Why isn’t attachment theory a topic in school?!? Being able to understand this aspect of ourselves is incredibly useful for emotional regulation and development healthy relationships with others. It’s amazing how much sense this all makes.
Haha, because school is not meant to help you, but to train you to be a good little obedient citizen, dependent on the state. If you're interested, you can read John Holt, Ivan Illich, John Taylor Gatto. And Larken Rose.
Fun fact: If I slow this video down to 0.75x, it sounds like your videos now. I didn't realize you had worked so hard on your presentation. Very good work, ma'am! 😊
@@KentBuchla Captain obvious with the most useless comment of the day. Must be one of those secure types.. i came here to see if i was the only person having issues with the speed of her presentation. Great information but it's difficult to process at times. I think editing out the space between sentences and subjects is part of the issue, not her personal style to be clear.. Kent.
@@KentBuchla you are insensitive and mean. you should try to be more understanding of other people. i also hate america, but what does being american have to do with needing the presentation to slow down a bit so you can better understand what's being said? what is the point of being cruel to others on the internet like this? just get over yourself.
I just found Heidi's channel and watched a recent vid that really helped. I wanted more info on the difference attachment styles and it took me a minute to realize this is HER, its like a completely different person here (physically & energetically) and took me by surprise. I am grateful for her content and her presence 💚🙏
Amazing!! I thought I was a fearful-avoidant attachment style when in reality I have a secure attachment. This is the clearest explanation of attachment theory I have ever heard. Thank you so much, Heidi! :)
It doesn’t just have to be the parent who impacts the attachment style. It can also be an older sibling or other “authority-type” person close to them.
As an ENFP with an anxious attachment style, I’ve spent many years neglecting my needs of what makes me come alive, often repressing my true self to get love and attention from others. Struck gold with finding Heidi’s channel as she lays out what ENFPs need to be happy in other videos. My inner Si is taking lots of notes, Te is building a step by step self-healing program, Fi is obsessing over finding out what’s wrong with me, and Ne is sitting there bored as hell waiting for all this to get sorted out so the ENFP can go explore the world and have fun.
Really well said. I also have a lot of respect for Thais Gibson and her PDS. I also love that she was able to show me how to understand and love avoidant people for who they are, to respect their rich inner worlds, and to better understand my own avoidant side.
Awesome video-I’m curious to learn more about how trauma beyond the first few years of life can lead to shifts in attachment style. Thanks for all the work you for the analysis of self and others!
Hi Heidi! This is just a small (wish it could be more) gesture to thank you for all the knowledge that you have shared. I haven't found any other resource that helps me understand me and my surroundings as well as with your videos. Also, to suggest, if it is posible, to put some visual tags in between topics of the same video. I have ADD and it would be sooo helpful to have a little anchor for every time I get distracted. Cause IDK if it has passed 2 sec. or 5 min. 😅so I don't have to go back too much trying to look for the moment I got lost. If it's not too complicated, I've already watch most of your videos anyways haha. Again, big appreciation for your work, it has changed my life
Thank you for mentioning the vilification of avoidant at the end. I stumbled over a description about dismissive avoidant some time again & it fit me in ways that stung quite a bit. Since then I have been trying to gather bits of information here and there & absorb/accept it (not just dismiss it out of hand) But I am at a point where f.e. Instagram now keeps telling me how anxious people are amazing, deserve people that treat them & their needs well, while I am a piece of shit that does not deserve a single human relationship & should get over themselves RIGHT NOW. Which is pretty hurtful & demotivating. I have been trying to make the best of things & keep working on myself (even if it was not on the mental health portion of my life) for years, but apparently, that was for nothing. Nothing else encourages one so well to change as being told one is an inherently bad person (\sarcasm).
Now THAT is just a PHENOMENAL backdrop! On the left: a symbol of growth. On the right: the sunshine threatening to break-through from behind the clouds of attachment struggles. I'm sure this was intentional, right...?! Right?! :)
So glad you've been posting on RUclips, your content has been SO SO GOOD!!! Learning attachment theory through Personality Hacker podcast a few years so was life changing for me, and will be for others too. Was thrilled to see this topic pop up!
I wish I had found your videos long ago; they might have spared me a lot of heartache and disappointment. You are a great teacher. Thanks for your work here. All the best to you.
I always thought I had an anxious attachment style. I learnt that I’m fearful-avoidant. Thank you so much for this Heidi❤. I was so happy to find your RUclips… Over the years I’ve read all of your essays on thought catalog, they got me through really difficult moments In my life. I’m glad I found you here as well❤😃
I don't care that it's been two years but I'm still going to throw in a compliment 😘 that's beautiful what you've put together for us... ... the tree, and the photograph isn't bad either 😆 I hope you are well. Thank you VERY MUCH for your videos. You take care of YOU, and your inner child too ❤
Your set looks really great! It feels good to my eyes. All 3 things in the background (the squares of the door, the plant and the photo) are interesting to me and it feels good to look at them. They all feel relaxing to me rather than distracting.
I have listened to countless hours of your videos, and you have absolutely become a great resource for attachment styles and healing. Your videos are invaluable! ❤
Thank you very much for this video! I have been lost lately and been binging all of your content. When I watched this I realized I am mostly likely fearful avoidant. I exhibit all the classic behaviors - the only reason I’ve been able to stay in my current relationship is exactly because I “know we won’t be together forever”… Part of my feeling lost I think has to do with the inner child work I need to do, and while I’ve done some grief work in the last year, I think this is a piece I’ve been missing. I already reached out to a therapist today that works on attachment issues. Thanks again!
Hi! I'm an ENFP enby who found your channel after listening to the type talk podcast on spotify, and I just wanna say you have some incredible insight on the inner workings of damaged human psyches, and an excellent sense of decor when the mood strikes you lol. I had what 99% of first world people would call a rough childhood, and I still have the scars to prove it. I have no clue where I stand now that I'm no longer being drugged out of my mind, but I can say a year ago I was the textbook definition of an anxious-avoidant type with my ex's. I can recognize I have at least one healthy relationship with my best friend, but I consider myself aromantic because I don't think I'm capable of romantic love anymore due mostly to my mother. This video has given me much to think about and research, and I can't thank you enough for opening my eyes to this. Lots more to work on in therapy (as soon as I can afford it lol).
Great job, Heidi! I listen to Thais also, but I always look for your input also since you give a very in-depth analysis of each attachment style. You obviously know your stuff and after you finish school, I'm sure you'll be able to help a lot of people with similar issues. Keep up the good work!
Thank you for explaining with such depth, truth, and insight into mental health and psychology topics. I have thought I'm all 4.... After watching I think that these days I generally lean secure and was definitely anxious in the past. I was the "scapegoat" role as a child and have done a lot of healing (I have shame around identifying with that word) but still have pockets of the insecure style. Enjoying this deep dive!
Incredible video - this is the first time I've heard of attachment styles and I felt like you explained a great deal in a super clear way. This is definitely something I want to learn more about and develop in so really looking forward to your next one :)
I had a relationship that was as you described the FA and it was so helpful for me to understand the dynamic. Im still hurting over it. It was amazing in the beginning and then she suddenly got overwhelmed and ran. I kinda knew she was avoidant but just couldn't see how it would end. It was such a sudden reversal that left me asking what the hell just happened. Heidi-Youre a godsend.
The Fearful-Avoidant sounds like one of my past relationships. He love bombed me, then broke up with me out of the blue, then was hostile to me. I was left hurt and confused.
Heidi, I hope you are reading this. Your videos are changing my life, thank you so much for sharing. Never before has the truth hurt so much, but it is a good type of hurt, it's healing and growth. You're incredible. I want to know about your story if you'd be willing to tell, maybe you have already. Each video is an incredible transforming light, tysm ❤❤❤
The fact some of us do not already know these things says something about us. It says more about our culture, society, schools, and parents. Like, so much more!
I have worked on myself for years became a psychologist and frequently look at my response to others and how it affects others. I need to meet my needs. I don't focus on the environment. I can be alone. I like my own company. I assume anxious is preoccupied. Action discharge behavior in avoidant a play video games to get away from feeling. Your not ok.avoidant. proccupied will need more from other partner. Avoidant pulls away. Thank you for this detailed view of attachment.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! There is so much good information here presented in such a kickass accessible way. Understanding your attachment style and its ramifications on your adult life can alter your reality.
Thank you. Had to look up this video to find out what an attachment style is after seeing another video and having no idea what all this typology was about. Then, at 2:23 in this video, I learned I didn't need to watch these videos afteraall, which was what I suspected but wanted to be sure. So no sarcasm in that "thank you". I appreciate the confirmation and clarity.
Seriously, thank you so much. I've been watching a few of your videos (and taking notes for myself and to speak with my therapist also). You are interesting, and I really appreciate the grace you give with these issues. Thank you!!!
AHHH HEIDI!!! It's so amazing watching this after mostly consuming your newer videos!! I relate so much to the energy, passion, and scatterbrained-ness so much!!! I see myself in you and it makes me a bit excited for the future!
Thanks Heidi for this informative video, and Happy Valentine's Day to all. When you talked about protest behaviours I immediately resonated with that as I use that quite often. I'm an anxious ENFP, and I find myself in constant need to get assurance and feedback .
I couldn't take my eyes off that sunrise photo- gorgeous! The plant was calming. Really helped make the video more enjoyable!! (As an INFP nature/ great outdoors fanatic, that stuff is HUGE to me.) What an interesting video!. I'd started watching an attachment style video that was more specificand in depth sp I came lookingfor this one to learn basics. So, ok, I already know all about being a badly abused & neglected scapegoat "gifted" ADHD child, with a BPD & APB mother, & a cold, remote, highly critical, punitive father that's likely an Nparent, & whose one Golden Child sibling is a major N, almost a psychopath at times, and be NC with them all. I also know lots abt being an INFP. But I had never studied attachment styles! I think I'm anxiously attached, not mostly bc of my behavior, bc I did well single, usually enjoyed my time alone (if I didn't have a broken heart, and never went from one relationship to another or pushed the beginning stages towards commitment... however I knowing what I know abt my mother, find it almost impossible that I'm securely attached, and I do see some of my younger self in the Anxious Attachment behavior. However I also feel like without duress I'm actually pretty securely attached? I usually have such deep insight abt myself- this nit knowing is new for me! I'll have to ask my therapist her opinion about it.
I just want to thank you for this very interesting and inciteful video. I will definitely be watching as many of your other videos on this subject as I can.
Heidi, Being the son of two architects, we tend to look down on interior designers, so you should be proud that you fill your brain with things that are more important than where you put the couch. Fearful avoidant are probably the result of mothers who cared more about the couch than the child. You are great!
That’s really sad that you look down on someone else for having a different purpose than you! Why do you think you’re better than someone else for what they do? Not everyone can fulfill the same purpose. Interior designers are needed in the world too. Who wants to live in an ugly house even if it was architected well?
@@artisticagi `i didn't say that. I won't comment on people that say i said things I didn't say. I am guessing English isn't your first language. It isn't mine either. In any case my comment is not to be taken seriously.
This was really helpful! Now I know that I need to do some more digging into what I thought was a disorganized attachment style into what may just be anxious with some coping strategies or “protest and deactivating” strategies to get my needs met. Wild. I may be more fearful avoidant than I thought
I appreciate your videos so much not only do u pass on to in a way that makes it easy to get u also have such a warm and kind spirit about u that i appreciate so much. Wish u many blessings🎉
OH MY GOD. Okay. So, I'm taking a hiatus from therapy because I want to do an inventory of what I want to work on, and attachment style has been in the back of my mind as something I want to explore as part of that inventory. I have a parent who likely has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and everything I've worked on and am continuing to work on involves recovering from that trauma. This video was not only the *exact* resource I needed to kick off exploring attachment styles, but also incredibly comforting. I'm willing to bet I'm generally fearful avoidant in any relationship that's more than casual. I've chalked my "I don't trust me, and I also don't trust you" to a possible Complex PTSD diagnosis, but to have it also be related to the idea of attachment style is really soothing for some reason. It's also made figuring out my MBTI and Enneagram tough because I often don't have a clear sense of, "Is this me, or is this who I'm being in order to get the attention I want?" Anyway, I'm rambling. This was an awesome video. Thank you for making it!
Alex, it sounds like you have knowledge of both NPD and avoidant attachment. From your perspective, do you think the two could be confused if the narcissist person was lower on the spectrum? I have only recently become aware of both of these personality traits. In hindsight my mother had NPD and, it makes me wonder about my past relationships. They were definitely either narcissist or avoidant. I wonder if there is a defining difference?
@@infolater91 What is the supposed similarity? aren't narcissists kind of the opposite of avoidants in the sense, that they need constant admiration, validation and attention from other people?
i feel like i’m definitely anxious. i’ll deal things on my own for sure, i’m an enfp and type 4 so going through thoughts on my own time is important. however, if some scenario happens that is too much for me to deal with, i immediately freak out and call or text as many people as possible and continue panicking until multiple people respond and tell me it’s okay. when i was younger and highly anxious, i had a habit of telling my friends IN DETAIL what happened to me every day because i needed them to say something calm or funny to soothe my anxiety about what happened. idk why though, because i had a fairly good childhood and my mom is quite overprotective, so i can’t imagine her neglecting my needs. EDIT: LOL just read that an overprotective mother can cause the anxious style. ok... makes sense now
All I needed in 1 video! I've watched a few videos on attachment, but this was by far the most helpful and info-packed. Thanks! Looking forward to more. Subscribed ✔
Just binging all of your videos and learning so much out of it! Thank you so much! I had no idea this all existed and now that I know a lot of things makes much more sense hahahaha
Great video Heidi ! I am just finding your content now through a friends recommendation, so I thought I would start wayyyy at the end with your oldest one ! thanks !
Wow, what an amazing person you are. As an ENFP myself I can feel the connection. :> Thank you for explaining the differences between avoidant type and fearful avoidant so well. Now I can tell that I'm for sure an avoidant type.
this was super interesting! i think i'm secure attachment style with a little tendency to being avoidant. Which makes feel pretty o'right and it explains a lot
I really love her videos and how in depth they go and the material she covers, I just wish she would speak a bit slower. I tried putting her on 0.5 times speed but that's a bit too slow haha. Maybe if it was a bit less edited it would be easier to retain the information, currently I'm just having to rewind a lot. But thank for all the amazing videos you're putting out! Very helpful, honestly!
I really didn't realize I had FA until I watched your video and then Thais's videos. I assumed I was Anxious because I can be clingy and demanding, and had I read at some point, something like, "If you have FA, you'll be so messed up that you'll know it, and also you're kind of screwed anyway and will have to be in therapy the rest of your life". So that was super helpful. 🙄But watching Thais's videos on RUclips I was like "......Oh. Shit.". It does make so much sense out of my life though, (after studying soooo many different systems trying to figure myself out) so now I feel like I can finally get a handle on it.
My question is what about something like (C)PTSD, where a trigger can seemingly change someone’s attachment style in a big way. Where perhaps they seem secure, but then some related or unrelated trigger occurs and suddenly the strategy changes? What’s the perspective on this type of situation. I’m sure this relates to other mental health issues that can change someone’s experience too. My immediate guess would be that perhaps their default attachment style is one way (be it secure or insecure), but then when the trigger occurs, it changes into another. Like a trigger/situation dependent Chameleon Attachment Style. When I think of this relating to myself, I think of my thought, emotional and relational patterns and they can seem secure plenty of the time. But then something happens that triggers a trauma response, and suddenly the way I think, solve problems, contextualize experiences, etc, becomes disorganized, and my trajectory can change. I’ve only recently been diagnosed with severe PTSD, and it’s suspected that I have CPTSD, and I’ve likely had it most my life. Learning this has helped me a lot to heal and grow. Though now that I’m seeing your video again, and reviewing my life relating to it, I’m seeing pockets of different attachment styles show up. Situation dependent. For a while I thought I was anxious style, then fearful avoidant for a little bit, but looking back, I’d only have considered myself any of those insecure attachment styles during specific times when I was actually not in okay situations, or when after leaving a long term relationship. Of which loss is a big trigger of mine (dad died when I was 15, to cancer, and I virtually lost almost everything about my life that day). It’s also confusing because I’ve been passionate about my mental and relational health for about 9 years or so, and have made tremendous progress between coping and healing. But from time to time the triggers hit and things get strange. So, I suppose to summarize, I’m wondering how things like mental illness can effect the ways that attachment styles present themselves between mental illnesses that are apparently chronic vs ones that tend to have more acute moments and that are at least more trigger dependent than not.
This was really informative, thank you! Just have some questions - Is it possible for a secure type to become anxious or avoidant from trauma in their adult life, e. g. being cheated on and become anxious? - Is it possible for an avoidant type to be genuinely sad about being alone, or for anxious types to be sad about being in a relationship?
1. Yes that’s possible! 2. Also yes. The coping mechanisms we pick don’t always make us happy, they’re just knee-jerk responses to intimacy. Though generally there is a feeling of relief associated with playing them out.
@@heidipriebe1m guessing there's probably spectrums to these behaviors right like with any other behavior like with introvert and extrover your more introverted than extroverted but there probably are them days times where you hang out with others something like that
@@heidipriebe1 thank you! It’s going to be for my blog project I’m working on. MBTI/typology from a sensor’s POV. Wish me luck! I know you are fully aware of the challenges of that. 😳
I think I have an avoidant attachment style. I know I learned about the concept of attachment styles a couple years ago, but I haven’t used it as a tool for healing. Now that you mention the negative view frequently taken toward avoidant attachment, maybe that turned me off from the theory. I don’t recall. This video is encouraging me to look at attachment theory again and try to find information that isn’t biased. In some ways, I’ve been able to become more securely attached, but in a lot of ways I’ve gotten a lot more avoidant in the past few years. It’s so hard.
I've seen scenarios of myself in all these styles of attachment. I think though I'm less prone to act like an anxious attatched person who tries to get other people's attention, but I do have tendencies to feel safer being walked through something when doing tasks but if that is not possible I prefer to do it all by myself and want no distractions or other people getting in my way. Which makes me think I could be fearful avoidant because of the self hate I have and mistrust of others I have to accomplish things with. But I also have developed some secure traits in the right times when I have the energy to do so, I think.
The more I hear about each style, the more I realize that we truly aren't just one style because development occurs at different times and ways in our lives, and so does trauma and processing that trauma.
Wow, I loved this video and many of your other videos. I just wanted to say that I’m so relieved to hear your mention a resource that doesn’t paint the avoidant types as villains. When I read Attached, it was super eye opening, it was bitter but potent medicine- a powerful wake up call, but did feel unnecessarily harsh and isolating at times. I did gain a lot of compassion toward my anxious partner. I know people often mis-type themselves but I’m almost certain I’m fearful avoidant. Learning about attachment theory has been life changing for me and explains so much of the confusion I’ve had throughout my life and relating. Your videos are so so clear and well articulated and I could not be any more grateful. 🤍
Why isn’t attachment theory a topic in school?!? Being able to understand this aspect of ourselves is incredibly useful for emotional regulation and development healthy relationships with others. It’s amazing how much sense this all makes.
Haha, because school is not meant to help you, but to train you to be a good little obedient citizen, dependent on the state. If you're interested, you can read John Holt, Ivan Illich, John Taylor Gatto. And Larken Rose.
School/Prison/Brainwashing isn't in place for the benefit and well being of common humanity
It is, if your school has a psychology class
It's available as AP Psychology. I took it junior year of high school.
Because it would put the lions share of fault and responsibility on the parents. 🤷♀️
Fun fact: If I slow this video down to 0.75x, it sounds like your videos now. I didn't realize you had worked so hard on your presentation. Very good work, ma'am! 😊
opinion
Agree, love Heidi but this was just a whirlwind!!
@@KentBuchla Captain obvious with the most useless comment of the day. Must be one of those secure types..
i came here to see if i was the only person having issues with the speed of her presentation. Great information but it's difficult to process at times. I think editing out the space between sentences and subjects is part of the issue, not her personal style to be clear.. Kent.
@@nickernator4788 Tell me you're American without... well, you know...
@@KentBuchla you are insensitive and mean. you should try to be more understanding of other people. i also hate america, but what does being american have to do with needing the presentation to slow down a bit so you can better understand what's being said? what is the point of being cruel to others on the internet like this? just get over yourself.
"The fearful-avoidant type is very confusing, even to the fearful-avoidant themselves..."
Great video, Heidi!
Yep! 😂😂
It's the definition of literally being broken
"Fearful avoidants need the most help because they are in fact the most f-d up" 😂 this had me dying, was not expecting it haha
I just found Heidi's channel and watched a recent vid that really helped. I wanted more info on the difference attachment styles and it took me a minute to realize this is HER, its like a completely different person here (physically & energetically) and took me by surprise. I am grateful for her content and her presence 💚🙏
Amazing!! I thought I was a fearful-avoidant attachment style when in reality I have a secure attachment. This is the clearest explanation of attachment theory I have ever heard. Thank you so much, Heidi! :)
20:50 fearful avoidant. Very eye opening. Thank you!
I decided to go back to the start and watch one video per day to work on my attachment "stuff." Thank you for this incredible resource.
same! how is it going for you
It doesn’t just have to be the parent who impacts the attachment style. It can also be an older sibling or other “authority-type” person close to them.
As an ENFP with an anxious attachment style, I’ve spent many years neglecting my needs of what makes me come alive, often repressing my true self to get love and attention from others. Struck gold with finding Heidi’s channel as she lays out what ENFPs need to be happy in other videos. My inner Si is taking lots of notes, Te is building a step by step self-healing program, Fi is obsessing over finding out what’s wrong with me, and Ne is sitting there bored as hell waiting for all this to get sorted out so the ENFP can go explore the world and have fun.
Oh man, you nailed it, Amir! Same! ❤️
That’s exactly where I find myself. Only me being rather fearful avoidant
OMG THE SET DESIGN IS AMAZING!
Really well said. I also have a lot of respect for Thais Gibson and her PDS. I also love that she was able to show me how to understand and love avoidant people for who they are, to respect their rich inner worlds, and to better understand my own avoidant side.
Awesome video-I’m curious to learn more about how trauma beyond the first few years of life can lead to shifts in attachment style. Thanks for all the work you for the analysis of self and others!
Me too.
Love this series! You bring in a lot of nuanced understanding to the topic, and communicate it really clearly :)
Hi Heidi! This is just a small (wish it could be more) gesture to thank you for all the knowledge that you have shared. I haven't found any other resource that helps me understand me and my surroundings as well as with your videos. Also, to suggest, if it is posible, to put some visual tags in between topics of the same video. I have ADD and it would be sooo helpful to have a little anchor for every time I get distracted. Cause IDK if it has passed 2 sec. or 5 min. 😅so I don't have to go back too much trying to look for the moment I got lost. If it's not too complicated, I've already watch most of your videos anyways haha. Again, big appreciation for your work, it has changed my life
Think I was on the anxious side for most of my life but now, more and more leaning toward secure. Very good video !
Thank you for mentioning the vilification of avoidant at the end.
I stumbled over a description about dismissive avoidant some time again & it fit me in ways that stung quite a bit.
Since then I have been trying to gather bits of information here and there & absorb/accept it (not just dismiss it out of hand)
But I am at a point where f.e. Instagram now keeps telling me how anxious people are amazing, deserve people that treat them & their needs well, while I am a piece of shit that does not deserve a single human relationship & should get over themselves RIGHT NOW.
Which is pretty hurtful & demotivating. I have been trying to make the best of things & keep working on myself (even if it was not on the mental health portion of my life) for years, but apparently, that was for nothing.
Nothing else encourages one so well to change as being told one is an inherently bad person (\sarcasm).
Now THAT is just a PHENOMENAL backdrop! On the left: a symbol of growth. On the right: the sunshine threatening to break-through from behind the clouds of attachment struggles. I'm sure this was intentional, right...?!
Right?! :)
Right! Now this comment is just phenomenally insightful.
Lovely analysis!
Your videos are so fantastic and such a service. I've never understood this before and see it so clearly now. Thank you!
So glad you've been posting on RUclips, your content has been SO SO GOOD!!! Learning attachment theory through Personality Hacker podcast a few years so was life changing for me, and will be for others too. Was thrilled to see this topic pop up!
I wish I had found your videos long ago; they might have spared me a lot of heartache and disappointment. You are a great teacher. Thanks for your work here. All the best to you.
I always thought I had an anxious attachment style. I learnt that I’m fearful-avoidant. Thank you so much for this Heidi❤. I was so happy to find your RUclips… Over the years I’ve read all of your essays on thought catalog, they got me through really difficult moments In my life. I’m glad I found you here as well❤😃
This video is fantastic. Love the breakdown and the pace of the info. Really unlocked some things for me. Thanks!
I don't care that it's been two years but I'm still going to throw in a compliment 😘 that's beautiful what you've put together for us...
... the tree, and the photograph isn't bad either 😆 I hope you are well. Thank you VERY MUCH for your videos. You take care of YOU, and your inner child too ❤
Your set looks really great! It feels good to my eyes. All 3 things in the background (the squares of the door, the plant and the photo) are interesting to me and it feels good to look at them. They all feel relaxing to me rather than distracting.
I have listened to countless hours of your videos, and you have absolutely become a great resource for attachment styles and healing. Your videos are invaluable! ❤
Thank you very much for this video! I have been lost lately and been binging all of your content. When I watched this I realized I am mostly likely fearful avoidant. I exhibit all the classic behaviors - the only reason I’ve been able to stay in my current relationship is exactly because I “know we won’t be together forever”… Part of my feeling lost I think has to do with the inner child work I need to do, and while I’ve done some grief work in the last year, I think this is a piece I’ve been missing. I already reached out to a therapist today that works on attachment issues. Thanks again!
Thank you for taking the time to make this video, Heidi! Your knowledge is a generosity.
Hi! I'm an ENFP enby who found your channel after listening to the type talk podcast on spotify, and I just wanna say you have some incredible insight on the inner workings of damaged human psyches, and an excellent sense of decor when the mood strikes you lol. I had what 99% of first world people would call a rough childhood, and I still have the scars to prove it. I have no clue where I stand now that I'm no longer being drugged out of my mind, but I can say a year ago I was the textbook definition of an anxious-avoidant type with my ex's. I can recognize I have at least one healthy relationship with my best friend, but I consider myself aromantic because I don't think I'm capable of romantic love anymore due mostly to my mother. This video has given me much to think about and research, and I can't thank you enough for opening my eyes to this. Lots more to work on in therapy (as soon as I can afford it lol).
Great job, Heidi! I listen to Thais also, but I always look for your input also since you give a very in-depth analysis of each attachment style. You obviously know your stuff and after you finish school, I'm sure you'll be able to help a lot of people with similar issues. Keep up the good work!
Thank you for explaining with such depth, truth, and insight into mental health and psychology topics. I have thought I'm all 4.... After watching I think that these days I generally lean secure and was definitely anxious in the past. I was the "scapegoat" role as a child and have done a lot of healing (I have shame around identifying with that word) but still have pockets of the insecure style. Enjoying this deep dive!
She put 5 things together! Thats actually pretty impressive.
Incredible video - this is the first time I've heard of attachment styles and I felt like you explained a great deal in a super clear way. This is definitely something I want to learn more about and develop in so really looking forward to your next one :)
I had a relationship that was as you described the FA and it was so helpful for me to understand the dynamic. Im still hurting over it. It was amazing in the beginning and then she suddenly got overwhelmed and ran. I kinda knew she was avoidant but just couldn't see how it would end. It was such a sudden reversal that left me asking what the hell just happened.
Heidi-Youre a godsend.
The Fearful-Avoidant sounds like one of my past relationships. He love bombed me, then broke up with me out of the blue, then was hostile to me. I was left hurt and confused.
Heidi, I hope you are reading this. Your videos are changing my life, thank you so much for sharing. Never before has the truth hurt so much, but it is a good type of hurt, it's healing and growth. You're incredible. I want to know about your story if you'd be willing to tell, maybe you have already. Each video is an incredible transforming light, tysm ❤❤❤
The fact some of us do not already know these things says something about us. It says more about our culture, society, schools, and parents. Like, so much more!
This helps to explain every romantic relationship in my 54 year life!
I have worked on myself for years became a psychologist and frequently look at my response to others and how it affects others.
I need to meet my needs. I don't focus on the environment. I can be alone. I like my own company. I assume anxious is preoccupied. Action discharge behavior in avoidant a play video games to get away from feeling. Your not ok.avoidant. proccupied will need more from other partner. Avoidant pulls away. Thank you for this detailed view of attachment.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! There is so much good information here presented in such a kickass accessible way. Understanding your attachment style and its ramifications on your adult life can alter your reality.
Heidi, this was incredible. Recommending it to everyone who wants to know more about it. Thanks for putting it out!
Thank you. Had to look up this video to find out what an attachment style is after seeing another video and having no idea what all this typology was about. Then, at 2:23 in this video, I learned I didn't need to watch these videos afteraall, which was what I suspected but wanted to be sure. So no sarcasm in that "thank you". I appreciate the confirmation and clarity.
Seriously, thank you so much. I've been watching a few of your videos (and taking notes for myself and to speak with my therapist also). You are interesting, and I really appreciate the grace you give with these issues. Thank you!!!
AHHH HEIDI!!! It's so amazing watching this after mostly consuming your newer videos!! I relate so much to the energy, passion, and scatterbrained-ness so much!!! I see myself in you and it makes me a bit excited for the future!
I'm an fearful avoidant....
Thanks Heidi for this informative video, and Happy Valentine's Day to all. When you talked about protest behaviours I immediately resonated with that as I use that quite often. I'm an anxious ENFP, and I find myself in constant need to get assurance and feedback .
I listened to few videos to help me understand differences between attachment styles but was still confused but you nailed it and help me understand.
I couldn't take my eyes off that sunrise photo- gorgeous! The plant was calming. Really helped make the video more enjoyable!! (As an INFP nature/ great outdoors fanatic, that stuff is HUGE to me.)
What an interesting video!. I'd started watching an attachment style video that was more specificand in depth sp I came lookingfor this one to learn basics.
So, ok, I already know all about being a badly abused & neglected scapegoat "gifted" ADHD child, with a BPD & APB mother, & a cold, remote, highly critical, punitive father that's likely an Nparent, & whose one Golden Child sibling is a major N, almost a psychopath at times, and be NC with them all.
I also know lots abt being an INFP.
But I had never studied attachment styles!
I think I'm anxiously attached, not mostly bc of my behavior, bc I did well single, usually enjoyed my time alone (if I didn't have a broken heart, and never went from one relationship to another or pushed the beginning stages towards commitment... however I knowing what I know abt my mother, find it almost impossible that I'm securely attached, and I do see some of my younger self in the Anxious Attachment behavior. However I also feel like without duress I'm actually pretty securely attached?
I usually have such deep insight abt myself- this nit knowing is new for me!
I'll have to ask my therapist her opinion about it.
You are simply the best at covering these topics. Keep up the work. It has really helped me understand why I do what I do.
I just want to thank you for this very interesting and inciteful video. I will definitely be watching as many of your other videos on this subject as I can.
I second the personal development school. I've been active in the school for 3+ years and it's been life changing!
Heidi, Being the son of two architects, we tend to look down on interior designers, so you should be proud that you fill your brain with things that are more important than where you put the couch. Fearful avoidant are probably the result of mothers who cared more about the couch than the child. You are great!
That’s really sad that you look down on someone else for having a different purpose than you! Why do you think you’re better than someone else for what they do? Not everyone can fulfill the same purpose. Interior designers are needed in the world too. Who wants to live in an ugly house even if it was architected well?
@@artisticagi `i didn't say that. I won't comment on people that say i said things I didn't say. I am guessing English isn't your first language. It isn't mine either. In any case my comment is not to be taken seriously.
This was really helpful! Now I know that I need to do some more digging into what I thought was a disorganized attachment style into what may just be anxious with some coping strategies or “protest and deactivating” strategies to get my needs met. Wild. I may be more fearful avoidant than I thought
I appreciate your videos so much not only do u pass on to in a way that makes it easy to get u also have such a warm and kind spirit about u that i appreciate so much. Wish u many blessings🎉
Thank you for this! It sure brings a new outlook on how I relate to people and how they relate to me. Very interesting and informative.
OH MY GOD. Okay. So, I'm taking a hiatus from therapy because I want to do an inventory of what I want to work on, and attachment style has been in the back of my mind as something I want to explore as part of that inventory. I have a parent who likely has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and everything I've worked on and am continuing to work on involves recovering from that trauma. This video was not only the *exact* resource I needed to kick off exploring attachment styles, but also incredibly comforting. I'm willing to bet I'm generally fearful avoidant in any relationship that's more than casual. I've chalked my "I don't trust me, and I also don't trust you" to a possible Complex PTSD diagnosis, but to have it also be related to the idea of attachment style is really soothing for some reason. It's also made figuring out my MBTI and Enneagram tough because I often don't have a clear sense of, "Is this me, or is this who I'm being in order to get the attention I want?"
Anyway, I'm rambling. This was an awesome video. Thank you for making it!
Alex, it sounds like you have knowledge of both NPD and avoidant attachment. From your perspective, do you think the two could be confused if the narcissist person was lower on the spectrum? I have only recently become aware of both of these personality traits. In hindsight my mother had NPD and, it makes me wonder about my past relationships. They were definitely either narcissist or avoidant. I wonder if there is a defining difference?
@@infolater91 What is the supposed similarity? aren't narcissists kind of the opposite of avoidants in the sense, that they need constant admiration, validation and attention from other people?
Thank you so much for a very clear explaination! I just understand myself better and my friends attachment style.
This video needs more likes. I've learned a lot more from this than I expected.
Found your channel because I wanted to know more about limerence and stayed for the attachment styles.
i feel like i’m definitely anxious. i’ll deal things on my own for sure, i’m an enfp and type 4 so going through thoughts on my own time is important. however, if some scenario happens that is too much for me to deal with, i immediately freak out and call or text as many people as possible and continue panicking until multiple people respond and tell me it’s okay. when i was younger and highly anxious, i had a habit of telling my friends IN DETAIL what happened to me every day because i needed them to say something calm or funny to soothe my anxiety about what happened. idk why though, because i had a fairly good childhood and my mom is quite overprotective, so i can’t imagine her neglecting my needs.
EDIT: LOL just read that an overprotective mother can cause the anxious style. ok... makes sense now
Love your videos and Personal Development School too, so I was really glad to hear you give them a shout out 🙂
All I needed in 1 video! I've watched a few videos on attachment, but this was by far the most helpful and info-packed. Thanks! Looking forward to more. Subscribed ✔
Just binging all of your videos and learning so much out of it! Thank you so much! I had no idea this all existed and now that I know a lot of things makes much more sense hahahaha
Good job on putting together your set up Heidi
I love your vids
They be calling me out on my delulu and help me recognize how i can change
Great video Heidi ! I am just finding your content now through a friends recommendation, so I thought I would start wayyyy at the end with your oldest one ! thanks !
Wow, what an amazing person you are. As an ENFP myself I can feel the connection. :>
Thank you for explaining the differences between avoidant type and fearful avoidant so well.
Now I can tell that I'm for sure an avoidant type.
this was super interesting! i think i'm secure attachment style with a little tendency to being avoidant. Which makes feel pretty o'right and it explains a lot
Thats great Heidi, thank you so much for that, I am sensing a fellow neurospicy vibe! I had to play you at 0.75 though lol.
Very interesting…. Turns out I am fearful avoidant. Boy, what a nuisance! Can‘t wait to learn about the healing possibilities..
I really love her videos and how in depth they go and the material she covers, I just wish she would speak a bit slower. I tried putting her on 0.5 times speed but that's a bit too slow haha. Maybe if it was a bit less edited it would be easier to retain the information, currently I'm just having to rewind a lot.
But thank for all the amazing videos you're putting out! Very helpful, honestly!
I really didn't realize I had FA until I watched your video and then Thais's videos. I assumed I was Anxious because I can be clingy and demanding, and had I read at some point, something like, "If you have FA, you'll be so messed up that you'll know it, and also you're kind of screwed anyway and will have to be in therapy the rest of your life". So that was super helpful. 🙄But watching Thais's videos on RUclips I was like "......Oh. Shit.". It does make so much sense out of my life though, (after studying soooo many different systems trying to figure myself out) so now I feel like I can finally get a handle on it.
A fascinating video. I never new about attachment theory before today (and I'm not young). Thanks
@4:15 anxious attachment style
@9:30 avoidant attachment style
My question is what about something like (C)PTSD, where a trigger can seemingly change someone’s attachment style in a big way. Where perhaps they seem secure, but then some related or unrelated trigger occurs and suddenly the strategy changes? What’s the perspective on this type of situation. I’m sure this relates to other mental health issues that can change someone’s experience too.
My immediate guess would be that perhaps their default attachment style is one way (be it secure or insecure), but then when the trigger occurs, it changes into another. Like a trigger/situation dependent Chameleon Attachment Style. When I think of this relating to myself, I think of my thought, emotional and relational patterns and they can seem secure plenty of the time. But then something happens that triggers a trauma response, and suddenly the way I think, solve problems, contextualize experiences, etc, becomes disorganized, and my trajectory can change.
I’ve only recently been diagnosed with severe PTSD, and it’s suspected that I have CPTSD, and I’ve likely had it most my life. Learning this has helped me a lot to heal and grow. Though now that I’m seeing your video again, and reviewing my life relating to it, I’m seeing pockets of different attachment styles show up. Situation dependent. For a while I thought I was anxious style, then fearful avoidant for a little bit, but looking back, I’d only have considered myself any of those insecure attachment styles during specific times when I was actually not in okay situations, or when after leaving a long term relationship. Of which loss is a big trigger of mine (dad died when I was 15, to cancer, and I virtually lost almost everything about my life that day).
It’s also confusing because I’ve been passionate about my mental and relational health for about 9 years or so, and have made tremendous progress between coping and healing. But from time to time the triggers hit and things get strange.
So, I suppose to summarize, I’m wondering how things like mental illness can effect the ways that attachment styles present themselves between mental illnesses that are apparently chronic vs ones that tend to have more acute moments and that are at least more trigger dependent than not.
That set is so peaceful. Nice job, Heide! Your eyes definitely work! 👀✌😍
Man, your set looks amazing, well done! Good job. :)
I love your videos so much Heidi. Your ENFP vibe energizes me 😁 great set design, pat on the back 👍
This was really informative, thank you! Just have some questions
- Is it possible for a secure type to become anxious or avoidant from trauma in their adult life, e. g. being cheated on and become anxious?
- Is it possible for an avoidant type to be genuinely sad about being alone, or for anxious types to be sad about being in a relationship?
1. Yes that’s possible!
2. Also yes. The coping mechanisms we pick don’t always make us happy, they’re just knee-jerk responses to intimacy. Though generally there is a feeling of relief associated with playing them out.
@@heidipriebe1m guessing there's probably spectrums to these behaviors right
like with any other behavior
like with introvert and extrover your more introverted than extroverted but there probably are them days times where you hang out with others something like that
You are much better at explaining than Thais Gibson. I am very glad I've found you! 🤗
I learned to self-soothe and take care of my own needs. I believe I’m okay you’re not okay.
It looks cute!!! Good job on the set design 💃
I love Thais as well! Learned so much from her and the PDS!
Used to think I was just Avoidant, but now, pretty sure I'm Fearful Avoidant.
wow heidi you look great, almost as great as the AMAZING set!!!
Great video, really clear and helpful. And thanks for acknowledging that a lot of attachment style discourse often makes avoidants sound like villains
Heidiiiii... I had so much fun talking to you on Joyce’s ESFP & ENFP panel today! I really admire your content. -Brady 😎
Brady!! It was awesome meeting you last night! 🤗 Also, LOVE the name of your RUclips channel 😂💖
@@heidipriebe1 thank you! It’s going to be for my blog project I’m working on. MBTI/typology from a sensor’s POV. Wish me luck! I know you are fully aware of the challenges of that. 😳
Thank you so much! This was so greatly explained and clearly structured!
Really helpful video, everything is presented so clearly. Subscribed!
I think I have an avoidant attachment style. I know I learned about the concept of attachment styles a couple years ago, but I haven’t used it as a tool for healing. Now that you mention the negative view frequently taken toward avoidant attachment, maybe that turned me off from the theory. I don’t recall.
This video is encouraging me to look at attachment theory again and try to find information that isn’t biased. In some ways, I’ve been able to become more securely attached, but in a lot of ways I’ve gotten a lot more avoidant in the past few years. It’s so hard.
Great picture behind you!
Thank you, your videos feel good to my nervous system ❤
I love the set. Good job!
this was absolutely fascinating! im so excited!!
nice set, great energy, perceptive observations. love to you, Heidi Priebe
Heidi Priebe, changing my life since 2015 ❤️ thank you! Great video and I need to learn more about avoidant attachment style!
❤ thank you for putting the effort in to making this information accessible and clear ❤
I've seen scenarios of myself in all these styles of attachment. I think though I'm less prone to act like an anxious attatched person who tries to get other people's attention, but I do have tendencies to feel safer being walked through something when doing tasks but if that is not possible I prefer to do it all by myself and want no distractions or other people getting in my way. Which makes me think I could be fearful avoidant because of the self hate I have and mistrust of others I have to accomplish things with. But I also have developed some secure traits in the right times when I have the energy to do so, I think.
I used to test as infj a lot but I think it's boiled down to infp.
The more I hear about each style, the more I realize that we truly aren't just one style because development occurs at different times and ways in our lives, and so does trauma and processing that trauma.
Another hella insightful video. Fascinating.
Excellent information 👌 👏 👍
Wow, I loved this video and many of your other videos. I just wanted to say that I’m so relieved to hear your mention a resource that doesn’t paint the avoidant types as villains. When I read Attached, it was super eye opening, it was bitter but potent medicine- a powerful wake up call, but did feel unnecessarily harsh and isolating at times. I did gain a lot of compassion toward my anxious partner. I know people often mis-type themselves but I’m almost certain I’m fearful avoidant. Learning about attachment theory has been life changing for me and explains so much of the confusion I’ve had throughout my life and relating. Your videos are so so clear and well articulated and I could not be any more grateful. 🤍
I am excited to watch. and attachment styles are so critical.