Autism and Loneliness (My Most Personal Video Yet)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- Some of you know that I have been dealing with some awful stuff the last few days. I won't tell you what brought it about, but I will discuss the general premise of what I'm going through and how it relates to autism. Hopefully this will be therapeutic for you as it was for me.
Patreon: / maxderrat
SubscribeStar: www.subscribes...
PayPal: paypal.me/maxderrat
Twitter: maxderrat
Discord Link: / discord
Twitch: twitch.tv/maxderrat
E-mail: maxderrat@yahoo.ca
#autism
#mentalhealth
#bellletstalk
"I'm sick of trying to improve myself for neurotypicals so I isolate myself." is the serious rut I'm in right now, man.
I grew to accept and be OK with that, and it was a huge mistake. Feels like I had to re-learn very basic social things, but it came back fast. Force yourself out of your comfort zones guys. I know it sucks, and sometimes it's impossible, but try it when you can. It helps me. Try to find places you can be surrounded by people but still feel comfortable and not let your anxiety or crowds get to you. Outdoors, hiking, parks, movie theatre, walking around a big store, are all things that help me. Sorry if this sounds ridiculous, but I'm trying to get back to a baseline of feeling good and normal again. Feels like I'm behind everyone else my age, but hey, giving up isn't gonna help me or anyone. Keep your head up. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle, and I think there are a lot of people like this out there, whether they realize it or not.
I should've learned to manipulate the human animal a decade ago, when I still had the energy. Just enough to properly deflect, distract and disregard them. Now I'm stuck learning to isolate and fight them off, properly, on top of just surviving.
@@ZeranZeran I've had 10 years of trying this cheery cherry creampuff shit ever since I got diagnosed. Autism is just another by-word for "retard" in my experience, and more than enough people are happy to drill that into you for thinking you could handle being a neurotypical on a regular basis
@@IlIBonesIlI You don't have to be a cheery creampuff man. I'm sure as hell not IRL. Don't live for other people, live for yourself, do what makes you happy, as long as it's not hurting others. There is always a way to change your life, even when you feel stuck. I'm sorry I don't have more concrete advice, but I've felt like you have many times before, and it sucks. I'm sorry man.
I made an effort in college, but then my chronic illness hit and I gave up. I agree that people should make an effort to socialize, but if they run up against constant failure that's going to just make things worse. Max strikes me as someone who has an easier time making friends than the average aspie and yet even he seems to be struggling.
And That's the story of how Max's dicord server became dating server.
If he was into hook-ups, he'd be drowning in meaningless encounters by the weekend lmao
@@notdave7848 not true Not Dave, autism makes it hard to get dates due to inability to understand social cues and body language problems. I would know because I am autistic myself.
@@AdolfStalin I too am autistic and have studied NLP and PUA stuff. Once you learn to harness your attention mechanism and can systemize human behavioral patterns, you can/will be FLOODED with 😽. However I don't recommend indulging too much - will mess with your ability to long term pair bond once you've lost some of that magic and are just going through the motions.
Meaningless hookups are possible for autists, if they really want it. But they aren't good for anyone. Sex should be with someone you have a real connection with, already.
Could you elaborate and perhaps ruin the joke?
Edit: I think I get what it means in my context, still I want to know what the joke means to you in your context.
Dude, I seriously and mean seriously hope this discord dating thing doesn't end up in questionable romances. (If you know what I mean) I really like max and his videos, but I have seen so many youtubers do this and go down the rabbit hole of "unwanted sexual encounters" to put it lightly.
Sometimes I feel more lonely WITH people than I do by MYSELF. I think this is because feeling MISUNDERSTOOD leads to loneliness. But watching your videos makes me feel UNDERSTOOD and therefore less LONELY. Keep up the good work Max! You really are one of the HIGHEST QUALITY youtubers out there.
I feel like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit lol.
You're autistic?
i think i feel most lonely at work, and i’m at my quietest there. not gonna lie, my neurotypical co workers scare me. they invite me to things and pressure me and insult me. whenever im there, i want nothing more than to not be there.
yeah being around people who don't "get you" is frustrating and worse than being alone, def...
I don't have autism but i can relate to "wanting to be a part of the game". Thank you for putting this online, I can relate and I feel kind of relieved. And I hope all of us who feel lonely may feel happy and wanted again.
Facts bro.
I feel that ❤
Yeah i thought i didn't have autism either😊
This hit so close to home. Being autistic, I struggle with loneliness.
And I too came to a crushing realization. This past year I've been working, and have failed to make friends with any of the coworkers I'm surrounded by. I haven't made a new friend in over seven years. Historically, I feel more lonely when I'm in public, due to my lack of confidence in my ability to socialize with anyone. So when I formulated this thought, I spiraled, and I have never felt lonelier.
Same. Thanks for sharing!
I don't know you, but in all honesty, I'd like to be your friend, you sound like a very thoughtful person. If it helps at all, I came to the realization a while ago, that it's better to be alone than pretend to feel alright. You might like the book Return To Solitude, there is a great video essay by the channel Academy of Ideas here on YT. But anyway, I wish you a great life. 🖤
Yeah It's hard to deal with. Most of the time being just outside with other people is just draining mentally.
Dont give up man. Have faith. Even in our darkest hours, we can still find our light
@Corpsebreath Here's a reminder to come back to this in case you forgot!
I’m here and ready to be emotional let’s go
N word ???
You're not merely ready to be emotional, you'd already begun to express anticipation
Less go
Beta
"I'm sick of trying to improve myself for neurotypicals so I isolate myself."
Exactly why i did it. I did it for so long, in fact i remember i was already doing it at 7 yo
and it never got me anywhere.
It isn't about going anywhere, is to feel happy
@@catarinamelchiorgomes8750 no shit
... I feel this honestly. I am 28/f and autistic. Let me tell you something.
I did my best on trying to fit in and to be as equally capable as neurotypicals.
I cannot.
I tried to outrun my bullies by going to university, proving that I was better than them.
It didnt work.
I participated in a traineeship program with the goal of learning enough skills to overcome my own autism.
I failed.
The reason why I failed is actually quite simple. I started to reject myself on an early age because I knew I was different. I tried to hide it, outrun it, coat it over. I tried everything because I was afraid as FUCK what would become of me if i didnt. I felt sick. Incompetent. Incapabel.
This changed during my traineeship after realizing that I couldnt keep up the pace. I called the project leader and I got angry at the entire situation. I. Couldnt. And if she wanted me to remain on the project, things had to change.
She apologized. And more than that, she said that she wanted me to be happy. And she saw that I was the happiest and most relaxed while I was doing watercolors. So she told me: be there when you can be there, take your watercolors with you, we can work this out. And she told me this with so much integraty that I apologized again and again for not talking earlier about this.
Due to the way that autism works, I have a much harder time maintaining relationships. I focus on the wrong details, I get stuck in my head and my anxiety for making mistakes sometimes gets the better of me. I need love, I need connection, I need to feel part of something bigger.
I am human and I have the same wants and needs as everyone else.
Realizing this allowed me to build an equal relationship with my parents. It allowed me to connect better with my brother. It allowed me to talk better with my bestie. It allowed me to be a part of a DnD party and people tell me that they enjoy playing with me. There are good people out there. Non judgemental. Whether they are neurotypical (like the project leader) or autistic (like my bestie), I can now connect better to both them, and myself.
All because I started to accept myself for who I am and manage to work with my autism, instead of against it.
@@elyaequestus1409 Besides my friends and family that give me love, But I want a partner that cares for me and would understand my Autism, Anxiety, and ADHD. They'll give me alot of love and I would spend time with them forever. 🥰❤💟😖😭😫😔
I was masking and self-isolating long before it went mainstream.
I totally get it. I get exhausted trying to be around others, but lonely af when alone for long periods of time.
It's like that for everyone. I'm not autistic but sometimes I need a break from people, than I get lonely. Finding balance is the key.
@@Alvin-xs7db l bet it can be rough. Just explain to people what's going on. If they are true friends, they will understand.
@@Alvin-xs7db that's funny 😀.Glad you have good friends. One of my best friends ever is autistic. That's why I get it. Not everyone will accept you but the cool ones will.😎
I’m the same I feel drained being around others for long enough and I am so happy when I’m on my own for long periods of time
@@Alvin-xs7db lmao I relate to this comment on soo many levels
I like you, dude.
That’s it.
That’s all I have to say here, I guess.
➕ ➕ 1
The problem with having autism is that you're an intelligent, kind, honest, reasonable, empathetic, understanding and compassionate person in a world full of exactly the opposite. And they treat us like we're "broken".
If you think about people like that it‘s no wonder they don‘t like you. Narcissism might be your real problem.
@@Muscaplays If you were offended by my comment, then stupidity must be your real problem.
@Dalton Black No deflection here. Just honesty. My original comment was defending autistic people and pointing out our positive traits in comparison with the often times cruel and heartless world we live in. Someone reacted to it by getting offended and insulting me, so I insulted that person back. No deflection, just honesty. If you're too simple to understand my original point then that's your problem.
@@Muscaplays If I'm a narcissist with the wrong attitude and allegedly nobody likes me (as you incorrectly assume), then why is it that I posted the same comment on another video and over 100 people liked it and agreed with me in the comments? I'll tell you why. Because clearly you're the only loser who took issue with my comment.
@Dalton Black My mistake then. Sorry for that. I apologise. I thought you were talking to me.
As the years go by, I've started to learn that I'm doomed no matter what, my autism as much as it shaped me, it has also ruined my future and that's the one thing I'm sure of.
Sounds like me. The society is not very compatible with us
@@DaP84 ikr I'll never belong here no matter how much we try and how much we wanted to fit in
If it werent for you talking about autism, I'd have continued to think I was the only one with this issues. Thank you. You are doing more than you may think for the other people out here who have autism and struggle with it. My parents call me a hermit. If it werent for my brother and his family, id probably not have hungout with a single person since 2019.
Thank you for such a great comment. I hope he sees it too. Loneliness is such a burden to carry. All the best to you and yours.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm also Autistic, in my late 20s and never had a significant other or been on a date. I have never even been friends with anyone. I've pretty much avoided people my whole life and when I would try it was embarrassing and exhausting for me to attempt to connect with another person. People would just think I was a creep when I tried to be friends with someone. They just wanted to stay away from me. I remember when I was a kid I would get angry with people when they thought I was weird which obviously made them dislike me more. I may never know what's like to have a significant other or a friend at this point in my life but that's just the way it is for me I guess.
I would love to say don’t give up but it’s hard because I feel the same with the friend part. I have never had a friend. I know some people say that but they just mean best friend or a close group, but I mean even a friend I’m not close to. I’ve had school mates I talked to and a couple I wanted to be friends with, but the closest I got is one girl I talk to once a year on Skype.
People also look at me like I’m crazy if I approach them for friendship first. My husband said it would be strange for me to start talking to strangers like that but I said that people do that to him all the time so why do I get the side eye and sneer when I do it. Neurotypicals don’t realize how rude they can be when rejecting a conversation just because that person seems odd or boring. All that rejection just wears at my almost nonexistent confidence In socializing. I can likely count on one hand the number of non family members who have approached me first to get to know me better in my whole life. When I try to socialize I seem odd and apparently glare when talking, and people mostly walk away. When I don’t initiate talking nobody approaches me. I’m not sure what to do.
I hope things get better for us both.
You know it's thanks to you, that I'm starting to learn to cope with autism. Thank you, Max for helping me on my journey of understanding myself as a person.
As an autist myself, I sometimes felt the same. However, there is a part of me that started to accept that I am meant to be alone. Everytime I feel the loneliness creeping in, I engage in my hobbies or do a workout. I'll never truly be a part of society, but the thought that I have the opportunity to endulge in my hobbies way more than a regular person would is a soothing one. Once in a while, I still feel sad about it, but it isn't as painful as it once was.
I feel the same way.
That's how I feel too. I'm better off alone than having to deal with social stuff day in and out.
You’re very right about that, science is something that is very important at the moment to me, and although I live in an autistic rut where I feel vastly disconnected from the outside world, I can still enjoy my hobbies and get absorbed into them
Listen, as someone diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, I can say that it is within reach to integrate. The secret is knowing that you don't feel like this because you're on the spectrum, you feel like this because you're human. These are human thoughts and feelings to have, and the most important thing is believing in yourself. Confidence is key, but that doesn't mean put on a fake persona of some macho man, it means improving your self esteem to where you truly feel confident. Engage with those who are likeminded with you, and slowly start speaking to those who aren't. You'll start to see that everyone has problems, and the only reason why some people aren't diagnosed with something is because the diagnosis for their problems doesn't exist yet. We all have quirks and unattractive features, but the most important and overarching feature is confidence. I love you, and anyone else reading this message, and I don't want any of you to forget that.
Bang on
32 y.o female here and barely found out I'm autistic. I've been 'masking' this whole time. But depression and loneliness have always been a part of my life. Always feeling I'm on the outskirts of society, never being able to connect. Thanks for sharing this as I know vulnerability can be a bit difficult for some of us. Reading all the comments and wish we could all connect!
Found out here at 26.
The fact that after 2 years of releasing this video you’re getting married soon is such a great thing to see. Your bravery to tell the internet about your struggles with Autism and loneliness is truly remarkable and shows the strength of your character. Thank you for making this video max and keep up the good work👍
Max to be honest if you need time off just say so. The rest of us get to it slack jaws we need to give Max a break without rest a man can't fight a hundred men like the philosophical master he is.
literal*
This is a cult.
@@PippaPasses I was doing a Halo 3 ODST.
God, this comment made me feel so wholesome and loved inside. I'm no god... I do try my best though.
@@PippaPasses wat
I aspire to be a philosophical master, and the piece of advice I try to remember is that there is always more to learn.
bro are you literally me?
in past 5 years I've:
lost weight by working out
learned an instrument
learned a new language
had trouble with relationships because of the same reasons
been extremely lonely
but also have a group of friends I miss very much
and I'm currently obsessed with Bloodborne
Well at least something good came out of it. Bloodborne is a hell of a game. Replayed it recently. I didn't think it was possible, but the second playthrough was an even better experience
Wait...if this is true, then I am you, just like you are Max. Does that mean I'm also Max?
@@TheAtomkilla I believe we are all part of _The Max_
Lol! You mean Maxrix? 😆
"Want a relationship? That's EASY! Just go to the gym, be *RIPPED*, eat *HEALTHY*, talk to a *LOT* of *GIRLS*. Can't talk with *GIRLS*? Just *TALK* to *THEM*!!
*And if everything fails...!*
...
...
...
You realise that it was quite a waste of time because you didn't achieve what you wanted. You didn't want to be *RIPPED* or be "extremely" healthy or make weird small talk with girls; that's just not your style, but hey, you *SHOULD* be happy because you achieved what *OTHER* people wanted you to achieve. Pretty neat, huh?
This is me thinking loud, pay no mind to it. Have a nice day! ^__^
As someone on the spectrum, this made video made me cry. I've never ever been able to find the words to describe how I feel, and you did it, I'll reference this video to explain to people finally. All i can say is thank you, thank you so much.
I only found out I was on the spectrum when I hit 30. It was like a lightbulb lit up on my head. Suddenly everything made sense.
One of my outlets (since childhood) has been writing. Video games are a way to reduce anxiety, but writing was a way for me to attempt to express the feelings I had inside that I couldn't verbalize.
The funny thing is, I wrote poetry for years comparing myself to an Android, robot, or an alien. I felt like I was "different" from everyone. And even when I started to feel normal, people would remind me I was "weird".
I was called a sociopath, a homo habilis, and more. Finding out I was Aspy made a lot of sense. I was alone. But not so much anymore.
unfortunately i learned that i am autistic later in life and was unable to prevent major burnout. i’ve been trying to play the neurotypical game for ten years now, giving it all my effort and still failing. i’ve watched all my friends and family put in less effort and get more results. i burned out four months ago, became inconsolable, unable to socialize, unable to work…and i’ve isolated, just like you said. i looked up autism and loneliness hoping to hear from someone else that i’m not further alone in feeling this way. i don’t know where to go from here, but i really appreciate you making this video.
Oh my God dude. I am not on the spectrum myself, but the reason why I am writing this comment is to give you some words of encouragement. When you started talking about mental exaustion and your hardships, I genuinely started tearing up because I somewhat know that feeling. I am just introverted, so I imagine I have experienced only a fraction of the forementioned feelings. I had a very private conversation with someone who had attempted suicide, and they told me that loneliness is a vicious circle, it makes you isolated and improbable to seek out help and encouragement, which in turn empowers your self-loathing and forces you to close up even more. I am happy to hear that you have a good friend John that helped you cope and reach out... You are a very talented person indeed, this video touched me to the core. Shine on! Times may be tough, but please try to pull through.
love you max
I completely understand you mate. I always thought that my life was alright in social terms. I had a few friends, none of them particularly close, but I thought that’s fine being a girl on the spectrum. But since 2020 I felt I’ve felt so lonely, I feel like all the effort I did to gain the few friends I have was in vain and that I’m stuck inside myself.
Being stuck inside myself is something I think about a lot. I don't know, it feels like no matter how hard I try I can't seem to express myself properly.
I feel that, in a way. Being stuck inside yourself. I feel stuck inside myself a sometimes. For me though it feels as though I've done it to myself. Like I repressed the truest part of myself for so long to try and get people to like me, that part of me shriveled up and died in a vain effort, especially since I learned I shouldn't care about trying to be likeable. That person who people liked was fake anyway.
My advice to you; be your truest self if you want a real life with real friends.
As someone with autism and has been dealing with loneliness for an while, life's been rough. I lack social skills, so I'm doing my best everyday to improve it. I'm in no rush to make new friends because it's something you'll achieve by the time.
My mom once told me that people have "moments of their life" and that mine's will happen sooner or early. Don't worry, fellow comrades; one day you'll have so many friends you'll wish that you could have a minute alone XD 😉
these videos make me feel less alone. knowing someone else lives with the stuff i live with makes it feel less isolating. thank you for making these videos man, they help me out and i would assume a lot of other people like me. i really do appreciate it
My school knows im autistic, yet the school councelor still sends me complaints from teachers, about how me not looking at teachers while they're talking made them uncomfortable and they don't think im listening (even tho my grades show i am paying attention)
Same except I draw during class while getting A’s and B’s
What a bunch of assholes!!
Guy, and sorry if this sounds too weird, you sound like a total catch listing off tidbits about yourself, I wish you luck in finding somebody.
As always thank you for sharing and I hope your physical ailment is healing.
I was routinely reminded by the more 'normal guys I work/worked with that I would always be looking off into space during the skype interview that got me my job. Apparently it was so suspicious that they thought I was looking off to someone behind the camera for answers.
It's like one has to become a method actor to function in everyday activities because it'll never be natural.
The brutal honesty is appreciated, Max, in a world of masks. You've certainly put it into a more coherent train of though than I have when trying to describe things.
Playing the NT game is one of the most exhausting things I have ever gone through growing up and I still struggle with it today. It's even harder that I am on the mild end that plenty of people think I am "normal", but then I laugh a little too loudly, get a little too excited about something I love, not catch a little cue, and they get angry or tell me to stop or whatnot. As a woman that is only able to semi function in this society due to trauma, abuse, and vicious discipline in order to "learn" how to be "normal", I'm finally getting to an older age to accept this is who I am and to tell people that they can fuck off whenever they criticize me for just being me.
😂 finally someone here has the right attitude about it! You are who you are, that’s the way it fuckin’ goes! Seeing way too many sad mopey comments from fellow autistic people who think their lives are totally hopeless, sadly I think the lockdown might be further isolating these poor souls, and making their lives feel even worse. Autism has never stood in my way, at least nothing I couldn’t overcome, or just shrug off. That’s the main advice I give to others who have struggled, or still do struggle with autism. Don’t pretend to be someone else, and always try to be confident in yourself.
People allways try to put a label on you. It's normal human behavior, everyone does this. Then when they realize that you were not how they thought you would be they feel threatened and try to fight back. They get angry etc..
Try to look to people from a different perspective like you would be in their place.
I hope this can help
I'm autistic and was diagnosed at the age of 10.
I always felt lacking in certain aspects of life and obviously knew why, however the older I get the worse it gets and the more autism really feels like a disorder.
Love is a strange feeling and being close to the opposite sex makes me uncomfortable even though I'm good at hiding it, I've had my relationship and my action believe it or not, but after all of it I feel weird and strangely detached and unable to relate, borderline psychopathic even.
I did horrible in school and honestly can't do college and probably couldn't keep up even if I wanted to.
I simply cannot function in a society at the demand of others and what they want, I need time to do it my way but I can't because that's not how the world works nor does it grant me that opportunity.
I don't want to sound dramatic and explaining the way I feel would be impossible not matter how hard I try.
Autism truly is a nightmare.. a nightmare nobody seems to be able to understand from the outside because we seem normal.
A nightmare without an end and I honestly would do anything to not have autism, anything!
Right here with you, dude. I do, however, have the best cat known to mankind, which is nice. Had to get a permit for him in my condo.
Wouldn’t be here without him.
Let's get this going, operation wife is now in effect.
Oh yea baby, that's what I've been waiting for.
I totally feel you. I've tried so hard to please people. For the past few years, I gave up on trying to be sociable and establishing relationships, only to realize that I need that sort of connection. I honestly thought that I would never need anyone, but now I'm slowly admitting my "defeat". At this moment, I'm extremely isolated, I'm not close to anyone. And I've no idea where to start to re-establish connections, because I haven't been close to anyone for so long. Your channel has always been a great support for me and many others, and for that you'll always be a wonderful person, don't ever doubt that. Hoping you all the best. ♥️
I've been hiding my autism from my friends and the people around me. When the day came around that my parents told me that i was autistic, i fell into a deep depression.
Growing up, i saw how people viewed and treated people were known to be autistic and let's just say they treated them like they were idiots. Altough these same people talked and hung out with them just from there body language, you could tell they looked down at them.
I don't hide my autism out of fear of being found out, or judged by others. It's more of a case of being ashamed of having to live with knowing that i have it and theres nothinng i can do to get rid of it.
Finding your channel and all these people has really helped me come to reilse that i am not the only one suffering with these thoughts and fears. Thank you, Max.
Nothing to be ashamed of. The only reason to hit your autism is that NTs will use it against you - make you a scapegoat, use it as an excuse to ignore your opinions or contributions, laugh about it, etc. Otherwise there should be no shame at all!
The one problem I see is it requires the lonely person to seek out friendships, and some may not be able to take that first step to start a friendship.
Haters might call it desperate, you putting yourself out there like this, but I can think of few things as based.
The word desperate is used by fools who do not experence any emotions or drive thus making them drown in mediocrity.
Im on the spectrum too.
I feel like i am extremely aware and extremely sensitive to anything.. I feel terrible and at 29 i feel im doomed.. i cant explain it.. well maybe i could but it would be long.
You can express youself to so many people. That is quite amazing. It's something that i crave as i have no friends and i feel my family don't understand me completely.
God im so happy i found this video and channel. You and everyone in the comments make me feel less "alone".
Nobody around me takes me seriously. But i guess at least they believe im on the spectrum. I feel angry because I wish i had friends like me, not exactly like me but just similar, perhaps on the spectrum too, i dont know.
Wait, i think that might explain the depression and panic i have felt in the last 3 months. I feel i have made no connections.. No friends.. and thats scares me. and in fact.. 3:50 might explain my serious mental health decline.. geeez... And going through the next stage of life feels even more socially conforming.. like i have no choise in the matter. I also feel insanely clever.. except for my spelling and grammer of course. But other than that.. I hate not using my mind to its fullest creative potential.. I have to be creative.. but boring jobs and adult life.. thats all i have now and i hate it.
Well..I should consider myself lucky, i do have a partner. and I do have a loving family..
You are a beautiful human. You've worked so hard, and you deserve every good thing that happens to you.
hi max, this comment is before i watch the video i just had a talk with a coworker he seemed lonely and he knew about synchronisity i recommended your series about aion
Thank you max for everythiing you have done, your role is very important this year for the public conciousness,
embrace the loneliness for it is an experience i did not like but wouldnever change if i had the chance, You are never alone We are never alone not anymore
Man, that's deep
I just want him to know that his role i bigger than he thinks
For some time i thought he was an alien communicating to us lesser humans
but he helped me see how great and deep humans are, i never feel alone with all you guys
knowing that there are several people similar to me gives me hope i wish i could play minecraft with you guys hopefully i can join the discord my card wont go through
if anybody wants to add meon bedrock just reply
Thank you for doing that, dude.
@@maxderrat, ой, да пожалуйста.
As I'm typing this it is currently 5.30 AM. I have not been sleeping well because thoughts of loneliness keep entering my head. My memories are basically a movie and I keep going through every scene thinking about what I would have done differently now.
I have always been shy and afraid of starting conversations. If anyone did make conversation with me though I would be more than happy to listen and give my thoughts but initializing one was always a struggle because I always overthink what I say to the point where I feel more comfortable not saying anything at all. I thought becoming an adult would help but it didn't help much.
Being in lockdown has shown me how lonely I really am, and when this pandemic is over I want to make new friends and start relationships, but I don't have any idea where to go from there.
This video perfectly describes what it's like dealing with autism. It is a constant battle between "you" and your ideal "you". It's comforting to know that someone out there is going through that same struggle and I hope one day we will both overcome our anxiety. Thank you for making this video.
Hey man, idk if you're even gonna read this, im not autistic and therefore couldn't fully relate to some of your issues, but i became a sub of this channel while i was listening to your Aion series. Just wanted to say just from listening to this content it is clear that you have your place in this world as it was some of the best content that i came to discover not only on youtube but also in life in general (school included).
Just wanted to say that you clearly have something to bring to the world so keep on doing what you love and hope everything works out in the end.
I hope you're right, dude. I'm glad I could provide that enlightenment to you... but people like you and I aren't as numerous as would be ideal. I am going to keep pushing forward as best I can.
@@maxderrat Well people will either wake up or the events of our times are gonna make them wake up, either way we can only escape reality for so long. Bringing good and profound content on a platform like youtube is definitely a good way to help anyone who's eyes are ready to see the light. Keep up the work!
I wish nothing but the best for you and everyone struggling with this. ❤️
I myself am autistic. I feel for you on so many levels man. I really don't know anyone else that has it in my life. Its so amazing to hear someone else talk about it like this. Thank you. It is actually great to see someone with highly skilled asd like myself. I tried to suppress my autism as well and after so many years I found myself in a horrible depression that's lasted 13 years I reached that point of exhaustion you were a talking about few years ago. It was really intense. I feel for you so much. So so so much. Thank you for speaking out.
Dear Max I have an adult son on the spectrum and he relates 1000% with what you expressed. Thank you for sharing. You don’t know how close to home this hits! I feel like I know you through my own son. Take care. Hugs
When you started talking about the optical dance it reminded me of how when I’m at work I have to sometimes close my eyes in order to talk to a customer when they ask about how much something costs or what time we open the next day
I will specifically close my eyes and look upwards. It almost feels like I’m trying to separate myself from them in order to actually be able to speak to them. Some days are worse than others but I have an extremely understanding boss who has let me go home early when they could tell I was at a breaking point
Liked and commenting before I even watch, the title alone hits hard
Each time I start to feel overwhelmed by loneliness lately I listen to this video, and I feel less alone knowing I’m not the only one feeling these things. Thank you for sharing.
We're all here together, and here we will always have each other
Wait, did Max really put himself out there at the end of the video? What an absolute king!
Everything is just a moment, one day you will look back and it wont hurt. after hurting for so long it just gets old.
These videos made me cry (and I never cry, even in very extreme scenarios) because of how many memories simultaneously rampaged into my mind, you being able to put so many undescribable things into words, and feeling so understood after being chastised at stuff that I had little to no control over for the 14 years of my life (the time I watched the video series for the first time). I greatly appreciate your videos because they gave me a bit more guiding principles to drive through the chaotic world
I love your posts about autism. I found your channel around the time I was diagnosed at age 47 with HF Autism with a generous serving of ADHD. I have CPTSD too. The first half of my life, not knowing I was on the spectrum, was terrifying and torturous. I was suicidally depressed for 25 years. My therapists didn’t think I’d live very long. They told me I’d have to learn how to live with it, that I’d never recover.
I chose a different approach. I started practicing mindfulness which led me to meditation. If you’d told me 20 years ago what I’m about to tell you I’d have told you that it’s not possible for me to sit still with my thoughts. It was true too, until it wasn’t anymore. All it took was a decision. I took baby steps. I set reminders for 4x a day on my phone telling me to Be Here Now, Observe Without Judgment. It wasn’t long before it became automatic and I found myself in the that state of awareness more often than not. After a little more than a year of this I was able to start practicing vipassana meditation. Within 3 months I was able to control my thoughts whereas, previous to then, I was like a flailing rag doll buffeted by the wind, hanging on for dear life to a runaway train that were my thoughts. I’d gone the pharmaceutical route with anxiety but it was temporary. I’ve meditated for several years now and have moved onto Transcendental Meditation. It’s changed my life by changing my self. I now control my mind and my emotions. I didn’t think it was possible.
I have known many HF autistics and they’ve all been adept-level empaths, tortured by their sensitivities in this world. It’s ironic that the medical industry calls us autistic, sees us as if it’s genetic to be alone so much when being alone is a coping mechanism for living in this world. They also think we lack empathy when we’re far more empathic than neurotypical people. They just lack the ability to communicate effectively with us and claim we’re responsible for that. 😆 I have a graduate level vocabulary and a 10th grade education. My communications skills are NOT the problem.
Meditation is something everyone should do, IMO, but it’s value with autism isn’t quantifiable. It won’t make you neurotypical, which I doubt you’d opt for, nor would I, but it will offer you control over your anxiety, in the very least. Anxiety ruled me until I found meditation. It could also help you to refine your empathic ability, so you can help people and not hurt for it. That’s what I do. That’s how I vindicate my past suffering. You’re doing good work. Don’t stop. I hope you find your natural equanimity. It IS possible. I’m proof. 🙏💚🙏
I must say I'm amazed at the quality of the subscribers of this channel. I see only care, respect and patience around here. That's refreshing in the jungle internet is elsewhere. In fact, elsewhere has been so disgusting to me that I stopped looking at the commentaries since a long time ago. I'm only looking at you now because Max said you were cool.
You're wonderful Max. My partner and I are both huge fans, and I relate to a lot of things you say. I absolutely believe that you deserve a kind and patient relationship, and I hope that for you. You're truly an excellent guy (and if I was single, I'd absolutely see if you could tolerate me)
Thanks for being brave enough to share this ❤
I'm not on the autism spectrum, but man, I have been doing the "fit in" strategy for most of my teenage and university years. It really is a hassle, takes toll on you and makes you doubt who you really are. I was trying to be "normal", not be "weird", because I feared people wouldn't accept me otherwise.
The last year has been rough on all of us. I thought I can do well being alone, but it isn't the case for very long. Just last Tuesday, 2 of my friends decided to visit me by surprise. And man, I didn't know how much I needed that to lift my spirits up.
You do you Max. You are doing great job with your channel here. I guess we all need to learn how to cope with our ups and downs in our lives.
We seem to actually be living in an epidemic of loneliness, and no, not just COVID. Articles and sentiments regarding this have been coming around since 2016. It's fascinatingly morbid. I'd say it's due to the social atomization of the late-stage of capitalism, but...
I'm really glad people like you are addressing loneliness. This NEEDS to be addressed. It's a systemic issue.
I'm gay with adhd and while the experience isn't 1:1 a lot of what you were saying about trying so hard to mold yourself to social standards that don't make sense to you really resonated with me, funny that you mentioned "pray the gay away.'" The emotional backlash you feel with all the guilt and shame make it way too easy to end up isolating yourself to feel safe and you miss out on a lot of good things. Thank you so much for sharing, I know things will get better for you and anyone else going through this. You sound like you're a really great guy and I'm glad you know it.
I never really liked the social dance. I just decided to stop trying with it lol. Obviously there are professional or life circumstances that necessitate me being kinda "normal," but I have endeavored to find jobs and hobbies and, most importantly, friends who don't force me to put on a facade. This channel, itself, is proof that there are genuine people out there, and that despite the daily grind, we can still connect in meaningful ways. I had a problem with my medication and an ex in 2017 that I call my Martin Heidegger moment: life is short and tough and I am not wasting a single second of it not being my authentic self. I also want that of everyone around me. We are all ultimately alone in our own heads, so getting comfortable there is important.
i am an autistic. i have been my hole life. i struggle with the same thing every day.i have a vary hard time being around other people. i have not had a real friend in over 11 years. the fact you were able to sit down and make this vid about your own problems means so much to me i was almost crying sitting at my desk. i have also been a long time fan of yours. but the second i finished this vid i subed and hit the bell and liked. thanks so much man. and keep it up.
💯🛎 NOTIFICATION BELL GANG 🛎💯
(also sad boi hours, thank you for the content. it helps so so many of us)
You’ve been a great blessing to our family. My autistic son shared your videos with me.
you are an inspiration your beautiful supportive community. 🤩
I totally sympathize with you, Max. Being autistic is extremely isolating. I wish I had advice to offer you, but I don't have that many friends either. One thing I can offer you, which at the very least you might find interesting, is something called the HEXACO Model of Personality. It's a six-factor model that attempts to map individual differences. I find it helpful for at least getting an estimate about what is going on with people. I recommend giving it a look.
Man holy shit i love you so much for doing this, this is 1000% what I feel being aspie
The covid enforced social isolation was very familiar. My late father enforced isolation due to his abusive behavior and possible undiagnosed aspergers. Now I have been diagnosed with ASD, I have gone thru a rollercoaster of emotions, from relief and self acceptance to utter despair of ever being able to form real friendships or sustaining work, let alone form an intimate relationship. Family disowned me for confronting my family generational abuse. Friends doubt my autism diagnosis. Mental health system non existent. Lately I live from weekly therapy sessions, phonecalls to child abuse helplines, samaritans or other helplines.
I don't always comment on videos or personal in general but this one really resonated with me and one I've been meaning to watch for a while due to the title. I'm apart of the spectrum as well as having been diagnosed with being schizoaffective and I always had struggled with socializing especially at school and even at home, I was at that point where I wouldn't leave my room unless I was hungry or had to use the bathroom so it was also taking its toll on my physical health too to the point that I had to undergo surgery to remove cancer found in my body. After surgery and eventually chemotherapy the whole thing left me feeling traumatized and made me rethink my whole perspective on life as to whether I'll live to see tomorrow. I wondered if the things I've done or said would leave an impact on those around me, I still think about it to this day believe it or not. Near the end of your video reminded me so much of how my past therapists would motivate and remind me of my small accomplishments and not underplay my positive qualities or characteristics. So thank you for taking the time to make this video and for being vulnerable to your audience even if it was for a limited amount of time.
This is what I love about us, the ASD folx. Looking for a relationship?? Don't play games on sites and apps. Just make a blunt honest appeal on your RUclips video! If only all the world functioned in such a candid and pragmatic way! Best of luck.
what does folx mean?
@@Max-se9fb folks but inclusive of the diverse
@@maryannscott5567 Why just not use folks pretty sure it includes everyone
@@maryannscott5567 It already was
Don't feel bad, you don't owe neurotypicals anything. A message for all neurotypicals out there: why don't YOU try a little harder?!
Hi Max (and other people who may be reading this i guess) im somewhat of a laconic pearson and rarely ever comment on videos, or life in general
however, this video was very touching for me as i also struggle with connecting to others, having spent most of my life at a safe distance from everyone, people who id like to be friends with, my actual friends, even my family at times...
anyways, things have been improving and somehow the social isolation helped me to reach out and meet great who i feel confortable with. i hope you are also able to find such people and receive the love and affection you deserve
thank you for the amazing videos
You’re speaking to the soul, brother. You got this.
I've avoided this video since you initially posted it more than a week ago, because this is my hardest issue to touch. Females with autism tend to have the best masking ability due to mimicry, but that only serves the neurotypicals for whom the mask is intended. I'm only half way through this video and it's been such a confrontation. I have EDS, and it's exhausting to carry all these things.
I have the more femal form I believe, even though male. Also always got along with females more than males and wonder if I got a female spirit in this body.
I learned quite young to be good at mimicking society... But it only works on a more superficial level.
It helps avoid drama though and questions which would cause me more stress I couldn't handle and make me get out of the situation. Doesn't take long for the facade to fail usually. And keeping it up makes me miserable.
@@Liminal-Escalator I empathize with you so much! I'm genderqueer, AFAB but have been referred to as a gay man in a woman's body since before I was a teenager. You don't happen to live in the Pacific NW, do you?
@@BluetheRaccoon I'd love to. I visited Oregon and the very edge of Washington once. Mount Hood I believe it was. I'm in Ohio and was in Michigan most my life which was a drag. Always been the weirdest one in the city I lived in. In my strange extreme moods and clothing at least. I seen some creeps 😄
I'm not diagnosed with autism, but I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since age 12-13, i'll be 21 soon ... . Everything you've said about yourself , trying to improve yourself and change constantly, purposely self isolating in the end.... It's exactly me. I love this channel and you Max. Thank you for being here to make me feel....not alone...
this video gave me hope ...
thank you!!!
keep going we will never be game over !
I’m not mentally ill, but I also find it hard to connect with others. Relationship of any kind is exhausting. Whenever I manage to build something worth keeping, I always break it because the fear of messing up something valuable is worth than actually ending it willingly. I’m still unable to start a social life, so the step you’re taking in this video seems very admirable to me.
Autism isn't mental illness, it's a "handicap" in how the brain is processing information, therefore "non neurotypical"
You just described traits of b.p.d.
Borderline personality disorder.
Possibly anti social disorder. Sounds more b.p.d.
@@DaP84 Not a handicap in a slightest. Being autistic it's like having colour binocular vision in and living among one eyed colourblind. You tell them that roses a red, grass is green and sky is blue and they call you crazy :)
your videos on alchemy in autism have meant a lot, sending warmth Max
Держись, брат! 💪
Hold on, brother!
Hold on переводится как "погоди" ;)
@@e999kx99, да не, "Hang On" - это "погоди", а Hold On ещё используют в значении "Крепись". Когда у пацана жизнь по пизде пошла, ты ему говоришь "Hold On" и всё магическим образом становится лучше. Только так, считай, перевод этой фразы и запомнил.
@@jasonblundelldobebussing Hang in there/stay strong/… - "держись/крепись/не унывай" абстрактно, в общем
Hang on/hold on/… - "держись/погоди/постой" в прямом (физическом) смысле
@@e999kx99, да, про "Hang in there" я знаю, но, как ты уже понял, использовал "Hold On" в переносном смысле.
I just went to donate plasma and couldn't because my heartrate was just way too high from my social anxiety. Made me feel like trash. And made me feel like I was too broken to even do sometime kind. Usually the only way to make friends is to find people who can relate or understand. A lot of people try to be friends but usually end up frustrated once I get too tired to keep up with them. Thank you for making this I really needed it
love how vulnerable you are - these things aren’t always easy talk about. time from time again i’ll feel instances of intense of loneliness despite being surrounded by people. can relate to a lot of what you said (even though i don’t have autism).
I think the best way to put the social experience for someone on the spectrum is this: We can converse with people, enjoy their company and be in good spirits with them easily. The issue is gaining their trust, and laying the groundwork for that relationship. It's related to a gate in the video, however I find a better comparison to be this: A door with a keyhole that changes every time you use it. You have a full set of keys, and one of them fits the lock, but you don't know which. Some people will memorize the correct keys; people who condition themselves to act in a certain way in certain situations, making the conscious effort to remember how to start a conversation, how to get a girls interest, and how to gain their trust. Some people learn to pick the lock; poking and prodding around social situations until they understand them well enough to get through them unconsciously. Then, there are the people who get locked out. Some people just can't figure it out, and walk away from the door, isolating themselves. I used to be like the first example, until I gave up and became an example of the third, then, something clicked in me, and I became an example of the second. Through working on myself, I managed to get there. I don't know how, all I know is that it wasn't just luck. If you truly try hard enough, you CAN become a locksmith, without suppressing what makes you you. I know that it is hard for so many people, I get it, but just remember that you can accomplish whatever you put your mind to, and that even if no one else does, I've got your back.
Wow, so many comments. And as far as I could see they are nice comments. I hope this lifts your mood, Max - and even if it's just a little bit. Knowing that there are people out there believing in you even though they hardly know anything more about you than what you tell them in your videos. Okay, compared to other youtubers this is a lot, but hey - even the not so perfect sides won't get them to dislike you. On the contrary, I guess. :)
To me the needles manifest in gastritis, so they feel quite real. Though my fear is not so much meeting new people, but getting to know them. The fear of finding out once again that my friendship is being taken for granted. Might sound arrogant. But the reason why this is so important to me: When my grandfather died years ago, I was accused of being cold and inhuman because I didn't cry at his funeral. I told my mum about this and she said "One of the reasons, why people cry at funerals is, that deep down they realize that they forgot to tell the dead person how much they mean to them." This changed my whole perspective. I have trouble telling other people that I like them, it's surprisingly hard and awkward and what not. But thanks to what my mother told me, I do it, if I really like them. In my opinion we tell other's all too rarely, how much they mean to us. I never lie about it. I never exaggerate. And the closer it is to my truth the harder it get's telling it. But it is worth it to me. And I don't expect an answer. But somehow people always HAVE to answer. And so often the answer turned out to be far from their truth. And everytime it added another needle.
I have very few friends, but true ones. I would like to add a few more, but I'm afraid of the needles.
So: Kudos, Max. In my eyes you are being very, very brave.
may you find the lasting and fulfilling love you seek , you deserve to be happy :)
Thank you for your spend time, Max, both on this community and on this video. Continue to be a wanderer and eventually you will find a path.
Thank you so much for talking about, it's really comforting to know that I'm not the only one
I'm on the spectrum and whenever I listen to these videos, it really is like my life's story unfolds before myself. Until I was about 17-18 I had never had a single close friend, as in someone who I could have entrusted a secret onto. All I had up to that point were a few people that played games with me and would come over to my house occasionally, and don't get me wrong, it was great to have even just that, but I really did feel lonely and like something was just missing this entire time. I was in a real pit of despair for quite some time after realizing I might never be good enough for other people in my life, no matter how hard I would try, and together with the resurfacing traumatic memories from my childhood, as I started to finally grasp what having this disorder actually means, I thought about suicide, and the only thing that stopped me were my parents. If they hadn't been there for me, I might not be here today writing this.
But thankfully, I have found a community that is very easy to just exist in and make friends in. It has allowed my mental health to really prosper, even as times continue to be very tough for me. Even with my trauma, my troubles at work, and even with my periods of time where I'm inaccessible to others, I try my best to be there for my friends, as they are always there for me as well. I'm just really grateful for how far I've come, and I hope I can give another autistic person hope with me telling part of my life story. I just want to do good for others, as much as possible, especially knowing how fucked up and cruel the world can be.
I am always happy to see one of your new videos.
As someone suffering from social anxiety (even though I'm not on the spectrum), I can relate to what you said.
Funny enough this video about solitude made me feel a bit less alone
Max, you're awesome man...
We love you!
Wow. I genuinely don't know if I'm on the spectrum but this sounds exactly like me. Lets be friends
When you talked about how you would think about what you did wrong at any social interaction, and also how you tried to improve yourself by working out, learning a new instrument, etc.
That really resonated with me because that's what I'm doing.
At any of my social interactions with my friends, I walk around my room thinking of what I could have done better, what words or phrases I could have said at the right timing to be even funnier. I even started to do daily burpees because I thought that if my heart was stronger, it would beat slower thus I would have less anxiety (also I heard eating healthy can also help anxiety). I started learning a new language and how to play the guitar just because I thought that would please people around me. I also started a new goal to socialize as much as possible just so that I can experience all the failures that I ran away from in high school, hopefully enough to learn from and make me an extroverted person. Although I'm not on the spectrum, I know how you feel when you said your anxiety felt like needles in your stomach.
My mom doesn't believe in my passion/hardwork. I used to be a very passionate animator and artist (now hobbyist) back in gr9, I was so exceedingly good that I actually got an official certificate as the best animator in my grade. I also really liked gym class, so much so I received an award as one of the top 10 PE students in my grade. Even though I was getting the rewards I actually cared about to want, I couldn't value myself enough as an actual person back in my high school years because I stupidly isolated myself at least until my senior years. I wasn't getting the supportive feedback for my hard work that I expected from my mom so much so that my best friends (and only friends made in my senior years) being supportive was alien to me. So, when you said that I (well many of us) have qualities so far beyond normal human beings, you reminded me to appreciate what kinda person I am right now because I'm always so blinded, constantly working and looking forward into the future to be the person I want to be.
Thank you for being alive and thank you for reminding us to take a breather, while also looking at the present every now and then
Good luck with being on the market. Kudos to you for having the courage to make this video.
Dude, gonna be honest with u. I have depression, like, a really strong felling of loneliness, and I can relate to you when you say that you tried to be different to be accepted, to not be who you are. I tried something horrible last week, and then I realized how life is so precious and how much you mean to people even if they don't show it. I really hope for u to get better, cause no one, NO ONE, deserves this feeling. Stay safe man, ur vids are cool
Forcing myself to make eye contact with someone feels a lot like that spongebob meme with the fish guy screaming "MY EYES!"
Soo true!
XD
Your voice and the way you articulate makes listening to you very relaxing. Keep it up!
I had to learn eye contact. It’s pretty natural and second nature to me now, but at first I had to do it deliberately while taking care to not look someone in the eyes for too long. I don’t even know if it occurred to me that this is just natural for most people.
Thanks for sharing your journey through this trying time. There are many brave people on RUclips, but your struggles are something I relate to.
Please continue to struggle against this adverse time. Your stratagem sounds fit, and you have an admirable support network.
I know that I am not alone in appreciating your insights as neural atypical person. In particular this post struck a cord, and I am hoping to glean perspectives that I might draw from while I muddle through in my walk.
Stay safe, and well, and may you find healing and fulfillment in your search.
Given that I’m a new viewer, I feel as though my input while, to me at least, may not be as valuable as a long time viewer, I just want to say that you are incredibly brave for being able to record and express your feelings and struggles with autism. I myself don’t have autism, but I will stand firm and say that, for what it’s worth, you’re an incredible individual. Stay strong and prosper my friend
This hits home.....it’s...almost exactly what I always wanted to say, but I never could put it into words for most of my life. I’m speechless