For me the question of whether or not I can be an occasional drinker is simple: I have more important things to focus my energies on than obsessing over having one or two drinks makes me have a problem. It's far easier to just quit it all and devote my attention to bigger things. Such as, deciding how I should spend the few extra hours I have this weekend - growing my business, making art, meeting new people, volunteering, etc. I don't know if I crossed a line with alcohol. But it sure crossed a line with me, so it is out of my life. Good riddance.
I'm on day one. after falling and smashing my nose and head, I cried and cried, knowing that I would not have done that we're I not drunk...and it wasn't the first drunken accident. I don't want to destroy my body , my life and my marriage. I've been watching your videos all day and it is helping me. I have a hard time with other philosophies such as AA. Not saying they don't work for others, just not for me. don't like the religious aspect or the shame based way. Thank you so much Annie. I just ordered your book.
@@RosiesShow hi, I’m just starting week 8 today, never done this before and didn’t have a problem so to speak, just a bit bored with hangovers and alcohol interrupting consistency with other stuff I’d like to improve with. Anyway, it’s a fascinating journey for sure. I’m committed to 90days and wouldn’t be surprised if I go way beyond that after. Well done to you
I think I’m there. Have stopped the nightly 2-3 glasses of wine (with or without friends). I’ve been practicing going out with my friends and not having a drink. I just say I’m taking a break, not drinking during the week. They are somewhat surprised, because I’m known as a fun drinker....I still find the weekends difficult but I keep it to a glass or two at the most. Quite frankly, once everybody gets more inebriated, they don’t even know (or care) what I am doing.
I like what you say, you don't force your sober Life Style, On anyone and that up for the person to decide if they can be an occasional drinker, I know I can't be an occasional Drinker Again, because it took me a long time for me sober from alcohol, when I prayed to God to take the desire from me to drink alcohol, and God answered my pray, I never want to give back the gift of Sobriety that God Bless me with, I Been Sober Since 07/21/2014
I'm 3 weeks sober. Finally starting to feel energized and well I often ask myself, "can I ever drink again". The answer for me will be MAYBE....BUT NO MORE buying alcohol and keeping it at home. This is not negotiable. Home is where my alcohol abuse happened. My previous attempt at sobriety (1 year ago, 3 months sober) was destroyed by bringing a bottle of whiskey home for "occasional" use.
Excellent, Annie. I really enjoyed hearing you say “before we even have the right to ask that question (can we drink normally), we need to have a very significant time of being sober and living a life alcohol-free to really explore the reasons why we are not drinking in the first place”. Gosh. Yes. I’m only Day 21 and I’m already thinking that I can have one or two and I’ll be fine. No. I won’t be fine! Not yet. I need to at least live out a year sober so that I can truly sit with life and all its emotions before I can make that call. Thank you for this timely reminder. I will choose to stay sober 🕺🏿
Thanks Annie...asked my husband who stopped drinking for a yr and is now an occasional drinker (once or twice a yr drinker), he gave me the same advice. Really appreciate your work...this year of absolute sobriety is going to be a year of dealing with the root cause of why I self-medicate with alcohol and discovering my true self
After many false starts finally no desire at all. Your book was a big part of that, thank you! I don’t want to occasionally or mildly poison myself with ethanol.
Excellent video. I am a binge drinker not a daily drinker. But I could not control my drinking and bad things would happen. I am sober now and want to be sober. I just want to emphasize that you don’t have to be using alcohol to self medicate every day to still have a problem with it and decide to live, happily, sober.
Sober self reflection is such a key piece of the path of an alcohol free lifestyle. I have been experimenting two years now with long breaks (up to three months) from wine 🍷 but then once I drink again it swiftly becomes daily. The two glasses nightly has never progressed to a bottle but I can tell you the low level dynorphin driven anxiety and depression is not worth it. Going for a full year now - reset feb 1 2022. Turning 60 in April and want to be vibrant and healthy for the next 30 years.
If you were able to give it all up and went months , years without alcohol , why would you wanna go back and be under the illusion that you will only do alcohol in moderation ? Occasional drinking will only work until that day at work when you had worst day in your career or until the day when your partner just left you , until the day when hell breaks lose and you feel terrible and on and on an on ... Don’t be illusional and keep that poison away from your amazing life ...
At 15 months sober, I cant even picture drinking again and, I finally think my mind . Is beginning, to think as a non drinker. I wouldn't even want to try and, do it in moderation. Cos it could put me , right back to square one. No way I'll ever want , to put myself in . That position, in a hurry .
@@ThisNakedMind I can see your point, and I know deep down. Last thing I want to do, is relapse cos . Not only would I feel guilty , awful , of giving Inn. But be throwing away . All the time in soberity, and I read too that . It's really dangerous, for someone who's being off it for long period of time. Cos there bodies , won't be able to handle heavy drinking anymore. and . I'm really scared of that , and next time could be twice as worse. Or I could get alcohol poisoning, which can happen very easily. When I look back now, when I did drink and. Consider myself to be very lucky , to be still be there. Cos many nights, I drank 3 ,4 bottles of wine or drinking a full bottle of whiskey. I know staying off it , is the best thing . I've done in my Life, but it's trying to get my mental state . Back to normal again, see getting sober again . Has definitely left my depression and anxiety worse, my Doctor and Psychologist. Is going to be reviewing my medication soon, cos they think maybe what I'm taking now , isn't working and may . Need to get put on something else . If my mental health, can return back to way it was and the cravings would stop . Then I'd be laughing , but I think that's gonna take a long time. Because Ive been drinking , for 30 years and . That's not gonna leave , my mind anytime soon .
I've been sober for 3 weeks and am learning that I am not a "moderator" but am instead an "abstainer". If I even consider having a drink, I can see the future as drinking more and more.
A close relative of mine did precisely what you are saying, only going to a very occasional drink, but not actually needing alcohol. I am on early sobriety so for me it's 0 or a 1000. so I choose 0.
Annie, you're a legend. Thank you for the soul work that you have done and thank you again, even more, for being generous enough to share it with us. You've really helped me. Thank you!
Thank you Annie! I’m at 7 1/2 months with no alcohol. The thought of a glass of wine, terrifies me. I would feel like I would be undoing this hard work. I feel if you have to stop, because of abusing it, I think I would eventually abuse it again, over time.
Im 14 days in. I feel great!! Still fighting the cravings some. I hope some day to be able to have a glass of wine, or a beer. Right now though, I want that self relection. Im so happy I found your videos!! Thanks!!
I do admire the velocity of your speech while every word hits the nail on its head! This is certainly the best evidence that there is no substance in your brain that hampers the flow of your thoughts!
I'm on day 28 and just had about 3 cravings. My problem is thinking of future events like the wife's 40th in March. .summer time bbqs..a stag ..wedding...foreign holiday etc the never ending list.im struggling with the peer pressure a bit since I've been the party animal for so many years. The thing is its all family i go drinking with. I'm just burnt out from the hangovers and the fog.im aiming for clarity and honest happeniess. It's early days but I'm determined. Your videos are great, thanks.
I had four months sobriety. I didn't want alcohol. I was happy. (Your book did that ❤) So I thought I was fine to have just one. It worked on the first 3 occasions... but yesterday one turned into five. 😥
I haven't drank in a long time, years. I feel safe with myself around that, in a modest manner. I want to be able to communicate about the risks of alcohol with people I love and you've given me some framing and phrasing to do that.Thank you.
Good stuff. This question keeps popping up in my mind, but you clarified perfectly what needs to take place before you can answer it. PS Thanks for the book Annie, reading it was a real game changer for me.
Annie you are so right on with all of your words. I am following you and have faith in your philosophy knowing that I will be a better person without alcohol. Please keep up the fabulous work you are doing.
I agree with everything you said except, being the first person on the dance floor without a drink. I have read the book 3 times. I have been sober for almost a month except I did have a glass of wine at a dinner party a week ago and I was ok.
Very good question: Me, I am not even in a month into sobriety, but if I reach 1 year sober, I am not sure I will risk it by trying for moderation afterwards. I'll see in a year if I am ready or even want to. Maybe I could do it, but we'll see. I agree that at least a significant period of time you need to be able to see life without it, to see if it is worth it or not.
There’s a scene in the movie Swingers where the guy is asking his friend if his ex girlfriend will ever call him again. His buddy says “oh she will call, but not until you sincerely don’t care that she calls.” And he says “that’s the rub huh”. I think of moderation the same way. It’s ok as soon as you don’t care if you ever have a drink again. But if you don’t care if you ever have a drink again, why would you have one? That the rub. 😊
I started drinking every night at home shortly after I lost my licence 2 years ago. It became a glorious time getting drunk and listening to my records.. Until the last couple months when I realized I can't stop drinking 12 to20 beers a night. For the past couple months(the summer), my days have been filled with anxiety over minor issues, until I start drinking again. Every day is planned around where or when I can pick up more alcohol. I would love to go back to drinking just a couple nights a week. That's why I watched this video.
Here's what worked for me. Make a rule that you will never BUY alcohol and never keep in your house. For me, at home was where I did my alcohol abuse. It wasn't out with friends twice a month.
I just passed one month of no drinking and i gotta say this question has been heavy on my mind. I used to drink so much because i absolutely hated my job and it stressed me out to the point where i couldnt relax at home until i had alcohol. Ive changed my job, spoken with my therapist about harm reduction, and tried so many times to quit on my own, but to no avail. It took getting a dui and pissing off my friends to the point where they almost cut me out to realize i had a problem. Ive relapsed three times since my dui in April and my current sober date is June 19, 2023. I almost relapsed again yesterday and today until i found you! I was pointed in your direction by a kind stranger and have been absorbing as much as i can. I kinda want to be an occasional drinker, to feel normal and fit in, but i also am aware of the fact that because of my tolerance to alcohol, and my history with it (been drinking since i was 2 & im almost 22) its just not possible. I was medicated with alcohol to make me sleep and then in my teen years, guilted into drinking with my stepfather. Ive realized true power is the ability to say no and to move on without it. If in a couple years i feel like i can safely drink a glass of wine i might, but until then i plan on not drinking.
It's so important to establish those boundaries. And remember that your mindset can shift during that time to where you'll have no desire to drink at all. If you need more support on this journey, please join our amazing free community at thisnakedmindapp.com - the amazing people and resources there can make this experience so much easier!
This was a fantastic video! I have a history of very out of control drinking…..quit for 12 years. Then decided one day I could drink occasionally…… well that last about a month and I was hard core drinking again. Got sober again. Then, couple years ago decided to have an occasional drink again. I’ve been doing that for a while now but honestly….I know why I do it, even if just twice a month, I do it to feel buzzed. I love that first drink buzz, but I only last a couple hours, then the headache and sometimes upset stomach, crappy sleep. And I take medication that alcohol affects. I’m thinking I want to go back to totally abstaining again. Having a drink or 2 sounds like a great idea until after I do it. Even today I was thinking…”Oh I haven’t had a drink in about 3 weeks, maybe tonight I’ll get wine with dinner and have a nice buzz….” Now I am questioning why? Why do I want to feel different? Hmmm 🤔
Realizing that you can get that buzz in a different, healthier way can be a powerful shift. That could be through exercise, great conversation, learning something new, etc.
@@ThisNakedMind Thank you. I do believe I am self medicating. It’s the effect of the alcohol I am looking for. For years I thought that was normal… I thought everyone drank for the effect!
In the UK it's the norm for weekend drinking that's the problem, if your used to socialising at the weekend you have to try and base your life around so.ething else I guess, boredom kicks in too esp if you abstained all week..Most people I know drink to get drunk or tipsy socially..
@@ThisNakedMind Darn right it can! Our culture completely endorses and promotes alcohol use. It’s in our DNA. Western civilization was created because of our love of alcohol.
I figured out after 40 years that alcohol is simply a poison that I do not. I am used to a new normal after 7 weeks. As I said to my doctor, "it is easier to count to zero than some safe amount." But then, the stuff is a poison, so why bother having one at all. I am now understanding my c-ptsd triggers for WHY they exist and WHAT happens when they fire and WHERE my mind should go to. This understanding is evolving from not having alcohol. Your video here is very supportive to my awareness to not have alcohol. Thanks.
I was AF for 3 years during the pandemic. Thought I’d cracked it. Absolutely not. Started with one or two now back where I started. Don’t start again if you’ve stopped
I’m 20 days sober and omg I had an amazing time at my cousin 50th birthday party I was on what they call “A pink cloud” I felt like I was drinking and had a buzz I guess I was just high on life! I drove home sober and didn’t have a hangover the next morning I had water while everybody else was drinking 80 proof 40%
Annie, I think all of your writing and speaking is fantastic, extremely helpful and makes more sense about the true nature of addiction than most other sources, "experts" and "fellowships". Thank you. One question. What would you say to someone who has succeeded in overcoming all of the false reasons for drinking and for thinking that it will help, except for one situation: going on a date! A shared bottle of wine is such a reliable ice-breaker to both get through the shyness and awkwardness of getting to know one another, and also, dare I say, of releasing our inhibitions in order to explore more intimacy! There must be a better way, but what is it? And if the person one is meeting is themselves a "normal" drinker, using the usual "ice-breaker" drinks, won't they be thrown off by meeting someone who proceeds to order tonic water whilst offering them wine? Such a minefield!
Personally I'd make the initial meeting occur somewhere where alcohol won't be on the menu. Get breakfast together, coffee or choose an active date. Lots of laughs can be had while miniature golfing or even ice skating. Once you've broken the ice in a way that doesn't involve alcohol it isn't as awkward to turn down that drink later.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I have just started reading your book, which is excellent. On my specific question, your answer is very helpful, but my concern was not so much about avoiding awkwardness over turning down a drink, but more the fear that without alcohol on the first few dates it is less likely to become an intimate relationship. Is there any other solution to that? Thanks.
Alcohol actually lowers libido so I wouldn't stress that. I think meaningful conversation with you present would go a long way in creating an intimate relationship.
I say like my A.A. Sponsor Told, You Have to Smash The Thought Of Trying to be an occasional Drinker, because I know for me to drink again is to die, Once A Alcoholic Is Still Is A Alcoholic, So I Pray to Stay Sober, Forever 1 Day At A Time
If I have to control it I won't enjoy it. If I enjoy it I can't control it. 30 days sober today and I'll be damned if I go back to that drunken hell. Not one drop more!
Hi Annie, I just ordered your book.. I have a problem with drinking beer every night. More habit for me, started out a few here and there and then now like 4 beers to 6 a night manly 4 tho.. I started having stomach problems from it, keeps me up all night.. no sleep and lots of acid pills. Just lost my gallbladder to inflammation because I'm pretty sure it has been messing with my stomach that bad. Tons of stomach issues. I no now its definitely making me unhealthy. Don't want my liver to go next. So I'm really hoping your book will help me. I don't like being "that person" around my family/friends either. I've tried moderation I always rebound back.. Need to cut it out for good. Thx for your advice on you tube. I'll be watching them all. 😊❤️
i don't think so!!! but who am i to say !! why ruin a good thing and your skin and liver will thank you Apple Cider Vinegar in water tastes kinda yukky at first.... but really helps make your insides clean thank you for all your great advise and tips
I can relate to all of this. So true what you said about "occasional drinking" not being adequate to suppress your emotions. I don't understand though how someone can go 6 years sober then revert back to it?
@@ThisNakedMind yes annie that as what as always happened with me ,im currently 9 months AF ,both my parents are having really serous health problems i don,t have any siblings and im have to deal with this situatin alone,im struggling,i just want to dissapear and im very close to saying f**k it and feel its only a matter of time before the pressure becomes to much for me and i drink again.any adivce would be very helpfull
My problem is i have never been a moderate drinker. I always binge drink even if it started out once a month or whatever. I have never been able to just have 1-2 or even 3 drinks. Ive always just drank until i went to sleep. I go through phases were i will only drink once a month and then it slowly progresses to almost everyday- even if that process takes 6-7 months i always end up there. I dont think i will ever be able to be a moderate drinker and im trying to process and work through that. Im only at the beginning of TNM journey.
I've been asked this by friends "are you gonna go back to drinking now that its been x months "? "Why not have a glass here and there"? And now knowing the psychology behind alcohol,( thx annie) , it annoys me hearing those questions..I was just asked last night" do you want us to wait for you ( when I'm "done" not drinking) to open that nice bottle of wine you brought over ?" I smiled and said" no, enjoy it, don't wait for me" ... an obvious " indescript " way of seeing if i had plans on going back to drinking🤭..silly rabbit!
How do you deal with underlying issues? How to do that work? I've done the 12 steps, I've been sober for 5 years but I miss drinking. I work out regularly, I've started a business, gotten married, good life, still miss drinking.
Problem drinkers can NEVER EVER go back to Alcohol at any time or any Quantities..Period..furthermore why would any body want to go back to Alcohol after a long period of sobriety?..
I've been sober for 5 years. I was a heavy drinker in my 20s, was depressed, no social skills. I've worked on myself over the years, I'm not depressed anymore, I enjoy my life but am now contemplating an occasional drink to relax on vacation and I miss the super happy feeling alcohol gave me. I'm probably not going to try moderate drinking, but it is tempting!
@@jasminemariedarling You have done brilliantly, stay sober, you will NEVER be able to moderate your drinking, Alcohol is the second most addictive substance on the Planet..
Question for Annie or anyone who has thoughts on this matter? I am wanting to go AF for a year starting Jan 1. However, I have been keeping this thought to myself and am wondering if I should share this Goal with my wife or keep it to myself? I recently heard, in a TedTalk I believe, that sharing your goals with others sometimes negatively affects the outcomes due to the sensation you receive when the other person congratulates you or gives you a pat on the shoulder for simply setting the goal. I I am also nervous to share this goal with my wife because if I slip up and decide to have a drink I will feel like I not only let myself down but my wife as well. Any thoughts/suggestions/feedback welcome here...thanks!!
I tried to become a “ normal” drinker , and went right back to full on abuse again ! And it’s seeming harder to get away from it this time ! If your having a problem with alcohol put it down and never go back because it is there right now waiting to drag you down to the pit !
What do you think about doing a 30 day challenge? Have you heard of the guys at OneYearNoBeer - They do a 30 day challenge with a FB support group that people love. You may want to check them out to get you over the hump! It's all free and really great. The website is www.oneyearnobeer.com
Iam a binge drinker I hate it after when I do it every 6-9 weeks for 3 days it takes a week to recover right it's madness, I really love excerise running boxing weights I train 6 days or 5 a,week I follow a good diet, but when I drink 3 days all out the window I dmoke eat shit and drink loads, I'm hoping to stop this a finally just put it away, I'm 46 and no deep down Its tome to stop it.
I don’t think your advice on trying drinking again is good. I was 3 years sober. Thought I’d got control. Absolutely not. Month ps later struggling to stop again
Have one glass of wine then you decision making is taken over by the little monster on your back you have no choice but to carry on the addiction takes you over after one glass of wine
Not necessarily. Some people can do a medical detox under the supervision of a physician. You'd need to consult with your doctor to see what would be recommended for you.
@@ThisNakedMind My doctor knows I drink a lot of beer and has it in my notes. A while ago and he wrote it down to try and slowly week by week cut down. Unfortunately I really haven’t done a good job with it. He’s wanting me to send a list of psychiatrists that excepts our insurance. So no he didn’t even say quite cold turkey
I think if I stop cold turkey I would be really taking a chance since I’m on a bunch of prescription meds for anxiety, blood pressure due to anxiety. I have talked to my doctor many times and he is well aware of my dependence on beer. However I have always had a bad general anxiety disorder way before I ever drank.
‘Freedom comes from not wanting to drink’. Love it 😍
It is so true!
"Freedom comes from not wanting to drink." That's beautiful. I will remember that.
It is so true!
I'm on day 94!!! JUST started sleeping through the night finally.
Yay!! Sleeping is THE BEST!!
I tried after over a year of sobriety. Went way downhill after that, now Im new to sobriety again.
All the best to everyone :)
You should join us in The Alcohol Experiment - www.alcoholexperiment.com
I am looking into it now, Thanks !
I'm 3 months sober and it feels great!!!!
So happy for you Monica. That freedom is priceless! Have you heard about the Alcohol Experiment I'll be doing? www.alcoholexperiment.com/
Me too!!!👍
For me the question of whether or not I can be an occasional drinker is simple: I have more important things to focus my energies on than obsessing over having one or two drinks makes me have a problem. It's far easier to just quit it all and devote my attention to bigger things. Such as, deciding how I should spend the few extra hours I have this weekend - growing my business, making art, meeting new people, volunteering, etc. I don't know if I crossed a line with alcohol. But it sure crossed a line with me, so it is out of my life. Good riddance.
I can relate.
Yes! Totally agree with this. I'm so over spending time on figuring it out and I'd rather invest my time in other things.
I love your phrase, "I don't know if I crossed a line with alcohol. But it sure crossed a line with me, so it's out of my life."
Yes quitting for good is the answer because occasionally having one will spiral into a binge
I agree ☝️
I'm on day one. after falling and smashing my nose and head, I cried and cried, knowing that I would not have done that we're I not drunk...and it wasn't the first drunken accident. I don't want to destroy my body , my life and my marriage. I've been watching your videos all day and it is helping me. I have a hard time with other philosophies such as AA. Not saying they don't work for others, just not for me. don't like the religious aspect or the shame based way. Thank you so much Annie. I just ordered your book.
I hope this is the beginning of your freedom from alcohol.
How are you doing?
@@RosiesShow how are YOU doin :-)
@@sleeplessinstockwell I’m on day 84 alcohol free how are you? :D
@@RosiesShow hi, I’m just starting week 8 today, never done this before and didn’t have a problem so to speak, just a bit bored with hangovers and alcohol interrupting consistency with other stuff I’d like to improve with. Anyway, it’s a fascinating journey for sure. I’m committed to 90days and wouldn’t be surprised if I go way beyond that after. Well done to you
I think I’m there. Have stopped the nightly 2-3 glasses of wine (with or without friends). I’ve been practicing going out with my friends and not having a drink. I just say I’m taking a break, not drinking during the week. They are somewhat surprised, because I’m known as a fun drinker....I still find the weekends difficult but I keep it to a glass or two at the most. Quite frankly, once everybody gets more inebriated, they don’t even know (or care) what I am doing.
“Give yourself the gift of finding out what you’re missing” - I’m not crying you are 😭😭😭
I like what you say, you don't force your sober Life Style, On anyone and that up for the person to decide if they can be an occasional drinker, I know I can't be an occasional Drinker Again, because it took me a long time for me sober from alcohol, when I prayed to God to take the desire from me to drink alcohol, and God answered my pray, I never want to give back the gift of Sobriety that God Bless me with, I Been Sober Since 07/21/2014
So happy for you!
I'm 3 weeks sober. Finally starting to feel energized and well I often ask myself, "can I ever drink again". The answer for me will be MAYBE....BUT NO MORE buying alcohol and keeping it at home. This is not negotiable. Home is where my alcohol abuse happened. My previous attempt at sobriety (1 year ago, 3 months sober) was destroyed by bringing a bottle of whiskey home for "occasional" use.
Moderation is incredibly difficult to maintain.
I feel the same. Not sure I'll ever be able to drink at home again.!!
Excellent, Annie. I really enjoyed hearing you say “before we even have the right to ask that question (can we drink normally), we need to have a very significant time of being sober and living a life alcohol-free to really explore the reasons why we are not drinking in the first place”. Gosh. Yes. I’m only Day 21 and I’m already thinking that I can have one or two and I’ll be fine. No. I won’t be fine! Not yet. I need to at least live out a year sober so that I can truly sit with life and all its emotions before I can make that call. Thank you for this timely reminder. I will choose to stay sober 🕺🏿
That's the right mindset!
My thoughts exactly! We will make it, we have to as there is no alternative. Thank you again Annie.
Thanks Annie...asked my husband who stopped drinking for a yr and is now an occasional drinker (once or twice a yr drinker), he gave me the same advice. Really appreciate your work...this year of absolute sobriety is going to be a year of dealing with the root cause of why I self-medicate with alcohol and discovering my true self
Wishing you clarity!!
After many false starts finally no desire at all. Your book was a big part of that, thank you! I don’t want to occasionally or mildly poison myself with ethanol.
So many congrats to you friend! So happy for your freedom!!
Excellent video. I am a binge drinker not a daily drinker. But I could not control my drinking and bad things would happen. I am sober now and want to be sober. I just want to emphasize that you don’t have to be using alcohol to self medicate every day to still have a problem with it and decide to live, happily, sober.
So true!
Sober self reflection is such a key piece of the path of an alcohol free lifestyle. I have been experimenting two years now with long breaks (up to three months) from wine 🍷 but then once I drink again it swiftly becomes daily. The two glasses nightly has never progressed to a bottle but I can tell you the low level dynorphin driven anxiety and depression is not worth it. Going for a full year now - reset feb 1 2022. Turning 60 in April and want to be vibrant and healthy for the next 30 years.
Such a fantastic goals to have! Can't wait to hear what discoveries this year brings you!
If you were able to give it all up and went months , years without alcohol , why would you wanna go back and be under the illusion that you will only do alcohol in moderation ? Occasional drinking will only work until that day at work when you had worst day in your career or until the day when your partner just left you , until the day when hell breaks lose and you feel terrible and on and on an on ... Don’t be illusional and keep that poison away from your amazing life ...
Sage advice.
At 15 months sober, I cant even picture drinking again and, I finally think my mind . Is beginning, to think as a non drinker. I wouldn't even want to try and, do it in moderation. Cos it could put me , right back to square one. No way I'll ever want , to put myself in . That position, in a hurry .
You wrote on another post you were struggling. Rereading this might help you remember why you're not drinking!
@@ThisNakedMind I can see your point, and I know deep down. Last thing I want to do, is relapse cos . Not only would I feel guilty , awful , of giving Inn. But be throwing away . All the time in soberity, and I read too that . It's really dangerous, for someone who's being off it for long period of time. Cos there bodies , won't be able to handle heavy drinking anymore. and . I'm really scared of that , and next time could be twice as worse. Or I could get alcohol poisoning, which can happen very easily. When I look back now, when I did drink and. Consider myself to be very lucky , to be still be there. Cos many nights, I drank 3 ,4 bottles of wine or drinking a full bottle of whiskey. I know staying off it , is the best thing . I've done in my Life, but it's trying to get my mental state . Back to normal again, see getting sober again . Has definitely left my depression and anxiety worse, my Doctor and Psychologist. Is going to be reviewing my medication soon, cos they think maybe what I'm taking now , isn't working and may . Need to get put on something else . If my mental health, can return back to way it was and the cravings would stop . Then I'd be laughing , but I think that's gonna take a long time. Because Ive been drinking , for 30 years and . That's not gonna leave , my mind anytime soon .
I've been sober for 3 weeks and am learning that I am not a "moderator" but am instead an "abstainer". If I even consider having a drink, I can see the future as drinking more and more.
Being able to make that distinction for yourself is so valuable!
Freedom comes from not wanting to drink - that captures the life we can create when we are willing to look to keep doing this work. LOVE it!
Oh - thank you!! Glad it is resonating!
A close relative of mine did precisely what you are saying, only going to a very occasional drink, but not actually needing alcohol. I am on early sobriety so for me it's 0 or a 1000. so I choose 0.
Yet if your relative really doesn't "need" it, why did they bother going back at all? Seems they "needed" it after all.
Excellent choice!
Annie, you're a legend. Thank you for the soul work that you have done and thank you again, even more, for being generous enough to share it with us.
You've really helped me. Thank you!
You're the best! Thank you!!
Thank you Annie! I’m at 7 1/2 months with no alcohol. The thought of a glass of wine, terrifies me. I would feel like I would be undoing this hard work. I feel if you have to stop, because of abusing it, I think I would eventually abuse it again, over time.
Having that awareness and making the commitment not to drink will only benefit you!
Im 14 days in. I feel great!! Still fighting the cravings some. I hope some day to be able to have a glass of wine, or a beer. Right now though, I want that self relection. Im so happy I found your videos!! Thanks!!
The journey is so worth it!
I truly feel great on day three. I’m not going to count anymore. Thank you! ❤
Great job!
I do admire the velocity of your speech while every word hits the nail on its head! This is certainly the best evidence that there is no substance in your brain that hampers the flow of your thoughts!
I'm on day 28 and just had about 3 cravings. My problem is thinking of future events like the wife's 40th in March. .summer time bbqs..a stag ..wedding...foreign holiday etc the never ending list.im struggling with the peer pressure a bit since I've been the party animal for so many years. The thing is its all family i go drinking with. I'm just burnt out from the hangovers and the fog.im aiming for clarity and honest happeniess. It's early days but I'm determined. Your videos are great, thanks.
Day 99.all good.
Same here,congrats..
Going long,going strong!
Would love to hear how you're doing now!
I had four months sobriety. I didn't want alcohol. I was happy. (Your book did that ❤) So I thought I was fine to have just one.
It worked on the first 3 occasions... but yesterday one turned into five. 😥
A data point you can now move forward from.
Your videos are blowing my mind. Everyone told me to read your book and now I know why.
Ahh, so humbling to read this!
when I was drinking occasionally I was smoking pot everyday then quit weed and started binge drinking daily
We often transfer addictions.
I'm day 39 days of the Path. 61 days AF. Awesome 👍 teaching about myself.
You got this!
I haven't drank in a long time, years. I feel safe with myself around that, in a modest manner. I want to be able to communicate about the risks of alcohol with people I love and you've given me some framing and phrasing to do that.Thank you.
That was REALLY balanced great answer to that question 👍🏻
Glad it was helpful!
Good stuff. This question keeps popping up in my mind, but you clarified perfectly what needs to take place before you can answer it.
PS Thanks for the book Annie, reading it was a real game changer for me.
Thank you @MagnusThor
Annie you are so right on with all of your words. I am following you and have faith in your philosophy knowing that I will be a better person without alcohol. Please keep up the fabulous work you are doing.
So glad it is helping you!
I agree with everything you said except, being the first person on the dance floor without a drink. I have read the book 3 times. I have been sober for almost a month except I did have a glass of wine at a dinner party a week ago and I was ok.
The experience will be different for all of us!
Very truthful, caring and loving response. A high bottom is best. Go for the freedom of a happy life. It is possible.
Very good question: Me, I am not even in a month into sobriety, but if I reach 1 year sober, I am not sure I will risk it by trying for moderation afterwards. I'll see in a year if I am ready or even want to. Maybe I could do it, but we'll see. I agree that at least a significant period of time you need to be able to see life without it, to see if it is worth it or not.
How are you doing now Will?
I was s self medicator. AF is the best for me.👍🙏
The best!
There’s a scene in the movie Swingers where the guy is asking his friend if his ex girlfriend will ever call him again. His buddy says “oh she will call, but not until you sincerely don’t care that she calls.” And he says “that’s the rub huh”. I think of moderation the same way. It’s ok as soon as you don’t care if you ever have a drink again. But if you don’t care if you ever have a drink again, why would you have one? That the rub. 😊
Perfectly explained! That IS the rub!!
I started drinking every night at home shortly after I lost my licence 2 years ago. It became a glorious time getting drunk and listening to my records.. Until the last couple months when I realized I can't stop drinking 12 to20 beers a night. For the past couple months(the summer), my days have been filled with anxiety over minor issues, until I start drinking again. Every day is planned around where or when I can pick up more alcohol. I would love to go back to drinking just a couple nights a week. That's why I watched this video.
Here's what worked for me. Make a rule that you will never BUY alcohol and never keep in your house. For me, at home was where I did my alcohol abuse. It wasn't out with friends twice a month.
@@JM-co6rf Good advice . i am going to try this. i am 3 full day sober now.
@@ashokrag123 I'd recommend for sure getting 30 days sober before touching it. I just got off a 60 day sobriety.
@@JM-co6rf Sure will do. 4th day now. my goal is first 30 days and see how it goes.
We would love an update on how you're doing now!
Really good answer to this really good question. Thank you Annie!
Thank you!
Very good stuff here, makes a lot of sense. Thanks a lot for posting this.
You're so welcome!
I just passed one month of no drinking and i gotta say this question has been heavy on my mind. I used to drink so much because i absolutely hated my job and it stressed me out to the point where i couldnt relax at home until i had alcohol. Ive changed my job, spoken with my therapist about harm reduction, and tried so many times to quit on my own, but to no avail. It took getting a dui and pissing off my friends to the point where they almost cut me out to realize i had a problem. Ive relapsed three times since my dui in April and my current sober date is June 19, 2023. I almost relapsed again yesterday and today until i found you! I was pointed in your direction by a kind stranger and have been absorbing as much as i can. I kinda want to be an occasional drinker, to feel normal and fit in, but i also am aware of the fact that because of my tolerance to alcohol, and my history with it (been drinking since i was 2 & im almost 22) its just not possible. I was medicated with alcohol to make me sleep and then in my teen years, guilted into drinking with my stepfather. Ive realized true power is the ability to say no and to move on without it. If in a couple years i feel like i can safely drink a glass of wine i might, but until then i plan on not drinking.
It's so important to establish those boundaries. And remember that your mindset can shift during that time to where you'll have no desire to drink at all. If you need more support on this journey, please join our amazing free community at thisnakedmindapp.com - the amazing people and resources there can make this experience so much easier!
This was a fantastic video!
I have a history of very out of control drinking…..quit for 12 years. Then decided one day I could drink occasionally…… well that last about a month and I was hard core drinking again.
Got sober again.
Then, couple years ago decided to have an occasional drink again.
I’ve been doing that for a while now but honestly….I know why I do it, even if just twice a month, I do it to feel buzzed. I love that first drink buzz, but I only last a couple hours, then the headache and sometimes upset stomach, crappy sleep. And I take medication that alcohol affects.
I’m thinking I want to go back to totally abstaining again.
Having a drink or 2 sounds like a great idea until after I do it.
Even today I was thinking…”Oh I haven’t had a drink in about 3 weeks, maybe tonight I’ll get wine with dinner and have a nice buzz….”
Now I am questioning why?
Why do I want to feel different?
Hmmm 🤔
Realizing that you can get that buzz in a different, healthier way can be a powerful shift. That could be through exercise, great conversation, learning something new, etc.
@@ThisNakedMind Thank you. I do believe I am self medicating.
It’s the effect of the alcohol I am looking for. For years I thought that was normal… I thought everyone drank for the effect!
Makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
You're so welcome!
In the UK it's the norm for weekend drinking that's the problem, if your used to socialising at the weekend you have to try and base your life around so.ething else I guess, boredom kicks in too esp if you abstained all week..Most people I know drink to get drunk or tipsy socially..
Culture can certainly make it more difficult!
@@ThisNakedMind
Darn right it can! Our culture completely endorses and promotes alcohol use. It’s in our DNA. Western civilization was created because of our love of alcohol.
Great video!❤
Glad you liked it!!
This is very good! Some real great points here.
Thank you!
I figured out after 40 years that alcohol is simply a poison that I do not. I am used to a new normal after 7 weeks. As I said to my doctor, "it is easier to count to zero than some safe amount." But then, the stuff is a poison, so why bother having one at all. I am now understanding my c-ptsd triggers for WHY they exist and WHAT happens when they fire and WHERE my mind should go to. This understanding is evolving from not having alcohol. Your video here is very supportive to my awareness to not have alcohol. Thanks.
Love this "it is easier to count to zero than some safe amount."
Thank you Annie. This video really touched my heart. ❤️
Honored to hear that!
I was AF for 3 years during the pandemic. Thought I’d cracked it. Absolutely not. Started with one or two now back where I started. Don’t start again if you’ve stopped
Hope you find your freedom again!
I love your channel and how you approach drinking. Your very nice looking too BTW. Thanks for all you do!
So nice of you
I’m so glad a found you at The Addiction Summit. You are wise and inspiring.
Thank you!
People with a drink problem, do not have a choice, the Alcohol chooses for them..One drink leads to many drinks...
We can agree to disagree!
No don't go back you will regret it!!!
Everyone must make their own choices!
I’m 20 days sober and omg I had an amazing time at my cousin 50th birthday party I was on what they call “A pink cloud” I felt like I was drinking and had a buzz I guess I was just high on life! I drove home sober and didn’t have a hangover the next morning I had water while everybody else was drinking 80 proof 40%
That's such a momentous occasion! Congrats to you!
This is the best one so far for me, thank you
This is a fantastic video, thank you :) it's such an amazing synchronicity for me to find it today. Thank you for your book and your videos Annie!!!
Thank you @Sam
Another amazing video! LOVE this lady! Xxx
So happy it's helping you!
@@ThisNakedMind Your wisdom, your humor, open mindness, truly amazing. You are such a gift to the world and YES you help a lot, love the book also xxx
Annie, I think all of your writing and speaking is fantastic, extremely helpful and makes more sense about the true nature of addiction than most other sources, "experts" and "fellowships". Thank you. One question. What would you say to someone who has succeeded in overcoming all of the false reasons for drinking and for thinking that it will help, except for one situation: going on a date! A shared bottle of wine is such a reliable ice-breaker to both get through the shyness and awkwardness of getting to know one another, and also, dare I say, of releasing our inhibitions in order to explore more intimacy! There must be a better way, but what is it? And if the person one is meeting is themselves a "normal" drinker, using the usual "ice-breaker" drinks, won't they be thrown off by meeting someone who proceeds to order tonic water whilst offering them wine? Such a minefield!
Personally I'd make the initial meeting occur somewhere where alcohol won't be on the menu. Get breakfast together, coffee or choose an active date. Lots of laughs can be had while miniature golfing or even ice skating. Once you've broken the ice in a way that doesn't involve alcohol it isn't as awkward to turn down that drink later.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I have just started reading your book, which is excellent. On my specific question, your answer is very helpful, but my concern was not so much about avoiding awkwardness over turning down a drink, but more the fear that without alcohol on the first few dates it is less likely to become an intimate relationship. Is there any other solution to that? Thanks.
Alcohol actually lowers libido so I wouldn't stress that. I think meaningful conversation with you present would go a long way in creating an intimate relationship.
I say like my A.A. Sponsor Told, You Have to Smash The Thought Of Trying to be an occasional Drinker, because I know for me to drink again is to die, Once A Alcoholic Is Still Is A Alcoholic, So I Pray to Stay Sober, Forever 1 Day At A Time
Glad you've found what helps you!
If I have to control it I won't enjoy it. If I enjoy it I can't control it. 30 days sober today and I'll be damned if I go back to that drunken hell. Not one drop more!
Cheering you on all the way!!
Hi Annie, I just ordered your book.. I have a problem with drinking beer every night. More habit for me, started out a few here and there and then now like 4 beers to 6 a night manly 4 tho.. I started having stomach problems from it, keeps me up all night.. no sleep and lots of acid pills. Just lost my gallbladder to inflammation because I'm pretty sure it has been messing with my stomach that bad. Tons of stomach issues. I no now its definitely making me unhealthy. Don't want my liver to go next. So I'm really hoping your book will help me. I don't like being "that person" around my family/friends either. I've tried moderation I always rebound back.. Need to cut it out for good. Thx for your advice on you tube. I'll be watching them all. 😊❤️
So glad you're here! Have you joined the free app for more support? thisnakedmindapp.com
i don't think so!!! but who am i to say !! why ruin a good thing and your skin and liver will thank you
Apple Cider Vinegar in water tastes kinda yukky at first.... but really helps make your insides clean
thank you for all your great advise and tips
Fair enough!
Don’t wake the alcohol monster !
NEVER!!!
Great advice! Thank you!
So welcome!
❤I had 30 years sobriety loved 🥰 it, started doing just this. I’ve gotta stop drinking period
You got this!
I can relate to all of this. So true what you said about "occasional drinking" not being adequate to suppress your emotions. I don't understand though how someone can go 6 years sober then revert back to it?
Often it's triggered by another trauma and we pick the response that worked before because we never developed the additional coping skills needed.
@@ThisNakedMind yes annie that as what as always happened with me ,im currently 9 months AF ,both my parents are having really serous health problems i don,t have any siblings and im have to deal with this situatin alone,im struggling,i just want to dissapear and im very close to saying f**k it and feel its only a matter of time before the pressure becomes to much for me and i drink again.any adivce would be very helpfull
Yes, you can be an occasional drinker if you exercise control.
Some people do find success with occasional drinking.
@@ThisNakedMind I have no control tho.. lol.
My problem is i have never been a moderate drinker. I always binge drink even if it started out once a month or whatever. I have never been able to just have 1-2 or even 3 drinks. Ive always just drank until i went to sleep. I go through phases were i will only drink once a month and then it slowly progresses to almost everyday- even if that process takes 6-7 months i always end up there. I dont think i will ever be able to be a moderate drinker and im trying to process and work through that. Im only at the beginning of TNM journey.
Hope you've found the Companion App - thisnakedmindapp.com - for support and encouragement. The beginning of the journey is a great first step!
So smart
I've been asked this by friends "are you gonna go back to drinking now that its been x months "? "Why not have a glass here and there"? And now knowing the psychology behind alcohol,( thx annie) , it annoys me hearing those questions..I was just asked last night" do you want us to wait for you ( when I'm "done" not drinking) to open that nice bottle of wine you brought over ?" I smiled and said" no, enjoy it, don't wait for me" ... an obvious " indescript " way of seeing if i had plans on going back to drinking🤭..silly rabbit!
Changing our relationships with alcohol makes other people take a look at their own which can be an uncomfortable process.
How do you deal with underlying issues? How to do that work? I've done the 12 steps, I've been sober for 5 years but I miss drinking. I work out regularly, I've started a business, gotten married, good life, still miss drinking.
in my experience it has to do with determining why you drank and working through those emotions and the beliefs that alcohol helped with that somehow.
Problem drinkers can NEVER EVER go back to Alcohol at any time or any Quantities..Period..furthermore why would any body want to go back to Alcohol after a long period of sobriety?..
There are those who are able to successfully moderate if they choose to.
Yh bollocks Craig I binged on and off since 18 I’m 25 now, mind over matter, enjoy a sensible drink with dinner now
@@RB621337 Good for you, so far, let me know how the next 50 YEARS GO?
I've been sober for 5 years. I was a heavy drinker in my 20s, was depressed, no social skills. I've worked on myself over the years, I'm not depressed anymore, I enjoy my life but am now contemplating an occasional drink to relax on vacation and I miss the super happy feeling alcohol gave me. I'm probably not going to try moderate drinking, but it is tempting!
@@jasminemariedarling You have done brilliantly, stay sober, you will NEVER be able to moderate your drinking, Alcohol is the second most addictive substance on the Planet..
You. are. fire!👈🏿💪🏾👊🏾✌🏾
Thank you!
I don't think I can never not enjoy the effect of alcohol
You'd be surprised!
If I can, you can. Believe me.
You are so cute!!!
Question for Annie or anyone who has thoughts on this matter? I am wanting to go AF for a year starting Jan 1. However, I have been keeping this thought to myself and am wondering if I should share this Goal with my wife or keep it to myself? I recently heard, in a TedTalk I believe, that sharing your goals with others sometimes negatively affects the outcomes due to the sensation you receive when the other person congratulates you or gives you a pat on the shoulder for simply setting the goal. I
I am also nervous to share this goal with my wife because if I slip up and decide to have a drink I will feel like I not only let myself down but my wife as well.
Any thoughts/suggestions/feedback welcome here...thanks!!
I think its a personal decision. I always say you can share how little or how much you want to with others.
This Naked Mind well that’s a super vague answer but you’re right...it’s a personal decision. I’ll just pray on it. Thanks and Merry Christmas 🎄🎁
I tried to become a “ normal” drinker , and went right back to full on abuse again ! And it’s seeming harder to get away from it this time ! If your having a problem with alcohol put it down and never go back because it is there right now waiting to drag you down to the pit !
So glad you found what you needed to do to have your freedom from alcohol!
“You’re not on a neutral path here.”
So many takeaways!
For me, i tried , moderation, occasionally drinking. Didn't work for me.
modrs
It's so difficult!
What do you think about doing a 30 day challenge? Have you heard of the guys at OneYearNoBeer - They do a 30 day challenge with a FB support group that people love. You may want to check them out to get you over the hump! It's all free and really great. The website is www.oneyearnobeer.com
Iam a binge drinker I hate it after when I do it every 6-9 weeks for 3 days it takes a week to recover right it's madness, I really love excerise running boxing weights I train 6 days or 5 a,week I follow a good diet, but when I drink 3 days all out the window I dmoke eat shit and drink loads, I'm hoping to stop this a finally just put it away, I'm 46 and no deep down Its tome to stop it.
Have you checked out the This Naked Mind Companion App? thisnakedmindapp.com - you might find it helpful in stopping!
Definitely not why would you want to swap sobriety life to feel hung over not able to cope or manage anything so no no no
Often people need to have the experience to cement that mindset shift.
Everytime I have said I'll just have one, I have ended up blackout drunk
Important lessons learned from that!
I don’t think your advice on trying drinking again is good. I was 3 years sober. Thought I’d got control. Absolutely not. Month ps later struggling to stop again
It's certainly not a requirement to do so.
I’m 18 days sober.. :) trying hard to stop
You've got this!
@@ThisNakedMind Thanks you I am 28 days now 🥰
What do you think of using Antabuse as a means to stay sober??
I think everyone needs to do what works for them.
Have one glass of wine then you decision making is taken over by the little monster on your back you have no choice but to carry on the addiction takes you over after one glass of wine
This 100%!!
The question in state is why did you poison yourself with neurotoxins.
^^this
Did you have to go to rehab to safely get over the physical addiction?
Not necessarily. Some people can do a medical detox under the supervision of a physician. You'd need to consult with your doctor to see what would be recommended for you.
@@ThisNakedMind My doctor knows I drink a lot of beer and has it in my notes. A while ago and he wrote it down to try and slowly week by week cut down. Unfortunately I really haven’t done a good job with it. He’s wanting me to send a list of psychiatrists that excepts our insurance. So no he didn’t even say quite cold turkey
I think if I stop cold turkey I would be really taking a chance since I’m on a bunch of prescription meds for anxiety, blood pressure due to anxiety. I have talked to my doctor many times and he is well aware of my dependence on beer. However I have always had a bad general anxiety disorder way before I ever drank.
You should consult with your physician of you're concerned.
@@ThisNakedMind I did. He said I should try and slowly cut down
how do we deal with the boredom?
This video addresses that - ruclips.net/user/video8eXN3glpgak/