Sex, modesty, religion, piety | In Conversation with Intimacy Coach Peggy Greenfield
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- Опубликовано: 24 ноя 2024
- Sensitive content warning. This conversation contains adult themes / candid discussions on sex.
Peggy Greenfield is a certified relationship and intimacy coach who grew up in the Satmar Hasidic community of Williamsburg, and now serves this population. Peggy is not in the community herself anymore, which gives her a unique vantage point from which to tackle challenges of sex and intimacy, topics that are difficult and complicated anywhere, but which pose a unique challenge in a community of so many rules restricting sex and the body. Peggy is outside of the community's conventions, but she has a deep appreciation for it. She therefore is able to candidly and empathetically provide support and guidance and here, to talk openly for this interview. I understand that many people feel that this topic should not be discussed publicly, but after much deliberation, I decided that the right course of action is to release this interview. I welcome your thoughts in the comments.
Please check out Peggy on Instagram here: / pegreenfeld
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My heartfelt thanks to channel members for supporting this project. I did not early release this video as I did not want it to be downloaded and circulated early, which occasionally happens. ❤❤
Àaaaààààßź
Find someone from the community to counter interview this lady made my blood boil. She is off in a big way.
I applaud our guide Frieda for being willing to take on such a sensitive, personal, relevant topic as sex and intimacy particularly as it relates to the Hasidic community. Thank you for this glimpse into this specific topic which relates to the greater community as well. Shkoyakh!
Thank you so much my dear Zelde, I love you.
back atcha@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn
What a great video, Frieda! I am a 71 yr old non-Jew, but I love learning from you. This kind of education is needed in every culture, not just in the Hassidic community. I am an expat in Cuenca Ecuador, and this information is much needed here! Thank you for tackling such a sensitive subject in a professional and down-to-earth manner.
I so appreciate your kind comment Debbie
I just want to point out that the majority of bride and groom teachers teach that foreplay is extremely important, they teach how fundamental physical relations and intimacy are to a marriage, they teach that the goal is to be intimate at least twice a week, and they teach that the man and woman should look out for each other's needs.
This conversation is speaking about a big, big minority of the population, and I think it's important to point that out.
One of the key factors in a Jewish marriage is intimacy, and most bride and groom teachers teach that to men and women who are about to get married.
I did learn a little about foreplay altho not a lot. we definitely knew about being intimate twice a week
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn they talk about foreplay, but they do not explain what forepay means.
@@rosarule1796 my husband's chasan teacher (who looks like he wouldn't know anything on the topic, so ultra religious) spoke extensively about it in very great detail. Before the wedding, too but he got into even greater depth on the topic after our wedding.
@@beans4853 You are right... I don't know much about it.
Congratulations! You don’t stop amazing me, surprising me. Each new interview gets better and better. I learn more and more. You are a jewel for serious academics who are not closed between the walls of academia but really want to learn what is going on the world.
Thank you so very much. This was a very difficult interview to bring to the fore and I so appreciate your support. I think it's a valuable discussion.
Ms. Vizel, thank you for taking so much care to do this topic with sensitivity.
I tried - thanks for watching
Thanks Frieda for having the courage to post such a sensitive topic. I have no opinion for the qualifications of your guest, the community or any of the information. However, I think it takes great courage to even bring it up. As always you are respectful and have great respect in your demeanor and presentation.
I very much appreciate it. I weighed the pros and cons of this for many weeks before deciding to post. I think it’s an effort to have a mature conversation even if it isn’t perfect. these discussions I think have value.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn I totally agree. If you can't even have a conversation, we will get nowhere. Yes there are sensitive topics that can create touchy moments. Mature people can use them for growth and understanding. Brava!
Freida, in your introduction you call yourself “Brooklyn Tour Guide”. You’re much more than that: Historian, documentarian, archivist… I’m not sure what but your much more than a tour guide.
@@josefernandez6226 100% agree, that said Frieda’s tour are wonderful. !! If you get the chance , go.
Betty having you on tour was a highlight! still bummed I missed Peter Luger’s
That’s very kind of you my friend
Frieda always leaves me wanting more. She is compelling to watch and she creates, effortlessly, a personal connection with her viewers. I feel as if I am in a cultural anthropology class at university and I have a crush on the professor. 💌
awwww this is fun ☺️😊
I believe the innocence and the way we were sheltered while growing up is what makes my marriage and intimacy so special!
Also I agree sex should be a topic of a discussion between a couple but, this way of saying “what is good” is making it sound like a performance- which is essentially pornography
The point of sex is to become one flesh . Yes for sure we should explore and only do stuff that make both parties happy but don’t make it sound like the secular exposure creates a better marriage.
I’m about a third of the way through Frieda. Congratulations on having the courage to broach this subject. Ultimately, you will be rewarded for the kindness you are doing for the Jewish people in this generation, especially in regard to this subject.
My first comment is that as surprising as it may sound to you, you should know that the state of affairs today in regard to sexual education and awareness, for both religious men and women, is abysmally poor. This is not because the Torah lacks this teaching, but because most in this generation are simply ignorant of what the Torah teaches about all this.
I emphasize, even on the most rudimentary level, meaning simple anatomy and the physical, intellectual and spiritual differences between men and women, the vast majority of the Jewish people are incredibly ignorant of what the Torah teaches.
In that perspective, consider that Jewish parents are obligated to teach their children, both their boys and their girls from the age of five and even before, in the ways of Torah. That includes everything that the Torah teaches about sexuality and sex education.
But because the vast majority are unaware that this wisdom is even present within the Torah, they are incapable of communicating it to their children.
This shocking and unbelievable state of affairs is the consequence of the oppression that was inflicted upon our people over thousands of years. What is described as the descent of the generations in the historical teachings of the Torah. That descent is the gradual and consistent loss of complete knowledge of the wisdom, including knowledge of all aspects of sexuality for life and for good, contained within our Torah.
I think the discussion here is about satmar group.
She is so so wrong. Sex education for brides has never been more open and free for discussion as this generation has it. Some people just love to mock frum people and find the negatives. I have several family members in this field and the discussions are amazing. The boys learn chumish and rashi etc and are clearly not in the dark about sexuality. It need not be discussed openly and between each other. Theres modesty that orevails in our culture abd THANK G- D for that!!!!
@jimdeane3667: "This shocking and unbelievable state of affairs is the consequence of the oppression that was inflicted upon our people over thousands of years." I have always thought I detected much in current Jewish outlook that has been "picked up" from the generally Christian milieu that most diaspora Jewish communities found themselves in over the last 2 millennia. Many attitudes, including but not limited to those pertaining to sexual relations, seem to be colored or even wholly derived from this experience. Is this what you're referring to?
This is my favorite guest you have interviewed Frida. Peggy is a gem for any lucky enough to work with her.
thank you so much dear Rachael, always such a huge pleasure to hear from you
I grew up in the "popular culture" with movies, etc., and the misinformation leading to expectations that s-x is perfect like on TV is so dangerous that it makes me think that young marrieds figuring things out for themselves is a healthier adventure than imitating movie stars in their perfect Hollywood fantasies.
10000% what's going on in the secular world is disturbing, dangerous, awful. A lot of porn sick people with unreasonable expectations of what an intimate life should look like.
This was great and informative. The innocence of the young brides and grooms is to be admired.
Thank you so much for this interview. I know the clients are Hasidic but the situation reminds me of many sexually active teenagers and young adults. Even when learning about genitals and procreation, what usually lacks is intimacy education and learning how to be a good educating partner. Religion and sexual orientation does not matter.
yes, so so true!
Frieda, you might like to know that you have a frequent viewer who is an 81yr old African-American Roman Catholic.
My paternal family is from Bed-Stuy. My father grew-up eating a lot of kosher food. I'm from Boston, Summer vacations were spent in Brooklyn with my father's people.
I have an everlasting, appreciation for the Jews who had our backs and marched with us during the Civil Rights Movement.
Your program is informative and fascinating and much appreciated. I like to remember - 'no Jews - no Jesus!'
My father who is Jewish marched with you during the civil rights movement with his good and dear friend and neighbor Andrew frierson in the 60’s. They were always together walking the streets of NYC. White Jewish man and black opera singer arm in arm. Best friends
Six minutes in and I can tell by the way this woman Peggy is speaking she is not a trained therapist. She took a class, has a certificate, that’s not the same as a formal advanced education and license. She couldn’t even adequately explain somatic therapy. Yes she may have grown up Satmar but you can tell despite how she may look she’s not actually a trained clinician.
Yes she clearly states that she only took a course. She was probably the only option Frieda had to come on and talk about this topic
Yep that was my thinking throughout.
We're not talking here of serious mental health issues that requires a "trained licensed therapist". All it requires is some knowledge of the society, the pros and cons, experience, as well as knowledge in the fundamentals of this field. Many people who followed her advice are claiming she was spot on!
Totally agree. Just a rebellious person who thinks she's educated and has found a few thirsty horn ppl who want some more information 😂
Some times thats good enough if the people seeking advice Are at the most basic level , it's interesting that even persons with down syndrome seem to figure it out on their own it's not rocket science it's just about communication
You made a brave call to do a video on this subject. It's such a difficult and fraught topic, but clearly critical for relationships.
thank you. I really appreciate it. it’s not perfect but I felt it was an important consideration
Frieda - As a father of religious daughters, I've witnessed the difficulties each had as a result of the way they were instructed on tznius. Two of three (at least) took time and counseling to consummate their marriage. Needless to say, having been raised in less religious families, we couldn't really relate. Fortunately all married well, and things have worked out well. Thank heavens for caring professionals.
I love this conversation. I am a devout Christian and we as a church care a lot about our couples sex life. Not because we want to know. Only because we want strong healthy marriages. Sex is a part of that. If you enjoy your spouse intimate sex is part of the relationship.
I notice the majority of the negative comments are from people using incognito mode. I find that to be quite interesting.
Frieda I love your content! Coming from an ultra orthodox woman, I can’t relate to the ills which Peggy is talking about. She seems to be very biased with her own trauma. We were taught about the beauty of modesty and that the ultimate goal
Is to save our body for our husband. It’s frustrating to have someone speak for you and for it to be complete lies
This is so sad. But so true, and so needed. Thanks for spreading awareness and helping so many people.
❤️
There’s a lot of discussion on “miscommunication.” As a regular follower of Frieda and a non-Jew I get the sense that this isn’t miscommunication, it’s a lack of communication to begin with. This wouldn’t be a Hasidic issue per se. So many people don’t communicate at all as if it isn’t said it doesn’t exist.
so true!! communication is hard. it requires us to get vulnerable and potentially get very hurt!
Hi Frieda.
Just finished watching it. Another excellent episode. You really are very talented!
If I could nominate you for an award, I would.
Truly an excellent interview.
you are such a friend.
@ I feel lucky to have discovered you in this big world. Your good sense and caring heart are a real breath of fresh air.
Your parents should take pride that they were blessed with such a wonderful daughter.
I am so happy that you have reached more then 73k subscribers. I told you at our dec 21 interview that you will reach 50 k . I now predict that you will soon surpass 100k
soooo nice to hear from you my friend! it’s been quite a ride!
23:12
wow…. ☺️
Not Hasidic, not Jewish, but from Eastern Europe, only now am I finally understanding why, in my childhood, boys were always yelled at “get your hands out of your pockets!!!!”. It was considered bad manners, disrespectful. Girls did not wear pants. Few dresses or skirts had pockets. But oh Lord, if girls had their hands in the pockets of their skirts, they got yelled at too: “bad manners!!! Don’t be like a boy - get your hands out of your pockets!!!!” 😂 This forbiddance was always so weird to me: keeping our hands in our pockets was so comfortable when you had to be standing. Because otherwise, as a child we always were running somewhere. Going to the store for bread was a run for the bread. But if we had to stand in line, the hands would go into the pockets immediately.
This requirement of childhood was VERY weird, especially because the adults, men and women, did put their hands in the pockets whenever they felt like it. This is so comical to discover the possible sexual-reason prohibition (boys) and spilling over onto girls “just because”. The tyranny of adults….
I am 60+ 😂 Freida, the things you help me learn 🙏☺️🌿
fascinating!!!
This is a very good interview. She seems like an excellent counselor. Consider reducing use of air quotes.
So many blatant false blanket statements! Two or three year olds do not go to mikva in mainstream satmar. Groom and kalla teachers educate so much more than uou claim, mothers do teach their daughters about puberty. I could go on and on... are there issues and extremist like in every community? Absolutely! Just please dont make it sound like its mainstream or even very frum satmar
True
Not all mothers. I thought i was dying in 8th grade when i went to the bathroom in school and had no idea why i had blood all over my legs.
Also typical of chassidim going to providers who are not certified. She doesn't ate any formal college education.
@@efeld613 I'm so sorry for your experience, however that is not a typical experience in the community
@ that’s terrible for not telling your daughter and make her think she’s dying.
This conversation is helpful to everyone. Thank you.
thank you
this bothers me so much because I grow up in the community and they are super open unlike what Peggy is saying, we literally have a subject in school on modesty and it goes all in. also, my parents do show physical affection. and about the periods, everyone learned about it
100%
Cut the crap you're not from the community talked about here..
@@migili21 Im from that community, Peggy is making up stuff, to look much more open minded.
which community? I don’t know where there is sex ed in the community, I’ve never before heard this. how do parents show physical affection? never seen a Satmar Hasidic couple hug, kiss or hold hands in front of others. They do show other kinds of affection to each other for sure but not physical.
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn right, so its not on sex ed but it explains the reasons behind tznius very much
Thank you for being honest. Im not feeling so alone.
♥️
❤
It seems like you are talking a very specific sect of ppl. I'm a chassidish bais yakov girl. And I did not have this experience at all. Maybe because I didn't have a chassidish kallah teacher. And also I think things are very different by now even in this sect.
Satmar
There are chassidishe kallah teachers who are great, and some who are really uncomfortable themselves with teaching the "last class" and even send the kallahs to someone else for that. I had a lousy teacher, but she was who the "real" chassidishe girls went to, so I thought well of course that's who I should go to. She did a lot of damage to so many new marriages. But there are younger women teaching now, who have a different perspective, BH, and it's not always like that anymore.
exactly @dev_kg, I think this is the experience for people- it’s all about how liberal the kallah teacher is that allows you to go into the marriage with a healthier sense of what to expect
Dont think this is typical I satmar either
I read a lot of comments here from what I presume to be Satmar community members that are defensive and even reference the book and/or movie "Unorthodox". Here's my opinion as an outsider:
I get it - that book was brutal (the movie was...well...meh). I also know that the book's author's experience was hers alone, and from exclusively her point of view (and if you don't think the author's experience is unique, just read her prologue). I sometimes find it hard to recognize the idea that someone else's experience and point of view can be so different from mine but still be valid.
My opinion is that Frieda Vizel's content in no way compares to 'Unorthodox", including this interview. I found her channel after reading the aforementioned book while seeking other points of view about Satmar, and I think she paints a picture of her (in some ways) former community that is positive and loving and nuanced and affectionate and admiring.
Speaking only for myself, I think the defensiveness, while understandable, is not useful, especially in light of the framing provided starting at 0:47.
thank you so much for such a beautiful comment. I understand that people don’t like this discussion but it really really doesn’t come for me from a place of wanting to say “these people are all wrong”. I deeply believe that we have our challenges no matter the society.
So many false statements, from moms that don’t educate about cycles to the lack of education prior to marriage. All couples part of the human race Jewish or not, will need to learn about each other, explore, evaluate and communicate to create a relationship and a beautiful sex life. In addition to expanding their experiences as they evolve in their relationship.
A mom in our community who doesn't educate her children about their cycles is considered abusive or at least neglectful. If it's suspected that a mother won't do it, many times an older sister or aunt will step in and explain it. It's definitely not the norm!
@@beans4853 yes and as a teen, I only know one girl whose mother didn't tell her and that's because she got her cycle very early
My grandma had this experience 60 yrs ago, it's totally not happening now.
Hi Frieda. I live in williamsburg, Brooklyn, and see you on your tours regularly. I am a big fan and appreciate your work!
I do think that this topic is taboo in the whole world. Look at the many secular schools who still have dialogue and conversations as to where the to draw the line in sex ed.
I was born and raised in the Satmar community and I can speak from my experiences. I was perfectly well educated on puberty and also Kallah classes. My husband, whom I love dearly, and whom I have a wonderful sex life and emotional connection with, was also well educated and taught. It's true that we never kissed before the wedding night but we were both into each others and showed interest and desire for each others right from the get go. Of course the wedding night was a bit awkward, as I'm sure it is for most couples having sex for the first time. My parents also guided me and taught me some tricks of the trade to enhance my marriage, and they were always there for advice and kept a respectful distance.
And we, just like most couples, learnt to spice things up and communicate our desires as time went on.
Also, the friends I grew up with don't share the experiences your guest details.
Regarding showing public displays of affection. I think it keeps our intimate life sacred and special.
And we did see our parents communicating in a way that portrayed immense respect and true love, although it was rarely ever physical.
The example of not wiping a dust off a spouse's shoulder is extreme by any measure.
I guess it's different nowadays than it was when you both were growing up?
It does seem like maybe Peggy wasn't the right candidate for this conversation.
How odd is it to have an unmarried women, who can't quite remember how many yrs she's been divorced, on as an intimacy coach.
Also, I think your guest has painted the pic of the community with a strong bias. Peggy has that rebellious streak she's explaining about some girls from the community she left. .
And I question how qualified and effective she is as an intimacy coach.
Great work Freida!
Not sure you noticed but she doesn’t appear to be religious therefore she can have sexual experience even while not being married.
I appreciate your comment a lot. I will say I have seen a lot of non physical intimacy between Hasidic couples and that children learn so much from that: I don’t think not seeing physical intimacy is a big deal, or that children need to see it to be able to go on to loving relationships.
Totally get that, I do think however, that intimacy in a marriage is understandably completely different than in a relationship with no commitment. Jewish or not.
Also the premise of the title makes it seem like this is the general correlation between sex and piety. Being that there's not much positive exposure on this community, discussions like these, are how the stereotypes on this community is formed. Maybe the title should be something like An intimacy counselor's view on sex in the Jewish community.
@NerdyNancy-e8b well, how would you know
FYI no one was talking about your personal experience our community is lacking alot of sex education. Like it or not, it is what is and you know it
I am quite saddened by this interview. I am also disturbed by the scant education this woman considers adequate.
What do you mean?
The ‘therapist’ has no strong education or licensing in sex therapy - or therapy, for that matter. Her communication skills are lacking in English. I find her untrustworthy.
@karenavey2183 she isn't a therapist. She is a coach. She doesn't give therapy. She guides people who turn to her because of her knowledge and ability to relate to them , since she once was part of that world. Her accent is because her first language probably wasn't english.
does she have to be everything and know everything in order to gently coach couples into talking about their sexual frustrations?
It has to be difficult to marry someone you only met a few times. I could not imagine being married off to someone I hadn’t known for an extended period of time.
I did it. I did speak to my husband and once a week during our engagement for about 30 minutes. We also hand wrote letters to each other every few days . I’m married 24 yrs and we did not have a hard time . Our first year of marriage was awesome .
@ It’s good that it worked for you. Congratulations for your 24 years of marriage.
that’s so wonderful
Commitment to a person also creates this safe loving environment for two otherwise strangers to become loving spouses. Also more often that not do we see ppl who dated for yrs and once they get married they're actually surprised at whom they married. Ppl evolve and change over time, so we can never know for certain who the person we're marrying Wil turn out to be. Humans can essentially love all humans if we commit to one another. As long as they come from a well adjusted background and are kind hearted ppl and your values align. The fact is that there are far fewer divorces in this community and ppl have flourishing fulfilling exciting and passionate sex lives.
Hi Frieda.
At point 30:00, the current state of affairs for most is not talking and no bonding!
To emphasize, that is ignoring the upper level covenant we have from Avraham and Sarah.
And if I can refer to your related video reviewing the “Chassan and Kallah classes”, it doesn’t follow the model established for the Yichud Room after the marriage.
Meaning, so lock the door. You are alone. Make each other comfortable. Have something to eat and drink. Talk to each other about how it was for them up to that point and do your best to reassure each other that they are wonderful. Put each other at ease.
This is serving G-d with joy.
If the wife feels confused or uneasy about having her breast groped, then the answer is for sure not more secular confusion. That's his opportunity to take it slow and share with her the holy wisdom שירי שלמה. That's all the foreplay you need in 8 chapters. I'm gonna say it clearly and frank. These kinds of women respect the role of the rabbi for intimacy issues as least as they respect him for Mesader Gittin. They're jealous of the American golden calf policy of "no fault divorce"
I’ve always thought of a Mikva lady as clinical, just doing a job. Sort of like a doctor or nurse.
Yes! Exactly that was my experience.
Same. The mikva lady is like my esthetian doing my full body laser etc. I do find mikva as a relaxing time. And so so exciting!
The title is misleading. Much talk about intimacy, but the 'modesty, religion, piety' was glaringly absent.
There was no need to inquire if she has Rabbinical guidance as no rabbi would ever sanction an unmarried woman conducting sessions one-on-one with married men who often admit to becoming aroused by their discussions!
Also the advocating of contraception for first year of marriage and encouraging watching pornagraphic material '"together'", clear violations of Halacha and modesty, make it obvious that this 'coach' is the wrong address for couples who were poorly educated / informed prior to marriage. They should be going to a therapist who has the appropriate training and credentials as well as one who receives Halachic guidance.
I enjoy this channel very much, but this interview crossed many red lines ....
I think some couples want to go to a secular coach and then take that information and decide what their religious line is.
I have heard religious coaches/therapists also permit pornography together however it is not voiced publicly as here.
what I meant by the title was that this was about how intimacy relates to a community of modesty and piety. perhaps I can be clearer in the title.
0:28 how do we find or reach out to Peggy? I can't find her on Instagram.
instagram.com/pegreenfeld/profilecard/?igsh=b3phcjU3M3owZXUz
Great conversation. Thank you!
thank you!!! 💕
I was afraid, that this one will be edited again, but thx G.d only at the start.
Regarding the comments you hit the soft spot of many, in one or the other direction. Good job!!! 👍💪👏👏👏
Still a taboo topic today. I watched a french documentary on the s.x topic among joung adults, and the resulta and statements were also catastrophic in the oposit way. About the demands of knowledge and practice both men and women should posses from the first time on....and so on.
So not knowing anything or knowing too much makes it difficult to develop your own avarenes of your needs and desires (because of the peer preassure).
Have a nice afternoon and greetings from across the ocean. 🤗
Yes, Spela you are always so wise! I agree with you so much there's so much dysfunction everywhere because having loving sex is hard, it requires a lot of trust, and usually us humans can have painful experiences in so many different contexts. It's okay, it's part of being human, right?
Happy to edit videos very lightly - I'm so totally agreeing with you on this.
Just to make things clear. No 2 or 3 year old goes to the mikvah. Where she took that from, is anyone's guess. They start at bar mitzvah and if anyone takes their child b4, its the exception, not the rule. Please try not to spread falsehood.( I mean Peggy) And please verify before you go public with things. Thank you.
Not a lot but there are plenty of 11-12 year old's that go on erev shabbos to the MIkvah
Taking young boys to mikvah in the community that Peggy comes from is blatantly false. She absolutely knows this.
@@ccdmyddyes. But she said little kids 3 and 4 yr olds
@ccdmydd 11 12 is not 2 or 3... ridiculous t even say that
@@lindaversil1121 The age when people start taking their boys to mikvah varies, every dad makes their own decision
"she has to 'be with this guy she 'don't even know'...." Well... she chose him, no...?!!!!! If she chose him, I'm sure she liked him or at least knows him a little... No? This whole thing is crazy! Just to bash us
She didn't choose him. He was chosen for her. At the night of the wedding he's practically a total stranger to her. They aren't even allowed to speak during the engagement!
52:30 with this I strongly need to disagree
The biggest mistake in today’s culture is you think you need to fall in love at first sight or be attracted at first sight
which is not true love is built through hard work, communication passionate about your partner, helping and listening to him/her being there for one to each other
Like this, you build a good and healthy relationship not something that’s holding up just for a few years only for a lifetime
very good point!
Dear Frieda...I can't believe that it is really reality in a community that is part of one of the most developed countries in the world. I am just speechless..😮
32:50 This raises a question for me; what are Hasidic attitudes towards annulling a marriage for lack of consummation? Is that allowed?
no clue!! I’d like to know as well
I just don’t understand how you can give out Marriage and intimacy advice being that you are divorced. Plus I see many loving warm marriages amongst Hasidic that are loaded with respect and intimacy
that is quite low of you
In other words, she has no real qualifications. So I'm not interested in her discussion. I'm an evangelical, not a Hasidim person, but I can tell when someone knows what they are talking about. Or not.
I'm chassidic, and I took her with about a tablespoon of salt. Not that I haven't seen similar issues in couples I've known, but that her "coaching" is not necessarily the healthiest way, as there could be many other issues going on. Also, some of the things that she brushes off as not being issues in Jewish law, in fact are, and there should be a discussion with a rabbinic authority. She is in no position to recommend birth control or sexual positions or specific activities or anything else.
"Rules and regulations." I like how she says it. What else are you supposed to learn in chason kallah classes? Everything else, you'll figure out on your own, just like every other woman and man who have gotten intimate. Halacha, by definition, teaches one how to have sex the "kosher" way. The system works just fine! Stop "un-orthodoxing" us....!
why are you posting from multiple accounts, it’s confusing
What do you mean?
"aren't taught 'how to put it in'" lol! Every boy and girl at the park figure it out just fine, "where to 'put it in'.. But some how we have to be "un-orthodoxed- again!"
You have good chutzpah. I love that you address unusual and sensitive topics. Peggy was very interesting. How does she get her clients?
I think word of mouth
Frieda how do you deal with all these hateful comments?? Does it effect your mood? And how do you take the time to respond to them all? I guess you wanna create conversation around the topics? I'm amazed
I’m first of all feeling sad that people are so hard on Peggy who strikes me as truly heartfelt and trying to help. I feel that dismissing someone on account of their credentialing is so sad. We should evaluate a person based on what they say and offer. Many people with great training are not good at their work after all. I’m not dismissing the value of training, but I also think what credentials Peggy has shouldn’t be the basis on which her value is defined.
I kind of expected heat from this one because it is quite the dark side of things. until now, I’ve always been careful to show the full picture, the good and bad, and this video is really skewed to the bad. So while it’s a shame that people are so upset with me (I got private messages as well) I’m grateful that they are engaging in dialog instead of screaming at me. All in all most people have voiced their disagreement fairly civilly and I’m grateful.
That says: the comments section is an emotional roller coaster for me and it’s part of the job. Sometimes when I have a personal life priority I will just not he able to deal so I will not look at the comments for a bit.
thanks for your very sweet question.
Yea I was gonna say, have someone read the comments and summarize them for you so that you get the general feedback and you don't have to deal with the anxiety.
I’m following Peggy for a really long time on instagram. She so doesn’t come across as heartfelt. Her replies are inauthentic. A way to bait clients and gain more exposure.
Hi again Frieda.
At 55:30, you are broaching the subject of individuals with homosexual inclination.
This is a much broader topic than can be contained in this message. But the first emphasis is to bear in mind what the Torah teaches generally.
That G-d creates every aspect of existence, including those whose biological urge is toward homosexuality.
People like this are not cursed or deviant, but only another variant in the spectrum of G-d’s creation.
Just like any other person, they face their own unique tests from the Creator of us all and their challenges in life.
For people like that, for Jews like that, they have to work out how they will resolve their connection to G-d’s first, general commandment to all living things. Namely that they are to conceive and bear children and reproduce the species and increase our diversity.
That the reality is that physically, that is only possible through heterosexual relations. And to keep in perspective that individually, if they consider removing themselves from that mitzvah, they are not only cutting themselves off, but all the biological diversity of all the generations which led to and resulted in them.
That each of them, individually, is a unique repository of the sum of all their ancestors. By cutting off that line, they are also cutting off all those who led to them.
That is a tremendous loss, literally whole worlds.
And so, the best course of action is to find a way to preserve the treasure, the contribution that they hold.
Wow. I haven’t got that far in the video yet. But that was one of the best reconciliations of same sex attraction and a Torah lifestyle I have ever heard.
I was supporting her intentions up until this point, Jim. I don't think any parents would survive שׁוֹאה if they could know that in a century's time their descendant would become so pagan that homosexuality is able to stick in there subconsciousness and other secular Jews would at all tolerate such disorder. Next thing you know, we're gonna be making accommodations to the "unequal weights and measures community". There wasn't even a Yiddish word for homosexuality back then.
Sadly enough, she is spiritually ignorant of how pornography is consequently possession of the adversary upon her ministry. Because reality is that sex is intimate🤌we are dumber than fools for trying to disagree with Hashem about it. Witnessing coitus for sexual gratification or trying to synthesize those feelings from others to ourselves is worse than David just fantasizing about Bathsheba as she bathes.
I never want my daughter using the kind of pornographic language she is so accustomed to, like 🤐"blowjob". Fellatio is the correct and only terminology. What "job" lol? This is not a business obligation. If it were a job, you couldn't do it on Shabbat, Yah forbid. I bet she doesn't even know that sex is the holiest on Shabbat.
Nobody is interested in "squirting" besides porn addicts and the apostles that you are training. You're manipulating the vagina to target the bladder by forcing it to constrict and empty itself. Ya know a real man says,☝️"if you want to try the squirts so bad you won't leave me alone about it, then if you use the bathroom on the bed and ruin my linen👀on lila shabbat, I'm sentencing you to 3 hours in the mikveh".
How sad that young gay men are forced to marry, are unable to come out to their family. How very very sad.
How sad that young gay men are forced to marry, are unable to come out to their family. How very very sad.😊
fantastic interview
I dunno know, men and women, Jewish and non-Jewish, have been figuring it out since we animals settled on sexual reproduction as the way to go about propagating ourselves. In fact, we've become so good at it there's almost 8 billion of us on the planet earth!
But if you grow up in a religion where there is a huge amount of purity culture, a necessity to cover up and never undress Infront of anyone else and complete ignorance of their own bodies and that of the opposite sex it causes a lot of problems! Many people from these kinds of communities have real problems having sex at all, or are in marriages where the women never enjoy it and dread when their husbands want to do it.
This is like that older lady Dr Ruth that used to do sex counseling back in the 80s
The one I remember is Talk Sex with Sue. I think it was Oxygen network??
Dr. Ruth Westheimer. Notable sex therapist, talk show host, academic, author. (Dr. Ruth) passed in July this year, 2024, at the age of 96. May her memory be for a blessing.
Dr. Ruth was an actual doctor. Peggy is not.
@Dev_KG is she a licensed counselor ? I didn't hear her or Freida say that.
@@SLICK-GLN meh - Peggy stated she has a 'certificate.'
I don't want to bring any1 down here but most of this stuff that peggy says is not true at all. Just because she happened to think she's open minded and knows it all she is far from right. There is not as much as sex education as there should be but there is so much education today's days on emotional intimacy which if this is learnt then automatically there is so much real deeper connection and the sex just becomes real and will improve with time. Who says you have to know everything from the first day. How about the couple learn and experiment together. This just builds so much of a deeper connection. Sex is not everything in a marriage. If there isn't emotional depth and connection after just a short amount of years the couple ends up cheating on each other because the sex is boring due to having done it all. Yes we should be giving our children a little bit more of a comfortable feeling in there bodies and teach them the importance of protecting it so that they do not experience rape or sexual abuse as young adults but no we should not teach them every detail about all the stuff that the p*** stars are excelling because not every person should think that that's how life has to look like. Marriage is so much more then this. I'm sorry peggy but you also are coming from a rebellious point of view and the information you put forth here is mostly incorrect even though some of it is true it is exaggerated.
There are so many thousands of very chassidosh religious couples who have absolutely amazing relationships, emotionally , physically sexually. And yes marriage is hard work it's about working on one's self constantly. Good sex does not fix it all. It definitely helps but is not the cure. To all those people out there who feel the same as me, and do have great marriages it's your hard work learning and listening that built your marriage. And to those who are not there yet, it's okay you will get there. Your not naive if you haven't managed to accomplish some sexual acts.... this will come with time. Don't let the people around you make you feel a loser. Your doing great. Sending you all ❤
Great point
interesting comment about deemphasizing sex as the be all end all
Tell me you have nothing else t talk about on social media. How about getting undresses in front of a Dr. How about a gynecologist? I think that this discussion is distasteful! Meanwhile marriages like this can last longer than those people who live together for years b4 they get married. What she is saying can happen in any commu ity.
Many chassidic women prefer going to female doctors. I'm not one of them, but I know lots of women for whom this is a big deal.
I don’t follow your comment about getting undressed in front of the gyno. what she is talking about can definitely definitely happen anywhere
As a therapist she is getting to see the more problematic cases. But in general, her descriptions are spot on.
Frieda is an excellent interviewer by the way.
I think not only is she seeing the more problematic cases, people who are frustrated with their intimate life will probably describe their sex education as more dramatically lacking and perhaps direct resentment to how they were raised and prepared for marriage
She's not a trained therapist. Unfortunately in the chassidic world, people will choose a "therapist" more on the basis of the person "understanding where we are coming from" than actual qualifications, and this does an enormous amount of damage in issues not being professionally addressed. In addiction, she's speaking with an authority she simply doesn't have on what is and is not a question for a rabbinic scholar.
@@Dev_KG So what! People get advice and information from all sorts of places (including porn and the recess time at girls' schools. Are the kallah and chossan teachers educationally qualified or are they well meaning men and ladies from the community?
@ chosson teachers are rabbis with expertise in Jewish laws relevant to marriage, and the good ones are good mentors for these very young men. The kallah teachers, similar. They also consult with each other to make sure they are teaching on the same page (this is relatively new btw, to make sure the guys and girls learn the same interpretations of the laws in their community), and these days also consult with therapists, specialists in abuse, and medical issues that can play a role. I have multiple friends who teach kallahs, and today many communities make a real effort to get young couples started the right way. There’s no “so what” about this.
@@Dev_KG Your concern about lack of true certification and, oh as long as they know the community, they'll be good. Well that's how Nechemya Weberman was allowed to operate.
This is like a heart surgeon claiming everybody has heart problems j7st because the ones with the issues are the ones he sees in his office all day...
exactly, she only sees the ones who had to go through those experiences but they don't apply to everyone
Love this analogy!
She actually acknowledged that there is selection bias to what she sees several times in the interview, as did Frieda.
great interview, as usual! if you're still looking for people raised in high-control religious environments to interview (I think you posted in the community tab a while ago about this), I would love to listen to you in conversation with jenna miscavige. she's a scientology/sea org survivor with a great yt channel. would be a very interesting discussion, esp with the big differences in terms of the value (and lack thereof) placed on family/raising children.
I will look into her, thanks so much!
Seems that this topic is at a square -1 for Hasidim . OK .
There are so many steps to a square Advanced . Right ?
some chasidim it’s more advanced than for others
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Advanced in making pasta sauce with their own fingers ..... By the way *Sensitive content* is getting plenty of views . Congrats on that .
( My rating on listening to this Sensitive content is 16+ )
I know you're not historians, but I still wonder if you could find someone to comment about the novel Yoshe Kalb, by Israel Joshua Singer. It's partly a Martin Guerre story, but of interest here is that it's set against the background of a chassidic dynasty (Chernobyl?) maybe around 1900, and sex plays some critical parts. And in my opinion it's a great novel, I think more interesting than Singer's perhaps more praised other works.
Its a novel....
never heard of it!
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn I. J. Singer has fallen into obscurity, I think undeservedly. Or maybe just that novel undeservedly. Let me add that sexual inexperience and mismatch are issues in the story.
@friedavizelbrooklyn Hi Frieda your one of my favorite interviews on the chassidish community I feel like you want to get the truth out and you don’t have something against the chassidish community, I love the topics that you bring up especially this topic was really interesting. I just really wish you interview somebody who is a part of the community and didn’t leave the community. I felt like a lot of things that she was saying was the majority but the minority of the chassidish community, There’s so much beauty about the intimacy oh the Jewish people and the Hish community your i
Your interview with Perel was so beautiful and she was coming from a place of love Would you please redo this interview with somebody? Who’s coming from the community not who left the community
it’s super hard to get people to agree to be interviewed! that’s the issue!
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn right I hear that
I might have some leads after this - will see
Porn also creates insecurity in wives- is he making love to me or thinking about the lady in the movie or picture.
It can, but not always. This is why it is important to talk about your insecurities. If one realizes that this is a thought of theirs, then they need to communicate it with their partner. Perhaps not watching porn should be a solution. Perhaps he really isn’t and a discussion is needed to relieve insecurities. Perhaps another solution is in order. For instance, my partner and I like to write erotic stories for each other. Then you are imaging each other in the scenes. The main is to be open and honest about your insecurities.
Cute-you're
still in the 80s. Nowadays lots of women have problems addiction themselves
I’m not a fan of porn but sadly we live in a society where many women have to accept that their men watch porn. so if they like it or not they often have to deal with the reality that they are being held against unrealistic standards. very sad
I like this idea
This was really good
thank you for watching and your kindness
Jewish or not, it seems that if you happen to like "the boring missionary" (as Peggy put it), you are the poor narrow minded person. And what if you just don't care about s*x that much? May be the biggest taboo of our time when you are expected to do a whole repertoire of things and to have a closet full of toys.
I never want my daughter using the kind of pornographic language she is so accustomed to, like 🤐"blowjob". Fellatio is the correct terminology, unless your rabbi has a better one. What "job" lol? This is not a business obligation. If it were a job, you couldn't do it on Shabbat, Yah forbid. I bet she doesn't even know that sex is the holiest on Shabbat.
Nobody is interested in "squirting" besides porn addicts and the apostles that you are training. You're manipulating the vagina to target the bladder by forcing it to constrict and empty itself. Ya know a real man says,☝️"if you want to try the squirts so bad you won't leave me alone about it, then if you use the bathroom on the bed and ruin my linen👀on lila shabbat, I'm sentencing you to 3 hours in the mikveh"!
I’m with you all the way on this. Peggy comes from a very “sex poz ” perspective which I think often favors male perspective over female perspective (altho not as a rule of course!)
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn That's only mildly offensive to us, because the Tanakh is not sex negative😁. It's just diligently against the perversions of sex, right, so I don't favor her work in our community for men. Peggy would have to admit that King Solomon is a "softcore female pornography author" lol. The Jewish sexual assault rate is 12% in aggregate, that's half as lower than the general public, and four times lower than in the Muslim community. A "nosy rabbi" is as useless as an agile livestock guard dog. I'd much rather get the bedroom game run down from a younger rabbi who has conceived children within the past decade. I'm addicted to those Orthodox dating reality shows, btw☺️ The guys do need to be taught how to be smooth and overconfident for sure. Ya only got 10 minutes! I can make anyone love me for 10 minutes. What we can really use are personal trainers. Unless you are a shorter fellow, a man is not sub 200 lb🫰There's that blood flow she was talking about.
Freida, you are wonderful.
🥹🥹
What she is pointing out is mostly true and by saying mostly i mean the 3 year old mikvah thing in absolutely not but she is also failing to point out that she is talking about 1 in a 1000 while from the way she is putting out there it seems like evrey one has the same experience
Keep in mind she will only meet the couples that had terrible experiences which is sad but she doesn't meet with general public that a normal choosen kalah class
How can I find your guest’s RUclips channel?
she is only on instagram
Im going to be honest and say i was disappointed with this interview. Even with your disclaimer at the start, having an unmarried ex-chasidic person on to talk about such a sensitive topic is quite distasteful. You're an anamoly in how respectful and unbiased you present topics. Most in your position (as did your interviewee) keep throwing out blanket statements of stereotypes as though that's the norm. I really don't see the benefit of this conversation
I hear you. I feel that a lot of what Peggy says and does is valuable even if I think I would frame certain issues differently than she does. I am not sure how Peggy’s marital status plays a role here, can you explain?
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn how is what she is doing valuable when she has no licensing besides a course? This is a sensitive issue and she seems to be well meaning but misguided in a big way. How would her marital status not be applicable when guiding people regarding marriage? And if she's sexually active outside of marriage, that would disqualify her even more. Since those relationships are completely different. Had she been a licensed therapist, then her personal status would have no bearing on her work since she would get adequate training and supervision
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn I can see what this commenter means. Who knows what she went thru in her own marriage and divorce. She is not a trained therapist, and there's no way to know the extent to which she is able to separate her experience from those of her clients. I know kallah teachers who have beautiful marriages, and they are the people I trust on these issues.
How do Hasidic people have access to porn if only kosher cell phones and computers are allowed? Or are we presuming that people break the taboos anyway? Who would introduce them to porn??
@beans4853 you have to look at this issue with an open mind. She's helping hundreds of couples in unhappy marriages, why dwell on her personal life?
This guest was pleasant but lacked authority. Her views offered no therapeutic or moral insights, nor were they from a beneficial husband-wife perspective.
Her approach was flawed, excessively focusing on sex, including explicit topics like blow jobs (prohibited in Jewish law) and promoting porn (a halachic violation).
Considering Judaism's stance on birth control, yichud (private meetings between men and women), and other prohibitions, her actions are unacceptable. No reputable authority would condone this behavior.
Your bravery in tackling the subject head-on was admirable. Verdict: Take it down.
do you think her sessions are violation of yichud by definition? what if the door is open?
No. Unacceptable. particularly men's private meetings with her on explicit subjects, this is unacceptable. No reputable authority would condone such behavior. This is even self-understood. Anybody with half a brain what agree to this. Including you. So let's not play pretend and go pick around with his friend of yours. She's less than admirable and not that desirable in her theories.....@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn
No. For the following reasons: A private meeting between men and her on explicit topics where we get aroused, Biblical law prohibits such interactions, hands down.
She's openly promoting illicit behavior, defying rabbinic authority on every level. This is against halacha, plain and simple.
Why give her a platform to make statements directly against rabbinic authority? What's the purpose of this podcast?
She's not dealing with Halacha and explicitly says so. She's simply helping helpless people that got married by our broken shidduch system
I am still so confused why a parent wouldn't sit a child down in private to explain what to expect. They have each been there, seen that, experienced that same awkward feeling. Why not try to help your children? This has baffled me for years
Yes, well... I am not from Jewish background, but my mother would not discuss such things. She was and is embarrassed to talk about anything like that, and relied on s'eggs ed at school. Getting my first period? Finding/buying my first bra? I was on my own. 😞
@@thekingsdaughter4233 I hear you. Mine was borderline the same but when asked, she did kind of talk to me. I also got a book about life changes. That was the way... then. Times have changed.
I know, right? Maybe because they think it'll be hard for the child to then picture their parents engaging in this way
@@ninagerulski8832 while not Jewish , reluctant to discuss relations between men and women ,depending on your generation ,was not uncommon. I vividly remember being very curious how babies were made. ( they come from the stork had fizzled out very early on). Well, I thought I had figured it out and told my mother so. I told her how a woman had a baby ( I did know women got pregnant and gave birth , just did not know how they got pregnant ) was she went to the doctor and if she wanted a boy he gave her some blue medicine to take and if she wanted a girl he give her pink medicine to swallow. My mother confirmed that yes indeed I had figured out how women got pregnant !! I believed this for years ! (admittedly how Adam and Eve got together to have babies did not fit into this paradigm very well, ) but my mother had confirmed my “ revelation “ as correct so I just figured to get things started God intervened with a miracle. Can you imagine my surprise when I found out the truth !
Betty that story is hilarious!!!
Dear Ms. Vizel,
It seems like Satmer gets a lot less sex-ed ~and Halakha on the matter~
Here's where I am different; I grew up with violent Sephardic preachers.
In their sermons sex is the main topic, or the mystical part of it anyway.
The Hell part to be more specific
Stories about how the thoughts thought during the act,
effect the expected child (I.E prideful thougts make homosexual children).
Many many variants on that story. (see KSA: Modesty and Good Traits)
Then there are the health consequences of sexual intercource:
-It supposedly makes you age faster (KSA: Modesty, Health)]
(causes bad breath, tooth decay, acing limbs, hair loss, loss of sight and hearing)
-Overindulging makes you shameless (Modesty)
-It should ideally only be done for reproduction. (Serving Heaven)
-Semen are a man's life force, so anything that can drain it should be avoided,
such as too much excercize, alcohol, fatty foods and stress.
Manish Friedman said haveing too much sex leads to impotence.
That means the penis stops working.
The desire for sex:
-Women cannot directly ask for it, but may seduce their husbands.
-However, men are strictly forbidden from looking at their wives. (except when dating)
Under the pain of haveing their eyes gouged or stabbed out.
-Men can sleep with their wives if sinfull thoughts are getting the upper hand.
(nothing about wives haveing sinfull thoughts)
-Women may sing for their husbands, but only when they are "pure" (citation needed)
And any woman who transgresses on those is halakhically seen as a prostitute (modesty)
Men who transgress are shameless, and can expect humiliation as a punishment.
The mystical realm:
God supposedly takes every sperm cell wasted, and grows it into a thing.
The thing has the right to punish the man who fathered it, and can do so either in life, or after it.
(Tikkun Habrit is a source, not the one I learned it from, but a source none the less)
Women who dress immodestly get either chopped into goulasch, and stewed for their unborn;
~Which is a Chassidic story, maybe even by Nahman of Breslev~
Or reincarnated as cows, to feed the men they seduced. ~Some qabalist told me this~
I don't know whether I got this right, or all wrong, all I know is I can't sleep.
Someone please help me!
I'm about 2/3 in to this clip , what I feel is lacking is a discussion about building the couple's general communication and emotional intimacy because especially for women physical intimacy is connected to emotional intimacy....talking before and / or after physical relations doesn't have to be about the physical relationship but general "pillow talk" . What bothered me about this interview-Too much emphasis on mechanics rather than emotions.
Another piont I wish to add the whole pornography discussion:
It is forbidden to watch animals mating - קל וחומר - even more so other humans!!! It's one thing anonomical diagrams to explain mechanics another using films or pictures of others (outside the couple to arrouse) . Again this is too much emphasis on the act itself and "pleasure" and not enough on building a healthy trusting bond between the couple.
This is against the Jewish outlook on marriage - that sex is part of a sacred bond between the couple and not simply ameans for individual pleasure.
Not sure I'm expressing this effectively.
I think that's because the guest is not a trained therapist. She's teaching them how to do things, but she's not really prepared to help them work on real issues. As a chassidic woman, I find her work concerning.
it’s very clear to me what you’re saying. as a feminist I think this type of discussion often (but not always) centers male perspective and desire. which is legitimate and important in a marriage, but only a piece of the marriage. I think it’s often good for couples to go to someone for guidance in sex but working on the intimacy that builds to healthier sex is a whole other thing. I think there’s room for Peggy’s work even if it just touches on the sexual piece or things
I truly feel like your work has nothing to do with being raised Hasidic. There will be people in every community in the world that lacks common sense. Intimacy is natural and humans have been enjoying it for centuries.. there are always a select few people who need extra help or coaching in every aspect of life including intimacy. It bothers me that it’s made out to be a “ Hasidic” orthodox thing.
intimacy is natural, but nowhere in nature is it surrounded with prohibitions, thousands of rules and intense shame. if a culture hides every trace of intimacy and forbids knowledge of it until the days before marriage then that culture has set up its members for failure and suffering. it is not at all unique to the hasidic community, but deflecting like that is whataboutism. btw nice victim blaming.
On your way to 100K
very slowly and steadily. thank you!!
53:00 like Peggy says you can be attracted when she’s 19 but not when she’s 40 the only way to stay connected is through hard work on understanding each other
Rules and regulations." I like how she says it. What else are you supposed to learn over there? Everything else, you'll figure out on your own, just like every other woman and man who has ever gotten intimate. Halacha, by definition, is how to live your life in a Jewish way. The system works just fine! Stop "un-orthodoxing" us....!
Wow totally agree
The system obviously doesn't work fine at all. Most couples are in bad shape.
23:41 so on the spot any ideas for men who feel like that?
She doesn’t sound like a well educated professional, and is mostly trying to promote her business rather than having a fruitful conversation about the community issues.
I too find it very sad how in the dark these young women and men are when it comes to their own bodies and their sexuality. Especially when children come into the picture so soon after marriage. The man and woman barely know themselves and are having a hard time relating. How could the children not feel this lack of connection?
some couples are really connected. and when they are not surely the children feel it
Thank you @FriedaVizelBrooklyn This was fascinating and refreshing
This was and important conversation with such an openhearted approach. It feels healing to see this.
And I’m sure it is incredibly helpful to many!
(Even just feeling acknowledged and having their experience validated)
Let alone for many who are finding out about @Peggy’s wonderful work and are able to change their marriage for the better thanks to this! It changes every one of their children’s lives too!
It is beyond our imagination how far the positive impact can be
If most of this is true its true strictly ONLY in the Satmar community. Its true im not involved in Satmar itself so cant argue the facts, but this is definitely NOT what goes on in any other Jewish community by a far stretch.
I can't tell you - perhaps others can chime in. I think the Williamsburg Hasidic community - Satmar or not - is very similar. I do think Peggy sees the worst of things.
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn yes okay could be ....I think of Williamsburg as all Satmar........when I say otherwise I mean any other Jewish community.
So untrue. The same occurs in many chaddish sects and even yeshivish (non hadisik far right) sects as well.
@raylew311 anything can happen anywhere. All these problems are big problems in the secular world as well as can be seen by the quantity of sex therapists around. There will always be more prudish people, sensory people, OCD people. All sorts of problems. Question is where the problem may be endemic or promoted by society. I don't know about other chassidish sects. I just don't know so can't speak for it. I can only speak for Yeshivish circles where this lack of education is not something encouraged from the parents or the community and this ultra prudishness is not something present in most girls/guys.
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn not only Satmar. Ger, to name one, has very specific restrictions. I also have hosted (not taught) mikvah review classes and (a) there are so many women who didn't learn even the calendar correctly and (b) clearly the husbands were either watching things without the wives knowing or going to "sex workers" and then asking the wives to do things that were totally off their radar. There are issues, though I agree that her perspective is based on who she works with every day. I believe that if you would interview a Chabad kallah teacher (yes it's me your friendly neighborhood Lubavitcher, I changed my YT handle), you would get a million times different perspective.
"...some may say that he should hug her..." That is definitely not true!!! I don't know where they taught you, but, it's taught commonly, mainstream , that this is the basis of our religious obligation: to fulfill your wife's desires.
I think hugging and kissing is taught but not necessarily to fulfill the wife’s desires
There's a lot from the Rambam on this.
According to the way I was taught, pleasing one's wife is a central aspect of marital intimacy. I was taught to prioritize her satisfaction, prolonging the orgasm to ensure her needs are met.
I honestly don't see anything I can learn from her. Not halachically-it's quite the contrary! Morally, and in many other ways, the only thing we can learn from this perhaps is to take down and delete this offending material.
a lot of people I spoke to were not taught that. I also know a lot of people who were. it’s I think different for different people
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn Shulchan Oruch is Shulchan Oruch. If they weren't taught that, then the chosson/kallah teachers shouldn't be teaching, flat out.
Full of BULLSHIT (sorry for my language )I’m married for 15 years in the Satmar community.had to stop listening after few min.your probably dealing with extreme radical people of the community.this is far from reality. My teacher demonstrated exactly how what when and where……me and my husband which went to most popular teacher in Brooklyn discussed everything before .being intimate is fun! lovely! Which it’s meant to be ,without violating biblical standards.
I asked a lot of people. some people’s experiences were like yours (mine was!) some people’s were more extreme. I think that if people are unhappy sexually they might blame it on the system and come to Peggy with narratives that fault the system for their frustration, and so lean into all the faults of how they were raised. just a theory. there are definitely people who are not adequately prepared but I don’t know the percent
Very interesting especially since this community is known for having a lot of children. I guess having a lot of kids does not necessarily mean they have a great sex life
This is the minority problem cases. She is dealing with the issues. This is not mainstream at all
Part of the fact of many children is because Mikvah night (which is calculated based on the last day of a period + one week) often coincides with ovulation, and to be together on Mikvah night itself is a mitzvah (commandment). Even couples who aren't together the rest of the time until the next expected period will have been together at the most fertile time. Thus many children.
Lots of kids is a direct result of little birth control options / knowledge and the systemization of sex rather than an expression of love and natural occurrence.
@yf1954 we literally have access to all birth control options. We just value large families
@ the options are there and are utilized. In fact, in some communities there is a “general heter” meaning that a couple doesn’t have to consult a rabbi, to allow birth control no questions asked, in the first year. There are lots of reasons behind this, but the rabbis realize that building a relationship - or conversely, realizing that there are “irreconcilable differences” - are best dealt with before a child is involved. A very wise decision that acknowledges reality in our community.
So what is better? Starting at 12 or 14 with multiple partners of all genders? That's how the other half lives. Judaism presumes that the couple will treat each other in kindness and good humor and eventually find their groove.
Body autonomy and freedom Men minding their own business. Having sex at 12 or 14 is rape and a felony.
It’s not an either/or situation. Very few would argue that 12 or 14 year olds should have multiple partners of all genders. If the writer is Jewish and believes non Jews believe that would be normal should get some education. Promiscuity among teenagers is just as bad as pretending sexuality doesn’t exist.
@@lawrencemielnicki5643@lawrencemielnicki5643 I understand that they are actually having less sex now, but when I was in junior high, and even before, kids were experimenting, and by high school, some were acting out very much to their detriment. Until the pill, the rest of society was much more on board with premarital abstinence. Now that sexuality has been divorced from procreation, all hell has broken loose, and Satmar and a few other outlier communities are trying to block the floodgates.
the secular world definitely doesn’t have the answers and is full of dysfunction in so many ways.
Better is proper dating and not getting married to someone whom you know nothing about and didn't choose.
Love and attraction is extremely important in relationships. Children shouldn't be sentenced to spend their lives with someone they didn't even fall in love with
Sad about oppression in this
Community.
But this community not the only one.
Both Jewish and Non Jewish.
sexual issues and dysfunctions exist everywhere
Terrible info. And untrue. Unsubscribing!
🥲
Dont like it at all. Blow.....what. Sounds dirty and not at all about Jews Women or Men that love G-d ! How inappropiate and careless is it from a men to go to an other women to teach him how to behave on sex....such topic should spoken from men to men, women to women or elderly married that has kill immorality in there intimacy ! Frieda great hug to you. Love your personality. Blessings!
thanks for the hug, that was very kind.
I am - probably naivly - very surprised to hear about cheating. With whom would the men cheat, surely only with women outside of their community? And how would they even conceive that without bigger shame, and also how would they have access to those other women, or are they just going to professional ladies, also not available within the community, I assume?
cheating happens everywhere - with people inside or outside. humans are humans
Some of it is professionals, yes. I have a friend who, many years ago, was a "masseuse" and a large number of her "regulars" were chassidic men who had no idea she was even Jewish. They felt it was less of a sin bc (in their mind) she wasn't Jewish so they weren't with someone who had not been to the mikvah and thus didn't have the obligation of being ritually prepared for intimacy.
@Dev_KG thank you, interesting.
@@Dev_KGthey were on adult friend finder back in the day. They are definitely getting it from outside the community.
A copulation after-action review, advocated for at 29 minutes.
I don’t follow. care to explain?
💎
I think the prewedding education needs to be more open and honest and educational. Not only the physiological but the emotional aspects.
I’m thinking of publishing a video of how it’s taught - maybe it’ll get a more nuanced discussion going
Wonderful service this woman provides. Frieda, וואָס די העקן? An Easter basket? 😊
the basket is for my kittens who love to lie in it near me when I work!
@@FriedaVizelBrooklyn❤❤❤
מדהים
כל הכבוד
תודה לך
One more thing you are exploiting your own people in front of millions of people. Who are either not Jewish or unaffiliated. Why? To gain viewers I repeat this is a DISTASTEFUL!!! conversation. No I am not hassidic just a simple orthodox woman.
She is educating on truth. Seems these men don’t know how to @ make love “, how to arouse his new wife. And not knowing that breasts are touched and sucked is sad. .Thank goodness for my teenage years on Long Island.
Not really, I think these are valuable discussions, for lots of people including myself. I have the view that empathetic discussion about real life issues does not do harm; it connects us and it is relevant for all. I do get why you’d disagree. some people take an approach of “it should be kept private “ others that “talking about it openly is healthy and healing”. I fall into the latter camp.
Why close your mind ? If this woman can make a living being a sex counsellor then there is a need within these communities. What is wrong about discussing the subject sex ?
@FriedaVizelBrooklyn
Look there is nothing wrong with sex education. But not in a public forum though you gave a warning b4 the program. I am sure that some kids were watching it. You cannot stop it. One more thing. We have the mitzva of family purity which is a beautiful mitzva. Our ancestors went to the freezing River to do it. Also we have a way of life though not always perfect but it should be sanctified. I did not listen to everything but got the general idea. It was too explicit and in a way insulting to our society. Again I am not Hasidic yet It was a bit too much for a public forum.
@ education is never too much.