Lobola is really an interesting topic. A month ago, uncles and I went to pay lobola on behalf of my brother, we were charged way less than what we expected but what stood up for me was the chess game during the negotiation. Some families understand the real meaning of lobola.
We were also surprised when my brother was charged next to nothing, kanti it was for a good reason... They obviously wanted to get rid of her, mathata fela😂
@annmhlongo6063 eh hehehe eish... So your brother didn't notice "mathata fela" during the relationship? Or didn't you pick it up and give your brother a 'heads up'
The fact that you guys express from a point of logic and facts is the amazing part unlike other podcasts where most opinions come from emotional scars.
I agree.. because some people don't have certain levels of effontrey because their pockets don't allow or give them access to exhibit that level of effontrey... there's a lot of fake humility going around 😅
I agree with Given and Bonga on the "friend approach" because if someone comes to me and declares friendship, I will not allow myself to see you as more than a friend.... TCC for life❤❤❤ ke le rata ke sa ikhutse
Being in a toxic environment causes one to be on edge all the time because they are on survival mode and when the toxicity is taken away you dont even know how to behave. Its uncomfortable, its hard re-learning how to feel safe and frankly some people never quite learn to be
Regarding toxic work places, the consistent distrust of your own skill , experience and knowledge as well as everyone at the office from bosses to colleagues. I do not share personal details at the office ever- not wins/ struggles / joys etc because in the toxic workplace before where I am now even being a mother was weaponised and “friends” of over 5 years provided nuances using my personal life to fuel the workplace mobbing.
This channel e monate! Diantsha straight! Shoutout to Ursula for that braided hairstyle. I can't remember the last time I saw a woman braid her hair like that. New subscriber🔥
First time watching this podcast. I like how the guy can speak about men and women differences without leaning towards one gender. The aim is to understand and not to bash each other.
Ursula o pila maan! Wang disturber. I have to rewind and rewatch every epsiode so that I can learn becuase shem, i cannot get used to your fave and voice. So soothing. I would pay big bucks just to look at you. Anyway: big ups team. Your ingsights are always so refreshing. As for me, I have agreed with my dad that i will go on probation ya 3months nyana before we can finalise (i.e. Donorrr the lobola. On a serious note. Both partners need to discuss their finances. The female should give the partner a ball park figure to work around. Then again culture this and that.. Yhuuu. Tricky. Each to their own. Love and light fam❤
Material expectations have always been there. Previously, mainly for the men. But now that women can also accumulate our own material wealth, this puts men who aren’t rich/well off at a disadvantage. Women want a man who has a lot, because women also have a lot. As a woman who’s got a car, a home, rental apartment, retirement annuity, all kinds of insurances, it’s sensible to want a man who’s got MORE than you. So men have not caught up to this. And this is a very general statement 😅
People are not dishonest. There is a huge difference between a stranger who asks you out on a date to get to know and a stranger who upon seeing you for the first time, declares their undying love for you.
On the lobola topic, my dad once told us girls that he would never accept an amount that he himself could not withdraw at the atm 😅 so yeah, families are different.
I have one question guys please answer, what is purpose of mjolo from african lens not with western modern perceptive.Maybe is because i live in kzn in the village..Help!!!
Hi guys! Question for the friendzone episode: Say you date someone and you guys end the relationship and genuinely become friends (Like Ursula was saying that friendships are the best foundation for relationships- but sometimes you just need to stay friends). How do you navigate the friendship when you enter a new relationship? Are there special boundaries or will it depend on how long ago you dated? Do you explain to your partner, the boundaries in place and they rock with it or is it maybe time to sever ties for as long as you're in a relationship?
I usually feel violated when a male friend hits on me. Violated may be an extreme word. If we are say friends, I open myself up to you, share things, support each other and be super vulnerable. It feels creepy nje. How long did you like me? Were you physically attracted to me? Do you find me sexy? The root word of sexy is sex. So did you sexualise me? I want to know your intentions from the jump.
im fascinated when watching women multitask. watch how ursula is doing her makeup without missing a beat in the convo.. yall know that we men struggle with multitasking😨
Another thing I look at is what people pursue money for, apart from the basic necessities. Some people pursue money so they can look down at other people or treat people terribly. Some people pursue it & believe they have no reason to better themselves as a person. It's really interesting to see how people behave when they believe that they are exempt from certain responsibilities simply because they are well off
I agree with Ursula on this one. There is nothing more beautiful than a friendship which turns into a relationship. Its just more organic nothing is forced no one needs convincing. Even the people around you will start calling you a couple and will always ask whats going on between those two because they can see it in the way you treat each other its obvious the love is there. The reason why society is so rotten is because women fall in love with strangers and then get surprised that this person you called your boyfriend after 2 weeks of knowing is a serial what ever. Its better to know someone and it not work than to bring a stranger into your life only to find out you have invited evil onto your bed unknowingly.
What Given says at 33:15 is so true ! And the crazy part is that when you approach a lady that you find cute but aren't interested in, your rizz is so great that you're even shocked. She likes you instantly and now because you were just testing out your rizz, you don't feel the same way. But when it's someone you actually like, kuyabheda shame.
I would definitely like a more in depth episode on friendzoning😅 Just talking on how things can get real murky. Guys being told to your face gore "hai I like you as a friend not like that" is rough 😅
Ursh is SOOO right about the dating though. We're living in a very mjolo centered world omg. It's so overwhelming. I'm personally at a point where I don't even want to meet anyone anymore because all people want to do is date
Gezzz Joseph the Zambian lad yet again. Interesting conversation this one has been guys I literally had to park by the road side just to put in this comment 😂. So firstly I think Given misunderstood Ursula's 'do guys know that they love a lady from the get go'. Well in all honesty I think we do know. I'm 30 and have been in love twice and both times I knew it from the get go despite both situations not working out for various reasons. But where Givens answer comes in is that we never know from the get go if it will work out. And as for lobola, I think the problem is that we have commercialized it. Cause you find people charging as much as 67K just for lobola when it was actually just supposed to be symbolic
Amalobolo is an old tradition that existed before “qualification”. It has always been a standard of twelve cows. If the bride had been involved in some activities or group in her neighbourhood, it meant that she would expect more people to come to her wedding, more people to cater for during the wedding. therefore that had to be considered during Amalobolo.
Where is your self-worth outside the money, I would hate for something to you financially and you no longer know how to love me. You no longer know how to be a man, you no longer know how to be a father. Beautiful statement
Nna I just want to say that men do "know" when they meet "the" woman. It happens. But this does not rule out other ways of falling in love with a person (like falling hard for someone after having known them for a while). Because, remember, everyone has a type. So you could meet someone, and on that first day your realize that this person's energy matches yours. Their behaviour, their mindset (reasoning), interests and more, all (if not most) match yours. You immediately fall in love with this person. Especially if that person had caught your attention at first glance to begin with. See? Yeah, So I think that's what they mean by "Men knowww when they meet the right woman".
The rule that lobola had to be 11 cows was introduced by colonial Natal Secretary of Native Affairs Theophilus Shepstone on the Zulu Nation in the 1800s. “Complaints have been raised and there are people who want the practice to be scratched or reviewed.
Uhhhhh😢 "Who you are outside your money" I struggle with dating bcs I am unemployed, I feel like that affects my standards, could be bcs I've put waaayy too much value on being being employed and making money. Yes finances are important but they shouldn't be the the core of who you are!!
In an ideal perfect world money shouldn't be a determining factor for whether to get into a relationship with someone or not but unfortunately the world we living in today is very materialistic and you can't ignore it, it's all over everywhere if you don't have money it's impossible to be happy and if you are not happy you can't make someone else happy. A little mistake they do you'd think it's because you don't have money, just one crazy statement can turn into a serious argument " oh you saying that because..." How ever it is possible and there are couples who are broke and happy or one of them is unemployed and broke but they are trully happy and making it work but it's very rare
For me friendzoning is a ticking bomb! Because one of these 2 people want the other! How would he or she feel when the other Is being PDAed infront of him or her, like the guy said as a man you will be mocked! Ukuthi ubambe ikhandlela😅
My guy, once you become friends with a female you never coming out of it, i think i understand umjita and the other lady... Hence we have ooMale bestie is because of not genuine friendship with males/females..
Friend-zone is complicated ahh! I think Urs is taking it from a feminine mindset of thoughtfulness and emotions. Men approach coz they're sexually attracted to you. With that in mind, would he care about knowing you if most of the time that's not the intention?? He wants the goods, it starts there. That's where ghosting comes in and all the complications of "mjolo". He will not reject the opportunity to bed you just coz he got to know you and you're not really his cup of tea. Be safe out there people.😂😂😂
Lebo I like your show but you behave like you are in Big brother we are watching you buzzy with your face the whole time it's shift the concentration to topics please fix it otherwise love the you big up cc
Lobola is really an interesting topic. A month ago, uncles and I went to pay lobola on behalf of my brother, we were charged way less than what we expected but what stood up for me was the chess game during the negotiation. Some families understand the real meaning of lobola.
I'm curious about the insights...🤔
What's your perceived real meaning of Lobola
We were also surprised when my brother was charged next to nothing, kanti it was for a good reason... They obviously wanted to get rid of her, mathata fela😂
@annmhlongo6063 eh hehehe eish...
So your brother didn't notice "mathata fela" during the relationship?
Or didn't you pick it up and give your brother a 'heads up'
@@annmhlongo6053😂😂😂😂😂
The fact that you guys express from a point of logic and facts is the amazing part unlike other podcasts where most opinions come from emotional scars.
Ursula is a really beautiful woman… so intelligent too, what a combo. I love TCC so much
I love episodes where you have Guests but conversations between 3 of you guys 👌🏽👌🏽they unmatched ❤
The idea that a man is tested when he is broke is warped. A man's character is tested when he has money
Yeah men are humbled when they are broke until they get their money right. I think they meant to say a woman’s loyalty is tested when the man is broke
When a man is broke its the woman's character that is tested. When a man has money, it's his character that is being tested.
I agree.. because some people don't have certain levels of effontrey because their pockets don't allow or give them access to exhibit that level of effontrey... there's a lot of fake humility going around 😅
It's my first time tuning into this podcast and I'm intrigued. You guys seem to have interesting views, so glad I was here.
Struggling to focus on her good content podcasts because, this lady she's just so beautiful
I'm here for her smile 🤦 content follows
Her smile kills me yoooh
I agree with Given and Bonga on the "friend approach" because if someone comes to me and declares friendship, I will not allow myself to see you as more than a friend.... TCC for life❤❤❤ ke le rata ke sa ikhutse
Being in a toxic environment causes one to be on edge all the time because they are on survival mode and when the toxicity is taken away you dont even know how to behave. Its uncomfortable, its hard re-learning how to feel safe and frankly some people never quite learn to be
Regarding toxic work places, the consistent distrust of your own skill , experience and knowledge as well as everyone at the office from bosses to colleagues. I do not share personal details at the office ever- not wins/ struggles / joys etc because in the toxic workplace before where I am now even being a mother was weaponised and “friends” of over 5 years provided nuances using my personal life to fuel the workplace mobbing.
Watching this in my early 20s is such a blessing ❤ So thought provoking. I have a lot to consider going forward.
The gost guy I like his perspective actually the balance in the conversation is superb...
This channel e monate! Diantsha straight! Shoutout to Ursula for that braided hairstyle. I can't remember the last time I saw a woman braid her hair like that. New subscriber🔥
First time watching this podcast. I like how the guy can speak about men and women differences without leaning towards one gender. The aim is to understand and not to bash each other.
Ursula o pila maan! Wang disturber. I have to rewind and rewatch every epsiode so that I can learn becuase shem, i cannot get used to your fave and voice. So soothing. I would pay big bucks just to look at you.
Anyway: big ups team. Your ingsights are always so refreshing.
As for me, I have agreed with my dad that i will go on probation ya 3months nyana before we can finalise (i.e. Donorrr the lobola.
On a serious note. Both partners need to discuss their finances. The female should give the partner a ball park figure to work around. Then again culture this and that.. Yhuuu. Tricky. Each to their own.
Love and light fam❤
37:01 - It's true. from the first meet up! or first sight!
Material expectations have always been there. Previously, mainly for the men. But now that women can also accumulate our own material wealth, this puts men who aren’t rich/well off at a disadvantage. Women want a man who has a lot, because women also have a lot. As a woman who’s got a car, a home, rental apartment, retirement annuity, all kinds of insurances, it’s sensible to want a man who’s got MORE than you. So men have not caught up to this. And this is a very general statement 😅
Enterested topic.. would be great to have a unbiased knowledgeable elder be a guest to expand on such important topic...love the platform.
People are not dishonest. There is a huge difference between a stranger who asks you out on a date to get to know and a stranger who upon seeing you for the first time, declares their undying love for you.
I love Given, his wisdom. "How easy should it be for you to move on to the next person?"
make up and convos is quite a beautiful ASMR. please keep it up
Given is smart 💫🔥
The rise of Africa is eminent . U all beautiful too like no bitterness just beuty. Thanks does great for our mental health ❤❤❤
On the lobola topic, my dad once told us girls that he would never accept an amount that he himself could not withdraw at the atm 😅 so yeah, families are different.
Meaning? He would charge more than accepted?
@@tshidisomosoeu Meaning he will charge money that he knows he can pay back at a moment's notice
I have one question guys please answer, what is purpose of mjolo from african lens not with western modern perceptive.Maybe is because i live in kzn in the village..Help!!!
Hi guys! Question for the friendzone episode: Say you date someone and you guys end the relationship and genuinely become friends (Like Ursula was saying that friendships are the best foundation for relationships- but sometimes you just need to stay friends). How do you navigate the friendship when you enter a new relationship? Are there special boundaries or will it depend on how long ago you dated? Do you explain to your partner, the boundaries in place and they rock with it or is it maybe time to sever ties for as long as you're in a relationship?
I usually feel violated when a male friend hits on me. Violated may be an extreme word. If we are say friends, I open myself up to you, share things, support each other and be super vulnerable. It feels creepy nje. How long did you like me? Were you physically attracted to me? Do you find me sexy? The root word of sexy is sex. So did you sexualise me? I want to know your intentions from the jump.
im fascinated when watching women multitask.
watch how ursula is doing her makeup without missing a beat in the convo..
yall know that we men struggle with multitasking😨
Another thing I look at is what people pursue money for, apart from the basic necessities. Some people pursue money so they can look down at other people or treat people terribly. Some people pursue it & believe they have no reason to better themselves as a person. It's really interesting to see how people behave when they believe that they are exempt from certain responsibilities simply because they are well off
I agree with Ursula on this one. There is nothing more beautiful than a friendship which turns into a relationship. Its just more organic nothing is forced no one needs convincing. Even the people around you will start calling you a couple and will always ask whats going on between those two because they can see it in the way you treat each other its obvious the love is there. The reason why society is so rotten is because women fall in love with strangers and then get surprised that this person you called your boyfriend after 2 weeks of knowing is a serial what ever. Its better to know someone and it not work than to bring a stranger into your life only to find out you have invited evil onto your bed unknowingly.
What Given says at 33:15 is so true ! And the crazy part is that when you approach a lady that you find cute but aren't interested in, your rizz is so great that you're even shocked. She likes you instantly and now because you were just testing out your rizz, you don't feel the same way. But when it's someone you actually like, kuyabheda shame.
Almost every guy has be friend zoned but what worse is being family zoned.
this is deep....
I would definitely like a more in depth episode on friendzoning😅
Just talking on how things can get real murky. Guys being told to your face gore "hai I like you as a friend not like that" is rough 😅
Given really played on that insecurity reverse psychology brilliant.
Ursh is SOOO right about the dating though. We're living in a very mjolo centered world omg. It's so overwhelming. I'm personally at a point where I don't even want to meet anyone anymore because all people want to do is date
First time subscribing to a channel because of a beautiful woman
Looking forward to watching ! Liked and subscribed 🎉
I love these get ready with me episode! We definitely need a friendzone episode!
Ush ha.a we need to see Bonga mara haibo, the team is sooooo right like Gift defends us very well there even Bonga can relate ❤❤ pleas record more
Gezzz Joseph the Zambian lad yet again. Interesting conversation this one has been guys I literally had to park by the road side just to put in this comment 😂. So firstly I think Given misunderstood Ursula's 'do guys know that they love a lady from the get go'.
Well in all honesty I think we do know. I'm 30 and have been in love twice and both times I knew it from the get go despite both situations not working out for various reasons. But where Givens answer comes in is that we never know from the get go if it will work out.
And as for lobola, I think the problem is that we have commercialized it. Cause you find people charging as much as 67K just for lobola when it was actually just supposed to be symbolic
Amalobolo is an old tradition that existed before “qualification”. It has always been a standard of twelve cows.
If the bride had been involved in some activities or group in her neighbourhood, it meant that she would expect more people to come to her wedding, more people to cater for during the wedding. therefore that had to be considered during Amalobolo.
Who does Ursula's hair modimo❤️🔥🔥🔥🔥👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾
Where is your self-worth outside the money, I would hate for something to you financially and you no longer know how to love me. You no longer know how to be a man, you no longer know how to be a father.
Beautiful statement
Nna I just want to say that men do "know" when they meet "the" woman. It happens. But this does not rule out other ways of falling in love with a person (like falling hard for someone after having known them for a while). Because, remember, everyone has a type. So you could meet someone, and on that first day your realize that this person's energy matches yours. Their behaviour, their mindset (reasoning), interests and more, all (if not most) match yours. You immediately fall in love with this person. Especially if that person had caught your attention at first glance to begin with. See? Yeah, So I think that's what they mean by "Men knowww when they meet the right woman".
Urs hey. I'd just like to know what the brow ink you use is
The rule that lobola had to be 11 cows was introduced by colonial Natal Secretary of Native Affairs Theophilus Shepstone on the Zulu Nation in the 1800s.
“Complaints have been raised and there are people who want the practice to be scratched or reviewed.
Wow!!! Oh okay interesting. Do you have an idea on how things were done prior?
Guys I think I am inlove 🥺
i will say men observe long enough to know if youre worth the try. we know because we've seen the way you move.
No, we do know...
@Given - I disagree, it has happened to me that thing were you see a woman and be like I wanna marry her. First I laid my eye on her...
Really enjoyed this conversation🫶🏾
I agree with Bonga... on friendzone topic... We r scared to loose an opportunity to hv a patner by proposing through friendship.
Urs o naughty 😂😂😂😂😂she doesn’t want labels.. tlogelang ngwanaomong😂
Very interesting girl, you were miles away during the discussion hahahah😅
Uhhhhh😢 "Who you are outside your money" I struggle with dating bcs I am unemployed, I feel like that affects my standards, could be bcs I've put waaayy too much value on being
being employed and making money. Yes finances are important but they shouldn't be the the core of who you are!!
In an ideal perfect world money shouldn't be a determining factor for whether to get into a relationship with someone or not but unfortunately the world we living in today is very materialistic and you can't ignore it, it's all over everywhere if you don't have money it's impossible to be happy and if you are not happy you can't make someone else happy. A little mistake they do you'd think it's because you don't have money, just one crazy statement can turn into a serious argument " oh you saying that because..." How ever it is possible and there are couples who are broke and happy or one of them is unemployed and broke but they are trully happy and making it work but it's very rare
Bonga actually did say that it can make you see things that are not there... I get what you are saying
Mara Bonga mara 😂😅😂😅😂😅😂
For me friendzoning is a ticking bomb! Because one of these 2 people want the other! How would he or she feel when the other Is being PDAed infront of him or her, like the guy said as a man you will be mocked! Ukuthi ubambe ikhandlela😅
are you gud ppl housrmates ? im newish to this channel.
why are we not seeing the other to people talking? i felt like i was watching some sort of make up show. lol
Round 2 wa friend zone please 😂
My guy, once you become friends with a female you never coming out of it, i think i understand umjita and the other lady... Hence we have ooMale bestie is because of not genuine friendship with males/females..
You are so beautiful!!!!
This a good podcast. She ruins it by doing make up during the show. Other than the makeup, I enjoy it.
She is beautiful without makeup 🔥❤️
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Can I please be your friend Miriani😂😂😂
Friend-zone is complicated ahh!
I think Urs is taking it from a feminine mindset of thoughtfulness and emotions. Men approach coz they're sexually attracted to you. With that in mind, would he care about knowing you if most of the time that's not the intention??
He wants the goods, it starts there. That's where ghosting comes in and all the complications of "mjolo". He will not reject the opportunity to bed you just coz he got to know you and you're not really his cup of tea.
Be safe out there people.😂😂😂
the guy sounds like the Naked Dj
Are those hosts speaking Zulu?
guys but you ddnt talk much about lobola though
Bathong cousin yago got the job🥹🔥❤️
yall all do know that lobola was determined by virginity right?
Sis Urs got rizz😍
Can we see the others. You have a Large male Audience who don’t want to see Make up tutorials
Lebo I like your show but you behave like you are in Big brother we are watching you buzzy with your face the whole time it's shift the concentration to topics please fix it otherwise love the you big up cc
Mariani, would you marry me?
you single?