I am also an introvert. This is probably off topic, but I used to do this thing where I have so many dms in my telegram where I would talk to the person, get bored and try to talk with another one. I'm like trying to fill a void in me but it's never enough.
Friends are not a necessity. You can do so much on your own to be happy. And if you make any friends this way, these are real friends, not just “friends”.
I've been in the fandom for close to 20 years now and I still feel like an outsider. I will something different about being an adult in a fandom like this and being in school is the danger of choosing to cut yourself off. At least in school you're more or less forced to go. here if you get rejected or if it's not going the way you want. nothing is really stopping you from shutting yourself off. which can lead to things like loneliness and depression and the mind set of "I thought I found my community, but Im not wanted"
Part of it might be that it's become so huge it's communities inside of communities. I started off with one friend group in the fandom, now I have several, and they tend to orient around different persons/things, and not necessarily overlap.
All of this is true. Even in my late 30s I still have to learn this and letting people go. I was friends with someone in the fandom I thought was really cool, but their own hangups with others is what made the friendship not go farther than surface levels and so I felt more of a tool/prop than someone respected by them. The longer I knew them the the more their actions and behavior pushed me away. But despite that, I did find my group of friends that I cherish the most. My circle is big, but my close friends is something I cherish greatly.
Going through this same thing with someone right now... it's painful. The "friendship" feels like a ticking time bomb. I know it won't last too much longer. But we have plans to go to events together and I'm being silent about the issues to avoid any awkwardness. And he's one of the only friends I have so I have no choice.
I am very extroverted but respectful. I’m also a person that wants in person friendships not just be limited to online friendships. I definitely don’t want to be friends with everybody. But I also am not a cliquey person I accept everyone and I get sick and tired of hearing people making excuses that I am a stranger. If you don’t get to know people and let people have a chance you will never get to know someone. Unfortunately so many people these days seem to not want in person friendships. So many people are so introverted that they may not realize that being standoffish actually hurts people and makes people who are extroverts but really good people not want to bother trusting people. I definitely don’t force friendships nor do I want to be friends with everyone. I just can’t stand having no friends because people are way too closed off. I am in the reenactment community and this happens there too. I just have a problem when nobody wants to be my friend for selfish reasons and whatever is convenient for them. I am a old soul so I don’t want friendships that are limited to texting and online because that causes misunderstandings because you can’t express emotions properly and i just rather be understood and be around people who are patient and can understand that
This video is needed, preach Finn preach facts, it almost made me feel like crying cuz I also had that same mindset of having that as well after watching it, it made me realize a lot again thank you Finn, this should go for everyone regardless
I think most of us have a very similar experience when joining the fandom but over time and with experience it gets easier to find your poeple great video liked it a lot you don't agree more with what you said! :)
As someone with social anxiety, I get into my head A LOT about how people make friends and how we maintain them My interest in the fandom rekindled this summer and I tried to connect with other people but just couldn't find a way to do it online, it felt like everyone already knew each other. I'm still trying to figure out how to make connections but I never realized until you pointed it out that if it doesn't feel natural it's likely not meant to be So I appreciate this video a lot, we don't talk about forming friendships in the fandom enough
This was an amazing video on a very important topic. So many wise words expressed so beautifully. Friendships happen and grow unintentionally. Trying too hard to make friends will become an obstacle that will make it harder to form actual friendships. Just be kind and nice to people around you. Offer genuine and heartfelt compliments. Be helpful and supportive. Sometimes an interaction that just started with a compliment will turn into a long term friendship, but if it happens, it happens by itself, organically. Never expect it to happen. Be kind for the sake of being kind, not because you expect it to lead to a friendship.
Bro I deeply appreciate you posting your video today. The more I see a furtuber vid, the more I learn about the fandom. Thank you for the update and education you are an amazing inspiration to everyone.
And I thought this community was just gonna help me develop better social skills, now I know it'll help me built better connection skills and real friendships too! 😃🐾💜
I absolutely love your insight Finn! I've felt sad about the connections I make, and being unable to maintain them. Especially when I seek that special spark of a friendship. I like your point of view about the furry community as a family, too. Thanks for this really well done video
Genuinely such a great topic! I think we always feel the pressure to be "friend famous", particularly when you see others seemingly with tons of friends within the furry community! We do already have a foundation for making friends which does make meeting friends slightly easier, but the best kind of friends happen naturally, and like you say, if a friendship begins to feel forced or strained then it's okay to look elsewhere for friendship! Not making a real long connection with someone isn't a failure, it's a step closer to finding your pride, because you now know you don't quite connect with that person ^_^
As someone that's new to furry conventions this Channel and these videos help so much, the past few months for me going to conventions have been a learning experience, sometimes it's really hard to figure out when making friends if it's you or the other person that did something wrong.
Ooh, this is good one! The illusion and pressure we create that we HAVE to be friends with everyone is so devastating! :( In a way it sounds so stupid that, for me personally, it took years to realise "I just need to be friends with the right people", a smaller change in mindset, but a huge impact on your mental wellbeing! Stay wild Finn, stay wild!
I still feel like an outsider myself even as a vendor. I have very few close friends. Its hard to go up and talk to someone. I have strong social anxiety. The only way I seem to be ok with socializing is when Im selling at my booth since people come up to me and we have something to talk about
This not only applies to the Fandom but to all communities. I felt the “pressure cooker” you mention in a lot of communities I was interested in and in all cases up to now I came to the conclusion that even though I was interested in the overall thing, be it roller coasters, water slides or recumbent bikes and velomobiles in the last years, I never actually fit in the _community_ itself. I had a hard time with that at first, but now I am perfectly OK with that. I learned to stay away from the crowd (bonus points to who gets the song reference) without turning down a good conversation or being invited somewhere. When I tried to fit in, I actually destroyed a lot of the “magic” of the very thing that had caught my interest in first place, so I am now enjoying going my own paths every time. And I discovered that this keeps the magic of the thing I discovered for myself alive better than engaging in any community too hard.
I found a candle while watching this and j read it while you were saying not everyone will be your friend and that's ok and the candle said "my last f*ck...oh looks it's on fire...." I'm dying help 😭😭😭💀💀💀
That is such an awesome video, there are so many people who would find that so helpful, not just in the furry fandom but in life in general. This is exactly why I love watching the content you put out there, a good amount of it has helped me be more confident with interpersonal communication. Still needs work though😅
Great video Finn !! Really enjoyed it :3 It's a tough pill to swallow,but it really helps in the long run. Here's to hoping I'm able to make genuine connections soon
What no one told me about this community is how hard it is to basically make any furry friends, if you don't live in a big city. Especially in the states. The car dependent society in the US makes it so the majority of them have never met other furries irl at all, and if they do, it's in a convention once a year. I have a small furry community in Brazil where I live where there are furmeets but I wanted to branch out to make friends with more international furs but haven't been very successful. To prove my point, my boyfriend lives in Florida about an hour from Orlando, and I plan to move there with him eventually. So I thought surely if we start our own furmeet there we can have our own community too. So we made the incentive, we created a telegram group, chose a location, gathered interested people online and set up a furmeet. We bought snacks, and spent the night making homemade cake pops for everyone. On the day, no one showed up. So that was really disappointing and honestly made me really jaded about the furry fandom basically anywhere outside of a big city. Because it's true. I only have a community of irl friends because I live in a city with a somewhat affordable public transportation system. Other furries I know who don't live here, or barely outside the city, are basically stranded and struggle to interact with anyone. This video is well intentioned. But a lot of people came here not because they're looking to be friends with EVERYONE. It's because they can't actually MAKE friends with ANYONE to begin with. This is a problem within this fandom that few people like to talk about or acknowledge. You basically don't have access to opportunities to connect with other furries if you don't see them often, frequently, and in person. You just don't. And how can you do that? By being fortunate enough in a city where there's many of them, and transportation available to meet up. And most furries do not have that privilege. I know this because I speak from complete and utter experience. I'm very lucky. My boyfriend is not.
I always had a tough time making friendships, especially in large gatherings. Its like my voice isn't getting heard, or is just getting ignored. Hell, even in small gatherings, the same thing happens. It kinda showed me how much of an outsider I am in the fandom, and probably always will be. Luckily, I do have friends, and those friendships, I treasure those.
An excellent video about an important topic! It's really hard to feel excluded, but there's a lot of reasons to feel that way, many out of your control. Seriously, you did a great job discussing the problem and how it can make you feel, and why it's hard to make friends.
Awesome video. I am an introvert and making friends makes me nervous. So making friends for me is no problem cause i am a loner most of the time. If someone whant to be friends, so be it. Ill be friends with them. Awesome job.
That's pretty good idea for a video, personally judging by the videos I watched from you I think if we met at a con we would find all sorts of subjects to talk about. I have people approaching me all the time, but a lot of them don't bring any subject or even poke at one, no questions, no interest at all to talk, they just say the classic " hi, how are you doing" and it ends there.
I'm also an introvert (and autistic, though I don't struggle with social things as much as some others do), so making friends on my own is pretty tricky. I'm not interested in having lots of superficial friends, just a few close ones. However, if you want to test the waters to make new friends, or at least be more of an active presence in furry, it's best to start with local meetups. I will silently observe and listen to group convos and chime in if I feel I have anything to add. it might not make you friends immediately, but eventually you may gravitate towards one group or some individuals in conversation! Finn is right; just don't force it! be yourself, and true friends will find you.
Oh, AI. (Having kept the CC on from a previous video.) The "Furry Phantom". It kept doing that. ;P And I agree with this title. 'You can't be friends with everyone.' So, embrace those who share friendship with you. It may be far more rewarding in the long run. 'As many friends in middle school...' Funny. I'm the one that parted ways with the group. And lived life like that, ever since. Which has a vastly different vibe when striving to be 1 of 1... only to see that a group forms around me.
One of the best things I learned about making friendships inside and out of the furry fandom is, don't expect a friendship on the first meet and don't try to make friends become acquainted first, as stated in the video the easiest way to make friends is to NOT try hard when making friendships. Do your own thing and if you see someone or something(or even something that someone is doing) that piques your interest, don't be afraid to approach them and talk about it. My mental checklist for if I should start a conversation goes as such. -Am I actually interested in what I want to discuss? -Am I willing to learn about it or the other party's experience(s) regarding the topic? -If I try and start a conversation am I interrupting something or intruding in a way that is jarring or can my intrusion be beneficial? If I determine I'm interested, I just essentially let it happen. I don't force topics, and I'm more than happy to let go of the conversation if they aren't trying, conversations are two way streets. And the most important part, if you and the other party hit it off, don't forget to introduce yourself even if it's at the end. If you're the one initiating, usually let the other suggest offering their socials. It may take more than one meet to truly start forming a friendship.
"Kindness and generosity are virtues that are easily lost among furry artists." "Most furry artists don't deserve their fame because they only care about money."
This is a really good video and great subject. I have not long ago released, I need more genuine friendships. but also I need to learn to be more open, and just be me. I’m really afraid of what people might think of me. But I need to try and let that thought go
Being an introvert I like to stay in the friend group I have, and I do want to make friends in the fandom but it's so hard sometimes. Been in the fandom for about 5 years now and I really interact with anyone in the fandom except for little conversations here and there but nothing long and nothing that has gone further than that. Hopefully one day .
I went to Furpocalypse last year which was my first con and I let people come up to me instead of going to them and it's way easier and I was there with other furries I already know so I went to it knowing this already from common sense and It made it super easy
u keep hitting. of all things, this is the message i wish younger furries (read: younger me) could learn & digest right away. thank u for sharing ur own experiences as well!! some of those encounters can be embarrassing to reflect upon & admit, so i appreciate u putting those personal touches in here, bc as cliche as these next few words r, it helps me feel like i'm not alone. with a sentiment this universal, it does set the stage for questions on the individual level. tho there's some people i can safely say I Know to some degree, even if it's very little, i feel like i'm still the same as i was before i knew those people, like i'm still fishing for connections in the way u described in the first parts & trying my darndest to play it off naturally *because* those connections i have right now feel shaky or uncertain, even when i can sense the same thought process from others when they seek my friendship & bolting away bc it feels unnatural. the last thing i wanna look like is desperate & i would love to know what steps i can take to avoid it - i feel like possible answers or suggestions might be in previous videos of urs, i'll have to go back & pay more attention
I think it's far easier to make furry friends online than in person. It's because online, people can look at your profile without you seeing them. So they can get to know you without having to commit to anything. But in person, to know you, they have to come up to you. And because you see them physically, that's far more of a commitment for them.
Pro Tip: Looking for an icebreaker? Try wearing something that represents your favorite interests. For example, I wear a Pokéball from Pokémon Go on my belt, a Linus Tech Tips shirt, and a few pins featuring a DS logo or retro game sprites. At conventions, I also have my fursona badge usually someplace on me.
Honestly after a few years in the fandom, ive noticed that the older you get the easier it is to make friends as-well. For the younger furs out there, its going to be hard to make friends your age simply because most of us arent your age! But trust me when I say the more mature you get, the better the bonds are between friends in this fandom.
The important thing for people to remember is that the furry fandom is NOT a community. The fandom's grown to be too broad and diverse for a strong sense of community encompassing the entire fandom. Rather we are a culture of individuals strung together only by the collective interests of anthropomorphic animals with the freedom to share and express ourselves how we so choose. So trying to befriend someone just because you like their sona, creative work, ect. and/or think you might get along can only take you so far, real connections take time and learning a person is key to building genuinely strong friendships, just like in real life. This is a critical thing to understand because I see so many people in the fandom put on the social mask and that gets really easy when nobody knows your name and face. I theorize a lot of furries are very lonely, and push that feeling down by sharing all the favorite art of their sonas and fursuit pics on Twitter and what not, in hopes that people will give then the attention they so desire. And by all means it's not inherently a negative thing to want to express yourself like that, but I can't tell you how many times I've seen such vulnerability out of people online only to talk to them person to person and get little to nothing out of them, like people want to shout to a void but when faced with an opportunity to have a conversation about it they hesitate. All in all friendship in the fandom is very difficult, from my personal experience I don't have many of them I see sticking around in the long run, but those that do may very well be the greatest friends I ever have in life, we'll see
I can definitely relate to this I only have two furry friends and a few friends from the mlp fandom and the aibo robot dog community I made several there I love all my friends one of my friends is actually a furr suit maker that makes suits for fun
oof I am the loner in middle school and my family always pushes me to “make friends“ by getting their numbers. I remember one time my brother gave me a rundown of “ways to act sigma” and I was like what I thought climbing the “social ladder” was something made up for movies like the “Mean Girls"
Tbh, my first furcon kinda flopped due to reasons, but mostly it's because I don't have the courage to cross that line where fiend circle exists. But after that, I started to notice that there's an account that posted something on the official page of the furcon that actually studying in the very same college with me by posting in the lost and found page of the college. And thus that's where my furry friendship blooms
I always wanted a friend in the fandom, just one. Yet the few furries i have met drifted away after a few days, probably due to my severely underwhelming social skills.
In the fandom for almost 3 years and more then once the friends I've made turned into an unwanted sexual advance. I am not into that side of the fandom and it's depressing losing friendships over that. About to just leave this community all together
I can understand not everyone will be your friend. But it kinda sucks when some decide to just straight up hate you for no understandable reason and attack you left and right over nothing.
At least some furries have friends and they werent kicked out of groups after acting like we were friends only to say leave immeditly without saying goodbye, being called weird and "nerd emoji", getting hit on by 14 year olds, getting broken up by their ex-boyfriend because they were "too boring" and messing up their chance with a girl they actually liked because they rushed a relationship due to mixed signals But yeah everyone disnt have to be your friend, but can i atleast have one
been a furry for 3 years, I still have no friends and after a f#ckton of incidents as misunderstandings I rather stay away and if someone finds me, they are allowed to try
Too many people in this fandom are overly clingy and annoying. That sounds pretty harsh and terrible to say to people who likely are just neurodiverse like me and have issues but genuinely I don't want to hear your life story and spend every waking second with you if we don't even share the same interests or know eachother.
This. You nailed. This is exactly why everyone being "neurodivergent" in the fandom to me isn't always a good thing. It's the clingy, follows you around because you've had one conversation and they think you're best friends kind of annoying. And I hate it. I want to be friends with someone who's comfortable with themselves. Who's not desperate. Who organically shares their interests when asked about, and who lets life lead them. I just cannot find anyone else in this fandom like that. How could I, in a community full of outcasts and social recluses?
This is a topic that's really important for some people. It's good that you talk about this topic, great video👍
oh hey, its the Furopapa song guy!
Hello. I didn't expect you to be be here.
Thank you! 💜
Being an introvert. That makes it so much harder to make friends easily.
It takes a little more effort, but it's not impossible!
I am also an introvert. This is probably off topic, but I used to do this thing where I have so many dms in my telegram where I would talk to the person, get bored and try to talk with another one. I'm like trying to fill a void in me but it's never enough.
Friends are not a necessity. You can do so much on your own to be happy. And if you make any friends this way, these are real friends, not just “friends”.
@@FinnThePanther finn this is helping me a lot and i really mean it thanks for making good content dude :3
Being immature and not understanding to be more social was also bad.
Let’s also remember some folks are better with conversation IRL vs VR.
I've been in the fandom for close to 20 years now and I still feel like an outsider. I will something different about being an adult in a fandom like this and being in school is the danger of choosing to cut yourself off. At least in school you're more or less forced to go. here if you get rejected or if it's not going the way you want. nothing is really stopping you from shutting yourself off. which can lead to things like loneliness and depression and the mind set of "I thought I found my community, but Im not wanted"
Part of it might be that it's become so huge it's communities inside of communities.
I started off with one friend group in the fandom, now I have several, and they tend to orient around different persons/things, and not necessarily overlap.
All of this is true. Even in my late 30s I still have to learn this and letting people go. I was friends with someone in the fandom I thought was really cool, but their own hangups with others is what made the friendship not go farther than surface levels and so I felt more of a tool/prop than someone respected by them. The longer I knew them the the more their actions and behavior pushed me away.
But despite that, I did find my group of friends that I cherish the most. My circle is big, but my close friends is something I cherish greatly.
Going through this same thing with someone right now... it's painful. The "friendship" feels like a ticking time bomb. I know it won't last too much longer. But we have plans to go to events together and I'm being silent about the issues to avoid any awkwardness. And he's one of the only friends I have so I have no choice.
Beautiful video! You can’t be friends with everyone but you can at least respect each other
I am very extroverted but respectful. I’m also a person that wants in person friendships not just be limited to online friendships. I definitely don’t want to be friends with everybody. But I also am not a cliquey person I accept everyone and I get sick and tired of hearing people making excuses that I am a stranger. If you don’t get to know people and let people have a chance you will never get to know someone. Unfortunately so many people these days seem to not want in person friendships. So many people are so introverted that they may not realize that being standoffish actually hurts people and makes people who are extroverts but really good people not want to bother trusting people. I definitely don’t force friendships nor do I want to be friends with everyone. I just can’t stand having no friends because people are way too closed off. I am in the reenactment community and this happens there too. I just have a problem when nobody wants to be my friend for selfish reasons and whatever is convenient for them. I am a old soul so I don’t want friendships that are limited to texting and online because that causes misunderstandings because you can’t express emotions properly and i just rather be understood and be around people who are patient and can understand that
This video is needed, preach Finn preach facts, it almost made me feel like crying cuz I also had that same mindset of having that as well after watching it, it made me realize a lot again thank you Finn, this should go for everyone regardless
I think most of us have a very similar experience when joining the fandom but over time and with experience it gets easier to find your poeple great video liked it a lot you don't agree more with what you said! :)
As someone with social anxiety, I get into my head A LOT about how people make friends and how we maintain them
My interest in the fandom rekindled this summer and I tried to connect with other people but just couldn't find a way to do it online, it felt like everyone already knew each other. I'm still trying to figure out how to make connections but I never realized until you pointed it out that if it doesn't feel natural it's likely not meant to be
So I appreciate this video a lot, we don't talk about forming friendships in the fandom enough
This was an amazing video on a very important topic. So many wise words expressed so beautifully. Friendships happen and grow unintentionally.
Trying too hard to make friends will become an obstacle that will make it harder to form actual friendships.
Just be kind and nice to people around you. Offer genuine and heartfelt compliments. Be helpful and supportive.
Sometimes an interaction that just started with a compliment will turn into a long term friendship, but if it happens, it happens by itself, organically. Never expect it to happen.
Be kind for the sake of being kind, not because you expect it to lead to a friendship.
Bro I deeply appreciate you posting your video today. The more I see a furtuber vid, the more I learn about the fandom. Thank you for the update and education you are an amazing inspiration to everyone.
And I thought this community was just gonna help me develop better social skills, now I know it'll help me built better connection skills and real friendships too! 😃🐾💜
I absolutely love your insight Finn! I've felt sad about the connections I make, and being unable to maintain them. Especially when I seek that special spark of a friendship. I like your point of view about the furry community as a family, too. Thanks for this really well done video
Thank you, Chester! 💜
Genuinely such a great topic! I think we always feel the pressure to be "friend famous", particularly when you see others seemingly with tons of friends within the furry community! We do already have a foundation for making friends which does make meeting friends slightly easier, but the best kind of friends happen naturally, and like you say, if a friendship begins to feel forced or strained then it's okay to look elsewhere for friendship!
Not making a real long connection with someone isn't a failure, it's a step closer to finding your pride, because you now know you don't quite connect with that person ^_^
As someone that's new to furry conventions this Channel and these videos help so much, the past few months for me going to conventions have been a learning experience, sometimes it's really hard to figure out when making friends if it's you or the other person that did something wrong.
Ooh, this is good one! The illusion and pressure we create that we HAVE to be friends with everyone is so devastating! :( In a way it sounds so stupid that, for me personally, it took years to realise "I just need to be friends with the right people", a smaller change in mindset, but a huge impact on your mental wellbeing!
Stay wild Finn, stay wild!
Thank you I was so sad about a friend ship that ended 😢 I'm still sad but watching you your like the best friend I never had❤❤❤❤
Could you make a video about the Dealer's Den or Artist Alley in furry cons about what to expect for first con-goers?
I'd like to see Finn discuss this!
Sure, I've made short videos on it but that's not a bad idea for a long video!
This video helped me feel at ease with friendships in this fandom. Thank you and keep up the great work ☺️
Sometimes I feel alone in a crowd 😢
I know that feeling to good (sadly).
I’m always happy to talk ^w^
@@cinderfolf3381 Thankyou
I still feel like an outsider myself even as a vendor. I have very few close friends. Its hard to go up and talk to someone. I have strong social anxiety. The only way I seem to be ok with socializing is when Im selling at my booth since people come up to me and we have something to talk about
This not only applies to the Fandom but to all communities. I felt the “pressure cooker” you mention in a lot of communities I was interested in and in all cases up to now I came to the conclusion that even though I was interested in the overall thing, be it roller coasters, water slides or recumbent bikes and velomobiles in the last years, I never actually fit in the _community_ itself. I had a hard time with that at first, but now I am perfectly OK with that. I learned to stay away from the crowd (bonus points to who gets the song reference) without turning down a good conversation or being invited somewhere.
When I tried to fit in, I actually destroyed a lot of the “magic” of the very thing that had caught my interest in first place, so I am now enjoying going my own paths every time. And I discovered that this keeps the magic of the thing I discovered for myself alive better than engaging in any community too hard.
I tried that but it's too damn lonely. So I stopped having hobbies because every hobby community felt like such a hostile disappointment.
There is people that think everyone is their friend and then there is me, who knows that I have no friends (at least not in the fandom)
I found a candle while watching this and j read it while you were saying not everyone will be your friend and that's ok and the candle said "my last f*ck...oh looks it's on fire...." I'm dying help 😭😭😭💀💀💀
That is such an awesome video, there are so many people who would find that so helpful, not just in the furry fandom but in life in general. This is exactly why I love watching the content you put out there, a good amount of it has helped me be more confident with interpersonal communication. Still needs work though😅
Great video Finn !! Really enjoyed it :3 It's a tough pill to swallow,but it really helps in the long run. Here's to hoping I'm able to make genuine connections soon
Finn: You can’t be friends with everyone in the fandom.
Sora: Goofy hold my keyblade.
What no one told me about this community is how hard it is to basically make any furry friends, if you don't live in a big city. Especially in the states.
The car dependent society in the US makes it so the majority of them have never met other furries irl at all, and if they do, it's in a convention once a year. I have a small furry community in Brazil where I live where there are furmeets but I wanted to branch out to make friends with more international furs but haven't been very successful.
To prove my point, my boyfriend lives in Florida about an hour from Orlando, and I plan to move there with him eventually. So I thought surely if we start our own furmeet there we can have our own community too. So we made the incentive, we created a telegram group, chose a location, gathered interested people online and set up a furmeet. We bought snacks, and spent the night making homemade cake pops for everyone.
On the day, no one showed up.
So that was really disappointing and honestly made me really jaded about the furry fandom basically anywhere outside of a big city. Because it's true. I only have a community of irl friends because I live in a city with a somewhat affordable public transportation system. Other furries I know who don't live here, or barely outside the city, are basically stranded and struggle to interact with anyone. This video is well intentioned. But a lot of people came here not because they're looking to be friends with EVERYONE. It's because they can't actually MAKE friends with ANYONE to begin with.
This is a problem within this fandom that few people like to talk about or acknowledge. You basically don't have access to opportunities to connect with other furries if you don't see them often, frequently, and in person. You just don't. And how can you do that? By being fortunate enough in a city where there's many of them, and transportation available to meet up. And most furries do not have that privilege. I know this because I speak from complete and utter experience. I'm very lucky. My boyfriend is not.
Thanks for letting me know I’m a new/late furry and I plan making myself more furry in the sooner future
I'm a new furry and your vids are REALLY REALLY REALLY helpful
It’s because they’re stranger who they don’t know you
I always had a tough time making friendships, especially in large gatherings. Its like my voice isn't getting heard, or is just getting ignored. Hell, even in small gatherings, the same thing happens. It kinda showed me how much of an outsider I am in the fandom, and probably always will be. Luckily, I do have friends, and those friendships, I treasure those.
An excellent video about an important topic! It's really hard to feel excluded, but there's a lot of reasons to feel that way, many out of your control.
Seriously, you did a great job discussing the problem and how it can make you feel, and why it's hard to make friends.
Awesome video. I am an introvert and making friends makes me nervous. So making friends for me is no problem cause i am a loner most of the time. If someone whant to be friends, so be it. Ill be friends with them. Awesome job.
That's pretty good idea for a video, personally judging by the videos I watched from you I think if we met at a con we would find all sorts of subjects to talk about. I have people approaching me all the time, but a lot of them don't bring any subject or even poke at one, no questions, no interest at all to talk, they just say the classic " hi, how are you doing" and it ends there.
I'm also an introvert (and autistic, though I don't struggle with social things as much as some others do), so making friends on my own is pretty tricky. I'm not interested in having lots of superficial friends, just a few close ones. However, if you want to test the waters to make new friends, or at least be more of an active presence in furry, it's best to start with local meetups. I will silently observe and listen to group convos and chime in if I feel I have anything to add. it might not make you friends immediately, but eventually you may gravitate towards one group or some individuals in conversation! Finn is right; just don't force it! be yourself, and true friends will find you.
Oh, AI. (Having kept the CC on from a previous video.) The "Furry Phantom". It kept doing that. ;P
And I agree with this title. 'You can't be friends with everyone.' So, embrace those who share friendship with you. It may be far more rewarding in the long run.
'As many friends in middle school...' Funny. I'm the one that parted ways with the group. And lived life like that, ever since. Which has a vastly different vibe when striving to be 1 of 1... only to see that a group forms around me.
One of the best things I learned about making friendships inside and out of the furry fandom is, don't expect a friendship on the first meet and don't try to make friends become acquainted first, as stated in the video the easiest way to make friends is to NOT try hard when making friendships.
Do your own thing and if you see someone or something(or even something that someone is doing) that piques your interest, don't be afraid to approach them and talk about it. My mental checklist for if I should start a conversation goes as such.
-Am I actually interested in what I want to discuss?
-Am I willing to learn about it or the other party's experience(s) regarding the topic?
-If I try and start a conversation am I interrupting something or intruding in a way that is jarring or can my intrusion be beneficial?
If I determine I'm interested, I just essentially let it happen. I don't force topics, and I'm more than happy to let go of the conversation if they aren't trying, conversations are two way streets. And the most important part, if you and the other party hit it off, don't forget to introduce yourself even if it's at the end. If you're the one initiating, usually let the other suggest offering their socials. It may take more than one meet to truly start forming a friendship.
"Kindness and generosity are virtues that are easily lost among furry artists."
"Most furry artists don't deserve their fame because they only care about money."
what does this have to do with the video? /gen
You're right. We can only handle a certain number of friendships. Too many is unsustainable in the long term.
Thanks for the advice. I'm very introvert and have no social skills
I have autism and I even struggle to make conversations, so making friends is off the table for me
This is a really good video and great subject. I have not long ago released, I need more genuine friendships. but also I need to learn to be more open, and just be me. I’m really afraid of what people might think of me. But I need to try and let that thought go
Being an introvert I like to stay in the friend group I have, and I do want to make friends in the fandom but it's so hard sometimes. Been in the fandom for about 5 years now and I really interact with anyone in the fandom except for little conversations here and there but nothing long and nothing that has gone further than that. Hopefully one day .
I went to Furpocalypse last year which was my first con and I let people come up to me instead of going to them and it's way easier and I was there with other furries I already know so I went to it knowing this already from common sense and It made it super easy
Very insightful observations. Well done
u keep hitting. of all things, this is the message i wish younger furries (read: younger me) could learn & digest right away. thank u for sharing ur own experiences as well!! some of those encounters can be embarrassing to reflect upon & admit, so i appreciate u putting those personal touches in here, bc as cliche as these next few words r, it helps me feel like i'm not alone.
with a sentiment this universal, it does set the stage for questions on the individual level. tho there's some people i can safely say I Know to some degree, even if it's very little, i feel like i'm still the same as i was before i knew those people, like i'm still fishing for connections in the way u described in the first parts & trying my darndest to play it off naturally *because* those connections i have right now feel shaky or uncertain, even when i can sense the same thought process from others when they seek my friendship & bolting away bc it feels unnatural. the last thing i wanna look like is desperate & i would love to know what steps i can take to avoid it - i feel like possible answers or suggestions might be in previous videos of urs, i'll have to go back & pay more attention
I wish I had fursuiter friends :((
Thank you your video really help me
I think it's far easier to make furry friends online than in person. It's because online, people can look at your profile without you seeing them. So they can get to know you without having to commit to anything. But in person, to know you, they have to come up to you. And because you see them physically, that's far more of a commitment for them.
I find it the opposite. I can show the real me in person and show my fun side and humor.
Pro Tip: Looking for an icebreaker? Try wearing something that represents your favorite interests. For example, I wear a Pokéball from Pokémon Go on my belt, a Linus Tech Tips shirt, and a few pins featuring a DS logo or retro game sprites. At conventions, I also have my fursona badge usually someplace on me.
Honestly after a few years in the fandom, ive noticed that the older you get the easier it is to make friends as-well. For the younger furs out there, its going to be hard to make friends your age simply because most of us arent your age! But trust me when I say the more mature you get, the better the bonds are between friends in this fandom.
The important thing for people to remember is that the furry fandom is NOT a community. The fandom's grown to be too broad and diverse for a strong sense of community encompassing the entire fandom. Rather we are a culture of individuals strung together only by the collective interests of anthropomorphic animals with the freedom to share and express ourselves how we so choose. So trying to befriend someone just because you like their sona, creative work, ect. and/or think you might get along can only take you so far, real connections take time and learning a person is key to building genuinely strong friendships, just like in real life.
This is a critical thing to understand because I see so many people in the fandom put on the social mask and that gets really easy when nobody knows your name and face. I theorize a lot of furries are very lonely, and push that feeling down by sharing all the favorite art of their sonas and fursuit pics on Twitter and what not, in hopes that people will give then the attention they so desire.
And by all means it's not inherently a negative thing to want to express yourself like that, but I can't tell you how many times I've seen such vulnerability out of people online only to talk to them person to person and get little to nothing out of them, like people want to shout to a void but when faced with an opportunity to have a conversation about it they hesitate.
All in all friendship in the fandom is very difficult, from my personal experience I don't have many of them I see sticking around in the long run, but those that do may very well be the greatest friends I ever have in life, we'll see
I can definitely relate to this I only have two furry friends and a few friends from the mlp fandom and the aibo robot dog community I made several there I love all my friends one of my friends is actually a furr suit maker that makes suits for fun
oof I am the loner in middle school and my family always pushes me to “make friends“ by getting their numbers. I remember one time my brother gave me a rundown of “ways to act sigma” and I was like what I thought climbing the “social ladder” was something made up for movies like the “Mean Girls"
Tbh, my first furcon kinda flopped due to reasons, but mostly it's because I don't have the courage to cross that line where fiend circle exists.
But after that, I started to notice that there's an account that posted something on the official page of the furcon that actually studying in the very same college with me by posting in the lost and found page of the college. And thus that's where my furry friendship blooms
I can't even get one furry to be my friend
Awwww, that's sad,
I'll talk to you if you want
I always wanted a friend in the fandom, just one. Yet the few furries i have met drifted away after a few days, probably due to my severely underwhelming social skills.
Cons need an area set aside for meeting others. ..Call it the "Friend Zone" or something.
In the fandom for almost 3 years and more then once the friends I've made turned into an unwanted sexual advance. I am not into that side of the fandom and it's depressing losing friendships over that. About to just leave this community all together
Is this about us? 😿
This is a good reminder you can't force friendships on others. Its OK to not be friends with everyone Furry or no.
I can understand not everyone will be your friend. But it kinda sucks when some decide to just straight up hate you for no understandable reason and attack you left and right over nothing.
Not gonna lie mate, this was kinda painful to hear. The second hand embarrassment was too real. I’m so glad you’ve found and formed great friendships.
At least some furries have friends and they werent kicked out of groups after acting like we were friends only to say leave immeditly without saying goodbye, being called weird and "nerd emoji", getting hit on by 14 year olds, getting broken up by their ex-boyfriend because they were "too boring" and messing up their chance with a girl they actually liked because they rushed a relationship due to mixed signals
But yeah everyone disnt have to be your friend, but can i atleast have one
How to make furry friends:
Drag your current friends into the fandom
I WNAT DA LITTEN IN DA BACKKKK REE
You don't get a few furry friends without making another furry enemies
been a furry for 3 years, I still have no friends
and after a f#ckton of incidents as misunderstandings I rather stay away and if someone finds me, they are allowed to try
Great video
Vary awesome video
I like dressing like Daffy Duck so are you saying if I go I could only hang with other ducks?
Ahoy, me hearty!
Hey, you could always become like Al Capone instead, public enemy number 1#
Oh my gosh you are so sweet hi I'm Matika nice to meet ya cute panther
Awau
Awau
Awau
Awau
Awau
Wait you guys try to find friends?-
Too many people in this fandom are overly clingy and annoying. That sounds pretty harsh and terrible to say to people who likely are just neurodiverse like me and have issues but genuinely I don't want to hear your life story and spend every waking second with you if we don't even share the same interests or know eachother.
This. You nailed. This is exactly why everyone being "neurodivergent" in the fandom to me isn't always a good thing. It's the clingy, follows you around because you've had one conversation and they think you're best friends kind of annoying. And I hate it. I want to be friends with someone who's comfortable with themselves. Who's not desperate. Who organically shares their interests when asked about, and who lets life lead them. I just cannot find anyone else in this fandom like that. How could I, in a community full of outcasts and social recluses?
people dont give a f about each other anymore.
*Why not every furry will be your friend
I know what you're trying to say in the title, but it makes it seem like you're saying you will never make friends with furries
Is this not common sense?
For some, maybe not! It is still difficult to except sometimes, but once you get the hang of it, it’s all right!!
Not for everyone!