you just don't realize it because your own interests skew your perception.
@@devol3829 When you ask a girl if she likes living in a city or small town more, and she says city, just run. They love the anonymity because they can hide their evil nature behind it.
My mom told me that there are no real friends when I was a teen. I thought this sounded a little dramatic but I understood her point of view. Now I'm 40, all I can say is she wasn't wrong. I have two real friends that would see me through anything, for that I am blessed.
Got a friend who stops talking to me from time to time. He always comes back around but he will go months and years without reaching out. He's doing it again, but this time I'm cutting him off for good.
I had a “friend” like that. I didn’t let her back in my life the last time and she got angry. Like...how dare I not continue letting her treat me like crap 🙄.
The older I get the more I find I need to level up from the toxic people I thought were friends. It can be heartbreaking but you have to do what is best for you.
Friends come and go. That's life. It can hurt in some ways just as much as the loss of a romantic partner. And sometimes it stings even longer. But that's life. Staying true to yourself, and friends (hopefully) doing the same, mean that most people will come and go like the seasons, or through chapters (multiple seasons) in life.
"When you try to change, people will use your past mistakes to try to bring you down." I saw this comment on another video. A clear signal when to leave your "friends" is when they break down your success and growth to make themselves look better. This is what is happening to me currently, I've stopped smoking cigarettes and weed and started hitting the gym 4 times a week and started long distance running whilst they remain fat and indulged in drugs and smoking. The best way to recognize a true friend is when they try to build you up, celebrate your success with you and DON'T break you down or demean you. Find people that have the same values as you and are of high quality, people who want the best for you and ditch all people who are toxic.
I just lost my best friend of almost 30 years. It’s been breaking me because she keeps telling me she’s creating distance because I’m too different now. I hadn’t realized that’s how our relationship was, and it’s been extremely hard to come to that realization. I get this philosophy... it’s hard in practice.
So very hard in practice...I have so much respect for Jordon and know he is correct on so many levels,,,but do I clean my room of put my property in order????
You're not alone, fam. 15 years for me. It's been a year, and I still feel like a part of me is missing. It's been really hard to accept. Sending warm regards your way. Nowhere to go from here, but forward.
@@dickjohnson6999 thank you friend. I wish you the best in your journey as well. Knowing we’re not alone is a pleasant comfort during times of extreme chaos. I’m with you, even though I don’t know you. 🤍
@@moosechuckle I’m very sorry, it definitely does suck. I’m choosing to have faith that God is turning me towards a higher purpose. I’m choosing to accept that as an act of pure love.
That used to be the case when I was in my 20s. Now that I'm in my 60s, the BS is so absurdly deep, every time I step outside my door, that I've ascertained I don't want any people in my life., as everyone is F.O.S. Humanity is the scourge of the universe.
@@SteveKasian This world is mixed up between traditional, respectful, genuine group of people, and these modern day group of people who are among us, causing this worldwide division. Everyone is against each other, competing, its all about status, no respect whatsoever. I'm now 30, I moved from the city to the countryside 2 years ago, everyone here waves to each other; men, women, children, no matter the age, race, gender. But in the city, everyone is against you. Everyone is divided. Even the drive going back to the big city feels horrible.
@@BIGGELATO True that. Which is precisely why we need to take all of those horrid haters and liquidate them en masse; Just dump them all into shark infested waters hundreds of miles from land... make the world a much better place.
I love his breakdown of how what we see as little things can actually be very big. I had a friend for fifteen years. When I was twenty, my sister and dad died, so my life was a bit of a wreck for a couple years. My friend assumed the role of the more stable one, and during that period of time I honestly wasn’t emotionally available. But I did overcome it and I am really proud of how I dug myself out of that hell. Despite having changed and grown so much, my friend still saw me as that in small ways. She didn’t really respect me as an equal and for some reason was still convinced I was a horribly depressed person. She would never say it to my face though. She would say it to my younger sister of all people. We were friends for such a long time, though, and she didn’t walk away when I shut down, so I felt she was a true friend. But years went on and those little things she saw in me just turned into being disrespectful and seeing me in such a way that it was so far removed from who I actually am. She felt that she really knew me deep down, and it bothered me that she couldn’t see she was holding onto who I was ten years ago. It is like that for anyone who knew me at that time and still know me. They hold onto how they viewed me at my lowest and project it onto who I am today, so I could be stating exactly how I feel and why I feel it, and yet it wouldn’t be seen as valid. Just ramblings from a severely depressed person. So I had to walk away. How could I ever be a genuinely happy person if everyone around me sees me as a broken person? I don’t run into that problem with people I met after that period in my life. They all say I’m an upbeat person. Only those who knew me back then see me negatively. Sometimes, the people around you can see something about you that you don’t see in yourself. But other times, the people around you see a fictionalized version of you only meant to keep you down.
These type of people will only keep you down and make you feel regressed and good on you for recognising that you have changed and not allowing them to hold you to your previous self, your are indeed much better off without her
Made a similar experience! Long time friends / family remembering me at my weakest, and disrespecting me until now, even though I thrive now. Of course the only path forward is distance.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I know how much it sucks because I'm going through it myself now with someone I've known for 12 years. I'm no longer the person I was then. Her perception of me has not changed in 12 years though, and it shows. As soon as she accidentally let slip that I'm not one of her 'beautiful' friends, and tries to set me up with guys who call themselves 'low class', among other things, I knew it was a matter of time... I can't end it completely though. She's a neighbor in the same complex. I'll still have to see and communicate with her. I've just had to re-position her place in my life as I spend more time focusing on myself and my future. You known the ever so slow fadeout...
I'm in my mid 30's now and I'm cool with having 3-4 true friends that I can depend on. The others faded away and, in many cases, I realized that I was the one putting in most of the effort into the friendship. Life is a revolving door of people and experiences. Instead of worrying about losing friends, focus on appreciating the time you do have with them.
I’ve lost friends as I’ve grown and healed. It’s okay, they were meant to be with that version of me. As we grow we shed skin and become unrecognizable to many we know. Those that do not allow renewal are terrified of letting go of the old
I am a 17 year old from India, have lost 6 out of 7 of my friends in just 6 months, due to the lockdown, growing up and the dangerously rising pockets of youth inclination towards political correctness in India. I am starting undergrad next year and recently got the courage to think about my career choices more comprehensively and completely restructre my initial plan, and the gut to convince my parents about it, and work further on my personality and my college application. And all through that, there's just three things that remained constant in my life: my parents, my one friend, and Dr. Jordan Peterson. God bless you sir. Reallyy glad to see you healthy and well again. 🙏
Little bother! I am 23 now. 5 or 6 years ago, i too was terrified of being alone. But over the years i've realised the most important thing is to craft your individuality. Dr.Peterson's absolutely right when he says "you lose friends, maybe your gain new ones". You do gain new ones and they are way better. You dont have to cut all ties with everyone. But you need to timeblock sessions for yourself. Keep growing. Wish you all the very best of days ahead.
I think it’s kinda normal around your age no matter what is going on in the world. I lost most of mine from being the only one who didn’t go to college out of state. (I went to a local one but for only a semester, thank goodness.) It’s weird, though, because I’ve become friends with the some of the friends of my old friends who I didn’t like that much at first but we bonded over losing the mutual friends lol. But I live in a small state where people are known for their hatred of driving more than 20 mins to get anywhere, so you’re kinda bound to run into the same people again eventually. One of the problems causing loneliness in the world now, imo, is not being connected in-person to local communities so that there are just strangers everywhere you look.
I was in a toxic workplace for a long time and I only left after a seious workplace accident. You get so used to terrible that you forget that it isn't supposed to be there. It's been over a year and I'm still not used to being treated well, but it's getting easier to accept.
Good topic. Up to 5 years ago, not only did I lose friends, I began to resent most of them. I stopped being as generous as I was, and it became pretty clear how dependent they were on me for whatever reasons. Just the newfound self-determination after I moved on from self-preservation really intimidated them. It didn't hurt so much, but it did really alter my perspective of modern society and Western humanity.
I had to lose a friend I had known for 25 years. I was 27 at the time. It finally dawned on me that the friendship was a one way street. I had seen him behave this with other people but I convinced myself that he wouldn't do that to me. We were practically brothers. I had spent 4 years living his life really. He had lost his job, found out his wife was pregnant and diagnosed with muscular dystrophy in the same week. I felt like it was my responsibility to everything I could to help. Then one day I was going through a rough time. I needed a friend. And he couldn't careless. He had other thing to do than be there for me. That's when it hit me. It's been a few years on. I've really improved my life since. I do miss the companionship. But I'm better of without that anchor wrapped around my neck.
Feel the same way about one of my close friends - I always leaned on him when I was faced with some problems in life. I think I did it more often than I should've. I got angry when he didn't turn up at my wedding - lashed out on him for it, yet he took it on his ego. He didn't talk for quite some time, I apologized to him, asked him if he was still pissed off. Yet he couldn't even say he was mad at me for something. Kept pretending he was just busy. That's when I realized - this friendship was only there because I was always eager to have it. It wasn't the same for him, although he did counsel me out of some mental obligation, sympathy or something I still don't quite get it. It's been radio silence since. Weird to lose friends this way, but I've learnt to let people go. As I've lost people in life, I've learnt to value myself more. Keep at it, life is much more than what you can imagine or think of at any moment. May you experience both the positives & the negatives with the same sense of gratitude and appreciation for the limited time you exist here as a life.
Ditching my so-called 'friends' was depressing at first, but after a while I came to appreciate the fact they never really were my friends in the first place. Now I have fewer friends, but they are of much better quality... and best of all, I have me.
A friend who is happy about your misery, is sarcastic and putting you down, while being envious of your little successes, even when you are suffering and totall down, is actually an enemy disguised as a friend.
I was never alone growing up. I have had the same friends for 35 years. That being said I prefer being alone. I definitely prefer travelling alone. Almost forces you to meet new people. Even if just for an Uber ride or a tour group. You know you will probably never see them again so what have you got to lose. Be yourself, let go and don’t forget to smile.
I hear a lot of people here saying that they are happy being alone but I don't believe all of them are being truthful, especially with themselves. As Jordan always says, "Be truthful to yourself." Fact of the matter is that as humans we're social creatures. And that psychology applies to all of us equally. There aren't expectations to that. Unless one has some sort of mental health issue you cannot be happy going through life alone. It all depends on what one means by being alone too. Everyone has different interpretations of that. I've heard many people say that but when you analyze their life they are anything but alone. And the dangerous for those people is that they create a small bubble of "friends/family" not realizing that one day it may all disappear. What are they going to do then when or if it does? I have seen some people fall into that dark rabbit hole and it's one that is almost impossible to crawl out of as one ages. So I admire your approach in your comment. You define a balanced mindset on the matter because at least you acknowledge the importance of others in your life but that sometimes you enjoy being alone.
The fear of failure, the fear of what "they" will say holds people back from trying. Take fresh courage. Anyone worth keeping as a friend will want the very best for you!
Lost majority of my "friends" during my 1st pregnancy last year. They never checked up on me. They just kept on going to bars and partying. I quietly just let the friendships die. I'm still resentful and sad over it tbh. But it opened my eyes to how once I stopped being the party, they didn't care about me anymore. They probably never did. I was just a warm body
Its bittersweet looking back at the friendships you had and you'll never really be able to put into contrast how much it all meant to you till it's gone. The lesson here is to be grateful you've experienced 'friendship' in your life. Nothing lasts forever but the fact that you had a friend and it happened, that reality is eternal and nothing can take that away.
After I quit smoking, I lost some "friends" that continued to smoke. I made them look bad because my success revealed that it was possible to quit. I never made an unkind remark to any of them. I actually have a close relative that doesn't want to visit me because my husband and I make much more than she and her husband ever made. Yup, a very close relative. Not making this up. Her loss.
Did they tell you that was the reason? I don’t know you at all but often find that people who become “successful” start acting condescending and “better than”...it makes them unpleasant to be around to say the least. Just something to think about.
99% of friendships end. Or more. A friendship is a living thing. It requires care. When the care lapses, the friendship dies. While there is only one thing that can keep the friendship alive, reason to care, there are a million things that can kill it.
I can't really agree with you. It sounds like you're talking about shallow friendships, at which point I wouldn't quite call them friendships, they're more like fleeting relationships that were never meaningful in themselves in the first place. The deep connection you can build with people that you really get involved with isn't that fragile, it doesn't require (although can obviously benefit) continuous care, and it absolutely doesn't "just die" due to lack of it.
@@Gigusx Rather than correct my position, how about offer yours? Great friendships die all the time. If you pass on with a single great friend, you're deemed lucky. Says the saying. You've implied that the relationships to which I refer don't die with age as a factor, that these were trivial from the start. Kanye West said it, "Show me a man with a lot of friends and I'll show you a man with none." The implication being that we lose real friends along the way. That to accept this, without claiming they were never really friends, is to mature. We lose great loves, great friends. It's real, it is part of life. Also, by my use of the word care, you assumed constant effort. I did not say that. You did.
@@mikitz I'd bet it all that you don't have more than four close friends. And that in 15 years, at least one will be friend no more. A man said, "If you die counting one good friend, you've won." A man said that.
@@murraymarshawn2175 Not sure what you mean, my entire comment was my position. I'm not going to elaborate on my initial comment, because it seems we have fundamentally different philosophies about the concepts of friendships. P.S. I'd check the source and meaning of that quote.
It was such a deep moment for me when this episode came out. I remember the exact day I watched it. I was running and then watched the end just as I got done. My dad then walked over and offered me a glass of wine. I really cherish that moment.
It’s common , I had a café and considered all my employee friends we often went out together for meals, ,When I drop cancer I got a duty visit have a couple of them no phone calls at all. But looking back in my life I realised that I have dropped people when they were sick not deliberately just avoided ringing them, I’m visiting them putting it off for another day and then after a while you are so ashamed of yourself for not going to see them you’ve put it off altogether many people who get seriously ill found this out best wishes from England
@@christinebeames2311 that's brave of you to be transparent like that. It's okay because you can now view that as a learning experience. And it's that experience that will make you a better person onto yourself and others. I hope all is well with your health now.
really sorry to hear that for you, i have ( had ) friendships of 30 plus years and its always me contacting them, i stopped doing that and that ended the relationship. I realsied i was doing all t he work many years ago, though I did not want to let go of friendships with that amount of time invested in them. Its really sad just to know that none of them want to keep in touch.
I get the point, but the real difficulty comes when you lose friends who had a positive impact in your life. It could be theirs or your fault, but that's different than losing people who didn't want the best for you
Friend’s is a tough lesson to learn from, it is one of the most confusing experiences life brings to the table. The value of calling someone a friend needs to be taking seriously!!
Not many things make me proud to be Canadian right now for obvious political reasons but Jordan is a Canadian icon! So proud of him and his work! On friends, at an early age, my dad told me "Bella, see this hand, that's how many friends you will be happy to have in your lifetime, and even that is too many."
I’m not religious at all but am praying for Canada, internally at least. Canadians appear to be living in a police state 24/7 at the moment, no personal freedom is allowed without being vilified. Do you feel free?
@@anonymous108 I don't feel free and secure at all!! Curfews, you can't see anyone, mandatory mask at work (when you are at your desk and don't even move). I'm glad I work at home, but I feel for others. We can't accept that. Police were reinforced during Christmas so nobody could see their family. You can't even have a mask exemption if you have asthma and can't breathe or anxiety or whatever else, the government forbid it. Thank you for thinking about us !
@@ADcrackerjack Curfews, you can't see anyone, mandatory mask at work (when you are at your desk and don't even move). I'm glad I work at home, but I feel for others. We can't accept that. Police were reinforced during Christmas so nobody could see their family. You can't even have a mask exemption if you have asthma and can't breathe or anxiety or whatever else, the government forbid it. It's horrible.
Man! oh man. Im going through this (again) at 35 but not only friends- but Family as well. Im growing and I've literally separated myself from my EXTREMELY toxic family system. I went through a purge per say- of "fake friends" in my 20s and kept my family close but now I realize that they are toxic, not growing, not changing and its such a strange out of body type of experience. I keep fighting for some reason and looking for a reason to not leave these people out of my life and I think today was the last straw. Im tired of pretending that I don't know, and dumbing myself down for them, to make them feel better. If you know what that feels like... pretty sure you do. Anyway... Im happy I stumbled upon this. and I look forward to seeing and hearing about all of you folks new lives and happiness after you separate yourselves from the people holding you back. Dont feel guilty you deserve it, your worth it and those people don't define or make you more or less valuable. Your awesome on your own and anyone would be more than lucky to have a friend or a family member like you!!! Honestly! think about it- Your help-able and coachable and you still have the ability to learn and grow!!! don't take that for granted! Your awesome.
My family was lucky enough to move up in economical class. Unfortunately I lost many friends due to this, there were people that I once thought supported me started to dislike me and they thought they were entitled to wealth that they didn’t work towards themselves. They stopped looking at me for who I was and started judging me on my monetary value. That is what made me sick to my stomach.
I just had an epiphany while digesting Peterson's messages here. The fact that my grandpa's apartment I'm living in is a mess, full of dust and with things "that I don't care" out of place, is just a reflection of my fear of commitment that I know I have. I pretend to be working/studying too much to address these banal things but, the fact is that I don't make the effort to "make my house a home" because I think situations are impermanent and out of my control, and one time or another I'll have to say goodbye to them. No wonder I never had a serious relationship. Lucky the ones who had the opportunity to follow a treatment with him when he was active on his clinical practice
“Do not make the assumption that inaction has no consequences” I have never heard a more true statement. For years and years I avoided and didn’t take action, I’m in a time of change now and have worked on becoming more assertive.
I admire Dr Peterson so much. His intellect is off the charts and he is a Man of Integrity. People could learn so much from him if they self observed more. God Bless You Jordan Peterson 🕊
its weird trying to make friends as an adult sometimes. It's not like you can hang out and bond like kids could with all you adult responsibilities and job. Then it seems like some people just wanna network for some kind of gain. Which is fine but it's not genuine friendship.
one person telling the truth without your typical soothing voice and cynical arrogance telling you your problems are just in your head... 100% love this man from the bottom of my heart
Same 6 friends since childhood, I am the only one who "made it out" I just left for years at a time, army, and they understood and are still my friends
I'm 37 and I have mo friends just my wife and children and I am humble with that. When I was growing up I had tones of friends when I hit 30 My mind did a 180 and completely went the other direction which dropped off all friends. Plus I don't do social media any longer either it's been a year.
@@citizenofterra it all depends on if you can find some who match your values. That is hard to find these days. So if they dont then you just focus on what you have. It's ok. Family is important and as a society we have been obsessed with having friends and playing with them in adulthood which may be why we have faltered
You really find out who your friends are after becoming unemployed - I've been going through a really hard time and people just STOPPED communicating with me and asking me out to things - nice!
After my friend passed away. I flew back to town after not having seen him in 10 years. Man, I got chills walking through his room. It was still set-up similarly to what it was when he was 16 like he'd been frozen in time or something. The room can say a lot about one's mind. He always used to tell me that too, bc my room was always messy when we knew eachother. Nowadays I'm a lot more organized because I've changed.
56 year old man here, my old friends gone 10 years ago. Strangely not much difference, I was usually needed but never appreciated. Guess the definition of friends is quite variable.
I knew this dude for 7 years since we were 14 we always chilled was considered my brother, something happened in my life n he judged me n cut contact with me n we got into a argument and didn’t talk for a year, I thought about the memories n how fun it was to be boys and I hit him up and asked how he was doing he ignored me, really shows that sometimes u care more than they do.🤷♂️
I'm going towards the end of my 20s. Strangely, you start to recall the events, the friends you had in college whom I thought were tight friendships. It all fade away with the wind and I just realized it. Now, I'm starting to reminisce and ask myself questions like "How did it end?", "Where did it go wrong?" because it just vanished dramatically. I tend to look on past conversations, pictures frequently than ever. I guess when you hit 25, recollection of memories' when it's gonna hit. I don't know if it's regret or what ifs but I know that it's a melancholic feeling.
yeah man same here im 27. ur comment really caught my eye. i do the same with reminiscing , things come and go, people are only there for reason or a season. and the ones meant to be there are gonna be there for a lifetime, and usually thats only family. your true self reveals who should be there. as i much as i loved my friends and enjoyed their company. something inside me had to detach from them for my own growth. one love fellow brother from 6 months ago, glad to not feel alone on these situations
I've grown into someone who rather spend his time alone and do activities that I like and not be shackled to someone else's activities and be miserable. I'm a homebody and would be very thankful if everyone would just leake me the f alone
As I get older friends come and go most of them are just temporaries in your life but the friends that truly stay with you are the ones who were truly your friends. My best friend is someone who I know I can always rely on more than anyone
I've lost 5 very good friends in the last 3years... Never happened before. 1st one was really tough, agonising. 2nd tough and confusing 3rd and 4th happened together and I expected to be the toughest, we were a close threesome who shares lots and very open with each other (except they got annoyed that I didn't agree with their views). To my suprise I barely skipped a beat! Haven't missed them at all. 5th was on my terms, more of a pulling back. I realised as I got older abd wiser that I don't like gossiping, I love my own space and people can accept me or not. And I've never been happier! Love to all
Watch the full episode - ruclips.net/video/TJg9wd8agQY/видео.html
Hey Chris I hope you are doing well , is there anyway I can contact to Jordan Peterson . Can you please help me ? its really really important .
I lost all my friends since I stopped taking drugs and drinking alcohol, maybe they weren’t my friends in the first place..
Evidently, they were not.
ruclips.net/video/3amLsamhtCg/видео.html 14:17 - 17:40
They weren't.
They were leeches and enablers.
You're fine without them.
Be okay with being alone.
And when the time comes your true friends will be there.
That's ok, depending whether your loss of friends were true. If they were okay anyway, I advice to have them back. Being alone as an addict doesn't come cheap.
I'll be your friend buddy!
“The more I find myself, the more people I lose.”
So true 💜🙏
True but not sadly.
i feel the same lately...a sense of peace mixed with sadness. i'm getting married in a few months and realize that i don't have that many friends to invite. I should be more hopeful and look at it as an opportunity to make new friends who aligned more with my life.
So true...
Going through that. I’m running out of friends. Is this how it ends?
It's sadder when you realise that some of those you have called friends have been low-key disrespecting you this whole time, you just never realised it. That shit will make you angry and resentful inside. Be careful...
I love your comment. My best friend was doing this to me a lot. Don’t get me wrong she has other grate qualities too. I cut her off gently.She nearly lost her mind. She tried for us to reconcile through a mutual friend. In the process she tried to disrespect me again. Then I said I love you but it’s enough. She’s happy now without me and I’m happier knowing this.
sneak dissing is an awful trait
@Meta Man 1000% accurate!
@@christianlady Tough choice requiring courage. God bless you.
I just realised this with a so called ex " friend" I just realized she was never apologizing I was never enough for her and she treated me like shit.
As I grow older I realized how naive I was about friendships, particularly my role in them. I cared more for many of them then they did me. That's why just having a relationship with God and my wife is enough. I'm okay with that!
ruclips.net/video/3meDxBgvguo/видео.html
Thanks for saying that. God bless
❤️🙏🏾
Love that … 👏
I agree. God first, your spouse second. But what happens if you lose your spouse, then what? You still need some support from other people. I just want like two friends I can talk to sometimes.
I haven’t had a friend since high school. Since then, everyone has been a work acquaintance, not a friend. As soon as you change a job, you never speak to those people again.
ruclips.net/video/-45XTnDkwoY/видео.html
I've had a few but less as I grow older.
Sometimes I was the better other times I was the worse (or failed to equal one persons efforts but he put way too much into female validation that I couldn't take him serious any more, also he lied about weird stuff for no reason).
Overall, it's difficult for me to trust people due to my own expectations (following rules and courtesy) vs. it's just not worth the effort anyways...
To quoate a famous singer: " If you want a friend, feed any animal"....or get a dog, train them amap and be generously loyal to their needs and understanding of their shortcomings and they will return adoration a thousand times.
My dog doesn't need a leash, even at a dog park she won't leave my shadow unless I instruct her to and even then, she always looks for me and ensures I'm still around.
She won't leave the property unless I'm with her and I've never trained her where the property lines are but she won't leave her yard even when the gate is left open... oops..got off on a rant.
Me too. My family is all I got.
Work friendships rarely become anything deep
I know what you mean but here’s the thing, did you try reaching out? All it takes is a simple message. If they reply then you try a call. Then maybe an in person meeting to catch up. Next thing you know you guys are friends.
When it comes to friends, it's better to have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
Al Capone saying
I'd, prefer having a dollar haha.
lies: i can take 100 pennies in a sock and beat my enemies to death.
Edit: changed . To :
oooh.....I like that saying
@@zachnason3426 loll
"I didn't lose a friend, i just realized i never had one."
Yep
I've been there, it's a difficult thing to admit.
Birds of a feather flock together. If you become a different person than you were on becoming friends, and your friend dislikes this different person you now are, it doesn't logically follow that this person was never your friend. Be honest and admit you chose your current/future self over your past self and past friends. You demean yourself when you denigrate your friends, as you chose them.
@@AzrielWynge correct
@@AzrielWynge Your view is over simplistic and only makes sense in particular cases. There are people who will pretend to be your friend to get something out of it, whether it is to become more popular, to help move forward their career etc. If they drop you after you help them it means you've been used, which is difficult to admit and humbling but helps you prevent it from happening again.
Edit for rewording, overall point is the same.
there is a profound difference between being lonely and being alone.
So true and something I can relate too!!!
The same goes for living and being alive.
Solitude vs loneliness. Solitude is pleasant experience be by yourself whereas loneliness is a negative experience being by yourself. It comes down you self talk.
I lived on my own for 10 years. I never felt lonely.
@@Heirphoria13 wait until you hit your 40s, no wife/ husband, no kids.
"Do not make the assumption that inaction has no price"
That hit me hard. It's true. Playing it safe doesn't make your life better, quite the opposite in fact.
preach!
Yes! Definitely!
NOT TRUE. It all depends on the person. I've played it safe for decades, and I've been far better off mentally than I was when I was slaying the dragon. Zen is a good place to be.
Reminds me of another similar version I once heard "don't get stuck in the comfort zone"
@@SteveKasian I think you might need to meditate a little more on that statement. It appears you have missed the point & teaching of the idea expressed in it, Friend. Good luck and may your 'eyes' be opened.
I left a group of "friends" who didn't respect me and as a result I no longer hit myself when I make mistakes, my anxiety decreased, and I have become a different stronger person. Make sure you're not surrounded by assholes before you assume you have a mental illness.
From your picture I think I can understand your former friends 😂.
I was in a similar place
Same, sometimes you internalise the beliefs of people around you! Some of my so called friends back then was into deprecating me, as a result of which I had zero confidence. It feels liberating to not be around them anymore.
@@tinag7506 I don't have this problem. I have no friends.
Not to be an asshole, but on some level maybe you needed to experience that. Wasn't some part of you always aware that not all was well, and did you not always evade the question? I wish you well with your new independence.
the saddest people smile the brightest, the loneliest people are the kindest, and the most damaged are the wisest of people.
That is very very true my friend.
in these situations maybe it's true only when those overcome their obstacles and become much stronger than they were but so wrong for such people that are broken by that and therefore much more resentful
@@kungfumaster9239 nope nothing was to be overcome here.
@@cookie6627 then you really don't know anything about real sadness, loneliness and critical damage (because you literally said that in extreme manner) if these are not the obstacles to overcome, lol. c'mon how can you smile e.g. when you're depressed (such people are the saddest) and you can't even feel happiness; only if it's some kind of crazy smile?)
@@kungfumaster9239 sadness , loneliness , and pain each are very different things with separate domains of their own with very complex and unique characteristics for each individual.
“It’s not that I’m brave it’s that I’m more terrified of the alternative “
Pretty much sums it up
I had a life threatening incident. It took me a few years to get back to some resemblance of my life again. The difference is all my "friends" were gone except my best friend, my wife. Believe me you don't truly see who cares for you until you've been through hell and back.
I hear you. It's quite sobering when you realize most of the people you knew just wanted someone to fill their boredom.
Same here I agree
Damn bro. That sounds harsh. I hope you can let it go ASAP and find new and reciprocate friends :).
@@JamesG12 did you go to the light 💡 and see beyond? I did... and for the last 5 years it’s been quite difficult to relate to things or people anymore. Email me if you feel like chatting patientnineteen@gmail.com
I lost 2 friends a couple years back when I almost committed suicide. What I realized was that they didn't care about me, they cared about themselves. When you fall you'll see who stays to pick you up
I’ve outgrown so many relationships these past few years. It’s getting so much easier to let them go quietly and most people don’t even notice. It makes the exit peaceful and amicable that way.
Damn. I feel you. But sometimes at night, when I feel lonely and think about it, I do wonder if they ever give it a thought. Then, when I’m feeling full or busy I never think about it. Weird.
If the other people don't notice, then they probably didn't see you as a particularly good friend either..
I have to remember to keep it amicable. I have a tendency of lashing out at people when I feel hurt
I can definitely relate to BadWolf’s post, experiencing this now and not sure how to feel about it. Known these guys for 20 some years and while I’m positive they would help me out if ever in a pinch, they’re just not progressing in life, still stuck in a young man’s mind. I find myself relating more with people older then me that I can have deeper more meaningful conversations with. Having a tough time with it and think I need to distance myself from them but not completely severe all ties, very strange feeling.
AMEN!!!!!
The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve realized that “friends” don’t actually exist.
You are on this journey of life. And there are people who are on the level and mentality you’re in during your journey. You grow. You lose some and gain some in the next “level”.
@Flick Raccoon 🍻
Well here's the thing: just like with a spouse or lifepartner, the key to bulding a true relationship or friendship is being able to grow together. True friends are the ones that not only like you for who you are today, but also have a profound influence on who you'll become as life progresses. As such, I would say that friends really do exist, but that it may take a little effort and reflection from you to be a friend to someone else.
@@joshaustin9119 eh...? help me out here...
Deep
How do you "lose" what "doesn't exist"? This is such a JP type insight. Sounds meaningful, but doesn't even make sense when you actually *think* about it.
Not just friends, family too. Sad but necessary sometimes.
I feel this all too much. I still haven't figured out how to deal with it after all these years. It is what it is.
I mean, when you run around telling your family members that they're selfish, angry, and serotonoin deficient, and that they are biologically determined to be this or that without backing any of it up and poorly regurgitating poorly articulated quasi-archetypal jargon, yeah, they're gonna cut you out of their life. Take stock of your own house first dude. Isn't that what your savior here told you to do, right before he hid himself in his messy ass room for a year eating nothing but bennies and steak and suffering major health issues?
@@nickagriesti6708 wtf you on about
Yes. I recently had to walk away from my true career. I'm rebuilding myself at 57. When I asked for and got a promotion at work, and then informed my family that this all came through ( and that I had to move 150 miles away), I was treated like I was a little idiot for moving on and getting solvent again. They were angry with me. The comments of "Oh, you've got it so good here, why would you leave?" Kind of crap. Here's the reality: I'm used to making up to $63. an hour. I now make $10. an hour part time. I have a beat up pickup truck, and I love that truck. His name is Whalon (haha muffler issue for a minute). This $600. Truck has never, ever let me down. I had moved 1300 miles away with no vehicle. I had to get back to Florida as my mother was dying. I bought that truck, put fluids in it, checked tire pressure, purchased AAA, and drove home. I've never had an issue with my truck. People have true issues. I'm having to live this life as a loner. Haha. I'm doomed to be better! LOL.
@@DaFakaMatt on about what you peterson zombies are always on about.
A real friend wants you to become the best version of who you could be. Those who drag you down out of jealousy or bitterness and pretend to do it for your good are wolves in sheep’s clothing not friends.
YES.
This is the very lesson I’m trying to teach to my 13yo. She desperately wants friends but of the ones she has, 2 of them are toxic. I see it and say, “if they don’t want to see you at your best, then why are you racing them to the bottom?”
its also important to know, that you can infact be the toxic one yourself.
it could be pain masking itself for you as being a thoughtful friend giving advice.
the subconscious mind is terribly good at masking reality with delusions to shield ones ego from self realisation.
Many friends in this generation are like that. I remember being told to give up by a few of my mates, they didn't like my ambitions and just want to radicalise me.
I had many acquaintances in my life and people I hung out with but I don't think there was a single "real" friend under them. And now at 31, I don't think I will find any anymore. I'm just glad I can get along by myself pretty well.
To have a friend you must be a friend.
Why such a holier than thou comment?? You think the 2 people who have written were not Being a Friend?????
Do you know what its like not having a friend?? Despite being caring and nice ..not to mention educated, attractive, and eclectic. Its all about fitting in. All about saying what others want to hear..
We can all get along great alone at 31....
Try 41, or 51. Or......61?
Winning dude
ruclips.net/video/3meDxBgvguo/видео.html.
The older I get the more I realise I don’t need that many people around me, just a couple of good ones. My mum always used to say “everybody’s friend is nobody’s friend.”
I hear you
That's a nice saying
Need to tell that to my Pollyannaistic father
Never misses a beat sticking up for the bully
I lost a few friends when I started a weight loss and health journey. Some felt negative and insecure about my positive changes as they wanted me to stay the same so they could feel better about themselves. They would try and down talk my goals so I stopped talking and don’t miss those people at all.
Good for you!
It can hurt, but nothing is meant to last forever. The sooner we learn to deal with that fact the better
Just go to the funeral of a friend and you will quickly come to appreciate that, nothing is permanent.
You're a guy, right?
@@mikitz yes
It's easy to avoid the "Bad Influence" friends which is usually what this topic is in regards to. The hard truth though is that the people that de-rail your life, goals and ambitions most are the ones that don't necessarily offer a Negative path...they offer a Divergent path that may still be ok but less optimal then if you weren't influenced by them.
this includes imaginary friendships like victims of the 'god' delusion.
Gotta remember, the friends you made when you were who you were didn't make friends with the you you are today.
That's an insightful idea!
Great point! I also experienced this. 🐦
This spoke to my core! How true!
If you were being truly yourself when you made those friends and you are still being truly yourself today then those friends should've stayed.
But often people act out some kind of character to "adapt" to their friends to show or tell them what they want to hear or see etc.
Uncomfortable with the idea of ending up bored or alone we may just put up this half-true persona that people like and can relate to. "popular"
And that's also why you lose those friends once you align yourself with your soul purpose and develop yourself further and further.
But then comes the one or two friends who never had to put up this kind of ego act to each other so you know them to the core.
I believe those are for life. You really need the stability of that soul level connection or the relationship will fail.
Because external things can be outgrown but the soul level stuff cannot because that never changes.
Going through this on hardcore mode. Most of my friends collectively decided to ghost me and it sucked for the longest time. What I can tell you though, is that eventually you'll learn that the silver lining is within yourself and that being able to appreciate your own self is better than anyone else appreciating you.
I’ve been ghosted over the years by several people who I thought were my best friend. It’s gotta be one of the most painful things ever.
@@EB-gt1pq especially the confusion it brings.
@@EB-gt1pq there's a reason for it. What that reason is who knows. But it happens to everyone I think.
@@EB-gt1pq probably due to the feeling of disconnect and that build of social anxiety that happens when lossing communication for a while and uncertain how that friend may act or be interested in and fear that the friendship will grow apart, while others is just welp willing to just accept the fact that they will grow apart, adding on people also may ghost in respect of the friend as welp they may not want to cause a burden/interuption with the knowlege that their friend is usually busy probably with work school or what ever.
True I had a lot of friend ghost me that I knew from community college. My closest friend are my 3 cats, my grandma, and my own self. Just have to accept losing friends in modern days are not loyal like people growing up in 1960's and before that days. This why i keep to myself in public, and not worry about meeting other new people who will eventually leave.
People come and go through our lives, it happens to us all. We shouldn't fear losing friendships but instead, work to value them and be present while we have them.
That's good... Thank you
"Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer".
Most friendships are situational (work, clubs, schools, sports). Distance does not create fondness.
The real friend is the one who you do not see for even years and you pick up where you left off. I have several of those.
@Flick Raccoon Interesting take, but in the end I think you are wrong. The ability to pick up after several years is a sign of deep compatibility. If that is not a fundamental aspect of friendship, then what is...? Perhaps you feel the opposite because you are an extrovert and need frequent interaction...?
@Tired Wanka Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.
Spot on
@@cnam1258
I am extroverted. But I do not waste time on people who are not mentally stimulating, kind to others and not reprobates.
@@divergentsenior I was responding to a couple of guys who are now deleted. In fact I agree 100% with what you said.
As I grow older, my desire for friendships has lessened. I'm not lonely in my own company. I've come to prefer it that way.
I hear you. I have one good friend, my husband, who works out of country a lot of the time. I like my own company and no longer feel any urge to "mingle and make friends". I love the catch-up moments I have with a couple of old friends I have from adolescence, once in a blue moon, but that is plenty for me.
Same. Now I don’t even know if I want to get married or not
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You weren't gonna be with the same people your whole life people move on from such friendships and relationships and just focus on themselves...
Same here, but I'm alone whether or not there are people around so it doesn't matter too much. Seeking people out is a hell of a lot of effort and doesn't pay well :)
I've achieved far more alone than I ever did when I was one of the crowd.
Me too, but as they say, its lonely at the top, and with that I mean, the top of your game.
@@vumba1331 i agree. I've been with the same woman for 20 years and that definitely helps. Couldn't have done it without her.
Amen to that
Bingo! If you notice public schools really promote teamwork. So what happens in these kids teams? One or two students do all the work and the others get the credit. And they teach you that's the way it's supposed to be. They do the same thing in universities. No thanks. I want to be responsible for my output.
@@lydiamalone1859 Very true, when I was about 12 I did a 'team' project and that's exactly what happened! I did all the work, in this case graphics, and they messed around but still got the marks. I swore then that I would never let anybody coat-tail on my efforts, something that tough when working for corporate but easy when I (we, my wife and I) went out on our own, never looked back.
Everybody got the “good time Charlie “ friends. When the bottles popping and the moneys flowing it’s easy to have “friends”. It’s when shit hits the fan that you find out who the real ones are. People like being friends with people as long as they are two rungs below them on the ladder but as soon as you start shining they start hating.
Man I wish I could be your friend
I have a friend who will be forever convinced I am some flighty flakey poor dangerous person meanwhile I will continue to do very well for myself in my own real life. I just don't fit his new concept of normal as supplied by his wife and their social circle. I think I only briefly knew him anyway because he was posing as someone he truly isn't.
I'm in my late 50's and have lost touch with almost all of my childhood friends and most of my "work" friends. What I've come to realize is that I always thought more of our friendship than they did. Kinda hurts but it's the truth.
Similar experience here.
Every time i lost a friend, i didn't lose a friend. I lost baggage.
Your friends were Sam Sonite and Victor Inox.
When I lost my friends i lost a piece of myself with them and bacame resentful. I need to be around people, and close friends who provide mentorship, tell stories, and most importantly, allow me to give them something in return, whether that be mentorship, time, or company. I just want my friends back, since I had people to know, talk to, and care about. Giving really is living. Social isolation and loneliness is death, because you don't give anything to anyone, but most importantly, there isn't anyone ti appreciate you for caring about them.
@@kennotrogzeug7012
Yeah i'm talking about fake or superficial friends.
@@kennotrogzeug7012 lol shouldn't have done that
@@cnam1258your comment needs more upvotes
Learned this early on in my life. I've had 2 or 3 GOOD friends in my life. Many acquaintances. Only a few really good friends.
That sounds pretty normal to me.
I have none. Except my wife. Shes amazing. But the friends i used to have never really wanted better for me
If you have 2 or 3 solid long term caring friends, you are amongst life's most blessed beings.
@@2zxodcfm Very true.
To quote the great and powerful Joey "Coco" Diaz; "You don't need tons of friends. You need like only 3. With three friends, you can take over a country."
Gates + Zuckerberg, Bezos and Schwab can take over the whole world (but only if we let them)
Reading your comment, the first thing that pops to my head is South Park
you only need 3 but you need millions that believe you are there friend.
@@debbi945 Why are you fucking nutcases so obsessed with billionaires? Think they're all lizard people wanting to microchip you and your kids? Go back to your minimum wage job you hopeless moron.
@Marcus Straya I'm sick of remarkably stupid people harping on wealthy people for no reason. It's hilarious because I get similar dismissive comments from people because I live in Bel Air and work as an estate lawyer.
As i get older I like having less friends. Maybe that's just me. My life is running fine and I'm happy.
This man has a rare combination of courage, clarity, and humility. Thank God for him.
When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind.
C. S. Lewis
When I can't sleep at night I listed to C.S. Lewis to remind myself that the age we're in is not normal.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society
🤔
@@ChrisHarperKC what do you listen to?
Sounds apt for what's going on today
I've lost a lot of "friends". Turns out they were just pretending and they couldn't keep the mask on anymore
Be careful who you call your friend. One minute they could be your “friend” and the next they abandon you.
Check out Alberta Hunter's live version of "Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out", it's a gem!
Then they werent your friend in the first place. Find someone who enjoys u for u
Lol why did I read abandon as abort
And this is why it's important not to become bitter about it. I think that happens to everyone to some extent because everyone experiences this. That's why Peterson is so correct concerning the notion of not allowing ourselves to become resentful from our negative experiences in life. When that happens it just becomes a societal domino effect. You have to admit it's not hard to see it happening all around us.
Dis and watch who you call your Brother too…
Conquer the fear. Losing friends as you grow is the universe aligning your reality to focus on yourself. As you evolve and grow the universe will reorient your circumstances to connect you with the tribe thats compatible with whom you have become.
Every man must go in to solitude before he becomes great.
Fear not...
ruclips.net/video/3meDxBgvguo/видео.html
🙏
Most friendships/relationships with people are imaginary and involve taking advantage of one another. If you didn't provide something that benefits them, they probably wouldn't have been your friend in the first place. You can survive perfectly fine by yourself.
Well there would have to be some benefit or there would not be a motivation. I am not talking about a materialistic benefit, but more of an emotional one. For example, having fun, feeling important (status), getting girls. The list goes on. Like people will even help disabled people just so they can have a feel good moment for themselves which is selfish, but at the same time at least the disabled person is getting help. So there can be mutual benefit at the same time.
Agreed reality check just a whole bunch of backstabbing mess going on in relationships and friendships the thing about it is most of it not worth the time nor headache
Well said 👏 no relationship without benefits 👏something
This is more true than most people are willing to admit. Every relationship is conditional.
A relation in which both people only want to take advantage of the other is not a relationship.
A relation in which both people
1. Willingly give what other needs, out of the things that can be provided by themselves
And
2. Gratefully take what they need from other, out of the things the other person can provide.
🤔 Does that sound accurate???
As a wise man once told me, always cultivate new friends that are younger, your old friends die off and one day you will be someone's old friend who has died off but is venerated and much loved.
@King White Knight" peers" and "they're". You're welcome, young man.
@@Sifar_Secure you corrected a knight? how dare you?
It's hard to relate to the newer generations. I do have some things in common but mostly as a 23 yr old I don't care about LGBT or feminism or drugs. Everyone is so nihilistic and depressed it's horrible. Im into radical socialism but these SJWs have made the movement less about class struggle and more about irrelevant nonsense that's hard to relate to with the working class.
ruclips.net/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/видео.html
Write it bro , me and others would read for sure, you clearly have some brains up there.
Maybe you would even like to share your thoughts now and debate about it.
The older I get the more I realise especially as a man that "friends" don't really exist. You go through life make a family and other people just drop in and out of your life.
Your family can also become your biggest enemy - it did in my case
I stopped caring about having friends about a decade ago after realizing that most friends don’t have my best interest at heart, nor I them.
If they dont care about your well beeing cut them off. What i noticed is that in big cities more people behave like rats, they will talk behind your back more frequently than in smaller ones, and they are on average more self destructive and egoistic.
@@devol3829 People in small towns are in everyones business. What are you even talking about??
@@G.GordonMidi thats true but they usually arent trying to befriend and use you. atleast at way smaller rates. just speaking out of personal experience.
At least you recognized your own hypocrisy. People say the same thing. Everyone is guilty, you just don't realize it because your own interests skew your perception.
@@devol3829 When you ask a girl if she likes living in a city or small town more, and she says city, just run. They love the anonymity because they can hide their evil nature behind it.
My mom told me that there are no real friends when I was a teen. I thought this sounded a little dramatic but I understood her point of view. Now I'm 40, all I can say is she wasn't wrong. I have two real friends that would see me through anything, for that I am blessed.
Got a friend who stops talking to me from time to time. He always comes back around but he will go months and years without reaching out. He's doing it again, but this time I'm cutting him off for good.
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I had a “friend” like that. I didn’t let her back in my life the last time and she got angry. Like...how dare I not continue letting her treat me like crap 🙄.
Good for you all,they're not your Friends.
we get busier as we grow...
It's called a Narcissist
The older I get the more I find I need to level up from the toxic people I thought were friends. It can be heartbreaking but you have to do what is best for you.
Friends come and go. That's life. It can hurt in some ways just as much as the loss of a romantic partner. And sometimes it stings even longer. But that's life. Staying true to yourself, and friends (hopefully) doing the same, mean that most people will come and go like the seasons, or through chapters (multiple seasons) in life.
ruclips.net/video/1GLnH_zF3g8/видео.html
‘It’s like your better self is torturing u w problems u need to address’ - so profound. Thank u dr Peterson
Dear lord are you seriously too lazy to type out the word YOU?
@@RebLLee dear lord are u seriously that butt hurt/angry about my typing habits? Get a life?
@@johngoldsworthy7135 see? You typed whole words that time. YOU CAN DO IT
@@RebLLee ur childlike anger is amazing! Keep on going bud!
@@RebLLee I gave u a couple likes. Did ur self esteem get a boost?
"When you try to change, people will use your past mistakes to try to bring you down."
I saw this comment on another video. A clear signal when to leave your "friends" is when they break down your success and growth to make themselves look better. This is what is happening to me currently, I've stopped smoking cigarettes and weed and started hitting the gym 4 times a week and started long distance running whilst they remain fat and indulged in drugs and smoking. The best way to recognize a true friend is when they try to build you up, celebrate your success with you and DON'T break you down or demean you. Find people that have the same values as you and are of high quality, people who want the best for you and ditch all people who are toxic.
IM SO PROUD OF U AND HAPPY FOR U DOING WHAT U LOVE.
The minute they say things like “we’ll stay in touch” etc, I know they’re not coming back
"Stay in touch" is like the kiss of death
I just lost my best friend of almost 30 years. It’s been breaking me because she keeps telling me she’s creating distance because I’m too different now. I hadn’t realized that’s how our relationship was, and it’s been extremely hard to come to that realization. I get this philosophy... it’s hard in practice.
25 years for me.
It definitely sucks.
So very hard in practice...I have so much respect for Jordon and know he is correct on so many levels,,,but do I clean my room of put my property in order????
You're not alone, fam. 15 years for me. It's been a year, and I still feel like a part of me is missing. It's been really hard to accept. Sending warm regards your way. Nowhere to go from here, but forward.
@@dickjohnson6999 thank you friend. I wish you the best in your journey as well. Knowing we’re not alone is a pleasant comfort during times of extreme chaos. I’m with you, even though I don’t know you. 🤍
@@moosechuckle I’m very sorry, it definitely does suck. I’m choosing to have faith that God is turning me towards a higher purpose. I’m choosing to accept that as an act of pure love.
As you gain experience, your bullshit detector becomes highly tuned, and you are able to ascertain the viability of people you want in your life.
That used to be the case when I was in my 20s. Now that I'm in my 60s, the BS is so absurdly deep, every time I step outside my door, that I've ascertained I don't want any people in my life., as everyone is F.O.S. Humanity is the scourge of the universe.
@@SteveKasian This world is mixed up between traditional, respectful, genuine group of people, and these modern day group of people who are among us, causing this worldwide division. Everyone is against each other, competing, its all about status, no respect whatsoever. I'm now 30, I moved from the city to the countryside 2 years ago, everyone here waves to each other; men, women, children, no matter the age, race, gender. But in the city, everyone is against you. Everyone is divided. Even the drive going back to the big city feels horrible.
@@BIGGELATO True that. Which is precisely why we need to take all of those horrid haters and liquidate them en masse; Just dump them all into shark infested waters hundreds of miles from land... make the world a much better place.
@@SteveKasian lol send them to Mars
This guy always leaves me speechless with new ideas and realizations ..he’s a gift to the world.
I love his breakdown of how what we see as little things can actually be very big.
I had a friend for fifteen years. When I was twenty, my sister and dad died, so my life was a bit of a wreck for a couple years. My friend assumed the role of the more stable one, and during that period of time I honestly wasn’t emotionally available. But I did overcome it and I am really proud of how I dug myself out of that hell. Despite having changed and grown so much, my friend still saw me as that in small ways. She didn’t really respect me as an equal and for some reason was still convinced I was a horribly depressed person. She would never say it to my face though. She would say it to my younger sister of all people.
We were friends for such a long time, though, and she didn’t walk away when I shut down, so I felt she was a true friend. But years went on and those little things she saw in me just turned into being disrespectful and seeing me in such a way that it was so far removed from who I actually am. She felt that she really knew me deep down, and it bothered me that she couldn’t see she was holding onto who I was ten years ago. It is like that for anyone who knew me at that time and still know me. They hold onto how they viewed me at my lowest and project it onto who I am today, so I could be stating exactly how I feel and why I feel it, and yet it wouldn’t be seen as valid. Just ramblings from a severely depressed person. So I had to walk away. How could I ever be a genuinely happy person if everyone around me sees me as a broken person? I don’t run into that problem with people I met after that period in my life. They all say I’m an upbeat person. Only those who knew me back then see me negatively.
Sometimes, the people around you can see something about you that you don’t see in yourself. But other times, the people around you see a fictionalized version of you only meant to keep you down.
These type of people will only keep you down and make you feel regressed and good on you for recognising that you have changed and not allowing them to hold you to your previous self, your are indeed much better off without her
Made a similar experience! Long time friends / family remembering me at my weakest, and disrespecting me until now, even though I thrive now. Of course the only path forward is distance.
ruclips.net/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/видео.html
I'm sorry that happened to you.
I know how much it sucks because I'm going through it myself now with someone I've known for 12 years.
I'm no longer the person I was then. Her perception of me has not changed in 12 years though, and it shows. As soon as she accidentally let slip that I'm not one of her 'beautiful' friends, and tries to set me up with guys who call themselves 'low class', among other things, I knew it was a matter of time...
I can't end it completely though. She's a neighbor in the same complex. I'll still have to see and communicate with her. I've just had to re-position her place in my life as I spend more time focusing on myself and my future. You known the ever so slow fadeout...
Maybe they were depressed and wanting to believe you were, too, to “bring you more to their level.”
I'm in my mid 30's now and I'm cool with having 3-4 true friends that I can depend on. The others faded away and, in many cases, I realized that I was the one putting in most of the effort into the friendship. Life is a revolving door of people and experiences. Instead of worrying about losing friends, focus on appreciating the time you do have with them.
I’ve lost friends as I’ve grown and healed. It’s okay, they were meant to be with that version of me. As we grow we shed skin and become unrecognizable to many we know. Those that do not allow renewal are terrified of letting go of the old
So true. I've experienced the same thing.
I am a 17 year old from India, have lost 6 out of 7 of my friends in just 6 months, due to the lockdown, growing up and the dangerously rising pockets of youth inclination towards political correctness in India. I am starting undergrad next year and recently got the courage to think about my career choices more comprehensively and completely restructre my initial plan, and the gut to convince my parents about it, and work further on my personality and my college application. And all through that, there's just three things that remained constant in my life: my parents, my one friend, and Dr. Jordan Peterson. God bless you sir. Reallyy glad to see you healthy and well again. 🙏
Little bother! I am 23 now. 5 or 6 years ago, i too was terrified of being alone. But over the years i've realised the most important thing is to craft your individuality. Dr.Peterson's absolutely right when he says "you lose friends, maybe your gain new ones". You do gain new ones and they are way better. You dont have to cut all ties with everyone. But you need to timeblock sessions for yourself. Keep growing. Wish you all the very best of days ahead.
I think it’s kinda normal around your age no matter what is going on in the world. I lost most of mine from being the only one who didn’t go to college out of state. (I went to a local one but for only a semester, thank goodness.) It’s weird, though, because I’ve become friends with the some of the friends of my old friends who I didn’t like that much at first but we bonded over losing the mutual friends lol. But I live in a small state where people are known for their hatred of driving more than 20 mins to get anywhere, so you’re kinda bound to run into the same people again eventually. One of the problems causing loneliness in the world now, imo, is not being connected in-person to local communities so that there are just strangers everywhere you look.
When you go to college you usually find like-minded people.it gets more difficult a you grow older though
@@TheMemoryPolice true!
I was in a toxic workplace for a long time and I only left after a seious workplace accident. You get so used to terrible that you forget that it isn't supposed to be there. It's been over a year and I'm still not used to being treated well, but it's getting easier to accept.
Good topic. Up to 5 years ago, not only did I lose friends, I began to resent most of them. I stopped being as generous as I was, and it became pretty clear how dependent they were on me for whatever reasons. Just the newfound self-determination after I moved on from self-preservation really intimidated them. It didn't hurt so much, but it did really alter my perspective of modern society and Western humanity.
I had to lose a friend I had known for 25 years. I was 27 at the time. It finally dawned on me that the friendship was a one way street.
I had seen him behave this with other people but I convinced myself that he wouldn't do that to me. We were practically brothers.
I had spent 4 years living his life really. He had lost his job, found out his wife was pregnant and diagnosed with muscular dystrophy in the same week. I felt like it was my responsibility to everything I could to help.
Then one day I was going through a rough time. I needed a friend. And he couldn't careless. He had other thing to do than be there for me. That's when it hit me.
It's been a few years on. I've really improved my life since. I do miss the companionship. But I'm better of without that anchor wrapped around my neck.
Feel the same way about one of my close friends - I always leaned on him when I was faced with some problems in life. I think I did it more often than I should've.
I got angry when he didn't turn up at my wedding - lashed out on him for it, yet he took it on his ego.
He didn't talk for quite some time, I apologized to him, asked him if he was still pissed off. Yet he couldn't even say he was mad at me for something.
Kept pretending he was just busy. That's when I realized - this friendship was only there because I was always eager to have it.
It wasn't the same for him, although he did counsel me out of some mental obligation, sympathy or something I still don't quite get it.
It's been radio silence since. Weird to lose friends this way, but I've learnt to let people go.
As I've lost people in life, I've learnt to value myself more.
Keep at it, life is much more than what you can imagine or think of at any moment.
May you experience both the positives & the negatives with the same sense of gratitude and appreciation for the limited time you exist here as a life.
Ditching my so-called 'friends' was depressing at first, but after a while I came to appreciate the fact they never really were my friends in the first place. Now I have fewer friends, but they are of much better quality... and best of all, I have me.
ruclips.net/video/1GLnH_zF3g8/видео.html
Are you sure you have you? Because your eyes look POSSESSED!😲
Having cut ties with long time friends this is very helpful and relevant.
Same
And well needed
I lost many friends when I started making more money than them. They became envious. But my life is much better now.
That comes with the Territory of “ friendships “
A friend who is happy about your misery, is sarcastic and putting you down, while being envious of your little successes, even when you are suffering and totall down, is actually an enemy disguised as a friend.
I was never alone growing up. I have had the same friends for 35 years. That being said I prefer being alone. I definitely prefer travelling alone. Almost forces you to meet new people. Even if just for an Uber ride or a tour group. You know you will probably never see them again so what have you got to lose. Be yourself, let go and don’t forget to smile.
ruclips.net/video/1GLnH_zF3g8/видео.html
I hear a lot of people here saying that they are happy being alone but I don't believe all of them are being truthful, especially with themselves. As Jordan always says, "Be truthful to yourself." Fact of the matter is that as humans we're social creatures. And that psychology applies to all of us equally. There aren't expectations to that. Unless one has some sort of mental health issue you cannot be happy going through life alone. It all depends on what one means by being alone too. Everyone has different interpretations of that. I've heard many people say that but when you analyze their life they are anything but alone. And the dangerous for those people is that they create a small bubble of "friends/family" not realizing that one day it may all disappear. What are they going to do then when or if it does? I have seen some people fall into that dark rabbit hole and it's one that is almost impossible to crawl out of as one ages. So I admire your approach in your comment. You define a balanced mindset on the matter because at least you acknowledge the importance of others in your life but that sometimes you enjoy being alone.
The fear of failure, the fear of what "they" will say holds people back from trying. Take fresh courage. Anyone worth keeping as a friend will want the very best for you!
ruclips.net/video/1GLnH_zF3g8/видео.html
Lost majority of my "friends" during my 1st pregnancy last year. They never checked up on me. They just kept on going to bars and partying. I quietly just let the friendships die. I'm still resentful and sad over it tbh. But it opened my eyes to how once I stopped being the party, they didn't care about me anymore. They probably never did. I was just a warm body
Its bittersweet looking back at the friendships you had and you'll never really be able to put into contrast how much it all meant to you till it's gone. The lesson here is to be grateful you've experienced 'friendship' in your life. Nothing lasts forever but the fact that you had a friend and it happened, that reality is eternal and nothing can take that away.
After I quit smoking, I lost some "friends" that continued to smoke. I made them look bad because my success revealed that it was possible to quit. I never made an unkind remark to any of them. I actually have a close relative that doesn't want to visit me because my husband and I make much more than she and her husband ever made. Yup, a very close relative. Not making this up. Her loss.
Did they tell you that was the reason? I don’t know you at all but often find that people who become “successful” start acting condescending and “better than”...it makes them unpleasant to be around to say the least. Just something to think about.
Friends are an anchor to who you we’re and not to who you’re meant to become when you know you’re destined for greatness
Brilliant comment.
99% of friendships end. Or more. A friendship is a living thing. It requires care. When the care lapses, the friendship dies. While there is only one thing that can keep the friendship alive, reason to care, there are a million things that can kill it.
I can't really agree with you. It sounds like you're talking about shallow friendships, at which point I wouldn't quite call them friendships, they're more like fleeting relationships that were never meaningful in themselves in the first place. The deep connection you can build with people that you really get involved with isn't that fragile, it doesn't require (although can obviously benefit) continuous care, and it absolutely doesn't "just die" due to lack of it.
@@Gigusx Rather than correct my position, how about offer yours? Great friendships die all the time. If you pass on with a single great friend, you're deemed lucky. Says the saying. You've implied that the relationships to which I refer don't die with age as a factor, that these were trivial from the start. Kanye West said it, "Show me a man with a lot of friends and I'll show you a man with none." The implication being that we lose real friends along the way. That to accept this, without claiming they were never really friends, is to mature. We lose great loves, great friends. It's real, it is part of life. Also, by my use of the word care, you assumed constant effort. I did not say that. You did.
@@murraymarshawn2175 If you're a woman, friendships die like flies. If you're a guy, there's no stopping.
@@mikitz I'd bet it all that you don't have more than four close friends. And that in 15 years, at least one will be friend no more. A man said, "If you die counting one good friend, you've won." A man said that.
@@murraymarshawn2175 Not sure what you mean, my entire comment was my position. I'm not going to elaborate on my initial comment, because it seems we have fundamentally different philosophies about the concepts of friendships.
P.S. I'd check the source and meaning of that quote.
It was such a deep moment for me when this episode came out. I remember the exact day I watched it. I was running and then watched the end just as I got done. My dad then walked over and offered me a glass of wine. I really cherish that moment.
My best friend of 35 years deserted me when I got sick. I guess she wasn't a friend after all.
ruclips.net/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/видео.html
She wasn't a friend, and you're better for it.
It’s common , I had a café and considered all my employee friends we often went out together for meals, ,When I drop cancer I got a duty visit have a couple of them no phone calls at all. But looking back in my life I realised that I have dropped people when they were sick not deliberately just avoided ringing them, I’m visiting them putting it off for another day and then after a while you are so ashamed of yourself for not going to see them you’ve put it off altogether many people who get seriously ill found this out best wishes from England
@@christinebeames2311 that's brave of you to be transparent like that. It's okay because you can now view that as a learning experience. And it's that experience that will make you a better person onto yourself and others. I hope all is well with your health now.
really sorry to hear that for you, i have ( had ) friendships of 30 plus years and its always me contacting them, i stopped doing that and that ended the relationship. I realsied i was doing all t he work many years ago, though I did not want to let go of friendships with that amount of time invested in them. Its really sad just to know that none of them want to keep in touch.
I get the point, but the real difficulty comes when you lose friends who had a positive impact in your life. It could be theirs or your fault, but that's different than losing people who didn't want the best for you
Friend’s is a tough lesson to learn from, it is one of the most confusing experiences life brings to the table. The value of calling someone a friend needs to be taking seriously!!
Not many things make me proud to be Canadian right now for obvious political reasons but Jordan is a Canadian icon! So proud of him and his work!
On friends, at an early age, my dad told me "Bella, see this hand, that's how many friends you will be happy to have in your lifetime, and even that is too many."
I’m not religious at all but am praying for Canada, internally at least.
Canadians appear to be living in a police state 24/7 at the moment, no personal freedom is allowed without being vilified.
Do you feel free?
@@anonymous108 why’s that? What is happening over there?
Tom Macdonald cam from Canada
@@anonymous108 I don't feel free and secure at all!! Curfews, you can't see anyone, mandatory mask at work (when you are at your desk and don't even move). I'm glad I work at home, but I feel for others. We can't accept that. Police were reinforced during Christmas so nobody could see their family. You can't even have a mask exemption if you have asthma and can't breathe or anxiety or whatever else, the government forbid it. Thank you for thinking about us !
@@ADcrackerjack Curfews, you can't see anyone, mandatory mask at work (when you are at your desk and don't even move). I'm glad I work at home, but I feel for others. We can't accept that. Police were reinforced during Christmas so nobody could see their family. You can't even have a mask exemption if you have asthma and can't breathe or anxiety or whatever else, the government forbid it. It's horrible.
Man! oh man. Im going through this (again) at 35
but not only friends- but Family as well. Im growing and I've literally separated myself from my EXTREMELY toxic family system.
I went through a purge per say- of "fake friends" in my 20s and kept my family close but now I realize that they are toxic, not growing, not changing and its such a strange out of body type of experience. I keep fighting for some reason and looking for a reason to not leave these people out of my life and I think today was the last straw. Im tired of pretending that I don't know, and dumbing myself down for them, to make them feel better. If you know what that feels like... pretty sure you do.
Anyway... Im happy I stumbled upon this.
and I look forward to seeing and hearing about all of you folks new lives and happiness after you separate yourselves from the people holding you back. Dont feel guilty you deserve it, your worth it and those people don't define or make you more or less valuable. Your awesome on your own and anyone would be more than lucky to have a friend or a family member like you!!! Honestly! think about it- Your help-able and coachable and you still have the ability to learn and grow!!! don't take that for granted! Your awesome.
My family was lucky enough to move up in economical class. Unfortunately I lost many friends due to this, there were people that I once thought supported me started to dislike me and they thought they were entitled to wealth that they didn’t work towards themselves. They stopped looking at me for who I was and started judging me on my monetary value. That is what made me sick to my stomach.
I just had an epiphany while digesting Peterson's messages here. The fact that my grandpa's apartment I'm living in is a mess, full of dust and with things "that I don't care" out of place, is just a reflection of my fear of commitment that I know I have. I pretend to be working/studying too much to address these banal things but, the fact is that I don't make the effort to "make my house a home" because I think situations are impermanent and out of my control, and one time or another I'll have to say goodbye to them. No wonder I never had a serious relationship.
Lucky the ones who had the opportunity to follow a treatment with him when he was active on his clinical practice
Now that you recognize this about yourself I hope you can move on up to cleaning your room, your home, your life! The future is yours! Good luck!
“Do not make the assumption that inaction has no consequences”
I have never heard a more true statement. For years and years I avoided and didn’t take action, I’m in a time of change now and have worked on becoming more assertive.
I admire Dr Peterson so much. His intellect is off the charts and he is a Man of Integrity. People could learn so much from him if they self observed more. God Bless You Jordan Peterson 🕊
Anyone that forces you to look at yourself honestly, question your choices and teaches you not to lie to yourself is more valuable than Diamonds.
He’s the man.
We as human have an instinct for growth. It’s very true. Do not ignore what feels right and wrong. It’s exactly what you’re supposed to be feeling.
its weird trying to make friends as an adult sometimes. It's not like you can hang out and bond like kids could with all you adult responsibilities and job. Then it seems like some people just wanna network for some kind of gain. Which is fine but it's not genuine friendship.
I’m 28 and couldn’t agree more
Ive noticed in my adult life so far (im 26) that hardly anyone is genuine anymore. Its sad
Really enjoyed this. A very authentic and jam packed insightful talk. Kudos. Hope we can collaborate.
one person telling the truth without your typical soothing voice and cynical arrogance telling you your problems are just in your head...
100% love this man from the bottom of my heart
@ruclips.net/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/видео.html
Same 6 friends since childhood, I am the only one who "made it out" I just left for years at a time, army, and they understood and are still my friends
That is actually amazing and rare.. cherish it
ruclips.net/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/видео.html
I'm 37 and I have mo friends just my wife and children and I am humble with that. When I was growing up I had tones of friends when I hit 30 My mind did a 180 and completely went the other direction which dropped off all friends. Plus I don't do social media any longer either it's been a year.
Are you happy with your decisions? Having no friends at all seems a bit sad to me
@@citizenofterra hes content hes a man hell bent on taking care of his family that in my eyes is true bliss and the only heaven
@@StikiFing4z Doesnt have to exclude a few good non-familial companions you can trust.
@@citizenofterra if it helps you sleep at night sure 👍
@@citizenofterra it all depends on if you can find some who match your values. That is hard to find these days. So if they dont then you just focus on what you have. It's ok. Family is important and as a society we have been obsessed with having friends and playing with them in adulthood which may be why we have faltered
There is a reason why dog is mans best friend. He doesn't talk. It prevents so many problems
You really find out who your friends are after becoming unemployed - I've been going through a really hard time and people just STOPPED communicating with me and asking me out to things - nice!
After my friend passed away. I flew back to town after not having seen him in 10 years. Man, I got chills walking through his room. It was still set-up similarly to what it was when he was 16 like he'd been frozen in time or something. The room can say a lot about one's mind. He always used to tell me that too, bc my room was always messy when we knew eachother. Nowadays I'm a lot more organized because I've changed.
56 year old man here, my old friends gone 10 years ago. Strangely not much difference, I was usually needed but never appreciated. Guess the definition of friends is quite variable.
ruclips.net/video/1GLnH_zF3g8/видео.html
Some are only good when they need something from you, when the need is gone so are you. Family can be that way as well.
People may hate him and others like him for their views, but people like him usually have the most wisdom and best personal teachings for life.
Watching and rewatching this clip. It’s so applicable in my life. I’m so thankful to listen to the voice of reason. Dr. Peterson is such a blessing
Its not that they're all bad friends. Its like relationships, sometimes you just weren't right for each other.
I knew this dude for 7 years since we were 14 we always chilled was considered my brother, something happened in my life n he judged me n cut contact with me n we got into a argument and didn’t talk for a year, I thought about the memories n how fun it was to be boys and I hit him up and asked how he was doing he ignored me, really shows that sometimes u care more than they do.🤷♂️
I'm going towards the end of my 20s. Strangely, you start to recall the events, the friends you had in college whom I thought were tight friendships. It all fade away with the wind and I just realized it. Now, I'm starting to reminisce and ask myself questions like "How did it end?", "Where did it go wrong?" because it just vanished dramatically.
I tend to look on past conversations, pictures frequently than ever. I guess when you hit 25, recollection of memories' when it's gonna hit.
I don't know if it's regret or what ifs but I know that it's a melancholic feeling.
yeah man same here im 27. ur comment really caught my eye. i do the same with reminiscing , things come and go, people are only there for reason or a season. and the ones meant to be there are gonna be there for a lifetime, and usually thats only family. your true self reveals who should be there. as i much as i loved my friends and enjoyed their company. something inside me had to detach from them for my own growth. one love fellow brother from 6 months ago, glad to not feel alone on these situations
I've grown into someone who rather spend his time alone and do activities that I like and not be shackled to someone else's activities and be miserable. I'm a homebody and would be very thankful if everyone would just leake me the f alone
You've just described me exactly. Glad I'm not the only one out there that feels that way.
ruclips.net/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/видео.html
Sounds very typical for an introvert!
As I get older friends come and go most of them are just temporaries in your life but the friends that truly stay with you are the ones who were truly your friends.
My best friend is someone who I know I can always rely on more than anyone
I've lost 5 very good friends in the last 3years...
Never happened before.
1st one was really tough, agonising.
2nd tough and confusing
3rd and 4th happened together and I expected to be the toughest, we were a close threesome who shares lots and very open with each other (except they got annoyed that I didn't agree with their views). To my suprise I barely skipped a beat! Haven't missed them at all.
5th was on my terms, more of a pulling back.
I realised as I got older abd wiser that I don't like gossiping, I love my own space and people can accept me or not.
And I've never been happier!
Love to all
similar situation! It feels good and freeing!! good to stay true to oneself
I like that idea
Yep, me too, I try not to gossip, don’t like it.