Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Intimate Partner Violence
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- Опубликовано: 30 сен 2024
- Barbara Siegel, SHALVA Clinical Director and Ferial Nijem, a survivor of IPV, discuss the ways trauma effects survivors of abuse, even after the relationship has ended.
They're the worst kind because they're a wolf in sheep's clothing! In public they play a game like they're such a great person.
Closet monsters Nice to everyone else while destroying me
Who knew the villain could seem like prince charming? Totally unprepared for that. In fact, the fantasy of prince charming is a part of the societal gaslighting that we grow up with believing leaving us vulnerable and unprepared, and even groomed in many cases to be vulnerable to abuse. They use noble professions, advocacy groups, etc, to hide themselves and give a false impression to the public. Not everyone gets to see the wolf, and then everyone who has only seen the 'sheep' thinks you're crying wolf. We really need to do better with our children's stories to actually better protect children eh
I can so relate to being triggered by bugs etc in a room. And being so sensitive to noise. Also I found that years of abuse and stress lowered my b12 level, which made me more reactive to outside triggers too. My nerves were literally frayed. Once I corrected that deficiency, things got easier and I could work through it better. I had no idea that abuse and stress could lower vitamins and minerals like that and make the ptsd symptoms even worse.
Wow!! Thanks for this comment.
Just watching this is making my heart beat so fast 😢 I feel like I’ll never get over my ptsd from my domestic abuse trauma 😢 It happened 6 years ago. I broke away 6 years ago.
It’s been 6 months since I escaped 💔
Um men get abused too. I was raped by a partner.
Ended a budding career in corporate piloting. Destroyed my self confidence. I was in construction in Southern California which is very competitive. Ruined my life.
It took me five years to go no contact. It is going to be challenging in the beginning. It gets better with the passage of time.
Emdr can release the strongholds of ptsd
Thank You for this video! It is Not easy to leave due to the trauma Bond! Even if You have economic resources! Most people don't get it and they retraumatize You! Only if You have went through that experience You understand!
I was abused from the time I was 16 from a drug addict. All my life i put my energy into helping family members and taking care of my kids i never faced what i went through, My last living sibling my brother died on the 18th of April . Through The Grieving and realizing that I wasn't needed by anyone all the memories started coming back it's like I'm reliving it all over again like I never faced it in the first place.I'm not one to cry but lately that's all I do. I was recently diagnosed with severe anxiety and clinical depression and possible ptsd. It was so painful I guess I suppress it all these years I am now 57 years old and I still feel like that scared 16-year-old girl
Yes, trauma memories aren’t timestamped by the brain like regular memories. Because of the stressful impact in the moment of trauma, they are stored fragmented. So when it comes up, it feels like the present moment. You are literally experiencing that 16 year old you. I had also pushed everything down by being a perpetual caretaker. Time to take care of you! Be the person that 16-year-old needed in the moment. Be there for her right now. Cheers to healing ❤️🩹
My abuser was physical too but mostly financial and emotionally abusive.
This dogmatic adherence to the 3 phases is why it took me so long to recognize that I was in an abusive marriage.
❤️🤘✝️🇺🇸 God with all of us and survivors of both verbal & domestic abuse
You need to go to temple and allow God to full your soul. Don't ever allow anyone to mistreat you ever again. Take back your power! I know most women want to be loved and have babies. It's more important to be safe.
Bless you guys, you guys are spot on with everything.
Thank you for sharing your story. It helped me.
Crying 😢its like me
So so sad 😢😢😢
I can not handle listening
It hurts so much and really damaged all things to be a good person
I have no support and I’m still defending myself about being abused.
The children courts do not allow healing its legally silenced at the expense of my trust
Thank you so much for this talk. Yes, part of thinking 'oh good, everything's ok now' is that you are thinking and feeling relief that you don't have to give up and uproot your entire life that you built with them, give up on the good times, give up on all the work you put in, all the time and money and effort you've invested in your shared life, shared businesses, don't have to leave and start all over again, especially if they have been financially abusing you and you will walk away with nothing, and maybe even without financial security or have to be on the street, and possibly with a child/children, and maybe you have chronic health issues making it even more difficult. Many perpetrators will deliberately work on you to encourage you to get pregnant because they know how much more entrapped and vulnerable that will make you, and it does. So when they put on the very convincing act that makes you think there's a real chance things are able to be worked out, you think, oh good, I don't have to split up the family and how that will effect the child/children, etc. Many perpetrators of coercive control know exactly how to get you entrapped and entrenched and use all those tactics to make it as hard and unappealing as possible to leave them. They know exactly how hard it's going to be for you to leave, with the physical exhaustion, psychological harm and mental fog their deliberate crazy-making causes, and with a children to support, alone. They know if they didn't keep leading you on, lying, acting, convincing, that you will leave. They knew that without doing those things from the very beginning you'd never even have gotten involved with them, so this isn't an issue of women just 'choosing better', and these are the reasons why some women 'don't just leave'. And because once you leave, the abuse typically escalates in an attempt to maintain their control over you, punish you for resisting their control, get what they can from you or keep you from leaving with anything, and once there is zero reason or usefulness for them to still try to pretend that they really want/intend to do good, but are just 'misunderstood', 'have addictions', 'suffer from childhood trauma', fill in the excuse here.
There is still a ways to go until there is adequate recognition, validation and protection from the system and society at large. It's the kind of thing you don't really think about until it happens to you, and until then you can think to yourself, well there must be 'some reason' this happens to victims. Yes, it's because we allow vulnerabilities to exist that they can exploit. We live within a greater system of coercive control, which keeps the majority vulnerable to abuse. I'm grateful to you all and everyone who is a voice bringing forth the awareness and understanding that none of this is ok, no one deserves this, and we need to do better for those who are targeted and victimized, especially the children involved.
I was pinned on the floor once and almost lost all my ability to breathe! I was also choked! According to the FB, tthe risks of choking or strangulation are higher statistics of homicide!
I am sorry that you had to endure such violence.
Statistics show that 70% of those who have been strangled, are KILLED by their abuser. Getting strangled by your partner is extremely serious. Get out while you can, so you can live. The thought of having to have my beloved Sister come and identify my (dead) body still makes me sick to my stomach, to this day.
@@katierobertsfnp6403 I left thst creep almost 10 years ago!
I was 15yo and he was 19. together for 3 years. pistol whipped me, choked me, had hostage, punched me, slapped me, pulled my hair, spat on me, ect. Emotional, cheating on me every other day and constantly had girls over at the house when i wasnt home, screaming so loud in my face when i would cry.. Had no family or friend support. He used alcohol as a 'gift' and 'apology' whenever things were bad, which was basically every day. Lastly he tried to break into my grandparents home when I was there. I moved states at 18 with no money and little to no support, was an alcoholic & other drug abuse. Got into legal trouble. Verge of homelessness. Still unsure on what to do, but I miss the little girl I used to ever be.
It's all about gaining more resources and switching places with you by mirroring your essence! He also used these methods to distract you from your purpose and destiny. It's a mind game to con you and steal from you!
So women will also project these bad behaviors to men. Especially if they they didn't deal with the trauma in a healthy manner.
White John Gonzalez Scott Young Joseph
You were with a covert Narcissist.
I had the sleep deprivation techniques and then had to try and go to work the next day. I was a shell of my former self and have never dealt with it all. All aspects of my life are affected.
I was gaslighted by my abuser too! This is a Narcissistic game that they use to distract you!
Why is it video assuming that only men does it
I never been each or follow we're ever I go this people are one makee do this madness stress I never experience been abouse like this lot of men watching me in my house I don't like it
I have severe PTSD
Why wouldn't you just leave the home? A hotel? A relatives place? A friend's?
Thanks for sharing. I realized that with smart homes, a complete new hidious way in misusing technology is available for domestic abusers and many are not prepared for understanding what it means to the victim 😮. So sorry to hear about reaching out and not being believed or helped.
Well I'm sorry I didn't new wat I'm doing I don't n3w how is doing this controlling me new that I new this people are controlling me and my life I didn't new about they make me do this to u I hop u new wat this people doing this to me make me mad stress for long time
Same here wat this guys doing to me is child abouse rep in my house keep watching me and following me they don't live me alone it's make me stress angry I never experience this stress before I'm cloud ur said something about this abouse it's sad painful wat this guys shoot at me my house or having sex I don't new way wat are they here watching me taking my picture a d show it to puplic and polly light st me wat they taking my pitrur
Well it's up to u if u don't want to come back it's ok but I want u to n3w that I was not one driving my self to heart u it's this people having my movement controlling my life
U new u work with them u new how I'm going tru my life I didn't aßk them to control my life to do there dusty job I doñt like it at all
I'm sorry that time wen this people was actak me I didn't new that wat is going on to me way I'm doing this or way I'm doing this to people it's this people are still here to doing this stress and mad they driving me to do this goss they have my movement controlling my life I'm not bud person ok
Well that abouse is from my stress to this evil people doing this evil job to me and my drug problem I didn't but my self out there living with drug for do long
I cant ket her go or just wolk way with out telk to me but evething shot down on me for tree years i still looking for ger were she is way just new ur show up to tolk to me its make me crying every day way did u lef me alone with this evil people controlling my life
I don't need wat is that sickness in me I don't see doctor goss I don't feel sick new that people having my movement are one make me sick in said of me
So im sorry that i heart u i bromese u that my future is coming soon i need u to help me abd my future i have to stop this drug and i go forward to my future i want u to help me and are future
So that way u gon for ever way just new ur till about it it's already ten years new this problem
Well sorry that i hesrt u i didn't new wat hoppen to me how controlling my life
yikes
Well if people are abouse me way not I'm doing it to people but if they don't do that to me I don't do it
Im going to change my life and go forward to my future this drug its not word it to me and my future
Well if this people stop controlling me to get stress and mad I will change ok
It's was people working this sex school I didn't new wat is going on to me
There is a Law or Tort in Cali that says emotional distress and harassment is illegal here.
U should new this problem long time ago I was not doing this to people
Antyl new they still here doing this to me the6 don't stop u new u work with them
It's was drug drive me heart u i didn't new about it
So wat u want me to change ?
So wat do u want me to do?
Wat is that mean ?
Well wat just new u tell me u was gon never come back if my phone off so I didn't new way u off my phone and it's was evil was driving me stupid I don't have no clue wat hoppen to me antyl I find out
SEXIST!!! WHAT ABOUT FROM THE WOMAN TO THE MAN???? OH WOMEN DON'T DO THAT!!!!
Literally at the beginning of the video it says we are going to talk about HER EXPERIENCES
hold it Karen. theres videos and guys talking about it too in other contexts . cant you just look it up? yes I am all up for the guys talking about it and denouncing abuse.
omg she was trying not to expose him to the family and their rabi... get a diagnosis because you might have some issues yourself.
Thank you so much for sharing your story!!
For the host, I would encourage you to please use gender neutral terms for the victim/survivor of abuse and the abuser/aggressor. The definition of domestic abuse is not this abuse against a woman, but against another person - men and non-binary individuals included. Unfortunately there aren’t even reliable statistics about male victims of abuse due to underreporting and a focus only on female victims.
But with that said , I really appreciate you providing this platform & information !!!
There aren't reliable ( conclusive ) statistics about any category of abuse victims -- due to myriad factors that consistently lead to underreporting or the charges denied, diminished, and/ or dropped, or an inequality in the access to equivalent material provisions , societal bias but also benefit and connection .
Statistics and Research methodology in general, but emphasized in the social sciences in particular-- are designed to recognize, mitigate and extrapolate more accurate numbers. in spite of these disadvantages and actively seek allowance for them in order to convey the most realistic and accurate portrayal of a situation .
Especially today, no one working in this field is oblivious to the way that gender can and is sometimes reversed, but the REALITY of the numbers, the reasons, the methods, the physical results, biological and psychological differences between men and women both as perpetrator and victim and the supports by societal conventions and rules of engagement arising from all of these---- STILL make it most useful in a youtube general video to use the genders as described , reverse if necessary in your case, ❤remind yourself that this being a Crime .. a CRIME .. is key to centering whoever is subject to the harm is also subject to the support and respect, the care, provision, compensation etc. made available to this unfortunate category of citizens
I really feel so invalidated looking for videos. It’s hard to find any video that doesn’t use gender specific terms. I just had my first flashback and I’m just learning I have this problem. If you have any video suggestions for me I’d appreciate it.
@@kmac1480 This seems like an intelligible word said. What's your point?
Gender neutral terms are contraindicated in the instance of male on female violence since it is a deeply gendered issue in our society and the problem won't be solved unless it's properly defined and approached. Male on female violance, Men's and even boys' violence on women and girls is a unique phenomenum and won't be solved until we understand the underlying dynamics which are different than violence perpetrated upon men by either men or women.
there is a dark number of cases, but for woman and for men. Of those that are unkown the majority are woman and children. I do not understand how people started beliving that there is some type of undue focus on woman-victems. The focus is there bc the gender-imbalance is there. For the most part DV is perpetrated by a men against his family members
You should have made this not specific to sex in the sense that the person being abused is a woman and the male the abuser.
Well it’s just a woman sharing her story…
Literally at the beginning of the video she says we are talking about HER experience
And the overwhelming majority of intimate partner violence is perpetrated by men against women due to certain societal ideas he grew up with. In cases where a man is being abused by a woman or by a male partner, it does happen and it's terrible and if that is your experience I am sorry and I urge to to seek help but the dynamics are different from those that create and perpetuate male on female violence and even female on female violence. Those vidtims deserve help as well but those are not the majority of incidents we deal with.
FYI not just women are victims of IPV so i would update the definition to be more inclusive
I have one easy fix for not getting sleep...trip the fuse box and turn the power off to the entire home. Not trying to make light of the situation (no pun intended). My current man suffers from ptsd and I understand how sleep is very important to him. We are both truckers so sleep schedules can already be messed up etc. Adding on to the stress of one of the most stressful professions out there. I didn't really understand him when we first met, but I think we've both made progress. He's also an avoidant introvert and the ptsd is not just from the military it's also unhealed childhood trauma and abandonment etc. It is so complex and not everyone is willing to go down the rabbit hole with someone.
I've spent years working through my own trauma and cycles and triggers. Educated myself on fear based mind control etc. He displays all the self doubts and insecurities and he is passive aggressive or just simply shuts down. I mistook his treatment of me for manipulation tactics because his withdrawal and withdrawal of affection seemed narcissistic to me, but I had to remind myself that he was basically in survival mode, it wasn't done to gain narcissistic supply from me.
Unfortunately he is tied into his trauma situation with family etc that he isn't able to detach from currently so he exposes himself to that environment and it reinforces the trauma the triggers and the anxiety and insecurities that come with it all over again.
I stay separate from all of it and I preserve my safe space and I preserve a safe space for him aswell.
I can always tell a switch up of enegies when we interact.
These are the "super powers" of empaths once you learn to observe and not absorb and have healthy boundaries and know your triggers, you can recognize patterns within yourself and others and adjust behaviors in that way.
Not everyone who displays narcissistic behaviors is a narcissist. Traumatized empaths often adapt narc traits for preservation or narc behavior is all they have known in their environment.
I had been so brainwashed in my own self that for a period of time I thought that I was possibly a narcisstic abuser.
At 44 now I am finally at the point where I know and understand myself and I am happy and I can relate and pass on my own experiences to help shed awareness.
It gets even more confusing because everyone seems to be spreading the rhetoric without even understanding what those terms even mean.
A crazy world we live in! If you've regained your peace and sanity...protect it with all you have!