EPILOGUE: Nearly a year ago, I was newly separated and emotionally fragile. I was very nervous doing the video but know if I was able to help one man keep from being suicidal, it was worth it. I have since met women, Black and Latino, willing to have great sex and I am much happier. This show helped me realize, I was not alone in my struggle and for that I am eternally grateful.
Great discussion, I was in a 5 year marriage, and the last 1.5 year of it was seriously sparce with sex. We had 2 children under 2 and I was carrying the financial support, and was trying to force her to do her part of a house wife that she begged for, but completely laid down on the job. With all that going on and not getting that release when I wanted had me tight as F! I felt like I was getting plunked, because unless you're willing to go to jail due to imposing your will, your hands are tied to a degree. I personally have no intentions, or desire, and can't think of any scenario that would have me married under paperwork again. I gladly paid for my freedom through divorce, and have my peace of mind. Now if things are at a impasse, and doesn't work for me, I vote with my feet, and leave in peace ✌️
To be honest I dont care about getting married....I'm here just for spousal support and alimony.....I'm here for the finese like alot of the black men go through
I was married for 33 years. By my best estimates, I would say that cumulatively hadn't had sex with my now exwife for at least 19 of those years. Counseling was a waste of time, primarily because most female therapist are somewhat feminist. That generally meant, as a man it was always my fault. The male therapist were generally beta/blue pillers who believed that women are equal to men. Two things I leaned from Rollo Tomassi was, "genuine desire" can't be negotiated. Choreplay is bulllshit. Doing chores and all the other bull that men are told doesn't create genuine desire. That's what women need to keep them going. It's the game of the cat and the sting, or push and pull. When boredom sets in, desire falls off. Next "Relational equity". Doing all the things women and society tells you that will make a woman desire a man is more b.s. If what they said was true, why do women generally go for the bad boys, who are generally street hustlers, abusers, little or no education... They go for that type because they can't control or predict what that man will do. It's the excitement created by the bad boy being unpredictable. His relational equity with a woman isn't built on the general social constructs put for through social construction. But through his sense of being able to truly understand her evolutionary need for the cat and the string game.
Indeed. 16 years ago, however, I’d never heard of these ideas. I wonder if most men-even most red-pilled men now (even yourself)-had heard such ideas spoken aloud?
As a psychotherapist, I appreciate this conversation on so many levels to list here. I just listened to a female version of this same topic. The male version is two years older. I appreciate how authentic and honest men will be when discussing emotions and accepting accountability for our crap. In the women’s version they spoke in generalities and accepted little accountability for their part in this issue. Unless both people are willing to be authentic and accountable to self, the resolutions to this issue are: continue to suffer in silence, cheat, or get a divorce and repeat this cycle in the next relationship.
The hardest line came at 1 hr 36 mins.. I am disrespectful to myself if I am still around in this situation.. Black men do not let ppl or situations make you disrespect yourself..💯💯
This is crazy. I know a guy who’s been married for 39 years. He’s been talking about not getting sex long long period of twins since the 90’s. I see that black men are just too proud to be honest about this which hurts the the next generation.
I was married for 10 years. It was a sexless marriage. I thought I was the problem but I wasn't. I remember watching one of BGS's videos about imprinting and why her sexual history matters. I wasn't the type of guy that imprinted her...but I was the type of guy that could provide for her. Bottom line...look at her history...and if you are in a sexless marriage, leave today because that is not your woman.
@@ALMiGhTyKuLTuReJeYy The reason we are not together is because she was cheating and I divorced her. Men need to come to terms with the fact that if she is not having sex with you, she is most likely having sex with someone else...hence "she is not your woman"...she belongs to someone else.
Most men are relationship material not sex material. Meaning most men will be cheated on. Many men unaware they are sexually undesirable. If you are a sexually undesirable male what's the point of leaving a woman who cheats on you when the next woman will do it as well. The next woman will just do a better job at not getting caught. Sexually undesirable men don't get monogamy. They just get women good at not getting caught.
I've listened to this video twice already. This was an amazing conversation. I absolutely love this topic. To know that there are other men routinely going 8-9 months without sex with their wife is comforting in a sense. It feels self emasculating to think that you're the only one who went though this...when you think the problem is with yourself and you're doing everything in your power to fix it. Doc, everything you described that you did...I did. My ex wife and I even had about 10 conversations about her not performing her "wifely duties". I paid all the bills and kept the house up. I thought this was enough to warrant regular sex. Then I hear my friends who aren't doing half the things I'm doing getting the nastiest things done to them by their wives. I'm going to send this video to all the men I know who are in sexless marriages...cause there are a lot them. Thanks again.
I'm really surprised and at the same time dissappointed with the amount of followers. In my opinion every black man living in a western country should follow Dr. T. Hasan Johnson and also his highly esteemed guests. His topics hit the very core of what it is to be a black man living in westen countries especially in relation to our women. This is pure gold!
If your wife doesn't have some health issue don't waste time begging her for pleasure go find it somewhere else. Once she see you're not sweating her anymore she will get the message and straighten up or it's over. Physical intimacy is a must in every marriage.
Right. A man shouldn’t have to ask his wife for sex. Ladies it’s not that hard to please your man sexually. Ladies Stop making excuses cause what you don’t do another woman will gladly do it for you.
Once you quote unquote "Beat her back out" now you're expected to perform like that every single time you're intimate with her or you're a failure. Even her inability to pair bond with you because of her having so many sexual partners before you is your fault...smh.
Im highly fascinated by how these very educated brothers do not understand the basic psychology of women. Thier academic training (and society wide propaganda about the nature of men and women) is a hindrance to thier understanding of this particular concept. Its a hindrance to accessing the more visceral understanding of the desires that govern the nature of human mating. Desire cannot be negotiated. The act of negotiation itself is a turn off to women. Counselling makes you seem even more desperate and needy. And theraphy is often weaponised to gaslight, confuse and torture the guys who arent wise enough to it. Perhaps you should consider that your exwives never found you sexually desirable? Perhaps sex for them was a carrot on a stick, a means to an end to secure your emotional and financial commitment.Thats why the tap can be easily be turned off once she got what she wanted. For guys who found themselves in a dead bedroom situation, the best option is simply to leave. And d fact that good and decent men arent willing to leave her is exactly what she is counting upon. That no matter how bad it got, you guys will put up with it. And that exactly why she continued to take you for granted. And maybe thats exactly why she choose you.
There’re plenty of blue pill men without degrees who’ve had the same indoctrination. Degrees had little to do with it. But if it makes you feel superior to do so have at it. I can’t speak for Dr. Gamble, but desirability wasn’t the issue in my marriage. The problem had more to do with her insecurities than anything to directly do with me. As far as leaving women, I’ve done a great deal of that before and after my marriage... The problem is that the indoctrination of many western women (and men) may help me individually but wasn’t the easiest tactic when children and family court are involved.
@@DrTHasanJohnson I'm 62 yrs old going through a severe marriage crisis. The first thing I told my therapist is that I've been f**ked up by two things Evangelical Christianity and Second Wave Feminism.
I damn near wanted to cry because this conversation really resonated me black men really need to hear these things because we are conditioned to put women first to be that ideal good man/ husband
Been 4.5 years and all I get are blank looks when I ask. Stepped out once and she found some hair in the car. Was furious at me but still no change. I'm looking for a place now.. would rather be alone than keep being depressed.
@@DrTHasanJohnson She said she doesn't want to "discuss our problems with strangers".. 😵💫. She tries to make a half-hearted effort now but only because she knows I'm preparing to leave. And again wanted to thank you for this insightful knowledgeable and open discussion.
Letting go of expectations in conjunction with making myself the center of my universe was the way I was able to push through. Thereafter I moved like a nation-state and everyone was on *my* agenda. A fantastic and well-timed conversation. Thank you. 💯
Having no expectations of anyone other than yourself is a stress free way to live. It makes you indifferent when you don’t receive something, yet grateful when you do. I can relate to you my brother
"Black Uru Strikes! -And make no mistake, women will USE your love for your children to reap havoc on you. So there is a certain point where you must put yourself first and foremost over any/everyone else." Mr. Palmer says to keep your veins cold!!!!
I personally believe that the women are sleeping with other men when this happens. I can do without the marriage thing personally, it's not worth it these days
You're just trying to make Black women look bad, when they're the ones who are often suffering, too. Black women as a whole are not "sleeping with other men" within their marriage.
A sexless marriage is an exclamation point that she does not care enough about you. She doesn't have to have the strongest desire to copulation with you. Its a form of bullying, of control and a potent weapon to use in a power struggle. Once she has that control she won't want to let it go. Ie: you won't be getting none for long periods.
I had a friend years ago , on the dsy of his wedding, the brides father pulled him aside and asked him if he was sure he wanted to go thru with the marriage. He ignored that obvious red flag and married her. A few years and a child later, she is not working several pounds overweight and not keeping the house clean. When he tried to address these issues, she told him.." i got you..i dont have to do anything now". He was gone and divorced within a year.
Just wanna say I know this is for black men. However I’m a Mexican man that is separated and my wife is black. However 7 yrs sexless in marriage until I just recently separated. The thing that hurt the most is that not even a month and she’s already living her best life on social media with pictures. And this kind of content really is a lifesaver because not if any content for men on sexless marriages. So thank you and yes men in this situation do have self worth and there are woman out there. Hopefully I’ll get there slowly but surely. But thanks again Dr.T.
Great discussion! This is one of the areas that the Manosphere needs to expand discussions into especially since it is more common in marriages than people would like to believe. I often assert that sex-deprivation/sex-rationing is both a form of manipulation and cheating-by-proxy because a promise was made to fulfill sexual needs of a partner to the best of one’s ability in exchange for their sexual exclusivity. Sexual bait-&-switch occurs which is essentially the mal-affected partner being swindled/cheated into a relationship under the auspice of depending on the other partner fulfilling their sexual needs.
That’s a dam shame! WHY in the world do you men put up with that! I doubt if wives would stay wives if the husband didn’t fulfill HIS duty to provide! Oops! Then again, there are many women who insist on staying in such scenarios, too!🤔
I see it doesn't matter what our educational or economic status is. The same rules apply to all women. If Blkwomen think, you are depending on them for anything especially, sex. (Expect disrespect).....And they have to always know, you can get other women. If not, disrespect is around the corner.
Great discussion. What I'm finding is that some women are no longer sexy, so men are being turned off by the women they're married to. Folks think the man is the issue, no sir, it's the woman and her insecurities particularly if she's getting older. Peace.
Sureeeee and men are always attractive huh? That's how the body works, you are just proving that you are not ready to be married, young this, young that, look this, look like that.
It all comes down to sexual attraction; whether the couple has it for each other or not. No wonder open marriages (Swingers) was so heavily engaged In by the w folks!🤣
I planned on taking surfing lessons this summer. So excited. Need a hobby that I can concentrate on and master! As well as being near the water! Good to see another black man that enjoys surfing!
Thank you brothers this was such powerful conversation. Sometimes we brothers move around thinking got all things figured out but Lord knows we still have a lot to learn. I really appreciate this.
55:30 was the mark on what happened in my last marriage. Even the pastor agreed with her. The church was the major source of reason on her pivotal decision of divorcing me.
I wish I could have told, these guys what to do. I had a friend from Africa he used to complain about having to beg his wife for sex........When I saw she was American and straight from the Hood. I said to myself "Does he know what he's dealing with"?
It isn't just a black American thing. In many eastern cultures once the woman is beyond child bearing years they don't feel the need to have sex regularly anymore. Alot of arabs, desis complain regularly about sexless marriages. I met 2 hausa Nigerian men said hausa women weaponize sex they won't sleep with them for weeks or months at a time. I tell women I want sex on demand I won't negotiate sex whenever I want it.
@@charlesirby9571 No, its worst then that.......The woman married to my African friend......one night she took the keys for the car, the mailbox, and front door. At that point......he didnt argue, he just left, grabbed all his personal belongings and left the car and furniture and started over.
Currently going through a separation and didn't realize that this is a thing. What I find ironic about this is that men are starved from intimacy, yet are shamed when the biological urge takes hold
COMMENT: This is a commandment from the God of Israel. This is not a suggestion. In a marriage, if one wants some sex, the other must obey, PERIOD AND POINT BLANK!! 1 Corinthians 7:[3] Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. [4] The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. [5] Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
This is indeed a commandment, and since your summary focused on the first part, I will pick up the last: "Except it be for consent for a time." There are situations that happen with both men and women that require that the other be understanding for a time, mutually agreed upon with respect and love, and consistent with fasting (going without) and prayer. The God of Israel is a dictator, but benevolent-- "For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." Psalm.139:14. The woman side of that, at least once a month, sometimes needs some rest... rest given her by the God of Israel in Leviticus as it happens, once a month. There are also things that happen with men that may require some rest for him, too. The idea is that God knows that the general rule is for married couples to have sex and not deny each other... but there is a framework for the exceptions that occur because we are flawed physical beings with limited strength.
@@hymnodyhands ""Except it be for consent for a time." means that both must agree, not just one. You missed the POINT. Modern women(the majority and not the exceptions) are not obeying the commandment. This is why the majority of Israelites are going to die when Christ Jesus(The black Messiah) returns. Amos 9:[10] All the sinners of my people shall die by the sword, which say, The evil shall not overtake nor prevent us. Luke 17:[26] And as it was in the days of Noe, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man. [27] They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all. [28] Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded; [29] But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. [30] Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed. COMMENT: The majority is going to die because of SIN!! Sin is "breaking God's commandments." 1 John 3:[4] Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law.
@@jeshurunben-israel5330 And you didn't read what I actually said: "Mutually agreed upon with respect and love." That's sitting in my respectful response to you. Now, if you want to go through Scripture from the Torah through Revelation on this subject, we could possibly make time, but it would be helpful if you respond to WHAT I SAID, not what you think I missed. We agree that I Corinthians requires -- REQUIRES -- that wives and husbands meet each other's sexual needs. But there are exceptions to IMMEDIATE FULFILLMENT to be agreed upon by both partners... the passage does not provide an absolute because God is the All-wise, and knows: we will not always be able to perform. Further reading in Ephesians and Colossians shows how the husband is to regard the needs of his wife and the wife the needs of her husband such that there is a framework for how to negotiate the delays in a loving, respectful way. Women have to go changes every month, and pregnancy brings more change. Men go through changes in circumstances and emotions also, although not on a regular basis. Age hits everyone a little differently. Health challenges and accidents come along. Life crises come along in general, with the resulting exhaustion. All these things can be worked out with in accord with the commandment, because there IS room to reasonably work things out: "I love and respect you and know you need this. Can we plan on X time after I can recover some from Y circumstance?"
I knew three black men in the same situation and they all cheat. I always asked why they stayed where they obviously wasn't appreciated. Strange thing is, all of their wives didn't cook. It was just strange to me. I definitely wouldn't put up with it. Personally, All of these women must be cheating but definitely can't handle the fact their husbands cheat. It always lead me by to something I asked years ago. Why do men marry women that can't cook, don't clean and has used sex as a weapon? Why sit and complain when you knew you married someone for the streets? Just weird shit people do....attach themselves to people that ain't worth their time. 🤦🏾♀️
Take that same energy and curiosity and ask women why do they love abusive narcissistic dudes that treat them like crap.... bet the answer makes about the same amount of sense.
Exactly Candice. Look for women to marry that are naturally affectionate, happy to serve her man food and someone who is selfless. Avoid women who do not match these traits.
They been raised in a gynocracy. Raised to serve. They just underpaid concuserfs. Had they been raised in patriarchy, guess how they will move. Notice Africans and Caribbeans don't have these problems,unless those raised in US and around you know how
Some women pull a bait and switch. They'll be a totally different person up until they get the ring. After that it's open season. And in today's society women are fully incentivized to leave the marriage if they wake up one day and feel like filing the paperwork. When a woman behaves that way and doesn't leave it is because they have a situation set up that fully benefits them and they are comfortable. She may not have cooked from the start but it probably wasn't something he prioritized his wife to do, but there were probably one or two other attributes she could bring to the union. Those men know if they divorce they could lose everything they spent however many years of their lives working hard to build. So, yeah ...the last resort is to cheat. And they know their wives are cheating but they have to choose what type of unhappiness they can live with. Hurt hearts or broke on the verge of homelessness after working hard for years to build a life??? Which would you choose ?
I am a new subscriber to your channel. You’re content and conversation is on point. I’m having a hard time finding a black therapist. Me and my wife went a couple conseling everything was my fault. I am glad I found your channel thank you for knowledge
Its the sacrifice for me....its so difficult to leave this situation when your young child seems to love you so much. I am terrified that this will damage him and cause emotional trama.
Thank u sir, I am going through this control and manipulation. I have raised my issue n dissatisfaction shared scriptures n bared my soul. Its worse after a fight it becomes n excuse for me to say i was wrong n no accountability from her we hv children makes things difficult but kills passion
i think everybody knows its not an issue exclusive to black men. but this channel is dedicated more or less to black males so thats the focus of the discussion.
"Sexless marriage" is a sure fire sign of a controlling spouse. It's done intentionally, not an accident. It's done to keep the man down, to keep him unhappy, to not let him feel good about himself. There ar a bunch of other control measures in play behind the scenes.
Wow.....I 4got to say....I'm here because of Oshay Duke Jackson☺ U have great content☺ My parents all my teenage/adult life lived in a sexless marriage&slept in diff. bedrooms....Hell I thought it was normal😱 #SMH
Unless your parents told you so, don't assume. African parents very shinobi like (stealthy) when they have sex. And it's a western thing for couples to have one bedroom. In most cultures each parent has their own room
What is the solution? How do I avoid marrying a woman that will have a sexless marriage? If I am in it how do we fix it? Or is this a western problem and as such I should avoid western women.
How are black men in so many sellers marriages but yall said only about 40percent are married and out of the 40 percent married are only 20percent married to black women....it doesn't make sense.....so the sellers marriages must be with noncolored
Where’d you get your stats? Thirty three percent of Black men are married and 85% of them are married to Black women. So it’s far more likely those sexless marriages are with Black women. Stop it.
To @NursesTeachingNurses, read the comments above. There are many men suffering but even it is only Dr. Johnson and I. Our pain is valid. That said, Dr. T. Hasan Johnson, this comment is about control and gaslighting is the next extension. Either detractors will say, “this happens to everybody or it is not that bad, why are you complaining, there must be something wrong with you.” We cannot win. #SYSBM 🙄
EPILOGUE: Nearly a year ago, I was newly separated and emotionally fragile. I was very nervous doing the video but know if I was able to help one man keep from being suicidal, it was worth it. I have since met women, Black and Latino, willing to have great sex and I am much happier. This show helped me realize, I was not alone in my struggle and for that I am eternally grateful.
And we’re grateful to you, doc!
Yes it makes a big difference and people try to overlook everything except the basics.
Aye shout out to one of the best Psych Professors Ive ever had. 🎉🎉😎
Got married 6 months ago to an amazing woman
Great discussion, I was in a 5 year marriage, and the last 1.5 year of it was seriously sparce with sex. We had 2 children under 2 and I was carrying the financial support, and was trying to force her to do her part of a house wife that she begged for, but completely laid down on the job. With all that going on and not getting that release when I wanted had me tight as F! I felt like I was getting plunked, because unless you're willing to go to jail due to imposing your will, your hands are tied to a degree. I personally have no intentions, or desire, and can't think of any scenario that would have me married under paperwork again. I gladly paid for my freedom through divorce, and have my peace of mind. Now if things are at a impasse, and doesn't work for me, I vote with my feet, and leave in peace ✌️
Did she tell you why she longer wanted to make love?
@@mumiaali4821 because she was already having sex with someone else
To be honest I dont care about getting married....I'm here just for spousal support and alimony.....I'm here for the finese like alot of the black men go through
it truly is a form of bullying
I was married for 33 years. By my best estimates, I would say that cumulatively hadn't had sex with my now exwife for at least 19 of those years. Counseling was a waste of time, primarily because most female therapist are somewhat feminist. That generally meant, as a man it was always my fault. The male therapist were generally beta/blue pillers who believed that women are equal to men.
Two things I leaned from Rollo Tomassi was, "genuine desire" can't be negotiated. Choreplay is bulllshit. Doing chores and all the other bull that men are told doesn't create genuine desire. That's what women need to keep them going. It's the game of the cat and the sting, or push and pull. When boredom sets in, desire falls off. Next "Relational equity". Doing all the things women and society tells you that will make a woman desire a man is more b.s. If what they said was true, why do women generally go for the bad boys, who are generally street hustlers, abusers, little or no education... They go for that type because they can't control or predict what that man will do. It's the excitement created by the bad boy being unpredictable. His relational equity with a woman isn't built on the general social constructs put for through social construction. But through his sense of being able to truly understand her evolutionary need for the cat and the string game.
Indeed. 16 years ago, however, I’d never heard of these ideas. I wonder if most men-even most red-pilled men now (even yourself)-had heard such ideas spoken aloud?
boom 💥
21 years in the last 11 dead bed I mean once every two years.
@@Lord_darkside74 DAMN!
@@Lord_darkside74 hell on earth.
As a psychotherapist, I appreciate this conversation on so many levels to list here. I just listened to a female version of this same topic. The male version is two years older. I appreciate how authentic and honest men will be when discussing emotions and accepting accountability for our crap. In the women’s version they spoke in generalities and accepted little accountability for their part in this issue. Unless both people are willing to be authentic and accountable to self, the resolutions to this issue are: continue to suffer in silence, cheat, or get a divorce and repeat this cycle in the next relationship.
The hardest line came at 1 hr 36 mins.. I am disrespectful to myself if I am still around in this situation.. Black men do not let ppl or situations make you disrespect yourself..💯💯
Its true
This is crazy. I know a guy who’s been married for 39 years. He’s been talking about not getting sex long long period of twins since the 90’s. I see that black men are just too proud to be honest about this which hurts the the next generation.
This is John Henryism.
@@DrTHasanJohnson I wonder what percentage of men turn to excessive drinking and religion as a form of cognitive dissidents.
Maybe that guy is the same one I know, ! 🥺
I wish someone told me before I fell in the trap.
I was married for 10 years. It was a sexless marriage. I thought I was the problem but I wasn't. I remember watching one of BGS's videos about imprinting and why her sexual history matters. I wasn't the type of guy that imprinted her...but I was the type of guy that could provide for her.
Bottom line...look at her history...and if you are in a sexless marriage, leave today because that is not your woman.
Always , always have options ! Derrick Jaxn certainly did !😂
Elaborate what do you mean she is not your woman
@@ALMiGhTyKuLTuReJeYy The reason we are not together is because she was cheating and I divorced her. Men need to come to terms with the fact that if she is not having sex with you, she is most likely having sex with someone else...hence "she is not your woman"...she belongs to someone else.
Can you send me the link ?
Most men are relationship material not sex material. Meaning most men will be cheated on.
Many men unaware they are sexually undesirable. If you are a sexually undesirable male what's the point of leaving a woman who cheats on you when the next woman will do it as well.
The next woman will just do a better job at not getting caught.
Sexually undesirable men don't get monogamy. They just get women good at not getting caught.
That's why so many guys out here are stressed and depressed.
I've listened to this video twice already. This was an amazing conversation. I absolutely love this topic. To know that there are other men routinely going 8-9 months without sex with their wife is comforting in a sense. It feels self emasculating to think that you're the only one who went though this...when you think the problem is with yourself and you're doing everything in your power to fix it.
Doc, everything you described that you did...I did. My ex wife and I even had about 10 conversations about her not performing her "wifely duties". I paid all the bills and kept the house up. I thought this was enough to warrant regular sex. Then I hear my friends who aren't doing half the things I'm doing getting the nastiest things done to them by their wives. I'm going to send this video to all the men I know who are in sexless marriages...cause there are a lot them. Thanks again.
I'm really surprised and at the same time dissappointed with the amount of followers. In my opinion every black man living in a western country should follow Dr. T. Hasan Johnson and also his highly esteemed guests. His topics hit the very core of what it is to be a black man living in westen countries especially in relation to our women. This is pure gold!
Seriously. This man is an intellectual necessity for African American males.
@@thedhive6512 not only for African American males. Also for us Afro European males. Black women (in the west) behave the same where ever you go.
Dang 😢......This was me in 2019. Thank you Dr. Johnson for this message and your work 🙏🏾
If your wife doesn't have some health issue don't waste time begging her for pleasure go find it somewhere else. Once she see you're not sweating her anymore she will get the message and straighten up or it's over. Physical intimacy is a must in every marriage.
Right. A man shouldn’t have to ask his wife for sex. Ladies it’s not that hard to please your man sexually. Ladies Stop making excuses cause what you don’t do another woman will gladly do it for you.
Uncle gave me the best advice keep a side chick always so you don't end up in this position
Once you quote unquote "Beat her back out" now you're expected to perform like that every single time you're intimate with her or you're a failure. Even her inability to pair bond with you because of her having so many sexual partners before you is your fault...smh.
Stay in shape!give the best version of yourself to significant other. It goes both ways!
Barz!!!!
So true but women need to stop making excuses when it comes sex. Cause if men stop providing for them they will be mad. Men have needs and wants too.
@@eve9981 👏🏽👏🏽
Wow! Every young man needs to hear this discussion b4 they get in too deep.
Absolutely true.
Im highly fascinated by how these very educated brothers do not understand the basic psychology of women. Thier academic training (and society wide propaganda about the nature of men and women) is a hindrance to thier understanding of this particular concept. Its a hindrance to accessing the more visceral understanding of the desires that govern the nature of human mating. Desire cannot be negotiated. The act of negotiation itself is a turn off to women. Counselling makes you seem even more desperate and needy. And theraphy is often weaponised to gaslight, confuse and torture the guys who arent wise enough to it. Perhaps you should consider that your exwives never found you sexually desirable? Perhaps sex for them was a carrot on a stick, a means to an end to secure your emotional and financial commitment.Thats why the tap can be easily be turned off once she got what she wanted. For guys who found themselves in a dead bedroom situation, the best option is simply to leave. And d fact that good and decent men arent willing to leave her is exactly what she is counting upon. That no matter how bad it got, you guys will put up with it. And that exactly why she continued to take you for granted. And maybe thats exactly why she choose you.
facts
In short, she saw him as a mark.
There’re plenty of blue pill men without degrees who’ve had the same indoctrination. Degrees had little to do with it. But if it makes you feel superior to do so have at it. I can’t speak for Dr. Gamble, but desirability wasn’t the issue in my marriage. The problem had more to do with her insecurities than anything to directly do with me. As far as leaving women, I’ve done a great deal of that before and after my marriage... The problem is that the indoctrination of many western women (and men) may help me individually but wasn’t the easiest tactic when children and family court are involved.
@@DrTHasanJohnson I'm 62 yrs old going through a severe marriage crisis. The first thing I told my therapist is that I've been f**ked up by two things Evangelical Christianity and Second Wave Feminism.
@DrTHasanJohnson thank you..the hate on your academic achievements is evident in the comment above. Has not a damn thing to do with this situation.
I damn near wanted to cry because this conversation really resonated me black men really need to hear these things because we are conditioned to put women first to be that ideal good man/ husband
18:00 two strangers working a small daycare
Wow! This was such a great conversation. I appreciate your transparency and vulnerability.
Divine Masculine
Been 4.5 years and all I get are blank looks when I ask. Stepped out once and she found some hair in the car. Was furious at me but still no change. I'm looking for a place now.. would rather be alone than keep being depressed.
You guys try marital counseling?
@@DrTHasanJohnson She said she doesn't want to "discuss our problems with strangers".. 😵💫. She tries to make a half-hearted effort now but only because she knows I'm preparing to leave. And again wanted to thank you for this insightful knowledgeable and open discussion.
@@dmcarden If you haven’t already, check this channel out thoroughly. ruclips.net/video/sxdbf9gOBsk/видео.htmlsi=xDyx7LI_VZCKTBDi
@@dmcarden ruclips.net/user/livem8fyRqoIMkk?si=95K5doaqS5huWlIa
@DrTHasanJohnson ty for both of these!! It's funny, they popped up after I saw your video!! She is soooo on point!!
Dr. Johnson, My Brother, I thought I was the ONLY one. I can't stop crying
Went 6 momths without it
With a ex gf
Eventually split ways
I suspected affair
She always talked about this electrician from her job
Yep she been getting her back broke by another dude .
6 months!! A half of year without sex from your own gf??? Oh naww! I would had left after the 1st month. What made you stay????
He is the one firing her borg circuits while she earthed your desire
Letting go of expectations in conjunction with making myself the center of my universe was the way I was able to push through. Thereafter I moved like a nation-state and everyone was on *my* agenda. A fantastic and well-timed conversation. Thank you. 💯
Having no expectations of anyone other than yourself is a stress free way to live. It makes you indifferent when you don’t receive something, yet grateful when you do. I can relate to you my brother
"Black Uru Strikes! -And make no mistake, women will USE your love for your children to reap havoc on you. So there is a certain point where you must put yourself first and foremost over any/everyone else." Mr. Palmer says to keep your veins cold!!!!
I'm a grad student at CSULB. I have to find this man.Thank you for all of your work doctors.
He’s no longer at CSULB. He’s at Oakwood University now.
@@DrTHasanJohnson Ah damn, thank you very much for that info Dr. Johnson.
I personally believe that the women are sleeping with other men when this happens. I can do without the marriage thing personally, it's not worth it these days
You're just trying to make Black women look bad, when they're the ones who are often suffering, too. Black women as a whole are not "sleeping with other men" within their marriage.
yeah 9 time out of ten they are, your truly... a former side nigga!
@@janaepreastly9998 All the statistics say women cheat as much as men including blk women.. sounds like you deflecting, really for no reason
@@janaepreastly9998 yes they are..💯🎯
@@janaepreastly9998 YA'LL are the main ones that sleeps around rather you're in a relationship or actually legally married
I was married to my ex for 26 years and I share every roadblock mentioned in this post. Dr. Gamble’s at @1:30 was inspirational!!!
these LAMES are trying too justify HOW GOOD they are!!!! to WOMEN who don't care or RESPECT them..... let them go
A sexless marriage is an exclamation point that she does not care enough about you. She doesn't have to have the strongest desire to copulation with you. Its a form of bullying, of control and a potent weapon to use in a power struggle. Once she has that control she won't want to let it go. Ie: you won't be getting none for long periods.
I had a friend years ago , on the dsy of his wedding, the brides father pulled him aside and asked him if he was sure he wanted to go thru with the marriage. He ignored that obvious red flag and married her. A few years and a child later, she is not working several pounds overweight and not keeping the house clean. When he tried to address these issues, she told him.." i got you..i dont have to do anything now". He was gone and divorced within a year.
now he is going to be accused of being a deadbeat and abusive ex husband.
Just wanna say I know this is for black men. However I’m a Mexican man that is separated and my wife is black. However 7 yrs sexless in marriage until I just recently separated. The thing that hurt the most is that not even a month and she’s already living her best life on social media with pictures. And this kind of content really is a lifesaver because not if any content for men on sexless marriages. So thank you and yes men in this situation do have self worth and there are woman out there. Hopefully I’ll get there slowly but surely. But thanks again Dr.T.
Keep your head up, fam!
Great discussion! This is one of the areas that the Manosphere needs to expand discussions into especially since it is more common in marriages than people would like to believe. I often assert that sex-deprivation/sex-rationing is both a form of manipulation and cheating-by-proxy because a promise was made to fulfill sexual needs of a partner to the best of one’s ability in exchange for their sexual exclusivity. Sexual bait-&-switch occurs which is essentially the mal-affected partner being swindled/cheated into a relationship under the auspice of depending on the other partner fulfilling their sexual needs.
That’s a dam shame! WHY in the world do you men put up with that! I doubt if wives would stay wives if the husband didn’t fulfill HIS duty to provide! Oops! Then again, there are many women who insist on staying in such scenarios, too!🤔
I related to this conversation so much. Thank you brothers 🙏🏾
I see it doesn't matter what our educational or economic status is. The same rules apply to all women. If Blkwomen think, you are depending on them for anything especially, sex. (Expect disrespect).....And they have to always know, you can get other women. If not, disrespect is around the corner.
Loved Dr. Gamble. Very clear and insightful…no bitterness or anger👏🏾👏🏾.
Great discussion. What I'm finding is that some women are no longer sexy, so men are being turned off by the women they're married to. Folks think the man is the issue, no sir, it's the woman and her insecurities particularly if she's getting older. Peace.
Sureeeee and men are always attractive huh? That's how the body works, you are just proving that you are not ready to be married, young this, young that, look this, look like that.
It all comes down to sexual attraction; whether the couple has it for each other or not. No wonder open marriages (Swingers) was so heavily engaged In by the w folks!🤣
@@user-yr6uu1st6q30:30 suicidal ideation
@@patriciacoley380138:30 black men as toys on shelves
Great life changing conversation brothers. Thank you for having it. All my brothers...know your value as the unique Soul that you are.
I planned on taking surfing lessons this summer. So excited. Need a hobby that I can concentrate on and master! As well as being near the water! Good to see another black man that enjoys surfing!
Thank you brothers this was such powerful conversation. Sometimes we brothers move around thinking got all things figured out but Lord knows we still have a lot to learn. I really appreciate this.
Thank you Drs. Johnson and Gamble, this was an excellent discussion.
55:30 was the mark on what happened in my last marriage. Even the pastor agreed with her. The church was the major source of reason on her pivotal decision of divorcing me.
This was powerful and real. Definately identified with alot of what was shared in this interview. Thank you both
Great discussion a year later. Lots of food for thoughts. Thanks gentlemen👏🏾👏🏾.
I wish I could have told, these guys what to do. I had a friend from Africa he used to complain about having to beg his wife for sex........When I saw she was American and straight from the Hood. I said to myself "Does he know what he's dealing with"?
It isn't just a black American thing. In many eastern cultures once the woman is beyond child bearing years they don't feel the need to have sex regularly anymore. Alot of arabs, desis complain regularly about sexless marriages. I met 2 hausa Nigerian men said hausa women weaponize sex they won't sleep with them for weeks or months at a time. I tell women I want sex on demand I won't negotiate sex whenever I want it.
@@charlesirby9571 No, its worst then that.......The woman married to my African friend......one night she took the keys for the car, the mailbox, and front door. At that point......he didnt argue, he just left, grabbed all his personal belongings and left the car and furniture and started over.
This is why you must marry virgin women!
Currently going through a separation and didn't realize that this is a thing. What I find ironic about this is that men are starved from intimacy, yet are shamed when the biological urge takes hold
COMMENT: This is a commandment from the God of Israel. This is not a suggestion. In a marriage, if one wants some sex, the other must obey, PERIOD AND POINT BLANK!!
1 Corinthians 7:[3] Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. [4] The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. [5] Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
"multiple wives" would also solve the problem too. polygamy is our culture.
This is indeed a commandment, and since your summary focused on the first part, I will pick up the last: "Except it be for consent for a time." There are situations that happen with both men and women that require that the other be understanding for a time, mutually agreed upon with respect and love, and consistent with fasting (going without) and prayer. The God of Israel is a dictator, but benevolent-- "For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." Psalm.139:14. The woman side of that, at least once a month, sometimes needs some rest... rest given her by the God of Israel in Leviticus as it happens, once a month. There are also things that happen with men that may require some rest for him, too. The idea is that God knows that the general rule is for married couples to have sex and not deny each other... but there is a framework for the exceptions that occur because we are flawed physical beings with limited strength.
@@hymnodyhands ""Except it be for consent for a time." means that both must agree, not just one. You missed the POINT. Modern women(the majority and not the exceptions) are not obeying the commandment. This is why the majority of Israelites are going to die when Christ Jesus(The black Messiah) returns.
Amos 9:[10] All the sinners of my people shall die by the sword, which say, The evil shall not overtake nor prevent us.
Luke 17:[26] And as it was in the days of Noe, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man. [27] They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all. [28] Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded; [29] But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. [30] Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of man is revealed.
COMMENT: The majority is going to die because of SIN!! Sin is "breaking God's commandments."
1 John 3:[4] Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law.
That's why Yah allowed men to have multiple wives if necessary.
@@jeshurunben-israel5330 And you didn't read what I actually said: "Mutually agreed upon with respect and love." That's sitting in my respectful response to you. Now, if you want to go through Scripture from the Torah through Revelation on this subject, we could possibly make time, but it would be helpful if you respond to WHAT I SAID, not what you think I missed.
We agree that I Corinthians requires -- REQUIRES -- that wives and husbands meet each other's sexual needs. But there are exceptions to IMMEDIATE FULFILLMENT to be agreed upon by both partners... the passage does not provide an absolute because God is the All-wise, and knows: we will not always be able to perform.
Further reading in Ephesians and Colossians shows how the husband is to regard the needs of his wife and the wife the needs of her husband such that there is a framework for how to negotiate the delays in a loving, respectful way. Women have to go changes every month, and pregnancy brings more change. Men go through changes in circumstances and emotions also, although not on a regular basis. Age hits everyone a little differently. Health challenges and accidents come along. Life crises come along in general, with the resulting exhaustion. All these things can be worked out with in accord with the commandment, because there IS room to reasonably work things out: "I love and respect you and know you need this. Can we plan on X time after I can recover some from Y circumstance?"
I knew three black men in the same situation and they all cheat. I always asked why they stayed where they obviously wasn't appreciated. Strange thing is, all of their wives didn't cook. It was just strange to me. I definitely wouldn't put up with it. Personally, All of these women must be cheating but definitely can't handle the fact their husbands cheat. It always lead me by to something I asked years ago. Why do men marry women that can't cook, don't clean and has used sex as a weapon? Why sit and complain when you knew you married someone for the streets? Just weird shit people do....attach themselves to people that ain't worth their time. 🤦🏾♀️
Take that same energy and curiosity and ask women why do they love abusive narcissistic dudes that treat them like crap.... bet the answer makes about the same amount of sense.
Exactly Candice. Look for women to marry that are naturally affectionate, happy to serve her man food and someone who is selfless. Avoid women who do not match these traits.
They been raised in a gynocracy. Raised to serve. They just underpaid concuserfs.
Had they been raised in patriarchy, guess how they will move.
Notice Africans and Caribbeans don't have these problems,unless those raised in US and around you know how
Some women pull a bait and switch. They'll be a totally different person up until they get the ring. After that it's open season. And in today's society women are fully incentivized to leave the marriage if they wake up one day and feel like filing the paperwork. When a woman behaves that way and doesn't leave it is because they have a situation set up that fully benefits them and they are comfortable. She may not have cooked from the start but it probably wasn't something he prioritized his wife to do, but there were probably one or two other attributes she could bring to the union. Those men know if they divorce they could lose everything they spent however many years of their lives working hard to build. So, yeah ...the last resort is to cheat. And they know their wives are cheating but they have to choose what type of unhappiness they can live with. Hurt hearts or broke on the verge of homelessness after working hard for years to build a life??? Which would you choose ?
I am a new subscriber to your channel. You’re content and conversation is on point. I’m having a hard time finding a black therapist. Me and my wife went a couple conseling everything was my fault. I am glad I found your channel thank you for knowledge
Its the sacrifice for me....its so difficult to leave this situation when your young child seems to love you so much. I am terrified that this will damage him and cause emotional trama.
Wait until your children turn 18 then leave.
Bottom-line: don't get married?
Thank u sir, I am going through this control and manipulation. I have raised my issue n dissatisfaction shared scriptures n bared my soul. Its worse after a fight it becomes n excuse for me to say i was wrong n no accountability from her we hv children makes things difficult but kills passion
Great conversation. This is why I belong to B.A., Bachelor's Anonymous!!
57:00 "policy has created an environment of unrealistic expectations"
Excellent Show Dr T🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
I'm at the point just living for the family. Now I'm leaving. I'm out.
Not going to just be here.
Thanks!
Thank you so much for your much needed work.
Yes can hear you.
This is why I'll always keep a side-chick on-deck!
This was great
The title could be "American Men in Sexless Marriages".
This is not just restricted to Black guys.
Kick Rocks...
This is for all men in the world fam smh
i think everybody knows its not an issue exclusive to black men. but this channel is dedicated more or less to black males so thats the focus of the discussion.
You are not alone .it's been 3 years just stop asking.looking for other resources.
"Sexless marriage" is a sure fire sign of a controlling spouse. It's done intentionally, not an accident. It's done to keep the man down, to keep him unhappy, to not let him feel good about himself. There ar a bunch of other control measures in play behind the scenes.
Much respect !
Jada said that if you love me you should be able to read my mind.
Exactly how it goes
This was so powerful
Holy s***
Developing a healthy relationship w/self helped me get out of my relationship w/KraKK.
Wow.....I 4got to say....I'm here because of Oshay Duke Jackson☺ U have great content☺ My parents all my teenage/adult life lived in a sexless marriage&slept in diff. bedrooms....Hell I thought it was normal😱 #SMH
Unless your parents told you so, don't assume. African parents very shinobi like (stealthy) when they have sex. And it's a western thing for couples to have one bedroom.
In most cultures each parent has their own room
You are the best.
🤝🏾
Woman is complaining. Why men do not want to get married
Yes
Not me my girlfriend is fine and understands the situation
What is the solution? How do I avoid marrying a woman that will have a sexless marriage? If I am in it how do we fix it? Or is this a western problem and as such I should avoid western women.
They don't want to have sex with you, but if you step out it's a problem.
O no not another year.
Uncle Tony was funny. He was 1 of 12. 🙂
This was a great show. Thought it was only me. Wow. Married 27 years. Decisions are being made to change this.
Good. Stay vigilant. It may take a while but persevere.
Update: I filed for divorce last week. Couldn't do it any longer.
Icall my girl my roommate.
How are black men in so many sellers marriages but yall said only about 40percent are married and out of the 40 percent married are only 20percent married to black women....it doesn't make sense.....so the sellers marriages must be with noncolored
Where’d you get your stats? Thirty three percent of Black men are married and 85% of them are married to Black women. So it’s far more likely those sexless marriages are with Black women. Stop it.
To @NursesTeachingNurses, read the comments above. There are many men suffering but even it is only Dr. Johnson and I. Our pain is valid.
That said, Dr. T. Hasan Johnson, this comment is about control and gaslighting is the next extension. Either detractors will say, “this happens to everybody or it is not that bad, why are you complaining, there must be something wrong with you.” We cannot win. #SYSBM 🙄
Your fine
1 simple title ..... LAMES !!!!!
Ok Steve Harvey..